The Pollaetorian Guard: Helping You Make The Right Decisions

[Great Scourge]

This sounds kinda... fascist.

[Pollat]

This sounds kinda... fascist.

It's not.

[Pollaetorian]

This sounds kinda... fascist.

It is democracy without the mistakes.

EDIT: It is wrong to make a post here without posting more polls.

The Pacifican Union • How did you spend valentines day?

LET'S SMOTHER THIS WITH LOVE AND OPTIMISM! Select "Went on an actual date".

The Pollaetorian Guard believes everyone has a right to be feel loved and we are willing to back this with force.

If you want a poll with a little more depth

Philosophy 115 • Romantic love

Take your pick. What do you believe romantic love to be?

[Pollat]

Everyone knows that Bacon is Life. Unless you're Jewish or Muslim.

https://www.nationstates.net/page=poll/p=20926

[Pollaetorian]

While we are at it, do you ever fantasise about the 1976 Republican primary? Wish Ronald Reagan made it 4 years earlier? That Mathias' calls to moderate the party had succeed? Or continue forward with Gerald Ford?

Now you can relive it!
https://www.nationstates.net/page=poll/p=21448

[Hanchu]

This reeks of corruption

[Pollaetorian]

This reeks of corruption

Quite the contrary, corruption would be perpetuating the illusion that all opinions are equally valid. As we have stated in our opening post, the problem with polls is that someone who lazily picks an option and presses submit is counted just the same as someone who makes an informed choice. The Pollaetorian Guard eliminates corruption by substituting their choices with ours, ensuring only the true logical outcomes stand.

Consider our recent operation:

Operation TRUTH and EQUALITY

One of our members, Pollat brought to attention a disturbing trend where devious poll makers were devising polls as paradoxes where no single option was correct. Those poll makers, who only want to watch the world burn, craft sneaky polls and laugh maniacally as the masses fall into their traps, knowing no matter which option wins they have succeeded in promoting disinformation as truth.

That was until The Pollaetorian Guard stepped in to secure truth and equality.

In the following cases our members carefully reviewed each poll question and determined that the most truth answer would be an equal tie for all the options. These polls were paradoxes where all options were correct, so it became our responsibility to uphold logic that it was reflected in the final result of the polls.

Half life 2 • The greatest paradox of them all...Is the answer to this question no?

Yes 7 / No 7

The answer is both "yes" and "no" to the most upfront of the paradox polls. The options are equally valid depending on how you read the question, so we made sure the poll was also equal.

Ziggibofolopimiganigusootipitopia • Is this a Poll or a Pole?

Poll 5 / Pole 5 / Yes 5

A nonsense poll, made more irreverent so by the third option "Yes" urging us to accept this as both a Poll and a Pole. On the other hand it was the truthfully flippant response the poll deserves, but for it to be true all three options must be equal. Here The Pollaetorian Guard not only cements its maxim, "Dumbs polls deserve dumb responses" but does it in style, making our point while keeping everything logically true.

The Peoples Federation of Qandaristan • Who is the best leader?

Qandaristan 13 / Qandaristan 13

A poll with only one answer. The Pollaetorian Guard is not strictly against such polls - at worst pointless, but sometimes could be propaganda to press on the population - but logic dictates if the the poll options are identical the outcome would also be identical. The Pollaetorian Guard policed the poll ensuring logic was not debased.

Now dear friends of Nationstates, would you still say The Pollaetorian Guard is corrupt? We are a social service, a volunteer militia of proper players who banded together to uphold logic, order, knowledge and civility. If this describes you, you are more than welcome to join us.

[Pollaetorian]

We are still around. In fact, we have reawakened to combat the vile discrimination against a great Canadian export.

The Maritimes • Favourite Canadian popular singer?

Justice for Celine Dion!

[Zaolat]

We are still around. In fact, we have reawakened to combat the vile discrimination against a great Canadian export.

The Maritimes • Favourite Canadian popular singer?

Justice for Celine Dion!

Why the hell is Avril Lavigne and Shania Twain not on this poll?!?! Blasphemy!

[Klaus Devestatorie]

This forum topic is not a poll and thus this organization is an abject failure.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

And they missed Joni Mitchell. Joni Mitchell for crying out loud!

[Zaolat]

This forum topic is not a poll and thus this organization is an abject failure.

Not that clever Dev.

[Pollaetorian]

Jesus Lives! An Easter Declaration

Today, Friday the Third of April, Two Thousand and Fifteenth in the the Year of our LORD marks Good Friday, the start of Easter where we commemorate JESUS' death, resurrection and forgiveness of your sins. For many this holiday (Holy Day) is an occasion for much needed rest and gathering with those dearest around you. Eggs, fish, chocolate and hot cross buns are common foods people eat for this event.

The Pollaetorian Guard is happy for everyone who is blessed and able to celebrate this day, even those enjoying indirectly through a couple of days off labour and those earning bonus penalty rates. We consider it essential though, that if you are benefiting from this day that you properly respect the true meaning of the occasion. We will not permit materialism and commercial to hijack the polls. The Pollaetorian Guard is neutral on religion but we will enforce tradition and etiquette.

The Pollaetorian Guard declares the following:

All polls about Easter will commemorate Jesus' fundamental role in the event

We are moved by New Europe' poll which reveres the real message of the holiday without requiring our evangelism.

New Europe • Time for another religious poll. The most important holiday of Christianity is nine days away. Please tell us how you define Easter.

... is about the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ our Saviour, Son of God. - 26 votes / Other options - none higher than 9 votes.

Led by Baby Jesus himself (who's puppet is that?), The Pollaetorian Guard then crusaded into the Zorbaean Empire. Sopo was had a real 'divine calling' to this poll.

Zorbaean Empire • What is the best part of Easter?
Sunday, 5 April, 2015, Easter, the celebration of chocolate, bunnies and Jesus' resurrection. But what is the best part of the festival?

Jesus. Yes, Jesus was resurrected on this day. - 12 votes / Other options - none higher than 3 votes.

Spare a thought for the day in between munching your chocolate eggs everyone. Happy Easter.

---

As for the other @@DEITY@@...

In annual tradition, our benevolent @@DEITY@@ Max Barry, the son Testlandia and the Holy Spirit [violet] have gifted us insignificant specimens an April Fools miracle - Cards Against Nationstates. It appears however the peons were insignificantly worshipping of their @@DEITIES@@ this year. "Where the prank?" "This game is boring" they grumbled. Little do they appreciate this is the method our beloved @@DEITY@@ wishes to transit their divine message of hope and life to us!

Life is about making an impact, not a blue/black dress.
How I stopped worrying and learned to love bacon.
Max Barry's shiny bald head is the best defense.

The Pollaetorian Guard will also be enforcing so:

All polls will give worthy praise to Cards Against Nationstates.

Starting with Spiritus.

Regional Poll • What do you think of Cards Against Nationstates?
The Crashed Spaceship of The Salaxalans wrote: Post any fun card combinations you get on the RMB!

It's great! - 7 / Others - doesn't matter at all!

[Ambrella]

Hail!

[Bodobol]

Hail Satan Jesus! Hail Max!

[Pollaetorian]

Operation Mandatory Happiness: Success in The Pacifican Union

The Pollaetorian Guard is proud to announce that a successful agreement has been reached with The Pacifican Union to be more optimistic, a comprehensive result for Operation Mandatory Happiness. Operation Mandatory Happiness, soft launched in February, is a fundamental, permanent campaign by the Pollaetorian Guard to encourage players to adopt a positive and upbeat approach to life. As it is accepted that one's feelings are governed their thoughts and negativity begets negativity, our priority is to engineer all polls so they conclude with a positive result.

The Pacifican Union had been sinkhole of self-loathing, which was reflected by the options presented by the polls created and selected by the respondents. A prime example of this was the poll they created by Valentines Day:

The Pacifican Union • How did you spend valentines day?

Oh god don't remind me / Cried and ate ice cream / Cried yourself to sleep / Went on an actual date - 18 / I got dumped / The first three options / Other

Only one positive option was provided while five of the seven options in the poll were not just negative, but promoted destructive behaviour that makes no attempts to improve oneself. Counteracting this anti-social behaviour, The Pollaetorian Guard rushed to boost the option 'Went on an actual date' to 18 votes, double all the other votes combined on the principle that even if you don't have a date, this is something you should look forward and aspire to.

The region recently created another poll discussing this year's April Fools joke.

The Pacifican Union • The April Fools Joke - Did you like it?

It was nice - 11 / It was lame -3 / Meh - 3 / What happened? - 4

It was again pre-designed to evoke a depressing response. Fervour for our creator Max Barry notwithstanding, humour demands The Pollaetorian Guard lead the way towards laughter and happiness. We believed, with farfetched faith that if they were to read the cards with an amicable attitude, "It was nice", its pithy wisdom would lift the spirits of their residents.

Amazingly it worked! To quote one of their residents Downed Pilots "Cards against Humanity is the best way to get to know somebody." After the became aware of our efforts they even dedicated their latest poll to us, the happiest one ever.

The Pacifican Union • Happiest Thought - Made for the Pollaetorian Guards!

Rainbows! / Puppies!! / Cupcakes!!!!

The Pollaetorian Guard is honoured to have helped The Pacifican Union rediscover their hearts and wishes them only sunshine and rainbows in the future.

[Third Untergang Republic]

And I was wondering why our poll on Valentines day got so much attention.

[Pollaetorian]

The North Pacific's New Delegate Tomb Cult Exposed

MAGICALITY CITY -- Seven days after acquiring the delegate position, new delegate The Democratic Republic of Tomb created his first poll surveying residents on who they felt was the most patriotic nation in The North Pacific. A peculiar choice so soon after an election, but our sooths divined that the green delegate might want to promote his virtues to an inattentive populace.

One of our Guardsmen saw the following inscribed on stele:

ALL HAIL DELEGATE TOMB.
TOMB THE GREAT LOVES THE NORTH PACIFIC WITH ALL HIS HEART.
THERE IS NO TNP WITHOUT TOMB.
THE NORTH PACIFIC ONLY EVER HAD ONE DELEGATE AND THAT IS TOMB.

What about the previous delegate Mcmasterdonia?

"Do you mean McDonalds?" was the response when we asked schoolgirl skipping across the agora "I heard there's a cartoon series starring a pig call McDull. It's really popular in the Far East, are you referring to that?"

As shown in the above chart, twenty four of Tomb's fifty two votes came from nations with a population under 100 million. The proportion is a huge discrepancy compared to any other candidate, suggesting many nations believed Tomb is the most patriotic because they only knew Tomb. The Pollaetorian Guard laments that upcoming generations are unaware of their forebears achievements. This is the path to a cult of personality, and Tomb to stand aside and let it happen.

The root problem though, is the folly of polls. Polls legitimise the ignorant voter by having the same rights as those informed

Exposing these poisonous falsehoods is the reason The Pollaetorian Guard exists. A virtuous region would shun polls and hold a guided discussion where the wisdom of the elders would be transmitted. Under the circumstances , The Pollaetorian Guard decided to stack the poll for Mcmasterdonia to venerate and remind The North Pacific residents of the patriotic service of others beside the delegate. Importantly, we did not overturn the result as it is not the guard's place here to impose our own opinion. Mcmasterdonia is a founding patron of The Pollaetorian Guard, but the goal is to send a message to The North Pacific to honour their own heroes.

Agreed with what you read? Join The Pollaetorian Guard today! Most of our planning occurs behind the scenes Pollaetorian for details.

This piece is built on the most tenuous interpretation and maximum melodrama. I'm sure TNP loves Mcma. Mcma I miss you please respond to me. The comment about polls is still a half-truth though, you got to believe it to some extent to run something like The Pollaetorian Guard

[Syrixia]

It's not that Tomb runs a cult; it's that new players don't really understand TNP or it's community yet, so they tend to vote for the person that what they know as "this weird message thing on the region's page some call a WFE" labels as Delegate. They don't know any better; they're like the first graders of NS.

[Bruteland]

POSITION ON LAZARUS (Or: Did The Rejected Realms drug Funkadelia?)

The Pollaetorian Guard was surprised but flattered to be the subject of New Lazarene Order's (NLO) first poll 'Shall Codger (Bruteland) be appeased'. The Pollaetorian Guard's history is intertwined with Lazarus, where under the previous government the People's Republic of Lazarus (PRL), the theories of poll stacking, poll police and poll equality were developed. Evidence of this could be found in PRL's early embassy updates, such as this one by Chairman Kazmr

)

By Chairman Kazmr:

Socialism has proven itself to be ingrained in Lazarus as the people now recognize that not even a button may stand above its bretheren! At approximately 12:36 am PST, our three day referendum on which button Lazarenes preferred (the poll itself being the choice of the people) closed with a decisive 31-31-31-31 tie between Button 1, Button 2, Button 3, and Button 4. It is truly an earth-shattering event when a community comes together as one to ensure that its great socialist traditions are upheld!

]
The poll in question moments after completion

From these early days, Lazarus has enjoyed a great polling tradition, endowed by polls that build community morale and entertain the masses. It is a misconception that The Pollaetorian Guard opposes all polls. We only believe serious policy and moral decisions should be made by discussion rather than polls. Polls have a proper place as entertainment.

First Declaration: The Polls must flow. We seek an assurance that Lazarus, whichever government, will have regular polls to enrich the masses.

When we review Lazarus' glorious history of polls, one major aberration stands out, a dark age where the art of polling appears to be lost.

This is the period from late in Kazmr's reign but chiefly during Funkadelia's time as delegate. During this time Funkadelia only made four polls and all four were 'obligatory' polls, two related to the Real Life Football World Cup Finals and the other two from agreements to play 'Rock, Paper, Scissors!' with other regions. There were also two months of idleness between each pair of polls. No home-grown polls were seeded in Funkadelia time as delegate.

The Pollaetorian Guard is informed that Funkadelia is one of the primary leaders of the PRL government in exile. Given his past history we are concerned of returned PRL government which he leads. We are willing to overlook his error of judgement however, as we found damning evidence of foreign subversion by the The Rejected Realms.

The Rejected Realms agreed to supply opium as a 'diplomatic gift' for Funkadelia's election. The Pollaetorian Guard does not need to detail the dangerous effects of this vice, except by setting the Lazarus delegate on a drug addiction, The Rejected Realms subjugated its closest ally and reduced it's stature as a great polling power. Could this be why The Rejected Realms is so strongly supportive for a return of the PRL?

Second Declaration: We have concerns about Funkadelia's polling prowess. Can the People's Republic of Lazarus commit there will be a programme of creative polls.

Third Declaration:We demand an explanation for The Rejected Realms drug trade and subversion in the People's Republic of Lazarus leading to a loss of polls.

Chairman Stujenske restored Lazarus' honour by reinstating regular polls in the region. News of the creation of the NLO and its symbiotic relationship with the New Pacific Order (NPO) however has The Pollaetorian Guard gravely troubled for the future of polls. The NPO has no history at all of using polls.

Fourth Declaration: We are gravely troubled at the New Pacific Order's absolute absence of polls. We strongly urge the New Lazarene Order to respect local culture and its use of polls.

As stated in the beginning, The Pollaetorian Guard is flattered to be in the NLO's first poll. It is symbolic that this is an 'equality poll' for this was an Lazarus invention and the first poll Lazarene's enjoyed after deciding what to use polls for. The Pollaetorian Guard will enforce this poll 'Lazarus • Shall Codger (Bruteland) be appeased?', its meaning described below.

Lazarus • Shall Codger (Bruteland) be appeased?

Yes / Yes

Appeased isn't a dirty word, it just means giving him what he wants. I wanted a poll. I got a poll. I got what I want so I am appeased. So we know answer is yes therefore no other options are needed.

The goal now is to make sure Yes 1 equals Yes 2. It would be very wrong if one of the Yes has more votes than the other when they mean the same thing. If this doesn't happen, I suggest we repost the poll again and again until the people are trained correctly

While the poll certainly 'appeases' us, this is a poll created as a private favour to an external power. Poll should be homegrown, entertain and unite, crossing above politics.

Fifth Declaration: New Lazarene Order must think selflessly to create polls which unifies the whole community of Lazarus. The government will be judged by the quality of their polls

[Bruteland]

POSITION ON LAZARUS PART 2 - Poll Laws (Or: When can we vote on the delegate's flag?)

The situation in Lazarus has provided an opportunity for The Pollaetorian Guard to clarify its beliefs, some of which we have presented in our earlier statement. While we advocate for policy and moral issues to be decided through an intelligent discussion by an educated elite, the decisions made by polls in turn belong to the proles. There a is fundamental social contract between the government and the region, above any formals laws or constitutions: We make the decisions but in turn promise entertainment. Polls have a proper place as entertainment. Proles run the polls, which we will respect as their entertainment. Adherence to Poll Law, as judgements made by polls are called, is their basic right and our obligation.

Lazarus previously passed a Poll Law allowing the region to regularly vote on the delegate's flag.

To our disappointment, this law has not been fulfilled by either the PRL or the NLO. Chairman Kazmr, the original proposer of the poll broke his promise to complete it. Funkadelia and Stujenske both neglected it completely. In this time of crisis where all other laws are disputed, it is time to return to basics - following Poll Law expressing the region's primal call for entertainment. They are right back then stating polls are 'fun ways to bring the region together'. Therefore to rebuild Lazarus we must first unite the region under Poll Law, only after we can slowly reintroduce government law to advance the region.

We ask Lazarus to oblige Poll Law, the basis of all laws, and hold a poll on the delegates flag. Proles have a right to entertainment through polls and the government to fulfil them. Polls bring a region together.

[Ever-Wandering Souls]

That is actually....a well written and swaying argument! xD Approve Flag Voting for Laz!

[Klaus Devestatorie]

Makes sense, but only if the delegate has the right to exclude morally ambiguous or counter-revolutionary flags from the poll.

[RiderSyl]

I agree, Klaus. If there's a vote on the Lazarus flag, the NPO had better exclude the PRL flag.

We all know the PRL flag would win in a landslide, since hardly anyone likes the NPO being there.

[Pollaetorian]

Vanquishing evil, one poll at a time

It was a wild couple of days for Lady Justice, first the native Lazarenes dramatically reclaiming their region from the New Lazarene Order and then revelations of dark and illegal arts (and let's say no more than that) exposed in The Black Riders. Our work pales to these great forces, but guided by the same spirit for justice, The Pollaetorian Guard vanquished the following poll.

Oceanside • How do you feel about evil?

Evil is for madmen! In fact, I can't accept that there are ever circumstances in which evil is rational! - 8 / Any of the other options - none more than 3

Eliminate evil thoughts and we can eliminate evil itself. Unfortunately there is a lot of evil about.

BlackParade of Doom in Hell on Death Row • Why are you such a f*ck face??

Because I can.. / Why not? / I hate you... / Because, The Bible tells me to... / Hey! Thats not nice.... What would Jesus think of this? I am ashamed to know you. I hate you. Wait, I mean love... God loves all - 0 votes

Embassies with The East Pacific, New Potato Order routed

In positive news, we are happy to announce the opening of an in-game embassy with The East Pacific! This is our third embassy with a GCR, following Osiris and Lazarus, the latter graciously maintaining it even as they retook their region. Our embassy with The East Pacific is the result of a rapturous adventure routing the NPO (New Potato Order) from Ramaeus and the "cute as a button" people of TEP. The New Potato Order has been an ongoing thorn to The Pollaetorian Guard, last time trying to replace the humble plain chip with their corporate flavourings in Osiris.

Full report on this in the next update of The Pollaetorian Guard...maybe, if I could flesh out a story