Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

by **Nephara** » Mon Oct 23, 2017 4:11 pm

An interesting set of quarterfinals, with just two First Division sides left - one in the form of Misha Nechemevic’s struggling Cranequin City. But they’re all full of those Audioslavian virtues tonight, snapping into challenges and harassing Parrhesia with an energy and verve that belies their youth. Young Saints goalkeeper Angela Spyrakis makes a few good saves but there’s nothing she can do when Verdier’s inch-perfect pass plays through Leofric Woadswell, who hammers his shot… okay, straight at Spyrakis, but she spills it and Annesley pounces for the winning goal. Heavily-rotated Newrook and Diamondqueen, both in the bottom four, play a game unsurprisingly short of quality but settled with a single moment of brilliance from Denisa Thirlwell, the captain providing the perfect pass for young Qad fullback Valentina Fairbairn to break free of Monroe Luque and slot low past Costin Anghelescu. Morningstar are also in deep water, but their second string takes the fight to Creed’s first choice. Garrett Spycer and Karena Bittner are both sent off in an explosive first half, but it’s Creed who lose their shape without their captain, Morningstar notching up two goals in quick succession from a Niko Boldman brace. Hecate Dransfeld puts them three up before Kurtis Rough is sent off as well for annihilating Karena Braham, putting the winger out for the rest of the season. Furious, Creed fight back, Axel Korborg and Kurtis Bristoll scoring nice goals to put the tie back in the balance, but on the day, Morningstar hold out. Maximum Rovers’ Premiership audition, however, gets a hitch as Vermillion just control the game away, Ryan Paulsson pulling all the strings and eventually coming up with a richly deserved winner in the 80th minute shortly before his substitution.

Sabrefell Athletic did Crisisbless a pretty massive favour last time around, but if the Heelers expected it to be redoubled the next day when Tom Benedict’s Reds came to visit they would be sorely disappointed. The Moths did their part, from the Heelers’ perspective. Goals from Ylissa Hatherton and Solara Vol set them to what looked like a cruisy win against Chatswood, and then out of nowhere Cohen won a penalty off Weaver. Claire Beresford converted it and then Gary Corsie, from absolutely nowhere, came steaming in to find a speculative Machan cross and volley it into the ceiling of the net. So Crisisbless had the perfect opportunity to overtake them, and… well, Athletic were up 3-0 by halftime, substituted off Coltrane after 57 minutes to rest him and his replacement, Alexa Ferryman, netted a tidy fourth after Crisisbless’ defence completely failed to pick her run up. Brinemouth complicate matters as well, though it takes a stoppage time header from Pablo Scotti to get them past the resilient Hawks. Four teams within five points at the top. Parrhesia aren’t in a good way at the moment, as the Harriers hand them their third straight defeat with a 4-0 thrashing. After the match, Jazmin Dragana tweets about dreaming of silverware. Rumoured interest from the Stags may well intensify. The Stars, meanwhile, may yet rue their indelicate approach - five minutes from three points against Starling, Padilla jinks into the area and is dragged to the ground by Hawthorn. The Valladar calmly converts the penalty. Two minutes later, Liam Armstrong’s deflected strike puts the Passerines ahead and suddenly the Stars’ relentless timewasting appears to have backfired. Kreisburg should win it late on but shoots straight at a flat-footed, almost Slav-squatting Hargrave from twelve yards and screams in frustration loud enough for the microphones to pick up. Newrook are slightly disappointed to just take a point away from lowly Corvette, but it’s enough to get them out of the bottom four on goal difference for now.

MOTHS 74
CRISISBLESS 73
BRINEMOUTH 71
ATHLETIC 70
STARLING 68
TREASON 65

NORTH LAITHLAND 34
CHATSWOOD 33
NEWROOK 32
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MORNINGSTAR 32
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DIAMONDQUEEN 31

“We need to hit them early and hit them hard,” Miriam Aragon demands, and they get off to a great start when Swanhilda Berisha ghosts past Rook Keenan, motions for the cutback but ends up stylishly whipping the ball past Zaparas’ near post with the outside of a boot. She remains a threat all game, though some - bluntly - thuggery from Keenan attempts to neutralise her impact. But nobody else can really match her impact, and the Saints are punished when the Terracotta Army secures the midfield in the second half before Mendehlson’s free kick is swung in and big defender Heinz Kreis outjumps Brun to flick the ball into the net. Newrook and Diamondqueen, who both understandably have a lot on their plates at the moment, both rotate a few players - Bothroyd most prominently for the Rooks, but their bevy of mid-30s midfielders too. They’re rewarded with a brilliant performance from local youths Coynborough and Marconi, who each score screamers from outside the box to decide a limited contest, while Maladict Farrell makes a nuisance of himself without quite scoring himself. Newrook take the day. In Creed? Nothing happens except a lot of brutality, and that suits Lineker’s Stars just fine. They go through on aggregate, leaving Locklear bitterly disappointed at decisions not to send off a couple of players. It’s Paige Hildebrand’s Rovers who come up with the most stunning result, though, as early goals from Luitgard and Julia Thane are stoutly defender on hostile soil by an experienced defence.

An important win for the Stars, who this time do see their way through after an early lead. Circe Rosenthal’s impressed with assured performances all throughout the season, but this is only her second goal of the season, a real screamer that rips through Olivia Selkie’s fingertips. There’s a fair series of resolute defences around, actually, with Karel Jonason of Diamondqueen putting on a performance that former international goalkeeper Tana Colbright would be proud of, making eleven saves to deny a dominant Treason who just couldn’t quite penetrate. Ivan Hemeyer had a brilliant game, pegged back almost to being a third centre-half, and all over the place cutting and hacking… but is suspended after yet another yellow card. Orpheus Clement is similarly good against Brinemouth, though Vermillion are in turn denied six times by Matt Vintner in an end-to-end affair that never quite results in a goal. Newrook City are very nearly as resolute against Bishop, albeit largely by being extremely boring. Keenan keeps youth in the midfield to try and avoid being caught on the counter, a clever move which almost works, right up until Lorelei Neptune just smashes one in from twenty-five yards anyway. It’s a shame that the 21-year old winger isn’t just a little bit better - if she improves by as many leaps and bounds next season there might be an almighty tug of war between Nephara and her father’s country, Cosumar. ‘Resolute’ isn’t a word that has really applied to North Laithland since they were good and had players like Gareth Pearce (who, admittedly, would probably only be good enough in the modern Premiership for a team like… well… modern North Laithland) and they show it with a damp capitulation to an intense Parrhesia.

MOTHS 77
CRISISBLESS 76
ATHLETIC 73
BRINEMOUTH 72
STARLING 69
TREASON 66

MORNINGSTAR 35 -23
NORTH LAITHLAND 34 -29
CHATSWOOD 33 -21
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NEWROOK 32 -22
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DIAMONDQUEEN 32 -29

Oh, yeah. UICA. That’s still a thing. It won’t be for very fucking long if Athletic and Crisisbless keep defending like they did. In New Gelderland, Cam Cross opened the scoring with a neat flicked header before Srecko Brekovic doubled their money, but fortunately in the second half Coltrane orchestrated a fightback and assists for Bereveskos and Curren on the wings. Crisisbless, though, are in far more trouble - prodigal teenage playmaker Rhys Griffiths netted a late brace for the Revolutionaries, both from outside the box.

The Harriers have had a good season, yes. Aidan Brosque has done brilliant work with them, thoroughly deserves to be the incumbent Manager of the Year, they’re a really good, solid team. But Jesus Christ, when they miss a call, they don’t do it small. 6-1 is the scoreline this time in front of their own fans - 6-1! Sheffield’s had a few ropey performances across the season but he’s terrible tonight, and picked a good night for it in general given how thoroughly Starling dominated them everywhere. At least Airik Ruhl can keep up this season’s funniest tradition of the utterly in vain really mad consolation goal, scoring a looping header over an uncharacteristically complacent Hargrave and rushing to the ball, shoving over Heston and McNessa in his way and stamping undetected on the latter on his way to grab the ball… mate, it’s 5-1 in the 78th minute. Armstrong finishes it not long after. There’s a spicy affair in Treason with Morningstar desperate to take points from the Stags, but they go snapping into challenges and that leaves holes for a Misidjan to find room to play in an unmarked Cantor to rocket the ball into the top corner. By the end, Rough’s been sent off for the fourth time this season after a flying elbow on Roddy Fraser, which does at least set a new record. Fraser stays down, which is not what the Stags wanted to hear in the dying embers of their title challenge.

But at least they win. Chatswood don’t beat Extreme Hills after Sigrun Barota, the only Hound not to have seemingly given up, breaks their hearts late on after a blistering run and neat little sidefooted finish past Alphonse. Very much two points dropped at the bottom of the table. Crisisbless? They drop three, Tedesco just having too much work to do in the middle of the park as a late flurry sees Southfell turn 0-2 on the hour to 3-2 at full time, relentless pace stretching the defence until it breaks. A proper six-pointer sees North Laithland lose to Newrook - they take an early lead when Josie Webster orchestrates a lovely 16-pass move that floods through the Rooks’ midfield and defence and culminates in a tap-in for charging leftback Karsten Riordan. Newrook are less subtle with their own approach - Senturk slips through Bothroyd who turns and shoots and really should have it saved by Sinstadt, but the goalkeeper went the strong way and it slips feebly in. And then, in the 86th minute, who steps up but Rook Fenwick with yet another free kick goal, perfectly up and over the wall and in beyond Sinstadt’s dive. Newrook overtake the Spiders, who now sit precariously in 21st. The Moths, thanks to a resilient performance against a Brinemouth side that just kept coming at them and kept crashing off their defence, sneak a win when Serra’s perfectly-timed run gets him on the end of a clever cutback from Meier and he slams the ball through a sea of legs and past a blindsided Vintner. “We showed another feather to our bow today,” Thunder malapropped after the match - but who’s going to tell him otherwise? The Moths race four clear.

MOTHS 80
CRISISBLESS 76
ATHLETIC 76
STARLING 72
BRINEMOUTH 72
TREASON 69

MORNINGSTAR 35 -24
CHATSWOOD 34 -21
NEWROOK 34 -22
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NORTH LAITHLAND 34 -30
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DIAMONDQUEEN 32 -31

Two 1-0 defeats, both remaining Nepharim clubs knocked out. A grim cycle for the Premiership, though they are projected to maintain their top three placing. Space commenting on the games would be wasted - instead, better to talk shit about Brinemouth! Because, seriously? 59 million spent and you can’t get a single fucking win? Christ.

BRINEMOUTH HEARD US TALK SHIT ABOUT THEM
They visit Crisisbless. Big day for both of them, with the Moths already having secured a narrow 1-0 win against River, Thunder’s Green and Black Army finding a rough, hard-nosed edge that can grind out results. Athletic, too, gain momentum with a thundering 4-1 win over Morningstar. “Conviction in my methods, that’s the only secret” - strong words from Benedict after his 4-4-2 gets the goods once again. Morten Crestwell got a rare start up front, poached a goal and laid on two assists. Starling, too, won convincingly, thundering past Parrhesia 4-0. Hargrave peerless in goal. Koehler and Surman not giving an inch to the Saints’ best assets, their wingers. Hawke and Andisori wreaking havoc. Easy. So it becomes really imperative for Crisisbless to keep up their momentum and keep up with Athletic four points behind the Moths and not get pulverised five fucking nil at home. But that’s what happens! Two goals happen early, a Scotti brace within the first twenty minutes, and Urso, Swan and Jevdjevic-Hadsic each try and do too much on their own and end up isolating themselves and the two strikers, Rafford’s carved open by Silkman which just shouldn’t happen and she lays it on a plate for Candelo to smash home the third… every time Brinemouth go forward, they threaten. Scotti completes his hat-trick, Tedesco is sent off for a second professional foul just as Condotta waits patiently on the sidelines to replace him and ultimately she comes on for Swan, bundles over Drinkwater in the box for a penalty and watches gloomily as the substitute Bosetti, tossed the armband, slots it home for his belated first of the season. Crisisbless slip to third. The top five are clustered and Treason, held by Serpentine, miss out on closing the gap. At the foot of the table, where middling teams like Creed and Brookford start to exist only in terms of ‘tough but winnable fixtures’, North Laithland manage to win against the former thanks to Kistler and Tsikitsiris while Newrook come away pointless from the latter. Chatswood, though, dominate the Diamonds physically as Hemeyer’s really badly-timed three-match suspension (he’s had a lot of cards.) sees them miss their most forceful presence. Samael Lawrence just isn’t… very good at football, and Chatswood overrun them and through clinical finishes from Joan Vickers and Desdemona Schuster win the day. Rook Alphonse, too, deserves credit for dealing calmly with a bushel of frustrated shots from outside the box.

MOTHS 83
ATHLETIC 79
CRISISBLESS 76
STARLING 75
BRINEMOUTH 75
TREASON 70

CHATSWOOD 37 -19
NORTH LAITHLAND 37 -28
MORNINGSTAR 35 -27
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NEWROOK 34 -23
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DIAMONDQUEEN 32 -33

Three straight defeats - four in five - one win in six - look, no matter how you paint it, Crisisbless have fucking sucked lately, at a real crunch time of the season. The match itself isn’t great, it’s just River’s physicality and baseline defensive competence getting the job done and a powerful header from Povilas Kaukenas, dominant in the first half of the season but dropping off lately, winning the day for the Ferrymen. Another Ferryman - Alexa, of Sabrefell Athletic - does well in a rotated side to help guide them to another 4-1 victory over Serpentine. The Moths go one better, a fourth straight clean sheet victory as they ease past Corvette 4-0, while Brinemouth labour to a 2-1 win over Hills at home and do, ultimately, overtake the Heelers. Starling would as well, but they stumble to Creed’s physicality. At the foot of the table, or at least the relevant bits of it, Emery Lineker gets her revenge over her former club, making no attempt at subduing her celebrations after Circe Rosenthal threads the perfect pass for Marko Petrosian, cutting inside of Tsicaderis, to slot home past Alphonse’s near post. The goal happens after concerted pressure in the first half-hour but from that point Morningstar sits back, daring the Woodsmen to come at them, and Chatswood just… don’t. Beresford and Kovach are sent off in the last five minutes, confirming that Lineker’s Morningstar have equalled the record of Lineker’s Chatswood with eight red cards in a season. Still, all the plaudits must go to Newrook. They start the match in 21st, but Keenan bravely opts for the youth of Coynborough and Marconi over the experience of Winter (well, relatively - he’s 24) and Senturk. It pays off, thanks to the oddity of a first-half brace from Raquel Woods bombing in from leftback, and from there just hit Coret on the break time and again. The match ends 5-1. Jessica Loque makes a face.

MOTHS 86
ATHLETIC 82
BRINEMOUTH 78
CRISISBLESS 76
STARLING 75
TREASON 70

MORNINGSTAR 38 -26
NEWROOK 37 -19
CHATSWOOD 37 -20
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NORTH LAITHLAND 37 -30
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DIAMONDQUEEN 33 -33

Treason are officially out of the running, following a dismal 4-0 defeat at home to Parrhesia United, a middling team that should really be jobbers in the business end of the season. Boos ring out across the Gauntlet, and serious questions must be asked about Ben Randall’s future. Still, signs from the club is he’ll be given ample backing to overhaul a stagnant squad in the summer, as heroes like Vesper, Cantor, Katskalidis and Lopes have seemingly regressed. Having far more fun, you’d wager, is Athletic’s Tom Benedict, who eases Athletic past the Harriers through Avila Wardenier’s brace. Imagine what he’ll do with the world-class striker they’re reportedly targeting (then again, who doesn’t need a world-class striker?). In fact, the entire top five win today - the Moths pulverise Bishop 3-0, refusing to be hit on the break, Athletic wounds the Harriers again, who have just not quite been able to lay a glove on the top teams, Brinemouth beat Diamondqueen comfortably, Crisisbless suffer a late scare from Corvette through Ankergren’s strike but Irsa Croxteth puts them back up in stoppage time and permissive North Laithland defending allows Starling to come back from 1-0 down to win in the last twenty minutes. Amidst all these defeats, Chatswood would expect to beat Serpentine at home, but don’t. Most eyes are on Gary Corsie, who is… terrible, and vanishes at half-time. He’s outshone by a rather more forgotten Schottian midfielder, Aya Bernman, who suffered badly with injuries but, now finally fit, has lit up a Dragons side that occasionally lacks inspiration from elsewhere on the pitch. She scores one today, and lays on another strike for journeywoman striker Carrie Mason in stoppage time. Winner of the week? The Rooks, and specifically young striker Liesel Ironhewer. Under-fire manager Catheline Keenan rolls the dice when level with Vermillion away - one point there, you’d imagine, would be great! It’s not enough for her, and a staggeringly direct move - goalkeeper Kattner hoofs it upfield, Bothroyd holds off Jeong and flicks it on and Ironhewer runs onto the rebound and hammers it past Clement for a dramatic late winner.

MOTHS 89
ATHLETIC 85
BRINEMOUTH 81
CRISISBLESS 79
STARLING 78

MORNINGSTAR 41 -25
NEWROOK 40 -18
CHATSWOOD 37 -22
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NORTH LAITHLAND 37 -31
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DIAMONDQUEEN 33 -35

Well, it had to happen sooner or later. Ifrit Coynborough finds space in the midfield and then slams the ball past Robert Griffin from 25 yards, putting an end to the Moths’ record of five straight clean sheet victories. They’ll have to settle for the 4-1 win. Thunder doesn’t look too upset. The Friendly Derby doesn’t see River give the Diamonds any favours, Povilas Kaukenas sniffing a chance to pad his goal tally in Diamondqueen’s porous defence and hey presto, he winds up with two goals. Even if one of them does see him seemingly hit Dario Pavlovic in the throat during his run. The referee doesn’t catch it. Morningstar score first against Brinemouth, then leak five at the other end before the end of the first half. Petrosian and Kuralay score in the second half for a final score of 2-6, prompting Circe Rosenthal to remark; “Well, at least we drew the second half.” Cue Lineker’s angry shouting from the corridor; “Don’t be a prat, Rosey!” Thanks, mum. Meanwhile, the bottom-feeders face off. Corvette, who aren’t pathetic, just bad, and Extreme Hills, who are both. It’s the Hills who score first, Barota going down (slightly easily?) from a hack by Tawney, who she later alleges called her a ‘Sammy bitch’ (findings are inconclusive). Hearn scores the penalty, but Tawney evades Barota later on to flick in a beautiful cross that Corvalan… mishits, but it goes to Djuric to score anyway. Corvalan atones for it in the 91st minute, when substitute Kamasutra Fernwood lashes a shot against the post and it rebounds uncontested by the Hounds’ defenders, letting him slot breezily past Czarina Tournay. “We would like to announce,” the Extreme Hills board says after the match, “that Malta Fletcher has decided to pursue an opportunity with our academy team.” Yeah, that’s one way to put it.

15 points to play for.

MOTHS 92
ATHLETIC 88
BRINEMOUTH 84
CRISISBLESS 79
STARLING 78

MORNINGSTAR 41 -29
NEWROOK 40 -21
CHATSWOOD 37 -24
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NORTH LAITHLAND 37 -32
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DIAMONDQUEEN 33 -37

An interim manager is found for Extreme Hills. Sort of. They go with Bryony Johansen, the 36-year old defender, and she goes head-to-head with former club Bishop in her first game. Her squad selection switches everything up, unsurprisingly, giving a bunch of teenagers debuts. Coretta Rooke gets her first start of the season up front and hell, her 20th birthday is as good an occasion as any. The young forward scores the opening goal, but Tournay is beaten by Neptune at her near post just minutes later before in the dying minutes of the game, Karlene Sitz bursts through the makeshift midfield to hit a low, hard and decisive shot beyond the embattled goalkeeper. “All I wanted was some spirit,” Johansen sighs. “And I got it. We’ll move on.” Brookford will not be moving on. Brookford were pulped 7-2 by the Moths. Athletic get pegged back within nineteen seconds after a slip from Gerhardt plays in Korborg, and then after two and a half minutes Korborg doubles his money by getting on the end of former Athletic winger Braham’s cross. What happens next is… well, Athletic go in for the kill. They look to be getting it, denied only by an excellent save from Matraxis and then get sniped by Mithradates on the counterattack. 0-3 on the red fields of the Barbarossa. Tom Benedict’s face communicates to his player that This Will Not Do. Hey presto, it’s suddenly 3-3 by the end of the first half, albeit with the help of a suicidal pass from the normally cool-headed Taddeo Loredan that his countryman Lucassen eats right the fuck up. In the second half, Athletic overwhelm, and though Loredan makes some way up for his error with a lovely header off a lovely Braham free kick, Athletic find their way to a 6-4 win and are cheered off with the newfound belief that they can do this! They can overtake the Moths! Starling will not be overtaking the Moths. Treason have lost three straight before this, but Ben Randall demands results, and his side pulls them out with a performance of clinical intensity. And, of course, brute force. Roddy Fraser scores a perfect hat-trick over the 90 minutes and Fletcher makes seven great saves, and it’s now down to just three.

12 points to play for.

MOTHS 95
ATHLETIC 91
BRINEMOUTH 87

MORNINGSTAR 42 -29
NEWROOK 40 -24
NORTH LAITHLAND 40 -30
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CHATSWOOD 38 -24
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DIAMONDQUEEN 36 -36

Surprisingly but reassuringly, despite three of these teams being threatened with relegation and the fourth fighting for a title, all four sides bring out strong lineups. This gives the tale of two Cities a rather… geriatric feel, a placid midfield battle pitting Sutton, Fenwick and Senturk against Mendehlson and, late in the game, Diana Ashworth. Both sides find their teeth in the second half after a soporific first, Ninian Lechleiter breaking down Fenwick and then getting quickly to his feet and rushing through the midfield, then threating through a great pass for Woadswell who bottles the shot and cuts back for Laura Annesley, badly off balance, to desperately stick out a foot and just about scuff the ball into the net. But Newrook fight back, and hard - Raquel Woods has been constantly pressuring down the left and after the tenth time she gets past Flitcroft is desperately hacked down inside the box. Fenwick, still limping a little from Lechleiter’s challenge, converts the penalty, and then sets up a brilliant pass over the top for Woods to score herself. Annesley, the bright spark of the season, breaks free of the offside trap late on and takes a shot but Anghelescu slips out a leg for a brilliant save, and when Woadswell rolls the rebound into a seemingly empty net, rightback Conrad Trelliston rushes in out of nowhere to hook the ball off the line. They really love the Cup in Newrook - winning it saved them from relegation once, after all. No such intrigue in Treason, as Morningstar hammer Maximum Rovers 5-1. “Job done,” said Emery Lineker post-match, dusting off her hands for good measure.

Newrook breathe a sigh of relief, facing Extreme Hills - or the academy side that passes for them nowadays as Bryony Johansen continues to Make A Point. Bothroyd scores two and Alessa Marconi, going past five players and slotting low past Tournay, secures a third and a crucial victory for Newrook. It makes North Laithland’s brave 1-1 comeback win - they never come back! They’ve constantly been come back from! - against Vermillion pale in significance, while Morningstar are really regretting a poor 3-1 defeat to Corvette. Chatswood hold on for the point against Creed with very transparently no ambition of more and Diamondqueen, beating Bishop for 76 minutes thanks to yet another thumping strike from Weber, are left to rue Jonason spilling a shot from Neptune that Penbrooke, ever the opportunist, stabs in a split second before McKinley Sanabria stamps on his ankle, ending his season. He claims he was going for the ball. Another late equaliser sees Coret hold the Moths at home, but they’re the stronger side in truth - it’s only rewarded in the 86th minute when Alyss Montague nutmegs Vicelich, runs across Weaver and slots past Griffin with the outside of the boot. “It’s the sort of moment she’s capable of,” says Jessica Loque, the picture of relief. Next step, consistency. It creates an opening that Brinemouth completely fail to capitalise on as the Harriers finally put in a dominant showing over a top four side, Ruhl leading the line with genuine venom and malice as his goal opens the scoring and his hold-up play gives openings for Sanna, then Feist, to hammer home. 3-1 the final score, and Brinemouth, nine points adrift with nine to play, are basically out of the running. It’s down to a rejuvenated Athletic, travelling to Starling on Tanith Rainsford’s birthday. A good omen, surely. But Starling are still battling for fourth, and aren’t about to lie down and die quietly. They trade blows throughout the first half - Padilla’s blistering strike slips through Gautier’s palms, but is avenged by a flying Lucassen header. Hawke forces a great save from Gautier but scuffs home the rebound, but then the luckless Mathis Orsay gets in the way of Rudden’s viciously whipped cross and accidentally shins it into his own net. FInally, in the 53rd minute, Oscar Coltrane pulls through for his squad, a neat one-two with leftback Lena Iserlohn setting him up for a vicious strike into the top corner, the normally faultless Gryphon too permissive in giving him space. But then it’s Gryphon whose peerless free kick goes into the corridor of uncertainty - and it’s Orsay who redeems himself with a thunderous header past Gautier. 3-3 the final score, and the Moths remain four points clear.

9 points to play for.

MOTHS 96
ATHLETIC 92
BRINEMOUTH 87

NEWROOK 43 -21
MORNINGSTAR 42 -31
NORTH LAITHLAND 41 -30
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CHATSWOOD 39 -24
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DIAMONDQUEEN 37 -36

Newrook rotate out their older players with a crunch match against Diamondqueen coming up, but it’s a dire affair in truth. A screamer from Verdier in the 24th minute leaves Anghelescu with no chance and alights hope in the away crowd, but they just don’t have the penetration to capitalise and crash out on away goals. Paige Hildebrand stuck to facts before the rematch with Morningstar; “We need to win 4-0,” she announced, but her B-list selection betrayed her lack of faith that it was possible and Morningstar’s B-list selection ran roughshod over them, Christos Tsiavis scoring a goal with either foot before 19-year old Felix Stremer scores his first goal for his former club in stoppage time.

“We’re going out with a mission,” says Isla Safarova, who for achieving mediocre results with a skeleton crew of youths and castaways has become quite the fan favourite in southeast Sabrefell. “I know the passion that goes into this match, and we’re going to stop Athletic winning the title.” They don’t. They show passion, snapping into tackles, but go down early to goals from Wardenier and Bereveskos that exploit the holes in the defence. Coppinger breaks clear and sets up Escrow to equalise in first-half stoppage time, and briefly in the start of the second half the Chariots are in the ascendancy… then Laura Belfry’s sent off for a second yellow card after a murderous challenge on Coltrane. The talisman limps off, in doubt for Treason - perhaps the Chariots have helped after all. But God helps those who help themselves - and Aaliyah Johnson is good at helping herself. Specifically, to goals. Kept quiet in the first half by Jeong as a 2-2 thriller plays itself out, her frustration boils over and she lashes out at Marios Tzavellas, kicking him in the ankle and getting booked. But she comes out in the second half a woman reborn. She slips away from Jeong, Meier finds her and she slots home her 33rd of the season from a seemingly impossible angle, with that finally equalling the goalscoring record her manager, Gerhard Thunder, has held since the first modern season. Then, just after the hour, Townsend crosses, Vol flicks on under pressure from Jeong and Johnson slips in, takes the ball away from Preston, rides a poor challenge, whirls past him and shoots low past Clement. With that, she’s basically secured her fifth (FIFTH!) Iron Boot, too… and means that a win against lowly North Laithland, smashed 3-0 by Treason today, will secure them the title. Newrook secure safety, dominant over Diamondqueen in a 3-1 win that owes much to Aziz Senturk and his ability to evade countryman Hemeyer, seemingly a man on a mission to end his career. Instead, he gets a goal and an assist before substituting off on the hour, applauding the away fans. It’s 2-1 at that stage to the rooks, and much-maligned midfield signing Lorne Winter breaks a long goal drought to finish the Diamonds in injury time.

6 points to play for.

MOTHS 99
ATHLETIC 95

MORNINGSTAR 42 -32
NORTH LAITHLAND 41 -33
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CHATSWOOD 39 -26
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DIAMONDQUEEN 37 -38

All eyes are in the Laith. The Premiership trophy is wheeled out tantalisingly pitchside as North Laithland look to stop the rot and pull clear of danger. Kartakoullis sets up, unsurprisingly, to sponge up and counter in a flat 4-5-1, but it’s something of a betrayal of her attacking principles. Within seventeen minutes of Moths domination that have already seen two vital saves from Sinstadt, it’s clear that it hasn’t paid off when Sanna finally finds the right ball over the top for Sol to battle Duguid for, win and knock down. Aaliyah Johnson is there to finish. She doesn’t miss from ten yards. Ten minutes later, the Moths double their advantage, Meier bursting down the right, hurdling a clumsy challenge from Kendrick and slamming the ball past Sinstadt with genuine violence, and the green bloc in the stands can feel the victory coming. Kartakoullis seems to acknowledge she’s fucked up, and sets up her team in a bold 4-2-3-1 in the second half, throwing on former Moths striker Haldenstadt and Gazzincha over the interval, and hoping that three creative midfielders in Webster and Tsikitsiris either side of Gazzincha can spark something. They do, and it’s Tsikitsiris who hits the long diagonal cross that Weaver tantalisingly doesn’t quite get his head on, but Kendrick sees the run and blazes across to find the cross and cut it powerfully across goal. Haldenstadt gets on the end of it, heading forcefully down into the bottom corner, and doesn’t make himself a popular man in western Sabrefell by celebrating exuberantly while only Webster busies herself with the business of wrestling the ball off a recalcitrant Griffin and hoofing it to the halfway line. But it’s a mirage, they can’t conjure up anything more - after all, Conjure’s off helping Brinemouth to a 3-1 win over Creed with a goal and an assist - and the Moths ease their way back in charge with a few firm challenges. At the end, the Moths are deserved winners - of the match, of the league, of everything, and the away fans stream onto the pitch, and the stewards only lukewarmly care. This title has been coming.

Perhaps it’s unsurprisingly that, kicking off later that day, Treason and Athletic stall to a scoreless draw, the injured Oscar Coltrane only unleashed in the last twenty minutes but even he’s muted. They’re basically assured of second place, Brinemouth of third. Crisisbless visit Vermillion - the assistant manager at the victorious World Cup 74 meets the master. And the result confirms what everyone knew - Theresa Riether is a much better manager than Portia Thrift as Crisisbless collapse, Antunovic, Madrigal and Cassadore putting them down 3-0 with intensity and spirit. Crisisbless have won just three of their last eleven games - that’s less than fucking Corvette. It means that the Heelers slip to 5th as Starling pulverise Southfell 5-0, Keira Andisori notching up a hat-trick, to overtake them. The Harriers overtake Treason to reach 6th with a fairly comfortable 2-0 win over Corvette, Treason stranded in 7th while an end-to-end affair between Coret’s lethal attack and Extreme Hills’ pure elan sees a 4-3 win for the Hawks, edging them level on points with the Stags in 8th.

Newrook and Morningstar play out what will be the NFA Cup final, and Maria Kartakoullis later rages at what can optimistically be called a ‘relaxed’ squad selection by Catheline Keenan. Keenan’s response: “If Kartakoullis was a good manager, her team would be safe and she could rest all the players she wants instead of having a cry about it.” Morningstar take the game by the scruff of the neck early on and win when Circe Rosenthal’s vicious through-ball doesn’t … actually connect with anyone, just arrows into the net of its own accord past a wrong-footed Kattner. Bruno Hawke’s Chatswood try and violently break the Chariots apart, and succeed in injuring Alexis Brill and the talismanic Rusalka Klein in the first half before Tzipporah Cohen flicks a header past Selkie. But Safarova isn’t going down without a fight, and in the second half the Chariots come out roaring with a vengeance. Chatswood hunker down for the onslaught but a brace of flying headers from Ulster give Violence a deserved win. After that, the Woodsmen can only watch in horror as Diamondqueen ease past a diffident Brookford in an assured, technical performance, a goal from Auburn Weber (naturally) setting them on their way just seventy-three seconds into the game before a slack pass from Siegrist is seized upon and quickly converted by Fortounis to put the Diamonds ahead of Chatswood.

by **Nephara** » Mon Oct 23, 2017 4:11 pm

Things are solidifying in the First Division, meaning there’s less to talk about. Maximum Rovers have seized the day at the top, and haven’t been beaten in twenty-fucking-four matches, but thanks to a lot of draws they’re just a point (and insurmountable goal difference) ahead of Goodfeather. While the Rovers are just big on having middling Premiership-proven talent plus the help of Kolitsidakis, wearing the armband all season, spurring them on, Goodfeather are assured, confident and capable, if not massively prolific. Ulrica Rannon has been a revelation. Leichhardt? They’re hard as nails, guaranteed to finish third by this stage. Corvistone are currently holding fourth despite hideous inconsistency, losing to the likes of Shale and 3-0 to a Crisisbless United side ravening in 6th. Between them, Cranequin Wanderers have been solid, if uninspired. North Sabrefell could mathematically make it to fourth after salvaging a sinking season but… well, it’s mathematical. Truth is, whoever comes in 4th is probably favourite to come 24th next season, and that’s only if they win the playoff in the first place. Corvistone crumbles as soon as its depth’s tested and is a plastic team anyway, the Wanderers really, really miss Strongbow and Teixeira (though Blaylock’s been a revelation), Crisisbless United are woefully inconsistent and North Sabrefell’s defence is awful and its lynchpin, Marko Gillard, is on five red cards for the season. How the fuck do you get five red cards in a season?

Things are heating up at the danger zone, too, with a number of teams all picking up some points. Going from the bottom, Shale beat Cranequin Wanderers 4-0 but they’re well down. Iron City are down too, surprisingly, the first time in the modern era they’ve slipped beneath the First Division. West Brinemouth could hypothetically lift themselves out of danger, but they’d need to win and other results to go their way. They fell apart after Tana Colbright left and there just aren’t any goals in them. Realistically, it’s four teams trying to avoid 21st. Coret Rovers are there currently, a point behind but with by far the best goal difference, a commendable willingness to go toe-to-toe with the best and, in Wintergren and Cecchini, two of the best wingers in the bottom half of the league. They’re only in contention through a commendable draw with Leichhardt and then, though a valiant goalkeeping performance by Darroll Kewell and a rare goal from leftback Jozic, a 1-0 win over Vermillion Wanderers. On the supposedly magic 50-point mark of safety, Vermillion Wanderers have forgotten how to score (beaten 5-0 by South Laithland), Crossroads can’t defend (beaten 3-0 by Shale, 5-0 by North Sabrefell, 4-1 by Crisisbless United…) and Cranequin City are less than the sum of their parts. Somewhat surprisingly, East Laithland, Rochford and Hackett have all avoided being in the conversation. Sandwiched between them? An unhappy Belgrave.

All four teams have confirmed their promotion, and they’re the usual suspects for the most part. Greygate currently lead on goal difference, set to go straight back up under former journeyman goalkeeper Kieran Schrader’s management and with an overhauled squad to that recently relegated, with Harper’s Rovers just in behind and relieved to be back to their place at the sharp end of the pyramid. Riverkey and the ambitious young Pillars of Southfell complete the squadron. Fancied Stonegrave, eleven points adrift, have disappointed. At the bottom, anything apart from redemption for Kensey could happen - three open slots, four teams on 45 teams, three on 48. Boleyn are one of the 48 ones, despite a paper-thin squad and tumultuous finances. One to watch.

Gonen’s Bridge win the title despite losing to Gridlock Rovers, as Lazuli Diamonds also choke to the lowly Gosmouth Swans. Falston Town’s narrow win over Chardonnay throws everything into chaos, with five teams set to scuffle over 2nd to 4th. The bottom four, though, are settled, and despite contriving to conceded 93 goals in a season Iberia Chenoworth are not among them, perhaps in part due to scoring more than 4th-placed Falston United and just three less than the champions. Pravenna Saints are also safe with a brutalist, ugly style of football that has scored and conceded less than a goal a game. It’s helped morale in a protectorate that needs it. The powerful Boltcroft Thorns, the ambitious Corinthians No Longer, stable Hartford Glade and the resilient Rochford Pilgrims have secured their promotions to the fourth tier.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Sabrefell Moths          45  31   9   5  124   48  +76  102
  2 Sabrefell Athletic       45  29   9   7  111   53  +58   96
  3 Brinemouth               45  29   6  10   95   48  +47   93
  4 Starling                 45  25  10  10   88   47  +41   85
  5 Crisisbless              45  25   9  11   91   61  +30   84
  6 Chenoworth Harriers      45  24  10  11   86   63  +23   82
  7 AFC Treason              45  22  14   9   71   43  +28   80
  8 Coret Hawks              45  24   8  13   85   62  +23   80
  9 Raven River              45  21   9  15   70   54  +16   72
 10 Bishop                   45  20  10  15   59   48  +11   70
 11 Vermillion Rage          45  19   8  18   70   65   +5   65
 12 Creed United             45  19   8  18   61   61   +0   65
 13 Brookford Otters         45  18   9  18   72   76   -4   63
 14 Violence Chariots        45  17   8  20   73   88  -15   59
 15 Parrhesia United         45  14  10  21   68   83  -15   52
 16 AFC Serpentine           45  13  12  20   52   73  -21   51
 17 Southfell United         45  14   7  24   52   82  -30   49
 18 Newrook City             45  13   8  24   57   76  -19   47
 19 Morningstar              45  12   9  24   45   76  -31   45
 20 North Laithland          45  12   5  28   52   86  -34   41
 21 Diamondqueen             45  10  10  25   58   94  -36   40
 22 Chatswood                45  10   9  26   36   63  -27   39
 23 Corvette Maulers         45   9   7  29   50  101  -51   34
 24 Extreme Hills            45   5   6  34   41  116  -75   21

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Maximum Rovers               45  25  14   6  82  40  +42  89
  2 Goodfeather FC               45  26  10   9  65  35  +30  88
  3 Leichhardt                   45  23  14   8  62  29  +33  83
  4 AFC Corvistone               45  20  16   9  74  50  +24  76
  5 Cranequin Wanderers          45  20  15  10  67  55  +12  75
  6 Crisisbless United           45  21  10  14  71  51  +20  73
  7 North Sabrefell              45  21  10  14  75  61  +14  73
  8 South Laithland              45  20  11  14  60  39  +21  71
  9 Maximum City                 45  19  10  16  52  47   +5  67
 10 Armstrong                    45  18  11  16  47  40   +7  65
 11 Cypher Town                  45  17  12  16  43  46   -3  63
 12 Sheridan                     45  16  13  16  40  39   +1  61
 13 Ritter Town                  45  17   8  20  56  58   -2  59
 14 East Laithland Harriers      45  15   9  21  51  72  -21  54
 15 Belgrave                     45  13  14  18  65  73   -8  53
 16 Rochford                     45  13  14  18  39  47   -8  53
 17 Hackett                      45  16   5  24  58  86  -28  53
 18 Cranequin City               45  12  14  19  46  64  -18  50
 19 Crossroads Town              45  13  11  21  53  77  -24  50
 20 Vermillion Wanderers         45  13  11  21  41  65  -24  50
 21 Coret Rovers                 45  13  10  22  57  67  -10  49
 22 West Brinemouth              45  11  14  20  35  51  -16  47
 23 Iron City                    45  13   7  25  35  55  -20  46
 24 AFC Shale                    45   8  11  26  28  55  -27  35

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Greygate                  45  25  12   8  71  34  +37  87
  2 Chenoworth Rovers         45  27   6  12  65  44  +21  87
  3 Riverkey                  45  24  12   9  69  36  +33  84
  4 Pillars of Southfell      45  24  10  11  61  39  +22  82
  5 Mantlegrove               45  21  15   9  63  45  +18  78
  6 Locksley                  45  23   8  14  72  54  +18  77
  7 The Strongest             45  22  11  12  64  49  +15  77
  8 Stonegrave                45  20  11  14  63  40  +23  71
  9 Crisisbless Athletic      45  21   7  17  78  57  +21  70
 10 Sutcroft                  45  20  10  15  53  48   +5  70
 11 Iron United               45  20  10  15  55  53   +2  70
 12 Southriver                45  17  14  14  57  58   -1  65
 13 South Parrhesia           45  17  11  17  54  52   +2  62
 14 Martella Jazz             45  17   8  20  49  57   -8  59
 15 Peregrine                 45  15  11  19  60  76  -16  56
 16 Dartmouth Terriers        45  14   7  24  46  64  -18  49
 17 Kommissar                 45  13   9  23  46  60  -14  48
 18 Barossia United           45  12  12  21  39  54  -15  48
 19 Boleyn Town               45  13   9  23  35  55  -20  48
 20 Strephonage               45  10  15  20  37  50  -13  45
 21 The Hanged Man            45  13   6  26  34  52  -18  45
 22 Brindleton                45  11  12  22  46  65  -19  45
 23 West Hook                 45  11  12  22  33  57  -24  45
 24 Kensey Town               45   6  10  29  41  92  -51  28

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Gonen's Bridge          45  26  11   8  74  39  +35  89
  2 Lazuli Diamonds         45  26   7  12  92  51  +41  85
  3 Falston Town            45  26   7  12  90  54  +36  85
  4 Falston United          45  25   9  11  67  32  +35  84
  5 Chardonnay Rangers      45  24  11  10  66  31  +35  83
  6 Ox River United         45  24   9  12  79  38  +41  81
  7 Alliance Barossia       45  22  13  10  59  40  +19  79
  8 Gridlock Rovers         45  19  14  12  72  51  +21  71
  9 Long Lake               45  20  10  15  61  45  +16  70
 10 Ballardine FC           45  18  15  12  59  56   +3  69
 11 Rushe United            45  18  14  13  66  51  +15  68
 12 Sutcroft Athletic       45  17  13  15  62  50  +12  64
 13 Pravenna Saints         45  18   7  20  41  43   -2  61
 14 Dross Rovers            45  16  12  17  59  64   -5  60
 15 Mapleford               45  16  10  19  54  74  -20  58
 16 FC Seierstad            45  14  15  16  52  60   -8  57
 17 Iberia Chenoworth       45  14  10  21  71  93  -22  52
 18 Gosmouth Swans          45  14   9  22  57  75  -18  51
 19 Brookway Town           45  11  17  17  57  72  -15  50
 20 Ringway                 45  12  14  19  40  62  -22  50
 21 Fenland Albion          45  12   7  26  33  61  -28  43
 22 Downsparrow             45   7  11  27  40  88  -48  32
 23 Bodkin Road             45   5   9  31  36  97  -61  24
 24 Fischer                 45   5   8  32  39  99  -60  23

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Boltcroft Thorns           38  23   9   6  77  42  +35  78
  2 Corinthians No Longer      38  19  12   7  72  39  +33  69
  3 Sirencall FC               38  20   8  10  71  53  +18  68
  4 Fully Sick XI              38  20   7  11  71  51  +20  67
  5 Gridlock                   38  17  13   8  39  26  +13  64
  6 Grovebank                  38  16  13   9  46  40   +6  61
  7 Brokenarch                 38  15  14   9  55  46   +9  59
  8 AFC Brackwold              38  13  16   9  53  44   +9  55
  9 Capricopia Rangers         38  12  16  10  60  54   +6  52
 10 Courser                    38  14  10  14  47  44   +3  52
 11 Harrington                 38  13  11  14  49  47   +2  50
 12 Swag Hill Rovers           38  13  11  14  59  59   +0  50
 13 Gridlock East              38  14   8  16  42  51   -9  50
 14 Bellamy                    38  12  10  16  41  50   -9  46
 15 Stonesthrow Town           38   9  14  15  39  47   -8  41
 16 Sleetwell Rangers          38  11   8  19  51  64  -13  41
 17 Norton Road                38  10   7  21  33  63  -30  37
 18 Nay Town                   38   7  15  16  42  59  -17  36
 19 Tryst Athletic             38   7   7  24  34  73  -39  28
 20 Forge Carpenters           38   4  13  21  19  48  -29  25

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Hartford Glade         38  21  11   6  86   47  +39  74
  2 Rochford Pilgrims      38  22   7   9  88   58  +30  73
  3 Brunyard FC            38  20  11   7  69   44  +25  71
  4 Aries Solitaire        38  21   5  12  84   47  +37  68
  5 Stamper Road           38  20   8  10  69   48  +21  68
  6 Corvistone City        38  17  15   6  54   31  +23  66
  7 Blaze                  38  17  10  11  79   47  +32  61
  8 South Brill            38  17   9  12  52   43   +9  60
  9 Rookwall               38  16   7  15  46   43   +3  55
 10 Senway Town            38  16   7  15  67   67   +0  55
 11 The Travellers FC      38  14  10  14  50   50   +0  52
 12 Violence Tigers        38  13   9  16  51   51   +0  48
 13 Sandrock               38  12  10  16  34   47  -13  46
 14 Twelvetrees            38  14   4  20  38   54  -16  46
 15 Coral Bay              38  11  12  15  54   64  -10  45
 16 Mainstream Fist        38  11   7  20  55   84  -29  40
 17 Corby Hubris           38   9  10  19  47   61  -14  37
 18 Masculine Town         38  11   4  23  59   79  -20  37
 19 Celebryant FC          38   7   9  22  44   81  -37  30
 20 Lackerrun              38   8   1  29  46  126  -80  25

by **Nephara** » Sat Oct 28, 2017 10:16 pm

LOWER LEAGUES ROUNDUP
In the Third Division, despite the hopes of chaos, nothing really happened. Falston Town lost 3-2 to unremarkable Seierstad while Lazuli held contenders Ox River to deny them, both went up as Falston United seized second with a 4-3 win over Iberia Chenoworth. Chardonnay Rangers had the chance to overtake Falston Town but they, too, choked to 20th-placed Ringway at home. They’ll kick themselves for that, but they’re moving in the right direction. Going the other way, the Hanged Man escapes the noose with… er, a 1-1 home draw against Brindleton. None of the relegation battlers actually wins, and only one of the Treason side and Brindleton could survive, but the match was short on quality and high on late challenges. Bruised and battered, the Hanged Man retains their place. Brindleton joins Strephonage, West Hook and Kensey Town in relegation. At the top of the table, Greygate and the Rovers go toe-to-toe - winner takes the league. Except… there is no winner. It’s goalless due to two dour teams defending well until in the 61st minute, Autumn Starbuck is put free with a brilliant ball over the top from Mona Gentile and she makes no mistake, but Greygate hit back in stoppage time, a diving header at the far post from unmarked winger Corso Poulsen ruining the Rovers’ day. Kieran Schrader’s Wardens secure the title on goal difference.

FIRST DIVISION
At the top of the table, the Rovers (hosting Sheridan) must match the result of Goodfeather (visiting Maximum City) to clinch the title. The battle for fourth, meanwhile, goes down to the wire - Corvistone (hosting Coret Rovers) are a point and insurmountable goal difference ahead of Cranequin Wanderers (hosting South Laithland), and should both lose Crisisbless United (visiting Belgrave) can try and bridge the gap, but they’ll need a goal difference swing of four in their favour. At the bottom of the table, West Brinemouth must beat North Sabrefell at home and hope for two of the teams above them to lose. Coret Rovers have the best goal difference, but are a point behind the following three; Vermillion Wanderers (hosting Leichhardt), Crossroads Town (hosting Cypher) and Cranequin City (visiting Armstrong). Plenty, then, to sort out.

The Rovers get off to a brilliant start when Drusilla Moxey, who has had a breakthrough season on the left wing, bursts past Bastian Keller with a quick bit of skill and cuts the ball back across for Luitgard to slot past Aldridge. Easy. Cranequin Wanderers also get off to a fairly good start in trademark fashion, two beautifully-taken set pieces from Paul Bismarck resulting in two well-rehearsed goals. Across town, Reinhard Mendehlson scores a nerveless penalty to put the Terracotta Army ahead of Armstrong. Pressure’s on in Corvistone, and it tells - Guillermo Cecchini rifles on past his man and then rifles home past the inconsistent Maria Kovacic’s near post. Kovacic makes up for it some way with a brilliant reflex save minutes later from Hammond’s attempted poach, but the Crows are deeply unsettled. More good news for the Rovers - Luna Nsereko’s header puts Leichhardt ahead of Vermillion, Atherton Telfair equalises for Armstrong against Cranequin City, Crossroads and Cypher are locked in a battle with no end product and West Brinemouth sleepwalk their way to, ultimately, a scoreless draw against the Bohemians. It’s as if they didn’t know they were headed for relegation. The Rovers are pegged back in stoppage time, though, a bullet header from Stacey Potenza well-saved by Lindberg, but Kitteman’s quickest to the rebound and forces it into the net. A gut punch, especially considering they were Sherries’ first and second shots on target of the night.

The news evidently reaches a sleepy Goodfeather side over the interval - they come out for the second half revitalised, driving firmly at the enemy. Twice, Amelia Rusmond tests Loris Aldous between the sticks for the Smiths, but it’s Farrakhan who secures the breakthrough, taking possession closer to midfield, dancing past three Smiths’ defenders and striking low and hard past a sprawling, wrongfooted Aldous. As it stands, they take the title. The Rovers almost seize it back minutes later, but a powerful low drive from Seeklander is matched by a long, strong-armed dive by Gared Aldridge, and at the other end Potenza hits the crossbar. The Wanderers clamber over Crossroads with a Renat Janssen goal, then Crossroads clamber over Cranequin City with Conrad Webber’s header, then Cranequin City respond by conceding to Armstrong, and to Majdiyya Cavazos’ mazy run and lazy flick past a stationary Zaparas, on the hour mark. They’re in real trouble now. South Laithland pull one back through Riske but then concede quickly to Blaylock, who completes his hat-trick in the 87th minute - by which point Coret are 2-0 up over Corvistone after a dipping, swerving strike from Wintergren. Crisisbless United break through Belgrave through Kaija Koppel’s second-half brace but it doesn’t matter - Cranequin City and West Brinemouth, are going down, Cranequin Wanderers are heading to the playoff and, with Heather Garrard’s first goal of the season in the 91st minute of the game to secure a 2-0 win over the Smiths, Goodfeather FC have, out of nowhere, won the title.

PREMIERSHIP FINALE
Sabrefell Athletic vs. North Laithland: Athletic are all but mathematically secure in second, but they’ve no reason to make things easy for the Spiders, who must win to secure their safety. Hopeful news for the Spiders - Coltrane remains on the bench, with Tom Benedict unwilling to risk him for a dead rubber.

Crisisbless vs. Sabrefell Moths: Crisisbless need to win and hope Starling drop points at Brinemouth to reclaim fourth place. Chances are that even if they do Portia Thrift’s contract will not be renewed after their dramatic late-season collapse. The Moths? Well, if they score six they’ll break the goalscoring record.

Chatswood vs. AFC Treason: Guaranteed to be spicy. It’s not the Chatswood vs. Brinemouth classic, but you can’t go wrong with a Treason derby, particularly with so much at stake. Currently 22nd but with the best goal difference of the entire bottom six, a draw will give Chatswood a chance at survival should the Diamonds lose, and a win would see them overtake North Laithland unless the Spiders can match that.

Extreme Hills vs. Vermillion Rage: Well, the Hills have already smashed Crisisbless United’s record for most goals conceded in a season, Rochford’s for the most defeats and Corvette’s of the worst goal difference. If they don’t win here, they’ve officially had the worst season in the modern era, breaking Rochford’s fifteen-year record of just 22 points (and 23 goals, which the Hounds have at least managed to eclipse). Vermillion have nothing to play for, but it’s Riether’s last match at the helm before she seeks a challenge abroad.

Southfell United vs. Violence Chariots: Dead rubber, but at least between interesting teams to watch. The Chariots might suffer without key players Klein or Brill, but Carroll’s set to make just her second start since her injury.

Diamondqueen vs. Coret Hawks: Another crucial match. Diamondqueen must win to ensure survival - they’re 21st, a point below North Laithland and above Chatswood with a worse goal difference than either. That said, they’re only two goals seperated from the Spiders, with far more goals scored. A draw might be enough to overtake them.

Brinemouth vs. Starling: Brinemouth don’t have a care in the world, and 3rd represents a slightly disappointing but passable first season for Mescalin. Starling need to beat them, or at least equal Crisisbless’ result, to make sure of fourth place and book their tickets in the Champions’ Cup.

Morningstar vs. Brookford Otters: Dead rubber. Morningstar are putting out the reserves in preparation for the Cup final. Survival is job done in the league, and victory in the Cup would be icing on the cake. If it wasn’t for their kits, Brookford could probably be quietly removed from the Premiership without anyone noticing.

Raven River vs. Creed United: Dead rubber. River’s brilliant early season form was not mirrored in the second half, with an expanding injury list and an expanding Diette Daleiden not helping the cause. Creed? Well, mediocre performances from stars of the past in McMillan, Bittner and Mithradates appear to suggest that, yes, prior success was probably a fluke and, yes, they’re pretty average. Locklear’s put her faith in young guns Accardi, Matraxis and Wright in the tail end of the season, probably the right approach. But the joking title of ‘AFC Net Spend’ that the fans have taken up has more than a grain of truth to it.

AFC Serpentine vs. Newrook City: Could’ve been one to watch, a potential six-pointer, but as it stands both sides are hovering just out of danger. Newrook have a Cup to win and have rested key players accordingly.

Corvette Maulers vs. Parrhesia United: Dead rubber. Corvette are down, but not without a fight. They can be happy with their three-season stint, just less happy at seeing fierce rivals Leichhardt confirmed as being promoted the other way. Parrhesia have endured a difficult season, and wantaway star Dragana is almost definitely walking out the door.

Chenoworth Harriers vs. Bishop: With Treason and Coret two points behind but facing weak opposition and ahead on goal difference (at least, Coret will be after victory), a draw won’t be enough to ensure the Harriers stay in the Globe Cup places. A win here is essential. Bishop have nothing to play for, but they’ve been a real bitch of a banana skin for more than one good team this season.

KICK-OFF!
1 mins - And within sixteen seconds, one of the Moths’ signature diagonal balls over the top unleashes Townsend who flashes a shot on goal from thirty yards, hard enough that Marciak has to tip it over the bar. Already, a nervous air in Crisisbless.
2 mins - Morningstar have handed a starting debut to promising winger Monako Saroszi, with a senior debut for rightback Valeri Longship - the two combine to good effect, Longship releasing Saroszi down the right for the winger to blister past Arweiler, dummy past Ynoa and then, well, they should cut back for the waiting Kreisburg but instead shoots straight at Caravella, with enough power to make her spill it but Vannatter gets across to clear.
3 mins - Trivia time: Saroszi’s the second nonbinary player in the Premiership, following in Alex Beckett’s footsteps. People talk about them like they could one day be a Cormorant, though… and that would be a first. Topically, they put in a terrible overhit cross and make a face. But Morningstar are taking the fight to Brookford so far in this utterly, utterly meaningless game.
4 mins - Early signs from Brinemouth: Starling look really assured. Liam Armstrong is untouchable in midfield, Gryphon dominant in breaking down Brinemouth’s attacks.
5 mins - Diamondqueen look sharp and motivated. Tana Colbright’s had a decisive impact on the side but it hasn’t always reflected itself in results - it absolutely needs to today. But McDonald is doing a good job of stifling Auburn Weber - and if you stifle Weber, you usually stifle the Diamonds.
6 mins - GOAL! Well, that didn’t take long. Fiete Kinnett, who has in six appearances shown beyond a doubt that he is out of his fucking depth at this level, slips under pressure from Coraline Madrigal. Literally slips, in possession, and falls over. Madrigal smashes past a stunned Tournay. EXH 0-1 VRR.
7 mins - That didn’t take long either: the mere 9,000 in Harkerscourt are jeering. Other clubs might be less uptight - most terrible urban clubs just sing rounds of the old classic, “We’re Fucking Shit”, but they’re… proud, in the Laith, and football’s one of the few things to be proud of down there.
8 mins - Ohh, I can hear the hate mail accumulating already after that last sentence.
9 mins - PENALTY! Well, it’s been coming in Brinemouth. Giorgio Magnozzi worked his way into regular starts about midway through the season but he should have done better here, clumsily bulldozing Andisori to the ground.
10 mins - GOAL! Catherine Gryphon doesn’t miss penalties. Vintner goes the right way, but the ball just tantalisingly brushes his fingertips as Gryphon nervelessly buries it in the bottom corner. BRI 0-1 STA.
11 mins - That… really should have been Diamondqueen 1-0 up against Coret. It’s been a quiet match thus far, but all of a sudden Hemeyer wins the ball off Nikolaidis, slips it to Thackeray to hits it across to Kesteren who sees Fairbairn bombing down the left wing, slides it to her, she takes it past Sorrell and fires it back across goal and Kowalczyk is there- ! And Valkanis is sliding in with him, and he fires the shot off her shin and somehow it’s reflexed away by Lethbridge, headed away by Santana and cleared desperately by Jeurissen. Had Kowalczyk just been that little bit faster...
12 mins - At the other end, a reminder of Coret’s quality when Montague effortlessly splits the Hawks’ defence apart and only a heavy touch from Dani Harper stands between Coret and a 1-0 lead. As it stands, Jonason desperately rushes out and smothers it. He’s a good lad, Jonason.
13 mins - First yellow card of the Treason derby. Meredith Towerman tries to claim she got the ball, and to be fair she did, she just followed through by absolutely smashing Roddy Fraser. Free kick’s dangerously close… but Cantor, weirdly, hits it too softly, getting it over the wall and dropping dangerously at goal but without much velocity and too close to Rook Alphonse, who punches confidently clear.
14 mins - GOAL! The Tanners have started confidently against a depleted Chariots side, and this is their deserved reward. A Chariots attack breaks down when di Natale hacks a poor Coppinger pass clear, Schwarzer, unusually, wins the header with Quiverell and gets the ball across to Nikas who runs forward into miles of space and blasts it beyond Selkie. SFU 1-0 VIC.
15 mins - GOAL! Oh, dear. The Chariots go out to pull one back quickly… and a heavy touch from Quiverell allows di Natale to thumb it forward, Nikas slips in Catterick down the left, she crosses and Kerrigan’s flying header makes it 2-0. On the sidelines, Safarova looks nauseated. SFU 2-0 VIC.
16 mins - Currently sitting in 17th and comfortably safe, you’d imagine Felipa Medina - the youngest permanent manager in Premiership history - will be happy enough with that. Southfell United are a foundation (modern) Premiership side and have had some great moments over the years. It’s good to see them back.
17 mins - North Laithland have been decent, actually. They’ve gone for the same 4-2-3-1 with Webster, Gazzincha and Tsikitsiris as ‘won’ the second half against the Moths, and they’ve enjoyed 55% possession and got some nice attacks together. Patricia Etheridge has had a couple of passable chances, but made nothing of them.
18 mins - GOAL! Newrook City Reserves take the lead! Marcia Haskell’s a pretty tidy striker in her own right, and should really get more chances next season (be that with Newrook or in the First Division), and Fenchel plays her past a wrong-footed Dragons’ defence with a lovely disguised pass. Haskell races clear and does the rest. SRP 0-1 NRC.
19 mins - Wahey! Dre Roenoujya flicks the ball over the top of Liam Armstrong’s head, eases around him and drops a long diagonal cross into the box. Bartley and Scotti race for it gamely but it’s Heston’s all the way, the big lad heading it confidently out of danger. It’s been a bit of a baptism of fire for the local but he’s grown into the role as the season’s gone on.
20 mins - Only a sprawling save from Selkie stops Southfell from being three to the good, Kerrigan shooting against the foot of the post and Selkie slides towards it, but when Gail finds the rebound and stabs at goal she somehow drags out a leg to hook the ball away. Probably avoidable, but she’s a good reflex stopper.
21 mins - GOAL! No Coltrane? No problem. Tanith Rainsford’s still here and when Rudden races past Kendrick and cuts back, Ferryman can’t quite get to it, but… yes, that rarest cryptid, a Rainsford goal from open play as it falls to her and she eases onto a position where she can thump it properly with her left peg. No chance for Sinstadt. SFA 1-0 NLA.
22 mins - The Harriers haven’t been fluid against Bishop, disjointed by some… physical challenges from the Cardinals. Juliet Bezemer, deputising for injured (and soon to be retired) midfielder Blondel, is having a great time just clattering people and hoofing the ball up to the dangerous wingers. The upshot of this is no shots on target yet, from either side.
23 mins - GOAL! Mysteriously, Jazmin Dragana’s not been named in the last couple of matchday squads, reportedly stepping up her efforts to leave. Here, then, is Sylvia Rouseff’s audition to take her regular place at left wing back - a shimmy and a shift to wrongfoot neophyte defender Con Neofitides, then a thunderous drive into the top corner past a motionless Sparr. CVM 0-1 PAR.
24 mins - Almost 2-0 Athletic, with North Laithland’s slack marking at set pieces almost biting them in the face yet again. Rainsford whips in a venomous corner and Michael Campbell, who’s kind of hard to miss, somehow muscles unnoticed past two guys and slips Serjeant and heads it… against the crossbar from four yards! Serjeant hacks clear, but Campbell should’ve done better. A real defender’s finish there.
25 mins - Almost 2-0 Athletic again, the cause far more straightforward this time - Andrea Bereveskos skins Karsten Riordan and then hammers a shot across Sinstadt that the goalkeeper goes well to tip around the post. This time, the corner’s dealt with well by Serjeant.
26 mins - PENALTY! Dani Harper takes the ball and whirls past McDonald, jinks past Sanabria- ! And a clumsy hack flattens her, a penalty as clear as day. This is, if the rumour mill has it right, to be Gabriella Antonio’s last game of professional football, at least for the near future and certainly with the Hawks. And she’s stepping up for the penalty… can she convert it?
27 mins - GOAL! Damn right she does, straight down the middle. DMQ 0-1 COH.
28 mins - That… was a vicious challenge from Vedran Tarashaj, both studs through Claire Beresford (who has admittedly been a pest), and the home crowd are chanting for a red card… but referee Rudi Besler gives him the cheese instead. “Bottleless prick!” Bruno Hawke bellows, loud enough for the mics to pick up.
29 mins - A goal almost results for the Woodsmen, not long after. Gary Corsie hits one over the top just after the Stags think they’ve cleared their lines, and suddenly Cohen’s in on goal, but Svensson’s there in a flash to put muscular pressure on her and she puts the shot wide. Joan Vickers wouldn’t give them a second chance like that.
30 mins - Bishop almost take the lead against the Harriers! Karlene Sitz’s shot is spilled and then pawed away by a desperate Sheffield, the quick reflex enough to push it past Penbrooke, who was following the shot in. Penbrooke does well to dig the ball out from under his feet and send it lofting goalwards, but Guiliani’s repositioned to the line, chests it down confidently and hoofs it into the midfield.
31 mins - GOAL! Certainly against the run of play, but the Spiders are level! They’ve managed 58% possession, albeit doing much less with it… until now, where the outstanding Vanderlei hits one down the flanks, Tsikitsiris rushes to collect and then splits open the hosts’ defence with a lovely cutback across goal. Patricia Etheridge slides in to poke it between the sprawling Gautier’s legs, and into the net. SFA 1-1 NLA.
32 mins - That really has thrown the cat amongst the pigeons. The Reds aren’t getting near the Spiders now with some crisp passing going on, while Diamondqueen, unable to lay a glove on the Hawks at the moment, are in real trouble.
33 mins - GOAL! A fairly scruffy goal for a meaningless game between two mildly above-average teams. Young leftback Hywel Wodework sticks a cross in the mixer, it bounces around a bit then ends up getting clear to Petkovic, who slips it along to an unmarked Kaspian, who sizes up and then takes the shot. Low and hard, through a sea of bodies - Matraxis sees it late, would’ve saved it otherwise, and is visibly frustrated at the inability of his defence to clear their lines. RVR 1-0 CRD.
34 mins - Crisisbless vs. Moths has been lively, but largely without goalmouth incident so far. Griffin and Marciak have had a couple saves to make each but all from outside the box, and they’re too good to be beaten by pedestrian efforts like that.
35 mins - Czarina Tournay scuffs a goalkick that bobbles and fluffs to such an extent where it fails to even leave the penalty area and has to be retaken. Now if that doesn’t perfectly summarise the season Extreme Hills have had...
36 mins - GOAL! Nevermind any talk of the Spiders going well, they overcommitted forward and got demolished on the counterattack. The Spiders have a fairly slow defence and Chloe Rudden tears it apart before squaring for Avila Wardenier to finish cleanly. No chance for Sinstadt. SFA 2-1 NLA.
37 mins - Pain across town, in Diamondqueen. Catherine Thackeray is down, maybe with concussion - crowd are booing Jenny McDonald but it seems to have been an innocent collision of heads from which Diamondqueen’s captain’s come out decidedly worse. This is really bad.
38 mins - The Maulers have had a tough season, but Lukas Sparr’s a Premiership goalkeeper. Morningstar, Newrook, Serpentine and Southfell could all use his services, and the former Cypher Town man proves that again by flying out to scrabble away the ball at Quinn McEthinly’s feet… Levi Rainwall misreads its path, allows it to scandalously nutmeg him and Rouseff shapes for the shot and Sparr finds something to spring towards the shot and claw it clear. He shouts at his defence again. He’s done that a lot this season.
39 mins - GOAL! Starling’s charge is checked! It’s been an intense, pulsating game here in Brinemouth but both sides are too disciplined for things to really open up. Sometimes, though, there’s just nothing you can do, as an improvisational half-volley from Kyron Bartley on the edge of the box leaves Hargrave with no chance. BRI 1-1 STA.
40 mins - This has really set Portsgate humming. It’s the venerable ground’s last, as negotiations have been cleared for the Dockers to move into the newly-constructed Eagle’s Club next season. It’s smaller, but you never got 57,000 through Portsgate anyway. And it’s shinier, more corporate facilities and most importantly of all for the ambitious board gives them the international legitimacy that they crave.
41 mins - Reluctantly, Catherine Thackeray has been guided off the pitch. Imogen Jeweler, a tidy but lightweight player, is on in her stead. And the Hawks utterly dominated the ten men, Draxler forcing a sharp save from Jonason and Antonio dragging a shot agonisingly wide.
42 mins - GOAL! Extreme Hills are quite bad at football. This specific occasion, though, may have been blameless. Fourteen passes end in Alemane, normally more one to go for the shot herself, swinging in a cross and Kosta Ouzoundis, charging in late from midfield, produces a powerful header and buries the ball past a stranded Tournay. EXH 0-2 VRR.
43 mins - In River, Daleiden protests when Kurtis Bristoll appears to jab her midriff in the jostling before a corner, but the referee just shrugs.
44 mins - Imogen Jeweler’s first touch of the game sends a 30-yard shot about ten feet over the bar. Promising.
45 mins - Gary Corsie’s gone missing in Treason after a few good kicks from the Stags. He’d been getting around and causing trouble, but the fight’s left him after Misidjan - who is immensely capable of tackling cleanly with pinpoint accuracy - clattered him about ten minutes ago. The match has been terribly dull since.
Injury time - GOAL! Just as the other matches are winding down, just as the Chariots think they’re about done and can regroup and lick their wounds, the massively impressive Vasilis Nikas strikes with a powerful shot hits the intersection of post and crossbar before bouncing in. Selkie gamely claws it out past the line - sorry love, that won’t work in this age of goalline tech. SFU 3-0 VIC.

As it stands; Starling will hold 4th, Coret Hawks and Chenoworth Harriers will hold the Globe Cup places, Chatswood are in the relegation playoff and Diamondqueen are relegated.

46 mins - Aaand we’re off again.
47 mins - Pretty placid start to the second half, honestly, yet to see a shot on target from any team. Early signs are good for Crisisbless, though - they’re rolling the ball around freely against an uncharacteristically cautious Moths side.
48 mins - And from the tranquil proceedings at Portsgate… boom! Jess Silkman hammers a shot against the crossbar with a loud, thundering crack. Hargrave wouldn’t’ve stood a chance. McNessa clears the rebound.
49 mins - Controversy in Treason! Chatswood have started the second half well but just as Corsie sends in a dangerous, whipping free kick, Cohen gets away from Katskalidis and manages to crash a falling header into the net… but it’s disallowed, the linesman seeing that Darius Rashkin had Peter Svensson in a headlock. He’s yellow-carded for his troubles.
50 mins - GOAL! It’s been coming, on the strength of the last few minutes! An initial attack down the left from Crisisbless is repelled, Lohengrin’s cross headed comfortably away by Weiss but it falls to Isaia Urso, who drives on past Etzebeth and slams the ball into the top corner from twenty yards! Crisisbless take fourth place. Thrift looks like the cat who’s got the cream. CRI 1-0 SFM.
51 mins - Crisisbless almost go 2-0 up, as the Moths’ high line is torn apart by Jevdjevic-Hadsic, who plays Tia Drenas through on goal! But the normally clinical Eastfielder’s first touch is a little heavy, and her shot is rushed, dragging the shot just wide of a charging Griffin - and of the post.
52 mins - Another card in Treason, this time for a godawful challenge by Karin Machan on Lienke Vesper. Referee Rudi Besler is taking some time out to just tell both sides to chill the fuck out. Captains Beresford and Vyntra glare at each other instead of listening. This isn’t over.
53 mins - Bryony Johansen’s beleagured Hounds are at least making a fight of it against Vermillion Rage. They’re certain to lose Barota next season, maybe Vorbeck too, while Jess Hearn is reportedly cancelling her retirement in order to end her career on a happier note. Many recent relegated teams - West Brinemouth, Armstrong, Belgrave, Maximum City - have struggled. The Hounds could be in for another relegation fight next season.
54 mins - GOAL! This is getting ridiculous now. The Chariots are still going for it, trying to get a goal back, and the Tanners skin them on the counterattack again. Miranda Gail’s finishing isn’t quite there and her lack of physicality has been an issue in this league, but the pace is undeniable. It gets her past Belfry, past Tarrasch and then past Selkie. SFU 4-0 VIC.
55 mins - It’s times like this, where it just isn’t happening for Diamondqueen and Colbright looks at her bench and does nothing that you realise just how little firepower is there. Thirlwell, maybe, but that would mean replacing Weber, which is unthinkable. Hecubah Statkis, a mediocre 28-year old forward, is told to warm up anyway, with the wasteful Fortounis likely to be sacrificed.
56 mins - GOAL! Out of nowhere! Tsikitsiris slips it through to Etheridge but she’s covered well by Gerhardt, holds the ball up… sees Webster running ahead in her peripheral vision, backheels to her. Webster slots across to Karsten Riordan, charging ahead from leftback with Morningstar in pursuit, but with his first touch the burly defender smashes it past Gautier! SFA 2-2 NLA.
57 mins - The Spiders are visibly relieved, now two points clear of danger. They’ve looked assured in the second half, calm in possession, Kendrick and Riordan sitting back and jockeying Bereveskos and Rudden. Well, okay, Riordan was the furthest man forward for his goal, but… he picked his moment well.
58 mins - Coret should be two up! Antonio, under pressure from Sanabria, hooks the ball across to Dani Harper, whose pace has been giving the Diamonds fits all night. Harper shoots but Jonason makes himself big and sprawls and manages, just, to block it with a knee. Antonio scuffs the followthrough at goal, weak enough for Jonason to gratefully collect, and complains that Sanabria’s tugging her shirt (probably true) but no call is made.
59 mins - Chenoworth’s PR guy trying a novel tactic to neutralise the electrifying Karlene Sitz, retweeting a submitted photograph of her seemingly passed out in an alleyway behind a nightclub. ‘Busy night on Friday, Karlene??’ the account remarks, followed by a string of blushing emoji.
60 mins - GOALS! Gail on the counter again in Southfell. Just north on the canal, Creed level the scores in an agonisingly direct goal. Matraxis hoofs it upfield, straight to Mithradates, who hooks the ball away from an overcommitting Naumoff, squares to Korborg who fires low and hard past Bowerman. Bittencourt is apoplectic. SFU 5-0 VIC; RVR 1-1 CRD.
61 mins - Sitz seemingly doesn’t care about PR stunts, and lashes a shot that Sheffield has to react sharply to turn around the post. Inexplicably, a forgotten free transfer has been one of the bargains of the season. For the Harriers’ part, they seriously need to shake themselves awake - they’re sleepwalking out of UICA at this rate, though Treason’s inability to break through Chatswood is their reprieve for the moment.
62 mins - Southfell almost get a sixth, Kerrigan knocking down to Gail who breaks past the defence… but just drags her shot wide of Selkie and the goal. Safarova, normally an active, electric presence in the technical area, has slumped down in the dugout.
63 mins - GOAL! Well, well, well - look who’s come alive all of a sudden! The Moths are being pegged back deep in their own half, Johnson denied her customary flurry of service, and Robert Griffin’s done well to keep the score down. This time, though, when Tia Drenas is played through on goal again by Urso, she makes no mistake. CRI 2-0 SFM.
64 mins - Corvette against Parrhesia United has thoroughly petred out. Corvette have played with heart, but lacked the quality to recover from a genuinely abysmal run of form midway through the season. A three-year stay isn’t bad, though. The Saints, for their part, will feel entitled to expect a lot better next season from their former Premiership-winning manager. Most likely, it’ll be without Dragana.
65 mins - RED CARD! Oh dear. Claire Beresford clatters Servet Misidjan, ostensibly for a header, and leaves a fair bit of elbow in the challenge - Besler has no choice. She’s on a yellow already, she’s sent off and Chatswood are down to ten. They need at least a point. Can they hold out? Cohen goes off, replaced by the hulking Osarian destroyer, Gareth Flynn.
66 mins - It’s probably confirmation bias that suggests a disproportionate amount of keystone goals come from resoundingly unlikely sources. Still, it’s the sort of superstition that means, when the ball falls to Starling’s conservative, steady rightback, Mirko Koehler, from about thirty diagonal yards and he swings his right peg at it, there was some expectation in the air. The shot blazes twenty feet over the bar. Normality restored.
67 mins - GOAL! Another feather in the cap for Newrook City reserves, and specifically for Marcia Haskell. The lively Alessa Marconi slips her through the defence, she whirls away from McGuinness and fires home past Hartson’s near post at a deathly-acute angle. In fact, it was probably touched in off Hartson’s arm, but Haskell claims it and gets the credit. SRP 0-2 NRC.
68 mins - The big question for the Rooks is: will Bothroyd, rested today, be there next season? Newrook have a lot of decent players who were hoping for the Rooks to do better than they’ve been. Keenan’s contract expires and will likely not be renewed, and there’ll be a lot of demand for the 27-year old Valladar. An aspirational, Antonio-less Coret might be a natural fit for both club and player.
69 mins - Heh.
70 mins - GOAL! Big implications here in Treason! Rightback Belaskita Skalak came on just two minutes ago and she’s had an immediate impact, swinging a huge diagonal cross into the box - Rashkin didn’t quite deal with it, it was left to bounce in the area off his chest and in comes Igrene Cantor, absolutely battering the ball into the top corner beyond Alphonse! Treason overtake the Harriers and are now set for the Globe Cup - Chatswood, as things stand, will be relegated! CHT 0-1 TRE.
71 mins - Chatswood hit back immediately, or try to - they may only have ten, but one of the ten is Joan Vickers, a decent striker at this level, and she turns neatly in possession and rifles powerfully at goal. Ten yards closer and she’d score - as it stood, Fletcher had the time to beat it powerfully away.
72 mins - GOAL! Who saw this coming? Gerhard Thunder grimaces on the touchline as Lohengrin skins Jon Haines once again and lashes a low ball across the goalmouth. Everyone and their dog slides in, but it’s Drenas with the tap-in, and the Heelers are flying. CRI 3-0 SFM.
73 mins - If Diamondqueen get out of this, they’re going to need to erect a fucking statue to Ivan Hemeyer. A poor pass from Jeweler is snapped up by Nikolaidis whose run is immediately halted when Hemeyer flies out of nowhere to destroy him. He accepts the booking - they were looking deadly open for a second there.
74 mins - News of the Heelers’ goal reaches Brinemouth, and Lisa Amos gesticulates furiously at her squad, and the clever young midfielder Sleipnir Woodwind is brought on for the industrious but ineffective Gallagher. He’s never quite regained his form from the Golden Age, though he remains an immensely capable player, and he’s thought to be headed for the exit door post-season.
75 mins - How much longer will Serpentine keep ahold of Ishtar Fanaiyan? Surely she’s gone next season. Here she mazes past five Newrook guys like they aren’t even there, but Petra Fischer manages to guide her away from goal and forces her wide and her shot ends up tamely at Kattner.
76 mins - GOAL! Out of nowhere! But that’s what Auburn Weber gets you, moments of improvisation and cunning - Hastings hoofed the ball into midfield and she flicked it over a stunned McDonald’s head, rolled it to a side where her favoured left could twat it in, and then twats it in past a despairing Cormak Lethbridge. Hope for the Diamonds, while the Hawks slip out of the Globe Cup places, and both teams really, really need a goal. DMQ 1-1 COH.
77 mins - They will not get a goal by taking speculative efforts from around the halfway line because Karel Jonason’s stepped a bit forward from goal. Not naming any names, Trifon Draxler.
78 mins - That is not a popular substitution. Rasunda Vanderlei has been at the heart of everything good that the Spiders have done, and she’s replaced by … well, Brandon Duguid moves into defensive midfield, muscular 22-year old local Gabriel Traustram moves into defence. She doesn’t look happy about it, either.
79 mins - Svatioslav Pokrovski, a defining player of Vermillion’s recent years, is substituted off his last appearance for Vermillion. The Pasarga international’s been an iconic figure for the Rage, made more remarkable by successfully transitioning from winger to classy technical midfielder when the pace went.
80 mins - GOAL! A sigh of relief for the Harriers. The goal’s a clever one, Guiliani with a nonchalant but quick throw-in over the top past a momentarily flat-footed Bishop defence, substitute Matilda Weiss steals onto it and hooks the ball over the top into the box where Ruhl comes charging in to thunder it home. They’re secure in 6th as things stand, and you don’t imagine Brosque will exactly stretch himself to extend the lead against such a disciplined counterattacking side. CHH 1-0 BIS.
81 mins - Ten-man Chatswood just look out of ideas and out of legs at the moment. They’ve been very physical and defensively disciplined, and that’s about it. It’s hard to see them pulling one back here, let alone the two they need… but their best players are old anyway, and it’s hard to see any of them bar Vickers (maybe Beresford or Ilsander) suiting up in the Premiership again.
82 mins - If you’re wondering what’s happening in the Morningstar-Otters game? Nothing. Nothing has happened. It’s been shit.
83 mins - GOAL! Oh, shit. From a Spiders perspective, anyway, as their glass jaw shows again - a dominant passage of play from Athletic, a gap making itself known as Gabriel Traustram’s drawn out of position by Wardenier, Tanith Rainsford finds the perfect pass, Serjeant’s left stranded and 17-year old substitute striker Salavat Caszely suddenly in front of goal, and he breezily taps home his first senior goal. SFA 3-2 NLA.
84 mins - The Spiders probably thought that an obscure teenager coming on for Athletic would make things easier. But Caszely’s a genuine prospect, a proper, rough Sabrefell lad saved by all accounts from the proper noun of Bad Influences. The celebration took a long, long time as he raced across the active stand… but time’s on the Spider’s side. They’re still, unbelievably, out of danger on goal difference.
85 mins - Out of absolutely nowhere, Lorelei Neptune thrashes a shot against Markus Sheffield’s near post. Hell, Penbrooke was waiting for a comeback that would surely have levelled the scores for the Cardinals.
86 mins - And a ceremonial substitution in Serpentine, with one-club man Gareth Hartson substituted off. He hands off the armband to Emmerich, applauds the stadium and trades places with promising young local goalkeeper Brandon Connell. It was a bit lost on the Premiership, perhaps, with Hartson decidedly mediocre at this level, but the 35-year old’s a beloved figure here.
87 mins - Brilliant save from Lethbridge! Two lively substitutes combine, after Kesteren’s pass finds a brilliant run from Nomanswoman Sutton, who swings in a slightly awkward cross but Hecubah Statkis stoops to angle an excellent header into the bottom corner of the goal… but no! The big Cosumar international, somehow, is there to claw it to safety! Statkis’ head is in her hands...
88 mins - All North Laithland have got to do is hold on. Diamondqueen are a single GD behind but ahead on goals scored, the next tiebreaker. Chatswood, one suspects, is a non-factor - oh, speak of the Devil...
89 mins - RED CARD! Things go out of control in Chatswood, Misidjan launches Fraser through on goal - he jumps over one scything challenge from Machan and is then absolutely cleaned out by a horrific intervention from Darius Rashkin, already on a yellow but he’s shown a straight red, and now fans are fighting in the stands...
90 mins - GOAL! Oh my fucking God. Unclear precisely what Athletic have against North Laithland, and Chloe Rudden does look almost apologetic as she ends Dorian Kendrick’s career with yet another whiplash-inducing turn, and centres low and hard - Wardenier reaches behind her but it’s a good thing she doesn’t get contact because Salavat Fucking Caszely is there behind her, holds his nerve and slots it low past a despairing Sinstadt… SFA 4-2 NLA.
Injury time - Caszely has leapt into the active support. Spiders desperately trying to get the game restarted as they realise, as things stand, they’re now 21st on the strength of five fucking GF... proceedings draw to a close in Chenoworth and, eventually, Treason, as those two sides reach the Globe Cup. They will join Starling, who can’t quite turn flickers and sparks into fireworks in a frustrating second half against Brinemouth, meaning a rampant Crisisbless cling onto fourth. The final whistle blows in Diamondqueen, and the home crowd sit, and wait, for news in Crownsend. Gabriella Antonio gravitates towards partner Lethbridge in a solemn moment. They wait. The Spiders charge forward with their desperate last few attacks… Tsikitsiris crosses, it’s headed clear by Gerhardt. Webster takes a low, powerful shot but one of the packed legs in her way blocks it. Gazzincha takes a shot on and it sails over the bar and… that’s the final whistle. Sinstadt, not a great goalkeeper but a local, sobs in frustration, probably playing over the errors he’s made - one less, after all, and the Spiders would be clear. Another local, Vanderlei, has a face like thunder on the bench. Gazzincha chuckles and shakes his head, a crime which the Spiders fans will never forgive him. Tsikitsiris slumps to the ground - Rudden, who kept her out of regular starts when they were teammates, trots over to console her. Caszely has no such thoughts of grace - he’s back in the active support again. People slump with relief in Diamondqueen - unbelievably, they’re safe. Chatswood? Relegation, and pitch invasion. Hawke resigns in the post-match conference, and the Woodsmen seem further from their glory days than ever. But who cares about today’s results? Not the Moths, for whom this 3-0 defeat will not live long in the memory. This has been their year.

PROMOTION PLAYOFF

North Laithland (4-2-3-1): 1 - Sinstadt; 2 - Kendrick, 5 - Duguid (c), 17 - Serjeant, 3 - Riordan; 4 - Finlay, 6 - Vanderlei; 7 - Stenet, 13 - Webster, 21 - Tsikitsiris; 22 - Etheridge
Bench: 12 - Schroeder; 8 - Gazzincha, 10 - Haldenstadt, 14 - Kistler, 18 - Traustram, 19 - Parable, 34 - Maskin

Cranequin Wanderers (4-4-2): 1 - Gravesend; 2 - Pietersen, 22 - Woodpress, 6 - Jantzer, 18 - Salone; 7 - Mueller, 11 - Bismarck (c), 4 - Cavan, 16 - Theoharous; 9 - Blaylock, 14 - Evans
Bench: 12 - Pardons; 3 - Jaspen, 5 - Whyteleafe, 8 - Diebeck, 10 - Goodyouth, 13 - Rayne, 23 - Payne

The promotion playoff. is a curious event. Almost always, on paper, the relegation-threatened side is the stronger on paper, but they have been battered and bruised for forty-six agonising matches. For the Spiders in particular, slipping into 21st after just keeping their heads above water for most of the season (on goals scored!) will particularly hurt. Against them is arrayed a traditional Cranequin Wanderers side that largely fits into the mould of recent times. Voula Logothettis has a big, powerful and disciplined side, ready to take the fight to their hosts. And they have a key advantage up front, with Dakota Blaylock prolific throughout the season. Two fallen giants, or at least ogres or trolls in their heyday.

But the Spiders, who lost their three league games but held their own against the Sabrefell sides for fair stretches, start brightly. Restoring Prisca Stenet to the starting lineup puts some energy back into their sometimes placid attacking play, the dynamic winger almost immediately finds joy, played by Webster past a stranded Salone and, though Etheridge drifts free of scrutiny, taking on the shot herself. It’s hit low and hard, and though Gravesend gets down quickly it agonisingly squeezes under him for the opening goal.

Cranequin are quick to seize back initiative, if not possession. A few strong-armed challenges across the pitch, with even Juergen Evans getting in on the action by wrestling Serjeant down at a corner, unsettles a North Laithland side that don’t like it up ‘em. And it just takes one mistake… from, surprisingly, one of the Spiders’ best players. A casual touch from Vanderlei is swept up by Sroel Cavan, the Zenic international rushing forward into space and thrashing a long ball over the top. On it like a flash is Menelaus Theoharous, a breakout player of the year (even if he’s no Strongbow) and he lofts up a high cross. Evans, at the far post, nods it into the corridor of uncertainty - and Blaylock is there to drive it home.

That’s the pattern of play for the entire match, more or less - the Spiders have possession but can’t do a lot with it against a conservative Wanderers side eager to bruise them on the counterattack. It’s fitting, then, that the game ends the way it does. Cavan, star on the day, forces Sinstadt into a tidy save tipping the ball around the post. Theoharous hits in the corner and in the middle to take care of it is the big substitute midfielder, Lance Diebeck, who muscles between Serjeant and Duguid, clambers over both and powers a header into the top corner. Without a choice, the Spiders press to try and win, and Gravesend atones for his earlier error with sharp saves from Haldenstadt and Finlay. But in the end, it feels like the better side won. The Gang of Seven is now the Gang of Six.

North Laithland 1-2 CRANEQUIN WANDERERS
Stenet 7’; Blaylock 32’, Diebeck 76’

NFA CUP FINAL

Newrook City (4-3-1-2): 20 - Anghelescu; 18 - Luque, 5 - Rivello, 6 - Zagorec, 11 - Woods; 4 - Fenwick (c), 23 - Sutton, 24 - Coynborough; 8 - Marconi; 7 - Farrell, 10 - Bothroyd
Bench: 25 - Kattner; 3 - Fischer, 12 - Senturk, 14 - Polzin, 15 - Winter, 17 - Traugott, 22 - Haskell

Morningstar (4-4-2): 1 - Ceferin; 12 - Rough, 18 - Saunders (c), 13 - Keyes, 19 - Andreas; 7 - Petrosian, 6 - Seizter, 33 - Rosenthal, 11 - Vanstrattan; 21 - Kreisburg, 10 - Lopez
Bench: 20 - Hawthorn; 2 - Seluk, 3 - Whitesmith, 5 - Linstead, 15 - Kovach, 17 - Boldman, 22 - Spycer

This is not the final that the promoters wanted to see. Two sides who had only just pulled clear of relegation in the dying weeks of the season. Still, Newrook are technically proficient, experienced and cunning, and they would go into plenty of leagues around the world as favourites to win the title. It’s most likely Catheline Keenan’s last match, win or lose, and it’s her chance to go out in style - it’s definitely the last for Rooks captain Rook Fenwick, who has confirmed his retirement after the season. The Stars will count this as a major keystone of success, and a sign that they’re in the top flight to stay.

It’s Morningstar that are the better side in the first half, by a significant distance - but a hard-nosed Rooks defence, marshalled expertly by Perica Zagorec and backed up by the muscle of Rivello, is reluctant to let them pass. Petrosian, popping up at the far post for a high lofted cross from co-conspirator Vanstrattan, leaves them no choice. So the Rooks pick themselves up and go over again, wrestling for momentum that the Stars, brutal in the challenges, do not allow them. Both goalkeepers make decent saves, but it’s Ceferin the busier of the two and the more cynically minded might be minded to ask if the notoriously flaky shot-stopper was being deliberately targeted by the Rooks?

Well, it worked. Senturk, brought on just five minutes earlier to try and make the difference, shimmered into space and another substitute, Lorne Winter, found him. He turned, found his path blocked by Seizter, jinked past her and then rifled the ball into the top corner of the net. Ceferin was blameless - in truth, he hadn’t a chance. Now the Stars went for it again, full-throttle, and Anghelescu saved well from Petrosian and hten sloppily from Rosenthal, inviting substitute Boldman to follow through but Perica Zagorec miraculously picked his pocket and drove the ball away. As the game flickered into extra time, both sides just ran out of steam after the excesses of a long, dreary season. It had penalties written all over it… and so it proved.

Fenwick drills it hard into the bottom corner. 1-0.
Petrosian goes for power and it shaves the bottom of the crossbar on its way in. 1-1.
Bothroyd slams it high and central. 2-1.
Kreisburg stabs it home, without drama. 2-2.
Senturk gets a little lucky, and it brushes a sprawling Ceferin’s heels on the way in. 3-2.
Kovach gives Anghelescu the eyes, then scores. 3-3.
No mistake from Sutton, sending Ceferin the wrong way. 4-3.
Nerveless from Saunders. 4-4.
Haskell coolly drives it home. 5-4.
Rough makes it look easy, and somehow it’s 5-5. First sudden death penalties in Cup final history.
Finally, a miss! Rivello’s confident, sends Ceferin the wrong way but swings it against the post! 5-5!
Boldman has the chance to win it… but he does not live up to his name, a tentative penalty clawed away by Anghelescu! 5-5.
Winter slots home. 6-5.
Rosenthal’s sweating, she looks on edge… but sends Anghelescu the wrong way. 6-6.
Woods, a little nervy, makes it 7-6.
Whitesmith probably wasn’t expecting it to get this far... but she sidefoots home. 7-7.
Zagorec slams it home. 8-7.
Karo Vanstrattan takes her bloody time, but eventually makes it 8-8.
Luque goes for power… and drives it over the bar! 8-8!
Keyes looks confident, the goal gaping before him… but he smashes it against the post! 8-8 it remains.
Anghelescu scuffs it terribly, terribly wide! Still 8-8!
But he makes amends, when Ceferin’s conservative penalty at a comfortable height is beaten away! 8-8.
Fenwick wearily puts it away to break the string of misses for 9-8.
Petrosian calmly levels it. 9-9.
Bothroyd hits it straight at where Ceferin was standing, but he’s committed too far to one side and can only get a weak hand to it. 10-9.
Kreisburg hits it with venom, but Anghelescu goes the wrong way anyway. 10-10, somehow...
Senturk with the panenka! Ceferin looks distinctly unhappy. 11-10.
Kovach looks a little ill, but slots it home regardless. 11-11.
Sutton hits it low and hard but this time, Steffen Ceferin finally makes a save, sprawling to claw it away! 11-11!
Captain Saunders hits it confidently, but Anghelescu’s equal to the task. Saunders beats the ground in frustration. 11-11.
Haskell slams it into the net. 12-11.
And Kurtis Rough… finally, fucking, ends this, hammering the ball into near-earth orbit and staring at what might have been.
Newrook, then, have won the Cup for the second time. Eventually.

NEWROOK CITY 1-1 Morningstar (1-1 AET, 12-11 PKs)
Senturk 79’; Petrosian 19’

by **Nephara** » Sat Oct 28, 2017 10:17 pm

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Sabrefell Moths          46  31   9   6  124   51  +73  102
  2 Sabrefell Athletic       46  30   9   7  115   55  +60   99
  3 Brinemouth               46  29   7  10   96   49  +47   94
  4 Crisisbless              46  26   9  11   94   61  +33   87
  5 Starling                 46  25  11  10   89   48  +41   86
  6 Chenoworth Harriers      46  25  10  11   87   63  +24   85
  7 AFC Treason              46  23  14   9   72   43  +29   83
  8 Coret Hawks              46  24   9  13   86   63  +23   81
  9 Raven River              46  21  10  15   71   55  +16   73
 10 Bishop                   46  20  10  16   59   49  +10   70
 11 Vermillion Rage          46  20   8  18   72   66   +6   68
 12 Creed United             46  19   9  18   62   62   +0   66
 13 Brookford Otters         46  18  10  18   72   76   -4   64
 14 Violence Chariots        46  17   8  21   73   93  -20   59
 15 Parrhesia United         46  15  10  21   69   83  -14   55
 16 Southfell United         46  15   7  24   57   82  -25   52
 17 AFC Serpentine           46  13  12  21   52   75  -23   51
 18 Newrook City             46  14   8  24   59   76  -17   50
 19 Morningstar              46  12  10  24   45   76  -31   46
 20 Diamondqueen             46  10  11  25   59   95  -36   41
 21 North Laithland          46  12   5  29   54   90  -36   41
 22 Chatswood                46  10   9  27   36   64  -28   39
 23 Corvette Maulers         46   9   7  30   50  102  -52   34
 24 Extreme Hills            46   5   6  35   42  118  -76   21

TOP SCORERS
35 - Johnson (SFM)
29 - Scotti (BRI)
26 - Wardenier (SFA), Vol (SFM)
25 - Drenas (CRI)
22 - Ruhl (CHH), Antonio (COR)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Aaliyah Johnson (SFM)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Aaliyah Johnson (SFM)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Imriel Townsend (SFM)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Evelyn Conjure (BRI)
Team of the Year: Fletcher (TRE); Rafford (CRI), Svensson (TRE), Marquon (CHH), Lohengrin (CRI); Townsend (SFM), Conjure (BRI), Coltrane (SFA), Rudden (SFA); Scotti (BRI), Johnson (SFM) - Bench: Hargrave (STA); Sorrell (COR), McNessa (STA), Soederquist (BRI), Jevdjevic-Hadsic (CRI), Meier (SFM), Wardenier (SFA)
Managers of the Year: Gerhard Thunder (SFM)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Goodfeather FC               46  27  10   9  67  35  +32  91
  2 Maximum Rovers               46  25  15   6  83  41  +42  90
  3 Leichhardt                   46  23  15   8  63  30  +33  84
  4 Cranequin Wanderers          46  21  15  10  71  56  +15  78
  5 AFC Corvistone               46  20  16  10  74  52  +22  76
  6 Crisisbless United           46  22  10  14  73  52  +21  76
  7 North Sabrefell              46  21  11  14  75  61  +14  74
  8 South Laithland              46  20  11  15  61  43  +18  71
  9 Armstrong                    46  19  11  16  49  41   +8  68
 10 Maximum City                 46  19  10  17  52  49   +3  67
 11 Cypher Town                  46  17  13  16  44  47   -3  64
 12 Sheridan                     46  16  14  16  41  40   +1  62
 13 Ritter Town                  46  17   8  21  56  59   -3  59
 14 East Laithland Harriers      46  16   9  21  54  73  -19  57
 15 Rochford                     46  14  14  18  40  47   -7  56
 16 Belgrave                     46  13  14  19  66  75   -9  53
 17 Hackett                      46  16   5  25  59  89  -30  53
 18 Coret Rovers                 46  14  10  22  59  67   -8  52
 19 Crossroads Town              46  13  12  21  54  78  -24  51
 20 Vermillion Wanderers         46  13  12  21  42  66  -24  51
 21 Cranequin City               46  12  14  20  47  66  -19  50
 22 West Brinemouth              46  11  15  20  35  51  -16  48
 23 Iron City                    46  13   7  26  35  56  -21  46
 24 AFC Shale                    46   9  11  26  29  55  -26  38

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Robby Stanford (CVS) & Konstanze Luitgard (MXR)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Spyridon Kolitsidakis (MXR)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Minka Kranevitter (NSF)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Ulrica Rannon (GDF)
Team of the Year: Yossarian (SLA); Muhren (CVS), Koller (LEI), Jantzer (CRW), Heisserer (LEI); Thane (MXR), Kolitsidakis (MXR), Rannon (GDF), Reiter (LEI); Blaylock (CRW), Stanford (CVS)
Managers of the Year: Providence Mitford (ELH)

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Greygate                  46  25  13   8  72  35  +37  88
  2 Chenoworth Rovers         46  27   7  12  66  45  +21  88
  3 Pillars of Southfell      46  25  10  11  63  39  +24  85
  4 Riverkey                  46  24  12  10  69  38  +31  84
  5 Mantlegrove               46  22  15   9  65  45  +20  81
  6 Locksley                  46  24   8  14  74  54  +20  80
  7 The Strongest             46  22  11  13  64  51  +13  77
  8 Crisisbless Athletic      46  22   7  17  80  58  +22  73
  9 Stonegrave                46  20  11  15  63  41  +22  71
 10 Sutcroft                  46  20  11  15  54  49   +5  71
 11 Iron United               46  20  11  15  56  54   +2  71
 12 Southriver                46  17  15  14  58  59   -1  66
 13 South Parrhesia           46  18  11  17  55  52   +3  65
 14 Martella Jazz             46  18   8  20  50  57   -7  62
 15 Peregrine                 46  15  12  19  61  77  -16  57
 16 Kommissar                 46  14   9  23  47  60  -13  51
 17 Dartmouth Terriers        46  14   8  24  47  65  -18  50
 18 Boleyn Town               46  13  10  23  36  56  -20  49
 19 Barossia United           46  12  12  22  40  56  -16  48
 20 The Hanged Man            46  13   7  26  35  53  -18  46
 21 Brindleton                46  11  13  22  47  66  -19  46
 22 Strephonage               46  10  15  21  37  51  -14  45
 23 West Hook                 46  11  12  23  33  59  -26  45
 24 Kensey Town               46   6  10  30  41  93  -52  28

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Gonen's Bridge          46  27  11   8  76   39  +37  92
  2 Falston United          46  26   9  11  71   35  +36  87
  3 Lazuli Diamonds         46  26   8  12  93   52  +41  86
  4 Falston Town            46  26   7  13  92   57  +35  85
  5 Chardonnay Rangers      46  24  12  10  67   32  +35  84
  6 Ox River United         46  24  10  12  80   39  +41  82
  7 Alliance Barossia       46  22  14  10  60   41  +19  80
  8 Gridlock Rovers         46  20  14  12  75   53  +22  74
  9 Long Lake               46  20  10  16  61   47  +14  70
 10 Ballardine FC           46  18  15  13  59   58   +1  69
 11 Rushe United            46  18  14  14  68   54  +14  68
 12 Sutcroft Athletic       46  17  13  16  62   53   +9  64
 13 Pravenna Saints         46  19   7  20  44   43   +1  64
 14 Dross Rovers            46  17  12  17  61   64   -3  63
 15 FC Seierstad            46  15  15  16  55   62   -7  60
 16 Mapleford               46  16  10  20  55   76  -21  58
 17 Brookway Town           46  12  17  17  58   72  -14  53
 18 Gosmouth Swans          46  14  10  22  58   76  -18  52
 19 Iberia Chenoworth       46  14  10  22  74   97  -23  52
 20 Ringway                 46  12  15  19  41   63  -22  51
 21 Fenland Albion          46  12   7  27  33   62  -29  43
 22 Downsparrow             46   8  11  27  42   89  -47  35
 23 Bodkin Road             46   6   9  31  39   99  -60  27
 24 Fischer                 46   5   8  33  41  102  -61  23

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Boltcroft Thorns           38  23   9   6  77  42  +35  78
  2 Corinthians No Longer      38  19  12   7  72  39  +33  69
  3 Sirencall FC               38  20   8  10  71  53  +18  68
  4 Fully Sick XI              38  20   7  11  71  51  +20  67
  5 Gridlock                   38  17  13   8  39  26  +13  64
  6 Grovebank                  38  16  13   9  46  40   +6  61
  7 Brokenarch                 38  15  14   9  55  46   +9  59
  8 AFC Brackwold              38  13  16   9  53  44   +9  55
  9 Capricopia Rangers         38  12  16  10  60  54   +6  52
 10 Courser                    38  14  10  14  47  44   +3  52
 11 Harrington                 38  13  11  14  49  47   +2  50
 12 Swag Hill Rovers           38  13  11  14  59  59   +0  50
 13 Gridlock East              38  14   8  16  42  51   -9  50
 14 Bellamy                    38  12  10  16  41  50   -9  46
 15 Stonesthrow Town           38   9  14  15  39  47   -8  41
 16 Sleetwell Rangers          38  11   8  19  51  64  -13  41
 17 Norton Road                38  10   7  21  33  63  -30  37
 18 Nay Town                   38   7  15  16  42  59  -17  36
 19 Tryst Athletic             38   7   7  24  34  73  -39  28
 20 Forge Carpenters           38   4  13  21  19  48  -29  25
Promoted: Ingram Township, AFC Hellerine

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Hartford Glade         38  21  11   6  86   47  +39  74
  2 Rochford Pilgrims      38  22   7   9  88   58  +30  73
  3 Brunyard FC            38  20  11   7  69   44  +25  71
  4 Aries Solitaire        38  21   5  12  84   47  +37  68
  5 Stamper Road           38  20   8  10  69   48  +21  68
  6 Corvistone City        38  17  15   6  54   31  +23  66
  7 Blaze                  38  17  10  11  79   47  +32  61
  8 South Brill            38  17   9  12  52   43   +9  60
  9 Rookwall               38  16   7  15  46   43   +3  55
 10 Senway Town            38  16   7  15  67   67   +0  55
 11 The Travellers FC      38  14  10  14  50   50   +0  52
 12 Violence Tigers        38  13   9  16  51   51   +0  48
 13 Sandrock               38  12  10  16  34   47  -13  46
 14 Twelvetrees            38  14   4  20  38   54  -16  46
 15 Coral Bay              38  11  12  15  54   64  -10  45
 16 Mainstream Fist        38  11   7  20  55   84  -29  40
 17 Corby Hubris           38   9  10  19  47   61  -14  37
 18 Masculine Town         38  11   4  23  59   79  -20  37
 19 Celebryant FC          38   7   9  22  44   81  -37  30
 20 Lackerrun              38   8   1  29  46  126  -80  25
Promoted: AFC Burchess, Rhyburn Swifts

by **Nephara** » Tue Dec 26, 2017 3:49 pm

Season 69 Preview

by **Nephara** » Tue Dec 26, 2017 3:51 pm

by **Nephara** » Tue Dec 26, 2017 3:52 pm

by **Nephara** » Thu Dec 28, 2017 5:03 am

First Division Preview

1. AFC Corvistone
Home Colours: Green with white sash / green / white
Away Colours: White with terracotta sash / terracotta / white
Stadium: Phoenix Rise (28,000)
Nickname: The Crows
Manager: Davalei Evatee (53, CEN)
(4-3-3) 12 - Maria Kovacic (26, SLL); 2 - Katenza Muhren (24), 5 - Gerrit Tatu (30, CMT), 19 - Parvizdzhon Borrowfield (27, ISK), 3 - Daniyal Helland (24, EFL); 21 - Rain Delacruz (21, BJK), 13 - Nechtan Malley (29, BSE, c), 11 - Krista Morham (22, SCT); 7 - Chibuzo Afolayan (24, BNJ), 17 - Robby Stanford (27, ESH), 13 - Madison Rojas (26, SLL)
Notable Substitutes: 1 - GK - Soren Johan (24, SEM); 8 - DM - Elsa Dietrich (33), 10 - LW - Jack Brier (30, SCT), 14 - CM - Paul Bismarck (33), 15 - RW - Cahir Treal (30, BSE), 17 - RB - Emery Hastings (33)

Background: The most controversial and, yes, hated club in Nephara. Corvistone is the new planned capital of Nephara, projected to step into that role in a couple of years, and AFC Corvistone was made explicitly to be a club worthy of the capital. But the capital isn't fully formed and the club, which struggles to even half-fill its fantastic stadium, faces constant pressure for buying success and in all fairness it has never shied away from that, splurging money freely to drag themselves to the top flight. Their fans relish the hate, though, and the club makes the most of its siege mentality.

Summary: The Crows are now most people's reluctant favourites for the title after splashing out on yet another expensive forward in Banijan international Afolayan. Furthermore, their main weaknesses - thin reserves - have been bolstered by acquiring a bunch of recently released Premiership veterans. Dietrich, Bismarck and Hastings are all more than capable of stepping up for 10-15 starts a season. The defence is serviceable, newly reinforced by Gerrit Tatu, with Maria Kovacic an excellent acrobatic shot-stopper. The real danger, though, is in the front five - Krista Morham in particular is a star for them at just 22, new wingers Afolayan and Rojas add bite and new dimension to the attack while Robby Stanford remains the best striker in the league. Last season, sure, that was a statement of intent. This season they absolutely must take the title.

2. Cypher Town
Home Colours: All blue, red trim
Away Colours: All red, white trim
Stadium: Velvet Meadow (28,000)
Nickname: the Eagles
Manager: Rivka Keaton (42)
(4-3-1-2) 1 - Ruo Xiaolan (23, YZH); 2 - Sander Mears (26, SEM), 4 - Andros Hertzka (25), 5 - Constantine Beckett (35), 3 - Faith Tenenbaum (31); 21 - Catheline Stensholt (22), 6 - Bianca Condotta (34), 11 - Vuesala Frey (25, ISK); 8 - Sophia Petridis (26); 9 - Borbas Tihamer (26, PAS), 10 - Cohen Alexander (23)
Notable Substitutes: 10 - AM - Koen Hochmeister (31), 13 - CM - Elaine Brackwater (32), 15 - ST - Chufti Waters (28), 18 - LB - Angela Koufos (31), 19 - CB - Ashton Dalmshelf (35, COS, c)

Background: A large town situated on the Western Marches - the traditional border between Laithland and civilisation - Cypher hosts a fairly prominent side that has traditionally flitted between the top two tiers. Cypher is mostly noted for having attracted the unrequited rivalry of a staggering number of clubs - fellow Marcher side Serpentine has the geography to think about, its fairly extravagant livery has earned it the hilarious ire of pretty much all the true Laith clubs, while Parrhesia United (northern Vermillion and much of the northern region in general) also clashes shoulders with it.

Summary: The Eagles live in interesting times. Rivka Keaton looked at last season, which was unimpressive, and nodded, and then ripped the blueprint in half and started aggressively recruiting to make a new blueprint - hard at the core, set to fight their way out of the division, with just the right amount of class in the middle. They lost goalkeeper Jakob Carter to Brinemouth, but replaced him with Ruo Xiaolan, who has no professional experience due to the lack of any structure for women in Yuezhou, but is a flying shot-stopper with endless determination. A hard-edged defence, reinforced by Tenenbaum from River and anchored by the veteran Constantine Beckett, is further backed up by a genuine marquee at this level in Bianca Condotta, a high-class defensive midfielder at the highest level. It's handy when the highest level is, in fact, the tier above. Sophia Petridis is a pure creative fulcrum for the side, with all this physicality around her - not least hulking forwards Tihamer (fringe Pasarga international a couple years back) and Alexander. Whisper it, but... promotion might be meant to be this season.

3. North Sabrefell
Home Colours: White / black / white
Away Colours: Blue / white / blue
Stadium: Frangipani Court (16,000)
Nickname: the Bohemians
Manager: Mark Grayson (46)
(4-4-2) 1 - Jasmine Rondel (26); 2 - Meg Owley (26), 5 - Rebecca Larkland (34), 18 - Jesper Thorn (26), 3 - Brigitte Anderton (25); 15 - Minka Kranevitter (22), 14 - Cosette Espeleta (25), 8 - Ashleigh Aveline (33), 13 - Marcel Thrace (23); 9 - Milan Aubeck (31, c), 11 - Erika Wolff (22)
Notable Substitutes: 30 - GK - Sam Kerr (19, TLI); 4 - CM - Gareth Anwhistle (29), 6 - CB - Garnet Tamerlane (26), 10 - ST - Connor Scuffett (33), 16 - LM - Catherine Walker (31, APX)

Background: North Sabrefell haven't really made an impact on Nephara, traditionally speaking, but they've risen respectably of late. It's regarded, sometimes derided, as something of a bohemian wasteland full of drug-addled students, and they've embraced the nickname accordingly. They've recently had a cash injection from Brenecian mining tycoon Bruce Harker, but strict Nepharim ownership rules prevent him from taking a majority share - even so, expect him to influence the side forwards. They're rivals with nearby, more affluent Belgrave.

Summary: This could be the Bohemians' season. One of a variety of teams on the fringes of fourth place last season, Mark Grayson lost the excellent goalkeeper Raihane Stern to Leichhardt but has used those funds to improve the squad elsewhere, with the calm, defensive and professional leftback Anderton brought in from Drawkland, seasoned defender Larkland in from Serpentine and angular Locksley markswoman Erika Wolff brought in after 28 goals in the third tier. As before, the side is built around being hard to break down, uncompromising in defence and midfield, with Espeleta and Aveline exceptional at clamping down the play, fast, powerful wingers in Kranevitter and Thrace charging down the wings and, in Aubeck and Wolff, two utterly ruthless strikers. "We must strike while the iron is hot," Grayson barked in preseason. Well, that time is now.

4. North Laithland
Home Colours: Blue / white / red
Away Colours: White / blue/ white
Stadium: The Bluegrass (48,000)
Nickname: the Spiders
Manager: Leo Santander (52)
(4-3-3) 1 - Gerhard Sinstadt (28); 2 - Dorian Kendrick (24), 5 - Gabriel Traustram (23), 17 - Christian Serjeant (25), 3 - Karsten Riordan (26); 6 - Marcia Lapwing (22), 4 - Ross Finlay (26, TLI), 13 - Josie Webster (23); 14 - Rosary Kistler (28), 9 - Deborah Stokes (22), 11 - Rinat Stubbs (23)
Notable Substitutes: 20 - GK - Ophelia Rattin (23); 18 - CB - Samson Turnbull (21), 19 - LB - David Maskin (21), 22 - ST - Patricia Etheridge (24), 23 - RB - Harald Reuser (24)

Background: Premiership staples until their recent relegation, North Laithland become the first former Premiership champions to drop down a level. Unfortunately for the Spiders, that season Nephara was disqualified from UICA entry due to persistent crowd incidents. Situated, unsurprisingly, in the northern Laith, they represent the entire region and draw their fanbase from a wide variety of northwest Crownsend towns. They have a strong reputation for youth development and have produced a disproportionate amount of Cormorants, though it's been less productive in recent times. They have a friendly rivalry going with South Laithland and a decidedly unfriendly one with AFC Treason.

Summary: Shred away some of the Spiders' best players - and the losses of dangerous Tsikitsiris and clean, calming Vanderlei are going to be really painful, as is the departure of the captain, Duguid - and they just sort of look like a pretty good First Division side. They've picked up a good manager, too, in Leo Santander - freshly relegated by Corvette Maulers, but frankly, they were up for a surprisingly long time as it was. The Spiders will play his traditional high-pressing, fast-paced attacking football - former manager Kartakoullis, who took them down, arguably focused too much on technique rather than her squad's strengths. A lightning-quick attack gilded by the promise of Deborah Stokes and the experience of the sprinting Kistler, a physically resilient defence and in between, calm Lapwing and especially energetic Josie Webster, who they've somehow managed to keep ahold of for at least another season. You could see the Spiders coming straight back up, but maybe wouldn't put money on it.

5. Crisisbless United
Home Colours: Black-chequered red / black / red
Away Colours: Red-chequered white / red / white
Stadium: The Chessboard (38,000)
Nickname: the Chequers, the Chessmen
Manager: Fay Harville (49)
(4-3-3) 1 - Andreas Sparwasser (28, BRE); 2 - Asmir Casserley (25), 19 - Jasmine Stokes (24), 5 - Astrid Curran (35, c), 3 - Ixion Stamatellis (25); 11 - Hippolyta Theophile (24), 4 - Zouheir Na'Ryibi (26, COS), 15 - Sheila Maher (29); 7 - Sigrun Rivers (21), 9 - Kaija Koppel (29, SCT), 10 - Markos Schoenauer (25)
Notable Substitutes: 20 - GK - Carla Briarman (24); 6 - DM - Uther Neubaum (34), 8 - CM - Nikolas Cadogan (33), 22 - RW - Fabula Plath (27)

Background: One of Crisisbless' secondary sides, United's deliberate study of contrasts of kit compared to the Heelers' has lead to plenty of jibes. But few people were laughing at United at their most recent return to the top flight, in which they won a lot of friends with forthright attacking football and survived for many years against the odds. Fans are optimistic of a glorious, cantering return sooner rather than later.

Summary: United will be kicking themselves - a slow start to the season saw them languishing in midtable at the halfway point, but a late surge saw them just two points out from fourth with a superior goal difference, even in with a remote chance on the final day. Still, Fay Harville's won over the fans by continuing their traditional attacking ethos, and the excellent Sigrun Rivers was thrown into the deep end and swam rather than sank. Harville's tried to go for a tougher spine in the off-season despite the loss of her best defender, Cassidy Hasek, replacing her with the very modern centre-half Jasmine Stokes from Drawkland and the tough journeyman midfielder Na'Ryibi, with experience in Kernansquillec and Cosumar. Leftback Ixion Stamatellis also enjoyed an excellent season at both ends of the pitch. Up front, the coltish Rivers will continue a fruitful partnership with the goal-getter Koppel. A hard-working, hard-hitting and high-pressing side, maturing under Harville's watch into a real threat in this division.

6. South Laithland
Home Colours: All purple with white trim
Away Colours: White / purple / white
Stadium: Covenground (27,000)
Nickname: the Southrons
Manager: Lyn Hartmann (59)
(4-4-2) 20 - Lisa Summersteen (31); 23 - Henrik Raubell (25), 5 - Martyn Schelzer (24), 6 - Darren Ferror (24), 3 - Merlyn Youabian (22, COS); 7 - Russ Cohurst (28), 8 - Sherry Bickermann (30), 24 - Andre Havranek (23, IRN), 11 - Cathy Alweather (25); 16 - Vesuvia Carrick (21), 10 - Dietrich Sorrenson (30)
Notable Substitutes: 1 - GK - Bella Yossarian (35), 12 - GK - Alastair Cavan (23); 2 - CB - Sophia Milner (35), 4 - CM - Gratia Barker (35, c), 9 - ST - Tanith Stark (34), 13 - LM - Georgia Malinder (25), 22 - LB - Alexandra Stack (32)

Background: Based, as the name suggests, in the southern Laith, South Laithland (based in the town of Dross, which is basically just the football stadium) have traditionally hovered between the bottom half of the Premiership and the top half of the First Division throughout the modern era, and really throughout their entire history. A reasonably successful and stable side, they've rarely scintillated but can be proud of a productive academy. They're friendly rivals with North Laithland, have a derby day against Cypher but expose their fiercest venom for Treason, who have a way of poaching their best players (Allbeck, Flaccus, Connacht, Morgan Ashdown...)

Summary: It could've been the Southrons' season... but instead, they fell away badly in the final stretch. Defensively sound, but not impenetrable - decent up front but without flair. Still, all in all it was about what could be expected. This season, though, they look a tougher prospect - a young side has had another year under their belts, while they've recruited cannily to fill gaps at goalkeeper and in midfield. It's a muscular, athletic side, one accustomed to running teams off the pitch more than passing them off it, but it does that effectively enough. Summersteen is a mediocre Premiership goalkeeper, but her distribution is expected to set her apart at this level, and a tough defence is gilded by the addition of young Youabian, a qualified Speech-Language Pathologist. The kinds of players you get out of Cosumarite universities... Havranek and Bickermann form a powerful, uncompromising central midfield, with two orthodox wingers, while up front big things are expected of youth product Vesuvia Carrick, the sort of forward with only contempt for opposing defences. They aren't thrilling, but they are solid, muscular, professional. It could be their time.

7. Corvette Maulers
Home Colours: Yellow and black stripes / black / yellow
Away Colours: Green / green / white
Stadium: The Bullrush (30,000)
Nickname: the Maulers
Manager: Mark Grayson (46)
(4-3-3) 1 - Russ Lazaridis (32); 2 - Barak Strauss (23), 5 - Gideon Muller (29), 6 - Levi Rainwall (33), 13 - Eloise Davison (26); 15 - Trish Plutarch (28), 14 - Vicki Coleman (22), 8 - Chris Britton (31); 10 - Prisca Stenet (30), 22 - Kamasutra Fernwood (26), 16 - Johanna Ankergren (27)
Notable Substitutes: 25 - GK - Marcia Folkhard (23); 3 - LB - Ana Laursen (28), 4 - DM - Sebastian Vassall (30), 9 - ST - Patches Rathbone (23), 11 - LW - Gabriel Haines (22), 17 - CB - Hedwig Schelin (29), 19 - RB - Con Neofitides (22), 26 - CM - Jasko Voleimann (23)

Background: The Northern Vale's second prominent club, from it's second-largest town. It's traditionally something of a yo-yo club, with three promotions to and subsequent relegations from the top flight - impressive considering a fairly small catchment and limited finances. It claims to represent the Vale as a whole - Leichhardt, a thriving large town, just represents itself, and the two sides are fierce rivals. The fans appreciate fast-paced, aggressive football, which again forms a contrast with traditionally more defensive Leichhardt. For all that, the two sides share yellow as a primary colour.

Summary: Unlike certain other clubs, the Maulers did not allow themselves to be totally cleaned out by relegation. The excellent goalkeeper Sparr, versatile holding player Silverstein and loanee striker Corvalan were inevitable losses, but reinforcements have been found. Vicki Coleman from the academy is particularly promising, and clears ground in long, gazelle strides. She'll be alongside the technique of Plutarch, who should look more comfortable with a bit more space, and the limited but hard-working Britton to form a strong midfield, while Stenet and Ankergren are two of the league's best wingers. Elsewhere, the players are mostly average, though the depth is strong. Mostly, though, the simple truth is that a relegated Premiership side missing a handful of its best players is a decent, if not earthshattering, First Division one. That's what keeps new blood flowing in, and what ensures the days of yo-yo clubs are (mostly) over.

8. Belgrave
Home Colours: All purple with white trim
Away Colours: All yellow with black trim
Manager: Meriadoc Griffiths (39, BRE)
Stadium: Cherryfields (25,000)
Nickname: the Gargoyles
(4-3-3) 1 - Portia Bittroff (27); 2 - Sansa Dreyfuss (24), 4 - Kristian Gronkjaer (33, SEM), 19 - Drusilla Naess (26), 6 - Quin Markranstadt (27); 8 - Espen Whyte (29), 17 - Sigmar Ward (24), 11 - Diana Lake (24); 10 - Sascha Dimitrius (27), 9 - Ilary Muscat (23), 13 - Sylvia Rouseff (29)
Notable Substitutes: 20 - GK - Jocasta Searle (25); 3 - CB - Milos Roth (31), 5 - CB - Dion Stepton (30), 22 - DM - Detlef Konstantin (29), 24 - LB - Cristoph Heidel (29)

Background: Belgrave represents Sabrefell's affluent northeast, not historically a socio-economic demographic that has produced good footballers. Even so, their success in recent seasons is built more on good planning than deep pockets. They embrace their reputation for affluence, rebranding it as a belief in 'sophistication', and they've historically favoured a technical, possession-focused style of football, trusting in youth to step up for them. Their willingness to snipe talented youths from across the city to play for them has only made them less popular.

Summary: Malta Falconer got the chop around midway through last season after the Gargoyles were almost sucked into relegation, but Kingsgrove's youth manager, Meriadoc Griffiths, was choppered in. Something of a left-field choice, but look at Iron City, where Proper Football Man Gareth Catalan was unable to stop their catastrophic backslide, while Griffiths - at home ordering a young, technically adept squad wearing purple - lifted them out of danger. And put their best players, Feisser and Mersiades, into the shop window, where they were snapped up by Parrhesia and the Chariots. This season is going to be consolidation, and Griffiths' crisp, assertive football - backed up by the muscle in midfield of Whyte and given bite by the incisive wingers, Dimitrius and Rouseff - should give the fans something to chew on while they build for something better. Onwards and upwards. Just not ... today.

9. Chatswood
Home Colours: Sky blue / navy / sky blue
Away Colours: White / sky blue / white
Stadium: Westcroft (28,000)
Nickname: the Woodsmen
Manager: Leigh Fletcher (48)
(4-4-2) 1 - Serdjan Aleksovic (30, COS); 2 - Julian Ilsander (24), 5 - Darius Rashkin (27), 13 - Marisa Strauss (30), 19 - Kayla Dorran (23); 7 - Matt Hephernan (22), 23 - Timo Blankman, 21 - Robyn Sabitzer (25), 11 - Reis Caulker (21); 9 - Chris Suttner (26), 10 - Abishai Vestal (22)
Notable Substitutes: 12 - GK - Baltasar Gensch (26); 18 - CB - Constantine Dahl (24), ST - 22 - Bernhard Duisberg (23), ST - 24 - Bardolph Miller (23)

Background: Treason's second club, in the West of the city. It's got a hard-nosed, physical reputation, fanned by many a successful, battling Premiership performance. After years of punching above their weight and sporadically managing UICA qualification, it seems as though the Woodsmen have come crashing down to earth. Their main rivals are AFC Treason, but the 'minor Treason derby' against Morningstar was a fiery affair last season. After quirks of fixturing lead to a series of steel vs. silk clashes on final Premiership matchdays, in which Chatswood constantly played spoiler, there's also a fierce rivalry with Brinemouth.

Summary: New manager Leigh Fletcher has come in after a season abroad and ripped everything up from the bottom. Out go many of their best players - Vickers, Machan, Tsicaderis, Corsie (don't laugh) - and even more average ones - Schuster, Alphonse, the retired Towerman, a bunch of squad players - have been shown the door. A lot of academy guys have had to step up, impressive young striker Abishai Vestal the most eye-catching, and suddenly the Woodsmen have one of the youngest sides in the division. Also, to its credit, almost entirely homegrown - new goalkeeper Serdjan Aleksovic, a philanthropic journeyman, is one of the only players from the side who isn't from Chatswood's academy. It's also one woefully inadequate for promotion. But there was a lot of dead wood at the side, and according to reports, a toxic culture to be rooted out. Big Fletch is definitely the right woman for the job. In the meantime, a tough defence will prevent disaster, while Robyn Sabitzer is their last outfielder of real Premiership quality.

10. Chenoworth Rovers
Home Colours: White / blue / white
Away Colours: Navy / navy / red
Manager: Catheline Harper (46)
Stadium: Slatefield (32,000)
Nickname: the Rovers
(4-4-2) 20 - Felix Shaw (31, SLL); 19 - Adino Eliot (29), 5 - Jakob Trench (24), 6 - Karena Hartley (27, c), 3 - Lyn Partisan (28); 23 - Tormod Joiner (26), 4 - Raelene Marinello (31, USI), 13 - Mona Gentile (34, OSR), 16 - Jasper Dyer (24); 10 - Lasse Hummel (32, SEM), 21 - Autumn Starbuck (32, ISK)
Notable Substitutes: 1 - GK - Calcifer Anderson (31), 2 - RB - Camilla Arkwright (26), 8 - CM - Chris Bronzebridge (30), 9 - ST - Darren Stamford (35), 41 - CB - Mortola Teffeteller (17, COS)

Background: Chenoworth is a two-club city (for the most part), with the Harriers representing the northwest geographically and Hellenics culturally, and the Rovers Jewish, eastern and by reputation more affluent. In the early years of the modern era, both sides could regularly be seen yo-yoing wildly between the top two tiers, with seven Premiership relegations between them. Of late, however, the Harriers' fortunes have soared and the Rovers' have soured, until a recent resurgence has left them yet again eyeing the top flight.

Summary: Neither sleet nor hail nor a torrent of injuries to key personnel could stop the Rovers from promotion - though they did, ultimately, choke the title on the final day. Even so, Catheline Harper's got the squad to at least hold firm in midtable for the time being. It is... not a young squad - "here for a good time, not a long time," Harper said of new arrival Lasse Hummels - but they have the quality at all ends of the pitch to succeed. They play hard, physically uncompromising football and boast in Felix Shaw probably the league's best goalkeeper. Karena Hartley is a towering, commanding centre-half of genuine authority, and holds the side together at the back. A technically capable, if slow-moving, midfield of Marinello and Gentile is seasoned at the top level, with homegrown hulk Bronzebridge often called upon to close out games. Harper, a winger in her day, has naturally acquired some decent ones of her own - Jasper Dyer on the left gets the work done in particular. Up front, Autumn Starbuck's still a key player for them at 32 but it's the unflashy but efficient Lasse Hummel, whose record of success in Cosumar is unquestionable, who is expected to really get the ball in the net at this level. They should, when all is said and done, be well at home here.

11. Maximum City
Home Colours: White / black / red
Away Colours: Red / black / white
Stadium: Ludd's Hammer (59,000)
Nickname: the Smiths
Manager: Almuth Coppell (59)
(4-4-2) 1 - Loris Aldous (25); 5 - Ellen Mifsud (23), 2 - Tomas Ruthven (24), 19 - Meredith Napthine (27), 3 - Ash Scandard (31); 7 - Artemis Katsamatis (30), 13 - Lily Robinson (33), 10 - Elaine Brighton (31), 20 - Odette Longstocking (26); 9 - Solomon Devante (32), 15 - Ephraim Mirzian (23)
Notable Substitutes: 12 - GK - Steffen Ceferin (30); 4 - CM - Gavin Chamberlain (33, MRT), 6 - LB - Kostas Demetriou (33), 8 - CM - Sophia Moloney (32), 17 - RB - Priscilla Boyden (31)

Background: Once considered a keystone member of the Premiership, Maximum City once lead the league on the 45th matchday. But, at the last minute, they collapsed, and their fierce rivals Treason overtook them. They've arguably never recovered, with relegation coming at the end of a long, drawn-out malaise. Maximum is a polluted, hyperindustrial clump, and City claims rather grandly to represent it all - this has been less true of late with the success of their local rivals, the Rovers. Traditionally they have played an unexciting, direct and physical brand of football, and its supporters value powerful, committed veterans and winning at any cost.

Summary: The only good thing about last season is that Maximum City are now no longer laughable for being stranded here after almost winning the Premiership title, given that North Laithland are now stranded here after actually winning the Premiership title. The fare on the pitch was dreary at best, dire at worst, and they've celebrated by losing Corona Sharpe, their top scorer by a country mile. Youth product Ephraim Mirzian will have to step up, but looks an uninspiring replacement, though technical midfielder Elaine Brighton may spark things up going forward and fiery defender Ruthven does at least spice things up at the back. The mood is genuinely mutinous, few of their players are worth further mention (beyond Loris Aldous, the latest of a series of exceptional goalkeepers the club has produced) and the most intriguing thing about this coming season in which they will neither be promoted nor relegated is talks of a takeover from a consortium within the mutinous fanbase...

12. Ritter Town
Home Colours: All white, orange trim
Away Colours: All blue, orange trim
Stadium: Stableground (22,000)
Nickname: the Stallions
Manager: Brandon Laithstrider (41)
(4-4-2) 1 - Simon Ardley (30); 2 - Sapphire Riverhound (24), 5 - Gunther Shawcroft (32, c), 4 - Rudi Fallon (29), 3 - Ashley Kresinger (31); 7 - Serval Harfouch (28), 14 - Cyrus Saebener (26), 8 - Brendan Sotiropolous (28), 13 - Boney Connell (24, BSE); 10 - Ganimedes (26, DAI), 21 - Discovery Carrera (24, AUD)
Notable Substitutes: 9 - ST - Cath Storrin (32), 19 - RB - Sigrun Tarragon (26, ISK)

Background: Ritter is a large town on the border of Barossia and Chardonnay, and its side has traditionally punched above its weight. It recently enjoyed a few seasons in the Premiership, but lower midtable First Division is roughly its Level, as it were. Now that they've fallen from the top flight, the management is trying to cultivate a focus on embracing youth and then selling them on at a significant profit to keep treading fiscal water.

Summary: The Stallions hovered fairly comfortably in midtable last season, with a fanbase mostly content with that as they see bigger sides (bye, Iron) plummet beneath them to the third tier. Brandon Laithstrider never promised immediate excellence, but has added a more analytic approach to a side that on paper still seems the athletic, high-intensity, low-technique side as ever. "Maximising the percentages is part and parcel of surviving as a small club," Laithstrider told the press, and while we aren't literate in Nerd here that probably means something like 'yes, going direct has a time and place'. Simon Ardley helps the defensive end, a powerful goalkeeper with Gunther Shawcroft a calm, intelligent defender who really should be back in the Premiership. Boney Connell, floating on the left wing, is a source of serious unpredictability for opponents, and absolutely cannot be trusted. Unfortunately, he can't be trusted to track back, either - Ashley Kresinger's got the lungs to overlap and to cover for him, even at 31. Up front, Carrera gets the goods, aided by the hulking Ganimedes. The Stallions shouldn't change too much. Not this season, anyway.

13. Armstrong
Home Colours: All navy with cyan/white trim
Away Colours: Yellow / navy / yellow
Stadium: Swolefens (25,000)
Nickname: the Paladins
Manager: Brun Kissinger (47)
(4-1-4-1) 12 - Constantine Yeoman (24); 2 - Garrett Leonard (30), 4 - Sauro Costabile (33, COS), 5 - Deon Martyn (29), 3 - Kurtis Rakeruth (34); 14 - Gareth Flynn (33, OSR); 22 - Majdiyya Cavazos (27, EFL), 13 - Elsa Livesey (33), 6 - Damocles Kouroglou (27), 13 - Adnan Nikolajsen (29, SEM); 9 - Atherton Telfair (34, COS)
Notable Substitutes: 1 - GK - Mako Holstad (35, SEM), 20 - GK - Yann Cawood (22); 8 - CM - Leo Rosenstiel (22), 16 - DM - Ivan Collinger (29), 19 - CB - Gary Boatman (25), 23 - ST - Jonas Busch (24), 24 - RB - Constantine Strutton (25), 25 - CM - Callum Chandler (25)

Background: A small club from Maximum, nominally. In practice Armstrong are, at least on the pitch, a match for them. Armstrong represent the industrial city's north, the poorest part of the city, and have a proud community tradition of trying to uplift the area through hard work and charity. They traditionally play a bruising, direct style, and like nothing more than making fancy tippy-tappy teams wither and die on their swamp of a pitch. Their stadium, Swolefens, was given the nickname at first by detractors of its muscular football and swampy surface, but has been adopted wholesale since in good Nepharim tradition.

Summary: Ninth pretty much throughout last season, not much else is expected this season. They're a side stranded in a holding pattern, with an aging squad - a situation not improved by the addition of Kurtis Rakeruth, Elsa Livesey and Gareth Flynn, both good players, but the latter can't replace the loss of fearless captain Catrine Kisel to Oldem Knights. They've brought in towering goalkeeper Constantine Yeoman from the third tier to loom behind a hardened defence, while inspiration going forward largely comes from incisive wingers Cavazos and Nikolajsen. Kouroglou is the heart and soul of the team, and can be found pretty much wherever something's happening, while journeyman striker Telfair's an excellent hold-up man with an eye for goal that hasn't eroded with age. They're decent. They will do fine. But another promotion seems further away than ever.

14. Sheridan
Home Colours: All dark green, orange/white trim
Away Colours: All white, dark green/orange trim
Stadium: The Peoples' Ground (30,000)
Nickname: Sherries
Manager: Perspective Merson (45)
(4-1-4-1) 1 - Henna Morgan (33); 19 - Victoria Schute (29, SCT), 5 - Toriel Scarrow (28), 6 - Jasper Sorrenson (33), 3 - Hippolyta Whitesmith (33); 4 - Galen Wickham (32); 7 - Corinne Murdock (26), 10 - Kate Mullen (32, c), 8 - Luke Wintergren (31), 11 - Sharon Kitteman (26); 9 - Stacey Potenza (27, AUD)
Notable Substitutes: 12 - GK - Jack Cornthorpe (29); 2 - RB - Bastian Keller (33), 13 - RM - Madeleine Leighton (32), 19 - CB - Jane Watson (34), 22 - ST - Nikita Arbor (33), 23 - LB - Blossom Garry (29), 24 - LM - Jackie Mulberry (24)

Background: Sheridan has the poorest catchment of Sabrefell, and has a devoted, occasionally violent fanbase. Despite being broke and unfashionable, they've managed to do a job - particularly recently, managing a couple of stints in the Premiership. Sherries pride themselves on having a largely homegrown squad, all buying into an intensely physical, gruelling style - only people willing to run through walls for the club are accepted, and then loved, by the fans - and there's an uncommon number of one-club men who can't see themselves playing for any other club.

Summary: More of the same for Sherries, you'd imagine. A big, bruising side, as ever, packed with experience, as ever, hard to beat, as ever. Finishing 12th last season, which seemed about right after an excellent start to the season reverted to the mean. They've doubled down on their core principles this season, hard-bitten fullbacks in Schute and Whitesmith patching up the defence while Henna Morgan is plucked from relegated West Brinemouth to take up her place between the posts. And that's... it, really. They remain reliant on hustling counterattacks and disciplined set pieces for goals but have, in Stacey Potenza, the kind of all-action Audioslavian striker to whom the ball just... sticks, forever. And he can finish, too. Captain and spiritual centre of the team Kate Mullen only gets better every season, even in her thirties, while Corinne Murdock and her thunderous right boot is a handy ace up the sleeve. Mostly, though, it's Sheridan. You know what you're getting.

15. Greygate
Home Colours: All grey with red sash
Away Colours: All white with blue trim
Stadium: Dourhead (23,000)
Nickname: the Wardens
Manager: Kieran Schrader (45)
(4-4-2) 12 - Wotan Hornwood (24); 13 - Jari Ricketts (24), 5 - Daniel Muscat (30), 19 - Rostyn Malick (25), 18 - Rodolf Berisha (28); 7 - Jason Finmark (25), 23 - Misha Paterson (22), 4 - Solipsis Coleman (30), 11 - Corso Poulsen (27); 9 - Makhone Djite (30), 15 - Kotaro Westfield (25, USI)
Notable Substitutes: 1 - GK - Duncan Simonsen (35); 7 - RM - Scott Penclare (34), 17 - CB - Stern Chaucer (35)

Background: Greygate hope to entrench themselves as Maximum's third club. They're based in the city's north, and the titular 'Grey Gate' was the site of a few great battles in Nephara's turbulent history of civil war. In calmer times, it now represents a small but rising club, ranks swelled in recent years with dissenters from the increasingly wayward way that Maximum City's been run, to the point where they've been able to build a new stadium. As a result, they're looking forward to the chance to stick the boot into the Smiths, and the feeling is very much reciprocated.

Summary: Greygate are in danger of becoming a recognised yo-yo club between the second and third tiers, but after Kieran Schrader's side seized the title on the final day and reinforced their squad strongly, this particular vintage might actually manage to stay up. Maybe even more likely than not. Hard-working, tough-tackling and a little bit openly dirty, the Wardens will stop at absolutely nothing to get three points. On the strong base that was last relegated, Schrader has added faith in a muscular young goalkeeper, Hornwood, but kept his trust in an equally muscular back four. Jason Finmark is an inspiration on the right, excelling in very un-Nepharim flicks, tricks and occasional needless turnovers, very direct. Misha Paterson's a similar sort of player, a true street-rat with a somewhat... theatrical streak, it has to be admitted. Poulsen just needs to hit in the crosses, and that won't be hard with Big Lad Supreme Makhone Djite, a forward of... Tier 1.5 Quality, it's fair to say, and in any case a powerful asset for the side. Kotaro Westfield, who shredded the third tier last season, expects to keep up the good work this time around as well. The Wardens won't be pretty, but they will be safe.

16. Extreme Hills
Home Colours: Orange / black / orange
Away Colours: White / orange / white
Stadium: Harkerscourt (20,000)
Nickname: the Hounds
Manager: Bryony Johansen (37)
(4-4-2) 1 - Czarina Tournay (30, COS); 17 - Niko Rudan (28), 18 - Ranulf Gatcan (22), 5 - Stefan Herron (34), 3 - Brigid Eather (23); 7 - Max Asprey (28), 6 - Asa Ketelsen (27, AUD), 8 - Jess Hearn (36, c), 16 - Matti Garforth (23); 9 - Maribel Garrido (30, OSR), 11 - Coretta Rooke (21)
Notable Substitutes: 25 - GK - Jon Saullivan (22); 2 - RB - Fiete Kinnett (25), 4 - CM - Gavin Handspiker (23), 14 - ST - Nori Harcutt (23), 23 - CM - Tasha Somerstreet (28)

Background: As power gradually shifts towards the big cities, Hills have managed to buck that trend with a dynamic rise of their own. They're representative of a number of settlements across the titular Extreme Hills in the western Laith, one of the most isolated chunks of the entire country. Its people are fiercely parochial, and unsurprisingly their fans hate pretty much everyone. Fortunately for the sturdy Laithlander hillfolk, they tend to be disproportionately good at football, so Hills have traditionally done well elevating them to play key roles and be sold on. Generally they play fast, physical football.

Summary: The Hounds have just had, statistically, the worst season in Premiership history. Twenty one points, 35 defeats and a staggering -76 goal difference. Jesus. It's unsurprising that most of the team has either jumped (most prominently Barota and Vorbeck, likely their two best players) or been pushed, and Bryony Johansen's been left with a skeleton crew to try and fend off a second relegation. The young manager looks to have aged ten years in the offseason, but has at least drilled the Hounds into a side that remembers how to play assertive football. Acrobatic goalkeeper Tournay should be up to the second-tier standard, with Stefan Herron exactly the kind of tall, confident veteran defender the side needed. Jess Hearn is their main creative spark, but at 36 is likely to spend as much time on the bench as out on the pitch. Up front, Maribel Garrido knows where to find the back of the net, while Coretta Rooke shows real promise. But will it be enough to even make it into the top half?

17. Rochford
Home Colours: Blue and black stripes / black / blue
Away Colours: White / blue / white
Stadium: Fisherking's Court (11,000)
Nickname: the Owls
Manager: Warren Orwell (53)
(4-4-1-1) 1 - Chris Beasley (30); 17 - Catheline Pitspurr (31), 23 - Hector Reiss (22), 19 - Sigma Hantas (26), 18 - Cheney Ralston (33); 12 - Colette Proudfoot (27), 4 - Elaine Candlestick (28, c), 8 - Nadine Mateus (32), 11 - Nathan Proctor (26); 8 - Ruziqul Burgundy (27, ISK); 9 - Scenario Martane (27)
Notable Substitutes: 2 - RB - Ella Garner-Terry (29), 3 - LB - Vogue Hechen (31), 5 - CB - Vance Schmidt (33), 6 - CM - Silk Commoner (27)

Background: A moderately prominent town just inland of the Lazuli Coast, Rochford were a yo-yo club leading into the modern era of Nepharim football but have slipped away from prominence in more recent years, echoing the tendency of the townsfolk themselves to leave for the greener pastures of Brinemouth. Built overlooking the small lake known as the Roch, Rochford is famous for its seafood, especially its oysters.

Summary: Basically everyone underestimated the Owls last season. Badly. Admittedly, it was looking like the doom and gloom would be vindicated after the bottom fell out of their promising start to the season, a string of one win and just six goals in fourteen matches seeing them plummet into the relegation places before they managed to pull upwards again. What do they have? A tactically adept manager in Warren Orwell who has a positively Machiavellian approach to media management and an eye for a telling substitution. A tough-tackling, physical defence, now improved by Premiership-seasoned hands in Pitspurr and Ralston on its flanks. More muscle in midfield, but now with the calm authority of Nadine Mateus added, with powerful, pacy wingers, a rare dedicated playmaker in Ruziqul Burgundy and, in Scenario Martane, a rangy striker who proved that a goalscorer's a goalscorer, no matter the division. He's played and succeeded at First, Second, Third and, before all this, state league level. They should stay up again.

18. Pillars of Southfell
Home Colours: Purple / black / white
Away Colours: White / purple / white
Stadium: Vesper Road (11,000)
Nickname: the Seekers
Manager: Aurora Brunhard (44)
(4-3-2-1) 1 - Karin Costley (28); 2 - Twitter Crookwell (28), 5 - Everard Muslin (25), 19 - Eli Prosper (25), 6 - Drachma Karagounis (21); 15 - Vanessa Booker (33), 23 - Meghan Alsatian (23), 10 - Lara Cantrip (27); 21 - Elon Cisneros (22), 11 - Cornucopia Younis (25); 13 - Lachlan Cromwell (33, BRE)
Notable Substitutes: 8 - C/AM - Victor Luevano (33, OSR), 9 - ST - Tonya Redmond (30), 16 - ST - Cath Allardyce (33)

Background: Southfell is traditionally a one-club city - Southfell United, originally a factory club, serves as that. But Pillars of Southfell, originally set up by the police force for the benefit of disaffected youths, appears to have muscled in on some of United's market share of late. On the one hand, a very hands-on approach with community work and grassroots has won them favour over the comparatively more high-handed United - on the other, the financial muscle of the Crisisbless-based consortium backing them has dragged them into the second tier. Leona Rafford is their most famous product.

Summary: Tightly-disciplined and somewhat dour to watch, though not in the way you might think of a lower-league Nepharim side. No, Aurora Brunhard - former semi-professional footballer who balanced that with a career in carpentry before picking up scouting work for Sabrefell Moths lead, in a roundabout way, to overseeing Pillars' recent promotions - has kept her side under a tight leash, tackling cleanly and not leaving gaps in their brick of a defence. Goalkeeper might be the relative weak point - Karin Costley's been with them since the beginning of their rise, and was looking just above-average last season - and the defence itself lacks star power besides, perhaps, the clean-heeled young Karagounis - but it does the job, and is shielded tightly by the likes of the dogged Booker and the tireless Meghan Alsatian, daughter of Nephara international Uli. Elon Cisneros, the young Chatswood product, has been brought in to add some spark to a rather pedestrian attack - Lachlan Cromwell was far more clinical than any other third-tier striker last season, and should put away most of his chances. All in all, they're more than the already decent sum of their parts, and should hover just clear of danger.

19. Crossroads Town
Home Colours: White / red / white
Away Colours: Black / black / red
Stadium: Rider's Rest (14,000)
Nickname: the Valiants
Manager: Marcel Pellegrin (56)
(4-4-2) 1 - Rainer Burgnich (28); 18 - Ellen Penny (30), 5 - Gretchen Hathaway (31), 6 - Ferdinand Howe (31), 19 - Per Mathiasen (29, SEM, c); 13 - Gretchen Seip (30), 4 - Apostolos Iordanou (26, PRV), 8 - Kenneth Thorn (33), 16 - Mignon Vaughan (27, EFL); 9 - Jose Espalheira (23, NTN), 10 - Conrad Webber (30)
Notable Substitutes: 7 - ST - Laura Weiler (33), 22 - RM - Lowen Falkirk (33)

Background: The town of Crossroads sits, appropriately, roughly equidistant between Crisisbless, Vermillion and Maximum. A loosely-populated sprawl that has, in fact, eaten a number of small nearby hamlets over the years, it was once a crucial part of the landscape that generally came out for the worse in Nephara's various civil wars back in the city-state days, but now enjoys a reputation as a quiet retreat from the bustle of city life that has managed to become a local tourist hotspot despite a lack of any real natural landmarks. The club has spent the modern era pinging between First and Second Division, enduring three relegations but enjoying three promotions.

Summary: Indebted to a final-day 1-1 draw against Cypher Town to survive, the Valiants kept the faith in tub-thumping manager Marcel Pellegrin when many sides with less willpower would have axed him. For that, they should be commended, but it looks like another backs-against-the-wall season for a side that just lacks the cattle to be truly comfortable at this level. Too open to counter-attacks, they conceded the second-most goals in the league (more than any relegated club) and were thus grateful to secure the safe hands of Hathaway on a free, while sturdy veteran Kenneth Thorn should shore things up in the heart of midfield. Mignon Vaughan had a poor start to the season, but improving late form was probably what kept him up, and he's picked up in preseason right where he left off. Sadly, Laura Weiler looks cooked, and they've had to bring in the promising but rough talent of Espalheira, who has it all physically but will need to step up to a higher standard. Alongside him, Conrad Webber is up to the task. They're strong and they're tough and they're up for it. They should be alright.

20. Vermillion Wanderers
Home Colours: Green / green / yellow
Away Colours: Yellow / green / green
Stadium: the Falstaff Ground (23,500)
Nickname: the Wanderers
Manager: Cheney Rutherford (47)
(4-4-2) 1 - Tameka Halsall (26); 16 - Ichthys Tsekenis (27), 5 - Bella Keegan (33, c), 6 - Katrin Haubeck (34), 3 - Barrett Routledge (24); 15 - Claudia Stefans (28), 21 - Gareth Ramsay (33), 4 - Stelios Eleftheriou (30), 13 - Renat Janssen (25, SEM); 9 - Lorraine Paintblack (23), 10 - Masquerade Bryson (26)
Notable Substitutes: 7 - RM - Ambrose Sonnett (30), 22 - CB - Sandra West (35), 23 - ST - Per Martinsson (24, SEM)

Background: The Wanderers had a dramatic rise from the semi-professional levels that saw them in the Premiership for three seasons. The rise was mirrored off the pitch as well as on, and they carved out a niche for themselves as Vermillion's reasonably-respected third side, and they've had to expand their stadium capacity to match the demand. Unlike Parrhesia and the Rage, they've found something of a reputation for very route-one football. They've about found their level in the First Division.

Summary: The Wanderers only narrowly survived the drop last season, and aging manager Asmund Boon's contract was allowed to lapse as a result. Cheney Rutherford, formerly assistant at Sabrefell Athletic, has a hell of a job to do in his first season as a manager. Unhelpfully, they immediately lost their excellent goalkeeper, Britton, and fringe Pasarga international fullback Kuefer - rather average reinforcements in veteran defender Haubeck and orthodox winger Stefans will have to do, with direct replacements simply a matter of elevating backup players. Halsall's a decent goalkeeper, if strangely short at 5'8", and has a slow but efficient central defence in front of her. In midfield, the evergreen Gareth Ramsay and ... the ... Eleftheriou will have to get their hands dirty, leaving most of the creativity to Renat Janssen, who ran hot and cold last season in contrast to the entire rest of the team running cold and cold. On that note, Per Martinsson's been benched in preseason after an anaemic five goals in 41 league games - Lorraine Paintblack did capably when filling in for main threat Bryson's hamstring injury, and now the two lanky strikers are expected to partner one another. Things don't look great for the Wanderers, and may get worse before they get better.

21. Hackett
Home Colours: Red / white / red
Away Colours: White / black / white
Stadium: Bradach Avenue (18,000)
Nickname: the Merry Boys
Manager: Anders Clarke (63)
(4-3-3) 12 - Sander Sorenholm (25, SEM); 17 - Nicola Wrexham (22), 19 - Paul Allard (30), 6 - Rose Benedict (26), 3 - Iliad Tsipras (29, PRV); 14 - Sara Penford (27), 5 - Chris Margate (28), 8 - Alexis Hannaday (32); 15 - Simeon Lucan (24), 9 - Torsten Muller (30, SEM), 23 - Lyon Kalvan (27)
Notable Substitutes: 1 - GK - Chris Crowder (35); 7 - RW - Rhianna Forrest (33), 10 - ST - Yehochanan Maas (33), 11 - AM - Yelizaveta Isayeva (35, PDN), 13 - CM - Alexis Hearseman (30)

Background: Based in the western outskirts of the city of Maximum, Hackett are a sporadically notable side, but they tend to bleed into the general lower-league landscape. They are associated with a somewhat more suburban, culturally diverse landscape than the hyperindustrial, extremely Anglo-Teutonic core of the city, and the club has benefited from the recent expansion west of the city's development (though some have criticised it as 'sprawl').

Summary: Anders Clarke's still got it. A pretty mediocre side was able to stay up despite a haemorrhaging defence and being forced to hand Lyon fucking Kalvan thirty-nine goalless league appearances. They conceded more goals than anyone else in the league and had the worst goal difference, partially due to goalkeeper Sorenholm's inconsistency, partially due to the fact that unsurprisingly a 36-year old Kearney and a 35-year old Rouphos combined to make an agonisingly slow defence, so their retirement has allowed Clarke to throw in Rose Benedict - decent in her fourteen appearances last season - and Premiership-experienced Allard in their stead. The midfield is reliant on the lively Alexis Hannaday for inspiration and a touch of class, and she rarely let the team down in that regard - though at 32, perhaps age is starting to factor. Simeon Lucan's another real livewire, a homegrown lad clearly loving every moment on the pitch. He was a decisive impact substitute time after time last season, and has been rewarded with a regular starting berth late last season and now coming into this one. Up front, new signing Torsten Muller had a strong record before moving to the Legaskari, but then failed to really make an impact in the Legaskari. Chalk off the past couple of years and the athletic target man's an excellent purchase - otherwise, a liability. The difference will probably make or break the Merry Boys' season.

22. Coret Rovers
Home Colours: Blue / white / blue
Away Colours: Yellow / blue / yellow
Stadium: The Ultramarine (16,000)
Nickname: the Rovers
Manager: Dorian Brindle (50)
(4-2-3-1) 1 - Darroll Kewell (24, EFL); 19 - Parvana Evans (26, ISK), 5 - Logan More (29), 22 - Dave Chenoweth (24), 3 - Karlo Jozic (26, PAS); 21 - Gareth Brewer (32), 4 - Rachel Tsicaderis (32); 7 - Alastair Spinnett (22), 8 - Jozan Moreland (31), 16 - Luther Spendthrift (23); 9 - Liberty Hammond (34, c)
Notable Substitutes: 14 - CM - Bosko Roman (24, IRN)

Background: Regarded by most as the second Coret side, the Rovers will claim to all and sundry that they were there first. Which is true. They're still mad about the Hawks for relocating to Coret, still regard them as plastics and resent their history of success. The Rovers themselves have usually been relatively small-time, bouncing through the lower-professional tiers of the league. Their rivals like to smugly inform them that the Hawks' existence defines the Rovers. This is probably true.

Summary: In the relegation zone for practically all of last season, the Rovers managed to drag themselves clear on the final matchday with parting gifts from their excellent wingers, Wintergren and Cecchini, surprisingly steering them past promotion-chasing AFC Corvistone 2-0, away. Cecchini was since bought by Brookford and Wintergren has retired, and an old squad gets older. Their replacements are just their backups last season, neither particularly impressive, and so Dorian Brindle is the current favourite to be the first manager fired. There is some class in the squad - after a shaky start, Darroll Kewell matured into one of the division's better goalkeepers, the fullbacks Evans and Jozic were both consistently effective shuttling down the flanks, the exceptionally dirty Tsicaderis joins the bruising Brewer in an ugly but efficient midfield while up front time seemingly does not seem interested in slowing down their inspirational captain, Liberty Hammond. But... it's a weak side, and relegation is still likely.

23. East Laithland Harriers
Home Colours: Red / black / red
Away Colours: Green / green / white
Stadium: Clangor Row (13,000)
Nickname: the Harriers
Manager: Providence Mitford (60)
(4-2-3-1) 1 - Theo Stamocostas (27); 17 - Willow Latchford (31), 22 - Amelia Breukelen (23, IRN), 6 - Istvan Kendrick (23), 16 - Joan Casemere (24); 14 - Julian Pence (27), 5 - Sebastian Hendrickshaw (29); 13 - Col Forsyth (23), 10 - Denisa Thirlwell (32), 23 - Reinaldo Bosch (23, AUD); 9 - Pato Yamaguchi (34, COS, c)
Notable Substitutes: 20 - GK - Bruce Deiler (33); 2 - RB - Jacqui Farlane (33), 7 - RAM - Arin Clarke (34), 18 - CM - Marc Pressley (32)

Background: The Harriers by and large represent the broke, disparate parts of the Laith, various small towns migrating to the medium-sized town of Drift to watch their side. Unlike many other Laithlander teams, the Harriers have traditionally struggled fiscally and on the pitch, treading water at times. Harrier fans are known as being devoted, occasionally violent, and always impassioned. They also have a bone to pick with just about everyone; their official list of rivals counts North Laithland, South Laithland, Extreme Hills, Cypher Town, Serpentine, AFC Treason (who they've never played in the league), Sutcroft, Chatswood, West Hook, Maximum Rovers...

Summary: Lightning strikes thrice, with Providence Mitford smugly at the helm. This escape act is more remarkable than most precisely because it wasn't really an escape act, because the Harriers weren't ever really mired in the bottom four, hovering confidently above the scrap and finishing the season in 14th, seven points clear. Does this mean they'll probably stay up this season? Well, yeah, but any honest ranking system still puts them odds-on to finally go down, siege mentality or not. They have a few decent players patching over a lot of poor ones - Stamocostas proved a safe pair of hands, Amelia Breukelen in the heart of defence really came of age last season, Casemere's always dangerous going forward, while Julian Pence offers both style and substance in midfield. Of the new, dynamic winger Col Forsyth really caught the eye for Brindleton last season with some sparkling performances in the Cup, but, well, Brindleton were relegated from the Second Division, with Forsyth too often inconsistent. Denisa Thirlwell is an artist at this level, though, and should be left to pull the strings her own way. Yamoguchi should be on the end of most of them, and he can get the job done. An interesting, if threadbare, side to watch, and they'll definitely put up a fight. Will it continue, stubbornly, to be enough?

24. Riverkey
Home Colours: White with purple sash/purple/white
Away colours: Green/white/green
Stadium: Southgates (14,000)
Nickname: the Seagulls
Manager: Ewan Sanderson (57)
(4-3-3) 20 - Tayfun Chester (25); 2 - Kirsten Graf-Hornburg (27, c), 4 - Paul Alnwicke (33), 27 - Terelius Giovinazzo (19, AUD), 3 - Dorian Halfpike (32); 13 - Fotoula Madonis (24), 23 - Julian Parable (30), 10 - Coridan Theo (31); 7 - Sarah Bernard (25), 9 - Arne Redstarr (30), 14 - Harrison Cruz (28, SLL)

Background: A port town just south of Vermillion, Riverkey is a settlement basically economically reliant on the sea. It's a small, often-overlooked town, though a mildly popular holiday destination for unambitious southerners, and it's host to a small, often-overlooked club. The Seagulls are tightly-woven into the fabric of the town but have traditionally had to act fast to stop kids from just supporting Vermillion or Parrhesia instead. A Conference side not long ago, their rise to the second and third tiers is relatively recent and lead to an ambitious boutique stadium in Southgates, constructed during their first season (ending in relegation) from the second tier.

Summary: Look. We like Riverkey. Everyone likes Riverkey. People were happy when they simply outlasted flakier competition to sneak into fourth. But it's really hard to see an outcome where they actually survive. Ewan Sanderson is a disciplined, intelligent manager, but one without experience at this level. The Seagulls were promoted on the strength of their defence - young goalkeeper Tayfun Chester, who seized his chance after an injury-forced promotion, is an acrobatic shot-stopper behind it. Dorian Halfpike, hitherto one-club man at the Maximum Rovers and versatile enough to play across the back, will prove a valuable reinforcement, along with physical Audioslavian Giovinazzo, and industrious midfielders in Parable and Theo are added to the sporadic brilliance of daydreaming playmaker Fotoula Madonis. Up front, Bernard and Redstarr are limited players, the former reliant on pace and the latter on strength, with Harrison Cruz, written off at Super-Lleague level, hoping to prove his doubters wrong. But the goals just aren't there.

Lower Down the Pyramid

Second Division
The biggest transfer in the third tier's history has gone down - a 36-year old Elaine Ashdown has followed what she's pledged her entire life and gone back to her beloved hometown club, Iron City, on a free. Unsurprisingly, the third tier's biggest side by a distance are among the favourites to come straight back up. It's been a good window for aging marquee midfielders, for that matter - Mantlegrove snapped up Gary Corsie from Chatswood just after the deadline. Laugh all you want, he looks genuinely rejuvenated in pre-season, though his beard has now reached Samsonesque levels. The two Ceynes sides, having just come up, might well both go back down - but they're looking to be more competitive in light of Ceynes' tentative decision to return to the CE.

Third Division
While Brindleton are mildly fancied despite the third tier having picked over their squad last season, this could well see no relegated sides bounce straight back up to the Second Division. Instead, look for Chardonnay Rangers, with the best defence in the league last season and a young, hungry squad, to be favourites for the title. Alliance Barossia should run them close, a far more traditionally physical side and one of a bevy of clubs seemingly using Maximum City's weakness as a reason to strengthen. Pravenna Saints, meanwhile, will probably still keep an eye over their shoulder despite a strong debut season seeing them comfortably safe in 13th. All four newly promoted sides look pretty well-equipped for the professional grade, with Corinthians No Longer anticipated to contend for a second consecutive promotion. Dross Rovers and Brookway Town might not be so lucky.

Conference
A fairly unremarkable Conference this season for neutrals, with the sides freshly coming up being... small town or obscure suburban sides without much history to set them apart. In the West, Sirencall are favourites, with Brokenarch set to follow, while in the East, Aries Solitaire are the standout club and likely to be joined by freshly-relegated yo-yo club Downsparrow. Look out for Mainstream Fist, who could become the first former Premiership side to be dumped into the stats leagues.

by **Nephara** » Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:33 pm

And the season finally kicks off! It’s been a long wait, but this is the sort of week to really whet the appetite. It’s one of the lower-key matchups that produces the most complete performance, as Hawks spearhead Ivana Henderson underlines her credentials with a hat-trick - including two headers that owed much to Alyss Montague’s delivery - to sink Southfell United in a 4-0 demolition. Starling, too, show that they don’t miss Estrella Hawke - or at least that they can cover it - with a 5-1 devastation (five different goalscorers) of the Diamonds who are just all over the shop. New goalkeeper Iona Britton’s largely faultless in her first Premiership start, and looks exasperated at her lack of support. All four newly-promoted sides face defeat, albeit all away against powerful opposition - due to a quirk of fixturing, Athletic will play all four of them in sequence, and start off with a decisive 4-1 win over the Wanderers with Estrella Hawke leading the line with distinction.

Crisisbless haven’t had an easy start to the season, but weathering the visit of the Stags represents Aidan Brosque’s first massive domestic challenge. It wasn’t a pretty game, by any means, as both sides play muscular, physical football, but Maeve Bronte is exceptional running the show in the middle of midfield. It’s her that sets up Marisha Staunton in the 87th minute, and Staunton’s cutback is stabbed home by fellow substitute Ozaria Gandhi for a late, but narrowly deserved, winner. There’s still time for Lienke Vesper’s thunderous strike to be parried by an outstanding Marciak save, but already the Heelers look genuinely resilient. That’s perhaps a quality that could not be ascribed to Brinemouth, who despite going ahead of the Hawks early when Dragana beats Lethbridge at his near post are immediately pegged straight back when Jorge Santana powers home Montague’s corner. Harper and Nikolaidis add insult to injury late on, securing a brilliant 3-1 win. AFC Serpentine are shambolic at the back, very basic attacking moves from Creed proving their undoing time and again - 5-2 is the final score, and all Bronwyn Sadler can say is; “You’d really think a Premiership centre-half could deal with a cross, wouldn’t you?” Ominous signs for the future of the brand-new Ruarisson-Caddett partnership.

It gets worse for the Dragons, ripped apart 6-1 by Starling. Lisa Amos’ side is dizzying going forward, and the mood is set when young leftback Lyre Castor opens the scoring, drifting onto a disguised pass from Kaelin before rocketing a strike beyond Theoklitos. Aya Bernman’s goal is probably the best of the lot on the night, a 30-yard arcing chip over a complacent Hargrave, but it’s little consolation. And there’s yet another hammering in store, too - John Sedder’s Harriers roar into gear against an accommodating Brookford, and questions of whether or not he could get the best from Airik Ruhl are smoothed over as the combustible Cosumarite nets twice. The Rovers take the lead over Athletic just fifteen seconds in, a sloppy pass from Webber pounced on by Kolitsidakis, who got it to Moxey who drilled it past a flat-footed Gautier’s near post. Athletic never really recovered, but were still too good to be put down that easily - even off-balance, goals from Corvine and Wardenier gave them the scrappy win.

Sadler drops Theoklitos, Warwick and Caddett, among others. It makes no difference, as the Chariots carve Serpentine open by the same 6-1 scoreline. Anise Riske has looked a little bit uncertain at Premiership level thus far - no longer, as this provides the bridging point she needed. She scores twice and lays on two assists, with Rowena Sierra also outstanding on the right wing. All four newly-promoted sides pick up points, albeit the Rovers in controversial circumstances - a late equaliser against Crisisbless, as Luitgard pokes home Moxey’s cross, was surely offside. The Quakers are the most impressive of these by a long shot, dominant in midfield against Athletic, Raven Forster producing a string of great saves, Anders East putting Bereveskos and then substitute Meisler in his pocket. Athletic take the lead anyway, Chloe Rudden cutting inside Aviston and then jabbing a strike between Forster’s legs, but goals from Case and Sharpe pull the Quakers back into a deserved lead. Hawke hits the post with a late bullet header, but they’re good value for the win. But the elephant in the room, of course, is when Brinemouth host the Moths and… well… they’re pulverised by Gerhard Thunder’s squad, simply outplayed and outpressed on every side. Johnson, Vol, Meier and Townsend get the job done within the hour, and Glory Bellinger comes on late for a classy, assured league debut.

Now, football’s a funny old game. Funny enough that when Treason host Serpentine, a side that has haemorrhaged seventeen goals in their last three games, well… okay, the Stags have had trouble scoring goals this season so far, but this badly? Theoklitos, restored to the starting lineup, makes seven saves to keep the Dragons alive, two of them genuinely outstanding, while at the other end Gideon Fletcher will be filthy to have been beaten at his near post for Oiji’s first goal for the Dragons. In the marquee fixture of the round, Athletic host the new, hard-bitten Crisisbless, and while it’s not exactly an eye-catching match, it’s a tense mixture of exceptional technique, defensive discipline and decisive pace. It’s the first bit that sees Jevdjevic-Hadsic rifle in the opener off a direct free kick, it’s the third that sees Bereveskos run past Swan, Lohengrin and Chalobah before sliding it past an off-balance Marciak and it’s the bit in the middle that stops any more goals, 1-1 a fair scoreline. Leichhardt hammer a further nail in the coffin some are already building Brinemouth. They only lost three games all season in 61 to win the title - Leichhardt hand them their third loss of this season with early goals from Fowler and Auttenberg, and a resilient defensive performance. Coret, for their part, chalk up their fifth straight win to start the season with a 5-0 scoreline, albeit against a desperately poor Parrhesia. Could this finally be the Hawks’ season to break into UICA?

A rather muted week for purists sees a lot of upsets. Leichhardt underline an excellent start when Ingrid Auttenberg’s flying header is the catalyst for their third straight win, 1-0 over a muted River. The Ferrymen have been poor thus far, and it’s underlined when late on Povilas Kaukenas goes down under a challenge from Koller. Incensed, Kaukenas shoves the Schottic defender and has to be seperated, gets booked, and takes a poor penalty that’s beaten away by a sharp Raihane Stern. Bittencourt looks an embattled figure on the bench. Diamondqueen edge Crisisbless, Southfell beat Athletic, Brookford beat Starling and Treason are undone by an outstanding late equaliser, Roxana Coffey’s curling strike into the top corner. Serpentine keep their second straight clean sheet in a dreary scoreless draw against Cranequin, which could have been even better had Kuruc Zalan not missed from three yards in injury time.

Raven River get their first win, albeit in a really rough match. Michi Leonard flares into life, taking the game by the scruff of the neck - indeed, she seems to catch Falcon Case in the throat with an arm as she dispossesses him. With a neat one-two with Petkovic, rejecting the options of strikers patently out of confidence she takes the shot on herself and smashes it low and hard past Forster. 1-0 it ends, thanks in large part to some excellent Bowerman saves. The Saints are also indebted to a former Smiths goalkeeper for their win. Heading over to Sabrefell to face the Moths, Federico Serra’s thunderbolt sets things going before the Osarian sets up countrywoman Johnson to be cleaned out by Basmath Clinton (also formerly of Maximum City) for a clear penalty. But Darren Koufax bails them out, sprawling to keep out Johnson’s penalty and gratefully watching Clinton hack away the rebound. Brun is forced to clear Johnson’s next shot off the line a few minutes later but the Saints grow in confidence, Monica Rowland dominant in midfield, and tidy second-half goals from Feisser and McEthinly give them the win.

The Rovers finally chalk up a win and in some serious style. Bishop attempt to play a more passing game, but are hoist by their own former petard as they’re charged down constantly by physical, powerful Rovers. Luitgard uses her sheer pace to tear away from the Bishop defence time and again, scoring her second and third goal of the season before unselfishly squaring for Marika Kreisburg to belatedly open her account. Athletic don’t look totally on the pace this season, and visit Brinemouth. They win a penalty early on when Rudden’s brought down by Brymora… but Rainsford’s decent spot-kick is clawed away by a flying Morales. Just three minutes later, the Dockers have their own penalty. Roenoujya sticks it away, and then with a long, floated cross somehow finds Jazmin Dragana unmarked at the far post. Athletic fight back hard in the second half, but more excellent work from Morales, defensive solidity from young Magnozzi and continued brilliance from Roenoujya ensure that Coltrane’s consolation is only that. Starling against Vermillion doesn’t feel like it should end scoreless, and yet the tireless harrying of the Rage made sure Starling couldn’t settle. Really, Vermillion should’ve won it, but excellent chances from Nizarut and Alemane were both spurned horribly.

Coret’s great early form has evaporated as suddenly as it arrived, five straight wins to start the season followed by a winless run of four. It’s never in doubt despite the tight scoreline, Ivana Henderson scrambling home a late consolation after some pinballing off Montague’s long ball, Fraser’s brace having already settled the game. Cranequin Wanderers have had a fairly poor start to the season, but they’re absolutely dominant against Brookford. Levin Castellan opens the scoring against his former club with a thumping long shot that Kilgallon ought to have been equal to, and is graceful in his muted celebration; the Sabrefell Moths connection sees Evans and Belgrave each set up a goal for the other in the second half. The marquee clash of the round sees the Moths take an early lead against Starling in bizarre circumstances, as a corner from Imriel Townsend manages to be missed by everyone, including Hargrave, as it curls directly into the net. Townsend’s denied a goal by a marginal offside call not long after that, and the Passerines take full advantage to equalise just a minute later through Keira Andisori’s strike. The match quietens down in the second half, but Gryphon finds Andisori with a drilled ball from midfield late on and the Chromatik striker makes no mistake to give Starling a late winner. Morningstar, meanwhile, make the most of their chances to down a wasteful Athletic 2-0 - new goalkeeper Lukas Sparr really shows his worth in keeping the clean sheet, and is a worthy man of the match.

The Dragons do not want to be relegated this season. It’s a fairly quiet fixture in terms of other results - Sedder’s Harriers mount a late comeback with Rexmont and Feist scoring in injury time to beat Brinemouth 3-2, and a River side inspired by Michi Leonard hand Athletic their third straight defeat - but all eyes must be on the six-pointer between Serpentine and Morningstar. The Stars just took four points from trips to Athletic and Crisisbless, but Serpentine have mounted a lively start to the season in their own right. They burnish it with a scarcely credible win, helped along by Marko Petrosian’s ninth-minute red card for a vicious flying elbow on Keziah Warwick. Petrosian would later claim Warwick had it coming, but refused to elaborate; Serpentine, for their part, put seven goals past a beleagured and largely blameless Sparr. Coraline Langbauer had been in poor form before the game, bright until the finish and still goalless from seven starts. She scored four tonight.

A very Terranean round of fixtures. The Moths show another side to their game, defensive resilience the key against determined opposition, and with Johnson rested it falls to Sigrid Eisenhauer to force home a scruffy winner in the 17th minute. Athletic rely on Oscar Coltrane to haul them out of danger, after Michelle Stone struck early for Celtic. Coltrane’s two assists for Hawke and substitute Meisler give Athletic the points. The less said about Crisisbless the better.

With Mozi and Holdenberg in a tightly-contested Group A, the Dockers might have been forgiven for wondering if this was a Champions Cup group in disguise, and after taking a hard-fought point from San Solari in the Commerce Heights through Pablo Scotti’s header, they’ll be happy enough. The Harriers try their hand at greasy churning and come through admirably well. 21-year old goalkeeper Hesterine Mercator is given a chance to impress between the posts and does so with some strong saves, while Crowther and Bairstow secure the points. Lisa Amos' return to Chromatika doesn't go to plan, as her Passerines are simply swept aside.

Athletic won’t exactly call a 1-1 home draw against Serpentine ‘arresting the slide’, but at least Estrella Hawke’s goal seals a point despite a disjointed performance. Goodfeather secure an impressive three points, managing to outmatch Starling in midfield. Andisori pulls a moment of magic from her sleeve to give the Passerines an early lead but there’s somehow no answer to Ulrica Rannon’s rampaging runs from midfield, setting up Corona Sharpe for the first goal (and what should have been a second on the stroke of half-time, but the former Moths striker’s first touch was too heavy and allowed Hargrave to steal away the ball) and then scoring herself with a powerful strike from the edge of the area. “We’ve just got to enjoy her while she’s with us,” says Ezra Stonewaters philosophically. Leichhardt secure an important win over the Chariots thanks to two immaculate set pieces while the Rovers are content sharing scoreless points with Coret, so the Wanderers are very much the odd ones out of the newly-promoted teams, absolutely crumbling in the face of Vermillion’s high pressing. All four goals come in the first half, and some sprightly saves from Selkie are needed to stop it getting worse. The Moths, meanwhile, host Treason - and the result’s never in doubt. Three whole minutes passed before Aaliyah Johnson did what Aaliyah Johnson does, sticking out the right leg at the right time to tap in a cross from Haines. Only Gideon Fletcher kept the score down in the rest of the half, and Roddy Fraser almost saw them undeservedly level on the stroke of half-time, but Robert Griffin denied him one-on-one, kicked forward to Meier who cut back for Federico Serra to put the Moths two ahead. Local lass Sigrid Eisenhauer was sent on on her 22nd birthday, and her deflected strike made it 3-0.

The Cup kicks off with the traditional lower-league fixtures, with few genuinely eye-catching fixtures. A luckless Alliance Barossia are vastly superior to lowly Gridlock, whose late equaliser was offside - unable to break through in extra time, Alliance then contrive to have all three of their penalties saved by 31-year old part-time interior designer Pascal Davidson. Mainstream Fist host Gosmouth Swans, who didn’t even exist when the Fist were last in the Premiership at the early end of the modern era, and are humbled 4-0. They’re a side that’s just lost momentum and relevance, a combination of the local long-time owner being priced out of the Nepharim game at a high level and losing interest, and of nearby Corvistone siphoning away the many small riverside towns that Mainstream relied upon as their catchment.

No team’s looked massively comfortable in the opening stretch of this season, but it’s Starling top of the table after the initial jousting, a comfortable 2-0 win over Southfell putting them ahead of the Moths (who edge Cranequin) on goal difference. Certainly, this season seems less free-scoring than the anarchic 68 campaign, with the Passerines the only team to average over two goals a game. Treason breezily put Leichhardt away 3-0 while a 1-1 draw between Coret and Crisisbless is enough to secure them at 4th and 6th respectively, Brinemouth leapfrogging Crisisbless when Karin Drinkwater manages a late winner to beat a resilient ten-man Creed. Without much fanfare at all, the Rooks are seventh following a pedestrian 1-0 win over Morningstar. Could have been more without Sparr’s interventions, but Alan Bothroyd, as he so often does, found a way through in the 71st minute. Despite defeat to Bishop, Serpentine are tenth, Goodfeather (hammered by the Chariots) and Leichhardt also secure in midtable while the Harriers will be bitterly disappointed to be 13th at this early stage, simply not consistent enough thus far.

Not nearly as disappointed, of course, as Sabrefell Athletic. The title favourites are winless in five league games after the Harriers outfight and outgunned them to a 3-0 scoreline. Ruhl, running hot and cold of late, lead the line excellently - Ophelia Lovelock, fresh off returning from a minor injury, floundered at leftback against Brae Crowther and was hauled off at half-time. They’re now 17th. Still, they’re not in real trouble. River might be, so Kaukenas’ late winner to take them past Parrhesia United was important. Morningstar and, thanks to a Plibersek-spearheaded 3-1 win over Diamondqueen, the Otters, remain three points clear of danger. This despite the Stars managing just six goals so far! Defeats for the Wanderers, Southfell, Diamondqueen and the Rovers help cement their position at the foot of the table.

Crisisbless lose again, so why bother paying attention to them when other victories await? Athletic manage an impressive 3-1 win over Namiri Forest, continuing to find comfort anywhere but the Premiership, and with Wardenier off the boil so far Sinan Uzunlar presses his own case with a direct, decisive showing up front rewarded by a goal. Most striking, though, is the Moths, who host Ulsa. It’s a real marquee clash, and a lot of neutrals tune in… and they watch Gerhard Thunder’s men simply overrun Ulsa, pressing high and making sweeping forward moves. Meier, Vol, Townsend and, off a well-taken corner, Mark Uenterhausen secure a brilliant 4-0 win.

Brinemouth dominate possession but can’t break through a Mozi defence including Nephara international Konoval and the veteran Vann Dallara. Out west in Chenoworth, the Harriers secure a tidy 2-0 win, Mercator again keeping a clean sheet. The star of the match, though, is Charybdis Kou, the teenager getting her first senior goal after volleying home Bekkwaters’ cross. The Passerines go down to a late defeat against the Stars of Avon.

Matchday 1: The Stenet-inspired Maulers announce themselves with a 4-0 win away at Sheridan, with newly-promoted Chenoworth Rovers beating Coret Rovers by the same scoreline. Greygate stun Cypher away, Djite's headed brace accounting for both their shots on target as Hornwood makes eight saves. A dour Laithland derby, the first in the second tier, is decided by Dietrich Sorrenson's volleyed strike.

Matchday 2: Having already accounted for Armstrong 3-0, Meriadoc Griffiths' Belgrave go one better against a hapless Hackett. Greygate are unrecognisable, mauled 4-0 by Ritter at home as Ashley Kresinger stars.

Matchday 3: Belgrave's storming start ends as North Sabrefell maul them 3-0. Corvistone's early goal forces Sheridan to actually come out and attack them, Kate Mullen hauling them back to a 2-1 lead. However, the Crows punch back late on - a subdued Afolayan breaks out with two goals and an assist for Morham in the last fifteen minutes.

Matchday 4: A shambolic performance from Extreme Hills sees them torn to shreds time and again by Chenoworth Rovers, a 16th-minute red card for Asa Ketelsen ripping the spine out of their team. At the time, the score is 1-1 - after ninety minutes, Lasse Hummel has four goals in a 7-1 annihilation and Niko Rudan's followed Ketelsen down the tunnel for a spiteful elbow on Dyer.

Matchday 5: Cypher Town finally win a game, goals from Tihamer and Stensholt seeing off Armstrong. Bryony Johansen changes basically her entire squad, keeping only Maribel Garrido - who scores again - but Vermillion Wanderers come back to deservedly win 3-1 as Stefans impresses on the right wing.

Matchday 6: The Eagles finally click into gear as Sophia Petridis finally adjusts to this level. Hackett prove obliging opponents but Ruo makes an exceptional save from a second-minute Muller header, a real sliding doors moment. Vermillion Wanderers are winning 2-0 in the 82nd minute when Tameka Halsall clumsily fells Ankergren for a penalty; Corvette Maulers go on to overtake them and win the game 3-2.

Matchday 7: Yet again, the Wanderers are the antagonists in someone else's story. They can't handle the Spiders' pace on the break, the Spiders can't handle set pieces, at all. 3-3 at half-time, though, and the much-maligned Patricia Etheridge comes off the bench to make the difference with a brace. Coret Rovers pepper Loris Aldous' goal, but the young goalkeeper has an exceptional game before a piledriver from Lily Robinson steals the Smiths the points. Is Liberty Hammond in decline?

Matchday 8: Statement of intent for the Maulers. They go down a man early to Corvistone, Chris Britton somehow picking up two yellow cards within seventeen minutes, but the Crows' much-vaunted attack finds no way past the inspired Muller or ursine goalkeeper Lazaridis. Then Stenet hits them on the break, stealing a 1-0 win away against the favourites. A Maximum derby between tough, defensive sides is surprisingly end-to-end. Westfield hit first, forcing Armstrong out of their shell, but with some flaky goalkeeping from Hornwood, Telfair and Kouroglou are able to hit back.

Matchday 9: Catheline Harper spent her career with Maximum Rovers (twice) and AFC Treason, Maximum City's fiercest rivals. Now she takes her Chenoworth Rovers side to face them, and it's a bitty, ugly match with a red card either side. Autumn Starbuck misses two good opportunities to win it. Belgrave are done dirty by the referee against Extreme Hills, a phantom offside denying Rouseff a late winner, but Hills will appreciate the point and could point to an arguable penalty shout they had turned down.

Matchday 10: Hills take that momentum into a visit to Maximum City and thoroughly dominate the game, Maribel Garrido showcasing the ability to finish that the Smiths completely lack. Hounds win 2-0, the home side is booed off. The Crows utterly dominate the Wanderers in a 4-1 win, with Morham and Stanford in particular continuing to just look a step above the level at the moment. Cypher are similarly dominant, clearing out a submissive Coret 4-0.

Matchday 11: Coret lose 4-0 for the second straight match. An East Laithland derby... is that a thing now? Maybe it has to be - it's a brilliant match, Hills take a 2-0 lead to the 52nd minute before a second yellow card and conceded penalty for big defender Gatcan opens things up. Pato Yamaguchi scores the penalty and then leads the way as the Harriers race to a 4-2 lead before Henrickshaw is sent off. Hills fight back, Matti Garforth pulls a goal back but a brilliant double save from Stamocostas secures a brilliant three points for the Harriers.

Matchday 12: South Laithland concede early, just their fourth of the season, but it doesn't stop them from fighting back to force a win over the Maulers, and when Chatswood are overturned 3-1 by North Sabrefell (now fourth) they take first place. Corvistone, following a profligate 1-0 win over Hackett, are third, North Laithland (who draw East Laithland) very close by. It's very close at the bottom, but a 3-0 defeat to Riverkey underlines newfound worries for Ritter Town, while East Laithland are at the foot of the table... just two points from safety.

It’s Locksley’s league to lose - they’ve dropped points just once all season, a 1-1 draw against the Strongest, and thumping West Brinemouth 5-1 helps peg back a supposed title rival. AFC Shale are ten points behind in second, and it’s very close beneath them, Lazuli Diamonds starting to close the gap after a manic 7-3 win over South Parrhesia. Cranequin City have disappointed, and are stranded in 16th. Boleyn are in the drop zone on goal difference, with the Falston sides and Peregrine a couple points apiece from safety. Falston United were particularly screwed, but chalking up back-to-back wins after a mere 1-0 defeat to Locksley has rejuvenated them.

Chardonnay Rangers lead the table by a fair margin, scoring close to three goals again and dropping just five points so far. Strephonage, Ballardine and, despite a daamging scoreless draw with Gosmouth, Brindleton are in hot pursuit, with Alliance Barossia not quite living up to their promise. Corinthians No Longer have somehow scored 33 goals and conceded 32 already. Rushe United are in real danger of slumping to a historic low in their hostory, while Pravenna Saints have lost last season’s form and Dross Rovers have a spookily identical record. Sutcroft Athletic, easily beaten by Rushe, lose their chance to overtake them and remain at rock bottom.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Starling                 12  8  2  2  28   9  +19  26
  2 Sabrefell Moths          12  8  2  2  22   9  +13  26
  3 AFC Treason              12  8  1  3  18   8  +10  25
  4 Coret Hawks              12  6  4  2  20   7  +13  22
  5 Brinemouth               12  7  1  4  21  17   +4  22
  6 Crisisbless              12  5  6  1  17  10   +7  21
  7 Newrook City             12  6  3  3  17  13   +4  21
  8 Violence Chariots        12  5  4  3  22  13   +9  19
  9 Vermillion Rage          12  5  4  3  19  12   +7  19
 10 AFC Serpentine           12  5  2  5  21  26   -5  17
 11 Parrhesia United         12  4  4  4  13  17   -4  16
 12 Goodfeather FC           12  5  1  6  11  15   -4  16
 13 Chenoworth Harriers      12  4  3  5  18  13   +5  15
 14 Leichhardt               12  4  3  5  12  15   -3  15
 15 Bishop                   12  3  6  3  12  17   -5  15
 16 Creed United             12  3  5  4  21  19   +2  14
 17 Sabrefell Athletic       12  4  2  6  13  17   -4  14
 18 Raven River              12  4  2  6  12  18   -6  14
 19 Morningstar              12  3  4  5   6  14   -8  13
 20 Brookford Otters         12  4  1  7  14  26  -12  13
 21 Cranequin Wanderers      12  2  4  6  10  19   -9  10
 22 Southfell United         12  2  3  7  11  23  -12   9
 23 Diamondqueen             12  2  2  8   8  20  -12   8
 24 Maximum Rovers           12  1  3  8   8  17   -9   6

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 South Laithland              12  9  1  2  13   4   +9  28
  2 Chatswood                    12  8  2  2  19  13   +6  26
  3 AFC Corvistone               12  8  1  3  25  12  +13  25
  4 North Sabrefell              12  8  1  3  18   8  +10  25
  5 North Laithland              12  7  4  1  21  12   +9  25
  6 Cypher Town                  12  6  4  2  19   8  +11  22
  7 Crisisbless United           12  7  1  4  18  12   +6  22
  8 Armstrong                    12  6  2  4   9  11   -2  20
  9 Chenoworth Rovers            12  4  7  1  21  11  +10  19
 10 Corvette Maulers             12  5  3  4  17  12   +5  18
 11 Maximum City                 12  4  4  4   9   9   +0  16
 12 Rochford                     12  5  0  7  11  16   -5  15
 13 Hackett                      12  4  3  5  10  16   -6  15
 14 Belgrave                     12  3  4  5  18  20   -2  13
 15 Crossroads Town              12  3  3  6  12  13   -1  12
 16 Riverkey                     12  2  6  4  11  13   -2  12
 17 Sheridan                     12  3  3  6   8  15   -7  12
 18 Coret Rovers                 12  4  0  8  12  24  -12  12
 19 Pillars of Southfell         12  3  2  7   9  16   -7  11
 20 Extreme Hills                12  3  2  7  15  23   -8  11
 21 Greygate                     12  2  5  5  15  23   -8  11
 22 Vermillion Wanderers         12  2  4  6  17  23   -6  10
 23 Ritter Town                  12  3  1  8  14  20   -6  10
 24 East Laithland Harriers      12  2  3  7  15  22   -7   9

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Locksley                  12  11  1  0  33   9  +24  34
  2 AFC Shale                 12   7  3  2  15  10   +5  24
  3 Mantlegrove               12   7  1  4  18  11   +7  22
  4 Iron City                 12   7  1  4  18  12   +6  22
  5 Barossia United           12   7  1  4  16  13   +3  22
  6 Lazuli Diamonds           12   6  3  3  25  18   +7  21
  7 Kommissar                 12   7  0  5  15  12   +3  21
  8 Dartmouth Terriers        12   5  4  3  15   9   +6  19
  9 West Brinemouth           12   6  1  5  13  12   +1  19
 10 Gonen's Bridge            12   5  3  4  13  11   +2  18
 11 Stonegrave                12   5  2  5  15  11   +4  17
 12 Sutcroft                  12   5  2  5  10  12   -2  17
 13 Iron United               12   5  1  6  17  15   +2  16
 14 Crisisbless Athletic      12   4  3  5  19  18   +1  15
 15 The Strongest             12   4  3  5  15  20   -5  15
 16 Cranequin City            12   4  2  6  16  18   -2  14
 17 The Hanged Man            12   4  1  7   9  11   -2  13
 18 Martella Jazz             12   4  1  7  13  16   -3  13
 19 South Parrhesia           12   4  1  7  15  25  -10  13
 20 Southriver                12   3  3  6  10  15   -5  12
 21 Boleyn Town               12   3  3  6   8  17   -9  12
 22 Falston Town              12   2  4  6  10  20  -10  10
 23 Peregrine                 12   2  4  6  15  27  -12  10
 24 Falston United            12   3  0  9   8  19  -11   9

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chardonnay Rangers         12 10  1  1  33  12  +21  31
  2 Strephonage                12  8  3  1  20   7  +13  27
  3 Ballardine FC              12  7  4  1  20   6  +14  25
  4 Brindleton                 12  7  4  1  21   9  +12  25
  5 Long Lake                  12  6  4  2  15  11   +4  22
  6 Alliance Barossia          12  5  5  2  21  19   +2  20
  7 Ox River United            12  5  3  4  17  13   +4  18
  8 Boltcroft Thorns           12  5  3  4  14  20   -6  18
  9 West Hook                  12  4  5  3  15  10   +5  17
 10 Kensey Town                12  4  5  3  22  18   +4  17
 11 Gosmouth Swans             12  5  2  5  16  20   -4  17
 12 Ringway                    12  5  2  5  14  21   -7  17
 13 Brookway Town              12  5  1  6  15  17   -2  16
 14 Corinthians No Longer      12  4  3  5  33  32   +1  15
 15 Hartford Glade             12  4  2  6  15  15   +0  14
 16 Gridlock Rovers            12  3  5  4  12  18   -6  14
 17 Rochford Pilgrims          12  3  4  5  19  22   -3  13
 18 FC Seierstad               12  4  0  8  12  19   -7  12
 19 Iberia Chenoworth          12  4  0  8  23  31   -8  12
 20 Mapleford                  12  2  5  5  10  16   -6  11
 21 Rushe United               12  2  4  6  14  20   -6  10
 22 Pravenna Saints            12  2  3  7  12  19   -7   9
 23 Dross Rovers               12  2  3  7  12  19   -7   9
 24 Sutcroft Athletic          12  1  3  8   9  20  -11   6

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sirencall FC            12  8  1  3  23  15   +8  25
  2 Ingram Township         12  6  5  1  15   9   +6  23
  3 Capricopia Rangers      12  6  4  2  27  17  +10  22
  4 Harrington              12  6  3  3  24  13  +11  21
  5 Grovebank               12  6  3  3  19  10   +9  21
  6 Courser                 12  6  2  4  16  15   +1  20
  7 Brokenarch              12  5  4  3  12   8   +4  19
  8 Stonesthrow Town        12  6  1  5  12  11   +1  19
  9 AFC Brackwold           12  5  3  4  26  23   +3  18
 10 Swag Hill Rovers        12  5  3  4  17  14   +3  18
 11 Sleetwell Rangers       12  5  2  5  16  21   -5  17
 12 Bellamy                 12  3  6  3   8  10   -2  15
 13 Gridlock                12  4  2  6   8  12   -4  14
 14 Fully Sick XI           12  2  7  3  15  15   +0  13
 15 Fischer                 12  3  4  5  10  14   -4  13
 16 Norton Road             12  3  3  6  14  20   -6  12
 17 Fenland Albion          12  2  5  5  10  13   -3  11
 18 Gridlock East           12  3  2  7  11  15   -4  11
 19 AFC Hellerine           12  2  3  7  14  25  -11   9
 20 Nay Town                12  2  1  9   9  26  -17   7

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bodkin Road            12  7  3  2  22  12 +10  24
  2 Stamper Road           12  7  3  2  20  13  +7  24
  3 Corvistone City        12  6  5  1  14   5  +9  23
  4 Brunyard FC            12  6  2  4  25  17  +8  20
  5 Rhyburn Swifts         12  6  2  4  27  22  +5  20
  6 Aries Solitaire        12  6  2  4  17  18  -1  20
  7 Blaze                  12  4  7  1  16  10  +6  19
  8 Sandrock               12  5  4  3  19  17  +2  19
  9 Downsparrow            12  4  6  2  16  13  +3  18
 10 Rookwall               12  5  2  5  13  18  -5  17
 11 South Brill            12  4  4  4  18  16  +2  16
 12 Twelvetrees            12  4  4  4  14  13  +1  16
 13 The Travellers FC      12  5  1  6  17  23  -6  16
 14 Coral Bay              12  2  8  2  15  15  +0  14
 15 AFC Burchess           12  3  4  5  12  15  -3  13
 16 Violence Tigers        12  2  5  5  12  18  -6  11
 17 Corby Hubris           12  3  1  8  15  24  -9  10
 18 Senway Town            12  2  3  7  11  16  -5   9
 19 Mainstream Fist        12  2  3  7  11  20  -9   9
 20 Masculine Town         12  1  3  8  12  21  -9   6

by **Nephara** » Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:27 pm

Starling hope to defend their top spot as Brinemouth visit, but the Dockers are the better side from the first minute, simply hitting harder and faster in all areas of the pitch before finally getting a deserved opener through Kyron Bartley’s half-volley. But they keep searching for a second and the Passerines just aren’t feeling that obliging, before a scrappy equaliser from Elsa Kaelin after some pinballing in the box hands Starling one point that feels like three. It’s not three, however, and allows the Moths to take the lead as they beat a poor Rovers side, as reigning second-tier player of the year Spyridon Kolitsidakis gets them a consolation late on but looks like he just can’t fight all these fires. Heartening for them, Crisisbless lose to Vermillion after Amelia Warner’s defensive error is capitalised on by Coppinger, while Treason just can’t get the fluidity in attack to beat Goodfeather in a frustrating stalemate. Athletic also play pretty badly, and are in fact outplayed by Bishop. The difference is that Penbrooke gets four half-decent chances and misses them all (with Bishop’s goal coming from Sitz’s treacherously swerving strike) and Estrella Hawke gets two and converts both.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Felipa Medina loses patience with some of her underperforming Tanners - goalkeeper Sigrid Cooper is done at this level, and captain Tristan Lavendor and seasoned midfielder Emerick Hartmann also pay the price as Vercauteren returns from an injury layoff. The reward is an improved performance against Treason, and they take an early lead through Marlowe’s second goal in as many games, but even then they’re caught out at a set piece and then on the counterattack to underline their glass jaw. The Moths are held back by Aidan Brosque’s Heelers - Brosque announces his desire to “shove them into a locker,” and the way that Tedesco and Bronte halt the Moths’ supply line absolutely reflects that. Bronte in particular is brilliant, and sets up Jevdjevic-Hadsic for the winner just after half-time. On an absolutely miserable afternoon in the Vale, Maximum Rovers wilt in the blazing heat while Raihane Stern, in a rather novel broad-brimmed hat that winds up hitting Woodbine in the face during a corner, at one stage manages to hoof the ball brilliantly over the top of the entire Rovers midfield. The defence reacts sluggishly, and Auttenberg races clear to slot home her respectable fifth of the season. “Scheduling should never allow a match to be played at this heat,” Rovers manager Paige Hildebrand fumes after the match. “Maybe she wouldn’t complain if she’d bought better strikers,” Canaries manager Vardalos deadpans.

A strong set of performances from the Sabrefell sides. The Moths score early when Mark Uenterhausen forces home a Townsend corner, and then Johnson hits back on the break to seal a win. It’s never going to be that easy, of course, not with Ragnar Targaryen on the other side - and he rifles home a shot from a ridiculously narrow angle late on, but it’s not enough. Crisisbless manager Aidan Brosque might have to eat his words, after bullishly telling the press; “Catheline Allister could never buy a win in Nephara before; I don’t see how she’ll start now.” A win? Perhaps not, but after Crisisbless are wasteful through the first half, eventually going ahead through Staunton’s finely-angled strike, the Tihon manager oversaw a turnaround and eventually former Brinemouth fullback Bayliss absolutely cuts through Rafford before a sweetly hit cutback for marquee man Rowan Varghese to slam the equaliser into the top corner. Alyssa Haight, another Nepharim, forces a sharp save from Marciak late on. Brosque, uncharacteristically, blames the referee for an arguable penalty non-decision late on. Athletic’s 2-0 win over 1860 Azoth is far more routine, one of those matches where Rainsford just runs the show from the start and Hawke, who is very much living up to the hype, finishes things at her end.

Holdenberg’s scoreless draw with Brinemouth is ‘one for the purists’, which is to say it’s like watching paint dry apart from the occasional entertainment of Helmut Chilmark clattering some Docker or another. “Typical Chatswood DNA,” assistant manager Werner Thayer sniffs within range of a touchline mic. The Harriers are uninspired and unable to break through a hard-nosed Cednia, ultimately losing 1-0. Starling finally pick up their first point, but Amos will be frustrated as her defence flakes away in the closing stages, handing Fox Charnwood an excellent opportunity to seal the match for Rouge against the run of play. He ends up hitting the crossbar, but the point was made, and Rouge will a point apiece is a fair result.

The Rooks can be proud of a resilient performance in Eura, where cannier and more experienced opponents dominated possession. Both goalkeepers, Coleman and Hesketh, made some fine saves, but the outstanding young Chris Ashton found a late breakthrough pass for winger Ryan Robinson to find, cut inside and fire home. Both sides will take this scoreline.

The New Firm rivalry, as it’s sporadically called, sees Brinemouth host Treason. The Stags’ star has faded somewhat, but they show without a trace of a doubt that the old steel remains at Ben Randall’s beck and call. Calliope Katskalidis rolls back the years, Svensson… well, Svensson never dropped off, and Vyntra has Dragana in her pocket all match. Brinemouth throw themselves forward, are cut open by Woodspur on the counterattack and then Svensson hammers home a corner late on to secure a great 2-0 win away for the Stags. The Moths visit the Diamonds; they are not very nice. They hit hard, fight hard, battle for every ball and convert every chance they get. Well, okay, that’s not true - Iona Britton flings herself at everything and makes some brilliant saves, but it’s not enough as the Moths score five. Imogen Jeweler’s almost sheepish as she nets her first of the season, a late consolation - though in truth it’s the best goal of the lot, a beautifully-weighted volley lofted over Griffin’s head, and she could be forgiven her little fist-pump. Cranequin, meanwhile, put together some impressive forward work but are porous at the back with an intense performance from Medina’s Tanners hammering them - it’s 4-3 by the half-time, but the Wanderers have the most recent goal and, seemingly, the momentum. “Calm things down, calm things down,” Voula Logothettis is heard in the technical area trying to soothe her players… and it works. Too well. The Wanderers are downright placid in the second half, and two incisive, flowing passing moves are finished off with gusto by Erik Marlowe to seal a 6-3 win for the beleagured Tanners.

48 more sides enter to try and filter out the chaff before the real big lads arrive, and some are filtered out harder than others. Autumn Starbuck has had a torrid time in the second tier for Chenoworth Rovers, scoring just twice, but she manages a hat-trick against lowly Corby in an eventual 8-0 hammering. Away, no less. Pravenna Saints take an early league from imported Nepharim striker Vance Leckey’s header and cling onto it for an hour before Corvistone’s superior firepower finally tells. They lose 3-1, but with honour. Of the other second-tier sides, Armstrong, Crossroads and South Laithland are beaten in the 90 minutes, while Greygate and North Laithland are dumped out on penalties, all to other First Division sides. Chatswood almost follow them, but rely on sudden death penalties to down struggling third-tier Falston Town. Iron City lean on their talismanic midfielder - 2-0 down after 61 minutes, they bring on Elaine Ashdown, and the local lass wrestles back the years and, with an impeccable direct free kick, a lovely threaded shot just outside the box and a peach of an assist for Alanna Halmark’s winning volley, sees them defeat a shellshocked Lazuli Diamonds. Three Conference sides edge through, largely due to facing other Conference sides, but a 3-3 barnstormer between Stamper Road and Downsparrow ends in brilliantly semi-pro fashion - a long throw, pinball in the box and, somehow, a deflection off the luckless Downsparrow defender Niki Keneghan resulting in an own goal and victory for Road.

The Nepharim connection is very much up and running in Newrook. Unfortunately, it’s Gareth Westmead’s cross and Rook Branagh’s lovely, whipped finish past a despairing Hesketh in the ninth minute. The Rooks do come back from it - Coleman is forced into strong saves from Marconi and Farrell before Bothroyd and the substitute Senturk make the difference in the second half, but it’s not enough. Yet another of what seems like terrible luck in the draw of the CWC - the Rooks bow out with honour.

Some big matches at the bottom of the table. Maximum Rovers will be particularly thrilled, an embattled Paige Hildebrand witnessing a battling performance. After a scrappy, scruffy first half, all hell breaks loose in the second but when the dust has settled, Spyridon Kolitsidakis has been sent off for a scything challenge on Petridis but it’s worth it for an impressive 4-2 win, Moxey and Kreisburg combining fruitfully. A battling performance from the Saints gets them three points against Starling. They honestly stand around like sitting ducks for the first quarter of an hour, bailed out only by Darren Koufax, but then Rademacher’s delicious inswinging free kick is glanced home off Brun. Emboldened by that, the Saints go flying in - to tackles, mostly. Crashing and bashing all across the pitch, stopping the Passerines by any means necessary - it works. Lisa Amos is livid post-match; “You seriously look at that and think you don’t have a problem with leniant refereeing in this country? Seriously?” It’s not a problem, Lisa, it’s a feature. Leichhardt and Diamondqueen hold one another to a draw, but it’s the former side that just looks… better, this season. Serpentine, for their part, keep a clean sheet against Vermillion, though largely through Rage’s profligate finishing. Corvid Alemane just hasn’t quite been at the races this season - she’s been deployed as a striker before, but never week-in, week-out before, and it’s only sporadically paying off.

The Moths finally drop points, the vintage item of a rare goal from Denton Tapp and the rather more commonplace goal from Targaryen seeing Paulinthal to a deserved victory. Just as the Heelers think they’ve pulled back some momentum with a resilient away performance against Tihon, former Creed United striker Danica Farrier rolls back the years with a diving header past Marciak. At least Athletic do the flag proud, Bereveskos lashing home a winner on the stroke of half-time.

Brinemouth are dominant over Holdenberg at home, wresting control of the midfield and finding finishing product through Dragana and Kuralay. The Harriers are abject in the first half against Cednia, but whatever Sedder says at the break pays off; Crowther and Ruhl lead the comeback, and Katja Christensen very nearly finished it with a curling injury-time strike that slammed against the crossbar. Starling take an early lead through Liam Armstrong’s low, hard shot that proved too hot for Knutsson to handle, and they hold firm for eighty minutes. Then Karena Foran, off the bench, centres it low and hard - Calcipher Heston scuffs the clearance and Destin Chaplin is onto it like a shot, rifling it into the top corner to silence the stadium.

An important result for the Tanners - the catalyst is Grant’s return from a niggling injury. They host Crisisbless and, controversially, restore Cooper to the starting lineup. And yet, she’s in fine form - called into action for a few dynamic saves, but Grant and a double pivot midfield of Lavendor and Petridis inoculate most of the damage. Jevdjevic-Hadsic does eventually produce a moment of individual brilliance, but counterattacking goals from the pace of Miranda Gail have already won the game at the other end in the first half. In what is inevitably called the Alexis Spurlock derby, Bishop host Vermillion. Brightwater absolutely loses it in a press conference before the fact; “I’ve managed abroad, I’ve succeeded abroad, and I come back and everyone’s hung up on the past, on a couple bad years and of the last guy before me!” the Bishop manager snaps. Dead-set to lose? Somehow, no! Karlene Sitz runs the show from the midfield, and Ansel Penbrooke is everywhere up front. He forces Clement into a rare error, rushing the goalkeeper into a scuffed clearance that Coffey runs onto and slams home, before being in the right place at the right time to get two tap-ins. 3-2’s the final score, but an error from Scannell (who really should’ve saved a Paulsson effort) is irrelevant, and Brightwater was loving it at the end of the match. But Spurlock won the mind games stakes at the end; “Man, Monica sure talks a lot for someone who couldn’t win a trophy in a fucking egg and spoon race, hey?” Athletic stumble to a third straight draw, and look in serious need of a wakeup call - this time it’s against the Otters, at home, after an entertaining but inept 3-3. Finally, Creed United haven’t done a lot to draw attention to themselves so far, but credit is due to their disciplined defence, the goalkeeping of Matraxis and the finishing touches of their forceful strikers, Vettriano and Korborg, that fire them to a deserved 3-1 win over Starling. It’s the Passerines’ second straight defeat.

Couple of big fixtures here. First up, a misfiring Starling host a misfiring Athletic. It shows in a first half in which passes just don’t quite seem to stick - and Tanith Rainsford is worryingly seen off with a calf injury. In the second half, things open up a bit more, and Coltrane finds a way through for Athletic. The narrative almost strikes, as Estrella Hawke hits a post - but straight from the counterattack her former partner in crime, Keira Andisori, strokes home a leveller. It swings to and fro from here, and everyone knows there is no way in hell this match is finishing even. So it proves, a moment of individual brilliance from the normally more understated Woodwind settling it for the hosts. Crisisbless host Brinemouth and are, in Brosque’s post-mortem, decided to have “let Brinemouth play how they liked”. Which is to say there wasn’t nearly enough… bittiness, for the former defender’s liking. Brinemouth take a first-half lead thanks to some obliging defending and the finishing touch of Bartley and Dragana on the wings, and while a silky passing move lets Tia Drenas pull one back on the stroke of half-time, it never seems like they’ll rein Brinemouth in. Consecutive 4-0 defeats for the Rovers see the first managerial casualty of the season. The Rovers went into the season as a ‘functional’ side, and they after a while just stopped functioning. River haven’t exactly clicked reliably this season, and their central defence has been a real problem area, but they hold the line well enough here and just seem to stride through Maximum’s obliging defence. Elsewhere at the bottom of the league, Southfell and the Diamonds draw, as do Goodfeather and Morningstar, Cranequin pick up an important win over the Harriers thanks to a Blaylock brace while Leichhardt edge Serpentine through a contentious offside call that denies the Dragons’ substitute, Carrie Mason, a late would-be equaliser.

Tight margins across the Cup. The Moths dominate the Eagles, but thanks to determined defending from the Avonians are forced to rely on a heavily-deflected Meier strike to win, while Crisisbless almost don’t lose but do fail not to lose. Athletic drop points for the first time, and only salvage a deserved point with a late leveller from substitute youth forward Salavat Caszely’s injury-time strike. Still, they’re through.

Brinemouth dominate San Solari at home, with Osman Candelo running the show in midfield and getting on the scoresheet himself. It’s also a cause for cheers for 24-year old right winger Petros Mytaras, who returns from an ACL injury in the 71st minute and scores Brinemouth’s third in the 78th. The Harriers go down early to Skiveness, but in an ugly, physical churnfest (perhaps not ‘greasy’ so much as ‘oily’ considering the average Nepharim footballer’s penchant for hair product) drag themselves back to the lead thanks to Airik Ruhl taking the game by the scruff of the neck. After an intense, pulsating encounter with Chromatik, the Passerines - first seeds! - are no longer fighting for progression, but just to win a single game.

The Rovers are quick to approach Rachael Weixelbraun for their vacancy, and quick to be rebuffed. Reinhard Drake, their assistant, takes on the caretaker role and at least seems to have beaten some defensive security into the team, as the defeat, to Chenoworth Harriers, is just a 1-0. Surprisingly, 21-year old third-choice goalkeeper Josef Colmeyer is preferred and belated trust given to young guns Axiom Gaitatzis and Adele Rosborough, and it pays some dividends. Colmeyer might be a step too far - he seems decidedly on edge - but the other youths impress. Cranequin, fresh off their win, are happy to see Dakota Blaylock finally blaze into gear with his fifth goal in four games, redeeming a slow start. The issue is that their defence is genuinely atrocious, as the Saints ruthlessly exploit today in a 4-1 thumping. Everyone in the world but Voula Logothettis, it seems, knew that Castellan and Cavan (fine players both) made for too soft a centre. It might cost them their league place. River find some defensive resilience from somewhere and add to Crisisbless’ woes, Daleiden slipping away from her markers at a Petkovic corner and heading it home on the hour mark. Southfell will claim some measure of moral victory to go along with their actual one - Morningstar do little productive but try and shunt and kick them, and they get a controversial (well, wrong, bluntly) opening goal when Cooper seems to claim a Saroszi cross but is bundled into the net by Boldman. It’s… generously credited to Saroszi. But when they can finally get the ball through to Erik Marlowe in the second half, the big man does the job. Newrook, meanwhile, look calm and unhurried against a breathless Moths side, as Andreu Bartolnicci makes himself known. Bothroyd and a rejuvenated Winter put the Rooks 2-0 up in the first half, and slotting Sutton into a double pivot midfield and sacrificing Farrell helps them hold onto it in the second. An important win, as the project builds momentum.

The final Conference sides are bounced out. Gridlock are slammed down 4-0 by Iron City, Ingram Township are taken apart 6-0 by Riverkey and Diamondqueen destroy Stamper Road 4-0, but all three sides will be happy to have banked lucrative cheques for away fixtures against tougher opponents. The Moths absolutely pulverise lowly Sutcroft 8-1, Boldsport youth shortlist midfielder Tawny Shone running things casually in midfield, while a valiant rearguard action from the Smiths takes Sabrefell Athletic to extra time. Once there, however, a whipped corner from Corvine allows the unlikely hero Gareth Krane, fourth-choice centre-half in his first start of the season, to power a header past Ceferin. Goodfeather FC down Southfell United on penalties, young Anya Beraht making three flying saves, while Leichhardt’s second-string found no way through against the Hanged Man after they took an early lead through an unfortunate own goal - Coretta Lash slammed a shot against the bar, the hulking Iskandrian Kozak dived in vain to keep it out and the rebound struck him and rolled in. The Rooks and the Saints both take very strong sides to one another, but it’s the former side that is dominant. Angela Spyrakis makes a number of sprightly saves, but Liesel Ironhewer and Aziz Senturk come off the bench to score late and send the Rooks through. The Hawks slink to a dull 2-0 defeat to Morningstar, while first-half goals from Hannaday and Lucan are enough to let Hackett see off River. Bishop almost join them, but they’re bailed out after a poor performance against Second Division high-fliers Locksley - Ulrike Jensen’s 91st minute header takes them to extra time before Connor Risdon’s superhuman showing in the shootout allows the Cardinals to scrape through. Highlight of the round? The Nouveau Riche rivalry of Treason vs. Brinemouth has lost a bit of spice recently as the Sabrefell giants have come to dominate the late 60s - however, the match here is a real return to form. Both sides bring strong lineups to bear, and the sides go blow for blow for the 90 minutes - Candelo equalised by Vesper, Dragana by Fraser, Trahearne by Soederquist. In the end, it came down to penalties - and Brinemouth’s decisive fifth was blasted into the sun by, of all people, the normally steadfast Soederquist. The Stags edge through.

And Treason celebrate their victory by getting ripped apart 4-0 by Starling. Sorry, what? But the Stags are simply outmaneuvred, made to look pedestrian and, at 2-0 and 84 minutes, have the combustible Vedran Tarashaj… combust, winning a second caution for chopping down Aschenbach. Starling capitalise, and Mateo Padilla takes full advantage of the space to score a late brace. Brinemouth display far more resilience, going to Morningstar and, even with rotating a couple of players out, have the intensity to maul Morningstar 5-1, with Marijana Kuralay coming in to battle Stars’ midfield single-handed and young, muscular leftback Marcin Close firing home his first senior goal. Meanwhile, the immutable law of the ex is muted, as Aidan Brosque’s Crisisbless side - definitely one in transition - is unable to break through a sturdy, workmanlike defensive effort from John Sedder’s Harriers is enough to deny the silk and the steel of the Heelers, a lovely individual effort from Steven Rexmont seeing them off. Diamondqueen win the Friendly Derby through the unlikely figure of Francesca Abel, who tries to deny that her winning goal was meant to be a cross and is fooling absolutely nobody. Iona Britton at the other end was downright heroic. A rather more hostile Sabrefell derby saw Athletic, winless in five, clash with the Chariots. They finally end their streak, albeit in slightly fortunate circumstances - Commerford, otherwise excellent, flaps at a cross from Meisler and a surprised Wardenier manages to flick out a leg and bundle home the winner.

The Moths canter to a confident win over Ulsa with goals from Townsend and Serra, ultimately taking first place in the group by a wide margin. Crisisbless? Well. They take a rotated side to face Handon, and Brosque even wearily warns the fans of this decision in advance over Twitter. But many loyal fans come anyway, and watch their side annihilated in the second half after a close-fought first hour. After a grinding draw with Namiri Forest, Athletic can feel good about an unbeaten group stage.

Pablo Scotti’s header and Morales’ clean sheet ensure that the Dockers are high and dry in first, five points ahead of… all the other teams, having only conceded a single goal. San Solari end up coming second. The Harriers are very much second-best against Zwangzug side Eintracht Trink, but they maintain hold of first place as Skiveness beat Cednia and are edged out of first on head-to-head. Cednia can consider themselves unlucky not to survive a very close group. Starling contrive to concede 27 seconds in and then in the 92nd minute to ensure that they slink out of the Globe Cup without so much as a win, Hellinic Rouge’s inability to beat them costing them progression. Fourth seeds Chromatik take the group.

Maximum Rovers finally appoint their replacement manager, after local hero Reinhard Drake oversees a decent two points from three matches and newfound trust in youth. Elrik Raskine’s there to watch that third match, an encouraging comeback against Creed to claw back a 2-2 draw. Raskine, last fired from Chatswood for trying and failing to establish a more constructive blueprint, is an… interesting choice, but might be the right move to take them forward. Southfell’s recovery continues, a dull affair against Bishop enlivened by an arcing 35-yard lob over Scannell, once so reliable but now regressing a week after her 34th birthday, unable to compensate for being so far off her line. The Hawks slip up late against the Moths, deserving victory on the run of play in a madly free-flowing game, but a brace of own goals from the luckless Santana turning in crosses from Townsend and Ashburner grants the Moths a 3-2 win. Most prominently, however, Athletic have returned to the taste of (domestic) victory and they like how it felt. They take Vermillion apart, 5-0 the final score, as Oscar Coltrane reminds the world how he can dominate the game at his best.

A frankly hilarious match, as both Metropolis and the Moths, two prominent sides in the world game, just sort of take the day off defensively. The Moths, however, have the forward play to really rub it in, and Thunder manages a rare smirk in the final press conference. “Yeah, well, it’s good to know we have to keep ‘em to less than seven goals at the Farham to keep ahold of the tiebreaker…”

Elrik Raskine’s first match in charge is an unmitigated disaster. Starling are unimpressed by the Rovers’ defence, and pick their teeth with Catheline Jurist’s bones. Julia Thane aside - she’s a constant thorn in Castor’s side, and winds up getting the Rovers’ consolation - the Rovers are abysmal. “It’s a learning process for all of us,” Raskine dithered post-match. Sure. Things aren’t looking so hot for the Diamonds, either. It’s not that they’re so bad against Parrhesia, they just look uninspired, and it was the sort of match that Auburn Weber would drag them through. She’s silenced by Monica Rowland, here, and young Ramona Porter gets her first senior goal to settle it. “There’s no cause for panic,” Tana Colbright insists, doubtless all too aware that she was parachuted in the middle of last season with the Diamonds in the bottom three. Vermillion concede another five, Spurlock’s reshuffle accomplishing absolutely nothing. Then again, it is the Moths. River and Serpentine, meanwhile, have an utterly mad 3-4 in Sabrefell, Aya Bernman chalking up a hat-trick of second-half assists to overturn a two-goal deficit and Matt Bowerman left despairing at his defence, while Estrella Hawke’s diving header salvages a point for Athletic away in Treason.

So, just about nobody saw that coming. The Moths run roughshod over tough Valladar opposition for the most aggregate goals a Nepharim side has ever managed in international competition.

The Moths have scored seventeen goals in their last three games, won their last seven in all competitions. Athletic don’t stand a chance. Right? Wrong. Athletic produce their best domestic performance of the season, clean-heeled and disciplined, to keep the Moths from ever really getting a clear shot at Gautier. At the other end, Athletic’s star performers, Coltrane and Hawke, predictably get the job done. A point below, Starling edge out Crisisbless with decisiveness on the wings in the key moments, and Keira Andisori continuing to thrive given the sole spotlight up front. She gets two goals and is running hard for a third… until Martell Chalobah clatters her and sees her stretchered off. Amos has used all her substitutions, and the Passerines are left with ten men as Ozaria Gandhi finally pulls one back for Crisisbless, but they hold out thanks to a couple sharp saves from Hargrave. Treason annihilate Cranequin Wanderers 4-1, with Matthias Bergander impressing up front - Randall has pursued a strategy of relentless rotation ensuring that a limited but deep side produces its best every week - while Brinemouth comfortably beat Newrook 2-0. These are the title contenders and would need to be really complacent to lose their top four places - the top three are seperated by a point, with Brinemouth three beneath Starling and Treason… and a staggering 11 above Chenoworth Harriers in 5th. A point beneath the Harriers, Crisisbless, Athletic, Vermillion and Newrook are all locked on 34 points, with Coret a further point beneath. Leichhardt and Goodfeather round out the top half, and are three points out from the Globe Cup places - Leichhardt manager Andrea Vardalos confidently announces “We have secured survival!” after fringe winger Voyager’s snap-shot slips under Vermillion goalkeeper Clement and gets them a 1-0 win away.

That’s probably a bit optimistic. They’re nine points from the bottom four, but more resounding surprises have happened. With Southfell having stepped up lately, the genuine relegation fighters look like the current bottom six, though any number of lower midtable sides could be sucked into it. Serpentine, outmuscled by the Harriers in a 2-1 defeat, are in the healthiest position… as long as Aya Bernman, who has really stepped up with Fanaiyan’s departure, stays fit. Morningstar keep out of danger with a tenacious 1-0 win over the Saints in an ugly, bitty fixture - but they’ve only scored fourteen goals all season, and are reliant on Lukas Sparr at the back as 22-year old youth international Christos Tsiavis struggles for final product and Petrosian’s form has fallen off a cliff. Brookford manage a 1-1 draw with Southfell in which neither side could take their chances, and stay 21st with Hestia Canaan on the verge of losing her job. The Diamonds claw a point in Creed through an all-too-rare moment of inspiration from Weber who threads the perfect diagonal ball for Fortounis to backheel (!) home. But they’re six points from true safety. Eight and ten points away respectively, there’s little hope for either Cranequin Wanderers (who have conceded 51 goals this season) and Maximum Rovers, though goals from Luitgard and Gaitatzis give them just their third win of the season, away against the struggling Chariots.

by **Nephara** » Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:30 pm

Matchday 13: Rochford annihilate East Laithland 6-1, with the Owls rampant against the Harriers. Burgundy is simply allowed to do as she likes despite theoretically being outnumbered in midfield, and they manage to slam the fragile Harriers with pace and power every time. Greygate and Coret Rovers exchange blows in a similarly rambunctious 5-3, with Ricketts, Jozic and, after taunting the Rovers' crowd after scoring Greygate's fourth, Makhone Djite all sent off. Cromwell, Cisneros and Karagounis hit Riverkey hard in a 3-0 win for Pillars of Southfell, not normally a free-flowing side but made to look it by inferior opponents.

Matchday 14: Let it never be said that second-tier clubs don't learn tactical lessons. After witnessing Burgundy's demolition act against the Harriers, Sheridan midfielder Galen Wickham slams through her twice, in the 9th and 14th minutes. He's booked both times, sent off... but Burgundy follows, on a stretcher. 10 men or not, Sheridan snatch the win through a direct free kick from Mullen. South Laithland's grit sees them match the Crows. A brilliant volley from Stanford and a stylish, mazy goal from Delacruz are answered by a simple goal off a corner from Ferror and a scruffy tap-in from substitute Tanith Stark.

Matchday 15: "The Pillars result was a wake-up call," concedes Ewan Sanderson, and a resilient performance at the back keeps a rampant Corvette Maulers to two goals while a counterattack, a set piece and a penalty, with Coridan Theo tying everything together, ensures a 3-2 win away against a promotion contender - Riverkey's second straight win. Weirdly, towering Maximum City rightback Ellen Mifsud manages her first two goals of the season in a 3-0 win over Vermillion Wanderers.

Matchday 16: Most of the attention's on a spicy inter-Sabrefell match between rugged, down-to-earth Sheridan and fancy-dan Belgrave. Potenza puts Sherries up early, but Meriadoc Griffiths has instilled a real backbone into the Gargoyles. Ilary Muscat has a goal chalked off for offside and then goes one better just minutes later, before Whyte and Rouseff finish the job in the second half as Sigmar Ward's forceful approach in holding midfield gives Sheridan a welcome taste of its own medicine.

Matchday 17: Hackett are the story of the day, continuing to defy their gloomy predictions. Torsten Muller's really retaken his best form this season, and notches up a hat-trick in a 5-0 demolition of Crisisbless United. Chequers manager Fay Harville is left bemoaning refereeing decisions that were largely irrelevant to the fact that they were played off the park.

Matchday 18: A sparkling showing from Josie Webster hauls the Spiders past Corvette as she's dropping enthusiastic forward passes on willing recipients all match, though Gerhard Sinstadt - unrecognisable from the callow figure of last season - deserves credit for some sharp saves as well in an eventual 2-1 win. Corvistone take 90 minutes to break down Chenoworth Rovers, but tragically, after an exemplary performance, Adino Eliot... passes straight to Stanford, who calmly slots home. Harper in the technical area is... displeased.

Matchday 19: Arkwright replaces Eliot for the Rovers in their 1-1 draw with Armstrong. Visiting the Crows, Extreme Hills sponge up all the pressure, constantly breaking but never broken. Well, once broken - Jack Brier comes off the bench to produce something special to put them ahead, but not long afterwards Coretta Rooke is played through and just... keeps running, half the length of the pitch, rounds Kovacic and slides the ball home. Cypher smack down East Laithland 6-1, Petridis really something special at this level, Tihamer notching a hat-trick.

Matchday 20: This time, Ritter Town cruise to a 6-1 thrashing of the Harriers, who are possibly just bad. "This is not the season we finally go under," Providence Mitford vows. In fairness, they're not alone in getting hammered - Chenoworth Rovers splatter Hackett 4-0, the Maulers put four past a diffident Crossroads and Crisisbless United smash Vermillion 4-1. Not for the first time this season, Sheridan shut down the team that just had a massive win - this time it's Cypher, and by the same method of targeting Petridis for 'special treatment' from the bruising Wickham before snatching a goal against the run of play from Murdock.

Matchday 21: Mitford's vow gets some traction. Yet again, East Laithland score a goal, a brisk passing move finished off by Forsyth. This time, however, Stamocostas keeps a clean sheet, and they beat Pillars 1-0. Leigh Fletcher continues to do the best she can with a paper-thin squad, and her Chatswood side prevents Crossroads from taking so much as a shot on target in a clinical 1-0 win of their own.

Matchday 22: Now it's time for Afolayan to shine out from the pack of Corvistone's forwards as he dominates Mathiasen en route to a 4-0 win over Crossroads, a beleagured Marcel Pellegrin supposedly inching closer to the sack. He's beaten to quickest, though, as Coret Rovers give Dorian Brindle the flick as they slump to a late 2-1 defeat to Vermillion at home in a key relegation six-pointer. They lead through an increasingly rare Liberty Hammond goal in the eleventh minute... they were dropped in the 89th and 93rd minute to a defeat you just knew was coming since they sincerely cannot defend.

Matchday 23: A top seven's beginning to settle down, certainly a top nine you could call in the promotion race. Cypher Town sit at the top, beating Pillars and watching Corvistone fall 3-1 to Belgrave, with the Laithland sides filling out the top four. Despite that win, Belgrave are very definitely not in it. As for the relegation candidates, Hackett are surprisingly not among them, sitting pretty in 11th. They get there in part with a 2-0 win over Rochford, who still haven't drawn a match halfway into the season. In 21st, Crossroads are still misfiring but at least keep Armstrong to a scoreless draw - even so, Vermillion leapfrog them with Bryson's brace over Ritter - while a scarcely credible 6-0 win from East Laithland over Corvette sees the Harriers rising above the chaff. That chaff would be Pillars and Coret, who both lose 1-0.

Locksley continue to dominate the league while West Brinemouth muscle their way into the picture and Iron City maintain the course - beneath them, it’s anyone’s game, three teams level on 40 and Shale on 39. Falston Town demolish South Parrhesia 6-1 away, the Vermillion side’s third straight defeat, but Town remain in the bottom four regardless along with rivals United and a hapless Boleyn Town, though Southriver, the Strongest and Peregrine could all potentially drop into it, all safe by four points.

Despite a 2-0 defeat to Gosmouth, Strephonage remain six points clear at the top - beneath them, it’s anyone’s game, though the smart money’s on Alliance Barossia and Chardonnay Rangers who underline their credentials with confident wins. Despite a 1-1 draw with Mapleford, a club so forgettable this journalist had literally forgotten it existed and had to go look up records to make sure they hadn’t just spawned out of nowhere, West Hook maintain a two-point buffer in fourth. At the bottom of the table… it’s fucking anyone’s game, Hartford Glade in 17th and Iberia Chenoworth in 22nd separated by one whole point. Dross Rovers are one beneath them and Rushe two beneath them, but anything could happen.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Moths          23  16   2   5  45  23  +22  50
  2 Starling                 23  15   4   4  51  21  +30  49
  3 AFC Treason              23  15   4   4  36  20  +16  49
  4 Brinemouth               23  14   4   5  47  27  +20  46
  5 Chenoworth Harriers      23  10   5   8  36  26  +10  35
  6 Crisisbless              23   9   7   7  27  20   +7  34
  7 Sabrefell Athletic       23   9   7   7  35  30   +5  34
  8 Vermillion Rage          23   9   7   7  34  32   +2  34
  9 Newrook City             23   9   7   7  30  28   +2  34
 10 Coret Hawks              23   8   9   6  31  21  +10  33
 11 Leichhardt               23   8   7   8  22  24   -2  31
 12 Goodfeather FC           23   8   7   8  21  23   -2  31
 13 Creed United             23   6  12   5  38  29   +9  30
 14 Southfell United         23   8   6   9  32  38   -6  30
 15 Bishop                   23   6  10   7  26  31   -5  28
 16 Parrhesia United         23   7   7   9  24  29   -5  28
 17 Raven River              23   7   6  10  26  31   -5  27
 18 Violence Chariots        23   6   8   9  30  29   +1  26
 19 AFC Serpentine           23   7   5  11  33  45  -12  26
 20 Morningstar              23   5   9   9  14  27  -13  24
 21 Brookford Otters         23   5   7  11  28  44  -16  22
 22 Diamondqueen             23   4   6  13  19  39  -20  18
 23 Cranequin Wanderers      23   3   7  13  25  51  -26  16
 24 Maximum Rovers           23   3   5  15  19  41  -22  14

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cypher Town                  23  14  6   3  39  14  +25  48
  2 AFC Corvistone               23  14  5   4  45  21  +24  47
  3 North Laithland              23  13  7   3  36  20  +16  46
  4 South Laithland              23  14  3   6  26  15  +11  45
  5 Chatswood                    23  14  2   7  29  21   +8  44
  6 North Sabrefell              23  12  5   6  32  18  +14  41
  7 Crisisbless United           23  12  4   7  36  29   +7  40
  8 Corvette Maulers             23  11  3   9  33  29   +4  36
  9 Armstrong                    23  10  6   7  22  20   +2  36
 10 Chenoworth Rovers            23   7 10   6  32  21  +11  31
 11 Hackett                      23   9  4  10  23  29   -6  31
 12 Maximum City                 23   8  6   9  23  21   +2  30
 13 Belgrave                     23   7  8   8  34  33   +1  29
 14 Ritter Town                  23   8  5  10  31  30   +1  29
 15 Extreme Hills                23   7  7   9  29  35   -6  28
 16 Riverkey                     23   7  6  10  21  27   -6  27
 17 Rochford                     23   9  0  14  23  30   -7  27
 18 Sheridan                     23   7  6  10  18  27   -9  27
 19 Greygate                     23   5  9   9  29  40  -11  24
 20 Vermillion Wanderers         23   6  5  12  30  42  -12  23
 21 Crossroads Town              23   5  6  12  19  30  -11  21
 22 East Laithland Harriers      23   5  6  12  31  46  -15  21
 23 Pillars of Southfell         23   4  6  13  17  32  -15  18
 24 Coret Rovers                 23   5  1  17  21  49  -28  16

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Locksley                  23  17  3   3  53  21  +32  54
  2 West Brinemouth           23  14  1   8  33  21  +12  43
  3 Iron City                 23  13  4   6  30  18  +12  43
  4 Crisisbless Athletic      23  12  4   7  46  31  +15  40
  5 Lazuli Diamonds           23  12  4   7  42  33   +9  40
  6 AFC Shale                 23  11  7   5  28  20   +8  40
  7 Stonegrave                23  12  3   8  27  18   +9  39
  8 Mantlegrove               23  10  7   6  32  22  +10  37
  9 Gonen's Bridge            23  10  7   6  23  16   +7  37
 10 Martella Jazz             23  10  4   9  35  29   +6  34
 11 Kommissar                 23   9  5   9  33  32   +1  32
 12 Cranequin City            23   9  4  10  34  28   +6  31
 13 Dartmouth Terriers        23   8  7   8  26  24   +2  31
 14 Iron United               23   9  3  11  27  25   +2  30
 15 The Hanged Man            23   9  3  11  18  18   +0  30
 16 Sutcroft                  23   7  7   9  18  28  -10  28
 17 Barossia United           23   8  4  11  21  33  -12  28
 18 Southriver                23   6  7  10  25  33   -8  25
 19 The Strongest             23   7  4  12  31  42  -11  25
 20 Peregrine                 23   6  7  10  30  42  -12  25
 21 Falston United            23   6  3  14  18  31  -13  21
 22 Falston Town              23   5  5  13  24  42  -18  20
 23 Boleyn Town               23   5  5  13  15  33  -18  20
 24 South Parrhesia           23   5  4  14  23  52  -29  19

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Strephonage                23  16  4   3  33  11  +22  52
  2 Alliance Barossia          23  13  7   3  40  25  +15  46
  3 Chardonnay Rangers         23  14  3   6  46  25  +21  45
  4 West Hook                  23  13  6   4  30  15  +15  45
  5 Brindleton                 23  12  7   4  36  17  +19  43
  6 Boltcroft Thorns           23  12  4   7  34  32   +2  40
  7 Kensey Town                23  11  6   6  38  28  +10  39
  8 Ballardine FC              23  10  6   7  38  24  +14  36
  9 Gosmouth Swans             23  11  3   9  30  34   -4  36
 10 Corinthians No Longer      23   9  6   8  48  45   +3  33
 11 Ox River United            23   9  5   9  28  22   +6  32
 12 Long Lake                  23   8  8   7  24  26   -2  32
 13 Gridlock Rovers            23   8  6   9  25  30   -5  30
 14 Rochford Pilgrims          23   7  8   8  29  30   -1  29
 15 FC Seierstad               23   8  4  11  25  32   -7  28
 16 Ringway                    23   8  3  12  22  39  -17  27
 17 Hartford Glade             23   6  5  12  25  33   -8  23
 18 Brookway Town              23   7  2  14  26  42  -16  23
 19 Pravenna Saints            23   5  7  11  23  31   -8  22
 20 Mapleford                  23   4 10   9  18  28  -10  22
 21 Sutcroft Athletic          23   6  4  13  24  36  -12  22
 22 Iberia Chenoworth          23   7  1  15  39  54  -15  22
 23 Dross Rovers               23   6  3  14  27  36   -9  21
 24 Rushe United               23   5  4  14  25  38  -13  19

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Grovebank               23  14  5   4  38  20  +18  47
  2 Sirencall FC            23  13  4   6  45  28  +17  43
  3 Harrington              23  12  5   6  40  28  +12  41
  4 Brokenarch              23  10  9   4  33  18  +15  39
  5 Capricopia Rangers      23  11  6   6  36  24  +12  39
  6 Ingram Township         23   9 10   4  25  22   +3  37
  7 Fischer                 23   9  7   7  32  28   +4  34
  8 Stonesthrow Town        23  10  4   9  26  25   +1  34
  9 Gridlock                23  10  4   9  18  19   -1  34
 10 Sleetwell Rangers       23  10  3  10  31  37   -6  33
 11 Fully Sick XI           23   8  8   7  37  26  +11  32
 12 Swag Hill Rovers        23   8  7   8  36  33   +3  31
 13 Courser                 23   8  7   8  25  24   +1  31
 14 Nay Town                23   8  2  13  23  44  -21  26
 15 Fenland Albion          23   5 10   8  20  21   -1  25
 16 AFC Brackwold           23   6  6  11  33  39   -6  24
 17 Gridlock East           23   6  4  13  21  30   -9  22
 18 AFC Hellerine           23   5  5  13  24  42  -18  20
 19 Norton Road             23   5  5  13  25  46  -21  20
 20 Bellamy                 23   4  7  12  17  31  -14  19

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Aries Solitaire        23  15  4   4  47  29  +18  49
  2 Corvistone City        23  13  8   2  30  12  +18  47
  3 Stamper Road           23  14  5   4  45  30  +15  47
  4 Brunyard FC            23  13  4   6  51  29  +22  43
  5 Bodkin Road            23  13  4   6  44  27  +17  43
  6 Downsparrow            23  11  8   4  42  24  +18  41
  7 Rookwall               23  12  4   7  32  28   +4  40
  8 Rhyburn Swifts         23   9  5   9  44  43   +1  32
  9 South Brill            23   8  7   8  36  33   +3  31
 10 Blaze                  23   7 10   6  30  30   +0  31
 11 Sandrock               23   8  6   9  29  32   -3  30
 12 The Travellers FC      23   8  4  11  32  45  -13  28
 13 Twelvetrees            23   6  7  10  22  31   -9  25
 14 Corby Hubris           23   7  3  13  31  47  -16  24
 15 Mainstream Fist        23   6  4  13  27  46  -19  22
 16 Senway Town            23   5  6  12  26  32   -6  21
 17 Coral Bay              23   4  9  10  25  32   -7  21
 18 Violence Tigers        23   4  8  11  23  36  -13  20
 19 AFC Burchess           23   4  8  11  23  36  -13  20
 20 Masculine Town         23   3  6  14  23  40  -17  15

by **Nephara** » Tue Jan 16, 2018 3:01 pm

Before Corvistone visit Bishop, Crows manager Davalei Evatee confidently announces; “This is our audition for the Premiership!” That pretty single-handedly makes the game’s hype, and an inordinate amount of attention is paid… as Bishop play them off the park, the intensity of their forwards pummelling Corvistone’s slightly fragile defence, tidy finishes from Neptune, Jensen and Mersiades and a clean sheet from Connor Risdon under pressure ensuring a comfortable victory for the Cardinals. Brightwater couldn’t resist a dig at her opponents; “I reckon we showed them how far they’ve got to go.” Other First Division sides have more luck at home - Sara Penford and the veteran forward Rhianna Forrest see Hackett cruise past reigning runners-up Morningstar, while Julian Parable finally looks like a Premiership player as he shuts down the Harriers with Harrison Cruz’s brace securing a 2-0 win for Riverkey. Cypher Town might have hoped to beat a poor Maximum Rovers, especially as they rest captain and star Kolitsidakis, but an assured performance from Cup goalkeeper Colmeyer and a first goal of the season for Allen Slayback give the Rovers a 1-0 win. A vicious rather than artful East Sabrefell derby sees the Chariots beat Sabrefell Athletic 1-0. A match in Vermillion played at blistering pace sees seven goals and two red cards, and it’s the Rage who come out ahead 4-3 over high-flying AFC Treason. Ben Randall fumes on the sidelines, with young defender Daniel Axweald flunking his first start of the season - same with promising goalkeeper Rustwyth. Out of basically nowhere, Diamondqueen come to Starling and come away with a 3-0 win, with their second-string side no less! With Weber looking jaded, perhaps Desdemona Schuster - two assists and a goal, here - can step up to the plate? There’s somehow not just one, but two Crisisbless derbies. Crisisbless vs. Athletic doesn’t quite live up to the hype, despite a full-strength Heelers side - centre-half Tristan Young is colossal for Athletic, and winger Leon Rinehart slams a shot against the post late on, but ultimately Tia Drenas finishes it with a silky run through three defenders and a neatly-slotted finish. The other sees United come to Goodfeather, and the high-intensity, high-octane approach of the Chessmen pays immediate dividends, Kaija Koppel scoring within just nineteen seconds. Rannon hits back, but is then replied by Rivers before Koppel has a potential third chalked off for a marginal offside. In the second half, though, the transformed Quakers sweep United aside, playing them off the park and finding belated end product through seasoned striker Amelia Rusmond, who nets a brace as Goodfeather win 3-2.
South Parrhesia, bottom-feeders of the Second Division, are matched against Rushe United, bottom-feeders of the Third. It’s not exactly a glamour tie, and both sides offer second-strings, but Souths come away with a 5-0 win regardless. Largely passing beneath notice, Serpentine are beaten 1-0 by the Otters. Creed United, meanwhile, rely on an extra-time winner from the veteran Conor Magellan to beat The Hanged Man. Finally, in Shale, the Golems’ defensive approach crumbles under pressure. The Second Division promotion chasers are slammed 9-1 at home by Corvette, young piebald striker Patches Rathbone scoring her second, third, fourth and fifth goals of the season.

The Moths stumble at the summit, despite taking a 2-0 lead within half an hour over Leichhardt. With a newly-promoted, defensive-minded team like that, you might think that’d be job done. No. Andrea Vardalos’ side can stretch to pull goals back when they need, and they prove it. Bellinghausen is bundled in the box by Desantis for a penalty that Miralem Fowler dispatches easily, before Ingrid Auttenberg manages an aerial one-two to set up Felix Reiter to equalise on the stroke of half-time. Not only that, Leichhardt take the lead against the run of play just before the hour mark, Michael Koller heading home Fowler’s arcing free kick. The Moths do eventually equalise through Townsend, but wins for Treason - predictably, over Maximum Rovers - and Starling - getting immediate revenge against Diamondqueen - see them slip to third. Levin Castellan is respectful as he scores against Sabrefell Athletic, declining to celebrate as he arrives late in the box to smash home Theoharous’ cutback. He may as well have done. Athletic put four past Selkie in reply. Things aren’t looking great for the Wanderers.

Big matches at the top and bottom of the league. Treason, challenged by Crisisbless, overturn a first-half deficit the old-school way - two long balls, two Asher Voeller knock-downs, two Roddy Fraser finishes. Brosque, an old-school man himself, is unimpressed at his defence. At the bottom, Cranequin Wanderers are undone by the pace on the break of Maximum Rovers, all the patient possession in the world undone by long balls over the top and Konstanze Luitgard’s searing pace. 2-0 to the Rovers it finishes, a major boost to Elrik Raskine’s squad. Largely passing underneath the notice of most of the league, Newrook have lost five matches straight. People are paying attention after the last one, because the Harriers absolutely dominate them, putting five past Hesketh with just one from Ironhewer (Bothroyd is injured, which isn’t helping) in reply. What does Andreu Bartolnicci do? “It was hard for us to play against twelve men tonight,” he bitches to the press. John Sedder responds with laughter. The exact same sequence happens between Leichhardt and a Sabrefell giant as happened last match… with one exception. This time, Athletic don’t just equalise - they’re able, thanks to a scuffed clearance from a tired Amarantidis, to win it as Avila Wardenier, in dubious form this season, manages to glide in and shove the ball home. The Moths are embroiled in another 3-3, this time dominant at 3-1 with an hour gone before Orion Etzebeth is sent off for a harsh second yellow and then the floodgates open in midfield, Falcon Case doing whatever he wants - as it happens, scoring and setting up former Moths youth product Corona Sharpe for the equaliser. She celebrates whole-heartedly for about four seconds before realising Tradition and stopping, but it’s too late - she’s booed resoundingly by the fans. So she responds, reasonably, by reverting to openly taunting them. When you’ve already got eleven goals for the campaign, Corona, you can do whatever you want.

It’s always refreshing to have a matchday where no result is terribly unexpected or momentous. It gives a reason to look at relatively lower-profile sides and players that might not always make it into a league post. Ivana Henderson, for instance, a quiet success story of the season. With a typically Nepharim mixture of muscle, guile and directness, she manages to break the deadlock against a resilient River side by pressing Kaeman into an error, racing onto the rebounding ball, careering left before Caravel so quickly she actually skids and slips in the grass… gets to her feet and just before Daleiden thunders into her, thumps the ball into the net past a flat-footed Bowerman. Brookford have a similarly impressive signing of their own, Guillermo Cecchini having stepped up admirably to the challenge of the top flight, and today manages a direct corner that sneaks straight into the net, though it could perhaps have been avoided with Sheffield not going missing in the melee. As for the Chariots, they’re hypothetically near the drop zone… but Isla Safarova knows what she’s doing. Today was one of those days where her approach pays dividends, Rowena Sierra having more flair and spark than the entire Morningstar club, pretty much moving and shimmying at will through the defence. She probably should have a goal or two to her name, but a couple of cutbacks after all the hard work does at least get Ulster and Anise Riske on the scoresheet.

Sabrefell Athletic ruthlessly put Goodfeather to the sword in a 6-0 demolition, just one of those days where anything they did from any angle of the pitch seemed to find a way past Raven Forster, who does not have her finest hour. Vermillion are just as destructive to Raven River, Spurlock’s policy of a high-pressing midfield forcing turnovers unsurprisingly hard-countering a River side determined to press high in defence and make bad passes. Five goals are put past Bowerman in the first forty minutes before in the second half Bittencourt decides discretion is the better part of valour, replaces Kaukenas with Heffernan and sits deep, ensuring that it remains 5-0 in a placid second half. “Kept half a clean sheet, at least,” Bittencourt says drily. Konstanze Luitgard, the second tier’s equal-top scorer last season, scores her fifth and sixth goals in four games in the first half… against Crisisbless. Apoplectic, Aidan Brosque forces a second-half comeback with three changes at the interval. And it works! Goals from Croxteth and Staunton haul Crisisbless level, and they pepper Nicholas Lindberg’s goal with shots, but the Llamanean’s equal to the task… and then, totally against the run of play, Julia Thane spots Pawlo Marciak off his line (as he should be, sweeping behind the defence) and arcs a beautiful ball over his head from just ahead of the halfway line. 3-2, and… could the Rovers actually do it? As Starling are held by Bishop, the Moths claw back some points as they face Brinemouth in a tightly-contested fixture. It could have turned out so differently. 1-1 half an hour in and Jon Haines clatters Dragana in the box, Pablo Scotti steps up for the penalty… and Robert Griffin, with a mighty leap and possibly stepping forward off his line just before the shot was taken, sprawls to save it. The wind is battered out of Brinemouth’s sails, and the Moths are dominant from there, two goals in the second half ensuring they take the points.

A scalp is taken, goals from Cruz and Madonis enough for a resilient Riverkey side to fight off the disorganised, scattered Chariots. Hackett take Creed to extra time, but Raquel Accardi comes off the bench to secure the victory for the Oathmen with a blistering drive too hot for Sorenholm to handle. Corvette can't find a way through against Bishop, and predictably, third-tier bottom-feeders South Parrhesia are easily beaten 2-0 at home by Crisisbless' second string, leaving Riverkey the last lower-league side left. Vermillion against Brookford is the pick of the round for a neutral, two sides who excel at hitting on the counter and are vulnerable to the counter unsurprisingly hammering each other. At no point does either side ratchet up a two-goal lead, and when the dust settles, the Otters have won 5-4. Credit to Goodfeather most of all, though, for utterly outplaying the Moths. Corona Sharpe notches up two goals against her hometown club on the way to a decisive 4-1 win.

Crisisbless play Athletic in the ‘teams frustrated at being locked out of the top four’ derby, and it’s a great game. Crisisbless dominate early doors, but Athletic go ahead with one of those chances that Estrella Hawke just snatches up. The Heelers overextend forward in reprisal and are immediately hit on the break by Chloe Rudden’s pace, still close to intact at 30. But finally, finally, the Heelers display the resilience Aidan Brosque wants. Andrea Molovi finds Jevdjevic-Hadsic’s corner and heads it cleanly into the top corner before, in the second half, a scything diagonal pass from Bronte sees Isaia Urso peel away from Rainsford, cut back inside to wrongfoot Lauren and then rifle low and hard beyond Gautier for the equaliser. Far more one-sided, Diamondqueen just steamroll Maximum Rovers 5-1 as Auburn Weber chalks up a hat-trick of assists in 66 minutes and is then subbed off to a standing ovation. “We got complacent,” admits a disgusted Kolitsidakis - a staggering confession for one of the worst teams in the league. Speaking of the worst teams in the league, Cranequin Wanderers, desperate for an upturn in results, visit Morningstar - but the Stars have absolutely nothing going forward. Darren Gravesend is given a shot between the posts, and the veteran former Treason goalkeeper keeps a clean sheet - but he’s barely tested, with Saroszi injured for Morningstar early on with a scything Salone tackle and nobody else stepping up. Dakota Blaylock, the Wanderers’ lifeline up front, produces a flying header to win the game in stylish fashion late on - it’s deserved.

An intense match between the Moths and Revolutionaries in what seems almost like a final, down at a packed Farham Arena. The Moths are in hot form, and show their teeth to take an early lead - a bouncing, raking diagonal ball from Townsend is deftly flicked over the top of Couch on the volley by Aaliyah Johnson in the ninth minute. The Revolutionaries press high and hard, and as things progress the game gets progressively more bitter, but Rozenthal is well-marked down and a couple of powerful shots from distance by Eisenhower come the closest to beating Griffin. Still, it’s far from over.

For the second time in three matches, Sabrefell Athletic pump a hapless midtable team 6-0 - this time, it’s Southfell, who have no answer to the midfield, or forwards, or really anything of the Reds. Sigrid Cooper doesn’t cover herself in glory, either. “We just have to move on after that,” says Felipa Medina philosophically. “Like it never happened,” which comes off more as denial. Cranequin Wanderers, amazingly, manage to concede just a single goal against Serpentine thanks to the Dragons’ well-documented issues finishing their chances, and yet again good work going forward from Blaylock, Belgrave and Theoharous ensure their second straight win. A Vermillion derby has a very definite winner almost from the start, Parrhesia unnerved by the high press and constantly falling afoul of it. A sloppy pass from Bozanic is briskly fired home first-time by Alemane, a rare error from Rowland allows Paulsson to double their lead and a Jeong penalty after Coppinger is felled see the Rage to a 3-0 lead in the first half. Feisser pulls one back in the second half, but it never quite looks on for the Saints - Davor Antunovic comes off the bench to finish them off. The injury-hit Hawks thrash the inconsistent Creed United 3-0, with Alyss Montague taking responsibility in the centre of the park while young gun Skapetis is a constant thorn in the side down the right wing. Most importantly, backup striker Trinity Plantagenet triples her tally for the season with two cleanly-taken strikes, a sigh of relief for the Hawks fans who had questioned her signing.

Now this is a totally different beast to the first match, and it’s a credit to the Revolutionaries for making it so. Given more space at home, Rozenthal and Wyatt fire the hosts to a 2-0 lead in the first half, and a would-be Moths goal against the run of play is disallowed for a marginal offside. But it’s a testament to the mental (and physical) strength of the Moths under Thunder that they recover. A penalty from Johnson is followed up by a deft flicked header from Solara Vol, and while a blistering strike from Jurgen Eisenhower puts the hosts back in front the Revolutionaries still need another goal, and his more Teutonic near-namesake, Sigrid Eisenhauer, comes off the bench to fire home a late equaliser. The Moths scrape through 4-3.

Morningstar don’t usually score, but when they do… well, you can get a chance against anyone with Lukas Sparr in the form he’s been in. While Gwen Saunders’ form has fallen off a cliff, she’s been replaced by nominal leftback Lothar Andreas alongside Keyes in central defence and they’ve managed to hold the line somewhat. Even so, Crisisbless really should win, but no matter the changes Brosque makes, nothing sticks… except Christos Tsiavis breaking a long goal drought. Saroszi bursts down the right past Lohengrin and lashes a cross across the face of goal, and it’s the 22-year old striker who gets onto it and smashes it into the roof of the net. Maximum Rovers take another step towards safety with their own goalkeeping heroics from Nicholas Lindberg, who has steadily redeemed himself from a shaky start to the season. Vivienne Morgan’s exceptional cross finds Marika Kreisberg unmarked at the far post… and she rattles the header against the crossbar, but Ruarisson responds by putting two studs through Rosborough as she attempted to finish off the rebound. She’s stretchered off, Spyridon Kolitsidakis dispatches the penalty. While the top four win, they’re made to work for it - Athletic most of all, as a ten-man Diamondqueen cling onto a fifth-minute Kesteren goal right up until the dying minutes of the game. Heartbreakingly, Iona Britton drops a cross and Hawke, inevitably, is there to slam it home. Adding insult to injury. Sanabria gives up a penalty for Rainsford to convert for the winner in the 92nd minute.

Brinemouth aren’t quite at the front of the title race, but they have the opportunity to make a real statement with a visit to a Sabrefell Athletic side that just haven’t lived up to the billing (domestically, at least). The Dockers play silky football through the middle but find Tanith Rainsford a constant barrier, and it’s the skipper who leads by example with a long ball over the top. Wardenier tries to chip Morales under pressure, but it hits the post - not to worry, because Estrella Hawke is there to bundle it over the line. But Brinemouth constantly put Gautier to the test and after a number of exceptional saves he is found wanting at a set piece, the towering goalkeeper lost in the crowd as Candelo picks out Soederquist at the far post. “It was pretty clutch stuff there at the end, you know, not the kind of great flowing soccer on the field we like to play,” he said, extremely Cosumarily, but closed with the very Nepharim; “But at least we got the job done.” Brookford are stabilising somewhat, but Treason run roughshod over them, 4-0 the final score as Ursa Dimitar does her sporadic thing of getting a totally senseless red card for trying to murder Misidjan. Belatedly, Cranequin Wanderers axe Voula Logothettis after a limp 2-0 defeat to Newrook. Logothettis is displeased - “We’d just managed back to back wins, I got this bloody team promoted with a plan, and they axe me for some geriatric?” But Anders Clarke has done an excellent job with Hackett lately, and having taken the second tier relegation battlers to the top half declares his job done and makes his move to finally, at 64, manage in the Premiership. He’s got his work cut out for him.

Brinemouth recover from that relative disappointment by whetting their swords on River, bombarding Matt Bowerman’s goal and the River captain doesn’t have his best game. A bad day goes to worse when he injures himself failing to save Bartley’s goal, Brinemouth’s fourth, so on comes Althea Taliadoros for thirty minutes of a league debut, a baptism of fire. It ends 6-1 to the Dockers, with the Ferrymen shellshocked and disorganised. Crisisbless, missing Leona Rafford after an injury sustained on international duty, rely on Ayn Zwayer at rightback - the young fullback gets the job done nicely, scoring a cracking volley in a breezy 2-0 win over Bishop. Big matches at the top and bottom of the table. Starling face the Moths in a surprisingly pedestrian scoreless draw, both sides managing high, assertive pressing to break the other side’s passing but neither managing a breakthrough of their own. Brookford and Cranequin is far more exciting, because neither team can defend and their goalkeepers are both bad - sorry, Sheila Kilgallon, but at 35 you’re showing your age and should have saved both parts of Sroel Cavan’s brace from outside the box. The Otters should win, but Sabina Tambor, a bright spot for them, contrives to miss from four yards in injury time. A decent first result for Anders Clarke. Nothing close to as close in the southern Laith, though, as Serpentine are demolished 4-1 by the Diamonds as the inconsistent Franz Kesteren really gets the job done.

Rematch! The Revolutionaries are eager for payback against a closely-matched Moths side, and come out of the gates by far the stronger side. Robert Griffin is besieged back in his home city, and only a single snap-shot from Rhys Griffiths through a sea of legs slips by him. Still, as ever, goals change games. Against the run of play, Meier goes on a run, turns Salume inside out and then rifles a shot past Bram Couch’s near post. Emboldened, the Moths press back and match the hosts step for step, almost claiming it late on when Tawny Shone’s blistering strike is fingertipped onto the post by Couch. The Revolutionaries will regard this as a missed opportunity. Meanwhile, Tihon face another Nepharim opponent, but these ones put up more of a fight than Crisisbless did. It’s not a thrilling match, Catheline Allister’s side’s physicality muscling Athletic out of their rhythm, and second-half goals from Alyssa Haight and Chloe Rudden leave the tie finely-poised.

Somer City hold Brinemouth to a high-intensity, low-quality match, and it takes a touch of class from 18-year old Ilona Duerden off the bench who scores a brilliant, soaring strike late on to bail the Dockers out in her first UICA match. Against RGS, a shanked clearance from Armstrong allows Bevan to take possession and slide the ball to Brenecian poacher Ursula Rankin, who makes it 1-0 just ten minutes in. But the Harriers fight back, and hard - Rexmont’s goal on the stroke of half-time is a gamechanger, before Crowther closes the deal late on after Ruhl forced a brilliant but ultimately pointless reflex save from Nepharim goalkeeper Jason Petratos.

Cheney Bittencourt loses patience with Diette Daleiden, but has few alternatives. Adrian Heffernan is thrown into central defence, a position he can play, but it’s not the number 4’s first choice. He’s certainly not the sort of player you want to throw into the deep end against, say, Estrella Hawke and Sinan Uzunlar, a forceful duo of forwards who do whatever they want as Athletic romp to a 4-0 win. Serpentine look as though they’re about to secure a first win in fucking forever, as Oiji rifles home their first goal against Morningstar. And Morningstar don’t score goals, right? They hold out, thanks in part to some strong saves from Theoklitos, until Malakai Seluk slips in a cross of such quality that not even Christos Tsiavis can spoon it wide in his current form. 1-1, as Serpentine flounder… and Bronwyn Sadler becomes the latest managerial casualty of the season. They wind up with… Voula Logothettis, just axed from Cranequin Wanderers. Maximum Rovers pass up a golden opportunity to claw themselves away from trouble - hell, they don’t just pass it up, they’re flattened by the Otters, 3-0 at home. Even Kolitsidakis, who just looks jaded, is outpaced and outfought in an outnumbering midfield, with Tanya Chilton orchestrating affairs, Player of the Match without even getting a goal or an assist. Vermillion have done well for themselves, but it’s no context against Treason, a side who just has the confidence to damn their press, not to panic but to play through the high line and smash them, 6-1 the final score.

“That was fucking box office,” Gerhard Thunder spat after the match. “I hate fucking box office.” But of course, after eighty-six drab minutes enlivened by sporadic acrobatic saves from Couch, the ancient John Spartan - very nearly older than his boss, Dalton - is thrown on and does the business with a thunderbolt of a strike. Athletic, across town, do better. It’s not a great match, by any means, and the Reds look tired and jaded. But at the end of the day, Tihon find no way through, and that’s enough to scrape through on away goals.

Brinemouth have a far easier time of things at home, and first-half goals from Bartley and Scotti see them through. An assured performance from Marcin Close emphasises his readiness to take over sooner rather than later. The Harriers almost let things slip - they, too, race to a 2-0 lead through Airik Ruhl’s brace. He hasn’t had the same consistency this season as last, but he still produces moments. Unfortunately, he fails to track the burly Nepharim Gareth Austine at a corner, who heads one back for RGS, before a spectacular strike from Ybarra leaves Sheffield motionless. Sheffield has to intervene to stop Soria, Rankin and Bevan late on before Crowther rifles a shot against the post, and all in all the Harriers can consider themselves slightly fortunate, if ultimately deserving, to scrape through.

A genuine top-of-the table clash! Not one for the purists, Treason vs. the Moths is pretty bish-bash-bosh, big smile on your face, big personalities and hard tackles stuff. Not route one, but direct and fast-paced. Jon Haines has a brilliant match from rightback, scoring and then assisting for Johnson (of course), before Treason have a supposed Fraser goal narrowly chalked off for offside. Fraser goes one better with an actual goal early in the second half before Johnson wins and then - gasp! - misses a penalty outright. Treason are emboldened and charge on for the last twenty-five minutes, but there’s no way past Griffin in goal, and the Moths take top spot from Treason. Starling slip up, surprisingly beaten 3-1 by Goodfeather who take them on in a passing game and win. Brinemouth beat Parrhesia comfortably to stay 4th. Athletic, despite a miserable 1-1 draw against Serpentine when even Estrella Hawke off the bench seems off her game, are 5th - they can’t make it into the top four, but they’re nine point secure in the Globe Cup places. Vermillion are also well-placed while a Crisisbless side that stubbornly refuses to score goals (Brookford in 17th have more, after beating them 3-1 with a throwback performance from Damian Harbour) cling to 7th. Remarkably, Leichhardt are just a point out.

Creed United, after Valentine Vettriano’s opportunistic tap-in sees them beat Southfell 1-0, sit in a remarkable vantage point in 14th. Everyone above them is in the Globe Cup battle, five points behind at most. Everyone beneath them is in the relegation battle, at most seven points out of 21st. Even so, some look far worse than others, and River (who lose their third straight) are in a worrying freefall. Morningstar have somehow managed only to score twice in their last ten games, and a typically turgid performance against Bishop sees them turned over 2-0. Southfell are winless in twelve. Somehow, four teams remain even worse than them. Serpentine are winless in twelve as well, but the other three teams in the bottom four have been there for a while. Diamondqueen, in 21st, hang in the balance - and rely on Auburn Weber yet again to equalise against Newrook City, securing a decent point for them. Maximum Rovers also manage a 1-1 draw, and seem to be on the upturn, if in a likely too-little too-late way. The only team in the bottom four who do not draw 1-1 are Cranequin Wanderers, as ever undone by their glass jaw by a Vermillion side that inconveniently kept asking questions of their terrible defence. Injury hasn’t helped, and Richter Clavane is starting at leftback for them, which is genuinely just cruel. They have a regular goalscorer in Dakota Blaylock, but seem to be managing to plunge back down where they came from regardless.

Matchday 24: A Laithland derby at the sharp end of the competition, and it's an impressive, end-to-end affair that underlines the increasing skill of the second tier, as a top-32-quality league in its own right. North Laithland pass quickly confidently around the field, but can't pick many holes in a resilient South, and any long shots are saved by Summersteen. In the second half, Summersteen's big goalkick over the top is smashed home by the explosive Carrick, and when a North Laithland passing move is finally converted by Kistler the Southrons hit right back, a beautiful counterattack finished by, again, Carrick. 2-1 to the South. Rochford have their first draw of the season, an exciting 2-2 with North Sabrefell.

Matchday 25: Things go from bad to worse for North Laithland, who played well against the Southrons but are utterly swept off the board by an inconsistent but sporadically brilliant Crisisbless United, 6-1 the final score. Chenoworth Rovers are bailed out late on against a resilient, terrier-like Riverkey thanks to a late header from captain Karena Hartley, one of the league's outstanding defenders and very much in the shop window.

Matchday 26: A frankly insane matchday - as if a disciplined Vermillion being taken apart 4-1 by Chenoworth wasn't enough, or Belgrave being turned over 3-0 at home by North Sabrefell, or Maximum City putting six unanswered goals past Sorenholm away from home... Corvette Maulers 8-5 Ritter Town. Ritter forward Discovery Carrera comes away with the match ball after a brace, but remarks that "I'd rather have the three points, if all's the same to you."

Matchday 27: While a notably more cautious Ritter manages a 1-1 draw with Chatswood, Corvette are utterly insane again, a straightforward visit to struggling, conservative Pillars ending... 4-4, somehow. The confident start of Russ Lazaridis in goal has evaporated. At the bottom of the table, Coret Rovers manage a surprisingly easy 3-0 win over Rochford; at the top, Cypher dominate Corvistone en route to a 2-0 victory. Borbas Tihamer is on fire, as is goalkeeper Ruo Xiaolan.

Matchday 28: Perhaps nothing summarises Crisisbless United's season better than today. They have 56% possession against a technically classy Belgrave. Away. But they have one penalty saved, a second missed (given for a handball on the line by Gronkjaer), and then get blitzed on the break by Ilary Muscat as the ten-man Gargoyles steal the points. Corvette finally stop the bleeding, just two goals flying past backup goalkeeper Folkhard. Trouble is, they forget to score in retaliation against Greygate.

Matchday 29: Hackett have rallied after that 6-0 home thrashing by the Smiths with three straight wins. The last comes... against Cypher Town, somehow, as Alexis Hannaday runs the show and Torsten Muller finishes things off. Coret Rovers are utterly annihilated by Belgrave, 5-0 the final score as Ilary Muscat steamrolls them and they can't find any traction in midfield. Extreme Hills hand North Laithland a 4-1 thrashing, as Bryony Johansen's useful work keeping them afloat continues - the clinical Maribel Garrido makes the difference with a hat-trick.

Matchday 30: Freshly signed by Cranequin Wanderers, Anders Clarke leaves Hackett on a decently high note, very much safe and with a 1-1 draw against Ritter. North Laithland recover from their East Laith defeat to take the fight to Vermillion Wanderers, putting seven goals past a side hit by injury and two red cards. An insipid Rochford get turned over 3-0 at home by Extreme Hills, raising questions as to whether they'll slip into the relegation picture after all.

Matchday 31: The Wanderers score two again, but this time concede seven fewer goals, which helps them to a 2-0 win over Chatswood. Coret Rovers claw back some hope for themselves - and try to take some away from their rivals - with a 5-0 win over East Laithland that sees Liberty Hammond flare back into life at just the right moment. In just his fourth start of the season, Bosko Roman adds athleticism to the midfield - is he the key?

Matchday 32: After a deserved late equaliser for Chenoworth against Maximum City from Hummel, Harper taunts the home crowd with a variety of vulgar but admittedly very creative hand gestures, and is slapped with a three-game touchline ban for her troubles. Sheridan are up to their usual spoiling tricks again - Coret are on fire? They smash down the production line to her, grind out a scoreless draw and appear happy enough just to be spiteful, out of the relegation battle. Good points for both sets of Rovers, anyway.

Matchday 33: For the second time in recent memory Vermillion Wanderers are utterly crushed by superior opposition, Barrett Routledge proving a vastly inferior stand-in for last season's Kuefer as he's made look like an amateur by Afolayan as Corvistone crush them 6-0. "A bad day at the office," Cheney Rutherford somehow says with a straight face after the game. Chenoworth Rovers have succumbed to too many draws after letting tight leads slip this season, but they get the job done with a 4-0 lead within 36 minutes against a hapless East Laithland. It ends just 4-1, but a point is proven.

Matchday 34: Corvistone slip up at the top after a frustrating 1-0 defeat to Armstrong, and Cypher and South Laithland both win. The three are at least eight points clear, and look likely to seal promotion. North Laithland, despite being pegged back late by a rare Mirzian goal against Maximum City, hold fourth, ahead of Chatswood (who draw Hackett) on goal difference. Corvette beat the Bohemians 2-1, the two dark horses who round out the real promotion candidates. At the bottom of the table, Pillars are cleaned out 4-0 by Crisisbless United, underlining why they're at the bottom of the table - just without the quality to succeed. Coret Rovers and Greygate also lose, while East Laithland's thrilling 4-3 triumph over the Hounds sees them rise to 21st. Crossroads, Rochford, Vermillion and Riverkey look over their shoulders - none of them win.

Locksley’s lead narrows slightly … to a mere eleven points and 26 goal difference, with Iron City and Crsisibless Athletic looking reasonably secure in the other places and West Brinemouth five points clear in fourth, despite losing their last two games. After two wins on the bounce, a remarkable 2-1 win over Locksley and a 4-1 thumping over the ghosts of Boleyn Town, Falston United have hauled themselves out of immediate danger, level with the Hanged Man (who have scored and conceded less than a goal a match) and the Strongest on 40 points. Peregrine currently have their heads just beneath water, South Parrhesia and Falston Town are almost definitely sunk, Boleyn Town are a distant memory at nineteen points from safety.

Strephonage still have a comfortable if not insurmountable lead on their rivals, a 0-0 draw against third-placed Alliance Barossia providing Chardonnay the perfect chance to narrow the gap to four points at the top. Instead they blow it, beaten 2-0 by an Iberia Chenoworth side desperate to get away from the drop zone. The top three are comfortable enough, but it’s a mad scramble for fourth place that Brindleton currently lead. Similarly, pretty much anything could happen at the bottom - Rochford, despite an impressive win away over Long Lake, are currently in 21st, and Rushe inexplicably hammer FC Seierstad 4-0. Their goal difference of -10 is better than 13th-placed Gosmouth. Defeats for Ringway and Dross put them at the bottom of the table. With four matches to play in the regional leagues, Brokenarch and Harrington are in the drivers’ seat of a chaotic Conference West, while Bodkin Road and Aries Solitaire are all but locked-in for promotion from the Conference East.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Moths          34  24   5   5  70  35  +35  77
  2 AFC Treason              34  24   5   5  64  30  +34  77
  3 Starling                 34  22   6   6  68  29  +39  72
  4 Brinemouth               34  22   6   6  73  37  +36  72
  5 Sabrefell Athletic       34  16  11   7  67  40  +27  59
  6 Vermillion Rage          34  15   9  10  57  52   +5  54
  7 Crisisbless              34  14   9  11  44  34  +10  51
  8 Chenoworth Harriers      34  14   8  12  51  38  +13  50
  9 Leichhardt               34  14   8  12  40  38   +2  50
 10 Coret Hawks              34  12  13   9  43  29  +14  49
 11 Bishop                   34  12  13   9  39  38   +1  49
 12 Violence Chariots        34  12  11  11  48  40   +8  47
 13 Newrook City             34  12  10  12  44  47   -3  46
 14 Creed United             34   9  13  12  46  47   -1  40
 15 Parrhesia United         34   9  10  15  32  46  -14  37
 16 Goodfeather FC           34   9  10  15  32  48  -16  37
 17 Brookford Otters         34   9   9  16  45  63  -18  36
 18 Raven River              34   9   8  17  36  56  -20  35
 19 Southfell United         34   8  11  15  40  61  -21  35
 20 Morningstar              34   7  13  14  18  38  -20  34
 21 Diamondqueen             34   7   9  18  36  53  -17  30
 22 AFC Serpentine           34   7   8  19  40  65  -25  29
 23 Maximum Rovers           34   6   7  21  31  63  -32  25
 24 Cranequin Wanderers      34   5   8  21  36  73  -37  23

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cypher Town                  34  20  10   4  56  21  +35  70
  2 AFC Corvistone               34  20   8   6  67  28  +39  68
  3 South Laithland              34  21   5   8  45  26  +19  68
  4 North Laithland              34  16  12   6  57  40  +17  60
  5 Chatswood                    34  18   6  10  41  33   +8  60
  6 Corvette Maulers             34  17   6  11  59  49  +10  57
  7 North Sabrefell              34  15   9  10  43  29  +14  54
  8 Crisisbless United           34  15   7  12  56  42  +14  52
  9 Belgrave                     34  14  10  10  52  42  +10  52
 10 Hackett                      34  15   6  13  41  46   -5  51
 11 Armstrong                    34  13  10  11  30  30   +0  49
 12 Extreme Hills                34  13   9  12  49  51   -2  48
 13 Chenoworth Rovers            34  10  15   9  48  33  +15  45
 14 Ritter Town                  34  12   9  13  50  50   +0  45
 15 Maximum City                 34  11  10  13  36  32   +4  43
 16 Sheridan                     34  10  10  14  24  35  -11  40
 17 Crossroads Town              34   9   8  17  31  46  -15  35
 18 Rochford                     34  10   5  19  30  46  -16  35
 19 Vermillion Wanderers         34   9   8  17  47  70  -23  35
 20 Riverkey                     34   8  10  16  28  43  -15  34
 21 East Laithland Harriers      34   7  11  16  46  72  -26  32
 22 Greygate                     34   6  13  15  37  56  -19  31
 23 Coret Rovers                 34   8   6  20  36  62  -26  30
 24 Pillars of Southfell         34   5   9  20  26  53  -27  24

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Locksley                  34  24   5   5  77  31  +46  77
  2 Iron City                 34  20   6   8  49  29  +20  66
  3 Crisisbless Athletic      34  19   8   7  71  39  +32  65
  4 West Brinemouth           34  18   5  11  45  30  +15  59
  5 Lazuli Diamonds           34  16   6  12  62  51  +11  54
  6 Stonegrave                34  16   6  12  42  33   +9  54
  7 AFC Shale                 34  14  12   8  35  26   +9  54
  8 Gonen's Bridge            34  14  10  10  39  31   +8  52
  9 Dartmouth Terriers        34  14  10  10  42  35   +7  52
 10 Mantlegrove               34  13  10  11  42  34   +8  49
 11 Barossia United           34  15   4  15  38  48  -10  49
 12 Iron United               34  13   9  12  41  32   +9  48
 13 Cranequin City            34  13   6  15  46  39   +7  45
 14 Martella Jazz             34  13   6  15  46  51   -5  45
 15 Kommissar                 34  12   7  15  46  52   -6  43
 16 Southriver                34  10  11  13  43  48   -5  41
 17 Sutcroft                  34  10  11  13  31  44  -13  41
 18 The Hanged Man            34  10  10  14  26  30   -4  40
 19 The Strongest             34  11   7  16  46  54   -8  40
 20 Falston United            34  12   4  18  33  47  -14  40
 21 Peregrine                 34   9  11  14  41  60  -19  38
 22 South Parrhesia           34   7   9  18  38  73  -35  30
 23 Falston Town              34   8   5  21  33  60  -27  29
 24 Boleyn Town               34   5   6  23  22  57  -35  21

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Strephonage                34  23   7   4  49  17  +32  76
  2 Chardonnay Rangers         34  21   6   7  62  34  +28  69
  3 Alliance Barossia          34  19  10   5  53  33  +20  67
  4 Brindleton                 34  17  11   6  52  30  +22  62
  5 West Hook                  34  17  11   6  39  22  +17  62
  6 Ballardine FC              34  17   9   8  71  34  +37  60
  7 Kensey Town                34  17   9   8  53  39  +14  60
  8 Boltcroft Thorns           34  18   5  11  50  43   +7  59
  9 Long Lake                  34  14  11   9  38  32   +6  53
 10 Ox River United            34  13   8  13  39  28  +11  47
 11 Mapleford                  34  11  13  10  38  38   +0  46
 12 Corinthians No Longer      34  11  12  11  60  58   +2  45
 13 Gosmouth Swans             34  13   5  16  44  59  -15  44
 14 Brookway Town              34  12   5  17  46  58  -12  41
 15 Sutcroft Athletic          34  10   8  16  39  50  -11  38
 16 Pravenna Saints            34   9  10  15  35  41   -6  37
 17 Hartford Glade             34  10   7  17  39  53  -14  37
 18 FC Seierstad               34  10   6  18  33  52  -19  36
 19 Gridlock Rovers            34   9   8  17  37  50  -13  35
 20 Iberia Chenoworth          34  11   2  21  54  80  -26  35
 21 Rochford Pilgrims          34   8   8  18  35  53  -18  32
 22 Rushe United               34   9   4  21  45  55  -10  31
 23 Ringway                    34   9   4  21  26  58  -32  31
 24 Dross Rovers               34   8   5  21  40  60  -20  29

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brokenarch              34  17  12   5  55  29  +26  63
  2 Harrington              34  19   5  10  57  43  +14  62
  3 Grovebank               34  17   8   9  55  41  +14  59
  4 Sirencall FC            34  17   7  10  67  45  +22  58
  5 Gridlock                34  16   8  10  30  24   +6  56
  6 Ingram Township         34  13  13   8  35  30   +5  52
  7 Fischer                 34  14   9  11  46  44   +2  51
  8 Stonesthrow Town        34  14   8  12  35  33   +2  50
  9 Sleetwell Rangers       34  14   6  14  46  52   -6  48
 10 Capricopia Rangers      34  12  11  11  44  37   +7  47
 11 Fully Sick XI           34  12  10  12  50  43   +7  46
 12 Swag Hill Rovers        34  12  10  12  47  44   +3  46
 13 Fenland Albion          34  10  12  12  33  31   +2  42
 14 AFC Brackwold           34  10  10  14  49  54   -5  40
 15 Courser                 34  10   9  15  37  44   -7  39
 16 Gridlock East           34  10   8  16  33  38   -5  38
 17 Bellamy                 34  10   8  16  32  46  -14  38
 18 AFC Hellerine           34   9   9  16  45  58  -13  36
 19 Nay Town                34  10   5  19  35  63  -28  35
 20 Norton Road             34   7   6  21  33  65  -32  27

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bodkin Road            34  22   5   7  67  33  +34  71
  2 Aries Solitaire        34  22   5   7  66  38  +28  71
  3 Brunyard FC            34  20   4  10  72  42  +30  64
  4 Downsparrow            34  18   9   7  63  35  +28  63
  5 Corvistone City        34  16  14   4  37  18  +19  62
  6 Stamper Road           34  18   8   8  58  45  +13  62
  7 Rookwall               34  17   6  11  43  39   +4  57
  8 Rhyburn Swifts         34  16   6  12  68  57  +11  54
  9 Blaze                  34  13  12   9  48  43   +5  51
 10 South Brill            34  12   8  14  46  44   +2  44
 11 Coral Bay              34  10  10  14  42  46   -4  40
 12 Corby Hubris           34  12   4  18  41  59  -18  40
 13 Twelvetrees            34   9  11  14  32  40   -8  38
 14 Mainstream Fist        34  10   7  17  42  63  -21  37
 15 Senway Town            34   9   8  17  37  49  -12  35
 16 The Travellers FC      34  10   5  19  45  68  -23  35
 17 AFC Burchess           34   8  10  16  31  44  -13  34
 18 Sandrock               34   8   8  18  34  48  -14  32
 19 Violence Tigers        34   7  10  17  37  56  -19  31
 20 Masculine Town         34   5   6  23  29  71  -42  21

by **Nephara** » Fri Jan 19, 2018 4:10 pm

And then there were eight; one from the lower reaches of the second tier, two relegation battlers from the top tier, Newrook in with a shot of retaining their title. The Otters are off to a strong start with a combative performance away in Riverkey, first-half goals from Tambor and Harbour seeing them off to a good start. Riverkey have the better of the second half as Ursa Dimitar is subbed off for the Otters, but a strong goalkeeping performance from Philoctetes Giannou and poor finishing from the Seagulls lets them off. Until suddenly it doesn’t as Julian fucking Parable suddenly bursts through the centre of midfield, finds a lot of space, sizes up the shot and slams it into the top corner. There wasn’t much pressure, but to be fair, it was Julian fucking Parable, walking meme. A lifeline, perhaps, but they’ll still be up against it. No other match is nearly as interesting - Crisisbless are vastly better than a weakened Wanderers side, the other four sides grind out tightly-contested draws.

An intense match between good sides at the business end of the CdC - though that’s what tends to happen, given how many of the strongest leagues are in Rushmore, and that the tournament is between champions alone. Catheline Stockinger gets a great reception back in Nephara but is, well, old, and cut apart by Townsend who slams the opener past Johansson’s near post. Just three minutes later, though, a lethal free kick from former North Laithland midfielder Rhodes finds the top corner. The Moths press harder and higher, eventually wrest the momentum in the 70th minute or so and find a belated winner, from Serra, in the 89th.

A well-rotated Sabrefell Moths side arrives at Cranequin while the main squad are rested for the trip to Ceni, but they’re unable to find a way through Anders Clarke’s newly-disciplined Wanderers. This is in large part because they set up in a 4-5-1 block of muscle, Gravesend resolute in goal, and indeed a snap-shot from Sanborn smashes against a post late on that could’ve stolen it for the hosts. The rest of the top four all win, Treason very convincingly smashing Leichhardt 4-0, while Starling rely on a last-minute winner from Willow Creek lashed against the inside of the post after a see-sawing match against an eventually 10-man Southfell.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Treason - 80, 38
2. Moths - 78, 35
3. Starling - 75, 40
4. Brinemouth - 75, 38

15. Parrhesia - 38, -14
16. Goodfeather - 37, -17
17. Brookford - 37, -18
18. River - 36, -20
19. Southfell - 35, -22
20. Morningstar - 34, -23
--
21. Diamondqueen - 31, -17
22. Serpentine - 30, -25
23. Maximum - 25, -34
24. Cranequin - 24, -37

Riverkey take the lead against a weakened Brookford side just four minutes in, a speculative diagonal ball over the top not dealt with by teenage centre-half Bohr and very definitively dealt with by lurking winger Sarah Bernard. Riverkey do need a second, and don’t seem too eager to overextend in search of it - in the end, they’re undone with a solo effort from Asha Solbachen who seals the deal for the hosts. Crisisbless, similarly, reasonably figure they don’t need their regular starters against a dreadful Wanderers side they already beat 2-0 away. Man, is there egg on their faces when after 56 minutes they’re down 2-0 at home, with Blaylock’s brace hauling the Wanderers into relevance. Ozaria Gandhi, though, manages to slip home the winner on a deadly-accurate counterattack. Bishop vs. Newrook sparks suddenly and decisively for like, two clubs with little else to play for and the undoubted tie of the round. The difference is a badly-timed terrible performance from Kattner, who lets three savable shots slip through her gloves - it ends 4-2. Goodfeather clinch a slightly fortunate 2-0 win away at Creed - their first goal came from a debatable penalty, the second was inarguably slightly offside and Creed were the better team on the whole - but the result was convincing, the defending excellent, and they progress.

The second leg is a fiercely see-sawing match with no clear dominant side. Despite this, Baudello and Hansen put Phalanx ahead in the first half with a couple of crisp finishes after concerting passing moves, before in the second half the Moths hit back through Vol and Meier through typically direct, assertive moves. “It could have ended either way,” Thunder shrugs after the final whistle. “But you make your own luck, in this game.” So they did - 2-2 is enough to take them through.

Treason slip up at the summit, laid low by a cracking late strike from Falcon Case. Not that Goodfeather didn’t deserve their point - they held their ground in midfield and always have the quality to hurt opponents. Following Parrhesia’s 3-0 unravelling at home by the Harriers, the Saints and Quakers now have an identical record, right down to Goals Scored. The Moths, meanwhile, take top spot on Goals Scored after an almost accidental 3-0 pummelling of the hapless Rovers. Five points below both of them, Starling and Brinemouth face off, and the Passerines just look… jaded. Depth was always a problem, and so many of their key players looked tired. Not, crucially, Hargrave, who makes some spectacular saves to keep out the Dockers. Not much he can do when Scotti scores from the spot, and the Dockers think that’s enough right up until a hitherto silent Armstrong slams the ball into the top corner in injury time. Things get really interesting at the danger area as Brookford and Morningstar grind out an uninspiring draw, allowing narrow away wins for Diamondqueen (not Weber, this time, but Schuster!) and Serpentine (who start Carrie Mason through a Langbauer injury and are rewarded amply by the forward) to close the gap some way.

1. Moths - 81, 38
2. Treason - 81, 38
3. Starling - 76, 40
4. Brinemouth - 76, 38

=15. Parrhesia - 38, -17
=15. Goodfeather - 38, -17
17. Brookford - 38, -18
18. River - 36, -21
19. Southfell - 36, -22
20. Morningstar - 35, -23
--
21. Diamondqueen - 34, -16
22. Serpentine - 33, -24
23. Maximum - 25, -37
24. Cranequin - 24, -38

After an early flurry of goals, Yuba’s opener answered by Dragana, Brinemouth play United to a standstill. Less than optimal, for a home leg. Katanga also kicks things off early for Skiveness, the Daineri centrehalf smashing home a corner just three minutes in against the Harriers. Fortunately, the Harriers are able to take control from there, and strikes from Christensen and Crowther guide them to the lead by half-time. They keep up the brave high line and Jose Enrique makes them pay for it after Bekkwaters slips up in possession, but the Harriers retake the lead through substitute striker Angela Braugher, who makes her presence felt with a towering header to meet a beautiful Rexmont cross.

The last season ended with Crisisbless pulping a victorious Sabrefell Moths 3-0. This rematch ends the same way, Maeve Bronte running the show from midfield - easily the Heelers’ most impressive player in an inconsistent season. A finishing touch is added by Drenas, Urso and Jevdjevic-Hadsic. “Why haven’t we been playing like this all season?” Brosque laments after the fact. Truth be told, the struggles have been unexpected, and accusations of the Peter Principle at work have hit him hard. Treason, then, retake the lead, if only by default after a disappointing 2-1 defeat to Southfell, and Brinemouth lose too, the Chariots putting them down in a virtuoso performance where Anise Riske really made herself known. Starling scraping victory over River thanks to a single moment of joint distilled magic from Aschenbach and Corvalan was as good as it got - they’re the big winners of this matchday. It’s a big occasion at the bottom, too, with Serpentine facing the Otters. A convincing victory for the Dragons would lift them out of the bottom four, and the recent Indian summer of 32-year old Carrie Mason (thought to be leaving at the end of the season) is a boon to them. She starts the match with a neatly angled header off Oiji’s cross to put the Dragons 1-0 up, before Aya Bernman’s free kick through an inadequate Brookford wall sets them to the good. Or… does it? Tambor’s knocked down by Warwick in the box for a penalty, converted by Plibersek, who then sets up a goal for Cecchini. Then Asante’s cross is converted by Tambor - but was Harbour impeding Theoklitos? An apoplectic Logothettis thinks so, but the fourth official blanks her, and the Otters are 3-2 up at half-time. Still, she manages to steel her squad for the second half and does, through shots outside the box from understudy winger Garrett Stijnen and then Keoman, retake the lead. It looks like they’ll add to it! When Oiji is sent off for a vicious elbow on Heitinger in the 81st minute. Serpentine’s momentum dies there and then, and the collapse is inevitable despite some determined defending - a cross from Siegrist, a mysterious gap in the defence and suddenly Plibersek is charging through it to hammer home the equaliser. Though it feels very much like a winner, and the Otters are five points from danger; the Dragons, two from safety. The Rovers beat Leichhardt 2-0 with Rosborough unleashed in an attacking midfield role, and are suddenly just six points away from 21st and a chance at salvation.

1. Treason - 81, 37
2. Moths - 81, 35
3. Starling - 79, 41
4. Brinemouth - 76, 37

15. Goodfeather - 39, -17
16. Parrhesia - 39, -17
17. Brookford - 39, -18
18. Southfell - 39, -21
19. Morningstar - 38, -22
20. River - 36, -22
--
21. Diamondqueen - 34, -19
22. Serpentine - 34, -24
23. Maximum - 28, -35
24. Cranequin - 25, -38

Things look bad for Brinemouth an hour in, and the crowd are… displeased with the addition of Jonathan Bosetti. Bosetti is a defensive midfielder. More to the point, Bosetti is 35 fucking years old. And replacing a jaded-looking Stig Soederquist, one of the Dockers’ best players. But his addition, as a pure holding player, allows… pretty much the entire rest of the Dockers to surge forward looking for a way back into the match, and lo and behold, an unleashed Conjure and Candelo combine to find them. It ends 2-2, and the Dockers are through on away goals. The Harriers manage to calm things down against a lively Skiveness, an early strike from Bairstow calming nerves around the Keel. Skiveness do eventually level through Masschelin, but all in all it goes to show the advantage of winning the away leg, for the confident defending the Harriers produce.

Some big happenings this matchday, big enough that some momentous events are going to need to be glossed over. Starling are beaten by the Harriers, Brookford take a point from a visiting Bishop while Southfell, Morningstar and River all pick up important wins. Treason and Brinemouth face off, an intense fixture, but the Stags are drawn into playing Brinemouth’s game after an early goal from Jazmin Dragana is slammed past a flat-footed Fletcher’s post. They do an admirable job of it, and twice manage to equalise, but in the second half the Dockers have tired them out and just run rings around a weary defence. Two goals for Pablo Scotti in the last fifteen minutes hand Brinemouth a deserved win, though Tarashaj hits back late on to make things tense. That means that the Moths have a chance to break away against an aspirational Diamondqueen in search of a win to keep up. They… do not get it. It’s 5-1 by the time the dust has cleared at the end of the first half, and the dazed, disjointed Diamonds manage to concede a couple more by the end. Not that the Moths really want to turn the screw, but Aaliyah Johnson wants another Iron Boot, and completes her hat-trick. Serpentine have the chance to overtake them, but are swatted aside 4-0 by Coret instead. Can the Rovers capitalise, hosting Goodfeather? Not after a late collapse - a predictable red card to Woodbine for mauling Falcon Case seven minutes from the end give the opening for Farrakhan and Lochteth to turn a 3-2 defeat into 4-3 victory. The bottom four are now five points from safety, at best.

1. Moths - 84, 41
2. Treason - 81, 36
3. Starling - 79, 40
4. Brinemouth - 79, 38

15. Goodfeather - 42, -16
16. Southfell - 42, -20
17. Morningstar - 41, -20
18. Brookford - 40, -18
19. Parrhesia - 39, -18
20. River - 39, -21
--
21. Diamondqueen - 34, -25
22. Serpentine - 34, -28
23. Maximum - 28, -36
24. Cranequin - 25, -39

“We can’t get complacent,” Hestia Canaan insists steadfastly. “We need to assume that the bottom four haven’t given up, that they’ll keep fighting, that we still need to fight to keep our heads above water.” She might very well think that, but the message evidently doesn’t filter through to her Otters, who are devoured 6-0 at the hands of a ravenous Newrook side under Andreu Bartolnicci’s hawkish guidance. Danira Plibersek, who left Newrook for Brookford back when that looked like a slightly upward career move, looks nauseated. Treason slip to a third straight defeat in a dismal performance against River, who look to be saving their best for when their back is against the wall. Narrative klaxons blaring, it’s Treason academy reject Michi Leonard who rifles home the only goal of the game in the 36th minute. Starling overtake them with a convincing win over the Saints, the Moths pulverise Morningstar 4-1. The bottom four rally to their task… mostly. Diamondqueen claw the gap down to two points after a decisive 2-0 win over Leichhardt, Serpentine manage a point in a tense match against Vermillion, largely saved by goalkeeper Theoklitos and a cracking volley from unassuming water-carrier Passlach. Brinemouth, reasonably, rest some key players against the floundering Wanderers… and are torn open just four minutes in. Cavan loops a ball over the top, Nkembe doesn’t deal with it, Blaylock does, 1-0. Theoharous loops a ball over the top, Evans manages a diving header to pull the ball back across goal, Blaylock sticks out a leg to stab it home, 2-0. A thundering drive from Belgrave makes it 3-0 within half an hour, and in the fifty-third minute it’s 4 as Morales flaps at a corner and the giant Ciprian Jantzer effortlessly heads it home. It’s an inexplicable collapse, and the home fans are booing, with little patience even for Karin Drinkwater’s late consolation. Maximum Rovers do not get to join the party. Maximum Rovers get their heads kicked in 5-0 by Southfell. They and the Wanderers are now nine points from even potential salvation, and by this stage you can probably call Southfell safe.

1. Moths - 87, 44
2. Starling - 82, 42
3. Treason - 81, 35
4. Brinemouth - 79, 35

15. Southfell - 45, -15
16. Goodfeather - 42, -17
17. River - 42, -20
18. Morningstar - 41, -23
19. Brookford - 40, -24
20. Parrhesia - 39, -20
--
21. Diamondqueen - 37, -23
22. Serpentine - 35, -28
23. Cranequin - 28, -36
24. Maximum - 28, -41

And you thought Crisisbless’ late title choke last season was bad? Treason go down in a toothless 2-0 defeat to the Harriers on home soil - their scarcely-believable fourth straight defeat. Brinemouth aren’t taking any chances this time, and Mescalin brings a stronger side to bear against the Rovers. It’s another brave performance from Elrik Raskine’s squad, and they do take a first-half lead through a mazy run and tidy finish from Konstanze Luitgard, but they just don’t have the cattle. Late in the game, the Dockers can call upon 28-year old Nephara international Jess Silkman from the bench. The Rovers can call upon… Jasmin Colindon. The difference is clear, and two assists from Silkman lead to goals from Conjure and Bartley to win the game. The Moths pummel Serpentine 3-0, Starling keep up the pace with a 2-0 win over Creed. River manage a third straight win to help lift them away from danger. The Wanderers play expansively and energetically against the Ferrymen, and that is to be commended, but they’re hit twice on the break by the hugely impressive Fiona Norval, for whom this has been a real breakthrough season. Diamondqueen salvage a late equaliser against Goodfeather in an intense 2-2 draw, as Auburn Weber bails them out yet again with a thundering drive past Forster.

1. Moths - 90, 47
2. Starling - 85, 44
3. Brinemouth - 82, 36
4. Treason - 81, 33

15. Southfell - 46, -15
16. River - 45, -19
17. Goodfeather - 43, -17
18. Brookford - 43, -23
19. Morningstar - 41, -25
20. Parrhesia - 40, -20
--
21. Diamondqueen - 38, -23
22. Serpentine - 35, -31
23. Cranequin - 28, -37
24. Maximum - 28, -42

A tightly-contested match between Athletic and their prestigious Pasargan opposition. After eighty minutes of fruitless jousting, both sides having everything but that final ball, Estrella Hawke - who has been fairly quiet of late - breaks the deadlock more or less on her own. Gautier hits one over the top, Hawke takes it on the chest and drags it neatly past Schroeder and then just… keeps running, momentum taking her past Towers before she slams it decisively past Armand. Adam Pinto, one of those strikers who, like Hawke, can change the game from nowhere, has the ball in the net just three minutes later when he heads home Coveny’s cross… but it’s chalked off for a marginal, but correct, offside call.

Caza vs. Brinemouth. The tone of the match is set from the very start, when Caza’s Nepharim manager Rook Cathar dislocates three of Mescalin’s venerable fingers in a crunching handshake. “We will crush them,” he had predicted before the game, “hard enough the second leg won’t fucking matter.” Dragana strikes first on the break, but Caza don’t adjust their attacking, front-foot approach, and by the hour mark Morales had made five saves… and picked the ball out of the net four times. A flying knee-height challenge from Caza centre-half Vergan Seghers-Verduzco promptly floors Kyle Bartley for the crime of jinking inside of Ingold, taking him out for the rest of the season and resulting in a straight red. Candelo pulls back a goal straight from the free kick, but they can’t add to it, and at 4-2 things look grim. Mescalin, weirdly, dodges the handshake at the end. Sadly, a flat, weary performance from the Harriers sees Carter roll them 2-0 in Chenoworth, and it looks like their journey might be coming to a close.

You’d imagine Athletic fans aren’t too upset to see Tom Benedict field a weakened team against Starling, ostensibly to focus on the trip to Tanrisal to come (which probably is a factor, in all fairness). An uninspired Starling do eventually get past a determined Gautier - causing Athletic supporters to put up sarcastic ‘OH NO!’ banners - thanks to an Andisori tap-in, as the Moths slip up to Bishop, the irrepressible Sitz and the evergreen Penbrooke. Treason manage to … not lose a game, and at least Asher Voeller’s first goal in eight games can equalise against Parrhesia. The Saints do well considering the mutinous atmosphere, and well might the home fans be concerned. Diamondqueen, after a chaotic 3-2 win over Southfell, draw level with them on points. Carrie Mason’s come alive for Serpentine, her tap-in enough to beat a demob-happy Leichhardt, while Monako Saroszi basically single-handedly sinks Goodfeather, left free to roam down the right and ultimately scoring the winner in the 76th minute. The Quakers are now in genuine trouble too, despite a great start to the season. River, meanwhile, lift themselves away from trouble with a straightforward 2-0 win at home over the Rovers, and they can probably call themselves safe.

1. Moths - 90, 46
2. Starling - 88, 45
3. Brinemouth - 82, 35
4. Treason - 82, 33

15. River - 48, -17
16. Southfell - 46, -16
17. Brookford - 44, -23
18. Morningstar - 44, -24
19. Goodfeather - 43, -18
20. Parrhesia - 41, -20
--
21. Diamondqueen - 41, -22
22. Serpentine - 38, -30
23. Cranequin - 28, -39
24. Maximum - 28, -44
15 points left to play.

Christ.

Two limp defeats for Nepharim sides, too, albeit less humiliating ones. “We’re going to shove them into a locker,” announced Rook Cathar before the game, and then railed at Mescalin for refusing him a handshake after the small matter of him breaking his hand. Mescalin snubs him again, sending assistant manager Werner Thayer to shake hands instead. Thayer’s knuckles are white, and one of them pops out of place too. It sets the tone for the game, with the aging Yong Mendiolgaray turning back the years with an assured finish. If only anything nearly as exciting had happened as the Harriers are beaten 1-0 in Carter. With that, the Nepharim are all eliminated. A decent performance as a nation, if lacking an individual breakthrough.

The Chariots are the stars of the show, a dazzling performance running roughshod over Starling. They don’t let the fact that Starling get the first goal, Andisori scoring an impressive backheel flick. Goals change games, right? This one doesn’t. The Chariots keep on straight where they left off, and fire five goals past Hargrave, interrupted by a single Corvalan goal on the break. With Treason held to a scoreless draw by Creed, it’s a good time for the Moths to capitalise, which they only barely manage to do. With heroic performances from Hesketh, Zagorec and Hedlund, the Rooks hold their ground firmly, but in the 87th minute Aaliyah Johnson finds a way through as she so often does anyway. A barnstorming match between Maximum Rovers and the rather jaded Harriers is another eyecatcher of the round, where the Rovers open with an utterly dominant first half. They force their way to a 3-0 lead in the first half, the pick of the goals Jarer Minskai’s curling strike from the edge of the area, and John Sedder on the touchline looks like a man getting the Clockwork Orange treatment. They turn it around in the second half, though, a triple substitution freshening things up. Airik Ruhl is hooked for Angela Braugher, and the homegrown striker leads by example, scoring two scrappy goals seemingly through force of will alone. Charybdis Kou, the 19-year old winger, squeezes a shot past Lindberg’s near post at the narrowest of angles, and it’s just a shame that by then Catheline Jurist has headed in a straightforward corner that the Harriers just forgot to defend, at all. A big victory for the Rovers, but is it too late? Probably.

1. Moths - 93, 47
2. Starling - 88, 42
3. Brinemouth - 85, 37
4. Treason - 83, 33

15. River - 48, -19
16. Southfell - 47, -16
17. Goodfeather - 46, -17
18. Morningstar - 45, -24
19. Brookford - 44, -24
20. Parrhesia - 41, -21
--
21. Diamondqueen - 41, -24
22. Serpentine - 38, -31
23. Cranequin - 31, -38
24. Maximum - 31, -43
12 points left to play.

It is… entirely too late for the Rovers, bless their hearts, but they chalk up a second straight win and put four goals past a hapless Parrhesia side that have not been able to weather a few injuries. When Kirsten Howlett, scorer of the Saints’ first goal, is pulled for Aris Daskalakis, the crowd chants vehemently that Miriam Aragon doesn’t know what she’s doing. Things have turned toxic, they’re winless in ten, and they’re looking over their shoulder. The match ends 4-2 to the Rovers. The Wanderers get their second straight win, too, Dakota Blaylock dragging them over the line against Creed, but both sides’ chances of survival are very much… mathematical. There’s a key clash at the top of the league, Starling facing Treason. The Stags, despite poor recent form, do get the opener when Aura Keynes manages to streak past three different players before cutting the ball back across goal. Roddy Fraser, of course, is in the right place at the right time to convert. But Starling immediately take control of the game with a very… Treasonish level of uncompromising defense, pressing hard and being unafraid to snap into challenges. Keira Andisori manages to take a long ball from Gryphon on the chest before quickly swivelling past Svensson and shooting past Fletcher for the equaliser before, on the stroke of half-time, Liam Armstrong lashes home the winner for Starling. The second half is marked by discipline and weary physicality, with some sharp saves from Hargrave preserving the Passerines’ lead. Can Brinemouth capitalise? No. Brinemouth get wiped out 4-0 by Morningstar, as Christos Tsiavis has, in this closing stage of the seasn, steadily justified the trust Emery Lineker has put into him as he chalks up a complete hat-trick in the second half. “Breaking Docker hearts yet again!” Lineker cackles after the match. “That’s what I do best!” The Moths sweep the Otters away 3-0 to retain their five-point lead, and now the Dockers and Stags have slipped out of contention. But it’s not seemly to get too caught up in the stories of the grand and the terrible - other events can’t be overlooked. The Chariots are fresh off devouring Starling, Athletic not far off being shredded 5-0 in Pasarga. In the fiery East Sabrefell derby? It’s clear to say which way the wind is blowing, and this is reflected within the first ten minutes, Neury shanking a would-be tap-in wide from eight yards before Rowena Sierra does one better, racing to the end of Riske’s pass and almost caressing it beyond a sprawling Gautier. Athletic strike back not long after, Hawke knocking down a cross to… herself, volleying the rebound into the ceiling of the net. The Chariots want their lead back… perhaps a little too much, as Laura Belfry puts her studs through Tanith Rainsford. The World Cup winner is stretchered off, Belfry sent off, and now Athletic are angry. Coltrane, silent to that point, leads by example, and while Commerford’s saves keep the Chariots in the game in the first half, two goals and two assists for Coltrane in the second sees the Chariots swept aside. Bragging rights to the Reds, for the time being.

1. Moths - 96, 50
2. Starling - 91, 43

16. Southfell - 50, -15
17. Goodfeather - 47, -17
18. Morningstar - 47, -20
19. Brookford - 44, -27
20. Parrhesia - 41, -23
--
21. Diamondqueen - 41, -26
22. Serpentine - 38, -32
23. Cranequin - 34, -38
24. Maximum - 34, -43
9 points left to play.

Crisisbless’ priorities are clear, and they bring a strong squad to bear against the Otters. Brookford’s got the pace to be a banana skin against any team, so the Heelers are tight in defence and, while uninspired going forward, Marisha Staunton eventually finds a breakthrough, cutting through Siegrist like he’s not even there and then just gently finding the far corner past a sprawling Wheelock. Bishop against Goodfeather is just ninety paralytically dreary minutes of stifling possession.

The Moths steal the show today. With Starling hot on their tail, the Moths take no chances against the Hawks. It’s not that Coret are so bad, but the hosts convert seemingly every chance they get. Johnson manages a brace, Vol manages a brace and a moment of magic from Imriel Townsend from 30 yards finishes them off. The match of the round, though, is a chaotic draw between the Stags and Chariots in which Treason show the resolve that’s dragged them this far. The Chariots cantered to a 4-2 lead by the hour mark, then exacerbated by Treason midfielder Vedran Tarashaj smashing through Riske and getting a second yellow card. Somehow, the ten-man Stags then drag the match back through an unlikely star of the season, Asher Voeller - first he angles a header from a fine Keynes cross into the ceiling of the net under pressure from two defenders and Commerford, before an impressive knockdown under similar pressure sees the ball bounce across the face of goal for Fraser to stab home the equaliser. Goodfeather and Brookford are struggling, and helpfully showcase exactly why as they’re cleaned out 4-0 by Leichhardt (who the fuck concedes four goals to Leichhardt?) and 5-1 at home by Newrook respectively. Lower-key, Morningstar grind out a 1-0 win over River, thanks to a Saroszi goal but more notably Lukas Sparr’s fourth consecutive clean sheet. They’re now officially safe from relegation, as are Southfell after a 1-0 win over Bishop. Cranequin Wanderers fight desperately to keep in the relegation battle, twice taking the lead against Starling… but their glass jaw betrays them, and late goals off the bench from Woodwind and Corvalan ensure that they are the first team to go down this season. Maximum Rovers are all but mathematically following them due to a prohibitive goal difference, despite a third unbeaten match in a row - 2-2 against Creed not quite enough.

1. Moths - 99, 55
2. Starling - 94, 44

18. Goodfeather - 47, -21
19. Diamondqueen - 44, -25
20. Brookford - 44, -31
--
21. Parrhesia - 41, -25
22. Serpentine - 38, -34
23. Maximum - 35, -43
6 points left to play.

Crisisbless will be wondering how exactly they fucked that one up. Nevertheless, it happened - Ozaria Gandhi missing two one-on-ones within the first fifteen minutes, Ellen Wheelock saving Urso’s penalty, before Brookford hit back on the stroke of halftime through Sabina Tambor. Tambor doubled her team’s advantage in the 53rd minute, a neat one-two with Harbour playing her through Crisisbless’ line before firing between Hartmuth’s legs, and Crisisbless could only get the one goal back through Snowe’s lashed strike. They crash out on away goals, which is also what Goodfeather vs. Bishop came to after a fairly dry 1-1. Goodfeather were the better team and lead most of the game, but some excellent saves from Connor Risdon kept their heads above water before Mersiades lashed a shot against the post from forty yards with Beraht motionless. Unfortunately for the Quakers, it was Penbrooke who reacted fastest to put the rebound in the net.

It’s the longest ninety minutes for the Passerines. The Rovers are already, surely, dead and gone - so why won’t they roll over and die? The ball just will not go in, with Lindberg flying, Padilla hitting both posts, a brilliant Gryphon corner falling to Loredan who awkwardly chests it just wide… it takes 87 minutes for the breakthrough that finally puts the Rovers down. This time Gryphon just sticks it straight in from a free kick, Lindberg without a chance. Eyes turn to the Vermillion vs. Moths match that’s already had a half played, with the Rage leading 1-0 through Corvid Alemane’s strike. But just three minutes after the restart, Serra’s allowed too much room in midfield, picks out the pass to split Vermillion’s defence, Solara Vol cuts it across goal and there, inevitably, is Aaliyah Johnson to sweep home the equaliser. 1-1 it stays, the Moths scrape to a century of points, and though it’s not yet official - they do need to avoid being pasted 10-0 on the final matchday - the title is within their grasp. Brinemouth and Treason round out the confirmed top four, Vermillion secure in fifth. The Globe Cup fight comes down to three teams fighting over two spaces. The Harriers are the most secure after a 2-0 win over Morningstar, Crisisbless clinging to seventh after a late winner from Staunton (who’s starting to have a knack for these things) takes them past Creed, Athletic’s energetic but technically deficient scoreless draw with Treason miring them in eighth. The title favourites. Tom Benedict’s job is under some serious pressure.

The Diamonds have a chance to ensure their safety at the Saints’ expense, but Parrhesia finally win a game, outplaying them in a weirdly assured performance - or are the Diamonds weirdly timid? In any case, Quinn McEthinly breaks a long scoring drought and Mastiff finishes them off with a deflected strike late on, 2-0 the final score. That puts the pressure on the Otters. After three straight goalless defeats, Brookford do at least get on the scoresheet within eight minutes against Goodfeather. It’s just a shame about the rest of the match, as Falcon Case takes the game by the scruff of the neck and, with two assists and a goal, ensures the Quakers’ survival (which was all but mathematical, anyway). The bottom three are now mathematically confirmed, after Serpentine fall to a 2-1 defeat to River (their fourth straight), the Wanderers managing a pointless but stirring comeback win against Violence and the Rovers now at the foot of the table. Not much left to play for in the final matchday… but three teams will fight over half a relegation place, another three over two Globe Cup places. It’s… something?

by **Nephara** » Fri Jan 19, 2018 4:11 pm

Matchday 35: Kieran Schrader is melting down. "I am a good manager," rails the 46-year old. "I'll put my record, for a young manager, against anyone's - I'll be proud of it. And we will stay up this season!" Injuries, admittedly, haven't helped the cause, and they're forced to start 35-year old winger Scott Penclare for a sixth straight game. He does actually do well with his one cross, knocked down by the massive Djite and converted by Westfield, and Greygate hold out for the win. Rochford roll over and expose their vulnerable underbellies to the predatory Smiths, who take full advantage. Ephraim Mirzian's gradually grown to fill their need for a striker this season, while Rochford look worryingly brittle.

Matchday 36: Lara Winter's appointment at Hackett to replace Clarke was a controversial one. A young manager to replace the old, the board accepted that Hackett were safe this season and that they needed to transition to a new era. Getting pumped 4-1 at home by Armstrong is just part of that, but a sceptical, nervous home crowd is already restless. They're hardly alone in getting hammered, anyway - Cypher dunk Extreme Hills 4-0, a Hills side that Bryony Johanson has drilled into respectability, while South Laithland underline their promotion push with a decisive 3-0 win over Chatswood with the hugely impressive Vesuvia Carrick continuing to prove her worth. North Sabrefell, for their part, meekly surrender to the Crows and are turned over 3-0, and the home crowd are starting to sour on Mark Grayson after his promised revolution's starting to melt.

Matchday 37: North Sabrefell haven't won in eight games - haven't scored in three, after Telfair sets Armstrong off to a 1-0 win as Constantine Yeoman isn't even really challenged. Corvistone edge South Laithland 2-1, with Afolayan stretching out a leg to convert Brier's cross late on... but he's offside. It's not noticed by the referee, but conspiracy is rife; "The NFA gets the result they wanted!" is the refrain of the day, both from the away end and then, bitterly, from the mouth of captain Gratia Barker, who is promptly handed a five-match ban in her last season as a professional footballer.

Matchday 38: The Bohemians crowd is starting to turn on Mark Grayson, but they do finally break their streaks with a grinding 1-0 win over Hackett. Cypher's 5-2 thumping of Rochford underlines the different directions the two teams are headed. Maximum City handing Vermillion a 7-0 thrashing doesn't really underline anything except that the Wanderers are crap and, even the home crowd have to admit, that Mirzian - who nets a hat-trick on his 24th birthday - is growing into the kind of striker that can haul them to promotion, and that other locals - Aldous, Mifsud - are rising to the occasion. So naturally Aldous has been strongly linked with Southfell United, assuming the Tanners stay up.

Matchday 39: The Hills and Greygate slug it out in one of those matches that a dominant team that can't defend produces every once in a while, a real treat for the neutrals. The Hounds dictate the terms of the match, taking the fight to a cautious Greygate and breaking them down through two early goals. What they can't do is stop the bleeding at the back - 2-0 becomes 2-2 through Djite's brace, becomes 4-2 before the half is over. Rooke's goal on the hour mark looks to have secured it, with the home fans rapturous at their squad, before Tournay somehow contrives to leap up to catch a corner, fall awkwardly, overbalance and stagger into the net for Greygate's third. It is, very generously, credited to Paterson.

Matchday 40: Cypher Town are just on another level this season. That was expected to be Corvistone, but the Crows are beaten 2-1 by Riverkey with Julian fucking Parable shutting them down and seasoned forward Redstarr with a brace. Cypher, though, thrash Belgrave 4-1, goals coming from all over the park in a dominant display, and it's their seventh straight win. They're cruising to the title, particularly as a defensive mix-up hands Riverkey's Redstarr a late winner against Corvistone, a crucial and unexpected three points for them.

Matchday 41: Say what you will about Pillars, they're still fighting, flying in the face of mathematics. A 2-0 away win over Crossroads is practically pedestrian considering how inferior they are. Cypher's run of wins stops with a draw in maximum, but the Crows are unable to capitalise, outbattled by Harper's Chenoworth Rovers, goals from Dyer and Hummel and some flying saves from Felix Shaw. In fact, as the Spiders and Maulers draw and South Laithland stall to a 1-1 draw in Vermillion, the only real winners near the top are North Sabrefell, a stoic defensive showing and second-half goals from Aubeck and Kranevitter seeing Crisisbless United off. Most neutral eyes, though, are on an unassuming fixture pitting Belgrave against Ritter Town. After 90 utterly insane minutes, more from good attacking than bad defending (though there's some of that, too), the dust settles at 6-4, Ritter blowing a 4-3 lead over the last half-hour, Ilary Muscat lethal in front of goal. "I told Ila to give it a rest for the last stretch of the match," says a cheerful Griffiths after the fact. "She's got enough Premiership interest in her as it is. Guess she didn't listen!"

Matchday 42: Corvistone slip to a third straight defeat, this in conclusive fashion. Bryony Johanson was predicted as being set to preside over consecutive relegations, but the young manager's done wonders to restore respectability back to Harkerscourt. This is the new vintage for her, a confident, front-foot performance, and the Crows fold in the face of it, Jess Hearn leading the way to a 3-0 win. Rochford let slip of a valuable point against Corvette in the cruelest possible fashion. After Proctor had put them ahead in the 50th minute, the Maulers hit back just seventeen seconds after the restart, Ankergren slamming home the equaliser past a stunned Rochford defence. Worse still, Owls goalkeeper Chris Beasley looks to have grasped Plutarch's free kick, the last kick of the match... until it squirrels under his armpit, slips away from him and is slammed home by an opportunistic Gideon Muller. The Maulers win 2-1 and now Rochford have a lot to be worried about.

Matchday 43: Are East Laithland going to pull it off? Again? After a dominant performance from Denisa Thirlwell, the sour-faced magician of the Laith, they really stamp a boot on Ritter's face, seemingly forever. In the event, it's just ninety minutes, with Simon Ardley providing a few scrambling saves to keep the score down to 3-0. They aren't alone in notching up a crucial result near the bottom - a dour Greygate defence and a set piece converted by big centre-half Malick ensures a 1-0 win, with Malick colossal in defence as well. And Pillars, though they're unable to maintain their recent resolute defensive record, snatch a point from Maximum City in the 90th minute slightly dodgy circumstances - not for the actual equaliser, which was struck beautifully into the top corner by Cisneros from 25 yards, but the first, as Loris Aldous maintains to the end that Lachlan Cromwell basically just kicked at the ball in his grasp to stumble it over the line after it had been claimed.

Matchday 44: Cypher secured the title a while back but they aren't letting it slow them down, hammering five past Vermillion Wanderers. South Laithland are edged out 1-0 by Riverkey, and sort of lowkey have undergone a bruising seven-match winless run. Coinciding exactly with Vesuvia Carrick's scoreless streak. It's as if nobody else has a killing edge on the team? A feisty Maximum derby between Greygate - who count no small number of ex-City fans - and City ends 1-0 to the Smiths, but with two red cards on each side after no less than three scuffles erupted over the course of the game. Greygate actually end with eight players - Gavin Chamberlain headbutts the luckless Jason Finmark, injuring him above the eye and forcing him off with no substitutions. Chamberlain's given a ten-match ban, but shrugs. "I'm retiring at the end of the year anyway, and besides, he shouldn't've said what he did about my sister. I don't even have a sister."

Matchday 45: As Cypher cruise to a 2-0 win over Ritter through goals from Alexander and Petridis, they've absolutely scorched their way to the title with eleven wins from their last twelve matches. Corvistone have easily secured promotion as well, underlining it with a 5-0 away win over Crossroads in which Stanford makes sure of his Iron Boot with a complete hat-trick in the first half before being subbed off on the hour to a standing ovation from the away end. Not that there's much of an away end, it's Corvistone, but still. North Laithland fans sigh in relief in the 89th minute when Hackett, in control of the match but unable to find a final product, succumb to a late slip from Wrexham chasing a pedestrian through-ball from Webster. Stubbs runs onto it and centres it for Stokes to tap home, a winner that ensures the Spiders need just a point on the final day. South Laithland beat Chenoworth Rovers when Merlyn Youabian scores from leftback in an otherwise pedestrian game, and Corvette have a 1-0 win of their own over Maximum City to stay in the chase. North Sabrefell, with a 2-0 win over Extreme Hills, stay in the chase for fourth, but Chatswood slip to a late equaliser from Ilary Muscat to ensure that a prohibitive goal difference locks them out of the promotion picture.

At the bottom of the table, East Laithland Harriers complete another motherfucking Great Escape, Pato Yamaguchi's second-half brace overturning the deficit against a Greygate side that has absolutely collapsed. Another six-pointer sees Vermillion Wanderers outmuscle Coret to a 3-1 win, ensuring neither escapes the relegation picture for now - Crossroads Town, thanks to their pulverisation, could be sucked into 21st as well. Riverkey, beaten 2-0 by Crisisbless United, will need a win on the final matchday to be in with a shot of survival - but if they do get that win, one of the three in front of them will probably obligingly slip up. Greygate, Rochford (who are held by Armstrong to a limp scoreless draw) and, regrettably, the Pillars of Southfell Cinderella story (beaten 1-0 by pantomime villains Sheridan, breaking a late run of three wins and two draws) all have their relegations confirmed.

There is almost no intrigue left in the Second Division. Top of the roost is Locksley by a country mile, on the strength of an eleven-match undefeated streak. Sure, they eventually let it slip to Gonen’s Bridge, but who cares by then? Iron City, Crisisbless Athletic and Gonen’s Bridge have also secured moves to the top flight - in Bridge’s case for the first time in their history, very much the second tier’s smallest team next season. How did West Brinemouth, five points clear in fourth just eleven matches ago, somehow wind up in ninth, twelve points away from promotion? It is a mystery, centred around them being bad at football. Boleyn, Falston Town and South Parrhesia are down, predictably, after being dreadful all season. Any of four sides could go down with them, a desperate 2-0 win for Falston United away against Southriver keeping them in the fight for now. Just.

Strephonage somehow managed to choke their seven point lead to cede the title to Chardonnay Rangers a match early. Both sides are promoted at least, along with Alliance Barossia - all three fail to win. Ballardine have won their last three games, Brindleton their last two - these two sides will fight over fourth in the finale. At the bottom, a fine run of form from Rushe United has whisked them out of danger as even their defence has sharpened up. Gridlock, Dross and Iberia are going down, the lattermost of these conceding over a hundred goals in the process, while Rochford Pilgrims will look to overtake the utterly toothless Pravenna Saints. Brokenarch, Sirencall, Aries Solitaire and Bodkin Road will be taking their places next season. Southern Sabrefell side Solitaire look the strongest of these by a distance.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Moths          45  31   7   7  98  43  +55 100
  2 Starling                 45  30   7   8  87  42  +45  97
  3 Brinemouth               45  28   7  10  94  57  +37  91
  4 AFC Treason              45  25  10  10  79  47  +32  85
  5 Vermillion Rage          45  22  12  11  76  63  +13  78
  6 Chenoworth Harriers      45  22   9  14  75  48  +27  75
  7 Crisisbless              45  21  11  13  65  45  +20  74
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       45  19  16  10  82  50  +32  73
  9 Newrook City             45  18  11  16  65  55  +10  65
 10 Leichhardt               45  19   8  18  51  52   -1  65
 11 Coret Hawks              45  15  15  15  58  47  +11  60
 12 Violence Chariots        45  15  14  16  68  65   +3  59
 13 Bishop                   45  13  18  14  48  54   -6  57
 14 Raven River              45  15   9  21  48  65  -17  54
 15 Southfell United         45  13  14  18  57  72  -15  53
 16 Creed United             45  12  15  18  55  64   -9  51
 17 Morningstar              45  12  15  18  30  51  -21  51
 18 Goodfeather FC           45  12  14  19  46  65  -19  50
 19 Parrhesia United         45  10  14  21  40  63  -23  44
 20 Diamondqueen             45  11  11  23  49  76  -27  44
 21 Brookford Otters         45  10  14  21  56  89  -33  44
 22 AFC Serpentine           45   9  11  25  50  85  -35  38
 23 Cranequin Wanderers      45   9  10  26  51  88  -37  37
 24 Maximum Rovers           45   9   8  28  47  89  -42  35

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cypher Town                  45  30  11   4  87  28  +59  101
  2 AFC Corvistone               45  26  10   9  87  38  +49   88
  3 North Laithland              45  22  14   9  71  50  +21   80
  4 South Laithland              45  23   8  14  53  36  +17   77
  5 Corvette Maulers             45  22  10  13  74  59  +15   76
  6 North Sabrefell              45  21  11  13  57  37  +20   74
  7 Chatswood                    45  21  11  13  51  44   +7   74
  8 Crisisbless United           45  19  11  15  67  53  +14   68
  9 Belgrave                     45  18  14  13  68  58  +10   68
 10 Armstrong                    45  18  14  13  46  39   +7   68
 11 Extreme Hills                45  17  12  16  67  72   -5   63
 12 Hackett                      45  18   8  19  54  64  -10   62
 13 Maximum City                 45  15  14  16  53  41  +12   59
 14 Sheridan                     45  15  14  16  34  42   -8   59
 15 Chenoworth Rovers            45  13  18  14  61  50  +11   57
 16 Ritter Town                  45  14  14  17  65  69   -4   56
 17 East Laithland Harriers      45  11  14  20  55  81  -26   47
 18 Crossroads Town              45  12  10  23  40  64  -24   46
 19 Vermillion Wanderers         45  12  10  23  59  94  -35   46
 20 Coret Rovers                 45  12   9  24  49  78  -29   45
 21 Riverkey                     45  10  13  22  37  58  -21   43
 22 Greygate                     45   9  14  22  50  77  -27   41
 23 Rochford                     45  11   7  27  38  65  -27   40
 24 Pillars of Southfell         45   8  15  22  37  63  -26   39

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Locksley                  45  32   7   6  97  38  +59  103
  2 Iron City                 45  25   9  11  65  36  +29   84
  3 Crisisbless Athletic      45  23  13   9  89  51  +38   82
  4 Gonen's Bridge            45  23  11  11  57  38  +19   80
  5 Stonegrave                45  22   7  16  58  45  +13   73
  6 Lazuli Diamonds           45  21   7  17  78  62  +16   70
  7 Cranequin City            45  20   9  16  62  45  +17   69
  8 Mantlegrove               45  19  11  15  60  50  +10   68
  9 West Brinemouth           45  20   8  17  54  45   +9   68
 10 Dartmouth Terriers        45  17  16  12  55  46   +9   67
 11 AFC Shale                 45  17  15  13  42  36   +6   66
 12 Martella Jazz             45  18  10  17  64  64   +0   64
 13 Iron United               45  16  14  15  56  44  +12   62
 14 The Strongest             45  16  12  17  60  65   -5   60
 15 Sutcroft                  45  14  14  17  43  58  -15   56
 16 Barossia United           45  16   7  22  43  66  -23   55
 17 The Hanged Man            45  13  14  18  32  39   -7   53
 18 Southriver                45  12  14  19  54  66  -12   50
 19 Peregrine                 45  12  14  19  56  76  -20   50
 20 Kommissar                 45  13  10  22  56  73  -17   49
 21 Falston United            45  14   6  25  42  66  -24   48
 22 Boleyn Town               45  11   8  26  33  65  -32   41
 23 Falston Town              45  11   5  29  43  80  -37   38
 24 South Parrhesia           45   9  11  25  48  93  -45   38

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chardonnay Rangers         45  27  10   8  83   42  +41  91
  2 Strephonage                45  25  12   8  56   28  +28  87
  3 Alliance Barossia          45  23  16   6  67   42  +25  85
  4 Brindleton                 45  23  13   9  64   37  +27  82
  5 Ballardine FC              45  23  12  10  97   51  +46  81
  6 Kensey Town                45  22  12  11  75   53  +22  78
  7 West Hook                  45  21  14  10  54   35  +19  77
  8 Boltcroft Thorns           45  22  11  12  69   55  +14  77
  9 Long Lake                  45  17  15  13  46   43   +3  66
 10 Gosmouth Swans             45  19   8  18  60   67   -7  65
 11 Ox River United            45  17  13  15  52   38  +14  64
 12 Corinthians No Longer      45  16  14  15  74   72   +2  62
 13 Sutcroft Athletic          45  15  11  19  52   55   -3  56
 14 Brookway Town              45  16   8  21  61   73  -12  56
 15 Mapleford                  45  12  18  15  44   53   -9  54
 16 Hartford Glade             45  15   8  22  54   68  -14  53
 17 Rushe United               45  14   8  23  66   66   +0  50
 18 FC Seierstad               45  14   8  23  46   67  -21  50
 19 Ringway                    45  14   6  25  41   70  -29  48
 20 Pravenna Saints            45  11  13  21  39   53  -14  46
 21 Rochford Pilgrims          45  12   9  24  50   73  -23  45
 22 Gridlock Rovers            45  10  12  23  45   68  -23  42
 23 Dross Rovers               45  11   5  29  48   89  -41  38
 24 Iberia Chenoworth          45  11   4  30  61  106  -45  37

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brokenarch              38  19  12   7  57  34  +23  69
  2 Sirencall FC            38  20   7  11  73  49  +24  67
  3 Harrington              38  20   6  12  63  51  +12  66
  4 Gridlock                38  19   8  11  33  25   +8  65
  5 Grovebank               38  18   9  11  59  48  +11  63
  6 Stonesthrow Town        38  17   8  13  43  36   +7  59
  7 Ingram Township         38  15  13  10  38  33   +5  58
  8 Fischer                 38  15  11  12  57  50   +7  56
  9 Sleetwell Rangers       38  16   7  15  54  54   +0  55
 10 Capricopia Rangers      38  14  12  12  48  42   +6  54
 11 Fully Sick XI           38  14  10  14  57  47  +10  52
 12 Swag Hill Rovers        38  13  10  15  54  58   -4  49
 13 Courser                 38  12  11  15  45  47   -2  47
 14 Fenland Albion          38  11  13  14  37  35   +2  46
 15 Gridlock East           38  12   9  17  38  41   -3  45
 16 AFC Brackwold           38  11  11  16  53  58   -5  44
 17 Nay Town                38  11   8  19  40  67  -27  41
 18 AFC Hellerine           38  10  10  18  50  67  -17  40
 19 Bellamy                 38  10   8  20  33  56  -23  38
 20 Norton Road             38   8   7  23  37  71  -34  31

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Aries Solitaire        38  26   5   7  78  38  +40  83
  2 Bodkin Road            38  23   6   9  72  36  +36  75
  3 Brunyard FC            38  22   5  11  77  46  +31  71
  4 Stamper Road           38  21   8   9  69  48  +21  71
  5 Downsparrow            38  20  10   8  71  39  +32  70
  6 Corvistone City        38  18  15   5  39  21  +18  69
  7 Rookwall               38  19   8  11  47  40   +7  65
  8 Rhyburn Swifts         38  18   6  14  75  60  +15  60
  9 Blaze                  38  15  14   9  57  49   +8  59
 10 South Brill            38  15   9  14  51  46   +5  54
 11 Coral Bay              38  10  13  15  44  51   -7  43
 12 Twelvetrees            38  10  11  17  34  48  -14  41
 13 Mainstream Fist        38  11   8  19  46  68  -22  41
 14 Corby Hubris           38  12   5  21  44  66  -22  41
 15 Senway Town            38  10   9  19  39  55  -16  39
 16 The Travellers FC      38  11   6  21  50  76  -26  39
 17 AFC Burchess           38   9  11  18  35  49  -14  38
 18 Sandrock               38   8   9  21  36  57  -21  33
 19 Violence Tigers        38   7  11  20  38  65  -27  32
 20 Masculine Town         38   7   7  24  33  77  -44  28

by **Nephara** » Sun Jan 21, 2018 2:46 pm

LOWER LEAGUE ROUNDUP
There’s not much that still needs settling below the top two leagues. Brindleton’s 2-0 win over fellow promoted side Alliance Barossia is enough to hold fourth, but even had they failed, Ballardine were beaten down 2-0 by Boltcroft. All eyes are on Rochford, anyway, who greet Ringway. If the 21st-placed Pilgrims win, they will overtake their opponents and seal survival, whether at Ringway’s expense or Pravenna Saints’. A desperate win for the Saints sees the offshore side scramble to safety, but Rochford think they’re home free. Right up until their Brenecian journeyman goalkeeper, Gerry Dougall, lets a long shot from Arran Cleish slip underneath his armpit for a late Ringway equaliser. “Guess that’s my career done here then,” Dougall sighs after the match, and is unsurprisingly released two days later. In the Second Division, the top four are all wrapped up. Falston United try desperately to force a late winner against Stonegrave, fail to get it and look above them to realise that all their direct competitors to avoid relegation won anyway.

FIRST DIVISION ROUNDUP
Going into the final matchday, 4th place remained up for grabs due to South Laithland’s poor recent form. They would have to visit South Laithland, while Corvette welcomed East Laithland - fresh off another miraculous survival. North Sabrefell was in with a chance as well, but it was the most remote of them, and they had to visit North Laithland. At the bottom of the table, Vermillion Wanderers and Crossroads Town were reprieved on one factor - fourth-last Riverkey would host fifth-last Coret Rovers. The loser - or the hosts, in the event of a draw - would go down. “We’ve beaten Premiership opposition this season,” roared Ewan Sanderson before the match, “and we’re still in the fight when everyone wrote us off before the season. We can beat the Rovers.”
They’re off to a good start, Harrison Cruz almost immediately released by Madonis, slipping through the defence and forcing a fine save from Kewell, tipping it onto the bar. Meanwhile, in the Laith, Mark Grayson could ruefully reflect that the Milan Aubeck of the past two seasons would have taken the chance he got. Unfortunately, played through by Kranevitter, Aubeck’s touch was lamentably heavy, smothered by Sinstadt who was given a spiteful dig in the ribs by the 32-year old striker. The referee misses it, but karma, evidently, is watching - just two minutes later, Lapwing’s shot takes a heavy deflection to beat Rondel, and the Spiders are 1-0 up.

By this stage, there’s already been two goals in the Vale, Prisca Stenet twice breaking through the Harriers’ shaky defence through sheer pace alone. But Istvan Kendrick answers them, a powerful defender’s header off a great corner from Thirlwell, before the former Diamondqueen playmaker notches up a goal of her very own, conjuring up a moment of magic to get past Coleman, smashing a shot… into Rainwall’s face, but as the stricken defender falls to the ground she just lofts the rebound over a stranded Folkhard. Maulers manager Konrad Evans is unimpressed. The first half ends with one important goal and one other noteworthy for its own reasons in injury time. First, Cathy Alweather slips in through the defence and places the ball into Tournay’s far corner to put South Laithland 1-0 ahead. Second, bottom of the table Pillars go 1-0 up against Cypher Town after Meghan Alsatian clatters Petridis, hoofs the ball forward to Cromwell, who can only fire it into Ruo’s shins. From there, though, it rebounds to Younis, who sidefoots into an empty net with the composure she so clearly lacked throughout the season.

The second half opens with Riverkey set for relegation and South Laithland clinging to 4th, status quo maintained. But the Seagulls are rampant over the Rovers at the moment, just lacking that final touch, exacerbating the fans’ thoughts they they were a striker away from a comfortable survival after yet another Redstarr miss. But the lively Harrison Cruz helps out his team in the best way possible - by falling over, to the protests of Coret rightback Parvana Evans. No pressure, then, for Coridan Theo, who goes up to take the penalty. The midfielder’s never short of confidence. He can’t back it up, and a mediocre penalty at a comfortable height is anticipated by Eastfielder goalkeeper Kewell and beaten confidently away with both palms!

Not long afterwards, drama in the Laith. North Laithland concede a penalty, stuck confidently away by Aubeck - over a third of his goals this season have been penalties, though by that token he’s yet to miss from the spot - and a forceful shot from Hounds playmaker Jess Hearn, brought on after 50 minutes in her last match before retirement, skims perilously across the ground. Summersteen, at full stretch, only gets fingertips to it - not enough to dissuade the strike from the far corner. North Sabrefell’s slim hopes evaporate further when Deborah Stokes, a revelation of the season, is slipped through on goal by Webster and makes no mistake one-on-one with Rondel before a direct free kick from Webster is slammed into the top corner. 3-1 to North Laithland it would stay - the Bohemians out of contention.

All eyes, then, on Corvette - indeed, the picture had developed further there, both sides scoring once more to leave things perilously tight at 3-3. Then, the dynamic sours for South Laithland yet again. Vesuvia Carrick, so impressive in the first three-quarters of the season, such a frustrated figure in the final stretch, breaks clear of Herron’s grasp and lashes a strike… against the crossbar. Herron, who normally has the turning circle of a crane, manages to stick out a leg to sweep the ball away… to the rightback Kinnett, who sprints forward, gets the ball to Hearn who turns and smashes the ball over the top of South Laithland’s defence. Coretta Rooke comes streaking past the Bohemians’ defence like a bat out of hell and sticks out a boot to tap the ball insolently past Rondel, and the Hounds are ahead 2-1! The dynamic changes in Coret, too - after the penalty save, the Rovers have really grown into the game. It’s Liberty Hammond’s last match before retirement, and despite a quiet, isolated performance to that point, after Chester weakly punches Spendthrift’s cross aside and Riverkey can’t deal with the rebound… there she is, to sidefoot the ball home, and the Rovers lead.

The fight has not left Riverkey, but they just look… tired, a thin squad stretched to their limits. They do fall to defeat, and to relegation, but they can hold their heads high. Despite the introduction of Osarian veteran Victor Luevano in the 76th minute and the sending-off of Osarian veteran Victor Luevano in the 79th minute, Pillars have kept ahold of their lead as young leftback Drachma Karagounis continues her audition for better teams with an assured performance. Cypher can’t be too unhappy - they won the league by twelve clear points in a year predicted to be Corvistone’s from the start. North Sabrefell’s spirit is broken, and Grayson’s job hangs in the balance as South Laithland winger Malinder is denied by a sharp save from Tournay. Still, they have kept the margin to one… and that’s enough to see off Corvette’s challenge, if only on goal difference.

Right up until, in the 92nd minute, mercurial substitute Jasko Voleimann tests his range from thirty yards out… and finds the top corner. The Maulers win 4-3, and at the last moment, steal the playoff berth for their own.

PREMIERSHIP ROUNDUP
All over bar the shouting at the top of the league, though there’ll be plenty of that in a Sabrefell derby that’s sure to be a heated affair, Athletic trying to fight off the malaise of a season gone horribly wrong. Crisisbless will be in a similar state of frustration against Starling, and it’s really a shame that the Passerines don’t have just one more point for a real title race. As it stands, both Athletic and Crisisbless are vying for the top seven place they’ll need to get a C- for the season, as the Harriers face far easier opposition in relegated Serpentine. At the bottom of the table, Parrhesia visit Morningstar, Diamondqueen host Creed and Brookford visit Southfell, all locked on 44 points. In terms of other considerations; the Moths have a regional final against CA Paulinthal awaiting them, and are resting a small handful of key personnel - Vol, Serra, Townsend and Haines. Johnson, however, remains in the side, and is currently locked on 26 goals with Pablo Scotti. Brookford have the Cup final to contest, as do the skeleton crew arrayed against Raven River currently masquerading as Monica Brightwater’s Bishop. And Anders Clarke, rather awkwardly, has to go and accept the award for First Division Manager of the Year just two days after he finishes being relegated with the Wanderers.

Things get off to the perfect start for Crisisbless. Starling put together a lovely, flowing twelve-pass move that is brutally cut out by Maeve Bronte smashing the ball down the flank. Staunton is there, already sprinting, and hits the ball across the face of goal - Drenas coolly gets ahead of Orsay and sidefoots home. Also in the Good Starts club, Serpentine, of all clubs - the Harriers may have thought they got the easy draw against the Dragons, but nine minutes in, Roxanna Strong - with her first start of the season - ducks to head home a pinpoint Andrej Reuter cross. At the bottom of the table, Diamondqueen find themselves in trouble, first through Vettriano’s goal as he’s played through a compliant Diamondqueen defence, and then Kurtis Bristoll bursts through the defence to put a second goal past the exposed Iona Britton. Tana Colbright chews her nails on the touchline. By the end of the first half, though, they’re out of immediate danger at the very least, when Erik Marlowe slams a volley past a scrambling Wheelock. Maximum Rovers, in their supposed last stand, are 3-0 down against the Chariots.

As soon as the second half begins, Brookford hit back. They’re clearly revitalised by a half-time team talk from Hestia Canaan, looking defiant in the technical area, and she looks like the weight of the world’s been lifted from her shoulders when a stooping header from, of all people, deputy leftback Erika Arweiler popping up at the far post sets things level for the Otters. This good cheer lasts six whole minutes, and two shots beaten away by Heidenreich, until the moment that the slightly mental Ursa Dimitar decides a flying tackle into Yolandi Heimat’s knee was an appropriate reaction to a slightly promising forward run. Heimat’s off on a stretcher, Dimitar’s off with a red and Erik Marlowe, whose free kick technique is more or less to lamp it into the top corner, manages his fourth free kick goal of the season by, well, lamping it into the top corner. Canaan, in need of a win, doesn’t immediately replace the defensive midfielder, and just four minutes later Southfell make it 3-1 when Gail scores on the break.

The Sabrefell derby, meanwhile, has been broken open on a contentious penalty. Wardenier, who has not had the best of seasons, has her heels clipped by Weiss - but is it inside the box? Is she falling before the impact? No matter, the penalty is given and, by Rainsford, converted - and the Moths’ victory party looks to be souring. Starling fail to capitalise, going down 2-0 and then 3-0 in quick succession. Parrhesia, who are also in the relegation battle, are helped by the fact that Morningstar have absolutely no ambition to go forward. It’s a paralytically dull match that appears to be dragging to a scoreless conclusion. Diamondqueen pull one back against Creed, Fortounis with a neatly angled header, and then Brookford concede a fourth to the young gun, Malachi Chalk. While Diamondqueen go on to lose 3-1, it’s still conclusively over at the bottom.

The Moths hit back against Athletic, through the inevitable Aaliyah Johnson equaliser. She now stands alone on 27, with Scotti one behind. The Harriers’ fightback against Serpentine isn’t going as planned, and they continue to flounder 2-1 down, with Perseus Theoklitos seemingly on a one-man spite-fuelled mission to deny the Harriers a Globe Cup place. And they are, in the event, overtaken when Estrella Hawke, with her back to goal, chests down a long ball from Coltrane, cuts Weiss inside out before slamming the ball into the net for Athletic’s late winner. That’s their place secure, along with Crisisbless, while rubbing salt into the wound, Pablo Scotti notches up a late brace against Newrook to ensure that Aaliyah Johnson will not extend her tally of five Iron Boots. Not this year, at least. Thus, things end - Morningstar and Parrhesia remain goalless, the Chariots pound the Rovers 5-0 and Tarquin Ulster gets a hat-trick. For the second time in a row, the Moths have lost the last game of the season. For the second time in a row, it hasn’t mattered. Lost the battle, won the war - and for all that Athletic might claim to hold the bragging rights, try telling that to Jessica Weiss as she strides to the top of the platform and lofts the trophy above her head. For Serpentine, Cranequin Wanderers and Maximum Rovers, the shame of relegation awaits as they are driven back to the second tier. Serpentine, of these, added the most to the league but were unable to cope with the loss of Ishtar Fanaiyan, while the Wanderers and Rovers are drifting dangerously into yo-yo territory.

CdC FINAL
The promoters might have hoped for a free-flowing game between two open, attacking sides, with two of the world’s leading strikers in Aaliyah Johnson and Ragnar Targaryen having a shootout, but that wasn’t quite what happened. What did happen was the other side of the Moths’ game, uncompromising physicality - Etzebeth and Tapp instead of Johnson and Targaryen. It was Tapp, in the event, who forced home the winning goal in scrappy fashion from a corner. The Moths, to their credit, recover well to dominate the last 30 minutes, but the veteran Sebastian Naumann lets nothing pass him by in what could be his swansong. A disappointment for the Nepharim who as is so often the case look tired and jaded by the end of the season. Excuses aside, Paulinthal deserved their win.

PLAYOFF
The Otters are put in the same situation as the Wanderers a couple seasons back, landed with three key matches in succession weeks. They aim to not follow the Wanderers’ footsteps by blowing all three. The Maulers, who have made it to fourth place under Konrad Evans’ guidance in his first season in charge (having taken over from Leo Santander, promoted from managing the reserves) have proven their doubters wrong. They continue proving their doubters wrong in the fourth minute, when Johanna Ankergren cuts inside Siegrist and lamps her shot past Wheelock. Unfortunately, the Otters are a side that are doomed to lose much of their structure without Ursa Dimitar, and by the nature of Ursa Dimitar are doomed to lose her to suspension often. Trish Plutarch, a fairly middling midfielder by Premiership standards, is given too much space by the eager but raw Rivan in the 71st minute and places a shot high past Wheelock, and that’s game over. The Otters do launch a late fightback, but when a scything counterattack is foiled by Folkhard’s inelegant but remarkable double save, fate seems to have had its say. The final whistle blows, and the Otters slump to relegation - the fourth consecutive time that the First Division’s representative has won.

NFA CUP
How does a team bounce back from such a sorry relegation? The cues are in the technical area, where Hestia Canaan is stoic as anything in her last match, and on the field, where Ursa Dimitar spends ninety minutes screaming bloody murder. In fact, the Otters are unrecognisable, a team rallying for a last moment of glory. Bishop, as they’ve done smoothly and capably under Monica Brightwater’s tenure, pass confidently and calmly… but not incisively. Dimitar is ever-present in midfield, Vannatter and Ynoa rallying in defence. Any errors are seized upon quickly, from either side - Bishop still have that pace up front to damage teams, and hearts are in Brookford mouths when Ansel Penbrooke is picked out six yards from goal… and his slightly heavy first touch is swept on by Wheelock. The young goalkeeper gets to her feet, rifles the ball with impeccable aim down the flank to find Tambor, and now Bishop are on the ropes. Tambor’s cross is headed away, albeit unconvincingly, by Crinion, and Harbour awkwardly half-volleys it back into the mixer. Again it’s cleared, again not strongly, and who rushes into the box at that moment to sweep the rebound past the sea of legs and Risdon? Ursa Dimita- don’t be stupid, the narrative isn’t that powerful. It’s Danira Plibersek, one of the players you’d imagine would have little difficulty picking up a top-flight contract after this season, and thanks to twenty more minutes of desperate defending (Siegrist, notably, sliding back to hook the ball off the line in injury time when everyone in the world thought Coffey had scored) the Cup is Brookford’s. Worth it for relegation? Well… who will remember a league season in twenty years? These moments are timeless.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Moths          46  31   7   8  99  45  +54 100
  2 Starling                 46  30   7   9  87  45  +42  97
  3 Brinemouth               46  29   7  10  96  58  +38  94
  4 AFC Treason              46  26  10  10  80  47  +33  88
  5 Vermillion Rage          46  23  12  11  77  63  +14  81
  6 Crisisbless              46  22  11  13  68  45  +23  77
  7 Sabrefell Athletic       46  20  16  10  84  51  +33  76
  8 Chenoworth Harriers      46  22   9  15  76  50  +26  75
  9 Newrook City             46  18  11  17  66  57   +9  65
 10 Leichhardt               46  19   8  19  51  53   -2  65
 11 Violence Chariots        46  16  14  16  73  65   +8  62
 12 Coret Hawks              46  15  16  15  58  47  +11  61
 13 Bishop                   46  13  19  14  49  55   -6  58
 14 Southfell United         46  14  14  18  61  73  -12  56
 15 Raven River              46  15  10  21  49  66  -17  55
 16 Creed United             46  13  15  18  58  65   -7  54
 17 Morningstar              46  12  16  18  30  51  -21  52
 18 Goodfeather FC           46  12  15  19  46  65  -19  51
 19 Parrhesia United         46  10  15  21  40  63  -23  45
 20 Diamondqueen             46  11  11  24  50  79  -29  44
 21 Brookford Otters         46  10  14  22  57  93  -36  44
 22 AFC Serpentine           46  10  11  25  52  86  -34  41
 23 Cranequin Wanderers      46   9  10  27  51  89  -38  37
 24 Maximum Rovers           46   9   8  29  47  94  -47  35

TOP SCORERS
28 - Scotti (BRI)
27 - Johnson (SFM)
25 - Hawke (SFA), Andisori (STA)
24 - Fraser (TRE)
22 - Vol (SFM), Alemane (VRR)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Pablo Scotti (BRI)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Scheherazade Meier (SFM)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Mats Hedlund (SFM)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Mark Uenterhausen (SFM)
Team of the Year: Griffin (SFM); Brymora (BRI), Uenterhausen (SFM), Svensson (TRE), Lohengrin (CRI); Armstrong (STA), Bronte (CRI), Conjure (BRI), Meier (SFM), Scotti (BRI), Hawke (SFA) - Bench: Fletcher (TRE), Damjana (VRR), Loredan (STA), Gryphon (STA), Coppinger (VRR), Dragana (BRI), Johnson (SFM)
Managers of the Year: Andrea Vardalos (LEI)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                         P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cypher Town                  46  30  11   5  87  29  +58  101
  2 AFC Corvistone               46  26  11   9  89  40  +49   89
  3 North Laithland              46  23  14   9  74  51  +23   83
  4 Corvette Maulers             46  23  10  13  78  62  +16   79
  5 South Laithland              46  23   8  15  54  38  +16   77
  6 North Sabrefell              46  21  11  14  58  40  +18   74
  7 Chatswood                    46  21  11  14  51  45   +6   74
  8 Crisisbless United           46  19  12  15  68  54  +14   69
  9 Belgrave                     46  18  15  13  70  60  +10   69
 10 Armstrong                    46  18  15  13  47  40   +7   69
 11 Extreme Hills                46  18  12  16  69  73   -4   66
 12 Maximum City                 46  16  14  16  54  41  +13   62
 13 Hackett                      46  18   8  20  56  67  -11   62
 14 Sheridan                     46  15  15  16  34  42   -8   60
 15 Chenoworth Rovers            46  13  19  14  62  51  +11   58
 16 Ritter Town                  46  14  15  17  65  69   -4   57
 17 Coret Rovers                 46  13   9  24  50  78  -28   48
 18 Crossroads Town              46  12  11  23  41  65  -24   47
 19 East Laithland Harriers      46  11  14  21  58  85  -27   47
 20 Vermillion Wanderers         46  12  11  23  59  94  -35   47
 21 Riverkey                     46  10  13  23  37  59  -22   43
 22 Rochford                     46  12   7  27  41  67  -26   43
 23 Pillars of Southfell         46   9  15  22  38  63  -25   42
 24 Greygate                     46   9  15  22  50  77  -27   42

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Robby Stanford (CVS)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Krista Morham (CVS)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Giselher Ruskin (HCT)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Ruo Xiaolan (CYT)
Team of the Year: Ruo (CYT); Kendrick (NLA), Larkland (NSF), Strauss (CHT), Youabian (SLA); Afolayan (CYS), Condotta (CYT), Morham (CYS), Ankergren (CVM); Stanford (CVS), Stokes (NLA)
Manager of the Year: Anders Clarke (HCT)

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Locksley                  46  32   7   7  97  39  +58  103
  2 Iron City                 46  26   9  11  66  36  +30   87
  3 Crisisbless Athletic      46  24  13   9  90  51  +39   85
  4 Gonen's Bridge            46  24  11  11  58  38  +20   83
  5 Stonegrave                46  22   8  16  59  46  +13   74
  6 Lazuli Diamonds           46  22   7  17  79  62  +17   73
  7 Cranequin City            46  21   9  16  65  46  +19   72
  8 Mantlegrove               46  20  11  15  61  50  +11   71
  9 West Brinemouth           46  21   8  17  56  46  +10   71
 10 Dartmouth Terriers        46  17  16  13  56  49   +7   67
 11 AFC Shale                 46  17  15  14  42  37   +5   66
 12 Martella Jazz             46  18  10  18  64  65   -1   64
 13 Iron United               46  16  14  16  56  45  +11   62
 14 The Strongest             46  16  12  18  61  67   -6   60
 15 Sutcroft                  46  14  14  18  45  61  -16   56
 16 Barossia United           46  16   7  23  43  67  -24   55
 17 The Hanged Man            46  13  14  19  32  40   -8   53
 18 Southriver                46  13  14  19  55  66  -11   53
 19 Peregrine                 46  13  14  19  59  78  -19   53
 20 Kommissar                 46  14  10  22  57  73  -16   52
 21 Falston United            46  14   7  25  43  67  -24   49
 22 Boleyn Town               46  11   8  27  33  66  -33   41
 23 South Parrhesia           46  10  11  25  51  93  -42   41
 24 Falston Town              46  11   5  30  43  83  -40   38

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chardonnay Rangers         46  28  10   8  86   42  +44  94
  2 Strephonage                46  26  12   8  58   29  +29  90
  3 Brindleton                 46  24  13   9  66   37  +29  85
  4 Alliance Barossia          46  23  16   7  67   44  +23  85
  5 Ballardine FC              46  23  12  11  97   53  +44  81
  6 West Hook                  46  22  14  10  57   35  +22  80
  7 Boltcroft Thorns           46  23  11  12  71   55  +16  80
  8 Kensey Town                46  22  13  11  77   55  +22  79
  9 Long Lake                  46  18  15  13  47   43   +4  69
 10 Ox River United            46  17  14  15  54   40  +14  65
 11 Corinthians No Longer      46  17  14  15  77   72   +5  65
 12 Gosmouth Swans             46  19   8  19  61   69   -8  65
 13 Brookway Town              46  16   9  21  61   73  -12  57
 14 Sutcroft Athletic          46  15  11  20  52   57   -5  56
 15 Mapleford                  46  12  18  16  44   56  -12  54
 16 Hartford Glade             46  15   8  23  54   69  -15  53
 17 Rushe United               46  14   9  23  66   66   +0  51
 18 FC Seierstad               46  14   8  24  48   70  -22  50
 19 Pravenna Saints            46  12  13  21  41   53  -12  49
 20 Ringway                    46  14   7  25  42   71  -29  49
 21 Rochford Pilgrims          46  12  10  24  51   74  -23  46
 22 Gridlock Rovers            46  10  12  24  45   71  -26  42
 23 Iberia Chenoworth          46  12   4  30  64  108  -44  40
 24 Dross Rovers               46  11   5  30  48   92  -44  38

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brokenarch              38  19  12   7  57  34  +23  69
  2 Sirencall FC            38  20   7  11  73  49  +24  67
  3 Harrington              38  20   6  12  63  51  +12  66
  4 Gridlock                38  19   8  11  33  25   +8  65
  5 Grovebank               38  18   9  11  59  48  +11  63
  6 Stonesthrow Town        38  17   8  13  43  36   +7  59
  7 Ingram Township         38  15  13  10  38  33   +5  58
  8 Fischer                 38  15  11  12  57  50   +7  56
  9 Sleetwell Rangers       38  16   7  15  54  54   +0  55
 10 Capricopia Rangers      38  14  12  12  48  42   +6  54
 11 Fully Sick XI           38  14  10  14  57  47  +10  52
 12 Swag Hill Rovers        38  13  10  15  54  58   -4  49
 13 Courser                 38  12  11  15  45  47   -2  47
 14 Fenland Albion          38  11  13  14  37  35   +2  46
 15 Gridlock East           38  12   9  17  38  41   -3  45
 16 AFC Brackwold           38  11  11  16  53  58   -5  44
 17 Nay Town                38  11   8  19  40  67  -27  41
 18 AFC Hellerine           38  10  10  18  50  67  -17  40
 19 Bellamy                 38  10   8  20  33  56  -23  38
 20 Norton Road             38   8   7  23  37  71  -34  31

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Aries Solitaire        38  26   5   7  78  38  +40  83
  2 Bodkin Road            38  23   6   9  72  36  +36  75
  3 Brunyard FC            38  22   5  11  77  46  +31  71
  4 Stamper Road           38  21   8   9  69  48  +21  71
  5 Downsparrow            38  20  10   8  71  39  +32  70
  6 Corvistone City        38  18  15   5  39  21  +18  69
  7 Rookwall               38  19   8  11  47  40   +7  65
  8 Rhyburn Swifts         38  18   6  14  75  60  +15  60
  9 Blaze                  38  15  14   9  57  49   +8  59
 10 South Brill            38  15   9  14  51  46   +5  54
 11 Coral Bay              38  10  13  15  44  51   -7  43
 12 Twelvetrees            38  10  11  17  34  48  -14  41
 13 Mainstream Fist        38  11   8  19  46  68  -22  41
 14 Corby Hubris           38  12   5  21  44  66  -22  41
 15 Senway Town            38  10   9  19  39  55  -16  39
 16 The Travellers FC      38  11   6  21  50  76  -26  39
 17 AFC Burchess           38   9  11  18  35  49  -14  38
 18 Sandrock               38   8   9  21  36  57  -21  33
 19 Violence Tigers        38   7  11  20  38  65  -27  32
 20 Masculine Town         38   7   7  24  33  77  -44  28

by **Nephara** » Sun Mar 04, 2018 9:35 pm

Season 70 Preview

by **Nephara** » Sun Mar 04, 2018 9:47 pm

by **Nephara** » Sun Mar 04, 2018 9:49 pm

by **Nephara** » Sun Mar 04, 2018 9:51 pm

First Division Preview

Lower Down the Pyramid

Second Division
Freshly-relegated Rochford have recruited extravagantly in the offseason, anad look to be the favourites for promotion alongside a hopefully revitalised West Brinemouth and Stonegrave. Chardonnay Rangers look to be the resident dark horses, with a young, ambitious squad and a bevy of new signings as they look to at least return to the second tier. On the whole, though, things look to be pretty open at the top, and for that matter the bottom, with no clear standout poor team.

Third Division
The fourth tier lacks a real giant, but it's set to be a season where a series of small, ambitious sides can time their promotion pushes - Corinthians No Longer and Boltcroft Thorns go neck and neck as favourites, with newly-promoted Aries Solitaire having immediately professionalised and recruited a young, ambitious squad full of young loanees. At the bottom, Rushe United could well fall through the trapdoor, while a plucky Pravenna Saints outfit continues to be a source of intrigue, likely somewhere in lower midtable yet again.

by **Nephara** » Sat Mar 10, 2018 6:16 pm

Welcome back, North Laithland! Two newly-promoted rural sides are faced with a trek to the old capital, and while Athletic clean out the Maulers 5-1, the Spiders are absolutely annihilated, overrun in every part of the field and utterly neutered on the counterattack. The Moths lead 1-0 at half-time through Johnson’s goal, denied further by some sharp saves from Fairweather, but the floodgates open in the second half - it finishes 6-0. Corvistone also lose to far stronger opposition, the Stags showing them what real stars can do. After an early goal from John Fletcher, the Crows throw the kitchen sink at their hosts but are just stonewalled at every turn by a rock-solid defence. Cypher are the only newly-promoted side to claim a point, Vuesala Frey’s deflected strike getting a draw from a visit to Vermillion. Crisisbless’ season gets off to a bad start as Starling dominate them and win 4-1, and the 1 was a late, feeble consolation from Allison Swan. Could be worse, though! Could be Brinemouth. All this talk of a big victory season incoming is dashed against the rocks as Benjamin Nyao gets his managerial tenure off to a bang, hammering the complacent Dockers with constant, enthusiastic pressure. Quinn McEthinly, who is not a good striker by any means, manages a hat-trick to get a third of the way to matching last season’s total, and while the defence isn’t exactly solid - Marisa Strauss’ awful air-swing lets Scotti steal in for Brinemouth to pull it back to 3-1 before a late consolation from Jess Silkman comes about by her being totally unmarked at the far post for Brymora to find with a cross - it puts them off to a strong start.

The three sides to watch early doors appear to be the Moths, Starling and Treason. The first two stroll to almost casual 4-1 demolitions, while Treason just go full Killbot on Leichhardt. Early penalty from Fraser, then Neptune sweeps in her first goal for the Stags, and then they just hold the Stargazers at arm’s length forever. North Laithland sharpen up noticeably and just look far more at the races compared to their dazed showing against the Moths. At home against Athletic, an expectant crowd behind them, they concede early through a towering Hawke header but Tess Pell’s blinding pace sees her played through by Webster, a heavy first touch almost getting the ball to Gaultier but she just about manages to nip it back away from him, round him and roll the ball into the net. Brinemouth and Crisisbless recover with routine home wins, while Parrhesia slip to an anaemic 1-0 defeat to the Ferrymen. Povilas Kaukenas is allegedly already squabbling with River’s staff, and is mysteriously gone from the matchday squad, but stand-in Jessika Donath manages a slick half-volley to secure the win. Corvette also look sharper against an opponent of their own level, putting their high-heeled foot on Corvistone’s throat and refusing to let them breathe, Muller flicking home a header off a Dimitrius corner before a brilliant flying header from the substitute Rathbone seals the win.

North Laithland are the big winners tonight, effortlessly sweeping Cypher aside 3-0. Sabitzer, Finlay and Webster dominate the day, each getting an assist - Sabitzer plays through Webster to score, Finlay’s header off a corner sets up Stokes’ header into the net and Webster loops a ball over the top for Pell to dash onto and smash past Rui - and it becomes increasingly clear that this is, very quietly, an exceptional midfield for a newly-promoted side. A Northern Vale derby sees clashes between fans in the stands, golden flares from both sides being thrown onto the pitch and a general reminder that, yes, Corvette and Leichhardt genuinely hate each other. It’s the Stargazers who seem the more on edge, uncharacteristic defensive lapses costing them two goals by half-time before Ingrid Auttenberg misses a sitter late on. Brinemouth squeeze by Coret away in a match the Hawks mostly manage to suffocate… until their former talisman, Alyss Montague, flicks the ball over the head of Nikolaidis and volleys it beyond a sprawling Lethbridge. She doesn’t celebrate, but the frustrated Coret fans take out their frustration on the team. Treason, meanwhile, look in the best form of the early big sides, comprehensively beating Crisisbless 3-1 in a match where rightback Corrello excelled with damaging forward runs, chalking up an assist to each striker.

Well, it had to happen sooner or later. The Crows, sadly, score their first Premiership goals. Leichhardt continue their oddly lackluster start to the season, and when Krista Morham finally breaks through the line and strokes home a cutback from Afolayan on the hour it’s the least the Crows deserve. They double their advantage in injury time through Haight, and aside from Auttenberg forcing a single brilliant save from Veloz late on Leichhardt barely muster a shot in anger. North Laithland’s strong start to the season - 6-0 defeat aside - continues as they dominate Goodfeather FC, Webster again pulling the strings, Fairweather’s distribution flawless, and Deborah Stokes proving a reliable spearhead for the attack. It’s all just clicking at the moment. See also: Treason, who trash an abject Diamondqueen 4-0 away, with Brinemouth administering a 4-0 beating to Vermillion and, most impressively, River thumping Coret by the same scoreline in a match that Franz Kesteren dominates, everything he tries to do coming off perfectly, backed up by the hustle and bustle of Naumoff and Leonard stopping Coret’s midfield from doing anything.

Leichhardt are left holding their heads in their hands. They fought like titans for ninety minutes, an Auttenberg header on the counterattack and an excellent set piece from Lienen flicked home by Koller, taking a 2-1 lead away against Sabrefell Athletic into injury time. And then Xixi Ens - quiet so far this season, and in this game specifically - suddenly bursts into life, wresting possession back from a lax Hartley and immediately smashing the ball past a flat-footed Stern, before the fresh legs of Chloe Rudden crash through Leichhardt’s demoralised defence to cut back for Ens to classily stick the winner in the net. In the 95th minute. “We just don’t look like we did last season,” frets Andrea Vardalos to the press, and it’s true. Neither do Goodfeather, rooted to the bottom of the table and easily beaten by Cypher, still yet to get so much as a point this season and looking conclusively out of sorts. Case, Rannon, Bierofka and Forster are struggling to live up to last season’s standards, Jewel has looked intimidated by the step up in quality and regular chants of “you fat bastard” from opposing fans and Sharpe has looked anything but her namesake in front of goal. Crisisbless are also officially in crisis after a late winner from Stanford sees the Crows beat them 2-1 in a hard-fought match, Newrook ease past Creed 3-0 away as Lorne Winter finally lives up to the billing, Saroszi single-handedly earns Morningstar a point against Treason as the Stags slip up for the first time and the Saints steal a point off Starling, with a late Berisha equaliser involving a sneaky handball to control Rademacher’s pass that the linesman and referee both somehow miss. Most notably, though, the defending champions just overrun Brinemouth, on a day where Johnson proves too elusive for their defence, slipping home a hat-trick as the rest of her squad outmuscles and outfights the Dockers for every inch, though a 30-yard screamer from Evelyn Conjure proves some consolation. 3-1, the final score.

This has been a really weird season so far. Creed are winless thus far, and there’s legitimate relegation concerns around the fans - indeed, the first #LocklearOut banner in the stands. The manager remains stoic in the touchline, though appears to have picked up a chain-smoking habit between seasons - she goes through four this match alone, and Starling open the scoring with a peach of a volley from Padilla. That… seemingly just makes the Oathmen angry. Korborg hits back first after a driving run, before Theoharous, Bristoll and Accardi really drive in the knife to stun the Passerines, leading 4-1 by half-time. Starling pull another back, but Korborg’s second and Creed’s fifth kills their hopes just after the hour mark. In fact, it seems to be a day in general for teams to score five - Alexis Spurlock’s Vermillion pump her old club, Bishop, 5-1 away in Danica Heward’s impressive starting debut (she nets a brace), while a wildly-swinging affair between Brinemouth and North Laithland goes into the break at 3-3, both sides breathless. But the Spiders tire late on, and the Dockers bring on Saitou off the bench to serve as executioner with a late brace past weary legs.

#LocklearOut turns to #BrosqueOut, as Athletic roll over Crisisbless with little resistance. Swan seems to be struggling to adapt to her new defensive responsibilities, while Ruhl’s much-anticipated goal spree has lead to a tally of… none. Three yellow cards, though, the latest for a careless elbow in Farina’s throat at a corner. Treason stutter again, this time to the Saints who are basically propped up by Darren Koufax between the posts before Kirsten Howlett comes off the bench, storms past three defenders and lashes home a late equaliser for a 1-1 draw. You know who is scoring? The guy the Harriers got to replace Ruhl. Nikita Loeher, surprisingly, has three in her last two - the 33-year old markswoman notched the winner against Treason last matchday and now finds a tidy brace against a woefully disorganised Corvette Maulers, the first coming from Michael Lin’s slashed pass coming straight to her for her to just slide into the net, the second a well-weighted header, 6-2 the final score. Goodfeather grab a vital win, their first of the season, in somewhat fortunate circumstances. Jewel crashes home a header for her first goal of the season - “first of many!” she chirpily assures the press after the match - and Southfell contrive to miss every chance they get, genuinely awful finishing and a couple sharp saves from Forster keeping ahold of a 1-0 win against the run of play. Crisisbless continue to swoon, Athletic sniffing blood and a very professional performance, a goal in either half for Oscar Coltrane, sealing an almost easy win for the Reds. The Moths and Dockers continue to be the ones to watch, though. The former beat Bishop 3-0, the latter trash Cypher 5-0 away, in terrifyingly casual fashion.

Leichhardt get their first win at long last, Heisserer on a one-woman hatchet job on Saroszi to shut them down and Ylissa Hatherton striking a powerful shot from 25 yards past Sparr. Lineker blames Saroszi, claiming that “if my winger hadn’t gone down like a prissy scene kid every couple minutes, we’d have mashed them.’ Saroszi does not take kindly to this. North Laithland smash an abject Bishop side, who have lost their past three matches by an aggregate 12-1 scoreline. The Spiders look properly good, and while it’s a bit soon for leftback Karsten Riordan’s assertion that “we’re staying up”, they look like they have what it takes at the back and going forward. Morningstar versus Leichhardt is dismal, but it’s worth mentioning that thanks to Streiss’ goal, Leichhardt get their first win of the season. Ah, but this is all just foreplay to the main event. Because… Goddamn. Newrook City don’t just beat the Moths, they run rings around them, and Maladict Farrell puts them in the lead just seventeen seconds in. From there, the Moths can barely even get a touch, because Mats Hedlund is invariably there to take the ball back. Coynborough makes it 2-0 in the eighth minute before a poor clearance from Uenterhausen enables Marconi to make it three, and while Meier gets the next goal and exhorts her companions to turn it around they, uh, don’t. It ends 6-1, with Newrook just strolling in the last half-hour. Where the hell did that come from?

Benjamin Nyao’s Parrhesia have played with heart and soul and spirit, overcoming the fact that they just aren’t very good. Catrine Kisel has been a crucial part of it, breaking teams down and, here, adding another string to her bow with an admittedly speculative thrash of the ball that glides past Veloz. Corvistone press hard and do get their equaliser through Stanford’s clever little backheel, but the result is, inexplicably, the Saints’ sixth straight draw. “Hard to turn your nose up at another good away point like this,” Nyao says philosophically. The Moths play uncharacteristically defensively after their 6-1 hammering, and it’s a cagey affair at home against Starling that has the home fans on edge. They almost snatch it late on, but Hargrave makes a spectacular late save to deny Eisenhauer and it ends scoreless. Airik Ruhl finally gets off the mark for the season, after hitting the post twice against Morningstar - he seems practically cursed until just lamping one in from outside the box to secure an altogether too difficult 1-0 home win for the Heelers.

#LocklearOut is back in fashion, and how can you blame Creed’s beleagured fans? It’s obvious to everyone that Creed’s players aren’t playing for their manager anymore as they just roll over and die for Corvistone, who oblige happily. The Crows may be absurdly front-loaded, but that front five… but you have to hand credit to Veloz, too, who finally seems to be coming into the form he’s threatened his whole career. Pity it’s probably too late for his international ambitions, but a staggering double save from Korborg point-blank and then from the rebound to countryman Vettriano at least catches some headlines back home. Leichhardt, meanwhile, edge Parrhesia late on. It’s a tight match, marked by a more confident but less technical Parrhesia side whose constant turnovers prove their downfall. Kisel misplaces a pass to Miralem Fowler, who rifles in a diagonal pass for Zuzana Streiss to cut inside and place neatly into the corner of the net for a late winner. “Now that the lads have remembered what winning’s like, they’ve got a taste for it again,” says a rather smug Vardalos after the match, and the Stargazers have now won three in a row. Crisisbless visit Chenoworth and Airik Ruhl manages to make an impact against his former side… by getting sent off for head-butting Reinhard Armstrong seventeen minutes in. The Harriers win 2-0, with Nikita Loeher getting the second and celebrating by running through the technical area, pointing and winking at Ruhl, instigating a bench-clearing fist-fight that sees Christensen and Rafford sent off too. Amidst all this, North Laithland’s hugely impressive 2-1 away win over Starling could almost go unnoticed. Not by this publication, though. We got your back, Spiders! We got your back, Tess Pell! We can respect a player who appears to be doing her best to carve out a Premiership career with blinding pace alone, via Project +90. So far, it’s working.

An excellent start to the Champions’ Cup. Treason get a reprieve from their stuttering domestic form, and hold their own in Turoki. Despite getting just 37% possession, they look comfortable enough and should probably snatch it late on, but Asher Voeller spoons a late header over the bar. Starling and the Moths do even better, absolutely annihilating their respective opponents 4-0.

More mixed results in the Globe Cup, with an out-of-sorts Crisisbless going 1-0 up early against Tele - Ruhl with a rare goal - before quickly being pegged back to 1-1, their attacking play grinding down to a halt before, before Carnophin Narquelie darts through the line, gets chopped down by a panicked Gandhi for his second yellow card, and nervelessly converts the winning penalty. Aspen Bridges gets Endeavour off to a great start at the Garganaut, but Brinemouth press back hard. Unfortunately, Tregatta Spitfire is in flying form, but Evelyn Conjure happens, and makes it 1-1 in the 80th minute. Trevelyan hits a post late for Endeavour against the run of play, but it’s not the worst point in the world. Vermillion impress far more than their competition with an uncharacteristically resilient performance. Orpheus Clement has a great day in goal and his Nepharim counterpart, Andreas Swoboda, makes a brilliant save from Nizarut but only gets the ball as far as the opportunistic Alemane, who just pokes it home for a second-half winner.

Another clash of titans, though really, the Premiership has so many matches and big clubs that they seem to happen more weeks than not. Still, the Moths utterly dominate Treason, unsettling the Stags with their intensity. That… isn’t meant to happen to the Stags, who’ve just looked off after an excellent start. First-half goals from Deandre James (a towering header) and Sigrid Eisenhauer (a blistering shot - she’s on for the injured Johnson) secures the day for Gerhard Thunder’s squad, and a frustrated Ben Randall can only admit; “We were not nearly good enough.” Vyntra, the Treason captain? “Couldn’t lay a glove on ‘em, and that’s just not acceptable for this side.” But both denied the club was in crisis. Aurora Jewel’s gut-busting run through three defenders and piledriver of a strike secures a much-needed second straight win for Goodfeather in a dull 1-0 win over a tepid Newrook. The Drawkish forward’s come to life after a slow start, and boasts to the press; “Keep calling me fat! I’ll keep scoring goals.” Probably aimed more at the fans, and don’t worry, they intend to. Cypher Town also pick up a dull 1-0 win, but against Starling - Sophia Petridis gets their somewhat fortuitous goal, a corner somehow losing everyone in the bright Marcher sun and nestling in the goal. Ruo makes nine saves for Cypher, many of them excellent, and all in all the Eagles are doing fine… if they can find some goals. North Laithland also deserve some love, with many prophesying doom and gloom for them against the Chariots with a couple key personnel out injured. However, unfancied youth products Beck Pruttan and 19-year old Raimund Anderson step up and make themselves counted, and third-choice striker Lexander Varney’s among the goals too in a convincing 3-0 win. Anderson might just be one to keep an eye on, given central defence is a problem area for the Spiders...

First Round is, as ever, hugely important to small clubs but matters little to neutrals. It’s traditionally a good time to talk about the four sides promoted from the state leagues and how they’ve fared. Lockheed Zenith in the West, from the small town of Lockheed on the west coast, manage a brilliant comeback, a goal and a man down with half an hour to go. Step forward, Markus Reed, Zenith’s 36-year old centre-half and captain with a history speckled with Second and Third Division clubs. Step forward as well, Rochford Pilgrims’ inability to defend set pieces. Two free headers for Reed and Zenith secure a brilliant 4-3 win away, against a side only just relegated from the fourth tier. Crownsend Journey, a smaller Treason club, also secure a tidy 1-0 win over Brackwold away. Two of the three fractured Gridlock sides come up against the East’s promoted sides, and while Gridlock, er, itself - Core Gridlock. Vanilla Gridlock. Gridlock. Anyway, they beat Volksgarten, from the obscure Vale town of the same name, while Brookford Vantablack snatch an extra time win off Gridlock East. Aside from that, most focus was on the clashes of former relative giants. Ox River United had a couple Premiership seasons before the modern era to their name and even in more recent history were traditionally a second- or third-tier side, but they rely on penalties to take down Boleyn Town who have a near-identical history (and were indeed relegated from the Premiership in the penultimate pre-UICA season, and haven’t been anywhere near back since) but with far more debt. It comes down to penalties between Sandrock and Mainstream Fist, too, both former relatively significant powers, both now semi-professional and scrapping it out to survive in the Conference East. There’s also a Cranequin derby, surprisingly, that sees Ballardine FC batter Downsparrow 4-1.

With a quarter of the season played, Brinemouth sit at the top of the roost, a well-rested side easily cleaning out Bishop 2-0 away. Desperate for an upturn in fortunes, the Cardinals dropped their goalkeeper Risdon and played former Brinemouth player Scannell in his place - she’s put in some confident showings in the past against her former club. Instead, the veteran flaps at Silkman’s cross for Saitou to convert and is then beaten at her near post by Dre Roenoujya. Indeed, seven of the top eight win in a matchday that confirms orthodoxy. Sort of. Just, some of those names aren’t expected. The Moths are the one team to slip, a second-string side sucker-punched by Corvette’s Ankergren late on, and even they had an Eisenhauer goal ruled out dodgily for offside. The Harriers and Newrook round out the top four, Athletic come from behind to beat River 3-1 away, and North Laithland impressively manage to steal three points in the ‘Crownsend derby’ against AFC Treason. Fairweather stands like a giant, as does the teenager Anderson, with Stokes and Webster getting the goals in the second half. Starling beat Goodfeather and Crisisbless beat Creed to finish that top eight, with Treason slipping to ninth.

As pretty much always, it’s too congested at the bottom to really have any shape by this point, but none of the newly-promoted sides are in immediate danger. Corvette, Cypher and Corvistone all pick up good away draws and sit roughly in lower-midtable. Parrhesia are currently in the playoff place, as their earlier bunch of draws goes from contributing to an impressive unbeaten streak to a nervous winless run. They host Diamondqueen, who beat them 1-0 thanks to a flicked header from Fortounis and a lot of strong work from Hemeyer, in what already feels like a six-pointer. After a five-game unbeaten run to the season, Bishop have lost seven on the bounce to leave them in the bottom three. They’re joined by Creed, who are edged 1-0 by Crisisbless but just look too tired to ever really fight back, and on the very bottom of the table, a frustrated Morningstar. Where the hell is Monako Saroszi? “They’ve not apologised for what they’ve said to me in training a few weeks back,” insists Lineker. “So it’s the reserves for them for the forseeable future.” Discipline is great and all, but Marko Petrosian, who turned 31 a couple of weeks ago… well, he’s not up to the standard, anymore, and Stars lack anyone with Saroszi’s creative spark.

Two Premiership sides come up against Elite League opponents… and get absolutely gubbed. Better talk about the Moths instead. Gravesen’s deflected opener six minutes in means that Spartangrad may well have been hoping for a similar win, and they defend valiantly for over an hour. But eventually, something breaks - Bryan Butler’s concentration. Hitherto excellent, an erratic pass to Deandre James is immediately slotted down the wing for Meier to cut inside, shoot and pull the Moths level. They press harder and higher, and finally get their just reward in injury time, Solara Vol’s header rattling off the underside of the crossbar for the Moths’ first Champions Cup win in the Farham Arena.

Crisisbless manage a decent away point in Mozi, Marisha Staunton lashing home their equaliser on the stroke of half-time, but Aidan Brosque’s still not happy. “I’d take this point alone, but not after slipping at home,” he frets, and is right to do so. Pressure is mounting already, scarcely over a year into his reign. Brinemouth flood North Hall, whose sole response is to batten down the hatches… but they actually score first, Fallon clipping in an unreachable corner that only the towering Turati can put away. Brinemouth eventually equalise, Roenoujya coming off the bench to feed a masterful pass through the tough North Hall defence for Scotti to slot home, and the Northerners get Farquhar sent off for a brutal challenge… but the Dockers can’t push through the win. Vermillion are battered 5-1 at home by Marionville, last season’s surprise story in the SPL. Is it arrogance to claim a slight moral victory with the Nepharim midfield of Carrow and Rosenthal proving utterly dominant? Perhaps so.

by **Nephara** » Sat Mar 10, 2018 6:16 pm

Matchday 1: Sometimes, it helps to have freshly-relegated teams reminded of what the First Division's all about. Sheridan are traditionally good tutors in this. Toriel Scarrow 'accidentally' kicks new Stahlburg Rovers signing Nagdalene in the chest, former Rover Wickham elbows Moxey in the throat and a scruffy tap-in for Potenza sees Sherries steal the points. Other rude awakenings are prepared for the Otters, and Wanderers, with Serpentine the only relegated team to so much as score a goal as they manage to take a point from the Harriers.

Matchday 2: The Rovers recover in some style. Stahlburg, that is, who take the chance to beat down their namesakes 6-0 as Nagdalene slots home a perfect first-half hat-trick before going down with cramp, of all things, bad enough to stretcher him off on the hour. Unfancied Crossroads manage to conclusively slaughter Hackett 4-0 as Lilas Sandoval's all-action approach pays dividends. Gonen's Bridge grab their first win at this level, but it's overshadowed somewhat by some pitch invader throwing an Elaine Ashdown body pillow at... Elaine Ashdown. She shows she still has it at 37 by tripping him and beating him into submission with it.

Matchday 3: Everyone wants to get in on the conclusive thrashings, it seems. Hadrian Belfast winces as Crisisbless United trash his Otters, Sheridan are gubbed by Chenoworth Rovers while Chatswood beat down the Harriers with a hat-trick of set piece goals, all 4-0 wins. South Laithland do best of all, though, lamping Extreme Hills 6-0. Bentzen may be the marquee for them, but it's Carrick who takes the hat-trick, and after the match declares herself a shoe-in for the Top Scorer award.

Matchday 4: Go home, Belgrave, you're drunk. Oh, actually they were at home, in the North Sabrefell derby (against, well, you can probably guess) and... Gareth Blackthorn makes himself an instant legend. 8-1. Eight fucking one! Every Bohemian fights like a lion, Belgrave just lie down and die for them. The Harriers also manage a courageous performance to take Armstrong down, a domineering performance from Graf Bronze leading the way up front. He doesn't get a goal, but the space he leaves for his companions is pivotal in the 4-1 win, and Stamocostas makes some sharp saves too.

Matchday 5: Belgrave get trashed again, outmuscled and outgunned by their purple brethren from the Laith. Vesuvia Carrick continues to steal the show, choosing to celebrate her opener by leaning down into Bittroff's face and shushing the Gargoyles stopper, then following suit as she ran back with every Belgrave player she passed. Crisisbless United also impress, though Sadler downplays it by criticising the opposition; "We were decent, but really, Sandoval's boys were shit out there." 5-1 it ends, Crossroads Town left with a lot of food for thought.

Matchday 6: In the match nobody is calling the 'Wanderers derby', Jens Reiniger of Cranequin discovers that 76% possession is worthless when your rivals from Vermillion just lamp it over the top and bypass your entire midfield. An opportunistic finish from Kovaleski and an opportunistic header from Stalworth seal a 2-0 away win. Gareth Blackthorn's having more luck with his own possession game at North Sabrefell - they blast the Harriers 5-1. Having young, motivated players makes the difference for them, and Erika Wolff has been absolutely flicking dicks so far.

Matchday 7: From a so-called Wanderers' derby to a Rovers' derby - not Coret Rovers, they're irrelevant enough to be beaten 2-1 at home by Hackett, but Stahlburg cleaning out Chenoworth thanks in large part to Misha Paterson scything down Colindon twenty minutes in and getting a straight red. Colindon scores twice and sets up Dulcina Radcliffe late on for her first senior goal in a comprehensive 3-0 trashing. Locksley beat Extreme Hills 2-1, a match mostly notable for Locksley forward Makhone Djite - former Hills man - scoring a towering header, celebrating vibrantly, having a water bottle pegged at his head and deciding to drink it with a big thumbs-up.

Matchday 8: Northern Sabrefell becomes a slaughterhouse for the day - the Gargoyles batter Crisisbless Athletic 6-0 and the Bohemians destroy Coret 6-2. Crisisbless United also get in on the party, beating a genuinely appalling East Laithland 4-0 away. Sure, big scorelines don't tell the story alone, but all three sides are playing flowing, forward-moving football that relies on possession. Jens Reiniger's more stifling game... well, things continue to be off to a slow start, and they're slammed 3-0 by Extreme Hills.

Matchday 9: Turnarounds abound, apart from North Sabrefell, who continue to be excellent. Extreme Hills, so conclusively superior against Cranequin, bounce off the Otters' newfound defensive resilience and get murdered repeatedly on the counter, losing 4-0. Reiniger shifts Cardinal Belgrave into a central attacking position, makes a couple of changes to freshen up the team and is rewarded with a conclusive 3-0 win over Crossroads, though the experience of Padrione is retained and rewarded with a goal.

Matchday 10: Sometimes just one result sticks out on a given matchday. Not today. Cranequin's recovery is shut down 3-0 by Belgrave, as Alexandra Lazarou continues a hugely impressive start to the season - Premiership-bound, surely. North Sabrefell absolutely dominate Iron City and smash them 4-0, Elaine Ashdown vomiting on the pitch an hour in. The 37-year old's played her heart out for her team, but the Bohemians just passed around her. Repeatedly. Brookford mount a late comeback, turning a 3-1 deficit into a 4-3 win over Crossroads in the last half-hour, largely because Crossroads can't defend, but full credit is due to the hugely impressive young midfielder Asha Solbachen for orchestrating it. East Laithland edge a six-pointer over Crisisbless Athletic - Pato Yamaguchi comes on in the 84th minute, then wins and scores a penalty with his first and second touches. And somehow there's another 8-1 win, this time the Chequers annihilating the hapless Coret Rovers.

Matchday 11: Crisisbless Athletic versus Sheridan is livened up by a Moment from Ursula Qatintiki, already very clearly a... special player. Already 1-0 down at home, Qatintiki loses patience, takes the ball herself, dribbles past three bemused Sherries before a heavy touch takes the ball straight to Mullen, who just sweeps the ball into an empty net from 35 yards. Cranequin Wanderers should beat the Smiths, but after carrying a 1-0 lead almost all game, Olivia Selkie's beaten at her near post by Voegel and knocks herself out on the upright for good measure. "How the hell did this team get promoted two years ago?" Reiniger... just straight-up tells the press. He's not messing about.

Matchday 12: North Sabrefell are very obviously the team to beat at the moment, battering Serpentine 4-0. They've won ten, and score over three goals a game. A top five appears to be solidifying, though it's still very mutable - Crisisbless United, South Laithland, Belgrave and the Otters all win today, and in doing so ensure that the Stahlburg sides both lose to open up a tidy six-point gap already. Coret Rovers remain at the foot of the table, picking up just their fifth point of the season against Crisisbless Athletic - they're the opposite of the Bohemians, in that they concede three a game. Athletic, Gonen's Bridge (trashed 4-0 by a Rosenberg-inspired Ritter, just five goals of their own all season) and Extreme Hills (beaten 4-1 by Belgrave) make up the rest of the danger zone, and everything in between is just a mess.

Historically a very even tier, just six points and eight goals separate Riverkey in first from West Brinemouth in twelfth. Riverkey do look in a strong position, though, having conceded just five goals so far. There isn’t much else to say at the top, with so little shape. It’s pretty tight at the bottom, too, though there’s interesting names at the bottom. AFC Shale, not too long ago a Premiership side, are staring down the trap-door, but their three wins are as many as Peregrine, Kommissar and Martella have combined. Kommissar have only scored eight times all season, which is as many unanswered goals as Lazuli Diamonds, away, managed to put past them in a single match.

Bizarrely, Ox River United - a name that nobody, not even fourth-tier insiders, were predicting would do anything - are the best side in the professional Nepharim pyramid at the moment and the last to stay unbeaten, with ten wins and after conceding a miserly two goals. They already have an eleven-point buffer, with ambitious sides in Gosmouth Swans, Corinthians No Longer and Mapleford currently leading the mad dash to join them in promotion. Despite scoring just seven goals and being on the receiving ends of a couple thrashings (5-0 to Solitaire at home, 6-0 to the ex-Corinthians…), Boleyn remain outside the bottom four. Brookway (beaten 7-1 at home by Ballardine and, well, at all by Bodkin Road), Brokenarch and Bodkin Road (beaten 7-0 by South Parrhesia and 6-1 by Boltcroft) currently make up those figures, with little-fancied Blaze shaping up as early Conference favourites to replace them. But with maulings like these, will they even want to?

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               12 10  0  2  29  14  +15  30
  2 Sabrefell Moths          12  8  3  1  29  15  +14  27
  3 Chenoworth Harriers      12  7  3  2  18   8  +10  24
  4 Newrook City             12  7  2  3  21   9  +12  23
  5 Sabrefell Athletic       12  6  5  1  23  12  +11  23
  6 North Laithland          12  6  3  3  26  19   +7  21
  7 Starling                 12  6  3  3  19  14   +5  21
  8 Crisisbless              12  7  0  5  15  13   +2  21
  9 AFC Treason              12  6  2  4  18  10   +8  20
 10 Vermillion Rage          12  6  2  4  19  14   +5  20
 11 Coret Hawks              12  5  2  5  12  16   -4  17
 12 Southfell United         12  4  4  4  18  16   +2  16
 13 AFC Corvistone           12  4  3  5  15  14   +1  15
 14 Raven River              12  4  2  6  18  19   -1  14
 15 Cypher Town              12  4  2  6   9  20  -11  14
 16 Leichhardt               12  3  3  6  10  16   -6  12
 17 Corvette Maulers         12  2  6  4  12  21   -9  12
 18 Diamondqueen             12  2  6  4  10  20  -10  12
 19 Violence Chariots        12  2  5  5  12  18   -6  11
 20 Goodfeather FC           12  3  2  7  11  18   -7  11
 21 Parrhesia United         12  1  6  5  11  16   -5   9
 22 Bishop                   12  2  3  7  10  23  -13   9
 23 Creed United             12  1  4  7  13  24  -11   7
 24 Morningstar              12  1  3  8   7  16   -9   6

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 North Sabrefell              12 10  1  1  38   8  +30  31
  2 Crisisbless United           12  8  3  1  35  10  +25  27
  3 South Laithland              12  8  2  2  25   7  +18  26
  4 Belgrave                     12  8  1  3  27  17  +10  25
  5 Brookford Otters             12  8  1  3  21  16   +5  25
  6 Stahlburg Rovers             12  5  4  3  18   9   +9  19
  7 Stahlburg City               12  4  7  1  15   9   +6  19
  8 Ritter Town                  12  5  3  4  20  17   +3  18
  9 AFC Serpentine               12  5  3  4  15  17   -2  18
 10 Chatswood                    12  5  2  5  13   8   +5  17
 11 Vermillion Wanderers         12  4  5  3  13  10   +3  17
 12 Sheridan                     12  5  2  5  10  14   -4  17
 13 Hackett                      12  3  6  3  13  17   -4  15
 14 Armstrong                    12  4  3  5  10  14   -4  15
 15 Chenoworth Rovers            12  3  5  4  15  14   +1  14
 16 Cranequin Wanderers          12  3  4  5  10  14   -4  13
 17 Crossroads Town              12  4  1  7  18  25   -7  13
 18 Iron City                    12  4  1  7   8  17   -9  13
 19 East Laithland Harriers      12  3  4  5  15  26  -11  13
 20 Locksley                     12  3  2  7  15  20   -5  11
 21 Crisisbless Athletic         12  2  3  7  11  25  -14   9
 22 Gonen's Bridge               12  1  5  6   5  16  -11   8
 23 Extreme Hills                12  2  2  8  14  27  -13   8
 24 Coret Rovers                 12  1  2  9   9  36  -27   5

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Riverkey                  12  7  4  1  15   5  +10  25
  2 Cranequin City            12  6  5  1  21   8  +13  23
  3 Mantlegrove               12  7  2  3  15   5  +10  23
  4 Rochford                  12  7  1  4  18   7  +11  22
  5 Greygate                  12  6  4  2  21  12   +9  22
  6 Stonegrave                12  5  5  2  12  10   +2  20
  7 Dartmouth Terriers        12  6  2  4  15  18   -3  20
  8 Lazuli Diamonds           12  5  4  3  23  12  +11  19
  9 Pillars of Southfell      12  5  4  3  15  11   +4  19
 10 Chardonnay Rangers        12  6  1  5  17  15   +2  19
 11 Iron United               12  5  4  3  12  10   +2  19
 12 West Brinemouth           12  5  4  3  12  12   +0  19
 13 Southriver                12  4  3  5   9  13   -4  15
 14 The Strongest             12  3  5  4  22  19   +3  14
 15 Barossia United           12  4  2  6  10  13   -3  14
 16 The Hanged Man            12  3  5  4   8  13   -5  14
 17 Sutcroft                  12  4  1  7  16  30  -14  13
 18 Alliance Barossia         12  2  6  4  13  13   +0  12
 19 Brindleton                12  3  3  6   8  17   -9  12
 20 Strephonage               12  2  5  5  10  13   -3  11
 21 AFC Shale                 12  3  2  7   9  14   -5  11
 22 Peregrine                 12  1  5  6  12  21   -9   8
 23 Kommissar                 12  1  5  6   8  23  -15   8
 24 Martella Jazz             12  1  4  7  13  20   -7   7

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                        P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ox River United            12 10  2  0  20   3  +17  32
  2 Gosmouth Swans             12  7  2  3  31  16  +15  23
  3 Corinthians No Longer      12  7  2  3  24  12  +12  23
  4 Mapleford                  12  7  1  4  15  16   -1  22
  5 Falston United             12  7  0  5  19  12   +7  21
  6 Long Lake                  12  6  3  3  11   5   +6  21
  7 Aries Solitaire            12  7  0  5  23  20   +3  21
  8 Ringway                    12  6  2  4  12  11   +1  20
  9 Ballardine FC              12  5  4  3  20  11   +9  19
 10 South Parrhesia            12  5  4  3  25  20   +5  19
 11 Sutcroft Athletic          12  5  3  4  16  16   +0  18
 12 Kensey Town                12  5  2  5  16  14   +2  17
 13 West Hook                  12  5  2  5  17  17   +0  17
 14 Pravenna Saints            12  4  4  4  13  14   -1  16
 15 Boltcroft Thorns           12  4  3  5  20  12   +8  15
 16 Rushe United               12  4  3  5  20  21   -1  15
 17 FC Seierstad               12  4  2  6  16  22   -6  14
 18 Falston Town               12  4  1  7  10  18   -8  13
 19 Hartford Glade             12  3  3  6  16  24   -8  12
 20 Boleyn Town                12  3  2  7   7  22  -15  11
 21 Brookway Town              12  3  1  8  12  22  -10  10
 22 Brokenarch                 12  2  3  7  13  21   -8   9
 23 Sirencall FC               12  3  0  9  13  23  -10   9
 24 Bodkin Road                12  2  3  7  10  27  -17   9

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P  W  D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
  1 Gridlock                12  6  5  1  17  10  +7  23
  2 Ingram Township         12  6  4  2  19   9 +10  22
  3 Fischer                 12  6  3  3  17  10  +7  21
  4 Fully Sick XI           12  5  6  1  24  18  +6  21
  5 Crownsend Journey       12  6  3  3  24  23  +1  21
  6 Stonesthrow Town        12  5  5  2  11   9  +2  20
  7 Dross Rovers            12  6  2  4  16  17  -1  20
  8 Iberia Chenoworth       12  6  1  5  25  22  +3  19
  9 AFC Hellerine           12  4  5  3  13  12  +1  17
 10 Swag Hill Rovers        12  4  4  4  21  20  +1  16
 11 Sleetwell Rangers       12  5  1  6  15  18  -3  16
 12 Grovebank               12  4  3  5  14  16  -2  15
 13 Lockheed Zenith         12  4  3  5  15  20  -5  15
 14 Fenland Albion          12  4  2  6  12  12  +0  14
 15 Capricopia Rangers      12  4  2  6   8  10  -2  14
 16 Harrington              12  4  2  6  14  17  -3  14
 17 Gridlock East           12  3  4  5   9  17  -8  13
 18 Courser                 12  3  2  7  10  17  -7  11
 19 Nay Town                12  2  3  7  14  19  -5   9
 20 AFC Brackwold           12  2  2  8  16  18  -2   8

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Blaze                     12 10  0  2  28   9  +19  30
  2 Brunyard FC               12  8  1  3  20  14   +6  25
  3 Downsparrow               12  8  0  4  20  18   +2  24
  4 Coral Bay                 12  7  2  3  15  12   +3  23
  5 Brookford Vantablack      12  6  4  2  27  15  +12  22
  6 Rhyburn Swifts            12  6  2  4  24  16   +8  20
  7 AFC Volksgarten           12  6  2  4  14  12   +2  20
  8 Rochford Pilgrims         12  6  1  5  19  17   +2  19
  9 South Brill               12  6  0  6  14  13   +1  18
 10 Stamper Road              12  5  3  4  21  21   +0  18
 11 Rookwall                  12  5  2  5  12  15   -3  17
 12 Gridlock Rovers           12  4  4  4  14  16   -2  16
 13 The Travellers FC         12  5  1  6  18  24   -6  16
 14 AFC Burchess              12  4  2  6  11  13   -2  14
 15 Sandrock                  12  3  4  5   9  10   -1  13
 16 Corvistone City           12  3  3  6  11  12   -1  12
 17 Corby Hubris              12  2  5  5  13  19   -6  11
 18 Senway Town               12  2  2  8  11  23  -12   8
 19 Mainstream Fist           12  1  4  7  10  17   -7   7
 20 Twelvetrees               12  2  0 10  10  25  -15   6

by **Nephara** » Wed Mar 14, 2018 2:23 pm

Brinemouth sway in the hot seat, and it’s clear from early on against Andrea Bartolnicci’s Rooks that they aren’t quite on their game. Indeed, the tireless pressure from the front of Maladict Farrell forces Calabrese into an unforgivably weak backpass to Morales that Bothroyd is onto like a flash to rifle home. Soon enough, Newrook’s ahead 2-0, Raquel Woods with a gutbusting run to put the final touch on a neatly flowing 17-pass move, and while Brinemouth recover in the second half and do pull one back through Bartley, Hesketh’s brilliant work between the posts secures a valuable away win for the Rooks that underlines how much business they mean. Treason finally win again, and in decisive fashion. Granted, Cypher put them under early pressure, and they threaten to derail entirely when Olivia Nygard finally opens her account for the season with a well-taken finish in the twentieth minute. But the Stags recover, and come out firing in the second half to win 3-1. Diamondqueen simply outplay Creed, the heavy-handed clunkiness of the Oathmen reeling in the face of Diamondqueen’s brave, assertive passing through the centre and Dakota Blaylock’s brace, while Parrhesia winger Ramona Porter comes off the bench late on against Morningstar with the score at 1-1, takes the ball, bursts through the middle, is nearly shoved to the ground by Seluk but holds her ground and manages to send a spinning, curling winner across Sparr with the outside of the boot. As young local talents Reinhardt and Antony also shone, perhaps the time is right for Benjamin Nyao to put faith in youth?

Starling versus Brinemouth is a nice, meaty fixture, and there’s one particular absence that stands out. Justinian Hargrave is missing, after a collision with Erik Marlowe left him nursing a concussion. Vanorian backup Sean Smordal dropped a cross that Marlowe converted to equalise at 2-2, so fans might be right to be a little nervous about him making his first start against the early leaders. There is no need to be. Nothing he can do about Brinemouth’s opener, a flying header from Kyron Bartley, but Starling hit back fast with Andisori before on the stroke of half-time a blistering strike from Kymeri makes it 2-1. The second half is tighter, but Brinemouth think they have an in, Conjure finding the perfect pass for Dragana to cut inside and then fall over Koehler’s outstretched leg. Penalty! Pablo Scotti steps up, strides forward and slams it hard and low… but Smordal, somehow, gets down fast enough to parry it away. 2-1 it ends, and Smordal is already a very, very popular man. This also means that, through goals from Serra and Ashburner to beat a resilient but uninspired Leichhardt, the Moths retake top spot. Newly-promoted sides face off, and it pans out about as expected, Cypher Town utterly dominating Corvette in a 3-0 away win (Nygard another Vanorian to excel with a goal and an assist) and North Laithland taking out Corvistone with three first-half goals, though Krista Morham’s spectacular late consolation, a twenty-eight yard chip, gives the travelling fans something to cheer about. At the bottom of the table, Creed manage to take out Morningstar thanks to a dynamic young right winger in Accardi putting in two scything low crosses, one converted by Vettriano and another by Korborg. If only Stars had such a player of their own, perhaps estranged and stranded in the reserves. As it stands, Marko Petrosian’s nullified by Reisman all game.

Treason let everyone down again, seemingly dominating the game but letting it slip uncharacteristically with terrible finishing. Laborious Hawk, meanwhile, conjures up a moment of magic to take the ball on the chest, turn effortlessly past Misidjan despite a weak tug on his shirt and volley it with a world of violence past Gideon Fletcher for a 1-0 win. The fans are not happy. Starling’s are, though, as they have the better of Somer City. They deserve the win, even though both their goals were somewhat fortunate. Elsa Kaelin’s opener was definitely meant to be a cross, and Padilla’s shot late on rebounds favourably off a defender’s thigh straight to Corvalan, who scraps the ball home. The Moths, surprisingly, go down 1-0 to the Eagles in a fairly poor match.

Things immediately fail to go to plan for Crisisbless when Schuyler Rutledge, a great name for a great player, lofts a ball over the top past the Heelers’ stranded defence, allowing Lilou Reid to steal a march on Gandhi and stab the ball home. But in retaliation, the Heelers finally put in a Brosqueish performance, grabbing the game by the throat. Ruhl is a beast up front, getting two goals, with Allison Swan slamming home the clincher late on. Xavier Beraza’s floaty header makes things tense late on, but it’s still a decent win for Crisisbless. The same cannot be said for Brinemouth or Vermillion, who both succumb to disappointing defeats.

The nice thing about the CWC is that sometimes you’ll find second-tier sides in it. The Otters are one such side, having won the Cup just days after losing the promotion playoff to Corvette. Herzegovina have one very obvious star in Equestrian international Aaron Aiza, but he’s barely allowed room to breathe with Erika Arweiler (preferred to the more attack-minded Heitinger) constantly snapping at his heels. Instead it’s the Otters’ own right winger, Joscelyn Monroe, who takes advantage of a defensive lapse to race through the flank and chip a stranded Kasekende, before Chilton’s free kick is headed home by Marika Brind. Madruga pulls one back with a piledriver of a shot, but Duprey is clattered by Nepharim defender Lazlo Kearney, formerly of Parrhesia United, for a penalty that Ursa Dimitar nervelessly converts. Elias Abate’s cross is dropped by Giannou and Madruga finishes with the last kick of the game to make things interesting, but the Otters will feel confident of holding out.

Leichhardt’s run was pretty great last season, failing to do anything exciting in a way that was just perfect for a side just hoping to stay up. They appear to be stalling with a moderately bad case of second-season syndrome, and meanwhile North Laithland are clearly overshadowing them with their own start-of-season fortune. They face off, and goals from Stokes and the dominant Sabitzer are able to ease North Laithland to victory, and former Corvette manager Leo Santander celebrates with kneeslides in the face of Leichhardt’s fans to rub salt in the wounds. Morningstar striker Jessica Lennox realises against Coret that it would be quite helpful to the cause if she started scoring goals, neatly cushioning a cross past the Hawks’ defence but contriving to lashing the strike off the bar. Fortunately, the rebound comes quite low and with quick reflexes she’s able to convert what turns out to be a valuable and unexpected winner, just her third goal of the season. She’s their top scorer. Sabrefell Athletic absolutely crush Parrhesia 4-0 in a match where Xixi Ens just floats freely between the lines being chased hopelessly by Kisel and Reinhardt, two assists and two goals in a performance that really underlines his importance and his skill. Brinemouth are cold-cocked within seventeen seconds by the Chariots, Ruskin racing down the left and with the outside of the boot providing the perfect ball for Escrow to stab through Morales’ legs. The Chariots double that advantage late on with a direct free kick from Nemeth, a player starting to lose a bit of relevance at this level but still damn capable of striking a dead ball, and an exceptional double-save from Commerford keeps the clean sheet intact late on.

Less drama in a straightforward win for the Otters, goals from Duprey and the deputising Shrewsbury in the first half basically making sure of the result. City press hard in the second half, Kearney rises highest to head a corner against the crossbar, Giannou makes a brilliant save from Aiza after Arweiler is sent off with a second caution… but the Otters hold firm, with a hard-won cushion.

The NFA Cup’s structuring means that there’s always a lot of colossal mismatches in the second round, especially given how strong the First Division is these days. Poor Lockheed Zenith, in their first ever Cup season (state league sides contest the nationwide NFA Trophy instead) find this out the hard way, destroyed 7-1 by Crisisbless United. Though, of course, there’s a side with a history of demolishing lower-league opposition in the Cup, the side that holds not just the record Cup win (13-0 vs. Iberia Chenoworth, 57) but also the runner-up (11-0 vs. Courser, 62). Brookford Vantablack also find out the hard way, thumped 5-1 at home by a Brookway side just trying to stay afloat in the fourth tier, while Crownsend Journey are given generous applause from the home crowd after visiting second-tier Locksley, holding out for 57 minutes and hitting a post before tiring and ultimately succumbing to goals from Thurman and Konstantinopoulos. You might expect Sutcroft’s 5-0 thumping of Southriver to be one of those too, but no, both are actually just pretty average third-tier sides, Sutcroft doing well to avoid the relegation battle that was expected of them. Similar case for Kommissar, battling relegation from the third tier and sending out a skeleton crew to be battered 5-1 at home by Lazuli, a decision that doesn’t go down well with the home crowd - the Cup is everything to these smaller sides. Two Conference sides - Fenland Albion of the West, Twelvetrees of the East - both pull off impressive away wins. Moreso the latter team, who have to beat Falston United, a side in the third tier last season, and do so while looking much the better side.

Parrhesia United are not a good side, their quirk of six consecutive draws aside. But they are able to come to Creed and simply batter the Oathmen 3-1, the eminently movable object of Catrine Kisel dominant in midfield and the eminently resistable force of Feisser unstoppable driving at Creed’s callow rightback, Dukakis. It’s the final act of Catherine Locklear’s reign at Creed and she gets mutual with the club the next day, accusing her players of “not fighting for [her]” in the final days. No matter the cause, Creed are in real relegation danger. Morningstar are fighting, at least. Fighting each other. 3-0 down to Vermillion just thirty-six minutes in, Kuefer actually comes to blows with Keyes on the stroke of half-time, and the referee Martel Streiber has little choice but to send both off. The Rage evidently feel kind of guilty, and don’t put the boot in - though admittedly the Stars’ 5-3-0 formation and Lukas Sparr’s excellent goalkeeping didn’t help. “Oh, I wanted to mash them ten-nil or whatever,” Spurlock says casually after the match, “and there was all the possession in the world, but no bloody space to run in. So, whatever.” The Moths annihilate the Diamonds 4-0, suspension and injury reducing them to their backup central midfield partnership of Shone and Etzebeth. Outnumbered, the two midfielders somehow manage to outclass the diamond around them, displaying yet again the Moths’ quality in depth. AFC Treason versus Brinemouth is always one of the most hotly-anticipated clashes in the league and the Stags do manage to step up to the occasion, John Fletcher’s cushioned header being thighed home by Fraser for a sixth-minute lead. Unfortunately for the Stags, they tire of the chase in the last half-hour, and pressure lifts somewhat on Conjure and Montague. Each gets a goal from outside the box, and Gideon Fletcher might’ve done better on each. A worrying and uncharacteristic lapse, and the slide continues.

Zozi dominate Treason this time, though it’s Fraser on home soil who gets a neat little header to lead against the run of play in the first half. This time, though, Zozi get their deserved win by driving three nails into the coffin in the second half, Hawk, Audbjornsson and Mancini with clinical strikes. Starling slip late on to Somer City, McNessa with an unfortunate own goal past a startled Hargrave’s near post in the 91st minute, while the Moths also leave it late to come back from an unexpected 2-1 deficit and a sloppy first-half. Step forward Aaliyah Johnson, invisible in the first half, dynamic in the second, a brace her reward in a 3-2 win. The Moths continue to be the only Nepharim team who can really say they’re in a strong position at this stage.

Crisisbless make the most of the one clear chance they get, Ruhl slamming home Urso’s brilliant diagonal ball, but the Capitals had by far the better of the game on home soil. Reid, again, had the finishing touch, but Marciak made some fine saves as the Capitals’ composure let them down. 1-1 it ended, the Heelers a little fortunate. Brinemouth finally get a win, and in some style. Controversially resting Conjure, Osman Candelo reminds everyone that he’s still got what it takes to be a playmaker at this level, chalking up two assists and a goal in a 4-0 hammering. Vermillion, meanwhile, continue to be bad.

Creed bring in their big, sturdy reserve manager, Helena Fleischer. Rumour had it there weren’t many takers of Premiership quality, and so the Oathmen decided to promote from in-house. “I take no shit from my players, and anyone who doesn’t give everything for the team is dirt to me,” Fleischer announces, and drops a number of players (including the captain, Karena Bittner). It pays off - Creed puts in an utterly fearless performance against Tom Benedict’s Reds. Granted, something of a sliding doors moment early on. Hawke should score, but can only direct her header into Matraxis’ chest - from there, it’s cleared down the wings, Theoharous chops in a cross that Karena Braham, surprisingly relocated up-front, backheels for Korborg to slam home. It ends 2-2 as Athletic equalise twice, but had Creed not taken that lead, would their heads have dropped. It’s a good day for the weaker sides in general, which kind of undermines it being good for Creed - Brinemouth, who have kind of a history with Corvette, throw away a 3-1 lead in the 80th minute to draw, a man down through Roenoujya’s rash attempted homicide on Dimitrius, while Morningstar go down to nine men trying to throw bodies in the way of the Moths. It works, thanks to Lukas Sparr saving Johnson’s penalty and basically everything else, for that matter. Diamondqueen are the losers of the day, their lack of confidence showing as they’re brutalised 3-0 at home by a flying North Laithland.

There’s a few big results in the context of the table, sure. Estrella Hawke comes home to Starling, rattles home a brace, doesn’t celebrate and a brilliant late save from Gautier and clearance off the line from Morningstar ensures that a late Starling flurry comes to nothing. The Moths beat the Harriers with James dominant in midfield, meaning that Brinemouth’s failure to pin down a ten-man Corvistone and succumbing to a world-class equaliser from Afolayan that arcs beautifully into the top corner costs them more ground at the top. Corvette manage to beat River through an uncharacteristic Bowerman error, the normally redoubtable captain letting Jasko Voleimann’s rather average grass-cutter trickle under his armpit. Violence haven’t done that much this season, but unexpectedly manage to pulverise Newrook in a match where Giselher Ruskin, who has struggled at times to adapt to Premiership quality despite being fast and obviously willing, notches a hat-trick of assists… though he does somehow spoon a free shot from eight yards over the bar in injury time. 4-0 will do the Chariots, though, you’d imagine. But forget all that, for the moment. Look instead to the Vermillion derby. Look instead to Benjamin Nyao’s Saints repeatedly turning over the ball to Vermillion’s high pressure, their slow defence caught on the lightning-quick break. Look instead to an orange boot stamping on a green face, forever. Look instead to Vermillion 7, Parrhesia 0.

Treason lose again, so let’s not concern ourselves with them. Starling hold their own against strong opposition in Carter, but dodgy finishing almost screws them over. The injection of Sleipnir Woodwind proves the difference, as she cuts inside from an unfamiliar left wing role to shoot across the goalkeeper and seal a vital away point. The Moths have no such worries, demolishing Royal Jam 3-0. Why can’t other Premiership teams just follow their example?

Tele strike first, but Crisisbless hit back with a vengeance in the second half. Urso, who has battled with inconsistency this season, manages to really force her way into the match, and is everywhere up front for Crisisbless. Two goals and a key pass in the build-up to Lienke Vesper’s finisher underlines her importance to the team. Brinemouth throw everything at FC Endeavour, but unaccountably only snatch a point, their profligacy biting them hard as Squire Trevelyan’s towering far-post header snatches a point for the APL side, reward for their staunch defence. Vermillion, meanwhile, have thrown away their shot by failing to pick up so much as a point at home.

You can reach a few conclusions from this week, even as most of the sides who are meant to win do. For one, Parrhesia United are really bad at football, while Sabrefell Moths are good. While Johnson opens the scoring, the Saints do have an answer through Quinn McEthinly, sprawling to get on the end of an ambitious diagonal ball from Tasha Avery and just about managing to swipe it into the net. They do hold together for a while, too, Nyao exhorting them from the touchline, right up until Gabrielle Reinhardt's inexperience shows and she totally fails to track Solara Vol's run at a set piece. Vol duly nods home on the stroke of half-time. Presumably, Nyao must have read out a bunch of obituaries at half-time judging by how terrible they are when they emerge for the second half, as the Moths easily batter four more goals past them for a tidy 6-1 win. It's enough to take some eyes off River, who take the lead against Corvistone, Kaukenas with a flying header six minutes before a flying elbow has him sent off. The Crows retaliate with a vengeance, racking up a 4-1 win.

The most fun round of the Cup begins, though sadly with a minimum of Premiership blood spilled. Sheridan gave it a damn good shot, though, in a hard-fought Sabrefell derby (not that River are a particular rival of Sheridan, but Sheridan hate basically everyone else in the city). It comes down to penalties in the end, but Luke Wintergren smacks the bar to end Sherries’ hopes after a heroic rearguard action, holding a 1-1 scoreline for almost an hour with, predictably, ten men after Toriel Scarrow nearly dismembered Brandis. A hard-fought Cranequin derby gives embattled Jens Reiniger a chance to regain some face in the eyes of the locals, as Levin Castellan and Monako Sarosz- wait, what? Yeah, Morningstar (who beat lowly Twelvetrees 3-0, a handy boost to the struggling Conference side’s finances) loaned out Saroszi, arguably their best player, to the second tier, because Lineker couldn’t get over her ‘creative differences’ with the young firebrand. Anyway, they score the second goal after Castellan opens proceedings, but the Terracotta Army’s excellent league form means the two sides may well be reunited in the second tier next season. Fenland Albion, the final Conference West side, go out with a bang, pulverised 6-0 at home by Vermillion. Crisisbless Athletic and Locksley are engaged in a hard-fought slog at the bottom of the First Division, but only Locksley cut loose here, Shona Butcher inspiring them to a 4-0 thrashing. Four Premiership sides do go out: Southfell beat Leichhardt on penalties, as do Bishop beat Harriers, both after fairly drab 1-1s, while Diamondqueen succumb to East Laithland super-substitute Pato Yamaguchi’s half-volley in extra time. AFC Treason, damningly, are made to look very much second-best against Parrhesia, though the Saints’ backup goalkeeper Spyrakis has a brilliant game for them nevertheless. Berisha’s far-post header after an excellent Porter cross and Hollin Spicer’s first professional goal lamped in and heavily deflected from twenty-eight yards secures a 2-0 win for the Saints, and the home fans jeer the Stags off.

Cats are very much thrown amongst pigeons. Newrook slam into Corvette, leaving nothing in their wake, Lin having to pick the ball out of his net six times. Coynborough, Hedlund and Winter have seriously come into their own as a midfield three, so it’s unfortunate when Winter goes down with a hamstring injury just twelve minutes in. Not to worry, Fenchel steps up and gets two assists to her name. North Laithland display bravery and confidence, striding easily through Parrhesia’s defence to rack up a 4-1 win, Deborah Stokes with a hat-trick as she continues to prove herself a genuinely capable Premiership markswoman. The Moths should really join these hammerings, but Helena Fleischer’s plan for Creed is to really press them hard, get physical, get violent even. There’s a nice tussle between Etzebeth and Spahi Keskin, a 22-year old Creed midfielder who really makes a name for himself with a swaggering performance and almost scores late on, just places his shot a little wide. It’s a great point to take, thanks in no small part to Matraxis’ performance between the post, but they’re outdone at the bottom by Morningstar. Finally, the Stars’ plan of battling hard and playing direct pays dividends as Lennox, Vanstrattan and Tsiavis smash home goals, and Keyes probably should have had a fourth had he not scooped a free header over the bar somehow. A 3-1 away win over Goodfeather is a great result, but is it enough? Finally, a tense East Sabrefell derby is settled by two penalties. Nemeth scores his. Rainsford, normally so reliable, has hers saved by a scrambling Commerford. She’s later sent off, as is Machalat Sauber, as things degenerate into a proper scrap late on, but the Chariots take home the bragging rights.

Treason were not presented with an easy group, but with a pathetic outlay of just two points and three goals from six matches it’s fair to say they’ve absolutely blown it. A very young side gets a decent away point in a dead rubber, but it’s far too late as their season continues to disintegrate. The Passerines lose, but are able to squeeze past Somer City on head-to-head goal difference regardless, while Tawny Shone impresses in a dead rubber away in Spartangrad, laying on an assist and scoring the winner as the Moths ease through with five wins from six.

Crisisbless get absolutely pumped by Mozi at home in front of many unimpressed fans, getting justifiably booed off the pitch, but scrape into the next round anyway. Brinemouth are pulverised 4-1 by a Harvey Joyce-inspired North Hall, blowing their chance at progression as the Northerners go through unbeaten. Vermillion had no chance anyway, but a decent away point against Marionville almost but not really goes some way towards avenging the home rmatch.

“Facing Baskita, that’s always going to be a tall order for a second-tier club,” Hadrian Belfast admits, and so it proves. The Otters do well to contain the Eagles in the first half, but Xavier Wingfield’s moment of class sees him take a perfect ball from Linka Polak around Dimitar, then past Brind and Siegrist before forcing it into the ceiling of the net at a narrow angle. He could’ve just centred it to Blair, but the Eastfielder would get her goal anyway, with a beautifully-hit strike from just outside the box. The Otters go hard for a goal, and Guillermo Cecchini’s long diagonal cross is only sort of cleared by by Newton. The ball comes to Kurtis Siegrist, who places a very… un-defenderly shot through a sea of legs to pull one back. Even so, Baskita are resounding favourites to go through.

Things are getting pretty ugly in Morningstar. Pretty easily beaten by Southfell at home (the mercurial Cordean allowed to flourish despite a few clumsy, lunging tackles his way) and languishing near the bottom of the table, Emery Lineker offers no comment as to Monako Saroszi’s short-term loan to Cranequin Wanderers, but responds fiercely to the question of her job security. “Who would you hire to dig a side like this out of the mire? That’s right - me. Emery Lineker does not go down without a fight.” Oh, dear. She’s doing the third-person thing. Benjamin Nyao supposedly has near-infinite job security for at least the year, and he needs it as Cypher Town keep him at arm’s reach and unpick their defence. Nygard and Tihamer, after a difficult start to the season, are getting used to one another - twice this match, Tihamer knocks down a fullback’s cross for Nygard to slot home, with Vuesala Frey nabbing the third as Petridis’ shot rebounds off the upright and no Saints defender gets there quickly enough. Corvette snatch a point from Starling somehow, Olenna Darke’s hail-mary over the top flicked home by Fernwood’s spectacular bicycle kick and Michael Lin having a brilliant day at the office to deny the Passerines more than a single goal, an unstoppable header from Loredan off a perfect Armstrong corner. Brinemouth show their dominance with a 5-1 thrashing of the Diamonds, a frustrated Ivan Hemeyer getting himself sent off on 37 minutes with a vicious lunge on Evelyn Conjure - stretchered off with a knee injury, but Schottic fans can breathe a sigh of relief as it ‘just’ turns out to be a bad cut in need of stitches.

The Moths come confidently to Polaris, flying in the league and in international competition. They do look a little jaded at times against Polaris, and seem drained of inspiration late on, but by then Serra’s low, hard strike has already put them ahead. Polaris get chances but there seems, understandably, like a Martel-Burns-shaped hole in their forward line, and they’re unable to get anything past Robert Griffin. Still in the balance ahead of the home leg, though the Moths will be happy with a good win.

Sadly for Hadrian Belfast’s Cinderella story, the Otters were well and truly found out against an actual good team away. Brookford actually score first, Rafi Enfield heading home Chilton’s corner, but still behind on away goals they need another goal. They stretch through necessity, but lack the defensive discipline to keep tight at the other end. Baskita scores four, including another Enfield goal - at the wrong end, from his perspective - and the better team goes through.

Creed pick themselves off the foot of the table, Helena Fleischer producing another battling draw. Cypher dominate possession, and Mei Hamilton of all people eventually finds a way through from rightback, a bombing run forward found by Hochmeister and threaded past Matraxis, but Axel Korborg, whose confidence has been revitalised since Fleischer took over, manages a mazy solo run through four defenders before firing the equaliser past Ruo at a narrow angle. Morningstar, meanwhile, come agonisingly close to a point of their own, but Osman Candelo lashes a forceful shot in from well outside the bar that left Sparr with no chance in the 86th minute. Sparr becomes the latest key Stars player to criticise Lineker, stating bluntly that “It’s hard as anything to hold up against all that possession, getting dominated day in and out. It’s exhausting, and of course goals slip through.” A very articulate and reasoned response. He’s training with the reserves the next day. Southfell’s Globe Cup aspirations are dealt a serious blow, as if the Harriers want to remind them that there’s still another step of the pyramid left to ascend. A 5-1 defeat on home soil will teach the Tanners a thing or two. The Moths are in fine form in all competitions, but they’re starting to look a little leggy, maybe injuries are starting to take their toll. In any case, their high press - normally so expertly drilled, though it’s not usually reported - becomes an elaborate form of sporting suicide against the counterattacking specialists Vermillion, the three starting forwards Alemane, Madrigal and Coppinger each getting a second-half goal as the Moths tire.

Within just three minutes, Polaris stun the home crowd, Gitonga Kahara rattling home a peach of a half-volley to level the scores on aggregate. But Gerhard Thunder preaches calm on the sidelines, for once, and it pays off. Aaliyah Johnson strikes back in the tenth minute and Ashburner’s clever flicked strike with the outside of the boot gets the Moths pretty much secure on the stroke of half-time. Polaris have a few chances in the second half, but ultimately the Moths keep them at arm’s reach to progress.

All eyes on the Sabrefell derby which is, deliciously, set to end the season. For now, Athletic host the Moths with the full knowledge that the win will really throw open the title race. Both sides step up to the occasion, but the difference is up front. Xixi Ens plays in Hawke for the opener, then just five minutes later Hawke flicks back Ojala’s cross for Ens to dink into the net. Chastened, the Moths hit back. Literally. Deandre James is only just back from injury, but slams through Rainsford to the cheers of the away end. He’s booked, Rainsford limps off, and there’s no real replacement with Rainsford’s level of defensive ability. Step forward Martel Ceulemann, who makes himself known by raking his studs down Serra’s leg. It’s missed by the referee, but Serra gets his revenge, playing Townsend past Athletic’s defence. Townsend should probably just centre it for the tap-in but instead goes for the shot, sliding it across Gautier into the net. The Moths complete the comeback with a 44th-minute equaliser, Lux Vicelich smashing home after a series of rebounds, and the second half is a physical affair. After another James incident, there’s a brawl between pretty much everyone on the pitch, and the result is James’ second booking. That’s Athletic’s opening, and finally Oscar Coltrane has the platform to dominate the match, striding confidently through the centre. One goal and an assist for Ojala secures a 4-2 win, as Athletic reap the rewards for (relatively) keeping their heads. But the Moths still stay top, as Brinemouth are held to a scoreless draw by the Harriers. The Spiders, after a draw with Vermillion, are fourth behind Athletic. They have 44 points already, and that was enough for Diamondqueen to stay up last season! The Harriers are fifth, but they too consider themselves in the title race (though John Sedder denies it’s on his mind), with the best defence in the league and the free rotation of Loeher and Braugher up front ensuring constant fresh legs. A late Alan Bothroyd winner for Newrook over Crisisbless sees them leapfrog not only the Heelers, but Starling (who stumble to a 1-1 draw against Leichhardt) as well. Vermillion, ninth, are probably the last team in the UICA considerations at the moment, with a four-point gap between them and Corvistone and Coret… and five until you reach Treason, who return to the top half with a 4-2 win over Corvette.

At the bottom, Cypher Town are probably going to be safe despite defeat to Corvistone and a scoring rate of less than a goal a game - they’re ten points out of the bottom four. River and Goodfeather, despite not being particularly convincing, have a seven-point buffer too after picking up wins. The current relegation picture is looking like the bottom seven, all with under a point a game. Leichhardt’s point against nearby Starling is nice and all, but they just can’t score despite a staunch defence that’s only conceded as many as Brinemouth’s. Bishop beat Diamondqueen 3-1 in a match where Karlene Sitz sits up and demands attention in a season where she’s been more tabloid headline material than anything, just a week after admitting she played a preseason match under the effects of ecstacy. Here her ecstacy is far more… endorphiny, chalking up two assists and a classy chipped goal. Diamondqueen, who just cannot score as Dakota Blaylock struggles to adapt to a more on-the-floor style of play and Auburn Weber finally looks to be slowing down, are 20th, with Corvette in the playoff place and Parrhesia, beaten 2-1 by Southfell, a point below. At the bottom, Creed United succumb to a disappointing defeat in Goodfeather in which Helena Fleischer is sent to the stands for throwing her jacket at the fourth official, while Morningstar are pounded 3-0 by River. Both sides are on just 13 points, Morningstar have somehow only scored fourteen goals, and they’re five points adrift of the playoff and eight from true safety.

The Cup can at least prove a good diversion for Premiership teams doing poorly to lift their heads. Corvette dominate Goodfeather away, surprisingly, with the exuberant Karnezis given a shot up front. He’s everywhere, but his finishing needs work - it takes until his sixth shot before he’s finally rewarded with what turns out to be the winning goal. Creed and Morningstar can’t even take that opportunity, though. Well, okay, Morningstar have to visit Crisisbless and get edged out 1-0, a performance Aidan Brosque grumbles is “making heavy weather of a proper shit team,” a comment which causes Emery Lineker to storm into his press conference and pick a fight that journalists have to break up (it’s been a very fighty season thus far…), while a genuinely terrible match between Serpentine and Creed comes down to penalties, the Oathmen winning out. Or, at least, losing slower. Three Premiership ties go to extra time - Parrhesia lose to a goal of the season contender from Starling striker Corvalan, Cypher finally succumb to a tireless Corvistone side who are throwing everything they have into the Cup, while a top of the table clash between the Moths and Dockers is sealed for the Sabrefell side with goals from obscure substitutes Pamala Croft and Adalmar Sturrock. Newrook City, who preface their match against the Hanged Man of the third tier with Andrea Bartolnicci boasting that his side would be the first club to win three Cups (which it wouldn’t be, since Crisisbless got there a few years ago), stumble and are only bailed out, under pressure, by 19-year old forward Tatiana Brandis’ powerful strike in extra time. Rounding out the Premiership casualties, Athletic are surprisingly beaten by River, the Chariots go out to Southfell while Vermillion are battered 4-1 by North Laithland, but no scalps are taken by lower-league sides. Instead, credit is due to Second Division Dartmouth Terriers, who come to Armstrong and, appropriately, take them by the scruff of the neck and refuse to let go, finally scoring a scruffy winner off post-corner pinball.

by **Nephara** » Wed Mar 14, 2018 2:25 pm

Matchday 13: Iron City pull further away from the drop zone with a dominant 3-0 win over Ritter, despite missing Ashdown through a minor injury. Left winger Roanne Fairfax steps up, ripping Sapphire Riverhound apart to the extent where the Ritter defender admits she's suffering whiplash after the final whistle. Locksley assuage their own fears with a 3-0 thrashing of a terrible Coret side, and with just five points so far Malta Falconer is axed for it. The third home 3-0 win sees Chenoworth Rovers dominate North Sabrefell, almost surrendering the midfield to play a low, tough block. Two of their goals come from set pieces, but Gareth Blackthorn remains philosophical; they're still top of the league, after all. Gonen's Bridge, meanwhile, claw their way away from trouble, raw physicality seeing them break down Athletic 2-0 away.

Matchday 14: Bess Gannon is brought in by Coret Rovers, not a universally approved choice given her inexperience to date, most recently a decent stint at Martella Jazz. But she is young, driven and ambitious, and does manage to elicit a reaction from her squad. Many changes are made, 20-year old striker Melody Forster scores her first senior goal after Cranequin lapse defensively and Jozic scores the clincher from leftback in a 2-0 win over the beleagured Wanderers. Crisisbless United bulldoze Serpentine 4-0, leaving questions to be asked over the nosediving form of Theoklitos in goal, while East Laithland and Extreme Hills play out an exhilarating 4-4 draw which showcases what happens when you don't mark Harriers talisman Denisa Thirlwell out of the game, as Coretta Rooke scores a hat-trick for the Hounds. Amidst all this, it would be crass to overlook Ritter getting dominated 5-1 at home by Stahlburg Rovers, Nagdalene's hat-trick doubling his modest tally for the season. Pity that the third involved him wrestling the ball off Skalak to take a penalty himself, though he drills it past Ardley with aplomb.

Matchday 15: Stahlburg Rovers are at it again, crushing a freefalling Crisisbless Athletic 4-1. Athletic's issues are compounded by Simon Bradden, their goalscorer, bitching to the press after the match about how the defence needs to 'step the fuck up', which probably didn't endear him to the dressing room even if it's true. Gonen's Bridge beat Cranequin Wanderers late thanks to a huge goalkick from Matthews, a lung-busting run from Salthouse and a tidy conversion by Short, and now the Warriors have seven points from their last possible nine.

Matchday 16: "The mark of any team worth its salt is how it recovers from adversity," says Bohemians manager Gareth Blackthorn philosophically. The adversity was a 2-0 defeat to Armstrong last week - the recovery was battering Hackett 5-0, with five different scorers, as Blackthorn's young, clinical side just gets better and better. Gonen's Bridge win again too, and the big difference seems to have been young talents Matthews, Short and Spinnett really finding their feet at this level. Iron City, meanwhile, show Cranequin Wanderers how to get the best out of aging talents, as Ashdown returns from injury in a 36-minute cameo late in the game with her club a goal behind. One beautiful raking ball across the pitch finds a run from Fairfax only Ashdown seemed to notice, leading to one goal. A peach of a free kick leads, more directly, to another.

Matchday 17: Bridge's run of form comes to a juddering halt in the 21st minute against Extreme Hills, when Spartacus Jackson hacks down Rooke with the young forward through on goal. He's sent off, Garrido nervelessly converts the spot-kick and from there the Hounds gleefully run up the score to 4-0 by the end, with Bridge simply run ragged. Armstrong's strategy of just hoofing the ball desperately away at every chance comes to bite them, as Crisisbless United just get it back, charge forward with it and, invariably, score, chalking up a 5-1 win, the same score Chatswood put past Ritter. The most entrancing match, though, comes between traditional rivals Belgrave and Sheridan. Sheridan, as ever, try and put Belgrave off their game with a lot of questionably legal challenges, the looming Perspective Merson seemingly daring the referee to book anyone for it. But there's something new in the air with the Gargoyles, who ride the challenges and keep playing their game. Bittroff holds firm to make three great saves from clear Sheridan chances before 31-year old Detlef Konstantin, favoured rather more for her defensive capabilities than her passing, threads the perfect pass through the eye of a needle to find Rouseff's far-post run, and she lashes it deliciously past Morgan for a winner earned by hard work and courage.

Matchday 18: Gannon's honeymoon with Coret Rovers seems to be over, as goals from Belgrave forwards Lazarou and Muscat condemn her side to a fourth straight defeat. Rubbing salt into the wounds, even Crisisbless Athletic mount a brave comeback to beat Chatswood, and they're genuinely terrible. East Laithland's pulsating 2-2 draw with Vermillion Wanderers catches the eye, despite being wretched in terms of quality. Partially it's because of being a full-throttle, all-action affair, partially it's because Willow Latchford manages to score two luckless own goals. One low cross from Coe is accidentally backheeled past Stamocostas' near post, while another twice-deflected corner hits Latchford in the face, sending her nose streaming with blood and the ball into the net.

Matchday 19: Nobody seems particularly eager to run up the score on a day where no team scores more than twice. The schedule is dominated by North Sabrefell hosting Crisisbless United, the sides who look the best in the league by a distance. Crisisbless catch the Bohemians off-guard with their high intensity press, and a rare error in possession from Espeleta gives Antelmi his chance to open the scoring, and he duly rifles it into the top corner. But the Bohemians' quality shines through in the end, as they turn the screw in the second half. Wolff and Kranevitter both spurn creditable chances, but they combine for the eventual equaliser as Anwhistle (a bustling survivor of Grayson's more muscular days) just smacks one over the top, Wolff evades Stokes and slots the ball over for Kranevitter to stab home at the far post. All the while, Belgrave gain ground on both with a clinical 2-0 win over Bridge. "There's something in our eyes this season," manager Meriadoc Griffiths says ominously.

Matchday 20: The trend towards the goalshy continues, and Armstrong alone rouse themselves beyond the two-goal mark. They come to Locksley and everything just clicks for them, Rho Efthimiou - who has started slowly this season - notching up his fourth and fifth goals after Majdiyya Cavazos beats the shaky Iselin at her near post. Coret Rovers battle to a 1-1 draw with East Laithland, but both are outshone as Crisisbless Athletic pick up the points over Hackett in a match notable for one of Qatiniki's infamous sweeping efforts. This time, it pays off - she vaults Litton to head the ball halfway across the pitch, the restored Simon Bradden flicks it over the top for Damian Keogh to stab home the winner.

Matchday 21: Stahlburg City vs. Iron City is an old rivalry, a Barossian derby of sorts despite not being in the same city. Despite the sides traditionally favouring grinding, defensive football, this is a flowing affair, not least because Ashdown sets up Halmark to open the scoring six minutes in. Roused, the Smiths come back, Roxelana Thorn heading home a corner on the stroke of half-time before second-half strikes from Bryson and Brujah seal the 3-1 win. Ten-man Vermillion Wanderers unexpectedly trip up Crisisbless United, staunch defending keeping them in the game before Zendegi's massive clearance is headed upfield by Ramsay, then again by Stalworth for Kovaleski to volley home off the inside of the far post.

Matchday 22: The Stahlburg derby - in its first occasion under this name - dominates headlines, and it's a thrilling affair. The Rovers take an early lead, through Thorodel Nagdalene's header, before a drilled strike from Drusilla Moxey makes it 2-0 within ten minutes. Nagdalene's clearly heard to gloat "game over" in the face of Kresimir Brujah, who responds with a goal of his own and, in the 49th minute (with just three minutes scheduled for injury time), local lad Mirzian's tidy side-footed finish levels the scores. Things get spicy in the second half, Kreisburg restoring the Rovers' advantage and Nagdalene and Brujah both go for the ball, tussling over it, and it quickly becomes a shoving match before Nagdalene backhands Brujah. He's sent off, and Brujah gets his marching orders for a second yellow card too. But by now, the Rovers are firmly in the ascendancy, and Dulcina Radcliffe comes off the bench to rub salt in the wounds for 4-2.

Matchday 23: North Sabrefell stay at the top despite a goalless draw with Cranequin in what appears to be a three-horse race for the title. Belgrave beat Chenoworth to remain a point behind, as Crisisbless United smash Athletic 3-0 to remain in the chase, four away from the Bohemians and five above fifth-placed Brookford (who rely on a last-gasp winner from Dejan Lindbeck to beat Hackett, and leap from South Laithland). Locksley take a point from the Southrons while Alysia Stokes comes off the bench to steal a winner for Coret Rovers against in-from Gonen's Bridge, and they remain three points from safety. East Laithland are a point behind them, but history teaches us never to count them out. Crisisbless Athletic, though, are nine points adrift, can neither attack nor defend and seem, on the whole, doomed.

People say that the Second Division is a very even league, but while that’s often true of the supposed haves - Mantlegrove leads at the moment with less than two points a game - there’s some very obvious have-nots. Cranequin City and Greygate are Mantlegrove’s closest contenders, with Riverkey in fourth, but only four points seperate tenth-place Iron United from fourth place and promotion. Stonegrave might well be wondering why they aren’t in that top four already, after a scoreless home draw against Alliance Barossia. At the bottom, Martella Jazz were plowed 10-1 by The Strongest, a midtable side who have scored almost a quarter of their goals for the season in that one match, while Alliance Barossia’s aforementioned draw with Stonegrave breaks a string of eleven consecutive defeats. The fact that Kommissar are comparably bad speaks volumes. Strephonage are the only side in the bottom four that really seem to have hope, but even they’re on a run of three consecutive defeats without scoring.

Unfancied Ox River remain at the summit, having conceded just nine goals all season. They’ve all but clinched promotion, eleven points separating them from second and a staggering eighteen between them and fifth. Falston United in second also have a handy buffer, but it’s anyone’s game behind them, with Corinthians No Longer currently nosing in front and Aries Solitaire clinging on track for a second straight promotion and third in four years. Boltcroft Thorns are in eighth, but their +22 goal difference gives them a handy edge, larded by an 8-0 hammering of plucky Pravenna in 18th. The bottom four are at some risk of being cut adrift already, Brokenarch, Bodkin Road, Brookway and Sirencall being four, five, five and seven points off safety, but it’s not too late for any of them. It’s a proper scrum in the Conferences at the moment, with surprise story Gridlock heading the west and somehow still-drawless Blaze leading the east.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Moths          23  13  7   3  50  27  +23  46
  2 Brinemouth               23  14  4   5  46  28  +18  46
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       23  12  9   2  43  21  +22  45
  4 North Laithland          23  13  5   5  46  28  +18  44
  5 Chenoworth Harriers      23  12  7   4  36  17  +19  43
  6 Newrook City             23  13  3   7  39  25  +14  42
  7 Starling                 23  11  7   5  31  23   +8  40
  8 Crisisbless              23  13  1   9  28  22   +6  40
  9 Vermillion Rage          23  11  6   6  37  20  +17  39
 10 AFC Corvistone           23  10  5   8  33  27   +6  35
 11 Coret Hawks              23  10  5   8  26  29   -3  35
 12 AFC Treason              23  10  4   9  33  23  +10  34
 13 Violence Chariots        23   9  7   7  27  23   +4  34
 14 Southfell United         23   7  9   7  31  30   +1  30
 15 Cypher Town              23   8  4  11  20  31  -11  28
 16 Raven River              23   7  4  12  30  38   -8  25
 17 Goodfeather FC           23   7  4  12  22  31   -9  25
 18 Leichhardt               23   5  7  11  19  28   -9  22
 19 Bishop                   23   5  7  11  23  37  -14  22
 20 Diamondqueen             23   4  9  10  18  41  -23  21
 21 Corvette Maulers         23   3  9  11  23  46  -23  18
 22 Parrhesia United         23   3  8  12  23  49  -26  17
 23 Creed United             23   2  7  14  21  41  -20  13
 24 Morningstar              23   3  4  16  14  34  -20  13

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 North Sabrefell              23  16   4   3  57  19  +38  52
  2 Belgrave                     23  16   3   4  46  24  +22  51
  3 Crisisbless United           23  14   6   3  57  18  +39  48
  4 Brookford Otters             23  14   1   8  36  31   +5  43
  5 South Laithland              23  12   6   5  41  19  +22  42
  6 Stahlburg Rovers             23  11   5   7  39  21  +18  38
  7 AFC Serpentine               23  11   5   7  28  26   +2  38
  8 Chatswood                    23  11   4   8  33  18  +15  37
  9 Iron City                    23  10   4   9  22  25   -3  34
 10 Stahlburg City               23   8   9   6  29  21   +8  33
 11 Chenoworth Rovers            23   8   8   7  31  26   +5  32
 12 Armstrong                    23   8   6   9  23  27   -4  30
 13 Vermillion Wanderers         23   6  10   7  26  28   -2  28
 14 Extreme Hills                23   8   4  11  32  38   -6  28
 15 Hackett                      23   6   9   8  26  39  -13  27
 16 Sheridan                     23   6   7  10  15  24   -9  25
 17 Gonen's Bridge               23   6   7  10  19  31  -12  25
 18 Cranequin Wanderers          23   5   9   9  20  26   -6  24
 19 Crossroads Town              23   7   3  13  26  40  -14  24
 20 Ritter Town                  23   7   3  13  30  45  -15  24
 21 Locksley                     23   5   6  12  29  38   -9  21
 22 Coret Rovers                 23   6   3  14  20  50  -30  21
 23 East Laithland Harriers      23   3  11   9  28  47  -19  20
 24 Crisisbless Athletic         23   4   3  16  20  52  -32  15

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Mantlegrove               23  13  5   5  32  17  +15  44
  2 Cranequin City            23  12  6   5  38  22  +16  42
  3 Greygate                  23  11  9   3  38  23  +15  42
  4 Riverkey                  23  12  5   6  28  18  +10  41
  5 Rochford                  23  12  3   8  29  15  +14  39
  6 West Brinemouth           23  11  6   6  30  22   +8  39
  7 Stonegrave                23  10  9   4  25  17   +8  39
  8 Pillars of Southfell      23  10  8   5  23  16   +7  38
  9 Lazuli Diamonds           23  10  7   6  38  25  +13  37
 10 Iron United               23  10  7   6  25  18   +7  37
 11 Dartmouth Terriers        23  11  2  10  26  33   -7  35
 12 Chardonnay Rangers        23  10  4   9  33  29   +4  34
 13 Southriver                23   8  8   7  21  22   -1  32
 14 The Strongest             23   8  7   8  44  30  +14  31
 15 Sutcroft                  23   9  2  12  28  42  -14  29
 16 AFC Shale                 23   7  7   9  19  18   +1  28
 17 Peregrine                 23   7  6  10  36  36   +0  27
 18 The Hanged Man            23   6  7  10  16  23   -7  25
 19 Brindleton                23   6  6  11  19  31  -12  24
 20 Barossia United           23   5  7  11  15  27  -12  22
 21 Strephonage               23   4  8  11  16  27  -11  20
 22 Martella Jazz             23   4  6  13  24  48  -24  18
 23 Kommissar                 23   2 10  11  14  43  -29  16
 24 Alliance Barossia         23   2  7  14  16  31  -15  13

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ox River United            23  18  3   2  40   9  +31  57
  2 Falston United             23  14  4   5  45  24  +21  46
  3 Corinthians No Longer      23  13  3   7  39  26  +13  42
  4 Aries Solitaire            23  12  4   7  51  38  +13  40
  5 Kensey Town                23  11  6   6  33  21  +12  39
  6 Ballardine FC              23  11  5   7  41  28  +13  38
  7 Mapleford                  23  11  4   8  32  31   +1  37
  8 Boltcroft Thorns           23  10  5   8  44  22  +22  35
  9 Rushe United               23  10  5   8  40  32   +8  35
 10 West Hook                  23  10  4   9  26  28   -2  34
 11 Gosmouth Swans             23   9  6   8  45  35  +10  33
 12 Long Lake                  23   9  6   8  20  19   +1  33
 13 South Parrhesia            23   8  7   8  44  42   +2  31
 14 Ringway                    23   9  3  11  24  29   -5  30
 15 Sutcroft Athletic          23   7  7   9  24  28   -4  28
 16 Boleyn Town                23   8  4  11  17  32  -15  28
 17 Falston Town               23   7  6  10  23  32   -9  27
 18 Pravenna Saints            23   7  5  11  22  33  -11  26
 19 FC Seierstad               23   7  5  11  32  46  -14  26
 20 Hartford Glade             23   5 10   8  27  38  -11  25
 21 Brokenarch                 23   5  6  12  22  32  -10  21
 22 Bodkin Road                23   5  5  13  22  41  -19  20
 23 Brookway Town              23   6  2  15  18  39  -21  20
 24 Sirencall FC               23   5  3  15  22  48  -26  18

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Gridlock                23  12 10   1  34  15  +19  46
  2 Fully Sick XI           23  12  8   3  52  33  +19  44
  3 Ingram Township         23  12  6   5  36  17  +19  42
  4 Fischer                 23  11  7   5  31  17  +14  40
  5 Stonesthrow Town        23  11  7   5  25  23   +2  40
  6 Iberia Chenoworth       23  12  2   9  53  42  +11  38
  7 Grovebank               23  11  5   7  31  25   +6  38
  8 Crownsend Journey       23  10  6   7  38  39   -1  36
  9 Lockheed Zenith         23   9  5   9  35  37   -2  32
 10 Capricopia Rangers      23   9  3  11  24  29   -5  30
 11 Dross Rovers            23   9  3  11  26  34   -8  30
 12 Harrington              23   7  8   8  34  29   +5  29
 13 Sleetwell Rangers       23   8  5  10  31  35   -4  29
 14 AFC Hellerine           23   7  6  10  24  33   -9  27
 15 AFC Brackwold           23   7  5  11  30  32   -2  26
 16 Swag Hill Rovers        23   6  8   9  35  45  -10  26
 17 Courser                 23   7  4  12  25  33   -8  25
 18 Fenland Albion          23   7  3  13  21  27   -6  24
 19 Gridlock East           23   4  5  14  16  42  -26  17
 20 Nay Town                23   3  6  14  25  39  -14  15

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Blaze                     23  17  0   6  53  22  +31  51
  2 Downsparrow               23  16  1   6  47  30  +17  49
  3 Brunyard FC               23  15  4   4  40  23  +17  49
  4 Brookford Vantablack      23  13  6   4  44  21  +23  45
  5 Rhyburn Swifts            23  13  3   7  39  34   +5  42
  6 Rochford Pilgrims         23  12  4   7  41  24  +17  40
  7 Coral Bay                 23  11  6   6  33  26   +7  39
  8 Stamper Road              23  11  5   7  36  31   +5  38
  9 South Brill               23  10  5   8  24  20   +4  35
 10 AFC Volksgarten           23   9  5   9  26  28   -2  32
 11 Rookwall                  23   8  4  11  21  30   -9  28
 12 Sandrock                  23   6  8   9  20  26   -6  26
 13 Corvistone City           23   6  7  10  25  28   -3  25
 14 Gridlock Rovers           23   6  7  10  26  34   -8  25
 15 Corby Hubris              23   6  6  11  26  42  -16  24
 16 The Travellers FC         23   6  5  12  32  44  -12  23
 17 AFC Burchess              23   5  6  12  18  33  -15  21
 18 Mainstream Fist           23   4  6  13  19  34  -15  18
 19 Twelvetrees               23   5  3  15  21  39  -18  18
 20 Senway Town               23   3  5  15  21  43  -22  14

by **Nephara** » Sun Mar 18, 2018 10:51 pm

Morningstar summon everything they have and manage to produce an antique Lineker result, letting Bishop dominate possession but never actually letting them anywhere near danger. Hawthorn easily saves a few shots from outside the box. This, and Creed’s tame 2-0 defeat to Southfell (made worse by an injury to goalkeeper Anthoulis Matraxis), mean that Helena Fleischer is thanked for her contribution and quietly put out of her misery as the Oathmen sink back to the bottom. Despite a very brief honeymoon in terms of performances, the results weren’t there, and Hestia Canaan has stepped in, out of work since Brookford’s relegation (and Cup win) last season. Fleischer is now assistant. Darren Koufax has a cruel game for Parrhesia United. For 76 minutes it looks like he’s having the game of his life, holding the fort against sustained Brinemouth dominance, right up until Marcin Close takes a speculative dig from thirty yards and Koufax lets it slip underneath him. Most eyes, though, are on Crisisbless finally getting it together, at least by Brosque’s exacting standards. Not for the first 75 minutes, by which time the Heelers are 3-1 down at home and the crowd are turning on them, but then Marisha Staunton’s low, hard grass-cutter makes things interesting. Then Tia Drenas, off the bench, takes Staunton’s pass, jinks inside and gets hacked down by Loredan, then swats the penalty high past Hargrave to level the scores. From here, even with just six minutes left, it’s clear how it’s going to end - and, of course, Allison Swan drives home the winner in injury time.

It is fair to say that Starling recover from their defeat in decisive fashion. While their conquerors Crisisbless only take a point, a scoreless draw and a Kerem Korkut red card from a visit to the Chariots, Starling hammer Diamondqueen 7-0. Ivan Hemeyer is missing for the Diamonds due to suspension from accumulated cautions, and it is very clear that callow 20-year old Mercedes Reeve is not a match for Starling’s terrifying attacking midfield. North Laithland aren’t going away quietly, holding mostly firm for 70 minutes against Athletic’s firestorm of an attack, Fairweather only beaten once by a nigh-unstoppable Ens strike, before a triple-substitution from Santander and a change of pace to be full-throttle catches Athletic out. Morningstar’s uncharacteristically casual shortly before being dispossessed and raced past by Pell, who scythes over a cutback for substitute Griffin Kendall to snatch the equaliser on her 20th birthday. Kendall then turns provider, and it’s her piercing ball down the middle that’s stabbed home by fellow substitute Etheridge for the winner. Byron Caldwick impresses on his first start of the season for Creed, stepping up between the posts and doing not quite enough to hold onto a point against Brinemouth - Candelo does thread a late strike past him for a 2-1 win. Parrhesia race to a 3-0 first-half lead against a stunned River and almost throw it away, but do in the end hold on to 3-2, while an uninspired and uninspiring Treason dominate Leichhardt at home in every metric but goals, and even their shots on target are from far out or narrow angles, Raihane Stern only making a couple of genuinely impressive saves.

Diamondqueen lose again, this time 2-0 at home to the Chariots. They’ve lost their last four matches by an aggregate score of 14-1, and things are looking pretty precarious. Much has been made of the fact that Weber alone can’t drag them to safety anymore, Blaylock’s disappointed, Ivan Hemeyer’s form has dropped somewhat and perhaps most of all they’re really missing Franz Kesteren in midfield. Perhaps it’s made worse by Kesteren plundering two goals for River as they sink Creed 3-1. As for the other Sabrefell sides, Athletic shut down Corvistone’s deadly forward line and prey on their vulnerable defence. The Crows barely lay a glove on them, and go down 4-0 at home. It’s the same scoreline in the other match, too… only it’s Goodfeather that beat the Moths 4-0. Yes, that’s in the right order. The Moths dominate early doors but Case lashes in a forceful free kick and Bierofka’s flying header gets it in the net. Sharpe scores the second against her hometown club from a Vol knockdown early in the second half, Etzebeth’s sent off for a second yellow card and the floodgates open for Lochteth and Sharpe (again) to rub salt in the wounds. Brinemouth batter Coret 4-1 with Montague scoring twice and refusing to celebrate either time, Treason claw an away win over Crisisbless through John Fletcher’s header at one end and Gideon Fletcher’s saves the other, while another fiercely-contested Vale derby sees Corvette claim the double over Leichhardt, a dirty, bitty match settled when Darke’s forceful strike is only parried by Stern into the path of Sascha Dimitrius, who inelegantly bundles home the winner.

A few shocks and turns, though the biggest is undoubtedly Diamondqueen’s to boast. 1-0 down in the 45th minute, Dakota Blaylock takes Sutton’s pass in the Diamonds’ first notable assault of the game, turns Corrello and… falls over. A drag of the leg, a fall, and a contentious penalty that Weber lashes home. A dive? Probably, but there was a nudge of contact and what’s done was done. Anyway, the Stags could have just won the game in the second half, in front of expectant home fans. Instead, Corrello - maybe Treason’s best player of the season, this game aside - is clearly shaken, Sutton gets ahead of her twice more, cuts back one for Fortounis to batter home and slots the second home across Fletcher herself. The Moths get back on-form like nothing ever went wrong, beasting Southfell 4-1. The season continues to be a mildly disappointing one for the Tanners, and one would suspect if Medina weren’t so young questions would be asked. In fairness, the defeat does follow four straight wins. Hestia Canaan’s yet to grab her first point, but hosting struggling Bishop appears the perfect opportunity. So it proves. Keskin, Wright. Valeria and Caldwick, all defensive players that Canaan’s had to have faith in either by choice (the first two) or injuries to Rodrigues and Matraxis, all stand firm. Bishop have all the possession, Creed all the penetration, but it’s still 1-1 in the 80th minute. Not to worry, though. Karena Braham’s thrown up front from the bench, not her natural position by any means, but one from which she drifts behind the lines to take Keskin’s pass, spins past Bezemer and lashes the winner into the top corner, with Risdon powerless to stop it.

The Moths can be forgiven, given their punishing schedule, for resting almost their entire squad. They can be forgiven for thinking Corvette would have their own distractions, and would be easily beaten at the Farham. They cannot be forgiven, surely, for losing 6-1 in front of their stunned home fans. Konrad Evans goes for broke in the competition and is rewarded for it, Sutra Fernwood chalking up some much-needed confidence with a hat-trick, while Athletic youth product Olenna Darke really gets one over on her ancestral rivals. While East Laithland are cleaned out by their Northern cousins in an easy 3-0 win, classy young midfielder Marcia Lapwing making good use of a rare start to orchestrate the game, the other two surviving First Division sides are fortunate enough to play one another. Elrik Raskine’s Rovers mostly secure it in the first half with a headed brace from Marika Kreisburg, who appears to have found her natural level in the upper echelons of the second tier, but Helena Loxton slams home what threatens to be a decisive blow with the outside of the boot in the 78th minute, exhorting her side to keep pressing. The equaliser, however, never comes, not least thanks to Bryce Henderson’s audition between the Stahlburg posts. AFC Corvistone think they’re in the clear against Second Division Dartmouth Terriers, but their absolute lack of attacking depth costs them dearly. They just can’t break through, and ultimately are caught out on penalties. At home. Creed, Crisisbless, Starling and Bishop complete the quarterfinalists with victories over other Premiership sides.

Morningstar lose their fourth straight game without so much as scoring, Diamondqueen win a crunch match 2-1 over Corvette Maulers in a match where Desdemona Schuster has to step up in the wake of a Weber injury and duly does with an assist and a late winner, while Starling batter Parrhesia 5-2 in a battle of the Chromatik managers. And nobody cares about any of this because BRINEMOUTH PUT EIGHT GOALS PAST ROBERT GRIFFIN. It’s 8-1! 3-0 at the half, and it’s harder to say which half was worse. The Moths are stunned in a match where they were made to look positively amateur, and stagger to the tunnel before Gerhard Thunder bellows at them and forces them to face the music at the away end. “It’s an aberration,” Thunder tells the press after the fact. “All of you know that wasn’t - that was an unrecognisable performance, that wasn’t the same team as has played any other match this season.” But maybe it is. After all, they did just lose 4-0 to a rather less talented Goodfeather, and 6-1 to Corvette.

“It’s in the toughest times where you gotta grit your teeth and get through it,” says Gerhard Thunder staunchly. “I know they gotta really be looking forward to this fixture. I would too, in their shoes. But I know something they don’t - we’re running on a blank slate out there, we’re gonna forget last week, we’re gonna win.” It’s easy to mock such confidence, but last week’s foundering Moths are nowhere to be found. In a show of faith, Thunder makes just one change, an enforced one as the injured Vicelich is replaced by Desantis, and is rewarded by first-half goals from James and Vol (both towering headers from excellent Townsend crosses) and a clean sheet for Griffin for a 2-0 win over Directus.

Alexis Spurlock comes unstuck against her former club, as Monica Brightwater drills her inconsistent Bishop side to just… forget about moving the ball forward for one match, forget the patient possession nonsense, just hang back. The result is an excruciatingly boring first half, before Vermillion fail to mark down the hulking Alcander Visser at a corner, who promptly makes it 1-0. Forgetting who they are, they charge forward in search of a leveller and aare instantly smacked on the break by Roxana Coffey, who smugly rounds Clement and taps home the clincher. Corvette versus Morningstar is a frankly terrible affair that doesn’t deserve a goal, but despite looking terribly flappy at every set piece, Malta Hawthorn - now 36, how time flies - does make the saves to get Stars an away point. “She’s there on merit,” Lineker lies. Sparr’s by far the better goalkeeper, and rumours are that Sabrefell Athletic are looking to pick him up as a backup next season. Diamondqueen pick up a decent point of their own, Britton mounting some scrambling saves to keep Corvistone mostly at bay - little she can do when Afolayan’s perfect cross finds Haight at the back post, thuogh - but Dakota Blaylock’s scything strike breaks a long goal drought.

The Moths leave their woes in other competitions behind for just ninety blissful minutes. Vol starts it, Townsend finishes it, Griffin keeps the clean sheet. It’s a clinical triumph. “Now to take this form back to Nephara,” says captain Jessica Weiss, a colossus in this match - though it’ll be easier said than done.

Well, Byron Caldwick’s good form couldn’t last forever. He is, sadly, a backup goalkeeper by nature, and proves it six minutes into an exciting, winnable fixture for Creed, hosting the Chariots. Cohen shepherds the ball back to him, a fairly innocent pass, but Escrow is running at him, he panics and shanks it to… nowhere in particular, really, but it soon becomes Sierra’s to loft into the net for the opener. Kolberg fires one back, but Sierra beats Caldwick at his near post before sending in a cross that Caldwick flaps at and Ruskin, who has struggled to find a cutting edge at this level, gratefully stabs home. 3-1 by half-time, and an eminently savable shot from Riske sneaks past him for a fourth before an admittedly unsavable free kick from Nemeth makes it five. Still, Matraxis should be back in time for Treason, for all the good it might do them given that Treason eviscerate a hapless Parrhesia by the same 5-1 scoreline. Brinemouth are utterly ruthless in dismantling Cypher 3-0, and Town don’t even get a shot on target with their respectable 46% possession. Diamondqueen edge an oddly compelling match against Leichhardt 1-0, thanks to a single moment of magic from Imogen Jeweler. She’s lacked consistency this season, but manages to nick the ball out from Silverstein’s legs, shimmer past Heisserer and clip the ball high into the top corner, an unstoppable shot.

“We are falling,” says Gerhard Thunder through gritted teeth. “And on the way down, we are hitting every. God. Damn. Step.” Newrook City have their number this season, and having won 6-1 at home, beat them 3-0 away with a stunning ruthlessness. So much for the Moths’ recovery. It’s the end for Emery Lineker, and she knows it. She’s oddly restrained as her side visits the Vale and slumps to a 1-0 defeat, and refuses to speak to the media beyond muttering “I’m done in this country, this place doesn’t deserve more miracles” loud enough for the touchline mic to pick up. In comes… Catherine Locklear, whose total collapse at Creed is a blip on a moderately above-average career to date. Creed, incidentally, pick up an impressive three points visiting Treason, dominant through the first half and carrying a 2-0 lead into the interval. The Stags recover in the second half, and Matraxis marks his return from injury with a couple of excellent saves. Asher Voeller finds the breakthrough, scoring with his first touch, and Reisman is sent off for a challenge on Woodspur so brutal it knocks one of her boots off, but the Oathmen hold on, much to Hestia Canaan’s delight. Corvette fairly easily beat Parrhesia 2-0 in a proper six-pointer, Brinemouth go down early to a contentious penalty against Goodfeather but stick four past Forster in reply while Starling massacre Vermillion 6-1 away, the young double pivot of Aschenbach and Kymeri absolutely dominant in midfield, Andisori strutting her stuff with a hat-trick.

A fair few momentous matches. Sabrefell Athletic are made to work for their win in the short trip to Diamondqueen, with Dario Pavlovic nodding home the first goal in the 8th minute and Iona Britton in brilliant form between the posts. However, quality shines through as it usually does, certainly when it’s Oscar Coltrane’s quality, and he’s unleashed off the bench to wreak havoc on the Diamonds, scoring a brace in the last half-hour. The Moths go down 2-0 early to Starling, but fight back bravely to snatch a point, with Solara Vol leading the chase on a day where Aaliyah Johnson’s strangely off the pace. Age is taking its toll. Southfell United bravely come to Brinemouth with the full intention of pressing them hard and going for the jugular, but while they do get a goal through Marlowe, they’re torn apart at the back. The Dockers race to a 5-1 win. The Tanners just aren’t of that top seven class, while Newrook and North Laithland showcase why they are in a brilliant end-to-end affair. The Spiders press harder early on, but the Rooks hold firm, and ultimately take the lead when Woods’ free kick is nodded home by the powerful Nkembe. But the Spiders keep going for it, and do get their reward as Tess Pell dashes at Woods at breakneck pace, suddenly turns her inside out and stabs a shot across goal that Hesketh reacts a little too slowly to save. She more than atones for it with a point-blank save at the opening of the second half, though, and the Rooks rally, putting three more goals past Fairweather. But 4-1’s a harsh scoreline, and Josie Webster’s neat little strike in injury time at least goes some way to closing the deficit.

Heaven and Hell. Starling stamp Leal into the floor, racing to a 3-0 lead by half-time, Corvalan coming off the bench to make it 4-0 by the hour mark. Nevaeh Cathar, Leal’s Nepharim striker, notches one back late on and does grab the ball to race back for the kickoff, but it doesn’t offer too much intrigue for the second leg. Still, better that than what the Moths managed, which was to get splattered 4-0 by Handon.

Aidan Brosque is left ranting and railing by the end. The Heelers have it all their own way in the first half, choking down the match and managing to win midfield dominance, everything but a goal. Airik Ruhl scores in the 51st minute, but somehow Crisisbless collapse from there, and on the balance of it you’d have to say that Forest deserved the win. One journalist disagreed, but Brosque tells him he knows nothing about football. “All the tipping and tapping means nothing if you don’t defend well and don’t take your chances. We didn’t, they did.”

A lot of scrutiny has fallen on Deandre James in the Moths’ recent collapses, and Gerhard Thunder, surprisingly, opts for caution against the Chariots. At home. A conservative three-man midfield of James, Shone and Etzebeth is given a shot. And they still concede twice, too, largely through Rowena Sierra repeatedly running through Weaver and Vicelich to put the finishing touch on a Riske through-ball and a Ruskin cross, and it falls on Aaliyah Johnson to come off the bench and flick home a late equaliser. Diamondqueen really need to beat Catherine Locklear’s Morningstar, but the new manager bounce makes them pay. That and restoring Sparr to the starting lineup (and he’s impressed in her first game, a 1-0 defeat to Crisisbless) and the expiry of Saroszi’s loan, throwing them instantly back in the side. Sparr makes a couple of brilliant point-blank saves, and Saroszi scores and sets up a rejuvenated Jessica Lennox for the clincher, the Schottic forward’s first goal in seemingly forever. Leichhardt put in a vintage showing against Parrhesia United, utterly implacable in the first half, letting Parrhesia wear themselves out on the attack. Then Koufax flaps at a corner, Koller knees it home, the Saints overextend looking for their equaliser and get sucker-punched on the counterattack by Streiss. Textbook stuff. The most impressive win of all, though, belongs to the Spiders - Josie Webster just lobbing a ball into the box, and Loredan doesn’t close it down with enough fire, not anticipating Deborah Stokes to rocket into it with a diving header at a thousand miles an hour that skims low and hard past Hargrave. Could he have done better? The 35-year old captain’s reflexes have seemingly slowed of late, and Smordal waits eagerly in the wings. Athletic, meanwhile, face off Brinemouth in a clash at the top of the table, and a tense game sees Athletic just about edge it. A goal in first-half stoppage time, a forceful downward header from Hawke, looks to have them on their way - but a goal in second-half stoppage time, a low cross across the face of goal that’s slammed home by Scotti, snatches a point for the resilient Dockers.

Starling basically just have to not implode against Leal, and when Padilla sets them on their way in the 15th minute the match is basically theirs. The Moths get a decent-in-isolation home win against Handon, but as Scheherazade Meier accepts her Player of the Match award for her match, she just shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter. We went out there trying to get five, we failed.”

Not too much to report. Despite high hopes of a turnaround for the Heelers, it’s clear from kickoff that Forest are going to get the job done. With two second-half goals and a clean sheet, they duly do, and the scoreline is comfortable in the end.

Brinemouth’s lead at the top is cut to six points after a fearless showing from River, unafraid to take the game to their more illustrious opponents, is rewarded by … well, most obviously by Povilas Kaukenas in a relentless, bullying showing up front. A cuff here, a flying elbow there, a sly dig in the groin for Magnozzi… and, most importantly, a brace. Brinemouth’s day is summed up when Dragana wins a penalty, Scotti drills it too close to the centre and it’s beaten away with force by Matt Bowerman. That opens the way for Athletic - who edge a stubborn Morningstar 1-0 with a rare and unfortunate Sparr error, as he slips and accidentally backheels Ojala’s cross into his own net - and Crisisbless - who make heavy weather of beating Parrhesia 2-1 - to close the gap somewhat, with Starling’s 5-0 annihilation of Cypher setting them three further points behind. They overtake Newrook, who can only draw with a resilient Goodfeather, and the Moths, beaten 2-0 by Treason in a relentless physical match. Victory for the Harriers sees them take the final Globe Cup place, as the Chariots, in the words of captain Valentine Nemeth (two goals, two assists), “beat the tar out of the Spiders” - 5-1’s the final score, the Chariots hold firm at 9th, the Spiders slip to 8th. Treason round out the top ten and, most likely, the genuine Globe Cup contenders - a disappointing Vermillion and Corvistone are four points further behind, Coret a point behind them and Southfell in turn a point behind Coret in a sort of midtable island.

Cypher, despite their hammering and now being seven points adrift of Midtable Island, are probably safe - so are River. Goodfeather’s decent point at Newrook, won thanks to Aurora Jewel bodily hurling herself at Eather’s cross (and you do not want to get in the way of an Aurora Jewel in flight) and slamming it past Hesketh, shortly before slamming into Hesketh (who did not get the prior memo), means they’re six points clear of the drop, but they can’t be too careful. Leichhardt manage to scramble further from danger with a calm 2-0 away win over Creed that leaves Hestia Canaan seething in the dugout; “We’re better than that!” she screams loud enough for the mics to pick up as Koller, totally unmarked at a corner, nods home his fourth goal of the season from Hatherton’s perfect delivery. Bishop are beaten by Southfell at home, Diamondqueen are splattered 4-2 by the Harriers, and pressure is building on both sides. But Corvette can’t take advantage - they’re beaten 1-0 by Vermillion in a game where Rage’s profligacy really should have cost them, but for the Maulers’ toothlessness. Creed are four points behind, five from true safety, but they do have the quality to keep afloat (if they’ve the stomach for the fight). Parrhesia and Morningstar, eight and ten points from even the playoff place, look doomed.

Matchday 24: Crisisbless Athletic make the call, just a couple of days before they're due to play Ritter Town in a genuine six-pointer, to go for broke. They thank Clarissa Burnes for her service, then give her the axe and turn to Adalheid Metzelder, their young, ambitious assistant manager, who reportedly had a PowerPoint with over a hundred slides to offer in the interview. Despite a suspicion that she helped push Burnes out, she has an immediate effect, goals from Kite and Keogh lifting Athletic to a 2-1 win over the struggling Stallions. Around them, Crossroads are battered 3-0 at home by Armstrong, and suffer two red cards to boot as everything falls apart. Frustration all around the ground, and Lilas Sandoval's lack of tactical flexibility is really starting to wear thin.

Matchday 25: Coret Rovers get the least expected result of the matchday by a country mile, appearing utterly unrecognisable not just in terms of energy levels but formation, Gannon going back to a standard 4-4-2 on the basis that playmaker Jozan Moreland is, bluntly, cooked, with Melody Forster and 23-year old Gabriel Prosper forming a fast, physical strike partnership. It works out perfectly, and they batter Stahlburg Rovers - matched formation, but player-for-player vastly superior - 3-0. Nagdalene's substituted at half-time after an anonymous performance, and responds by having a sulk and driving home.

Matchday 26: "It's probably time to start worrying," admits Brandon Laithstrider as Ritter are edged 2-1 by Cranequin Wanderers, and while he claims that the Stallions didn't get the rub on the green (allegations that Castellan shoved Bismarck into the ground as he headed in the winner off Saroszi's cross) the fact is that the Stallions have managed one point in their last eight games and are in deep shit. So it's unsurprising, then, that Laithstride ris sacked. Ange Milner's the somewhat surprising replacement, having been out of the game for a while. "We need a firefighter," he announces, "and I'm it." East Laithland are also in abject form, and have lost five on the spin with just one goal to their name, and a 4-0 shellacking by Chatswood is maybe the worst performance of all.

Matchday 27: Vermillion Wanderers are the big winners of the day, not only in terms of scoreline (3-0 over Locksley) but in terms of just... gelling perfectly, in every way. Catric Pinnon runs the show in midfield, the short, slim playmaker just seemingly running on a different plane - was there really no place for him in Corvistone's Premiership side? Credit's due to Zendegi and Haubeck, a rock-solid central defence when both fully fit. And, to be fair, Locksley are terrible. Stahlburg Rovers are struggling, and look downright ponderous as Iron City pin them down with two goals off set pieces.

Matchday 28: Ritter Town manage to scrabble away from danger in explosive fashion, though they benefit from both misfortune and luck in a bizarre match. Extreme Hills open the scoring as Commerce's optimistic strike deflects off two defenders to slip past Ardley, but then Britton is harshly sent off for an admittedly crunching tackle on Rosenberg, then Connell is barely touched by Rudan but it's given as a penalty ever, one Rosenberg slots away. In the second half, though, Ritter take the chance presented, score three times and run out 4-1 winners. Belgrave manage to dance around South Laithland, leaving them spinning and seizing the game by the throat to race to a 2-0 lead.

Matchday 29: Locksley are in an abject run of form, made worse as Hadrian Belfast's Otters pick them off 5-1 in front of their own fans (who are less than pleased, with the ineffectual Djite a particular target of ire). Lauren Mistletoe resigns immediately afterwards, though stresses in her speech that she had "the full faith of the board." But did she jump, or was she pushed? Stahlburg City had ambitions of promotion, but they appear to be fading, and South Laithland's particular brand of muscular, drag-down-and-throttle football appears to be trumping their own. Lethal forwards in Bentzen and Carrick, and the league's best goalkeeper in Reinhard 'the Meix' Meixner, don't hurt either.

Matchday 30: Athletic manager Metzelder just has to laugh when she's asked what her 'secret' is. "I haven't a clue, myself! Whatever it is, though, it's obviously working for the lads," as a late winner from Spinnett steals a 1-0 away win over relegation rivals Crossroads... Athletic's fifth straight win. They're not the only (relatively) happy ones in dire straits, as managerless Locksley battle to a 2-2 draw with Extreme Hills. In need of a lift, they appoint Reinhard Drake from Stahlburg Rovers' staff - he had an interim stint with them a year back, and had reportedly fallen out with Elrik Raskine.

Matchday 31: Coret fiercely take the game to North Sabrefell, and the Bohemians are pressured and harried at every turn. They still take an early lead, Sharp dinking a ball over the top for Erika Wolff to dink with her head, twist magnificently and slam the ball home as it's coming down, but then three cheap defensive errors let in what should be three Coret goals. However, Forster misses a sitter, and the 2-1 lead is lost in the last ten minutes of the game as the Bohemians regain control, play faster and more direct, and see Wolff complete her hat-trick. Credit's also due to Armstrong, who flatten Iron 3-0 away, as a paralytically dull match between Sheridan and South Laithland sees precisely one shot on target all match, an optimistic Mullen free kick that floats breezily into Meixner's chest.

Matchday 32: North Sabrefell showed their resilience against Coret - now they show their ruthlessness against Gonen's Bridge, and Erika Wolff becomes the first player in First Division history to score back-to-back hat-tricks in the ensuing 6-0 carnage. Crisisbless United remain ahead in the table, however, calmly playing through Sheridan's attempts to maim them and winning 2-0 on hostile ground. Reinaldo Bosch is the toast of the towns in East Laithland, as his searing pace rips Ritter's deputy rightback Tarragon apart again and again, dragging the Harriers to a crucial 4-2 win that's devastating to the struggling Stallions.

Matchday 33: Extreme Hills' 3-0 hammering of Vermillion Wanderers ... well, it's easy to say it comes from nowhere, but really, it's been coming all season. Garrido and Rooke are both fit, and both given the service they need to survive and feast. It gives them some nice breathing room. Locksley take the lead three times against the Smiths, who equalise only twice - Reinhard Drake's influence has shifted Shona Butcher from inconsistent drifter to constant driving heart of the attack, and they now have seven points from a possible nine since his arrival. Crisisbless Athletic aren't about to risk Bosch having another MOTM performance - Erasmus kneecaps him seventeen minutes in, gets away with a caution, and Athletic win 2-1 through goals from Rinehart and Young.

Matchday 34: Yet again, Crisisbless United and North Sabrefell march on with wins. They are implacable this season, on another level, and Belgrave have slipped out of the title race - though a 1-0 win over Brookford sees them at least keep third. South Laithland hold fourth, Chatswood, Brookford, Stahlburg Rovers, Serpentine and Chenoworth rounding out the other hopefuls. Crisisbless Athletic's return to form... well, it's a relative thing, they're trashed 3-0 by Sheridan, but they and Ritter are six points from danger, and Locksley's 1-1 draw gets their heads above water on goal difference. Gonen's, Crossroads, East Laithland and Coret are currently in danger, but each has shown enough to suggest they could well remain in the fight.

Things remain open enough at the top of the Second Division that it’s meaningless to make too many statements - Greygate in second are just four points above Pillars in 8th. No side has what it takes to really stamp its authority down, though Cranequin City have come closest to that thanks to an iron wall of a defence and 21-year old Kosta Kolar’s goals up front. Really, anyone in the top 11 could make it, though nine points and 22 GD split Chardonnay from Dartmouth beneath them. Despite a 5-0 away win over Lazuli in recent memory, Martella Jazz languish at the bottom of the table on goal difference, and Alliance Barossia’s second win on the spin gives them some hope - Kommissar and Barossia United round out the bottom four. The Hanged Man and their miserly 22 goals and 34 concessions, though? If they slipped under the line, surely nobody would complain.

Ox River aren’t quite as invincible as they’ve been at the start of this campaign, but their twelve-point lead at the top still looks basically unassailable, while Falston United and Kensey Town would fancy themselves to keep ahold of their promotion places. Aries Solitaire sit fourth at the moment. The ex-Corinthians and Ballardine are only narrowly on the outside looking in, while Boltcroft have been the team to watch, the kind of team that can follow up a 5-1 defeat to Ballardine by crushing Ringway 8-2, with the best goal difference in the competition despite being seventh. Brokenarch and Sirencall have lifted themselves out of immediate danger - Bodkin Road and Brookway Town have not, sitting eight and nine points from safety and looking doomed. Sutcroft and Seierstad are also under the waterline for the time being, and will need to pick their feet up. The top two of each Conference are basically set now - remember, there’s just four games to go in the regional leagues - and Ingram Township, Gridlock (vanilla), Downsparrow and Brunyard just have to not completely choke.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               34  22   6   6  77  38  +39  72
  2 Sabrefell Athletic       34  18  12   4  63  30  +33  66
  3 Crisisbless              34  21   3  10  48  30  +18  66
  4 Starling                 34  18   9   7  67  34  +33  63
  5 Newrook City             34  18   8   8  60  36  +24  62
  6 Sabrefell Moths          34  17  10   7  67  54  +13  61
  7 Chenoworth Harriers      34  16  10   8  48  27  +21  58
  8 North Laithland          34  17   7  10  60  46  +14  58
  9 Violence Chariots        34  15  11   8  52  35  +17  56
 10 AFC Treason              34  16   6  12  49  32  +17  54
 11 Vermillion Rage          34  14   8  12  48  40   +8  50
 12 AFC Corvistone           34  14   8  12  48  48   +0  50
 13 Coret Hawks              34  14   7  13  40  46   -6  49
 14 Southfell United         34  12  12  10  48  47   +1  48
 15 Cypher Town              34  11   8  15  31  46  -15  41
 16 Raven River              34  11   6  17  45  55  -10  39
 17 Goodfeather FC           34   9   9  16  35  48  -13  36
 18 Leichhardt               34   8   9  17  26  39  -13  33
 19 Bishop                   34   8   8  18  35  53  -18  32
 20 Diamondqueen             34   7  10  17  28  65  -37  31
 21 Corvette Maulers         34   6  12  16  34  60  -26  30
 22 Creed United             34   6   8  20  34  61  -27  26
 23 Parrhesia United         34   4  10  20  37  79  -42  22
 24 Morningstar              34   5   5  24  19  50  -31  20

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crisisbless United           34  24   6   4  78  24  +54  78
  2 North Sabrefell              34  23   8   3  82  28  +54  77
  3 Belgrave                     34  20   4  10  56  37  +19  64
  4 South Laithland              34  18   8   8  53  29  +24  62
  5 Chatswood                    34  18   6  10  53  28  +25  60
  6 Brookford Otters             34  18   2  14  52  45   +7  56
  7 Stahlburg Rovers             34  16   7  11  51  31  +20  55
  8 AFC Serpentine               34  15   9  10  41  38   +3  54
  9 Chenoworth Rovers            34  14  11   9  43  30  +13  53
 10 Armstrong                    34  13   9  12  34  32   +2  48
 11 Stahlburg City               34  10  14  10  38  33   +5  44
 12 Vermillion Wanderers         34  10  13  11  42  43   -1  43
 13 Iron City                    34  12   7  15  30  40  -10  43
 14 Sheridan                     34  10  12  12  25  32   -7  42
 15 Hackett                      34  10  12  12  39  54  -15  42
 16 Cranequin Wanderers          34  10  11  13  35  37   -2  41
 17 Extreme Hills                34  12   5  17  47  57  -10  41
 18 Ritter Town                  34  10   7  17  48  62  -14  37
 19 Crisisbless Athletic         34  11   4  19  34  64  -30  37
 20 Locksley                     34   7  10  17  41  60  -19  31
 21 Gonen's Bridge               34   7  10  17  26  53  -27  31
 22 Crossroads Town              34   8   6  20  34  58  -24  30
 23 East Laithland Harriers      34   5  14  15  38  65  -27  29
 24 Coret Rovers                 34   8   3  23  31  71  -40  27

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin City            34  18  10   6  53  29  +24  64
  2 Greygate                  34  17  10   7  52  36  +16  61
  3 West Brinemouth           34  17   9   8  49  29  +20  60
  4 Iron United               34  16  11   7  44  28  +16  59
  5 Mantlegrove               34  16  11   7  42  26  +16  59
  6 Stonegrave                34  16  11   7  38  24  +14  59
  7 Lazuli Diamonds           34  16   9   9  51  38  +13  57
  8 Pillars of Southfell      34  16   9   9  34  27   +7  57
  9 Rochford                  34  16   6  12  39  23  +16  54
 10 Riverkey                  34  15   9  10  36  25  +11  54
 11 Chardonnay Rangers        34  15   8  11  49  38  +11  53
 12 Dartmouth Terriers        34  13   5  16  35  48  -13  44
 13 The Strongest             34  11  10  13  62  49  +13  43
 14 Southriver                34  10  12  12  32  34   -2  42
 15 Brindleton                34  11   9  14  39  46   -7  42
 16 Peregrine                 34  10   8  16  48  55   -7  38
 17 AFC Shale                 34   9  10  15  27  30   -3  37
 18 Sutcroft                  34  11   4  19  39  64  -25  37
 19 Strephonage               34   8  11  15  25  37  -12  35
 20 The Hanged Man            34   8  11  15  22  34  -12  35
 21 Barossia United           34   8   8  18  23  44  -21  32
 22 Kommissar                 34   6  14  14  32  62  -30  32
 23 Alliance Barossia         34   6  11  17  26  39  -13  29
 24 Martella Jazz             34   7   8  19  35  67  -32  29

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ox River United            34  25   4   5  54  21  +33  79
  2 Falston United             34  20   7   7  60  33  +27  67
  3 Kensey Town                34  18   9   7  52  29  +23  63
  4 Aries Solitaire            34  18   6  10  68  51  +17  60
  5 Corinthians No Longer      34  18   5  11  58  44  +14  59
  6 Ballardine FC              34  17   7  10  65  42  +23  58
  7 Boltcroft Thorns           34  17   6  11  75  39  +36  57
  8 West Hook                  34  16   7  11  42  40   +2  55
  9 South Parrhesia            34  15   7  12  63  55   +8  52
 10 Gosmouth Swans             34  13  10  11  63  49  +14  49
 11 Long Lake                  34  13   8  13  29  29   +0  47
 12 Mapleford                  34  13   7  14  41  46   -5  46
 13 Hartford Glade             34  10  15   9  48  51   -3  45
 14 Falston Town               34  12   6  16  38  53  -15  42
 15 Boleyn Town                34  12   6  16  25  41  -16  42
 16 Rushe United               34  12   5  17  47  59  -12  41
 17 Pravenna Saints            34  11   7  16  36  47  -11  40
 18 Brokenarch                 34  10   9  15  38  42   -4  39
 19 Ringway                    34  12   3  19  35  53  -18  39
 20 Sirencall FC               34  10   6  18  34  57  -23  36
 21 Sutcroft Athletic          34   8  10  16  34  46  -12  34
 22 FC Seierstad               34   9   7  18  42  64  -22  34
 23 Bodkin Road                34   6  10  18  31  57  -26  28
 24 Brookway Town              34   8   3  23  27  57  -30  27

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ingram Township         34  20   8   6  55  21  +34  68
  2 Gridlock                34  17  15   2  48  21  +27  66
  3 Iberia Chenoworth       34  18   5  11  83  57  +26  59
  4 Fully Sick XI           34  15  11   8  69  55  +14  56
  5 Fischer                 34  15  10   9  50  29  +21  55
  6 Crownsend Journey       34  15  10   9  56  49   +7  55
  7 Grovebank               34  16   7  11  45  40   +5  55
  8 Stonesthrow Town        34  12  13   9  29  33   -4  49
  9 Lockheed Zenith         34  13   8  13  53  51   +2  47
 10 Fenland Albion          34  13   6  15  33  34   -1  45
 11 Sleetwell Rangers       34  12   8  14  47  52   -5  44
 12 Swag Hill Rovers        34  10  12  12  49  66  -17  42
 13 Courser                 34  12   5  17  37  44   -7  41
 14 Dross Rovers            34  12   5  17  40  53  -13  41
 15 Capricopia Rangers      34  10   9  15  36  47  -11  39
 16 AFC Brackwold           34  10   8  16  42  47   -5  38
 17 AFC Hellerine           34  10   8  16  34  49  -15  38
 18 Harrington              34   9  10  15  44  48   -4  37
 19 Gridlock East           34   8   9  17  29  59  -30  33
 20 Nay Town                34   6   7  21  36  60  -24  25

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Downsparrow               34  25  1   8  67  36  +31  76
  2 Brunyard FC               34  21  7   6  56  32  +24  70
  3 Rochford Pilgrims         34  18  7   9  69  39  +30  61
  4 Brookford Vantablack      34  17 10   7  65  35  +30  61
  5 Stamper Road              34  18  7   9  63  40  +23  61
  6 Blaze                     34  19  3  12  68  41  +27  60
  7 Coral Bay                 34  17  8   9  53  38  +15  59
  8 South Brill               34  14 10  10  38  34   +4  52
  9 Rhyburn Swifts            34  14  8  12  54  52   +2  50
 10 AFC Volksgarten           34  11  9  14  34  45  -11  42
 11 The Travellers FC         34  11  8  15  51  58   -7  41
 12 Gridlock Rovers           34  11  8  15  38  57  -19  41
 13 AFC Burchess              34  10 10  14  35  43   -8  40
 14 Rookwall                  34  10  9  15  30  42  -12  39
 15 Corby Hubris              34  10  7  17  42  67  -25  37
 16 Mainstream Fist           34   9  9  16  34  53  -19  36
 17 Corvistone City           34   8 10  16  31  41  -10  34
 18 Twelvetrees               34   9  6  19  34  52  -18  33
 19 Sandrock                  34   7  9  18  26  43  -17  30
 20 Senway Town               34   5  6  23  34  74  -40  21

by **Nephara** » Sat Mar 24, 2018 3:13 pm

It’s a sign of how seriously the Cup is taken in Nephara that all sides go in it with all guns blazing. Creed United are in deep shit at the moment in the league, but they bring their big guns to bear on Stahlburg Rovers, and a revitalised Axel Korborg stabs home a brace while at the other end Byron Caldwick redeems himself for earlier failings in the league with some sharp saves. Nagdalene hits a post, but the Oathmen deserve victory. Bishop, at home against Dartmouth Terriers, absolutely thrash them with their best team as they battle their own relegation concerns. 6-0 is the final scoreline, with Ulrike Jensen playing her way into form with four pinpoint strikes. Corvette go hard and fast against North Laithland but neither team really has their finishing boots on - it falls to Corvette defender Gideon Muller to head home the winner off a late Dimitrius free kick. Crisisbless and Starling, meanwhile, engage in a tense contest that becomes congested in the midfield. Both sides find their penetration late on, however, and Ruhl’s low, hard shot is answered by Padilla’s cute, dinked volley.

You can really, really tell that Gerhard Thunder, conscious of the risks of another bashing, really told his charges to just calm the hell down, lock down the gates and sit back in a 4-5-1, with Vol defending diligently from the front. It mostly works out, but Baskita do find their goal - Jean-Marie Bentacur starting, and then finishing a beautiful flowing move of nine passes, including a backheel from former Brinemouth forward Ariadne Shroveday.

Maybe the Moths don’t have it quite sorted out yet. Vol is rested and a strike partnership of Eisenhauer (too rusty) and Croft (kind of past it at this level) lacks the bite to punch through the Maulers, and predictably they’re counterpunched. Three times. Losing 3-1 away beats 6-1 at home, but it hurts either way. What is with their glass jaw? North Laithland continue to be in the ascendancy, facing off and facing down the Stags in a brutal, hard-fought Crownsend derby. Fairweather has yet another outstanding day, springing to the Spiders’ defence, implacable in one-on-ones and it’s her excellent distribution that gets North Laithland their goal, as she somewhat clumsily claims Woodspur’s cross then rifles a long ball expertly over the top of everyone. Only Tess Pell can get there, and she squares it for Stokes to tap home, easy as you like. But one of the more strangely engaging matches sees Aidan Brosque’s Crisisbless and Canaan’s revitalised Creed go toe-to-toe, both looking renewed after shaky starts to the seasons (well, downright terrible in Creed’s case). Both sides battle hard, and Urso’s opener is answered first by Reisman’s brutal foul that sees Urso stretchered off (for the rest of the season, physios guess), then a rare goal from the generally more orthodox Theoharous. But as the sides aim tiring body blows at one another through a gruelling second half, Creed finally tire. A weary, lazy hack from Wright on Staunton sees him sent off, Ror Jevdjevic-Hadsic lashes the free kick straight into the net from an acute angle (Matraxis, otherwise impeccable, should have had it) and Tia Drenas comes off the bench to finish Creed off. All of a sudden, Crisisbless are second, and Brosque might be a bit carried away by it - “My cup runneth over!” he booms to a startled press conference.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 75, 41
2. Crisisbless - 69, 20
3. Athletic - 67, 33
4. Starling - 66, 34

17. Goodfeather - 36, -14
18. Diamondqueen - 34, -36
19. Leichhardt - 33, -14
20. Corvette - 33, -24
--
21. Bishop - 32, -20
22. Creed - 26, -29
23. Parrhesia - 22, -32
24. Morningstar - 20, -32

Creed and Bishop get the job done over lower-league opposition, each to a 2-0 scoreline with a well-rotated side backed by a comfortable margin for error. Corvette, surprisingly, manage the same over North Laithland, a weak and tired performance from the Spiders with two defensive errors both punished by the unusually clinical Sutra Fernwood. Crisisbless have a game-defining penalty in the second minute, when Ruhl is practically clotheslined by Loredan. Isaia Urso steps up… and sees her penalty pushed aside by Smordal. Starling do not make the same mistake again, especially not Loredan, who is solid as a rock from there. Andisori’s brace sees the Passerines well ahead before Armstrong finishes it in the second half.

The Moths embrace their new iron body technique and produce a properly… well, Nepharim performance against Baskita. Resolute at the back and ruthless at the front - Uenterhausen hits a post twelve minutes in from a corner, but not long afterwards it’s a proper Nepharim goal that sees them ahead (albeit one involving three foreigners), Townsend swinging in the cross, Vol rising highest over Ibex to knock it forward and down and Johnson stretching out a leg to stroke it past Horcicka. It passes to extra time, but the home crowd pushes their exhausted squad on to a final victory, with Federico Serra coming off the bench to make the difference.

A very auspicious matchday, the kind that really reverberates. Newrook City play with Andrea Bartolnicci’s trademark fire and vigour, and the manager is everywhere, screaming at the fourth official with every decision that goes against the Rooks, flashing a quick middle finger to the away end, crushing Mescalin’s hand at full-time. The Rooks dominate, Lorne Winter particularly influential against his hometown club - he scores the first goal without celebrating, then sets up a brilliant disguised pass for Farrell to stroke home and he has no such inhibitions, before Isobel Foster, deputising at the point of the midfield diamond, shimmers past three defenders and rolls the ball past a wrong-footed Morales. Dragana’s late consolation is, well, only that - 3-1 the final, damaging scoreline as the rest of the top four win, Crisisbless beating Coret by the same scoreline, Athletic most impressively rolling over the Harriers 3-0 away and Starling beating Southfell 2-1. The Moths, too, catch eyes for a 5-1 hammering of Corvistone, about whom Gerhard Thunder derisively harrumphs after the match ends. “That’s not a real club. My youngest player (19-year old substitute Glory Bellinger, for the record, as far as people on the day are concerned) is older than they are.” At the bottom of the table, Corvette - who did just beat North Laithland twice - fail to make a hat-trick of it, beaten 2-1 at home. Creed beat Diamondqueen thanks to a late heroic effort, Raquel Accardi charging through the middle, slipping but rifling home the winner as she falls, and in the battle of the absolute no-hope losers, Parrhesia beat a demotivated Morningstar by that same popular 2-1 scoreline. Christian Frei’s had a pretty miserable season, but at least marks his 30th birthday with the opening goal, while the young, dynamic Ramona Porter lashes home the second. Christos Tsiavis heads home a late consolation, but besides that, Morningstar have little else to offer.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 75, 39
2. Crisisbless - 72, 22
3. Athletic - 70, 36
4. Starling - 69, 35

17. Goodfeather - 36, -15
18. Leichhardt - 34, -14
19. Diamondqueen - 34, -37
20. Corvette - 33, -25
--
21. Bishop - 32, -22
22. Creed - 29, -28
23. Parrhesia - 25, -31
24. Morningstar - 20, -33

Goodfeather aren’t safe from relegation concern anymore. They’ve been freefalling lately - not so much in terms of league position, but their lead on the bottom four has been swallowed up. Adrian Carradine has looked deathly vulnerable at the back, his aging legs just not up to scratch - indeed, he’s outleapt at the corner by Treason’s 35-year old veteran defender Katskalidis, who bundles in the opening goal. Fraser, Fletcher and Woodspur make things worse, and while Jewel smashes home a consolation, Lorelei Neptune bursts through with a lung-busting diagonal run to strike home Treason’s fifth. Brinemouth are stunned by Starling - Justinian Hargrave puts in a vintage performance to silence his doubters before Keira Andisori nudges home a subtle, almost beautiful winner late on while under pressure from two defenders - but Crisisbless fail to take advantage, held to a scoreless draw by Vermillion. Athletic almost look to be held up, too - until Estrella Hawke completes her hat-trick in the 87th minute to put a stubborn, 10-man Bishop down. Three points now separate the top four. The big winners - indeed, the only winners - at the bottom of the table are Creed United, who drag themselves within a point of safety. Things are not well at Morningstar, after a full-on brawl at training - it seems as though Lineker left the dressing room split half and half. With Seluk, Keyes, Seizter, Kovach, Sahar, Petrosian and Boldman all conspicuously missing from the matchday squad, the Warriors put up a hell of a fight, and Saroszi’s perfect diagonal ball lets a liberated Lennox stroke home the opener. But Creed are a united force, at the moment, and also aren’t missing most of their spine. Accardi takes just three minutes to equalise before, in injury time, Ash Reisman somehow puts the finishing touch on a last, desperate flowing attack, smashing it under Sparr.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 75, 38
2. Athletic - 73, 37
3. Crisisbless - 73, 22
4. Starling - 72, 36

17. Goodfeather - 36, -19
18. Leichhardt - 35, -14
19. Diamondqueen - 34, -38
20. Corvette - 33, -27
--
21. Bishop - 32, -23
22. Creed - 32, -27
23. Parrhesia - 25, -33
24. Morningstar - 20, -34

The top three all win - Brinemouth somewhat precariously against an unusually inspired defensive effort from the Chariots, while Athletic concede twice in the first half to the Saints before Xixi Ens comes off the bench and turns the game for them to win 4-2. Crisisbless have the pick of the bunch, though - in Aidan Brosque’s words, they ‘castrated’ the Moths with intense, hard pressure, breathing down their necks and pouncing on every mistake. Gerhard Thunder looks at wits’ end, and the fans aren’t happy - though it’s hard to blame him after two unexpected titles and, by the halfway point of the season, it looked like they could well make a third. Creed finally pull out of the bottom three, as Hestia Canaan has successfully orchestrated a remarkable turnaround. Spahi Keskin is the man of the match by a mile, throwing himself around the field in constant harrying search of the ball, while Axel Korborg’s relieving return to form in the face of the failure of all other Creed strikers sees him flick home a neat little chip over stranded countryman Sheffield. It puts new emphasis on Bishop’s current plight as, for the second time in as many matches, a tired side almost but not quite manages to take down a big side away. Goals from Coffey and Sitz put them ahead 2-0 within the hour, and they look strong and confident. Then they tire. They lose 3-2, their fifth straight, and fresh scrutiny falls on Monica Brightwater’s reluctance to rotate her squad. With 36-year old Penbrooke a spent force at this level, Sitz lacking inspiration (this match aside) and Longstocking having made all the top-flight impact of a wet paper plane, who will fire them out of danger?

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 78, 39
2. Athletic - 76, 39
3. Crisisbless - 76, 25
4. Starling - 72, 35

17. Goodfeather - 39, -18
18. Diamondqueen - 37, -37
19. Leichhardt - 35, -15
20. Creed - 33, -27
--
21. Corvette - 33, -28
22. Bishop - 32, -24
23. Parrhesia - 25, -35
24. Morningstar - 20, -36

It has been a fucking terrible season for Treason, marked by a thrilling battle for the top seven that they’ve just not participated in, marked by Ben Randall staying in the hot seat one season too many, marked by injury to key personnel and the depressing reality that Scylla Vyntra’s legs have gone. But at least they are the ones that finally land the decisive blow on their rivals, the Dockers. Brinemouth take the lead early against the Stags - Conjure’s disguised ball greedily snapped home by Scotti - and continue to dominate possession, but the Stags are constantly chasing, always looking for that way back in. They find it - Neptune’s cross sees Fletcher and Magnozzi collide, Magnozzi’s shoulder in Fletcher’s head, and the big lad strikes. The world stands still except for Servet Misidjan, the only one to stride decisively towards the falling ball… and smash home a volley for just her second goal of the season. Despite sustained pressure from the Dockers, the Stags hold firm with Peter Svensson putting in a vintage effort to stifle Scotti, and the Dockers drop two points. Athletic show the trademark resilience of this season to beat Newrook late on, with a contentious penalty - was Ojala really tripped by countryman Pakkanen? Replays are inconclusive, but Rainsford scores the penalty regardless - while Crisisbless grab North Laithland by the throat and refuse to let go. There’s now three sides level on points at the summit. A series of 1-0 results leaves its mark on the bottom of the table - that’s the scoreline that Creed beat Parrhesia and Corvette beat Southfell, both away, and the scoreline that Leichhardt lose to Cypher, dropping them into the playoff place as Ingrid Auttenberg’s drought continues. It’s the scoreline that sees Goodfeather rise seven points clear of that playoff place, as well, as Jewel angles a powerful header… into the post, but Lexi Farrakhan acts quickest to snap up the rebound and secure a vital win over Corvistone. Diamondqueen, losing - yes - 1-0 to the Moths, can only watch the trapdoor get closer. Morningstar and Bishop each lose their sixth in a row. It’s probably terminal, for the Stars - but really, they’ve been in a tailspin almost since the season started.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Athletic - 79, 40
2. Brinemouth - 79, 39
3. Crisisbless - 79, 27
4. Starling - 75, 37

17. Goodfeather - 42, -17
18. Diamondqueen - 37, -38
19. Creed - 36, -26
20. Corvette - 36, -27
--
21. Leichhardt - 35, -16
22. Bishop - 32, -26
23. Parrhesia - 25, -36
24. Morningstar - 20, -37

The deadlock at the top… immediately dissipates. It’s not Athletic who take advantage, they’re well beaten by a motivated, muscular Creed, Hestia Canaan shouting so much in the first half she loses her voice midway through the second. She’ll take that trade, for a 3-1 win in front of a reinvigorated home crowd, a match in which Raquel Accardi surely puts her name on a thousand transfer lists across the world with a star performance. Crisisbless are pegged back, too, by a Cypher side that isn’t afraid to just keep playing their game down the centre. Bajnok is their hero, both with a forceful showing at the back and the opening goal, stabbed home from a near-post corner. Condotta, too, excels against her former club, but a rejuvenated Airik Ruhl continues his return to form by snatching a late equaliser. Seemingly a late winner just two minutes later, too, but it’s called offside. Brinemouth have no such concerns as they dispatch Corvette 6-1. From kickoff, where Ankergren passes to Fernwood who is spooked and coughs up possession to Saitou, it’s obvious the day is going to be Brinemouth’s - so it proves. At the bottom… well, it’s cute that Parrhesia are still trying. They beat Coret 2-1 away, a result that incenses a home crowd that are starting to wonder what the point of their club even is these days. “There’s still hope!” Benjamin Nyao assures the press after the match. There isn’t.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 82, 44
2. Crisisbless - 80, 27
3. Athletic - 79, 38
4. Starling - 76, 37

17. Goodfeather - 43, -17
18. Creed - 39, -24
19. Diamondqueen - 37, -39
20. Leichhardt - 36, -16
--
21. Corvette - 36, -32
22. Bishop - 33, -26
23. Parrhesia - 28, -35
24. Morningstar - 21, -37

An ugly result. The last flagbearers for the Premiership, Starling, are just straight-up inferior to Raynor, played off the park on home soil, and a 3-1 defeat is the result. Lisa Amos goes into a sixteen-minute rant at the end, blaming the “excruciating macho slog” of the Premiership’s unrelenting pace for her side’s failure. “With a 30-match season, Premiership sides will sweep the international scene,” she insists, but that doesn’t change the fact that it wasn’t just the Starling were tired; it’s that Raynor were fucking better.

Well, it’s been a season for results like this. Lisa Amos’ ‘tired’ Starling have their title ambitions conclusively put to rest by Sabrefell Athletic, as the curse of the ex strikes hard. Estrella Hawke gets a perfect hat-trick in the first half to her name - a flick of the left, a stab of the right, an intermission where Oscar Coltrane lashes a thunderbastard into the top corner and Euran countryman Liam Armstrong smashes one back past Gautier’s near post, and a diving header off Bereveskos’ inch-perfect low cross. 4-1 at the half, 6-2 by the end, and Athletic are doing pretty good. They’re still only third, though - Crisisbless deal with a stubborn Goodfeather, while Brinemouth squelch the Crows 5-1. A Vermillion derby is, unsurprisingly, won 2-0 by the Rage, in a match where the away fans take great pride in a very accurate “you’re fucking shit” chant and a frustrated Catrine Kisel sums up her team’s season by hyperextending her leg while trying to kill Ryan Paulsson, screaming, getting stretchered off and ruled out for the rest of the season. She’s probably been the best performer, too. A few other poor teams pick up good draws rendered meaningless by, well, all the teams around them picking up draws. Not Leichhardt, though. Southfell just can’t lay a globe on them, and it has to be said that the Metan Cordean experiment has had mixed results. He’s decent, but certainly not a hidden gem, and was anonymous against the Stargazers. Instead, Ingrid Auttenberg - who never stopped trying to break the drought, never stopped battling, and is a real club hero - finds the maligned Hatherton’s long ball over the top and hammers it past a despairing Aldous for the winner.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 85, 48
2. Crisisbless - 83, 28
3. Athletic - 82, 42
4. Starling - 76, 33

17. Goodfeather - 43, -18
18. Creed - 40, -24
19. Leichhardt - 39, -15
20. Diamondqueen - 38, -39
--
21. Corvette - 36, -35
22. Bishop - 34, -26
23. Parrhesia - 28, -37
24. Morningstar - 22, -37
15 points left to play for.

Raynor get the job done on home soil. The Premiership may be the best league the world has to offer, the numbers bear that out, but in terms of a truly world-class club that consistently competes at the sharp end of UICA competition, year in, year out? That’s what the Premiership lacks, by the very cyclic nature of its top clubs and the gruelling endurance match that the league itself presents. The Premiership remains at the top, but after a weak showing, the coefficient is starting to slip… and a very healthy lead has been cut.

Morningstar are relegated, finally. They’d managed to delay it by going two whole games without defeat, but it ends here, with a typically disciplined Cypher performance. The Stars actually get a few decent chances, but Ruo Xiaolan continues her quiet excellence in goal to snuff them out before Olivia Nygard slips home the winner, decisive in the second half of the season after a slow start to her Premiership career. Lisa Amos’ Starling, well, they aren’t so happy about their recent poor form. Their defensive struggles continue - the Chariots eat them alive at the back, and Rowena Sierra claims the match ball. She’s not terribly happy about it, though… because at the other end, a dejected Vance Commerford didn’t have a save to make. Well, okay, he had seven saves to make, and didn’t make any of them. 7-4 the final score, six different scorers from the Passerines. A wildly see-sawing match between Coret and Athletic would steal the show on any other day, but not here - Alyss Montague tweets her support for the club that made her reputation, thanks in no small part to the clear air that would arise at the top. It’s her replacement on the right wing, Atalanta Skapetis, who is a constant thorn in Jaentti’s side - and it’s her who lays on the final ball that Dani Harper, off the bench, drives home past a shaky Gautier with her toe. Athletic’s second straight defeat, and Crisisbless, against Southfell, are held to a second straight draw. Brinemouth remain in the Vale to pick up another easy win, this one 2-0. They now have a four-point lead at the top, with four matches to play. All they have to do is not choke. Elsewhere in the Vale, Corvette have the chance to fire themselves to safety… but opt for a total collapse, instead. Bishop keep to the XI and the style that Monica Brightwater trusts, and this time it works. Sitz is at the heart of the midfield, a driving focal point, with Roxana Coffey so brilliantly and clearly shining above every other player present. Two goals for her, two for Ulrike Jensen and one mazy dribble and clever little lofted strike from Mersiades claim a vital 5-1 win that sees the Cardinals leapfrog the Maulers into 21st.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 88, 50
2. Crisisbless - 84, 28
3. Athletic - 82, 41
4. Starling - 79, 36

17. Goodfeather - 46, -17
18. Creed - 41, -24
19. Leichhardt - 39, -17
20. Diamondqueen - 38, -40
--
21. Bishop - 37, -22
22. Corvette - 36, -39
23. Parrhesia - 28, -40
12 points left to play for.

Starling are the obvious favourites for the Cup, with the three other teams all mired in the relegation fight. That said, their opponents, Creed, look to have form on their side, and prove formidable opposition on home soil. Almost. But Korborg and Theoharous scuff presentable chances in the first half, and Keira Andisori is far more characteristically ruthless, taking a decent pass with a brilliant sweeping first touch that shunts Rodrigues and Keskin into no man’s land, before driving the ball into the net from just inside the box. Corvette yet again face Cup opposition in close proximity to the league match, and yet again reverse the result. They still score one, but Bishop choose to score zero instead of five, unsettled by Corvette’s uncharacteristically defensive approach, unable to pierce the defence until a careless Bezemer pass leads to Ankergren’s winner just three passes later.

Parrhesia finally bite the bullet of mathematically-confirmed relegation, fighting bravely against North Laithland but let down by a glass jaw as ever, Erinys Hart snatching the late winner. Something is wrong at that club - is Benjamin Nyao the man to fix it in the second tier? Goodfeather have a great chance to secure safety but fuck it up, beaten 1-0 by relegated Morningstar and Monako Saroszi. They’re still probably safe anyway, but Bishop and Corvette raise the bar, the former edging the Crows (in poor form, their lack of depth showing badly) 1-0 thanks to Ansel Penbrooke’s first goal in the second half of the season, Corvette stunning Newrook 3-0 by taking full advantage of Nkembe’s terrible challenge on Dimitrius, and straight red as a result. Both sides leapfrog Diamondqueen, who are battered 4-1 by a beatable Southfell. Metan Cordean doesn’t really do much to escape his flat-track bully reputation with a goal and two assists against a side in dismal form, but, well, at least he can bully someone. Weber, his natural rival, is cooked - maybe not as a standard player-of-the-line, but certainly as a talisman. The East Sabrefell derby is spicy as ever, a red card apiece on the red fields of the Barbarossa, and the Chariots score first and last through Riske and Sierra (for whom it’s been a real breakthrough season). Issue is, Athletic score three in between them, and while Morningstar clumsily buffets Ruskin to give the Chariots a late penalty, Nemeth sees it clawed away by Gautier. Most relevant for the title race, however, Brinemouth are simply outmuscled and outhustled by Crisisbless, unable to play through a hard-bitten central block of Heelers determined to kill them, unable to ever really get comfortable, and undone by goals from two set-pieces - Jevdjevic-Hadsic clipping in a perfect free kick for Ruhl to head in before the lesser-spotted Lienke Vesper comes off the bench to lash in a corner that goes more or less unspotted by everyone… and somehow creeps in at the far post without anyone getting so much as a touch. They’re now just a point off.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 88, 48
2. Crisisbless - 87, 30
3. Athletic - 85, 42
4. Starling - 82, 37

17. Goodfeather - 46, -18
18. Creed - 41, -26
19. Leichhardt - 40, -17
20. Bishop - 40, -21
--
21. Corvette - 39, -36
22. Diamondqueen - 38, -43
9 points left to play for.

Creed cold-cock Starling just nineteen seconds into the match, Accardi lofting in a perfect diagonal ball for an unmarked Vettriano to nudge home at the far post. They then sit patiently back in a low block for Starling to not unpick, withstanding two hours of sustained pressure without ever quite looking like they’d crack. Finally, though, Starling’s resolve shines through in the penalty shootout, five inch-perfect penalties leaving Caldwick without a chance. Someone’s got to be the goat, and unfortunately it’s Creed’s luckless captain, Karena Bittner, who can hardly even get a start these days but came on to replace Korborg for extra time and blasts her penalty into the underside of the crossbar. It bounces… onto the line, then out. Corvette and Bishop play through a tired, sloppy affair, even though the scoreline suggests a better match. It wasn’t, and late goals from Milligan and Sitz snatch victory for Bishop from the jaws of defeat.

Will Crisisbless be left to rue what might have been after a third draw in four games sees them slip back to third? Granted, Raven River are no pushovers, and prove it when Michi Leonard gives them a late equaliser through force of will alone, shoving through two players to stab home Kesteren’s free kick at the far post. Athletic beat Vermillion 3-1, fairly straightforward, refusing to be caught on the break, and Brinemouth make similarly short work of a freefalling Diamondqueen. Corvette are pulverised 3-0 at home by Starling, and left disappointed by other wins around them - Kurtis Bristoll pops up with a winner for Creed United, a lofted header from outside the box that wrongfoots a stumbling Fairweather (who claims later to be blinded by the burning Laith sun), while Bishop edge a crucial but extremely boring six-pointer, Sitz thrashing home a winner from 35 yards seemingly fuelled by anger alone, Leichhardt unable to strike the Cardinals on the counter but too disciplined to be picked apart by passing. That goal probably sees Bishop safe, four points above the playoff place. The best viewing is to be seen in dead rubbers - the Moths’ glass jaw strikes again, and they’re down 3-1 on home soil to the Hawks at half-time, but rally in a totally dominant second half to win 4-3. Jessica Loque makes some very memeworthy faces as her side crumbles. Cypher, normally so defensively disciplined, are undone in a crazy second half when, leading 1-0, Bianca Condotta needlessly backhands Hollin Spicer at a corner. She’s sent off, and takes Cypher’s shape with her - they contrive to lose 4-3 as wave after wave of attack crashes against Ruo Xiaolan’s goal.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 91, 50
2. Athletic - 88, 44
3. Crisisbless - 88, 30
4. Starling - 85, 40

17. Goodfeather - 46, -19
18. Creed - 44, -25
19. Bishop - 43, -20
20. Leichhardt - 40, -18
--
21. Corvette - 39, -39
22. Diamondqueen - 38, -45
6 points left to play for.

It’s a comedy of errors. When Brinemouth can’t even get a goal past long-relegated Morningstar, who cling on desperately in a 5-4-1 formation stapled together from whatever players from the old regime Catherine Locklear hasn’t alienated yet, it’s time to cut into the lead, time to put something at stake on the final matchday. Technically, it’s still the case… but only technically. Treason play spoiler yet again, kicking Athletic in the teeth with a second-minute goal from Fraser, and Ojala’s leveller on the stroke of half-time isn’t enough for the three points. Crisisbless, too, slip up to lowly Bishop, Brightwater’s side admirably determined to play what she insists is the right way, and a rare goal from Odette Longstocking steals a point late on. Still three points out… but the Goal Difference is nearly prohibitive for Athletic, and definitely for Crisisbless. Starling protect their top four place with a comfortable 2-0 win over Corvistone, while wins for the Moths and North Laithland secure their Globe Cup places as well. The Harriers, who have slipped somewhat under the radar this season, slip to a scoreless draw against Southfell United and allow Newrook to nip in ahead of them by beating Leichhardt. Treason are still, somehow, tenth, despite the third-best defence in the competition.

At the bottom of the table, Creed beat Cypher when Vettriano more or less shoves Hertzka over before dragging the ball into the net for the winner, while Goodfeather are beaten 2-0 by the Saints for a fourth straight defeat but remain safe anyway, along with Bishop. Leichhardt’s failure to defeat Newrook leaves them in danger, but they are a point above danger and have the added advantage of ludicrously good goal difference, thanks in large part to having conceded as many goals (50) as Sabrefell Athletic in 2nd. Tastily, their local rivals, Corvette - getting annihilated 4-1 by the Chariots - are in the playoff place with the opportunity to overtake them. Diamondqueen are behind them on Goal Difference, having grabbed a point against River. A heavily-rested River side, leading to a lot of conspiracy theories given the two clubs’ unofficial sister club status, though Cheney Bittencourt was brusque at any accusation of going easy on their opponents. “Why wouldn’t we just let them win, instead of Jess[ika Donath] hitting the goal of the fucking season in the thirteenth minute?” And it was a fine goal, too, the young striker managing an outside-of-the-boot volley into the top corner. It’s River’s third consecutive 1-1 draw, so it might just be habit anyway .The Saints and Stars are down, and while Parrhesia’s win allows some focus on a couple promising young guns, Ramona Porter grabbing a goal and an assist with her lightning-quick pace and improvisational guile and Gabrielle Reinhardt tough as nails at the back, Spyrakis making a few good saves, there just isn’t much good to say about Morningstar. At all. If Locklear sticks around, she’ll have a hell of a mess to untangle...

Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

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