NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Singapore no2]

Fun fact: this is Singapore no 2's second attempt to add Macronesia to the game, as that was the original NPC nation named in Externalities Palmed Off, but in the edit I took it out, and made it a "sunny neighbouring nation".

Singapore no2's 'secret' love for Indonesia Macronesia. =P

[Trotterdam]

I can confirm the names in #780 are random.

[Tinhampton]

Issue #778 "Mal Appetit!": Names in Options 1 and 3 are random. The name in Option 4, Robin Wood, is not.

[Drasnia]

#780 all names seem to be random.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Issue #782: Sit-Down Money

The Issue

With traffic congestion on the roads of Civitas Pacis reaching unbearable density, labour unions are demanding that employees be paid overtime wages for time spent in traffic jams.

The Debate

1. “Have mercy on us, Chancellor Angelika Henkel!” yells Rick Larson, honking his car horn right under your window. “I’ve been stuck in this damned traffic jam for so long I’ve forgotten what my children look like! It is inhumane to spend four hours every day just trying to commute to work and back home! I deserve to be paid overtime wages to compensate for the stress I endure!”

2. “What is this noise?” asks your secretary Yolanda Karoshi, crawling out from under her desk, still wrapped in her blanket. “Tell these softies that nobody is forcing them to drive back home after work. People whose homes are far away from work should be encouraged to sleep over at their offices and only go home once a week or so. This would also help boost their company loyalty. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a quick shower. The garden sprinklers are on, right?”

3. “I’m not sure why it’s government business what our corporate pay structures are,” observes well-rested CEO Daisy Amin, whose commute involved a 15-minute private helicopter trip. “The labour unions always have one demand or another, but we can deal with these problems with hardball negotiation, judicious hiring and firing, and failing all else, water cannon. How about government stays out of it, and lets us resolve these pay disputes our own way?”

4. “This doesn’t make any sense,” mutters your shy teenage nephew almost inaudibly, hiding his face behind his uPad. “Being physically present at your school or workplace is so outdated - and unnecessary, if you ask me - thanks to the latest developments in technology. You should ban the commute, and subsidise remote working. People can just attend classes online or communicate with their colleagues via Trype. This will solve the traffic problem, and also help reduce the social anxiety that some people might feel in face-to-face interactions.”

Issue by Frieden-und Freudenland

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Was about to comment how fast you were, then remembered that you were the author.

[Tinhampton]

Got #779 with this nation. The name in Option 2 (Igor Fronkensteen) is fixed. That in Option 3 is random.

[Aqualagoon]

Issue 781: The White Man’s Burden

The Issue

Albinos - born with an absence of pigment in their eyes, skin or hair - suffer a lot of medical problems as a result of their condition. Additionally, they can often face multiple forms of discrimination, and some even believe that their bodies possess extraordinary health benefits and magic powers. Following a brutal attack on an albinistic teenager, which left him armless and disfigured, you have been urged to address their persecution.

The Debate

1. “Decapitations, infanticides, kidnappings, and amputations! It’s beyond the pale!” weeps Falala Chatwin, mother of the now hospitalised victim of the attack. “These are the dangers that albinos face every day. This must end! It should be illegal for anyone to discriminate against albinos, and that includes the media. In fact, make it easier to be an albino in Aqualagoon: give them free eye care, police protection, welfare support, and a lifetime supply of sunscreen!”

2. “This isn’t a black and white issue, and skin-deep solutions won’t tackle the root causes,” declares Shigeru Hyde, a divisive atheist demagogue. “Ignorance and superstition are to blame for all this, so let’s stamp them out. Raise awareness about what albinism is and isn’t. Teach people that albinos are normal Aqualagoonians, just like you and me. We must erase the absurd primitive thinking that drives these attacks. Teach rationality, teach science, teach atheism!”

4. “Albinos definitely possess magicks beyond this realm,” bellows the self-proclaimed Witch of the Wilds, whose person is adorned with amulets made of albino body parts. “Trust me, I’m also a doctor. The hair of an albino is a cure for many afflictions, including blindness, cancer and brain freezes. The tears of an orphaned albino child will remedy a broken heart. Therefore, the government must support my endeavor to bring the gifts of the albino to all in Aqualagoon by setting up albino hunting guilds and farms. The nation can even benefit by sacrificing an albino every now and then for victory in war or a bountiful harvest!”

5. “Within the Ashen Ones, the spirit of the divine dwells,” proclaims Angus Pond, Grand High Poobah of the Order of Violet. “Their eyes, the windows to the soul, reveal this to be Truth. One observes the lavender ghost of the great Mistress Violet typing within, Her presence on earth made physical. That is why the rest of their bodies lack any color; the whole existence of the albino is devoted to housing the Holy. It is written; they must be revered! Pay tribute to our albino masters, Leader, and lay your nation’s riches at their feet.”

Issue by The Morbidly Macabre Cult of The Marsupial Illuminati

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

Yay, I have another to my tally

I believe this one brings it up to 12.

Must say, this one wasn't even on my little "wishlist" and I had forgotten it even existed! I always do appreciate it when a dark horse draft of mine makes it into the big kid's club.

Sergeant McCool Reporting For Duty

The Issue

Gossip magazines have exploded into a frenzy after news broke that famous teen idol Sayid “Squeaky” McCool is being conscripted into Annihilators of Chan Island’s military.

The Debate

“I heartily welcome this man to the force,” dead-eyed military recruiter, Sierra Rifkin utters in flat monotone. “Sergeant McCool failed to pass his initial examination, and he exited through the wrong door. But these are minor obstacles every soldier can learn to overcome. He will enter training immediately, and I am sure he will be proud to serve in the front lines with the other grunt... fine Annihilators of Chan Islandian men and women.”

Accept

“NO! He’s going to DIE!” screams Ariel Young, a 45-year-old who gives her current profession as ‘Squeaky’s Number One Fan’. “Nickolas Spitzberg, you can’t let Squeaky get killed. Can’t you just, well, refuse him? We Squeakers need him so much. He supports all kind of charities: Dinner-Dance for the Destitute, Masquerade for the Pox-Marked... Say, if he paid you some of his millions, couldn’t that be seen as a surrogate to actual service?”

Accept

“This the pretty boy that’s due in?” rasps Elmo Fallon from the shadows, riffling through gossip magazines and military files. “He should already be physically fit at his age. In neighbouring countries, kids of seventeen, fourteen, six, can already disassemble and reassemble a rifle, crawl along the ground on their knees and elbows and take out a sniper... normal stuff.” He pauses to show you a video of unknown origin, which appears to depict youngsters playing cops-and-robbers. “Our imitation of conscription has failed to instil healthy Annihilators of Chan Islandian values into our people. We must widen the net and make the training harsher.”

Accept

“When an engineer joins, we put them to work fixing stuff,” explains Army logistician, Kimberly Malik, moving a battalion of toy soldiers from one side of your desk to another. “Why not use this pop singer’s talents? We’d welcome him into the Army, but never put him on the front line. Instead, he’d fly from base to base singing to adoring uniformed fans, pose for recruitment posters, and go on TV to praise the glory of our great nation. He will serve beautifully.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Dux Headquarters of Annihilators of Chan Island

Edited by The Free Joy State

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Issue #785: Born To Be My Baby

The Issue

When Ella Morris and her husband couldn’t conceive, they employed a surrogate to bear a child for them, using the father’s sperm and the surrogate mother’s egg. However, after the baby was born, the surrogate mother refused to give up the child and is battling for permanent custody.

The Debate

1. “This kid gets 50% of his genes from me. Surely that counts for something in a court of law?” questions the intended father of the baby, holding his wife’s hand. “My wife has ovarian cancer; she can’t have children and a surrogate was our only choice. This woman was paid a considerable amount for the job of carrying our baby. Now she says she wants to keep our child? Utter nonsense! As Justin’s biological father, I demand that we be given custody!”

2. “There is no way you can take my little Justin from me!” yells Stefanie Takei, the surrogate mother, letting the baby dangle on the handcuff strapped around her wrist. “I am his biological mother! Men do not understand the bonding that mothers experience with their children at birth! That guy who claims paternity rights just because he gave me his sperm has no such bond with Justin. They can have the money back, but they can’t have MY son!”

3. “As always, science will provide the solution to this dilemma,” states John Piaget, a developmental psychologist from the University of Civitas Pacis. “Just bring these people to my lab. We’ll put the baby in one corner of a room and the mothers in two different corners. Then we’ll record the eye movements of the baby - whichever woman he looks at the longest, gets the parental rights to Justin. We could even use this method during bitter custody battles!”

4. “That’s a terrible idea. Nobody should put baby in a corner!” grumbles Willow Carter, the director of Civitas Pacis Minimum Security Orphanarium, cradling a baby in her arms, while two other toddlers clutch at her clothes. “Our institution is overflowing with poor orphans. Wouldn’t it be better if you just provided financial incentives, perhaps paid for with a small tax increase, for infertile couples to adopt?” Taking advantage of your momentary absent-mindedness, she puts the baby on your lap. “Speaking of adoption, would you like to take care of this adorable little girl? I think she likes you.”

Issue by Frieden-und Freudenland

Edited by Nation of Quebec

[Trotterdam]

Here's with macros:

#785 Born To Be My Baby

The Issue

When @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ and her husband couldn't conceive, they employed a surrogate to bear a child for them, using the father's sperm and the surrogate mother's egg. However, after the baby was born, the surrogate mother refused to give up the child and is battling for permanent custody.

The Debate

1. "This kid gets 50% of his genes from me. Surely that counts for something in a court of law?" questions the intended father of the baby, holding his wife's hand. "My wife has ovarian cancer; she can't have children and a surrogate was our only choice. This woman was paid a considerable amount for the job of carrying our baby. Now she says she wants to keep our child? Utter nonsense! As Justin's biological father, I demand that we be given custody!"

2. "There is no way you can take my little Justin from me!" yells @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, the surrogate mother, letting the baby dangle on the handcuff strapped around her wrist. "I am his biological mother! Men do not understand the bonding that mothers experience with their children at birth! That guy who claims paternity rights just because he gave me his sperm has no such bond with Justin. They can have the money back, but they can't have MY son!"

3. "As always, science will provide the solution to this dilemma," states John Piaget, a developmental psychologist from the University of @@CAPITAL@@. "Just bring these people to my lab. We'll put the baby in one corner of a room and the mothers in two different corners. Then we'll record the eye movements of the baby - whichever woman he looks at the longest, gets the parental rights to Justin. We could even use this method during bitter custody battles!"

4. "That's a terrible idea. Nobody should put baby in a corner!" grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@, the director of @@CAPITAL@@ Minimum Security Orphanarium, cradling a baby in @@HIS/HER@@ arms, while two other toddlers clutch at @@HIS/HER@@ clothes. "Our institution is overflowing with poor orphans. Wouldn't it be better if you just provided financial incentives, perhaps paid for with a small tax increase, for infertile couples to adopt?" Taking advantage of your momentary absent-mindedness, @@HE/SHE@@ puts the baby on your lap. "Speaking of adoption, would you like to take care of this adorable little girl? I think she likes you."

Issue by Frieden-und Freudenland
Edited by Nation of Quebec

The last name might be always-female, based on both examples I've seen so far and the original draft, but the removal of "mistress" means it doesn't obviously have to be.

I'm wondering why the husband goes completely unnamed, I thought that the "@@RANDOMMALEFIRSTNAME@@ and @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@" trick in the draft was neat.

[Trotterdam]

#784 The Driving Force

The Issue

With @@NAME@@ committed to reducing its carbon footprint in accordance with the International Climate Treaty, many are asking if encouraging hybrid engines and electric cars might help.

The Debate

1. Ebon Flask, the oddly-named CEO of Nikola Automobiles, is sitting on the corner of your desk, bursting at the seams with excitement. "Hybrid engines are the future! You'll see lower emissions, and drive the growth of new industries. I'm not saying that we should ban the gas guzzlers, of course, but perhaps we could encourage new ways of thinking?" He leans over slightly. "Like maybe increase road tax on polluting vehicles, then subsidise eco-friendly ones? After all, making these cars is a bit expensive..."

2. "Forget this hybrid stuff; my boys in the lab are working on a full-electric engine," interjects Evan Mask, the strangely similar-looking CEO of Edison Industries. "That would get rid of fossil fuel dependence all together; and with renewable energy generation we're talking unlimited travel with no negative effects. All you need to do is ban petrol stations, and build lots of plug-in charger stations in their place. Oh, and you're going to need lots of wind turbines too. One every hundred yards across the country should do it."

3. Soccer mom Alana Messc offers you her opinion about the situation. "People across the nation have different opinions. So why don't you allow free choice in a free market? Let's have gas, hybrid, and electric cars. I'm rather partial to my gasoline-powered minivan: it does just fine when I'm taking the boys to practice. But I know my husband wouldn't mind a hybrid, and my oldest is interested in an electric car, so it's a win-win-win. Of course, we could use an income tax break to be able to afford all those vehicles..."

4. "You hear that? Her GASOLINE-POWERED vehicle is doing fine. We don't need these greenies ruining the economy with their snotty ideas anyways," asserts Eton Muscat, lobbyist for @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Petroleum. "Do you know how many jobs there are in auto manufacture and oil refinery processes? Do you know how much harm you'd do if you wreck these industries? Discourage ideas like hybridization and electric cars, for the sake of compassion. Oh, and let's quit that dumb climate treaty while we're at it."

5. "That's the face of corporate evil, right there," whispers radical environmentalist Egon Mist, pointing not just at the oil lobbyist, but at all four of the previous speakers. "@@NAME@@ needs to free itself of this culture of seeing ecology-destroying transportation as a right. Our ancestors got around fine on foot, and never needed to travel more than a hundred miles from the place of their birth. Get rid of them all: cars, trains, buses, planes, and anything with an engine. That's the way back to a greener and better world."

Issue by Petreniax
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

I'm quite sure none of the names are random

[Australian rePublic]

The Driving Force

The Issue

With Australian Republic committed to reducing its carbon footprint in accordance with the International Climate Treaty, many are asking if encouraging hybrid engines and electric cars might help.

The Debate

Ebon Flask, the oddly-named CEO of Nikola Automobiles, is sitting on the corner of your desk, bursting at the seams with excitement. “Hybrid engines are the future! You’ll see lower emissions, and drive the growth of new industries. I’m not saying that we should ban the gas guzzlers, of course, but perhaps we could encourage new ways of thinking?” He leans over slightly. “Like maybe increase road tax on polluting vehicles, then subsidise eco-friendly ones? After all, making these cars is a bit expensive…”

Accept“Forget this hybrid stuff; my boys in the lab are working on a full-electric engine,” interjects Evan Mask, the strangely similar-looking CEO of Edison Industries. “That would get rid of fossil fuel dependence all together; and with renewable energy generation we’re talking unlimited travel with no negative effects. All you need to do is ban petrol stations, and build lots of plug-in charger stations in their place. Oh, and you’re going to need lots of wind turbines too. One every hundred yards across the country should do it.”

AcceptSoccer mom Alana Messc offers you her opinion about the situation. “People across the nation have different opinions. So why don’t you allow free choice in a free market? Let’s have gas, hybrid, and electric cars. I’m rather partial to my gasoline-powered minivan: it does just fine when I’m taking the boys to practice. But I know my husband wouldn’t mind a hybrid, and my oldest is interested in an electric car, so it’s a win-win-win. Of course, we could use an income tax break to be able to afford all those vehicles...”

Accept“You hear that? Her GASOLINE-POWERED vehicle is doing fine. We don’t need these greenies ruining the economy with their snotty ideas anyways,” asserts Eton Muscat, lobbyist for Australian Petroleum. “Do you know how many jobs there are in auto manufacture and oil refinery processes? Do you know how much harm you’d do if you wreck these industries? Discourage ideas like hybridization and electric cars, for the sake of compassion. Oh, and let’s quit that dumb climate treaty while we’re at it.”

Accept“That’s the face of corporate evil, right there,” whispers radical environmentalist Egon Mist, pointing not just at the oil lobbyist, but at all four of the previous speakers. “Australian Republic needs to free itself of this culture of seeing ecology-destroying transportation as a right. Our ancestors got around fine on foot, and never needed to travel more than a hundred miles from the place of their birth. Get rid of them all: cars, trains, buses, planes, and anything with an engine. That’s the way back to a greener and better

world.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Empire of Petreniax

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[

[Blargoblarg]

#783 Sergeant McCool Reporting For Duty

The Issue

Gossip magazines have exploded into a frenzy after news broke that famous teen idol Sayid “Squeaky” McCool is being conscripted into Blargoblarg’s military.

The Debate

1. “I heartily welcome this man to the force,” dead-eyed military recruiter Sigourney Bourdain utters in flat monotone. “Sergeant McCool failed to pass his initial examination, and he exited through the wrong door. But these are minor obstacles every soldier can learn to overcome. He will enter training immediately, and I am sure he will be proud to serve in the front lines with the other grunt... fine Blargoblarger men and women.”

2. “NO! He’s going to DIE!” screams Ashley Harishchandra, a 45-year-old who gives her current profession as ‘Squeaky’s Number One Fan’. “Emperor Keulan, you can’t let Squeaky get killed. Can’t you just, well, refuse him? We Squeakers need him so much. He supports all kind of charities: Dinner-Dance for the Destitute, Masquerade for the Pox-Marked... Say, if he paid you some of his millions, couldn’t that be seen as a surrogate to actual service?”

3. “This the pretty boy that’s due in?” rasps Emile O'Brien from the shadows, riffling through gossip magazines and military files. “He should already be physically fit at his age. In neighbouring countries, kids of seventeen, fourteen, six, can already disassemble and reassemble a rifle, crawl along the ground on their knees and elbows and take out a sniper... normal stuff.” He pauses to show you a video of unknown origin, which appears to depict youngsters playing cops-and-robbers. “Our imitation of conscription has failed to instil healthy Blargoblarger values into our people. We must widen the net and make the training harsher.”

4. “When an engineer joins, we put them to work fixing stuff,” explains Army logistician, Kitty Vader, moving a battalion of toy soldiers from one side of your desk to another. “Why not use this pop singer’s talents? We’d welcome him into the Army, but never put him on the front line. Instead, he’d fly from base to base singing to adoring uniformed fans, pose for recruitment posters, and go on TV to praise the glory of our great nation. He will serve beautifully.”

Issue by The Dux Headquarters of Annihilators of Chan Island

Edited by The Free Joy State

[Trotterdam]

#104 Public Loudspeakers Shrill With Controversy

The Issue

A recent poll on putting up huge loudspeakers in @@NAME@@'s cities for public government broadcasts has been brought to your attention.

The Debate

1. "This idea is brilliant, and @@NAME@@ can't afford to pass it up," claims Bruno Burke, your Minister of Safety. "These loudspeakers can assure the public that the government is always here to help them. The potential here, to immediately warn citizens of an emergency such as an earthquake or a stampede of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ or something, simply must be taken into account! This could save lives! And I suppose, when there isn't anything the citizens need to be told, you could always use them to broadcast patriotic messages like '@@SLOGAN@@' and inform the good people which party to join and vote for with newsbriefs and such. It'll be worth it to strengthen the populace's devotion to our glorious nation!"

2. "I think people need to realise what this really is: brainwashing!" retorts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a wealthy marketer. "I don't want to hear all this flag-waving hogwash every time I go out for a walk. But when it comes to emergencies, I do agree that something should be done to warn everyone: we should send out messages on mandatory miniature radios that you can carry in your pocket. It could tell you things you need to know too, like what shoes to buy and such."

3. "To be honest, I can't see why we should put up with advertising at all," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an anti-business protester. "All it is is some multi-billionaire or politician somewhere trying to make even more money while the rest of us struggle to make ends meet. I say we ban advertising and... actually I say we ban the whole capitalism thing altogether! Maybe the economy will suffer a little but that's just a minor side-effect really, especially when you consider that no longer will our children be encouraged to fill themselves with junk-food because some guy on the telly tells them it's cool!"

Issue by Alpha centauri
Edited by Sirocco

Wow. Umm, wow. That's a lot more extreme than the issue used to be.

3. "To be honest, I can't see why we should put up with advertising at all," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an anti-business protester. "All it is is some multi-billionaire or politician somewhere trying to make even more money while the rest of us struggle to make ends meet. I say we ban it. Maybe the economy will suffer a little and some people may lose jobs but that's just a minor side-effect really, especially when you consider that no longer will our children be encouraged to fill themselves with junk-food because some guy on the telly tells them it's cool!"

(Option 2 has received a minor spelling correction but is otherwise unchanged.)

[Drasnia]

That really is a pretty extreme change.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Yep.

The reason was that the previous version of the decision was not being respected by the narrative. You could ban adverts, then immediately get another issue mentioning adverts. You could even get the same issue again.

The other approach was to create new code that tracks that adverts had been banned, but in light of the absence of a suitable reversal issue, and given the number of knock on effects it would generate, it was deemed not worth the work-hours to implement that way.

Or of course, we could just have ignored the narrative gap. But as you've likely gathered, that's not my style.

This version is more extreme, but it creates a decision that the game narrative tracks and respects.

[Divine Cervine]

Issue #786

Tainted Tattoos

The Issue

There has been a rise in infection rates across the country from unsterilized tattoo needles. Health advocates have called on the government to impose safety standards on tattoo parlors across @@NAME@@.

The Debate

1. “This can’t go on!” cries @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Health and Safety Board. “The government needs to regulate tattoo artists and ensure that minimal health and safety practices are being followed. Otherwise, we’ll have a full-blown crisis on our hands. Did you know that some tattoo artists don’t even sterilize their equipment? That’s risking all kinds of disease!”


2. “This is ridiculous!” exclaims tattoo artist @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE/SHE@@ inks one of your staffers with a skull tattoo. “Why punish all of us because a minority don’t use clean needles? We need less state interference, not more. Word of mouth, not government regulation, will put the ones who infect their customers out of business. It’s common sense!”


3.


4. “The only people who wear tattoos are criminals and gangbangers,” reminds police officer @@RANDOMNAME@@, who heads the Gang Warfare division of the @@CAPITAL@@ police force. “It’s about time we banned tattoos and other bodily modifications. They give people this idea that they’re ‘cool’, which leads them towards a path of crime. Banning them will reduce crime, and make it tougher for the gangs to identify each other. That makes my job easier.”

Issue by The Crowned Commonwealth of Nuremgard
Edited by Nation of Quebec

From the source code, it looks like there should also be an option 3 that my nation does not get.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Issue #786: Tainted Tattoos

The Issue

There has been a rise in infection rates across the country from unsterilized tattoo needles. Health advocates have called on the government to impose safety standards on tattoo parlors across Frieden-und Freudenland.

The Debate

1. “This can’t go on!” cries Rochelle Freeman of the Frieden-und Freudenlandian Health and Safety Board. “The government needs to regulate tattoo artists and ensure that minimal health and safety practices are being followed. Otherwise, we’ll have a full-blown crisis on our hands. Did you know that some tattoo artists don’t even sterilize their equipment? That’s risking all kinds of disease!”

2. “This is ridiculous!” exclaims tattoo artist Adele McKay as she inks one of your staffers with a skull tattoo. “Why punish all of us because a minority don’t use clean needles? We need less state interference, not more. Word of mouth, not government regulation, will put the ones who infect their customers out of business. It’s common sense!”

3. “The only people who wear tattoos are criminals and gangbangers,” reminds police officer Cornelius Starkey, who heads the Gang Warfare division of the Civitas Pacis police force. “It’s about time we banned tattoos and other bodily modifications. They give people this idea that they’re ‘cool’, which leads them towards a path of crime. Banning them will reduce crime, and make it tougher for the gangs to identify each other. That makes my job easier.”

Issue by The Crowned Commonwealth of Nuremgard

Edited by Nation of Quebec

[Kaboomlandia]

#787: Come Fly With Me

A recent Air @@NATION@@ flight departing from @@CAPITAL@@ Airport was overbooked, resulting in the violent removal of a passenger. After legal scholars were unable to find any clear consensus about passenger rights within the nation’s existing laws, you have been dragged in to make a decision.

The Debate

“Now look here,” says @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, the injured passenger, speaking to reporters from her hospital bed. “I paid top @@CURRENCY@@ for that seat, and yet those horrible police officers thought I should be dragged off the plane just because the airline hadn’t properly planned for the amount of people who would want to fly that day. It’s unfair. I say that if we pay for a ticket, we should be allowed to fly on the airplane. It’s that simple.”

“But we do plan!” sputters @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, Chief Operations Officer of Air @@NATION@@, as he strides into your office without an appointment and knocks your transportation advisor out of his seat. “Virtually every flight has cancellations and no-shows to balance out the overbooking. We just had an abnormal influx of passengers for that particular flight. Yes, we also needed to put a few of our own employees on the flight, but that’s completely irrelevant. I say that we should be allowed to throw passengers off the plane if we have to - and if they won’t go willingly, they should have to deal with the consequences.”

“Why do we even have airplanes in the first place?” asks elderly protestor Taylor Pavlov, waving a “Just Plane Stupid” banner. “Airplanes are noisy, polluting monstrosities that are prone to frequent maintenance delays and flight cancellations. I say we should get rid of airplanes and invest in public transport... by which I mean domesticating the @@ANIMAL@@ and teaching people to ride them.”

Author: Thyerata
Edited: Pogaria

[Tinhampton]

#787: Come Fly With Me

...I paid top Endorsement for that seat...

You had a bit of a slip-up whilst trying to macroify everything there. In place of "Endorsement" is (almost certainly) @@CURRENCY@@.

[Thyerata]

#787: Come Fly With Me

...I paid top Endorsement for that seat...

You had a bit of a slip-up whilst trying to macroify everything there. In place of "Endorsement" is (almost certainly) @@CURRENCY@@.

Correct. Should be @@CURRENCY@@

[Trotterdam]

#781 The White Man's Burden

The Issue

Albinos - born with an absence of pigment in their eyes, skin or hair - suffer a lot of medical problems as a result of their condition. Additionally, they can often face multiple forms of discrimination, and some even believe that their bodies possess extraordinary health benefits and magic powers. Following a brutal attack on an albinistic teenager, which left him armless and disfigured, you have been urged to address their persecution.

The Debate

1. "Decapitations, infanticides, kidnappings, and amputations! It's beyond the pale!" weeps @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, mother of the now-hospitalised victim of the attack. "These are the dangers that albinos face every day. This must end! It should be illegal for anyone to discriminate against albinos, and that includes the media. In fact, make it easier to be an albino in @@NAME@@: give them free eye care, police protection, welfare support, and a lifetime supply of sunscreen!"

2. "This isn't a black and white issue, and skin-deep solutions won't tackle the root causes," declares @@RANDOMNAME@@, a divisive atheist demagogue. "Ignorance and superstition are to blame for all this, so let's stamp them out. Raise awareness about what albinism is and isn't. Teach people that albinos are normal @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@, just like you and me. We must erase the absurd primitive thinking that drives these attacks. Teach rationality, teach science, teach atheism!"

3. "Albinos definitely possess magicks beyond this realm," bellows the self-proclaimed Witch of @@CAPITAL@@, whose person is adorned with amulets made of albino body parts. "Trust me, I'm also a doctor. The hair of an albino is a cure for many afflictions, including blindness, cancer, and brain freezes. The tears of an orphaned albino child will remedy a broken heart. Therefore, the government must support my endeavor to bring the gifts of the albino to all in @@NAME@@ by setting up albino hunting guilds and farms. The nation can even benefit by sacrificing an albino every now and then for victory in war or a bountiful harvest!"

4. "Albinos definitely possess magicks beyond this realm," bellows the self-proclaimed Witch of the Wilds, whose person is adorned with amulets made of albino body parts. "Trust me, I’m also a doctor. The hair of an albino is a cure for many afflictions, including blindness, cancer, and brain freezes. The tears of an orphaned albino child will remedy a broken heart. Therefore, the government must support my endeavor to bring the gifts of the albino to all in @@NAME@@ by setting up albino hunting guilds and farms. The nation can even benefit by sacrificing an albino every now and then for victory in war or a bountiful harvest!"

5. "Within the Ashen Ones, the spirit of the divine dwells," proclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, Grand High Poobah of the Order of Violet. "Their eyes, the windows to the soul, reveal this to be Truth. One observes the lavender ghost of the great Mistress Violet typing within, Her presence on earth made physical. That is why the rest of their bodies lack any color; the whole existence of the albino is devoted to housing the Holy. It is written; they must be revered! Pay tribute to our albino masters, @@LEADER@@, and lay your nation's riches at their feet."

Issue by The Marsupial Illuminati
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

(Option 4 is taken from Aqualagoon's post and macrofied by me, other options were observed by me directly. The only difference between options 3 and 4 is whether you have a capital city or not. I took the liberty of implementing the corrections I posted here.)

By the way, I suspect the unreported option on #786 has something to do with religion. I notice that neither of those nations have a national religion, so maybe that's the reason they didn't get it?

[Tinhampton]

Also for #787, the name in Option 3 is random. Option 1, "her" should be @@HIS@@.

[Victores]

Um, is this where we post issues that aren't on the list? If so, I just got issue 789(The number below the masthead?)
I think its an issue chain.

@CAPITAL@gate

The Issue:
In a clandestine operation, your Propaganda Ministry and Intelligence Services have been wiretapping the offices of government critics and the headquarters of the opposition parties. The most prolifically targeted individual is recently elected representative Barry Maxman, a dashingly handsome author and political journalist, who is a determined enemy of your government. Unfortunately, Barry caught on, which gave him fresh ammunition for his latest magazine articles agitating against your leadership. He’s dubbed this the @@CAPITAL@@gate scandal, and is holding it up as an example of your “many abuses of power.” You have convened your advisors in an emergency meeting.

1.“This is bad. How in the name of Violet did this happen under your watch?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Chief of Staff, as he frantically points at an anti-government newspaper with the headline ‘@@LEADER@@ Must Go!’. “We must categorically remind the people that you were not involved and disavow anyone who has been named in the scandal. We need to cover up this mess as much as we can while we distract people so their minds are focused elsewhere. Stay strong, @@LEADER@@, we’ve got this covered.”

2.“@@LEADER@@, I implore you! If you help me, I’ll help you launch the perfect counter-attack!” exclaims Propaganda Ministry aide @@RANDOMNAME@@, who was named in the scandal. “Exonerate me and put me in charge of handling the investigation. With more wiretaps and more covert surveillance, we’ll be able to find something scandalous on this guy and discredit his claims of corruption. With Maxman facing ad hominem tu quoque attacks, you’ll emerge stronger than ever!”

3.“Instead of working against Mr. Maxman, why not work with him?” suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows. “Barry is pretty popular, and it wouldn’t hurt you to borrow some of his credibility. We... no... YOU need to apologize to him, along with anyone else who was victimized, and work with him to improve your public image. I bet you’ll find that you’ll survive this scandal much better by playing nice as opposed to acting belligerent. Who knows, he might even have some good ideas on how to actually run this country!”