[REMOVED] Commend Klopstock

[The Constellation Islands]

EDIT #2:THIS IS THE UPDATED VERSION. Please note the name of the nation nominated has changed.

COMMEND KLOPSTOCK

Category: Commendation | Nominee: Klopstock

Description: The Security Council,

NOTING the number of regions liberated by Klopstock and Klopstock's forces successfully accomplished over the last decade is over 100,

ACKNOWLEDGING Klopstock's leadership positions in as a Brigadier General in the Founderless Regions Alliance and as Field Commander in the Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO), and Klopstock's service in The YoungWorld over the span of many years,

REALIZING that Narnia, Lazarus, Hogwarts,Asia, Paradoxia, England, Libertarian, Alternate History World, The United Federation of Planets, Rome, and Hoenn would still be under hostile occupation had these regions not been liberated by Klopstock and the forces mentioned above,

BELIEVING that this commendation would further empower Klopstock and the forces led by Klopstock to assist other regions, without discrimination of their inhabitants, should the native nations desire,

HEREBY COMMENDS Klopstock

[Ayvari]

http://www.nationstates.net/nation=klopstock

I believe this is his main nation. WA Klopstock is an update puppet.

[The Constellation Islands]

http://www.nationstates.net/nation=klopstock

I believe this is his main nation. WA Klopstock is an update puppet.

OOC:
Yeah, I was aware of his real account, but wasn't sure of the rules of whether the puppet or the actual real nation gets the commendation.

[Wrapper]

A few issues here:

REALIZING that The United Nations of the Jelly Bellies and Narnia would still be under unwelcomed occupied control had they not been liberated by WA Klopstock and his forces,

Okay, it's noble to look out for the little guys, but for someone to earn a commendation, there's got to be more than just helping out reversing a raid in Narnia. And, I don't see any R/D activity at all in UNotJB. Was it just refounded?

PRAISING WA Klopstock's active role as a productive and law abiding member of the World Assembly,

As are many of the 22,760 WA nations in existence. This line adds nothing.

ALSO REALIZING that the World Assembly is a safer place with WA Klopstock and his forces present,

Illegal portion underlined. You probably should review the rules of Security Council resolutions before going any further.

[We Are Not the NSA]

As titled, this is a draft, so any constructive criticism would be appreciated. I will make edits before it is submitted. Thank you!

COMMEND WA KLOPSTOCK

I think someone else already covered this, but it's fine for you to target the main nation.

Category: Commendation | Nominee: WA Klopstock

Description: The Security Council,

NOTING the sucessful peacekeeping and liberation acts WA Klopstock has achieved,

Successful

ACKNOWLEDGING WA Klopstock's lead position as Field Commander in the Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO),

This is less to do with the draft than to do with TITO, but I've never understood why one of those first "T" gets dropped. It's not like it ruins the acronym.

REALIZING that The United Nations of the Jelly Bellies and Narnia would still be under unwelcomed occupied control had they not been liberated by WA Klopstock and his forces,

One of those regions has been refounded by a member of Auralia, the other is a founderless dump. Also, did Klopstick organize those liberations? I doubt they single handedly liberated them.

CONFIRMING WA Klopstock's belief that all regions are sovereign and independent from foreign forces should the inhabitants so wish,

I've never liked clauses like this one, where it talks about a nation's beliefs. Unless they come directly from the target I don't pay attention to them, since others can't know what ones beliefs are without directly quoting them.

PRAISING WA Klopstock's active role as a productive and law abiding member of the World Assembly,

Meh. I'm an active member of the WA, and I sure as hell don't deserve praise.

BELIEVING that this resolution would empower WA Klopstock and his forces to assist other regions, without discrimination of their inhabitants, should the native nations desire,

Why would that happen? 10K Islands is already commended isn't it? Besides, defenders shouldn't need moral boosts just to do their jobs.

ALSO REALIZING that the World Assembly is a safer place with WA Klopstock and his forces present,

The WA isn't a place, it is an entity, and it is impossible for it to be safe or unsafe.

I don't support this draft, but I could be convinced.

[Benevolent Thomas]

Klopstock definitely has a more storied history than this. You should try to share more of it.

Tries to hide his jealousy.

[The Constellation Islands]

Klopstock definitely has a more storied history than this. You should try to share more of it.

Tries to hide his jealousy.

Exactly, I wrote this draft only containing the ones I knew about. I'll have to do more research before I submit.

However I chose to write the draft now to see all of your reactions to the text/format.

[The Constellation Islands]

UPDATED VERSION. Please note the name of the nation nominated has changed.

COMMEND KLOPSTOCK

Category: Commendation | Nominee: Klopstock

Description: The Security Council,

NOTING the decade of sucessful peacekeeping and liberation acts Klopstock has achieved,

ACKNOWLEDGING Klopstock's leadership positions in as a Brigadier General in the Founderless Regions Alliance and as Field Commander in the Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO), and Klopstock's service in The YoungWorld over the span of many years,

REALIZING that The United Nations of the Jelly Bellies, Narnia, Lazarus, Hogwarts, Asia,
Paradoxia, England, Libertarian, Alternate History World, The United Federation of Planets,Chisholm ELP Class Revised, Rome, and Hoenn would still be under unwelcomed occupied control had they not been liberated by Klopstock and the forces mentioned above,

PRAISING Klopstock's active role as a productive member of the World Assembly for many years, notably as an editor for inter-regional newspaper, the Beacon Reporter,

BELIEVING that this commendation would further empower Klopstock and the forces led by Klopstock to assist other regions, without discrimination of their inhabitants, should the native nations desire,

ALSO REALIZING that the World Assembly is a safer place with Klopstock and the forces under Klopstock's leadership present,

HEREBY COMMENDS Klopstock

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

Could you place the updated version in your OP please, easier to find the latest version that way. Spoiler the original if you want to keep that for comparison.

[We Are Not the NSA]

NOTING the decade of sucessful peacekeeping and liberation acts Klopstock has achieved,

'decades worth'? 'peacekeeping and liberating'? <-- suggestions. As it is this sentence is awkwardly structured.

ACKNOWLEDGING Klopstock's leadership positions in as a Brigadier General in the Founderless Regions Alliance and as Field Commander in the Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO), and Klopstock's service in The YoungWorld over the span of many years,

REALIZING that The United Nations of the Jelly Bellies, Narnia, Lazarus, Hogwarts, Asia,
Paradoxia, England, Libertarian, Alternate History World, The United Federation of Planets,Chisholm ELP Class Revised, Rome, and Hoenn would still be under unwelcomed occupied control had they not been liberated by Klopstock and the forces mentioned above,

Crossed out some completely unnecessary regions, one of which has been refounded by raider. Maybe replace "unwelcomed occupied control" with "hostile occupation"

PRAISING Klopstock's active role as a productive member of the World Assembly for many years, notably as an editor for inter-regional newspaper, the Beacon Reporter,

What does a newspaper have to do with the WA?

BELIEVING that this commendation would further empower Klopstock and the forces led by Klopstock to assist other regions, without discrimination of their inhabitants, should the native nations desire,

ALSO REALIZING that the World Assembly is a safer place with Klopstock and the forces under Klopstock's leadership present,

I still think this line is a bit stupid, but whatever.

[The Constellation Islands]

NOTING the decade of sucessful peacekeeping and liberation acts Klopstock has achieved,

'decades worth'? 'peacekeeping and liberating'? <-- suggestions. As it is this sentence is awkwardly structured.

ACKNOWLEDGING Klopstock's leadership positions in as a Brigadier General in the Founderless Regions Alliance and as Field Commander in the Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO), and Klopstock's service in The YoungWorld over the span of many years,

REALIZING that The United Nations of the Jelly Bellies, Narnia, Lazarus, Hogwarts, Asia,
Paradoxia, England, Libertarian, Alternate History World, The United Federation of Planets,Chisholm ELP Class Revised, Rome, and Hoenn would still be under unwelcomed occupied control had they not been liberated by Klopstock and the forces mentioned above,

Crossed out some completely unnecessary regions, one of which has been refounded by raider. Maybe replace "unwelcomed occupied control" with "hostile occupation"

PRAISING Klopstock's active role as a productive member of the World Assembly for many years, notably as an editor for inter-regional newspaper, the Beacon Reporter,

What does a newspaper have to do with the WA?

BELIEVING that this commendation would further empower Klopstock and the forces led by Klopstock to assist other regions, without discrimination of their inhabitants, should the native nations desire,

ALSO REALIZING that the World Assembly is a safer place with Klopstock and the forces under Klopstock's leadership present,

I still think this line is a bit stupid, but whatever.

Thanks for the suggestions. In regards to the newspaper, it's a game wide newspaper, but I can't write that since it's illegal. I'll make a few edits, however, as a whole I think it's pretty good. The last line I can change.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

NSA made a very valid point about this paragraph:

ALSO REALIZING that the World Assembly is a safer place with Klopstock and the forces under Klopstock's leadership present,

Like him I fail to see how the WA is a safer place with Klopstock present. For example The Black Hawks and DEN are experienced and clever raiders, but I have yet to see them invading the WA or Klopstock keeping us safe from them.

And that's because it's an organisation, not a region.

[The Constellation Islands]

NSA made a very valid point about this paragraph:

ALSO REALIZING that the World Assembly is a safer place with Klopstock and the forces under Klopstock's leadership present,

Like him I fail to see how the WA is a safer place with Klopstock present. For example The Black Hawks and DEN are experienced and clever raiders, but I have yet to see them invading the WA or Klopstock keeping us safe from them.

And that's because it's an organisation, not a region.

Like I said, I'll take it out.

[The Constellation Islands]

Please see edit #2 above.

Edit: I will be submitting this draft with any future edits in the next 24 hours.

[Solorni]

Personally, I don't feel defending is commending at all. So I hope that actual accomplishments are added.

[The Constellation Islands]

Personally, I don't feel defending is commending at all. So I hope that actual accomplishments are added.

What else would you consider an accomplishment?

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

Personally, I don't feel defending is commending at all. So I hope that actual accomplishments are added.

What else would you consider an accomplishment?

That's the research you should have done. You have the bones of a proposal, but not much meat.

[The Constellation Islands]

What else would you consider an accomplishment?

That's the research you should have done. You have the bones of a proposal, but not much meat.

Research that I should have done? What are you on about?

What is more noble than defending regions from hostile take over?

Nothing is more "accomplishing", if you don't like that, then this resolution is not for you.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

That's the research you should have done. You have the bones of a proposal, but not much meat.

Research that I should have done? What are you on about?

What is more noble than defending regions from hostile take over?

Nothing is more "accomplishing", if you don't like that, then this resolution is not for you.

Yes and as TWP's Minister for WA Affairs I will be advising my Delegate not to support this proposal if submitted as is and to vote against if it makes it to the vote.

There is not enough in here to warrant a Commend. If you wanted a proposal that stood a chance of passing then you should have found out more about what Klopstock has done other than defending, you know, research.

Noble and accomplishing don't cut it.

[The Constellation Islands]

Research that I should have done? What are you on about?

What is more noble than defending regions from hostile take over?

Nothing is more "accomplishing", if you don't like that, then this resolution is not for you.

Yes and as TWP's Minister for WA Affairs I will be advising my Delegate not to support this proposal if submitted as is and to vote against if it makes it to the vote.

There is not enough in here to warrant a Commend. If you wanted a proposal that stood a chance of passing then you should have found out more about what Klopstock has done other than defending, you know, research.

Noble and accomplishing don't cut it.

This is all information coming from him, edited down thanks to "productive" comments like yours from other SC forum members.

With your logic of "noble and accomplishing don't cut it", then most defenders don't deserve commendations. Either the system or your logic is flawed here.

However it's your choice, and there it is.


Edits: spelling

[We Are Not the NSA]

Yes and as TWP's Minister for WA Affairs I will be advising my Delegate not to support this proposal if submitted as is and to vote against if it makes it to the vote.

There is not enough in here to warrant a Commend. If you wanted a proposal that stood a chance of passing then you should have found out more about what Klopstock has done other than defending, you know, research.

Noble and accomplishing don't cut it.

This is all information coming from him, edited down thanks to "productive" comments like yours from other SC forum members.

I think I'm going to need clarification on the "coming from him" part. If he was aware that you were writing a commendation of him when he gave you this information, there is no way I can support this proposal.

What BBD is trying to say is that defending, on its own, is not enough to warrant a commendation of a nation. It is true that it is a commendable activity, but it is not a Commendable activity. Most defenders who receive commendations get them for doing things other than defending.

With your logic of "noble and accomplishing don't cut it", then most defenders don't deserve commendations. Either the system or your logic is flawed here.

Umm... You're forgetting the third option here: your logic is flawed. You said it yourself: "most defenders don't deserve commendations." That is why it is your job, as the author, to convince us that Klopstick is one of the defenders who deserves recognition, which you have so far failed to do.

[Benevolent Thomas]

I, for one, believe that defending the sovereignty of regions is a very noble and commend-worthy path. Precedent in the Security Council would suggest that much of the World is in agreement with such a line of thought. If players and regions can be condemned solely for their acts of invasion, then how isn't thwarting these players commendable?

[The Constellation Islands]

This is all information coming from him, edited down thanks to "productive" comments like yours from other SC forum members.

I think I'm going to need clarification on the "coming from him" part. If he was aware that you were writing a commendation of him when he gave you this information, there is no way I can support this proposal.

What BBD is trying to say is that defending, on its own, is not enough to warrant a commendation of a nation. It is true that it is a commendable activity, but it is not a Commendable activity. Most defenders who receive commendations get them for doing things other than defending.

With your logic of "noble and accomplishing don't cut it", then most defenders don't deserve commendations. Either the system or your logic is flawed here.

Umm... You're forgetting the third option here: your logic is flawed. You said it yourself: "most defenders don't deserve commendations." That is why it is your job, as the author, to convince us that Klopstick is one of the defenders who deserves recognition, which you have so far failed to do.

I apologize, Klopstock was notified and I then received further information about Klopstock and TITO forces after it was requested by one of the commenters here. My wording was wrong.

As the author, I believe I have provided more than enough information proving Klopstock's worthiness to be Commended. I respect your opinion, and I thank you for your help, but I think Klopstock's decade long service and the regions defended is sufficient for submission.

I agree with Benevolent Thomas, thanks.

Edit: spelling

[ROM]

A very Commendable nation, just this proposal lacks so much meat one could call it anorexic. If it ever makes to vote, I'll be voting against.

[The Constellation Islands]

A very Commendable nation, just this proposal lacks so much meat one could call it anorexic. If it ever makes to vote, I'll be voting against.

How so?