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The Nomarque Mint

A meeting place where national storefronts can tout their wares and discuss trade. [In character]
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Taxhavn
Civil Servant
 
Posts: 7
Founded: Mar 04, 2013
Corrupt Dictatorship

The Nomarque Mint

Postby Taxhavn » Sun Dec 18, 2016 5:29 am

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Mr. Disabod Bane, Master of Merchantry for the Nomarque Mint, implores you to read the OP in full before commenting or requesting an audience at Barrister Row. We cannot possibly be held responisble for the amount of scorn he may pour on your flagrant preposter if you make the mistake of attending our premises ill-prepared.

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What do you give the man, woman, or person of indeterminate gender who has everything? The gender-irrelevant child who is outrageously spoiled rotten? The anthropomorphic creature in your life who wants for nothing?

Therein lies the clue: give them NothingTM.

Working with our colleagues at the Enness-Asyluumanic Regional Aerospace & Cosmological Hub for Exploration, we import harvested pure vacuum from the very outer limit of the exosphere around 9,880 kilometres straight up from Taxhavn. This is the Essence of Nothing: and we encase it our finest precious Adamant sphere right here at our famous mint in Barrister Row.

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The Nomarque Mint of Barrister Row, St. Bernadine, Taxhavn has produced the rarest and finest precious objects for over five hundred years, with the great and the good numbered as our loyal clients (well, more great than good, considering the budget required to become a client to the Nomarque Mint). Our name is a byword for quality beyond measure and social status beyond stellar. Royal families, sainted icons, insane despots, beauties incomparable and the shallow spouses of ridiculously overpaid footballers are among our historical clients who have delighted in our products at the expense of their native annual GDPs. Countries have fallen for the want of a Nomarque Diamond Crown; classic novels and multiversally-known films have been born out of the romance of a Normarque Stone; wars have been started and ended using Nomarque treasures. The history of the world is written in the margins of the Nomarque sales ledger.

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It has been twenty-three years since the last issue of the Nomarque Mint. And now, at last, we present our finest creation to date: Orbis Vacuume, the latest in a legendary line of Product No.1s by the world famous Mint. 134.373924 millilitres of purest hard vacuum encased in a 3mm Adamant shell of 65.4mm diameter and an impossible 103.36% purity; nowhere in the entire multiverse will you find such extraordinary refinement, polished to a near frictionless 0.1255mu.

And, naturally, it is beautiful beyond any useful scale of measurement.

As with any Nomarque Mint product, the new Product No.1, Orbis Vacuume, is a serious investment in resources, skill and dedication by the jewellers, metallogists and buffers of Barrister Row. Accordingly, to acquire Orbis Vacuume - made to order on complete transfer of funds - will require a serious investment on your part in an appropriate currency, which Mr. Disabod Bane will be happy to discuss. Of course, if you need to ask the price, as with our standard trading policy, you are not worthy of the product. Again, Mr. Bane will advise.

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Allow us to introduce Mr. Disabod Bane, Master of Merchantry, Gentleman of Barrister Row, Most Influential Shopkeeper of Taxhavn, Book-keeper of Nations, and the man you will need to convince of your suitability to enter the famous Register of Approved Clients, reserved for only the most extraordinary people of the multiverse. If there were such a thing as the Illuminati (we seriously advise not making such a reference if you don’t want to get laughed out of Barrister Row) then it would be, by comparison to the Register, the secret meeting of children in the treehouse at the bottom of the garden to discuss Enid Blyton, red and black ants, a quest for buried treasure at the end of the rainbow, and a bold plan to make an orange-skinned wighat the King of The Hill.

Mr. Bane will happily discuss the workings of the Nomarque Mint, the process for application, the expectations of the Mint in terms of proprietry, character, financial liquidity and community standing. He does not approve of letters of application but will expect a meeting of interesting minds. He is awfully discerning. He is tyrannically discerning. He is the gatekeeper of a glittering, bejewelled paradise and it is only through him that one has any hope of reaching the mythical realms of the Register of Approved Applicants. If one is lucky, and Mr. Bane does not instantly disapprove, one might be handed a filligreed envelope, in which is an expensive card of the Mint complete with an embossed marque of Nomarque, dressed with Red Mercury leaf and containing short instructions for the procurement process of Product No.1, Orbis Vacuume.

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Only good RP taking account of everything in the OP here will win over Mr. Disabod Bane. How? I’m entirely open to any manner of RP that is creative, funny, and adventurous. Hidden within this OP are lots of clues as to what might and what probably won’t work. Mr. Bane may be withering if he doesn’t approve. Only the brave (not to mention preposterously wealthy and fun to read about) might earn themselves the right to purchase Product No.1, Orbis Vacuume.




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Successful applicants to ownership of Product No.1, Orbis Vacuume, will be listed here in due course.
Last edited by Taxhavn on Tue Dec 27, 2016 7:44 am, edited 2 times in total.
Tiny financial paradise puppet of Bonesea

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Taxhavn
Civil Servant
 
Posts: 7
Founded: Mar 04, 2013
Corrupt Dictatorship

Product No. 2

Postby Taxhavn » Sun Dec 18, 2016 5:30 am

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Tiny financial paradise puppet of Bonesea

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Taxhavn
Civil Servant
 
Posts: 7
Founded: Mar 04, 2013
Corrupt Dictatorship

Product No. 3

Postby Taxhavn » Sun Dec 18, 2016 5:30 am

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Tiny financial paradise puppet of Bonesea

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Taxhavn
Civil Servant
 
Posts: 7
Founded: Mar 04, 2013
Corrupt Dictatorship

Product No. 4

Postby Taxhavn » Sun Dec 18, 2016 5:31 am

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Tiny financial paradise puppet of Bonesea

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Taxhavn
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Posts: 7
Founded: Mar 04, 2013
Corrupt Dictatorship

Product No. 5

Postby Taxhavn » Sun Dec 18, 2016 5:31 am

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Tiny financial paradise puppet of Bonesea

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Taxhavn
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Founded: Mar 04, 2013
Corrupt Dictatorship

Product Motoro

Postby Taxhavn » Sun Dec 18, 2016 5:32 am

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Tiny financial paradise puppet of Bonesea

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Ximea
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Founded: May 28, 2004
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Ximea » Mon Dec 19, 2016 8:40 pm

Nomarque Mint
Barrister Row
St. Bernadine
Taxhavn


Two individuals sat within the office of Mr. Disabod Bane. Only one of them was Mr. Disabod Bane. The other was, he hoped, about to walk home with a beautiful, perfect, outlandishly expensive Orbis Vacuume. He was not, but for this single, fleeting moment, he could admire one of them in person; Mr. Disabod Bane kept one in his office to show prospective buyers, because what fun is being exclusive if people don't appreciate what they're being excluded from?

The man, who was most definitely not about to buy the adamant sphere full of vacuum, admired his reflection in its immaculate, polished surface. That is to say, he admired his reflection before perplexing at the reflection of a stately raven that he suddenly noticed behind him, standing on the back of his chair.

The raven, for its part, hopped down from the non-buyer's chair onto Mr. Disabod Bane's desk. Completely unmindful of the minor scandal its very presence caused, it hopped with aplomb to the edge of the desk, opened a drawer with its beak, fished out a small key - a key that, while understated, nonetheless signaled immense wealth and taste - and departed through an open window.

The man who would be customer was taken aback. Was this, he wondered, part of the vetting process? Would his reaction dictate whether he would return home triumphantly, sphere in hand? He opened his mouth to deliver what he hoped would be witty commentary on the situation.

Alas, no one will ever know whether his commentary was really all that witty, because at that moment, the door was unlocked from outside and opened. In stepped a man rather ludicrously costumed in a black Howie coat, with black gloves and boots of Moroccan leather - and most outrageously of all, the mask and hat of a fifteenth-century plague doctor. He carried a lacquered black cane which he did not allow to touch the floor, and he held up one hand.

"No need to stand up," he said, and he half-bowed. "Doktor Wunderbar, alcoholic omnipotent plague doktor of the Scientific Technocracy of Ximea." To emphasize a particular fragment of that introduction, he produced a silver hip flask etched with a biohazard symbol, and offered it first to Mr. Disabod Bane, then to the increasingly uncomfortable man who was beginning to understand that his lot was to leave this office empty-handed.

"You've no doubt guessed why I've come," the Doktor said, pulling up a chair and seating himself. Next to him, the luckless prior aspirant to sphere ownership noted that he had only observed two chairs in the room before that point, and both had hosted derrieres for the past half-hour. "I should like to own a genuine Orbis Vacuume. The existence of such a thing tickles my taste for the whimsical, the outlandish, the audacious, and the absurd." He leaned forward. "Ximea, being a nation of mad scientists, was built at least in part upon those selfsame principles." Leaning back, the Doktor put his silver flask to the underside of his mask's beak and knocked back a swig.

"You are perhaps by now wondering what I have, or what my nation has, to distinguish us from...well..." he cast an apologetic glance to the side, where a sweating man was now feverishly working out a way to excuse himself without casting away his dignity entirely. "If you are wondering, then I've wasted my time, and I should look for a more worthy purveyor of baubles. That said, you are always welcome to request a personal tour of the Meatlands, or of our Procyon Complex for the reanimation of the recent dead - two locations which fill me with particular national pride."

Doktor Wunderbar put away his flask and again leaned forward. "But before you respond, I have two questions for you. First, what is there to satisfy me that your Orbis Vacuume contains genuine natural vacuum, taken from the distant heavens above, and not merely produced with some common industrial pump? Not that I would ever accuse you or the illustrious Nomarque Mint of adulteration, mind you, but provenance and documentation are essential for a discriminating collector." Doktor Wunderbar leaned back, nearly put his feet upon Mr. Disabod Bane's desk, and thought better of it. "And second, have you considered encapsulating even more exotic vacuum, perhaps from the surface of some distant moon? Such an exclusive item would intrigue me greatly."

Yon stately raven returned from the window whence it departed, and it dropped a familiar key into the Doktor's gloved hand. Doktor Wunderbar gently placed the key upon the desk. "I believe this belongs to you, by the way."
" I love talking to you...It's like talking with Pestilence of the 4 horsemen over a cup of coffee." - Quandarm


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