Appropriate Associates - The best way to rent a friend on NS

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Sat May 02, 2015 5:29 am

.

GIVE YOUR IMAGE A BOOST BY HIRING OUR PROFESSIONAL PARTY GUESTS FOR YOUR NEXT SOCIAL EVENT

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Sat May 02, 2015 5:58 am

Why waste time going out and actually make friends when you
can pay for the privilege of meaningless friendships at only a
few clicks away.

Real relationships are hard to come by in the world. In today's disposable, online, always connected world, social media has cheapened the bond of friendship to the point of irrelevant pictures of breakfast and drunken crotch shots. It's a well known fact that people are lonlier now than they've ever been. Getting a "friend" to show up on your Lifeinvader page is one thing but getting the to show up to a party or meaningful event in your life is a different challenge entirely. People just can't be relied on anymore.

This is where we come in. We know that perception is everything in this world and everything can be bought with enough money, including friends! You need to create a splash at your next fancy occasion and you need to fill your house with tons of friends. If its a glamorous occasion, we'll provide models and movie stars. If its a business convention, we've got you covered with CEOs, oligarchs and senior executives. Perhaps you are not into those kinds of people and want something funkier. Well we've got North Holland hipsters for hire so you can slip on some skinny jeans and show your "alternative" side. We've got people of different ethnicities and sexual preferences all mingling so you will look like a progressive instead of close minded individual like you really are.

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Sat May 02, 2015 6:24 am

We've got friends for everyone, even sociopathic criminals.
There are lots of them in Liberty City.

We can provide all kinds of friends to your parties. No matter the occasion, no matter the place, we've got you covered. Unless you don't have the money but hey, that is what loans are for. Here are the kind of people we have to offer to you to spice up that next event:

☆ Fake entertainment executives - get your party guests worked into a lather when they think that you have high profile friends from movie studios and TV networks.
☆ Dizzy skirts - nothing livens up a party like shrieking giggly girls with "large tracts of land".
☆ Hipsters - we have unshaven guys and granola girls so hip they'll talk bands and broken bicycles for hours.
☆ Politicians - many of these guys will show up for free.
☆ Female bodybuilders - often so juiced up they start fights! Hot, weird and VERY sexy (special discount rate).
☆ Cool Mom - we'll have a women (who looks oddly young to be your mom) dazzle your guests with how awesome and cool she is, unlike your real mom who is disappointed in what a shallow turd you are.
☆ Dotcom executives - mingle with people who have figured out how to monatize everyone else's hard work.
☆ Video Game executives - really boring people who never made it in movies and love golf.
☆ Russians - sexy accents, likes to get drunk and great in the snow.
☆ Eskimos - not that sexy of an accent but even better in the snow!
☆ Sheiks - useless in the snow.
☆ Southerners - guaranteed to whoop it up and shoot it up.
☆ British - feel sophisticated as pasty faced British blobs mill about and prove what a terrible public education system we have in America.
☆ Dogs - we can supply you with a dog that does tricks.
☆ Lady that has "fun time" with a donkey - believe it or not this is one of our biggest requests.

New services:

☆ The smirkin' twerkin' pony workin' dat flank - Don't ask us how or why. [Pun based on "Friendship is magic' tag line goes here]
☆ Kirby "Muthafuking" Delauter - The legend is here, ready to do whatever you want (as long as you don't say his name)

Please note that these are not final and that more groups will be made in the future.

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Sat May 02, 2015 7:02 am

Are you young, attractive, shallow, fashionable, over-confident and out of work? Of course you are, this is the 21^st century! We're looking for new associates. Get paid to party and talk about yourself. It's the hipster dream! Make up a story about yourself. Lie to strangers. Lie with strangers. Babylon is burning but there's an open bar waiting for you.

"I get payed to talk about anything I want and get as shit
faced as the customer wants. Its great!" - Jasper

FEATURED ASSOCIATE - JASPER

Jasper is the triple threat unconventionally good-looking, bi-slash-gay and mixed-race. Even the most bigoted asshole will look cool and open-minded next to this 28-year-old, 140-pound blogger and fashion pioneer. He joined Appropriate Associates in 2011 to supplement the allowance he receives from his parents and because he loves to dance ironically and drink himself unconscious. He doesn't work but talks a lot about starting his own food truck. He doesn't own a TV but watches a lot of pirated TV on his smartphone. He plays in a nu-folk band, wears an over-sized beanie even in the height of summer, and claims to have moved to Mirror Park before it sold out. Of course, he hates hipsters.

$60 PER HOUR
EVENINGS ONLY.
NOT AWAKE BEFORE 5PM.

Now of course we are a progressive organisation and realise that our stock archetypes will not be suited for every function there is, so we are always looking for new applicants that are not, lets just say "average". In fact, we are looking for these types to apply:

☆ Royal family members in some obscure third world state (you can treat your customer like your servant and still get paid)
☆ Sport Stars (if you don't mind signing autographs every 5 seconds this is for you)
☆ Police officers (people will love you rocking up at parties with your badge and gun)
☆ Former world leaders (be happy that at least one person cares about you)
☆ World class bodybuilders (Flex those muscles, steal all the attention from the customer)
☆ Mercenaries (We know that you guys are the life of a party)
☆ Art Critic (Stand around, wallow in angst, let the customer seem cool in comparison)
☆ Kirby Delauter (PLZ COME FOR ME!)
☆ Rich idiots with no day job (...yet)
☆ ~~Magicians~~ Just kidding, no one likes magicians
☆ Actually magic people (because spawning fireballs outta your hands is bitchin' awesome!)
☆ Cybernetically enhanced humans (laser cannons are a big plus)
☆ Ponies (gotta appeal to dem Bronies, they are everywhere in NS)
☆ Transdimensional aliens (please come in peace though)
☆ Demi gods
☆ Lovecraftian Horrors. And lastly...
☆ Axolotls (because why not?)

This list will update so be on the lookout for opening positions.

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Sat May 02, 2015 7:04 am

Applications to hire friend

Code: Select all: [box][align=center][img]http://s7.postimg.org/j3ohb3mmj/App_heading_Rent_a_friend.png[/img][/align][hr][/hr][b]RENT A FRIEND[/b] [b]Applicant name:[/b] [b]Type of "friend" requested:[/b] [b]Number of "friends" requested:[/b] [b]Event friends will be attending:[/b] [b]Nation of event:[/b] [b]Address of event:[/b] [b]Date and duration of the event:[/b] [b]Any special requests:[/b] .[/box]

Applications to work with us

Code: Select all: [box][align=center][img]http://s7.postimg.org/3kvmrq3pn/App_heading_Work_for_us.png[/img][/align][hr][/hr][b]WORK FOR US[/b] [b]Applicant name:[/b] [b]Nation of origin:[/b] [b]Rank/position/title:[/b] [b]What type of "friend" is the applicant (describe yourself within 5 words):[/b] [b]Image (spoiler please):[/b] [b]Short Bio:[/b] [b]Special abilities/traits:[/b] .[/box]

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Sat May 02, 2015 7:49 am

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Sat May 02, 2015 7:54 am

by **Barboneia** » Sat May 02, 2015 6:50 pm

RENT A FRIEND
Applicant name: Prime Minister Patrick Wintersson
Type of "friend" requested: Preferably male, likes to talk about "manly" things such as sports, beer, attractive women, etc.
Number of "friends" requested: 3
Event friends will be attending: A social event that will be attended by several prominent members of the Inner Party.
Nation of event: The Authoritarian Commonwealth of Barboneia
Address of event: 187 Manor Drive, Pääkaupunki, The Great South
Date and duration of the event: May 8th, from 3:00 PM to 12:00 AM.
Any special requests: None.
.

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Sun May 03, 2015 1:04 am

FRANCHISE APPLICATION ACCEPTANCE LETTER
To: Prime Minister Patrick Wintersson, Barbonia
From: Appropriate Associates

Thank you for your reaching out to Appropriate Associates for your social event needs. 3 star members of the Liberty City Ravages Baseball team are being flown as you read this and will be expected to reach 187 Manor Drive, Pääkaupunki, The Great South at May 8^th. We cannot be held responsible for any actions they commit that will bring you in trouble with the venue hosts, the law or your parents now will we accept responsibility if they were to make you look like a tool when standing next to you.
Appropriate Associates friend rental service

by **YellowApple** » Sun May 03, 2015 1:57 pm


WORK FOR US
Applicant name:
    Thighlight Twerkle
Nation of origin:
    YellowApple, Inc.
Rank/position/title:
    "Flank Shaker"
What type of "friend" is the applicant (describe yourself within 5
words):
    Professional flank-shaking equine filly
Image (spoiler please):
    

Short Bio:
    Born and raised in Torvaldsville, YellowApple, Inc.  Earned her
    flank marking (of a rapidly-vibrating donkey) when she discovered
    the tendency for her flank to oscillate effortlessly and almost
    automatically.  Has since won numerous rear-oscillation ("twerking")
    competitions throughout Torvaldsville; her artistic talents are
    well-regarded throughout performing arts circles worldwide.

    Incidentally, also holds a Doctor of Astrophysics degree from the
    University of Manzanopolis Prime.
Special abilities/traits:
    Capable of controlled and theoretically-indefinite flank oscillation
    between 0.125 and 16 Hertz.
.

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Sun May 03, 2015 10:49 pm

JOB APPLICATION ACCEPTANCE LETTER
To: Thighlight Twerkle, YellowApple Inc.
From: Appropriate Associates

Thank you for your reaching out to Appropriate Associates for your new career Thighlight Twerkle. After careful review by a panel of twerking experts from the ritzyiest night clubs in Liberty City, they all say that your twerkin ability is suffient to be granted the moniker of the "Smirking twerking pony working dat flank". Just fly yourself over to Liberty where we'll get the contracts written up and then you can start your glorious adventure as a rentable friend.
Appropriate Associates friend rental service

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Wed May 20, 2015 4:23 am

ANNOUNCEMENT
To: All prospective costomers of Appropriate Associates
From: Appropriate Associates

Appropriate Associates has noticed that our niche services has not attracted a large pool of coustomers quite yet, we understand that many of you are too insecure to admit that you really need new friends. However, we are going to change that as of today! Right now we announce that we will be offering 10% discounts for all services and that loyal coustomers are able to have certain "friends" on constant demand if they sign up [APPLICATION COMING SOON]! Also we have got a mystery friend that will rock the GT&T with his mighty presence. Thats right, a friend like no other, one that only the most exclusive and prestigious of people deserve to even know, which is why we are willing to throw him away to any random guy that wins the competition. Signing up below will put you in the run in for the oppurtunity to ahve early access to the mystery friend. Acceptance of applications will end in five days and there are only five places so get to it!

Five days ... five days till the one that shall not be named will arrive

SIGN UP NOW FOR EARLY ACCESS TO THE MYSTERY FRIEND!!"

Code: Select all
[box][align=center][img]http://s7.postimg.org/j3ohb3mmj/App_heading_Rent_a_friend.png[/img][/align][hr][/hr][b]MYSTERY MAN EARLY ACCESS[/b] [b]Applicant name:[/b] [b]Event mystery friend will be attending:[/b] [b]Nation of event:[/b] [b]Address of event:[/b] [b]Date and duration of the event:[/b] [b]Why should we give you access to the mystery friend?:[/b] .[/box]

Appropriate Associates friend rental service rep.

by **Ximea** » Wed May 20, 2015 8:49 pm

RENT A FRIEND
Applicant name: Doktor Wunderbar
Type of "friend" requested: Axolotls
Number of "friends" requested: As many as you can get - money not an object
Event friends will be attending: - Ximean Executive Branch Press Correspondents' Dinner
Nation of event: The Scientific Meritocracy of Ximea
Address of event: 731 Hubris Ave., Xim, Ximea
Date and duration of the event: July 31, 2015
Any special requests: I'm serious - as many axolotls as you can furnish

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Wed May 20, 2015 11:10 pm

JOB APPLICATION ACCEPTANCE LETTER
To: Thighlight Twerkle, YellowApple Inc.
From: Appropriate Associates

Thank you for your reaching out to Appropriate Associates for your social event needs. About two trailer filled entirely with Axolotls are being shipped as you read this and will be expected to reach Ximean Executive Branch Press Correspondents' Dinner at July 10th. We cannot be held responsible for any actions they commit that will bring you in trouble with the venue hosts, the law or your parents now will we accept responsibility if they were to make you look like a tool when standing next to you.
Appropriate Associates friend rental service

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Mon May 25, 2015 3:49 am

ANNOUNCEMENT
To: All prospective costomers of Appropriate Associates
From: Appropriate Associates

Ok, five days has gone by and it is time to reveal our mystery friend. Try imagine drumrolls going in your head as curtains pull away from the best friend we are yet to offer you. This friend is...

Kirby "Muthafuking" Delauter
You read that god damn right, Kirby Delauter is working with us now, you can actually be friends with him. Isn't that cool? But before we do that, we must pick the lucky five winners for the competition for early access to Kirby...or atleast we would IF ANYONE EVEN BOTHERED TO JOIN! But its ok, you guys can fix this and start ordering friends, also we are now announcing 20% discounts for all services we provide. Please start ordering, rent in LIberty is god damn expensive and we don't want to have to move our base of operations back to Los Santos!
Appropriate Associates friend rental service rep.

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Mon Sep 21, 2015 12:13 am

Massive discounts now for token friends of all minority types!
Pretend to be more interesting and accepting than you really are today!

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Wed Sep 23, 2015 1:09 am

ANNOUNCEMENT
To: All prospective costomers of Appropriate Associates
From: Appropriate Associates

OK, I'm just going OOC here and cutting the RP crap cause I'm losing it here. The next nation to interact with my storefront in any way, any way at all, will be rewarded with a golden statue of themselves in the lobby of the god damn building. Please! JUST DO IT! ANYONE AT ALL! I'll even give any citizen of your nation a 100% discount on all deals from here on out. Look, we are barely fending of bankruptcy IC, and barely fending off the idea of puppetwanking OOC. SO PLEASE HELP US NOW!
Appropriate Associates friend rental service rep.

[/quote]

by **Shia S LaBeouf** » Wed Sep 23, 2015 1:33 am

Liberty and Alderney wrote:JUST DO IT!

You asked for it

RENT A FRIEND
Applicant name: Shia S Labeouf
Type of "friend" requested: People who won't let their dreams be dreams
Number of "friends" requested: 4
Event friends will be attending: Movie Premier
Nation of event: The Republic of Shia S LaBeouf
Address of event: 18 York Road, LA.
Date and duration of the event: 14th of December 2015
Any special requests: JUST DO IT

by **Eternal Lord Todd Howard** » Wed Sep 23, 2015 2:09 am

RENT A FRIEND
Applicant name: The Great Eternal Lord Todd Howard
Type of "friend" requested: Someone who loves me.
Number of "friends" requested: 1.
Event friends will be attending: My wedding.
Nation of event: United States of America
Address of event: In the sky, in my private dragon airship.
Date and duration of the event: Date? I want a marriage. Forever.
Any special requests: It just works.
.

by **Liberty and Alderney** » Wed Sep 23, 2015 2:25 am

FRANCHISE APPLICATION ACCEPTANCE LETTER
To: Shia S LeBeouf, Los Angeles
From: Appropriate Associates

Thank you for your reaching out to Appropriate Associates for your social event needs. 4 people who are ready to "do it" team are being flown as you read this and will be expected to reach 18 York Rd, Los Angeles, at December 14^th. We cannot be held responsible for any actions they commit as they believe in their dreams and accomplish what they said they would yesterday.
Appropriate Associates friend rental service

FRANCHISE APPLICATION ACCEPTANCE LETTER
To: The Great Eternal Lord Todd Howard, Los Angeles
From: Appropriate Associates

Thank you for your reaching out to Appropriate Associates for your social event needs. A mother who will promise to love you if you keep paying her enough are being flown as you read this and will be expected to reach private dragon airship for your wedding ... wait. Shit, ok we'll send a hooker I guess to the airship in time for your wedding. Not sure if they would be up for marriage but if you got the money I'm sure things work out.
Appropriate Associates friend rental service

OOC: Whoever controls these two puppets TG me now. I got something for both of you. Please, I need you to admit your identities so it doesn't look like I'm puppet wanking here.

by **Eternal Lord Todd Howard** » Wed Sep 23, 2015 5:49 am

Yo, shit. This is embarrassing. Pete and some other fuckers hijacked my account. Here's my actual app, yo.

RENT A FRIEND
Applicant name: The Great Eternal Lord Todd Howard
Type of "friend" requested: A bunch of people to test out Elder Scrolls 6
Number of "friends" requested: 90
Event friends will be attending: Elder Scrolls 6, yo.
Nation of event: United States of America
Address of event: Wherever E3 is.
Date and duration of the event: 25th, a day.
Any special requests: It just works.

Appropriate Associates - The best way to rent a friend on NS

Appropriate Associates - The best way to rent a friend on NS

TBH This is just a glorified bump

Why doesn't anyone want friends from here?

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