[submitted] A Slice of the Pi

[Candlewhisper Archive]

SUBMITTED 4/4/18

Inspired by a conversation with my 5 year old son about what pi is.

DRAFT 2πr:

TITLE:

A Slice of the Pi


VALIDITY:

Must have computers

DESCRIPTION:

Recently a tech firm from the United Federation used a network of computers and the latest algorithms to calculate Pi to an incredible number of decimal places, smashing the previous world record by several orders of magnitude.


OPTION ONE

"We can break that United Federation record right here in @@NAME@@, I know it!" exclaims excitable mathematician @@randomname@@, dancing around you with a manic look on @@HIS@@ face. "All we need is a great big network of super-computers, with customised software, and a year or two of dedicated runtime. I've some ideas for some exciting new formulae that will make Chudnovsky look like a chump. I mean, what could be cooler than mathematics and computer programming?" @@HE@@ pushes @@HIS@@ spectacles up his nose and strikes a geeky superhero pose.

Outcome: pareidolic SETI scientists swear there's a message from aliens hidden within Pi



OPTION TWO

"Look, the pursuit of a list of numbers is just academic frippery and posturing," moans knitwear-clad structural engineer @@randomname@@. "Even physicists don't bother using values of pi to more than 160 decimal places, so there's no practical purpose here. Government research and academic subsidies should be focused purely on subjects which have real world applications and a sound case for projected economic or societal benefit. You know, like my underfunded research on drainage applications of composite 3D-printed concrete micro-structures with resin polymer interior scaffolding. It's really fascinating stuff. Here, I wrote a paper on it..."

Outcome: blue sky thinkers are reminded that the firmament is actually more of a grey-ish colour


OPTION THREE
OPTION VALIDITY: sports not banned

"Nerd alert!" yells former high-school quarterback turned fry chef @@randomname@@, shoulder barging between the two previous speakers, and knocking them to the ground. "Yeah! Feel that impact! Freight train comin' through! Y'know, the best thing to do here is not to spend money on all this geek stuff at all. School of hard knocks, that's the lesson plan these weaklings need!" @@HE@@ demonstrates with @@HIS@@ fists.

Outcome: brain injury is seen as a desirable outcome rather than a side effect of contact sports


OPTION FOUR

"Honestly, I've never liked pi. It's just so... irrational," says Minister of Mathematical Certainty Eddie Goodwin. "Can't we just legislate so that everybody in @@NAME@@ uses a @@DEMONYM@@ definition of pi? Let's just say pi is 3.2. I mean, that's true anyway for a given curvature of space time. Just say 3.2, and leave it at that, eh?"

Outcome: engineers are reinventing the wheel

DRAFT 1:

TITLE:

A Slice of the Pi


VALIDITY:

Must have computers

DESCRIPTION:

Recently a tech firm from the United Federation used a network of computers and the latest algorithms to calculate Pi to an incredible number of decimal places, smashing the previous world record by several orders of magnitude.


OPTION ONE

"We can break that United Federation record right here in @@NAME@@, I know it!" exclaims excitable mathematician @@randomname@@, dancing around you with a manic look on @@HIS@@ face. "All we need is a great big network of super-computers, with customised software, and a year or two of dedicated runtime. I've some ideas for some exciting new formulae that will make Chudnovsky look like a chump. I mean, what could be cooler than mathematics and computer programming?" @@HE@@ pushes @@HIS@@ spectacles up his nose and strikes a geeky superhero pose.

Outcome: pareidolic SETI scientists swear there's a message from aliens hidden within Pi



OPTION TWO

"Look, the pursuit of a list of numbers is just academic frippery and posturing," moans knitwear-clad structural engineer @@randomname@@. "Even physicists don't bother using values of pi to more than 160 decimal places, so there's no practical purpose here. Government research and academic subsidies should be focused purely on subjects which have real world applications and a sound case for projected economic or societal benefit. You know, like my underfunded research on drainage applications of composite 3D-printed concrete micro-structures with resin polymer interior scaffolding. It's really fascinating stuff. Here, I wrote a paper on it..."

Outcome: blue sky thinkers are reminded that the firmament is actually more of a grey-ish colour


OPTION THREE
OPTION VALIDITY: sports not banned

"Nerd alert!" yells former high-school quarterback turned fry chef @@randomname@@, shoulder barging between the two previous speakers, and knocking them to the ground. "Yeah! Feel that impact! Freight train comin' through! Y'know, the best thing to do here is not to spend money on all this geek stuff at all. School of hard knocks, that's the lesson plan these weaklings need!" @@HE@@ demonstrates with @@HIS@@ fists.

Outcome: brain injury is seen as a desirable outcome rather than a side effect of contact sports

[Jutsa]

I'd tune it down to "head injury", but that aside, I think this is a wonderful draft.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I'd tune it down to "head injury", but that aside, I think this is a wonderful draft.

Thanks!

The joke though is that it's actually desirable that brain damage occurs, because intelligence is being seen as unwanted. Doesn't work if I change it to "head injury".

[Jutsa]

Oooh ok. Then this draft's good as-is imo.

[Australian rePublic]

This feels similar to "The Devil and the Deep Blue Funding Gap"

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Yeah, you're right! I think the first two options are very similar. However the actual premise is sufficiently distinct, and a lot of issues have options that are similar in thrust.

I think it's okay to proceed, I'm sure my editor colleagues will tell me if they feel the overlap is too strong.

[Caracasus]

CWA, I don't know if you're aware of this but I read about it yesterday. The state of Indiana attempted to pass a law defining Pi. Thought that you could scavenge and use in this issue for added humour:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indiana_Pi_Bill

[Baggieland]

Hi Candle, as a fellow Brit, why did you use 'quarterback', why not a rugby fly-half? Those rugby club boys can be just as raucous?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

CWA, I don't know if you're aware of this but I read about it yesterday. The state of Indiana attempted to pass a law defining Pi. Thought that you could scavenge and use in this issue for added humour:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indiana_Pi_Bill

Ha! That's pretty funny. Will think on it, but not sure how I could use it at present. Maybe an additional crazy option legislating on what pi is... Hmm. Much as I like three option issues, that may be too good to pass up.

[Caracasus]

CWA, I don't know if you're aware of this but I read about it yesterday. The state of Indiana attempted to pass a law defining Pi. Thought that you could scavenge and use in this issue for added humour:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indiana_Pi_Bill

Ha! That's pretty funny. Will think on it, but not sure how I could use it at present. Maybe an additional crazy option legislating on what pi is... Hmm. Much as I like three option issues, that may be too good to pass up.

Guess it could use an option .142?

Yeah, thought you might appreciate it.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Hi Candle, as a fellow Brit, why did you use 'quarterback', why not a rugby fly-half? Those rugby club boys can be just as raucous?

Heh, different stereotype.

The rugger variant is a public school old boy who enjoys a tumble in the mud, thinks poor people are dreadful oiks, and knows that he can cause public damage when out on a bender because pater knows the home secretary, and it's all just good harmless fun with we tied old Willikins naked to a tree and buggered him senseless. The rugger lover doesn't disrespect intelligence, in fact he quite likes the clever first year boy who does the toast run and can calculate the maximum wet-load of a digestive biscuit prior to ingestion.

The quarterback stereotype is the one to use here, with its disdain for nerds, and self-assured brutishness.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Okay, new option 4 added to legislate for pi.

[Baggieland]

Heh, different stereotype.

The rugger variant is a public school old boy who enjoys a tumble in the mud, thinks poor people are dreadful oiks, and knows that he can cause public damage when out on a bender because pater knows the home secretary, and it's all just good harmless fun with we tied old Willikins naked to a tree and buggered him senseless. The rugger lover doesn't disrespect intelligence, in fact he quite likes the clever first year boy who does the toast run and can calculate the maximum wet-load of a digestive biscuit prior to ingestion.

The quarterback stereotype is the one to use here, with its disdain for nerds, and self-assured brutishness.

That is quite the reply.

[Jutsa]

Oh yes that is - oh, and 3.2?

[Trotterdam]

Oh yes that is - oh, and 3.2?

You know, it bugs me so much that 3.2 isn't even the most accurate approximation of pi to two digits.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Oh yes that is - oh, and 3.2?

You know, it bugs me so much that 3.2 isn't even the most accurate approximation of pi to two digits.

Absolutely intentional. And also, the same as the value on that linked article.

[Chan Island]

A nice issue! Very good stuff I'm looking forward to seeing implemented.

Hi Candle, as a fellow Brit, why did you use 'quarterback', why not a rugby fly-half? Those rugby club boys can be just as raucous?

Heh, different stereotype.

The rugger variant is a public school old boy who enjoys a tumble in the mud, thinks poor people are dreadful oiks, and knows that he can cause public damage when out on a bender because pater knows the home secretary, and it's all just good harmless fun with we tied old Willikins naked to a tree and buggered him senseless. The rugger lover doesn't disrespect intelligence, in fact he quite likes the clever first year boy who does the toast run and can calculate the maximum wet-load of a digestive biscuit prior to ingestion.

The quarterback stereotype is the one to use here, with its disdain for nerds, and self-assured brutishness.

You know someone's onto something when they describe a stereotype and all I'm thinking is "yup, sounds like XYZ and ABC"

[Jutsa]

Quick note: Your draft tag has not gone unnoticed.