CORPSGUY725'S BLOG
Hi guys and welcome back to your favorite blog in the multiverse, corpsguy725's blog!
I finally cooled off after my last post so I'm totally ready to talk about the current World Bowl. Because, let's face it, it's cake time. After a snafu with a weird draw, the groups for the World Bowl were redrawn and so I can finally release my totally legit commentary on it and stuff.
So Drawkland, after finally gaining the #1 rank that we've completely deserved for 3 Bowls already, have been placed front and center in Group A of WB33. I'm just gonna walk through our group stage competitors, who we will face twice each. First are the hosts Bongo Johnson. Now, they only recently appeared after a couple cycles' hiatus for whatever but this is still the second time they've hosted, and in a row too. Maybe this adds up to momentum? Idk, they're ranked 33rd and are likely to be walloped by us but you can never count on anything (@Anthor). Next are the Orion Islands, which we sure are good people, but just seem to be another probably irrelevant unranked nation which we'll get easy wins from. Next is Royal Kingdom of Quebec, who haven't been totally on top of things recently but are still regular playoff contenders. Seriously, a team of college players ranked 10th as our Pot 2 team is a real blessing. I expect the games to be hard but we can surely pull them out. I mean, we've beaten much tougher opponents in the past and we're still improving. Next there's Bojikstan, which is an unranked team but appears to have a lot of promise. They have a decent domestic league and it appears that they're coming out guns blazing based on the practice film I managed to pirate on the dark web. Basically they might be challenges, but we'll more than likely pull our games out. Other teams in the group may not be so lucky. I predict the Quebs have a run for their money on Bojiks' part. Then comes Firebolt, the team of sentient broomsticks. Yeah, those guys. EZ win, and ranked 18, they're our Pot 3 team. Honestly what a great group draw. The group rounds off with Sibiandias (I just cnp'd that lol), yet another unranked team who is also likely to get curbstomped by yours truly.
I predict we go 11-1. We have bye days on the last day of the first half and the last day of the group stage. I mean, ideally, we won't have to worry about it, but everybody knows last day byes SUUUUCK. Worst part of this group draw for us imo. Anyway, let's look at the team, shall we? In the offseason I know plenty of our players have been improving or keeping steady in skill, but here's a few that stand out. This footage was pulled from public practice film or friendlies against other Sonnelian national teams (total garbage). I'll just talk about a couple today and a couple tomorrow.
So first of course we have to talk about Jack Hoy. He came in as a rookie the season of World Bowl XXXII and was a last-minute addition to the squad for that tournament. He proved to be a massive boon to the team. He's without a doubt the second-fastest player on the team (we can't all be Daniel Madison), but he's also tiny and elusive. While he's not immune to getting cracked, being a smaller dude, he's still super speedy and goes through the tiniest gaps in players. Oh yeah, and he's started doing this now in practice:
That's right. Hurdling bitches. And I mean that in like a "he's hurdling over bitches" way not like in a "he's hurdling, with bitches as an interjection." Just thought I'd clear that up. Anyway, this kid's career is on the up and up, no lie. Every time he's on the field I swear he's faster. Not only that, but his catching is improving too. He's one desperate coaching decision away from being switched to wide receiver. He is on the shorter side, so it makes sense that he's an RB at least. But when he lines up in the slot in like an empty backfield set he's deadly. So we've got that to look forward to.
Look, running backs don't last very long in this game. It's just a known fact of life. Almost all of them are one injury away from having their whole career shattered. It's not often you have a back with longevity, but when I look at Jack Hoy, I see a guy that will last a long time. He's athletic, he's charismatic, he's a multi-tool (ever seen him throw passes out of the wildcat? A work of art for sure), and he's still young. He may not be able to keep his blazing speed going forever and always, but even if he regresses a bit in the future he'll still be outpacing half the backs in the league. And that's not even thinking on the international stage. Fans from nations at every corner of the multiverse will know the name of Jack Hoy (and probably rue it). Trust me. This guy is special and I can't wait to see what he does next (personally I'd love to see the kid truck the shit out of a corner. That'd be comedy).
Another dude who was quieter last Bowl but will probably make a bigger impact is my man Phillip Tomek. As the starting Left End the last few Bowls and the last few GLD seasons at the Baribone Wyrms, he's been just more of a solid choice rather than a star. But I dunno what happened. Something clicked for this man and suddenly he's a beast. In the space of like 3 friendlies he recorded 5 sacks (one of them was the game that we won 114-0 so take that with a grain of salt, still average a sack per game regardless), 2 forced fumbles, and returned a Leo Cross forced fumble for a touchdown (he was already behind the line too, he probably would've gotten half a sack if Leo didn't strip the ball before the tackle). Here's a close up shot of him after a sack at a home friendly. Sorry I don't have a better one of him in action yet but I'll look around idk.
Anyway, I think this upcoming Bowl we'll see a lot more of a Cross-Tomek tandem. While Tomek is a bit older than Cross and not as rawly talented (Cross is the fastest lineman that I've ever seen play the game), he's still really up and coming on the left side of the line. Or right side, if you're a quarterback (who's about to get sacked). The Grid Corps obviously prides itself on having the most badass pass rush available, and with Tomek beginning to shove past O-linemen more and more, this will only make our defense more powerful. I would say any inexperienced or crappy offensive line we play against this tourney will be having a very bad day when they play us. I can't wait to see all those times that the camera jerks forward like they thought there was a pass but then it has to swoop back so you can see the QB lying flat on his back with two dudes standing over him. Ok that sounded gay but whatever.
So yea I'll talk about some other guys in the coming days. Hopefully I'll be able to get my ticket to Bongo Johnson so I can hit some games. That'd be awesome. Otherwise though, see y'all next post, this is corpsguy725 signing off
