The Infinites - The Lamest Heroes (Supers/Comedy/CLOSED)- IC

by **Talchyon** » Sun Oct 09, 2016 6:34 pm

THE INFINITES! - The Lamest Heroes not well known to mankind! (Rebooted) - IC

The OOC can be found here. Sign-ups welcome! Here is the OOC page. Join us. We have fun.

Chapter 1 - The Bomb Squad and Cattle Rustlers
Chapter 2 - Big fight down in Tech Warehouse super-center.
Chapter 3 - The Schemes of Mr. Big

If you're reading this, you're either super-bored, or you were part of the first group of Minnesota Infinites. Or both. You probably want to know what happened at the cliffhanger ending of that RP's conclusion, huh?

Ok. It's kind of like this. And remember, this is a different OP writing who had no clue what the other OP was doing. So... with that in mind... I can tell you how I saw it resolving...

- During the battle with Wraith and the drones, Wraith had been turned stupid and the drones immobilized. Pryce the inventor put a mind-shackling invention on her, neutralizing both her and the psychotic villain talking in her head. The battle was over.
- The Minnesota Infinites were trusted. However, they were still quite pathetic and useless at taking on the brand name villains. So they were sent back to Orient, Minnesota.
- Since then, the other Infinites have gone back to ignoring them. I suppose there is some controversy in the world at large over the Nightshade funeral massacre. But our Minnesota Infinites haven't been contacted about what's going on. My guess is that the other real Infinite groups forgot they were around, or needed extra memory space in their phones, so they deleted the contact information for Captain Calculator. Either way, what's happening on the national scene regarding superheroes is regarded as being out there somewhere, with no crossover to what's happening in Orient. None of this traveling across the country to take on national threats or archenemy villains who could level cities with their powers in this version of the reboot RP.
- The Minnesota Infinites also haven't seen any instance of backlash against superheroes back at home. The nice folks of Orient, Minnesota, think differently. More apathetic about the national scene. And in general, just only slightly annoyed at the Minnesota Infinites for their lack of being able to help them in minor situations. In other words, it's going to be the Minnesota Infinites back to normal.
- The other Minnesota Infinites who did not show up for the reboot, including Kendall Mueller, all left town to get jobs as tour guides in various other places.
- And that brings us to today.

SERIES: INFINITES - THE LAMEST HEROES
- CHAPTER ONE:

THE BOMB SQUAD AND CATTLE RUSTLERS

Shawn Glitzky - aka, Glitch

Destiny, man. It's the fate of the world and yourself, all wrapped together like some really rush-job electrical cord clean-up, where the wires are goin' this way and that, and knots are all over the place, and then when you try to plug it in, all that you get distance-wise is like an extra 2 feet with a huge tangle in the middle. Yuh know? That's destiny. And destiny was going to show its orange, tangled, electrical cord face to us (if electrical cords had faces, I guess) really soon.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Allow me the intro. My name is Glitch. I'm called that because I can make things suck so they won't work. And I can make people dumb, but that's kind of unpredictable sometimes. Actually, my real name isn't Glitch. My real name is Shawn. That's 'Shawn', with an 'n' and without a 'q'. Glitch is only my super name, dude. Though someone once told me that Glitch is an actual name people in Indonesia use, I guess, except it's mainly a name that old farts have who have been retired for 60 years. And in that language, the name "Glitch" means "Man-Who-Sees-A-Mountain-And-Tries-To-Plant-A-Rice-Paddy-On-It-But-Gives-It-Up-For-More-Lucrative-Dental-Hygiene-Positions-That-Offer-Better-Health-Benefits-So-He-Can-Feed-His-Not-So-Starving-Family-Who-Likes-Cheese." But I digress. I'm really a hero. I'm smarter than the Hulk, faster than Robin, and cheaper than Iron Man. I am Kryptonite to Spiderman, only I'm a hero and wouldn't fight any one of these guys. In fact, I'm the world's greatest superhero that has ever lived and ever will live. The world just doesn't know it yet.

I'm also the narrator of this fine story, that begins in the small but very friendly town of Orient, Minnesota. That's because this small town that you'd have to want to come here to end up here, is the secret home of my super-group, the Minnesota Infinites. It's the bomb! Ok, technically, we're not that well known yet. And also, technically, the people that do know about our awesome abilities and save-the-world powers, for some reason haven't been moved by our powers to herald our awesome exploits, yuh know? But our day is coming. I can sense it. It feels like a buzzing feeling in your head, and gets more powerful the more energy drinks you have. I've had 4 today already. Someone might say it's just caffeine. But I know better. Destiny doesn't come in a can.

As narrator, I get to tell you about that fateful evening when everything started, and Destiny came along (not in a can), coming to our meeting place, the town Legion Hall of Orient, room 2. We try to meet here every Thursday at 7. We can't have room 1, because that's where the local Alcoholics Anonymous group meets, but it is kind of fun to pass through all these people to get to our meeting spot in room 2. Some nights are fun, especially when one of us or one of them gets in the wrong room by mistake. But our meetings are important. They keep us together, keep us focused, keep us informed about the evil villainy and other horrendous wicked things that need our attention, and direct us to be the best super heroes we can be. It all began like this...

Orient, Minnesota Town Legion Hall, room 2 - The Headquarters of The Minnesota Infinites (on Thursdays at 7 pm).

A scrawny, short middle aged man with glasses that resembled old glass soda pop bottle bottoms, with a badly outdated plaid suit that looked like it had been bought used in the early 80's, but was really from the late 60's and had seen better decades. But this was no ordinary outdated suit! It was also equipped with a pocket protector and several pens, stood up in it. And there was more to this man - he was also wearing a black and silver spandex hood over his head (and under his glasses), complete with eyeholes. A super mask if there ever was one. He said (in a rather nasally voice): "Welcome to tonight's meeting. A special welcome to our new recruits. We're glad you're here. I'm the leader of the Minnesota Infinites, Captain Calculator. And I also am the chairman for our meetings. First things first. Can we get a treasurer's report?"

A guy stood up. Nondescript is the best term for him, because he was the kind of person that if you looked at him for hours and tried to describe him later, you would find that your mind had gone to sleep and you ended up describing someone who looked like Elmer Fudd. Boring was an understatement. And it's not that putting him in a costume would make him stand out any more. This was his costume. Now that you looked at him closer, you could see some kind of generic super symbol on his chest, and were those boots? But the thing is, his costume bores people to sleep. His real clothes are even more boring. Perfect thing for a guy with no real powers. "Hey guys. Name's Coathangerman. I'm the treasurer. Um, we still have no real money." Then he sat down.

Calculator got a gentle smile. "Good. Everything's normal, then. What about minutes?"

Another man stood, older, thin, and of all things, having a monacle in his eye. His costume was outrageous, blues, yellows, browns, with the picture of a steaming teacup on his chest. Speaking with an accent that everyone and their dog could easily tell was a faked British accent, he stood up, introduced himself as the secretary, the Teetotaler. And then prescribed to read the previous minutes with badly-attempted British phrases thrown in like "sticky wicket" and "jolly good show." But basically he said that nothing substantial happened. The last 3 meetings. And sat down.

Calculator got another smile. "We're really keeping the trend going tonight, aren't we? Anyone have anything to report? Anyone help get cats out of a tree or something? Anyone defend another person from ultra-violent radiation with sunscreen? Anyone? Hello?" Nothing but the sound of crickets and recovering drunks next door giving testimonies filled the room. "Ok, then. We'll adjourn. Teetotaler brought some cookies for everyone to have while we all socialize here and get to know each other." The old fake British man said, "They're crumpets, my good man, not cookies." To which Calculator responded, "Whatever. Have some crumpets then. Introduce yourselves. And welcome to the Minnesota Infinites, the world's greatest superhero team they just don't know yet."

Meanwhile, across town... in a handily available vacant warehouse...

A group gathered in the semi-darkness. Night owls could be heard outside. Everything else was quiet outside. Inside the abandoned warehouse, all present were clad in costumes, masked men and women of various costumes. Only they were glaring, mouths turning into snarls, breathing getting heavier and more violent, until one of them spoke up saying,

"What?! We have to pay dues again? I thought we already did recently!"

Another spoke, "No Steve. That was last year already. You still owe the club dues for this year. So do the rest of you."

Grudgingly, the man got out his wallet and pulled out the money, putting it into the community basket. The others followed suit. None were happy. The money was the least of their frustrations.

The costumed figure at the podium said, "Thank you, all. We should have enough for awhile. And if we need more, we can always have a bake sale. Those go pretty well. Ahem. Ahem. For the next item of business, it has been requested that we change our name. Apparently, someone thought that the police would get suspicious of our club because we were called, "The Orient, Minnesota Super-Villain Club." I don't know. That is who we are... But I guess, if you want a name change, please vote by a show of hands." Every hand raised up, except the speaker's. He responded, glum. "Ok, then. We'll need to come up with a new name. Obviously we're going to need suggestions. I propose that we take a month to think about what we should be called, and then we can table this 'til next month. Sound good?" General sounds of appreciation came out.

The costumed speaker continued. "Ok. Moving on. We are glad to see the new recruits with us tonight. You are a valuable part of our club. We are happy that you decided to join us, and we hope that you'll continue to come to our next meeting as well. As you well know, we are all fed up with the Minnesota Infinites! We will destroy them! And the world will know us as its champions! Oh, yeah, we'll also be having some refreshments now, and everyone can get to know each other. Meeting is adjourned."

by **The Irish County of the Beare-Mor** » Mon Oct 10, 2016 8:24 am

A tall, average middle aged man wearing a tweed suit was sitting at the table with the other infinites, and on his head sat an Irish Cap. With him, he was carrying a brown, leather suitcase. Putting the suitcase onto the table, he fiddles with the locks. Many noises were heard until finally, a latch was pulled. Opening the suitcase, he pulled out what looked to be a metal box with beeping noises and flashing lights. Pushing a few buttons, the box extended into a small cannon type thing that can easily be held with one hand. The "cannon" had many flashing lights, and beeping, and whirling gears, that served entirely no purpose other than making it look cool. After closing his suticase, Mikael AKA The Tinkerer, pulled a large backpack and put it on, connecting a tube from the "cannon" to the bag.

Afterward, he pulled out a small sack, filled with electronics and tools, and fiddled with the pieces.

Still fiddling with the pieces, Mr. Lunden spoke up, "Mr. Calculator, you asked if anyone helped kittens out of trees? Sure, you can say that is what I did. As for everyone else, I am, er, Mikael Lunden, AKA The Tinkerer. I make things, like this thing." As he said "this thing" he picked up his cannon, and hit it on the table, making a dense metallic noise. "Ano no matter if they are cookies or crumpets, I prefer neither. However, I brought my own refreshments."

With that, he pulled out a tiny microwave, that had a humming noise coming from the back despite there being no cord, from somewhere and put in a dish which he somehow acquired. Turning it on, he waiting for approximately 30 seconds, and pulled out his dish. With a fork, that was built into the machine, Mikael began to eat. "Nothing like some Shepherd's Pie to remind me of home."

Then, he returned to his electronics and continued fiddling with it.

by **Great Confederacy of Commonwealth States** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 6:48 am

“So, like, I went to Denise, who just broke up with Alex. I told her no good could come of it, but she wouldn’t listen. Na-ah. Always hanging around those bars, picking up the wrong guys. See, I met my Henry at a cruise. Isn’t that much better? You immediately know you have at least one thing in common. And you know what kind of pay scale he is in, if you know what I mean. Anyway, so I want to Denise, who lives at Baker Avenue. And let me tell you… Can you write this down? Let me tell you, parking in Baker Av. is a nightmare. There are cars everywhere, and you can’t even park in front of fire hydrants anymore. Even the curb is off-limits. How many people walk around that time of day? None, I tell you. But I went up to Baker Avenue, and there were no more spots available! But I had this emergency, because Denise isn’t good with boys, so she has had this problem for a while now. And I can’t let a friend down, can I? I never can, that is my problem. See, Denise doesn’t put as much effort into our friendship, I think. I never needed her to, but I don’t think she would turn up if something was ever wrong with me. I feel it in my stomach. Anyway, so, I went up to Baker Av, and there are no free spots! So, in the hurry I’m in, I put my car on a disabled parking spot. My friend was in need, you know. Denise can’t take good care of herself, and she was kind of disabled at that point. So, you can’t give me a ticket for that, can you? Come on…”

The woman sat there, her handbag fixed on her lap, blabbering about. Blabbering was exactly the right word for it. With a blank stare, his hand only moving to draw tiny doodles and scribbles on his notebook, Jackson listened to the distant humming the woman produced in his mind. Sometimes, he would look up, seeing her lips move with a speed thereto unknown to speakers of the English language. Jackson couldn’t for the life of him understand what she was saying. It wasn’t his job, anyway. He just had to pass on the information, and redirect the people to the right desk in the town hall. This was a normal state of affairs, however. People ordinarily just began telling their story, without giving Jackson a chance to break up the story. So, a few years ago, Jackson had stopped trying. Now, he only thing he did was waste ten minutes of his day per person listening, before sending them on their merry way. It actually gave him a lot of time to relax. He just had to look up every now and again to make sure the lips weren’t moving anymore.

“Well, madam, I think your claim might have some validity” Jackson lied. He knew the woman had absolutely nothing to bargain with, but he wasn’t going to tell her that. That was somebody else’s job. He wasn’t going to unload her wrath on himself; he wasn’t getting paid enough for that.

“You can take your complaint to desk 7 of the lobby, downstairs. They will decide on the matter.”

The woman jumped up joyfully, sticking out her hand for Jackson to shake.

“Thank you, mister Lake. I knew the city council could be made to see reason”

Jackson said nothing in return. He just nodded, waving at the woman as she quickly left the room. Those poor sods of Desk 7. Jackson looked at the clock. Yeah, it was already 5 o’clock. They were going to make a lot of over-hours with her. Well, that was not his problem. Jackson took his coat from the coat rack, picked up his case, and walked out of the building at a leisurely pace. He moved through the lobby, just getting a glimpse of the woman doing her story at desk 7. The man behind the desk sat there, his head supported by his hands, staring into the abyss. He could just manage a sneering frown as he saw Jackson pass by, which Jackson pretended not to see. It was not his problem.

Outside, he stepped into his car. The red Peugeot 306 was nothing to be proud of, but it was his own. He had bought in at some second-hand market in Minneapolis, at what he thought was a hugely deflated price. In honesty, he paid way too much for what the car was worth, which was told to him by everyone in his surroundings. He insisted on buying it, though, calling it an ‘old-timer’ in various occasions. In reality, he bought it because the air conditioning was broken. He felt important when he had to use his superpower to feel comfortable in his own car. Quite petty, wouldn’t you agree? Well, it was important to him. Who are we to judge.

Sometime later, the red Peugeot arrived at the Legion Headquarters. There were a few parking spots available, most of them being disabled parking spots. There were a few normal ones available, but those just weren’t as easily accessible. With a quick turn of the wheel, Jackson parked his car into one of these parking spots, just close enough to the other ones that it was quite hard to get another car in. Whistling, Jackson stepped out of his car, locked it, and at the same leisurely pace he’d used before, walked into the Legion Hall.

by **Danceria** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 7:42 am

"This is boring..." a tall and lanky man stretched, seemingly gliding to a standing position where he stood upon the seat of the chair, doing and unnatural parody of a standard warm up stretch. Joints cracking and bending in ways that ought not to have been bent, as the lanky figure gave off the unnatural vibe of a pitch dark circus clown, warming up for a deadly trick.

His companion was the opposite of him, sitting cross-legged on the chair and keeping a good, still posture. The man was robed in the maroon and brown robes of a Buddhist monk, as it was one of his former professions, before turning to crime, and he was covered in a white body paint. Awakening from a seemingly peaceful state, the figure quipped "At least they are "straight to the point", I thought you would appreciate that." the lanky clownlike figure squatted on the chair, gesturing smoothly to the rest of the crowd in casual contemplation. "Well, I usually come to these sorts of meetings to hook up with those who can teach me a few tricks of the trade. Most are scum here," he gestured to the less costumed, and more professional looking members of the group "good old fashioned scum and villainy. Don't particularly care much about either the thrill of th' chase or bagging the next bankroll." To the more elaboratly costumed ones, the leader among them "Most are unprofessional. Drop outs, mentals, people with a bit too much flair for the dramatic, if you catch my drift..." Finally, he would deadpan at an average looking teenager, lightly scarred with acne, pleasantly skinny, donned in a polo shirt and khakis. "Some I think just wandered in here because they're bored, or have petty issues. If I wanted an edge, I'd go to the convenience store an' buy some razorblades..."

"My reasons for attending this little meeting are my own." the man announced to him as he stood to his feet. "We could use those who can "teach us tricks of the trade", as you have said...but also there could be like minded individuals. Someone who are interested in more than robbing banks or pick-pocketing old ladies..."

The clown blinked, almost fish-like, and leaned in elaborately to whisper to him. A feature that had long since become ordinary for the man who worked with him for three odd years. "You honestly believe that dudes crap about "havin' the world know us as its champions"? That's just to blow everyone's egos out of proportion and to keep this floundering faction of fickle failures from falling apart on the first night!" The clown would pause to re-gauge his tongue, mostly out of show to state that he did a complex alliteration. "Point is, these aren't...your type of people Phantasos..."

"I will admit, they appear hopeless..." the monk-like individual, whose name was apparently Phantasos, who spent the conversation looking at the polo clad individual in the corner. Something was...off about him. Minus the obvious fact of his clothes, such attire would be better suited in a fraternity hall, not an abandoned warehouse where supposed ne'er-do-wells convened. But there was something more... he seemed to be a buddhi, an intellectual spirit like himself. It was more of a hunch, something not confined to doctrine, logic, but sheer intuition. A gut feeling that his companion would insist that he would "go for"...

"So let us make ourselves some acquaintances..." Phantasos smiled "I do believe the scarred young lady hasn't said much this evening... why don't you go and speak with her Ragdoll."

Ragdoll, who was the tall and lanky clown sighed "Why? She could just be...not very talkative...besides, she's probably looking for a way to make her costume be even freakier..."

"Says the man who thought us looking like a pair of KISS rejects would be "cool"." Phantasos retorted. "Besides, you are not much of a "Mister America" yourself, with your shark teeth..."

Ragdoll would retort before running his tongue over his teeth, realizing that he had not turned his teeth back to normal, clacked his teeth a few time and the arrow's-head canines became more human. "There, happy?"

"Happier..." the monk smiled gently "I will speak with our pre-collegian khaki clad newcomer, you'll talk with little Miss Silent."

Thus, the two would depart their separate ways, with the monk gracefully and silently ghosting towards the teenager and smiled, bowing his head slightly. "Good evening young man, what brings you here tonight?"
Meanwhile Ragdoll lumbered over to the young lady, taking his sweet time to observe and seemingly dance around the other members of the group, before smiling down at the young lady. "You come here often?"

by **Razul** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 8:43 am

The young woman sighs, flicking off her recorder as the meeting adjourns. Nothing useful. Not that she really thought there would be, but it couldn't hurt to try. It beat staying around the factory, and after her last heist--if one could call her robbery of Costco a heist--she didn't need anything tonight, so she had no excuse to go out. Except for this. And now it was over, so- her train of thought was derailed abruptly as she realized that someone was approaching her.

Her one good eye flicks over the man in front of her with curiosity, wondering about the mixture of body paint and tattoos. Realizing, with another, slightly exasperated sigh, that his question requires a response, she shakes her head wordlessly.

by **Danceria** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 8:52 am

Razul wrote:The young woman sighs, flicking off her recorder as the meeting adjourns. Nothing useful. Not that she really thought there would be, but it couldn't hurt to try. It beat staying around the factory, and after her last heist--if one could call her robbery of Costco a heist--she didn't need anything tonight, so she had no excuse to go out. Except for this. And now it was over, so- her train of thought was derailed abruptly as she realized that someone was approaching her.

Her one good eye flicks over the man in front of her with curiosity, wondering about the mixture of body paint and tattoos. Realizing, with another, slightly exasperated sigh, that his question requires a response, she shakes her head wordlessly.

"Gotcha." he nodded. "I get it...these folks ain't exactly my scene either." Ragdoll smirked at the robed figure across the room. "He an' I came from the metro area, things got a little too heated for us, but it made for some damn fine pickings..."

by **Razul** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 9:07 am

"Gotcha." he nodded. "I get it...these folks ain't exactly my scene either." Ragdoll smirked at the robed figure across the room. "He an' I came from the metro area, things got a little too heated for us, but it made for some damn fine pickings..."

Surreptitiously flicks her recorder back on, and raises her eyebrows: wondering why he's talking to her, but willing to listen.

by **Orles** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 12:48 pm

Robert James walked into the first room of the Orient town hall, his shoulders slumped and his white shirt wrinkled and mustard-stained. "Oh, hi Bob!" A man called his name from the circle of alcoholics. Bob said nothing in return. He did not know that man, nor understand why he was greeting him. Maybe it was someone from the office? Possibly. That was the one place that Bob went other than home. After a brief glance towards the speaker, Bob reached the door to the second room, sighed audibly as he prepared himself, and opened it before stepping inside.

The gathering of heroes paused and looked at him as he walked in. He was late, it seemed. Not too much of a surprise; of course he couldn't even get the meeting time right. Bob sat down next to a strange man that seemed to be eating shepherd's pie, and without saying anything noticed the cookies on the table. He reached for one, hesitating slightly to see if anyone would stop him, before picking it up and taking a bite.

Its taste turned to ash in his mouth.

by **Talchyon** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 2:48 pm

Orient, Minnesota Legion Hall Room 2, Thursday after 7 p.m.
Minnesota Infinites' Meeting
Glitch

So like, the meeting was epic - as usual. No major supervillains threatening to take out the grocery store. (Which was good, because I have bad experiences with grocery stores. You might have heard about the time that all the freezers malfunctioned and melted ice cream goo after catching on fire, and the fire also malfunctioned so it wouldn't go out, and I was drenched and everything from the fire extinguisher and all. But you probably didn't hear about the time when I went to the grocery store, and surreptitiously tried to avoid the freezers, yuh know? Dude. That's not easy. But instead, I hung out in the canned goods with Chef Boyardee. Only... the cans were really leaky. The bottoms malfunctioned, and all of these pastas started dripping their sauces and soggy noodles on the ground. And then the fan fell off the ceiling, and split open the pancake batter boxes, so that was all everywhere too. I heard them say, "Clean up on aisle 4 - and aisle 5. Heck, I think every aisle needs some kind of clean-up." And then, when they came to clean it up, they saw me. And one of them recognized me from other times when there had major disasters due to things accidentally malfunctioning 'cause I was around them and all? Dude. It wasn't cool. That's why I try to stay away from grocery stores...)

But I digress. It's good to know that the Minnesota Infinites are going well. Some of our new recruits are here. There's a guy messin' around with some kind of whatchamacallit with blinking lights and wires. I think it's a toaster. He said something about not wanting those cookies because he'd rather have a shepherd's pie. So I'll go and say hi.

The gangly, taller than average, curly-haired young man with a blue t-shirt that had a lightning bolt on it, and a cheap blue less than a buck mask came to the dessert table. "Hey man. Welcome to the Minnesota Infinites. I'm Glitch. I've been here for some time, and it's good to have you on board with us, dude." Too bad his invention thing started making a high-pitched whine. And then the blinking green lights went to a plaid. Gizmos and I don't always mix, yuh know? It's one of those deals that just kind of happens.

But there were two guys who came late, too. The first looked worn-out, like he had just come from some job that sucked all the brainpower out of him for the next week. Dude. The other guy came in after him, and this one looked like his pet goat just died, yuh know? He went and ate a cookie next to me. I guess he didn't like it. I thought they were ok...

So I said to both, "Hey dudes. Welcome to the Minnesota Infinites. I'm Glitch. Yuh kind of missed the meeting and all, but it was epic. Just like they all are. But since you're here, tell me who you guys are."

by **Cyrodiiill** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 3:22 pm

Doofenshmirtz: Hmm?
(The handle rotates and the door opens)
Doofenshmirtz: Perry? (Chuckles) Thank goodness, I-- I thought you were the guy with my hot wings. In two more minutes, my order will be free! Yes!
(Perry pulls out Doof's hot wings out of his backpack)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh for crying out loud! (Takes the hot wings) Fine. Okay, what was that? 15 bucks? All right, here's 10, 11, I got more here. Hold on. 1, 2, 3, 4, there! $15! And don't forget your tip! (Presses a button on the steering wheel, activating a diving helmet trap. He chuckles) Pretty good, huh? So, Perry... (Bites off a hot wing) I bet you're wondering why I'm sitting down here at the bottom of a lake. Well, the answer is simple. Mmm-mmm! This is really good, man. You want some? (Takes a box with the red wings) Here, here. (Perry takes a hot wing) Take the blue cheese. (Perry takes the blue cheese and pours it on the red wing) Do you know, I-- I prefer the ranch. Take the blue cheese. (Perry bite the red wing, and Doof holds up a napkin) Here's a napkin. (Perry takes the napkin) Anyway, the answer why I'm here is simple. Zinc. Lake Nose has a ton of zinc, and this machine goes around and filters all the zinc from the water. (Camera zooms out, showing a zinc tank) See, see? Zinc! So I figured I'd go around collecting all the zinc, and then use that zinc in some evil way to rule the world! You know, with zinc. Just think of the evil uses that off with zinc! (Pause. He looks around) I mean, seriously, can you think of some? Cause I got nothing. (Walks to a chart) I mean, look at here with all the good uses for zinc. Huh? All this good stuff, and over here? Nothing. All I got is "Some evil "Zinc Ray-Inator" or something, and, and look here! I wrote "Big laundry". I-- I don't even remember what the reason was, so I assumed I remembered some big genius Idea. Big laundry. (Deep voice) Big laundry. (Normal voice) I, it-- It's crazy! I'm a crazy person.

Half an hour goes by with no action

Well, it looks like we got all of the zinc from this area. It's time to move on to the next quadrant! "Quadrant." "Quad-rant." Quad—It's—It's a weird word when you think about it. "Quadrant." "Quad-rant." (Perry resumes filing the bars.) "Quad—It's—See? Now it doesn't even sound like a word." A large bang can be heard "Hey, wait, w-what was that?" (Perry jumps out of the scuba mask and the bars drop off.) Huh? You were trying to escape?! After I shared my wings with you! Well, granted, I did trap you like a monkey— (Perry punches him.)

by **The Irish County of the Beare-Mor** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 3:40 pm

Talchyon wrote:The gangly, taller than average, curly-haired young man with a blue t-shirt that had a lightning bolt on it, and a cheap blue less than a buck mask came to the dessert table. "Hey man. Welcome to the Minnesota Infinites. I'm Glitch. I've been here for some time, and it's good to have you on board with us, dude." Too bad his invention thing started making a high-pitched whine. And then the blinking green lights went to a plaid. Gizmos and I don't always mix, yuh know? It's one of those deals that just kind of happens.

"Glitch, is it? Could you perhaps, please just back away. The stupid cannon is making some sort of whining noise, and I need to fix it."
Aengus scowled at him. Turning the cannon onto its side, he opened a near invisible access panel, and stuck his head inside, somehow, his voice echoing from inside. "These things aren't exactly easy to make, what with the built in toaster, microwave, a few kittens, uranium power source, whatever this fluid is, some quarters, a blazing fire, some skulls, and an extra set of electronic equipment." Mikael reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny wrench, and began doing something inside his cannon. A few bangs, clangs, boings, and crashes, Mikael finally fixed his device. Putting the access panel back on, he set the device aside and held his grease-stained hand out to Glitch, "Pleasure to meet you, I guess."

by **The Land of Golden Blobfish** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 5:41 pm

12 years previous

Matthew Smith, who was 7 years old at the time, rushed to see the scene before him on the television. The news was on about a major supervillain incident in Seattle. A league of villains had taken over the entire city and set up a nuclear bomb within it’s center. Luckily, the original Infinites themselves were dispatched and it had been several grueling hours before they had secured the weapon and saved the city. In that time, so much death and destruction occurred that it would eventually take 5 whole years to rebuild the city to its former self.

”Who are they? Those guys have already saved a hundred people at least and it hasn’t even been ten minutes! This is- this is crazy! Wait, they’re coming out and… and they’ve got more!!”

“Fear not citizens, hope has arrived. Because we, the Infinites, are here!

“See that, mom? There’s always a smile on their faces no matter how hard things get. Even when things seem impossible they never give up. They’re such cool heros… Do you think… I can be a hero too?”

Many years later I did become a hero, though a bit short of what I dreamed of to be honest. I was never into the whole costume or secret identity bit. I wore my everyday casual clothes when I was out working as well as under the very same name I’ve had since birth: “Matthew Smith” It never occurred to me to change either to be honest. Anyway, since I became a hero I’ve mostly been tasked with the very things you’d expect a Minnesota Infinite to do, nothing. That’s right. Low Heros like us don’t get a chance in the spotlight or a time to shine. But that doesn’t really matter does it? As long as we’re helping in the end. Oh I almost forgot, I did sort of help take down a B-class villain, named Diet Cola, which is a lot for a D-class hero. I didn’t realize it at that time, or even months after to be honest, but that moment was the start of how I eventually become one of the world’s greatest heroes.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Matt followed the line of people entering the warehouse. It was in a rather empty area at the other side of town so the villains didn’t fret about making as much noise as they wanted to. When the trail of people coming in finally came to a stop, the large group of people formed in the middle of the warehouse. All eyes watched several speakers before them.

A man walked up in front of the crowd, “For those of you who are joining us for the first time tonight, allow me to introduce a very special guest of ours. I assure you, he is our best chance at finally achieving what we’ve fought for for so long: the death of the Minnesota Infinites! Recently broken out of jail, let me introduce to you: Diet Cola!” A cheer of applause arose as another man walked forwards.

“Thank you, thank you Chromedome, I really appreciate it. Now, I’d like to mention the fact that we all have a common enemy, the ones in control. Government, military, Infinites. Especially the Infinites. They’re all to blame for this! Like pests waiting to be dealt with and luckily for you guys, I’m the best exterminator around. Now before we continue this happy little gathering, would all new recruits please come forward? And perhaps we’ll a-...” Diet Cola stopped midway as he noticed a familiar face among the crowd. He growled as he stared at Matt.

Matt awkwardly waved and started stepping back, getting ready to run.

“And speaking of the devil, there’s a dirty Minnesota Infinite right in our midst. Somebody, stop him!!”

by **Danceria** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 5:59 pm

The Land of Golden Blobfish wrote:12 years previous

Matthew Smith, who was 7 years old at the time, rushed to see the scene before him on the television. The news was on about a major supervillain incident in Seattle. A league of villains had taken over the entire city and set up a nuclear bomb within it’s center. Luckily, the original Infinites themselves were dispatched and it had been several grueling hours before they had secured the weapon and saved the city. In that time, so much death and destruction occurred that it would eventually take 5 whole years to rebuild the city to its former self.

”Who are they? Those guys have already saved a hundred people at least and it hasn’t even been ten minutes! This is- this is crazy! Wait, they’re coming out and… and they’ve got more!!”

“Fear not citizens, hope has arrived. Because we, the Infinites, are here!

“See that, mom? There’s always a smile on their faces no matter how hard things get. Even when things seem impossible they never give up. They’re such cool heros… Do you think… I can be a hero too?”

Many years later I did become a hero, though a bit short of what I dreamed of to be honest. I was never into the whole costume or secret identity bit. I wore my everyday casual clothes when I was out working as well as under the very same name I’ve had since birth: “Matthew Smith” It never occurred to me to change either to be honest. Anyway, since I became a hero I’ve mostly been tasked with the very things you’d expect a Minnesota Infinite to do, nothing. That’s right. Low Heros like us don’t get a chance in the spotlight or a time to shine. But that doesn’t really matter does it? As long as we’re helping in the end. Oh I almost forgot, I did sort of help take down a B-class villain, named Diet Cola, which is a lot for a D-class hero. I didn’t realize it at that time, or even months after to be honest, but that moment was the start of how I eventually become one of the world’s greatest heroes.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Matt followed the line of people entering the warehouse. It was in a rather empty area at the other side of town so the villains didn’t fret about making as much noise as they wanted to. When the trail of people coming in finally came to a stop, the large group of people formed in the middle of the warehouse. All eyes watched several speakers before them.

A man walked up in front of the crowd, “For those of you who are joining us for the first time tonight, allow me to introduce a very special guest of ours. I assure you, he is our best chance at finally achieving what we’ve fought for for so long: the death of the Minnesota Infinites! Recently broken out of jail, let me introduce to you: Diet Cola!” A cheer of applause arose as another man walked forwards.

“Thank you, thank you Chromedome, I really appreciate it. Now, I’d like to mention the fact that we all have a common enemy, the ones in control. Government, military, Infinites. Especially the Infinites. They’re all to blame for this! Like pests waiting to be dealt with and luckily for you guys, I’m the best exterminator around. Now before we continue this little happy gathering, would all new recruits please come forward? And perhaps we’ll a-...” Diet Cola stopped midway as he noticed a familiar face among the crowd. He growled as he stared at Matt.

Matt awkwardly waved and started stepping back, getting ready to run.

“And speaking of the devil, there’s a dirty Minnesota Infinite right in our midst. Somebody, stop him!!”

Almost with glee, Ragdoll broke off conversation with the thus far silent young lady before dashing over at an unnatural speed, emphasizing both the unnatural and speed by crawling on all fours, each limb bending and spinning like wheels on a car, small spikes of bone materializing to gain further traction and stability.

The clicker-clack of bone on the concrete warehouse gave way to a mighty animalistic cry, as bone-edged arms found each other with the intruder's torso snug between them, as they snaked up to the back of the neck. This move was known as a "full nelson", common among wrestlers, and used only to subdue opponents for show, but Ragdoll wasn't interested in subduing. It's been a few months since he had a good fight, and taking out an Infinite seemed like the perfect opportunity. With a mighty hoist, Ragdoll executed the next form of the move, a full nelson slam, knocking the wind out of the intruder.

A predatory grin would be the current view of whoever this Infinite spy was, as sharp teeth and glinting eyes bulged out of the midnight black bodypaint and costume. If the intruder was particularly observant, he may have noted the sharp bone-blade snug against his Adam's apple.

Phantasos reacted quickly, but coolly unlike his counterpart. "Everyone, split up in groups of three, or pairs if we have an even number." he commanded "We need to find out if this spy is alone. Four of you, secure this prisoner." he looked down at the hapless intruder. "Ragdoll, I want you on scouting as soon as the prisoner is secured."

by **Razul** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 6:16 pm

Ignoring the other painted man's instructions, Echo shrinks back into the shadows at the edge of the room, alarmed by the sudden uptake in action. She already wasn't sure about coming to this thing in the first place and fighting is definitely not on her agenda tonight. However . . . Smirking, she fiddles with the recorder settings and leans against the wall. This should be good.

by **The Land of Golden Blobfish** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 6:17 pm

Danceria wrote:
The Land of Golden Blobfish wrote:12 years previous

Matthew Smith, who was 7 years old at the time, rushed to see the scene before him on the television. The news was on about a major supervillain incident in Seattle. A league of villains had taken over the entire city and set up a nuclear bomb within it’s center. Luckily, the original Infinites themselves were dispatched and it had been several grueling hours before they had secured the weapon and saved the city. In that time, so much death and destruction occurred that it would eventually take 5 whole years to rebuild the city to its former self.

”Who are they? Those guys have already saved a hundred people at least and it hasn’t even been ten minutes! This is- this is crazy! Wait, they’re coming out and… and they’ve got more!!”

“Fear not citizens, hope has arrived. Because we, the Infinites, are here!

“See that, mom? There’s always a smile on their faces no matter how hard things get. Even when things seem impossible they never give up. They’re such cool heros… Do you think… I can be a hero too?”

Many years later I did become a hero, though a bit short of what I dreamed of to be honest. I was never into the whole costume or secret identity bit. I wore my everyday casual clothes when I was out working as well as under the very same name I’ve had since birth: “Matthew Smith” It never occurred to me to change either to be honest. Anyway, since I became a hero I’ve mostly been tasked with the very things you’d expect a Minnesota Infinite to do, nothing. That’s right. Low Heros like us don’t get a chance in the spotlight or a time to shine. But that doesn’t really matter does it? As long as we’re helping in the end. Oh I almost forgot, I did sort of help take down a B-class villain, named Diet Cola, which is a lot for a D-class hero. I didn’t realize it at that time, or even months after to be honest, but that moment was the start of how I eventually become one of the world’s greatest heroes.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Matt followed the line of people entering the warehouse. It was in a rather empty area at the other side of town so the villains didn’t fret about making as much noise as they wanted to. When the trail of people coming in finally came to a stop, the large group of people formed in the middle of the warehouse. All eyes watched several speakers before them.

A man walked up in front of the crowd, “For those of you who are joining us for the first time tonight, allow me to introduce a very special guest of ours. I assure you, he is our best chance at finally achieving what we’ve fought for for so long: the death of the Minnesota Infinites! Recently broken out of jail, let me introduce to you: Diet Cola!” A cheer of applause arose as another man walked forwards.

“Thank you, thank you Chromedome, I really appreciate it. Now, I’d like to mention the fact that we all have a common enemy, the ones in control. Government, military, Infinites. Especially the Infinites. They’re all to blame for this! Like pests waiting to be dealt with and luckily for you guys, I’m the best exterminator around. Now before we continue this little happy gathering, would all new recruits please come forward? And perhaps we’ll a-...” Diet Cola stopped midway as he noticed a familiar face among the crowd. He growled as he stared at Matt.

Matt awkwardly waved and started stepping back, getting ready to run.

“And speaking of the devil, there’s a dirty Minnesota Infinite right in our midst. Somebody, stop him!!”

Almost with glee, Ragdoll broke off conversation with the thus far silent young lady before dashing over at an unnatural speed, emphasizing both the unnatural and speed by crawling on all fours, each limb bending and spinning like wheels on a car, small spikes of bone materializing to gain further traction and stability.

The clicker-clack of bone on the concrete warehouse gave way to a mighty animalistic cry, as bone-edged arms found each other with the intruder's torso snug between them, as they snaked up to the back of the neck. This move was known as a "full nelson", common among wrestlers, and used only to subdue opponents for show, but Ragdoll wasn't interested in subduing. It's been a few months since he had a good fight, and taking out an Infinite seemed like the perfect opportunity. With a mighty hoist, Ragdoll executed the next form of the move, a full nelson slam, knocking the wind out of the intruder.

A predatory grin would be the current view of whoever this Infinite spy was, as sharp teeth and glinting eyes bulged out of the midnight black bodypaint and costume. If the intruder was particularly observant, he may have noted the sharp bone-blade snug against his Adam's apple.

Phantasos reacted quickly, but coolly unlike his counterpart. "Everyone, split up in groups of three, or pairs if we have an even number." he commanded "We need to find out if this spy is alone. Four of you, secure this prisoner." he looked down at the hapless intruder. "Ragdoll, I want you on scouting as soon as the prisoner is secured."

With that Matt was trapped, pinned down with no way of getting out. “Ow, my back. But seriously, get off of me you horribly unique freak show! Hah, wordplay.” Matt knew that his only chances of escape was now before others came to get him. But what was he to do? Tell a joke and crush both of them? Whether he liked it or not, Matt decided he would have to wait before risking anything. If they kept him prisoner he’d have time to decide on what to do but if they killed him, well, he’d have to go out with a bang at the very least. Couldn’t take too many anvils to send the whole warehouse down on all of them, could it?

by **The Last Abode of Pando** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 6:21 pm

So the Infinites meeting was going well. Even though they had only been a part of the Minnesota Infinites for 3 weeks, this was the best meeting yet. There were cookies! This new guy with the cannon-thing was seeming foreign, but Aesculapius couldn't place his accent.

Aesculapius said to him, "Hmm. Tinkerer, are you from Madagascar?
Oh. Is that shepherds pie? What kind of shepherds are in it, Beare-Mor? Oh. I did it again, didn't I?"

"Yes. You did, Aesculapius. You did it again," replied Ed.

As he said this, Ed was making paper airplanes. He would throw them into the air, and use his power to make them come to life. Aesculapius was unaware of his power activating in the background. He started to hover, one of Ed's paper airplanes turned into a butterfly, and the Tinkerer's cannon fired, was that a kitten? He then became aware of this, because Glitch started pointing, and he crashed back into his seat, semi on top of Ed.

"Ow. Pando, why'd you do that to me?"

"Hey, Aesculapius, how did we get here?"

"Oh no. Not this again. Pai'ea, I told you before, I have superpowers, this is the hero meeting. Don't you remember from this morning?"

by **The Irish County of the Beare-Mor** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 7:05 pm

Mikael Lunden sighed to himself. "Hey, Ed! Or Aesculapius, or whoever you are, why did you make my cannon go off? It wasn't primed, and now I have to find that kitten. Also, I'm Irish, even though my name isn't, I am."

Mikael reopened his suitcase and put his device back inside, throughly locking it back up. Standing up, he brushed himself down, and walked around to the other side of the room, searching for the fluffy, white, kitten.

by **Gaia Concordis** » Tue Oct 11, 2016 11:49 pm

Jason Dolor
7:00 PM, Thursday
Orient, Minnesota- Abandoned Warehouse

Jason sighed deeply, and pulled out his wallet. You'd think with all of the bank robberies villains seem to do, they'd have enough money to pay for a club. Pulling out a ten dollar bill, he tossed it into the basket. Do any of these guys even have a steady job...? Regarding the assembled members of the supervillain club, Jason sat back in his chair and tilted his head in thought. Odd bunch, really. He tried not to look disconcerted at the odd appearances of several attendees, and disdainful when he caught sight of the costumed members. Costumes. How original. Jason cracked his neck and listened to the speaker. Promptly, he raised his hand. Yes, let's announce to the world we have the desire to do evil- that can go nothing but well. Jason caught himself, however, and nipped that thought in the bud. No, that's good. Screw the system in place. If we want to have a club we can darn well have one. Once his hand was no longer required to be raised, Jason lowered it at once. Rubbing his arm gently to bring some feeling back into it, he shifted in his chair, watching the speaker talk.

At the speaker's mention of new recruits, Jason gave a small wave. Nice to get some acknowledgement. He straightened up, putting the lessons in posture given to him by his grandmother to good use. Even though Jason was a (budding) supervillain, he was still a teen- and he was certainly not going to let the first impression people get of him be a bad one. If any looked at him, he gave a small, respectful nod of acknowledgement- including one man who appeared to be wearing Buddhist robes. Wait a minute... Has that guy been staring at me the whole time? Hearing that there would be refreshments, Jason perked up and snapped out of his thoughts. Oh, wonderful. Thank the all-mighty beings that control us. As he waited for the refreshments to be served, Jason watched as a man got up and spoke. Joy of joys- one of the weird ones. He regarded the man- who had now become the focal point of the room, it seemed- along with his companion as he continued to speak. Jason frowned at the man's aside towards him. "Oi, if you're calling me edgy- you'd best take a good look at yourself, pal. I'm not the one dressed up as the mascot of Domino's Pizza." I wonder if they came up with that retort for me on the spot or it was premeditated. Either way, at least it was a good one... Jason clasped his hands together and laid them in his lap as the man continued to speak to his companion.

As their conversation continued, Jason grew disinterested and looked around the room- not that there was much to see. It was an abandoned warehouse after all. When are those refreshments going to arrive...? He was once again pulled back to reality as the robed man mentioned him. Jason became aware of his posture once more (he had begun to slouch) and adopted proper posture once more as the man walked to him.
"Evening," Jason said in reply, returning the nod. With hope, this man would prove to be a better conversationalist than his seeming companion. Or at least, someone who doesn't insult everybody the first chance he gets. "Oh, you know. Same old-same old. Just a kid trying to make his mark on the world." Jason smiled without warmth. Understatement of the century, right there. "I could ask the same of you, sir. Forgive me, but you and your companion-" he looked over to the man covered in black body paint, who was talking to a young woman, "-almost seem as out of place as I."

Before the man could answer, it seemed, another speaker took the stage- this one introducing an already established supervillain. Jason shifted his view towards the new arrival, and listened as he spoke. As he asked the new recruits to step forward, Jason sighed. Well, looks like I'll have to stand in front of a bunch of people. Thank you, powers that be. Truly, you are generous and merciful gods. Or god. Whatever. Stretching, Jason stood up and- wait, there was a member of the Infinites here?! Quickly turning to face the apparent spy, Jason could not help but be taken aback as the man painted in black skittered forward across the ground, shrieking like some sort of animal, and pulled the spy into a full nelson slam. Jason winced. Ouch. Glancing back over to the man painted in white, he decided it was in his best interests to move as far away from this commotion as possible. Seeing another member of the club pulling back into the corner of the warehouse, Jason decided to follow her lead. Moving away from the group and walking towards her- though not directly at her- he came to a stop, leaning on a wall several feet away from her. On his way, he gave her a curt nod and a small greeting.
"Howdy, mind if I lean here? I'd rather not be in the midst of things if they start getting, well, you know." Jason gave her a small smile and awaited her response.

by **Razul** » Wed Oct 12, 2016 12:56 am

Gaia Concordis wrote:Seeing another member of the club pulling back into the corner of the warehouse, Jason decided to follow her lead. Moving away from the group and walking towards her- though not directly at her- he came to a stop, leaning on a wall several feet away from her. On his way, he gave her a curt nod and a small greeting.
"Howdy, mind if I lean here? I'd rather not be in the midst of things if they start getting, well, you know." Jason gave her a small smile and awaited her response.

Echo's eye widened as the young man came over. My, my. I'm popular today. Smirking slightly, she flicked a button on her controller, playing back the first word of his greeting. "Howdy." Sometimes messing with people was worth revealing her abilities before it was strictly speaking necessary or useful. This seemed like one of those times. She raised her shoulders in a slight shrug to indicate her indifference to his presence.

by **Hetland 2** » Fri Oct 14, 2016 12:35 am

Cody sat in the warehouse during the meeting. He had a cigarette chomping on it. He wasn't exactly sure what was going on. People seemed to know him, but he didn't know any of them. He partially raised his hand, looking around, dropping his hand down again, "What is going on..." He raised his hand again, tapping the nearest person, "Listen, I don't want to be that guy, but... ah... what the hell is going on here and why am I here?"

by **Talchyon** » Fri Oct 14, 2016 4:30 pm

Orient, Minnesota Town Legion Hall, room 2 - The Heroes!

Glitch had noticed the weird looking guys hovering, who were also (?) making the paper airplanes that were flying around the room and making engine noises. The technical term for them was "Siamese twins", but in Glitch's opinion, they were the best, naturally gifted people to ever be in a three-legged race. Dude! The guys had 3 legs between them! "Hey guys! That's pretty awesome how you're hovering and making those paper airplanes fly like that! Name's Glitch, here."

But just then, the door to the meeting hall flung open! It was a guy with a nametag sticker on it that said, "Jerry." He was middle-aged, overweight, and scared to death! Shaking, trembling, eyes wide open, and begging. Finally, after some deep breathing, He said, "Hi. I'm Jerry" (to which, Coathangerman responded, "Hi, Jerry.") The trembling man continued. "I'm from next door. I was at the A.A. meeting, and we were just getting around to the end of our meeting, when our meeting was interrupted by... it's so scary... He told me to deliver a message to the group in this room..." (Although why, he didn't know, and now that Jerry was here, and was calmed down a little more, he wasn't sure these guys would be of any help or use, but that's beside the point).

Jerry continued. "I had never seen this guy at our meetings before. He was all decked out in some kind of super costume, kind of like some of you are dressed... Weird. Huh. Anyway, I was going to invite him to give a testimony, but then he started saying all of these secret things about us that were really embarrassing, and he said he was going to ruin us, blackmail us, kill us, destroy us, put graffiti on our cars, burn our houses, kill us, kick our rear-ends super hard, raise our taxes, give us permanently long traffic lines forever, oh, and one more thing, he was also going to kill us. Unless we gave you this message."

"Ahem. The message went like this..." Fumbling around for a piece of paper in his pocket, the overweight recovering alcoholic unfolded it and read in a loud, monotone voice: "Minnesota Infinites! If you want to avoid this too, listen up, heroes! You so-called protectors of other people! What can you do to stop what I have set in motion? By this time in two days, the town of Orient, Minnesota, will BLOW UP! You heard me right! You have two days, heroes, to stop me! But you don't even know where I am! HA HA HA HA! I'm everywhere. Everywhere, I tell you. Maybe not under the crud that cakes up on your toothpaste when you're getting down to the bottom of the tube, but... everywhere that matters!

"If you don't want the town to blow up, bring all the money you have to a particular address I'm going to give you. Bring all this money tomorrow night at midnight. Don't alert the police, FBI, CIA, government, or your gossipy neighbors. Don't put it on Facebook or other social media. If all goes well, the town will survive. Otherwise, Orient will burn. And it will all be on you. The Minnesota Infinites will finally get some mention in the news - as the heroes who failed! HA HA HA HA!"

Jerry put the folded piece of paper down on a table, and said, "Guys, I don't know about you, but that was really creepy. I don't live here, and all, but I don't want the town to blow up! Surely you're going to do what this nut says, right?"

Upon hearing this, Captain Calculator beamed. The Minnesota Infinites were moving up in the world, to have something like this happen!

Meanwhile, across town... in the Villains' meeting (actually, at the abandoned warehouse where the meeting was taking place of the villains, or more technically, the former group who used to be known as the Orient, Minnesota, Super Villains' Club, but who's keeping track really?)...

Several costumed villains surrounded the captured Infinite. While he was physically held by the one who had clattered over there, ...somehow, others began to tie their prisoner up with thick ropes, chains, zip-ties around his wrists, rubber bands, plastic wrap, and anything else they could find. Someone gagged him. Nice and tight. He tightened it for safer measure, and then gave it one more yank just because. "Lousy Infinites" he muttered to himself while doing that.

Just then, out of nowhere, a giant holographic head appeared in the room several feet above them, sinister, with sharp, piercing eyes, a sharp pointed nose, graying hair, a scowl, and a double chin. Energy blips darted across the image occasionally.

There were some villains in the group - particularly, the costumed man who had been leading the meeting, and several of the officers of the former club, and a few others who were experienced in matters of super-villainy (Diet Cola included), who gasped outwardly. Some of them even began cowering in fear at the sight! It was not because the face was particularly scary, but because they knew whose face it belonged to. The fact that it had showed up here meant something was serious.

The image spoke. "Villains, friends! You wish to be friends with me, don't you!" It wasn't a question. Those who were trembling in fear could not stop their shaking. Some, mustering all their strength, nodded, "Yes." Only fools didn't want to be on friendly terms with HIM. Yet, they knew that even though they were being called "friends," they were not the kind of friends that he would call up and invite over to watch the Vikings game on a Monday night. Heck, they weren't even the kind of friends who you could borrow $5 from and never pay back. This was the kind of "friend" who knew your secrets, blackmailed you to bend to his will, and had operatives everywhere!... but maybe also the kind of friend who remembered loyalty and paid richly.

The talking head-holograph continued. "Well, friends. We have a problem that has bothered this world for far too long! The Infinites!" There was some murmuring, but no one dared to interrupt.

"There is even a group of Infinites here in this very town! But not for long! It is high time that the Infinites are made to suffer for their crimes!" The murmurings grew louder. While that news was worthy of clapping and cheering loudly, no one dared.

The giant sinister eyes on the holograph head squinted down at Matthew. His mouth opened out of a snarl. "Ah. I see you have taken the first of many Infinites to come! One down! The rest to come! He will be useful to my plans! He will be bait! When the other Minnesota Infinites realize that their friend is captured, they'll stop at nothing to rescue him! But it will lead them straight into a trap!" The murmurings grew louder. Could this really work?

"Now we're going to keep the bait under heavy guard until the time he's needed. Then, I want one of you to guard him. And you'll get to fight the Infinites. And the person I want to guard this despicable Infinite... is... you" And with his face, he gestured at a costumed man, rather lithe and athletic in his build, with a full head of short brown hear, wearing a leotard and a mask. The leotarded man dropped his jaw. (But little did anyone know, that the big giant holographic head wanted the Minnesota Infinites to win their first meeting. That would set things up nicely for the next phase of his plan...)

"And I'm sure, that since we are friends, you will be more than willing to help. I know information about all of you. I know everything! Things you wish people didn't know - like you" He stared at a big, burly looking hulk of a man. "You still sleep in Scooby-Doo pajamas!" And the hulk blushed, turning red from embarrassment.

The head glared at everyone else. "If you don't want to suffer utter humiliation like him, listen up! I want a group of you to... shall we say... acquire certain things for me. I'll have a list sent your way. And you shall get these said items at specific times. You will understand all things at the right time. And to give you a further incentive... shall we say a million dollars for each of you who does get me every item on the list, at the right times. Wealth beyond your dreams (that is, unless you dream of a million dollars plus one, or anything above a million, but never mind that. Just focus on getting the million dollars from me). And if you refuse? Well, this isn't an offer that you should refuse, if you catch my drift." The head this time stared at a group, and let them know he was meaning them. (OOC - The group that the head indicated, was, of course, the player characters. Back to IC).

"And lest you think about pursuing me and finding out where this holograph is coming from, don't bother. I don't really look or sound like this. This is only a disguise. I could look like anyone! I could be anyone! You'll just have to keep on your toes, because you'll never know if I am watching you at that moment. And I'm always watching!

"My name is..." (in the background, a drum roll begins from somewhere. Weird.) "MR. BIG!" At the name, there was an audible gasp from the more experienced villains in the room. This was a name that few heard and lived to tell, especially if they got out of line. Babies cry at that name - even if they were recently burped, changed, fed, napped and were generally content. Stock prices plummet while gas and insurance prices rise when that name is mentioned. People only dare to whisper that name, because those who do find unpleasant things happening. "No one must know my name! Do not say this name to anyone! Anyone, do you hear! HA HA HA HA!"

And finally, glaring once more at the room, the giant holographic head concluded his rant. "But I'll be watching you, villains - I know where you are at all times, after all! You should find it an honor to be called my friends, and to do my bidding. If you do well, you have the chance to advance in my favor. And, you will each get to satisfy the ultimate goal of every villain - the humiliation and overthrow of the Infinites, once and for all!"

The giant head blinked out of existence. A silence had settled on everyone in the room. And at that moment, a piece of paper floated down from the ceiling of the warehouse, a paper with items the head had wanted, and times next to them. And the first item on the list was... 50 head of cattle??! And he wanted this robbery done... tomorrow, at midnight... ??!

by **The Irish County of the Beare-Mor** » Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:06 pm

Mikael Lunden had been hugging his cannon suitcase closely towards him, as it was his most precious posession, when Jerry burst through the door.
"He doesn't seem to be an infinite. What he seeks to say may be of interest." he thought to himself.

As Jerry spoke, Mikael became more interested in the subject matter. "Now, Orient isn't exactly New York, or Las Vegas, or even Dublin. But I wouldn't want to see this place blown up, I'm currently residing here."

"Hey, uh, Glitch, perhaps we should find this explosive device. Because, well, money is a rare item right now. I might have a few euros in my wallet, some dollars bills, and maybe a pund or 2. Also, it's a perfect excuse to try out my specialized kittens!"

Mikael Lunden grabbed his suitcase, unlatched it, again, and repeated the sequence to assemble the Kitty Cannon. Once done, he took the suitcase nad collapsed it a smaller form, hidden hinges able to fold it into itself. Brushing down his suit, his suitcase, and his cannon, he proceeded to walk towards the frony, his fingers twitching on the trigger of the Kitty Cannon.

by **Sphinxatopd** » Sat Oct 15, 2016 4:44 am

Captain Andorra

The good captain was simply trying to enjoy a cherry kool-aid. Then that alcoholic jumps in, and ruins his evening. He was some what aware that this town was off the map, but he kinda lived here. And he didn't have a car. However due to certain events involving Glitch, his first shield had bullet holes in it, and the second was patching up the hole in the wall. He was still pretty powerful, but his shield was his icon. And he represented Andorrra! ((Did you think I'd go an entire paragraph and not say something like that?))

He walked over towards the Young man (Glitch) and the man who said something about a kitten gun. "Glitch, since we don't have any money, I'm just here to remind you that you owe me like 200 American dollars? I want a professionally made shield this time. And don't tell me your wallet stopped working!"

"Oh, hi Jerry. We will see what we can do about this explosion and the mean man who hates rehabilitation. For it is the Andorran way!"

by **Talchyon** » Sat Oct 15, 2016 11:25 am

Orient Legion Hall, room 2
Glitch

And that is how our epic saga began, man. With a cry for help that only the Minnesota Infinites could answer. Because, we were the only ones that got the message. And Jerry, but I don't see him saving the day. He's played his part, and now we have to play ours. And it won't be play, either. It will be a quest worthy of our doing. Stop the town from blowing up. I'm sure it would be cake. Mmmm... Cake. Almost as good as donuts. Donuts are better, though, because you never get a jelly filled cake. Speaking of donuts, where was Donut-Guy? Wasn't he supposed to be here? Bummer, man.

The Irish County of the Beare-Mor wrote:"Hey, uh, Glitch, perhaps we should find this explosive device. Because, well, money is a rare item right now. I might have a few euros in my wallet, some dollars bills, and maybe a pund or 2. Also, it's a perfect excuse to try out my specialized kittens!"

Looking at the robo-kitten-blaster man with the same dazed expression he always had, Glitch nodded. "Sounds like a plan, man. I don't have any money either. Maybe we could try to track down if anyone bought explosives or things you make bombs out of, like here in town and all?" You'd think being able to make things not work right would pay off the other way sometime, like passing by an ATM machine would suddenly look like a Las Vegas casino commercial with money coming out of it as fast as it could go. But in actuality, anytime Glitch passed by an ATM machine, it malfunctioned the other way. He always ended up having to put his own money in to break free from its magnetic, hypnotic pull. And that wasn't getting cheap, either. So Glitch tried to avoid the things, just like he tried to avoid grocery stores...

Sphinxatopd wrote:Captain Andorra

The good captain was simply trying to enjoy a cherry kool-aid. Then that alcoholic jumps in, and ruins his evening. He was some what aware that this town was off the map, but he kinda lived here. And he didn't have a car. However due to certain events involving Glitch, his first shield had bullet holes in it, and the second was patching up the hole in the wall. He was still pretty powerful, but his shield was his icon. And he represented Andorrra! ((Did you think I'd go an entire paragraph and not say something like that?))

He walked over towards the Young man (Glitch) and the man who said something about a kitten gun. "Glitch, since we don't have any money, I'm just here to remind you that you owe me like 200 American dollars? I want a professionally made shield this time. And don't tell me your wallet stopped working!"

"Oh, hi Jerry. We will see what we can do about this explosion and the mean man who hates rehabilitation. For it is the Andorran way!"

Uh-oh. It was Star-Trek-alien-shield guy. The guy who was always talking about that European country, um, I think it was Moldova or something like that. Corporal Andorians. Glitch knew he owed him money. Technically, he owed him a new shield. Something like that.

"Lay off, man. I told you I was working on making you a classic kind of shield, yuh know? Just like the one that the Hulk uses. But like I said before, my power tools are on the fritz, and it's just not comin', dude. Heck, even hand tools are on the fritz, too." Dude, even tools from Bob Vila and the Extreme Makeover Home Edition folks would still be fritzing out, too.

Talking to Andorra, Glitch said. "But, yuh know, man? Sometimes bullet holes in a shield can be a classy kind of artistic statement, and all."

"So guys, we need to find out where this Bomb-bay bad guy got his explody-stuff, and maybe then we can find out who he is and why he's doing this. Oh, and has anybody seen Donut-guy?"

by **Razul** » Sat Oct 15, 2016 11:30 am

Echo sighed with annoyance. It came out as something of a wheeze, which annoyed her even further. It was physically painful to have that much stellar material on her recorder and know that she was never going to be able to use it. She wasn't stupid enough to try impersonating Mr. Big, no matter how tempting it might be. Especially when a lot of what he had said had been general. Applicable to any situation. She moved forward slightly to look at the paper and frowned. That seemed somewhat random . . . then again . . . she didn't have a choice any more than the rest of them.

The Infinites - The Lamest Heroes (Supers/Comedy/CLOSED)- IC

The Infinites - The Lamest Heroes (Supers/Comedy/CLOSED)- IC

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