Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

by **Nephara** » Sun Sep 20, 2015 3:19 am

Preseason jitters. A full-strength side manages to smash Skyline in Mangolana, but Weixelbraun’s squad for the home leg is almost entirely reserves. They almost blow it - it takes a 79th minute strike from Semarlandic debutant Rune Haldenstadt to ensure the Nepharim progress.

It is an opening day to forget for Chenoworth Harriers. Klaus Murdoch fires home in the 33rd minute to pull them back to 2-1 in the only good news all night for the Harriers, but Brinemouth score four more in the second half including a hattrick for Juquinho and a debut goal for Olenna Carrick, whose shot slipped horribly through Molyneux’s fingers. Oh dear, oh dear. But at least they score - West Brinemouth can’t even get a shot on target as they lose 2-0 to Chatswood, Crisisbless make heavy weather of breaking down the Hawks 1-0 (Engstroem, however, with a debut goal of his own in the 61st minute) and Crisisbless United make short work of a naive Serpentine, 2-0. So much for the newly promoted sides. Iron City manage to get a leg up on any relegation rivals with a spirited 2-1 win over Iron City, Postecoglou and Garrard off the mark and Langerak clearing what looked like Wrexham’s equaliser off the line to give them the win. Vermillion Rage thump Raven River 4-0 in Sabrefell, the new look front three ensuring a torrid debut for Tosca Marlowe in particular. Her old club, Treason, is outplayed all over the pitch by a rampant Athletic, Keller (another debutant) and Reiter ensuring a comfortable victory.

Tough draws that wouldn’t look out of place in the knockout rounds of the tournament proper - and Brinemouth lose, well beaten and frankly lucky to keep the score down thanks to Connolly pulling one back in the 83rd minute. Still hope, then. Hawk hits a post in the third minute, but the Moths win out over early nerves. Curio heads home Coleman’s cross in a fittingly all-Apoxian maneuvre, but Aitor Jovellanos glides past Christener (who famously got the better of him against the odds in a World Cup - not so much, here) and skips away from Pryor to beat Peterson, equalising on the stroke of half-time. Still, Pryor makes amends - he rises highest to head Coleman’s corner past Gentle Breeze, and the Moths have a hell of a victory to brag about… and a hell of a task ahead of them to defend it.

The Chariots have a host of chances, but the finishing is poor and Marcelo in goal isn’t of a mind to make things easy for them. The Samba Boys gradually get the upper hand late in the second half, and Rhonan’s finish from eighteen yards is clinical, whipping past Edelgrau. Still, plenty of time to win out back home in Sabrefell.

It’s a good day for derbies. A better day, first off, for Iron City - somehow, against all odds, they hold out against Crisisbless. Thanks are due yet again to Dan Keel (Crisisbless-born, -raised and -developed himself), solid defending and the post, and when Meixner hits a dangerous free kick into the mixer, Marciak flaps at it and Vauxhall climbs above the rest to head the ball into an empty net. Two wins from two for Iron, somehow. West Brinemouth win a similar sort of victory against Brinemouth, Voeller converting the Gulls’ one shot on target, Thrace making nine saves - but it has to be said that the Dockers never really cut the Gulls’ defence open.

Disappointment. Brinemouth continue the trend of recent spectacular failures in UICA competitions, Nunez’s late strike securing the hosts’ advancement. As for the Moths… well. They were simply blown away by a truly world-class side. Goals from Tregajorran book-end the match, with a scuffed clearance from Pryor (hero in the first leg, villain now) gave Hawk the easiest chance in the world to make it 2-0, Ingersleben makes it three from distance, Maddon rounds Breeze but misses an open net and then Tregajorran’s header puts the final touch on the scoreline. “Terrible,” Weixelbraun tells the press candidly, and accurately.

Goals from Walker, Hearn and, from the spot, Norgen (after Morgan was poleaxed in the box by Marcelo) seal the deal for the Chariots. Mishaella Tianno sets nerves jangling in the 24th minute with a shot Edelgrau should really have done better from, but the Chariots hold out in front of their home crowd.

A landmark day for AFC Serpentine as they score their first ever Premiership goal en route to a first ever Premiership win - it’s Cassius Morrissey, the artless converted centre-half who bundles a low corner past Thrace. The enigmatic Saffron Martin, invisible for 179 minutes of the past two games but laying on Voeller’s assist against Brinemouth, suddenly beats fellow Osarian Davina Altieri at her near post with a dazzling strike, but Serpentine secure a deserved win when Cuijpers’ forward pass is thundered home by Conor Morriston. Maximum Rovers get the best of Treason - the Stags’ second loss in three games - thanks to goals from Lynwood and Chapin. But massive credit is due to the shielding midfielder, Paterson. It was a source of curiosity as to why Brenecia manager Sasha Bale was in the stands, but as it happens, Paterson is apparently eligible for Brenecia… and on the back of a performance like that, when the Patriots have been crying out for a defensive midfielder for so long? Looks like some sheep-shagger prayers might just be answered. Sabrefell Athletic completely and inexplicably fall to pieces against Raven River, who have recovered admirably from a 4-0 defeat at home to find two 3-0 wins - Kenway, the infuriatingly unreliable striker only just working her way back into the first team, somehow has a brace in each. Credit, as well, due to Kieron Riordan - saving Quillisi’s 28th-minute penalty that would have equalised the game, and Athletic simply didn’t look the same after that. Brinemouth are beaten 1-0 (again) by a newly promoted side (again), the Hawks heroic in defence and Graziana Vastano clinical in attack, forcing three saves, hitting a post and scoring a goal with five out of her thirty touches. Iron City, meanwhile, have three wins from three somehow, with Meixner - a player who struggled to get onto Chatswood’s bench - doing a passable impression of a crap bootleg Alexander van Sorenson. And that’s enough for Page Garrard, an explosively quick striker who thrives on forward passes and long balls - and not even Molyneux’s terrible but enthusiastic sweeping could stop the Harriers from crashing to a 2-1 defeat.

“Gutless. Spineless. Pathetic.” Such is Mortlock’s indictment of her Chariots as they capitulate 4-0 at home to Oceanside, Islander striker Kiatsrichaat with an inspired hattrick and Leadbetter adding some further gloss to the scoreline in stoppage time. The Moths are sturdy against Forest Hill, but fail to get an away goal - Brinemouth, at least, make reasonably short work of a Manechester City side that resembles a rogue’s gallery of utter pricks. It represents a happy return for Rook Harm in the commentary box to be reunited with his favourite target - none other than former Crisisbless United centre-half and part-time clown Constantine Synge. Harm spent most of the 90 minutes exulting in his every error, and seemed almost aroused when Synge passed straight to Carrick to set up the first goal for the Dockers.

Two minutes in against West Brinemouth, Lukas Kruse showed why he’d been linked to Brinemouth in the offseason with a powerful driving run between Langerak and Morrow before rounding Keel… and showed why Brinemouth bought Carrick instead as he blazed over the bar. Not to worry, though, as Daniel Canady’s brace consigned West Brinemouth to defeat in a crucial six-pointer. Cranequin Wanderers vs. Chatswood is a dull game enlivened by a late fistfight, as what looked to be Conomore’s fresh legs taken out from under him by Brescia Stubbs in the box - which would have been a penalty and potential equaliser - was adjudged to be fine by referee Bertha Payne, who sent three people off in the ensuing brawl and then hastily brought the game to a close. “That was a fucking shambles,” Cranequin goalkeeper Rachel Brennan muttered to the press afterwards.

A cruel late equaliser from Forest Hill seals the Moths’ fate as they crash out on away goals, having faced an incredibly unlucky draw. Mortlock, sensing a lost cause, picks a heavily-rotated side against Oceanside away - remarkably, Freuen opens the scoring and 18-year old Adnan Szalai doubles their lead in the 27th minute, Szalai making his starting debut and with his first senior goal. But the hosts reassert themselves and ultimately fight their way to a 2-2 draw, cruising through on aggregate. Manechester City, remarkably considering their ridiculously top-heavy squad, neither score nor concede - the stalemate is easily enough for Brinemouth to progress.

Southfell United can’t give their strikers the service they need - again. Crisisbless United’s forwards might have rather wayward finishing, but they get more than enough chances, and finally it’s Ash Moltke who lashes the ball into the net to give them a good win. Southfell have lost five on the bounce, scored once and conceded thirteen - so much for the honeymoon effect of a new manager. Their hosts, meanwhile, now sit on five wins straight, ten goals and two conceded. Sides with similar expectations at the outset now heading in diametrically opposite directions. Crisisbless get the better of the Stags, Engstroem and Kilbane with the goals, but they don’t look quite at the heights of last season just yet - and Treason’s late goal, as Quinn seizes on an uncharacteristic slip from Gallardo to thump the ball past Marciak, is a worrying portent. That said, Treason have just one win and four defeats to date - a calamitous start. No such concerns in the Laith, as Serpentine conclusively outplay Bishop and North Laithland demolish an abject, 9-man Parrhesia 5-0.

Evan Katsouranis has a miracle game against Brinemouth, in a game where Bishop are outplayed all over the pitch except up top and in goal - Katsouranis is required to make eleven saves, three of them practically miraculous, and there was nothing he could do about Brinemouth’s goals. Canady shows he has some of the old magic by bursting down the middle to turn in Curran’s cross, still dynamic even at 35, while Nat Casarine comes off the bench to replace him and volleys home the equaliser in the 87th. Crisisbless look curiously muted against a Moths side that makes the best of its width and just stretches Crisisbless all along the park, but the goal is simple - Cliving’s forward pass cuts open the Heelers’ back four, Maddon runs onto it and rifles the ball past Marciak. Crisisbless United continue their rampant form in spite of a poor first half where they were lucky to only be 2-0 down - but thanks to Andreas Rourke’s hat-trick and a finisher from Klinsmann, some good saves from Hennessey and man of the match Corderro pulling the strings, fight their way back to beat Sabrefell Athletic. Southfell United, for their part, finally get their first points of the campaign - Schindler and Stubbs make the difference against Chatswood.

A dull, grinding Maximum derby sees a red card on both sides but no goals, with Trystan Fitzpatrick in particular missing some gilt-edged chances. The Rovers have looked solid so far, which is a good sign in light of recent seasons. Bishop somehow find goals from somewhere, Kruse (underwhelming so far) shaking off some of the one-season wonder doubters with two goals and an assist against an admittedly compliant Cranequin Wanderers en route to a 4-1 win. For what it’s worth, the Wanderers make up in quality what they lack in quality, and Coden Hari belatedly opens his account for the Wanderers with a spectacular diving header to find Roebuck’s cross. Serpentine, meanwhile, produce the kind of performance everyone knew they were capable of in a great game against Vermillion - Altieri flapping at Runen’s cross to give Levy the easiest of opening goals, but the two-man midfield of Farrell and Taylor are able to lock down Vermillion’s trio, and Serpentine make their advantage count attacking along the wings. Steelbridge gives Morriston an easy equaliser, which is then repaid with a knockdown from Vesper’s cross. Cuijpers manages a scorching goal from twenty-four yards to put the Dragons 3-1 up at the break - and while Manuel Reid pulls one back, Altieri’s magnificent double save makes amends for an earlier mistake and a piledriver from the unlikely midfield source of Farrell seals the deal for Serpentine.

After seven straight wins, Crisisbless United finally drop a game - it’s a good sign for the Rovers, who looked awful in front of goal last year. Senturk has three assists to his name within 30 minutes; Sweane (from a corner), Drake and Lynwood the ones to put the ball in the net. But United, inspired by Matilda Heisenberg shouting at them from the technical area, fight back - 3-1 in the 37th minute thanks to Rourke, 3-2 in the 65th through Strachan and 3-3 thanks to Abigail Mueller off the bench, her first goal for her new club. But the Rovers keep fighting even as they capitulate horribly, and ultimately get the three points - Warwick bombards the box with a long throw from the left, there’s a lot of scuffling until the ball bounces over to Lucy Curren - the 20-year old Schottian substitute striker makes no mistake, blazing it into the ceiling of the net from four yards. Meanwhile, Coden Hari decides he quite likes scoring in the Premiership, and nets a brace against Brinemouth. Connolly finally beats Brennan in the 78th after a string of saves, but Drinkwater - who always seems to get the best out of himself against his former club - seals the deal in stoppage time. “I don’t know why every goalkeeper we face seems to get superpowers,” captain Kunibert Mathias whines to the press after the match.

Chenoworth Harriers host North Laithland, and find all of their weaknesses horribly exposed. Molyneux in goal is directly to blame for two of the goals as a defence is repeatedly carved to shreds, they can’t compete in midfield and centreforward Michaels has a nightmare of a game. When the dust settles, the Harriers have lost 5-0 in front of their own fans. Serpentine do somewhat better as they take on the Globe Cup and regional champions, though there are some who suspect Altieri was on Diamante’s bench all these years for a reason - ‘bench’ being the keyword, not ‘Diamante’. These suspicions are helped when Oehman beats her at her near post, but the Dragons fight back - Morriston charging down Breen’s clearance and smashing instinctively past Seward for the first goal, Cuijpers cutting inside and letting loose with a curling strike for the second, Morriston with his second and Serpentine’s third as he pokes home the rebound from Farrell’s initially well-saved shot. Athletic fight back in the second half, but the newly-promoted Dragons match them goal for goal - Gawain’s cannon of a shot sees the favour returned by Vesper, cutting inside, and when Castellan comes off the bench to offer a goal and a glimmer of hope, Nikita Barron arrives off Serpentine’s bench to crush it with her first touch of the ball. A powerful 5-3 win, and a statement of intent.

An uncharacteristically scoreless Crisisbless derby catches most of the headlines but totally misses the action. Even when Keast’s powerful shot goes trickling through Hennessey’s legs, the pace of Curran ensures she gets to it in time to scuff it off the line and avoid dramas. Vermillion and Brinemouth take a more exciting route to the same scoreless conclusion with a breathless end-to-end affair while Aziz Senturk makes the difference against Coret with a spectacular free kick, but on the whole it’s not the most exciting matchday.

Crisisbless are outplayed and unlocked by a flying Rozelle side whose weak defence they’re unable to seriously test - apart from range, where Jonah Nkutu has a good, solid game. Ashworth (formerly of Maximum Rovers) scores the first, with Volker (formerly of Southfell) adding fuel to the fire not long later. Barbury start well and end well, but the 70 minutes in the middle is a trainwreck. Corinna McKenna secures a dream start with a goal in the third minute, clipping in off Seward’s fingertips onto the inside of the upright and finally nestling in the net. But a neat passage of play, Gawain to Reiter to Keller to the net, levels things in the 11th minute, and Athletic continue to dominate in the minutes to come, Keller scoring his second with a flying header in the 34th minute. Devold hits a post in the second half but Athletic deserve a third, and get one when substitute Levin Castellan marks his UICA debut with a thunderbolt of a strike. Devold goes one better in stoppage time, but it isn’t enough, and Athletic get the win.

Rough viewing. Brinemouth hardly get a look in away in Taeshan, while North Laithland, full of optimism ahead of their first ever UICA match, are pumped 3-0 by a vastly superior New Southampton. “We weren’t good enough,” says Escher Speare brusquely after the fact. “Not nearly good enough. It was sickening.”

Brinemouth against Treason is always a classic, but this particular vintage is a grinding affair, Brinemouth’s passing bouncing off a Treason side who can’t offer much in response, until suddenly it does - Hasselbaink’s long diagonal cross isn’t dealt with by the defence, and none other than the narrative’s own Olenna Carrick, a squad player with Treason for four seasons, sidefoots it past Miller. Treason fight back heroically, Malone saves well from Puntoriero and Acosta hits a post, but Brinemouth are good value for their point while something just looks wrong with the Stags. But there’s a few good thrashings on offer - Crisisbless United tenderise an abject Chenoworth Harriers, putting four past their own former goalkeeper Molyneux, Serpentine demolish a 10-man Rovers side, Parrhesia put four past Bishop’s Katsouranis and Cranequin Wanderers, weirdly, beat Athletic 3-0. Another blinder from Brennan helps, but former Athletic centre-half Pennant has a great game as well, and the Reds can’t deal with the long balls the wing players send flying into the box. Hari can, with two goals and an assist for the opportunistic Drinkwater - the Wanderers are looking like a proper Premiership side.

The first round of the cup sees aspirants, mostly semi-professional, come in and crash out. Still, in classic lower-league style, there’s always something to pick out. Perrett, for example, cede the game in a forfeit after their fifth red card to a bruised South Brill (who had two sent off themselves; the scoreline, remarkably, was 1-1 when the game was called), while Ringway, in a match they plainly do not give a fuck about, hurl on 15-year old (and ten months) Daniella Houseman - the manager’s niece - at leftback to become the youngest player in NFA Cup history. It doesn’t do them much good, as they lose 4-1 to Camwell Road.

Treason show there’s some fight left in them as they hold out against the Moths, Flaccus ultimately winning the game with a screamer from twenty-eight yards. Even so, they’re, well, 13th. Athletic, after their former player Diandra Belgrave sets up a late equaliser for Levy, flounder in 11th - Maximum Rovers seperating the two, as if to highlight their current mediocrity. Crisisbless United, an outside shot at relegation, beat Coret 2-0 to go top of the table, as North Laithland beat second-last Cranequin City to hold onto second place. The Harriers prop up a table despite a brave away point at Chatswood, won through Theo Michaels’ first goal of the season (not a good sign in a lone striker), Bishop and Southfell completing the relegation places while Parrhesia - thanks to Damkjaer’s powerful header and the ability of Ryalusci and Brun to actually deal with Cranequin’s crossing - escape it. Things are starting to take shape, at least… and it’s not the kind of shape most people expected.

Crisisbless will be grateful to keep a clean sheet against Farfish giants Mâ lâmëómë in what was an impressive match for both goalkeepers, Marciak and Tzâín. It’s ultimately silky work from the Crisisbless midfield that puts Engstroem one-on-one with the goalkeeper, and he doesn’t miss those - and it was Engstroem who was later felled by Etezadi for the penalty. But Tzâín saved it, and just five minutes later, Dragãozý hit a post at the other end. A win… but a narrow one. Athletic don’t even have that, shut down and out by the Marinos after ninety minutes of largely ineffective passing.

Brinemouth and North Laithland both underachieve, with credit due to their opponents - Bridgewall for scoring first, keeping the pressure on and levelling late on, Keppal for looking comfortable throughout as if it were a home game. Already, Nephara’s UICA cycle is taking a turn for the worse - a few “Just Do It For The Coefficient” signs are starting to appear in the crowds...

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crisisbless United       12 10  1  1  26   9  +17  31
  2 North Laithland          12  9  2  1  27   9  +18  29
  3 Crisisbless              12  8  2  2  15   7   +8  26
  4 Brinemouth               12  7  2  3  21  12   +9  23
  5 Sabrefell Moths          12  7  2  3  14   6   +8  23
  6 Violence Chariots        12  7  2  3  20  18   +2  23
  7 Maximum City             12  6  2  4  16   7   +9  20
  8 AFC Serpentine           12  6  2  4  24  19   +5  20
  9 Vermillion Rage          12  5  4  3  21  14   +7  19
 10 Raven River              12  5  3  4  19  13   +6  18
 11 Sabrefell Athletic       12  5  3  4  20  20   +0  18
 12 Maximum Rovers           12  5  3  4  14  15   -1  18
 13 AFC Treason              12  5  2  5  13  12   +1  17
 14 Chatswood                12  4  4  4   9  11   -2  16
 15 Goodfeather FC           12  4  2  6  15  16   -1  14
 16 Cranequin Wanderers      12  4  2  6  13  17   -4  14
 17 Coret Hawks              12  4  2  6   7  12   -5  14
 18 Iron City                12  3  4  5  10  12   -2  13
 19 West Brinemouth          12  4  1  7   6  13   -7  13
 20 Parrhesia United         12  2  3  7  15  23   -8   9
 21 Bishop                   12  2  3  7  12  21   -9   9
 22 Southfell United         12  1  3  8   6  21  -15   6
 23 Cranequin City           12  1  2  9   9  23  -14   5
 24 Chenoworth Harriers      12  1  2  9   7  29  -22   5

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 South Laithland            12  8  3  1  23   5  +18  27
  2 Chenoworth Rovers          12  8  3  1  15   5  +10  27
  3 Extreme Hills              12  8  1  3  20   9  +11  25
  4 Corvette Maulers           12  8  0  4  21  14   +7  24
  5 Brookford Otters           12  7  2  3  32  17  +15  23
  6 Cypher Town                12  7  2  3  19  11   +8  23
  7 Newrook City               12  6  3  3  21  14   +7  21
  8 Starling                   12  6  3  3  23  21   +2  21
  9 Leichhardt                 12  5  5  2  12   8   +4  20
 10 Sutcroft                   12  6  2  4  22  20   +2  20
 11 Ritter Town                12  5  3  4  19  14   +5  18
 12 Creed United               12  5  2  5  13  10   +3  17
 13 Sheridan                   12  5  1  6  12  13   -1  16
 14 Rochford                   12  5  0  7  13  14   -1  15
 15 Rhagant Schadenfreude      12  4  3  5  11  17   -6  15
 16 Martella Jazz              12  4  2  6  15  18   -3  14
 17 AFC Shale                  12  4  2  6   6   9   -3  14
 18 Ox River United            12  4  2  6   8  15   -7  14
 19 South Parrhesia            12  3  3  6  12  22  -10  12
 20 Vermillion Wanderers       12  3  2  7  14  17   -3  11
 21 Mainstream Fist            12  3  2  7  10  17   -7  11
 22 Dross Rovers               12  2  2  8   9  26  -17   8
 23 Armstrong                  12  1  3  8   6  20  -14   6
 24 North Sabrefell            12  0  3  9   8  28  -20   3

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Hackett                      12  9  3  0  25   5  +20  30
  2 Strephonage                  12  9  2  1  19   9  +10  29
  3 Iron United                  12  9  1  2  18   8  +10  28
  4 Coret Rovers                 12  8  1  3  17  13   +4  25
  5 East Laithland Harriers      12  7  2  3  27  11  +16  23
  6 Franchise FC                 12  6  4  2  18  12   +6  22
  7 Gridlock Rovers              12  6  4  2  16  11   +5  22
  8 Masculine Town               12  6  3  3  17  14   +3  21
  9 Project +90                  12  6  2  4  21  15   +6  20
 10 Corby Hubris                 12  5  3  4  16  13   +3  18
 11 Boleyn Town                  12  5  2  5  15  12   +3  17
 12 Kensey Town                  12  4  5  3  12  11   +1  17
 13 Crossroads Town              12  5  1  6  15  13   +2  16
 14 Morningstar                  12  5  0  7  10  16   -6  15
 15 Belgrave                     12  4  2  6  17  18   -1  14
 16 Crisisbless Athletic         12  4  1  7  15  15   +0  13
 17 Diamondqueen                 12  4  1  7   9  16   -7  13
 18 Brookway Town                12  3  3  6  15  20   -5  12
 19 Fenland Albion               12  3  3  6  13  22   -9  12
 20 Locksley                     12  2  5  5  13  17   -4  11
 21 West Hook                    12  2  4  6   8  13   -5  10
 22 Senway Town                  12  2  1  9   6  20  -14   7
 23 Iberia Chenoworth            12  1  2  9  11  28  -17   5
 24 Gridlock East                12  0  3  9   6  27  -21   3

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                     P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chaker Town             12  8  2  2  25  10  +15  26
  2 Forge Carpenters        12  7  2  3  17  11   +6  23
  3 Sutcroft Athletic       12  7  2  3  15  13   +2  23
  4 Long Lake               12  6  4  2  15   6   +9  22
  5 Falston Town            12  6  3  3  21  11  +10  21
  6 Brindleton              12  5  5  2  20  11   +9  20
  7 Stonegrave              12  5  5  2  17   8   +9  20
  8 South Brill             12  6  2  4  18  12   +6  20
  9 Downsparrow             12  6  2  4  17  15   +2  20
 10 Mantlegrove             12  5  3  4  17  13   +4  18
 11 North Dubstep           12  6  0  6  12  13   -1  18
 12 Dartmouth Terriers      12  4  5  3  15  10   +5  17
 13 Dubstep Rangers         12  5  2  5  16  17   -1  17
 14 Camwell Road            12  5  2  5  14  19   -5  17
 15 Rushe United            12  4  3  5  20  14   +6  15
 16 Ringway                 12  4  3  5  13  16   -3  15
 17 Greygate                12  4  3  5   9  13   -4  15
 18 Kommissar               12  4  2  6  16  21   -5  14
 19 Blaze                   12  4  2  6  11  19   -8  14
 20 Southriver              12  4  1  7  13  17   -4  13
 21 Riverkey                12  3  2  7  14  18   -4  11
 22 FC United               12  3  1  8  14  22   -8  10
 23 Reckdale Town           12  2  2  8   9  28  -19   8
 24 Vermillion Spite        12  1  2  9   7  28  -21   5

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Grovebank             12  9  1  2  27   8  +19  28
  2 Bellamy               12  8  2  2  21  12   +9  26
  3 Gridlock              12  7  2  3  17   7  +10  23
  4 The Strongest         12  7  1  4  28  18  +10  22
  5 Courser               12  6  3  3  20  14   +6  21
  6 The Hanged Man        12  6  3  3  11   5   +6  21
  7 Ramsay                12  6  2  4  10   7   +3  20
  8 Norton Road           12  6  2  4  15  13   +2  20
  9 Harrington            12  5  4  3  17  14   +3  19
 10 Haymaker Town         12  5  3  4  10  15   -5  18
 11 Geoff United          12  3  6  3  15  17   -2  15
 12 Fully Sick XI         12  4  3  5  13  15   -2  15
 13 Surfeit River         12  4  2  6  12  19   -7  14
 14 Thratewood            12  3  4  5  17  17   +0  13
 15 Barcastle Rovers      12  3  4  5   9  17   -8  13
 16 Tryst Athletic        12  4  0  8  16  20   -4  12
 17 Stekelenbright        12  2  5  5   6  11   -5  11
 18 Huysegem              12  2  2  8   6  19  -13   8
 19 Perrett               12  1  4  7   7  18  -11   7
 20 Worthall              12  1  3  8  12  23  -11   6

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bodkin Road                12  7  5  0  22   6  +16  26
  2 Stamper Road               12  8  2  2  28  13  +15  26
  3 Nay Town                   12  7  3  2  18  12   +6  24
  4 Fischer                    12  6  5  1  18  10   +8  23
  5 Inner-East Fairywrens      12  7  1  4  11   7   +4  22
  6 Sandrock                   12  6  3  3  17   9   +8  21
  7 Twelvetrees                12  4  8  0  11   4   +7  20
  8 Pillars of Southfell       12  5  3  4  14  10   +4  18
  9 De La Patria               12  5  3  4  21  18   +3  18
 10 Lackerrun                  12  5  2  5  20  15   +5  17
 11 Violence Tigers            12  4  3  5   9  15   -6  15
 12 Peregrine                  12  4  2  6  13  16   -3  14
 13 Norpike                    12  3  4  5  12  12   +0  13
 14 Clay Terrace               12  2  6  4   6  10   -4  12
 15 Rookwall                   12  4  0  8  18  23   -5  12
 16 East Slake                 12  2  5  5   8  18  -10  11
 17 Pridehome                  12  3  2  7  10  21  -11  11
 18 Getton Town                12  2  3  7  12  17   -5   9
 19 Markoni                    12  1  5  6   8  26  -18   8
 20 Leo                        12  1  3  8   3  17  -14   6

by **Nephara** » Sat Oct 17, 2015 3:41 pm

Almost nobody has been able to stop the Chessmen so far - and it falls to Iron City at home, with Church sent off for a reckless challenge in the 28th minute, who abandon all attacking intent and sit back in their own half, inviting and absorbing pressure. They nearly even win - Garrard, one-on-one with Hennessey, slightly overcooks her touch and sees the ball smothered by the big veteran goalkeeper. West Brinemouth outplay the godawful Chenoworth Harriers, who already look relegated, on their rough home pitch - the match is won, appropriately, when Martin’s cross finds the big winger Reinhard Mueller lurking at the far post. The Gulls, for their part, have shown real resilience when most expected them to go down without a fight - right now, it’s the Harriers doing that. Crisisbless are almost at their best - Morriston skips through their defence a little too easily for what is at that stage the equaliser - but otherwise dazzle the home crowd at Serpentine. Four goals, and it could have been more without some good work from Altieri, showcasing Crisisbless as the irresistible force they can be. Two such forces collide in Brinemouth, as the Moths are only overcome after a flowing end-to-end battle, while Southfell United take three valuable points from Athletic thanks to a late brace from Schindler.

Athletic have been abject so far, and show no signs of life as their stalling midfield does nothing more than hold Brinemouth at bay. “It was a solid defensive effort we can be proud of, at least,” says Aragon, grasping at straws. The silver lining is a great performance from Lind Pressinger, brought in as Seward was surprisingly dropped for his poor performances - including a direct error against Southfell. Pressinger, by contrast, was like a leaping salmon on the goalline, doing everything to salvage a point for his side. Few would be surprised to see the number 16 - whose 24th birthday falls on next week’s match against Parrhesia United - given another start then. Parrhesia themselves are in resurgent form, three wins and a draw in their last four lifting them away from trouble as Beckcamp scores his first two goals of the season against Southfell. Worse is to come for the Tanners, who see goalkeeper Rachel Schroeder limp off twenty minutes in. She could be out for a while. Coret Hawks, missing their own goalkeeper through suspension, still keep a clean sheet through the mediocre but largely unneeded Gustav Morraine - a devastating free kick from Foster and two goals from Vastano, unhindered by the home fans’ “you fat bastard” chants, sees them see off West Brinemouth with consummate ease.

Monksville, who impressively won the Cup while securing promotion from the Eastfield second tier, strike first through the fantastically-named Patience Chrysanthopoulos - who skipped away from Ryalusci before crashing a shot against the inside of the upright and in, past Koeller. But an equally dazzling run from Hexmark paves the way for Monti to tap in, and Damian Conagher’s blistering strike seals a home win that’s probably good enough for the Saints, as long as they keep their guard up away.

Disappointing. Crisisbless are ineffective against Raynor City, and another acrobatic display from Pressinger in goal probably rescues a point for Athletic - though a 38-pass goal culminating in a Reiter tap-in was a wonderful expression of the club’s philosophy, it could only paper over the clear cracks, particularly as Mauer somewhat more directly powering home a header from a well-aimed cross is, as it happens, worth just as much on the scoreboard.

Tidings are decidedly better in the Globe Cup. Endeavour have undergone an almost complete renovation over the transfer window, spending 45 million pounds on what was already a highly polished killing machine. It does them little good, though Nephara international Brendan Rivers chalks up an assist for the first goal as his low cross is flicked past Malone by Gandhi. To their credit, the Dockers force their way back into the game, and while Ballard pulls off an incredible save to deny Larissa Connolly, the Brenecian winger goes one better five minutes later, lashing one in from just outside the box. Brinemouth press their advantage in the second half, Carragher heading home Mathias’ corner before Connolly gets her second, slipping between Bjerregard and Rickwright before lashing the ball into the net. A late consolation by Strand is only that, even if it was impressively taken. North Laithland, surprisingly, not only beat but destroy East Franz Athletic, a side with infinitely more pedigree and probably more talent. Rudden catches eyes with her sashaying runs, scoring the first goal, while Dorne gets two nearly identical goals breaking free on the counterattack.

North Laithland probably felt that, having acquitted themselves well against East Franz, they could probably feel good about taking on the Sabrefell Moths. Instead, Curio scored three goals in the first 27 minutes, Maddon and Richter rubbing it in some more. Crisisbless United don’t have the best of times as a relatively even game is ended when Falkirk, to all appearances, attempts homicide on Jess Hearn. Hearn leaves on a stretcher, Falkirk on her own legs after having a red card predictably whipped out. 35-year old Navratil, on in Hearn’s place, goes on to have a man of the match performance as he takes control of the midfield, scores a scorching shot from distance and lays on two assists, and as goalkeeper Roy Hennessey manages to be sent off for bringing down Walker in the area - Norgen converting the penalty with ease - United slink off to their next match with two suspensions to work off. Bishop conquer the feckless Harriers, who have a wealth of chances but no finishing and certainly no Katsouranis to bail them out, while Cranequin Wanderers’ direct long-ball approach and spirited defending claims another scalp, this time Crisisbless who succumb to the incredible chemistry of big target man Coden Hari and the quick but guileless Dorcas Roebuck, who has at this stage sent in more crosses than anyone else in the league.

Cats are thrown amongst pigeons as First and Second Division teams feast on part-time waiters and garbagemen. Huysegem, tipped for relegation from the Conference, will find themselves particularly aggrieved to be drawn away against Corvette Maulers, a Premiership team four years ago, and promptly lost 8-0. Stonegrave do their chances of promoting from the Third Division no harm either with a 6-0 away win over Stonegrave, while Downsparrow, whose first ever Cup foray was cut short by an 8-1 home defeat to Cranequin Wanderers that made Melissa Sanders resemble a striker, have their Cup foray cut short by a 6-1 home defeat to a Rochford side who seem further away from the glory days (or borderline relevance days, anyway) every season. Iberia Chenoworth, with Cup shame of their own to bury (to the tune of ‘losing 13-0 to Crisisbless United), only beat Conference side Bellamy thanks to a cheeky handball from 31-year old striker Eusebarry. Both of the new sides to the league - Clay Terrace and Surfeit River - crash out despite acquitting themselves fairly well against superior opposition. The First Division promotion hopefuls mostly glide through, but Leichhardt need extra time to dispatch Chaker Town two divisions below, while the Otters are unlucky to be drawn against Extreme Hills so early and capitulate from 2-1 up at halftime to 2-4 losers after the full 90 minutes.

The Saints fight back strongly against Monksville away, early goals by the excellent wingers Hexmark and Beckcamp killing off the tie. Their hosts fight back valiantly, Koeller pulling off some credible saves, but for once their porous defence actually soaks up the pressure. The irascible Ryalusci does one better - heading home Hexmark’s corner for the third, and fifth on aggregate.

The Harriers and Wanderers play out what Chenoworth manager Luthienne Wisdom disgustedly refers to as “a Conference game” - defined by long balls, with a good bit of class from Theo Michaels (only the second goal of the season for the Pravenna international) undone by a scuffed clearance from Mackay straight to, appropriately, Connor Scuffett - the young target man slotted in as the jaded Hari finally gets a rest. The striker promptly thumped it into the net. Still, at least the Harriers got a point. Winning games definitely seems just unrealistic by now. Meanwhile, Bishop will feel like the result was a little unjust - huffing and puffing valiantly away against the Hawks, undone by a lack of quality in the final third, they still lead through Curran’s goal in the 80th minute. But soon afterwards, the largely immobile Vastano curls a direct free kick past Katsouranis - the home side’s third shot on target of the match - and a bombing diagonal run from Foster sees him weave past Wiseman, Amarantidis and Hunter before chipping over Katsouranis for the winner. Serpentine contrive to concede three to Iron City, thanks largely to Page Garrard - who seemed to score every time she touched the ball, with a hattrick to her name this time around. The 26-year old is securing her place as one of the buys of the season just a third of the way in.

Crisisbless finally click abroad, thumping the elves 3-0 with all the goals coming from a dominant midfield while the defence looks unbeatable throughout. The Heelers at their best. Sabrefell Athletic do not have the same luck, thumped brutally by Brigham - 3-0, could’ve been five, and a bad night was compounded by Pressinger’s first real bad game of the season. One goal stemmed from a dropped cross that Mauer thumped in with ease and he was beaten at his near post for another.

Yet again, for all Endeavour’s… endeavour, they can’t quite get the best of Stephen Frew’s side, and the Dockers are back in contention to progress when Carrick rounds Ballard in the 63rd minute and rolls the ball into the empty net. North Laithland can’t replicate their brilliance at home with an away win against the Valhallans, but the ypung side salvages a point late on as Rafferty’s near-post corner smashes straight into Kennedy’s head and into the net.

The ever-enigmatic Maximum Rovers somehow find a 4-0 away win in them over the similarly enigmatic Saints. Reinhard Drake, once considered a candidate for ‘the next great Nepharim striker’, now three weeks shy of thirty and having not really done anything more than be a solid 1-in-3-or-4 striker, finds a brace and an assist somewhere in him, Koeller managing an excellent save to deny the hattrick but Lynwood just stabs it into the net anyway. 3-0 down by half-time, any hope the Saints had of clawing back a result (and they managed to test Middleton a few times) probably died when Ryalusci inexplicably kicked Drake in the nether regions. The temperamental centre-half was sent off, and perhaps understandably, Drake did not add to his tally from there - Senturk’s curling strike the final goal of the match. But at least the Saints managed a shot on target - neither of West Brinemouth’s three attempts tested Edelgrau as they succumbed to a 3-0 defeat at the hands of the Chariots. Treason against Chatswood also sees a red card on either side, Puntoriero’s strike the difference in an ill-tempered affair. And that match, much like golf, or watching paint dry, is more exciting than Bishop against Iron City, a match between two reasonably solid teams with no attacking intent or quality. Colour commentator Rook Harm leaves in disgust during the 57th minute after Curran lumps it into the box for Keel to catch for roughly the 400th time. “Rook- mate, Rook, the match is still- mate!” The desperate calls of main commentator Jacqui Saunders is the only thing worth remembering about a match that saw just four shots on goal, none from inside the box. Unsurprisingly, it finishes goalless.

Despite an early scare as Couard hits a post within three minutes, Brinemouth gradually settle and break down United’s defence with a flowing 16-pass move culminating in Connolly smashing the ball into the ceiling of the net. Nassau’s early scare trumps Philibiscostal, as they look the better team in the first half - Red Tyler’s shot from just outside the box going in off a post. But Crisisbless rally in the second half, Nassau tire, and Knutsen, Keast and Kilbane secure a decisive advantage for the Heelers with the home leg to come.

Crisisbless vs. Sabrefell Athletic is the headline match, but it rather fizzles out into a midfield battle, ultimately scoreless. It’s a dull week in general, seeing five 1-0 away wins and two scoreless draws. Raven River come the closest to dazzling, Tosca Marlowe excelling against a typically dangerous Crisisbless United. So far, Marlowe has thrived away from the spotlight after a couple of rough years, and while the Man of the Match award might have been just a little generous - Nechemevic ran the game from midfield while Kenway repeatedly enchanted the United defence, foiled only by poor finishing but still scoring twice - it was a nice, sentimental birthday gift for her 33rd.

“I feel like Fiona [Berenger] entered a non-aggression pact with her countrymen,” Shale remarked acidly to the press, as Volker’s dominance of the rightback made all the difference. Well, Volker’s diagonal run and goal combined with excellent work by Nkutu and solid defending, as well as a lack of cutting edge from any Crisisbless player besides, commendably, Engstroem. Athletic seize the day against Barbury Town, Keller showcasing the difference he’s made to an Athletic side that otherwise looks worse - while Bray is (aptly) a charging bull who fought brutally to win space for the attacking midfielders, Keller is a lightning-quick finisher with a beautiful touch, and as opposed to his earlier days, shies neither from physical nor mental pressure. It’s his goal that proves the winner for the Reds, as Quillisi’s pinpoint long ball picks him out off the shoulder of Balthorst and he flicks the ball past Eustathios.

Both Brinemouth and North Laithland choke on their leads at home, New Southampton playing their way back into the game through poise and technique, Mierton playing their way back into the game when Steinberg turns a low cross into his own net. Both sides are now in serious danger of crashing out.

Brinemouth rest a few players and come close to paying for it, the excellently-named Casimir Paquet constantly threatening with his passing range, but ultimately the Dockers are too resolute in defence. It’s not a pretty goal to seal it - it’s Carrick dropping a corner onto Arron Stewart’s head - but it’s enough to seal the victory. Crisisbless look far the better team at home, though yet again Tyler looks threatening when the ball gets to him. He heads home what is then an equaliser in the 20th minute, but Crisisbless redouble their efforts, and Nassau’s midfield barely gets a sniff from there on out. Berenger and Engstroem secure a comfortable win.

Lewis Whitlam may only be in Southfell’s team through Schroeder’s injury, but United have been impressive with his presence, two wins, two draws and two clean sheets in four games. And yet the 33-year old blows it all when his normally cool head sees him punch Pierce Griffiths in the face. “Nobody talks about my fucking sister that way,” was all the comment he left the press with, and in his absence (an eight-game suspension, but Schroeder should return at some point during that) the 19-year old Portia Bittroff was forced between the posts for her first senior start. “I wasn’t named after Portia Thrift, but I like to think I was,” Bittroff had at one stage told her local paper, but any resemblance to the great goalkeeper was purely in name - Hall beat her at her near post for the first goal and a weak shot from the rightback Beckett, cutting inside, trickled through her hands for the second. It took something special to overshadow the Cranequin derby, which saw the Wanderers - who have scalped plenty of top sides so far - scalped themselves by City, resolute at the back and scoring all three goals after the hot-blooded Gareth Kearney was sent off for a ‘full-blooded’ challenge in the 56th minute. Iron City, meanwhile, rescue a point against Vermillion - 2-0 down at half-time, Sigmund Karamanos decides “fuck it,” throws on veteran striker Arragne for Reeve, switches to 4-4-2 with a traditional big lad-quick lass partnership up front, and it pays dividends - both score, as does Meixner from a direct free kick, en route to a 3-3 draw.

The Premiership clubs enter the gauntlet. Vermillion crash out at the first time of asking to a more resilient Treason, Serpentine win out during a Laith derby against North Laithland (while Hartson, the Dragons’ first-choice goalkeeper in their First Division-winning season, stakes his claim to retake his starting berth over the flaky Altieri) and a second-string Crisisbless pay the price - losing 3-0 at home to a mostly first-choice Moths. Crisisbless United’s miserable run of form continues, now winless in nine games, as Harald Matheson’s bullet header is valiantly almost saved by Swallowtail before trickling horribly over the line. Bishop crash out thanks to Nechemevic’s curling strike from outside the box - Hewett should rightfully have had it covered, but while Katsouranis is one of the better goalkeepers in the Premiership, his backup is Bishop’s dirty little secret who they glue to the bench as firmly as possible in league fixtures. Cypher Town from the First Division and Iron United from the Second underline their promotion credentials with scalps of Violence Chariots and Maximum Rovers - Iron are admittedly lucky that Curren’s 20th minute goal was chalked off for a phantom offside before going on to hold out and win on penalties. Diamondqueen away go from losing 2-0 to Cranequin Wanderers with ten minutes left to 2-1 in the 85th and equalising in stoppage time, but that’s all they have in the tank, and the Wanderers overwhelm them. Riverkey from the third tier and Dartmouth Terriers from the fourth come tantalisingly close to knocking out the Harriers and Iron City, but succumb to late winners, as Project +90 unsettles a 10-man Parrhesia United (Jayce Wainwright, handed a rare start, manages to throw it away within twenty-eight minutes) but the superior experience of the Saints tells in the end.

Cranequin Wanderers defy yet another team that foolishly tries to pass through them when Hawkshaw drops a cross onto Hari’s head. “I’m eagerly awaiting the day that Allister’s side wants to play some bloody football,” remarks Mortlock, who denied bitterness. Another 1-0 win - one of four this matchday - sees the apprentice Erica Brewer triumph over the master Reinhard Shale, and more pertinently Reinhard Shale’s colossal salary budget. Crisisbless can never quite clamp down the midfield, Senturk has a blinder throughout and ultimately gets a goal, chipping over Gallardo to Drake who headed back to him, and then the Cosumarite midfielder rifles it into the top-right corner.

Crisisbless notch an early lead through Knutsen but can’t hold on - Mâ lâmëómë simply overwhelm them at home with fervent attacking football, consigning the Heelers to the Globe Cup. Athletic are evidently desperate to defend their Globe Cup title, and put up a limp display in Valladares to crash out in third place.

Brinemouth become the fall guy in Bridgewall City’s incredible giant-toppling narrative which puts them top of the group and dumps the Dockers out. Keppal also secure a narrower yet no less thoroughly deserved win that seals the Spiders’ fate. Four clubs in the UICA group stages… and none of them progress.

  Group D                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   Roz  M l  Crb  RCU
1 Rozelle                   BRE    6    5   0   1    11    6   +5    15    —   3–1  2–0  3–2
2 Mâ  lâmëómë               FFD    6    3   0   3     7    7    0     9   2–0   —   2–1  2–0
3 Crisisbless               NPH    6    2   0   4     5    6   −1     6*  0–1  1–0   —   3–0
4 Raynor City United        VAL    6    2   0   4     6   10   −4     6*  1–2  2–0  1–0   — 
* Crisisbless ahead of Raynor City United on head-to-head goal difference

  Group G                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   Brg  MMe  SbA  BbT
1 Brigham                   EUR    6    4   2   0    11    4   +7    14    —   2–0  3–0  1–0
2 Marinos Metropolis        VLD    6    2   3   1     7    7    0     9   1–1   —   1–0  2–1
3 Sabrefell Athletic        NPH    6    2   2   2     5    7   −2     8   1–1  0–0   —   1–0
4 Barbury Town              APX    6    0   1   5     8   13   −5     1   2–3  3–3  2–3   —

  Group F                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   BwC  MiM  Bri  End
1 Bridgewall City FC        NOV    6    3   1   2    10    7   +3    10*   —   1–0  3–0  2–1
2 Mierton Manatees          TAE    6    3   1   2    11    8   +3    10*  3–2   —   2–0  3–1
3 Brinemouth                NPH    6    2   2   2     7   10   −3     8   2–2  1–1   —   3–2
4 FC Endeavour              APX    6    2   0   4     8   11   −3     6   1–0  3–2  0–1   — 
* Bridgewall City FC ahead of Mierton Manatees on head-to-head away goals

  Group H                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   KpC  NSh  NLl  EFA
1 Keppal Cosmos             ZWZ    6    5   0   1    10    4   +6    15    —   3–1  1–0  2–0
2 New Southampton           KRN    6    2   2   2     7    8   −1     8   1–0   —   3–0  0–0
3 North Laithland           NPH    6    1   2   3     7    9   −2     5*  1–2  2–2   —   3–0
4 East Franz Athletic       PIS    6    1   2   3     5    8   −3     5*  1–2  3–0  1–1   — 
* North Laithland ahead of East Franz Athletic on head-to-head points

The Saints conclusively outplay their Mangolanan opposition, a rare relief during a chastening season. Hexmark continues to be, pretty much out of nowhere, among the team’s best players along with fellow winger Beckcamp, the X-Factor in a distinctly ordinary side. Each scores and assists, Damian Conagher lashing in a strike from outside the box to finish Soccoroo off. Icing on the cake, 21-year old Aphrodite Klavier impresses given a stint in goal.

The Harriers, with just one win to their name following the Rovers conclusively outplaying them (Lynwood with a brace, could and probably should have had a hattrick given the opportunities she had), finally jettison Luthienne Wisdom from the hot seat. Henrick Barden, their intelligent but inexperienced assistant manager, is given the full job as the Harriers seem to have just written off this season. Southfell United finally look like a team that might stay up (and Cranequin City finally look like they might go down for real this time) as they conclusively outplay the Terracotta Army, Schindler yet again with the finishing touch on the opener and Rusland finally having a good game in attacking midfield, contributing the second.

Brinemouth defeat eleven strange men under limited journalistic coverage. Allegedly it’s Theresa Wintergren who scores the winner, but a lack of photographic evidence means her claim mostly just relies on eyewitness testimony. Under the actual light of day and actual glare of cameras, Celtic (or, more directly, the Albaie national football team) proved to be decent in front of goal - Tererent with a brace - and terrible at defending, two of Crisisbless’ goals down to defensive errors.

The Saints take their foot off the gas, 21-year old Klavier starting in goal again behind a heavily-rotated side. Rivers knocks the ball past her fullback and gives Kightley a perfect cross to nod home in the 8th minute, and though the visitors equalise soon afterwards, the Saints never really look in trouble.

Crisisbless play Brinemouth in an exciting match that sees the Dockers lucky to escape Godswatch with a point. Juquinho squeezes the ball past Marciak in the 29th minute - the young Buyanese shot-stopper almost does enough, and to make things worse Haukmann almost clears it off the line in time - but the infamous Crisisbless midfield dominates, illustrating that Brinemouth’s, well, perhaps isn’t what it once was - as of four days prior to the fixture, their entire midfield three was in its thirties, and it showed. Engstroem and Khan hit posts, but it was Knutsen with the goal - not even Arora, off the bench, could win all three points. He won a penalty from a rash Steinberg challenge, but Malone punched the spot-kick aside. A real kick in the teeth. The Cranequin clubs get some joy hosting the Big Two of Sabrefell, Athletic’s inability to defend set-pieces costing them against the burly and well-drilled Terracotta Army as, following something of a theme, Pardew’s corner is knocked down by Hari, scuffed around a bit before Drinkwater scythes it into the net to beat Sabrefell Moths. Both sides, for the most part, are indebted to their defences and goalkeepers, even if Reiter does score an 87th minute screamer as a consolation.

Brinemouth’s reserves play out a scoreless draw. It’s enough for them. Crisisbless, meanwhile, brutalise Celtic. Engstreom pretty much scores whenever he gets the ball, ending the game with a hattrick. Deberen scores a late consolation which really isn’t much of a consolation, and the Heelers have made a statement of intent.

Dress rehearsal for the final matchday’s match-ups. Crisisbless United lead West Brinemouth at home in the 86th minute. Surely, the fans must think, they cannot screw this one up. And then, from nowhere, a pinpoint cross from Saffron Martin and a flick of Asher Voeller’s head see them succumb to a late draw. Incredibly, the Chessmen have gone from top of the table a quarter of the way into the season to an eleven-game winless streak that shows no sign of abating, particularly after succumbing at home to arguably the weakest team in the league. There’s other storylines to be played out, too - the return, for instance, of Monica Brightwater to Southfell, where she’s given a far warmer reception than she’ll ever find at home. United go on to secure a valuable point thanks to former Treason striker Schindler’s deft twist and shot in the 38th minute, following current Treason striker Quinn’s opener. A typically intense fixture between rivals Athletic and Violence sees a … ‘physical’ fixture, marred by plenty of fouls but fantastic viewing despite or perhaps even to an extent thanks to it. Athletic seal it at the death just as it seemed the pendulum was swinging the other way thanks first to Coalan Bray scoring within a minute of coming off the bench, and then from a double save from Pressinger that defied belief. Pressinger, a local lad who entered the squad out of nowhere (thanks to Seward being dropped for poor form and then Pressinger pulling a chain of performances that made him undroppable) has become a hero among the Reds already. Cranequin City manage a heroic 3-0 victory away at a strangely disinterested-looking Parrhesia, but it isn’t enough to see them escape the relegation zone - the bottom six are now at risk of being cut adrift from the rest of the league, as 18th-placed Serpentine (who are outplayed by Maximum City to a 2-0 defeat) are now six points above the Saints in 19th. The Harriers, following a resilient but dismal and inevitable defeat to Crisisbless, are fourteen points from safety.

Maximum City have, annoyingly, actually been good this season, and go some way towards proving it further in the Cup - Serpentine, admittedly calling upon many of their squad players, are swept out to the tides 3-0. Cranequin Wanderers similarly rested many players, and were tested for their hubris - West Hook, a side struggling to stay up in the third tier, beat them at their own long-ball game on a terrible pitch. Shale manage to shank Goodfeather FC thanks to a goal from Dieter Bowyer, a 26-year old holdover from their Premiership days, and the familiar resilience of the back line, while South Laithland’s heart and graft outdoes Brinemouth’s art and craft, Markosian (confidence much restored in the First Division - Markosian has always been a striker awkwardly too good for the second tier but insufficient in the top flight) poking home a late winner. Parrhesia steadfastly refuse to go out early, annihilating Stonegrave 6-1. Southfell United and Sabrefell Moths go out against Premiership opposition on penalties, Iron is edged out by Treason and Raven River heroically shuts down Sabrefell Athletic as the top-flight sides continue to be drawn against one another. Hilariously, however, Chenoworth Harriers join them in farcial circumstances. Pearsby beats Brice at his near post to send West Hook ahead in the 18th minute - Pearsby, a 30-year old journeyman striker with one goal in the First Division so far for a recently-promoted side in a 9,000-capacity stadium struggling to keep their heads above water with less than a goal a game to their names. Payne threatens the equaliser all game, and finally gets one seventy minutes in, and the sides ultimately go to penalties. Brice should be the hero by all rights - he saves three. But it’s Ellis Saunders who is the toast of the town, tipping Malleon’s effort onto the post, watching helplessly as Bolton smashes it past him, and then staring in disbelief as the next three Chenoworth penalties go straight over the bar.

by **Nephara** » Sat Oct 17, 2015 3:41 pm

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 North Laithland          23  13  8   2  42  25  +17  47
  2 Violence Chariots        23  14  4   5  42  26  +16  46
  3 Crisisbless              23  13  6   4  26  13  +13  45
  4 Sabrefell Moths          23  13  4   6  34  17  +17  43
  5 Brinemouth               23  11  7   5  39  25  +14  40
  6 AFC Treason              23  11  6   6  28  19   +9  39
  7 Maximum City             23  10  7   6  28  15  +13  37
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       23  10  6   7  34  33   +1  36
  9 Maximum Rovers           23  10  5   8  27  23   +4  35
 10 Crisisbless United       23  10  5   8  33  33   +0  35
 11 Vermillion Rage          23   9  7   7  35  28   +7  34
 12 Chatswood                23   9  6   8  20  18   +2  33
 13 Raven River              23   9  5   9  36  31   +5  32
 14 Coret Hawks              23   9  5   9  21  21   +0  32
 15 Cranequin Wanderers      23   8  8   7  23  25   -2  32
 16 Iron City                23   7  9   7  22  21   +1  30
 17 Goodfeather FC           23   8  6   9  25  26   -1  30
 18 AFC Serpentine           23   7  7   9  34  36   -2  28
 19 Parrhesia United         23   5  7  11  27  40  -13  22
 20 Southfell United         23   5  6  12  17  32  -15  21
 21 Cranequin City           23   5  4  14  22  36  -14  19
 22 West Brinemouth          23   5  3  15   9  30  -21  18
 23 Bishop                   23   4  5  14  21  37  -16  17
 24 Chenoworth Harriers      23   1  4  18  14  49  -35   7

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 South Laithland            23  14  6   3  41  14  +27  48
  2 Extreme Hills              23  13  5   5  37  18  +19  44
  3 Starling                   23  13  5   5  44  32  +12  44
  4 Brookford Otters           23  13  3   7  52  37  +15  42
  5 Newrook City               23  12  6   5  35  21  +14  42
  6 Chenoworth Rovers          23  11  9   3  25  13  +12  42
  7 Creed United               23  11  5   7  28  19   +9  38
  8 Corvette Maulers           23  11  4   8  36  34   +2  37
  9 AFC Shale                  23  10  6   7  18  15   +3  36
 10 Sutcroft                   23  10  4   9  30  31   -1  34
 11 Cypher Town                23   9  6   8  32  23   +9  33
 12 Leichhardt                 23   9  6   8  20  18   +2  33
 13 Martella Jazz              23  10  3  10  37  41   -4  33
 14 Ritter Town                23   9  5   9  31  24   +7  32
 15 Sheridan                   23  10  2  11  26  21   +5  32
 16 Rochford                   23   9  4  10  22  23   -1  31
 17 Ox River United            23   7  7   9  17  26   -9  28
 18 Rhagant Schadenfreude      23   7  6  10  22  33  -11  27
 19 Vermillion Wanderers       23   7  4  12  37  41   -4  25
 20 Mainstream Fist            23   7  4  12  28  35   -7  25
 21 Dross Rovers               23   6  2  15  20  44  -24  20
 22 Armstrong                  23   4  6  13  18  36  -18  18
 23 South Parrhesia            23   3  6  14  22  49  -27  15
 24 North Sabrefell            23   0  8  15  15  45  -30   8

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Strephonage                  23  17  3   3  35  14  +21  54
  2 Iron United                  23  17  2   4  35  16  +19  53
  3 Hackett                      23  16  4   3  49  13  +36  52
  4 Coret Rovers                 23  15  2   6  32  21  +11  47
  5 East Laithland Harriers      23  13  2   8  46  23  +23  41
  6 Project +90                  23  11  6   6  41  26  +15  39
  7 Franchise FC                 23  11  5   7  35  28   +7  38
  8 Locksley                     23   9  8   6  37  28   +9  35
  9 Gridlock Rovers              23   8 10   5  26  26   +0  34
 10 Masculine Town               23  10  4   9  28  31   -3  34
 11 Crossroads Town              23  10  3  10  33  28   +5  33
 12 Diamondqueen                 23  10  3  10  29  28   +1  33
 13 Kensey Town                  23   9  6   8  32  35   -3  33
 14 Boleyn Town                  23   7 10   6  29  26   +3  31
 15 Corby Hubris                 23   9  4  10  29  28   +1  31
 16 Belgrave                     23   9  2  12  31  31   +0  29
 17 Crisisbless Athletic         23   9  1  13  33  36   -3  28
 18 Morningstar                  23   9  1  13  19  33  -14  28
 19 West Hook                    23   6  6  11  17  21   -4  24
 20 Fenland Albion               23   6  5  12  24  44  -20  23
 21 Iberia Chenoworth            23   4  6  13  34  51  -17  18
 22 Brookway Town                23   4  5  14  25  44  -19  17
 23 Senway Town                  23   5  2  16  15  37  -22  17
 24 Gridlock East                23   0  4  19  14  60  -46   4

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Long Lake               23  13  7   3  30  13  +17  46
  2 Brindleton              23  13  6   4  37  18  +19  45
  3 Stonegrave              23  12  6   5  27  17  +10  42
  4 Sutcroft Athletic       23  12  6   5  28  24   +4  42
  5 Rushe United            23  12  5   6  50  25  +25  41
  6 Dartmouth Terriers      23  11  7   5  34  19  +15  40
  7 Forge Carpenters        23  12  4   7  32  24   +8  40
  8 Chaker Town             23  12  3   8  45  30  +15  39
  9 South Brill             23  10  4   9  31  27   +4  34
 10 North Dubstep           23  11  1  11  22  25   -3  34
 11 Blaze                   23  10  4   9  28  32   -4  34
 12 Falston Town            23   9  5   9  30  23   +7  32
 13 Greygate                23   8  8   7  19  21   -2  32
 14 Mantlegrove             23   8  6   9  34  37   -3  30
 15 Camwell Road            23   8  6   9  27  37  -10  30
 16 Southriver              23   8  4  11  29  30   -1  28
 17 Downsparrow             23   8  4  11  26  31   -5  28
 18 Riverkey                23   7  6  10  29  31   -2  27
 19 Ringway                 23   7  6  10  23  30   -7  27
 20 FC United               23   7  3  13  29  36   -7  24
 21 Dubstep Rangers         23   6  5  12  20  31  -11  23
 22 Kommissar               23   5  6  12  25  37  -12  21
 23 Reckdale Town           23   5  4  14  18  40  -22  19
 24 Vermillion Spite        23   3  2  18  21  56  -35  11

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 The Strongest         23  15  2   6  57  29  +28  47
  2 Grovebank             23  14  3   6  44  22  +22  45
  3 Bellamy               23  13  4   6  36  29   +7  43
  4 Harrington            23  12  6   5  35  23  +12  42
  5 Gridlock              23  13  3   7  26  14  +12  42
  6 Courser               23  12  4   7  40  29  +11  40
  7 The Hanged Man        23  11  6   6  19  16   +3  39
  8 Ramsay                23  11  5   7  23  19   +4  38
  9 Norton Road           23  10  5   8  29  26   +3  35
 10 Geoff United          23   8  8   7  28  29   -1  32
 11 Surfeit River         23   9  5   9  24  28   -4  32
 12 Haymaker Town         23   9  5   9  20  27   -7  32
 13 Fully Sick XI         23   7  7   9  27  31   -4  28
 14 Stekelenbright        23   5 10   8  17  20   -3  25
 15 Tryst Athletic        23   8  1  14  27  36   -9  25
 16 Thratewood            23   5  6  12  23  28   -5  21
 17 Huysegem              23   6  3  14  15  31  -16  21
 18 Perrett               23   5  5  13  15  32  -17  20
 19 Barcastle Rovers      23   4  7  12  19  36  -17  19
 20 Worthall              23   3  5  15  19  38  -19  14

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Stamper Road               23  15   5   3  50  24  +26  50
  2 Pillars of Southfell       23  12   5   6  32  18  +14  41
  3 Nay Town                   23  11   7   5  31  24   +7  40
  4 Bodkin Road                23  10   9   4  34  16  +18  39
  5 Fischer                    23  10   7   6  27  20   +7  37
  6 Inner-East Fairywrens      23  11   3   9  20  15   +5  36
  7 Getton Town                23  10   5   8  31  24   +7  35
  8 Twelvetrees                23   9   8   6  26  25   +1  35
  9 Peregrine                  23  10   3  10  25  25   +0  33
 10 Lackerrun                  23   9   5   9  37  31   +6  32
 11 De La Patria               23   8   8   7  35  32   +3  32
 12 Pridehome                  23   8   6   9  30  31   -1  30
 13 Rookwall                   23   9   2  12  31  32   -1  29
 14 Sandrock                   23   7   7   9  23  23   +0  28
 15 Violence Tigers            23   8   4  11  23  32   -9  28
 16 Clay Terrace               23   5  11   7  13  22   -9  26
 17 Norpike                    23   6   6  11  18  25   -7  24
 18 East Slake                 23   5   8  10  19  32  -13  23
 19 Markoni                    23   4   7  12  26  49  -23  19
 20 Leo                        23   3   4  16  12  43  -31  13

by **Nephara** » Sun Oct 18, 2015 2:09 am

All Coret Hawks needed was Osarians. Even aging ones, one entirely left-footed, the other a little on the round side for a professional athlete, they have added technique to the solid blunt instrument that was already there, a perfect illustration of the symbiosis between the two nations’ players. Hall assists two, Vastano scores one and assists one, with Laidlaw and, off a corner, Eudoxia Tzavaras completing the scoresheet against mighty Crisisbless. Admittedly, Nodtveit’s attempt to murder Vastano 39 minutes in (already 1-0 down through her goal) brought the Heelers down to 10 and an awkward adaptation to a 4-3-2, but they still shouldn’t have capitulated that badly. Fellow capitulators included West Brinemouth (two shots on target in a 2-0 defeat), Southfell United (thoroughly outplayed by the Moths, booed off at halftime by their own fans 3-0 down before at least stabilising defensively in the second half) and weirdly not the Harriers, who actually look semi-credible against Brinemouth until losing anyway to Connolly’s 79th-minute strike. Crisisbless United, for their part, finally snap an 11-match winless run by edging a subpar Serpentine, but much of the early-season optimism has evaporated.

Henrick Barden finally jettisons Callum Molyneux into the sky - Pearce Brice may not be the best goalkeeper in the world, but a solid First Division stopper has to be better than an error-prone, absent-minded self-appointed sweeper doing whatever the opposite of ‘brimming with confidence’ is. The reward is a slightly janky 1-0 win over the Hawks, and even if the goal relies on a generous deflection off Scherzer’s calf to scuff past Faulkner, it’s about time something came Chenoworth’s way. Elsewhere, it’s a day for derbies - West Brinemouth score a shock early goal when the traditional plan of hoofing the ball to Voeller from defence sees the Nephara U-21 striker somehow muscle past Lukas Finnan and force the goal past Malone under immense pressure. But the natural order restores itself with a certain inevitability, and the Dockers ultimately triumph 3-1. Sabrefell Athletic, meanwhile, thoroughly outplay the Moths via a dominant midfield, Gawain pulling the strings and scoring both goals.

Southfell United have a Jekyll and Hyde match. 3-0 up by half-time thanks entirely to Schindler, who seems to score whenever she’s in possession, Rebecca Stubbs picks up a pointless second yellow in the 50th minute (first dissent, then just a bad challenge scything down Condotta) and the Tanners’ entire structure disintegrates. Whitlam flaps at a Rafferty cross, Dorne makes it 3-1. Rudden weaves through the defence and slots home, 3-2. Dorne equalises, and a lethal free kick from Rafferty puts Southfell down. Cranequin Wanderers, meanwhile, have rather more of a Jekyll and Jekyll experience. Aided by Hennessey’s red card (and penalty for Pardew, smoothly converted), Swallowtail didn’t exactly make much of a case for regaining his position as number one. A goalkeeper whose defining weakness is a failure to deal with crosses fared poorly against the bombardment he faced against a rampaging Cranequin, who ultimately won 4-0 (Hari scoring three).

A fairly dire match is worthy only of the headline it spawns in the Southern Tribune - ‘Semarlandic Winger Proves Saints’ Hex-Factor.’ Because it was Hexmark who scored. All said and done, the Saints look good away against a pretty good team. “For a side like the Saints - I don’t think we’re pressing for a top seven finish, but we’re too good to go down - we really have no excuse not to give it our all in other competitions,” says manager Esther Mackinlay in the press conference. “I really think we have a good chance of winning this tournament, and that’s an exciting prospect for me.”

Daniel Canady’s Premiership days may sadly be numbered. Closing in on 36, Canady’s goal tally continued to stall at 4 for the season even against a weak West Brinemouth. Canady, given the rare opportunity of actually outpacing opposing centre-half Chaucer (who is 39), didn’t seem to have what it takes to beat defenders anymore. Nat Casarine came on after 58 minutes, and while she was quick and energetic, her finishing was abject - Bishop slumped to a 1-0 defeat. Chenoworth Harriers somehow manage… a third straight win? Having had just one prior to that? Theo Michaels, with one league goal to his name before the streak, now has four from his last three - including a scissor kick to put the final nail in Cranequin City’s coffin.

Treason, once so renowned for their depth, show some of the old spine when a first-half Jaspenner hattrick (and a finishing blow from 19-year old Malachi Gallagher) is enough to crush a toothless and demoralised Sheridan. Starling, who seem to be fighting their way to promotion, beat a fading West Brinemouth quickly heading the opposite direction thanks to Braunbier and Warner, despite a late consolation from Saffron Martin. Olgina Harrison, she of the inexplicable Indian summer and slow fade from there, comes off the bench in extra time and immediately thunders home an extra-time winner to sink Cranequin City. Maximum City hold firm against Corvette Maulers and Diana Cooper gives them a late winner. Coret and Shale somehow go tit-for-tat, Ritter’s goal cancelled out by Bowyer before Shale tired around the 80th minute and stopped being able to compete. The Hawks passed freely through them, Ritter and Foster securing the win. Gustaf Graz’s hilarious looping header defied the stranded Klavier to send Chatswood through at the defending Cup champions’ expense. South Laithland, benefitting from an easy draw at home against relegation-threatened First Division side Dross Rovers, take full advantage. Cypher Town, benefitting from an easier draw at home against relegation-threatened Second Division side West Hook, Jake Glasgow with a proper ‘this is why you don’t start league games’ clown impersonation culminating in an own goal off the post, hitting Glasgow in the back and bouncing unhappily into the net.

Despite Ryalusci’s 79th-minute own goal, the Saints had been pressing their opponents from the very opening in front of their own fans, just a matter of the final ball being off. In the end, Hexmark plays the overlapping rightback Arrowsmith clear on a dangerous diagonal run, and he just shuttles it to the side perfectly in the path of substitute striker Kightley and her fresh legs. The 27-year old centreforward thumps the ball into the net for a well-deserved extra-time winner.

Some muted cheers as Treason beat the reigning champions, but the simple fact is that a Treason side still in transition doesn’t have what it takes to seriously compete for the top four, and still face a fight to even get into the Globe Cup. What doesn’t help is that the immensely talented Claudia Cautcher - brought on sixteen minutes from time to add some added spark to the attack - is crunched brutally by Nodtveit and ruled out for the next four months. Acosta’s resultant penalty is enough to decide the match, but it’s not awfully much consolation. Plucky Maximum City continue to defy the odds, fighting their way back into relevance despite a pretty weak squad on paper. Quillisi scores for Sabrefell Athletic, but a goal from the far more obscure Jezek is worth just as much en route to a hard-fought draw.

Brinemouth take their chances with an arguably slightly fortunate 1-0 away win in the Islands, one that can definitely be described as ‘smash and grab’. There’s no such terminology on display in Crisisbless - the Heelers just annihilate Liberty Rodriguez, Keast with an early brace, Goeransson with a string of good saves before Knutsen finally sticks the final nail in their coffin. It’s notoriously tough to play in San Jose Guayabal… but can it really be that tough?

Now there’s a properly significant result. Sabrefell Moths harry, stretch, outrun and just look better than Crisisbless, Curio scoring both in a match that also sees the Moths just look, well, solid defensively. A side which doesn’t look the strongest on paper just looks slicked and murderous out on the pitch, slick passing proving too much for the overstretched defending champions (who don’t seem to retain much chance of defending the title at present). Chatswood rest their gentlemanly captain, Haagensen, and return to the old ways. Specifically, Gareth Flynn, whose horrific challenge on Rusland sends him to an early shower. His second horrific challenge on Rusland, specifically - his first, committed in the third minute, was evidently adjudged too soon for a red card by the referee. Southfell unsurprisingly break through the 1-1 deadlock to win 3-1 against their short-handed opposition. Emery Lineker’s only comment was to praise Flynn’s ‘passion’.

If Brinemouth were clinical away, they squander most of the match at home, but at least they never really looked under serious threat of conceding. Finally, the uncharacteristically misfiring Connolly is dragged out for Mahoney, and the homegrown lad comes in with a flying header from Everheart’s cross for a winner 70 minutes in. Liberty score early through Avendanyo and pile on the pressure in the first half. Are they going to overturn it all and secure a victory? Well… no, because Crisisbless come out with a vengeance in the second half with three changes made. Arora, one of them, scores twice - the others, Stubbs and Sable, each chalk up an assist. The end result is a conclusive 4-1 win, 7-1 on aggregate.

Cranequin City owe a lot to Marisa Cronin, who has an utter blinder in goal to see them to a 1-0 win over Cranequin City - Purrington scoring the winner on a 59th-minute counterattack. But it’s clear that Andreas Pennyfeather, briefly of Sabrefell Athletic, is their best player, breaking down everything the three-man Brinemouth midfield can throw at him despite only having mediocre water-carriers Sutton and Tesselaar in support. While they definitely are in the relegation dogfight, they stand a serious chance of surviving it. The Maximum derby is awful, drenched in rain and without so much as a goal or even a red card to spice things up.

A fairly unremarkable set of matches - though it’s livened up by the miracle of the Harriers beating River, which excitingly puts them three points off drawing level with an impressively bad 335 vintage of Rochford in the ‘worst side ever in the Premiership’ stakes. Three draws with fifteen matches left, lads, you can do it. Treason beat Iron City in a match book-ended by unusual errors in judgement from Russ Miller, who hasn’t been at his best for a couple of seasons now - maybe the veteran goalkeeper will follow Marlowe’s path out of the spotlight? With many other regulars underperforming, it seems that Brightwater’s passion for intensive restructuring might come into play sooner rather than later...

An inexplicable preference for 2-0 wins, five of them today including Southfell winning a six-pointer over Bishop thanks to their dominance of midfield and poor defence from the away side, including Cranequin City beating Treason on the counterattack, albeit with a controversial offside call in their favour, and including North Laithland sweeping the swine filth that the Harriers call a starting XI aside with a heavily-rested side of their own - Atherton Telfair, luckless off the bench this season with a couple of knocks working against him, finally gets off the mark with a brace. Serpentine push Sabrefell Athletic hard, the lethality of their wing players in particular showing. Vesper’s perfect cross is turned in by Morriston, then, after Gawain’s equaliser, an enchanting solo run by Cuijpers culminates in a chip over a stranded Pressinger. But in the second half, Farrell and Taylor lose their fragile grasp on the midfield, Athletic begin to dominate the game, and Altieri ruins a solid defence when a powerful shot from Quillisi slips through her fingers. In the end it’s Castellan, two minutes after coming on for Oehman, who sweeps home Laxenburg’s dangerous low diagonal ball with his first touch of the game to seal a hard-fought win that still showcased why Serpentine have seemed too good to go down.

Yeah, these… sure are Globe Cup fixtures for Nephara’s fallen angels, and they make heavy weather of them. It’s tit-for-tat in Mareibat as Pilgrimage’s normally solid defence goes to pieces. They get the first two goals through Vilhajalmsson and Mackinolty, but Gawain beats Tregatta Walker with a curling strike from outside the box. Akekunde sweeps in from the right wing to restore a two-goal lead for the hosts two demoralising minutes into the second half, but it just seems to get the Reds angry - Keller (twice) and Oehman all get on the scoresheet as the Pilgrims let it slip. Raskstad United, the best side in Vermark with a single marquee name in Marcos Zelaya (bought with the funds of selling their best striker before him to the notoriously wealthy ‘oil leagues’ of San Jose Guayabal for $35 million) defy Crisisbless by scoring on the break and sitting back, trying to weather the storm. It mostly works. Keast and Kilbane do give Crisisbless the win in the end, both goals in the second half, but it promises to be a tense away leg for the Heelers.

Oh dear. The Saints’ best-laid plans couldn’t survive first contact with Barbury Town, largely because they aren’t very good and Barbury are. Corinna McKenna hit a post and Elaine Koeller seemed to save her best against the Apoxian international, but the goals came from midfield - Vladimirescu in the first half, Riijshart in the second. Matt Sebastian flicked a header off a free kick onto the crossbar and, belatedly, the Saints started to show some fight with twenty minutes left, but Barbury never had too much trouble shutting them down in the end.

Crisisbless derby - well, not counting the quiet competence of Goodfeather, anyway - sees an exhilarating 2-2 draw. Osric Keast and Sur Arora (starting in a bizarre knock-on effect of Crisisbless’ lineup; Khan took a knock against Raskstad, so Knutsen moved into right-central midfield to replace him, which meant Engstroem started at attacking midfield, which meant the veteran Arora got a chance up top) each got early goals, but United fought back ferociously. Rourke, lethal in the first quarter of the season and invisible since, powered home a header from Klinsmann’s cross, before Corderro threaded the perfect pass for Moltke to smash home in the 89th minute to secure an equaliser. Impressively, while United’s defence might have looked bewildered and terrified in the first twenty minutes, they sharpened up remarkably afterwards. Vermillion Rage, who are undergoing a difficult transition, find it within themselves to demolish Brinemouth 4-1, who probably need to go through one of their own. Credit to Tipio Runen, the only player to consistently shine through a difficult season. Treason hamstring Violence Chariots on the break in a very Nepharim match between 4-4-2 sides. It’s remarkable for a strong showing from Calliope Katskalidis, who finally looks to be showing maturity alongside physicality - she’s quickly and inevitably started to be known as ‘the Colossus’.

Pilgrimage remember how to defend, holding midfielder Karjaleinen in particular excelling, and though conventional wisdom felt that Keller’s 11th minute goal sealed it for the hosts, a Haggelund brace made things interesting, particularly as Pressinger suddenly started looking shaky around crosses. But the Reds held out, scraping through on away goals in less than glorious fashion. Crisisbless also scored first (Engstroem), but also found it heavy weather (Sanstov equalised two minutes later) and also won by a narrow margin.

The Saints barely even threaten an upset at Village Ground, McKenna finding her feet against Koeller at last and getting a first-half break. Parrhesia have nothing to lose, throw themselves forward and give Eusthatios a decent workout, but an absolute thunderbolt from Sverre Devold seals a deserved and easy win for Barbury.

Treason against Brinemouth might not be a match between the two giants of the league anymore, the Stags in particular seeming to have forgotten how to win the league as Brinemouth find themselves in unfamiliar company in third, but it’s a hell of a match they play out all the same. Puntoriero scores first, thumping a volley past Malone, and from there it’s, well, it’s all Brinemouth. Both sides get chances, but for the most part the Dockers alone stand firm. Miller lamentably palms Juquinho’s shot straight into Connolly’s path for an almost accidental goal, the Brenecian winger weaves through Green and smashes home a second, former Treason winger Carrick provides Juquinho a peach of an assist for three. But Treason show their intent - a beautifully lofted ball from Acosta frees Puntoriero, who rounds Malone consummately before finding himself at a difficult angle. Still, he sidefoots it to give Olivia Schwarzer - who won a regular starting role about halfway into the season - an easy finish. But it doesn’t rattle the Dockers, who bring the blue-collar Sable on for the white-collar Mathias and clamp down the midfield. Treason scarcely get a look-in aside from crosses that the proactive Malone dealt with easily as Juquinho and Carragher finish the Stags off.

Treason aren’t going to oblige an eager Starling side that still looks vulnerable to being attacked by pace (the kind of pace provided by, say, all of Treason’s strikers). Unsurprisingly, Puntoriero scores a brace while his partner Jaspenner finishes the tie off in all likelihood. Raven River face Maximum City in a tense affair, eventually forcing a goal home as Nechemevic’s perfect pass made it all too easy for Vaughan to beat an impressive Kilgallon. Coret look toothless against Chatswood, who dish out a few lumps and win through Stubbs’ header off a corner and Matheson smashing through everyone before nearly breaking the net with his shot. West Hook, who have managed to fight their way out of the relegation dogfight in the Second Division, hold South Laithland to an acceptable 1-0 defeat (the lethal-in-the-lower-leagues Markosian, pouncing on a terrible pass by left-back Brianna Sabbell) at Covengrounds - can they add another scalp to their resume?

It’s entirely fair to say that Brinemouth have been playing pretty poorly in the CEDC to date, but at least they hadn’t conceded a goal. Alianza fix that within seven minutes, Beauchemin’s long shot spilled by Malone into the path of Jaervinen. Malone atones with a few good saves, but there’s nothing he can do when Jaevinen clinches a brace by powering home a free header, practically unmarked. Crisisbless host Rozelle, a free-flying attacking side. Kurtis Volker, once of Southfell United, scores in the seventeenth second of the match after the Reds just get the jump on Crisisbless entirely. Engstroem eventually equalises, but Nkutu has a hell of a game to deny them further.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Moths          34  22   4   8  54  25  +29  70
  2 Violence Chariots        34  20   6   8  64  43  +21  66
  3 Brinemouth               34  19   7   8  66  38  +28  64
  4 North Laithland          34  16  14   4  56  38  +18  62
  5 Crisisbless              34  16  10   8  37  28   +9  58
  6 Sabrefell Athletic       34  15  11   8  50  43   +7  56
  7 Raven River              34  15   9  10  58  42  +16  54
  8 AFC Treason              34  15   8  11  43  35   +8  53
  9 Maximum City             34  13  11  10  33  23  +10  50
 10 Goodfeather FC           34  13  11  10  41  37   +4  50
 11 Crisisbless United       34  13  11  10  46  48   -2  50
 12 Maximum Rovers           34  13  10  11  42  36   +6  49
 13 Vermillion Rage          34  13   9  12  51  46   +5  48
 14 Chatswood                34  13   9  12  30  27   +3  48
 15 Coret Hawks              34  12   8  14  29  28   +1  44
 16 Cranequin Wanderers      34  11  10  13  36  42   -6  43
 17 Southfell United         34  11   8  15  31  43  -12  41
 18 AFC Serpentine           34  10  10  14  48  52   -4  40
 19 Cranequin City           34  10   5  19  35  50  -15  35
 20 Parrhesia United         34   8  10  16  43  56  -13  34
 21 Iron City                34   7  12  15  26  39  -13  33
 22 Bishop                   34   5  11  18  32  55  -23  26
 23 West Brinemouth          34   6   5  23  14  49  -35  23
 24 Chenoworth Harriers      34   5   5  24  23  65  -42  20

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brookford Otters           34  22   4   8  86  51  +35  70
  2 Starling                   34  21   6   7  67  40  +27  69
  3 Extreme Hills              34  20   8   6  54  28  +26  68
  4 Chenoworth Rovers          34  17  11   6  39  20  +19  62
  5 South Laithland            34  17   9   8  52  27  +25  60
  6 Cypher Town                34  17   7  10  47  29  +18  58
  7 Newrook City               34  16  10   8  45  29  +16  58
  8 Ritter Town                34  16   6  12  49  35  +14  54
  9 Leichhardt                 34  13  11  10  30  24   +6  50
 10 Creed United               34  13   9  12  36  32   +4  48
 11 AFC Shale                  34  13   8  13  23  25   -2  47
 12 Corvette Maulers           34  13   8  13  49  55   -6  47
 13 Sutcroft                   34  13   7  14  42  42   +0  46
 14 Sheridan                   34  13   6  15  34  30   +4  45
 15 Vermillion Wanderers       34  13   6  15  52  52   +0  45
 16 Martella Jazz              34  13   6  15  51  59   -8  45
 17 Ox River United            34  10  12  12  24  38  -14  42
 18 Rhagant Schadenfreude      34  11   7  16  32  46  -14  40
 19 Rochford                   34  11   6  17  30  40  -10  39
 20 Armstrong                  34   7  10  17  30  53  -23  31
 21 Mainstream Fist            34   8   6  20  43  62  -19  30
 22 South Parrhesia            34   8   6  20  34  62  -28  30
 23 Dross Rovers               34   8   3  23  28  62  -34  27
 24 North Sabrefell            34   4  10  20  28  64  -36  22

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Hackett                      34  24   6   4  71  25  +46  78
  2 Strephonage                  34  22   7   5  49  22  +27  73
  3 Iron United                  34  22   5   7  51  29  +22  71
  4 Coret Rovers                 34  21   5   8  47  27  +20  68
  5 East Laithland Harriers      34  18   5  11  61  29  +32  59
  6 Locksley                     34  15  10   9  62  43  +19  55
  7 Masculine Town               34  16   5  13  40  44   -4  53
  8 Diamondqueen                 34  16   4  14  40  38   +2  52
  9 Crisisbless Athletic         34  16   3  15  55  49   +6  51
 10 Franchise FC                 34  15   6  13  42  42   +0  51
 11 Crossroads Town              34  14   7  13  53  43  +10  49
 12 Project +90                  34  13   8  13  48  42   +6  47
 13 Boleyn Town                  34  10  16   8  38  35   +3  46
 14 Gridlock Rovers              34  10  16   8  35  39   -4  46
 15 West Hook                    34  12   8  14  33  27   +6  44
 16 Corby Hubris                 34  12   8  14  41  39   +2  44
 17 Belgrave                     34  12   6  16  45  49   -4  42
 18 Kensey Town                  34  11   9  14  44  50   -6  42
 19 Morningstar                  34  12   4  18  31  52  -21  40
 20 Brookway Town                34   7   8  19  39  59  -20  29
 21 Senway Town                  34   8   5  21  25  49  -24  29
 22 Fenland Albion               34   7   8  19  30  65  -35  29
 23 Iberia Chenoworth            34   7   7  20  48  71  -23  28
 24 Gridlock East                34   1   8  25  23  83  -60  11

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brindleton              34  20  9   5  60  27  +33  69
  2 Long Lake               34  19 10   5  42  18  +24  67
  3 Rushe United            34  20  5   9  65  35  +30  65
  4 Dartmouth Terriers      34  18  9   7  57  29  +28  63
  5 Stonegrave              34  17 10   7  39  25  +14  61
  6 Chaker Town             34  17  5  12  63  45  +18  56
  7 Sutcroft Athletic       34  16  8  10  36  32   +4  56
  8 Blaze                   34  15  8  11  45  44   +1  53
  9 North Dubstep           34  17  2  15  35  38   -3  53
 10 Camwell Road            34  14  8  12  42  51   -9  50
 11 Greygate                34  13  9  12  30  31   -1  48
 12 Falston Town            34  13  8  13  46  36  +10  47
 13 Mantlegrove             34  13  8  13  43  45   -2  47
 14 Forge Carpenters        34  12 10  12  41  41   +0  46
 15 Dubstep Rangers         34  13  6  15  38  45   -7  45
 16 Downsparrow             34  12  8  14  42  43   -1  44
 17 South Brill             34  12  6  16  42  45   -3  42
 18 Ringway                 34  11  7  16  30  44  -14  40
 19 Southriver              34  10  7  17  38  46   -8  37
 20 FC United               34  10  7  17  39  48   -9  37
 21 Riverkey                34   9  8  17  40  50  -10  35
 22 Kommissar               34   6  7  21  36  61  -25  25
 23 Reckdale Town           34   6  7  21  28  59  -31  25
 24 Vermillion Spite        34   7  4  23  38  77  -39  25

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 The Strongest         34  23   4   7  85  40  +45  73
  2 Bellamy               34  19   9   6  51  36  +15  66
  3 Harrington            34  18  10   6  56  36  +20  64
  4 Gridlock              34  19   6   9  36  21  +15  63
  5 Courser               34  18   8   8  57  40  +17  62
  6 Grovebank             34  17   8   9  54  32  +22  59
  7 Ramsay                34  17   8   9  37  27  +10  59
  8 Norton Road           34  17   6  11  42  32  +10  57
  9 Haymaker Town         34  16   6  12  35  36   -1  54
 10 Fully Sick XI         34  12  11  11  43  42   +1  47
 11 The Hanged Man        34  12  10  12  25  28   -3  46
 12 Geoff United          34  11  10  13  42  44   -2  43
 13 Stekelenbright        34   9  14  11  26  27   -1  41
 14 Surfeit River         34  10   7  17  33  56  -23  37
 15 Tryst Athletic        34  11   3  20  42  51   -9  36
 16 Perrett               34   7  11  16  25  41  -16  32
 17 Barcastle Rovers      34   7  10  17  30  51  -21  31
 18 Huysegem              34   6   7  21  24  54  -30  25
 19 Thratewood            34   5   8  21  32  51  -19  23
 20 Worthall              34   4   8  22  26  56  -30  20

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Stamper Road               34  20   9   5  66  34  +32  69
  2 Pillars of Southfell       34  19   7   8  52  25  +27  64
  3 Bodkin Road                34  17  12   5  51  23  +28  63
  4 Nay Town                   34  17  10   7  48  33  +15  61
  5 Inner-East Fairywrens      34  17   4  13  29  23   +6  55
  6 Fischer                    34  14  11   9  44  30  +14  53
  7 Getton Town                34  15   7  12  46  37   +9  52
  8 Lackerrun                  34  15   6  13  55  42  +13  51
  9 Twelvetrees                34  13  12   9  41  36   +5  51
 10 Peregrine                  34  13   8  13  41  40   +1  47
 11 Pridehome                  34  12  10  12  41  43   -2  46
 12 Sandrock                   34  12   9  13  36  34   +2  45
 13 Violence Tigers            34  11   9  14  36  44   -8  42
 14 Norpike                    34  11   8  15  32  40   -8  41
 15 Rookwall                   34  12   4  18  40  50  -10  40
 16 De La Patria               34   9  12  13  43  51   -8  39
 17 Clay Terrace               34   7  14  13  17  33  -16  35
 18 East Slake                 34   6  11  17  26  56  -30  29
 19 Leo                        34   7   5  22  20  54  -34  26
 20 Markoni                    34   5   8  21  38  74  -36  23

by **Nephara** » Sun Oct 18, 2015 2:18 am

West Brinemouth, through some kind of magic, beats the diminished figure of the defending champions. Largely this is due to Chaucer impersonating a defender ten years younger and a strong performance from Thrace in goal, but credit is also due to Saffron Martin (consistently having the beating of Berenger throughout) and Asher Voeller (who Martin finds with a pass to feet, and the centre-forward squeezed a shot past Marciak). Treason and the Moths play out a proper match between two 4-4-2s at a breakneck pace, and it’s the Stags who ultimately triumph thanks to the clinical finishing of Quinn (a welcome change - he’s not had his best season to date). It’s bad for more than one reason, too - Moths’ captain Maria Martell is stretchered off by a brutal challenge from Markus Anderton. It’s a medial cruciate injury - she’ll miss the rest of the season. Violence Chariots, following a tense 3-2 win over the Ferrymen, are just a point behind, Brinemouth three after dominating Southfell, and North Laithland five following an easy win over Cranequin City.

Starling can’t beat the Stags’ second-string, and they’re already 4-0 down on aggregate when Braunbier volleys in a consolation goal. Maximum City can basically do nothing against River, who are just too good in the midfield and pass the ball around them. Kenway’s profligate finishing keeps the scoreline down, but she clips one goal neatly in the net from her four or five clear-cut chances. Chatswood doesn’t really see much threat from the Hawks, South Laithland doesn’t even see more than one shot on target from the brave but wayward West Hook, and both go through easily.

It’s arguable that Nephara has gotten a little cocky about its status within Esportiva lately. This was a proud moment for a couple of less-heralded clubs which both conclusively outplayed their opposition. Granted, nobody has questioned how expensive Alianza FC are, one of Daniel Cromwell’s many homecomings (the Nephara U-21 seems to return home a lot these days) resulting in an authoritative performance and ten saves. But many of those are from distance, while Alianza are clinical going forward - Espeleta and Hertel putting the result almost beyond doubt in the first half. Juquinho gets one back in the sixtieth… but Brinemouth need five. They don’t get them. Rozelle, however, are clear underdogs and yet they conclusively outplay Crisisbless, even before Nodtveit’s 61st-minute red card. That said, that is the tipping point in the match - Rozelle’s lead was just 3-2 at that stage, and another Crisisbless goal would’ve seen them winning on away goals. With Nodtveit out of the picture, the hitherto-invisible Elsa Ashworth - whose seven years with Maximum Rovers saw a fairly mediocre 58 goals in 222 appearances - found a Midas touch out of nowhere and netted a brace. These were not fine margins - the CEDC final, for the first time in four years, will lack a Nepharim finalist.

West Brinemouth triumph in another 1-0 win against the characteristically worthless Harriers, who have 64% possession but mostly spend it misplacing passes and blazing shots either over the bar or straight at Thrace. But the real story here is the Dockers, visiting the Moths with the chance to overtake them at the top. They manage to stun the Gargoyle’s Court crowd when Juquinho scores in the third minute, but Maddon fires home an equaliser seven minutes later. Mahoney - with Connolly carrying an untimely knock - puts the Dockers back ahead after a direct, diagonal run and direct, diagonal shot, but Pryor heads home a perfect Coleman corner. The first half might have been flowing end to end, but the second was tense and on a knife-edge. But just as Brinemouth seem to be pressing their way to a victory, Coleman - who wins the Man of the Match award - plays a perfect one-two with countryman Curio before clipping the ball underneath Malone for the winner. Violence Chariots stumble as well, beaten 2-1 by North Laithland (who overtake Brinemouth into third) thanks to the first two goals of the season by super-sub Al-Kebwek overturning Norgen’s header. The Moths go four clear at the top.

The Islandstates may no longer be the pinnacle of the game that they once were (due to the Big Freeze), but an away tie against Red Star Severny is still something that a draw would be a decent result to take. Keast, under massive pressure, fires past Ulsletten for the first goal, but Bickermann manages a similar feat of strength, power and endurance to chip over Marciak even with Nodtveit trying to tear off his shirt. It’s headed wide, but Styrn ghosts onto the end of it to tap it into the net. In the second half, though, Crisisbless properly put the vice-grip on the midfield, Knutsen and Kilbane finishing Red Star off. Athletic and Revolutionaries play out a fairly dull game, neither side able to carve open real chances and both goalkeepers equal to the long shots they’re presented with.

West Brinemouth’s third successive win, all by a 1-0 scoreline. The Hawks won’t be too worried - goalshy as they may be, they’re still on track to stay up comfortably. Chenoworth Harriers also show signs of life, probably too late - Serpentine sense the opportunity to rest a few players, but that was optimistic of them. Altieri drops another clanger, as she’s become known to do, but it isn’t their fault that the Harriers choose this point to imitate a top-tier football team. Treason against North Laithland is a characteristically ugly game

While Crisisbless have the better of their opponents, they struggle to beat Ulsletten until a goal that comes from nowhere - Knutsen nutmegs Labonne and lashes in a shot that goes in off the inside of the upright, leaving Ulsletten with no chance. “Sometimes you just have to back yourself and hit it, you know?” he tells the press afterwards with a helpless shrug. But they are now alone in international competitions - the Revolutionaries edge Athletic deservedly, Rozenthal clinical in front of goal (having been invisible at the Barbarossa) as he secures a brace for himself.

“You’re shit, and that’s the way we like it!” the away fans cry out as they witness their beloved Stags hack their fierce rivals Maximum City to pieces, Puntoriero, Flaccus and Connacht putting the finishing touches against the ten-man Smiths. “We had ten players out there, and they had eleven - twelve if you count the referee. It’s that simple,” says City manager Reucassel breezily, and is fined for his troubles. Similarly shit the way their opponents like it, Bishop have two points from their last eight games following a 2-0 defeat to Chenoworth Harriers. They, too, have a contentious red card to deal with, but that’s no excuse for losing to the Harriers. Never one to overstate his position, the laconic, easy-going Treason native Hohenzollern shrugs to the press. “If we can’t win matches like this, we’re going to be relegated. It’s that simple.”

The Moths slip, unable to take their chances against a tight and compact Maximum City - Georgia Kite, meanwhile, does, flicking a header past Peterson. But a late equaliser from Christian Beckcamp ensures Brinemouth can’t capitalise, while Chatswood and North Laithland also succumb to score draws. Outside of a well-taken Schindler then-equaliser, Southfell collapse to a 5-1 defeat to the vastly superior Quakers. Velasquez pulls the strings, but Portsgate - who has really broken out as a class striker - seals her first Premiership hattrick.

Southfell United look listless and, frankly, terrible as they sink to a 3-1 defeat against Crisisbless - Rusland’s beautiful free kick scuffed in off Griffin’s head the one good thing they can take from the match. A Treason derby sees the Stags sink to a second successive defeat, Chatswood simply too good for them all over the pitch. Melker scores off a corner, while Graz gets his just reward for ninety minutes of threat when he knocks in a near-post header in injury time. The Chariots stumble again to a stubborn, if talentless, West Brinemouth side, and with North Laithland beaten by Brinemouth, the Moths are starting to rack up a nice little lead for themselves at the top following a complete performance against Crisisbless United where the Chessmen hardly had a sniff.

Crisisbless are faced with the task of avenging the Sabrefell Moths, who the Warriors conquered in the qualifying stages. But they’re unable to clinch it at home, both Breeze and Marciak pretty much unbeatable, none of the strikers on show having a good day. Labourious Hawk does manage to force a penalty late in the second half… but Marciak palms it onto the upright. Still, nobody’s under any illusions - the away leg is going to be rough.

Even with ten men in what is starting to look like a six-pointer for Southfell, they manage to defeat Chenoworth Harriers with ease. Mostly because the Harriers are terrible, true, but Lily Schindler continues to be Southfell’s lone bright spot. A tight contest between two packed midfields - Athletic and Crisisbless - ends in stalemate, with both of the young goalkeepers (Pressinger and Marciak) stealing the show. Felix Keller - probably with no little gratitude at having left Southfell in the offseason - strikes first, but Nodtveit powers home a header off a training-ground set-piece (Kilbane playing Berenger behind pretty much the entire Athletic defence, the Brenecian fullback sending in the cross and the big centre-half rising well over Quillisi) in the 75th minute to equalise.

Crisisbless spend the entire 90 minutes of regulation time on the defensive, constantly threatening on the counterattack. But it’s rough going, and Hawk hits posts twice. The match seems to serve as a reminder that Nepharim stock may be rising rapidly, but Crisisbless aren’t quite a global heavyweight yet… and that’s when Crisisbless spend extra time surging forward in search of victory against a weary Dwile. A fantastic 19-pass move culminates in Anders Engstroem sweeping home a cross from substitute countryman Sur Arora, and despite a late rally from the Warriors and yet more saves from Marciak, Crisisbless hold out.

As much as people would like to focus on derbies, the Cranequin derby is a dire affair between two bad teams. All the Wanderers can do in attack is bomb in crosses, which is all that City can defend comfortably. Dirk Conomore, the only striker who can attack at pace in the entire side (Hari, Drinkwater and Scuffett are all glacial - Brooklyn, at 20, isn’t on the bench). He manages to get some shots off, but his finishing is dreadful. Oh, dear. Southfell. Coret, a side struggling to so much as score as many goals as games played, put five past a shellshocked Rachel Schroeder. Two come from Graziana Vastano, breaking a small goal drought in some style, both exquisitely-taken strikes from minimal opportunities. Hall gets another, which owes more to Schroeder letting it trickle through her legs, before setting up Foster to thump in a fourth before half-time. Laidlaw hits a post early in the second half, but it’s ultimately burly winger Pierce Griffiths who comes on late in the game and scuffs home an 89th minute corner. Even more humiliating, Sabrefell Athletic don’t beat Chenoworth Harriers - their former youth product, Theo Michaels, who got back here via the second tier of Super Llamaland and the third tier of the short-lived MPL, with a late equaliser.

No messing about - River pick a full-strength squad, which involves bringing Kieron Riordan (who has started every minute of every league game) into the fold and resting players against Chatswood last league match. They lost that one 3-0. They beat Treason here, 3-1 at the Gauntlet, with Theodora Kenway at her exhilarating best with a brace. Connacht’s slaloming run culminates in an outside-of-the-boot shot past Riordan, but a stranded Gravesend can’t do anything when he’s chipped by the masterful Nechemevic. Chatswood, resting much of their squad against South Laithland, cruise to a 1-0 home win through Corsie’s strike.

Following a scoreless draw away at Treason, Bishop are now winless in 13 with four straight draws. Treason’s failure to win is pretty much solely due to Katsouranis, outstanding all season but especially so this match. He’s definitely not going to be content with the First Division, where Bishop, by this stage, most definitely are heading. Violence Chariots have no such trouble scoring. Cranequin Wanderers have made several scalps this season. Mortlock’s squad are not feeling like being one of them… a second time, anyway. Walker hits three, Norgen (who has been somewhat diminished this season), Hearn and an own goal off Kearney’s heel seal the deal to the tune of 6-0. Behan gets herself sent off for a dreadful challenge on Hearn, perhaps so that history will record in mitigation that Cranequin had ten players, but that hardly counts when it’s an 87th-minute red card and all the goals came in the first 70.

Treason press for the win and concede cheaply on the counterattack, Kenway streaking away off the corner of the last defender, rounding Gravesend and rolling the ball into the net. Treason’s last chance of exiting the season with any credit trickles away. “Heads are going to roll in the off-season,” Monica Brightwater ominously tells the press - evidently not including herself in that statement. The prospect of an all-Treason derby final is smashed when South Laithland, somehow, triumph through Hertz and a diving header from Hadrian Kuepper. And, naturally, sterling work from the defence and, in particular, Reece Benedict in goal.

This is it - it’s cagey, sure. But Sabrefell Moths clinch the championship as Curio flicks home a late header to beat the invincible Katsouranis to down the highly vincible Bishop. Violence Chariots, seemingly braced for the worst, choke anyway - Vermillion Rage thoroughly outplay them for a bracing 3-0 away win, and Brinemouth, despite a cagey 1-0 win over Crisisbless United, are out of contention as well. Nobody can deny that the Moths have deserved it. They don’t have the best squad in the league by any means, and they crashed out of international competition scandalously early. But Rachel Weixelbraun has finally lead them to glory, six years after taking over, surviving plenty of calls for her head along the way. And, with an emphasis on attacking football and faith in the academy, she’s done it the right way.

Well, most Crisisbless fans probably didn’t know where Lutine even was this time last year, but Crossceaster United FC have been living a fairytale. Crisisbless, determined to crush their hopes and dreams, go ahead early through Knutsen’s curling strike, but goalkeeper Fabre - consistently excellent throughout United’s run - seems almost impassable, and Navin gives the Heelers a late kick in the teeth beating Marciak from just outside the box. Credit where it’s due - the fairytale’s hardly over yet.

Far too late, they’re already down after going fourteen games without a win… but Bishop, who have tried pretty much every configuration of players, finally finds a brace from Daniel Canady (scoreless in that streak) and a follow-up from Cunnington against a shockingly bad Raven River… winless in eleven league games as they power their way into the Cup final. Seventh then, they now sit 15th. So much for their Globe Cup hopes. Cranequin Wanderers aren’t having the best of luck in Sabrefell recently. Just like the Chariots, they won 1-0 at home in the first half of the season, and capitulate to a 6-0 defeat today against the jubilant champions. Chatswood, who have been roughly making the opposite trajectory but still have under a goal a game to their name, can’t even break Crisisbless United open. Southfell United and Violence Chariots play out a draw that helps neither of them, as Iron City clambers away with a hard-fought 1-0 win over the Saints. The Tanners join West Brinemouth (unbeaten in four, somehow), Bishop and Chenoworth Harriers in the bottom four, barring a double-digit win over Treason.

Enough of the fairytales, Crisisbless pile on the pressure at home and finally crack their resilient opponents open in the second half, Engstroem’s brace enough to clinch the tie. Crossceaster go home, but they have no reason to feel ashamed. They’ll have plenty of stories to tell back home, and plenty of shirts to hang up on their walls along the way.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Moths          45  30   5  10  77  35  +42  95  CC
  2 Brinemouth               45  25  10  10  86  50  +36  85  CC
  3 Violence Chariots        45  24  11  10  84  57  +27  83  CC
  4 North Laithland          45  21  16   8  69  51  +18  79  GC
  5 Crisisbless              45  21  13  11  55  41  +14  76  GC
  6 Sabrefell Athletic       45  18  16  11  63  57   +6  70
  7 Chatswood                45  19  12  14  44  32  +12  69
  8 AFC Treason              45  19  10  16  54  45   +9  67
  9 Vermillion Rage          45  18  11  16  67  59   +8  65
 10 Maximum City             45  17  14  14  42  34   +8  65
 11 Goodfeather FC           45  17  14  14  57  52   +5  65
 12 Maximum Rovers           45  17  12  16  51  48   +3  63
 13 Coret Hawks              45  17  10  18  45  40   +5  61
 14 Crisisbless United       45  16  13  16  61  70   -9  61
 15 Raven River              45  15  14  16  69  64   +5  59
 16 Cranequin Wanderers      45  14  14  17  47  63  -16  56
 17 Parrhesia United         45  14  13  18  63  66   -3  55
 18 AFC Serpentine           45  13  14  18  64  68   -4  53
 19 Iron City                45  11  16  18  34  47  -13  49
 20 Cranequin City           45  13  10  22  47  65  -18  49
 21 Southfell United         45  12  10  23  44  73  -29  46
 22 West Brinemouth          45  11   8  26  24  57  -33  41  R
 23 Bishop                   45   6  15  24  38  66  -28  33  R
 24 Chenoworth Harriers      45   7   9  29  32  77  -45  30  R

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Starling                   45  26   9  10   83  50  +33  87  P
  2 Brookford Otters           45  26   6  13  105  71  +34  84
  3 Chenoworth Rovers          45  23  13   9   53  25  +28  82
  4 Newrook City               45  23  13   9   61  34  +27  82
  5 Extreme Hills              45  24  10  11   68  43  +25  82
  6 Cypher Town                45  24   9  12   59  36  +23  81
  7 South Laithland            45  21  13  11   61  34  +27  76
  8 Ritter Town                45  21   9  15   60  44  +16  72
  9 Leichhardt                 45  19  12  14   41  31  +10  69
 10 Creed United               45  17  13  15   51  46   +5  64
 11 Martella Jazz              45  18   8  19   69  76   -7  62
 12 Sheridan                   45  18   7  20   46  42   +4  61
 13 Vermillion Wanderers       45  17  10  18   61  61   +0  61
 14 Corvette Maulers           45  17   9  19   62  73  -11  60
 15 Sutcroft                   45  17   8  20   50  54   -4  59
 16 Ox River United            45  13  16  16   34  50  -16  55
 17 AFC Shale                  45  14  11  20   27  36   -9  53
 18 Dross Rovers               45  14   7  24   40  70  -30  49
 19 Rochford                   45  13   9  23   39  54  -15  48
 20 Armstrong                  45  12  12  21   40  63  -23  48
 21 Rhagant Schadenfreude      45  12  11  22   38  60  -22  47
 22 South Parrhesia            45  13   8  24   52  77  -25  47
 23 Mainstream Fist            45  10   7  28   55  83  -28  37  R
 24 North Sabrefell            45   8  10  27   35  77  -42  34  R

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Hackett                      45  29   8   8  82   38  +44  95  P
  2 Strephonage                  45  29   8   8  59   28  +31  95  P
  3 Iron United                  45  28   6  11  69   41  +28  90  P
  4 Coret Rovers                 45  26   5  14  62   41  +21  83  P
  5 East Laithland Harriers      45  24   5  16  83   50  +33  77
  6 Locksley                     45  20  14  11  90   53  +37  74
  7 Crossroads Town              45  22   8  15  71   50  +21  74
  8 Project +90                  45  20  10  15  68   55  +13  70
  9 Diamondqueen                 45  21   4  20  57   52   +5  67
 10 Belgrave                     45  19   9  17  59   55   +4  66
 11 Crisisbless Athletic         45  20   5  20  75   69   +6  65
 12 Masculine Town               45  19   8  18  53   56   -3  65
 13 Corby Hubris                 45  18   9  18  58   52   +6  63
 14 Franchise FC                 45  18   9  18  51   54   -3  63
 15 West Hook                    45  16  12  17  44   37   +7  60
 16 Boleyn Town                  45  13  17  15  49   53   -4  56
 17 Gridlock Rovers              45  12  20  13  42   50   -8  56
 18 Kensey Town                  45  15  11  19  55   69  -14  56
 19 Morningstar                  45  14   9  22  41   68  -27  51
 20 Senway Town                  45  13   5  27  35   63  -28  44
 21 Brookway Town                45  10  11  24  54   81  -27  41
 22 Fenland Albion               45  10  10  25  43   85  -42  40  R
 23 Iberia Chenoworth            45  10   8  27  62   93  -31  38  R
 24 Gridlock East                45   3  11  31  33  102  -69  20  R

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Long Lake               45  26  12   7  63   25  +38  90  P
  2 Dartmouth Terriers      45  26  10   9  76   38  +38  88  P
  3 Brindleton              45  25  12   8  74   40  +34  87  P
  4 Rushe United            45  25   8  12  83   47  +36  83  P
  5 North Dubstep           45  24   6  15  51   44   +7  78
  6 Stonegrave              45  21  13  11  49   35  +14  76
  7 Sutcroft Athletic       45  22   9  14  47   43   +4  75
  8 Chaker Town             45  21   8  16  78   56  +22  71
  9 Greygate                45  19  11  15  43   41   +2  68
 10 Mantlegrove             45  19  10  16  58   55   +3  67
 11 Falston Town            45  18  12  15  62   44  +18  66
 12 Dubstep Rangers         45  19   9  17  65   58   +7  66
 13 Blaze                   45  18  12  15  55   57   -2  66
 14 Camwell Road            45  16  14  15  52   59   -7  62
 15 Forge Carpenters        45  16  12  17  54   52   +2  60
 16 Ringway                 45  16  10  19  47   58  -11  58
 17 South Brill             45  16   8  21  53   57   -4  56
 18 Downsparrow             45  13   9  23  48   64  -16  48
 19 Southriver              45  12  11  22  47   60  -13  47
 20 Riverkey                45  12   9  24  51   66  -15  45
 21 Kommissar               45  10  11  24  51   75  -24  41  R
 22 FC United               45  11   8  26  42   70  -28  41  R
 23 Vermillion Spite        45   8   7  30  48  106  -58  31  R
 24 Reckdale Town           45   7   9  29  32   79  -47  30  R

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 The Strongest         38  26   4   8  96  44  +52  82  P
  2 Gridlock              38  21   7  10  41  23  +18  70  P
  3 Bellamy               38  20  10   8  55  41  +14  70
  4 Grovebank             38  20   8  10  63  34  +29  68
  5 Courser               38  19  11   8  61  43  +18  68
  6 Harrington            38  19  11   8  59  41  +18  68
  7 Ramsay                38  20   8  10  45  33  +12  68
  8 Haymaker Town         38  18   8  12  40  39   +1  62
  9 Norton Road           38  18   7  13  44  36   +8  61
 10 The Hanged Man        38  13  12  13  31  30   +1  51
 11 Stekelenbright        38  11  16  11  32  28   +4  49
 12 Geoff United          38  12  13  13  46  47   -1  49
 13 Fully Sick XI         38  12  13  13  49  52   -3  49
 14 Surfeit River         38  12   7  19  36  61  -25  43
 15 Tryst Athletic        38  12   3  23  46  61  -15  39
 16 Perrett               38   8  11  19  27  49  -22  35
 17 Barcastle Rovers      38   8  11  19  32  58  -26  35
 18 Huysegem              38   7   9  22  28  57  -29  30
 19 Thratewood            38   5  10  23  35  57  -22  25
 20 Worthall              38   5   9  24  28  60  -32  24  R

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Nay Town                   38  21  10   7  55  35  +20  73  P
  2 Stamper Road               38  20  12   6  69  38  +31  72  P
  3 Bodkin Road                38  19  14   5  57  26  +31  71
  4 Pillars of Southfell       38  20   9   9  59  30  +29  69
  5 Lackerrun                  38  19   6  13  62  43  +19  63
  6 Fischer                    38  16  13   9  47  31  +16  61
  7 Getton Town                38  16  10  12  50  40  +10  58
  8 Inner-East Fairywrens      38  17   7  14  30  26   +4  58
  9 Twelvetrees                38  13  15  10  44  40   +4  54
 10 Sandrock                   38  13  12  13  40  37   +3  51
 11 Peregrine                  38  14   9  15  42  42   +0  51
 12 Pridehome                  38  13  11  14  47  50   -3  50
 13 Violence Tigers            38  11  11  16  40  50  -10  44
 14 De La Patria               38  10  13  15  45  56  -11  43
 15 Rookwall                   38  12   7  19  44  55  -11  43
 16 Norpike                    38  11   9  18  32  46  -14  42
 17 Clay Terrace               38   8  15  15  20  37  -17  39
 18 Markoni                    38   8   8  22  44  75  -31  32
 19 East Slake                 38   6  14  18  27  59  -32  32
 20 Leo                        38   7   7  24  23  61  -38  28  R

by **Nephara** » Mon Oct 26, 2015 3:16 am

FINAL MATCHDAY
Chatswood vs. Brinemouth
Chatswood are clinging onto a Globe Cup place by two points. A draw would be enough if Treason don’t win by three. Brinemouth will finish either second or third. This is an even match on paper, and historically tends to swing on fine margins.

Chenoworth Harriers vs. Crisisbless
Chenoworth Harriers are bottom, and unless they can beat the defending champions sixteen-nil while Bishop lose, they will stay that way. It’s fair to say that Crisisbless have devoted the majority of their efforts to international competition this season, and require a North Laithland defeat (unlikely - they’re playing Bishop) and a win here, as well as a shift of four goal difference. Failing that, they’ll need to beat their Globe Cup final opponents, SC Oceanside. The bookies favour a punishing Crisisbless win.

West Brinemouth vs. Crisisbless United
West Brinemouth have exceeded expectations by finishing the season with a double-digit point tally. Southfell have lost their way spectacularly, Bishop were a textbook case of second-season syndrome and the Harriers were simply gutless… only the Gulls emerge with any credit. They currently have two wins and two draws from their last four. Crisisbless United got ten of their sixteen wins in the first twelve matches. At least that pretty much rendered any relegation fears irrelevant, but they’ve been fairly dreadful since. This looks like a draw.

Coret Hawks vs. Goodfeather FC
The Hawks have tidily slotted into midtable, scoring a goal a game and conceding less. Goodfeather have also slotted tidily into midtable. They’re far less happy about it. A draw seems logical.

AFC Serpentine vs. Maximum City
Serpentine have survived fairly easily, while goalshy Maximum City have let a great season slip into another dreary one. The bookies back Serpentine, barely.

Iron City vs. Maximum Rovers
The Reds have stayed up, contrary to expectations. Maximum Rovers have looked far better this season, and finally more or less done what they were expected to, which was the last thing anyone expected. With neither side having anything to play for, it should likely play out to a draw.

Bishop vs. North Laithland
Sepp Hohenzollern has resolved to stay on at Bishop - never one to shirk a challenge - but the fact remains that they have failed miserably this season. North Laithland need just a point to hold onto fourth. They should get three.

Cranequin City vs. Parrhesia United
Barring ridiculous mathematical improbability, City are safe - the Saints are safe as well, as well as playing good football through it, and of course with a good run in the Cup Winners Cup. They should beat the Terracotta Army.

Cranequin Wanderers vs. Raven River
Cranequin Wanderers are fresh off a 6-0 defeat not long after another 6-0 defeat. River, in the Cup final, are 11 league games winless. Regardless of result, this game will probably be terrible.

Violence Chariots vs. Sabrefell Athletic
This game, however, should be fantastic. The Chariots, revitalised, have mounted a credible title challenge, Athletic have been playing their traditional attacking football en route to 6th, and both sides passionately hate one another. Athletic need at least a point - otherwise wins for Chatswood and Treason would dump them out of the Globe Cup. It might be a dead rubber on paper for Violence Chariots, but rest assured they’ll be going out for a win they might well get.

Vermillion Rage vs. Sabrefell Moths
Sabrefell’s victory procession into the streets of Vermillion - Rage have had a transitional season, and this match is a dead rubber. No pressure, but there should be plenty of good football on display.

AFC Treason vs. Southfell United
Southfell, unless they win somewhere in the double digits, face a return to the First Division. Monica Brightwater’s not going to be that generous to her old club - she’s got problems of her own, as the Stags hardly covered themselves in glory this season. If they win and Sabrefell Athletic or Chatswood loses (or a Chatswood draw and a three-goal win at the Gauntlet) they can still get into the Globe Cup.

KICK-OF- what the fuck? A goal already? Theodora Kenway kicks off to Strauss, then bombs forward. The ball finds its way to Nechemevic, who neatly splits the Cranequin defence open, and Kenway rounds Brennan and rolls the ball into the empty net. Twelve bloody seconds. CRW 0-1 RVR.
1 mins - And already there’s trouble in Sabrefell, one of the world’s quickest streakers coming onto the pitch, swinging a punch at Paula Morgan and being thumped by the stewards. This looks like it’ll be a good night, lads.
2 mins - Brinemouth live dangerously. That was a poor pass by Everheart that Graz ate and immediately fired off a snap-shot that Malone pushed onto the upright. It might be a remarkable set of dead rubbers, but nobody seems to actually realise that.
3 mins - The unreliable Altieri, by contrast, lets Fitzpatrick’s shot trickle through her fingers but dramatically hooks out a left leg to hoof it clear. Fitzpatrick and Morrissey both trip over her in the attempt to follow it up one way or another. These matches have it all.
4 mins - Penalty shout denied in Chenoworth. It looked like Michaels’ heels were clipped by Nodtveit, but Gareth Campbell waves away the appeals. Silly mistake, Nodtveit. Michaels wasn’t going to do any harm in the penalty area, he couldn’t hurt the broad side of a barn.
5 mins - Daniel Canady is tired of how long it takes North Laithland’s wall to set up, and smashes the ball square into little Chloe Rudden’s face. The ball bounces favourably, and he smashes that into Condotta’s gut. As Rafferty desperately rushes out to get it, she gets a solid kick to the shins. Oh, Canady… you deserved a better end than this, but at least you’re a showman to the end. He’s the first player booked tonight.
6 mins - Oehman almost scores with a corner, but Edelgrau does well to tip it over the bar. At least the Cosumar international has the good grace to look a little embarrassed.
7 mins - GOAL! There we go. A cavalier pass from Pennant straight to Kenway, who bombs ahead. She should probably square it to Strauss, but goes for a risky shot instead. Still, there’s nothing stopping a mercurial striker in top form, and Brennan doesn’t stand a chance. CRW 0-2 RVR.
8 mins - Cranequin almost hit back immediately, and really young Sigrid Brooklyn should score. But she catches the absolute wrong part of her boot, and blazes high and wide from eight yards with the volley. Kieron Riordan - now 39 - expresses his displeasure with his defence.
9 mins - GOAL! Beautifully flicked home by Jesper Lee Coleman, played in by Cliving. Beresford might have done better with that, you have to say. VRR 0-1 SFM.
10 mins - It’s all kicking off in East Sabrefell! “Murdering bastards, you know who you are! Murdering bastards, you know who you are!” chant the home crowd as a brutal challenge on Keller by Riviello goes unpunished. It’s made worse when the Moths’ goal is reported, to raucous cheers.
11 mins - Next up on ChantWatch, Cranequin City’s fans are remarkably realistic about the state of their football. “We’re shit, and we’re staying up!”
12 mins - Ohh, nearly from Iron City! But Middleton in the Rovers’ goal is no slouch in one-on-one situations, stands strong and ruins Postecoglou’s big moment.
13 mins - Lukas Kruse tries to restore some glory to Bishop’s ruined season as he skips past Fowler and Webber before trying to put the ball back into Canady’s path… but Corren dashes out and hoofs the ball upfield. That turns into a nearly lethal counter-attack, Katsouranis saving well from Rudden.
14 mins - GOAL! Peak City these days. Great corner by mediocre midfielder but set piece specialist Sutton is volleyed into Arrowsmith’s stomach by Bazinho. There’s a scramble, and when the dust settles the ball’s in Koeller’s net. Leftback Worner eventually gets credit for the goal. CRC 1-0 PAR.
15 mins - Parrhesia’s fans have now joined in on the “We’re shit, and we’re staying up” chant. Good on them.
16 mins - Well, that’s set the cat amongst the pigeons now; penalty for Crisisbless United! Moltke’s flattened by Thrace who doesn’t even get a sniff of the ball.
17 mins - Corderro… blazes it over the bar. Well, so much for that.
18 mins - Drinkwater gets the ball in Riordan’s net, but he’s approximately half a kilometre offside. The linesmen look unimpressed.
19 mins - GOAL! Well, there’s a turn-up for the books! West Brinemouth lump the ball up to Voeller, who holds back his markers before rolling the ball into the path of 31-year old winger (who has spent most of his career with United) Reinhard Mueller, smashing the ball past Hennessey. WBR 1-0 CRU.
20 mins - GOAL! Gary Corsie for Chatswood this time, and it has to be said he’s been invisible for the entire game up til now while Brinemouth have dominated. Right up until he runs forward at the perfect time to lump Venetianer’s pass into the net, Malone motionless. CHT 1-0 BRI.
21 mins - It’s almost three goals in three minutes, but Cath Gilchrist of Goodfeather makes a world-class save to deny Scarlett Hall. Coret and Goodfeather have pretty much just cancelled each other out in midfield so far, neither side with the upper hand.
22 mins - Marciak flaps at Barthez’s cross, Theo Michaels’ free header misses an open goal, microcosm of the Harriers’ season.
23 mins - Ohh, jesus. That’s not good. Southfell United haven’t gotten the dead rubber memo and are giving Treason everything, including two sets of studs into fragile striker Claudia Cautcher. She’s not getting up. Hadrian Griffin’s booked. It could’ve been red, he was nowhere near the ball.
24 mins - Morriston snatches at a shot, I guess. Poor Cautcher.
25 mins - Cautcher’s stretchered off.
26 mins - ...
27 mins - Well, that brightened the mood! GOAL! Reinhard Buchanan’s long shot hits a post, but Engstroem gets on the end of it to slip it past Molyneux in the Harriers’ goal. CHH 0-1 CRI.
28 mins - Treason have the luxury of bringing on Jaspenner from the bench; Quinn is missing through a knock of his own. Rachael Schroeder hasn’t been the most convincing goalkeeper for Southfell over the course of the season, but she’s made a couple of good saves to keep the Stags at bay.
29 mins - GOAL! Maximum City have been penned back in their own half by Serpentine the first time, and it’s fitting that the first goal is struck by Cathair loanee Ivo Cuijpers in his last appearance for the Dragons. He makes a mazy run through Martinho and scoops it past Jelic with the outside of a boot. Cuijpers deserves it - he’s done excellently all season. SRP 1-0 MXC.
30 mins - Iron City vs. Maximum Rovers is remarkably dreadful, neither side really having any bite. Rovers in particular have thrown on a couple of teenagers - Etzebeth and Kolitsidakis are both impressing in midfield, the latter testing Keel with a long drive.
31 mins - Cranequin Wanderers aren’t doing particularly well here, River threatening a third at any moment. They’ve seemed to collapse late-season sometimes, and they owe a lot to Brennan in goal.
32 mins - Canady looks ready to hit someone. The veteran striker’s caught offside for the second time in five minutes.
33 mins - GOAL! The Saints strike back. Hexmark’s been excellent for much of the season, but had a quiet few weeks lately. Not to worry, the Semarlander taps home as Monti does the hard yards, defying defence and drawing Cronin away before squaring out to the right. Could hardly miss. CRC 1-1 PAR.
34 mins - Someone, somewhere, must have thought Lucan Swifter was a Premiership-quality rightback. Think about that for a while.
35 mins - Theo Michaels, too. Think about that. That was literally Chenoworth’s answer to their weak attack. Theo Michaels. Christ.
36 mins - Silky little touch from Vastano - an actual answer to a weak attack - nutmegs Ulrich Finch, but she can’t quite get onto the end of her own bit of skill before Gilchrist sweeps it out.
37 mins - Goal? Nevermind. The Saints think they’re back ahead when Brun stabs home a corner, but Ryalusci shoved Cronin into the netting during the buildup.
38 mins - News comes back that Cautcher’s injury was probably some kind of knee thing. Maybe a cruciate ligament. Such a shame - the Nephara U-21 striker is such a genuinely talented player, but injury is striking her down at every turn.
39 mins - GOAL! Proper one, this time. North Laithland don’t really seem to be kicking up to full gear, but Condotta’s expertly-placed long ball out to the flanks finds Chloe Rudden’s run. The Schottian winger drops the shoulder, beats Wiseman and flicks it across to Dorne, whose first-touch shot drags it past a despairing Katsouranis. Lovely goal by the Spiders. BSH 0-1 NLA.
40 mins - You look at this Treason side, and you just have to wonder… how many of these players will be around next season? Flaccus misplaces an easy pass and Brightwater is unimpressed.
41 mins - Crisisbless United… they don’t look right. Almost unbalanced, a little nervy, passes aren’t connecting. And they look vulnerable on the counterattack, very open. Hennessey’s had to come out and sweep a few times, and while he’s doing an okay job of it, he’s 34 and not exactly quick off the ground.
42 mins - Vermillion Rage have been fighting their way back into their game - the Moths seem almost on their holidays, and a Runen snap-shot from distance seems to take everyone by surprise. It’s just inches high, but Peterson was motionless.
43 mins - Keeping up with all these televisions at once is exhausting.
44 mins - GOAL… S! First it’s Raven River hammering the last nail in the Wanderers’ coffin as Vaughan finds space and backs herself from just outside the box, then West Brinemouth double their advantage! That’s a simple matter, Saffron Martin’s cross flicked back by Voeller into Layland, who doesn’t seem to know too much about it but is happy enough to pull the trigger and beat Hennessey. CRW 0-3 RVR; WBR 2-0 CRU.
45 mins - Beckcamp hits a post. City are being 80% carved apart, but the Saints can’t quite get open shots off.
45+ mins - Extra time and… people just seem tired. It’s a long season, all the chips are down, and 45 and a half matches in? No wonder some people are tired.

HALF-TIME
Well-played all around, most teams taking a much-needed breather. As it stands, well, Southfell United have one goal and need about ten more. In lieu of that, the champions and the bottom four remain the same. In the First Division, champions Starling’s victory procession isn’t going to plan as lowly Dross Rovers lead through Bursch’s elegant volley. Cypher are handily beating Ritter Town away while Newrook are edging Extreme Hills. In a winner-takes-all clash between the division’s hottest attack (Brookford) and its meanest defence (Chenoworth Rovers), it’s the Rovers holding the Otters at bay 1-0, and right now that means they’re set to take the Harriers’ soon-to-be-vacated place in the top flight.
Scorelines: CHT 1-0 BRI, CHH 0-1 CRI, WBR 2-0 CRU, COH 0-0 GDF, SER 1-0 MXC, IRC 0-0 MXR, BSH 0-1 NLA, CRC 1-1 PAR, CRW 0-3 RVR, VIC 0-0 SFA, VRR 0-1 SFM, TRE 0-0 SFU

46 mins - Alright, here we go again. After a mostly quiet set of first halves, will the second half be more intense? And, preferably, with better skill?
47 mins - Well, that came close. Direct free kick from Lienke Vesper smashes against a motionless Jelic’s upright. Meanwhile, none of the Harriers have fallen over yet-
48 mins - Nevermind.
49 mins - GOAL! Well, just as it was about to calm down a little in East Sabrefell, Hearn lays a beautiful pass through everyone to find Nate Walker, and the Licentian-born fringe Nephara international fires home with his second touch, Pressinger without a chance. The away fans aren’t happy, and sense there was more than a hint of offside, but replays show that the lagging Hikari was playing Walker on. VIC 1-0 SFA.
50 mins - Oof! Claire Beresford, loanee from Chatswood, lets that DNA show as she goes through Pablo Corderro without so much as a hint of the ball. Kurtis Radford doesn’t hesitate, and is right to flash a red. Game on, perhaps?
51 mins - GOAL! And it had been coming. Chenoworth Harriers are in sixes and sevens after Somner, one of the only players to emerge from the season with any credit, dwells on possession and is clipped by St. Cleer, running forward from deep. Some crisp passing later and Knutsen taps the ball into the net, Molyneux sprawling. CHH 0-2 CRI.
52 mins - The tide seems to have turned in Treason, the Stags just look tired and they’re starting to make mistakes. Southfell should probably be ahead, but while Tanith Stark (brought on in the 35th after a knock on Schneider) has had plenty of drive, the end product’s not there. Only Katskalidis seems to be showing the needed character.
53 mins - Crisisbless United are already fighting their way back into the forefront, a lot of credit is due to Asger Thrace for keeping a clean sheet so far.
54 mins - And Vermillion Rage are also getting the upper hand against, it has to be said, the rather demob-happy looking champions. Eckhart in particular is really leaving a mark on the midfield.
55 mins - GOAL! Stark gets it right this time! It’s Rebecca Stubbs who breaks through midfield and lofts a ball forward, Stark hitting it first-time past Miller. It’s been coming. TRE 0-1 SFU.
56 mins - GOAL! After Maximum causes some nerves at the back for Serpentine, Altieri finally gets on the end of a heavily-deflected Jezek shot. She immediately gets the ball out to the right wing where Cuijpers springs free, beats a stunned-looking Martinho with a neat one-two with Steelbridge, continues to run unopposed before chipping a cross over the stranded Jelic. Morriston doesn’t miss open goals from seven yards with the ball comfortably at his feet. SRP 2-0 MXC.
57 mins - Some people have denied the Moths have weak depth in the squad. And yet, here’s a 31-year old Konrad Webber warming up on the touchline. Surely it’s time for Vermillion to strike.
58 mins - They might be a man down, but West Brinemouth nearly go three up. Saffron Martin’s excellent corner is headed marginally over by 39-year old captain Chaucer. His contract expires at the end of the season, but he’s stated he doesn’t want to give up playing, and honestly he’s looked okay at this level. Where to next for him?
59 mins - Penalty in the red half of Cranequin! Sutton lofts a dangerous free kick into the box, Shea heads it but it’s clawed away by Arrowsmith on the line! Instinctive defending, but the referee catches it, and it’s an early bath for him and a penalty for City.
60 mins - GOAL! Bazinho rolls it into the bottom-right corner, Koeller goes the wrong way. CRC 2-1 PAR.
61 mins - And the Wanderers almost go ahead, but a tantalising volley by Hari (a breakout hero this season) is nearly miraculously saved by Kieron Riordan. Riordan, Drinkwater on Cranequin’s bench and, theoretically, the aforementioned Chaucer are all 39, and all in a race to become the first 40-year old to actually play in the Premiership (Barunia international Mic Willans was sitting on Goodfeather’s bench at 42 before being released, but never got on the pitch). Riordan’s a couple of months older than Drinkwater and, crucially, hasn’t dropped off as sharply as the Wanderers striker, and should win that record.
62 mins - Chenoworth’s defenders are like the heroic Knights of the Round Table out there; they don’t exist. Molyneux makes a good save when Keast glides through everyone at once, and shouts loudly at them. Coppellian immediately goes straight at him, and has to be pulled away by Mackay, Bolton and the captain Keating.
63 mins - Brookford Otters, managed by legendary former striker Gerhard Thunder, have equalised against Chenoworth Rovers thanks to substitute Malakai Curtis, formerly of Sabrefell Moths.
64 mins - Goal? No, offside again from Canady, followed immediately by a red 22 and green 16 on the fourth official’s board. Hopefully it’s goodbye and not farewell - 11 goals from 41 appearances isn’t strictly bad for a 36-year old who also did his share of link-up play with a pretty bad Bishop side. But it might just be farewell.
65 mins - Coppellian, still fuming, stalks down the tunnel and neglects to shake young Eve Valkanis’ hand as she comes on for him. It’s probably his last Premiership experience. Goodbye, Cosmo. You had a funny name, got sent off three times and were still better than most of the rest of your team. You will be missed.
66 mins - Young Gareth Westmead, a very promising 19-year old rightback, comes on for the captain Keating. Say what you will about Chenoworth - and most people have - at least they’re young enough to get better when they inevitably scrape into the last promotion squad in a couple years.
67 mins - Lynwood misses from seven yards, a tap-in skimming off the outside of the post! Drake, who had done all the hard yards, is furious with her. Still, it’s a good season for Lynwood; she hasn’t been relegated a third season in a row.
68 mins - GOAL! And straight up the other end, straight from the goalkick, Dan Keel kicks the ball really, really hard. Michaels watches it bounce before making a perfectly-timed run between the two slow, clunking Audioslav centre-halves and smashing past a stranded Middleton with his first touch. You forget sometimes that Michaels is an international striker and has scored goals before. IRC 1-0 MXR.
69 mins - The Moths are only just holding on. Exceptional save from Peterson denies Runen from point-blank range. Pembroke comes on for the ragged Pryor to try and stem the bleeding, with the combative Penrooke on for, it has to be said, a somewhat diminished Maria Martell.
70 mins - Bishop defensive midfielder Karl Moser, once of Northern Union, has never scored more than one goal in a season - and usually hasn’t even managed that, his tally standing at a mighty five. But he nearly breaks the habit of a lifetime, Corren tipping an outstanding long drive out for a corner.
71 mins - Kenneth Laidlaw is one of those quietly capable midfielders who just does a job, hovering at the low-Premiership grade at the age of 29. And yet he makes international midfielder Rachael Loxley look a right fool, nutmegging her and hitting the foot of a post from distance. Gilchrist was well-beaten. It’s been a tight match, but the Hawks have narrowly looked the better side so far.
72 mins - Corderro comes off for Crisisbless United - he’s had a remarkable late-career renaissance, but that still doesn’t make him immune to being 33, and the pace of the Premiership is punishing for the playmaker.
73 mins - GOAL! Vermillion have sustained pressure on the Moths the whole of the second half, but the goal comes from nothing. Eckhart hits an innocuous pass off to the side… and Manuel Reid curls it past Peterson’s fingertips! VRR 1-1 SFM.
74 mins - Asger Thrace deserves a raise. He’s keeping the clean sheet pretty much on his own merits as West Brinemouth just cede more and more ground to the rampaging Chessmen. They should have one back, but Moltke pegs one over the bar when it would’ve been easier to score.
75 mins - Adnan Szalai departs the bench for Violence. Arguably the most exciting prospect in Nephara right now, he should keep things interesting, just as Athletic were working their way back into the game.
76 mins - It’s becoming apparent that Parrhesia’s everpresent centre-half Alastair Brun, shunted out to rightback in Arrowsmith’s absence, has never played there in his life. Kelsey Worner, a mediocre 29-year old leftback, is being made to look like Wesley Kane out there.
77 mins - GOAL! Well, it had been coming. Crisisbless United rely heavily on their three forwards, but it’s Project +90 graduate Laura Weiler who comes off the bench and, two minutes later, taps in a neat ball Corderro launched over the top. WBR 2-1 CRU.
78 mins - Evan Katsouranis is an outstanding goalkeeper for Bishop, but he’ll have given some of his suitors some room for pause after scuffing the ball straight to Atherton Telfair, who promptly dwells in possession and is thumped by Amarantidis. Surely not too long now until a Greek XI can be put together from Premiership players...
79 mins - … speaking of which, 19-year old Spyridon Kolitsidakis is denied a maiden Premiership goal when Keel tips over a long shot. Kolitsidakis seems to love the long shots, but that’s the first genuinely dangerous one all game. There’s a decent player in there somewhere.
80 mins - Cranequin Wanderers and Raven River seem to be lulling their way to a 3-0 draw, not to mention that River are resting Marlowe, Donachy and Machan, while Nechemevic, Vaughan and Strauss are now all on the bench. All focus on the Cup final, then.
81 mins - Other people doing their best audition for Premiership clubs next season include Raphael Somner, who manages the impressive trait of picking Espen Knutsen’s pocket.
82 mins - GOAL! Well, two banks of four are hard to break down, but West Brinemouth’s defence have been dropping deeper and deeper… unsurprisingly a back four of 33 (the substitute, Skelton), 39, 30 and 24 are vulnerable to being attacked at pace. But it’s invited pressure, and Sebastian Evans backs himself from range to put it in the corner to double his goal tally for the season. WBR 2-2 CRU.
83 mins - Rettinger almost breaks the deadlock with one of those looping headers that sees Faulkner, Scherzer and Beck scramble to cover the goalline… but it hits the top of the bar and bounces away. A sigh of relief for the home crowd, but Coret against Goodfeather has been a moderately dire match so far.
84 mins - GOAL! Well, Durgan Pryor might have been the best defender the Moths have ever had. In his absence, Reid runs Pembroke ragged before squaring to Levy, who shoots. Peterson saves it well, but Gazzincha follows the rebound in and flicks it home. He’s not had a good season, but at least this will be a good memory. VRR 2-1 SFM.
85 mins - Daniel Payne, coming on off the bench, makes a desperate bid to be picked up by a top-tier club when he puts the ball past Gallardo and outpaces everyone to it, stabbing a foot out desperately. Marciak stops it with one of his own feet, and it bounces off the upright. Nothing we didn’t know already - Payne’s a good lad, but a First Division striker at the end of the day. But that would’ve been a flattering scoreline for the Harriers.
86 mins - A disputed offside call on Keller, who is booked when he puts the ball in the net past a stationary Edelgrau anyway. It’s been a dirty, simmering match in Sabrefell.
87 mins - Linus Melker is possibly the only Chatswood defender ever brave enough to actually play the ball out patiently from the back, and nutmegs Stephen Mahoney to raucous applause. Chatswood have just never liked Brinemouth. But that’s what happens when two teams keep playing each other at the end of the season.
88 mins - Flares being lit in East Sabrefell, on both sides. Unhelpfully, both of them are red.
89 mins - GOAL! The Osarian connection strikes again for Coret, Hall’s throughball letting Vastano trot onto it at her trademark leisurely pace, lazily flicking the ball over Gilchrist for a probably winner. The Hawks deserve it - they’ve had a good season. COH 1-0 GDF.
90 mins - Buyan international - the first from that country to go abroad - and Goodfeather legend Andrey Rettinger goes off in his last ever appearance before retirement. The home fans catch on after a few seconds, and help applaud him off. 11 seasons, 454 appearances, 184 goals. He won’t be forgotten; and for the right reasons.
90+1 mins - The first final whistle calls time on North Laithland’s weary 1-0 win over a similarly weary Bishop. Enough for them to secure their Champions’ Cup place. Another strong season for them.
90+2 mins - GOAL! Substitute Sasha Radlinger has been energetically loving her time in the hole, and Southfell have been threatening all game. Radlinger flicks one over the top, former Treason striker Lily Schindler takes it past Rachael Green and slots it home. She doesn’t celebrate. The home fans appreciate that. TRE 0-2 SFU.
90+3 mins - Final whistles going off all over the place.
90+4 mins - And now it’s just the Violence vs. Athletic match left, as Petrarch hoofs the ball into touch for the final whistle in Treason. The persistent fouling and occasional fights tend to draw out an extra time.
90+5 mins - Both sides are fucked. Athletic are trying, but there’s no energy left.
90+6 mins - And that’s it for the season, as Oehman’s cross causes some late heart attacks for the Chariots but Keller hits the side netting. It’s been a hell of a run.

FINAL MATCHDAY RESULTS
Chatswood 1-0 Brinemouth
Chenoworth Harriers 0-2 Crisisbless
West Brinemouth 2-2 Crisisbless United
Coret Hawks 1-0 Goodfeather FC
AFC Serpentine 2-0 Maximum City
Iron City 1-0 Maximum Rovers
Bishop 0-1 North Laithland
Cranequin City 2-1 Parrhesia United
Cranequin Wanderers 0-3 Raven River
Violence Chariots 1-0 Sabrefell Athletic
Vermillion Rage 2-1 Sabrefell Moths
AFC Treason 0-2 Southfell United

CUP FINAL
Raven River: (4-4-2 diamond) 18 - Riordan; 23 - Machan, 4 - Marlowe, 6 - Pritchard, 24 - Taylor; 16 - Donachy; 7 - Kendall, 11 - Nechemevic; 8 - Vaughan; 21 - Strauss (c), 9 - Kenway
Bench: 25 - Vintner; 2 - Milligan, 5 - Deighton, 10 - Harrison, 12 - Shaw, 22 - Grey, 26 - Marinello

South Laithland: (4-4-2) 1 - Benedict (c); 2 - Saunders, 18 - Graves, 5 - Glaive, 20 - Behan; 7 - Cruickshank, 16 - Lochhead, 8 - Sturrock, 11 - Matthews; 10 - Markosian, 9 - Kuepper
Bench: 13 - Cole; 2 - Cheney, 3 - Brace, 4 - Pryde, 12 - Miller, 15 - Oliver, 19 - Honeyward

Well, it’s the first time in the modern era that a Premiership side has been drawn against a First Division one, albeit one that was only relegated last season and has a proud and well-timed history in the top flight. River have floated around in midtable, pushed there through a powerful attack. They’re missing Roberts - Cup goalkeeper until a medial cruciate in the quarterfinals - but that’s no loss with Kieron Riordan, a veteran penalty specialist, waiting in the wings. Squad player Zealand and starting leftback Cypress are also missing through badly-timed knocks. South Laithland, with a few reinforcements but many more departures from last season, have a clean bill of health. River, though, are the clear favourites and own most of the stadium - they’re the closest club in all of Nephara to the Farham Arena.

Yet South Laithland take just three minutes to indicate that they won’t go down without a fight. It’s direct, it’s simple - Seneca Matthews’ far-post cross knocked down by big Hadrian Kuepper and smashed into the net by Cheney Markosian. The Southrons were favourites for promotion, but arguably sacrificed their league run (coming 7th) for this - they won’t be pushovers. And Sturrock almost catches out Riordan from range, though the wily 39-year old veteran manages to tip over the long shot. Laithland going wide forces Machan (an excellent rightback) and Taylor (something of a liability) to just hold their ground and focus on defence, but River dominate the centre of midfield, and possession. The Southrons still look to be doing more with it, and eventually get a second. An excellent sliding challenge from Marlowe denies Markosian from cloes range, but Caitlin Cruickshank - one of South Laithland’s new signings for the year, with no Premiership experience - glides onto the ball and fires low and hard past Riordan. But there’s just more quality in River, and a fightback was always on the cards - Nechemevic leading the way with a direct free kick that snaps in off the post, just when it seemed like they had no penetration at all. She followed that up with an immaculate forward pass that set Theodora Kenway through on goal… but the infuriatingly erratic centre-forward promptly missed the target one on one with Benedict, and that was how the half ended.

But River, with most of the crowd behind them, seemed rejuvenated in the second half. South Laithland scored a third goal, however, directly against the run of play - Glaive heading home a perfect Matthews corner in the 50th minute. River had always passed the ball around nicely, but lacked penetration. They needed that now, and got an almost immediate reaction, captain Danielle Strauss leading by example as the former Brinemouth striker curled a strike from just outside the box around Benedict’s fingertips. Strauss was also pivotal in the next goal, holding the ball up under pressure before flicking the ball aside to Kendall, drifting out wide. Gretel Behan, ill-advisedly, followed along… and Karin Machan timed her run perfectly. Kendall slid the ball to the side and Machan simply smashed it low past Benedict. 3-3; River could finally stop chasing the game.

With the freedom to hang around and dictate the play, it was no surprise that River finally passed rings around an exhausted Southron defence. Even the addition of Kurtis Brace, an early-blooming youth international who’d never really come to much in his career, couldn’t steady the ship, and Kenway insolently nutmegged him to send a pass through to Strauss - who hit it past Benedict with her first touch. Finally, River lead, and the stadium truly erupted - not only indigo shirts, but green and red, too. River are the only major Sabrefell side nobody actually dislikes. The purple shirts in the stands and the all-white kits on the field, meanwhile, were less impressed - they sensed the moment slipping, until Sturrock beautifully caught a ball just outside the box that left Riordan scrambling without luck. 4-4 in the 82nd minute - if the Ferrymen were going to react, they had to do it quickly and decisively. Benedict decided he didn’t want them to react, making an excellent double save from Vaughan and Strauss. Olgina Harrison was thrown on for her final match for the invisible Kenway, but hopes of injecting fresh legs into the midfield were curtailed when Taylor went down with what looked to be a twisted ankle. They had no choice but to throw Amber Milligan on, out of position at leftback. And yet, River were bowed but not defeated. It was Machan who started it, a fantastic high cross to the far post. She’s already been linked elsewhere. Harrison rose up above everyone else to flick it back along goal, and Daniella Strauss, exhausted though she was, threw a boot forward as the rest of her body collapsed from underneath her.

It was enough, barely, to hook it past a sprawling Benedict. It had been a hell of a fight, but Raven River were champions. For Tosca Marlowe, a tonic after a stressful set of campaign. For Olgina Harrison, the perfect way to end a sterling career. For Karin Machan, a perfect opportunity in the shop window. For Daniella Strauss, security in her status as a legend for the Ferrymen. And for all of them - a triumph, and silverware. South Laithland should be commended - they came so far and fought so hard, but fell just short in the end. But at the end of the day? The right team won.

RAVEN RIVER 5 - 4 SOUTH LAITHLAND

CUP FINAL
SC Oceanside: (4-4-2) 1 - Solo; 2 - Sunray, 10 - Schiller, 3 - Concord, 97 - Ninetyseventh; 9 - Leadbetter, 19 - Oneninetyninth, 5 - Clackamas, 35 - Threefiftysecond; 6 - Kiatrichaat, 11 - Foureleven

Crisisbless: (4-4-2 diamond) 12 - Marciak; 23 - Sable, 4 - Gallardo, 5 - Nodtveit, 19 - Haukmann; 6 - Brandon; 11 - St. Cleer, 21 - Kilbane; 8 - Knutsen; 10 - Keast, 17 - Engstroem
Bench: 1 - King; 3 - Thrush, 13 - Arora, 15 - Stubbs, 18 - Harridan, 22 - Buchanan, 25 - Priest

Crisisbless went into the match the favourites against SC Oceanside, a strong side arguably overly reliant on talismanic striker Xi Foureleven. While they were missing Khan and Berenger through a couple of badly-timed knocks, they had the personnel to soften the blow. Still, they weren’t planning on conceding within four minutes. It was Alessandra Leadbetter who started and finished it with a clever one-two with Islander forward Kiatrichaat that put her through on goal, and a neat finish past Marciak.

The Heelers already had a mountain to climb, though Anders Engstroem came within inches of equalising just minutes later, firing just over from just outside the box. Their silky midfield combinations were wreaking havoc, but the final ball was lacking - Keast in particular missing a gilt-edged chance. Typically, just a minute after that, Brandon clipped Oneninetyninth’s ankles twenty yards out. Too close in to try and bend the free kick into the net, Foureleven smashed it right into the wall. Bouncing clear, it came to Leadbetter who lofted it into the mixer - Kiatrichaart got clear of Nodtveit and slashed it past a sprawling Marciak.

But they weren’t going to go down that easily, and clawed themselves right back into contention in a second half they dominated. First, a beautiful corner by Knutsen that Nodtveit devoured, almost breaking the net with the ferocity of his header (and almost breaking Schiller with the ferocity of his leap). Second, a neat bit of interplay through Haukmann’s long cross, headed down by Keast - not to Engstroem, whose run was being tracked, but to the run of attacking midfielder Knutsen who was totally unmarked and made no mistake to level the scores. They tried to add a third, but their failure nearly cost them - Threefiftysecond came agonisingly close to snatching it for Oceanside late on, but a wonderful save from Marciak denied her.

Extra time came and went, and so to penalties. Crisisbless took first… and Knutsen watched in disbelief as the wonderfully redundantly-named Una Solo clawed it away. Xi Foureleven stepped up, but she missed as well, a low shot aimed at the far corner coming straight back off the upright. Engstroem smashed his into the top corner, and when Oneninetyninth had to take their penalty twice due to Marciak being perceived as coming off his line too soon, they made no mistake. Arora and Leadbetter both scored, as did St. Cleer and Kiatsrichaat… but Una Solo, committing hard to the bottom-left corner, denied Augustine Brandon. Andreas Concord, then, a centre-half, entrusted with winning SC Oceanside. He went hard and safe to the centre of the right side. Marciak went the wrong way… and Oceanside were champions, bathing in tickertape as the Heelers left to lick their wounds. They’d have to wait another day.

SC OCEANSIDE 2 (4) - 2 (3) CRISISBLESS

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Moths          46  30   5  11  78  37  +41  95  CC
  2 Violence Chariots        46  25  11  10  85  57  +28  86  CC
  3 Brinemouth               46  25  10  11  86  51  +35  85  CC
  4 North Laithland          46  22  16   8  70  51  +19  82  CC
  5 Crisisbless              46  22  13  11  57  41  +16  79  GC
  6 Chatswood                46  20  12  14  45  32  +13  72  GC
  7 Sabrefell Athletic       46  18  16  12  63  58   +5  70  GC
  8 Vermillion Rage          46  19  11  16  69  60   +9  68
  9 AFC Treason              46  19  10  17  54  47   +7  67
 10 Maximum City             46  17  14  15  42  36   +6  65
 11 Goodfeather FC           46  17  14  15  57  53   +4  65
 12 Coret Hawks              46  18  10  18  46  40   +6  64
 13 Maximum Rovers           46  17  12  17  51  49   +2  63
 14 Raven River              46  16  14  16  72  64   +8  62  CWC
 15 Crisisbless United       46  16  14  16  63  72   -9  62
 16 AFC Serpentine           46  14  14  18  66  68   -2  56
 17 Cranequin Wanderers      46  14  14  18  47  66  -19  56
 18 Parrhesia United         46  14  13  19  64  68   -4  55
 19 Iron City                46  12  16  18  35  47  -12  52
 20 Cranequin City           46  14  10  22  49  66  -17  52
 21 Southfell United         46  13  10  23  46  73  -27  49  R
 22 West Brinemouth          46  11   9  26  26  59  -33  42  R
 23 Bishop                   46   6  15  25  38  67  -29  33  R
 24 Chenoworth Harriers      46   7   9  30  32  79  -47  30  R

TOP SCORERS
25 - Juquinho (BRI)
24 - N. Walker (VIC)
23 - Curio (SFM)
20 - T. Kenway (RVR)
19 - F. Keller (SFA), D. Norgen (VIC)
18 - S. Maddon (SFM)
17 - S. Portsgate (GDF), A. Dorne (NLA), S. Levy (VRR)
16 - G. Vastano (COH), D. Strauss (RVR), M. Puntoriero (TRE), T. Runen (VRR)
15 - C. Hari (CRW), A. Engstroem (CRI), C. Beckcamp (PAR), C. Morriston (SRP), M. Steelbridge (SRP)
14 - H. Matheson (CHT), A. Rourke (CRU)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Juquinho (BRI)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Jesper Lee Coleman (SFM)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Chloe Rudden (NLA)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Drê Röènôùjýâ (VIC)
Team of the Year: Pressinger (SFA); Christener (SFM), Stubbs (CHT), Pryor (SFM), Röènôùjýâ (VIC); Runen (VRR), Carragher (BRI), St. Cleer (CRI), Coleman (SFM); Juquinho (BRI), Walker (VIC) - Bench: Peterson (SFM); Gallardo (CRI), Griffiths (SFM), Hearn (VIC), Archer (NLA), Connacht (TRE), Curio (SFM)
Manager of the Year: Jess Mortlock (VIC)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Starling                   46  26  10  10   84  51  +33  88  P
  2 Brookford Otters           46  26   7  13  106  72  +34  85  P
  3 Newrook City               46  24  13   9   63  35  +28  85  P
  4 Cypher Town                46  25   9  12   62  36  +26  84  P
  5 Chenoworth Rovers          46  23  14   9   54  26  +28  83
  6 Extreme Hills              46  24  10  12   69  45  +24  82
  7 South Laithland            46  21  13  12   61  35  +26  76
  8 Ritter Town                46  21   9  16   60  47  +13  72
  9 Leichhardt                 46  20  12  14   42  31  +11  72
 10 Creed United               46  18  13  15   53  47   +6  67
 11 Sheridan                   46  19   7  20   48  43   +5  64
 12 Vermillion Wanderers       46  18  10  18   62  61   +1  64
 13 Martella Jazz              46  18   9  19   70  77   -7  63
 14 Sutcroft                   46  18   8  20   53  54   -1  62
 15 Corvette Maulers           46  17   9  20   62  74  -12  60
 16 Ox River United            46  14  16  16   35  50  -15  58
 17 AFC Shale                  46  15  11  20   29  36   -7  56
 18 Dross Rovers               46  14   8  24   41  71  -30  50
 19 Armstrong                  46  12  13  21   41  64  -23  49
 20 Rochford                   46  13   9  24   39  57  -18  48
 21 Rhagant Schadenfreude      46  12  11  23   38  61  -23  47  R
 22 South Parrhesia            46  13   8  25   52  79  -27  47  R
 23 Mainstream Fist            46  10   7  29   56  85  -29  37  R
 24 North Sabrefell            46   8  10  28   36  79  -43  34  R

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Strephonage                  46  30   8   8  60   28  +32  98  P
  2 Hackett                      46  29   9   8  83   39  +44  96  P
  3 Iron United                  46  28   7  11  70   42  +28  91  P
  4 Coret Rovers                 46  27   5  14  64   41  +23  86  P
  5 East Laithland Harriers      46  25   5  16  84   50  +34  80
  6 Crossroads Town              46  23   8  15  72   50  +22  77
  7 Locksley                     46  20  15  11  91   54  +37  75
  8 Project +90                  46  21  10  15  70   55  +15  73
  9 Diamondqueen                 46  22   4  20  58   52   +6  70
 10 Crisisbless Athletic         46  21   5  20  76   69   +7  68
 11 Belgrave                     46  19  10  17  59   55   +4  67
 12 Masculine Town               46  19   8  19  53   59   -6  65
 13 Corby Hubris                 46  18   9  19  58   53   +5  63
 14 Franchise FC                 46  18   9  19  51   55   -4  63
 15 West Hook                    46  16  12  18  44   38   +6  60
 16 Kensey Town                  46  15  12  19  56   70  -14  57
 17 Boleyn Town                  46  13  17  16  49   55   -6  56
 18 Gridlock Rovers              46  12  20  14  42   52  -10  56
 19 Morningstar                  46  14   9  23  41   70  -29  51
 20 Brookway Town                46  11  11  24  57   81  -24  44
 21 Senway Town                  46  13   5  28  35   64  -29  44  R
 22 Fenland Albion               46  11  10  25  45   85  -40  43  R
 23 Iberia Chenoworth            46  10   8  28  62   94  -32  38  R
 24 Gridlock East                46   3  12  31  33  102  -69  21  R

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Long Lake               46  26  13   7  64   26  +38  91  P
  2 Brindleton              46  26  12   8  77   40  +37  90  P
  3 Dartmouth Terriers      46  26  10  10  78   41  +37  88  P
  4 Rushe United            46  26   8  12  88   48  +40  86  P
  5 North Dubstep           46  25   6  15  52   44   +8  81
  6 Stonegrave              46  21  13  12  49   37  +12  76
  7 Sutcroft Athletic       46  22   9  15  47   44   +3  75
  8 Chaker Town             46  22   8  16  79   56  +23  74
  9 Mantlegrove             46  20  10  16  61   57   +4  70
 10 Dubstep Rangers         46  20   9  17  67   58   +9  69
 11 Greygate                46  19  11  16  43   44   -1  68
 12 Blaze                   46  18  13  15  56   58   -2  67
 13 Falston Town            46  18  12  16  64   47  +17  66
 14 Forge Carpenters        46  17  12  17  55   52   +3  63
 15 Camwell Road            46  16  15  15  53   60   -7  63
 16 South Brill             46  17   8  21  56   59   -3  59
 17 Ringway                 46  16  10  20  48   60  -12  58
 18 Southriver              46  12  12  22  48   61  -13  48
 19 Downsparrow             46  13   9  24  49   69  -20  48
 20 Riverkey                46  12  10  24  53   68  -15  46
 21 FC United               46  11   9  26  44   72  -28  42  R
 22 Kommissar               46  10  11  25  51   76  -25  41  R
 23 Vermillion Spite        46   9   7  30  50  107  -57  34  R
 24 Reckdale Town           46   7   9  30  32   80  -48  30  R

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 The Strongest         38  26   4   8  96  44  +52  82  P
  2 Gridlock              38  21   7  10  41  23  +18  70  P
  3 Bellamy               38  20  10   8  55  41  +14  70
  4 Grovebank             38  20   8  10  63  34  +29  68
  5 Courser               38  19  11   8  61  43  +18  68
  6 Harrington            38  19  11   8  59  41  +18  68
  7 Ramsay                38  20   8  10  45  33  +12  68
  8 Haymaker Town         38  18   8  12  40  39   +1  62
  9 Norton Road           38  18   7  13  44  36   +8  61
 10 The Hanged Man        38  13  12  13  31  30   +1  51
 11 Stekelenbright        38  11  16  11  32  28   +4  49
 12 Geoff United          38  12  13  13  46  47   -1  49
 13 Fully Sick XI         38  12  13  13  49  52   -3  49
 14 Surfeit River         38  12   7  19  36  61  -25  43
 15 Tryst Athletic        38  12   3  23  46  61  -15  39
 16 Perrett               38   8  11  19  27  49  -22  35
 17 Barcastle Rovers      38   8  11  19  32  58  -26  35
 18 Huysegem              38   7   9  22  28  57  -29  30
 19 Thratewood            38   5  10  23  35  57  -22  25
 20 Worthall              38   5   9  24  28  60  -32  24  R

Promoted: Swag Hill Rovers

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Nay Town                   38  21  10   7  55  35  +20  73  P
  2 Stamper Road               38  20  12   6  69  38  +31  72  P
  3 Bodkin Road                38  19  14   5  57  26  +31  71
  4 Pillars of Southfell       38  20   9   9  59  30  +29  69
  5 Lackerrun                  38  19   6  13  62  43  +19  63
  6 Fischer                    38  16  13   9  47  31  +16  61
  7 Getton Town                38  16  10  12  50  40  +10  58
  8 Inner-East Fairywrens      38  17   7  14  30  26   +4  58
  9 Twelvetrees                38  13  15  10  44  40   +4  54
 10 Sandrock                   38  13  12  13  40  37   +3  51
 11 Peregrine                  38  14   9  15  42  42   +0  51
 12 Pridehome                  38  13  11  14  47  50   -3  50
 13 Violence Tigers            38  11  11  16  40  50  -10  44
 14 De La Patria               38  10  13  15  45  56  -11  43
 15 Rookwall                   38  12   7  19  44  55  -11  43
 16 Norpike                    38  11   9  18  32  46  -14  42
 17 Clay Terrace               38   8  15  15  20  37  -17  39
 18 Markoni                    38   8   8  22  44  75  -31  32
 19 East Slake                 38   6  14  18  27  59  -32  32
 20 Leo                        38   7   7  24  23  61  -38  28  R

Promoted: Rochford Pilgrims

RESERVES LEAGUE - FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Moths          38  23  10   5  71  37  +34  79  YC
  2 AFC Treason              38  23   7   8  55  29  +26  76
  3 Brinemouth               38  21   6  11  64  54  +10  69
  4 Crisisbless              38  18  12   8  43  27  +16  66
  5 Sabrefell Athletic       38  18  11   9  59  36  +23  65
  6 Parrhesia United         38  17   9  12  58  47  +11  60
  7 Maximum City             38  15  13  10  39  32   +7  58
  8 Chenoworth Rovers        38  16  10  12  39  35   +4  58
  9 North Laithland          38  15  12  11  53  44   +9  57
 10 Cranequin Wanderers      38  15   6  17  50  52   -2  51
 11 Extreme Hills            38  14   8  16  41  49   -8  50
 12 Vermillion Rage          38  13  10  15  63  53  +10  49
 13 Maximum Rovers           38  14   7  17  42  43   -1  49
 14 Goodfeather FC           38  12  12  14  40  37   +3  48
 15 Chenoworth Harriers      38  11   9  18  32  41   -9  42
 16 Rochford                 38  10  10  18  30  45  -15  40
 17 Chatswood                38   8  12  18  36  57  -21  36
 18 Iron City                38   8   9  21  24  53  -29  33
 19 Corvette Maulers         38   6  12  20  36  60  -24  30
 20 South Laithland          38   8   5  25  26  70  -44  29

Promoted: Crisisbless United, Cranequin Wanderers, Violence Chariots

Nephara (NPH) Qualifiers
Champions Cup: Sabrefell Moths, Violence Chariots, Brinemouth, North Laithland
Globe Cup: Crisisbless, Chatswood, Sabrefell Athletic
Youth Cup: Sabrefell Moths

CEdC: Sabrefell Moths, Violence Chariots
Cup Winners' Cup: Raven River

by **Nephara** » Wed Dec 30, 2015 4:48 pm

343 Season Preview

LAST SEASON

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Moths          46  30   5  11  78  37  +41  95  CC
  2 Violence Chariots        46  25  11  10  85  57  +28  86  CC
  3 Brinemouth               46  25  10  11  86  51  +35  85  CC
  4 North Laithland          46  22  16   8  70  51  +19  82  CC
  5 Crisisbless              46  22  13  11  57  41  +16  79  GC
  6 Chatswood                46  20  12  14  45  32  +13  72  GC
  7 Sabrefell Athletic       46  18  16  12  63  58   +5  70  GC
  8 Vermillion Rage          46  19  11  16  69  60   +9  68
  9 AFC Treason              46  19  10  17  54  47   +7  67
 10 Maximum City             46  17  14  15  42  36   +6  65
 11 Goodfeather FC           46  17  14  15  57  53   +4  65
 12 Coret Hawks              46  18  10  18  46  40   +6  64
 13 Maximum Rovers           46  17  12  17  51  49   +2  63
 14 Raven River              46  16  14  16  72  64   +8  62  CWC
 15 Crisisbless United       46  16  14  16  63  72   -9  62
 16 AFC Serpentine           46  14  14  18  66  68   -2  56
 17 Cranequin Wanderers      46  14  14  18  47  66  -19  56
 18 Parrhesia United         46  14  13  19  64  68   -4  55
 19 Iron City                46  12  16  18  35  47  -12  52
 20 Cranequin City           46  14  10  22  49  66  -17  52
 21 Southfell United         46  13  10  23  46  73  -27  49  R
 22 West Brinemouth          46  11   9  26  26  59  -33  42  R
 23 Bishop                   46   6  15  25  38  67  -29  33  R
 24 Chenoworth Harriers      46   7   9  30  32  79  -47  30  R

  1 Starling                   46  26  10  10   84  51  +33  88  P
  2 Brookford Otters           46  26   7  13  106  72  +34  85  P
  3 Newrook City               46  24  13   9   63  35  +28  85  P
  4 Cypher Town                46  25   9  12   62  36  +26  84  P
  5 Chenoworth Rovers          46  23  14   9   54  26  +28  83
  6 Extreme Hills              46  24  10  12   69  45  +24  82

TOP SCORERS
25 - Juquinho (BRI)
24 - N. Walker (VIC)
23 - Curio (SFM)
20 - T. Kenway (RVR)
19 - F. Keller (SFA), D. Norgen (VIC)
18 - S. Maddon (SFM)
17 - S. Portsgate (GDF), A. Dorne (NLA), S. Levy (VRR)
16 - G. Vastano (COH), D. Strauss (RVR), M. Puntoriero (TRE), T. Runen (VRR)
15 - C. Hari (CRW), A. Engstroem (CRI), C. Beckcamp (PAR), C. Morriston (SRP), M. Steelbridge (SRP)
14 - H. Matheson (CHT), A. Rourke (CRU)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Juquinho (BRI)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Jesper Lee Coleman (SFM)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Chloe Rudden (NLA)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Drê Röènôùjýâ (VIC)
Team of the Year: Pressinger (SFA); Christener (SFM), Stubbs (CHT), Pryor (SFM), Röènôùjýâ (VIC); Runen (VRR), Carragher (BRI), St. Cleer (CRI), Coleman (SFM); Juquinho (BRI), Walker (VIC) - Bench: Peterson (SFM); Gallardo (CRI), Griffiths (SFM), Hearn (VIC), Archer (NLA), Connacht (TRE), Curio (SFM)
Manager of the Year: Jess Mortlock (VIC)

by **Nephara** » Wed Dec 30, 2015 4:50 pm

by **Nephara** » Wed Dec 30, 2015 4:52 pm

by **Nephara** » Sat Jan 02, 2016 4:07 am

The season begins with a bang from Brinemouth and a whimper from Cypher Town, who suffer a pretty dismal return to the top flight. Within three minutes, Rutger Locke’s great pass for Juquinho makes it the easiest thing in the world to cut the ball back for the onrushing RJ Styrn who strokes it easily past Havard Morgan - her first Premiership goal, the first goal of the season. Locke’s on the scoresheet himself by the tenth minute and although the Eagles sharpen up and park the bus, the floodgates open in the second half - Amokachi getting a double before substitute Rachel Sable puts the finishing touches on. Brinemouth look terrifying. So do Treason, who come to the defending champions’ home and hold out easily against what had usually been assumed to be a ferocious attack. Adnan Zozula seems to score whenever he has the ball, notching a first-half brace before Rutger Connacht finishes the rather stunned Moths off. But Violence Chariots underline their own title credentials by simply running at Raven River until they explode. 2-2 by half-time, River clinging on through Kenway’s good form and a string of Riordan saves, but in the second half Kurtis Quinn scores a hattrick and Jess Hearn’s cheeky free kick finishes the Ferrymen off. Yeah, it’s set up to be a hell of a season already...

A composed, disciplined performance from the Stars puts the Spiders on edge and off-balance, and a graceful half-volley by Dietmar Koenig puts them in serious jeopardy. But when Rudden whips in a cross at the perfect height for target man Rui Mokanga to open his account for his new club at the near post, it’s probably a fair reflection of the match. Chell SC, already with a reputation as the crazy gang of San Lleran football, pull off a pretty big upset. After being outplayed in the first half but keeping their composure and their formation, only going down by a single goal (from Gawain), they fight back in the second half with a late brace from Pasargan centre-forward Danijel Mijatović puts Athletic in danger as well.

River’s defence appears to be made of glass as they’ve now conceded 11 in their first two games, AFC Treason giving them a proper thumping. Both fullbacks get another torrid time of it and Michaela Donachy has another dreadful game in defensive midfield, eventually sent off for a second yellow in the 76th minute. It’s a shame, since they’ve scored a respectable four of their own and Cheney Bittencourt, former hero of Treason and of Nephara internationally, is given a standing ovation when he’s brought on to make his returning debut and he slots home a late consolation… with the score ending 5-2. Brinemouth look unstoppable against Newrook City (winning 3-0 away) while Kurtis Quinn’s late contribution sinks North Laithland. But the Sabrefell derby is the inevitable talking point of the round and the Moths recover from their calamitous defeat to the Stags, Aaliyah Johnson (silent against Treason) wreaking havoc against Athletic and netting the winner, Olenna Carrick with a perfectly-placed opener. Not that it’s the only derby on offer - Vermillion Rage look listless against the Saints, who outplay them for the whole game. But terrible finishing almost sinks them, and it’s left to Persephone Xidhas to drift into the box, find Arrowsmith’s cutback and stroke past Beresford for her first Premiership goal.

Winless so far in all competitions, it’s a relief to the Spiders fans once they finally get their act together and blow New Dundee away. The Stars did themselves credit, but they won’t draw as many headlines as Chell SC, who sensationally beat a dismal, dreary Athletic 2-0 at the Barbarossa. So recently its champions, the Reds have slumped out of the Globe Cup in their first match. Yet again, Mijatović is the hero as he forces a header past Pressinger, and Capo’s neat little chip is the icing on the cake. A statement of intent from the San Lleran league as an entity.

Brookford Otters - Brinemouth’s geographically-closest neighbours in the top flight right now - take their beautiful-hideous vapourwave kits to Portsgate and immediately get stuck in. Brinemouth look almost shocked that one of these newly-promoted sides would dare attack them and while Malone really shouldn’t’ve let Cantor’s effort slip through her legs, he was well and fairly beaten by a thumping effort from midfield by the veteran Michael Keane. But they work their way back into the game, Juquinho simply too good for the limited Jack Garner and beating King one-on-one, and a cheap error by Milner was more than enough invitation for Styrn to equalise. But while Brinemouth continue to threaten, the man they released to go to Brookford (veteran Licentian international Stewart) is on a one-man mission to deny them further and while he’s lucky to escape with a booking after kneecapping Styrn (who is forced to limp off) Brinemouth are held to just one further goal, an unstoppable strike from Locke… but it’s not enough, Garner’s javelin-like long throw leading to plenty of scuffing about before the plucky former Moths youth player Malakai Curtis sticks a boot in and secures a valuable point. North Laithland vs. AFC Treason is always a tasty affair, two sides who don’t have too much affection for each other, and while Treason look better throughout the match the Laithlanders snatch a point late on through Rui Mokanga’s exquisitely flicked header, the Banguelan’s first goal of the season.

It’s something of an awkward homecoming for Rui Mokanga as he’s given a tasty reception upon his return to his old rivals. In the heated atmosphere, North Laithland go mysteriously missing, and O Tractor pretty much run roughshod over them. The veteran Mananga manages the impressive feat of both looking utter crap and scoring twice through sheer, bloody-minded persistence, and it’s a slightly shellshocked Steed Fowler who swaps shirts with him at the final whistle. Young Lebo, meanwhile, comes up with the sort of composed defensive performance that foreign scouts will be watching intently. Brinemouth continue to look shaky abroad even as they look unstoppable at home, but thanks to Larissa Connolly’s decisive late strike they carry a draw back home to Portsgate.

Brinemouth finish their circuit of the four promoted sides by taking Starling out with ease. Treason play a second grudge match in as many fixtures and this time they’re comfortable against a pretty dismal Maximum City, Zozula’s bullet header and Acosta’s breezy penalty putting them down. All the Smiths could do, it seems, was kick down and hack at their hated rivals, a far cry from the days when they were both title contenders. It’s not a great day for Crisisbless - though Goodfeather have a decent away point against Vermillion Rage, Crisisbless have no answer for Cranequin Wanderers simply hoofing the ball over their stacked midfield, out to the wings and then straight at the thriving Coden Hari, who nabs two goals. Sante Sundu, at least, opens his Premiership account in the 87th, but it’s not the most edifying fixture… then against, Crisisbless United are held to two shots on target by a rampaging Violence who tear them apart 4-0.

Relief as the Nepharim sides finally assert themselves, and Rui Mokanga (already receiving a few ‘there’s only one Rui Mokanga’ chants) nets a brace early on. A bullet header from centre-half da Silva on the stroke of half-time puts the impetus back on the Spiders, but they close it out through Archer and debutant Rosary Kistler. Brinemouth sweep their own opponents in a good day for first goals, Levy, Bosetti and Scafidis all managing to get off the mark.

A home fixture against Parrhesia United is just the panacea North Laithland needed as they kick off their slow start to the season with a third straight victory, this one 5-1 against the ragged Saints. Rui Mokanga has had to step up a huge amount in a very short time but while he doesn’t score - Beckett has him personally marked down - he never stops running, he makes plenty of space and given his only league goal to date was a defiant equaliser against Treason he’s already shaping up to be a crowd favourite. It’s another target man, Reinhard Drake, with his own personal mini-renaissance against River. Sure, the youth international (now a fortnight shy of his 31st birthday) never quite lived up to the reputation pegged out for him, but two goals and two neatly flicked-on assists is enough to sink a River side that look in real trouble already - the Ferrymen have been thrashed three times, gone down respectably once and their only win has come at home against the similarly-weak Parrhesia.

Cranequin City face Starling, a match billed as the exciting new blood finally shoving the crap old blood out the door. It, well, doesn’t go to plan - the Passerines appear confused as to what set pieces are, let alone how to defend them, and City manage two goals from corners and a third from an indirect free kick. Starling are defied in turn by the outstanding individual performance from centre-half Jayce Harridan that kept her floating in and around Crisisbless her whole career, and speaking of Crisisbless… the Moths simply turn them over, 4-1 the final score as their pace and intensity is too much. In the Treason derby, Marijana Kuralay single-handedly runs the game as the Chatswood midfield simply bullies Treason’s. Green flicks home a header off a corner but Chatswood look the better team and eventually grind a 2-1 win out. Katsouranis, who Treason had considered buying themselves in the off-season, saved a late penalty from Acosta to save it for them.

The Maximum derby is a typically taciturn affair, but the Rovers look like the only side with real spark. Even so, City have had a sort of brutal efficiency about them this season, and the dour but canny Cosumarite striker Fitzpatrick comes off the bench to fire home the winner… there’s just the small matter that he controlled Jezek’s pass with his hand to take himself past Vidurvoerdr before smashing past Middleton with the confidence of someone who has just properly gotten away with something. Goodfeather FC might just be slowly clicking into gear, and Baroni seems to be the perfect foil to Portsgate. Or, in fact, to the team - he’s very happy to drift out to the right wing when the team needs width, and his first assist is a cross to Franceschina. He’s also got great close control, and he seems to use some kind of weird voodoo magic to get through Fowler before putting the ball a little to the side for rightback Sutcliff to bundle home. And he’s just unselfish in general, centring for Portsgate after doing all the hard work. Most strikers who are scoreless after seven matches are just crap. Baroni’s weird, but the crowd’s really starting to warm to the Osarian.

Starling’s first win of the season… comes at the most bizarre place. Well, in theory, but Treason haven’t quite looked right this season. After Rafferty’s thunderbastard (to add insult to injury, a former North Laithland winger) in the 68th minute while the Stags look largely out-thought and outfought, some of the active fans almost nervously roll out the season’s first Brightwater Out banner. Crisisbless get stomped on by North Laithland, who have been intermittently brilliant this season. Newrook City open the scoring away against an occasionally fragile Sabrefell Athletic side thanks to Alysia Dorne, who doesn’t celebrate against the hometown club she spent the peaks of her career with. Oehman, Gawain, Keller, Oehman again, Quillisi and Castellan celebrated just fine, though, and by the time Clijsters dinks home a consolation there’s not much for him to celebrate about.

Parrhesia United have been flighty at best this season and their glass jaw has shown far too often, but Brun and Beckett are starting to gel and Koeller has kept two clean sheets in a row. The last was against Chatswood, who regain their scoring flourish in the unfamiliar position of having more players than another team - Sweane bundles over Kessler in the box and is sent off, opening the floodgates for a 4-0 win. But Newrook City come determined to fight, and high-class striker Dorne looks more liberated in a team that trusts her than she has in years, scoring twice with real vigour and flourish. When a corner is headed in by giant defensive midfielder Othello Ideye, the Saints look to be crashing to an embarrassing defeat. Beckcamp, their X-Factor, sulks near the left touchline. But working seemingly alone, Valentin Hexmark forces his way through the packed Newrook defence - taking Xidhas’ pass past Bellamy, jinking past Marquon, muscling through Seward as Kolar dives at his feet and misses before rolling the ball into the net with the outside of the boot. The early goal of the season contender is the last action of half-time, and in the second half, Parrhesia come out the gate looking for blood. Kolar tips another Hexmark drive wonderfully over the bar before Monti heads a cross straight into him, but Sebastian and the debutant winger Sasha Shawcroft force home a result. It’s a draw against one of the league’s weakest teams, but it feels like a win.

Derby time in Crisisbless on a night where nine teams keep clean sheets and win - the Heelers have not looked convincing but a disjointed United haven’t won since matchday two. But perhaps it’s to be expected they step it up, and the pressing is high and the running hard. Sadly, the defending is useless and the finishing is worse. Moltke misses from four yards, Klinsmann enabled a wonderful Marciak save he shouldn’t have had the chance to make and Strachan, shaping to shoot in the box, falls over - and then Ronan Dailly is caught in possession by Machan, Engstroem is fed a great pass and slips it past the furious Cheney Morgan. Finally someone in chequers gets the ball in the net - rightback Astrid Amber, of all people, with a thunderbastard from twenty yards - but when Morgan flattens Keast in the box in the 91st minute, the home crowd are left apoplectic as Knutsen calmly slots home the winner from the spot. The Chariots, meanwhile, follow the Otters’ example - when you fight Brinemouth, get in their faces and attack. But taking a hard-fought 3-1 lead into the last five minutes, they’re left frustrated as the Dockers get a late brace from Penumbra Amokachi to salvage their unbeaten record. Good signs for both teams.

The artists formerly known as Magnaeus City look more than comfortable in the Scythes as the young Audioslavian international Dallara pulls the strings in midfield and nets the first goal. Nate Walker bundles home an equaliser and Violence press for victory, but they’re vulnerable to the counterattack, Dallara springs past Hearn’s challenge and passes the ball forward to Sabata, who centres beautifully into the box. Edelgrau tries to claim it but Urrea levels a perfect bullet header past her to clinch victory. The only Nepharim side to win - in fact, the only one not to lose - are the Sabrefell Moths, Jesper Lee Coleman’s powerful drive from outside the box the reward for dominance of the match from start to finish.

Nepharim Globe Cup sides endure what can charitably be called a ‘mixed’ opening to the group stage. Bluntly, they all lost. At least there’s a lovely reunion in Brinemouth, as Kunibert Mathias returns to the club where he made his legend. Unfortunately for the home fans who applauded him upon his entrance, he leads Herritik to victory assisting both Lucassen and Ventres. Crisisbless shamefully lose to the traditionally awful Gregoryisgodistani outfit (why are they allowed in UICA?) while Mar Sara and St. Marie also clinch victories.

More worrying signs for the Stags who seem unable to meet the Chariots on their own terms. The side put together from a relative shoestring pressed the Stags from start to finish and much of the credit goes to ‘the three Jesses’ - Hearn and Leinster in the centre of midfield, the latter (31 years old and lower on pace but always with a fantastic passing range) revitalised by the subtle repositioning, and Mortlock in the technical area. Brightwater, in Treason’s, cuts a frantic figure berating everyone she can get a hand on and looks ready to burst when former Treason hero, Kurtis Quinn - who, it’s worth noting, never wanted to leave his hometown club - forces a bullet header from young Szalai’s terrifying cross past Laisne. It takes the passionate Nephara international every fibre of his being not to celebrate. No matter - his teammates more than make up for it, en route to a 1-0 win.

The first wave of hopefuls rise and fall. Atletico de la Patria, a Sabrefell side formed by Guayabalense ex-patriots, do the hard work in forcing Grovebank to a 2-2 draw but promptly miss all three of their penalties outright. There’s a few thumpings that happen in the 90 minutes, of course. Gridlock East and Reckdale Town face each other - both relegated last season - but Gridlock manage to smash their once-respectable opponents 4-0. South Brill might be mired in a relegation battle in the Third Division, but if Pillars of Southfell want to finish their promotion push from the Conference they’ll have to do better than being smashed 4-0 at home by such a side. Blaze smashes East Slake 6-1, but the same scoreline is far more of a shock elsewhere - Falston Town and Iberia Chenoworth are both fighting for promotion out of the fourth tier but the Cup is, well. It’s a special place for Iberia Chenoworth, considering that they have the record for its biggest defeat (13-0 at the hands of Crisisbless United). They get a goal this time, at least, but it’s just pulling 4-0 in the 70th minute back to 4-1, and a late brace from Ox River loanee Paul Toller secures a thumping victory.

So there’s a bit that catches the eye this week. The Moths obliterate the Rage. Raven River only concede a single goal. Newrook City manage to beat Crisisbless in Godswatch with a goal from Caspar Roe, a midfielder who has become a social media hero for being so determined and trying so hard for a midfielder who to all appearances can’t pass, shoot or tackle. But the big match has finally happened - Treason vs. Brinemouth, the two giants going head-to-head. The Dockers might be the away team but they’re playing with all the flair and confidence, Styrn cracking an early header against the bar before a wonderful, flowing 20-pass move culminates in Amokachi blazing past Laisne and tapping into the empty net. But Treason fight back, the traditional way - Logan Murdoch stirs a resurrection from his team and single-handedly fights for a comeback, wresting control of the midfield, getting the ball out to the flanks and surging forward at the perfect moment for Schwarzer’s cross to be headed decisively past Malone. It’s a stalemate until half-time, and from there clear-cut chances are hard to find. The midfield bogs down into a stifling of creative influence par excellence, as Murdoch nullifies Locke while Bosetti nullifies Acosta, but the narrow unit of Brinemouth is enlivened by the width of traditional winger Theresa Wintergren. She might have found it hard to take starts, but a perfect one-two with Styrn lets her beat Laisne low and hard. Brinemouth only pressed harder and harder - Styrn and Green growing a powerful antipathy for each other - and by the end of the game they were worthy winners, opening up a four-point lead at the top of the table and still unbeaten. Brightwater, meanwhile, looked very pensive in the technical area - Treason sit 12th.

“I’ll take an away point in a group like this,” Mortlock told the press after a 2-2 draw reasonably enough - two of the LigAnaia’s strongest sides, the Globe Cup champions and the Premiership’s runners-up. Still, a Diamante side starring Nephara stalwarts Ashdown and Cawdor are an intimidating prospect at home and sure enough Pasargan winger van Kruistum opens the scoring within a quarter of an hour. On the stroke of half-time, Ashdown doubled their lead with a bullet strike, and it took a world-class save from Maxine Edelgrau to deny Esteban Crespo from ten yards. In the second half, however, the Chariots came back with a vengeance - Walker’s header clearing the way for a beautiful dipping free kick from Jess Hearn - who has quietly mounted a very strong push for an international cap - to level the scores. In Sabrefell, a match expected to be open and flowing against Farfish giants Mâ Alâmëómë, well, isn’t - it ends 1-0, and of course it’s Risko Kâí in the 35th minute who finds space from seemingly nowhere to squeeze a shot between Pryor, Peterson and the post.

Another not great day for Nepharim clubs - Brinemouth, especially, have been invincible at home and terrible anywhere else. They’re beaten by Cascadia, as Crisisbless succumb to a late double from the irrepressible captain Jack Morriston whose runs from midfield were dangerous all night and lethal in the last half-hour. But Chatswood clinch a nervy victory over Crystal City in which they took care of the bases, never looked like they’d concede and held onto a 22nd-minute icebreaker from Venetianer and, entering Apox as underdogs, the Spiders manage to take a victory home with them as they keep resolute at the back and spring Rudden loose on the counterattack, beating the entire Barbarian outfield for sheer pace and lashing the ball past Jadranka Steele.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               12  9  3  0  32  10  +22  30
  2 Sabrefell Moths          12  8  2  2  17   7  +10  26
  3 Maximum City             12  8  2  2  15   7   +8  26
  4 Sabrefell Athletic       12  8  0  4  21  13   +8  24
  5 Chatswood                12  6  4  2  23  15   +8  22
  6 North Laithland          12  6  3  3  18  11   +7  21
  7 Maximum Rovers           12  6  3  3  16   9   +7  21
  8 Violence Chariots        12  6  2  4  28  21   +7  20
  9 Crisisbless              12  6  1  5  16  17   -1  19
 10 Cranequin City           12  6  1  5  15  16   -1  19
 11 Goodfeather FC           12  4  6  2  15   8   +7  18
 12 AFC Treason              12  5  2  5  20  14   +6  17
 13 Vermillion Rage          12  5  2  5  14  16   -2  17
 14 Cranequin Wanderers      12  4  4  4  13  12   +1  16
 15 AFC Serpentine           12  4  3  5  13  13   +0  15
 16 Raven River              12  5  0  7  16  27  -11  15
 17 Parrhesia United         12  3  4  5  13  19   -6  13
 18 Cypher Town              12  4  1  7  10  17   -7  13
 19 Brookford Otters         12  3  3  6  14  18   -4  12
 20 Coret Hawks              12  1  5  6   8  16   -8   8
 21 Newrook City             12  2  2  8  14  27  -13   8
 22 Crisisbless United       12  1  4  7   9  22  -13   7
 23 Starling                 12  1  4  7   7  20  -13   7
 24 Iron City                12  1  3  8   4  16  -12   6

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 South Laithland           12  8  3  1  25   7  +18  27
  2 Armstrong                 12  7  3  2  20   9  +11  24
  3 Chenoworth Rovers         12  7  3  2  16   6  +10  24
  4 Bishop                    12  7  3  2  14   6   +8  24
  5 West Brinemouth           12  6  4  2  17   6  +11  22
  6 Southfell United          12  6  3  3  22  13   +9  21
  7 Creed United              12  6  3  3  12   8   +4  21
  8 Martella Jazz             12  6  2  4  17  10   +7  20
  9 Vermillion Wanderers      12  6  2  4  13  11   +2  20
 10 Corvette Maulers          12  6  0  6  18  21   -3  18
 11 Chenoworth Harriers       12  4  5  3  12   9   +3  17
 12 Sheridan                  12  4  4  4  14  12   +2  16
 13 Extreme Hills             12  3  6  3  13  14   -1  15
 14 Iron United               12  3  6  3  13  15   -2  15
 15 Ritter Town               12  4  3  5   9  12   -3  15
 16 Leichhardt                12  4  3  5   8  11   -3  15
 17 Coret Rovers              12  4  3  5  12  24  -12  15
 18 Ox River United           12  4  2  6  10  18   -8  14
 19 Rochford                  12  3  3  6   9  12   -3  12
 20 AFC Shale                 12  1  6  5   8  12   -4   9
 21 Hackett                   12  2  3  7  12  20   -8   9
 22 Strephonage               12  2  3  7   7  19  -12   9
 23 Sutcroft                  12  2  1  9   9  19  -10   7
 24 Dross Rovers              12  1  2  9   4  20  -16   5

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Locksley                     12  8  4  0  25  12  +13  28
  2 Diamondqueen                 12  9  0  3  22   7  +15  27
  3 North Sabrefell              12  8  2  2  23   9  +14  26
  4 Belgrave                     12  6  4  2  17  11   +6  22
  5 Project +90                  12  6  2  4  22  16   +6  20
  6 Mainstream Fist              12  6  2  4  16  15   +1  20
  7 East Laithland Harriers      12  5  4  3  17  12   +5  19
  8 Morningstar                  12  5  4  3  16  13   +3  19
  9 South Parrhesia              12  5  4  3  21  19   +2  19
 10 Crisisbless Athletic         12  5  2  5  17  17   +0  17
 11 Brindleton                   12  5  2  5   8   9   -1  17
 12 Crossroads Town              12  5  1  6  15  10   +5  16
 13 Dartmouth Terriers           12  5  1  6  15  18   -3  16
 14 Boleyn Town                  12  4  2  6  10  11   -1  14
 15 Long Lake                    12  4  2  6  12  15   -3  14
 16 Rhagant Schadenfreude        12  4  2  6  10  14   -4  14
 17 Masculine Town               12  4  2  6  14  22   -8  14
 18 Brookway Town                12  3  3  6  12  13   -1  12
 19 West Hook                    12  3  3  6   9  15   -6  12
 20 Kensey Town                  12  2  6  4  12  20   -8  12
 21 Gridlock Rovers              12  3  3  6   6  15   -9  12
 22 Franchise FC                 12  3  2  7   8  15   -7  11
 23 Corby Hubris                 12  2  5  5  12  21   -9  11
 24 Rushe United                 12  1  4  7   6  16  -10   7

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Greygate               12  9  1  2  20   5  +15  28
  2 Falston Town           12  8  1  3  30  11  +19  25
  3 Senway Town            12  7  4  1  22   8  +14  25
  4 Stonegrave             12  6  5  1  17   6  +11  23
  5 Gridlock East          12  6  4  2  19   9  +10  22
  6 Camwell Road           12  5  4  3  19  14   +5  19
  7 Ringway                12  5  4  3  13  11   +2  19
  8 North Dubstep          12  4  6  2  13   6   +7  18
  9 Mantlegrove            12  5  3  4  15  10   +5  18
 10 Stamper Road           12  5  3  4  16  16   +0  18
 11 Iberia Chenoworth      12  5  3  4  16  19   -3  18
 12 Sutcroft Athletic      12  4  4  4  17  19   -2  16
 13 Southriver             12  4  4  4  10  14   -4  16
 14 Riverkey               12  4  4  4  13  18   -5  16
 15 Dubstep Rangers        12  4  3  5  15  12   +3  15
 16 Chaker Town            12  3  4  5  15  14   +1  13
 17 Blaze                  12  3  4  5  15  17   -2  13
 18 Fenland Albion         12  4  1  7   8  11   -3  13
 19 Forge Carpenters       12  3  4  5   6  11   -5  13
 20 South Brill            12  3  3  6  13  16   -3  12
 21 The Strongest          12  3  2  7  10  26  -16  11
 22 Gridlock               12  1  6  5   7  19  -12   9
 23 Downsparrow            12  0  5  7   7  23  -16   5
 24 Nay Town               12  1  2  9   8  29  -21   5

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Courser               12  8  2  2  21  12   +9  26
  2 Bellamy               12  8  1  3  21  13   +8  25
  3 Swag Hill Rovers      12  7  3  2  22  15   +7  24
  4 Harrington            12  7  1  4  21  12   +9  22
  5 Haymaker Town         12  6  2  4  11  12   -1  20
  6 Vermillion Spite      12  5  4  3  26  17   +9  19
  7 Grovebank             12  5  4  3  18  13   +5  19
  8 Barcastle Rovers      12  6  0  6  12  13   -1  18
  9 Fully Sick XI         12  4  5  3  13  15   -2  17
 10 Thratewood            12  5  1  6  11  15   -4  16
 11 The Hanged Man        12  3  6  3  12  10   +2  15
 12 Perrett               12  4  2  6  10  10   +0  14
 13 Stekelenbright        12  3  5  4  10  11   -1  14
 14 Kommissar             12  4  2  6  20  23   -3  14
 15 Tryst Athletic        12  4  2  6  15  20   -5  14
 16 Ramsay                12  4  2  6  14  21   -7  14
 17 Surfeit River         12  3  4  5  12  16   -4  13
 18 Geoff United          12  4  0  8  14  17   -3  12
 19 Norton Road           12  3  1  8   9  16   -7  10
 20 Huysegem              12  2  3  7   7  18  -11   9

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Norpike                    12  7  1  4  22  13   +9  22
  2 Bodkin Road                12  6  4  2  19  12   +7  22
  3 Getton Town                12  6  3  3  24  15   +9  21
  4 Lackerrun                  12  6  3  3  21  12   +9  21
  5 Reckdale Town              12  6  3  3  24  16   +8  21
  6 Sandrock                   12  6  2  4  16  10   +6  20
  7 De La Patria               12  6  2  4  14  14   +0  20
  8 Rookwall                   12  6  0  6  19  19   +0  18
  9 Peregrine                  12  4  5  3  17  14   +3  17
 10 Pillars of Southfell       12  4  5  3  12  10   +2  17
 11 East Slake                 12  5  2  5  13  14   -1  17
 12 Falston United             12  4  4  4  13  13   +0  16
 13 Violence Tigers            12  4  4  4  16  19   -3  16
 14 Twelvetrees                12  3  5  4  13  14   -1  14
 15 Fischer                    12  3  4  5  14  17   -3  13
 16 Inner-East Fairywrens      12  3  3  6  14  16   -2  12
 17 Clay Terrace               12  3  3  6   7  18  -11  12
 18 Rochford Pilgrims          12  3  2  7  12  25  -13  11
 19 Markoni                    12  2  4  6  11  21  -10  10
 20 Pridehome                  12  2  3  7   9  18   -9   9

by **Nephara** » Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:31 pm

Drama at the top and at the bottom. Defending champions Sabrefell Moths visit Brinemouth with a chance to go within a point of them at the top. And while Aaliyah Johnson’s neat little turn gives her the space to squeeze a shot past Malone, the Dockers fight back in the second half with overwhelming force. Locke, Juquinho and a thumping header from three yards by Sigmund Levy puts the Moths down. But there’s two matches that already look like six-pointers; Crisisbless United look poor against Coret Hawks, a myriad of chances and only Klinsmann to put it away while the Hawks remain compact, steady, disciplined and hit hard on the counterattack, the power and pace of Hadrian Kuepper far too much to handle as a header and a powerful driven shot from just inside the box ensuring victory. That said, Crisisbless United could have snatched a draw but for a breathtaking 91st-minute save from John Godsflock, who has looked pretty solid at this level. But they put up a good fight - Cypher Town, who had managed a reasonable set of results to date, are destroyed by Newrook City - Clijsters pulls all the strings but Dorne, Hammond and the industrious Reinhard Mendehlson put the finishing touches on it and Eagles goalkeeper Havard Morgan likely saves it from being more. Given that they had the equal-worst defensive record in the league with River (who lose 2-1 to Vermillion) before the match, six ahead of the next-leakiest, they’ll be happiest with the clean sheet.

Sabrefell Athletic might be a great attacking side when they’re on form but against Brinemouth they settle for bogging them down in midfield. Styrn puts the Dockers ahead within five minutes, sure, but Athletic hold firm for the rest of the match and give themselves enough time to equalise - Gawain curling a shot past Malone in the 76th minute. It’s one of six 1-1 draws - the Moths still seem stunned by their defeat to Brinemouth, Crisisbless remain mired in mediocrity after drawing Serpentine, Coret win a credible point away from home against Chatswood, relegation-battling Starling will be disappointed to concede a late equaliser from Rhianna Forrest of Cypher, while Newrook City are lucky to hold out against the Otters as Igrene Cantor (who scores her sixth of the season) hits the bar twice.

A poor set of defeats, and both Sabrefell teams need to start stringing together results in a hurry. The Yttribian internationals making up Urbanista’s midfield dominated the Nepharim in the Moths’, just having that bit more technique and making Cliving and Lundgren just look clumsy, and Ace Newman (who got a brace) netting any chance he got before Leonhard Mixe in true Farvish fashion finishes it off. The Chariots at least manage a goal through Walker but Leadbetter, the hammer of Crisisbless last Globe Cup final, dominates out on the right en route to a 3-1 victory.

Mostly easy. North Laithland breeze effortlessly past the Church while Eikborg are just that little bit slower, less incisive and more vulnerable than Brinemouth and it combines to the effect from goals for Carragher and Amokachi. Two Elite League sides have mixed fortunes, Crisisbless going down fairly weakly to Heidelstadt but Chatswood bravely outfight Yuba in what they make to be a physical contest (the referee seemingly intimidated by the home crowd) with Matheson and Kuralay putting them away. Kuralay has been a joy to watch this season, her first in the top flight, thanks largely to just being so happy to be there; “I’m loving every minute of this shit! This is a dream come true!” the midfielder gushes to the press.

Maximum City have been one of the form teams of the league so far, the supreme cynic of the league in Russ Reucassel getting them into an ugly blend of cunning, discipline and ruthlessness and winning five straight matches - three of which were 1-0, four clean sheets. Gerhard MacMillan, the ultimate idealist of the league, sets his team up to drown the Smiths in rapid-fire attacking football and while Runen’s opener is matched by a looping header from Kite that evades the flailing Beresford, they really kick it off in the second half. Vermillion have had a few injuries and it’s lead to 20-year old Hansi Westerlow making his third-ever league start at centreforward, Papopolou (19) made her second at leftback while 18-year old Sotiropolous would come off the bench and not particularly stand out, but Westerlow is the hero with a beautiful flick past Jelic before an elegant backheel to drag Pokrovski’s low cross past the Pasarga international. Woodbine sets up the fourth by lashing a dangerous shot against the woodwork which subtitute Diandra Belgrave scuffs home. “We were better than them in every department,” MacMillan exults. “Pure fluke,” Reucassel spits.

Is this the biggest giant-killing in Cup history? Last season, West Brinemouth were 22nd in the Premiership. Twelvetrees are treading water in the Conference East four tiers below. Chenoworth Harriers are entirely happy with such a mismatch and thump Swag Hill Rovers, just promoted from the state leagues (the sixth tier on the pyramid), 9-0 - Daniel Payne nets five on his own. West Brinemouth feel adventurous enough to deploy a 4-4-2 with seasoned striker Mark Foster and Nephara youth international Damian Harbour up front, but Twelvetrees’ disciplined 4-1-4-1 holds firm, 32-year old librarian Nailah Ward the player of the match as she makes the difference to interrupt the Gulls’ fluency. Even when the semi-professionals are dead on their feet in extra time, West Brinemouth have no way of finishing, and Leigh Ramsay in the Gulls’ goal even has to make a save as a floaty free kick very slowly makes its way into her chest. When it comes to penalties, the first nine are almost perfect before Matt Wilham, a freelance artist, beats May Glasson’s weak, comfortable penalty away with both fists. Twelvetrees have done it, and a plausibly-winnable trip to Belgrave is next. But there’s plenty of goals in the other fixtures - Blaze, having beaten East Slake 6-1 last round, thump Conference West promotion hopefuls Grovebank 8-4, while Strephonage and Rushe United play out an exhilarating 5-5 draw before a slip from defender Emery Clement lets Lex Hamperton round the goalkeeper and score a winner for the hosts. Perpetual Cup specialists South Laithland scrape past Leichhardt in extra time to ensure they have a chance to repeat their heroics.

It is a day for thumpings. Treason might be going in fits and starts, but this was all-start and no-fit against a Goodfeather side that looked like a man striding into a tornado. Zozula scores from half-chances - netting a perfect hat-trick - while Portsgate totally snatches at a shot to miss from eight yards, and Schwarzer and Connacht get the score to 5-0 while the rock-solid Stags’ defence maintains it. River are thumped by North Laithland 4-0, Brookford annihilates Serpentine 4-1 with Paul Bradburn finally recovering his slow start to the season with his fourth and fifth goals of the season and Coret, who have also improved, obliterating Starling due to the presence of, in Graziana Vastano, a proven and reliable finisher. Her hattrick makes the difference for the Hawks, while the Passerines can only blame Loeher and Braunbier’s misfiring.

Results are better but the Moths still live dangerously as an early Coleman goal is cancelled out when Newman flashes a bullet header past a stationary Peterson. It’s a better day in the east side of Sabrefell, though, despite Leadbetter putting Oceanside ahead in the 5th minute with a beautiful curling strike. But Violence press and press and press again, and while Oceanside hold out until the 76th minute 19-year old Adnan Szalai on the right wing turns the game around with some beautiful solo efforts. Jinking through the entire Oceanside defence twice to set up the easiest chance in the world for Walker on the far post gets them level before he does the same trick four minutes later and this time puts the ball in the net himself. Edelgrau pulls out some nice saves in injury time to secure a vital result for the Chariots.

North Laithland fumble what should have been an easy victory by conceding two injury-time goals (“It’s just a problem of mentality,” manager Speare seethes in the press conference) while Crisisbless put themselves back within a shout of qualification with a good-but-maybe-not-good-enough 2-2 draw against Heidelstadt. Chatswood, well, do a Chatswood - ending the game down three men and five goals, having barely mustered a shot on target all game (“It’s these soft foreign referees, they’re useless!” Lineker explodes, having been sent off herself for running onto the pitch to remonstrate - she’s later fined by UICA). Eikborg vs. Brinemouth is arguably the match of the round from any group, Haugland lashing a header off the bar in the second minute of the game before a beautiful series of passes sets up Juquinho to make it 1-0, then another, totally different beautiful series of passes to Juquinho makes it 2-0 by half-time. Eikborg come out in the second half a changed team and Haugland’s next clear chance is put away before a scarcely-believable volley from Casim Gordon leaves Malone floundering. Eikborg press on for the win, Haugland a little too hard as he smashes Malone, who is stretchered off - substitute goalkeeper Matt Vintner can only watch as a Sandro Etxehartzen cross skims across the top of the bar. But when Bosetti cleanly robs Medina of possession and immediately shuttles off a ball to substitute Wintergren - he really is on another level compared to the laid-back Breton - and the orthodox winger’s backpost cross seems to be aimed at nobody in particular… but nobody can get to it except, sliding in with a terrifying burst of pace, Amokachi, who swipes the ball low past Ael Koron in goal.

Gerry Malone in Brinemouth’s goal is out for another three months as his MCL gave out under the strain of the collision with Haugland, but North Laithland’s quest to test understudy Matt Vintner in his first league match, well… he didn’t cost 6 million and wasn’t a Nephara U21 international for nothing, and the 23-year old pulls off a string of fantastic saves. Corren doesn’t look the most convincing and should have set up a wall better for Locke’s free kick that flawlessly finds the top corner before Locke’s corner unerringly finds Carragher for the box-to-box midfielder to head powerfully home, and when Hasselbaink smashes home a low shot cutting inside from just outside the box it’s the first time Brinemouth have won a match without a goal from any of their terrifying forwards. Sabrefell Moths flatten a hopeless Crisisbless United as Reinhard Ironside continues a remarkably poor run of form in front of goal - he hasn’t scored at all in United’s sizable losing streak - while young Osarian gun Aaliyah Johnson overtakes the experienced Curio in the goal tallies. Newrook display a basic inability to understand the art of defending crosses as Cranequin Wanderers lob ball after ball into the box and win 4-1. Treason and Crisisbless, meanwhile, grind out a dull 0-0 draw between two sides who are desperate for their fortunes to pick up.

Brinemouth lose for the first time all season… and it happens like this? Maximum Rovers have been quietly good so far, and they immediately go straight for Brinemouth. Paterson in midfield is given infinite leeway by the referee and has a blast brutally hacking down Locke, Carragher and Bosetti all game leaving the lethal trio of Senturk, Chapin and former Brinemouth man Warwick to wreak havoc. Mostly Senturk. Dobrovolskas drops a cross on Warwick’s head for the first goal, Senturk’s long shot powers past Vintner for the second, Sweane heads home a perfect Senturk corner for the third and it has to be said that Vintner, for all his promise, could have done better when he palmed Chapin’s powerful but comfortable drive directly into Maxine Lynwood’s path - the notoriously streaky centre-forward, the day after her 25th birthday, really couldn’t miss.

In a quick game lacking end product between the Blades and Chariots, probably the two most martially-inclined nicknames in the Champions Cup, it’s Fatima Naser that conjures some space from seemingly nowhere to get past Riviello and scoop a shot over the charging Edelgrau. The Moths, though, look by far the better side against a poor Iskara Daii side sunk by an Aaliyah Johnson brace. When Johnson’s approached by a journalist for a post-match interview, Carrick sweeps out of nowhere to grab her by the midriff, lift her up and run out of the room cackling. “I love this fucking girl! She finishes everything I fucking start!”

Mixed fortunes. St. Marie are vastly better than the Laithland side, Chatswood never really threaten Mar Sara and Crisisbless’ first win of the Globe Cup so far should really have been more convincing, but Brinemouth can take some satisfaction from the way they continued their comeback on the road to success with a third straight UICA win and are now in place to potentially seize top spot. Vences hits them hard on the break but Brinemouth stick to the plan, keep going forward and Amokachi and Sable eventually have their efforts rewarded, each beating Pablo Llorente from just outside the box.

It’s a great day to be Gerhard Thunder. First off, the club of his heart, Sabrefell Moths, utterly dominates Newrook City. While Caspar Roe’s airswing clears the way for Kirsten Cliving to score the opener, Alysia Dorne (Athletic academy graduate, it’s important to note) celebrates with all her emotions at once when she beats Peterson from twelve yards. That evidently brings the spite out of the Moths, who take immediate control. 4-1 by half-time, with 18-year old substitute winger Scheherazade Meier clipping a fifth under the crossbar in the 75th minute. All this as Thunder himself takes his Otters to Treason with a mandate to flood forward and demolish the Stags. The star of the show? None other than Igrene Cantor, as Laisne’s beaten unsuspecting at his near post within six minutes. Flynn King makes a few good saves from Zozula and Acosta but Cantor lashes another finish past Laisne in the 20th - Brookford’s had four shots, two on target, two goals. Michael Keane adds insult to injury when the former Maximum City stalwart hammers home a shot past Laisne in the 36th minute and by the 82nd minute, where Carsten Ruediger scores his first Premiership goal, Treason’s fans are sarcastically applauding their players for the slightest show of competence.

Oh, South Laithland. For a second time in a row, they dump mighty, unstoppable Brinemouth out of the Cup as Cheney Markosian nets the first, Wintergren equalises but a beautifully lofted corner is nodded home by meaty centre-half Rook Campbell - who then plays an integral part of the Southrons holding on for the victory. Blaze, having thumped the living shit out of East Slake and Grovebank from the lowest tier, are now thumped in turn by Newrook City in a productive day for the Rooks’ lesser-heralded forwards - they’ve been entirely reliant on Dorne (rested today) for goals, but Hammond and Alysia Stokes each clock a brace as Roe and a clumsy own goal from Brydon secure a 6-0 rout. Cheney Bittencourt had already made two emotional homecoming (to River themselves and then to Treason) this season, but his actual hometown club Martella come to visit. Locked in normal time, it’s Bittencourt’s brace that sinks Martella and yet again he does not celebrate. The 33-year old has chiefly been used as an impact substitute this season and has, as a result, been able to celebrate less than half - just two - of his five goals this season. North Laithland’s reserves crash out to a typically dour Iron City, Serpentine are done by Parrhesia, Cranequin City are edged by Chatswood as Graz flicks home a beautiful Kuralay corner, a stretched Brookford go out to Crisisbless, Crisisbless United - terrible lately - beat Coret 3-1 thanks to a brace from Abigail Mueller (leading to calls for her to start regularly), Starling need penalties to beat third-tier strugglers Corby, and in the marquee clash of the round, Violence Chariots edge Treason as, yes, Kurtis Quinn sinks the club he never wanted to leave in the first place. Again. Maximum City and Vermillion, who beat midtable Third Division sides 8-0 and 5-0 respectively, must be wondering what all the fuss is about.

It’s the Tabloid Derby! In the sky blue corner, the weird, increasingly out-of-shape Gary Corsie shuffling around the Chatswood midfield. In the white corner, back-to-back U21 player of the year Chloe Rudden. Their relationship is more or less an open secret - there’s even rumours that the move to Chatswood was purely engineered to get Corsie closer to Rudden - and the cameras seem to focus on Corsie’s bearded face wincing whenever Rudden was crunched by rightback Cheney Forsythe. In the event, it’s Belgrave who sets up the winner by just floating a perfect cross over the defence that Mokanga flicks beyond Katsouranis. Both Schottians are kept fairly quiet by their respective markers, though Corsie does nearly score directly from taking a corner. There is, however, an actual derby on show as well in Cranequin. Sadly, it’s between dead-ball-route-one specialists and open-play-route-one specialists, though while the match itself is pretty appalling and Kilgallon’s constant flapping at routine crosses pretty funny it’s actually won by a moment of brilliance from the quietly stunning Jevdjevic-Hadsic who flicks a pass over his and Behan’s shoulders with his first touch, runs onto it, nutmegs Hildebrandt, runs onto that and rifles a first-time shot high into the top corner past a helpless Rachel Brennan.

The Chariots are already eliminated and bottom of the group but they have the Globe Cup to fight for. Buoyed by the lack of pressure, they roll over the stronger-on-paper Diamante and all their world-class talent with the ruthlessness of strikers Walker and Quinn - though everyone on the team played out of their skin. Meanwhile, 1-1 draws both in Farfadillis and Starblaydia are enough for the Moths to progress in second over Urbanista. It’s a match that lacks a certain intensity and yet again the finishing’s a little wayward, but young Rune Haldenstadt hit the post with the last touch of the game to almost snatch it at the death.

With St. Marie secure in first, the Church rooted to the floor and North Laithland and Gwinevra even on points, it’s all down to this showdown at the Bluegrass. The Barbarians are good, but the Spiders, today, are better - Belgrave picking up a right as he continues to mark himself as one to watch, Atherton Telfair finishing the Barbarians off to remind everyone that he’s still plugging away as a redoubtable squad player. Despite Kurtz Herritik doing their best to help their fellow LigAnaia side by going down to a tame 3-0 defeat to Eikborg, Brinemouth’s 2-0 defeat of Cascadia secures the top spot - after losing their first two matches, they’ve won the next four. The plaudits go to Locke with seamless assists to both wingers - Juquinho and Amokachi carry the Dockers across the line. Crisisbless are in with a chance of qualification that can be best described as ‘mathematically possible’, but they’re sunk by Harmonica Tundra and ultimately prop up the group in a humiliating end to their international campaign. They were, admittedly, carrying a few injuries - Sundu, Machan, Gallardo and Keast all sidelined with minor injuries - but while Reinhard Buchanan makes the most of a rare start with a thumping finish, it’s not enough for his side. Finally, Chatswood have the chance to scrape through the group if they better Yuba United’s result, but while Mar Sara holds the Elite League side to a draw, Chatswood themselves are held to a scoreless draw by Crystal City and crash out on head-to-head.

River might not be doing too well in the league but you’d think they could make up for it in the Cup Winners’ Cup. It’s a shame they’ve been drawn against very powerful opposition, and they ultimately cancel out to a stalemate. Alexandre Costa powers a shot past Sigrid Cooper within five minutes and the Impact continue to threaten throughout the match, River struggling to get the supply to their forwards. But eventually Cheney Bittencourt, handed a rare start, completes his grand tour of his former sides with the sort of clinical finish from a narrow angle after a spectral far-post run for which he caught eyes in the first place. Martella, Treason and Fontvielle. Not a bad career he’s had, and not a bad set of clubs to leave a final mark on.

Brinemouth make it 11 straight defeats for Crisisbless United, and it isn’t pretty. Or, if you prefer, they have two points from a possible 54. Brinemouth themselves have lost one all season, recovering easily from that 4-0 humiliation with a third straight win. The Dockers have free reign all over the pitch while United can’t string two passes together, and Morgan has lost his confidence after a couple high-profile mistakes of his own. Here he fumbles a long shot from Carragher into the net but Brinemouth needed no help for Styrn, Amokachi (twice) and Hasselbaink to add to the pain, the sole positive light arriving as U21 international Abigail Mueller presses, runs endlessly, does all the work with limited end product and does eventually squeeze a powerful shot under Vintner. Serpentine, meanwhile, could probably use a lesson on when to let go. Captain Cassius Morrissey, 36 years old and a leftback for most of his career who only played in the top flight starting last season, was a liability for them in the first half as he’s brought off within 40 minutes with the score 4-0 to the Moths. Not that it gets much better in the second - Harry Xafagoulis powers a strike past Peterson but that just piques Johnson, Coleman and Carrick to rub it in a bit more, the score ending 7-1.

Well, one of Soltsteed’s lower-division sides can probably feel pretty happy about three goals against the defending champions of the world’s strongest league. “I thought it might be a good opportunity for the squad players to show they might be in line for some starts,” an unimpressed Rachel Weixelbraun tells the press afterwards. “I was not impressed.” This is, perhaps, unfair to Brenecia international Sheila Maddon, who scored a hat-trick - Scheherazade Meier impressed as well with the fourth.

It’s a day where River can’t finish their chances and even Bittencourt (in another start) seems to have an offday in a stadium he struggled to find form, fitness or the back of the net. Sigrid Cooper, making only her third start for River, makes a string of excellent but ultimately pointless saves as River crash out on away goals.

Brinemouth aren’t all silk - there’s steel, too. Crisisbless look unapologetically to come and break them down, the combination of Brandon, Buchanan and St. Cleer in midfield enough to seemingly nullify one of Brinemouth’s greatest strengths. But Vintner, having won his place in the Brinemouth net, makes a number of excellent saves and Juquinho, normally more finisher than provider, floats in a cross that Sigmund Levy eats right up in the 71st minute to put the Heelers to bed. Violence Chariots force their way past Vermillion in a bloodbath typical of both sides, the Rage simply unable to finish their chances. Walker and Quinn, strikers of the same age who never played alongside each other for Nephara, have been a revelation - Walker’s industry and physicality, Quinn’s ability to show up from nowhere to get the ball in the net, and both of them ruthless finishers. In the feel-good story of the round, Chatswood are holding Crisisbless United 1-1 on the stroke of half-time when Devane Miller gets himself stupidly sent off for a scything challenge that snaps Moltke’s heels. But with a makeshift front line of Mueller, Weiler and the now-inverted, recently-dropped Rook Klinsmann, United surge forward again and again and again before finally Mueller finds a decisive finish past Katsouranis, with Escher Machairas securing the win with a beautiful free kick. They’re still propping up the table, but they aren’t sunk yet.

That’s more like it. The same heavily-rotated side, Maddon secures a brace, Meier impresses again and the promising 21-year old leftback Ashley Kresinger scores her first senior goal for the Moths, chipping the goalkeeper from 20 yards. The Soltsteed outfit seemed to theoretically try and hang back behind the ball but, overawed by the crowd and the atmosphere, they crumbled under the pressure. Still - the home leg will provide far happier memories for them.

With every team having played every other team, the table starts to take shape. Brinemouth’s fifth straight win - an easy one at that - against Chatswood allows them to look down at their nearest rivals, the Moths edging the Chariots with a late flurry to put them neck-and-neck… each ten points out of first. Treason, despite their appalling start, are stringing together some results at last and surge back into fourth with a simple 2-0 win over Vermillion, leapfrogging the impressive Maximum City as Braunbier’s late equaliser secures a point for Starling. Crisisbless and, surprisingly, Maximum Rovers round out the top seven, with usual suspects North Laithland, Sabrefell Athletic (who have no answer to the route-one football of Cranequin Wanderers) and Chatswood lingering clsoe behind. Cranequin City, meanwhile, are doing remarkably well for themselves - 11th with arguably one of the weakest sides in the league. A 2-1 win for Goodfeather keeps Spike Turnbull’s job safe another day, but they’re still well below par - Brookford, who lose that match, are looking over their shoulders, as are Raven River (beaten by the Terracotta Army) with both sides sharing explosive strikers and dismal defences. As Cypher Town lose, Parrhesia United pepper Dan Keel’s goal before Beckcamp and Sebastian find a way through for a 2-0 victory over Iron City - the Saints, as a result, climb out of the relegation zone, leaving the Eagles in 21st. Iron themselves are second-last, and there’s another six-pointer to deal with. Newrook City thought they’d taken control of Crisisbless United early as Alysia Dorne hit the back of the net in the ninth minute and Clijsters, Mendehlson and even Rook Gallard all tested Cheney Morgan. But the Chessmen fought back, overwhelming Newrook along the wings as Mueller and Klinsmann again lift themselves and Weiler proves the finisher they’d waited for. Down 3-1 at half-time, the lovably rubbish Caspar Roe manages to smash a shot that Morgan fumbles into the net, but Josephine Clement-Rossiter came off the bench to tap home Astrid Amber’s low, far-post cross for a 4-2 win. It’s only their third win of the season, they’re still in 24th, they remain eight points from safety… but there’s fight in them yet.

The finest hour of Project +90. They come. They see. They conquer… the Scythes. Admittedly, it’s a second-string side the Chariots put out, and a rare goal from Lily Robinson puts them ahead in the 18th minute. Job done? No. Megan Miranda does her best to sabotage a Cup goalkeeper policy when she’s beaten at her near post by Kirsten Gemmell and, in injury time, Sheila Connell’s peach of a free kick gives the Project a famous win. South Laithland, who have gone to the effort of beating Brinemouth, disappoint everyone when highly-tipped teenager Dorian Fletchclair’s powerful drive puts Iron United through at their expense. Chenoworth Harriers underline their yo-yo club status when their consistent threat on the counterattack (though Payne only gets them the one goal) secures a draw with Sabrefell Athletic, and after nine more or less perfect penalties, the normally redoubtable Sarracena puts his at a more than comfortable height for Cath Hammond to beat away. Armstrong celebrate their dynamic rise by putting out Maximum City in an excruciatingly ugly 1-0 win, Cypher are beaten by fellow relegation battlers Parrhesia and deservedly so as only the Saints put out a strong lineup (Hexmark with the winner), an extra-time goal from Arjen Clijsters after a dazzling run puts Newrook through at Chatswood’s expense and defending champions Raven River sensationally thrash Goodfeather 4-0 in a match where both managers’ jobs are thought to be hanging by a thread. Funnily enough, the standout fixture of the round - Moths vs. Crisisbless - is crap in reality, won only after an excruciatingly inept penalty shootout redeemed only by goalkeeping heroics but with both sides missing the goal entirely twice. In the event, it’s Crisisbless who edge through.

by **Nephara** » Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:32 pm

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               23  17  5   1  56  19  +37  56
  2 Sabrefell Moths          23  13  7   3  42  17  +25  46
  3 Violence Chariots        23  14  4   5  50  32  +18  46
  4 AFC Treason              23  13  4   6  35  19  +16  43
  5 Maximum City             23  13  4   6  28  20   +8  43
  6 Crisisbless              23  12  5   6  29  23   +6  41
  7 Maximum Rovers           23  11  6   6  31  21  +10  39
  8 North Laithland          23  11  5   7  28  19   +9  38
  9 Sabrefell Athletic       23  11  5   7  33  25   +8  38
 10 Chatswood                23  10  7   6  34  26   +8  37
 11 Cranequin City           23   9  6   8  24  24   +0  33
 12 Vermillion Rage          23  10  3  10  31  36   -5  33
 13 Cranequin Wanderers      23   9  5   9  26  22   +4  32
 14 Goodfeather FC           23   7  7   9  23  29   -6  28
 15 Coret Hawks              23   5 10   8  24  27   -3  25
 16 AFC Serpentine           23   6  7  10  21  31  -10  25
 17 Starling                 23   6  6  11  22  33  -11  24
 18 Brookford Otters         23   5  8  10  32  34   -2  23
 19 Raven River              23   7  2  14  23  43  -20  23
 20 Parrhesia United         23   5  6  12  21  34  -13  21
 21 Cypher Town              23   5  6  12  17  31  -14  21
 22 Newrook City             23   5  4  14  28  48  -20  19
 23 Iron City                23   4  4  15  11  29  -18  16
 24 Crisisbless United       23   3  4  16  22  49  -27  13

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Creed United              23  12  7   4  29  13  +16  43
  2 Extreme Hills             23  12  7   4  35  21  +14  43
  3 South Laithland           23  12  4   7  36  20  +16  40
  4 Southfell United          23  11  6   6  43  25  +18  39
  5 Chenoworth Rovers         23  10  9   4  28  13  +15  39
  6 Martella Jazz             23  12  3   8  32  21  +11  39
  7 Bishop                    23  11  6   6  26  15  +11  39
  8 Sheridan                  23  10  8   5  28  18  +10  38
  9 Armstrong                 23  11  4   8  28  21   +7  37
 10 Leichhardt                23  11  4   8  22  20   +2  37
 11 West Brinemouth           23   9  8   6  23  15   +8  35
 12 Ritter Town               23  10  4   9  20  24   -4  34
 13 Vermillion Wanderers      23  10  3  10  25  23   +2  33
 14 Corvette Maulers          23   9  4  10  29  39  -10  31
 15 Chenoworth Harriers       23   8  6   9  22  23   -1  30
 16 Iron United               23   8  6   9  21  30   -9  30
 17 Coret Rovers              23   8  5  10  25  45  -20  29
 18 Hackett                   23   7  5  11  28  32   -4  26
 19 Sutcroft                  23   7  3  13  19  29  -10  24
 20 AFC Shale                 23   4 10   9  15  19   -4  22
 21 Strephonage               23   5  7  11  17  30  -13  22
 22 Rochford                  23   5  6  12  13  22   -9  21
 23 Ox River United           23   5  4  14  18  37  -19  19
 24 Dross Rovers              23   3  3  17  13  40  -27  12

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Locksley                     23  14  8   1  46  21  +25  50
  2 North Sabrefell              23  14  5   4  45  19  +26  47
  3 Diamondqueen                 23  13  4   6  37  21  +16  43
  4 East Laithland Harriers      23  11  6   6  39  26  +13  39
  5 South Parrhesia              23  11  6   6  36  27   +9  39
  6 Belgrave                     23  11  5   7  36  25  +11  38
  7 Mainstream Fist              23  11  5   7  35  31   +4  38
  8 Project +90                  23  10  6   7  37  31   +6  36
  9 Crisisbless Athletic         23  11  3   9  33  33   +0  36
 10 Morningstar                  23   9  7   7  30  25   +5  34
 11 Rhagant Schadenfreude        23  10  4   9  22  24   -2  34
 12 Kensey Town                  23   8  8   7  33  30   +3  32
 13 West Hook                    23   9  5   9  25  25   +0  32
 14 Brindleton                   23   8  7   8  22  24   -2  31
 15 Crossroads Town              23   8  6   9  28  23   +5  30
 16 Dartmouth Terriers           23   8  4  11  29  36   -7  28
 17 Franchise FC                 23   6  7  10  22  31   -9  25
 18 Brookway Town                23   5  8  10  25  31   -6  23
 19 Long Lake                    23   6  5  12  20  34  -14  23
 20 Gridlock Rovers              23   5  8  10  17  32  -15  23
 21 Boleyn Town                  23   5  5  13  19  30  -11  20
 22 Rushe United                 23   5  5  13  20  33  -13  20
 23 Masculine Town               23   4  7  12  24  44  -20  19
 24 Corby Hubris                 23   3  8  12  20  44  -24  17

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Greygate               23  17   2   4  44  11  +33  53
  2 Stonegrave             23  14   8   1  32   9  +23  50
  3 Falston Town           23  15   4   4  55  21  +34  49
  4 Iberia Chenoworth      23  15   3   5  37  22  +15  48
  5 Senway Town            23  12   5   6  41  24  +17  41
  6 Southriver             23  11   4   8  25  30   -5  37
  7 Mantlegrove            23   9   7   7  26  18   +8  34
  8 Ringway                23   9   7   7  23  21   +2  34
  9 Gridlock East          23   9   6   8  28  26   +2  33
 10 Dubstep Rangers        23   9   5   9  30  22   +8  32
 11 Chaker Town            23   8   7   8  27  23   +4  31
 12 Fenland Albion         23   9   4  10  21  21   +0  31
 13 The Strongest          23   9   3  11  29  40  -11  30
 14 North Dubstep          23   6  11   6  21  17   +4  29
 15 Camwell Road           23   8   5  10  29  29   +0  29
 16 Sutcroft Athletic      23   8   5  10  25  30   -5  29
 17 Riverkey               23   7   8   8  26  37  -11  29
 18 Stamper Road           23   8   4  11  22  33  -11  28
 19 Blaze                  23   6   4  13  30  42  -12  22
 20 Downsparrow            23   5   7  11  18  35  -17  22
 21 Nay Town               23   5   5  13  17  40  -23  20
 22 South Brill            23   4   7  12  23  35  -12  19
 23 Forge Carpenters       23   3   7  13   7  24  -17  16
 24 Gridlock               23   2   8  13  13  39  -26  14

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bellamy               23  16  1   6  34  20  +14  49
  2 Swag Hill Rovers      23  14  5   4  45  32  +13  47
  3 Vermillion Spite      23  13  6   4  46  28  +18  45
  4 Courser               23  14  3   6  31  22   +9  45
  5 Kommissar             23  13  3   7  49  29  +20  42
  6 Harrington            23  12  2   9  32  22  +10  38
  7 The Hanged Man        23   9  8   6  23  15   +8  35
  8 Haymaker Town         23   9  6   8  19  24   -5  33
  9 Barcastle Rovers      23  11  0  12  25  32   -7  33
 10 Fully Sick XI         23   8  8   7  25  26   -1  32
 11 Tryst Athletic        23   9  5   9  26  30   -4  32
 12 Grovebank             23   8  6   9  27  25   +2  30
 13 Norton Road           23   9  3  11  25  23   +2  30
 14 Geoff United          23   9  0  14  21  31  -10  27
 15 Perrett               23   7  4  12  21  25   -4  25
 16 Ramsay                23   7  4  12  29  36   -7  25
 17 Thratewood            23   7  4  12  22  30   -8  25
 18 Surfeit River         23   6  4  13  24  34  -10  22
 19 Stekelenbright        23   5  6  12  15  25  -10  21
 20 Huysegem              23   3  4  16  10  40  -30  13

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bodkin Road                23  13  6   4  39  20  +19  45
  2 Lackerrun                  23  12  4   7  40  25  +15  40
  3 Pillars of Southfell       23  11  7   5  35  21  +14  40
  4 Norpike                    23  11  5   7  35  26   +9  38
  5 Getton Town                23  10  7   6  38  25  +13  37
  6 Peregrine                  23   9  8   6  32  26   +6  35
  7 Rookwall                   23  11  2  10  30  26   +4  35
  8 Inner-East Fairywrens      23   9  7   7  29  23   +6  34
  9 Violence Tigers            23   9  7   7  33  30   +3  34
 10 De La Patria               23  10  3  10  31  33   -2  33
 11 Falston United             23   8  8   7  26  21   +5  32
 12 Fischer                    23   8  7   8  27  26   +1  31
 13 Sandrock                   23   9  4  10  21  24   -3  31
 14 Reckdale Town              23   7  7   9  37  40   -3  28
 15 Twelvetrees                23   6  9   8  22  26   -4  27
 16 East Slake                 23   7  4  12  20  31  -11  25
 17 Clay Terrace               23   6  7  10  13  27  -14  25
 18 Markoni                    23   5  8  10  25  38  -13  23
 19 Rochford Pilgrims          23   5  5  13  21  44  -23  20
 20 Pridehome                  23   4  5  14  18  40  -22  17

by **Nephara** » Tue Jan 19, 2016 11:06 pm

Vermillion Rage are righteously smashed onto the rocks under the cliff by a lusciously technical Sabrefell Athletic. They haven’t really clicked this season at all, and Felix Keller hasn’t been in great form, but he manages a brace today and each of the lethal Reiter-Gawain-Oehman trio behind him gets a goal of their own. Reiter in particular owes hers to Russ Beresford fumbling her header into the net. Beresford, who seemed so good when he first emerged, has not really developed since and has been a quietly disappointing aspect of Vermillion’s quietly disappointing season. Cypher Town almost hold out against Brinemouth, Bowyer lashing in a goal on the counter but in the 88th minute Ronda Judit Styrn, this time on as a late substitute, smoothly curls a shot over the imperious Havard Morgan within five minutes of her arrival to secure the Dockers yet another win. “We needed those points more than they do,” Cypher captain Kieran Wingett wryly told the press afterwards - it’s true, as Newrook City beat a slumping Chatswood, Parrhesia United win a creditable point against the Wanderers and Crisisbless United, through another rampaging Abigail Mueller performance on the right wing - maybe the quickest player in the division? - beat Starling 2-1. But after so long at the helm of Goodfeather FC, it’s a tame 2-0 defeat to Coret Hawks that spells the end for Spike Turnbull. In a sensational final press conference, the fiery Turnbull lashes out at players, staff, the board, the press and then her players again before an oddly gracious note that Coret deserved their win before storming out of the press conference and kicking all the rubbish bins onto the floor. It probably won’t be long until she returns.

Sabrefell Moths wouldn’t normally rest anyone… but the fixture list has not been kind to them. Violence, Crisisbless, Treason, this, and then the Sabrefell derby. Fortunately, Sheila Maddon isn’t a bad option to have on the side, and slots home past Frias after nutmegging poor hapless Somoza. Recently-promoted Labrador United FC are put to the sword by the Chariots, yet again a well-rested team as Jack Muskerry scores his first goal for the club. Asher Voeller, with a rare start, manages a hat-trick of headers. Schuster and the tireless Hearn complete the scoresheet, though their brave opponents do get a goal back late on.

Sabrefell derby! The big one! And… and… wow. Sabrefell Athletic are second-best from start to finish, their front four all entirely neutralised (though Gawain does at least manage a bit of a spark) while the Moths are harder, better, faster and stronger. Jesper Lee Coleman leads Kurtis Rough a merry dance on the wing all game and by its end he has two goals and an assist for the clinical Aaliyah Johnson. The Athletic fans, some of whom throw coins at Rough, are less than pleased. There’s a Vermillion derby, too, and this time the hosts put up far more of a fight. Matt Sebastian smashes a diving header off Beckcamp’s impeccable cross past Beresford and the Saints look to take full advantage, but against the run of play, Noah Banks makes a suicidal backpass for Pokrovski to intercept, the Pasargan crosses to Runen on the far post and it’s 1-1. Which the mercurial Gazzincha, who has, for the most part, been utterly terrible this season, makes 2-1 when he just sort of decides to put a free kick in the top-right corner, well past Koeller. But in the second half, the Rage are willing to return a defensive favour, bad miscommunication between Beresford and Warkaiser leading to Hexmark swooping in, rounding Beresford and rolling the ball into the net. But the Saints self-destruct again, Craig Ryalusci coming on in the 71st minute, booked in the 73rd and sent off in the 79th. It takes just six minutes for Manuel Reid to burst through the makeshift defence and smash the ball into the net.

A far more energetic match in Santa Ana takes place as within twenty minutes the gigantic and hostile crowd has spurred the Tigers into action, a terrible error by Christener enabling Okore before captain Xavier Hertel leads by example with a flourish, dancing through midfield and smashing past Peterson. But within three minutes, Aaliyah Johnson has flown out of nowhere to draw one back (the Moths ahead on away goals) before Curio follows suit not long after - and in the second half, the Moths put the Tigers to the sword, with dos Santos scoring on his homecoming before Johnson (again) and Penrooke (off the bench) put the finishing touches on the thumping win. Labrador United are spirited, disciplined, and they do score first, but a stronger Chariots side gets it together in the second half and finishes them off.

Treason have the impressive knack of being the fiercest rivals of four different teams. First, Chatswood, through proximity. Brinemouth, on philosophical differences and being traditionally dominant with them. Maximum City, through a couple of heated title races and a tendency to hamstring one another at key moments. And, here, North Laithland, on a more general rural-vs.-nearby-big-city conflict. The pace of Rudden and Belgrave on the flanks cause Treason endless problems and by the break, the Spiders lead 2-0. But the Stags show grit and spirit to fight their way back. Katskalidis in particular single-handedly nullifies Rui Mokanga’s impact while, at the other end, it’s the Return of the Zoz as the big man himself suddenly becomes untacklable, with two neat finishes past Corren to even up the match. Raven River stroll close to walking distance to the Barbarossa and treat their hosts to a masterclass in bad defending. It is sadly apparent that Tosca Marlowe has totally fallen apart this season, and the veteran former Nephara international makes a glaring error under pressure from Keller to surrender possession to him inside her own box. Keller makes no mistake, and soon doubles his money when he volleys home Oehman’s cross under basically no pressure. There’s still hope going into the second half, of course - Misha Nechemevic pulls one back in the 43rd minute - but then the floodgates really open. Riordan’s, well, 40 years old by now, and he can be forgiven for not really being able to cover enough ground to stop Keller rounding him and claiming a hat-trick, and nobody can do anything about Quillisi’s free kick. But as Quillisi lofts a late corner into the box, Moravec rises and heads it in… and it doesn’t escape Harry Collingwood’s notice that the Pasarga international was totally unmarked. Brookford Otters go for the throat against Brinemouth again, and almost topple the mighty juggernaut… but yet again, the power on Brinemouth’s bench tells, and it’s two substitutes in Connolly and Sable who grab goals in the last ten minutes to sink the brave, newly-promoted side.

Crisisbless United are… are being themselves. From their abysmal run and the foot of the table, they face Violence Chariots from a position of strength after a resurgence. Violence Chariots’ position of strength, however, is ‘actually being a good football team’, and they take an early lead. Curran and Wilshire can’t really stop Nate Walker once the 30-year old’s built up a head of steam and seem to barely even try as he smashes through them and lashes past a helpless Morgan. But the incredible pace of United’s front three and the emerging ability as a playmaker of Escher Machairas and, when the dust settles, United are 3-2 to the good (thanks in large part to a string of good saves from Morgan, who had struggled to establish himself in the past). The Chessmen now have sixteen from their last eighteen potential points. “We’re back!” deputising captain Rebecca Strachan cheers to the press. Also worthy of note; Parrhesia United manage to climb away from the hot water thanks to a Monti brace while simultaneously dragging a lacklustre Raven River deeper into it. Maximum City gnash their teeth and try to foul the Stags a lot but their fiercest rivals ultimately win the scrap with the Osarian class of Acosta and Puntoriero. North Laithland annihilate Sabrefell Athletic, who have run horribly hot and cold lately. And, under the recently-minted new leadership of Hydrangea Dimitriades - brought in from high-flying Diamondqueen who have been flying through the leagues lately and are now pushing for promotion from the Second Division - Goodfeather dominate Vermillion Rage just with a bit more urgency and lethality on the counterattack. The result - a very impressive 3-0 win.

The defending champions are out, though one might think they have more dangerous things on their mind right now - a second-string side, in spite of Zealand’s opener and a good string of saves from Sigrid Cooper, is worryingly outplayed from the start by an enterprising Iron City 4-4-2 with nothing to lose. Both Chessmen and Saints also play out their match glancing over their shoulders, but the heavily-rotated sides both take their time to shine. The finishing, however, is anything but impressive, Reinhard Ironside continuing to not even remotely resemble himself, and Marcelino Asteinza’s first goal for the Saints secures a victory. Of the two other Premiership-only matches, Crisisbless easily put Newrook down while Starling manage an impressive performance against Cranequin Wanderers and Nikita Loeher, firing in fits and starts in the league, decisively finishes the Wanderers with a brace while Helena Middlesbrough, Starling’s starting goalkeeper for a year and a half and looking to win back her place, impresses. Vermillion Rage need extra time to defeat Armstrong, while the two surviving Second Division sides dodge the minefield and play one another, Project +90 eventually triumphing over Brindleton.

Treason smash Crisisbless United into dust but the game is most notable for the belated return of Claudia Cautcher from yet another serious knee injury, sustained in the last match of last season. Thrown on at 2-0 up in the 60th minute she understandably looked a little off the pace and was clearly trying a little too hard not to get clattered. And yet, put through on goal by Roque Acosta, she makes no mistake with a slick finish past a helpless Cheney Morgan. Brookford Otters, meanwhile, haven’t been quite as dynamic as hoped. Things haven’t always been clicking together and the incorporation of veterans into the lineup (as well as stronger opposition that might have seen Paul Bradburn found out a bit) has gone some way towards blunting them, and Iron City at home see them as a viable win and go for the throat. But a string of saves from Flynn King, the defensive partnership of Milner and Stewart holding firm and the wings clamped down tightly secures a clean sheet until, in the 91st minute, Michael Keane hoofs it over the top of the Iron back line and Igrene Cantor smashes it past Dan Keel with her first touch. “It wasn’t pretty, but it worked,” Keane told the press after the match with a shrug.

Kingsgrove look decidedly lethal for an A-League side, with the youth of Killanen and Carroll providing a litany of chances for the seasoned Scherzer. Peterson, however, sweeps exceptionally well to snuff most of them out, and the Moths score first against the run of play as Curio makes the most of a yard of space. The pressure tells in the second half, however, Scherzer finally managing to slide one home before Catheline Portsman crashes a shot off the bar that bounces on, and marginally over, the line. United Philisboscostal’s packed midfield has all the answers for Leinster and Hearn, and though young Gareth Westmead manages a superb cross that Kurtis Quinn just about glances into the net (goalline technology was required), Felix Delacroix’s decisive finish in injury time is no less than the Omericans deserved.

Treason derbies are always, well, full-blooded. At the end of ninety gruelling minutes, only six shots on target have been taken and both teams are down to 9 players - June Kessler, in the dying moments of the game, forces Chaplain’s low cross past a helpless Laisne. It’s a day for tight matches in general, and for the weak (Brookford, Newrook, Cypher, Crisisbless) triumphing over the strong (including Sabrefell Athletic and Violence Chariots). But the match of the round sees Iron City continue in their recent, aggressive 4-4-2 vein. It’s a risky strategy, since they only have two recognised strikers in the senior team, but Laura Wilhelm and Page Garrard have proven strangely lethal together. Still, it’s no real surprise to see a pretty passing maneuvre from Coret find the driving run of Konrad Foster, who drove the ball past Keel - not long after, Kuepper’s header made it 2-0. But Wilhelm fought her way through both Neustadt and Tzavaras to flick Postecoglou’s diagonal ball over the onrushing Godsflock, an error from Beck allowed Overfelt to cut inside and score and then in the 72nd minute, Paul Meixner’s drive from distance gave Godsflock no chance. The Hawks thought they had a point when Daniel Freuen came off the bench, nutmegged Wainwright and then chipped the helpless Keel in injury time… but just a minute later, Beckett’s desperate deep diagonal long ball just barely finds Wilhelm, who flicks it along to the far post (or misses an attempt on goal). Godsflock is stranded, but Garrard comes ahead of any nearby defenders, pokes out a foot and stabs it in. Well, if (as looks likely) they’re going down anyway, might as well play attractively, right?

Heartbreak in Sabrefell, determination in Omerica. The Moths and the Royals play at a furious pace, but both goalkeepers are in good form. Kingsgrove’s defence is shakier, and Bologna comes tantalisingly close to an own goal, but it turns to Sheila Maddon to fly off the bench, smash in a goal in the 74th minute and put the Moths through on away goals against her countrymen. Until, of course, late in injury time, where a training ground free-kick leads to Eoin Killanen smashing a shot past Peterson from eighteen yards. The Chariots score early through Adnan Szalai, and unable to get a hold on the Philisbiscostal defence, hang back. Couard comes close a couple of times, but the hosts never quite break through and Edelgrau isn’t unduly challenged, giving the Chariots an edgy win - even after Riviello’s sent off in the 68th minute.

The Maximum derby, and Erica Brewer’s a little hesitant to make her thoughts known to the press after the fact. “Their conduct was disgusting. The better team lost, and we were robbed tonight.” No, Erica, tell us what you really think. The Rovers dominate but Jelic makes a string of excellent saves and Maxine Lynwood has, well, one of her flaky days in front of goal, though Schottic youth international Curren hits a post late on. The referee, however, has a sneaky-Kelly-Reisinger-handball-shaped blind spot as the rightback uses some help to take Benavente’s cross in her stride past Halfpike before crossing into the box. Kite rises over her Audioslavian opponents and flicks in, City’s third shot on target of the match. AFC Serpentine have had a so-far unremarkable season, but Cranequin City have (relatively) soared on the backs of their unfancied journeymen. Young Farf attacking midfielder Ror Jevdjevic-Hadsic has stolen the show from attacking midfield and scores twice today to wrest top scorer title from Ash Purrington, while a thumping direct free kick from Jade Tesselaar makes it 3-0 by half-time. Serpentine go on the attack in the second half but revitalised journeymen Kilgallon in goal, Harridan at centre-half and Pennyfeather in defensive midfield stem the bloodflow, and despite strikes from Steelbridge and the dynamic young Vesper, it ends 3-2.

Starling and Coret Hawks both have home fixtures and are both humiliated in front of their own fans. The former simply don’t have the quality to cope with Treason who run rampant all over them - the latter prove totally incapable of dealing with being attacked at pace, and attacking at pace is kind of all Vermillion Rage do. Newrook City choke down the midfield, stop Sabrefell Athletic from playing - the giant Othello Ideye in particular just clatters Rowan Gawain every couple of minutes - and eventually Caspar Roe hoofs the ball into the path of Alysia Dorne through on goal. The 31-year old hits it straight at Pressinger, but with enough force that it’s spilt into the path of Arjen Clijsters, who sidefoots it into the net. In a geniune six-pointer, two of the ‘fighting relegation but good enough to escape it’ teams in Cypher and River meet. Kenway almost immediately misses from six yards, but her partner in crime Daniella Strauss makes no mistake when cutting inside just inside the box. From there, though, they press for a second - and expose themselves hopelessly, conceding twice within five minutes on the stroke of halftime. First Muscat pressures Donachy into a mistake, releases for Eastway to cross for Lind Rafferty to sidefoot the ball in. Then, after River’s attack broke down, Morgan’s unerringly accurate kick upfield finds Rafferty, who cuts inside and drives powerfully past Riordan for his second of the match. River have the best of the second half but just can’t finish, and Cypher will be elated to have the points.

River at home against newly-promoted upstarts Brookford - sounds winnable, right? But both defences are trainwrecks, Markussen and even the redoubtable Riordan both passing straight to the high-pressing Otters to lead to goals. Admittedly, Kenway’s pace gets her a brace as the Otters are incapable of defending when Nechemevic, Strauss or the largely irrelevant Vaughan manages to get a ball past the back four but a typically thumping finish from Cantor and a glancing header from Stewart off a well-worked and undefended corner sees Brookford clear of their opponents. Which, for River, makes four straight defeats. Or, one point from seven games. Alternatively; winless in ten. However you paint the stats, they fucking suck for Raven River, and Harry Collingwood is quietly requested to Do One. Worryingly for River fans, Ange Milner is earmarked as the next replacement, though his strategy of ‘shouting at his players until they win’ might be the kick up the arse that’s needed. Brinemouth slaughter Cranequin Wanderers, but in between footballs flying past Rachel Brennan at speed, a long throw from Michael Westerveld is scuffed home by Dirk Conomore. At least it’s something. In a similar vein, Violence Chariots smash Cranequin City brutally for 90 minutes but a standout performance from Sheila Kilgallon keeps them to one goal… which is undone in spectacularly ugly fashion as a pinball match in the Chariots’ box is eventually poked past Edelgrau by a flailing Derek Pratchett.

It’s just not the Moths’ day. They look to have all the cards at home, but nobody can put the finishing touch the Moths need. Espinel manages a number of good saves from Griffiths, Coleman and Johnson but there can be no excuse for the amount of space Pablo Scotti was allowed before threading the needle with a shot between Pryor and Peterson. Olenna Carrick, who first made her name running the great KKV into the ground, here spends the whole match in veteran Edwards’ back pocket. The Moths have a lot of work ahead of them, but they’re still in it.

Violence Chariots, missing Nate Walker through a knock, accordingly lack real cutting edge as Asher Voeller endures a pretty terrible day at the office. That said, Adnan Szalai more or less ends Aneluc’s career by carving the unfortunate leftback apart again and again and again. He eventually finds his efforts rewarded by a goal, but not before Damien Arragne’s flying header (welcome back, Damien!) made things decidedly difficult for the Chariots in the away leg. Less awkward a match, North Laithland and Kingsgrove came at each other in the same 4-2-3-1 formation, the same focus on youth… pretty much the same team, really. That said, Belgrave and Mokanga put the finishing touches on a superior performance. Brinemouth vs. Zozi is, well, probably not a match that belongs in the Globe Cup. But Ronda Judit Styrn, rested for a couple recent matches, seems revitalised at the prospect of a triumphant return to Audioslavia, and the only thing preventing her from completing a hattrick in injury time is the post.

A string of fourteen straight wins for Brinemouth is tragically broken. Not that a draw really helps the Chariots, or really anyone. St. John’s late equaliser is fair justice for Violence but even so, the Dockers are simply unassailable. Iron City are on a nice little run of their own - as Aaliyah Johnson and Olenna Carrick put the relegation near-certainties to the sword, they’re on their fourth consecutive 2-0 defeat! Treason’s strictly upward trajectory is rather rudely interrupted as Jade Tesselaar floats a ball to the far post for big Darek Norgen to flick the ball in. Kilgallon’s impressive bag of reflex saves is perhaps not a surprise - she is a Maximum City academy graduate. Newrook City manage to clamp down Maximum Rovers’ powerful midfield unit in a strange match that sees all three goals come on lethal counterattacks, but Alysia Dorne’s second of the match secures a fourth straight victory for the resurgent Rooks. Finally, the Crisisbless derby isn’t too much of a fight, as the rampant home side smash the Chessmen into the floor, over and over and over again. 3-0 the final score, and it could have been 7 or 8.

The Metropolis comes out comfortably on top to eliminate the last Nepharim club in the Champions Cup. The Moths do have early pressure translated into a 10th minute goal from Kirsten Cliving, powered in from just outside the box, but Vimala Uidhir clumsily puts a cross into her own net and it’s the beginning of the end - Scotti’s brace seals the deal for the home side, but the Moths have acquitted themselves well.

The Chariots stop playing within themselves as soon as they leave home, which is rather the opposite of how it’s meant to go, but it works for them. Yet again Szalai is the hero, with a goal and a flawless assist for a much-rejuvenated Asher Voeller. Eoin Killanen pulls the strings for Kingsgrove in midfield and sets up goals for seasoned international veteran Scherzer and teenage winger Roisin Carroll, both goals well-taken on a first touch, but it comes to nothing in the end when Killanen himself has the crucial penalty well-saved by Corren. Tanya Bottlegreen’s return to Nephara is rewarded with a slick goal smashed across a helpless Vintner, but the Dockers come back with a vengeance - Amokachi, Hasselbaink and then an absolute thunderbastard from Rutger Locke that leaves Terrazas motionless. Faulkner smashes a header against the crossbar in injury time but it’s nothing more than a consolation show of defiance - Brinemouth have won the marquee clash of the round with style, all three Nepharim sides have progressed and there’s now a genuine possibility that a Nepharim side will win the Cup.

It is totally unfair the way that Brinemouth just annihilate teams. Vermillion Rage try valiantly to stop them. They do not succeed, going down 4-1 to the all-too-familiar pattern of overwhelming weight of passes, and Brinemouth can now surely lay claim to being one of the world’s best sides. Sabrefell Moths can’t break down a resolute Cranequin Wanderers, and they’re now eighteen points adrift. Christ. Treason and the Chariots have an exhilarating match, Zozula weaving his magic to score the first and Schwarzer adding a second before, yet again, the Narrative strikes through its hand, Kurtis Quinn. All the Chariots’ sustained second-half pressure (denied by very strong defending) finally tells as Quinn gets ahead of a tired Rachael Green to turn in the first before ghosting away from the pack to find Szalai’s ideal cross, arrowing a header past Laisne. Deadlocked, they now sit third and fourth, goal difference ahead of a Crisisbless side who can only draw with Chatswood. Maximum City surge between the two into sixth as they beat Brookford 3-1, Diana Cooper hitting her stride with a hattrick. Sabrefell Athletic and North Laithland hover outside the Globe Cup places in the ‘can’t quite get it together’ category, but Maximum Rovers are right up there with them after a slick performance destroys a Starling side with no answers, 3-0. It’s worth noting that Cranequin City are 12th. As in, ‘relegation certainties’ Cranequin City. Oops. Jevdjevic-Hadsic has been their spark up front - Darek Norgen is sadly well past his best - while the defensive reinforcements have been spot on. Newrook City might have lost to Goodfeather FC but they and Serpentine are still sitting pretty at a bit over a point per game, while Coret and Parrhesia both get wins that put them three points above the relegation zone. As Cypher Town is taken out by a rampant Crisisbless United side, they now sit outside the relegation spots on goal difference, with Starling and United joining them on 31 points. The Chessmen have had a truly remarkable turnaround considering the state they were in only very recently. Raven River, meanwhile, are two points from safety and undoubtedly have the quality to stay up, and while some people are starting to chalk off Iron City as relegated (they probably are - they have 21 points and just 15 goals, 4 coming in one match) even they can still set cats amongst pigeons. The two bottom sides fought each other to a 0-0 deadlock that ultimately doesn’t really help either of them. And so, then, to the season’s final stretch…

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               34  27   6   1  86  29  +57  87
  2 Sabrefell Moths          34  20   9   5  61  23  +38  69
  3 AFC Treason              34  19   7   8  57  27  +30  64
  4 Violence Chariots        34  18   9   7  70  47  +23  63
  5 Crisisbless              34  18   9   7  42  28  +14  63
  6 Maximum City             34  17   8   9  38  29   +9  59
  7 Chatswood                34  15  10   9  49  37  +12  55
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       34  15   8  11  51  39  +12  53
  9 Maximum Rovers           34  14  11   9  46  36  +10  53
 10 North Laithland          34  14   9  11  45  33  +12  51
 11 Cranequin Wanderers      34  13  10  11  39  35   +4  49
 12 Cranequin City           34  13   9  12  38  40   -2  48
 13 Goodfeather FC           34  13   9  12  35  38   -3  48
 14 Vermillion Rage          34  14   5  15  47  56   -9  47
 15 Brookford Otters         34  10   8  16  50  56   -6  38
 16 AFC Serpentine           34   9   8  17  31  46  -15  35
 17 Newrook City             34  10   5  19  39  60  -21  35
 18 Coret Hawks              34   8  10  16  36  51  -15  34
 19 Parrhesia United         34   9   7  18  34  51  -17  34
 20 Cypher Town              34   8   7  19  26  45  -19  31
 21 Starling                 34   7  10  17  30  55  -25  31
 22 Crisisbless United       34   8   7  19  38  66  -28  31
 23 Raven River              34   8   5  21  36  67  -31  29
 24 Iron City                34   5   6  23  15  45  -30  21

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Creed United              34  19  11   4  44  16  +28  68
  2 South Laithland           34  19   7   8  51  28  +23  64
  3 Extreme Hills             34  18   8   8  50  31  +19  62
  4 Southfell United          34  18   7   9  60  36  +24  61
  5 Chenoworth Rovers         34  16  10   8  41  19  +22  58
  6 Bishop                    34  16   8  10  34  22  +12  56
  7 Sheridan                  34  15  11   8  42  31  +11  56
  8 West Brinemouth           34  15  10   9  38  23  +15  55
  9 Martella Jazz             34  15   6  13  43  35   +8  51
 10 Armstrong                 34  15   6  13  39  33   +6  51
 11 Vermillion Wanderers      34  15   5  14  37  37   +0  50
 12 Leichhardt                34  13  10  11  30  27   +3  49
 13 Ritter Town               34  14   6  14  36  42   -6  48
 14 Coret Rovers              34  13   6  15  44  68  -24  45
 15 Chenoworth Harriers       34  12   8  14  35  34   +1  44
 16 Corvette Maulers          34  12   7  15  41  54  -13  43
 17 Hackett                   34  11   8  15  41  46   -5  41
 18 Iron United               34  11   8  15  27  42  -15  41
 19 Rochford                  34  11   7  16  23  30   -7  40
 20 Sutcroft                  34  12   4  18  30  41  -11  40
 21 Strephonage               34   7  11  16  28  45  -17  32
 22 AFC Shale                 34   5  12  17  21  33  -12  27
 23 Ox River United           34   6   7  21  25  53  -28  25
 24 Dross Rovers              34   7   3  24  21  55  -34  24

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 North Sabrefell              34  22   6   6  63  28  +35  72
  2 Diamondqueen                 34  22   5   7  54  28  +26  71
  3 Locksley                     34  19   9   6  67  36  +31  66
  4 East Laithland Harriers      34  17   8   9  59  42  +17  59
  5 Belgrave                     34  17   7  10  63  43  +20  58
  6 Crisisbless Athletic         34  17   4  13  49  46   +3  55
  7 South Parrhesia              34  15   9  10  57  47  +10  54
  8 Project +90                  34  15   9  10  53  46   +7  54
  9 Morningstar                  34  14  10  10  47  38   +9  52
 10 Kensey Town                  34  14   9  11  54  40  +14  51
 11 Mainstream Fist              34  14   8  12  49  45   +4  50
 12 Rhagant Schadenfreude        34  13   9  12  32  35   -3  48
 13 Brindleton                   34  13   7  14  38  43   -5  46
 14 Dartmouth Terriers           34  13   6  15  48  52   -4  45
 15 West Hook                    34  12   6  16  31  35   -4  42
 16 Crossroads Town              34  11   7  16  37  39   -2  40
 17 Boleyn Town                  34  10   7  17  28  40  -12  37
 18 Brookway Town                34   9  10  15  42  57  -15  37
 19 Gridlock Rovers              34   8  12  14  32  50  -18  36
 20 Long Lake                    34   8  11  15  31  45  -14  35
 21 Franchise FC                 34   8   9  17  33  58  -25  33
 22 Rushe United                 34   8   8  18  36  53  -17  32
 23 Masculine Town               34   6   9  19  43  69  -26  27
 24 Corby Hubris                 34   6   9  19  28  59  -31  27

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Greygate               34  25   3   6  65  19  +46  78
  2 Falston Town           34  22   6   6  69  28  +41  72
  3 Stonegrave             34  19  10   5  45  17  +28  67
  4 Iberia Chenoworth      34  19   8   7  52  33  +19  65
  5 Senway Town            34  18   8   8  61  36  +25  62
  6 Mantlegrove            34  18   7   9  55  28  +27  61
  7 Gridlock East          34  14   9  11  39  39   +0  51
  8 Ringway                34  14   9  11  36  37   -1  51
  9 Dubstep Rangers        34  14   8  12  40  30  +10  50
 10 Southriver             34  15   5  14  32  43  -11  50
 11 Chaker Town            34  13   9  12  38  33   +5  48
 12 Fenland Albion         34  13   8  13  32  29   +3  47
 13 North Dubstep          34  10  15   9  31  26   +5  45
 14 Riverkey               34  11  12  11  40  51  -11  45
 15 Sutcroft Athletic      34  12   8  14  39  42   -3  44
 16 The Strongest          34  13   5  16  45  59  -14  44
 17 Stamper Road           34  11   7  16  34  48  -14  40
 18 Blaze                  34  10   7  17  45  53   -8  37
 19 Camwell Road           34  10   7  17  34  46  -12  37
 20 Downsparrow            34   8   9  17  28  50  -22  33
 21 South Brill            34   7   9  18  35  49  -14  30
 22 Nay Town               34   6   9  19  27  60  -33  27
 23 Forge Carpenters       34   5   7  22  11  41  -30  22
 24 Gridlock               34   4   9  21  19  55  -36  21

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Courser               34  24   3   7  54  29  +25  75
  2 Vermillion Spite      34  19  10   5  70  42  +28  67
  3 Bellamy               34  21   3  10  49  34  +15  66
  4 Harrington            34  19   4  11  49  29  +20  61
  5 Kommissar             34  18   5  11  68  47  +21  59
  6 Swag Hill Rovers      34  17   6  11  53  48   +5  57
  7 Haymaker Town         34  15  10   9  33  30   +3  55
  8 Grovebank             34  15   9  10  42  29  +13  54
  9 The Hanged Man        34  14  10  10  36  23  +13  52
 10 Tryst Athletic        34  13   8  13  42  50   -8  47
 11 Norton Road           34  14   4  16  40  37   +3  46
 12 Barcastle Rovers      34  14   4  16  35  42   -7  46
 13 Fully Sick XI         34  10  12  12  31  45  -14  42
 14 Surfeit River         34  10   7  17  33  43  -10  37
 15 Perrett               34  10   6  18  30  40  -10  36
 16 Ramsay                34  10   6  18  37  50  -13  36
 17 Thratewood            34   9   8  17  31  44  -13  35
 18 Stekelenbright        34   8   9  17  27  37  -10  33
 19 Geoff United          34   9   4  21  26  48  -22  31
 20 Huysegem              34   4   6  24  21  60  -39  18

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lackerrun                  34  19   5  10  59  40  +19  62
  2 Bodkin Road                34  17   8   9  53  34  +19  59
  3 Falston United             34  15  10   9  48  29  +19  55
  4 Rookwall                   34  16   5  13  46  38   +8  53
  5 Peregrine                  34  14  11   9  47  41   +6  53
  6 Pillars of Southfell       34  13  12   9  42  33   +9  51
  7 Getton Town                34  13  11  10  54  44  +10  50
  8 De La Patria               34  15   5  14  42  45   -3  50
  9 Inner-East Fairywrens      34  12  13   9  38  33   +5  49
 10 Reckdale Town              34  14   7  13  55  51   +4  49
 11 Norpike                    34  14   7  13  46  46   +0  49
 12 Fischer                    34  12  11  11  42  36   +6  47
 13 Sandrock                   34  13   7  14  31  31   +0  46
 14 Violence Tigers            34  10  12  12  39  44   -5  42
 15 Clay Terrace               34  10  12  12  20  31  -11  42
 16 Twelvetrees                34   9  14  11  31  34   -3  41
 17 East Slake                 34  12   4  18  35  46  -11  40
 18 Markoni                    34   7  12  15  38  58  -20  33
 19 Rochford Pilgrims          34   8   9  17  34  55  -21  33
 20 Pridehome                  34   5   9  20  30  61  -31  24

by **Nephara** » Fri Jan 22, 2016 5:03 am

Project +90’s giant-killing run looks to have found its end as Starling break their backs early on, 3-0 up by the end of the first half. While Kirsten Gemmell does fire one back, it’s not enough to prevent young fullback Hyacinth Surman notching up her first goal for her club as her high, powerful shot sails into the net. A breathless Parrhesia derby sees Russ Beresford claw back some credit after a torrid season so far, but he’s helped by the Saints’ preference for shooting directly at him. Reid and Runen, meanwhile, notch up first-half goals, but young Dietrich Sorrenson smashes home late on to give the Saints a fighting chance. Iron City, with nothing to lose, actually get the first goal as Postecoglou’s cross is diverted past Henna Morgan by Nodtveit - Diandra Kilbane, though, curls the ball around Dan Keel in the 71st minute, and it’s only the former Crisisbless man in Iron City’s goal who keeps down the score during a determined assault. No such drama in Maximum, as Lucy Curren and Aziz Senturk secure an easy win against midtable First Division opponents.

A tough, gruelling encounter as two similar sides - aggressive in defence, fluid in midfield, ruthless up front - go blow-to-blow. Despite Ezekiel Charlestown hitting a post, however, as Urrunaga and former Brinemouth midfielder Maxwell von Maelstrom both forced excellent reflex saves from Edelgrau, the decisive showdown sees Corentin Jack St. John (formerly of Bellight FC) and his pace get the better of aging former Sabrefell Athletic captain Rhys Bergman at rightback, whipping in a cross that Nate Walker, unable to get past Scrivener, just passes back to him in plenty of space. With all the time in the world to place a shot past Clark, he makes no mistake.

Brinemouth really can be beaten, a first defeat in eighteen - Brinemouth’s second of the season - that doesn’t really actually give too much hope to anyone else. Even so, Vyntra opens the scoring after an inspired solo run and despite Juquinho notching one back a long corner from Acosta finds none other than Calliope Katskalidis rising high to nod it in at the far post. Nearly unmarked, too. The East Sabrefell derby is, of course, not pretty at all, but Athletic haven’t been too good this season and it’s that man again, Adnan Szalai, who continues his terrifying run of form with a late winner. As Starling, Cypher and River all fall to defeats, Crisisbless United’s high-octane poor-finishing draw with Brookford (Laura Weiler cancelling out Kirschester’s powerful 8th minute strike) is enough to see them out of the relegation zone at last! Who would have thought this possible a few months back?

Starling are evidently distracted by their relegation dogfight, but even their second-string is good enough to comfortably beat the Project away - squad players Slateport and Kerrigan notching up the decisive goals. Parrhesia United lie in wait for Vermillion and hit them hard on the break, but despite an inspired performance in goal from Aphrodite Klavier they can’t do it up front, Christian Beckcamp’s single goal not enough to win the fixture on aggregate. Another fearless 4-4-2 performance from Iron City against Crisisbless sees Laura Wilhelm’s bullet header cancel out Knutsen’s well-worked opener - Henna Morgan, however, is the penalty heroine with a pair of saves that puts the favourites through. Coret Rovers go for broke against their top-flight namesakes and do get the two goals they need - the issue is that Maxine Lynwood notches up a hat-trick with Kelsey and Chapin also contributing to a 5-2 thumping.

Within five minutes in front of their own crowd, the A-League giants are ahead as Roger O’Connor’s corner is smashed home by the skull of Finbar O’Hara. That’s about as good as it gets, though, as United have no answer to the pace of the Chariots, Eben allowing himself to be nutmegged by Szalai who proceeded to put the ball on a platter for Quinn before Jess Leinster smashes home from the edge of the box. Impact substitute Ozaria Gandhi clips a late volley the wrong side of the post with Edelgrau motionless, but it’s to no avail. But it’s not the last the Chariots will see of the A-League - Kingsgrove makes it to the final.

Brinemouth are winless in three! Admittedly, against Violence, Treason and now the Moths, following some great defensive work from the Sabrefell back four and a powerful drive late on from Kirsten Cliving, and okay, given that two have been draws they’re still looking unassailable at the top. On the subject of Treason, their signs of progress are halted as they simply can’t get a grip on slippery Sabrefell Athletic - the Reds have had a season full of fits, but this was a start, some training-ground trickery on a free kick leading to an unmarked Castellan thumping home from ten yards and Moravec and Hamilton keeping tight at the back - Pressinger continuing to quietly excel with a wonderful triple save from Zozula, Puntoriero and Schwarzer. Violence Chariots also stumble, and while Szalai continues to be terrifying (particularly against the similarly inexperienced but vastly less talented Asteinza) notching up yet another goal, Raul Monti - who hasn’t really been good enough for the past couple of seasons - suddenly scores every time he gets the ball. Admittedly, this is ‘twice’, but that’s still enough for an unexpected but very welcome victory for the Saints.

Two good results! One less good result. All on home turf. The Chariots have what it takes to beat Paulinthal more or less comfortably, the cutting edge coming along the wings with St. John and (yes, that man again) Szalai chalking up the goals. Brinemouth, similarly, smash Reichton as Amokachi and Sable notch up three between them. But North Laithland… oh, it’s hard not to feel bad for Cardinal Belgrave, pretty much the only player on the whole team to show up on the night with a goal and an assist (a corner expertly aimed directly at Steed Fowler’s face) that gives the Spiders a fighting chance in the away leg. And don’t give Fowler too much credit - he scored a goal at the other end, too.

Well, if Sabrefell Moths and Violence Chariots were ever going to be praying for a Sabrefell Athletic, it’d be today - they need the Dockers to drop points, and the Reds aren’t exactly a realistic title threat. Sadly for them, on the one day where they wanted Athletic to win, they were toothless. Juquinho’s scored within twelve minutes and Athletic have Lind Pressinger to thank for the score not being higher. As it stands, they hardly threaten an equaliser. Goodfeather, who have more or less stabilised towards a midtable finish, have 76% possession against Cranequin City and outshooting them by… well, by enough, you’d think. And yet it ends 1-1, as the Terracotta Army slog their way into midtable safety. Figure that one out for yourself.

Milena Kovacova nets a first-half brace to make things decidedly awkward for the Chariots, but they rally for a strong second half. It takes a set piece to win the fixture - Leinster floats in a beautiful free kick, Riviello escapes Rehak and flicks the ball into the net. They’ll take it. Rui Mokanga gets one of the goals the Spiders need early but they never seriously look like threatening a second, and when Excelsior hit them hard on the break it’s hard to argue that the Zwangzug club didn’t deserve the win. Reichton pull one back. They needed three, and also to not concede twice on the stroke of half-time. Two Premiership sides make it to the last eight.

Parrhesia United pulverise Sabrefell Athletic in an extremely good win for the beleagured Saints. The Reds have been all skill and no urgency, and although Felix Keller has the answer for an early drive from Matt Sebastian (and Noah Banks comes tantalisingly close to looping a header over his own goalkeeper), Asteinza puts them back into the lead on the stroke of half-time and the momentum from there sees Monti and Xidhas also make their marks. Cypher Town, for their part, breeze past Serpentine. The soft underbelly of Serpentine - one of the league’s weakest spines - has undercut so many other strengths, Morriston misses from three yards and that’s the cue for the Eagles to crush them in the second half - Lind Rafferty and Adrienne Eastway learning that if they cut inside, they’re capable of anything. Each scores, as Kurtis Muscat chips an off-her-line Altieri (Hartson suspended after a brutal challenge on Keast last match). A deadly tight contest between Newrook and Coret is sealed when Rutger Kolar fumbles a powerful but easy shot from Vastano straight through his own legs, while an end-to-end contest between Brookford and Starling sees chance after chance after chance. Just Hargrave is in top form with a series of spectacular saves (and also, it has to be said, a poor pass straight to Bradburn leading to the first goal) and the Passerines snatch it in injury time when Geneva Rafferty curls a direct free kick around the wall and past a helpless King. Starling were a solid team who badly lacked a creative influence last time around. Rafferty, on her 32nd birthday, neatly proved why she’s been the X-Factor for them.

Parrhesia’s revival was put to the sword like a disorganised band of rebels under the hooves of heavy cavalry. And they don’t come much heavier than Sigmund ‘Colossus’ Levy, who lumbers into the fray thirty-two minutes in as Styrn succumbs to injury (Beckett having spent that time kicking the shit out of her). This proves a fatal mistake for Beckett, as Levy brutally bullies both Beckett and his buddy Brun to give Amokachi and Juquinho all the space in the world. Each notches up a brace. Newrook suffer a sixth straight defeat as Postecoglou crashes through their defence, rounds Kolar and rolls the ball into the net, and as the last four have been to direct relegation rivals, well… their timing isn’t ideal. Coret Hawks follow the simple principle of holding tight and having Jess Beck mark Rafferty out of the game - as a result, they have free reign of the match and Foster and Kuepper score. A magnificent save from Godsflock from Braunbier’s point-blank header doesn’t hurt. Serpentine also chalk up a much-needed three points. Karassalidis, a slightly mediocre rightback, is utterly overmatched by the lethal combination of Ulvestad and Vesper that have, between them, been responsible for everything good Serpentine have done this season. Despite Flynn King being in fine form, it’s Ulvestad who beats him in the end as Milner’s unkind deflection helps a shot King had covered into the net.

Three straight defeats for Treason, not long after being the one team able to topple mighty Brinemouth. Crisisbless are working with upwards momentum as the Stags slide, and it’s a turnaround made clear when Anders Engstroem breaks open a tight match to fire past a stationary Laisne. It’s all just coming a little unstuck for the Stags - slow starts are something they’ve made a habit of, sure, but a failure to reach the top four would be unacceptable. At the bottom of the table, Crisisbless United snatch a point from the Moths as Abigail Mueller’s bursting runs and overhit shots finally pay dividends, one bouncing off Vimala Uidhir and spilling to Weiler, whose first touch scooped it past Peterson and into Moltke lurking at the far post. Cranequin City’s only avenue of attack, set pieces, are ably repelled by the experienced heads of Stewart and King in Brookford’s defence, and Cantor’s goal at the other end provides a much-needed three points for them. Like Parrhesia, who are unusually composed at the back and Monti picking up the slack up front in a 1-0 away win over the Rovers, they’re probably good enough to survive.

Rematch! And, well, this time yet again Violence edge Halholzer on the wings with Szalai and St. John each providing Nate Walker an assist. It isn’t over, though, as United start to press back with feeling in the last ten minutes, and almost immediately after the tides start to turn the substitute Gandhi (no, not Alpha) is left with just an inch of space that she somehow uses to flit past Hikari and force a shot past Edelgrau. Brinemouth are undermined by conceding an early goal - Vintner, inexperienced though he might be, should probably have done better - but Styrn and Carragher fire back, each from within six yards as Brinemouth’s passing works its magic.

And thus it ends - not with a bang, though not exactly with a whimper, either. But as Brinemouth secure a 1-0 win over the Rovers it doesn’t even matter that Chatswood hold the Moths to a draw - the trophy is wheeled into the stadium. Brinemouth have won it, and in frankly terrifying style. The fact that it’s to the team who handed them their first defeat of the campaign in some emphatic 4-0 fashion only makes it sweeter. Sabrefell Athletic edge Crisisbless through Gawain but they’ve been just too inconsistent this season, while Treason are held by a determined Cypher side. Wingett and Chaseworth hold firm under all scrutiny, Havard Morgan produces a few good saves and Rafferty hits them on the break for a much-needed point, though Adnan Zozula, of course, makes his mark on the game. Iron City manage to win a game, and that’s no laughing matter for lowly Serpentine - they really seemed to have it all figured out last season. Evidently not.

Halholzer United rally in front of their own fans in an early goalfest, Urrunaga crashing a shot home in off the stanchion but Walker has a reply through a powerful finish from six yards. However, von Maelstrom tests Edelgrau dearly only for Ezekiel Charlestown (who is clearly too good for the league he’s in) to finish decisively on the stroke of half-time. Despite this, the Chariots score almost immediately after the interval as St. John forces a shot past Clark’s near post, and the match is sealed by the unlikely figure of squad winger Paula Morgan off the bench. Brinemouth and Yuba play out a tiresome stalemate that’s good enough for the Dockers.

Maximum City were meant to be mounting a top four challenge early on, weren’t they? Well, Reucassel’s men are still in with a shout of UICA football next season and with a masterclass of desperate defending and lethality on the counterattack - Diana Cooper’s best performance probably ever, but Jess Teagan nets a third - Locke, predictably, notches a consolation
Newrook City, on eight straight defeats and seemingly having booked their tickets for the First Division, mount a sudden turn around against a thoroughly demoralised Sabrefell Moths, the extremely motivated Alysia Dorne scoring a hattrick in a 3-0 win. Kolar puts an end to his dodgy form with a series of excellent saves. Starling and Crisisbless United win and Cypher manage a good draw against Athletic - Serpentine, who have no answer to the bombardment on their area that Cranequin Wanderers pose, crumble to an embarrassing 4-0 surrender at home, and are dumped into the bottom four.

Vermillion Rage smash Starling into little pieces. They get some help at first - Helena Middlesbrough, a vast improvement for Starling when she came on for them last Premiership season, scores an own goal as she dives for Runen’s shot which bounces off the post, off her back and in. But there’s nothing fortunate about the following goals from Eckhart and Reid, and they look good value to progress to the final. Maximum Rovers press Crisisbless hard and the pressure finally tells with goals for Lynwood and Senturk. But Crisisbless dominate the second half, and well deserve Keast’s headed consolation that gives them a fighting chance for the away leg.

Victory in the derby is a seventh straight win for Cranequin Wanderers. It’s not even a subtle one. Rook crosses to Hari for the first, Roebuck crosses to Hari who flicks onto Conomore who scores the second and Rook crosses to Hari for the third. Coden Hari has managed to be ridiculously efficient just through being a big lad with plenty of service. There’s a tabloid derby, too, and Rudden has bragging rights over her boyfriend yet again. Corsie is, even by his standards, useless defensively, but also fails to show up in attack, and he’s pulled off at half-time. The Spiders win 4-0, Chatswood have just a single shot on target. But today is finally the day that things get mathematically impossible at the bottom. Ironically, it’s a valiant performance from Iron City that sees them relegated - Page Garrard manages a brace against a slightly too open Violence side, but the Chariots are capable of smashing their way through Iron’s determined back line. That said - Iron City might be the worst team on paper, but they aren’t alone in getting relegated. They aren’t even bottom of the table. Sadly and perversely, that honour belongs to Raven River. They won the Cup last season after winning their millionth respectable midtable finish. They knew how to score, and they didn’t know how to defend. Now they don’t know either, and even then they look to be beating Newrook City, 2-1 up and dominant in the 64th minute when Ange Milner… decides to make a triple substitution. Their best player, Nechemevic, is replaced by Shaw, while mediocrity incarnate Cypress is replaced by Taylor at leftback who is even worse - and Diogenes Kutris, meanwhile, comes on in holding midfield. He’s 19. Unsurprisingly Clijsters proceeds to dominate the game and set up a brace for the normally ineffectual Liberty Hammond, the Rooks win and Raven River, for the first time in modern UICA history, are down. Ange Milner’s final substitution - himself, to unemployment. Paige Hildebrand is appointed two days later.

It’s a shame, but Starling’s relegation fight leaves them with better things to do than commit their best players to overturn a 3-0 deficit away at a superior club. Their B-team, thanks to big winger Slateport’s far-post header, actually does better than the first-team did, but Vermillion still breeze into the final. The Rovers and Heelers will feel aggrieved that Vermillion got by on such an easy pass - no such luck at Griffindon. The Rovers increase their lead when Lynwood’s impressive first-time shot from Halfpike’s cross leaves Marciak no chance, while Lilith Paterson

River’s chain of five defeats ends in Paige Hildebrand’s first game - a motivated set of youths eager to impress with a First Division season ahead gives them a few promising signs. Nikita Arbor gets into dangerous positions time and time again but is defied through poor finishing or the sterling work of Hargrave, but it’s Marinello who finally forces a shot past him. River at home is not the sort of fixture Starling need to be dropping. Brookford Otters, spurred on by the urgency of Gerhard Thunder, utterly thump the Saints. Results elsewhere, however, mean that both sides are safe, as everyone in the thick of the relegation fight loses. Newrook and Serpentine, as it stands, are the current losers. Iron City, happily oblivious to it all, hold a frustrated Treason.

The Chariots smash through St. Marie time and time again but can’t carve out clear chances through the packed defence, both goals coming from range (Szalai and Hearn). But Sara Blackwood drags St Marie back into contention with a wonderful solo effort before Lebeau’s breathtaking diving header beats Edelgrau. Tidings are worse still for Brinemouth, beaten very powerfully and decisively by a rampant Directus side. What’s worse is they were perfectly in it for the first half, Fox and Hunter scoring but Amokachi pulling one back while only stellar work from Pasarga international Endre between the sticks prevented further bloodshed. But Directus broke open the floodgates in a dominant second half, and the tie looks dead and buried. Brinemouth need a 3-0 home leg victory.

A fifth straight defeat relegates Serpentine. Yet again, it’s to a belatedly revitalised Raven River side - Hildebrand stating in the press conference that she hopes to bring the Ferrymen straight back up - but it’s a genuine six-pointer with plenty of dedication on offer. Xafagoulis’ early long shot is cancelled out when Daniella Strauss found Zealand’s through ball, rounded Hartson and rolled into the net. Theodora Kenway, who Strauss put through on goal, makes no mistake just ten minutes later and while Serpentine fight back in the second half through Steelbridge and a litany of chances, Kieron Riordan is equal to most of the task with a number of solid saves. Ultimately, it’s Misha Nechemevic who powers home a shot from twenty yards that left Hartson flailing. Now there’s two teams that have plenty of bodies to pick over in the window… but it’s not the end of the decisive matches. Cypher Town’s late Rafferty goal against the run of play sees them almost certainly safe, while Starling’s sheer desperation sees them outrun, outfight and ultimately outplay North Laithland, Loeher applying the finishing touches in a 2-0 win. Newrook City, bogged down by the endless fouling of Maximum City, lose 1-0 to a scrappy corner that Kolar flapped at. Crisisbless United are bulldozed in similar fashion by Chatswood (albeit the goals are prettier) while Katsouranis has an answer for any question they throw at him. The final relegation slot is simple - Newrook need to win and Crisisbless United need to lose if the Rooks are to escape at the expense of the Chessmen. Tantalisingly? This match will be played against each other. Neutrals are licking their lips as narrative scheduling comes to the rescue yet again.

St. Marie look strangely out of ideas on home soil, and a goal in either half by Kurtis Quinn secures the Chariots a place in the final. Directus see out what would have been an emotional clash a year ago - club legend Michael Brandon was signed at 20 from the Brinemouth academy, but he retired at the end of last season - and while the Dockers press hard for the decisive victory they need, Locke’s lone goal is cancelled out late on by a spectacular volley from Miller.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Brinemouth               45  33   9   3  102  37  +65  108
  2 Sabrefell Moths          45  25  14   6   79  33  +46   89
  3 Crisisbless              45  23  14   8   59  37  +22   83
  4 Violence Chariots        45  23  13   9   90  62  +28   82
  5 Chatswood                45  23  11  11   63  42  +21   80
  6 Cranequin Wanderers      45  22  11  12   61  42  +19   77
  7 AFC Treason              45  22  10  13   74  43  +31   76
  8 Maximum City             45  21  11  13   49  37  +12   74
  9 Sabrefell Athletic       45  21  10  14   65  49  +16   73
 10 North Laithland          45  18  12  15   59  42  +17   66
 11 Maximum Rovers           45  18  12  15   59  53   +6   66
 12 Goodfeather FC           45  17  14  14   53  55   -2   65
 13 Vermillion Rage          45  18   9  18   60  67   -7   63
 14 Cranequin City           45  14  14  17   46  57  -11   56
 15 Coret Hawks              45  12  14  19   56  69  -13   50
 16 Brookford Otters         45  13   9  23   64  75  -11   48
 17 Parrhesia United         45  13   9  23   48  71  -23   48
 18 Starling                 45  11  12  22   45  70  -25   45
 19 Cypher Town              45  11  11  23   40  59  -19   44
 20 Crisisbless United       45  11  11  23   50  84  -34   44
 21 Newrook City             45  12   5  28   49  81  -32   41
 22 AFC Serpentine           45  10  10  25   42  73  -31   40
 23 Raven River              45  10   7  28   45  85  -40   37
 24 Iron City                45   7  12  26   27  62  -35   33

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Rovers         45  24  12   9  57  21  +36  84
  2 Creed United              45  24  12   9  54  28  +26  84
  3 South Laithland           45  25   7  13  64  36  +28  82
  4 Sheridan                  45  21  14  10  54  38  +16  77
  5 Southfell United          45  22  10  13  75  49  +26  76
  6 Extreme Hills             45  21  12  12  64  45  +19  75
  7 Martella Jazz             45  22   9  14  62  43  +19  75
  8 Bishop                    45  22   9  14  45  29  +16  75
  9 West Brinemouth           45  19  14  12  48  30  +18  71
 10 Vermillion Wanderers      45  21   8  16  52  43   +9  71
 11 Leichhardt                45  17  13  15  40  35   +5  64
 12 Ritter Town               45  18  10  17  52  54   -2  64
 13 Armstrong                 45  18   7  20  50  48   +2  61
 14 Chenoworth Harriers       45  17  10  18  42  44   -2  61
 15 Coret Rovers              45  17   8  20  55  86  -31  59
 16 Corvette Maulers          45  17   7  21  57  72  -15  58
 17 Hackett                   45  15  11  19  55  63   -8  56
 18 Iron United               45  15   9  21  34  53  -19  54
 19 Sutcroft                  45  15   7  23  41  58  -17  52
 20 Rochford                  45  14   8  23  38  47   -9  50
 21 Strephonage               45  10  14  21  38  59  -21  44
 22 Dross Rovers              45  11   5  29  32  71  -39  38
 23 AFC Shale                 45   8  13  24  30  48  -18  37
 24 Ox River United           45   8   9  28  31  70  -39  33

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 North Sabrefell              45  28  10   7  83  36  +47  94
  2 Diamondqueen                 45  28   7  10  69  39  +30  91
  3 Locksley                     45  23  11  11  85  52  +33  80
  4 East Laithland Harriers      45  23  11  11  78  54  +24  80
  5 Crisisbless Athletic         45  22   7  16  66  62   +4  73
  6 Morningstar                  45  20  12  13  63  51  +12  72
  7 Belgrave                     45  20  11  14  84  61  +23  71
  8 Project +90                  45  20  11  14  72  59  +13  71
  9 South Parrhesia              45  18  12  15  69  63   +6  66
 10 Mainstream Fist              45  17  14  14  72  65   +7  65
 11 Kensey Town                  45  16  15  14  73  57  +16  63
 12 West Hook                    45  18   9  18  47  47   +0  63
 13 Rhagant Schadenfreude        45  16  14  15  42  45   -3  62
 14 Dartmouth Terriers           45  17  11  17  66  71   -5  62
 15 Crossroads Town              45  17   9  19  56  53   +3  60
 16 Brindleton                   45  15  11  19  52  63  -11  56
 17 Long Lake                    45  12  16  17  47  56   -9  52
 18 Gridlock Rovers              45  12  16  17  48  62  -14  52
 19 Brookway Town                45  12  15  18  60  74  -14  51
 20 Boleyn Town                  45  14   9  22  38  53  -15  51
 21 Rushe United                 45   9  13  23  51  77  -26  40
 22 Franchise FC                 45   8  15  22  44  77  -33  39
 23 Masculine Town               45   8  11  26  57  94  -37  35
 24 Corby Hubris                 45   7  10  28  37  88  -51  31

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Greygate               45  31   5   9  78  27  +51  98
  2 Falston Town           45  25  11   9  85  44  +41  86
  3 Stonegrave             45  24  13   8  61  31  +30  85
  4 Iberia Chenoworth      45  24  10  11  71  51  +20  82
  5 Mantlegrove            45  24   8  13  76  41  +35  80
  6 Senway Town            45  23  10  12  78  48  +30  79
  7 Dubstep Rangers        45  20  10  15  57  44  +13  70
  8 Ringway                45  19  13  13  47  43   +4  70
  9 Gridlock East          45  19  12  14  55  50   +5  69
 10 Riverkey               45  17  14  14  61  64   -3  65
 11 Sutcroft Athletic      45  18  10  17  55  53   +2  64
 12 Chaker Town            45  17  12  16  56  49   +7  63
 13 Southriver             45  18   8  19  46  62  -16  62
 14 North Dubstep          45  15  16  14  47  40   +7  61
 15 Fenland Albion         45  16  11  18  42  45   -3  59
 16 Camwell Road           45  16   9  20  50  58   -8  57
 17 The Strongest          45  17   6  22  70  91  -21  57
 18 Blaze                  45  15   8  22  70  77   -7  53
 19 Stamper Road           45  13   9  23  49  72  -23  48
 20 Downsparrow            45  10  12  23  35  65  -30  42
 21 Nay Town               45  10  11  24  40  77  -37  41
 22 South Brill            45   9  13  23  46  66  -20  40
 23 Forge Carpenters       45   7  12  26  19  52  -33  33
 24 Gridlock               45   6  11  28  30  74  -44  29

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Courser               38  28   3   7  59  30  +29  87
  2 Vermillion Spite      38  22  11   5  79  45  +34  77
  3 Bellamy               38  23   3  12  52  37  +15  72
  4 Harrington            38  20   6  12  52  32  +20  66
  5 Kommissar             38  20   5  13  78  54  +24  65
  6 Grovebank             38  18   9  11  48  32  +16  63
  7 Haymaker Town         38  17  10  11  37  33   +4  61
  8 The Hanged Man        38  16  10  12  38  26  +12  58
  9 Swag Hill Rovers      38  17   7  14  53  51   +2  58
 10 Barcastle Rovers      38  16   5  17  39  44   -5  53
 11 Tryst Athletic        38  15   8  15  46  57  -11  53
 12 Fully Sick XI         38  12  13  13  37  49  -12  49
 13 Norton Road           38  14   6  18  41  40   +1  48
 14 Ramsay                38  12   6  20  42  56  -14  42
 15 Surfeit River         38  11   8  19  36  47  -11  41
 16 Thratewood            38  11   8  19  35  50  -15  41
 17 Perrett               38  11   6  21  32  46  -14  39
 18 Stekelenbright        38   9  10  19  30  42  -12  37
 19 Geoff United          38   9   6  23  29  53  -24  33
 20 Huysegem              38   5   8  25  24  63  -39  23

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lackerrun                  38  22   6  10  67  45  +22  72
  2 Falston United             38  18  10  10  53  31  +22  64
  3 Bodkin Road                38  18  10  10  57  39  +18  64
  4 Pillars of Southfell       38  16  12  10  48  36  +12  60
  5 Rookwall                   38  18   6  14  52  44   +8  60
  6 Reckdale Town              38  17   8  13  59  51   +8  59
  7 Peregrine                  38  15  12  11  49  45   +4  57
  8 Getton Town                38  15  11  12  60  53   +7  56
  9 Norpike                    38  16   7  15  53  50   +3  55
 10 De La Patria               38  16   7  15  46  52   -6  55
 11 Fischer                    38  13  14  11  47  40   +7  53
 12 Sandrock                   38  15   8  15  35  33   +2  53
 13 Inner-East Fairywrens      38  13  13  12  42  39   +3  52
 14 Clay Terrace               38  10  15  13  22  35  -13  45
 15 Twelvetrees                38  10  14  14  35  39   -4  44
 16 East Slake                 38  13   5  20  39  52  -13  44
 17 Violence Tigers            38  10  12  16  40  50  -10  42
 18 Rochford Pilgrims          38  10   9  19  43  60  -17  39
 19 Markoni                    38   8  13  17  44  65  -21  37
 20 Pridehome                  38   6  10  22  33  65  -32  28

by **Nephara** » Mon Feb 01, 2016 1:09 am

THE FINALE

Preamble - Brinemouth are champions, Serpentine, River and Iron are down and there isn’t much left to hammer out of the league. Chatswood, by beating either Crisisbless’ or the Chariots’ result, will make it to the Champions’ Cp and it’s clear that Maximum City would like to leapfrog Treason, but narrative has been kind. All eyes are on Newrook City hosting Crisisbless United. The Rooks name a side close enough to their strongest 11, Kolar in goal, Seward and the impressive Marquon in the heart of defence, Gallard on the right - Bellamy missing on the left with Lyn Klavier drafted in. Ideye will continue to be an all-muscle presence in defensive midfield but the centre of the pitch has been a weakness for the Rooks, Roe and Mendehlson maybe not quite of the quality required at this level. Mendehlson, in any case, is missing from a yellow-card suspension at the worst time. Clijsters sits behind Hammond (who recently picked up a knock) and top scorer Dorne. The Chessmen have settled on an almost full-strength lineup of Morgan in goal, Amber, Wilshire, Gannon and Curran across the back four, the venerable captain Rhinestone wheeled out in midfield (Strachan suffered an unfortunately-timed hamstring tweak) to join Machairas and Falkirk, while they’ve plumped for Mueller, Weiler and Moltke up front. Ironside, Klinsmann and Dailly, all nailed-on starters at the start of the campaign, while it away on the bench. And, with the latter two up front in white and red away kits...
KICK-OFF!
1 mins - And already United have a show of intent! Machairas, who has been exceptional this season after some time to grow into her role and a key part of their revival, clips a forward pass to the lightning-quick Abigail Mueller, who smashes the ball into the side netting. Machairas is really good at forward passes and Mueller is maybe the league’s quickest player. It might be a long day for stand-in leftback Klavier.
2 mins - Chatswood’s Claire Beresford has already picked up a yellow for annihilating Rachel Sable. Nice work, Woodsmen.
3 mins - Newrook, with their own possession, are being cautious. They need a win here, but opening themselves up to the counterattack is suicidal.
4 mins - Kieron Riordan, incidentally, has secured his status as the Premiership’s oldest player at 40. No talk, yet, of retirement, and as he makes a good save from the lightning-quick but generally toothless Ash Purrington he’s shown that he’s a pretty good stopper at the top level. That said, it’s likely that he’ll be headed for the exit.
5 mins - A first shot on target from Crisisbless United. Machairas again finds Moltke out on the left who threads through Gallard and fires low and hard. But he was never beating Kolar at his near post from outside the box.
6 mins - GOAL! Sabrefell Athletic’s season has been terrible by their standards, but the first goal of the final day belongs to them, Oehman’s exquisite throughball evading Keller but not the lightning-quick Castellan, who taps it in unchallenged at the far post. CRW 0-1 SFA.
7 mins - Another shot from Crisisbless United, stemming from Gallard’s throw-in. Straight to Curran, who smashes the ball upfield. Moltke cuts back for Machairas to drag it the wrong side of the post. Kolar had it covered. He’s been very decent for the Rooks, and if they don’t stay up today, they might be tabling a few offers.
8 mins - Senturk’s exquisite throughball to Lynwood and Lynwood’s exquisite throughball into the net is ruined somewhat by the revelation that Lynwood is, in fact, miles offside. It would have livened up a mildly dull match between two sides with nothing to play for.
9 mins - Serpentine, for their part, look shaky as hell. Someone needs to tell them that they’re already down and they can stop trying! Cassius Morrissey, now 36, has proven himself to not be up to Premiership scratch. He hasn’t started regularly since the halfway mark of the season, but he’s retiring and this is his last match, at home. So passing the ball straight to Belgrave (who fires straight down Hartson’s throat)... yeah. Maybe make the applause substitution sooner, not later.
10 mins - Newrook remain under the cosh, United still can’t finish their chances. But the Rooks finally mount a fightback, Dorne taking possession, smashing through the defense and, unfortunately, firing comfortably enough for Morgan to save. She should have buried that one, and she’s kicking herself.
11 mins - GOAL! River are revitalised under Hildebrand, and it all screams ‘straight back up’ as they’re now on track for three straight wins. This one’s pretty straightforward, Cypress cutting back to Morgan Kendall who fires in from just inside the box. CRC 0-1 RVR.
12 mins - In the First Division, meanwhile, Southfell United - needing a better result than Sheridan to manage promotion - have already taken a 2-0 lead against lowly Ox River United at home, Schindler and Rusland with the goals. Looks like victory there will be a formality, leaving it up to Sheridan - a very blue-collar team who have never been in the top flight, they are struggling to get purchase against slippery Strephonage.
13 mins - GOAL! Igrene Cantor, again. Brookford Otters have unearthed the Next Big Thing of Nephara’s growing stable of young stirkers, as yet another decisive finish from Cantor is thumped past Cath Gilchrist - who gets fingers to it, but they aren’t strong enough to actually keep it out of the net. BRK 1-0 GDF.
14 mins - GOAL! Well, it’s been coming. The Serpents do their best traffic cone impressions as the Spiders’ slick passing gives Rudden all the invitation in the world to clip a shot home. SRP 0-1 NLA.
15 mins - In probably the most Nepharim thing to happen all match, when Harald Matheson scuffs a diving header over the bar, Emery Lineker smacks him in the head with an expertly-tossed water bottle. It appeared to be full.
16 mins - This was meant to be all about Newrook vs. Crisisbless United but it’s really not that interesting. Newrook can’t make chances, United can’t finish them. Machairas, at least, skims the top of the bar from distance, but Kolar likely had it in any case.
17 mins - An essential ingredient to Maximum City’s success this season has been due to Russ Reucassel’s ability to relentlessly destroy referees’ lives to the press. Reucassel’s fines are, in fact, a regular source of income for the NFA, and it’s no coincidence that the Smiths haven’t conceded a penalty at home this season. Any decision that goes against him is pilloried and deconstructed, and as a result, Patrick Jezek is entirely within his rights to utterly clean out Josie Sutton. No foul. A 50/50, apparently. It’s not a popular decision with the home crowd. Referees really can’t win either way.
18 mins - GOAL! Too easy. In a move that starts with Kurtis Woodbine flattening Acosta, Eckhart picking up possession and firing it down the right to Runen who flashes a low cross along the box that Pokrovski, dropping off Vyntra, smashes home. VRR 1-0 TRE.
19 mins - And it almost - almost - goes horribly wrong for United, Clijsters slips through a wonderful forward pass and Morgan’s there to sweep. Just, not very effectively, and Liberty Hammond takes the loose ball.... overcooking her first touch, Astrid Amber flying in with a covering tackle to save everyone’s blushes.
20 mins - It’s been a terrible season for the Quakers, sure, but Auburn Tarrant at least has never disappointed. A surging run from midfield takes her past three players, but she drags a shot just the wrong side of the post.
21 mins - Vermillion Rage have a weird squad in general, and massive turnover is expected at the end of the season. Many of their depth players are old and terrible. Casey Brind, for instance (deputising for Gazzincha, whose form has nosedived this season), smashes a corner out for a throw-in. At least the veteran midfielder has the decency to look embarrassed in what is probably her last match for the Rage.
22 mins - GOAL! The inspirational Gunnar Brickwalk clatters Farrell and gets the ball rolling to Archer, to Rudden, hit down the flank to the overlapping Hawkshaw. To brutal effect, it’s finished off with a cross whipped in at the near post. Rui Mokanga ghosts away from Morrissey and Arrowsmith to flick the ball into the net. SRP 0-2 NLA.
23 mins - Natalia Gentlesteed crashes a header against the post as the iron defensive discipline of Maximum City briefly collapses. From the rebound, Braunbier smashes a shot at goal, but it’s deflected away off three or four bodies before Martinho finally clears. Starling have had the better of the match so far, it has to be said.
24 mins - The Saints, who you suspect will require a thorough spring cleaning in order to do better next season, attempt the revolutionary strategy of standing around aimlessly as Paul Meixner, made to look like van Sorenson by Banks, threads through an immaculate pass. Garrard, as she does, latches onto it - but she can’t add to her nine goals this season as she drags her finish wide. Excellent work from Brun, to be fair, did enough to put her off with a covering challenge.
25 mins - Speaking of goalscorers this season, Crisisbless United have nobody with more than seven given the instability of their forwards this season. Alysia Dorne has fifteen, and given an inch of space by a permissive Wilshire, her shot grazes the outside of the upright. Newrook are getting back into this match.
26 mins - In midfield, meanwhile, Caspar Roe and Othello Ideye are doing their best to murder Machairas, all too aware that their midfield supply line is dependant on her. Falkirk, who smashes Roe’s ankles out from under him, stands up for Machairas - but in doing so becomes the first player booked.
27 mins - GOAL! A clumsy and brutal goal from Chatswood, Kessler shooting from just inside the box. Vintner can only palm it down into the path of Matheson, who clatters him as he scuffs the ball into the net. Adding injury to insult, Vintner limps off from the impact - Gerry Malone steps back between the sticks. CHT 1-0 BRI.
28 mins - Igrene Cantor really is devastating, the 22-year old scoring 34 goals to secure the Otters’ promotion and now 19 in the top flight, and it’s surel-
29 mins - GOAL! Nevermind. Make that twenty goals this season, and this one’s among the best of the lot. Morgan Kirschester’s a rather scattergun winger at times but that was a beautiful cross that Cantor smashed home on the volley, threatening the structural integrity of the net with that monstrous left foot. The Quakers have no answer to the Otters’ speed and brutality. BRK 2-0 GDF.
30 mins - A side that could probably use some more brutality, incidentally, is Crisisbless. Havard Morgan seems to have one of those days where he is just a magnet for the ball, people keep shooting directly at him. Just now, in fact, gives them the best chance of the match (and their first shot on goal), Bowyer in time and space but Marciak makes an excellent fingertip save.
31 mins - The Spiders get the ball in Serpentine’s net a third time, but this one’s called offside. It’s a 50/50 call, the kind of ‘benefit of the doubt’ call, but one can only guess the linesman felt bad for the poor Serpents, relegated, crap and being annihilated on home soil.
32 mins - GOAL! Coret Hawks have been leisurely and comfortable, but the Rovers crush that in a flash, Halfpike on the overlap picked up by an excellent diagonal ball from Senturk, crossing to Drake who flicks on for Lynwood to score her 16th of the season. Lynwood and Senturk are two notoriously inconsistent young players who seem to have really gotten their shit together this season. There’s sure to be interest from bigger teams at this rate. COR 0-1 MXR.
33 mins - Contentious penalty shout in Starling - Sutton going through Loeher and the ball in equal measure - but of course Maximum City get the rub of the green. That’s just what they do.
34 mins - Some say that Ash Moltke is on the way out at Crisisbless United, and shooting straight at the goalkeeper from eight yards is probably one of the reasons why. Machairas, who did so well to set him up, is apoplectic.
35 mins - Since their goal, Vermillion haven’t been able to find a way through the Stags’ defence. Laisne’s made a couple of good saves to spruce up what hasn’t been a brilliant debut campaign (a good one, maybe. A 12-million pound one? Very debatable) and Russ Beresford’s been under the cosh. He makes an exceptional reflex save to deny Zozula from ten yards, and Schwarzer can’t quite get leverage on the rebound.
36 mins - GOAL! Adnan Szalai, Jesus Christ. Admittedly, he doesn’t actually get on the scoresheet - Durgan Pryor does, just in the wrong place at the wrong time sticking out the wrong foot as Szalai dispossesses Meier, nutmegs Griffiths and powers home a low cross that the Wightling survivor can only help on past a helpless Peterson. VIC 1-0 SFM.
37 mins - Out of practically nothing, Sabrefell Athletic and their sixty-eight percent possession nearly concede as Roebuck puts an optimistic cross into the area and Hari, who really should do better, heads over. They’re yet to have a shot on target from within the box, but that should have been the equaliser for the Wanderers.
38 mins - GOAL! Nnnnevermind that from Szalai, Aaliyah Johnson nudges ahead of Quinn in the goalscoring stakes. To be top, specifically. With 25. Jesus Christ. The Osarian takes Cliving’s ball on the chest and through some miracle of close control rolls it past/through Hikari before poking past Edelgrau. Terrifyingly good. VIC 1-1 SFM.
39 mins - Penalty shout in Newrook, but as Moltke’s brought down by Gallard, the Rooks’ rightback is adjudged (probably rightly, though contentiously) to have been more interested in the ball than the man.
40 mins - Oooh, this is getting tasty. Styrn’s legs are dodgy these days, and Stubbs has been sticking her studs in them throughout the match. The referee books her for one particularly robust challenge, and as Stubbs protests (and her teammates crowd the unfortunate official out), Styrn bounds to her feet to get right in Stubbs’ face. Or, at least, five inches below Stubbs’ face. The two have to be dragged apart by helpful people.
41 mins - GOAL! Lucia Vaughan, who’s had a fairly torrid season, does manage to get the better of City captain Pennyfeather before hitting the ball out wide to the right. Mbukane hits a low, dangerous cross across the box which nobody gets to… except, lurking out on the left, Theodora Kenway, who scores just her tenth of the season. CRC 0-2 RVR.
42 mins - Newrook City playing with fire, as Cheney Morgan lumps the ball downfield and Othello Ideye forgets how to jump, letting it bounce over his shoulder. Weiler, too, lets it bounce before trying to craftily hook the ball away from Marquon and Seward, but she overcooks her touch and Kolar claims it.
43 mins - Penalty! Penalty! Penalty! Adrienne Eastway, admittedly clearly looking for the foul, is clumsily done by Nodtveit. Yellow card, straight at the spot, Eastway steps forward and-
44 mins - -never-fucking-mind, it’s into the bloody stands.
45 mins - GOAL! Nevermind that, the Saints have, well, Saintsed it. Marcelino Asteinza’s pass to Beckett is suicidal, Beckett can barely get a toe to it but it isn’t enough to stop Page Garrard getting on it, coming tantalisingly close to putting it out for a corner but managing barely to smash it at the far post where Kostas Postecoglou, as always, is waiting to slot it home. IRC 1-0 PAR.
Injury time - GOAL! Lienke Vesper, like a girlfriend about to ditch the loser she’s dating but unable to resist one last parting shot about his hygiene, sweeps onto a perfect ball from Serpentine’s only other good player (Ulvestad), doesn’t trust any of the strikers to stick it away from six yards and finishes it off herself, deftly putting the ball past Corren before, presumably, stalking off at half-time to work on a Tinder profile. SRP 1-2 NLA.

Thus, at half-time, Newrook remain mired in the relegation zone, Chatswood have leapfrogged the Chariots into fourth and Maximum City need only beat Starling to make it into the Globe Cup if Vermillion hold their lead. But it’s still anyone’s game...

KICK-OFF!
46 mins - Dorne kicks off to Hammond and we get underway, and almost immediately Matt Sebastian’s attempted Hollywood pass for Parrhesia has floated out for a throw-in. Top stuff.
47 mins - Phwoar! Okay, then! The Rooks have finally realised they need a win and they’re out for blood, squad midfielder Blanchard threading an immaculate pass through the line that Liberty Hammond picks up, weaves past Wilshire and only a marginally overcooked touch allows Cheney Morgan to come flying out to scrap the ball away. So, so close.
48 mins - Curran doesn’t take kindly to the new aggression, and when Rook Gallard comes flying forward on the overlap, the nudged-out-of-position centre-half smashes her into the ground. Second booking of the game.
49 mins - GOAL! Well, so much for Serpentine’s revival. An immaculate crossfield pass from Malachi Rosewood, Rudden taking it on the boot before racing through Arrowsmith (who falls over) and slotting the ball low past Hartson. SRP 1-3 NLA.
50 mins - GOAL! Kirsten Cliving with a fantastic little one-two with Curio opening enough enough space for her to lash the ball past Edelgrau! The Chariots have a mountain to climb if they’re to put their Champions’ Cup spot in their own hands. VIC 1-2 SFM.
51 mins - That… could so easily have gone wrong, but Moltke’s cross into the box is somehow hooked over the bar by Marquon from seven yards, with Weiler lurking to finish it.
52 mins - And, christ! The corner’s spilled by Kolar, and the pinball that results finally ends in Klavier hooking the ball off the line!
53 mins - GOAL! Claudia Cautcher, whose return from a terrible ACL injury has had a couple of setbacks, manages to find Acosta’s intricate pass and slot home, regardless of the presence of the entire Vermillion Rage defence. She really is a special player. When she’s fit, which is rare, which is why this is only her third league goal of the season. VRR 1-1 TRE.
54 mins - Things getting a bit tasty in Newrook, as Othello Ideye smashes Machairas. He has a full foot and a veritable mountain of muscle on her, and an alleged aerial 50/50 (with elbow) is anything but. The Rooks’ first booking, despite calls for a red.
55 mins - Chatswood come tantalisingly close to doubling their lead as Gary Corsie’s luscious through-ball is fired into the side netting by June Kessler. She knows she should have done better.
56 mins - GOAL! Yeah, there it is. Not from open play, where Coden Hari hasn’t been quite up to scratch (from, admittedly, basically one chance), but big Constantine Beckett pulverises Brix Hamilton en route to Pardew’s corner before smashing it in at the near post. Calls for a foul go unheeded, the Wanderers take the lead. Now this is the kind of football that will represent Nephara well in the coming season. CRW 1-1 SFA.
57 mins - It’s been a good year for the Cranequin sides in general, between the Wanderers elevating a midtable team to the Globe Cup and City elevating a terrible squad to midtable. The latter come close to pulling a goal back against River - from open play, no less - when Tosca Marlowe chips in with a fearless covering challenge to save their bacon. Purrington continues to be a striker in the ‘gets into good positions and then misses’ mould. City continue to lose.
58 mins - GOAL! Maybe Serpentine were bad all along. Maybe it’s just that nobody noticed this whole time. Either way, Belgrave rips home his first and the Spiders’ fourth. Hartson could have done better. SRP 1-4 NLA.
59 mins - Seb Woodlark arrives on the pitch for Vermillion Rage and makes his presence immediately felt with one of his trademark crushing late tackles. Acosta dusts himself off, distinctly unimpressed in his last-ever match before retirement.
60 mins - Starling dodge a bullet! Long ball from Teagan gives Cooper on the other side free reign as the Passerine defence forgets she’s there! She takes one touch and shoots, but Hargrave is at full stretch to make the fingertip save! Excellent work from the former Corvette Mauler. Cooper, though, shouldn’t’ve given him the save to make.
61 mins - GOAL! Oh, there it is! There’s the breakthrough, and it’s none other than Escher Machairas marking her ninth of the season! Mueller sets up Amber for the cross across goal… but Amber feints for it, then switches sides to befuddle Klavier, clipping the ball across for Rhinestone to tee up the floating and unmarked Machairas to smash it first-time with her left boot, Kolar unable to get across in time! United just need to hold out for another half an hour, and it’s NRK 0-1 CRU.
62 mins - The entire league takes a breather after seeing that goal, and the most exciting thing to happen is Diandra Behan falling over.
63 mins - Newrook are out for blood, and Morgan’s already been forced into a good save for a low, hard Alysia Stokes shot - brought off the bench as a shot in the arm, but really, why hasn’t she started more often? Unlike Hammond or Wright, she can actually finish.
64 mins - GOAL! Well, it took a heavy deflection, but there’s number five - Belgrave’s second - smashed in off Arrowsmith. Which befuddles Hartson, who does well to get a paw to it but, perhaps understandably, can’t get enough power on the hand to actually tip it away. SRP 1-5 NLA.
65 mins - With one elegant pass, Quillisi has carved the Wanderers’ defence open. With that one pass, Merry Reiter is through on goal, and Rachel Brennan is not a goalkeeper known for her ability to charge off her line. And, with all the advantages in her favour… Reiter drags the shot wide. That’s the kind of ruthlessness that Athletic have totally lacked this season, and the Wanderers - who are, one will note, well ahead of them on the table - are one of the most lethal sides in the league.
66 mins - Cassius Morrissey, in spite of everything, gets an applause substitution in his last game. He was a veteran, a stalwart who loved the club, and the kind of captain who could raise the game of everyone around him. He was not, at any point, a Premiership-quality centre-half.
67 mins - Graziana Vastano hits one of those free kicks - bending around the Rovers’ wall of meat, bouncing flush off the post with Middleton motionless. Kuepper gets the rebound into the net but only from an offside position, and he barely complains when he’s flagged for it.
68 mins - In First Division news, Sheridan striker Shay Kilner smashes home a cross from Alnwick to draw his side level with Strephonage. Southfell United are 3-0 up and cruising over Ox River, and all they can do is wait.
69 mins - Little tidbit about Iron City, as Dan Keel saves Hexmark’s low shot (Parrhesia seem to be pretty bloody demob-happy) - they’re now record-holders! They’ve been relegated from the Premiership five times. There have been fifteen Premiership seasons in the UICA era and Iron City have literally managed to go up or down a level in most of them. Newrook, if they can’t win here, would join them in that unwanted record. The Harriers are on four and Rochford, who sank without trace after last time, might be stuck on three for a while.
70 mins - GOAL! Starling’s pressure finally tells, and Kurtis Warner finds room to latch onto Sutton’s pass and smash the ball past Jelic. The Pasarga international’s been fantastic to this point (and in this season broadly), but could probably have done better against that, getting both hands to the ball but not enough power behind them. STA 1-0 MXC.
71 mins - Brookford nearly get a third, but Cath Gilchrist scrambles over to her far post with an inelegant but still very impressive save. The Quakers have been starting to settle into their torpor again, and Brookford, well, are anything but. It’s not Gilchrist’s first excellent save of the match, either.
72 mins - The Stubbs-Styrn flashpoint comes to boiling point as, during a corner, Styrn elbows the big centre-half in the face. Blood gushing from her nose, the Nephara international having to be pulled back by teammates as she goes after the smug Audioslav. The referee seperates them, but adjudges the contact to be accidental. Yeah, um, right. A physio mops up Stubbs’ face - she is fuming.
73 mins - End-to-end stuff at Newrook, as Machairas’ shot is deflected away by Marquon and her corner claimed decisively by Kolar. The Rooks’ goalkeeper performs an impressive combat roll as he falls, quickly stands and releases Alysia Dorne up front, and the break is on. With just Falkirk, Curran and Amber (and Morgan) back, Dorne runs at and beats Falkirk before trying to find Stokes’ run down the left, but lunging at the ball, Curran intercepts. Amber slides in to get the ball away from Dorne on the rebound, and the chance is lost. Close, though. Again.
74 mins - GOAL! Brinemouth get the goal they deserve, Styrn getting one last nutmeg in on the apoplectic Stubbs before wrongfooting Melker and putting the ball on a platter for the unmarked Juquinho, running in at the far post. From three yards, he can’t miss. The Chariots breathe a sign of relief. CHT 1-1 BRI.
75 mins - Penalty in Vermillion Rage - how many penalties are there going to be today? But Puntoriero breaks past the Vermillion Rage back four and is smashed by Beresford. Can Logan Sainsbury, in his first appearance in any competition all season, be a hero?
76 mins - GOAL! No. VRR 1-2 TRE.
77 mins - Crisisbless United, yet again, almost double their advantage. Samantha Rhinestone clips over a free kick that deflects heavily off Seward’s back and totally wrongfoots Kolar, and the Rooks are lucky it trickles out for a corner. But the corner itself - from Machairas - sees a free header from Gareth Wilshire sail over the bar.
78 mins - And Ronda Judit Styrn comes off for what might just be her last appearance, though the 35-year old centre-forward is yet to confirm or deny any such talk. Once, she was surely the world’s greatest striker, arguably its greatest footballer, and a fiery personality admired all over the world. But while injuries curtailed her pace and her form, Styrn’s impact at Brinemouth was a major part of their overwhelming strength this season and yet another notch on her career. If she’s to walk out, then it’s fitting that she walks out with a Premiership winners’ medal.
79 mins - GOAL! It hasn’t been an exciting match, but the crisp, clean passing of Crisisbless deserves its eventual reward. The Eagles are picked apart by pass after pass before finally Engstroem breaks down the middle, and Sundu lays an ideal pass for him to chip over the charging Havard Morgan. CYT 0-1 CRI.
80 mins - So close! Alysia Dorne is unmarked in the box and United hearts are in their mouths, but her shot is deflected by a sliding Wilshire. Morgan attempts to claim it but is fouled by Roe as he fumbles the ball, and while Roe does kick it in it’s an obvious foul.
81 mins - And, not long after his penalty, Roque Acosta is brought off for Markus Anderton. The entire away end (and some of the classier home fans) give him a standing ovation, arguably the league’s most important signing ever, most certainly a club (and country) legend. He is, and always will be, the signing that put the Premiership on the map, that elevated it from a decent 20s-ranked league that mostly sold its best players to a rising star in the international scene. Legend.
82 mins - Though you do wonder how Kath Boston, who went the other way to Firewood City in that transfer, is doing these days...
83 mins - GOAL! Oh well, enough navel-gazing, Abigail Mueller decides, ripping the Newrook defence to shreds and, with Marquon bearing down on her and Kolar charging, poking the ball between the goalkeeper’s feet before being clattered by both! Newrook have a three-goal mountain to climb now! NRK 0-2 CRU.
84 mins - There’s the breakthrough in Sheridan, too! After a Strephonage attack breaks down, giant centre-half Harwick smashes it to Kilner who holds it up, holding back two Strephonage centre-halves before passing off to Coridan Theo. The midfielder dashes forward into space and fires low and hard past Traceman for what looks to be, with Sheridan’s sterling defensive record, a potentially winning goal. Strephonage themselves have been relegated for a while in a season with a real gulf between bottom four and everyone else. Hold onto that… and they’re promoted.
85 mins - GOAL! Humiliation complete for the Serpents, who slink back down to the First Division with their tail between their… uh… well, on the ground, at any rate. Taylor shoots a hospital pass back to substitute centre-half Lind Fontaine, who panics and is tackled by fresh substitute Atherton Telfair. Amidst rumours of his departure, the former Helfin Fief man nets his third of the season and his 13th Premiership goal in precisely 50 appearances. SRP 1-6 NLA.
86 mins - Reinhard Ironside has come on for Laura Weiler, and almost immediately shows why. The Rooks are threatening but Gallard’s cross is cut out by Wilshire who thumps the ball forward. Ironside takes it on his chest and holds off Marquon and Seward before rolling them. But, through on goal, confidence deserts him and his heavy touch allows the ball to be smothered by Kolar.
87 mins - GOAL! Might be too late, but Baroni slips Portsgate through the porous Otters’ defence and Portsgate, in turn, slips the ball between King’s legs. King, incidentally, yet another pondering retirement. BRK 2-1 GDF.
88 mins - GOAL! Fiona Berenger finds the right run to beat the flat Stags’ back four and Eckhart, given too much space by Anderton, slips the ball through to the rightback. On the first touch, it’s clipped past Laisne, and Rage are level. VRR 2-2 TRE.
89 mins - Controversy! Newrook are pressing hard, Wilshire slides in hard on Stokes but the fleet-footed substitute jinks away from him and barrels down on goal… when the burly centre-half reaches out desperately with a hand, grabs her by the ankle and drags her to the ground! There is literally no way he can get away with this, and he doesn’t - United reluctantly hurl on Thistlewood and shift Curran to her favoured centre-half role, and Arjen Clijsters bends the free kick over the four-man wall… but saved by Morgan, who got down well to it.
90 mins - Jade Tesselaar doubles Cranequin City’s amount of shots on target as she bends a free kick over and around the ball with the best of them. Sadly, she also bends it very, very slowly, and Riordan crab-walks over in anticipation to catch it easily.
Injury Time - There’s an audible groan of despair around the stadium as a mighty one minute of injury time is added to Newrook’s fixture, and their last chance sees a shot from their most unlikely of heroes, the substitute Lucius Thorn… who thumps his shot into Wilshire. Gannon thumps the ball out to Ironside, who drives forward - and, at this point, GOAL! Morgan Kendall doubling her tally for the season with a long, deflected shot outside the box, CRC 0-3 RVR - to confront the Newrook defence. He fires a low, reasonably hard shot that Kolar saves comfortably, but that’s it! Newrook City are down, United are safe. Gustaf Graz fires straight at Malone to leave Chatswood level with Brinemouth and in 5th, the losing Chariots safe, while Maximum City’s defeat to Starling robs them of the chance to leapfrog Treason. But at the end of the day, it’s all about Brinemouth - 103 goals, 109 points, dominance of the end-of-season awards, and, most importantly of all, the trophy.

FINAL RESULTS - PREMIERSHIP
Chatswood 1-1 Brinemouth
Cypher Town 0-1 Crisisbless
Newrook City 0-2 Crisisbless United
Brookford Otters 2-1 Goodfeather FC
Starling 1-0 Maximum City
Coret Hawks 0-1 Maximum Rovers
AFC Serpentine 1-6 North Laithland
Iron City 1-0 Parrhesia United
Cranequin City 0-3 Raven River
Cranequin Wanderers 1-1 Sabrefell Athletic
Violence Chariots 1-2 Sabrefell Moths
Vermillion Rage 2-2 AFC Treason

FINAL RESULTS - FIRST DIVISION
Rochford 1-0 Sutcroft
Coret Rovers 0-0 AFC Shale
Iron United 2-3 Martella Jazz
Hackett 0-1 Creed United
Strephonage 1-2 Sheridan
Chenoworth Harriers 4-1 Dross Rovers
Bishop 3-1 Corvette Maulers
West Brinemouth 0-1 Leichhardt
Southfell United 3-0 Ox River United
Armstrong 1-0 Chenoworth Rovers
Ritter Town 0-0 Extreme Hills
Vermillion Wanderers 5-2 South Laithland

FINAL RESULTS - SECOND DIVISION
Project +90 2-2 Gridlock Rovers
Rushe United 1-3 Belgrave
Dartmouth Terriers 0-2 Crossroads Town
Brindleton 1-1 Kensey Town
Long Lake 1-2 Crisisbless Athletic
North Sabrefell 1-1 Masculine Town
Mainstream Fist 1-0 Boleyn Town
South Parrhesia 1-1 West Hook
Rhagant Schadenfreude 0-2 East Laithland Harriers
Morningstar 0-2 Brookway Town
Diamondqueen 1-0 Franchise FC
Locksley 4-0 Corby Hubris

FINAL RESULTS - THIRD DIVISION
Sutcroft Athletic 2-0 Chaker Town
Stamper Road 0-1 Blaze
Nay Town 2-0 Forge Carpenters
Gridlock 1-1 Stonegrave
The Strongest 8-2 Downsparrow
Gridlock East 2-1 Falston Town
Iberia Chenoworth 1-0 Greygate
Fenland Albion 0-2 North Dubstep
Senway Town 2-1 Southriver
Camwell Road 0-2 Mantlegrove
Ringway 0-0 South Brill
Riverkey 2-1 Dubstep Rangers

CUP FINAL
Vermillion Rage (4-3-3): 12 - Sainsbury; 2 - Berenger, 3 - Warkaiser, 5 - Jonas-Anderson, 13 - Ashworth; 4 - Underwood (c), 6 - Woodbine, 8 - Eckhart; 7 - Runen, 10 - Reid, 11 - Pokrovski
Bench: 30 - Munster; 9 - Woodlark, 17 - Scunthorpe, 19 - Gazzincha, 20 - Brind, 25 - Carmady, 36 - Rathlinker

Crisisbless (4-3-1-2): 12 - Morgan; 2 - Machan, 4 - Gallardo, 18 - Scharner, 19 - Haukmann; 7 - Sundu, 11 - St. Cleer (c), 21 - Kilbane; 8 - Knutsen; 10 - Keast, 17 - Engstroem
Bench: 1 - Marciak; 5 - Nodtveit, 6 - Brandon, 9 - Sternberg, 15 - Stubbs, 22 - Buchanan, 23 - Sable

Vermillion Rage have sailed smoothly towards the Final… well, for the first couple of rounds, anyway. They crushed relegated Third Division side Downsparrow 5-0, beat nearby South Parrhesia 2-0 before needing extra time to see off Armstrong, and then they launched straight into it. Parrhesia United set up a quarterfinal derby that the Rage only won on away goals before comfortable home and away victories over Starling saw them through. Unfortunately, they’re missing their goalkeeper, and Logan Sainsbury is basically a giant question mark. Gazzincha, their mercurial playmaker, has been dropped.

Crisisbless have not had an easy ride of it, even if they made it look easy in a 3-0 win over Brookford in the third round. They needed penalties (a woefully inept series of them) to beat the Moths in Sabrefell, penalties to beat Iron City and then only scraped past Maximum Rovers on away goals. Henna Morgan, Cup goalkeeper throughout all this, has been rewarded with the start, while Nodtveit is dropped for 21-year old Malachite Scharner. Doubtless giving away a penalty against Cypher has had something to do with it. Osric Keast sustained a knock against Cypher Town, and it’s uncertain he’ll last the 90 minutes.

It kicks off with a bang. Vermillion have a shot on target within the first twenty seconds, albeit a decidedly optimistic one from Pokrovski that Morgan deals with easily. They press harder for the goal, and in doing so allow for a devastating counterattack - the long ball over the top flicked on by Keast, and Engstroem, presented with a golden opportunity, puts it through Sainsbury’s legs and into the net. 1-0… by the 12th minute. Against a side very comfortable on the defensive. It looked good for Reinhard Shale.

But the Rage were not to be denied an equaliser. The rest of the first half saw their final ball lacking as Crisisbless continued to threaten, but seemingly out of nothing, Underwood’s pass found Runen on the right. Deftly, he got past Haukmann before lashing past Morgan from just inside the box. A goal that had seemingly come from nothing… but it had come nonetheless. As a result, the match turned to an end-to-end affair, both sides pressing for that crucial winner, and while Henna Morgan made a few good saves Logan Sainsbury flapped at crosses, spilled shots and hoofed the ball into the sky. The dying seconds of regulation time saw Malachite Scharner rise triumphant above the rest of the pack in search of Kilbane’s corner for a free header… which she put over the bar. Just.

Injury time, and it was relatively calm, relatively poised. Vermillion had nothing left in the tank and apart from forcing a couple of decent saves from Sainsbury (set for release at the end of the campaign) Crisisbless weren’t exactly threatening themselves, wary of Vermillion’s pace on the break. Claire Rathlinker off the bench for the Rage made an immediate impact, her buckets of pace found by a searching Eckhart pass. She knocked the ball past Haukmann and darted into the box… but a covering challenge from Scharner, a basically perfect one, got the ball out of harm’s way.

And so, to penalties. Underwood and Engstroem both lead by example before Seb Woodlark, off the bench, smashed it extremely high but not far off the centre, and Morgan parried it away. St. Cleer scored her own before, hilariously, none of the next four penalty takers scored - Eckhart had his saved by Morgan, Keast, Pokrovski and Kilbane all failed to so much as hit the target. Fiona Berenger, formerly of Crisisbless and with all the pressure in the world on her shoulders, hit it low and hard into the bottom corner, a perfect penalty. But Reinhard Buchanan, knowing that scoring would win the match, sent Logan Sainsbury the wrong way and the white-and-blue part of the stadium into raptures. For the second time in modern history, Crisisbless were Cup champions.

Vermillion Rage 1 - 1 Crisisbless
Crisisbless win 3-2 on penalties.

CEdC FINAL
Kingsgrove (4-2-3-1): 1 - Knight; 2 - Molina, 5 - Bologna, 21 - Hemingway, 33 - Lovelock; 6 - Fife, 4 - Crowley (c); 7 - Portsman, 8 - Killanen, 11 - Carroll; 10 - Scherzer
Bench: 20 - Pallister; 9 - Gardot, 12 - Kilroy, 13 - Lindegartner, 18 - Ansom, 22 - Plymouth, 24 - Foxstone

Violence Chariots (4-4-2): 1 - Edelgrau; 2 - Kellen, 20 - Hikari, 5 - Riviello, 19 - Röènôùjýâ; 22 - Szalai, 6 - Hearn, 11 - Leinster (c), 16 - St. John; 9 - Walker, 10 - Quinn
Bench: 12 - Miranda; 4 - Hancock, 7 - Morgan, 14 - Schuster, 15 - Voeller, 21 - West, 25 - Westmead

At the Estadio Cuscatlan of San Salvador, the regional championship had involved a Premiership side yet again - one that had beaten sides from Anglicana and Omerica to get there before casting down the defending A-League champions Halholzer United. What was worse for their opponents, the Chariots had a clean bill of health. Kingsgrove, for their part, had taken down Sabrefell Moths as well as Harmonica Tundra en route to the final, and would be no pushovers. Worthy of note, however, was the fact that they were missing former Brenecia international leftback Miriam Portadown, with 20-year old Ophelia Lovelock thrust into the hot seat. International defender Emma Kelly was also missing through an ankle injury sustained late in the season.

Kingsgrove waste no time and start pressing immediately - with a weak defence, standing still would be suicide. They keep narrow in midfield and dominate possession, but as long as the Chariots hold firm in defence, there’s nowhere to penetrate. Granted, they have players known to hit them from distance, but Hearn and Leinster do just enough to prevent the Chariots from being totally overrun and Edelgrau isn’t about to be beaten from distance. And whenever the Chariots do get the ball, they threaten. Kurtis Quinn rolls off Bologna’s shoulder in the seventh minute and fires his first touch of the game straight at goal, scrambled away by Olenna Knight’s legs and then cleared by Hemingway.

Things open up more cleanly in the second half, one that provides the key breakthrough. Crowley slides a pass through to Carroll who has slipped the attentions of Kellen, allowing her to slide the perfect pass in behind the Chariots’ line. Cheney Scherzer, 32 years old but still pretty quick, ruthless in front of goal and brimming with confidence, smashes past Edelgrau with his first-time shot. That, however, was all the excuse the Chariots needed. No more pretence of keeping solid at the back, the Nepharim had to pile forward, and within minutes of the goal they threatened an equaliser. Walker should have scored from twelve yards but Hemingway did just enough to put his header off while Szalai forced Knight into a good save which Quinn nearly turned in on the rebound, missing by inches.

This did not, however, survive contact with the enemy, as Killanen found an inch of space to weave past Leinster, pick his spot and curve the ball in from twenty-five yards, Edelgrau sprawling. Crisis for the Chariots - Kieran Hancock was thrown on to try and clamp down the midfield, which he did, young Gareth Westmead tracked down Carroll by means fair and foul (by which point none of the four players on that flank were older than twenty) and, through an intricate bit of play on the left flank, a charging run by Röènôùjýâ wasn’t picked up by anyone and he fired home from Hearn’s perfect pass. But an equaliser wasn’t forthcoming - and it was the Brenecians who picked up the trophy.

Kingsgrove 2 - 1 Violence Chariots

GLOBE CUP FINAL
Directus (4-4-2): Endre; Quella, Gilbert, Millson, Watson; Pranich, Hunter, Mitchell, Fox; Valdez, Ebenezer

Violence Chariots (4-4-2): 1 - Edelgrau; 2 - Kellen, 20 - Hikari, 5 - Riviello, 19 - Röènôùjýâ; 22 - Szalai, 6 - Hearn, 11 - Leinster (c), 16 - St. John; 9 - Walker, 10 - Quinn
Bench: 12 - Miranda; 3 - Reid, 4 - Hancock, 7 - Morgan, 15 - Voeller, 21 - West, 25 - Westmead

No rest for the wicked. The Chariots have to pick themselves up from their defeat, dust themselves off and fight for supremacy against a powerful Directus side. The side that beat Brinemouth 4-1 in the semi-finals at home. Oof. Still, the lineup is unchanged, and two 4-4-2s are to go head to head.

The first half is… cagey would be harsh, but both defences remain solid and resolute. Fox represents Directus’ greatest threat at rightback and Kellen restricts her sojourns forward in order to marshall him, which in turn gives Szalai less support and allows Watson to (at least partially) control him. The Chariots begin funnelling most of their attacks down the left wing, which starts to pay dividends - Röènôùjýâ unleashes a devastating shot that is nevertheless saved by Takacz Endre when cutting inside, while St. John puts a chance on a platter for Nate Walker that, though the pressure of Millson and a painful-looking block by Gilbert, somehow stays out of the Eurans’ goal. But the half ends on an ominous note - Hunter’s given time and space, and his shot is smashed against the crossbar with Edelgrau utterly motionless.

But it would be the Chariots would break free in the second half. Röènôùjýâ put a searching diagonal ball across the outside of the area after a sustained period of Nepharim pressing and Szalai, invisible for the first 45 minutes, smashed the ball on target. Endre parried, Millson cleared, Directus advanced. Hearn took the ball, however, and immediately chipped it over the back line. Kurtis Quinn slipped off Craig Gilbert’s shoulder and with his first touch clipped the ball past Endre moments before the Pasargan goalkeeper’s momentum sent him smashing into the striker. It wasn’t pretty… but they all count.

Directus, from then on, dominated the midfield - but still they couldn’t genuinely penetrate the Chariots, Riviello and Hikari rock-solid and Edelgrau making a couple of remarkable fingertip saves. Kellen started to tire and Fox played his way back into the game, whipping a cross across the face of goal which nobody quite got a touch on before hitting the side netting with a powerful shot not long later. But the Chariots were beginning to take advantage of gaps, too. Nate Walker rose for a St. John cross at the far post - as did Millson, the head clash leading to a few minutes’ delay. In injury time, weary Directus legs surged onwards and Edelgrau was, once again, called into action… but as substitute Glenn Anderson’s shot went inches high and wide from just outside the box, the final whistle blew. Directus had been powerful, hard-hitting opponents playing remarkable football. It hadn’t been an accident they’d got this far, nor that they had pushed the east Sabrefell side so hard. But the Chariots, exhausted and battered but never beaten or broken, had triumphed.

Directus 0 - 1 Violence Chariots

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Brinemouth               46  33  10   3  103  38  +65  109
  2 Sabrefell Moths          46  26  14   6   81  34  +47   92
  3 Crisisbless              46  24  14   8   60  37  +23   86
  4 Violence Chariots        46  23  13  10   91  64  +27   82
  5 Chatswood                46  23  12  11   64  43  +21   81
  6 Cranequin Wanderers      46  22  12  12   62  43  +19   78
  7 AFC Treason              46  22  11  13   76  45  +31   77
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       46  21  11  14   66  50  +16   74
  9 Maximum City             46  21  11  14   49  38  +11   74
 10 North Laithland          46  19  12  15   65  43  +22   69
 11 Maximum Rovers           46  19  12  15   60  53   +7   69
 12 Goodfeather FC           46  17  14  15   54  57   -3   65
 13 Vermillion Rage          46  18  10  18   62  69   -7   64
 14 Cranequin City           46  14  14  18   46  60  -14   56
 15 Brookford Otters         46  14   9  23   66  76  -10   51
 16 Coret Hawks              46  12  14  20   56  70  -14   50
 17 Parrhesia United         46  13   9  24   48  72  -24   48
 18 Starling                 46  12  12  22   46  70  -24   48
 19 Crisisbless United       46  12  11  23   52  84  -32   47
 20 Cypher Town              46  11  11  24   40  60  -20   44
 21 Newrook City             46  12   5  29   49  83  -34   41
 22 AFC Serpentine           46  10  10  26   43  79  -36   40
 23 Raven River              46  11   7  28   48  85  -37   40
 24 Iron City                46   8  12  26   28  62  -34   36

TOP SCORERS
25 - A. Johnson (SFM)
24 - K. Quinn (VIC)
22 - A. Zozula (TRE)
21 - Juquinho (BRI)
20 - P. Amokachi (BRI), I. Cantor (BRK), Curio (SFM)
19 - C. Hari (CRW), N. Walker (VIC)
18 - G. Vastano (COR)
17 - J. Kessler (CHT), S. Portsgate (GDF), M. Puntoriero (TRE), T. Runen (VRR)
16 - M. Lynwood (MXR)
15 - R. J. Styrn (BRI), A. Dorne (NRC), C. Belgrave (NLA)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Aaliyah Johnson (SFM)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Rutger Locke (BRI)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Penumbra Amokachi (BRI)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Jonathan Bosetti (BRI)
Team of the Year: Katsouranis (CHT); Christener (SFM), Pryor (SFM), Gallardo (CRI), Hasselbaink (BRI); Szalai (VIC), Locke (BRI), St. Cleer (CRI), Amokachi (BRI); Johnson (SFM), Zozula (TRE)
- Bench: Jelic (MXC); Stubbs (CHT), Röènôùjýâ (VIC), Rook (CRW), Bosetti (BRI), Coleman (SFM), Quinn (VIC)
Manager of the Year: Catheline Allister (CRW)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Creed United              46  25  12   9  55  28  +27  87
  2 Chenoworth Rovers         46  24  12  10  57  22  +35  84
  3 South Laithland           46  25   7  14  66  41  +25  82
  4 Sheridan                  46  22  14  10  56  39  +17  80
  5 Southfell United          46  23  10  13  78  49  +29  79
  6 Martella Jazz             46  23   9  14  65  45  +20  78
  7 Bishop                    46  23   9  14  48  30  +18  78
  8 Extreme Hills             46  21  13  12  64  45  +19  76
  9 Vermillion Wanderers      46  22   8  16  57  45  +12  74
 10 West Brinemouth           46  19  14  13  48  31  +17  71
 11 Leichhardt                46  18  13  15  41  35   +6  67
 12 Ritter Town               46  18  11  17  52  54   -2  65
 13 Armstrong                 46  19   7  20  51  48   +3  64
 14 Chenoworth Harriers       46  18  10  18  46  45   +1  64
 15 Coret Rovers              46  17   9  20  55  86  -31  60
 16 Corvette Maulers          46  17   7  22  58  75  -17  58
 17 Hackett                   46  15  11  20  55  64   -9  56
 18 Iron United               46  15   9  22  36  56  -20  54
 19 Rochford                  46  15   8  23  39  47   -8  53
 20 Sutcroft                  46  15   7  24  41  59  -18  52
 21 Strephonage               46  10  14  22  39  61  -22  44
 22 AFC Shale                 46   8  14  24  30  48  -18  38
 23 Dross Rovers              46  11   5  30  33  75  -42  38
 24 Ox River United           46   8   9  29  31  73  -42  33

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 North Sabrefell              46  28  11   7  84  37  +47  95
  2 Diamondqueen                 46  29   7  10  70  39  +31  94
  3 Locksley                     46  24  11  11  89  52  +37  83
  4 East Laithland Harriers      46  24  11  11  80  54  +26  83
  5 Crisisbless Athletic         46  23   7  16  68  63   +5  76
  6 Belgrave                     46  21  11  14  87  62  +25  74
  7 Project +90                  46  20  12  14  74  61  +13  72
  8 Morningstar                  46  20  12  14  63  53  +10  72
  9 Mainstream Fist              46  18  14  14  73  65   +8  68
 10 South Parrhesia              46  18  13  15  70  64   +6  67
 11 Kensey Town                  46  16  16  14  74  58  +16  64
 12 West Hook                    46  18  10  18  48  48   +0  64
 13 Crossroads Town              46  18   9  19  58  53   +5  63
 14 Rhagant Schadenfreude        46  16  14  16  42  47   -5  62
 15 Dartmouth Terriers           46  17  11  18  66  73   -7  62
 16 Brindleton                   46  15  12  19  53  64  -11  57
 17 Brookway Town                46  13  15  18  62  74  -12  54
 18 Gridlock Rovers              46  12  17  17  50  64  -14  53
 19 Long Lake                    46  12  16  18  48  58  -10  52
 20 Boleyn Town                  46  14   9  23  38  54  -16  51
 21 Rushe United                 46   9  13  24  52  80  -28  40
 22 Franchise FC                 46   8  15  23  44  78  -34  39
 23 Masculine Town               46   8  12  26  58  95  -37  36
 24 Corby Hubris                 46   7  10  29  37  92  -55  31

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Greygate               46  31   5  10  78  28  +50  98
  2 Falston Town           46  25  11  10  86  46  +40  86
  3 Stonegrave             46  24  14   8  62  32  +30  86
  4 Iberia Chenoworth      46  25  10  11  72  51  +21  85
  5 Mantlegrove            46  25   8  13  78  41  +37  83
  6 Senway Town            46  24  10  12  80  49  +31  82
  7 Gridlock East          46  20  12  14  57  51   +6  72
  8 Ringway                46  19  14  13  47  43   +4  71
  9 Dubstep Rangers        46  20  10  16  58  46  +12  70
 10 Riverkey               46  18  14  14  63  65   -2  68
 11 Sutcroft Athletic      46  19  10  17  57  53   +4  67
 12 North Dubstep          46  16  16  14  49  40   +9  64
 13 Chaker Town            46  17  12  17  56  51   +5  63
 14 Southriver             46  18   8  20  47  64  -17  62
 15 The Strongest          46  18   6  22  78  93  -15  60
 16 Fenland Albion         46  16  11  19  42  47   -5  59
 17 Camwell Road           46  16   9  21  50  60  -10  57
 18 Blaze                  46  16   8  22  71  77   -6  56
 19 Stamper Road           46  13   9  24  49  73  -24  48
 20 Nay Town               46  11  11  24  42  77  -35  44
 21 Downsparrow            46  10  12  24  37  73  -36  42
 22 South Brill            46   9  14  23  46  66  -20  41
 23 Forge Carpenters       46   7  12  27  19  54  -35  33
 24 Gridlock               46   6  12  28  31  75  -44  30

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Courser               38  28   3   7  59  30  +29  87
  2 Vermillion Spite      38  22  11   5  79  45  +34  77
  3 Bellamy               38  23   3  12  52  37  +15  72
  4 Harrington            38  20   6  12  52  32  +20  66
  5 Kommissar             38  20   5  13  78  54  +24  65
  6 Grovebank             38  18   9  11  48  32  +16  63
  7 Haymaker Town         38  17  10  11  37  33   +4  61
  8 The Hanged Man        38  16  10  12  38  26  +12  58
  9 Swag Hill Rovers      38  17   7  14  53  51   +2  58
 10 Barcastle Rovers      38  16   5  17  39  44   -5  53
 11 Tryst Athletic        38  15   8  15  46  57  -11  53
 12 Fully Sick XI         38  12  13  13  37  49  -12  49
 13 Norton Road           38  14   6  18  41  40   +1  48
 14 Ramsay                38  12   6  20  42  56  -14  42
 15 Surfeit River         38  11   8  19  36  47  -11  41
 16 Thratewood            38  11   8  19  35  50  -15  41
 17 Perrett               38  11   6  21  32  46  -14  39
 18 Stekelenbright        38   9  10  19  30  42  -12  37
 19 Geoff United          38   9   6  23  29  53  -24  33
 20 Huysegem              38   5   8  25  24  63  -39  23

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lackerrun                  38  22   6  10  67  45  +22  72
  2 Falston United             38  18  10  10  53  31  +22  64
  3 Bodkin Road                38  18  10  10  57  39  +18  64
  4 Pillars of Southfell       38  16  12  10  48  36  +12  60
  5 Rookwall                   38  18   6  14  52  44   +8  60
  6 Reckdale Town              38  17   8  13  59  51   +8  59
  7 Peregrine                  38  15  12  11  49  45   +4  57
  8 Getton Town                38  15  11  12  60  53   +7  56
  9 Norpike                    38  16   7  15  53  50   +3  55
 10 De La Patria               38  16   7  15  46  52   -6  55
 11 Fischer                    38  13  14  11  47  40   +7  53
 12 Sandrock                   38  15   8  15  35  33   +2  53
 13 Inner-East Fairywrens      38  13  13  12  42  39   +3  52
 14 Clay Terrace               38  10  15  13  22  35  -13  45
 15 Twelvetrees                38  10  14  14  35  39   -4  44
 16 East Slake                 38  13   5  20  39  52  -13  44
 17 Violence Tigers            38  10  12  16  40  50  -10  42
 18 Rochford Pilgrims          38  10   9  19  43  60  -17  39
 19 Markoni                    38   8  13  17  44  65  -21  37
 20 Pridehome                  38   6  10  22  33  65  -32  28

by **Nephara** » Thu Mar 10, 2016 4:37 am

Season 62 Preview

LAST SEASON

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Brinemouth               46  33  10   3  103  38  +65  109
  2 Sabrefell Moths          46  26  14   6   81  34  +47   92
  3 Crisisbless              46  24  14   8   60  37  +23   86
  4 Violence Chariots        46  23  13  10   91  64  +27   82
  5 Chatswood                46  23  12  11   64  43  +21   81
  6 Cranequin Wanderers      46  22  12  12   62  43  +19   78
  7 AFC Treason              46  22  11  13   76  45  +31   77
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       46  21  11  14   66  50  +16   74
  9 Maximum City             46  21  11  14   49  38  +11   74
 10 North Laithland          46  19  12  15   65  43  +22   69
 11 Maximum Rovers           46  19  12  15   60  53   +7   69
 12 Goodfeather FC           46  17  14  15   54  57   -3   65
 13 Vermillion Rage          46  18  10  18   62  69   -7   64
 14 Cranequin City           46  14  14  18   46  60  -14   56
 15 Brookford Otters         46  14   9  23   66  76  -10   51
 16 Coret Hawks              46  12  14  20   56  70  -14   50
 17 Parrhesia United         46  13   9  24   48  72  -24   48
 18 Starling                 46  12  12  22   46  70  -24   48
 19 Crisisbless United       46  12  11  23   52  84  -32   47
 20 Cypher Town              46  11  11  24   40  60  -20   44
 21 Newrook City             46  12   5  29   49  83  -34   41
 22 AFC Serpentine           46  10  10  26   43  79  -36   40
 23 Raven River              46  11   7  28   48  85  -37   40
 24 Iron City                46   8  12  26   28  62  -34   36

  1 Creed United              46  25  12   9  55  28  +27  87
  2 Chenoworth Rovers         46  24  12  10  57  22  +35  84
  3 South Laithland           46  25   7  14  66  41  +25  82
  4 Sheridan                  46  22  14  10  56  39  +17  80
  5 Southfell United          46  23  10  13  78  49  +29  79
  6 Martella Jazz             46  23   9  14  65  45  +20  78

TOP SCORERS
25 - A. Johnson (SFM)
24 - K. Quinn (VIC)
22 - A. Zozula (TRE)
21 - Juquinho (BRI)
20 - P. Amokachi (BRI), I. Cantor (BRK), Curio (SFM)
19 - C. Hari (CRW), N. Walker (VIC)
18 - G. Vastano (COR)
17 - J. Kessler (CHT), S. Portsgate (GDF), M. Puntoriero (TRE), T. Runen (VRR)
16 - M. Lynwood (MXR)
15 - R. J. Styrn (BRI), A. Dorne (NRC), C. Belgrave (NLA)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Aaliyah Johnson (SFM)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Rutger Locke (BRI)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Penumbra Amokachi (BRI)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Jonathan Bosetti (BRI)
Team of the Year: Katsouranis (CHT); Christener (SFM), Pryor (SFM), Gallardo (CRI), Hasselbaink (BRI); Szalai (VIC), Locke (BRI), St. Cleer (CRI), Amokachi (BRI); Johnson (SFM), Zozula (TRE)
- Bench: Jelic (MXC); Stubbs (CHT), Röènôùjýâ (VIC), Rook (CRW), Bosetti (BRI), Coleman (SFM), Quinn (VIC)
Manager of the Year: Catheline Allister (CRW)

by **Nephara** » Thu Mar 10, 2016 4:38 am

by **Nephara** » Thu Mar 10, 2016 4:40 am

by **Nephara** » Fri Mar 11, 2016 4:49 am

Well, the Chariots are arguably champions of the world now, in a showcase friendly kind of way. After destroying SBCC champions Jamaica 5-0 (Asher Voeller in particular hugely impressive) both other matches in the mini-tournament end scoreless.

But it’s here, of course, that the season starts for real. And… and it really couldn’t get much rougher for poor Sheridan, Shay Kilner managing just seven touches up front and Gillett’s eight saves unable to prevent a 3-0 defeat. The preseason boots are still on in certain other circles - there’s five one-nil wins - but the other newly-promoted sides have mixed results. South Laithland are bullied into submission by Chatswood, but Chenoworth Rovers will feel happy enough with their defensive solidity away at Crisisbless while Creed United held firm, hit Crisisbless United hard on the break (Danica Farrier with a goal on her debut) and held out for the win.

One poor result, as Spartangrad sweep past a Crisisbless side that were lucky to pull one back late through substitute Espen Knutsen - what a legend, and it puts Crisisbless within a 2-0 home win of progressing. The Chariots are resolute in Audioslavia, and new boy Cardinal Belgrave makes an exceptional impact - powering a shot into the top corner past a helpless Terrazas. Edelgrau’s excellent double save in the dying minutes, first from Adrian and then Apexarena, preserves the win.

How far the Stags have fallen. This defeat will not live long in the memory.

Brinemouth’s first four matches sees them make a circuit of the newly-promoted sides, but South Laithland have actually knocked them out of the last two NFA Cups. That bogey status is not preserved, however, as Bella Yossarian is peppered with shots and left too much to do by an AWOL defence - though Cheney Markosian actually scores first. Scant consolation in a 6-2 defeat. Brookford Otters suffer a remarkable capitulation at home. 3-1 up at halftime, Cantor with a hat-trick, Mueller pulls another back early in the second half and Markus Kearney is sent off for a vicious second yellow in the 51st minute. Weiler, Mueller (again), Evans and Cadogan wrest back the match and the home stadium is too stunned to react, even when Haubeck flicks home a header that’s a mere consolation in a 6-4 defeat they thought was within their grasp.

Crisisbless get the early goal they need - Engstroem in the 8th minute - and Gallardo puts the ball in the net late on. Past a perplexed Marciak, in fact. Not good enough - they slip out of contention. Tanya Bottlegreen fires low and hard past Edelgrau in the 13th minute, but the Chariots fight back. Walker hits a post, Faulkner clears off the line and finally Belgrave’s cross is slickly converted by Quinn at the far post. But there’s heartbreak late on - Apexarena had been denied late on by Edelgrau but this time an insolent chip was enough to beat her, win the match and, on away goals, the tie.

The Stags show just a little more fight, but it would have been impossible to show less. It’s made worse by the absence of Marco Puntoriero - the Stags’ first-choice striker flattened in a World Cup qualifier for Osarius against Gregonia and physios estimating the ligament damage will have him out for around six months. Claudia Cautcher, injury-prone as hell herself, does at least score a goal here.

The Moths haven’t had an easy return to football, beaten first by Treason and then the Chariots. A visit across town to their hated rivals only makes things harder. In a match where homegrown Athletic goalkeeper Lind Pressinger makes a number of superb saves in a 2-2 first half, Athletic just go up that extra gear in the second with the unit of Castellan and Gawain in midfield (supported by Sarracena) running the game. Castellan himself gets a goal, his late run into the box letting him head home Oehman’s cross, and Murdoch and stalwart substitute Coalan Bray (now 34!) secures a thrashing victory and leaves the Moths without a point to their name.

After a brave defeat on away goals to equal opposition, Ben Griffin’s ten-minute brace leaves the well-rested Chariots speechless. Asher Voeller’s desperate late flying header pulled one back, at least, and it’s still within their grasp. Meanwhile, the Heelers made a bit of a meal of things but ultimately closed out a 3-2 win away against Vijallu. At least someone remembers how to do a professional job.

Moths break the three straight defeats that started their campaign in some style, Aaliyah Johnson finally opening her account for the season. Four times. North Laithland never stood a chance. Brinemouth finish their clearout of the newly-promoted sides, as the Oathmen - who had been doing well - are destroyed in front of their own fans. “They’re on another level,” their veteran goalkeeper Kennedy told the press, shaking his head. “Another fucking level.” Penumbra Amokachi has scored six goals so far.

Somer City and Surrounds can be proud of themselves in a day that will live long in the memory. The Chariots, conversely, will try to forget what happened as quickly as possible. Crisisbless closed down Vijallu, goals from Kilbane and Tarrant sealing the deal.

Yet again, Crisisbless United concede four goals. This time, they don’t score six in return. In fact, they don’t score any. A masterclass in terrible defending (Wilshire pursuing the odd tactic of ‘falling over’) gives Reid a golden chance which he promptly puts wide, but a hospital pass from Morgan to Reid is swept up by Runen who shows Reid how it’s done by sweeping the ball in. Morgan continues not to cover himself in glory when Pokrovski beats him at his near post and the rout is underlined by Robin and Berenger. Sheridan vs. Cranequin City might just be the worst match in football history, the small bog that Sheridan claim to be a pitch playing host to a passing accuracy of 54%. Fifty. Four. Harwick murders Purrington in the box and Pennyfeather calmly scores the resulting penalty to give City the only goal.

South Laithland go at the Wanderers aiming to be counted, although it comes off to an inauspicious start - Maxine Lynwood sliding a first-touch shot past Yossarian. It’s another game low on quality, as proven when Jess Glaive has a righteous airswing in the box to allow Markosian to level the scores, but high on intensity, as Hari’s diving header is too powerful for Yossarian to save. But in the second half, Rutger Connacht - quiet until now - roars into life, scoring twice and setting up Cruickshank for the Southron’s fourth, with Bella Yossarian determined to cling on in the Southron’s goal. Lynwood does get one back, stabbing a low cross in at the far post, but it’s only one - the Southrons are starting to look like a Premiership side. As, to be fair, they often have been.

Starling are the latest club to be annihilated by Brinemouth - Just Hargrave picking the ball out of his net six times. The Maximum derby is a fast-paced affair, but the visiting Rovers seem a touch above and run the midfield - Rebecca Kelsey the surprising player of the match with a slickly dispatched goal (which, she admitted later, was meant to be a cross) before playing a perfect ball over the top of the defence. Jelic came for it… Curren got it, tapping the ball between his legs and into the net. Crisisbless United pip Parrhesia to the three points, Cassandra Kilgallon bundling home a long ball from Evans for her first goal of the season - it could well prove to be a 6-pointer by season’s end.

Sheridan, broadly speaking, hate every other team in the city except the Chariots. They hate Athletic most of all, and have rarely had the chance to go to town on them. They don’t score, of course, but by the end of the day Kilner has personally done Orpheus Clement’s career a favour by taking out Pressinger in spectacular aerial fashion. Murdoch, Castellan and Rakeruth join him - and, yes, this means that Athletic end the match with ten players on the pitch. But Rough breaks down the right, finds Gawain’s pass and smashes past Gillett before hushing the away end - they respond by hurling green flares onto the pitch, and Stirling flattens Rough not long afterwards to raucous cheers.

End-to-end stuff in the backyard of winless Cypher Town, Cautcher with the first goal and Zozula hitting a post not soon after. But Neilson’s expertly-lofted long ball plays Eastway past the defence, and Eastway sets up a slide-rule pass for Dorne to thump home an equaliser. Just three minutes later, Rafferty’s cross is also stabbed home by Dorne, and as Treason press for an equaliser the half-time whistle blows. Well, they keep on pressing after the resumption… and they’re hit on the break in the 58th minute, this time Lind Rafferty going it alone to stab Samaras’ cutback into the net. Zozula eventually sends a thumping header past the unconvincing Morgan, but Cypher at last have their first win of the season. Orpheus Clement makes his first Premiership start over the concussed Pressinger, and promptly lets a mediocre shot from Joanne Kightley go through his hands in a painful 1-0 defeat to Chenoworth. Just one more game before Pressinger’s back - can’t come soon enough for Athletic fans.

A decidedly one-sided Crisisbless derby. Well, at least Laura Weiler manages a rare goal - just a shame that Cheney Morgan let so many in at the other end, and from five different scorers as well. The Chessmen look unavoidably pretty terrible this season. Gerhard Thunder’s Otters enjoyed a hearty reception at the club where Nephara’s leading goalscorer bookended his playing days, and in an unusually cagey match he was rewarded. Daniel Cromwell was exceptional, making nine saves, while Igrene Cantor swept home a low and hard Kirschester cross for a late winner. Parity’s the name of the game at Ludd’s Hammer. Maximum City and Sheridan don’t manage a goal between them, but a player’s sent off on both sides.

Brinemouth go up early on through Levy and Beckcamp, but they’ll be disappointed to have conceded two goals in the last ten minutes. “We just eased our foot off the gas,” fumed captain Carragher in the postmatch interview. “Never again.” Sabrefell Moths can’t be accused of the same, thumping Bezieres 3-0 at home with their familiar breezy quick-passing hard-running game.

No Nepharim side in the Globe Cup manages a goal today - a bore draw in Treason is the highlight in coefficient terms. Axel Gunsson runs the show against Crisisbless, who played oddly within themselves before succumbing to a well-taken brace from Beatriz Montez - one goal either side of half-time for the Osarian striker. The suspicion of Cranequin Wanderers was that they were a fish out of water at international level, and sure enough not only is defensive keystone Gareth Kearney sent off but they lose 3-0 to Keppal.

Brinemouth, still unbeaten, almost lose that record against the Chariots - Quinn scores in the second minute and Vintner has to be at his best to stop them extending it, and it takes a late heart-breaking header from Carragher off an expert Beckcamp corner for the Dockers to secure their win. Sheridan manage a second win of the season to take down Crisisbless United, Shay Kilner smashing home Mreijkhlaar’s fantastic cross. But while Sheridan have shown steel, sweat and even a certain homicidal charm, they still don’t look likely to leave the foot of the table this season - though it’s currently Cypher (beaten in routine fashion by North Laithland) occupying that spot right now.

Throw the little teams into the pot and see what happens. Newly-promoted Ballardine FC (champions of last year’s NFA Trophy, the state league cup) narrowly lose their maiden NFA Cup voyage thanks to an 82nd-minute header from Stekelenbright captain Mark Therrett, but their western counterparts, the Gosmouth Swans, win their debut match over Bellamy. Blaze might boast a recently-christened Schiavonia international in Alan Adams, but he can’t do anything against a dominant Gridlock East - who triumph 3-0 at home over them. Violence Tigers were similarly confused to have Sammi Puhr called up to the depleted and unofficial Buyan national team for the qualifiers, and he did manage to set up a goal for lumbering Paul Koplanka to swipe in. But a late capitulation saw North Dubstep wrest control of the match - and the scoreline.

Kurtis Quinn has a point to prove. He might be the mild-mannered, cheerful westerner to interviewers, but the Chariots striker has made no secret of his displeasure at being axed from the hometown club he still loves - and has been in flying form ever since. So it’s unsurprising that, when Zozula and Vesper put the Chariots 2-0 down with twenty minutes to go and Mortlock is considering changes, Quinn comes up with an energetic scissor kick to pull one back, and then flies in at the far post in injury time to salvage a point. He celebrates with a solemn glance back to the Treason fans, blows a kiss, and jogs back to the halfway line. No such ambiguities across town - Chatswood are the only team so far to stand up to Sheridan’s brutalising tactics, and the result is a complete subjugation. As well as goals from Kessler, Matheson, Kuralay and Kessler (again). Emery Alnwick, Sherries captain, puts it best - “shit result, great match.”

A hard-fought but well-won three points for Brinemouth against the Panthers, Bosetti winning the midfield and Locke running things from there - a goal for himself and a beautiful pass for Juquinho to score the winner. Tanrisal hit hard and took their chances against the Moths, Emond, Valdimarsdottir and Neci making sure that three of Tanrisal’s four shots on target got past Peterson. The Moths, aside from a single Curio header, were far more profligate.

Things aren’t looking good. Ulsa bulldozes Chatswood, glances in the rear window, and then slowly backs over them again to finish the job - Draig Goch do a similar job on the Wanderers, only it’s even worse since it’s in Cranequin. Veteran centre-half Hildebrandt, deputising for the suspended Kearney, even manages a late own goal. Crisisbless are still the only Nepharim side to win a Globe Cup fixture so far, Engstroem lashing home a direct free kick in a match the Heelers had decisively locked down first.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               12  9  3  0  34   9  +25  30
  2 AFC Treason              12  9  2  1  20   9  +11  29
  3 Chatswood                12  8  1  3  15   6   +9  25
  4 Violence Chariots        12  7  4  1  18  11   +7  25
  5 Sabrefell Moths          12  7  1  4  19  13   +6  22
  6 Goodfeather FC           12  6  3  3  10   7   +3  21
  7 Sabrefell Athletic       12  6  2  4  21  12   +9  20
  8 Crisisbless              12  6  2  4  17   9   +8  20
  9 Coret Hawks              12  5  5  2  17  16   +1  20
 10 Brookford Otters         12  5  3  4  19  18   +1  18
 11 Maximum City             12  4  3  5   9   9   +0  15
 12 Maximum Rovers           12  4  3  5   9  10   -1  15
 13 South Laithland          12  4  2  6  18  23   -5  14
 14 Starling                 12  4  2  6  14  22   -8  14
 15 Cranequin Wanderers      12  3  4  5  10  11   -1  13
 16 Vermillion Rage          12  4  1  7  15  18   -3  13
 17 North Laithland          12  3  4  5  13  16   -3  13
 18 Parrhesia United         12  3  3  6   9  12   -3  12
 19 Creed United             12  3  3  6  11  19   -8  12
 20 Crisisbless United       12  4  0  8  13  23  -10  12
 21 Sheridan                 12  2  4  6   6  16  -10  10
 22 Cranequin City           12  2  3  7  12  20   -8   9
 23 Chenoworth Rovers        12  2  3  7   5  14   -9   9
 24 Cypher Town              12  2  3  7   8  19  -11   9

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Extreme Hills                12  8  2  2  21   6  +15  26
  2 Southfell United             12  8  1  3  37  16  +21  25
  3 AFC Serpentine               12  7  4  1  26  12  +14  25
  4 Raven River                  12  7  3  2  24  14  +10  24
  5 Newrook City                 12  7  3  2  13   7   +6  24
  6 Bishop                       12  6  5  1  15  10   +5  23
  7 West Brinemouth              12  6  4  2  17  10   +7  22
  8 Leichhardt                   12  6  2  4  13  13   +0  20
  9 Martella Jazz                12  5  3  4  22  17   +5  18
 10 Sutcroft                     12  5  3  4  19  18   +1  18
 11 Rochford                     12  5  2  5  12  14   -2  17
 12 Armstrong                    12  4  4  4  13  11   +2  16
 13 Iron City                    12  4  4  4  13  11   +2  16
 14 Ritter Town                  12  4  4  4  11  12   -1  16
 15 Corvette Maulers             12  4  4  4  22  25   -3  16
 16 Chenoworth Harriers          12  4  3  5  23  18   +5  15
 17 North Sabrefell              12  4  2  6  18  22   -4  14
 18 Diamondqueen                 12  2  6  4  12  17   -5  12
 19 Coret Rovers                 12  3  2  7  10  19   -9  11
 20 East Laithland Harriers      12  3  2  7  13  27  -14  11
 21 Locksley                     12  2  3  7  18  31  -13   9
 22 Iron United                  12  2  2  8   8  27  -19   8
 23 Vermillion Wanderers         12  2  0 10  21  28   -7   6
 24 Hackett                      12  1  2  9   6  22  -16   5

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Strephonage                12  12  0  0  23   2  +21  36
  2 Crossroads Town            12  10  1  1  19   3  +16  31
  3 Morningstar                12   8  3  1  22   7  +15  27
  4 Crisisbless Athletic       12   8  1  3  22  13   +9  25
  5 Project +90                12   6  2  4  14  11   +3  20
  6 South Parrhesia            12   5  4  3  15  11   +4  19
  7 AFC Shale                  12   5  3  4  10   7   +3  18
  8 Dross Rovers               12   5  3  4  14  12   +2  18
  9 Dartmouth Terriers         12   5  3  4  13  12   +1  18
 10 Kensey Town                12   4  5  3  12  13   -1  17
 11 West Hook                  12   4  4  4  12  10   +2  16
 12 Ox River United            12   5  1  6  14  18   -4  16
 13 Belgrave                   12   4  3  5  19  14   +5  15
 14 Long Lake                  12   3  6  3  13  10   +3  15
 15 Greygate                   12   4  3  5   8   9   -1  15
 16 Mainstream Fist            12   3  5  4  13  15   -2  14
 17 Falston Town               12   3  4  5  10  14   -4  13
 18 Rhagant Schadenfreude      12   3  3  6   8  12   -4  12
 19 Brookway Town              12   3  2  7   9  18   -9  11
 20 Gridlock Rovers            12   2  5  5   8  20  -12  11
 21 Stonegrave                 12   2  3  7   9  15   -6   9
 22 Brindleton                 12   2  3  7   8  16   -8   9
 23 Iberia Chenoworth          12   1  4  7  10  29  -19   7
 24 Boleyn Town                12   1  1 10   4  18  -14   4

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sutcroft Athletic      12  7  5  0  18   7  +11  26
  2 Rushe United           12  7  4  1  22  11  +11  25
  3 Masculine Town         12  7  3  2  20   8  +12  24
  4 Fenland Albion         12  7  3  2  21  10  +11  24
  5 Franchise FC           12  7  3  2  21  11  +10  24
  6 Blaze                  12  6  3  3  24  16   +8  21
  7 Corby Hubris           12  6  2  4  18  15   +3  20
  8 Dubstep Rangers        12  6  2  4  16  14   +2  20
  9 North Dubstep          12  6  2  4  14  12   +2  20
 10 Mantlegrove            12  5  4  3  16  12   +4  19
 11 Senway Town            12  5  2  5  19  15   +4  17
 12 Riverkey               12  4  4  4  15  12   +3  16
 13 Vermillion Spite       12  5  1  6  19  20   -1  16
 14 Chaker Town            12  4  3  5  14  20   -6  15
 15 Courser                12  4  2  6  12  17   -5  14
 16 Camwell Road           12  3  3  6  10  18   -8  12
 17 The Strongest          12  3  3  6  14  25  -11  12
 18 Gridlock East          12  2  5  5  14  13   +1  11
 19 Stamper Road           12  2  5  5  14  17   -3  11
 20 Southriver             12  2  5  5   8  13   -5  11
 21 Lackerrun              12  3  2  7  12  25  -13  11
 22 Ringway                12  2  4  6  13  17   -4  10
 23 Nay Town               12  2  2  8   7  21  -14   8
 24 Falston United         12  0  6  6   8  20  -12   6

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Kommissar             12  7  3  2  25  12  +13  24
  2 Grovebank             12  7  3  2  18   7  +11  24
  3 Forge Carpenters      12  7  3  2  11   6   +5  24
  4 Ramsay                12  7  2  3  20  10  +10  23
  5 Gridlock              12  6  2  4  22  13   +9  20
  6 Harrington            12  6  2  4  15  15   +0  20
  7 Bellamy               12  6  1  5  13  11   +2  19
  8 Thratewood            12  5  3  4  18  14   +4  18
  9 Perrett               12  5  3  4  15  13   +2  18
 10 Haymaker Town         12  5  3  4  10   9   +1  18
 11 Gosforth Swans        12  5  3  4  13  20   -7  18
 12 Fully Sick XI         12  5  2  5  19  17   +2  17
 13 Tryst Athletic        12  5  2  5  16  17   -1  17
 14 The Hanged Man        12  3  5  4  15  13   +2  14
 15 Surfeit River         12  3  3  6  14  20   -6  12
 16 Norton Road           12  3  2  7   8  14   -6  11
 17 Barcastle Rovers      12  3  2  7   9  16   -7  11
 18 Swag Hill Rovers      12  3  2  7  16  25   -9  11
 19 Stekelenbright        12  3  2  7   8  17   -9  11
 20 Geoff United          12  2  0 10   8  24  -16   6

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bodkin Road                12 10  1  1  26   5  +21  31
  2 Downsparrow                12  8  2  2  19   8  +11  26
  3 South Brill                12  7  2  3  16  13   +3  23
  4 Inner-East Fairywrens      12  7  0  5  14  10   +4  21
  5 Fischer                    12  6  2  4  19  15   +4  20
  6 Peregrine                  12  5  5  2  14  10   +4  20
  7 Reckdale Town              12  6  2  4  13  12   +1  20
  8 Sandrock                   12  5  4  3  14   9   +5  19
  9 De La Patria               12  5  3  4  20  19   +1  18
 10 Pillars of Southfell       12  4  5  3  13  11   +2  17
 11 East Slake                 12  5  2  5  12  16   -4  17
 12 Ballardine FC              12  4  4  4  12  13   -1  16
 13 Getton Town                12  3  5  4  17  15   +2  14
 14 Rookwall                   12  3  5  4  11  12   -1  14
 15 Twelvetrees                12  4  2  6   8  11   -3  14
 16 Rochford Pilgrims          12  3  3  6  15  18   -3  12
 17 Norpike                    12  2  4  6  13  18   -5  10
 18 Markoni                    12  2  1  9  11  20   -9   7
 19 Clay Terrace               12  2  1  9   4  18  -14   7
 20 Violence Tigers            12  2  1  9   6  24  -18   7

by **Nephara** » Tue Mar 15, 2016 3:20 am

Brinemouth vs. AFC Treason, now a top-of-the table clash. Brinemouth charge forward in waves, again and again and again, but Laisne has his best game in the, well, green goalkeeper’s shirt and denies them time and time again. And, fatefully, as he catches a tame header from Carragher, he sends a quick throw down the wing. Vesper is waiting, turns, sends Everheart flying into nowhere with a quick feint and fires off a long ball. Claudia Cautcher, too small to have been of any use defending the corner, suddenly has a clear sight of goal - and she doesn’t disappoint, firing low and hard past Vintner. They hold the lead to the 90 minutes, but in injury time, substitute Ronda Judit Styrn’s first touch of the match is to ghost in at the far post and head home Beckcamp’s cross. Given that her reaction was to race along the away end kissing her badge, it seems that Styrn has very quickly come to understand the rivalry.

Brinemouth vent their anger… on the Moths, annihilating them 4-0 on a day where they simply made the run of the green their own. Sabrefell Athletic beat Treason 3-1 at home - Pressinger a star in goal (sorry, Clement) and Keller clinical up front as the Castellan-Sarracena-Gawain midfield unit continues to excel - and Goodfeather avenge their 5-1 defeat to Brookford last match with a dominant 4-0 victory over Coret. Oh, and there’s a Vermillion derby, as well - Mirko Vangelis finally chalks up his first assist of the season (he hasn’t scored, either) to set up Telfair for a neat flicked header, but Rage pressure and harry and it pays off in the last 80 minutes, the Saints too tired to resist as the away side walks it into the net. Twice.

Two oddly dry games. Halholzer aim to choke Brinemouth down and stop them from creating - they manage that, but they don’t manage to score themselves. Tanith Rainsford has the number of her fellow Nephara internationals in midfield and thus there’s little the Moths can do down the middle after Winrouge sets up Maas Fox for a spectacular rabona finish past a helplessly wrongfooted Durgan Pryor. Aside from that, the finishing from both sides is spectacularly poor, but the Farves are good value for their win.

Chatswood still (unsurprisingly) seem chastened by their slaughter at the hands of Ulsa and their safety-first approach against Lehen Neorudo gains few plaudits, but it works - playing the percentages as set pieces bombard into the Neorudo area and, finally, Brescia Stubbs clambers over everyone else to head one in. Crisisbless are far more open against Jansberg, who punish them for it in a tight affair. Mazza cuts the Heelers’ defence open for Muller to finish, but the Heelers rally in the second half, press forward and win a penalty - Engstroem won it, and he puts it into the ceiling of the net. But in the last five minutes, the veteran Afolayan lumbers into position at a corner and, when a weak Machan clearance falls kindly for him, he powers it into the net. Cranequin Wanderers gives Hastmead Diamante more problems than anyone expected - which is to say, any. Goals from Hari and Lynwood put their world-class visitors on the back foot in the first half at Ebony Lane (helpfully, on a rainy day), but they found their footing and goals from Elaine Ashdown (the recently-minted Nephara captain got a warm reception from the home crowd) and Ryan Watson turned the tables back in Hastmead’s favour.

Brinemouth retain their lead at the top with a hard-fought win over Sabrefell Athletic, a last-minute goal lashed into the top corner by Oehman disallowed for offside. Some of their close rivals fall, too - North Laithland’s slick passing overcomes a guileless Treason with Daniel Archer netting his third of the season while an unusually excellent and as-usually spirited Starling destroys Chatswood. “They played with fear, we played with courage,” captain Kurtis Warner roared, and he had a goal and an assist to his name - close-range efforts from Loeher and Braunbier finishing the Woodsmen off, with the Passerine’s excellent wing play the key.

The stage is finally set for the Premiership clubs to, well, be one step away from entering. So what’s there to note? Last season’s surprise package of the First Division, Martella Jazz, smashed third-tier Mainstream Fist (who were also in the Premiership not too long ago) 6-0, Ash Moltke scoring a hat-trick - will Crisisbless United regret letting the winger leave? Forge Carpenters, not long ago regulars of the second and third tiers, are smashed 5-0 by fellow Conference West side Surfeit River. Worse still, Surfeit are struggling to avoid relegation, and become the last Conference West side still in the competition - eastern counterparts Rookwall beat fourth-tier Dubstep Rangers (in the Premiership 11 seasons ago - what happened?) 1-0 away thanks to Jack Pettersutton’s header from a mighty three yards out. All of the recently-relegated-from-the-Premiership teams make it through apart from AFC Serpentine, demolished 2-0 at home by an agricultural Ox River. The Strongest, for their part, edged a masterclass in crap penalties against Senway Town - winning 2-1 with their seventh penalty as Senway’s Nicolai Erretts smashed his against the crossbar.

Parrhesia United are simply hopelessly outmatched by Brinemouth, but they aren’t alone in that - somewhat more surprisingly, Cranequin City are dragged out onto the street and brutalised by a Chatswood side eager to avenge their recent crushing defeat, both matches ending 4-0. The biggest plaudits are owed to Brookford Otters, with Igrene Cantor scoring four (Kirschester and Haubeck contributing the others) en route to a 6-0 rout of a dreadful Chenoworth Rovers, 5-0 at half-time. It induces Evander Lacustrine to refuse Chenoworth Rovers access to the dressing room at the half-time interval, and the squad shivers miserably out in the open scrutiny of the fans. Maximum City’s long-running feud with AFC Treason continues. Markus Anderton’s tackle snaps Diana Cooper’s ACL, but Anika Redmayne comes onto the pitch to score first from a Devante flick-on and then, played through on goal by Jezek, chipping a second over Laisne.

Brinemouth didn’t have a player sent off. There were no controversial refereeing decisions. There weren’t any serious injuries. They were just vastly, unforgivably inferior to Halholzer United in front of their own fans. Sabrefell Moths, at least, restored plenty of pride with a titanic clash - when it comes to attack-minded sides wearing green and black, this is probably the premier clash in the multiverse. Fox still scores, because he’s Maas Fox, but Aaliyah Johnson’s first-half brace is aided and abetted in the second half through Coleman, Cliving and Curio.

Chatswood score from a set piece again - Gary Corsie’s thunderbolt from the thunderblue nearly breaks the net in a game where he otherwise accomplished nothing - but the young Islanders Baarda and Vanandel dance through the Woodsmen’s defence and chalk up a goal apiece. A string of impressive saves from Barangayan goalkeeper Apolinario hardly hurts, either. The Heelers keep it tight at home and a single Engstroem strike, clipped high past Courtois, is enough to secure victory. Meanwhile, Cranequin Wanderers - still without a point - come to Hastmead Diamante without expectations. They leave with a 2-0 victory, as their willingness to fight for every ball, play the percentages and totally ignore the central midfield - and, of course, a player from the match performance from Rachael Green marshalling the defence as well as several excellent Brennan saves - gives Coden Hari and Seth Rook the goals they need to turn Diamante over. “They didn’t like it up ‘em!” a jubilant Catheline Allister crows to the cluster of press.

Starling’s third straight 3-0 win and, in fact, their 19th of 21 possible points. Nikita Loeher has scored in every one of those games, last season’s slight, pixie-cutted and overwhelmed figure replaced by someone capable of tearing down the centre at the perfect time to thump the ball into the net, a striker in the peak of her form. Creed United, for their part, have managed the promoted side’s dream of mostly fading into the lower-midtable - the spotlight this defeat earned them was hardly welcome. Cranequin City manage to score four goals over a hopelessly disorganised South Laithland, all of them headers from set pieces. “I might need to get better in the air,” admits flappy Southron stopper Yossarian.

Surprisingly, the normally ill-tempered Treason derby - while still having plenty of edge in it - is a flowing affair, perhaps the star being referee Colette Fynch and her ‘slow to whistle, quick to card’ approach. Claudia Cautcher gets the only goal of the first half, played off Stubbs’ shoulder by Vyntra and firing low past Katsouranis, but she’s annihilated by Stubbs just six minutes later. Ankle ligaments are gone, and with a sigh, fourth-choice striker Olenna Jaspenner strides in to fill the void (Ida Preussler, who turns 19 in a week, is the last remaining recognised striker in the squad). Chatswood are buoyed by this, and yellow cards to Murdoch and Anderton finally allow Emery Lineker to hurl in Gary Corsie (far too easily bullied otherwise) off the bench. It turns the game - Corsie sets up Harald Matheson in the 61st minute, hits the post in the 66th and chips perfectly into the box in the 70th, the general confusion swept upon by Rudolf Venetianer who drives forward and volleys home. But in the 82nd minute, as Chatswood are clinging onto their game to their teeth (Zozula has had a goal ruled out for offside), Logan Murdoch has another trademark late run into the box, and Vesper checked her cross just long enough to place it at the perfect time and place. The header is direct and powerful, Katsouranis doesn’t have a chance, and arguably the best Treason derby for actual footballing merit draws to an end.

Brinemouth suffer an early setback and a late scare but, thanks to goals from Locke, Amokachi, Carragher and Hasselbaink, there were to be no dramas. The Moths relied on a late comeback of their own - down 2-1 in the 80th minute, Durgan Pryor hurled himself at Cliving’s corner to snatch an equaliser before, in injury time, substitute Brenecia international Sheila Maddon flew forward at the far post to sidefoot Coleman’s cross into the net.

It was a day where Jose-Luis Aurrekoetxea scored against a tight Chatswood defence seemingly whenever he had the ball, though to be fair this ‘only’ got him a brace. Chatswood stirred hope for a comeback when Gary Corsie lofted a ball to the far post that Harald Matheson easily chested in, but last season’s goalkeeper of the season Evan Katsouranis was uncharacteristically culpable when Lukas Karlstrom smashed at his near post and, somehow, it squeezed in between his arm and body. No joy for Crisisbless or the Wanderers either, as both sides lose crucial and winnable home fixtures. Chatswood and the Wanderers are gone.

The Sabrefell Moths must be feeling confident - they’re hosting Sheridan, after all, the worst side in the league. Right? There’s an emotional round of applause for club legend Asger Stubbs, now managing the away side, but that’s the last anyone has to think of it. They’re even resting a few players for the occasion. And yet, through sheer bloody-minded stubbornness, Sherries come through on top. It doesn’t seem like it’s going to go against the grain when Curio opens the scoreline, even when Shay Kilner practically murders Vimala Uidhir to get to the hugely impressive Mreijkhlaar’s cross before powering past Peterson. But as Adebayo Gillett made a couple of defining saves in the second half, Alnwick clipped in a dangerous 70th-minute corner that Bruce Harwick flicked in - and Sheridan had a famous victory in their hands. “That weakened teamsheet was our team talk,” roared a triumphant Stubbs. “Not good enough,” was Cliving’s more concise viewpoint.

The third round begins, the Premiership clubs enter the depleted remnants and the fun really starts. Fifth-tier part-timers Surfeit River almost manage the unthinkable. Almost. As it stands, goals from Derby and Kendrickshire take Coret Hawks to extra time - the first goal was scrappy, the second a terrible mistake by goalkeeper Virgil Slaven - where Cliving finally brings the big guns off the bench in a triple substitution. Freuen and Foster both score to break the deadlock… but that’s still resoundingly impressive from plucky River. Fellow Conference side Rookwall, presented with an unlikely derby against Newrook City, do well to lose just 2-0 away. Courser aren’t so lucky. Crisisbless United, already holding the record for the biggest win in Cup history (13-0 against Iberia Chenoworth), decide they want the second-biggest as well, and smash them 11-0. Boleyn Town take the time out of their Second Division relegation battle to go and beat Crisisbless 1-0 away. “I’m fucking stunned,” was all Shale told the press. Some good news for promotion hopefuls Raven River and Southfell United, who each take a Premiership side to penalties - while Orpheus Clement is the hero for Athletic to deny River, the Tanners’ Rachael Schroeder makes four saves from five to knock the Wanderers out of contention. Another couple of promotion hopefuls do well, too… from the third tier. Belgrave go down 3-2 and show more fight against Brinemouth than many of their league peers, while West Hook outplay and outfight a gutless Parrhesia United. It should have been more than 2-0, had it not been for a fine audition from promising backup goalkeeper Aphrodite Klavier as to why she should start over Koeller in the league. Finally, there’s the parade of Premiership teams drawn against one another - Chenoworth Rovers, Sheridan, AFC Treason, Brookford Otters and Starling suffer the consequences.

The two standout worst teams in the league so far crash into each other, Sheridan fresh off an actual win (!), while Parrhesia are working on making it to 10 games without a win. While Sheridan manage a goal - Emery Alnwick’s second of the season, powered in from just outside the area - the Saints dominate possession and the flow of the game, and it’s only in the 89th minute when Atherton Telfair finally nods home Sasha Shawcroft’s cross. “This will be a turning point!” insists Esther Mackinlay, Parrhesia manager. She convinces nobody.

It’s a must-win match for Brinemouth. They lose. Meanwhile, the Moths play with fire as Tanrisal beats them fairly comfortably, but thanks to Mâ Alâmëómë holding Bezieres to a 2-2 draw, they progress in second place. “A close-run thing in a fucking hard group,” captain Kirsten Cliving diplomatically tells the press, and she’s not wrong.

Chatswood slump to a miserable 10-man three-goal defeat to Ulsa at home to round off a terrible Globe Cup campaign. Crisisbless beat International convincingly and are forced to rely on group winners Jansberg doing them a favour in sweeping Capri aside to make it through in second place. The Wanderers, continuing to play unburdened by expectation, fear or the attempt to have reasonable possession or passing accuracy, manage to flatten Draig Goch and imperil their chances of making it through the group - though, in the end, they still do. Coden Hari manages a hat-trick of headers before Dorcas Roebuck’s deflected shot finishes Goch off and lets Cranequin depart with more pride than anyone expected.

Fresh off being one of the few Nepharim sides not to let the country down in UICA, Crisisbless (whose match turnover is starting to get ridiculously heavy) keep the rotation going. 20-year old Lukas Rashford takes his chance, full of fire and with pace to burn, scoring twice. The veteran Reinhard Buchanan kills off the tie in the 88th minute with a powerful header stemming from a late run into the box.

Crisisbless United put up a credible fight, but 3-3 in the 75th minute becomes 5-3 at full-time - the quest for a Brinemouth defeat goes on. More importantly, there’s a couple of derbies - the Laith, which is as usual a friendly affair (North Laithland dominate possession and strangle the flow of the game before eventually Rui Mokanga pops up and scores) and in Cranequin, which is not. Both sides stood out as last season’s overachievers, and both did so by being physical and direct. The midfield is more or less totally ignored all match, both teams kick the hell out of each other and it’s somehow a goal from open play that settles it for the Terracotta Army, a long ball on the counterattack with Brinemouth loanee Chrysanthe Scafidis steaming past Kearney, Green, Westerveld before squeezing a shot at Brennan at a narrow angle. Brennan clumsily swats it onto the post, where it richochets to the totally open Ash Purrington - often profligate he might be, but he can’t miss an open goal from eight yards in a derby. He doesn’t.

A well-rested Crisisbless side wins a victory tense in scoreline but made comfortable by the aggregate advantage. Yet again Rashford takes his chance well, converting sweetly from just inside the box, and the more familiar face of Fabricio Gallardo smashes a corner home late on.

Crisisbless take a decent swing at Brinemouth, but it’s hard to review the Dockers these days - they’re still undefeated! They go for the throat early, and people think it’s game over - 2-0 at 20 minutes. But the Heelers fight back, Marciak making several strong saves and Engstroem rifling home a deserved goal… but they don’t equalised, even though Sternberg’s looping header hits the top of the crossbar in the last minute before bouncing onto the roof of the net. But there’s a couple of decisive and strange victories further down the table - Brookford Otters keep a clean sheet in a 1-0 win over Sabrefell Athletic (much of this due to Cromwell), Creed United smash North Laithland 3-0 (Danica Farrier, a target for the Spiders over the window who turned them down due to the implied backup role, with a brace) and Cranequin City, of all teams, break Vermillion Rage down, draw a sending-off from the self-destructive Gazzincha and score four second-half goals for a stunning 4-0 victory.

Brinemouth play Chatswood like clockwork at the end of seasons. What’s more, they’re still unbeaten… but with 85 minutes to go, goals from Kessler, Corsie and Venetianer have given Chatswood a 3-1 lead, as well as a string of saves from Evan Katsouranis. And yet… somehow, substitute RJ Styrn’s first touch nutmegs Melker and her second stabs past Katsouranis. Her third is a first-touch pass through the defensive line. Juquinho, running at full pelt to catch up to it, beats Katsouranis from the tightest of angles at his far post with faintly physics-defying skill, and Brinemouth become the first side ever to go a full half of the season unbeaten. At the other end of the table, Parrhesia United stay rooted to the floor of the table despite holding a 3-2 lead in the 85th minute themselves. Their self-destruction is far more self-inflicted than Chatswood’s - Koeller’s scuffed clearance only goes as far as Warner, who calmly chips her - the left winger then defies Arrowsmith with a stunning feint before cutting the ball back for the onrushing Rafferty, who is actually running for once - with yards of space on the edge of the box from a placid Saints defence, she picks her target and places it into the top-right corner, Koeller unable to reach.

More fun with the Cup. Bishop striker Nat Casarine has been an unlikely star of the First Division since the retirement of Daniel Canady, and basically isolated up front still manages to score two goals. Trouble is, the Moths score three, but it’s a valiant effort from a rebuilding Bishop side. The Premiership sides from Maximum both show their mettle, albeit against opposition (Second Division stragglers Iberia, Third Division regulars Ringway) they should have thrashed comfortably - both ties go to extra time, at which point Maximum City throw on Anika Redmayne. Who scores a hattrick over the 30 minutes. The Rovers only get the two in extra time, but they won’t feel too overshadowed. West Hook attempt to recreate last round’s heroics but Chatswood won’t fall so easily, fighting back in the second half to win 3-2 away. Cranequin City score another four goals, this time against cagey First Division side Leichhardt - Jevdjevic-Hadsic has two goals and four assists from the two games and is unambiguously too good for them. Southfell United, meanwhile, go in hard and play fast against Sabrefell Athletic, Rachael Schroeder makes a number of good saves and, with the scores 1-1 in extra time, substitute Premiership veteran Lily Schindler (now 35 - how time flies) coolly slots home from sixteen yards.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               23  16  7   0  65  24  +41  55
  2 AFC Treason              23  14  5   4  38  21  +17  47
  3 Crisisbless              23  13  3   7  34  20  +14  42
  4 Chatswood                23  11  6   6  27  17  +10  39
  5 Sabrefell Moths          23  12  3   8  32  28   +4  39
  6 Cranequin Wanderers      23  10  7   6  28  17  +11  37
  7 Coret Hawks              23  10  7   6  32  33   -1  37
  8 Brookford Otters         23  11  3   9  43  35   +8  36
  9 Violence Chariots        23   9  8   6  28  27   +1  35
 10 Maximum City             23   9  7   7  23  19   +4  34
 11 North Laithland          23   9  7   7  28  28   +0  34
 12 Sabrefell Athletic       23  10  3  10  36  28   +8  33
 13 Goodfeather FC           23   9  5   9  21  24   -3  32
 14 Vermillion Rage          23   9  4  10  34  35   -1  31
 15 Starling                 23   9  4  10  36  38   -2  31
 16 Cranequin City           23   9  4  10  33  35   -2  31
 17 Maximum Rovers           23   8  6   9  21  24   -3  30
 18 Creed United             23   8  5  10  24  31   -7  29
 19 South Laithland          23   7  3  13  29  41  -12  24
 20 Cypher Town              23   6  5  12  18  33  -15  23
 21 Chenoworth Rovers        23   5  6  12  16  31  -15  21
 22 Crisisbless United       23   6  1  16  32  49  -17  19
 23 Sheridan                 23   3  6  14  11  32  -21  15
 24 Parrhesia United         23   3  5  15  17  36  -19  14

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Raven River                  23  15  5   3  44  23  +21  50
  2 Newrook City                 23  15  4   4  31  18  +13  49
  3 AFC Serpentine               23  13  4   6  42  24  +18  43
  4 Extreme Hills                23  13  4   6  36  22  +14  43
  5 Southfell United             23  13  3   7  61  33  +28  42
  6 Armstrong                    23  11  7   5  27  16  +11  40
  7 Sutcroft                     23  10  6   7  35  30   +5  36
  8 Bishop                       23   9  8   6  28  22   +6  35
  9 Chenoworth Harriers          23   9  7   7  36  24  +12  34
 10 West Brinemouth              23   9  7   7  26  24   +2  34
 11 Corvette Maulers             23   9  5   9  40  39   +1  32
 12 Martella Jazz                23   8  8   7  35  36   -1  32
 13 Rochford                     23   8  7   8  22  24   -2  31
 14 North Sabrefell              23   8  6   9  39  40   -1  30
 15 Leichhardt                   23   8  6   9  22  27   -5  30
 16 Vermillion Wanderers         23   7  4  12  36  38   -2  25
 17 Iron City                    23   6  7  10  22  25   -3  25
 18 East Laithland Harriers      23   7  4  12  28  43  -15  25
 19 Ritter Town                  23   6  6  11  22  33  -11  24
 20 Iron United                  23   5  8  10  22  36  -14  23
 21 Locksley                     23   5  5  13  33  50  -17  20
 22 Coret Rovers                 23   5  5  13  16  33  -17  20
 23 Diamondqueen                 23   4  8  11  16  33  -17  20
 24 Hackett                      23   3  6  14  16  42  -26  15

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Strephonage                23  19  3   1  45   9  +36  60
  2 Crossroads Town            23  16  2   5  30   9  +21  50
  3 Crisisbless Athletic       23  14  3   6  38  24  +14  45
  4 Morningstar                23  12  8   3  39  21  +18  44
  5 West Hook                  23  12  6   5  34  16  +18  42
  6 AFC Shale                  23  12  5   6  20  11   +9  41
  7 Belgrave                   23  10  7   6  44  30  +14  37
  8 South Parrhesia            23  10  5   8  30  26   +4  35
  9 Rhagant Schadenfreude      23   9  6   8  24  23   +1  33
 10 Kensey Town                23   9  6   8  30  30   +0  33
 11 Dross Rovers               23   8  8   7  26  23   +3  32
 12 Ox River United            23   9  4  10  23  28   -5  31
 13 Long Lake                  23   7  9   7  21  19   +2  30
 14 Greygate                   23   8  6   9  21  25   -4  30
 15 Project +90                23   8  5  10  30  31   -1  29
 16 Falston Town               23   7  6  10  22  25   -3  27
 17 Mainstream Fist            23   6  6  11  25  37  -12  24
 18 Brindleton                 23   6  5  12  17  25   -8  23
 19 Dartmouth Terriers         23   6  5  12  19  30  -11  23
 20 Gridlock Rovers            23   5  6  12  23  47  -24  21
 21 Stonegrave                 23   5  5  13  16  29  -13  20
 22 Brookway Town              23   5  4  14  19  35  -16  19
 23 Iberia Chenoworth          23   3  9  11  29  51  -22  18
 24 Boleyn Town                23   4  3  16  11  32  -21  15

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rushe United           23  14  7   2  47  18  +29  49
  2 Fenland Albion         23  13  6   4  32  17  +15  45
  3 North Dubstep          23  13  5   5  30  17  +13  44
  4 Sutcroft Athletic      23  12  7   4  31  20  +11  43
  5 Franchise FC           23  11  6   6  37  22  +15  39
  6 Masculine Town         23  11  6   6  30  19  +11  39
  7 Mantlegrove            23  11  6   6  35  28   +7  39
  8 Blaze                  23  11  5   7  39  32   +7  38
  9 Corby Hubris           23  11  4   8  33  28   +5  37
 10 Ringway                23  10  6   7  34  25   +9  36
 11 Dubstep Rangers        23  10  4   9  29  30   -1  34
 12 The Strongest          23   9  6   8  34  43   -9  33
 13 Gridlock East          23   8  7   8  31  21  +10  31
 14 Vermillion Spite       23  10  1  12  39  41   -2  31
 15 Riverkey               23   8  6   9  28  24   +4  30
 16 Senway Town            23   9  3  11  30  29   +1  30
 17 Courser                23   8  4  11  27  33   -6  28
 18 Chaker Town            23   6  7  10  19  35  -16  25
 19 Southriver             23   5  9   9  19  26   -7  24
 20 Stamper Road           23   5  7  11  25  34   -9  22
 21 Lackerrun              23   5  5  13  22  46  -24  20
 22 Camwell Road           23   3  8  12  20  36  -16  17
 23 Falston United         23   3  6  14  17  37  -20  15
 24 Nay Town               23   3  3  17  18  45  -27  12

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Kommissar             23  14  4   5  41  21  +20  46
  2 Bellamy               23  14  3   6  26  17   +9  45
  3 Grovebank             23  13  5   5  33  16  +17  44
  4 Thratewood            23  11  6   6  35  23  +12  39
  5 Ramsay                23  12  3   8  30  19  +11  39
  6 Forge Carpenters      23  11  4   8  19  15   +4  37
  7 Harrington            23  11  3   9  29  29   +0  36
  8 Gridlock              23  10  5   8  30  22   +8  35
  9 Fully Sick XI         23  10  4   9  32  29   +3  34
 10 The Hanged Man        23   9  6   8  24  19   +5  33
 11 Gosforth Swans        23   9  6   8  27  35   -8  33
 12 Haymaker Town         23   9  5   9  22  19   +3  32
 13 Tryst Athletic        23   9  3  11  26  31   -5  30
 14 Perrett               23   8  4  11  22  28   -6  28
 15 Norton Road           23   8  4  11  19  29  -10  28
 16 Swag Hill Rovers      23   7  4  12  34  39   -5  25
 17 Surfeit River         23   7  4  12  27  37  -10  25
 18 Barcastle Rovers      23   6  4  13  15  29  -14  22
 19 Geoff United          23   6  3  14  22  35  -13  21
 20 Stekelenbright        23   3  6  14  12  33  -21  15

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bodkin Road                23  15  4   4  45  18  +27  490
  2 Fischer                    23  14  4   5  39  23  +16  46
  3 Downsparrow                23  14  4   5  29  14  +15  46
  4 South Brill                23  14  2   7  33  23  +10  44
  5 Rochford Pilgrims          23  12  4   7  35  28   +7  40
  6 Reckdale Town              23  12  3   8  36  29   +7  39
  7 Pillars of Southfell       23  11  5   7  32  21  +11  38
  8 Inner-East Fairywrens      23  12  2   9  29  22   +7  38
  9 Peregrine                  23   9  8   6  31  25   +6  35
 10 Sandrock                   23   9  6   8  23  19   +4  33
 11 De La Patria               23   8  6   9  34  43   -9  30
 12 Getton Town                23   7  8   8  28  29   -1  29
 13 Rookwall                   23   7  8   8  23  25   -2  29
 14 Twelvetrees                23   8  3  12  18  24   -6  27
 15 Clay Terrace               23   7  5  11  12  24  -12  26
 16 Norpike                    23   5  8  10  24  31   -7  23
 17 Ballardine FC              23   5  6  12  21  32  -11  21
 18 Markoni                    23   5  4  14  20  34  -14  19
 19 East Slake                 23   5  4  14  16  38  -22  19
 20 Violence Tigers            23   3  2  18  20  46  -26  11

by **Nephara** » Fri Mar 18, 2016 4:43 am

Coming into this matchday, just eight points seperate 6th-place Cranequin Wanderers from 18th-placed Creed United, and a day when only one side won by multiple goals (even then, only two) reflected this. Winless in fourteen with just three draws, the Saints look out of ideas even against Cranequin City. The problems are myriad - Mirko Vangelis and Marc Asteinza are terrible, rendering their entire left flank a joke, their centre is soft, Valentin Hexmark’s form has cooled, Persephone Xidhas has been out for two months with injury and Elaine Koeller’s starting to lose her confidence - Purrington beats her at her near post for the first goal. Esther Mackinlay is shown the door - so is most of her staff. Almost immediately, Spike Turnbull - out of a job since midway through last season - is brought in.

Brinemouth’s new bogey team, it seems, come back to haunt them again - once again United stay resolute in defence (though Juquinho does squeeze a then-equaliser past Clark) and ruthless in attack, three goals (Charlestown, Urrunaga, O’Connor) from four shots on target and 37% possession. Another A-League club in Rozelle hosts the Moths, but they aren’t so successful up front. This time it’s the Moths who wait on the counterattack in a textbook away performance, letting Rozelle’s poor finishing be its own curse (Lilley does hit a post) before Aaliyah Johnson’s spectacular volley leaves Nkutu without a chance.

“It was never going to be an overnight change,” says Turnbull wryly - her Saints show plenty of spirit but defensive errors betray them under pressure as they sink to a 2-0 defeat at home to the Chariots. Still, she’s made an immediate example - Koeller, Asteinza, Conagher and Vangelis out, talented backup goalkeeper Aphrodite Klavier, 18-year old Tasha Avery, captain Matt Sebastian and flying Sasha Shawcroft in. All four of them, one can’t avoid noticing, are youth products of the club. None of the first four were. Not to overshadow the other big results, of course - Brinemouth smash South Laithland 6-0, while the Moths manage to speed through Treason for a staggering 3-0 win.

Brinemouth pull one back against a Halholzer United side with no pretences of advancement (just 33% possession this time), but can’t get the second they need. At least it’s better than another 3-0 home defeat. Also better than a 3-0 home defeat is a neat 1-1 draw with Rozelle - not quite the victory they wanted, but thanks to Coleman’s 59th-minute strike, enough to take them through.

Chenoworth Rovers took a point off Brinemouth. The secret, it seems, was to park the bus and rely on some incredible saves from the fairly average Sebastian Rutherford. Jack Warwick - a Brinemouth youth product - really should clinch a totally undeserved winner in the 89th minute but the football gods declare that would be just too unjust and he misses from four yards. “We can’t buy a goal,” grimaces Evander Lacustrine, “and that kind of shit isn’t helping.” Not a problem North Laithland are having - Rui Mokanga puts four past Seb Seward in a 5-0 rout of Vermillion Rage. Meanwhile, the Sabrefell derby is tight, made tighter largely thanks to the excellence in goal of Lind Pressinger. Castellan rifles in a shot in the 55th minute but that only gets the Moths angrier, and Curio finally forces a shot through Pressinger from five yards in the 70th minute.

Harcourt Emond’s flying header in the third minute opened the match in spectacular style. For about ten stunned minutes Crisisbless defended themselves by standing around, waiting for that goal to be retroactively declared offside (which it wasn’t - thanks, Johan Haukmann!) before eventually figuring out that they should fight back. The second half sees no quarter given or asked, but goals from Sundu and Tarrant eventually pull back a lead.

Parrhesia United pick a hell of a time to snap a 16-game winless streak. More importantly, they do so in a hell of a way, as the Spike Turnbull effect finally shows - the club is full of fight and desire, outrunning and outgunning an inadequate and complacent Sabrefell Athletic. Granted, sometimes you need a bit of luck, and Lind Pressinger very uncharacteristically but very helpfully drops Shawcroft’s cross onto Telfair’s face for the first goal (really, he should’ve had the assist - but Shawcroft has been excellent since getting her chance). The second, this one from a fine sprayed long ball from Xidhas, saw Valentin ‘Regression to the Mean’ Hexmark undo his regression to the mean by rifling a shot past Pressinger with genuine venom. Aphrodite Klavier excelled and Brun and Beckett stopped playing like total strangers while Gratia Barker added a bit of needle to ensure the clean sheet, and that was that. “This is the start of the comeback,” Turnbull cheered after the final whistle, and you’d be inclined to believe her.

The remaining lower-league sides crash out - Newrook City well beaten by Chatswood, Crisisbless Athletic unable to muster a shot on target against a professional Maximum City while Southfell United fall at last against Maximum Rovers. But a proper thumping is reserved for those present at Vermillion’s Iron Hill - Creed United’s goalkeeper Hansel Farthing doesn’t exactly make the most convincing audition to gain a league start when Reid, Pokrovski, Robinson, Westerlow and Rathlinker put him, and them, in the ground. The real deal, however, is a Sabrefell derby. It’s traditional, open and violent, but Curio takes no prisoners in a first-half brace with the Moths looking likely to score more. Local lass Malta Hawthorn has a blinder in goal in a second half that totally turns the tables - Castellan eventually slips one past her before she tragically flaps at Murdoch’s cross for Keller to nod home, and worse still, Nikita Lundgren is sent off and Rowan Gawain stretchered off. These events are related. But Orion Etzebeth launches a single-handed fightback, the Moths survive and, in the second half, Kirsten Cliving clips a free kick into the back post for young Scheherazade Meier to somehow ghost her way onto before stabbing past Clement. 3-2 in extra time.

Roland Lebrun fires yet another early goal home - Reinhard Shale is incensed, and it puts Tanrisal ahead. But Crisisbless, yet again, hold out resolute in the first half, Marciak making a string of good saves, before Tarrant’s corner comes at the perfect height for Malachite Scharner to rise, nod past Hatlem, and fall.

Vermillion Rage dole out another 5-0 thumping - this time in the league, Crisisbless United with no answer to Vermillion’s direct pace broadly or Tipio Runen specifically. Runen nets two and assists one, and of all people Seb Seward in goal gets two assists for bombing his long kicks across the flanks. Sabrefell Athletic do their best impression of the Sabrefell Athletic of a couple seasons ago. Maximum Rovers do their best impression of traffic cones. Unsurprisingly, Rowan Gawain and his merry band take them to the cleaners.

A worryingly tight and goalless affair against Bellight FC - Thorgen Lillehammer in the Reds’ goal with a number of fine saves to keep proceedings scoreless. With four minutes left of regulatoin time, Guru Birikaitis pops up at the far post as Camero crosses… and heads against the post.

Oh. Oh, wow. Okay, sure, Crisisbless annihilate Treason 3-0, that’s newsworthy - the midfield runs the show, Engstroem/Engstroem again/Kilbane get the goals, Scharner has another fantastic match at the back, Puntoriero can’t get back soon enough. But Brinemouth lose their first match of the season. At home. 5-1. To Brookford. Paul Bradburn leads by example to head home Kirschester’s fine cross and Igrene Cantor’s free kick opts for pure power over placement to smash past Vintner, but Juquinho pulls a goal back in the 40th. The Dockers aren’t worried. They should be - Cantor scuffs a rare header into the net, before the usually goalshy Whiteforest and Ruediger complete the rout. “That was a little surprising,” Cantor confessed after the match - surely she’s going to move to a higher-prestige club after this season, if she can’t lift Brookford into being that club. Gerhard Thunder is working wonders for them.

Okay, the Moths finally start firing - though not before 22-year old Keating Asher blazes a shot past Peterson. Thanks to Curio’s looping header, though, one which Lillehammer could only punch further into the net, the Moths enter the break ahead on away goals - thanks to Sheila Maddon (who has made no secret of her desire to leave and play first-team football while not letting her standards drop at the Moths) and Nikita Griffiths, they seal the deal in the second.

A critical six-pointer at the bottom - the Saints, revitalised under Turnbull, see Matilda Heisenberg’s struggling Chessmen and scatter them to the winds. It’s an almost tight first half but Parrhesia look good value for their lead when Shawcroft swings in a cross, Wilshire and Costell (debutising for the injured Curran) somehow lose Telfair who nods home at the near post. But things really open up late in the second half as Crisisbless crumble, exhausted. Fiona Falkirk (who has played every minute of the campaign so far) wearily passes straight at Sebastian, who immediately fires across to the rejuvenated Hexmark who curls a shot around Morgan. Telfair gets his second once Xidhas flicks the ball over the top and the hard-working forward (who has finally been getting some reward for his toils of late) flicks a header past Morgan, and when the Cosumarite is taken out by Reid on the edge of the box, he has the chance to seal his hattrick. He doesn’t, Morgan palming away a weak penalty, but the young substitute Rademacher gets to the ball first and sidefoots home her first goal in senior football. Meanwhile, the Maximum derby is grim for the hosts, Maximum City pulling together for a performance far exceeding their talent. Has Anika Redmayne been an overlooked diamond this whole time? The talented, two-footed striker has forced her way into the starting lineup, and scores a goal here either side of half-time with each foot. Aron Benavente, sticking out his foot to turn in a scrappy Whitesmith corner, rubs salt into the wound.

North Laithland have very subtly gotten their shit together. Granted, they’ve pretty much always been well-run, but when Crisisbless nick a 1-0 lead late in the first half the Spiders, away, don’t panic. Condotta and Brickwalk dominate control of the midfield, and their patient, forward-passing game (“possession with purpose,” as Escher Speare puts it) unravels one of the league’s tightest defences. Prisca Stenet finds herself in well-earned space on the edge of the area and curves a strike past Marciak, before Rui Mokanga also finds himself a beneficiary of Mysterious Amounts Of Space - both centre-halves distracted by events elsewhere, Rudden simply drops a cross on his head and Marciak, though certainly furious at someone, is unsure precisely who to blame.

Hollywood stuff in Treason. Marco Puntoriero is back at last from his injury, though understandably a little undercooked, and comes on to raucous applause. At which point, inevitably, he scores the winner in a tight 2-1 win over Cypher Town. Sheridan register a mighty 18% possession against North Laithland and fail to register a shot on target as goals from Archer and Mathers clean them out. They’re hard-working and tight at the back, but as everyone suspected when they were first promoted, they’re rubbish.

The Moths utterly dominate their opponents and stand poised on the next round, only a miraculous capitulation able to take them down from this 4-0 win. Aaliyah Johnson is particularly clinical, but it’s Coleman’s hair-raising thunderbastard from thirty yards that will get plastered on the highlight reels.

Keppal Cosmos’ last visit to Nephara saw them beat Cranequin Wanderers relatively smoothly. Brinemouth, unsurprisingly, are a tougher prospect - Juquinho’s brace and a third, touched home by Levy, secure a decisive advantage. Crisisbless, meanwhile, have an overturnable but still useful home lead, 2-0. A spectacular diving header from veteran striker Osric Keast makes the use of an uncommon start, while Auburn Tarrant slides a ball across the goalkeeper. Ainsworth almost makes an incredible sliding clearance off the line hooking the ball away with both feet… about two inches too late.

In what has to be one of the best days in Nepharim international football forever, Crisisbless (forced into testing most of their depth and with the derby coming up) seal a cumulative scoreline of 14-0 across the four matches. The Heelers are dominant throughout, and each of their three forward midfielders - Sundu, Knutsen, Kilbane - scores. As does Machan with a powerful shot from just outside the box and, off a corner, Scharner. Oddly, the strikers are silent. But you suspect they’ll be fine with it, all things considered.

A good few significant matches here. Sabrefell Athletic are bitten back by their former players, both 33 - Alysia Dorne with two (increasingly rare) goals and Adrienne Eastway with both assists. Castellan pulls one back late, but it’s a great win for lowly Cypher. Gerhard Thunder enjoys another match against his former club, and better still there’s a fairytale comeback for Malakai Curtis - he didn’t make it through the Sabrefell Moths academy, but here he was, coming on in the 79th minute for Bradburn and rifling home past Peterson’s near post just three minutes later.

Sabrefell win away with a well-rotated side and end up making it to the next phase more or less comfortably. The bookies don’t fancy them for it, but… could they be contenders?

Keppal does score this time, but the issue is Brinemouth score as well. Three times more often. Either way, the Dockers go through comfortably. Rob Bell’s wonder-strike from twenty-five yards that dipped and swerved spelled danger for Reinhard Shale’s Heelers, but the somewhat more ordinary sidefooted tap-in from Brigid Sternberg was enough to sink Ulsa for good.

Crisisbless take the chance to rest players and when young Lukas Rashford scores in the 21st minute the tie is as good as over. Hondo need to score seven. They don’t. But in 1830 Cathair, Crisisbless have come up against a powerful opponent indeed...

Sheridan are winless in 15, with just two draws to show for it. They prove obliging opponents for a Crisisbless United side that desperately need the three points which take them outside of the relegation zone - Abigail Mueller, normally so flaky in front of goal, has a rare on-day and nets herself a brace. Maximum Rovers have had a bad run of their own, losing five straight. Creed United, helpfully, are their next opponents - and are destroyed 5-1. Still, the Oathmen are five clear of the drop zone and look to have enough in them to be safe. Surprisingly, buying two major signings from a relegated A-League club has actually worked to decent effect - Bittner’s a little technically unpolished but clearly talented with flashes of brilliance while Danica Farrier has an eye to goal. Cypher Town, who are dumped in the relegation zone on goal difference thanks to the Crisisbless victory, could use such a player - they seem to have been the losers in the game of Alysia Dorne Hot Potato that’s played itself out over the past four seasons, as the 33-year old finally seems well past it.
Following a tough away performance by Coret Hawks over the Moths, with the slowing, declining and increasingly heavy (but still clinical) Graziana Vastano clipping a late winner past Peterson, Brookford Otters’ thumping of the Saints draws them level with points and ahead on goal difference… they’re now in 6th. After the Chariots’ defeat and Athletic’s draw, the two east Sabrefell sides are marooned in midtable.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               34  24   9   1  96  39  +57  81
  2 Crisisbless              34  22   3   9  58  28  +30  69
  3 AFC Treason              34  19   9   6  53  34  +19  66
  4 North Laithland          34  18   9   7  50  33  +17  63
  5 Chatswood                34  16  10   8  41  28  +13  58
  6 Brookford Otters         34  16   7  11  66  50  +16  55
  7 Sabrefell Moths          34  17   4  13  48  39   +9  55
  8 Maximum City             34  14   9  11  35  27   +8  51
  9 Coret Hawks              34  13  12   9  44  47   -3  51
 10 Cranequin Wanderers      34  13  11  10  38  32   +6  50
 11 Sabrefell Athletic       34  14   7  13  51  38  +13  49
 12 Violence Chariots        34  13  10  11  47  44   +3  49
 13 Starling                 34  14   7  13  49  50   -1  49
 14 Cranequin City           34  14   6  14  48  49   -1  48
 15 Vermillion Rage          34  12   7  15  46  50   -4  43
 16 Maximum Rovers           34  11   9  14  36  44   -8  42
 17 Goodfeather FC           34  11   7  16  31  44  -13  40
 18 Creed United             34   9  11  14  38  51  -13  38
 19 South Laithland          34  10   6  18  40  59  -19  36
 20 Crisisbless United       34  10   3  21  46  71  -25  33
 21 Cypher Town              34   9   6  19  28  53  -25  33
 22 Chenoworth Rovers        34   7   9  18  20  40  -20  30
 23 Parrhesia United         34   5  10  19  31  51  -20  25
 24 Sheridan                 34   3   7  24  14  53  -39  16

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Newrook City                 34  24   5   5  51  26  +25  77
  2 Raven River                  34  22   7   5  66  33  +33  73
  3 AFC Serpentine               34  18   6  10  60  35  +25  60
  4 Armstrong                    34  17   9   8  46  28  +18  60
  5 Southfell United             34  17   7  10  74  44  +30  58
  6 Bishop                       34  16  10   8  47  34  +13  58
  7 Extreme Hills                34  17   6  11  49  39  +10  57
  8 Chenoworth Harriers          34  14   9  11  51  37  +14  51
  9 Martella Jazz                34  13  11  10  53  48   +5  50
 10 West Brinemouth              34  13  10  11  34  34   +0  49
 11 Sutcroft                     34  13   8  13  51  47   +4  47
 12 North Sabrefell              34  12  10  12  59  58   +1  46
 13 Corvette Maulers             34  12   7  15  53  54   -1  43
 14 Ritter Town                  34  11   9  14  36  45   -9  42
 15 Leichhardt                   34   9  14  11  31  37   -6  41
 16 Rochford                     34  10  11  13  29  37   -8  41
 17 Vermillion Wanderers         34  10   8  16  52  56   -4  38
 18 Iron City                    34   9  11  14  31  35   -4  38
 19 Coret Rovers                 34   9  10  15  36  52  -16  37
 20 Iron United                  34   8  11  15  30  52  -22  35
 21 East Laithland Harriers      34  10   5  19  42  68  -26  35
 22 Diamondqueen                 34   6  11  17  21  44  -23  29
 23 Locksley                     34   6  10  18  46  68  -22  28
 24 Hackett                      34   5   9  20  22  59  -37  24

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Strephonage                34  24   6   4  59  20  +39  78
  2 Morningstar                34  20  11   3  55  24  +31  71
  3 Crossroads Town            34  22   5   7  45  21  +24  71
  4 Crisisbless Athletic       34  21   5   8  63  37  +26  68
  5 Belgrave                   34  18   8   8  64  37  +27  62
  6 AFC Shale                  34  18   7   9  38  25  +13  61
  7 West Hook                  34  16   9   9  46  24  +22  57
  8 Dross Rovers               34  14  10  10  43  33  +10  52
  9 Rhagant Schadenfreude      34  13  10  11  34  31   +3  49
 10 Greygate                   34  13  10  11  36  35   +1  49
 11 Ox River United            34  14   5  15  32  36   -4  47
 12 South Parrhesia            34  12   8  14  47  47   +0  44
 13 Stonegrave                 34  12   8  14  34  36   -2  44
 14 Project +90                34  11   9  14  45  46   -1  42
 15 Kensey Town                34  11   9  14  41  46   -5  42
 16 Dartmouth Terriers         34  12   5  17  35  44   -9  41
 17 Mainstream Fist            34  11   7  16  41  55  -14  40
 18 Falston Town               34  10   8  16  32  38   -6  38
 19 Long Lake                  34   7  13  14  28  39  -11  34
 20 Brindleton                 34   8   9  17  27  44  -17  33
 21 Brookway Town              34   7   7  20  27  55  -28  28
 22 Gridlock Rovers            34   6   9  19  29  64  -35  27
 23 Iberia Chenoworth          34   5  10  19  43  79  -36  25
 24 Boleyn Town                34   6   6  22  22  50  -28  24

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rushe United           34  21  10   3  74  32  +42  73
  2 Fenland Albion         34  18  10   6  49  25  +24  64
  3 North Dubstep          34  18   7   9  48  32  +16  61
  4 Sutcroft Athletic      34  17  10   7  49  35  +14  61
  5 Franchise FC           34  17   9   8  51  27  +24  60
  6 Corby Hubris           34  17   6  11  52  43   +9  57
  7 Mantlegrove            34  15  10   9  56  44  +12  55
  8 Senway Town            34  16   5  13  53  39  +14  53
  9 Masculine Town         34  15   8  11  42  35   +7  53
 10 Ringway                34  14  10  10  48  41   +7  52
 11 Riverkey               34  15   6  13  50  36  +14  51
 12 Dubstep Rangers        34  14   7  13  40  44   -4  49
 13 The Strongest          34  12  11  11  48  57   -9  47
 14 Gridlock East          34  10  12  12  40  33   +7  42
 15 Vermillion Spite       34  12   6  16  55  58   -3  42
 16 Blaze                  34  11   9  14  47  58  -11  42
 17 Courser                34  10   9  15  38  51  -13  39
 18 Chaker Town            34  10   9  15  29  47  -18  39
 19 Southriver             34   7  12  15  35  46  -11  33
 20 Falston United         34   7  11  16  31  48  -17  32
 21 Camwell Road           34   7  11  16  28  47  -19  32
 22 Stamper Road           34   6  11  17  36  53  -17  29
 23 Lackerrun              34   6  11  17  34  67  -33  29
 24 Nay Town               34   6   4  24  31  66  -35  22

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Kommissar             34  20   6   8  63  33  +30  66
  2 Grovebank             34  17  11   6  49  23  +26  62
  3 Fully Sick XI         34  17   5  12  55  48   +7  56
  4 Ramsay                34  17   4  13  47  31  +16  55
  5 Gridlock              34  15  10   9  45  32  +13  55
  6 Bellamy               34  15   8  11  34  29   +5  53
  7 Thratewood            34  14  10  10  46  37   +9  52
  8 Surfeit River         34  15   6  13  46  44   +2  51
  9 The Hanged Man        34  14   8  12  36  29   +7  50
 10 Haymaker Town         34  14   7  13  32  31   +1  49
 11 Forge Carpenters      34  14   7  13  25  25   +0  49
 12 Harrington            34  14   6  14  42  42   +0  48
 13 Norton Road           34  14   5  15  32  39   -7  47
 14 Tryst Athletic        34  13   6  15  38  45   -7  45
 15 Gosforth Swans        34  11  10  13  39  56  -17  43
 16 Perrett               34  11   7  16  31  39   -8  40
 17 Barcastle Rovers      34  11   4  19  27  46  -19  37
 18 Swag Hill Rovers      34   9   6  19  41  54  -13  33
 19 Geoff United          34   9   5  20  32  52  -20  32
 20 Stekelenbright        34   7   7  20  24  49  -25  28

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Fischer                    34  22   6   6  67  29  +38  72
  2 South Brill                34  22   3   9  49  30  +19  69
  3 Bodkin Road                34  19   8   7  54  25  +29  65
  4 Downsparrow                34  19   8   7  46  23  +23  65
  5 Reckdale Town              34  17   7  10  59  42  +17  58
  6 Pillars of Southfell       34  17   7  10  50  34  +16  58
  7 Sandrock                   34  16   7  11  32  24   +8  55
  8 Inner-East Fairywrens      34  15   6  13  37  31   +6  51
  9 Rochford Pilgrims          34  14   8  12  41  42   -1  50
 10 Rookwall                   34  12  11  11  34  35   -1  47
 11 Twelvetrees                34  11  11  12  28  31   -3  44
 12 Getton Town                34  10  12  12  41  45   -4  42
 13 Peregrine                  34  10  10  14  40  47   -7  40
 14 De La Patria               34   8  14  12  47  61  -14  38
 15 Clay Terrace               34   9   9  16  21  40  -19  36
 16 Norpike                    34   8  11  15  32  43  -11  35
 17 Ballardine FC              34   7  10  17  31  55  -24  31
 18 Markoni                    34   7   8  19  33  51  -18  29
 19 Violence Tigers            34   8   3  23  33  56  -23  27
 20 East Slake                 34   5   9  20  22  53  -31  24

by **Nephara** » Mon Mar 21, 2016 4:18 am

The Moths edge an uneasy victory over Chatswood, credit due to Juquinho dos Santos for firing low past Finnan - but the last touch of the game saw June Kessler fire into the base of the post in a game of few chances. Maximum City are similarly and unsurprisingly tight against a Cranequin City side that largely fail to pose a threat. It’s settled once breakout goal-getter Redmayne is smashed to the floor by Maximum City youth product Kilgallon, who is duly sent off. Jezek converts the penalty, but Cranequin City - in something of a 5-3-1 from that stage - unsurprisingly stem the bleeding. Crisisbless United resolve to get the first goal against Brinemouth. They do! Brinemouth score four. Out-of-favour substitute Rook Klinsmann scores a late consolation at the far post, however, that might prove a lifeline. Vermillion Rage are mostly stifled by a defensive-minded Rovers side, but the dynamic teenage winger Kunigunde Almerich fires in her first goal for her club in injury time.

Alianza are star-studded as ever, but the Moths feel good about themselves as Guayabalense winger dos Santos opens the scoring and Curio, with a remarkable scissor kick, doubles their advantage leading into half-time. Marcia Danmark, a Brenecia international, smashes back one goal in the second before glancing a header against the post but the tie is killed off when Kirsten Cliving’s strike from just outside the box pulverises the stanchion.

Sheridan have now managed one point from a potential 45. By now, it seems like there’s no chance of them staying up. Violence Chariots are losing control of their season, and try and salvage something against Treason - narrative’s striker Kurtis Quinn inevitably pops up with the first goal, but the Stags have been genuinely good this season. Adnan Zozula equalises, Maxine Edelgrau (who seems mysteriously low in confidence) drops Vesper’s cross in front of an obliging Puntoriero and then, at the other end, Nate Walker misses a header from six yards. While Jess Hearn fires a beautiful dipping free kick over wall, under crossbar and past Laisne, the Chariots’ flakiness costs them dearly when inexperienced centre-half Trajan Bruyne panics under Puntoriero’s pressure and coughs up possession. It’s trivial for the Osarian international to round Edelgrau and fire into an unguarded net. Parrhesia United have no business coming away from Coret with a win, but Aphrodite Klavier manages a ridiculous surplus of reflex saves to give their chances a real boost while Brun, although having forgotten how to defend at one end, apparently knows how to rise in the box and head home an exquisite Xidhas corner. South Laithland have passed mostly under the radar this season. That won’t pass muster after a pathetic performance against Crisisbless that sees them crumble in the face of a disciplined side that can pass the ball pretty well, the notoriously lush Covenground surface counting against them (not for the first time) as Sundu-Tarrant-Kilbane have a field day. The result? 5-0, and it could have been in the double digits were it not for Bella Yossarian’s heroics. Chenoworth Rovers muster two shots on target against Crisisbless United. They win 2-1.

Chatswood score early, nullifying the Moths’ slender advantage as Corsie lets a thunderous shot rip from just outside the box. But in a flurry of chances, it’s Sheila Maddon who pops up off the bench to break clear off Stubbs’ shoulder, finding Cliving’s through-ball, rounding Finnan and rolling the ball in. Sheila Kilgallon returns from her suspension (Cathcart was responsible for a calamitous error against Athletic in the league, but the Reds won 2-0 anyway) and plays a pivotal role in an unusually flowing affair. Scafidis scores a brace within 20 minutes, one off a Jevdjevic-Hadsic free kick and the other from Worner’s cross. But the Smiths pull one back - Redmayne again! - just before half-time and, barely a minute later, Solomon Devante puts the ball in the net off a cross - pulled back for a marginal, controversial offside. Then, Benavente is sent off, and Kilgallon’s goal is under siege in the second half… but a hopeful Whitesmith cross is hoofed into the area and, this time, Devante’s powerful header isn’t offside. The Smiths progress. Crisisbless United have nothing to offer against an entirely dominant Brinemouth, not that they’d be expected to in the first place. The Rovers are defeated at home, fairly easily - Konstanze Luitgard’s first goal for her club is nothing more than an 83rd-minute consolation, the club left needing three more.

Uhh… well, okay, that’s kind of embarrassing. Not only do Alianza match the Moths’ away performance from last week, they better it in extra time. Stalwart winger Carrick turns in what looks to be a winning goal, but the Moths slip in catastrophic fashion to lose 7-5 on aggregate in a pulsating tie. Rachael Weixelbraun is normally a calm, cool-headed manager. “How the fuck does anyone concede three goals in extra time?” she bellows at the press, somewhat undercutting her brand.

The east Sabrefell sides, mired in mutual mediocrity, face off in a bitter and ill-tempered match where Felix Keller’s brace secures a win for Athletic. The Reds have played very pretty football, but they’ve been dangerously flaky - both sides have a lot of rebuilding to do next season. Sheridan finally snap their winless run, dogged striker Shay Kilner - who hadn’t scored during the run - finally notching up number five for the season after bustling through the defence to literally chest Schuster’s cross into his knee and past Yossarian. Goodfeather FC, with every non-Portsgate player seemingly signing a non-aggression pact when it comes to goals, smash Brookford 4-0 - Maximum Rovers, for their part edge a thrilling end-to-end affair with Coret Hawks that has seven goals and a myriad of defensive errors. While the Moths are flattened by Vermillion Rage to the tune of an unlikely 3-0, AFC Treason take on Brinemouth head-on. Amokachi ends a minidrought of six matches with a half-turn and volley that leaves Laisne without a hope in hell of saving, but the direct running and sheer bloody-minded determination of AFC Treason overturns them. Zozula, Katskalidis and the unlikely but consistent goal threat of two-footed fullback Scylla Vyntra leave Brinemouth stunned, and a little concussed.

The Heelers keep solid at the back and rely on a single shot from Auburn Tarrant to take them through, though Engstroem was unlucky that Txordin Ybarra in goal seemed to have a personal forcefield around him that only reacted to the Cosumar international’s shots. Diego Snow’s beautiful turn to leave Hasselbaink utterly out of her depth was exquisite, but equally good was the cross whipped to the far post to let Espeleta open the scoring. But in a free-flowing, all action match in which Vintner and Rigutti each made a number of good saves, second-half goals from Locke and Amokachi secured victory for the Dockers.

A second damaging loss to the Moths. Brinemouth dominated them from start to finish, Rutger Locke left free to plunder in the midfield and goals from him, Amokachi (past Peterson’s near post) and Sable (who is starting to press a starting claim) leaving the Moths dazed without answer. Crisisbless keep up the hunt with a number of well-executed counterattacks, holding firm under Brookford’s charge and letting Engstroem and Sternberg punish them. It works like a charm - Curtis’ consolation too late to really affect anything. Down at the bottom of the table, all the newly-promoted sides play. Danica Farrier and Harry Xafagoulis allow Creed United to see off Sheridan while a six-pointer sees Chenoworth Rovers and South Laithland grind out a 1-1 draw excruciatingly low on technique. The Saints score first in the Vermillion derby, but a Brun error lets Reid equalise before Lily Robinson’s lung-exploding run and leap from midfield is perfectly timed for Berenger’s cross, scoring the first header in her senior career past a motionless Klavier. Crisisbless United, thanks to a spirited victory over a fairly nonchalant Starling, are the big winners at the bottom of the table.

Sure, Crisisbless only score the one goal, and Sundu’s strike is helped on by a heavy deflection by Zubudazkenean, but it’s still a fairly safe win at Godswatch - 2-0 on aggregate. Brinemouth, however, fumble their chance to put Avenida away. Juquinho snatches at the easiest of chances three minutes in and that seems to give Avenida confidence. They attack without fear and the Dockers fail to hit hard on the counterattack, and once Espeleta and Etxezuniyiga have finished off the Dockers, the Novans look good value for this victory.

Upheaval. North Laithland utterly destroy their fierce rivals, Treason, on a day where Prisca Stenet has one of her intermittent great days. If she was more consistent, she’d be capped within the week. As it happens, though, she doesn’t actually score - though she does get a hattrick of assists in a 4-1 win, Markus Anderton heading home a consolation. Just to the south, in a somewhat chippy semi-derby (they’re close, at least - Cypher’s on the Parrhesia side of the Laith, South Laithland flying the flag for Crownsend) sees a Markosian brace win the day for the Southrons. Now 33, Markosian was a weak Premiership striker on paper but has proven oddly capable in practice, thriving on the knockdowns of the selfless, guileless thug Ramsey. Sabrefell Athletic trip up Brinemouth largely by being unafraid to kick them about a bit, backed by a referee plainly terrified of the Barbarossa’s crowd. What helped was a fantastic performance by Rowan Gawain, who seems like the only Athletic outfielder not to have let his standards drop a little in what has been a disappointing season.

Brinemouth have lost two whole games recently! Oh, well. The Saints are an obliging opponent, Klavier has an off-day, and Brinemouth… win 8-0. It’s the biggest win in Premiership history, and R. J. Styrn makes the most of her 90 minutes to score three of them. So does Juquinho, but when it comes to the match ball, only one of them was ever going to win that fight. Right after losing to one set of fierce rivals, the Stags are confronted with another in Maximum City. It’s a free-flowing, violent game with a red card on either side that totally destabilises both defences - five of the goals come after half-time, Solomon Devante’s powerful header stealing a point for the Smiths. Crisisbless United will be delighted to have held out against 10-man Chariots, winning through Sebastian Evans’ strike, but Cypher Town manage their own victory in an exhilarating win over probably-safe Creed United. Even Sheridan win, to make things even more awkward for Parrhesia.

Brinemouth lose their third straight away game and… could they actually be caught up? Surely not, and yet, when substitute Adelaide Mathers scores a diving header set up by Stenet, it does seem almost possible. Particularly given the decisive way that Crisisbless destroy Vermillion in a quietly professional way. Chenoworth Rovers manage an ugly 1-0 win over a slumping Coret Hawks who just can’t find the back of the net, poor finishing from the Hawks while Joanne Kightley, by contrast, nets her only real chance of the game. Rutger Connacht’s late winner for the Southrons pulls them six clear of the relegation zone, while Crisisbless United miss any chance at the same. Conclusively. Treason pump them 5-1. Sheridan manage a brave, ugly 3-1 win over Cranequin Wanderers - long balls aren’t really the way to beat them, after all - to retain mathematical hopes of survival for another day. Emphasis on ‘mathematical’.

A rematch from the group stage, and yet again Tanrisal win by two clear goals at home, Harcourt Emond scoring twice in the last fifteen minutes to sink the Moths. Sheila Maddon will kick herself for missing from six yards in injury time after coming off the bench. It hardly augurs well that in the group stage, the Moths lost at home as well...

Crisisbless have won six in a row in the league, conceding just one. They look like they might even catch up a stumbling Brinemouth! So hopefully they’re in the kind of form that can… beat… a LigAnaia… side. Right. Well, Mathias, Rasmussen, Lucassen and Vences have something to say about that. Barring a miracle, the tie is over.

Crisisbless stumble, a match against the Moths really not what they needed. They look to be getting a reasonably serviceable if still annoying draw before a 65th-minute triple substitution from Weixelbraun changes the game - Etzebeth clamps down the midfield, Meier lays on an assist and a goal and Sheila Maddon’s pace lets her slide home Meier’s cross at the far post in injury time. The Treason derby ends poorly for the Stags, even the normally being-kicked-shy Gary Corsie looking up to the challenge of toppling them. June Kessler, as usual, does little more than grab the goals - and, after all, someone’s got to. It’s not that straightforward, though, as Evan Katsouranis makes a number of good saves to preserve the slender win. For a really good side, Brookford sure get a few good thumpings, but even 4-0 down against quietly average Starling and they seem to be all smiles. Finally, it takes some doing, but the inevitable has happened - Sheridan equalise twice through Schuster and Kilner, before Tipio Runen’s searing strike past Adebayo Gillett finally relegates Sherries. Still… they can be proud of themselves, and the away fans continue to applaud the squad well after the home fans have left. Parrhesia United, meanwhile, need to not have lost against Goodfeather FC, while Chenoworth Rovers face an uphill battle. Cypher Town’s 1-0 away win over Coret Hawks (whose early great form has evaporated - they’ve lost seven straight, goalless in six of them) pulls them level on points with Crisisbless United and similar on goal difference - yet again, Alysia Dorne shows her gift for crucial goals.

History doesn’t quite repeat itself but it’ll be scant consolation to the Moths. Jesper Coleman’s low placed strike into the far corner past Hatlem gives the Moths hope in the 12th minute and they probably deserve an equaliser on aggregate given their dominance for the next hour. Schrijen, however, snaps a smart volley onto the ground and past Peterson to level the scores and leave the Moths needing three more goals, and that takes the wind out of their sails. Twenty minutes later, the Moths are out.

The Heelers regain some pride, even with a heavily-rotated squad - at least it’s a chance for Lukas Rashford and Camilla Priest to show what they can do. But Rasmussen has already scored by then, and the Heelers need six from that point. They don’t get them - in fact, Rasmussen scores again, beating Marciak at his near post to add insult to injury.

Crisisbless simply stomp Parrhesia United into the ground, confirming the Saints’ relegation at last in an utterly dire performance and a 4-0 defeat. There was something festering in the makeup of the squad, and almost nobody had both the heart and the quality to survive at this level. There are now just eight sides who have been in the Premiership for the duration of the modern era - Brinemouth, Crisisbless, Maximum City, North Laithland, Sabrefell Athletic, Sabrefell Moths, AFC Treason and Violence Chariots. Hilariously, the Moths concede three against lowly Sheridan, the terrible pitch playing havoc with their own efforts to pass the ball around nicely. They still scrape a draw thanks to the powerful half-volley of Maddon, but Sheridan don’t let their far bigger neighbours go without reminding them that they have failed to beat Sherries this season.

It looks like it’s to be a Cup final between giants at this rate, for the first time in a while - though Jill Austen rises late on to head home a corner for an away goal Maximum City scarcely deserves. Credit is mostly due to Matt Bowerman, impressing in his role as Cup goalkeeper. Vermillion Rage are probably not going to be able to overturn their deficit, however - Levy (twice), Juquinho, Locke and Beckcamp see to that. So does Russ Beresford, whose role as Cup goalkeeper, well… mostly shows why Vermillion invested in a new goalkeeper over the offseason.

Crisisbless chalk up a half-time draw with them looking to hold a narrow advantage… but it doesn’t stick. In the second half, the pace of Lucy Curren tells against a defence missing Scharner’s youth through suspension, and the young Schottian sticks two goals away that might just be fatal to Crisisbless’ title hopes. Brinemouth pull six points clear with a very narrow win over the Quakers, Rachel Sable coming off the bench to rifle home a shot past the otherwise seemingly indomitable Cath Gilchrist. The Saints manage a hard-fought 3-1 victory over Sheridan with Persephone Xidhas pulling all the strings from midfield - throw Xidhas’ technique into the heart of Sheridan and you’d probably have a side good enough to stay up. Goals from Shawcroft and Telfair are answered by a thunderbolt from Schuster, but Xidhas lofts in a beautiful arcing shot herself to seal the deal. You’d think they’d have performed before it was too late, but the likes of Xidhas are effectively auditioning for a new job. Fresh off their triumph over Cranequin City, Brookford Otters come to east Sabrefell and Igrene Cantor scores a first-half brace! They lose 6-2. Oh, Brookford.

The Smiths come out ahead in the first half, solid at the back with Anika Redmayne stabbing home her only real opening. But in the second half, the Moths get the breakthrough they deserve - first, a buccaneering run from Ashley Kresinger (Griffiths is injured) rewarded when Coleman finds her with a one-two and she hits it low past Bowerman. Aaliyah Johnson underlines her international credentials with a late goal to secure the deal. Vermillion Rage put up a harder fight at home against - ha ha, no, they don’t. Despite an almost full-strength lineup, Vermillion manage the same levels of capitulation at home against a well-rotated Brinemouth, 20-year old Konrad Gosforth and 26-year old Rachel Sable getting their chance to run the show from midfield. Each scores a goal, as well. See, they are thinking long-term!

Brinemouth know that they will win the league if they can win here, against relegation-threatened Crisisbless United. Just across town from Crisisbless, the only team who can still challenge them, and who do their part with a tense 1-0 defeat of Goodfeather FC. The Dockers… do somewhat better, though. Crisisbless United announced themselves in the Premiership when Brinemouth went public with underestimating them immediately before their match - the Chessmen won 5-2. It’s another seven-goal thriller this time around. Just, Brinemouth score all of them. It’s hard to complain about the Dockers winning the league - they’ve played ridiculously exciting football, went the entire first half of the season unbeaten and, you know, you do just get the sense that they might turn this into a dynasty… Parrhesia United, meanwhile, do the struggling Chenoworth Rovers with a valiant 1-1 draw where both sides show opposite problems. The Saints learned to fight after Spike Turnbull took over but still can’t defend, pass or finish, though Telfair notches up a late equaliser to be a severe thorn in the side of the Rovers, who can’t score through open play and rarely seem to even try - their goal came through Sphinx North’s penalty. An ill-tempered Cranequin derby is settled, hilariously, by two equally contentious penalties, the perfect result to ensure everyone goes home unhappy and yet with their pride strangely satisfied. Cypher Town grind out a 1-1 draw that feels like a victory built off solid defending, Alysia Dorne’s seething hatred for her ancestral rivals (the Moths) and blind luck. For all that, Aaliyah Johnson’s goal should really have been saved by Morgan, who somehow fumbles it into his own net.

Chenoworth Rovers’ hard-fought draw against a technically superior Maximum Rovers might be enough… but for the second time in a row, the Saints critically undermine them by allowing Cypher Town’s Lind Rafferty far too much room in the area to shape and shoot low past Klavier to secure a 1-1 draw that takes them out of the Rovers’ reach. Chenoworth had plenty of experience and discipline, but a dour collection of journeymen didn’t have the quality. Crisisbless United are annihilated at home again, Chatswood and Brinemouth between them destroying the goal difference edge they held over the Eagles and dumping them in the relegation zone. Coret were 9th eleven matches ago. Since then, they’ve won just once, scored just six goals and now sit 16th - stuck with 10 men and helpless to do anything but let the Stags annihilate them. “We’ve gotten to the stage of being safe from relegation and then gave up,” laments Anna Cliving. “Next season we have to show some ambition, God knows we’re good enough.” Crisisbless rage against the dying of the light, Brinemouth’s victory lap ruined when the Heelers give them a taste of the old ultraviolence before Diandra Kilbane knocks in a strike from just outside the box late on.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Brinemouth               45  31   9   5  128  51  +77  102
  2 Crisisbless              45  31   3  11   84  36  +48   96
  3 AFC Treason              45  25  11   9   79  51  +28   86
  4 North Laithland          45  24  13   8   66  40  +26   85
  5 Chatswood                45  23  13   9   61  35  +26   82
  6 Sabrefell Moths          45  23   7  15   66  55  +11   76
  7 Brookford Otters         45  21   8  16   86  71  +15   71
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       45  19  11  15   68  49  +19   68
  9 Maximum City             45  18  13  14   49  41   +8   67
 10 Violence Chariots        45  18  11  16   65  59   +6   65
 11 Vermillion Rage          45  18  10  17   65  66   -1   64
 12 Cranequin Wanderers      45  16  15  14   48  44   +4   63
 13 Starling                 45  17  11  17   65  64   +1   62
 14 Goodfeather FC           45  16   9  20   48  55   -7   57
 15 Cranequin City           45  15  10  20   54  68  -14   55
 16 Coret Hawks              45  14  13  18   50  66  -16   55
 17 Creed United             45  14  11  20   50  65  -15   53
 18 Maximum Rovers           45  13  11  21   49  64  -15   50
 19 South Laithland          45  12  11  22   50  74  -24   47
 20 Cypher Town              45  12   8  25   39  71  -32   44
 21 Crisisbless United       45  13   5  27   56  98  -42   44
 22 Chenoworth Rovers        45   9  13  23   29  54  -25   40
 23 Parrhesia United         45   7  14  24   41  74  -33   35
 24 Sheridan                 45   7   8  30   27  72  -45   29

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Raven River                  45  30   8   7  84  44  +40  98
  2 Newrook City                 45  26  12   7  67  41  +26  90
  3 Southfell United             45  25   7  13  97  56  +41  82
  4 Armstrong                    45  21  14  10  53  32  +21  77
  5 AFC Serpentine               45  23   6  16  82  51  +31  75
  6 Bishop                       45  20  13  12  59  45  +14  73
  7 Chenoworth Harriers          45  20  12  13  67  45  +22  72
  8 Extreme Hills                45  20   9  16  65  56   +9  69
  9 West Brinemouth              45  18  13  14  47  41   +6  67
 10 North Sabrefell              45  18  11  16  77  73   +4  65
 11 Corvette Maulers             45  18   9  18  69  69   +0  63
 12 Martella Jazz                45  16  14  15  65  67   -2  62
 13 Sutcroft                     45  17   8  20  64  64   +0  59
 14 Ritter Town                  45  16   9  20  57  65   -8  57
 15 Rochford                     45  15  12  18  38  48  -10  57
 16 Leichhardt                   45  12  19  14  42  45   -3  55
 17 Iron City                    45  12  14  19  39  46   -7  50
 18 Vermillion Wanderers         45  13  11  21  66  74   -8  50
 19 Iron United                  45  12  13  20  40  65  -25  49
 20 Coret Rovers                 45  12  12  21  47  72  -25  48
 21 Locksley                     45  11  12  22  64  84  -20  45
 22 East Laithland Harriers      45  11  10  24  54  87  -33  43
 23 Diamondqueen                 45  10  12  23  29  57  -28  42
 24 Hackett                      45   8  12  25  32  77  -45  36

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Strephonage                45  29  11   5  73   30  +43  98
  2 Morningstar                45  26  13   6  77   41  +36  91
  3 Crossroads Town            45  27   6  12  60   34  +26  87
  4 Crisisbless Athletic       45  25  10  10  85   55  +30  85
  5 Belgrave                   45  24  11  10  84   47  +37  83
  6 AFC Shale                  45  24   8  13  51   34  +17  80
  7 West Hook                  45  21  13  11  58   30  +28  76
  8 Dross Rovers               45  21  11  13  59   41  +18  74
  9 Ox River United            45  21   6  18  42   42   +0  69
 10 Rhagant Schadenfreude      45  19  11  15  49   42   +7  68
 11 South Parrhesia            45  17  14  14  75   57  +18  65
 12 Mainstream Fist            45  18   8  19  61   64   -3  62
 13 Greygate                   45  16  12  17  47   56   -9  60
 14 Project +90                45  16  10  19  63   63   +0  58
 15 Stonegrave                 45  15  13  17  43   47   -4  58
 16 Kensey Town                45  15  12  18  52   58   -6  57
 17 Dartmouth Terriers         45  15   9  21  50   62  -12  54
 18 Falston Town               45  12  12  21  39   55  -16  48
 19 Long Lake                  45   9  17  19  38   56  -18  44
 20 Brookway Town              45  11   9  25  40   69  -29  42
 21 Brindleton                 45  10  11  24  34   56  -22  41
 22 Gridlock Rovers            45   7  11  27  35   86  -51  32
 23 Boleyn Town                45   7   9  29  27   65  -38  30
 24 Iberia Chenoworth          45   5  13  27  54  106  -52  28

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rushe United           45  27  14   4  99  47  +52  95
  2 Franchise FC           45  24  11  10  75  37  +38  83
  3 Fenland Albion         45  23  12  10  64  34  +30  81
  4 Mantlegrove            45  23  12  10  78  52  +26  81
  5 Senway Town            45  24   7  14  86  47  +39  79
  6 Corby Hubris           45  23   9  13  68  51  +17  78
  7 North Dubstep          45  22  10  13  61  42  +19  76
  8 Sutcroft Athletic      45  21  13  11  64  55   +9  76
  9 Riverkey               45  21   7  17  71  47  +24  70
 10 Ringway                45  18  12  15  61  61   +0  66
 11 Dubstep Rangers        45  18  10  17  60  65   -5  64
 12 Masculine Town         45  16  10  19  49  53   -4  58
 13 Chaker Town            45  15  13  17  40  58  -18  58
 14 Vermillion Spite       45  16   9  20  75  80   -5  57
 15 Gridlock East          45  13  17  15  51  44   +7  56
 16 The Strongest          45  14  14  17  67  82  -15  56
 17 Blaze                  45  15  10  20  64  82  -18  55
 18 Courser                45  14   9  22  51  70  -19  51
 19 Camwell Road           45  11  14  20  41  60  -19  47
 20 Southriver             45  10  14  21  43  59  -16  44
 21 Falston United         45  10  14  21  41  63  -22  44
 22 Stamper Road           45   9  12  24  50  79  -29  39
 23 Lackerrun              45   8  13  24  47  93  -46  37
 24 Nay Town               45   9   6  30  40  85  -45  33

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Kommissar             38  21   9   8  69  36  +33  72
  2 Grovebank             38  19  12   7  55  27  +28  69
  3 Ramsay                38  19   5  14  50  32  +18  62
  4 Gridlock              38  17  11  10  49  36  +13  62
  5 Bellamy               38  18   8  12  39  31   +8  62
  6 Forge Carpenters      38  18   7  13  31  25   +6  61
  7 Fully Sick XI         38  18   6  14  59  53   +6  60
  8 Thratewood            38  16  11  11  50  39  +11  59
  9 The Hanged Man        38  16   9  13  39  31   +8  57
 10 Harrington            38  17   6  15  51  47   +4  57
 11 Surfeit River         38  16   6  16  49  52   -3  54
 12 Haymaker Town         38  15   8  15  35  35   +0  53
 13 Norton Road           38  15   7  16  37  44   -7  52
 14 Gosforth Swans        38  13  10  15  43  59  -16  49
 15 Perrett               38  13   7  18  35  42   -7  46
 16 Tryst Athletic        38  13   6  19  39  53  -14  45
 17 Swag Hill Rovers      38  11   7  20  45  57  -12  40
 18 Barcastle Rovers      38  11   4  23  28  54  -26  37
 19 Geoff United          38  10   6  22  35  56  -21  36
 20 Stekelenbright        38   7   9  22  27  56  -29  30

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Fischer                    38  24   7   7  75  32  +43  79
  2 Bodkin Road                38  22   9   7  63  28  +35  75
  3 Downsparrow                38  22   9   7  58  26  +32  75
  4 South Brill                38  23   6   9  55  35  +20  75
  5 Pillars of Southfell       38  20   8  10  58  35  +23  68
  6 Reckdale Town              38  18   9  11  64  48  +16  63
  7 Inner-East Fairywrens      38  18   7  13  43  32  +11  61
  8 Sandrock                   38  17   9  12  34  26   +8  60
  9 Rookwall                   38  13  14  11  38  38   +0  53
 10 Rochford Pilgrims          38  15   8  15  45  50   -5  53
 11 Getton Town                38  11  13  14  45  49   -4  46
 12 Twelvetrees                38  11  13  14  30  36   -6  46
 13 Peregrine                  38  11  11  16  43  54  -11  44
 14 De La Patria               38   8  15  15  50  73  -23  39
 15 Norpike                    38   9  11  18  35  49  -14  38
 16 Ballardine FC              38   8  13  17  36  58  -22  37
 17 Clay Terrace               38   9   9  20  21  48  -27  36
 18 Markoni                    38   9   8  21  40  56  -16  35
 19 Violence Tigers            38   9   6  23  40  60  -20  33
 20 East Slake                 38   5  11  22  24  64  -40  26

by **Nephara** » Sun Apr 03, 2016 8:17 pm

FINAL MATCHDAY
Chatswood vs. Brinemouth
The league’s strongest defence against its most explosive attack. Quirks of scheduling mean these two face at season’s end more often than not, and it’s often a chippy, sometimes violent game. Brinemouth have nothing at stake and have rested a few key veterans for the Cup final - Chatswood know that if they win and Brookford beat North Laithland, they can sneak into the last Champions Cup place.

Sheridan vs. Crisisbless
The league’s second-strongest defence against its… weakest attack, and team. Sheridan are rooted to the bottom of the table no matter what, and are playing for their not inconsiderable pride against a Crisisbless side that can reach 99 points and console themselves with the fact that that is enough points to have won most Premiership seasons.

South Laithland vs. Crisisbless United
Crisisbless United, who have lost their past two games by a cumulative score of 12-0, need to better Cypher Town’s result. Alternatively, a victory by nine clear goals would put them ahead of the Southrons on goals scored, which won’t happen but would at least be hilarious. Both sides have been hovering around 20th basically all season.

Chenoworth Rovers vs. Goodfeather FC
The Rovers are already down while Goodfeather have had a pretty dismal season of their own, seeming to return to the mean after a short Golden Age. The Quakers should still win, 1-0 - they’ve struggled for goals this season.

Creed United vs. Maximum City
Creed United are safe, while Maximum City are barely short of Globe Cup potential. It’s hard to see this game lighting up the highlights reels. A 0-0 draw awaits.

Cypher Town vs. Maximum Rovers
Cypher Town need to get an equal result to Crisisbless United in a fixture of roughly equal difficulty - both mediocre, safe sides. They do, at least, have home advantage. The Rovers have made 50 points and that seems to be about all they’ve needed in a season they’ve spent rebuilding the losses of the transfer window.

Brookford Otters vs. North Laithland
Remarkably, Brookford Otters are on the cusp of the Globe Cup. North Laithland are on the cusp of the Champions Cup. Both sides need to avoid defeat, since victories for Sabrefell Athletic/Chatswood respectively would see them lose their place if they don’t pick up a point. Is a mutually beneficial draw on the cards? … Well, probably not intentionally, but you can see the sides levelling out to an entertaining 2-2 anyway.

Starling vs. Parrhesia United
Starling have managed an impressive midtable finish, Ali Asif being lowkey one of the signings (if not bargains, at 4.5 million) of the season. The Saints are down, and Spike Turnbull has a hell of a job on her hands - since the relegation she’s just thrown all the young players into the fire to see if any have what it takes. You’d have to call this an easy 2-0 Starling win.

Coret Hawks vs. Sabrefell Athletic
Coret Hawks have been in a dreadful slump of late but strong performances through most of the season have lifted them well free of the drop. Sabrefell Athletic need a win and the Otters to lose to get a Globe Cup spot and redeem a fairly weak season. A breezy 3-1 Athletic victory should be on the cards.

Cranequin City vs. Sabrefell Moths
Cranequin City have a fine midtable season under their belts, while the Sabrefell Moths have been somewhat disappointing in the league and will finish 6th no matter what - their best chance of glory stemming from the Cup. Still, quality should shine through in a simple enough 3-0 victory for the Moths.

Cranequin Wanderers vs. AFC Treason
The fixture congestion tired the Cranequin Wanderers and they haven’t hit last season’s heights, perhaps unsurprisingly. Treason, meanwhile, can be happy to have finally made their way back into the Champions Cup. Treason should win 2-1.

Violence Chariots vs. Vermillion Rage
A fairly disappointing season for both sides in a congested upper-midtable - neither can really get anywhere with this final match. It should be a thriller, and one you’d tip the Chariots to edge 3-2.

Also worthy of note… AFC Serpentine vs. Armstrong
A straightforward battle for supremacy in the First Division. Serpentine, depleted by relegation as they are, have battled their way into contention with a frankly paper-thin squad. They have to beat Armstrong, a surprise package of the season with tight defence and a talent for playing the percentages… much like Sheridan, in fact. It has to be said that whoever wins is likely to be dragged along the bottom of the Premiership all season. Serpents win, they get promoted - a draw is good enough for Armstrong.

1 mins - Kickoff! And the stakes are mostly centred in the Laith here, between Cypher’s and Crisisbless United’s fixtures. The question on everyone’s lips - where will Cypher’s goals come from? Marquee signing Dorne’s on just nine for the season… they’ve had to share the burden. That said… United already have the worst defence in Premiership history, eclipsing previous holders Corvette Maulers (five years ago, who also hold the record for worst goal difference with -49). Concede twice and they’ll make three digits.
2 mins - Fittingly, there’s already been a shot on target - albeit not much to speak of, Samuhel Ramsey of South Laithland flicking on a header to Markosian that ended up trickling at goal, Morgan actually having to scramble to palm it away. Uh… that’s Cheney Morgan, that is. It’s slightly annoying that Havard Morgan is starting between the sticks for Cypher. Not only do they share a surname, but neither of them is particularly good.
3 mins - Oh, whatever. Here’s a flash of magic from Adrienne Eastway. Dorne slid in and was inches too late, Lind Rafferty did get onto it but missed from around ten yards, blazing high and wide. Not exactly a sitter, but a poor miss - Rovers goalkeeper Middleton’s wondering where exactly his defence was.
4 mins - … Wait, was that already a penalty in Brookford?
5 mins - GOAL! It was! Oh dear… Rudden was just too quick for Katrin Haubeck, who hauled her down before she could get a shot off. Gunnar Brickwalk hits it hard and low, and while Cromwell gets fingers to it, they aren’t strong enough. BRK 0-1 NLA.
6 mins - Crisisbless United have a shot of their own - Rebecca Strachan finds some space and shoots powerfully from distance, but Bella Yossarian gets two strong hands to it and clears. Which creates problems of its own - Campbell hoofs the ball upfield, Rutger Connacht latches onto it and sends a lethal diagonal ball across. Fortunately for the Chessmen, it misses both strikers and Astrid Curran’s there to clear it. Still.
7 mins - Cypher’s centre-halves are both 33. A hefty Jurist clearance to Drake sees the captain hold up the ball, passes it to Kelsey, who tries and fails to release the lightning-quick Curren. While Wingett and Flynn stand around looking terrified it falls to the Brenecian, Portia Neilson, to come from nowhere to intercept the pass. Mostly because it isn’t a very good pass. Food for thought, though.
8 mins - The Saints have looked markedly better under Spike Turnbull and have to be most peoples’ favourites to come straight back up. 20-year old Swabia Rademacher sends a shot rattling against Hargrave’s crossbar, while Turnbull’s kept the faith in 19-year old Tasha Avery at leftback for months. Their first lineup at the start of the season didn’t have any homegrown talent - is faith in the academy that produced Kite and Stockinger the key?
9 mins - First shot on target in Creed vs. Maximum City - Whitesmith’s optimistic swaying effort from just outside the box is caught on the full by Aidan Kennedy. It’s proving about as exciting a match as Wet Paint vs. Dryness of Air. Not always exciting, sure, but the Oathmen survived the season pretty easily and pretty comfortably. They aren’t exactly a Chenoworth Rovers with nothing to offer.
10 mins - The Chenoworth Rovers with nothing to offer, incidentally, give the ball away cheaply to the Quakers in midfield. Emblematic of their decline, Gerhard Wrexham is so excited just to have the ball that he sends a shot sailing well over Rutherford’s head. Two Bad Teams.
11 mins - Vermillion Rage almost gift the declining but still potent Nate Walker a goal, Jonas-Anderson’s pass to somewhere between Blake and Berenger being nothing short of suicidal. Seward rushes out to clear at Walker’s feet and then bellows at his captain, which isn’t usually the state of things.
12 mins - Crisisbless United with a great chance to open the scoring. It’s former South Laithland rightback Astrid Amber swinging a cross across the face of goal and Weiler should score, doing the hard part to escape her marker but somehow shooting a foot wide from ten feet out. She sinks to her knees in disbelief.
13 mins - First booking of the day, as Parrhesia’s Gratia Barker goes in late on Josie Sutton. Poor Barker - she’s been relegated twice in a row now, while the club that Iron City bought her off (Creed United) are just getting stronger. Is a move back on the cards?
14 mins - GOAL! It’s been coming, but it comes seemingly from nowhere. Olivia Schwarzer hits a low cross that actually ends up hitting the far post, but Puntoriero’s in the right place at the right time to awkwardly half-volley into the ground and past a helplessly confused Rachel Brennan. CRW 0-1 TRE.
15 mins - Speaking of Creed United, the fact that this is a bad and meaningless game hasn’t occurred to Danica Farrier yet, and the fringe Brenecia international scuffs an overhead kick into the ground. Instead of a flamboyant, beautiful thing into the top corner, it’s arguably harder to deal with for the goalkeeper, and Jelic does extremely well to scramble over and claw the ball around the post.
16 mins - Vermillion Rage have a great sweeping attack, a number of quick passes culminating in a deadly Pokrovski cross that Reid puts straight at Edelgrau. Vermillion could really, really use a genuinely top-class centre-forward.
17 mins - Shay Kilner stands alone at the gates of Crisisbless. Sheridan’s lone striker, who has started every match and scored six goals for his trouble, hasn’t had a touch so far.
18 mins - GOAL! Music to the ears of those in Cypher! Caitlin Cruickshank, a quietly impressive performer all season, swings in a cross and there’s confusion in the box, Morgan having to clamber over Wilshire to flap weakly at the ball. Cheney Markosian nips in at the far post to tuck it away. SLA 1-0 CRU.
19 mins - Yossarian’s had to do well to stop United from striking back immediately, the Southrons falling asleep immediately after the goal as the Chessmen go for the throat straight from kickoff. Weiler’s one-on-one with the goalkeeper in a flash and then passes across to left winger Kilgallon, who shoots with her right but should put it beyond Yossarian, who flies across to claw the ball away. She’s furious with… well, with the entire rest of her team, understandably.
20 mins - Chatswood vs. Brinemouth has been quiet so far, just kind of quietly simmering. But you sense the bloodshed is right around the corner.
21 mins - Ileana Defrank really should put Chenoworth Rovers ahead against the run of play when the ball falls to her in the box after a messy corner. However, she gives a proper centre-half’s finish to shank the ball into the stands.
22 mins - GOAL! Nothing fluky about this one - Markus Anderton might be a lot worse than Roque Acosta at every aspect of football, but he does a fair enough imitation with this piledriver. Brennan, again, left motionless. This one could get messy, you sense. CRW 0-2 TRE.
23 mins - Though not as messy as central Sabrefell, it has to be said. Raven River are already 3-0 up against a Ritter Town side who seem further from their Premiership halcyon days than ever. Despite losing Kenway and Vaughan in the offseason, the veteran strike partnership of Strauss (34) and Bittencourt (36) has fired them to glory up front.
24 mins - … For that matter, Nechemevic is 35, Donachy is 34, Marlowe is 36 and Riordan in goal is 42. River were clearly scared shitless at the thought that you couldn’t win anything with kids - but how many of these players will still be standing next season?
25 mins - Maximum Rovers overcommit to a fairly weak attack, and Havard Morgan hoofs the ball away to the wings. Lind Rafferty’s on it, and he almost finds Dorne with a long-range forward ball - Vidurvoerdr does exceptionally well to anticipate it just in time, and Dorne shoves into the back of him for a foul attempting to win it back. Dorne’s scored nine goals this season - just five from open play. But it’s not for want of effort.
26 mins - GOAL! What the hell? Shay Kilner receives a hoofed clearance from Patricia Martyn, holds off Gallardo and passes off to the onrushing Christine Schuster - the side’s top scorer off the left wing, and one player you’ll suspect will annihilate the second tier next season (she’s willing to stay, apparently). Schuster slots the ball home low and hard past Marciak, and Sheridan, somehow, lead. SHE 1-0 CRI.
27 mins - Cheney Morgan has been patchy this season at best, not helped by a fairly bad defence, but it has to be admitted that he does extremely well here. A long hoof from Yossarian is flicked on by big Samuhel Ramsey and suddenly former Nephara international Rutger Connacht is through on goal, but Morgan comes flying out to rob it from his feet. Fantastic and unexpected stuff.
28 mins - Cypher, though, look on top against Maximum Rovers. Eastway flashes in a corner that Wingett heads against the crossbar, and they probably deserve a goal by now.
29 mins - North Laithland come close to doubling their money, Rudden curling in a shot that Daniel Cromwell does exceptionally well to palm onto the post. Cromwell never became the stalwart between Nephara’s posts he was meant to, but he’s still a very good goalkeeper, and has come to the Otters’ rescue more than once this season.
30 mins - GOAL! Sarracena is just too generous with Kenneth Laidlaw’s time and space, and to be fair maybe he’s banking on the fact that Laidlaw isn’t very good. But he still manages to smash a low, powerful shot into the bottom corner past Pressinger. COR 1-0 SFA.
31 mins - Just about literally the last thing United needed - captain Rebecca Strachan is smashed by Bryan Lochhead in what might be a red in most other countries. It’s a yellow here, but Strachan limps off. Cadogan replaces her, Sebastian Evans gets the armband.
32 mins - Out of nothing, Jevdjevic-Hadsic chips a fully sick ball over the entire Moths defence. Peterson comes for it, but doesn’t stop Scafidis looping a header over her that ultimately loops onto the crossbar, Pryor managing to get to it and head it clear before Purrington could nip in and take it. Cranequin City might have done a little too well this season. Scafidis is gone next season, and Frostmarris and Jevdjevic-Hadsic might well follow.
33 mins - The Sheridan Home Effect at work. Birgit Sternberg innocently takes a Sundu pass on the chest and gets pulverised by Adebayo Gillett just outside the box. A mere booking for what may as well be a war crime, well… it’s perhaps slightly questionable.
34 mins - GOAL! The Rovers - well, both sets, but especially the Chenoworth side - are terrible, and despite a defence that has kept tight throughout they manage to hand the Quakers a chance even they can’t miss. Rutherford rolls the ball to Kostas Demetriou whose lazy, heavy touch is swept up by marauding Goodfeather forward Faustino Baroni, who goes charging down the line before cutting back for Gerhard Wrexham to thump past an apoplectic Rutherford. CHR 0-1 GDF.
35 mins - Treason should be ahead by three, but Brennan makes a spectacular scrambling triple save to deny them. The ball eventually falls for Olivia Schwarzer, who shoots past her… and sees Treason youth product Rachael Green clear the ball off the line. Otherwise, the Wanderers seem to have stemmed the bleeding.
36 mins - GOAL! Despair for United, bliss for Cypher. Falkirk gives Brendon Woodbridge far too much respect as the Southron midfielder advances menacingly up the pitch before loosing a powerful shot that cannons off a post only to fall to the well-placed poacher Cheney Markosian, Cheney Morgan in goal helpless to react. SLA 2-0 CRU.
37 mins - Maximum Rovers get their first real incisive chance of the game against a solid Cypher, Rebecca Kelsey threading an exquisite pass through the defence that Flynn fails to cut out. Curren’s essentially through on goal but a heavy touch narrows her angle, and her shot is lashed into the side netting.
38 mins - Newrook City’s Alysia Stokes seizes on a knockdown from Reinhard Ironside to put the Rooks ahead of Southfell United. Both are already promoted anyway. Newrook haven’t changed too much - in fact, Ironside is the only player starting today they didn’t have last year - so you’d have to imagine they’ll struggle again next year without significant reinforcement. Stokes has been a genuine gem, though.
39 mins - Southfell, meanwhile… it’s about time, isn’t it? They have a pleasant mixture of the old (familiar faces like Griffin, Gerrard, Schroeder and Conway) and the new, with 6’6” behemoth Makhone Djite, the flamboyant Franziska Toreador and the quietly impressive Tristan Lavendor all proudly academy-reared talent who have excelled in starting roles this season. A facelift in defence (which will be partially enforced when Griffin and Clough retire) might well reveal a Premiership-level side.
40 mins - Chenoworth Rovers’ first shot of the match! It’s Emmerich from about thirty yards. He thought he saw Gilchrist off her line. He was wrong.
41 mins - GOAL! A deserved breakthrough for the Eagles that now means they are safe if this is maintained (and the Rovers don’t look like breaking it). Eastway hits a low cross into the mixer that Vidurvoerdr sees but fails to convincingly clear, hitting it into Dorne’s legs. Dorne runs after it, hurdling Jurist’s challenge and stabbing the ball past Middleton, wheeling away to celebrate her tenth of the season. Very strongly linked with a move abroad, but the importance of this goal might be enough to outweigh the scarcity of the others. CYT 1-0 MXR.
42 mins - Conventional wisdom dictates that aside from being better at the top end, the A-League is much like the First Division. A very good First Division player, such as Southron rightback Gwen Saunders, will do well in the Premiership, as she has done. An average A-League player, such as Cassandra Kilgallon, is going to achieve roughly nothing, as she is presently doing. One suspects it’s almost getting boring for Saunders, though she’s started every match this season. Not entirely surprising - her backup is 35-year old Leila Pryde. United’s lack of quality in central midfield has hurt, too… while Jade Irwin, a central midfielder from their academy who was recently released without ever playing a senior game for the club, is making headlines in the Schottic Premier League. Surely she was worth a punt at some point?
43 mins - Dip of the shoulder and a drag of the leg and Baroni wins a penalty against Chenoworth Rovers, Ileana Defrank protesting her innocence to no avail. Rachael Loxley, for the first time in her entire career, misses a penalty. She’s had them saved before but this one just gets lashed against the crossbar. She looks despairingly at the heavens.
44 mins - Maximum Rovers are actually getting back into the game. Lilith Paterson destroys Muscat and stabs the ball to Chapin, who turns and passes to Drake, who drags himself through Flynn to cut across to Senturk, who smashes a low, hard shot that Havard Morgan does well to beat away with both fists. Town looked just a little static there...
45 mins - GOAL! Oh, well, that’s made things interesting! A speculative effort from Cadogan is palmed away by Yossarian, but Weiler gets to it first and lofts it over her into the goal! The former Project +90 centre-forward has been less than spectacular this season, but she’s struck when it counts to give United a way back into this game that they have scarcely deserved. SLA 2-1 CRU.
Injury time - It’s all coming down to the wire, as Crisisbless United immediately win the ball from a sloppy Ramsey and somehow launch a counter-attack off the opponents’ kick-off, Mueller set free with a hopeful long ball from Cadogan. She outruns the Southrons’ defence but her shot is well-saved by Yossarian, and from the resulting corner Wilshire’s header goes over the bar. But they go back into the tunnel with their fists pumping. Maybe they can do this after all!

Half-time Scorelines
Chatswood 0-0 Brinemouth
Sheridan 1-0 Crisisbless
South Laithland 2-1 Crisisbless United
Chenoworth Rovers 0-1 Goodfeather FC
Creed United 0-0 Maximum City
Cypher Town 1-0 Maximum Rovers
Brookford Otters 0-1 North Laithland
Starling 0-0 Parrhesia United
Coret Hawks 1-0 Sabrefell Athletic
Cranequin City 0-0 Sabrefell Moths
Cranequin Wanderers 0-2 AFC Treason
Violence Chariots 0-0 Vermillion Rage

46 mins - Kick-off! And it looks promising for Crisisbless United, they go right for the throat from the off. Mueller’s lightning pace comes to the fore yet again, racing past ragged-looking Southron leftback Gretel Behan, and her terrible finishing also comes to the fore when she cuts inside and drags a horribly weak shot well wide of the near post. Even Yossarian looks disappointed in that.
47 mins - GOAL! Well… okay, that was probably coming. Kilbane rolls in a forward pass to Engstroem who turns the shoulder of Harwick and stabs the ball into the bottom corner. SHE 1-1 CRI.
48 mins - Cypher still look nervy, Lucy Curren’s pace still perpetually dangerous. Senturk plays the Schottian into the box and she stabs the ball into the net, but as she wheels off to celebrate the linesman’s flag is decidedly, well, raised.
49 mins - GOAL! Despite the Dockers’ protests, however, the linesman’s is not in Treason! Matheson steals a march on Steinberg and Finnan to put a diving header (credit Chaplain for the cross) past Matt Vintner. CHT 1-0 BRI.
50 mins - Fun fact about Brinemouth - between Vintner, Finnan and Locke they have three players reared in Raven River. But given the famous South Laithland to AFC Treason pipeline (Allbeck, Flaccus, Connacht, Ashdown, Schwarzer…) perhaps it’s not entirely surprising.
51 mins - South Laithland still present a threat to Crisisbless United, and, well… they’re still ahead. Rutger Connacht’s free kick is utterly battered against the crossbar. Had that been an inch lower...
52 mins - Brookford Otters have been strong in the second half, knowing that if the current result keeps up they lose their Globe Cup place to Sabrefell Athletic. Steed Corren continues to press his fringe national team claims with an excellent close-range save from Igrene Cantor, and then spends the next few seconds wheezing on the ground. Cantor always goes for power over placement, and that one got him right in the midriff. Oof.
53 mins - GOAL! A series of injuries to Starling has brought Karlene Sitz into the side and it is clear that the 22-year old is not of Premiership standard. She sloppily cedes posssession to the industrious Gratia Barker, who slips the ball across to Xidhas, who picks out Hexmark with a beautiful arcing pass. One touch from him wrongfoots the veteran James Doncaster and the second slides the ball past Just Hargrave. STA 0-1 PAR.
54 mins - The annoying thing with the Saints is that their revival under Spike Turnbull might have been too convincing. They’ve delivered an inconvenient reminder that Xidhas, Telfair, Hexmark, Barker, Klavier and Arrowsmith are still Premiership-level players, but haven’t actually stayed up to retain them. They’re good enough to go straight up, but will that remain the case after the transfer window?
55 mins - Goal in the First Division promotion clash! And you have to admit that’s very much off an error - no way in hell should Armstrong rightback Defaye have made that pass at that time but it brought 37-year old goalkeeper Marimow racing out of his box to slice it clear under pressure from Armagnac. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t end well - Grigori Swanenburg taking it on the chest and firing it into an empty net. Well, as things stand, that takes the Serpents into the Premiership...
56 mins - Rutger Locke clips in a ball through the defence and Sigmund Levy puts the ball in the net! Via Brescia Stubbs, who he shoves to the ground and tries to get past. Stubbs drags on with a vengeance, eventually pulling him to the ground as he scores. It kind of seems like both players are committing yellow card fouls against each other. Either way, the goal is - somewhat controversially - chalked off.
57 mins - GOAL! Pretty straightforward stuff off a set piece, meat and potatoes for the Smiths. Patrick Jezek hoofs in a decent diagonal ball, always looking dangerous, and Solomon Devante gets himself on the end of it to nod it home. Aidan Kennedy puts his gloved hands on his hips and levels his defence with a withering, disappointing stare, just like a parent let down yet again. CRD 0-1 MXC.
58 mins - Cassandra Kilgallon hits a far-post cross in for Abigail Mueller to drift onto and… head against the far post! It rebounds off her leg but Yossarian gets down in time to scramble it away from danger. Crisisbless United can’t do anything from the corner, and the thumping punch away from Yossarian (who has been fantastic in goal) paves the way for a counterattack. Cruickshank, bearing down on goal, goes for glory and is denied in turn by Cheney Morgan. That could’ve ended any way.
59 mins - Cypher are starting to calm things down again and reassert themselves against Maximum Rovers. Havard Morgan has needed to make some decent saves. Erica Brewer gambles and throws on another quick striker, Konstanze Luitgard (19 years old and yet to score a league goal) for her experienced but slow captain Reinhard Drake.
60 mins - GOAL! Well, that didn’t take long. Benavente loses possession to Karena Bittner, then hacking at her shins. She stumbles but keeps running, before playing a pass to the feet of old Westpike United teammate Farrier. The Brenecian dances away from Sutton and fires low and hard past Jelic. CRD 1-1 MXC.
61 mins - People say that Sheridan’s Esther LaCroix is terrible at the defensive side of the game. That isn’t necessarily true. A trademark awful late tackle on Diandra Kilbane is just another example of classic Sheridan fare. Kilbane stays on in what could be her last Crisisbless match - she’s been very strongly linked with a return home to Northern Union next season.
62 mins - Another great save from Yossarian! South Laithland are under the pump here… Weiler took an Evans pass in her stride and tried to whip a ball into the top corner, but Yossarian sprang into action to tip it away.
63 mins - Just a minute later and Weiler’s almost through again! Campbell puts enough pressure on her to take the venom out of her shot, though, and Yossarian falls on it. She’s in no hurry to get the match restarted.
64 mins - GOAL! There’s the breakthrough at last, courtesy of an unusual source… leftback Darren Reid! Falkirk picks Woodbridge’s pocket and sweeps a pass to Cadogan, who breaks forward from midfield, Reid makes a daring diagonal run that nobody picks up and when Cadogan passes to him under pressure from the defence Reid smashes in a low, hard shot deflected in by Campbell! United are level, they deserve it, and they … still need to win, and the Rovers to score. SLA 2-2 CRU.
65 mins - GOAL! Oh, right. This rather apathetic dead rubber’s still going on, two attack-minded sides seeming to lack the desire to really go for each other’s throats. Still, Kurtis Quinn has a way of finding Belgrave’s powerful near-post cross, nodding it ever so slightly home. The Chariots lead. VIC 1-0 VRR.
66 mins - South Laithland are still clearly rattled, and Woodbridge needlessly loses possession to Evans in midfield. Evans passes to Kilgallon who manages an impressive feint-turn to utterly wrongfoot Saunders for the first time all game, but shooting with her weaker right foot she pulls it too far to the near post and misses.
67 mins - Cypher Town need to secure their victory better, and Gareth Muscat comes close. Or, at least, provides a statement of intent. A looping headed clearance from Vidurvoerdr looks to fall favourably for him but he gets it wrong, skying a volley almost over the stadium.
68 mins - GOAL! Game over for Chenoworth, both for the match and for the season. The Rovers haven’t looked remotely likely to score and Loxley makes up for her missed penalty by thumping a free kick into a stanchion. CHR 0-2 GDF.
69 mins - Konstanze Luitgard puts Cypher on notice when played through by fellow quick striker Curren, and she really has to score one-on-one - instead, her touch is heavy, and Havard Morgan springs gratefully on it.
70 mins - Things have gotten a bit handbagsy in Creed, Caulson bringing down Jess Teagan once too often for the Nephara youth international’s liking. Teagan springs up and immediately gets right in his face, things kicking off out of basically nothing. Long-suffering referee Ross Fastigan flexes his not inconsiderable muscle to try and single-handedly break them up.
71 mins - Coalan Bray comes on for Sabrefell Athletic in what looks to be his last appearance for the club. Now 36, the former Shamrock Cathair man became a powerful striker for the side in his prime and a cult hero in his old age for his willingness to keep running forever and his impact as a substitute. Coming on now for the quiet, underwhelming Felix Keller, can he make the difference against the resolute Hawks?
72 mins - GOAL! Deserved second for Crisisbless, Sheridan haven’t really tried much on this game. Karin Machan whipping a low cross into the box that Engstroem flicks out a backheel to finish past Gillett. Sherries look to be going down in defeat, though perhaps not - Mick Taggart starts warming up with LaCroix to come off as they switch to a 4-4-2, eager to finish their season on a high. SHE 1-2 CRI.
73 mins - Havard Morgan scrambles to save a close-range shot from Luitgard. Between her and Curren, the Rovers’ pace is tearing Cypher to shreds. Barry Farrell, slightly less glacial a defender, is rushed on for the captain Kieran Wingett.
74 mins - Okay, so the Saints are terrible but they could be up by four or five. Bad finishing hasn’t helped, their bane all season, but after Doncaster’s wayward pass goes straight to Telfair it takes an incredible Just Hargrave save to stop the score from being doubled. Hargrave has been imperious tonight and very strong this season, continuing to stake his claim for a stronger side to buy him.
75 mins - GOAL! Against the run of play, no less, but the Rovers commit too many forward. Morgan hoofs the ball upfield to Eastway, who hoofs the ball up to Rafferty, who in turn gets past Dobrovolskas through a firm but fair amount of muscle. Dorne presents herself for the obvious pass but instead Eastway rolls the ball across to Kurtis Muscat, who fires low and hard beyond Middleton. CYT 2-0 MXR.
76 mins - A moment to forget for Jack Warwick, who rises unopposed at Goodfeather’s far post to miss a header. From two yards. A more fitting end to Chenoworth’s season could hardly have been found.
77 mins - GOAL! Well, it was coming. It’s hard to stop Brinemouth scoring. Rutger Locke finds some space for himself just outside the box and powers a drive past Evan Katsouranis. CHT 1-1 BRI.
78 mins - Paolo Cirrincione almost scores a spectacular own goal with a casual dragging backheel. Stenet’s cross, as a result, takes a wicked deflection and Daniel Cromwell has to spring into action at his near post to claw the ball away. The Audioslav fullback just looks puzzled at the event.
79 mins - GOAL! Starling look to be making a resurgence, Klavier is forced into some good saves, and then Sasha Shawcroft flies through their flat-footed defence and rolls the ball past a stranded Hargrave. The Saints are still going down, but at least they’re dignified. STA 0-2 PAR.
80 mins - It’s going crazy here! Crisisbless United are pressing hard for a winner, Yossarian making another good save. The ineffectual Kilgallon has been replaced with Merry Reilly - at her heart a striker - on the left wing, and Reilly’s first touch of the game forces a strong save from Yossarian to tip it around the post.
81 mins - GOAL! Bread-and-butter stuff from Brookford, exactly what they’ve been doing all season. Kirschester turns Hawkshaw inside-out and then hits a far-post cross for Igrene Cantor to crash into the net. Where was the Spiders’ defence? BRK 1-1 NLA.
82 mins - GOAL! Disaster for the Chessmen! South Laithland force a cheap corner when Cruickshank’s speculative shot is deflected off Curran’s legs, but Connacht hits the corner perfectly. Rook Campbell, somehow unmarked, rises to head past a flailing Morgan. Right now, they need two and the Maximum Rovers need the same. SLA 3-2 CRU.
83 mins - Somewhere in the middle of the flurry of goals, Michael Keane’s given one last applause substitution - Brookford’s 36-year old returning hero, former Player of the Year with nine caps to his name. He’s set to retire after this season but a move to the centre of a 4-4-2 and the return to the Otters added a couple of fine years to the end of a fine career. Carsten Ruediger comes on to try and stem the flow of North Laithland’s passing.
84 mins - GOAL! Ohh, that could be fatal. Eastway’s corner, and Ace Flynn weaves his way through some sloppy marking to flick a header past Middleton. The Rovers need three goals to give Crisisbless United a chance. CYT 3-0 MXR.
85 mins - GOAL! Typical Terracotta, Chrysanthe Scafidis capping off a very productive loan season by crashing home Kelsey Worner’s cross. CRC 1-0 SFM.
86 mins - Serpentine look very firmly on top at the moment - Armstrong haven’t had a shot on target in 20 minutes - but if they do hold out and get promoted it’s a little worrying. They’re pretty much the side that went down minus two of their best players and paper-thin in depth. But the academy has magically spat out Mariska Woodspur on the right wing, almost certainly to be declared the First Division U-21 player of the year, hidden gem Ashleigh Aveline who finally had an injury-free season and was a fixture in the centre, the surprising form of Grigori Swanenburg and decent Premiership players in Hartson, Bramall, Arrowsmith and Steelbridge. But they’re still favourites for the drop without significant investment… just set up to come up a season or two too soon.
87 mins - Konstanze Luitgard hits a speculative drive from just outside the box. Morgan lets it go… it hits the post. Still, the Eagles are in jubilant mood - they couldn’t possibly screw this one up, could they?
88 mins - GOAL! Late hope for Sabrefell Athletic, Rowan Gawain chipping over the top, Bray with his back to goal heading back to Castellan who arrives just in time to smash past Godsflock. COR 1-1 SFA. And… GOAL! Well, with another Athletic goal, they’d take the final Globe Cup place as the mutually beneficial draw collapses, Rudden stabbing home past Cromwell’s near post! BRK 1-2 NLA.
89 mins - Neilson sets a record for maybe the slowest substitution ever as she very slowly trudges towards Faye Orchid on the touchline. An incandescent Lilith Paterson, all too aware of the ticking clock, shoves her fellow Brenecian defensive midfielder into the ground. Unsurprisingly, this doesn’t help her foot-speed.
90 mins - GOAL! Edelgrau can’t get to Runen’s drive, one last nail in a bad Chariots’ season that might spell the end for Mortlock. VIC 1-1 VRR.
Injury time - Nails are bitten, people are on the edges of seats… but there’s no reason to be, at least at the bottom. Within two minutes, the Chequers sink to the ground, defeated as the final whistle blows. They will be missed in the top flight. A further minute later, Cypher Town are free to celebrate - less thrilling, slower, but it has to be said they were better-prepared for the top flight. Sabrefell Athletic press for a winner, but they too are defied as Oehman’s dipping shot is tipped over spectacularly by John Godsflock - they’ll be without UICA football next season, and the Otters have it. As a result, they can’t feel too bad about defeat to North Laithland, who surprisingly pick up a Champions’ Cup place in the season they lost their best player. And, finally, the final whistle in Chatswood, where Brinemouth celebrate as worthy champions terrifyingly potent in front of goal. Another spectacular season.

PREMIERSHIP RESULTS
Chatswood 1-1 Brinemouth
Sheridan 1-2 Crisisbless
South Laithland 3-2 Crisisbless United
Chenoworth Rovers 0-2 Goodfeather FC
Creed United 1-1 Maximum City
Cypher Town 3-0 Maximum Rovers
Brookford Otters 1-2 North Laithland
Starling 0-2 Parrhesia United
Coret Hawks 1-1 Sabrefell Athletic
Cranequin City 1-0 Sabrefell Moths
Cranequin Wanderers 0-2 AFC Treason
Violence Chariots 1-1 Vermillion Rage

CUP WINNERS’ CUP FINAL
Crisisbless (4-1-3-2): 1 - Marciak; 2 - Machan, 4 - Gallardo, 18 - Scharner, 19 - Haukmann; 11 - St. Cleer (c); 7 - Sundu, 13 - Tarrant, 21 - Kilbane; 9 - Sternberg, 17 - Engstroem
Bench: 12 - Morgan; 5 - Nodtveit, 6 - Brandon, 8 - Knutsen, 10 - Keast, 22 - Buchanan, 23 - Sable

1830 Cathair (4-3-1-2): Nuremberg; Fokke-Rommedahl, Caceres, Molovi, Randakova; Angelo, Soldarian, del Olmo; va Drake; Bickermann, Zelaya
Bench: Batmacumba; Marquez, Kinlasson, Cavan, Martinez

A worthy final for the Cup Winners’ Cup… but it has to be said that Crisisbless go in as underdogs. The Premiership is a very strong league these days across the board but none of their teams can match the likes of Cathair on their own - though Crisisbless have been linked with Igrene Cantor or various foreign strikers and supposedly have a deal wrapped up already for Ror Jevdjevic-Hadsic. Either way, it’s Goliath against Goliath’s slightly smaller, not quite as rich brother.

It’s a cagey affair in the end for all the attacking talent on show, which ends up being more than matched by all the defensive talent on show. Engstroem has been in career-best form this season and it shows when he takes on and beats most of the defence, rolling the ball aside from Sternberg who puts her shot too close to Nuremberg - the Felixan goalkeeper makes a wonderful save, but Sternberg shouldn’t have given her a save to make. It’s the first clear-cut chance of the game… in the 31st minute. Marciak’s forced into a wonderful save not long after to tip Espy va Drake’s free kick over the bar before a perfect last-ditch tackle from Malachite Scharner takes the ball out from under Zelaya’s feet a second before he was set to score. Other than that, it was a match for the purists - revolving entirely around the midfield.

Things heated up a little in the second half, though - helped along its way by Fokke-Rommedahl annihilating Diandra Kilbane, forcing the midfielder (strongly linked with a return to the A-League) off the pitch. Not to worry though - Espen Knutsen, 34-year old club legend out of contract at the end of the season, trundles on for one last valiant charge. Deployed down the middle with Sundu and Tarrant to do his running for him, his quietly measured passing and dynamic long balls add a degree of uncertainty to a rock-solid Cathair defence, and from his chip Sternberg manages a looping header that bounces off the top of Nuremberg’s crossbar. Soon afterwards, Sternberg finds some space from nowhere and shoots low and hard but yet again Nuremberg is there, clawing the ball away with Molovi there to clear. But the heroic work of Gallardo, Scharner and St. Cleer at the other end is almost destroyed by an errant Haukmann pass in injury time, pounced on triumphantly by Marco Angelo who sends a low, deadly cross skimming across the face of goal. Gallardo, all too aware of Zelaya lurking at the far post, manages a risky but perfectly-executed clearance practically on the line, hacking the ball away with his left boot that ends up shaving the upright on its way out of harm.

Long stretches of probing, tactical football broken up by occasional flashes of brilliance. That was the pattern established in the ninety minutes, and it didn’t look like shifting in extra time. Sundu managed the first chance of it, played into a neat bit of space by Knutsen and firing just wide of the near post. Brandon, on for the exhausted and booked St. Cleer and without a goal to his name all season, shaved the top of the crossbar with a speculative effort from distance. It looked like it was headed for penalties…

… until Anders Engstroem was hacked to the ground by Marquez, a centre-half brought for Molovi who’d been the wrong kind of impact substitute. The Cosumar international stepped up to take it himself, but Nuremberg had been invincible all game. Until now, where she showed her hand just as Engstroem fractically slowed his pace, and fell helplessly the wrong way from the momentum as Engstroem struck home the other way.

Crisisbless were spent, and knew they had eleven long minutes to hunker down for the onslaught. It came. Marciak sprung to repel one strike from another substitute in Cavan before the follow-up from Bickermann was cleared off the line by Scharner, and Bickermann went one better to stick one in the net soon afterwards… but the flag was up. And the clock was not on their side. Marciak held firm, as did the defence ahead of him, and finally the final whistle blew. It had been, frankly, a fairly poor match. But Luxulya St. Cleer, holding the trophy above her head, wasn’t about to care for aesthetics.

Crisisbless 0-0 1830 Cathair (1-0 aet)

NFA CUP FINAL
Sabrefell Moths (4-4-2): 12 - Hawthorn; 2 - Christener, 5 - Uidhir, 13 - Pryor, 3 - Griffiths; 7 - dos Santos, 18 - Cliving (c), 8 - Etzebeth, 11 - Coleman; 9 - Curio, 14 - Johnson
Bench: 1 - Peterson; 4 - Lundgren, 6 - Pembroke, 10 - Maddon, 16 - Tawney, 22 - Carrick, 23 - Meier

Brinemouth (4-3-3): 1 - Malone; 2 - Everheart, 5 - Steinberg, 6 - Finnan, 3 - Hasselbaink; 23 - Locke (c), 4 - Bosetti, 14 - Sable; 9 - Juquinho, 17 - Levy, 11 - Amokachi
Bench: 12 - Vintner; 10 - Styrn, 13 - Nkembe, 15 - Beckcamp, 16 - Blondel, 21 - Luque, 36 - Gosforth

For the first time in what seems like a while, there’s a real marquee clash in the Cup final. Both sides were even relatively free from injury, although both sides were using their Cup goalkeepers, Brinemouth captain Jess Carragher was injured (as was backup centrehalf Towerman) and the Moths had controversially decided to keep with Orion Etzebeth, who had won his place over the more proven Nikita Lundgren in the closing stages of the season. The Moths were looking to make up for a mildly underwhelming league season - Brinemouth, on the other hand, hoped to complete the first double in the twelve years since Sabrefell Athletic accomplished the feat. The Reds, incidentally, won the league with just 82 points and 79 goals... not 103 and 129.

The match began in typical fashion - both sides went for the throat. The Moths hit hard down the wings with their overlapping fullbacks and bombardment of low crosses, one of which saw Curio head straight at Malone in the 6th minute. Brinemouth, meanwhile, dominated possession and drove down the centre of the park with their quick passing. Within the first ten minutes, they were ahead - Penumbra Amokachi had 31 league goals to her name, the second-most in league history, this time played provider in an impressively long-range one-two as she drifted out wide, Sable fed her with an inch-perfect pass, Amokachi hit a forward ball straight in her path and it was fired low past Hawthorn, who could only get fingertips to it.

For all the Moths’ pace, power and pride, Brinemouth were just too good on the day, a step ahead in everything they did. Not long afterwards, Hawthorn made a very good save to stop Locke doubling the lead and Juquinho hit the side netting just minutes later. The onslaught didn’t stop there. The Moths hunkered down and tried to hit on the counterattack, and almost managed their equaliser - Etzebeth dispossessed Locke and then slipped forward an excellent pass for Johnson, who bore down on goal, weaved past Steinberg and… had a marginally too heavy touch see the ball claimed by Gerry Malone in goal.

Still, the game looked over and done with in the 41st minute - yet again marauding runs down the centre saw Sable yet again lay a pass forward for Juquinho to slip the ball past a wrong-footed Hawthorn’s near post. The Moths almost reacted in perfect fashion, Coleman lashing a shot against the foot of the post, but even then Malone probably had it covered. The second half did not see a revival in their fortunes, beginning with an excellent if clumsy reflex save from Hawthorn and, despite the best efforts of Etzebeth and Cliving, the inability to keep any sort of possession. Brinemouth saved their best game of another terrifyingly excellent season for last, pressing forward and keeping the pressure on, defending from the front and leaving the opposition (very strong opposition!) no room to react. By the time Scheherazade Meier, impressing in her 35 minutes to shine, lashes a shot at Malone’s near post from an angle that the Dockers’ goalkeeper simply catches on the full, the final whistle has a sense of inevitability to it. Locke lifted the trophy while the Moths and most of the fans simply looked on, wondering if anyone can stop the monster that Stephen Frew has created.

Sabrefell Moths 0-2 Brinemouth

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Brinemouth               46  31  10   5  129   52  +77  103
  2 Crisisbless              46  32   3  11   86   37  +49   99
  3 AFC Treason              46  26  11   9   81   51  +30   89
  4 North Laithland          46  25  13   8   68   41  +27   88
  5 Chatswood                46  23  14   9   62   36  +26   83
  6 Sabrefell Moths          46  23   7  16   66   56  +10   76
  7 Brookford Otters         46  21   8  17   87   73  +14   71
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       46  19  12  15   69   50  +19   69
  9 Maximum City             46  18  14  14   50   42   +8   68
 10 Violence Chariots        46  18  12  16   66   60   +6   66
 11 Vermillion Rage          46  18  11  17   66   67   -1   65
 12 Cranequin Wanderers      46  16  15  15   48   46   +2   63
 13 Starling                 46  17  11  18   65   66   -1   62
 14 Goodfeather FC           46  17   9  20   50   55   -5   60
 15 Cranequin City           46  16  10  20   55   68  -13   58
 16 Coret Hawks              46  14  14  18   51   67  -16   56
 17 Creed United             46  14  12  20   51   66  -15   54
 18 Maximum Rovers           46  13  11  22   49   67  -18   50
 19 South Laithland          46  13  11  22   53   76  -23   50
 20 Cypher Town              46  13   8  25   42   71  -29   47
 21 Crisisbless United       46  13   5  28   58  101  -43   44
 22 Chenoworth Rovers        46   9  13  24   29   56  -27   40
 23 Parrhesia United         46   8  14  24   43   74  -31   38
 24 Sheridan                 46   7   8  31   28   74  -46   29

TOP SCORERS
31 - P. Amokachi (BRI)
26 - I. Cantor (BRK)
24 - Juquinho (BRI)
23 - A. Zozula (TRE)
21 - A. Engstroem (CRI)
19 - F. Keller (SFA)
18 - M. Lynwood (CRW), N. Loeher (STA)
17 - S. Levy (BRI), J. Kessler (CHT), C. Scafidis (CRC), A. Johnson (SFM), T. Runen (VRR)
16 - H. Matheson (CHT), G. Vastano (COR), D. Farrier (CRD), Curio (SFM), K. Quinn (VIC)
15 - P. Bradburn (BRK), S. Portsgate (GDF), Rui Mokanga (NLA)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Penumbra Amokachi (BRI)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Penumbra Amokachi (BRI)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Scheherezade Meier (SFM)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Prisca Stenet (NLA)
Team of the Year: Marciak (CRI); Christener (SFM), Stubbs (CHT), Scharner (CRI), Vyntra (TRE); Stenet (NLA), Locke (BRI), Bosetti (BRI), Amokachi (BRI); Zozula (TRE), Cantor (BRK)
- Bench: Katsouranis (CHT); Everheart (BRI), Katskalidis (TRE), Cirrincione (BRK), Murdoch (TRE), Vesper (TRE), A. Engstroem (CRI)
Manager of the Year: Gerhard Thunder (BRK)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Raven River                  46  31   8   7  89  45  +44  101
  2 Newrook City                 46  27  12   7  68  41  +27   93
  3 Southfell United             46  25   7  14  97  57  +40   82
  4 AFC Serpentine               46  24   6  16  83  51  +32   78
  5 Armstrong                    46  21  14  11  53  33  +20   77
  6 Chenoworth Harriers          46  21  12  13  70  45  +25   75
  7 Bishop                       46  20  13  13  59  46  +13   73
  8 Extreme Hills                46  21   9  16  67  57  +10   72
  9 West Brinemouth              46  18  13  15  48  43   +5   67
 10 North Sabrefell              46  18  11  17  78  75   +3   65
 11 Corvette Maulers             46  18   9  19  69  70   -1   63
 12 Martella Jazz                46  16  15  15  66  68   -2   63
 13 Rochford                     46  16  12  18  40  48   -8   60
 14 Sutcroft                     46  17   8  21  64  66   -2   59
 15 Ritter Town                  46  16   9  21  58  70  -12   57
 16 Leichhardt                   46  12  19  15  42  46   -4   55
 17 Vermillion Wanderers         46  14  11  21  68  75   -7   53
 18 Iron United                  46  13  13  20  41  65  -24   52
 19 Coret Rovers                 46  13  12  21  49  73  -24   51
 20 Iron City                    46  12  14  20  40  48   -8   50
 21 Locksley                     46  12  12  22  65  84  -19   48
 22 Diamondqueen                 46  11  12  23  30  57  -27   45
 23 East Laithland Harriers      46  11  11  24  55  88  -33   44
 24 Hackett                      46   8  12  26  32  80  -48   36

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Strephonage                46  30  11   5  74   30  +44  101
  2 Morningstar                46  26  13   7  77   42  +35   91
  3 Crossroads Town            46  27   6  13  60   35  +25   87
  4 Belgrave                   46  25  11  10  89   49  +40   86
  5 Crisisbless Athletic       46  25  10  11  86   57  +29   85
  6 AFC Shale                  46  25   8  13  54   35  +19   83
  7 Dross Rovers               46  22  11  13  62   41  +21   77
  8 West Hook                  46  21  13  12  58   33  +25   76
  9 Ox River United            46  22   6  18  44   43   +1   72
 10 Rhagant Schadenfreude      46  19  11  16  49   43   +6   68
 11 South Parrhesia            46  17  14  15  75   58  +17   65
 12 Mainstream Fist            46  19   8  19  63   65   -2   65
 13 Greygate                   46  17  12  17  49   57   -8   63
 14 Project +90                46  17  10  19  66   63   +3   61
 15 Stonegrave                 46  16  13  17  44   47   -3   61
 16 Kensey Town                46  15  12  19  55   63   -8   57
 17 Dartmouth Terriers         46  16   9  21  51   62  -11   57
 18 Falston Town               46  13  12  21  44   58  -14   51
 19 Long Lake                  46   9  17  20  39   58  -19   44
 20 Brindleton                 46  11  11  24  35   56  -21   44
 21 Brookway Town              46  11   9  26  41   72  -31   42
 22 Gridlock Rovers            46   7  11  28  35   89  -54   32
 23 Boleyn Town                46   7   9  30  28   67  -39   30
 24 Iberia Chenoworth          46   5  13  28  56  111  -55   28

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rushe United           46  28  14   4  102  48  +54  98
  2 Franchise FC           46  25  11  10   77  38  +39  86
  3 Fenland Albion         46  24  12  10   66  34  +32  84
  4 Senway Town            46  25   7  14   89  47  +42  82
  5 Mantlegrove            46  23  12  11   78  53  +25  81
  6 North Dubstep          46  23  10  13   66  42  +24  79
  7 Corby Hubris           46  23  10  13   69  52  +17  79
  8 Sutcroft Athletic      46  22  13  11   66  56  +10  79
  9 Riverkey               46  21   7  18   71  48  +23  70
 10 Ringway                46  18  12  16   62  63   -1  66
 11 Dubstep Rangers        46  18  11  17   61  66   -5  65
 12 Masculine Town         46  17  10  19   50  53   -3  61
 13 The Strongest          46  15  14  17   72  84  -12  59
 14 Blaze                  46  16  10  20   65  82  -17  58
 15 Chaker Town            46  15  13  18   41  60  -19  58
 16 Vermillion Spite       46  16   9  21   76  82   -6  57
 17 Gridlock East          46  13  17  16   53  49   +4  56
 18 Courser                46  15   9  22   52  70  -18  54
 19 Southriver             46  11  14  21   45  60  -15  47
 20 Camwell Road           46  11  14  21   42  63  -21  47
 21 Falston United         46  10  14  22   41  64  -23  44
 22 Stamper Road           46   9  12  25   50  82  -32  39
 23 Lackerrun              46   8  13  25   47  98  -51  37
 24 Nay Town               46   9   6  31   40  87  -47  33

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Kommissar             38  21   9   8  69  36  +33  72
  2 Grovebank             38  19  12   7  55  27  +28  69
  3 Ramsay                38  19   5  14  50  32  +18  62
  4 Gridlock              38  17  11  10  49  36  +13  62
  5 Bellamy               38  18   8  12  39  31   +8  62
  6 Forge Carpenters      38  18   7  13  31  25   +6  61
  7 Fully Sick XI         38  18   6  14  59  53   +6  60
  8 Thratewood            38  16  11  11  50  39  +11  59
  9 The Hanged Man        38  16   9  13  39  31   +8  57
 10 Harrington            38  17   6  15  51  47   +4  57
 11 Surfeit River         38  16   6  16  49  52   -3  54
 12 Haymaker Town         38  15   8  15  35  35   +0  53
 13 Norton Road           38  15   7  16  37  44   -7  52
 14 Gosforth Swans        38  13  10  15  43  59  -16  49
 15 Perrett               38  13   7  18  35  42   -7  46
 16 Tryst Athletic        38  13   6  19  39  53  -14  45
 17 Swag Hill Rovers      38  11   7  20  45  57  -12  40
 18 Barcastle Rovers      38  11   4  23  28  54  -26  37
 19 Geoff United          38  10   6  22  35  56  -21  36
 20 Stekelenbright        38   7   9  22  27  56  -29  30

Haymaker Town folded due to bankruptcy.
Promoted: Boltcroft Thorns, Gonen’s Bridge
CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Fischer                    38  24   7   7  75  32  +43  79
  2 Bodkin Road                38  22   9   7  63  28  +35  75
  3 Downsparrow                38  22   9   7  58  26  +32  75
  4 South Brill                38  23   6   9  55  35  +20  75
  5 Pillars of Southfell       38  20   8  10  58  35  +23  68
  6 Reckdale Town              38  18   9  11  64  48  +16  63
  7 Inner-East Fairywrens      38  18   7  13  43  32  +11  61
  8 Sandrock                   38  17   9  12  34  26   +8  60
  9 Rookwall                   38  13  14  11  38  38   +0  53
 10 Rochford Pilgrims          38  15   8  15  45  50   -5  53
 11 Getton Town                38  11  13  14  45  49   -4  46
 12 Twelvetrees                38  11  13  14  30  36   -6  46
 13 Peregrine                  38  11  11  16  43  54  -11  44
 14 De La Patria               38   8  15  15  50  73  -23  39
 15 Norpike                    38   9  11  18  35  49  -14  38
 16 Ballardine FC              38   8  13  17  36  58  -22  37
 17 Clay Terrace               38   9   9  20  21  48  -27  36
 18 Markoni                    38   9   8  21  40  56  -16  35
 19 Violence Tigers            38   9   6  23  40  60  -20  33
 20 East Slake                 38   5  11  22  24  64  -40  26

Reckdale Town folded due to bankruptcy.
Promoted: AFC Corvistone, Southfell Dilmao

by **Nephara** » Thu May 19, 2016 3:41 am

[Filler post]

by **Nephara** » Thu May 19, 2016 3:43 am

[Filler Post]

Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

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