OSCAR MAYER IS PEOPLE! IT'S PEOPLE!!

[Gauthier]

Report: Human DNA found in hot dogs

A study conducted by a food lab on several hundred varieties of hot dogs revealed a shocking discovery: 14% had issues with sanitation or ingredients, and 2% of them contained human DNA.

I mean, for all the jokes about vermin meat being the primary ingredients of hot dogs at least the idea of eating rodent is comparatively more palatable than possible cannibalism, however miniscule. Great, the last thing I want to worry about when having a hot dog is prion infection.

---

At this point a few vegetarians are probably all smug about their dietary choices.

And then the same report reveals that not only 2/3rds of the vegetarian hot dogs samples also contained human DNA, 10% of the vegetarian dogs actually contained traces of meat and 67% of the hygienic problems in the report originated from the vegetarian dogs.

My god, it's like you have to practically grow, wash and prepare your own food if you want to minimize the chance of taking in something unappealing or even potentially hazardous to your health. Is this problem relatively isolated to hot dogs, or will there be other surprises just as queasy in store with other food products that humanity generally consumes?

[Rusozak]

But how much are we talking per hot dog? It's not like someone lost a finger. Human DNA is literally on every single object we interact with. Compared to early 20th century processes, it's as clean as surgical equipment.

[Uawc]

My god, it's like you have to practically grow, wash and prepare your own food if you want to minimize the chance of taking in something unappealing or even potentially hazardous to your health.

That's what it comes down to, at the end of the day. It's most certainly not an issue isolated to hot dogs.

Granted, not everyone can afford to just start a garden. Most people can't, actually.

[New Werpland]

This must be the Bernd Jürgen Armando Brandes brand of hot dog.

[Gauthier]

My god, it's like you have to practically grow, wash and prepare your own food if you want to minimize the chance of taking in something unappealing or even potentially hazardous to your health.

That's what it comes down to, at the end of the day. It's most certainly not an issue isolated to hot dogs.

Granted, not everyone can afford to just start a garden. Most people can't, actually.

And for people who aren't affluent hipsters, how can they be guaranteed realistically affordable shots at the purest food possible?

[Washington Resistance Army]

Sounds tasty.

[Liberty and Linguistics]

Alright, Alex Jones.

But, jokes aside, it makes sense. Humans came into contact with the food. It's not like there are fucking human parts in Oscar Meyer.

[Anagonia]

And this is the point where we laugh at anyone who finds this disgusting. Well, "we" is relative. Survival of the fittest. Only true Americans eat hot dogs. Even if it is made of people!

Now go cry in a corner!

[Uawc]

That's what it comes down to, at the end of the day. It's most certainly not an issue isolated to hot dogs.

Granted, not everyone can afford to just start a garden. Most people can't, actually.

And for people who aren't affluent hipsters, how can they be guaranteed realistically affordable shots at the purest food possible?

Completely serious answer? Hunting and gathering. That's really all we can do at this point...and I do advocate a large-scale return to that lifestyle. It's the best thing for our health, it's the best way to prevent the wide-scale oppression of livestock, and it's the best thing for the planet.

[Gauthier]

And for people who aren't affluent hipsters, how can they be guaranteed realistically affordable shots at the purest food possible?

Completely serious answer? Hunting and gathering. That's really all we can do at this point...and I do advocate a large-scale return to that lifestyle. It's the best thing for our health, it's the best way to prevent the wide-scale oppression of livestock, and it's the best thing for the planet.

Low income city dwellers are still shit out of luck, unless you're suggesting they hunt rodents and pigeons.

[Liberty and Linguistics]

Completely serious answer? Hunting and gathering. That's really all we can do at this point...and I do advocate a large-scale return to that lifestyle. It's the best thing for our health, it's the best way to prevent the wide-scale oppression of livestock, and it's the best thing for the planet.

Low income city dwellers are still shit out of luck, unless you're suggesting they hunt rodents and pigeons.

Why not? It worked in Victorian England.

[Uawc]

Completely serious answer? Hunting and gathering. That's really all we can do at this point...and I do advocate a large-scale return to that lifestyle. It's the best thing for our health, it's the best way to prevent the wide-scale oppression of livestock, and it's the best thing for the planet.

Low income city dwellers are still shit out of luck, unless you're suggesting they hunt rodents and pigeons.

...which is illegal.

So, yeah, low income city dwellers (which is a lot of fucking people) are shit out of luck. I was, however, advocating something much more wide-scale, though I have no plan and no idea how it could happen.

[Russo-Byzantine Empire]

Good thing I don't eat hot dogs I guess.

[The Alexanderians]

Halal is looking good now huh France?

[Yumyumsuppertime]

"I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner...."

"Well, good news for you, Jimmy!"

[Costa Fierro]

Oh, so this is why the United States has the death penalty.

[The Alexanderians]

Oh, so this is why the United States has the death penalty.

You know too much

[Costa Fierro]

Oh, so this is why the United States has the death penalty.

You know too much

I wonder if hot dogs made from black prisoners are longer than those made from whites.

[Jochistan]

You know too much

I wonder if hot dogs made from black prisoners are longer than those made from whites.

If I had a drink, my computer would be destroyed.

[The Alexanderians]

I wonder if hot dogs made from black prisoners are longer than those made from whites.

If I had a drink, my computer would be destroyed.

Why are you black?
>.>

[Idzequitch]

I think that this is all a bunch of B-O-L-O-G-N-A

Then again, I guess you could say:
Oscar Mayer has no guess,
what's in the H-O-T D-O-G-S?

[USS Monitor]

And for people who aren't affluent hipsters, how can they be guaranteed realistically affordable shots at the purest food possible?

Completely serious answer? Hunting and gathering. That's really all we can do at this point...and I do advocate a large-scale return to that lifestyle. It's the best thing for our health, it's the best way to prevent the wide-scale oppression of livestock, and it's the best thing for the planet.

Except for all those fun parasites and diseases that you can pick up from bushmeat.

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

The wisdom of Soylent Green...

[Excidium Planetis]

Humans leave DNA on almost everything they touch... That's (partly) why forensic evidence works.

Humans touch hotdogs... Of course you are going to find Human DNA on them. The fact that 98% were completely Human DNA free (or at least undetectable levels) is great news, actually.

[Uawc]

Completely serious answer? Hunting and gathering. That's really all we can do at this point...and I do advocate a large-scale return to that lifestyle. It's the best thing for our health, it's the best way to prevent the wide-scale oppression of livestock, and it's the best thing for the planet.

Except for all those fun parasites and diseases that you can pick up from bushmeat.

That's why you cook it properly.