[SUBMITTED] Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting!

[Bears Armed]

And here’s another song-inspired idea…

Third Draft: 3.1
(options cut back to three, from the third draft's original four)

Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting!

[validity]Martial Arts have not been banned (issue #109, option 3, does so…): could chain specifically from pro-Martial Arts options in earlier issues (#20, option3; #109, option 1 & maybe option 2... any others?)
[issue]A report in today’s news suggests that the recent Martial Arts craze may be getting out of hand after the latest in a series of incidents left over a dozen people in @@CAPITAL@@ needing hospital treatment.

[option]″One moment, it was just two teenagers arguing over which had shoved the other in the cinema queue to see 'Knuck Chorris meets Big Dragon', then -- as fast as lightning -- just about everybody in sight was fighting!″ exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a bruised and shaken businessman who’s being interviewed at the scene. ″Not just kids, but shoppers and commuters too, kicking and punching each other, and doing poses like ′Drunken @@ANIMAL@@′ right there in public! It was a little bit frightening.The government ought to ban teaching that sort of thing, and shut down all the Bojos or Hojos or whatever they’re called…″
[validity]Unrestricted
[effect]standing on one leg in public is a criminal offence

[option]″Ahh, so a few o’ the chop-socky jockeys got a bit too lively, did they?″ @@CAPITAL@@’s police chief, O’Hara, comments. ″What’s needed isn’t trying to stop folks from learning how to fight, because they’ll always be doing that whether they call it Kung-Fu or Kung Pao or just plain old brawling, for sure, it’s more police on the beat — with better funding for our own training and gear, of course — to keep the peace.″
[validity]Nation must have police
[effect]the standard police uniform now comes with several colours of belt

[option]″If this humble one, whose name is Master Po, might be heard?″ a passer-by at the site of the fight asks a broadcasting reporter. ″The true problem is not that so many people are learning these Arts, grasshopper, it is that unfortunately too many of their teachers have been focusing solely on the Arts’ physical aspects without also instructing their pupils in the underlying philosophical principles that would lead those people away from welcoming violent confrontation. I suggest that making the teachings of the ′Seven Sages of Old′ a core part of this country’s educational systems, not just for those who would then learn to fight but for everybody who would learn anything, is the wisest answer available.″
[validity]Unrestricted
[effect]the ′three Rs′ have become the ′four Rs’ with the addition of Rightful Thought

Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting!

[validity]Martial Arts have not been banned (issue #109, option 3, does so…)
[issue]A report in today’s news suggests that the recent Martial Arts craze may be getting out of hand after the latest in a series of incidents left over a dozen people in @@CAPITAL@@ needing hospital treatment.

[option]″One moment, it was just two teenagers arguing over which had shoved the other, then -- as fast as lightning -- just about everybody in sight was fighting!″ exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a bruised and shaken businessman who’s being interviewed at the scene. ″Not just kids, but shoppers and commuters too, kicking and punching each other, and doing poses like ′Drunken @@ANIMAL@@′ right there in public! It was a little bit frightening.The government ought to ban teaching that sort of thing, and shut down all the Bojos or Hojos or whatever they’re called…″
[validity]Unrestricted
[effect]crimes carry sterner sentences if martial arts were involved

[option]″Ahh, so a few o’ the chop-socky jockeys got a bit too lively, did they?″ @@CAPITAL@@’s police chief, O’Hara, comments. ″What’s needed isn’t trying to stop folks from learning how to fight, because they’ll always be doing that whether they call it Kung-Fu or Kung Pao or just plain old brawling, for sure, it’s more police on the beat — with better funding for our own training and gear, of course — to keep the peace.″
[validity]Unrestricted? Nation must have police? (Unless & until officially told otherwise, I’ll presume that even a nation which has abolished its police forces might have a leftover ‘police chief’ to raise the point so that this option would be still there… and then choosing it would be one way of reversing that abolition, of course. Also, this means that I wouldn’t have to think of an extra option to ensure that even any nation which has both banned the martial arts already and abolished its police would still have at least two to choose between.)
[effect]the standard police uniform now comes with several colours of belt

[option]″If this humble one, whose name is Master Po, might be heard?″ a passer-by at the site of the fight asks a broadcasting reporter. ″The true problem is not that so many people are learning these Arts, grasshopper, it is that unfortunately too many of their teachers have been focussing solely on the Arts’ physical aspects without also instructing their pupils in the underlying philosophical principles that would lead those people away from welcoming violent confrontation. I suggest that making the teachings of the ′Seven Sages of Old′ a core part of this country’s educational systems, not just for those who would then learn to fight but for everybody who would learn anything, is the wisest answer available.″
[validity]Unrestricted
[effect]the ′three Rs′ have become the ′four Rs’ with the addition of Rightful Thought

Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting!

[validity]Martial Arts have not been banned (issue #109, option 3, does so…)
[issue]A report in today’s news suggests that the recent Martial Arts craze might may be getting out of hand after an incident the latest of a series of incidents in @@CAPITAL@@ resulted in left over a dozen people in @@CAPITAL@@ requiring hospitalisation treatment.

[option]″It was a little bit frightening!″ exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a bruised and shaken businessman who’s being interviewed at the scene. ″One minute, two teenagers were arguing over which had shoved the other, then as fast as lightning just about everybody in sight was fighting: Not just kids, but shoppers and commuters too, kicking and punching each other, and doing poses like ′Drunken @@ANIMAL@@′ right there in public! The government ought to ban teaching that sort of thing, and shut down all the Bojos or Hojos or whatever they’re called…″
[validity]Unrestricted
[effect]crimes carry sterner sentences if martial arts were involved

[option]″Ahh, so a few o’ the chop-socky jockeys got a bit too lively, did they?″ @@CAPITAL@@’s police chief, O’Hara, comments. ″What’s needed isn’t trying to stop folks from learning how to fight, because they’ll always be doing that whether they call it Kung-Fu or Kung Pao or just plain old brawling, for sure, it’s more police on the beat — with better funding for our own training and gear, of course — to keep the peace.″
[validity]Unrestricted? Nation must have police? (Unless & until officially told otherwise, I’ll presume that even a nation which has abolished its police forces might have a leftover ‘police chief’ to raise the point so that this option would be still there… and then choosing it would be one way of reversing that abolition, of course. Also, this means that I wouldn’t have to think of an extra option to ensure that even any nation which has both banned the martial arts already and abolished its police would still have at least two to choose between.)
[effect]the standard police uniform now comes with several colours of belt

[option]″If this humble one, whose name is Master Po, might be heard?″ a passer-by at the site of the fight asks a broadcasting reporter. ″The true problem is not that so many people are learning these Arts, grasshopper, it is that unfortunately too many of their teachers have been focussing solely on the Arts’ physical aspects without also instructing their pupils in the underlying philosophical principles that would lead those people away from welcoming violent confrontation. I suggest that making the teachings of the ′Seven Sages of Old′ a core part of this country’s educational systems, not just for those who would then learn to fight but for everybody who would learn anything, is the wisest answer available.″
[validity]Unrestricted
[effect]the ′three Rs′ have become the ′four Rs’ with the addition of Rightful Thought

How many of the deliberate references did you identify?

[alignright](SimreeveIssues)[/align]

[Australian rePublic]

Is this an isolated incident

[Chan Island]

Is this an isolated incident

Hm, given the validity, I'd expect something like this to happen at least once. So possibly? But otherwise I'd say they would likely happen with some regularity.

[Fauxia]

May is better in the description, as opposed to might

[Bears Armed]

Is this an isolated incident

Hm, given the validity, I'd expect something like this to happen at least once. So possibly? But otherwise I'd say they would likely happen with some regularity.

Fair point. Changed to "the latest in a series of incidents".

May is better in the description, as opposed to might

Agreed: Changed.

[Bears Armed]

New draft fully incorporates those changes, and makes some other alterations to the first option.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting!

Nice!

Note that even in title case, "Was" should still be capitalised.

[validity]Martial Arts have not been banned (issue #109, option 3, does so…)

We don't track that yet. Still, might be best to chain this directly off the issues that encourage teaching martial arts to everyone. 20.3 and 109.1 could work.

[issue]A report in today’s

You'll need to straighten all the apostrophes and quote marks prior to submission, of course.

news suggests that the recent Martial Arts craze may be getting out of hand after the latest in a series of incidents left over a dozen people in @@CAPITAL@@ needing hospital treatment.

[option]″One moment, it was just two teenagers arguing over which had shoved the other, then -- as fast as lightning -- just about everybody in sight was fighting!″ exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a bruised and shaken businessman who’s being interviewed at the scene. ″Not just kids, but shoppers and commuters too, kicking and punching each other, and doing poses like ′Drunken @@ANIMAL@@′ right there in public! It was a little bit frightening.The government ought to ban teaching that sort of thing, and shut down all the Bojos or Hojos or whatever they’re called…″
[validity]Unrestricted
[effect]crimes carry sterner sentences if martial arts were involved

Nice set up, but the effect line fails to pay off. Maybe something more humorous, exaggerating the intent of the law.

[effect]standing on one leg in public is a criminal offence
[effect]dogs that answer the call of nature are arrested for "illegal kung fu poses"
[effect]drunk and disorderly citizens are carefully observed to make sure they are not practising Zui Quan wushu

[option]″Ahh, so a few o’ the chop-socky jockeys got a bit too lively, did they?″ @@CAPITAL@@’s police chief, O’Hara, comments. ″What’s needed isn’t trying to stop folks from learning how to fight, because they’ll always be doing that whether they call it Kung-Fu or Kung Pao or just plain old brawling, for sure, it’s more police on the beat — with better funding for our own training and gear, of course — to keep the peace.″
[validity]Unrestricted? Nation must have police? (Unless & until officially told otherwise, I’ll presume that even a nation which has abolished its police forces might have a leftover ‘police chief’ to raise the point so that this option would be still there… and then choosing it would be one way of reversing that abolition, of course. Also, this means that I wouldn’t have to think of an extra option to ensure that even any nation which has both banned the martial arts already and abolished its police would still have at least two to choose between.)

Sure, assume there's always a police chief, even in the absence of centralised state funding. You've read Jennifer Government, right?

[effect]the standard police uniform now comes with several colours of belt

Excellent!

[option]″If this humble one, whose name is Master Po, might be heard?″ a passer-by at the site of the fight asks a broadcasting reporter. ″The true problem is not that so many people are learning these Arts, grasshopper, it is that unfortunately too many of their teachers have been focussing solely on the Arts’ physical aspects without also instructing their pupils in the underlying philosophical principles that would lead those people away from welcoming violent confrontation. I suggest that making the teachings of the ′Seven Sages of Old′ a core part of this country’s educational systems, not just for those who would then learn to fight but for everybody who would learn anything, is the wisest answer available.″
[validity]Unrestricted
[effect]the ′three Rs′ have become the ′four Rs’ with the addition of Rightful Thought

Also excellent!

*bow*

[Bears Armed]

Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting!

Nice!

Thank you!

Note that even in title case, "Was" should still be capitalised.

Fixed.

[validity]Martial Arts have not been banned (issue #109, option 3, does so…)

We don't track that yet. Still, might be best to chain this directly off the issues that encourage teaching martial arts to everyone. 20.3 and 109.1 could work.

That makes sense. Shall I add it in, or would you making a note for anybody who edits this enough?

[issue]A report in today’s

You'll need to straighten all the apostrophes and quote marks prior to submission, of course.

Of course.. but until then, while I'm still making other changes, leaving this on the system's default is easier.

news suggests that the recent Martial Arts craze may be getting out of hand after the latest in a series of incidents left over a dozen people in @@CAPITAL@@ needing hospital treatment.
[option]″One moment, it was just two teenagers arguing over which had shoved the other, then -- as fast as lightning -- just about everybody in sight was fighting!″ exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a bruised and shaken businessman who’s being interviewed at the scene. ″Not just kids, but shoppers and commuters too, kicking and punching each other, and doing poses like ′Drunken @@ANIMAL@@′ right there in public! It was a little bit frightening.The government ought to ban teaching that sort of thing, and shut down all the Bojos or Hojos or whatever they’re called…″
[validity]Unrestricted
[effect]crimes carry sterner sentences if martial arts were involved

Nice set up, but the effect line fails to pay off. Maybe something more humorous, exaggerating the intent of the law.

[effect]standing on one leg in public is a criminal offence
[effect]dogs that answer the call of nature are arrested for "illegal kung fu poses"
[effect]drunk and disorderly citizens are carefully observed to make sure they are not practising Zui Quan wushu

Yeah, I wasn't thrilled by that effect line either: I'll change it to something else before submission.

[option]″Ahh, so a few o’ the chop-socky jockeys got a bit too lively, did they?″ @@CAPITAL@@’s police chief, O’Hara, comments. ″What’s needed isn’t trying to stop folks from learning how to fight, because they’ll always be doing that whether they call it Kung-Fu or Kung Pao or just plain old brawling, for sure, it’s more police on the beat — with better funding for our own training and gear, of course — to keep the peace.″
[validity]Unrestricted? Nation must have police? (Unless & until officially told otherwise, I’ll presume that even a nation which has abolished its police forces might have a leftover ‘police chief’ to raise the point so that this option would be still there… and then choosing it would be one way of reversing that abolition, of course. Also, this means that I wouldn’t have to think of an extra option to ensure that even any nation which has both banned the martial arts already and abolished its police would still have at least two to choose between.)

Sure, assume there's always a police chief, even in the absence of centralised state funding. You've read Jennifer Government, right?

Years ago: it's in my "re-read sometime" stack, but...

[effect]the standard police uniform now comes with several colours of belt

Excellent!

[option]″If this humble one, whose name is Master Po, might be heard?″ a passer-by at the site of the fight asks a broadcasting reporter. ″The true problem is not that so many people are learning these Arts, grasshopper, it is that unfortunately too many of their teachers have been focussing solely on the Arts’ physical aspects without also instructing their pupils in the underlying philosophical principles that would lead those people away from welcoming violent confrontation. I suggest that making the teachings of the ′Seven Sages of Old′ a core part of this country’s educational systems, not just for those who would then learn to fight but for everybody who would learn anything, is the wisest answer available.″
[validity]Unrestricted
[effect]the ′three Rs′ have become the ′four Rs’ with the addition of Rightful Thought

Also excellent!

*bow*

Excellent!


*bows back*

[Bears Armed]

Returning to work on this shortly...
Any more suggestions?

[Minoa]

Needs a Jackie Chan, Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee reference. I can't help not forget them when Kung-Fu is mentioned.

[Drayxaso]

(Unless & until officially told otherwise, I’ll presume that even a nation which has abolished its police forces might have a leftover ‘police chief’ to raise the point so that this option would be still there… and then choosing it would be one way of reversing that abolition, of course. Also, this means that I wouldn’t have to think of an extra option to ensure that even any nation which has both banned the martial arts already and abolished its police would still have at least two to choose between.)

This seems like the perfect opportunity to turn a point of confusion into a joke. You could make two versions of option 2, one for nations with police and the other for nations without. The first version would remain as is, but the second version could, with some minor modifications, tell the tale of an overworked police chief who has to do an entire department's job alone. Instead of merely boosting police funding, some minor wording changes could make the second version instead advocate for reversing the abolition of the police, as you said.

If I were you, I would write this alternate option something like this (apologies in advance for butchering your writing style ):

″Ahh, so a few o’ the chop-socky jockeys got a bit too lively, did they?″ @@CAPITAL@@'s police chief, O’Hara, who has been forced to do a department's job alone by lack of state funding, comments. ″What’s needed isn’t trying to stop folks from learning how to fight, because they’ll always be doing that whether they call it Kung-Fu or Kung Pao or just plain old brawling, for sure, it’s a return to police — with better funding for our own training and gear, of course — to keep the peace.″
[validity]Nation must not have police
[effect]katana-wielding shinobi wannabees make up the newly re-formed police force

[Bears Armed]

Needs a Jackie Chan, Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee reference. I can't help not forget them when Kung-Fu is mentioned.

Maybe the fight started in the queue outside a cinema, among people waiting to see a film with a title like 'Big Dragon meets Knuck Chorris'?

^_^

[Bears Armed]

[validity]Martial Arts have not been banned (issue #109, option 3, does so…)

We don't track that yet. Still, might be best to chain this directly off the issues that encourage teaching martial arts to everyone. 20.3 and 109.1 could work.

Done.

[effect]crimes carry sterner sentences if martial arts were involved

Nice set up, but the effect line fails to pay off. Maybe something more humorous, exaggerating the intent of the law.
[effect]standing on one leg in public is a criminal offence
[effect]dogs that answer the call of nature are arrested for "illegal kung fu poses"
[effect]drunk and disorderly citizens are carefully observed to make sure they are not practising Zui Quan wushu

I’ve gone with the first of those suggestions.

If I were you, I would write this alternate option something like this (apologies in advance for butchering your writing style ):

″Ahh, so a few o’ the chop-socky jockeys got a bit too lively, did they?″ @@CAPITAL@@'s police chief, O’Hara, who has been forced to do a department's job alone by lack of state funding, comments. ″What’s needed isn’t trying to stop folks from learning how to fight, because they’ll always be doing that whether they call it Kung-Fu or Kung Pao or just plain old brawling, for sure, it’s a return to police — with better funding for our own training and gear, of course — to keep the peace.″
[validity]Nation must not have police
[effect]katana-wielding shinobi wannabees make up the newly re-formed police force

No apologies needed: That's lovely!
Added.

Needs a Jackie Chan, Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee reference. I can't help not forget them when Kung-Fu is mentioned.

Maybe the fight started in the queue outside a cinema, among people waiting to see a film with a title like 'Big Dragon meets Knuck Chorris'?

Added.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Option 3 isn't needed. Historically we've always been happy to assume a police force always exists for issues, even if the department has no funding. Either there'll be some privately funded force, or a public force relying on indirect funding.

Mostly this is for practical reasons, to ensure that even if you have zero law and order spending you can still get the options where a police officer is speaking, and to make it possible to reverse a zero spending situation by spending.

Otherwise this issue is looking really good, pretty much ready to go.

[Bears Armed]

Option 3 isn't needed. Historically we've always been happy to assume a police force always exists for issues, even if the department has no funding. Either there'll be some privately funded force, or a public force relying on indirect funding.

Mostly this is for practical reasons, to ensure that even if you have zero law and order spending you can still get the options where a police officer is speaking, and to make it possible to reverse a zero spending situation by spending.

Otherwise this issue is looking really good, pretty much ready to go.

Okay, thank you. I'll take that option out again, and will probably submit it on Thursday or Friday.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

I am craving for a Kung-Fu Panda reference in Option 3... I know that it is possible that Master Po already refers to Po the Panda, but would it be possible to add a little thing that makes this reference just a tiny bit more recognizable? Like, saying that Po says these things while munching a dumpling or something like that? That's just me, of course.

Brilliant issue!

[Bears Armed]

I am craving for a Kung-Fu Panda reference in Option 3... I know that it is possible that Master Po already refers to Po the Panda, but would it be possible to add a little thing that makes this reference just a tiny bit more recognizable? Like, saying that Po says these things while munching a dumpling or something like that? That's just me, of course.

This is the Master Po from the 1970s television series 'Kung-Fu' (roughly the same vintage as the song that inspired this issue as a whole), hence the bit where he addresses somebody as "grasshopper".

This issue has now been submitted.

[Bears Armed]

Accepted!

#1152: 'Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting!' [author = Bears Armed; editor = Nation of Quebec]

^_^