Sign the Neckbeard Evacuation/Extradition Treaty (NEET) !

[La Cosa Fedora]

The delicious scent of dorrito-crumb-encrusted and mountain-dew basted chicken tendies wafted down the streets of the fortress city Geekgard, nestled high among the mountains. All knew what this meant: Le Broni Fedori had called a plenary session of the Politburo of La Cosa Fedora, to make a decision about some important issue, which would in due course be rubber stamped by the bicameral legislature, the president, and the "independent" judiciary with support from all three political parties, Libertarians, Pirates, and Neoreactionaries, each controlled by La Cosa Fedora.

The topic on the agenda: the need for foreign neckbeards. Since the normies of this nation can get out of the friendzone while the Gentlesirs of Honor who are the true masters of this nation notoriously cannot. This is leading to the normies outgrowing the neckbeards in the population. Rigging the elections, infiltrating and controlling all parts of state, private sector, and civil society, and being the most powerful fighting force will work for only so long once the normies numbers grow to a certain threshold. Originally there were five million neckbeards and negligible normies. Today the population was 12 million, but the increase was all normie!

The puzzle of attracting female people and getting out of the friendzone is the age-old problem of the neckbeard. All organs of La Cosa Fedora are hard at work to solve it already, but it will not be solved today. What is needed is a short term solution. To this end, the Politburo approves of a message sent out to the international community:

Dear esteemed leaders of the international community,

It has come to our attention that fedora-wearing, Mountain Dew guzzling neckbeards are not the esteemed ruling class in all nations that they are here. In fact, the prestige of these types of people is so low in some nations that they are objects of ridicule, not only being put into the friendzone but often socially isolated and being unable to find employment, education, or training.

To you this may be a problem because, as your societies are unable to make use of these people to their full potential, they may drain the system to a certain extent. However, to us, these individuals would be the life-blood of the nation. THEREFORE we propose the following solution: allow us to send inspectors among your people to find the neckbeards, and allow us to recruit them into members of our cartel, La Cosa Fedora.

We call on all governments to provide answers to the following simple questions:

1) What is the status of neckbeards in your nation?
2) Would you be willing to sign a treaty with us to allow us to evacuate neckbeards into our lands, which is their natural home?
3) If yes to #2, are there any restrictions on our inspectors' access to your population for recruitment purposes?

We hope that we will find many leaders wise enough to cooperate, and warn those who would thwart our efforts.

Sincerely,

Le Broni Fedori and the Politburo of La Cosa Fedora

[La Cosa Fedora]

Also we promise to stop smuggling drugs and hacking the financial institutions of nations that sign this treaty.

[Devernia]

1. Not uncommon, at the least.
2. Uh... sure?
3. No.

You crazy.

[La Cosa Fedora]

1. Not uncommon, at the least.
2. Uh... sure?
3. No.

You crazy.

The Gatekeepers of La Cosa Fedora swarm over the Devernian lands, seeking new members. The tools of recruitment are tendies and rare pépes. To lure out the true neckbeards, they organized MRM meetings and Magic the Gathering tournaments. While true neckbeards are undoubtedly rare in such a liberal nation, the ones who truly felt the call of the fedora in their blood would emerge from their mothers' basements for this irresistible lure.

[Aterria]

1. They are totally fine, people do what they want.
2. If they want to go... I mean most like it here in Aterria.
3. Hmm... this is questionable. Don't try anything strange.

??????

[La Cosa Fedora]

1. They are totally fine, people do what they want.
2. If they want to go... I mean most like it here in Aterria.
3. Hmm... this is questionable. Don't try anything strange.

??????

Excellent! We shall start recruiting neckbeards right away!

With the recruites we get from there maybe we can compete with the orgy-driven fecundity of the Chads and Stacys, those cursed normies.

[Stirenuk]

I) Irrelevant to most of the rest of Stirenuk.

II) We would consider allocating land in Virsung-ak for this.

III) Any action taken must be approved by the Border Commission and would be restricted to land authorized specifically for that purpose in Virsung-ak.

The Secretary of External Affairs has released the following statement about the potential removal of neckbeards: ‘finally’.

[Katie Boundary]

There is one guaranteed way to get out of the friendzone. It involves the acquisition of magical pieces of parchment inscribed with green ink.

[Lancov]

1) What is the status of neckbeards in your nation?
2) Would you be willing to sign a treaty with us to allow us to evacuate neckbeards into our lands, which is their natural home?
3) If yes to #2, are there any restrictions on our inspectors' access to your population for recruitment purposes?

1) We're sure they exist somewhere.
2) No. If they want to go, we won't stop them. But we WILL stop abduction.
3) No.

[La Cosa Fedora]

I) Irrelevant to most of the rest of Stirenuk.

II) We would consider allocating land in Virsung-ak for this.

III) Any action taken must be approved by the Border Commission and would be restricted to land authorized specifically for that purpose in Virsung-ak.

The Secretary of External Affairs has released the following statement about the potential removal of neckbeards: ‘finally’.

Y u no give us our ppl?

You want to be rid of them, we want them here and could give them better lives than any other nation... let my people go!

There is one guaranteed way to get out of the friendzone. It involves the acquisition of magical pieces of parchment inscribed with green ink.

Then we shall continue to de-regulate our markets, and channel state revenues into the neck-beard controlled military industrial complex. Stayin' the course on economic policy.

1) What is the status of neckbeards in your nation?
2) Would you be willing to sign a treaty with us to allow us to evacuate neckbeards into our lands, which is their natural home?
3) If yes to #2, are there any restrictions on our inspectors' access to your population for recruitment purposes?

1) We're sure they exist somewhere.
2) No. If they want to go, we won't stop them. But we WILL stop abduction.
3) No.

We will have to appeal to your neckbeards through the internet. But rest assured, that for this, your time will come, your politicians will be among the first against the wall when the Beta Uprising strikes your nation!

[Appalatchia]

1. They exist I guess. There aren't very many though I don't think. We don't really keep tabs.

2. No. People who fit your description are more than welcome to emigrate of their own free will, but your government's agents will absolutely under no circumstances be allowed to operate within our borders nor will propaganda from any foreign nation be tolerated. Declaring citizenship for a foreign nation will mean renouncing their Appalachian citizenship.

[The United Colonies of Earth]

1) What is the status of neckbeards in your nation?
They exist on the more populous colonies as a group that's been around for centuries as low-wealth men, replacing the bums of previous eras. They're cared for by their planetary governments in hostels. They're looked upon as bums are: virtuous at times, basically just starving philosophers. But others would call them lazy. Some might even allege they're the future of the whole UCE, women included, because most jobs have been taken by robots and the corporations are unwilling to tolerate labor unions or human workers who would form them. Though "female neckbeards" exist, they're less common, as the women who would be absorbed into that group otherwise typically end up being fawned upon by rich ex-neckbeards and become trophy wives of these men after they enter college and fail to get a job/fail college. They're called nitas more often.
2) Would you be willing to sign a treaty with us to allow us to evacuate neckbeards into our lands, which is their natural home?
We're willing to allow them to immigrate to your country en masse and/or escorted by your officials. They're actually okay here in the UCE, though, so we'll have to stipulate they are not being coerced into leaving. Freedom of movement is important.
3) If yes to #2, are there any restrictions on our inspectors' access to your population for recruitment purposes?

All people from non-UCE controlled star systems must arrive in, and leave the UCE from, the systems containing the planets of:
Aurelia
Zethes
Talcoresseskylena
Fargone
Virtus
New Sarina
Valeria
Bianca
Jagavaleranesalecha
Styrma
Olycceo
before proceeding to any other planet or star system, and be processed at the UCE Office of Customs and Immigration Inspection Station in orbit of these planets. You must state all your belongings and note whether or not any of them are intended to be sold. You will then surrender them for CBRNT testing and examination, along with potential reverse-engineering by Military Intelligence if the devices in question are previously unknown, and of potential use, to the UCE. If you intend to sell anything or any quantity of items you must fill out a form explaining what it is and agree to have it subjected to testing for CBRNT capability. We don't want people bringing weapons of mass destruction into our space. Additionally, under no condition will we allow weapons to be brought into this country for sale. If you do bring weapons and intend to sell them, they will be confiscated, dismantled, tested, and reverse-engineered by Military Intelligence. Afterwards, you will be escorted from UCE space by a military contingent. If you are not selling weapons, then in exchange for us allowing you to sell your wares you will agree that if it is to be sold a surcharge equivalent to 11,500% of the preexisting monetary value is to be added to the price paid at all sales on UCE-controlled planets; otherwise you will not be allowed to sell these items even if they are not weapons and will be escorted from UCE space by a military contingent. If you are bringing a weapon with a muzzle velocity greater than 1 km/s, any laser weapon, or any explosive weapon, it will be examined and if its' energy output for one firing is determined to be greater than 100 kJ you will not be allowed to use it and it will be confiscated and possibly sent to Military Intelligence for dismantling and reverse-engineering. You will be held for the entire time-period of reverse-engineering in the Inspection Station in addition to any further time you've to spend under our Customs and Immigration Procedure.
You will be subject to a Species and Physiology Examination, and you will be scanned and touched by OCI robot examiners to determine your species. Blood samples will be taken to determine your expected and actual phenotypic traits as compared to the species baseline. If you are carrying any CBRNT objects unmentioned on your person you will be immediately escorted out of UCE space by a Naval contingent. The same will follow if any bodily excreta are toxic to human life and cannot be safely contained away from civilian populations (ex. acidic fecal matter which is constantly released as the organism goes about its' daily business), or if your social behavior is dangerous to human life due to being either a), antisocial or b), incompatible with human behavioral norms. If you will not submit to being escorted out of UCE space you will be killed instead and your body dissected and examined.
You will then be sent to the Sterile Chamber, where you will be bathed in, and expected to ingest, an antimicrobial fluid containing antimicrobial nanobots to eliminate all possibility of infection. You will then be injected with a variant of the Omnibus Antimicrobial Vaccination designed to minimize the possibility of UCE-located human populations from receiving from outside or interchanging infectious disease and includes a radiation tracer which will be used to mark your specific position. You will spend two weeks at the station afterward for observation.
Then you will be asked what you have come to the UCE to do. If your actions are not violent or illegal as you have stated them you will be allowed to proceed. If your stated intention is to perform acts of criminality and/or violence you will be escorted out of UCE space by a military contingent. Afterwards, you will then be introduced to an officer of the Prism Service tasked with overseeing observation of all nonresidents in the subsector you have arrived in. You will need to inform them when you plan to leave the subsector and where you intend to go, so they can refer you to the Prism Service officer in your destination(s). You will then be issued a datapad, which, like all UCE-manufactured datapads, contains a tracker and a remotely detonatable explosive device to both monitor your movements and kill/incapacitate you in the event you prove to be a threat to citizens of the United Colonies of Earth. This datapad will be returned to the Prism Service officer who's responsible for the subsector you were in when you first arrived in the UCE's space when you leave. If you do not return it to them within the proper subsector, it will remotely detonate when it loses contact with the signal that is pinged from all UCE communications installations- i.e. when you leave UCE space with the datapad in your possession. Otherwise, it will simply end up returned to them the long way, and the next time you visit the UCE, if there is one, you will be charged for the cost of transporting the datapad back to its' owner.
If you are human, after you meet with the Prism Service officer and before you are free to go, you will be asked questions by members of the International Relations Command of the Diplomatic Division about your home country. They seek mainly to know when it was founded and the lifestyle there, so that they can build a profile of where the country might be for future observation and eventual integration into UCE space. They will then ask you to buy property on the planet you've arrived at as well as in several other systems scattered across multiple sectors. This is so that you can be taxed by the UCE for owning that property and thus have been recorded as existing, alongside your DNA records now permanently stored inside a UCE database. They will also ask you to register to vote, and will generally try to convince you to move to the UCE permanently as a resident (all humans, regardless of place of birth, are citizens of the UCE from birth until death and can't renounce citizenship). Your money will be converted on a 1:1 ratio into Colonial Credits. You will receive paper maps of the UCE and if you don't have more than 1 million credits, you will be given a million credits, as our money is ridiculously inflated. All property taken from you on arrival will be returned. Then you will be allowed to leave the station on the next shuttle to the nearby planet's spaceport to begin your travels.

There are no real restrictions. Harassment, breaking and entering, and burglary are illegal, however, along with other forms of violent crime against people and property. If you commit any crime while in the UCE you will be deported and possibly banned if the crime was of significant severity. This will be in addition to any punishment reserved for citizens, if you are a human.

[Ashkera]

1) What is the status of neckbeards in your nation?

Neckbears, also known as drop bears or deathfuzzes, are a species found in forested areas of Ashkera, particularly in the north and the more moderate climate of the interior of the main island. They are an omnivorous, predatory mammal which attacks by dropping from a tree onto the target and then slicing open its neck with their sharp claws - although they are much less likely to attack humans rather than other animals. A cousin to the infamous wallaback, neckbears are not considered a threatened species, although limits have been placed on hunting of about 3% of the animals yearly.

2) Would you be willing to sign a treaty with us to allow us to evacuate neckbeards into our lands, which is their natural home?

No treaty is required for the export of unthreatened-status wildlife, pursuant to a formal limitation of liability from the accepting nation, and compliance with all applicable laws and regulations.

3) If yes to #2, are there any restrictions on our inspectors' access to your population for recruitment purposes?

Tourists can apply for hunting licenses for non-threatened wildlife at many locations within Ashkera, after signing a statement concerning limitations of liability on the Fifth Empire and pursuant to all applicable laws and regulations.

[La Cosa Fedora]

1. They exist I guess. There aren't very many though I don't think. We don't really keep tabs.

2. No. People who fit your description are more than welcome to emigrate of their own free will, but your government's agents will absolutely under no circumstances be allowed to operate within our borders nor will propaganda from any foreign nation be tolerated. Declaring citizenship for a foreign nation will mean renouncing their Appalachian citizenship.

We will restrict ourselves to recruiting via the internet... for now. But the day will come when the Beta Uprising arrives even to your nation, and that day will not be kind to your politicians.

1) What is the status of neckbeards in your nation?
They exist on the more populous colonies as a group that's been around for centuries as low-wealth men, replacing the bums of previous eras. They're cared for by their planetary governments in hostels. They're looked upon as bums are: virtuous at times, basically just starving philosophers. But others would call them lazy. Some might even allege they're the future of the whole UCE, women included, because most jobs have been taken by robots and the corporations are unwilling to tolerate labor unions or human workers who would form them. Though "female neckbeards" exist, they're less common, as the women who would be absorbed into that group otherwise typically end up being fawned upon by rich ex-neckbeards and become trophy wives of these men after they enter college and fail to get a job/fail college. They're called nitas more often.
2) Would you be willing to sign a treaty with us to allow us to evacuate neckbeards into our lands, which is their natural home?
We're willing to allow them to immigrate to your country en masse and/or escorted by your officials. They're actually okay here in the UCE, though, so we'll have to stipulate they are not being coerced into leaving. Freedom of movement is important.
3) If yes to #2, are there any restrictions on our inspectors' access to your population for recruitment purposes?

All people from non-UCE controlled star systems must arrive in, and leave the UCE from, the systems containing the planets of:
Aurelia
Zethes
Talcoresseskylena
Fargone
Virtus
New Sarina
Valeria
Bianca
Jagavaleranesalecha
Styrma
Olycceo
before proceeding to any other planet or star system, and be processed at the UCE Office of Customs and Immigration Inspection Station in orbit of these planets. You must state all your belongings and note whether or not any of them are intended to be sold. You will then surrender them for CBRNT testing and examination, along with potential reverse-engineering by Military Intelligence if the devices in question are previously unknown, and of potential use, to the UCE. If you intend to sell anything or any quantity of items you must fill out a form explaining what it is and agree to have it subjected to testing for CBRNT capability. We don't want people bringing weapons of mass destruction into our space. Additionally, under no condition will we allow weapons to be brought into this country for sale. If you do bring weapons and intend to sell them, they will be confiscated, dismantled, tested, and reverse-engineered by Military Intelligence. Afterwards, you will be escorted from UCE space by a military contingent. If you are not selling weapons, then in exchange for us allowing you to sell your wares you will agree that if it is to be sold a surcharge equivalent to 11,500% of the preexisting monetary value is to be added to the price paid at all sales on UCE-controlled planets; otherwise you will not be allowed to sell these items even if they are not weapons and will be escorted from UCE space by a military contingent. If you are bringing a weapon with a muzzle velocity greater than 1 km/s, any laser weapon, or any explosive weapon, it will be examined and if its' energy output for one firing is determined to be greater than 100 kJ you will not be allowed to use it and it will be confiscated and possibly sent to Military Intelligence for dismantling and reverse-engineering. You will be held for the entire time-period of reverse-engineering in the Inspection Station in addition to any further time you've to spend under our Customs and Immigration Procedure.
You will be subject to a Species and Physiology Examination, and you will be scanned and touched by OCI robot examiners to determine your species. Blood samples will be taken to determine your expected and actual phenotypic traits as compared to the species baseline. If you are carrying any CBRNT objects unmentioned on your person you will be immediately escorted out of UCE space by a Naval contingent. The same will follow if any bodily excreta are toxic to human life and cannot be safely contained away from civilian populations (ex. acidic fecal matter which is constantly released as the organism goes about its' daily business), or if your social behavior is dangerous to human life due to being either a), antisocial or b), incompatible with human behavioral norms. If you will not submit to being escorted out of UCE space you will be killed instead and your body dissected and examined.
You will then be sent to the Sterile Chamber, where you will be bathed in, and expected to ingest, an antimicrobial fluid containing antimicrobial nanobots to eliminate all possibility of infection. You will then be injected with a variant of the Omnibus Antimicrobial Vaccination designed to minimize the possibility of UCE-located human populations from receiving from outside or interchanging infectious disease and includes a radiation tracer which will be used to mark your specific position. You will spend two weeks at the station afterward for observation.
Then you will be asked what you have come to the UCE to do. If your actions are not violent or illegal as you have stated them you will be allowed to proceed. If your stated intention is to perform acts of criminality and/or violence you will be escorted out of UCE space by a military contingent. Afterwards, you will then be introduced to an officer of the Prism Service tasked with overseeing observation of all nonresidents in the subsector you have arrived in. You will need to inform them when you plan to leave the subsector and where you intend to go, so they can refer you to the Prism Service officer in your destination(s). You will then be issued a datapad, which, like all UCE-manufactured datapads, contains a tracker and a remotely detonatable explosive device to both monitor your movements and kill/incapacitate you in the event you prove to be a threat to citizens of the United Colonies of Earth. This datapad will be returned to the Prism Service officer who's responsible for the subsector you were in when you first arrived in the UCE's space when you leave. If you do not return it to them within the proper subsector, it will remotely detonate when it loses contact with the signal that is pinged from all UCE communications installations- i.e. when you leave UCE space with the datapad in your possession. Otherwise, it will simply end up returned to them the long way, and the next time you visit the UCE, if there is one, you will be charged for the cost of transporting the datapad back to its' owner.
If you are human, after you meet with the Prism Service officer and before you are free to go, you will be asked questions by members of the International Relations Command of the Diplomatic Division about your home country. They seek mainly to know when it was founded and the lifestyle there, so that they can build a profile of where the country might be for future observation and eventual integration into UCE space. They will then ask you to buy property on the planet you've arrived at as well as in several other systems scattered across multiple sectors. This is so that you can be taxed by the UCE for owning that property and thus have been recorded as existing, alongside your DNA records now permanently stored inside a UCE database. They will also ask you to register to vote, and will generally try to convince you to move to the UCE permanently as a resident (all humans, regardless of place of birth, are citizens of the UCE from birth until death and can't renounce citizenship). Your money will be converted on a 1:1 ratio into Colonial Credits. You will receive paper maps of the UCE and if you don't have more than 1 million credits, you will be given a million credits, as our money is ridiculously inflated. All property taken from you on arrival will be returned. Then you will be allowed to leave the station on the next shuttle to the nearby planet's spaceport to begin your travels.

There are no real restrictions. Harassment, breaking and entering, and burglary are illegal, however, along with other forms of violent crime against people and property. If you commit any crime while in the UCE you will be deported and possibly banned if the crime was of significant severity. This will be in addition to any punishment reserved for citizens, if you are a human.

We will send our agents to recruit from your population, but only those who we wish to see punished.

1) What is the status of neckbeards in your nation?

Neckbears, also known as drop bears or deathfuzzes, are a species found in forested areas of Ashkera, particularly in the north and the more moderate climate of the interior of the main island. They are an omnivorous, predatory mammal which attacks by dropping from a tree onto the target and then slicing open its neck with their sharp claws - although they are much less likely to attack humans rather than other animals. A cousin to the infamous wallaback, neckbears are not considered a threatened species, although limits have been placed on hunting of about 3% of the animals yearly.

2) Would you be willing to sign a treaty with us to allow us to evacuate neckbeards into our lands, which is their natural home?

No treaty is required for the export of unthreatened-status wildlife, pursuant to a formal limitation of liability from the accepting nation, and compliance with all applicable laws and regulations.

3) If yes to #2, are there any restrictions on our inspectors' access to your population for recruitment purposes?

Tourists can apply for hunting licenses for non-threatened wildlife at many locations within Ashkera, after signing a statement concerning limitations of liability on the Fifth Empire and pursuant to all applicable laws and regulations.

lol

[Ru-]

To the esteemed Le Broni Fedori and Politburo of La Cosa Fedora:

Greetings from the mighty empire of Ru! I have received your message and have passed your proposal along through my office, the royal cabinet, the imperial senate, and have had a brief discussion with His Supreme Worship, the honorable King Yoshio. The reception to your proposal has been positive, and I can provide you with the answers to the questions you have put forward:

1. people matching the description you have given me do exist in Ru. Ruvians who display these characteristics are generally a subject of ridicule throughout the empire.

2. Yes, we believe that those wish to immigrate to your nation from Ru should be free to do so.

3. we must insist that your agents do not seek out Ruvian citizens, but rather have interested Ruvians come before them voluntarily. We will allow you to set up recruitment facilities within Ru and advertise your program to Ruvian citizens at your own expense. The number of facilities and the size of your ad campaign is entirely up to your own discretion and how much you wish to invest in recruiting Ruvian "neckbeards." You will be allowed to extradite any Ruvian who wishes to leave and meets your criteria. Since your offer appears rather generous, I am sure you will have little difficulty attracting interested potential neckbeards.

I have heard no objections from any other government officials or members of the senate to your proposal under the guidelines I have laid out. Therefore the empire of Ru is prepared to sign this treaty under these terms. His Worship also wishes to express to you that he personally considers himself a bit on the "nerdy" side of things, and hopes that our cooperation in the NEET program will be the beginning of a long tradition of friendship and cooperation between our two nations.

We thank you for your time and interest in our empire.
Sincerely,
Marlon Griffin, Minister of Foreign Affairs for His Excellency, King Yoshio Rel of The Empire of Ru.

[La Cosa Fedora]

To the esteemed Le Broni Fedori and Politburo of La Cosa Fedora:

Greetings from the mighty empire of Ru! I have received your message and have passed your proposal along through my office, the royal cabinet, the imperial senate, and have had a brief discussion with His Supreme Worship, the honorable King Yoshio. The reception to your proposal has been positive, and I can provide you with the answers to the questions you have put forward:

1. people matching the description you have given me do exist in Ru. Ruvians who display these characteristics are generally a subject of ridicule throughout the empire.

2. Yes, we believe that those wish to immigrate to your nation from Ru should be free to do so.

3. we must insist that your agents do not seek out Ruvian citizens, but rather have interested Ruvians come before them voluntarily. We will allow you to set up recruitment facilities within Ru and advertise your program to Ruvian citizens at your own expense. The number of facilities and the size of your ad campaign is entirely up to your own discretion and how much you wish to invest in recruiting Ruvian "neckbeards." You will be allowed to extradite any Ruvian who wishes to leave and meets your criteria. Since your offer appears rather generous, I am sure you will have little difficulty attracting interested potential neckbeards.

I have heard no objections from any other government officials or members of the senate to your proposal under the guidelines I have laid out. Therefore the empire of Ru is prepared to sign this treaty under these terms. His Worship also wishes to express to you that he personally considers himself a bit on the "nerdy" side of things, and hopes that our cooperation in the NEET program will be the beginning of a long tradition of friendship and cooperation between our two nations.

We thank you for your time and interest in our empire.
Sincerely,
Marlon Griffin, Minister of Foreign Affairs for His Excellency, King Yoshio Rel of The Empire of Ru.

We are setting up a major recruiting office, with the ususal attractions such as tendies, rare Pepes, screenings of MLP episodes, MRM meetings, PUA classes, etc. We are also advertising on social media to reach neckbeard populations in their homes, as well as on the dark net.

We also make known our readiness for further cooperation with your honorable government.

[Togeria]

1. They're people.

2. Sure go ahead.

3. Just don't anything weird, or pervy.

[The Intergalactic Universe Corporation]

What are neckbeards?

[Mikanjima]

Like hell are we going to 'sign' their disgusting nation's silly "treaty" to 'protect' disgusting, smelly, racist, ableist, fat-shaming, misogynist, transphobic dudebro fedora-wearing neckbeards. Also, it would be a better idea to send all of La Cosa Fedora's feminists, transgender people, queer people, people of color, people with physical/mental disabilities, and obese people to us.

[Kravanica]

1) What is the status of neckbeards in your nation?

They're... Uh... Citizens?

2) Would you be willing to sign a treaty with us to allow us to evacuate neckbeards into our lands, which is their natural home?

They can immigrate there voluntarily if they get approval from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

3) If yes to #2, are there any restrictions on our inspectors' access to your population for recruitment purposes?

Your inspectors are not permitted here.

OOC: I love this thread.

[Fatatatutti]

1) What is the status of neckbeards in your nation?

Most Fatatatutian men have some Polynesian blood which means they don't have much facial hair. Thin moustaches are common but beards are not. The Army discourages shaving in the field, so some soldiers of foreign extraction do wear beards. There is no difference of status for anybody based on facial hair.

2) Would you be willing to sign a treaty with us to allow us to evacuate neckbeards into our lands, which is their natural home?

No. We do not sign treaties.

[La Cosa Fedora]

Like hell are we going to 'sign' their disgusting nation's silly "treaty" to 'protect' disgusting, smelly, racist, ableist, fat-shaming, misogynist, transphobic dudebro fedora-wearing neckbeards. Also, it would be a better idea to send all of La Cosa Fedora's feminists, transgender people, queer people, people of color, people with physical/mental disabilities, and obese people to us.

No, our sources of coerced labor citizens are all happy to be free and equal in the League of the Six Free Peoples, where there is no oppression.

That is, we only do population transfers with feminist nations on a quid pro quo basis. If we don't get neckbeards, you don't get our feminists.

[TURTLESHROOM II]

KINGDOM OF THE UNITED TURTLES, MUSHROOMS, AND MEN OF TURTLESHROOM
EXECUTIVE CABINET
MINISTRY OF FOREGIN AFFAIRS
[OVERSIGHT DIVISION PENDING ANALYSIS]
BUREAUCRAT

Good afternoon.

Thank you for submitting your inquiry in regards to the gaming subculture of TurtleShroom.

The slang concept of a human "neck beard" does not exist in TurtleShroom, though unkempt facial hair among humans is hated. Many TurtleShroomers cannot grow facial hair to that degree of prominence. TurtleShroomer Whites are primarily Slavic in terms of genetic composition (height, build, size, skull shape, etc.), heavilly mixed with Anglo-Saxxon genes over the centuries. This means that facial hair would be expected and easier to grow, but due to centuries of mild irradiation in the water, many TutleShroomer humans now have thin body hair and less pronounced and thick beards.

Based on your description, we cannot say that there is a large population of your concept of a gamer or consumer of junk food in your nation.

Although there are many gamers in TurtleShroom, few, if any, of them are fat. TurtleShroom is a largely agrarian state, and most TurtleShroomers generally spend their working time in blue collar jobs that neccesitate excercise. As such, it's a luxury and a sign of extreme wealth to be fat at all. Gaming TurtleShroomers either spend their free time on the computers of a public library (this has been the trend since 2014 AD as it was cheaper than buying computers for individual use), splugre for their own PC, or use a portable gaming device like the Game Boy. The most popular games at this time are "Undertale", "Chip's Challenge", various tycoon games, various strategy games, and other indie genres. Games like "Overwatch" would be popular in TurtleShroom, but the average TurtleShroomian PC cannot run anything close to that kind of graphics. The best computers that are cheap enough to be available to the common TurtleShroomer can run "The Sims III" at low settings.

Any gamer wishing to reside in your state would be shocked to see the decadence and gluttony exhibited by your ruling class, and its Apartheid mistreatment of its normal citizenry. Your people seem to reject religion and debate, and seem to exhude arrogance and self-rightousness. These traits are antithema to TurtleShroomer culture: humility is the number one and most sacred virtue in the country's consciousness.


We do, though, commend your support and dedication to monogamy, chastity before marriage, courtship, and the proper, reverent treatment of women. We feel that you are excluded from courtship by many women due to your decadence and gluttony. It is not because you are unlovable or that human females think they are too good for you, but rather, aspects of your personality traits and hygiene repulse them.

It is the advice of me, acting as an individual TurtleShroomer and not of my employer, that you should humble yourselves, clean yourselves up, comb your hair, and undertand that being in the "friend zone" is not a negative trait. Having the friendship of a woman is valuable in and of itself.

In short, you are likely socially isolating yourselves.


Now, as you requested, here are the answers to your questionnaire.
1. What is the status of neck beards in your nation?

See above.

2. Would you be willing to sign a treaty with us to allow us to evacuate neck beards into our lands?

You are welcome to advertise your nation in ours in accordance with our laws and purchasing of advertising. Please contact the Ministry of Domestic Affairs and the Ministry of the Storehouse for more information on foreign investment in TurtleShroom.

We are willing to ratify your request for Freedom of Movement between our two nations, if the current ruling Junta so ascents to it.
We expect, however, that you will not import contraband (any non-pharmaceutical drug, including alcohol) into our nation. La Cosa Fedorites will be asked to present identification of their nation of origin before entering.

As for dating prospects, why not give it a shot? I'm sure if you follow the advice I personally gave, I bet TurtleShroomer female humans would appreciate your courtesy.

3. If yes to #2, are there any restrictions on our inspectors' access to your population for recruitment purposes?
[Blocktext]In accordance with TurtleShroomian law and tradition, all inspectors, recruiters, and census takers will be escourted and monitored by TurtleShroomer guides and tourism employees. We expect you to behave with the utmost professional courtesy and in understanding of TurtleShroomian law.

God bless your nation and her efforts to bring her subculture's adherents "home". May your people never go hungry or thirsty.

-BUREAUCRAT ON BEHALF OF THE MINISTRY OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS OF TURTLESHROOM

P.S.: In the pictures of your ruling class that you sent us, you are wearing Trilby hats, not fedoras.

[Merriwhether]

1) What is the status of neckbeards in your nation?

The status of our citizens of the 'neckbeard' description...? Is societal discrimination normative in this nation's eyes? We do not allow personal tastes and opinions to interfere with how we do our business. The same principle applies to treatment and extension of rights. There is no positive nor negative bias.

2) Would you be willing to sign a treaty with us to allow us to evacuate neckbeards into our lands, which is their natural home?

How about no? We are not compliant with acts of other nations directed at our citizens. They live in our country under our jurisdiction, and so if Cosa Fedora wishes to pass authority over them then it is their duty to attract such persons to their nation. We do not sanction the abduction of Merriwhethrans from our own territories, and any such unlawful effort will be treated as criminal. Our government takes no issue of violently suppressing any illicit endeavor in violation of our sovereignty.

3) If yes to #2, are there any restrictions on our inspectors' access to your population for recruitment purposes?

[The Free Republic of Taylor Swift]

1. Somewhat common.
2. Yes
3. No