Terraen Radio Broadcasting (OPEN)

[Populi-Terrae]

INTRODUCTION



Welcome, listeners. This is Joko Fayo, the founder of the Terraen Radio Broadcasting, the main radio station both for Terraens and foreigners who are interested in Terraen politics and everyday life.

What will we discuss? Well, as I just said, we will discuss politics including our government's ideology of Democratic Egalitarianism, diplomatic relations between Populi-Terrae and our foreign allies and enemies and the goings on of the Terraen regime.

We will also discuss the culture and public life of our glorious nation. There are many around the world who wonder what our country is really like. but either can't or won't make the journey to our glorious nation. Well, fret no more. Mr. Fayo is here to make you dream of our nation.

To those living in oppressive regimes (looking at you, Lamerika), we will give you tips on how to survive in those horrific regimes.

This is also a call in station, so if a Terraen or a foreigner wants to discuss certain issues or just have a personal chat, I'm your man.

Again, this is Mr. Fayo, coming to you on TRB on frequency 873 kHz

OOC: Sign ups for this RP are at this link: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=407818

[Populi-Terrae]

Okay, since today is Saturday, PT time, let’s discuss the news for the week.

A maniac, working for the Front for a Stronger Populi-Terrae, went on a brazen shooting and stabbing rampage at a Freiheit subway. Approximately three people are dead and dozens are injured. One of the injured received a knife to the stomach and it is feared that she may not be able to reproduce. Damn these wankers to hell. That’s all I have to say.

Remember the coup back in January? The one that gave birth to these FPST parasites? Well, the bloodletting has begun. Thirty of the participants have been hanged for treason, with at least two hundred more to follow. You know, sometimes I wonder what the hell those traitors were thinking. They had a good job, excellent income. They protected their families from outside invaders. Why throw all that away for some fascist fantasy? Alexander Anshanko, the head of this snake, was tried, convicted and sentenced to death in absentia, meaning that if he sets foot on Terraen soil again, he will be hanged, drawn and quartered, figuratively of course. He will be hanged literally.

The Terraen people are being forced to make an decision to either add to or subtract from our government in the form of voting for or against a potential Centrist Representative Committee to balance out the juggernauts of the two pre-existing Representative Committee. I always considered myself a centrist, you know. I could never go extreme on any political position. It is against my nature. Be it on gay rights or something else. Oh, I don’t have a problem with lesbians, gay, bisexuals, trasgenders or any other sexuality. But I’m not exactly going to put my life on the line for a gay person, you know? I wouldn’t do the same for a straight person, either. I am something of a spectator. I watch, I don’t take part.

Two males of Lamerikan origin were arrested this week on charges of espionage and supplying the FPST. Get a load of this. The government in Victoria claims that they’re not working on behalf of their shadowy intelligence community, but these guys came with machine gun mags sticky-taped to their bodies and wrapped in a material that was going to deflect the metal detectors. The police also arrested a contact which confessed to members of the FPST.

Let me tell you something, I could never stand the Lamerikan government, especially that moron, President Taylor. We sometimes pick up his speeches here and let me tell you something, he is a hypocrite of the worst common denominator. He is well known for his hatred of us for supposedly crushing democracy and treating homeless people as if they are second-class people. How is he a hypocrite? He is a communist, a society where you are subservient to the will of the state and you are a second-class citizen.

To President Taylor, I say this: look in the mirror.

We will be right back after this message from our sponsors.

[Populi-Terrae]

This is Mr. Fayo, coming at you live on TBR on 873 kHz.

Any citizen of Populi-Terrae would know that we are taught to feel compassion for those less fortunate, those unable to reap the benefits of living life to their fullest.

It was this compassion in his heart that drove President Inguo Hayo to sign the ‘Homeless Rehabilitation Act’ into law which stipulated the relocation of the country’s less fortunate to special re-education centres.

Of course, as soon as the centres went up, the governments of the world started whining, saying that we were treating them like criminals and that we were pushing them out of sight and out of mind. Lion dung. That’s all I have to say.

I, personally, think the centres are a great idea. It simplifies the process of taking care of the less fortunate and protects them from harm.

But you need not hear that from me. Tonight, I have, with me, a former homeless person who was released from the Freiheit re-education centre last year. Everyone, welcome Mr. Fred Hallows.

(cue applause)

Thank you for agreeing to attend the show, Mr. Hallow.

“It is my pleasure, Mr. Fayo. Anything to improve the image of these idols to social welfare”,

“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you wind up below the poverty line?”

“My family was troubled. I got hooked on drugs at the age of 15 and my grades slipped into the netherworld. I was expelled from school and I wound up becoming a member of a homeless camp underneath Freiheit Bridge”,

“And how did you feel when the Homeless Rehabilitation Act was put into effect?”

“Honestly? I was terrified. I was worried they would shoot us all in the back of the head or gas us”,

“Can you remember the night when you wound up in the re-education centre?”

“Yes. I was asleep until I heard a cop holding a megaphone shout ‘By order of the President, this camp will be dispersed and it’s occupants relocated!’. The officers were dressed in riot gear and they had these big shields. They had blocked off all roads leading under the bridge with these big trucks. Several members of the camp threw bottles of piss at the officers and they started firing off tear gas. They began shooting rubber bullets and shouting “Stand down or you will be hurt!’. I was blinded by the gas and one of the officers handcuffed me and dragged me on the ground towards the truck. Five of my friends wound up in the same van as I and we were driven from the bridge to this huge group of buildings with barbed wire and guard towers surrounding them”

“And how did you feel then?”

“Scared, terrified, horrified. I was practically drenched in sweat’,

“What happened when you first arrived at the camp”,

“When the vans stopped, a group of officers boarded the van and one of them said “We are armed with tazers. Do not attempt to resist”, before taking off the handcuffs and forcing us to line up in the courtyard. This female officer, wearing a blue uniform with the national flag on the armband, then walked towards us’.

“She said ‘I am Commander Anneliese Becker of the Freiheit internment centre. You have fallen below the poverty line and as a consequence, we have failed you. Allow us to help you rise again’. I was confused, like ‘What the hell is this’?

“I’m going to guess that it took you a while to adjust to life under a roof?”

“Hell yeah. I took me two months to get used to waking up at 6:00 AM, listening to biblical, Qur’anic or Talmudic verses about the poor and downtrodden at 6:30 and having nicely cooked food at 7:00 AM.. At 8:30 AM, there were exercises in the courtyard and from 9:00 to 10:30 in the morning, lectures on how to ignore drugs and alcohol”,

“Can you remember a biblical verse about poverty?”

“Oh, yes, I can. “If your brother becomes poor and cannot maintain himself with you, you shall support him as though he were a stranger and a sojourner, and he shall live with you. Take no interest from him or profit, but fear your God, that your brother may live beside you”, - Leviticus 25:35-36”,

“You remember that whole verse verbatim?”

“Yes, sir”,

“When did you get your first job?”

“Five months or so after I arrived. I worked in a fast food restaurant. It was simple work, but my boss understood my situation and paid me equal to the rest of the workforce. I now work at a bowling alley”,

“I trust that you are happy?”

“I am ecstatic. I now have my own apartment across the street from the bowling alley and I pay the rent on time thanks to the job. I’ve been to the bridge camp. It’s all cleared up now. Only two or three homeless people camp there for a night or two before they are detained”,

“What do you say to those who say that your brothers are being treated like criminals?”

“May I have your microphone?”

“Certainly”,

(Mr. Fayo passes the microphone to Fred)

"Dear listeners, if someone tells you that Populi-Terrae is a despotic hellhole where the poor are tortured and killed, slap them in the face and if you are recording this, force them to listen to this broadcast. I am here of my own free will, preaching the benevolence and compassion of our nation, a nation which helps all those in need within and outside of it’s borders. I love my country for forcing me to wake up to the reality that I cannot exist as a leach forever. The people must take the initiative in their own lives, guided by our government of course. I have taken the initiative and I have prospered for it",

(Fred passes the microphone back to Mr. Fayo)

"Strong, powerful words, Mr. Hallows. Goodbye and have a good life.

“Thank you, Mr. Fayo”,

“And with that, we end our broadcast for tonight. Not to worry, we will be back tomorrow. Stay safe, dear listeners”,

[Populi-Terrae]

This is Mr. Fayo coming at you from the coast of Populi-Terrae, speaking to you on TRB. We've got a caller from Valgora on the line.

You're on the line, Mr. Haklang Hælæifsson.

[Valgora]

"Halló. I had a question about the stuff Fred was talking about. What's with all the Abrahamic religion shit?"

[Populi-Terrae]

"Halló. I had a question about the stuff Fred was talking about. What's with all the Abrahamic religion shit?"

You mean them learning verses from the Bible, Qu'ran and the Talmud? It's to provide them with encouragement to improve themselves. Religion can be a powerful motivator.

[Valgora]

"Halló. I had a question about the stuff Fred was talking about. What's with all the Abrahamic religion shit?"

You mean them learning verses from the Bible, Qu'ran and the Talmud? It's to provide them with encouragement to improve themselves. Religion can be a powerful motivator.

"Populi-Terrae just strikes me as a secular nation. And these homeless camps are clearly government run. So, why the religion shit. Don't get me wrong, I do follow a religion, but the government shouldn't mix with religion."

[Populi-Terrae]

You mean them learning verses from the Bible, Qu'ran and the Talmud? It's to provide them with encouragement to improve themselves. Religion can be a powerful motivator.

"Populi-Terrae just strikes me as a secular nation. And these homeless camps are clearly government run. So, why the religion shit. Don't get me wrong, I do follow a religion, but the government shouldn't mix with religion."

"From top to bottom, we are secular, but it's no different from the army having chaplains or preachers with the soldiers in times of need",

[Valgora]

"Populi-Terrae just strikes me as a secular nation. And these homeless camps are clearly government run. So, why the religion shit. Don't get me wrong, I do follow a religion, but the government shouldn't mix with religion."

"From top to bottom, we are secular, but it's no different from the army having chaplains or preachers with the soldiers in times of need",

"No, this is something different. Fred said 'took me two months to get used to waking up at 6:00 AM, listening to biblical, Qur’anic or Talmudic verses about the poor and downtrodden at 6:30.'

It sure sounds like the homeless were forced to listen to the verses. If the verses are about the poor and downtrodden, if anyone is to be forced to listen to, the rich should be the ones."

[Populi-Terrae]

"From top to bottom, we are secular, but it's no different from the army having chaplains or preachers with the soldiers in times of need",

"No, this is something different. Fred said 'took me two months to get used to waking up at 6:00 AM, listening to biblical, Qur’anic or Talmudic verses about the poor and downtrodden at 6:30.'

It sure sounds like the homeless were forced to listen to the verses. If the verses are about the poor and downtrodden, if anyone is to be forced to listen to, the rich should be the ones."

"Yeah, well. As I said, they need encouragement to better themselves. We don't use the rod. We use the feather",

[Valgora]

"No, this is something different. Fred said 'took me two months to get used to waking up at 6:00 AM, listening to biblical, Qur’anic or Talmudic verses about the poor and downtrodden at 6:30.'

It sure sounds like the homeless were forced to listen to the verses. If the verses are about the poor and downtrodden, if anyone is to be forced to listen to, the rich should be the ones."

"Yeah, well. As I said, they need encouragement to better themselves. We don't use the rod. We use the feather",

"Well, anyway, I have to go to work making engines. I still say that you should use the 'rod' on the rich."

[Populi-Terrae]

"Okay. Have fun at work and trust me, the government would agree with you",

"If no one else wants to call in, let's get today's show on the road",

[Populi-Terrae]

Okay. Today, I’m going to try a new segment called “What’s Wrong With…”, Pretty much any nation can wind up on this list for whatever reason, even our esteemed allies. In this segment, we will discuss the quirks of the governments or societies of various countries.

Since we hate these guys, so much, let’s go with Lamerika.

There’s not much wrong with Lamerikan society, actually. If the government’s propaganda is true, the people are living wonderful lives.

So let’s go against the government, huh?

President James Taylor. Let’s start with him. He’s a self-obsessed moron and if I may say so myself, a hypocrite. He claims that he loves human rights and dares to criticize us for our supposed ‘human rights violations’ when this moron sides with other Communist nations such as Kirislavia (one of our allies, admittedly, but that’s beside the point) where there is only one party allowed and they have secret police everywhere. Taylor claims that these people are fulfilling the ‘Proletariat’s Revolution’. In fact, this is an actual quote from him “My first order as President will be to send you to the Gulag." He even has his own pro-Communist news agency in his home country called Lamerikan (Creative name, by the way, Jimmy). He claims to be introducing democratic reforms, although I wouldn’t hold my breath.

But, rumours around the campfire say that he may be a cannibal. Honestly, I hope that is true.

He seems to be the only stick in the mud. His spanking First Lady is a gorgeous woman and that guy, President Nikita Zhakarov, seems like the kinda guy I would exchange a few Cubans with. A freedom-loving Lamerikan is better than Taylor, anyday of the week.

Anyway, let’s move onto this Constitution.

According to Article 2, the people is represented by the Communist Party. In other words, the Communist Party is the only party in the country.

According to Article 3, this constitution basically outlaws the right of the people to own private property. At least, in our country, there is a mish-mash of privately-controlled businesses and a state-controlled monopoly.

Oh, sorry, according to Article 5, the people get a ‘small private economy based on their personal labour’. In other words, if you don’t work hard enough, you don’t get paid.

And that was Chapter 1 of the Constitution. Let’s move onto Chapter 2.

The people get access to care in old age, the right to housing and the right to a education. All fine and well, we have the same policies in Populi-Terrae.

But I want to talk about Article 15. This is the Article in full (clears his throat) “Within conformity to the interests of the Workers, citizens are guaranteed the right to individual expression through speech, assembly, and that of the press”,

What the hell does that mean? ‘Within conformity to the interests of the Workers’.

Yeah, great job being vague with that fine print. So, if the ‘Workers’ decided that they didn’t like people protesting for a two-party system, they get flattened like a Tiananmen waffle with the waffle irons that we call tanks?

And this guy gets to complain about OUR human rights record?

And that’s it for the What’s Wrong With… segment. You got a country I can complain about, message me privately.

We will be right back after these messages.

[Populi-Terrae]

For our last segment for the weekend, let us answer a burning question that is troubling some people in the world? Why do we hate Scientologists? If you are a Terraen citizen or a tourist visiting, you may have seen all of those spooky ads on the telly, like those American ‘Homeland Security’ ads, which tell you be on the lookout for ‘subversives’ including fascists and Scientologists. You know those ads which show a man in the corner of a room with this massive Scientologist logo on the wall’s room and it ends with a guy’s hand holding a whip? Yeah, those ones.

Let me tell you a story.

I’ll be honest. Around the time of the passing of the Scientology Abolition and Societal Protection Act, I didn’t care too much about politics or religion. That changed after a friend of mine was arrested one night by the police. It wasn’t people in riot suits either. It was regular blue-clothed police, taking my friend out of his home in front of his wife and kids.

I did my research on Scientology. Let me tell you something. The next time someone tells you that Scientology is a religion, punch them in the gut.

Scientology was up to some really shady crap before they got banned. They used to have ‘donations’ which they claim went to support charities, but instead went right into their leaders’ fat pockets. They would harass critics including one incident where a critic of Scientology found a dead squirrel on her porch. They would gouge the pockets of foolish Terraen youths looking for spiritual guidance and when they joined the so-called ‘religion’, they would be intimidated into staying in a special compound in the countryside and if they left and were caught, they would be beaten and forced to do labour work.

Not only that, but Scientology’s obsession with money did not fit well with it’s ‘religious image’. A investigation by a Federal Commission discovered that the Scientologist higher-ups were only concerned about money and one witness even testified that L Ron Hubbard had written ‘The best way to make money is to make a religion’. I can’t say I disagree, actually.

The Federal Commission also discovered that Scientology was in-effect, a get-rich-quick scheme surrounding a doctrine of nonsense called ‘dianetics’. It was debunked by every reputable psychiatric organization in the United States and even the Terraen Organization for Psychotherapy said quote ‘Scientifically, it doesn’t even hold up as a theory. L Ron Hubbard’s experience was in science fiction writing, not psychiatry’.

After reading all of this information, I can say that I am glad that Scientology is forbidden from our great land, never to return.

And this brings an end to our time together this Sunday. See you tomorrow, right back here, on TBR, frequency 873 kHz.

[Populi-Terrae]

Good morning, everyone, and thank you for tuning into TBR. I hope you are all doing well.

Let’s begin this day with some calls, huh? If anyone wants to call into the show, now is your chance.

[Populi-Terrae]

Well, it looks like we've got a caller from Kirislava. A Miss Dazdraperma Anikanova. Just a little tidbit. I used to think Kirislava was in Russia because of their names. It turns out it's in Scandinavia.

Anyway, Miss Anikanova. You're on the line.

[Kirislavia]

"Hello, my friend. I've been listening to your show for a couple days, since it's one of the few foreign stations that isn't banned over here, you see. And you know, I've got a few questions. First off, well, this is more of a comment than anything: I don't see why you're ripping on Lamerika's government for only having one party. It's a single-party socialist state, that's the bloody point!"

She barely pauses to take a breath before adding: "And secondly, here's my real question, why just ban Scientology? Ban all religion, that's what I say. Of course, I guess you guys don't think the same. What with making your homeless listen to bloody Bible verses and all."

[Populi-Terrae]

"Hello, my friend. I've been listening to your show for a couple days, since it's one of the few foreign stations that isn't banned over here, you see. And you know, I've got a few questions. First off, well, this is more of a comment than anything: I don't see why you're ripping on Lamerika's government for only having one party. It's a single-party socialist state, that's the bloody point!"

She barely pauses to take a breath before adding: "And secondly, here's my real question, why just ban Scientology? Ban all religion, that's what I say. Of course, I guess you guys don't think the same. What with making your homeless listen to bloody Bible verses and all."

"Yes. I will take your first comment. We are attacking them for being hypocrites. They claim that we violate human rights, but they do the exact same",

"Secondly, no offense to your leadership, but we see the value of religion and the impact that it has on the people. We ARE a democracy, after all",

[Kirislavia]

"Yes. I will take your first comment. We are attacking them for being hypocrites. They claim that we violate human rights, but they do the exact same",

"Secondly, no offense to your leadership, but we see the value of religion and the impact that it has on the people. We ARE a democracy, after all",

"Oy, don't you know? We're a democracy too. We can vote for representatives, make our voices heard at Party meetings, and so on. Multi-party systems are, no offense, rubbish, because then you get right-wing capitalist nuts in government. Right-wing capitalist nuts, who don't understand that religion preys on the working class and gives them false hope. What value do you see in that, hm? This kind of crap makes me wonder why Comrade Pasichnyk is practically in bed with your President."

[Populi-Terrae]

"You, my friend, are too focused on the two-dimensional struggle of rich VS poor. For some people, religion gives them a reason to live. The idea that someone is looking out for them can be very comforting for some people. Mind you, but I'm not religious, but my late father used to go to the church, praying for his family when they were in trouble. My father even kept a Bible on his bedside table and had bookmarked his favourite verses. He thought religion was very important to people.

And by the way, voting in representatives from one party is not really giving the people a choice",

[Kirislavia]

"If their lives are so terrible that they have no reason to live other than religion, that's a massive problem and the government should be stepping in to fix that. Being able to do honourable work is way more fulfilling than religion, you know; but I guess maybe a radio announcer who makes a living just talking wouldn't understand that, huh?

For what it's worth, might I add, nobody in my family kept a Bible on their bedside stand, but I kept my Communist Youth handbook next to my bed as a teenager. And I turned out just fine, if not a bit "too focused" on the workers' struggle, as you say."

[Populi-Terrae]

"If their lives are so terrible that they have no reason to live other than religion, that's a massive problem and the government should be stepping in to fix that. Being able to do honourable work is way more fulfilling than religion, you know; but I guess maybe a radio announcer who makes a living just talking wouldn't understand that, huh?

For what it's worth, might I add, nobody in my family kept a Bible on their bedside stand, but I kept my Communist Youth handbook next to my bed as a teenager. And I turned out just fine, if not a bit "too focused" on the workers' struggle, as you say."

"For some people, becoming a priest or helping the less fortunate IS 'honourable work.

Well, what your Communist handbook is to you, a Bible or a Qu'ran or a Talmud is to our people",

[Kirislavia]

"For some people, becoming a priest or helping the less fortunate IS 'honourable work.

Well, what your Communist handbook is to you, a Bible or a Qu'ran or a Talmud is to our people",

"Perhaps so, but I can't say I understand it. They could always help the less fortunate by being political activists, instead of like, praying or whatever it is they do. And I'll have you know, I'm more than a little offended by you comparing my Communist Youth handbook to religious texts, but unfortunately I can't sit here and argue this with you all night. I have to get up early for work tomorrow, so you have a lovely evening, or whatever time it is out there."

[Populi-Terrae]

"For some people, becoming a priest or helping the less fortunate IS 'honourable work.

Well, what your Communist handbook is to you, a Bible or a Qu'ran or a Talmud is to our people",

"Perhaps so, but I can't say I understand it. They could always help the less fortunate by being political activists, instead of like, praying or whatever it is they do. And I'll have you know, I'm more than a little offended by you comparing my Communist Youth handbook to religious texts, but unfortunately I can't sit here and argue this with you all night. I have to get up early for work tomorrow, so you have a lovely evening, or whatever time it is out there."

"Okay, See you soon, Comrade",

(ends the call)

"Does anyone else want to make a call into this show? If not, we're moving onto our next segment",

[Populi-Terrae]

“Okay. Here is a segment called ‘What Really Grinds My Gears’, basically a bitchfest where I complain about stuff in this glorious country of ours”,

“You know what really grinds my gears? People breastfeeding in public. Cover up, ladies. One time, I was at the café drinking coffee. This woman with a baby comes up and asks me if she could feed her baby. I was confused, so I said yes. Turns out she ‘feeds’ the little tot with breast milk. Suddenly, drinking coffee made me a little uncomfortable, so I bailed. Why this is not a crime boggles my min.

You know what really grinds my gears? People shooting off fireworks at night without a permit. Not only is it illegal, it’s annoying. I have a dog at home. A nice little German Shepherd puppy, the cutest thing you could ever ask for. However, once every week, six doors down, some moron is firing off fireworks and annoying the neighbourhood. A friend of mine told me that this idiot doesn’t even have a permit. Then again, if they did have a permit, they would be banned from shooting off fireworks unless it is to celebrate public holidays.

You know what really grinds my gears? Idiots who streak across the television butt naked. Like, who the hell cares if your ding-a-ling is jiggling back and forth and your butt looks like a solar eclipse? You are not special. Your fame is only going to last from that moment until you go to jail for public nudity.

And that’s it for ‘You Know What Really Grinds My Gears”, Hopefully, Seth McFarlane won’t track me down for a lawsuit.