An interesting set of quarterfinals, with just two First Division sides left - one in the form of Misha Nechemevic’s struggling Cranequin City. But they’re all full of those Audioslavian virtues tonight, snapping into challenges and harassing Parrhesia with an energy and verve that belies their youth. Young Saints goalkeeper Angela Spyrakis makes a few good saves but there’s nothing she can do when Verdier’s inch-perfect pass plays through Leofric Woadswell, who hammers his shot… okay, straight at Spyrakis, but she spills it and Annesley pounces for the winning goal. Heavily-rotated Newrook and Diamondqueen, both in the bottom four, play a game unsurprisingly short of quality but settled with a single moment of brilliance from Denisa Thirlwell, the captain providing the perfect pass for young Qad fullback Valentina Fairbairn to break free of Monroe Luque and slot low past Costin Anghelescu. Morningstar are also in deep water, but their second string takes the fight to Creed’s first choice. Garrett Spycer and Karena Bittner are both sent off in an explosive first half, but it’s Creed who lose their shape without their captain, Morningstar notching up two goals in quick succession from a Niko Boldman brace. Hecate Dransfeld puts them three up before Kurtis Rough is sent off as well for annihilating Karena Braham, putting the winger out for the rest of the season. Furious, Creed fight back, Axel Korborg and Kurtis Bristoll scoring nice goals to put the tie back in the balance, but on the day, Morningstar hold out. Maximum Rovers’ Premiership audition, however, gets a hitch as Vermillion just control the game away, Ryan Paulsson pulling all the strings and eventually coming up with a richly deserved winner in the 80th minute shortly before his substitution.
Sabrefell Athletic did Crisisbless a pretty massive favour last time around, but if the Heelers expected it to be redoubled the next day when Tom Benedict’s Reds came to visit they would be sorely disappointed. The Moths did their part, from the Heelers’ perspective. Goals from Ylissa Hatherton and Solara Vol set them to what looked like a cruisy win against Chatswood, and then out of nowhere Cohen won a penalty off Weaver. Claire Beresford converted it and then Gary Corsie, from absolutely nowhere, came steaming in to find a speculative Machan cross and volley it into the ceiling of the net. So Crisisbless had the perfect opportunity to overtake them, and… well, Athletic were up 3-0 by halftime, substituted off Coltrane after 57 minutes to rest him and his replacement, Alexa Ferryman, netted a tidy fourth after Crisisbless’ defence completely failed to pick her run up. Brinemouth complicate matters as well, though it takes a stoppage time header from Pablo Scotti to get them past the resilient Hawks. Four teams within five points at the top. Parrhesia aren’t in a good way at the moment, as the Harriers hand them their third straight defeat with a 4-0 thrashing. After the match, Jazmin Dragana tweets about dreaming of silverware. Rumoured interest from the Stags may well intensify. The Stars, meanwhile, may yet rue their indelicate approach - five minutes from three points against Starling, Padilla jinks into the area and is dragged to the ground by Hawthorn. The Valladar calmly converts the penalty. Two minutes later, Liam Armstrong’s deflected strike puts the Passerines ahead and suddenly the Stars’ relentless timewasting appears to have backfired. Kreisburg should win it late on but shoots straight at a flat-footed, almost Slav-squatting Hargrave from twelve yards and screams in frustration loud enough for the microphones to pick up. Newrook are slightly disappointed to just take a point away from lowly Corvette, but it’s enough to get them out of the bottom four on goal difference for now.
MOTHS 74
CRISISBLESS 73
BRINEMOUTH 71
ATHLETIC 70
STARLING 68
TREASON 65
NORTH LAITHLAND 34
CHATSWOOD 33
NEWROOK 32
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MORNINGSTAR 32
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DIAMONDQUEEN 31
“We need to hit them early and hit them hard,” Miriam Aragon demands, and they get off to a great start when Swanhilda Berisha ghosts past Rook Keenan, motions for the cutback but ends up stylishly whipping the ball past Zaparas’ near post with the outside of a boot. She remains a threat all game, though some - bluntly - thuggery from Keenan attempts to neutralise her impact. But nobody else can really match her impact, and the Saints are punished when the Terracotta Army secures the midfield in the second half before Mendehlson’s free kick is swung in and big defender Heinz Kreis outjumps Brun to flick the ball into the net. Newrook and Diamondqueen, who both understandably have a lot on their plates at the moment, both rotate a few players - Bothroyd most prominently for the Rooks, but their bevy of mid-30s midfielders too. They’re rewarded with a brilliant performance from local youths Coynborough and Marconi, who each score screamers from outside the box to decide a limited contest, while Maladict Farrell makes a nuisance of himself without quite scoring himself. Newrook take the day. In Creed? Nothing happens except a lot of brutality, and that suits Lineker’s Stars just fine. They go through on aggregate, leaving Locklear bitterly disappointed at decisions not to send off a couple of players. It’s Paige Hildebrand’s Rovers who come up with the most stunning result, though, as early goals from Luitgard and Julia Thane are stoutly defender on hostile soil by an experienced defence.
An important win for the Stars, who this time do see their way through after an early lead. Circe Rosenthal’s impressed with assured performances all throughout the season, but this is only her second goal of the season, a real screamer that rips through Olivia Selkie’s fingertips. There’s a fair series of resolute defences around, actually, with Karel Jonason of Diamondqueen putting on a performance that former international goalkeeper Tana Colbright would be proud of, making eleven saves to deny a dominant Treason who just couldn’t quite penetrate. Ivan Hemeyer had a brilliant game, pegged back almost to being a third centre-half, and all over the place cutting and hacking… but is suspended after yet another yellow card. Orpheus Clement is similarly good against Brinemouth, though Vermillion are in turn denied six times by Matt Vintner in an end-to-end affair that never quite results in a goal. Newrook City are very nearly as resolute against Bishop, albeit largely by being extremely boring. Keenan keeps youth in the midfield to try and avoid being caught on the counter, a clever move which almost works, right up until Lorelei Neptune just smashes one in from twenty-five yards anyway. It’s a shame that the 21-year old winger isn’t just a little bit better - if she improves by as many leaps and bounds next season there might be an almighty tug of war between Nephara and her father’s country, Cosumar. ‘Resolute’ isn’t a word that has really applied to North Laithland since they were good and had players like Gareth Pearce (who, admittedly, would probably only be good enough in the modern Premiership for a team like… well… modern North Laithland) and they show it with a damp capitulation to an intense Parrhesia.
MOTHS 77
CRISISBLESS 76
ATHLETIC 73
BRINEMOUTH 72
STARLING 69
TREASON 66
MORNINGSTAR 35 -23
NORTH LAITHLAND 34 -29
CHATSWOOD 33 -21
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NEWROOK 32 -22
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DIAMONDQUEEN 32 -29
Oh, yeah. UICA. That’s still a thing. It won’t be for very fucking long if Athletic and Crisisbless keep defending like they did. In New Gelderland, Cam Cross opened the scoring with a neat flicked header before Srecko Brekovic doubled their money, but fortunately in the second half Coltrane orchestrated a fightback and assists for Bereveskos and Curren on the wings. Crisisbless, though, are in far more trouble - prodigal teenage playmaker Rhys Griffiths netted a late brace for the Revolutionaries, both from outside the box.
The Harriers have had a good season, yes. Aidan Brosque has done brilliant work with them, thoroughly deserves to be the incumbent Manager of the Year, they’re a really good, solid team. But Jesus Christ, when they miss a call, they don’t do it small. 6-1 is the scoreline this time in front of their own fans - 6-1! Sheffield’s had a few ropey performances across the season but he’s terrible tonight, and picked a good night for it in general given how thoroughly Starling dominated them everywhere. At least Airik Ruhl can keep up this season’s funniest tradition of the utterly in vain really mad consolation goal, scoring a looping header over an uncharacteristically complacent Hargrave and rushing to the ball, shoving over Heston and McNessa in his way and stamping undetected on the latter on his way to grab the ball… mate, it’s 5-1 in the 78th minute. Armstrong finishes it not long after. There’s a spicy affair in Treason with Morningstar desperate to take points from the Stags, but they go snapping into challenges and that leaves holes for a Misidjan to find room to play in an unmarked Cantor to rocket the ball into the top corner. By the end, Rough’s been sent off for the fourth time this season after a flying elbow on Roddy Fraser, which does at least set a new record. Fraser stays down, which is not what the Stags wanted to hear in the dying embers of their title challenge.
But at least they win. Chatswood don’t beat Extreme Hills after Sigrun Barota, the only Hound not to have seemingly given up, breaks their hearts late on after a blistering run and neat little sidefooted finish past Alphonse. Very much two points dropped at the bottom of the table. Crisisbless? They drop three, Tedesco just having too much work to do in the middle of the park as a late flurry sees Southfell turn 0-2 on the hour to 3-2 at full time, relentless pace stretching the defence until it breaks. A proper six-pointer sees North Laithland lose to Newrook - they take an early lead when Josie Webster orchestrates a lovely 16-pass move that floods through the Rooks’ midfield and defence and culminates in a tap-in for charging leftback Karsten Riordan. Newrook are less subtle with their own approach - Senturk slips through Bothroyd who turns and shoots and really should have it saved by Sinstadt, but the goalkeeper went the strong way and it slips feebly in. And then, in the 86th minute, who steps up but Rook Fenwick with yet another free kick goal, perfectly up and over the wall and in beyond Sinstadt’s dive. Newrook overtake the Spiders, who now sit precariously in 21st. The Moths, thanks to a resilient performance against a Brinemouth side that just kept coming at them and kept crashing off their defence, sneak a win when Serra’s perfectly-timed run gets him on the end of a clever cutback from Meier and he slams the ball through a sea of legs and past a blindsided Vintner. “We showed another feather to our bow today,” Thunder malapropped after the match - but who’s going to tell him otherwise? The Moths race four clear.
MOTHS 80
CRISISBLESS 76
ATHLETIC 76
STARLING 72
BRINEMOUTH 72
TREASON 69
MORNINGSTAR 35 -24
CHATSWOOD 34 -21
NEWROOK 34 -22
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NORTH LAITHLAND 34 -30
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DIAMONDQUEEN 32 -31
Two 1-0 defeats, both remaining Nepharim clubs knocked out. A grim cycle for the Premiership, though they are projected to maintain their top three placing. Space commenting on the games would be wasted - instead, better to talk shit about Brinemouth! Because, seriously? 59 million spent and you can’t get a single fucking win? Christ.
BRINEMOUTH HEARD US TALK SHIT ABOUT THEM
They visit Crisisbless. Big day for both of them, with the Moths already having secured a narrow 1-0 win against River, Thunder’s Green and Black Army finding a rough, hard-nosed edge that can grind out results. Athletic, too, gain momentum with a thundering 4-1 win over Morningstar. “Conviction in my methods, that’s the only secret” - strong words from Benedict after his 4-4-2 gets the goods once again. Morten Crestwell got a rare start up front, poached a goal and laid on two assists. Starling, too, won convincingly, thundering past Parrhesia 4-0. Hargrave peerless in goal. Koehler and Surman not giving an inch to the Saints’ best assets, their wingers. Hawke and Andisori wreaking havoc. Easy. So it becomes really imperative for Crisisbless to keep up their momentum and keep up with Athletic four points behind the Moths and not get pulverised five fucking nil at home. But that’s what happens! Two goals happen early, a Scotti brace within the first twenty minutes, and Urso, Swan and Jevdjevic-Hadsic each try and do too much on their own and end up isolating themselves and the two strikers, Rafford’s carved open by Silkman which just shouldn’t happen and she lays it on a plate for Candelo to smash home the third… every time Brinemouth go forward, they threaten. Scotti completes his hat-trick, Tedesco is sent off for a second professional foul just as Condotta waits patiently on the sidelines to replace him and ultimately she comes on for Swan, bundles over Drinkwater in the box for a penalty and watches gloomily as the substitute Bosetti, tossed the armband, slots it home for his belated first of the season. Crisisbless slip to third. The top five are clustered and Treason, held by Serpentine, miss out on closing the gap. At the foot of the table, where middling teams like Creed and Brookford start to exist only in terms of ‘tough but winnable fixtures’, North Laithland manage to win against the former thanks to Kistler and Tsikitsiris while Newrook come away pointless from the latter. Chatswood, though, dominate the Diamonds physically as Hemeyer’s really badly-timed three-match suspension (he’s had a lot of cards.) sees them miss their most forceful presence. Samael Lawrence just isn’t… very good at football, and Chatswood overrun them and through clinical finishes from Joan Vickers and Desdemona Schuster win the day. Rook Alphonse, too, deserves credit for dealing calmly with a bushel of frustrated shots from outside the box.
MOTHS 83
ATHLETIC 79
CRISISBLESS 76
STARLING 75
BRINEMOUTH 75
TREASON 70
CHATSWOOD 37 -19
NORTH LAITHLAND 37 -28
MORNINGSTAR 35 -27
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NEWROOK 34 -23
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DIAMONDQUEEN 32 -33
Three straight defeats - four in five - one win in six - look, no matter how you paint it, Crisisbless have fucking sucked lately, at a real crunch time of the season. The match itself isn’t great, it’s just River’s physicality and baseline defensive competence getting the job done and a powerful header from Povilas Kaukenas, dominant in the first half of the season but dropping off lately, winning the day for the Ferrymen. Another Ferryman - Alexa, of Sabrefell Athletic - does well in a rotated side to help guide them to another 4-1 victory over Serpentine. The Moths go one better, a fourth straight clean sheet victory as they ease past Corvette 4-0, while Brinemouth labour to a 2-1 win over Hills at home and do, ultimately, overtake the Heelers. Starling would as well, but they stumble to Creed’s physicality. At the foot of the table, or at least the relevant bits of it, Emery Lineker gets her revenge over her former club, making no attempt at subduing her celebrations after Circe Rosenthal threads the perfect pass for Marko Petrosian, cutting inside of Tsicaderis, to slot home past Alphonse’s near post. The goal happens after concerted pressure in the first half-hour but from that point Morningstar sits back, daring the Woodsmen to come at them, and Chatswood just… don’t. Beresford and Kovach are sent off in the last five minutes, confirming that Lineker’s Morningstar have equalled the record of Lineker’s Chatswood with eight red cards in a season. Still, all the plaudits must go to Newrook. They start the match in 21st, but Keenan bravely opts for the youth of Coynborough and Marconi over the experience of Winter (well, relatively - he’s 24) and Senturk. It pays off, thanks to the oddity of a first-half brace from Raquel Woods bombing in from leftback, and from there just hit Coret on the break time and again. The match ends 5-1. Jessica Loque makes a face.
MOTHS 86
ATHLETIC 82
BRINEMOUTH 78
CRISISBLESS 76
STARLING 75
TREASON 70
MORNINGSTAR 38 -26
NEWROOK 37 -19
CHATSWOOD 37 -20
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NORTH LAITHLAND 37 -30
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DIAMONDQUEEN 33 -33
Treason are officially out of the running, following a dismal 4-0 defeat at home to Parrhesia United, a middling team that should really be jobbers in the business end of the season. Boos ring out across the Gauntlet, and serious questions must be asked about Ben Randall’s future. Still, signs from the club is he’ll be given ample backing to overhaul a stagnant squad in the summer, as heroes like Vesper, Cantor, Katskalidis and Lopes have seemingly regressed. Having far more fun, you’d wager, is Athletic’s Tom Benedict, who eases Athletic past the Harriers through Avila Wardenier’s brace. Imagine what he’ll do with the world-class striker they’re reportedly targeting (then again, who doesn’t need a world-class striker?). In fact, the entire top five win today - the Moths pulverise Bishop 3-0, refusing to be hit on the break, Athletic wounds the Harriers again, who have just not quite been able to lay a glove on the top teams, Brinemouth beat Diamondqueen comfortably, Crisisbless suffer a late scare from Corvette through Ankergren’s strike but Irsa Croxteth puts them back up in stoppage time and permissive North Laithland defending allows Starling to come back from 1-0 down to win in the last twenty minutes. Amidst all these defeats, Chatswood would expect to beat Serpentine at home, but don’t. Most eyes are on Gary Corsie, who is… terrible, and vanishes at half-time. He’s outshone by a rather more forgotten Schottian midfielder, Aya Bernman, who suffered badly with injuries but, now finally fit, has lit up a Dragons side that occasionally lacks inspiration from elsewhere on the pitch. She scores one today, and lays on another strike for journeywoman striker Carrie Mason in stoppage time. Winner of the week? The Rooks, and specifically young striker Liesel Ironhewer. Under-fire manager Catheline Keenan rolls the dice when level with Vermillion away - one point there, you’d imagine, would be great! It’s not enough for her, and a staggeringly direct move - goalkeeper Kattner hoofs it upfield, Bothroyd holds off Jeong and flicks it on and Ironhewer runs onto the rebound and hammers it past Clement for a dramatic late winner.
MOTHS 89
ATHLETIC 85
BRINEMOUTH 81
CRISISBLESS 79
STARLING 78
MORNINGSTAR 41 -25
NEWROOK 40 -18
CHATSWOOD 37 -22
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NORTH LAITHLAND 37 -31
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DIAMONDQUEEN 33 -35
Well, it had to happen sooner or later. Ifrit Coynborough finds space in the midfield and then slams the ball past Robert Griffin from 25 yards, putting an end to the Moths’ record of five straight clean sheet victories. They’ll have to settle for the 4-1 win. Thunder doesn’t look too upset. The Friendly Derby doesn’t see River give the Diamonds any favours, Povilas Kaukenas sniffing a chance to pad his goal tally in Diamondqueen’s porous defence and hey presto, he winds up with two goals. Even if one of them does see him seemingly hit Dario Pavlovic in the throat during his run. The referee doesn’t catch it. Morningstar score first against Brinemouth, then leak five at the other end before the end of the first half. Petrosian and Kuralay score in the second half for a final score of 2-6, prompting Circe Rosenthal to remark; “Well, at least we drew the second half.” Cue Lineker’s angry shouting from the corridor; “Don’t be a prat, Rosey!” Thanks, mum. Meanwhile, the bottom-feeders face off. Corvette, who aren’t pathetic, just bad, and Extreme Hills, who are both. It’s the Hills who score first, Barota going down (slightly easily?) from a hack by Tawney, who she later alleges called her a ‘Sammy bitch’ (findings are inconclusive). Hearn scores the penalty, but Tawney evades Barota later on to flick in a beautiful cross that Corvalan… mishits, but it goes to Djuric to score anyway. Corvalan atones for it in the 91st minute, when substitute Kamasutra Fernwood lashes a shot against the post and it rebounds uncontested by the Hounds’ defenders, letting him slot breezily past Czarina Tournay. “We would like to announce,” the Extreme Hills board says after the match, “that Malta Fletcher has decided to pursue an opportunity with our academy team.” Yeah, that’s one way to put it.
15 points to play for.
MOTHS 92
ATHLETIC 88
BRINEMOUTH 84
CRISISBLESS 79
STARLING 78
MORNINGSTAR 41 -29
NEWROOK 40 -21
CHATSWOOD 37 -24
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NORTH LAITHLAND 37 -32
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DIAMONDQUEEN 33 -37
An interim manager is found for Extreme Hills. Sort of. They go with Bryony Johansen, the 36-year old defender, and she goes head-to-head with former club Bishop in her first game. Her squad selection switches everything up, unsurprisingly, giving a bunch of teenagers debuts. Coretta Rooke gets her first start of the season up front and hell, her 20th birthday is as good an occasion as any. The young forward scores the opening goal, but Tournay is beaten by Neptune at her near post just minutes later before in the dying minutes of the game, Karlene Sitz bursts through the makeshift midfield to hit a low, hard and decisive shot beyond the embattled goalkeeper. “All I wanted was some spirit,” Johansen sighs. “And I got it. We’ll move on.” Brookford will not be moving on. Brookford were pulped 7-2 by the Moths. Athletic get pegged back within nineteen seconds after a slip from Gerhardt plays in Korborg, and then after two and a half minutes Korborg doubles his money by getting on the end of former Athletic winger Braham’s cross. What happens next is… well, Athletic go in for the kill. They look to be getting it, denied only by an excellent save from Matraxis and then get sniped by Mithradates on the counterattack. 0-3 on the red fields of the Barbarossa. Tom Benedict’s face communicates to his player that This Will Not Do. Hey presto, it’s suddenly 3-3 by the end of the first half, albeit with the help of a suicidal pass from the normally cool-headed Taddeo Loredan that his countryman Lucassen eats right the fuck up. In the second half, Athletic overwhelm, and though Loredan makes some way up for his error with a lovely header off a lovely Braham free kick, Athletic find their way to a 6-4 win and are cheered off with the newfound belief that they can do this! They can overtake the Moths! Starling will not be overtaking the Moths. Treason have lost three straight before this, but Ben Randall demands results, and his side pulls them out with a performance of clinical intensity. And, of course, brute force. Roddy Fraser scores a perfect hat-trick over the 90 minutes and Fletcher makes seven great saves, and it’s now down to just three.
12 points to play for.
MOTHS 95
ATHLETIC 91
BRINEMOUTH 87
MORNINGSTAR 42 -29
NEWROOK 40 -24
NORTH LAITHLAND 40 -30
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CHATSWOOD 38 -24
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DIAMONDQUEEN 36 -36
Surprisingly but reassuringly, despite three of these teams being threatened with relegation and the fourth fighting for a title, all four sides bring out strong lineups. This gives the tale of two Cities a rather… geriatric feel, a placid midfield battle pitting Sutton, Fenwick and Senturk against Mendehlson and, late in the game, Diana Ashworth. Both sides find their teeth in the second half after a soporific first, Ninian Lechleiter breaking down Fenwick and then getting quickly to his feet and rushing through the midfield, then threating through a great pass for Woadswell who bottles the shot and cuts back for Laura Annesley, badly off balance, to desperately stick out a foot and just about scuff the ball into the net. But Newrook fight back, and hard - Raquel Woods has been constantly pressuring down the left and after the tenth time she gets past Flitcroft is desperately hacked down inside the box. Fenwick, still limping a little from Lechleiter’s challenge, converts the penalty, and then sets up a brilliant pass over the top for Woods to score herself. Annesley, the bright spark of the season, breaks free of the offside trap late on and takes a shot but Anghelescu slips out a leg for a brilliant save, and when Woadswell rolls the rebound into a seemingly empty net, rightback Conrad Trelliston rushes in out of nowhere to hook the ball off the line. They really love the Cup in Newrook - winning it saved them from relegation once, after all. No such intrigue in Treason, as Morningstar hammer Maximum Rovers 5-1. “Job done,” said Emery Lineker post-match, dusting off her hands for good measure.
Newrook breathe a sigh of relief, facing Extreme Hills - or the academy side that passes for them nowadays as Bryony Johansen continues to Make A Point. Bothroyd scores two and Alessa Marconi, going past five players and slotting low past Tournay, secures a third and a crucial victory for Newrook. It makes North Laithland’s brave 1-1 comeback win - they never come back! They’ve constantly been come back from! - against Vermillion pale in significance, while Morningstar are really regretting a poor 3-1 defeat to Corvette. Chatswood hold on for the point against Creed with very transparently no ambition of more and Diamondqueen, beating Bishop for 76 minutes thanks to yet another thumping strike from Weber, are left to rue Jonason spilling a shot from Neptune that Penbrooke, ever the opportunist, stabs in a split second before McKinley Sanabria stamps on his ankle, ending his season. He claims he was going for the ball. Another late equaliser sees Coret hold the Moths at home, but they’re the stronger side in truth - it’s only rewarded in the 86th minute when Alyss Montague nutmegs Vicelich, runs across Weaver and slots past Griffin with the outside of the boot. “It’s the sort of moment she’s capable of,” says Jessica Loque, the picture of relief. Next step, consistency. It creates an opening that Brinemouth completely fail to capitalise on as the Harriers finally put in a dominant showing over a top four side, Ruhl leading the line with genuine venom and malice as his goal opens the scoring and his hold-up play gives openings for Sanna, then Feist, to hammer home. 3-1 the final score, and Brinemouth, nine points adrift with nine to play, are basically out of the running. It’s down to a rejuvenated Athletic, travelling to Starling on Tanith Rainsford’s birthday. A good omen, surely. But Starling are still battling for fourth, and aren’t about to lie down and die quietly. They trade blows throughout the first half - Padilla’s blistering strike slips through Gautier’s palms, but is avenged by a flying Lucassen header. Hawke forces a great save from Gautier but scuffs home the rebound, but then the luckless Mathis Orsay gets in the way of Rudden’s viciously whipped cross and accidentally shins it into his own net. FInally, in the 53rd minute, Oscar Coltrane pulls through for his squad, a neat one-two with leftback Lena Iserlohn setting him up for a vicious strike into the top corner, the normally faultless Gryphon too permissive in giving him space. But then it’s Gryphon whose peerless free kick goes into the corridor of uncertainty - and it’s Orsay who redeems himself with a thunderous header past Gautier. 3-3 the final score, and the Moths remain four points clear.
9 points to play for.
MOTHS 96
ATHLETIC 92
BRINEMOUTH 87
NEWROOK 43 -21
MORNINGSTAR 42 -31
NORTH LAITHLAND 41 -30
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CHATSWOOD 39 -24
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DIAMONDQUEEN 37 -36
Newrook rotate out their older players with a crunch match against Diamondqueen coming up, but it’s a dire affair in truth. A screamer from Verdier in the 24th minute leaves Anghelescu with no chance and alights hope in the away crowd, but they just don’t have the penetration to capitalise and crash out on away goals. Paige Hildebrand stuck to facts before the rematch with Morningstar; “We need to win 4-0,” she announced, but her B-list selection betrayed her lack of faith that it was possible and Morningstar’s B-list selection ran roughshod over them, Christos Tsiavis scoring a goal with either foot before 19-year old Felix Stremer scores his first goal for his former club in stoppage time.
“We’re going out with a mission,” says Isla Safarova, who for achieving mediocre results with a skeleton crew of youths and castaways has become quite the fan favourite in southeast Sabrefell. “I know the passion that goes into this match, and we’re going to stop Athletic winning the title.” They don’t. They show passion, snapping into tackles, but go down early to goals from Wardenier and Bereveskos that exploit the holes in the defence. Coppinger breaks clear and sets up Escrow to equalise in first-half stoppage time, and briefly in the start of the second half the Chariots are in the ascendancy… then Laura Belfry’s sent off for a second yellow card after a murderous challenge on Coltrane. The talisman limps off, in doubt for Treason - perhaps the Chariots have helped after all. But God helps those who help themselves - and Aaliyah Johnson is good at helping herself. Specifically, to goals. Kept quiet in the first half by Jeong as a 2-2 thriller plays itself out, her frustration boils over and she lashes out at Marios Tzavellas, kicking him in the ankle and getting booked. But she comes out in the second half a woman reborn. She slips away from Jeong, Meier finds her and she slots home her 33rd of the season from a seemingly impossible angle, with that finally equalling the goalscoring record her manager, Gerhard Thunder, has held since the first modern season. Then, just after the hour, Townsend crosses, Vol flicks on under pressure from Jeong and Johnson slips in, takes the ball away from Preston, rides a poor challenge, whirls past him and shoots low past Clement. With that, she’s basically secured her fifth (FIFTH!) Iron Boot, too… and means that a win against lowly North Laithland, smashed 3-0 by Treason today, will secure them the title. Newrook secure safety, dominant over Diamondqueen in a 3-1 win that owes much to Aziz Senturk and his ability to evade countryman Hemeyer, seemingly a man on a mission to end his career. Instead, he gets a goal and an assist before substituting off on the hour, applauding the away fans. It’s 2-1 at that stage to the rooks, and much-maligned midfield signing Lorne Winter breaks a long goal drought to finish the Diamonds in injury time.
6 points to play for.
MOTHS 99
ATHLETIC 95
MORNINGSTAR 42 -32
NORTH LAITHLAND 41 -33
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CHATSWOOD 39 -26
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DIAMONDQUEEN 37 -38
All eyes are in the Laith. The Premiership trophy is wheeled out tantalisingly pitchside as North Laithland look to stop the rot and pull clear of danger. Kartakoullis sets up, unsurprisingly, to sponge up and counter in a flat 4-5-1, but it’s something of a betrayal of her attacking principles. Within seventeen minutes of Moths domination that have already seen two vital saves from Sinstadt, it’s clear that it hasn’t paid off when Sanna finally finds the right ball over the top for Sol to battle Duguid for, win and knock down. Aaliyah Johnson is there to finish. She doesn’t miss from ten yards. Ten minutes later, the Moths double their advantage, Meier bursting down the right, hurdling a clumsy challenge from Kendrick and slamming the ball past Sinstadt with genuine violence, and the green bloc in the stands can feel the victory coming. Kartakoullis seems to acknowledge she’s fucked up, and sets up her team in a bold 4-2-3-1 in the second half, throwing on former Moths striker Haldenstadt and Gazzincha over the interval, and hoping that three creative midfielders in Webster and Tsikitsiris either side of Gazzincha can spark something. They do, and it’s Tsikitsiris who hits the long diagonal cross that Weaver tantalisingly doesn’t quite get his head on, but Kendrick sees the run and blazes across to find the cross and cut it powerfully across goal. Haldenstadt gets on the end of it, heading forcefully down into the bottom corner, and doesn’t make himself a popular man in western Sabrefell by celebrating exuberantly while only Webster busies herself with the business of wrestling the ball off a recalcitrant Griffin and hoofing it to the halfway line. But it’s a mirage, they can’t conjure up anything more - after all, Conjure’s off helping Brinemouth to a 3-1 win over Creed with a goal and an assist - and the Moths ease their way back in charge with a few firm challenges. At the end, the Moths are deserved winners - of the match, of the league, of everything, and the away fans stream onto the pitch, and the stewards only lukewarmly care. This title has been coming.
Perhaps it’s unsurprisingly that, kicking off later that day, Treason and Athletic stall to a scoreless draw, the injured Oscar Coltrane only unleashed in the last twenty minutes but even he’s muted. They’re basically assured of second place, Brinemouth of third. Crisisbless visit Vermillion - the assistant manager at the victorious World Cup 74 meets the master. And the result confirms what everyone knew - Theresa Riether is a much better manager than Portia Thrift as Crisisbless collapse, Antunovic, Madrigal and Cassadore putting them down 3-0 with intensity and spirit. Crisisbless have won just three of their last eleven games - that’s less than fucking Corvette. It means that the Heelers slip to 5th as Starling pulverise Southfell 5-0, Keira Andisori notching up a hat-trick, to overtake them. The Harriers overtake Treason to reach 6th with a fairly comfortable 2-0 win over Corvette, Treason stranded in 7th while an end-to-end affair between Coret’s lethal attack and Extreme Hills’ pure elan sees a 4-3 win for the Hawks, edging them level on points with the Stags in 8th.
Newrook and Morningstar play out what will be the NFA Cup final, and Maria Kartakoullis later rages at what can optimistically be called a ‘relaxed’ squad selection by Catheline Keenan. Keenan’s response: “If Kartakoullis was a good manager, her team would be safe and she could rest all the players she wants instead of having a cry about it.” Morningstar take the game by the scruff of the neck early on and win when Circe Rosenthal’s vicious through-ball doesn’t … actually connect with anyone, just arrows into the net of its own accord past a wrong-footed Kattner. Bruno Hawke’s Chatswood try and violently break the Chariots apart, and succeed in injuring Alexis Brill and the talismanic Rusalka Klein in the first half before Tzipporah Cohen flicks a header past Selkie. But Safarova isn’t going down without a fight, and in the second half the Chariots come out roaring with a vengeance. Chatswood hunker down for the onslaught but a brace of flying headers from Ulster give Violence a deserved win. After that, the Woodsmen can only watch in horror as Diamondqueen ease past a diffident Brookford in an assured, technical performance, a goal from Auburn Weber (naturally) setting them on their way just seventy-three seconds into the game before a slack pass from Siegrist is seized upon and quickly converted by Fortounis to put the Diamonds ahead of Chatswood.