[Accepted][911]For Crying Out Loud

[Drasnia]

Title: For Crying Out Loud

Description: A large portion of a nearby town was consumed by a raging fire last night. The town crier was home sick and consequently, coordinating an emergency response proved to be very difficult for the town's citizens.

Validity: Immediate Response to 317.3 (possibly similar ban phones options as well?)

Option 1: "I can't take it anymore," one of @@CAPITAL@@'s criers, @@RANDOMNAME@@, rasps as @@HE@@ puts a throat lozenge in @@HIS@@ mouth. I'm always expected to be awake in case something happens and to shout from the rooftops so all can hear. Just a few nights ago, I fell from my roof and nearly broke my leg! We must bring back telephones if only so people like me can get a good night's sleep."
Effect: unemployed town criers cry over drinks

Option 2: "Certainly our emergency response needs some work," your Minister of Technology ((NOTE: Should I change it Minister of Technophobia?)), a notable Luddite, agrees, "but telephones are not the answer. We must have more funding to hire more town criers so they can work in short shifts that do not strain their bodies. Furthermore, a series of semaphore towers across the nation must be constructed for timely communication in case of a national emergency."
Effect: warnings about emergencies are the leading cause of emergency-related injuries

Option 3: A strange man who introduces himself as Doctor Howe bursts into your office. "You must have telephone booths on the streets! It's a matter of life and death! You can even set these booths up to only connect to emergency services so that they cannot be abused. That way you can have the instant response of phones without all the hassle of people talking on them all the time."
Effect: lonely citizens sit in phone booths talking with the operators

My intention is to submit this for the #911 mini-contest.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Lovely issue, Drasnia!

Maybe one funny way of preventing town criers from getting a sore throat would be to give them megaphones? Think about the din they'll make!

Also, there is a contest???

[Jutsa]

I love this, Drasnia. The only things I have to say on it are pretty much a couple of punctuations,
which I know aren't that important, but it's pretty much all I've got.

The town crier was home sick and consequently, coordinating

Description: I'm a bit confused by the comma. I think one after and would do well,
although I'll leave it up to you on whether you agree with that.

@@HIS@@ mouth. I'm always

Option 1: Ah, forgot a quotation mark before "I'm". >:3

((NOTE: Should I change it Minister of Technophobia?))

Option 2: That might do better, yeah.

A strange man who introduces himself as Doctor Howe bursts into your office.

I just realized this is a Dr. Who reference. Awesome.

Again, that's all! Very good, Drasnia.

Edit:

Also, there is a contest???

Two, actually... and both are mentioned in somewhat obscure locations.
The one posted here in the writer's block by Ransium is a contest for issue 911, and must be done by... like, mid-November or something.
The other was posted in discord. I'm honestly not sure if it's specifically to that group or everyone, but the idea is to write an issue as strange as possible
while still being somewhat coherent, workable and viable.

[Trotterdam]

How about preventing city fires by cutting down on urbanization?

[Drasnia]

How about preventing city fires by cutting down on urbanization?

Eh, doesn't really fit with the theme I'm going for with this issue, as it's specifically about disasters when there are no phones.

[Fauxia]

Believe there should be a comma after rasps in option 1.

[Trotterdam]

Eh, doesn't really fit with the theme I'm going for with this issue, as it's specifically about disasters when there are no phones.

That's exactly why I suggested it. It's continuing the Luddite theme by winding time further and further back. Today? Phones. Tomorrow? Cities. Next week? Hmm, actually banning fire would be a pretty pertinent response.

[Drasnia]

Eh, doesn't really fit with the theme I'm going for with this issue, as it's specifically about disasters when there are no phones.

That's exactly why I suggested it. It's continuing the Luddite theme by winding time further and further back. Today? Phones. Tomorrow? Cities. Next week? Hmm, actually banning fire would be a pretty pertinent response.

I mean, I see where you're coming from and it does make sense in a way, but I feel that implementing that would just unfocus the draft.

[USS Monitor]

That's exactly why I suggested it. It's continuing the Luddite theme by winding time further and further back. Today? Phones. Tomorrow? Cities. Next week? Hmm, actually banning fire would be a pretty pertinent response.

I mean, I see where you're coming from and it does make sense in a way, but I feel that implementing that would just unfocus the draft.

I agree with you. I think this draft has a nice down-to-earth quality that would be damaged by trying to go in too many directions.

[Australian rePublic]

Town criers? Ha? I thought in these situations the police/fire deparement would go around warning people to evacuate

Also, description "a town nearby", a town nearby to what?

[Drasnia]

Town criers? Ha? I thought in these situations the police/fire deparement would go around warning people to evacuate

It's funnier this way while still being entirely plausible. The fire department's too busy fighting fires to be going around telling people there is a fire

Also, description "a town nearby", a town nearby to what?

I left it vague deliberately, though I suppose it could be changed to "a town near @@CAPITAL@@" though it seems unnecessary to me.

[USS Monitor]

Town criers? Ha? I thought in these situations the police/fire deparement would go around warning people to evacuate

It's funnier this way while still being entirely plausible. The fire department's too busy fighting fires to be going around telling people there is a fire

Also, description "a town nearby", a town nearby to what?

I left it vague deliberately, though I suppose it could be changed to "a town near @@CAPITAL@@" though it seems unnecessary to me.

I think being clearer about the location of the town would be a good idea. "A nearby town" didn't bother me when I first read it, but now that it's been pointed out, I think you could make it clearer without sounding too clunky, and it's good to be as clear as possible. It's not something I feel strongly about myself, but I think Aussie has a point.

[Jutsa]

I, on the other hand, kind of like the ambiguity. Your choice.

[Fauxia]

I, on the other hand, kind of like the ambiguity. Your choice.

Okay CWA

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I, on the other hand, kind of like the ambiguity. Your choice.

Okay CWA

Ha ha.

[Drasnia]

So any more comments apart from the "Nearby town" line?

[Shwe Tu Colony]

Bold words are suggestions (some things have been taken out since I didn't add any edits.

Description: A large portion of a nearby town was consumed by a raging fire last night. Apparently, the town crier was home sick, and consequently, coordinating an emergency response proved to be very difficult for the town's citizens.

Option 1: "I can't take it anymore!" one of @@CAPITAL@@'s criers, @@RANDOMNAME@@, rasps as @@HE@@ throws a throat lozenge into @@HIS@@ mouth. "I'm always expected to be awake in case something happens and to shout from the rooftops so all can hear. Just a few nights ago, I fell from my roof and nearly broke my leg! We must bring back telephones — if only so people like me can get a good night's sleep for once."
Effect: unemployed town criers cry over drinks

Option 2: "Certainly our emergency response needs some work," your Minister of Technology (who is, ironically, a notable Luddite) agrees, "but telephones are not the answer. We must have more funding to hire more town criers so they can work in short shifts that do not strain their bodies. Furthermore, a series of semaphore towers across the nation must be constructed for timely communication in case of a national emergency."
Effect: warnings about emergencies are the leading cause of emergency-related injuries

Option 3: A strange man who introduces himself as Doctor Howe bursts into your office. "You must have telephone booths on the streets! It's a matter of life and death! You can even set these booths up to only connect to emergency services so that they cannot be abused. That way, you can have the instant response of phones without all the hassle of people talking on them all the time."
Effect: lonely citizens sit in phone booths talking with the operators

[USS Monitor]

Bold words are suggestions (some things have been taken out since I didn't add any edits.

Description: A large portion of a nearby town was consumed by a raging fire last night. Apparently, the town crier was home sick, and consequently, coordinating an emergency response proved to be very difficult for the town's citizens.

Option 1: "I can't take it anymore!" one of @@CAPITAL@@'s criers, @@RANDOMNAME@@, rasps as @@HE@@ throws a throat lozenge into @@HIS@@ mouth. "I'm always expected to be awake in case something happens and to shout from the rooftops so all can hear. Just a few nights ago, I fell from my roof and nearly broke my leg! We must bring back telephones — if only so people like me can get a good night's sleep for once."
Effect: unemployed town criers cry over drinks

Option 2: "Certainly our emergency response needs some work," your Minister of Technology (who is, ironically, a notable Luddite) agrees, "but telephones are not the answer. We must have more funding to hire more town criers so they can work in short shifts that do not strain their bodies. Furthermore, a series of semaphore towers across the nation must be constructed for timely communication in case of a national emergency."
Effect: warnings about emergencies are the leading cause of emergency-related injuries

Option 3: A strange man who introduces himself as Doctor Howe bursts into your office. "You must have telephone booths on the streets! It's a matter of life and death! You can even set these booths up to only connect to emergency services so that they cannot be abused. That way, you can have the instant response of phones without all the hassle of people talking on them all the time."
Effect: lonely citizens sit in phone booths talking with the operators

I disagree with all your additions. Commenting on the irony of the Minister of Technology being a Luddite is a decent thought, but sticking it in parentheses is awkward. "Apparently" and "for once" would add more words without any useful info.

[Drasnia]

Bold words are suggestions (some things have been taken out since I didn't add any edits.

Description: A large portion of a nearby town was consumed by a raging fire last night. Apparently, the town crier was home sick, and consequently, coordinating an emergency response proved to be very difficult for the town's citizens.

Option 1: "I can't take it anymore!" one of @@CAPITAL@@'s criers, @@RANDOMNAME@@, rasps as @@HE@@ throws a throat lozenge into @@HIS@@ mouth. "I'm always expected to be awake in case something happens and to shout from the rooftops so all can hear. Just a few nights ago, I fell from my roof and nearly broke my leg! We must bring back telephones — if only so people like me can get a good night's sleep for once."
Effect: unemployed town criers cry over drinks

Option 2: "Certainly our emergency response needs some work," your Minister of Technology (who is, ironically, a notable Luddite) agrees, "but telephones are not the answer. We must have more funding to hire more town criers so they can work in short shifts that do not strain their bodies. Furthermore, a series of semaphore towers across the nation must be constructed for timely communication in case of a national emergency."
Effect: warnings about emergencies are the leading cause of emergency-related injuries

Option 3: A strange man who introduces himself as Doctor Howe bursts into your office. "You must have telephone booths on the streets! It's a matter of life and death! You can even set these booths up to only connect to emergency services so that they cannot be abused. That way, you can have the instant response of phones without all the hassle of people talking on them all the time."
Effect: lonely citizens sit in phone booths talking with the operators

I disagree with all your additions. Commenting on the irony of the Minister of Technology being a Luddite is a decent thought, but sticking it in parentheses is awkward. "Apparently" and "for once" would add more words without any useful info.

I definitely agree. "Apparently" and "for once" just drag down the narrative with unnecessary clutter. And the modification of the Luddite line takes a subtle joke and turns it into a bludgeon beating you over the head with it.

[Drasnia]

Last call before submission.

[Jutsa]

I've got nothing.

Good luck, Drasnia.

[Fauxia]

G’ luck

[Drasnia]

This issue has been submitted.