NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Drasnia]

Updated to #696 which was the last to be reported. #691 is still out there as is #695 so keep your eyes out.

Helaw - Today at 2:36 PM
695 is going to be a fun find. Hint: It's a chained issue.

[Trotterdam]

Ah, interesting. I'll set some beartraps and should be able to tell you which issue it's a chain of by tomorrow

Meanwhile, I have this:

#697 Conventional Wisdom

The Issue

While planning the party convention for your re-election campaign your advisers have come to disagree on what the overall feeling of the event should be. They have turned to their natural means of making a final decision: bothering you about it.

The Debate

1. "One word: fireworks," states @@RANDOMNAME@@, chair@@MAN/WOMAN@@ of your political party, holding a wickedly thorned rose to the light. "Banal political speeches and rhetorical niceties just aren't doing anything; the people have grown tired of it all. Come to think of it, I'm sick of it myself, and that's really saying something. We really ought to put on an honest to goodness show here. Lasers! Music! Celebrity appearances! That should really push us up in the polls - and more importantly, your opponents down." @@HE/SHE@@ bends the rose until the stem snaps.

2. "By all means, do that," sarcastically quips your Minister of Finance, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "You can give people all the bread and circuses you want, but when it comes time to follow through, no amount of flash will solve the real deficit: the deficit of trust. Give them the unvarnished truth, and spare them the unnecessary pomp and circumstance. I propose you read off a list of factual bullet points provided by mine and other departments. For example, did you know that in the last year, no fewer than 39,280 deaths have been attributed to that marshmallow bill you approved a while back? Fascinating!"

3. "WHAT?!" bellows your Secretary of Defense, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Millions of good, decent @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are fearful. They face the perils of globalism and an uncertain world order. Now's our chance to show @@NAME@@ what a REAL leader does in a time of crisis. Ride into the convention atop a tank, at the spearhead of a full armored vehicle convoy. Mount a three-story tall podium draped in a giant @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag, and promise our people the world!" @@HE/SHE@@ pauses for a moment as a vaulting grin creeps up @@HIS/HER@@ face. "Literally!"

Issue by Libertypendence Park
Edited by Ransium

Note: I'm note actually sure if option 1 is gender-neutral (the one I got was male), but we have the macro for it now, so...

This was in a nation that had banned fireworks, incidentally. I don't think that's tracked as a flag. (This issue uses the word more metaphorically, anyway.)

[Ransium]

Gender is neutral in 1. I interpreted the fireworks as metaphorical (at least for nations that banned fireworks).

[Trotterdam]

#691 is still out there as is #695 so keep your eyes out.

Helaw - Today at 2:36 PM
695 is going to be a fun find. Hint: It's a chained issue.

Ah, interesting. I'll set some beartraps and should be able to tell you which issue it's a chain of by tomorrow

Didn't even need that long. It's #091 option 2, "televangelists flaunt their expensive cars when they attend charity events".

Beartraps decomissioned, and here's some top-quality honey for your trouble.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Hey, this thread just broke 750000 views. Ain't that something.

[Dytarma]

Hey, this thread just broke 750000 views. Ain't that something.

It truly is.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

You know what else is something?

We just added Issue 700 to the game.

And it is really great. I'd go as far as to call in poetry, in fact.

However, it's been chained from an old issue, so let's see how long it takes for you guys to find it.

[Helaw]

However, it's been chained from an old issue, so let's see how long it takes for you guys to find it.

Judging by how long it took Trotterdam to find #695 after I hinted that it was a chained issue, less than twenty four hours.

[Trotterdam]

And it is really great. I'd go as far as to call in poetry, in fact.

Literally. It's this one.

Unfortunately, the only one I've seen answering it yet is Ransium himself just now, who got it without meeting the normal prerequisites due to being the author, so I'll need another sighting or two before I can confirm the validity. Though, the draft in that thread offers a pretty good suggestion (#161 option 1, "the government seizes the property of the recently deceased"), I doubt it was changed from that.

Also I think there's something about guns and something about plumbing?

[Lord Dominator]

so let's see how long it takes for you guys to find it.

39 minutes ( or less) seems to be the answer to this.
Edit: I also reported the effect line that I found on Ransium in the fix old issues thread, since it seemed a bit off. And found out it's not wrong

[North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands]

The Issue

Residents across your nation have been poisoned due to dangerous levels of lead in the drinking water. A particularly vocal quartet have arrived to tell you how they think you should handle the problem.
The Debate

1. “The government needs to fix our pipes!” shouts @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, a mother of four children, as she shows you the image of her teary-eyed youngsters shaking their empty Princess Sparkle-@@ANIMAL@@ water tumblers. “Look at this report. Those old lead pipes are corroding and it is leaking into our homes. I cannot give this poisonous water to my daughters! Not only does it taste disgusting, it’s also a health hazard. You have to get rid of the old pipes and install new ones! Think of the children!”
[Effect] Families waiting for delayed pipe installations hope daily for rain.

2. “What’s this woman prattling about?” huffs @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, your notoriously penny-pinching Treasury Minister, squeezing a pound until it cuts his palm. “Everyone knows that lead’s not dangerous. It’s good for you. I heard it just this morning on talk-radio. As your body absorbs healthful lead, it seeps into your bones, makes them stronger, and works to protect against the carcinogens of environmental radiation. What we need, @@LEADER@@, is an extensive campaign to tell everyone the alternative facts about the many benefits of lead: posters, TV ads, catchy tunes...you name it.”

5. “Replacing the pipes would be so expensive, Dear @@LEADER@@. Fortunately, we can provide for the water needs of the whole Republic.” asserts @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, Manager of The Glorious @@NAME@@ Water Bottling Plant, as she pours some of Mother @@NAME@@’s slightly-cloudy product into a shot-glass. “With increased funding for advertisements, we will teach that all good @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ have a duty to buy our pricey...reasonable product, as sparking as a mountain stream.” Wincing slightly, she takes a sip from her glass.

6. “Let’s just add synthetic EthyleneDiamineTetraAcetic Acid to the water we’ve got!” giggles chemist @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ giddily, unaware of the blank looks everyone in the room is giving him. “Oh, for crying out glayven. It’s so simple that any child of five, with an advanced degree in chemical engineering, would understand. By giving the whole population preventative chelation therapy, we can guarantee everyone can drink the water, without wasting valuable time and money on repairing pipes or bringing in fresh water. And sure, a few people might get minor side effects, such as heart palpitations, nausea, fatigue, blood clots, and death. But most people will be fine. Probably. So if you could just sign here...”

Issue by The Colony of British Wassoulea

Edited by The Free Joy State

[Ransium]

And it is really great. I'd go as far as to call in poetry, in fact.

Literally. It's this one.

Unfortunately, the only one I've seen answering it yet is Ransium himself just now, who got it without meeting the normal prerequisites due to being the author, so I'll need another sighting or two before I can confirm the validity. Though, the draft in that thread offers a pretty good suggestion (#161 option 1, "the government seizes the property of the recently deceased"), I doubt it was changed from that.

Also I think there's something about guns and something about plumbing?

So I know you figured out what issue it was ultimately from your involvement in drafting the issue, but what tipped you off? Did CWA's hint make you check my feed? Or had you already figured it out from seeing that there was a new effects line in the wild, and then using who got it and what the line was to connect it to my draft?

[Drasnia]

You know what else is something?

We just added Issue 700 to the game.

And it is really great. I'd go as far as to call in poetry, in fact.

However, it's been chained from an old issue, so let's see how long it takes for you guys to find it.

That's amazing. We aren't even done with march and we've just about hit 50 issues since the New Year (the first issue reported in this thread in 2017 was #653). At this pace we should crack 1000 in less than two years - amazing!

[Trotterdam]

So I know you figured out what issue it was ultimately from your involvement in drafting the issue, but what tipped you off? Did CWA's hint make you check my feed? Or had you already figured it out from seeing that there was a new effects line in the wild, and then using who got it and what the line was to connect it to my draft?

The latter. Maybe Candlewhisper's hint helped me connect the dots (I don't actually remember anymore), but I definitely found the dots on my own.

By way, it being a followup of #161 option 1 confirmed by sighting on Umbran.

[Aqualagoon]

North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands reported this, but they didn't give the option numbers (which are non-trivial)

The Issue

Residents across your nation have been poisoned due to dangerous levels of lead in the drinking water. A particularly vocal quartet have arrived to tell you how they think you should handle the problem.

The Debate

1. “The government needs to fix our pipes!” shouts Sue-Ann Jele, a mother of four children, as she shows you the image of her teary-eyed youngsters shaking their empty Princess Sparkle-Trout water tumblers. “Look at this report. Those old lead pipes are corroding and it is leaking into our homes. I cannot give this poisonous water to my daughters! Not only does it taste disgusting, it’s also a health hazard. You have to get rid of the old pipes and install new ones! Think of the children!”

2. “What’s this woman prattling about?” huffs Abraham Quayle, your notoriously penny-pinching Treasury Minister, squeezing a Raindrop until it cuts his palm. “Everyone knows that lead’s not dangerous. It’s good for you. I heard it just this morning on talk-radio. As your body absorbs healthful lead, it seeps into your bones, makes them stronger, and works to protect against the carcinogens of environmental radiation. What we need, Leader, is an extensive campaign to tell everyone the alternative facts about the many benefits of lead: posters, TV ads, catchy tunes...you name it.”

4. “Replacing pipes would be so expensive, Leader. Fortunately, I have an excellent economic opportunity for both of us,” asserts Debra Wolfe, CEO of Basani Water, looking over her steepled fingers with a contorted grin. “People need water. We have water to sell. Simply allow us to add a small desperation levy, say double the price, and we can help the people of our nation while growing our economy at the same time. Sure, the cattle-class might not be able to afford it, but think of the economic incentives!” she sips her company’s water from a champagne flute.

6. “Let’s just add synthetic EthyleneDiamineTetraAcetic Acid to the water we’ve got!” giggles chemist Jabulani du Pont giddily, unaware of the blank looks everyone in the room is giving him. “Oh, for crying out glayven. It’s so simple that any child of five, with an advanced degree in chemical engineering, would understand. By giving the whole population preventative chelation therapy, we can guarantee everyone can drink the water, without wasting valuable time and money on repairing pipes or bringing in fresh water. And sure, a few people might get minor side effects, such as heart palpitations, nausea, fatigue, blood clots, and death. But most people will be fine. Probably. So if you could just sign here...”

Issue by The Colony of British Wassoulea

Edited by The Free Joy State

[North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands]

North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands reported this, but they didn't give the option numbers (which are non-trivial)

Sorry. I've fixed my post now. Thanks for telling me.

[The Free Joy State]

North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands reported this, but they didn't give the option numbers (which are non-trivial)

Sorry. I've fixed my post now. Thanks for telling me.

Hi North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands, just to let you know that those particular options are numbered 1, 2, 5, and 6.

[North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands]

Sorry. I've fixed my post now. Thanks for telling me.

Hi North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands, just to let you know that those particular options are numbered 1, 2, 5, and 6.

Thank you. I've fixed my post.

[Darmen]

Not sure about random name Macro's and whatnot.

Issue #698: I Shot the Sheriff

The Issue

Recently, the Sheriff of @@Animal@@ County was shot dead, seemingly without any motive. Further investigation revealed that the shooter had legally purchased a gun two days before, but had a history of severe mental illness, psychotic breaks, and paranoid delusions. Now, the process of purchasing firearms is being questioned.

The Debate

1. The shooter, Herschel Yates, swears that the killing was in self-defense, and strokes his teddy bear. “Me and Mr. Higgins here felt threatened by the police officer, so we had to defend ourselves somehow! You take away my firearms, and you’re taking away my safety! You start telling me I can’t have a gun because you don’t trust me, and BOOM, it’s slippery slope, all the way down to absolute tyranny!” He reaches for his sidearm to shoot you down, then remembers he has been disarmed. “Oh dear, Mr. Higgins, they’re eroding our liberties. You’re right, Mr. Higgins, that’s not good at all...”

2. “Safety? You’re worried about your safety around the police?” asks @@Animal@@ Deputy Sheriff Aphrodite Eko. “We’re the police force, for goodness sake! We protect the people! There I was, observing the town, waiting for a report and enjoying a bagel, then this madman shoots the sheriff dead and takes a pot shot at me too! Look, nobody is saying that people shouldn’t be allowed guns, but isn’t it reasonable to require a background check, a review of medical records, and a gun licensing system?”

3. Ebenezer Lovegood, local mall-goer and spoiled teen, offers a different solution. “Why don’t we just make a law that guns, have to be, like, really expensive? It’s not like those crazies are going to have a good job or anything. That way, only people who, like, are responsible members of society can get a gun.”

4. Khethiwe Silk, editor of Socialist Darmen Magazine blows a raspberry at that idea. “What kind of nonsense is that? Letting the rich have all the power over the poor? I say that only the government is responsible enough to have access to firearms! That way, we can end capitalism and... wait, sorry, wrong proposal... I mean, we can end gun crime and make a safer nation!”

Issue by The Technocratic Republic of Rohendia

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

EDIT 1: Added @@Animal @@ Macro
EDIT 2: Author and Editor added

[Trotterdam]

I got #699 options 1/2/4/6. The names are confirmed as random, and with the exception of the first option (explicitly a mother), gender-neutral. I got:
1. Kathryn Quinn
2. Clara Wong (female pronouns)
4. Heston Duterte (male pronouns)
6. Melissa Locke (female pronouns)
Yes, all my genders were exactly opposite from Aqualagoon's. Convenient.

Also, in the first option, "Princess Sparkle-@@ANIMAL@@" is italicized. (My nation, needless to say, approves of sparkly princesses.)

Option 3 is still at large, and apparently not based on a capitalist/communist split.

Plus two more issues that got added today...

[Blargoblarg]

Issue #701 Monumental Melodrama

The Issue

Angry Bigtopian protesters have called for the removal of a statue of Cyril James Carthage, a controversial historic imperialist and mining magnate from two centuries ago, who was once instrumental in perpetuating the Bigtopian slave trade.

The Debate

1. “Carthage must fall!” bellows Bigtopian protest leader Rosita Anderson, hurling a bucket of paint at the statue. “He was a racist profiteer who forced my ancestors off their land to work in his mines.” The paint overshoots and hits another protester as she continues. “Leaving up this monument glorifies the monster, and is an insult to all Bigtopians! A culturally sensitive government should have constant reviews of the message that their statues send, and remove monuments and other artworks that don’t fit modern sensibilities. Carthage must be destroyed!”

2. “Preposterous!” blusters Information Technology tycoon Cedric Jacob Carthage, who just so happens to be the slaver’s direct descendant and inheritor of generations of old money, gently placing a well-manicured hand on your desk for emphasis. “Removing my ancestor’s monument would be a massive blow to my public image... I mean, our national heritage. Keep these vandals away!”

3. “There is a compromise here,” muses performance artist Rodent Fantastic, while jamming a boot onto the statue’s head, a tutu round its waist, and sparkly glitter glue on its face. “What if we leave the offending works in place, but allow protesters to deface them if they want to express dissent? What could go wrong?”

4. “Carthage had it right, we ought to put them damned Bigtopians back in their place,” asserts a figure with a silly-looking white hood over his head, hefting a can of petrol and a toolbox. ‘’You get the police to hang back; me and the boys will settle this.”

Issue by The Republic of New Socialist South Africa
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Not sure if any of those names are randomnames or not.

[Copercia]

The Issue

Richilda Hawkins, a militantly atheist author who is known for making frequent attacks against organised religion, recently sued the Great Octopus chain of hotels for allowing a copy of a major religion’s holy book to be placed in her room. People are asking whether this practice should stop.

The Debate

1. “Remove our most sacred text from hotels? Deny holidaymakers the pleasure of learning the true faith of Copercia received unto the blessed prophets and passed through the generations? How could you even suggest such a thing?” asks prominent religious leader Colin Scrooge, while clutching the text to his chest like a wounded sparrow. “It’s not like people need to read it. But, for some, it is a safety net. Don’t you know how many suicides a major religion’s unchanging truths prevent? Millions, maybe. Well hundreds, dozens. Definitely some. The point is that we are providing a vital service for the nation’s mental health, and you should pay us for it.”

2. “By allowing a major religion’s absurd little book into hotels, you promote one of mankind’s great evils.” intones Ms. Hawkins, shredding the pages of a major religion’s writings lengthwise to line her cat’s litter-tray. “You, in effect, permit Copercians to silence their brains, to be content with not understanding natural phenomena. You allow the uninformed to call everything, from the oxygen we breathe to gravity, a ‘miracle’. Leader, take the small first step to protecting our children from superstition by outlawing this insidious practice.”

3. “How about this?” muses Commodus, your uncle who changes religions weekly, as he flips though Multifaith Monthly: the Spiritual Source for the Eternal Misfortune. “Why not force hotels to put every religious book in existence into their rooms? The Lamentations of Violet; The Chanting of Yellow; Faithology’s Right Because Faithology Says So; even parody texts like the Scrivenings of the Soaring Squash. Then people can choose what text they want to read, or they can just leave them on the shelves for me.”

Issue by The Republic of Ntoain

Edited by The Free Joy State

I doubt Richilda Hawkins is a random name.

[Trotterdam]

#701 Monumental Melodrama

The Issue

Angry Bigtopian protesters have called for the removal of a statue of Cyril James Carthage, a controversial historic imperialist and mining magnate from two centuries ago, who was once instrumental in perpetuating the Bigtopian slave trade.

1. "Carthage must fall!" bellows Bigtopian protest leader @@RANDOMNAME@@, hurling a bucket of paint at the statue. "He was a racist profiteer who forced my ancestors off their land to work in his mines." The paint overshoots and hits another protester as @@HE/SHE@@ continues. "Leaving up this monument glorifies the monster, and is an insult to all Bigtopians! A culturally sensitive government should have constant reviews of the message that their statues send, and remove monuments and other artworks that don't fit modern sensibilities. Carthage must be destroyed!"

2. "Preposterous!" blusters @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ tycoon Cedric Jacob Carthage, who just so happens to be the slaver's direct descendant and inheritor of generations of old money, gently placing a well-manicured hand on your desk for emphasis. "Removing my ancestor's monument would be a massive blow to my public image... I mean, our national heritage. Keep these vandals away!"

3. "There is a compromise here," muses performance artist Rodent Fantastic, while jamming a boot onto the statue's head, a tutu round its waist, and sparkly glitter glue on its face. "What if we leave the offending works in place, but allow protesters to deface them if they want to express dissent? What could go wrong?"

4. "Carthage had it right, we ought to put them damned Bigtopians back in their place," asserts a figure with a silly-looking white hood over his head, hefting a can of petrol and a toolbox. "You get the police to hang back; me and the boys will settle this."

Issue by New Socialist South Africa
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Only the first option's name is random (see also the draft thread). Probably gender-neutral, but I've only seen female sightings so far.

[Trotterdam]

So, a puppet of mine got this:

#600 Making A House A Home

The Issue

After the street outside your personal residence proved incapable of handling a diplomatic motorcade and @@NAME@@'s biggest house party at the same time, your Foreign Minister has suggested that the state procure and maintain an official residence for you to live in.

1. "It is absolutely essential that you have a home away from home," insists your Foreign Minister, pointing excitedly at an interior design magazine from before you were born. "Imagine if the ambassador had been run over by that party bus! An official residence would keep you and your honoured guests safe from the hooligans, the thugs, and the public. In fact, we can turn the residence into a Museum of @@NAME@@'s History, with a veritable cornucopia of cultural artifacts on display. It would be a perfect reconstruction of our glory days and as an added bonus, the police can keep the kids off your lawn."

4. "Oh, please. I'm all for keeping government out of the bedroom, and that counts doubly for yours," snarls libertarian and small-government proponent, @@RANDOMNAME@@, who gets worked up if the government so much as fixes a pothole. "You can drive, or take a cab, or hire a personal bus at your own cost. A house shouldn't be any different. Since when should the taxpayers be asked to foot the bill when half of us don't even like you? If you want to be taken seriously, go and rent an apartment in @@CAPITAL@@ with a couple of roommates. Leave us taxpayers out of it, okay?"

5. "I'm with the anarchist, I want no part in building your ivory tower!" declares decentralization activist, @@RANDOMNAME@@, founder of several, competing local governance associations. "What you need is to really get out there and see all that @@NAME@@ has to offer. You need an official, open, and accessible residence. Why not get yourself a mobile home and tour it around the country, town by town, like a rock star? You aren't too good to talk to us commoners, you know - if anything, it's the other way around!" @@HE/SHE@@ spits on your desk and turns @@HIS/HER@@ back on you.

6. "Don't listen to that traitorous anarchist!" pipes up your lazy, entitled niece who just woke up from a nap on your couch. "Of course you need a personal residence, for you and your family! Imagine a grand castle, complete with servants, a hedge maze, and massive golden statues of yourself! Your home would be the envy of leaders across @@REGION@@, and anybody who complains can be thrown in the dungeons for our amusement. Just bulldoze a forest somewhere and start construction NOW!"

7. "Come on, the ambassadors love my mojitos!" drawls your neighbour, and now-legendary party host, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "What if, like, your current digs were just a bit more open? You wouldn't need an official residence. We'd just use your place! My home is your home, and I'm sure all the fun people of @@NAME@@ would love to party with those foreign dignitaries of yours. Besides, I'm sure a few drunken ambassadors would spill out our enemies' secrets, am I right?"

Issue by The Grim Reaper
Edited by Nation of Quebec

The options are familiar, what's interesting here is the numbering.

It's not a surprise the puppet didn't get option 2, given its low Scientific Advancement, but the noteworthy thing is that it seems to have been doubled-up, presumably because the original option text mentions a CEO.

I'm not actually sure if option 5 has been edited to be gender-neutral yet, but if it hasn't then it's probable an editor will as soon as I post this

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Lots of old issues aren't gender neutral where the new code would allow them to be. We're not doubling back to them, generally, just using the options we have going forwards instead.