World Cup 71 - RP Thread

by **Mendoya** » Sun Apr 05, 2015 1:58 pm

(OOC: Work in progress.)

To: TAIT
Cc:
Bcc:
Subject: ATTN Iiro Turzusii / Delilah Ticobo (World Cup 71 Madness)

Good evening,

The Department of Computer Science at Universidad de Santander and The Department of Sports Psychology at Universidad de Santander are submitting their joint prediction for the World Cup 71 Madness event. We have made our prediction using a special algorithm using two factors we have deemed important, the skill of the team and history of mental fortitude in high pressure situations of said team. We call the algorithm the Multiversialis. Below are the predictions mentioned along with some commentary.

by **Turori** » Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:09 pm

KIONAO, TURORI :: Trying to delay the festivities for as long as he could to ensure the maximum donation haul for the Cocoabo Preservation Society; Noa-isinao Wioauoi finally started to corral the guests and prepare them for the results.

Of course, while Wioauoi was there to charm the guests, it was the Tropicorp Aritificial Intelligence Team's Iiro Turzusii who was running the show once it came time for the calculations. Turzusii, however was no where to be found.

Wioauoi passed the time by hinting at a new project that the Cocoabo Preservation Society was trying to collect funding for. Working with some engineers at Tropicorp, some land holdings that had been entrusted to the Atlantian Oceania Regional Defense Organization (AORDO) and the Atlantian Oceania Cartography Institute (AOCI) - the Cocoabo Preservation Society had identified some land North East of Waridi on the Calanian mainland that could serve as an ideal location to expand the Preservation Society's efforts to maintain a natural environment for the Cocoabo.

While native only to Turori, the climate at the Calanian Spur matches almost identically to the Cocoabo's home climate in North Western Turori. The dream, Wioauoi admitted, was still in the pipes, but with enough funding and enough support from those such as the guests in attendance for the event, "anything" was possible.

At that time, Turzusii emerged and took center stage. Turzusii apologized, explaining that he was accepting a last-minute calculation from the Department of Computer Science at Universidad de Santander and The Department of Sports Psychology at Universidad de Santander. Turzusii revealed with excitement that the Universdad de Santander calculations were the first to project the last #1 seed, Felix, making it to the final pairing. He then, however, jokingly noted that they still didn't win, instead losing to the Polar Islandstates

With that, Turzusii did not beat around the bush, and moved forth to the revelation of the actual Tropicorp calculations.

In the first pairing on the board, Polar Islandstates v. Pridnestrovia, there were not many who were expecting anything other than advancement for the Polar Islandstates, and thats exactly what was revealed on the big board to muted applause as everyone in the room new that the pairings would only get more exciting from there.

The always fun "Battle of the Sun(s)" was up next with Barunia v. Chiata. One of the more difficult matches to predict, with Barunia and Chiata playing on equal footing and most recently tagging up in late matches of the Cup of Harmony. As the pixels lit up the result became clear as Barunia moved on and into a Round of 32 pairing with the Polar Islandstates.

The first of the champions was up next in Rushmori champion Sargossa paired with Jeru FC. Many looked at this as the first potential spot where a true upset could be revealed but the Tropicorp Formula had other ideas with Sargossa having no trouble advancing to the Round of 32.

The noise level in the crowd began to rise quickly as everyone knew what pairing was up next. It was the hometown matchup with Turori paired with Kalumba. It was widely expected that Turori would advance from the pairing but, given that the Eels themselves failed to qualify for the World Cup 70 finals, it was unclear how that would be factored in to the Tropicorp simulation. An audible sigh of relief followed by some raucus applause in the crowd as Turori's name lit up under Sargossa's as being calculated to advance to the final 32.

In the 6v11 matchup, Atlantian Oceania's Blouman Empire was up against a Semarland side that had to first take down Pays den haut in the pre-primary phase to claim their spot in the primary calculations. It would be the only victory to claim for Semarland as the Blouman Empire was projected to go through.

It was so far running very true to the seedings and the crowd was getting anxious to see an upset. With Valanora v. Ceni on the docket, however, the Atlantian Oceania Cup of Association Football (AOCAF) Champions were unlikely to be unseated and as the board lit up, it was another calculation in favor of the higher-seeded team as Valanora collected their place in the Round of 32.

With just two pairings left in the bracket Super-Llamaland v. Cosumar offered perhaps final chance of at least providing a minor upset for the guests in attendance to cheer. This time, they would get it as Cosumar, already proving their worth in a tough World Cup Qualifying Group, were calculated to advance, becoming the first 'lower seed' nation to be calculated victorious in a pairing.

With champions of the 'big 3' sporting regions so far perfect, Buyan v. The Hakifao Isles seemed to be a foregone conclusion. It was the last empty slot on the big board, however and as such, it demanded the attention of all onlookers. With minimal fanfare, Buyan filled out the bracket to become the final advancing team to the Round of 32 in the Turori Regional - East Bracket.

Turzusii encouraged all guests to stick around for the evening as they were planning to run a simulcast of the Turori Regional - North results at the Cocoabo Preservation Society headquarters after dinner was served.

1x. WC71 Madness Announcement: A Study in Predictive AI
2a. WC71M :: Turori Regional - North :: Initial Bracket
2b. WC71M :: Vilita Regional - West :: Initial Bracket
3a. WC71M :: Turori Regional - East :: Initial Bracket
3b. WC71M :: Vilita Regional - South :: Initial Bracket
4a. WC71M :: Turori Regional :: Pre-Primary Round Calculations
4b. WC71M :: Vilita Regional :: Pre-Primary Round Calculations
5. WC71M :: External Calculations Summary

by **The Sword Bloke** » Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:21 pm

SWORDEANS LOSE AGAIN
Markus Dagan scored 2 own goals in the 2-0 loss to Boring Paradise, which means he will officially be executed in the summer due to his poor form in the qualifying stage of this Cup. Dagan headed one in from a corner in the 28th minute (Well, an opposition corner) to put complete Boringness ahead 1-0. 33 minutes later in the 61st minute, Dagan volleyed one into hous own net, with horrified Swordean fans throwing beer bottles at him & swearing at him. Thank god no Swordean fans saw the second goal being scored, their power being turned off. That is all that can be said.

Last.fm · by **Cosumar** » Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:48 pm

Cosumar helpless against masterful Audioslavia, relinquish group lead for first time

Trey Olychick
Staff Writer

A dishearteningly familiar narrative has unfolded for Cosumar over the second leg of Qualifying.

How many times over the years have we seen the Dragons take their qualifying group by storm at the beginning, feeding our false hopes, only to fall flat on their face just before the finish line? Sure, there is still hope for World Cup 71. But with the way things have been shaping up lately, I can already tell how this is going to end. Remember World Cup 68, the last time we led a group that included Sameba and high-ranked powerhouse? Yeah, our ship seems to be heading for that course. Since the historic 7-1-0 start in Group 15, Cosumar have gone 2-2-3.

But you know what, I won't be made a fool of again. I'm sparing myself the heartbreak. In the mind of this long-suffering reporter, the Dragons are already eliminated. We are eternally cursed at this stage of Qualifying. If, by some whim of destiny, we somehow do recover and make our first World Cup in decades, I will be just as thrilled. Hell, I'll gladly publish an article on this very website elaborating on how much of an unpatriotic dunce I am. But I'm not going to stay up all night shaking with anticipation before matchday only to dissolve in a puddle of misery a few hours later. Not again.

After losing 3-1 to a hungry Audioslavia side, Cosumar has spotted a one-point advantage to a team that is simply superior on all fronts.

"We just came up short at the wrong time" Farris Crowley said. "Unfortunately, Audioslavia have been better than us. It hurts to see them take the group lead away, but they deserve it more after what they did to us today. We had possession but without having big opportunities. Cosumar was outdone in this one, but our dreams of qualifying are not over in the slightest."

As for the match itself, it was a flurry of goals in a six-minute span early in the first half that formed the bulk of the highlights.

Barbury Town star Jody Rijshaart was in superb form, scoring either side of a Aitor Jovellanos strike to cancel out Ace Newman's early equalizer and ensure Alexander Kirk's new-look Bulls go into the final Matchday as heavy favorites to win Group 15.

Rijshaart opened the scoring with a cushioned volley in the 13th minute. Jovellanos' lofted pass caught the Cosumarite defense square and Rijshaart was left all alone to power it home from 13 yards. The visitors, however, leveled at 1-1 five minutes later as Ace Newman nodded home from a tight angle at the far post after getting on the end of Anders Engström's free kick from the left. It was the fourth goal of an up-and-down campaign for the young Cassandra City forward. Jovellanos, however, would regain the lead for Audioslavia almost immediately thereafter, sliding in at the far post to tap in Frantzko Intxausti's skipping cross that Everett Seymour should've been able to clear.

Cosumar controlled the ball for a majority of the time, especially in the second half, and seemed probable to equalize - but clear chances eluded them. Rijshaart netted his second of the game in the 65th minute with another volley to dash Cosumarite hopes. Ronda Styrn's free kick was flicked on by Iker Llagostera and the ball traveled across the box to Rijshaart. His volley would've been a routine save for Winterfyll, but was aided by a deflection that befuddled the Exton star.

Reuben Hamasaki being sent off with a harsh red card at the beginning of stoppage time was the final disappointing blow to Crowley's squad.

Cosumar
8 shots (2 on-target)
55% Possession
2 corners, 4 offsides
4 yellow cards (Na'Noni,Merchison,Seymour,Lindroos), 1 red card (Hamasaki)
Audioslavia
10 shots (5 on-target)
45% Possession
4 corners, 2 offsides
2 yellow cards (Llagostera, Omaexevarria)
Cosumar - 1
18' (Newman)

Audioslavia - 3
13' (Rijshaart)
19' (Jovellanos)
65' (Rijshaart)

Subs: Reuben Hamasaki (73'), Ole Öhman ('74), Frazan Va'Goshal (86')

Cosumar's only other shot on goal, aside from Newman's header, came six minutes before the break. Petri Hansen, starting on the right wing in place of Frazan Va'Goshal, sent a beautiful penetrating pass between Intxausti and Alex Koskinen to set up Felix Merchison with a one-on-one. Merchison blazed a hard shot towards the top-center of the goal, but Sean Patterick was able to just tip it over the bar.

Rijshaart almost had a hat-trick in the 71st minute but was denied by Winterfyll, and had an 88th-minute goal waved off for offside - much to the exasperation of the Audioslavian crowd. Styrn then missed a golden opportunity to add to Cosumar's anguish when she headed over the bar from five yards in injury time, but Alexander Kirk's side still head to Milchama with complete control of their own destiny - a luxury Cosumar can't claim.

Assuming the Dragons can trump Affiliated South Califan Sprawls again at home (hardly a certainty considering the rash of upsets that have dominated the storylines lately) they will still require Milchama to at least hold Audioslavia to a draw in order to win Group 15. With the way the Bulls have been rolling on all cylinders, this does not seem likely. The game is, however, in Milchama - which might just energize their ambiguously-named roster to pull off the unlikely. If Cosumar and Audioslavia both win, the Dragons will finish 2nd and join the Qualification Playoff - a fixture we have never had much luck in. But it would still be a chance, which is all you can ask for.

And then there are the depressing scenarios where the Dragons can't find a way to win against the unranked South Califan Sprawls. That would open a window for Milchama or even those damned Samebans to knock us down to 3rd. If Milchama somehow defeats Audioslavia and the Dragons waste the opportunity by drawing or losing their match, Milchama would win the group, shockingly leapfrogging Cosumar AND Audioslavia whilst ending our World Cup dreams. Similarly, Sameba still has the potential to screw us over like old times if we lose and they beat Garifunya. Ugh...that's the stuff nightmares are made of.

Here's the TL;DR version of the above scenarios: We need to win and Milchama to steal a point from Audioslavia. If we choke in what should be our easiest match of the year, all sorts of chaotic possibilities will be unleashed.

Sure, the odds seem to be in our favor to at least advance to a Qualification Playoff. But wouldn't it be just like the Dragons to stumble to a draw against Califa and allow Sameba to bump us out? I can already taste the disgust.

Let's hope that doesn't happen. But if it does, don't say I didn't warn you.

Thank you for reading The Cosumarite Courier's exclusive World Cup 71 Coverage. Follow us on Twitter @TheCourier or subscribe to our website (TheCourier.cos) to receive daily updates and analysis of Cosumar's progress in the tournament.

Cosumar's World Cup 71 Journey
Pre-Qual Friendly: Cosumar 4-2 Gloriax
Pre-Qual Friendly: Osarius 1-0 Cosumar
Pre-Qual Friendly: Cosumar 3-2 Estenia
Matchday 1: Cosumar 2-0 Garifunya
Matchday 2: Cosumar 3-2 Milchama
Matchday 3: Sarrbia 0-2 Cosumar
Matchday 4: Cosumar 2-0 Sameba
Matchday 5: Royalsoldiers 0-3 Cosumar
Matchday 6: Cosumar 1-1 Audioslavia
Matchday 7: Affiliated South Califan Sprawls 3-5 Cosumar
Mid-Qual Friendlies: The Royal Barangay 4-2 Cosumar
Matchday 8: Garifunya 3-3 Cosumar
Matchday 9: Milchama 0-0 Cosumar
Matchday 10: Cosumar 2-0 Sarrbia
Matchday 11: Sameba 2-0 Cosumar
Matchday 12: Cosumar 2-1 Royalsoldiers
Matchday 13: Audioslavia 3-1 Cosumar
Matchday 14: Cosumar vs. Affiliated South Califan Sprawls
Blue: Draw
Green: Victory
Red: Defeat

Cosumar Goal-Scorers Tally (26 GF)
Anders Engström (7)
Ace Newman (4)
Sur Arora (2)
Frazan Va'Goshal (2)
Paaron Petrov (2)
Arndu Farsgaard (2)
Vareza Na'Noni (1)
Ole Öhman (1)
Tevin Lilley (1)
Tae Woo Miyori (1)
Reuben Hamasaki (1)
Petri Hansen (1)

Cosumar Assists Tally
Paaron Petrov (5)
Anders Engström (5)
Frazan Va'Goshal (4)
Vareza Na'Noni (2)
Ace Newman (2)
Sur Arora (2)
Felix Merchison (2)
Everett Seymour (1)
Jukka Lindroos (1)
Sheldon Serra (1)
Tevin Lilley (1)
Tae Woo Miyori (1)

by **Stvoto Latoli** » Sun Apr 05, 2015 3:47 pm

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12

75 YEARS AGO

An Unnamed Boarding School For Wealthy Girls, Mahathu

"Enough! Quiet! The party is over! I want all students back in the dormitories immediately. Zhadia, get your hands off that piano! Your lack of attention in music class is eminently evident! Out! Curfew was hours ago! If I see a single candle flickering, or hear the slightest scribbling on a bit of paper, you will each and every one be assigned four hundred extra lines in English class tomorrow! Out! Ushadithi, you will stay."

"But Mrs. Baghaviri-"

"Did you not hear what I just told you? Were you not listening when I told you what the punishment would be if you opened your mouth? Do you think somehow that your privilege affords you the right to violate every rule or order in your path?"

"I-"

"Things, my dear, are to change. Sit. Down."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Ushadithi, I... I'm afraid I have the rather disquieting task of delivering bad news. It's been discovered... it appears to authorities that your father has died. Some weeks ago, it was, I'm told. He was killed as he and his security detail crossed the containment barrier a few miles outside of Juvapanam. Now, I know this will be hard for you to understand, as a seven-year-old girl, but it... what are you staring at? Don't you understand what I'm saying to you? Are you yet listing off into another ridiculous fantasy? Wake up, girl.

"There is no news, still, from across the containment barrier. We do not know what great evil has overcome the interior of Fajr Island, and it is becoming more and more clear as the months pass that we may never know. Nobody comes back from there, Ushadithi. Whatever those fools at that government facility in the Highlands were playing with, it has cost us dear.

"You will note, of course, that I use the pronoun 'us,' in this case. Surely you have been paying rapt attention, not staring off into the void? I say 'us,' because it is the unfortunate case that you are neither the first nor the last to have lost a loved one to this tragedy. Your father, his enormous wealth and his productive company unhelpful in saving him, is merely one name on a list of thousands, possibly soon to be millions.

"I recognize the regrettable situation in which this leaves you, Ushadithi, with your mother having died... what, three years ago? It is sad, to be sure, but death is something we must accept, not cast to the side as if it will surrender and confess its insincerity after many years of refusal. Now, times are tough, as they say. The Imperial Senate has formally seized the assets of your father's company, which leaves you with nothing. You are destitute. I have attempted to seek out your most distant relatives with sincerely-held hopes of finding you accommodation and care.

"This search has been fruitless. Your mother's side of the family, it seems, have disowned your now-deceased mother and by inference, you, as a product of some grudge about intermarriage with your father, and with just one exception, it has been impossible to locate any of your father's clan - they too are assumed lost in the fight to overcome that distant, unknown evil on the Dakhama Plateau. The exception, incidentally, is your cousin, who, I have discovered, is hardly the type to be raising a child: a dubious criminal who habitually wanders in and out of prison. So, Ushadithi, in pursuing your best interests, I find myself at an impasse - in a terrible position indeed.

"This school, you have I hope been told, is the most prestigious that can be found in this fine city, the capital of that wondrous Republic of the Pazhujeb Islands. As headmistress I have been dutiful in reminding all of you students how privileged you are to have been admitted here. Your tuition and housing have been subsidized by your wealthy ancestors more than any of you spoiled pests can possibly know. It goes without saying that when I was a girl, my family could never have afforded to send me here. I was not lucky enough, as it were. You, Ushadithi, were.

"But everyone's luck runs out, does it not? And though I am aggrieved to play messenger with such a dread report, you, my dear, are no longer to live a life of leisure, indulging in frivolous birthday parties such as this, which, may I add, have been organized at my personal expense! Without my charity, you would already have been tossed out into the street to live a wretched life among the beggars and hustlers of the poisoned underground. You have not been.

"I have resolved to keep you here, but understand that you will no longer be a student. I have seized your property, your clothes, and your textbooks. All of it. The entire Ghavujirjiam Estate. Everything you once owned now belongs to me. You will be assigned to work in the kitchens, assisting Madame Lihassa with the preparation of meals, and with the custodial staff, cleaning the vile tracks you and the others have left on the floor in perpetuity. The attic is the only space I can afford you to live.

"Money, dear, matters. Our economy has suffered as a result of the dangers of trade in our lands, and banks no longer embroil themselves in the risky business of loaning money to those who might soon be swallowed up by whatever apocalypse spreads from that infernal installation on Fajr Island. You find yourself without the gift of capital as you were an artist without the gift of paint. How can one be an artist without her tools, her medium, her canvas?! She cannot!

"You are expected to report to Madame Lihassa in at dawn. Out of the goodness of my heart, I have allowed you to keep the doll that your father gave to you on the day he left you here. You will find it laid upon a 'bed' in the attic, alongside a black dress that you are to wear from now on. Do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am."

(NOTE: This RP is part of a very long and ambitious storyline that serves as an origin story for this nation. I will be referencing at least a half dozen of my own former RPs, written as the Pazhujeb Islands or Kagdazka and Pazhujebu. As such, I feel like it is in good faith to report this to hosts who might be tabulating my RP bonus: the past RPs I will reintroduce are original material, but most of them have been directly copied and pasted. If this is considered uncouth, I will understand if I am docked bonus points. However, it is worth mentioning that in many of these ancient RPs I left hints that I did plan on revisiting later. Subsequently, this self-plagiarism simply attempts to give context for the plot I will be weaving. I will always provide a notice in this space any time an old RP is used or referenced.)

(While being entirely original, this work is an obvious and unapologetic reference to Frances Hodgson Burnett's A Little Princess, a novel to which I have very little personal attachment, however, the 1995 Alfonso Cuarón film adaptation of the book remains one of the best children's movies ever made, go watch it. Eleanor Bron's spiteful and wicked Miss Minchin scared the hell out of me when I was a kid and still informs my reading of the "evil stepmother" trope to this day - even more so now that I understand the film's and Cuarón's anti-neoliberal agenda as an adult.)

(Ushadithi Ghavujirjiam is not a new character. Her nefarious deeds of RPs past have not, at the IC time of this post, yet occurred.)

by **Blouman Empire** » Sun Apr 05, 2015 4:56 pm

THE EMPIRE TIMES

Will The Eagles Qualify?

As the World Cup qualifiers come to a close the Eagles have imploded as a recent run of bad form has seen the Eagles drop from top spot and potentially miss out on the play-offs. Despite a strong showing through most of the qualifiers the Eagles have now lost two games in a row to arguably weaker teams. The first loss came against Ceni who have shown remarkable improvement in the second half by not only beating the Empire but securing a 2-2 draw with top of the group Barunia. Should they manage to defeat Erbsted and Calcoon in the final match day and other results go their way they will find themselves moving into the play-offs and potentially into the World Cup. The Eagles most recent loss was against Erbsted and Calcoon as they recorded only their second win in the campaign. A disastrous game saw a defensive error gift Erbsted a goal while Hamish Alpin scored an own goal, a feat that the captain will want to soon forget. Meanwhile the Blouman forwards continued with their dreadful play as they failed to link up and accuracy was left wanting, in the past two games only 5% of their shots have been on target.

The poor results towards the end of the campaign have resulted in criticism against the players who have been seen as chokers while others have placed the blame on Logan October with reports that he is unable to handle the pressure once the situation turns sour. October has fought back at criticism, speaking to the press as the team returned to Bloumany, “The players and staff are well aware of what is needed, we have had a blip but we are still in the running and we will never give up. With have at least one game left and we are determined to ensure that we at the very least proceed to the playoffs”. When pressed about yesterday’s game October blamed the field describing it as a cow paddock and not fit for international football “It’s not conducive to good football, it was a terrible field and not suited to our style. The fact that the WCC deems that field to be of an acceptable quality is absurd”. Alpin did not speak to the media as he lead the team through Grona airport and would not be drawn into questions about his own goal. Vice Captain Milton Tuneson spoke briefly highlighting the need for the players to regroup after two horrific losses and that they will be fighting for the win in the final game.

The final game of the group stage of the qualifers will see the Empire host Octinstine at Stadium Bloumany. Octinstine have fared well so far in the qualifiers wining six games and only just lost out the Eagles but a goal the first time around. A win will ensure the Eagles will at least finish second, while a draw or loss will require them to rely on Ceni failing to pick up points against Erbsted and Calcoon. Meanwhile Barunia will face off against Zenic at Philosophia Colosseum with a win guaranteeing them qualification to the World Cup. Should the Eagles fail to qualify for the World Cup for the first time in eight occasions serious questions will need to be asked, already some are questioning October as to how he failed to take a Top 20 nation directly into the World Cup.

ooc: I'm not sure if choke is a term used in sport elsewhere around the world but it is applied if a strong favourite or someone is performing well fails when the pressure to win is higher and/or fails towards the end.

by **Chiata** » Sun Apr 05, 2015 5:44 pm

Chiata Times
Pregame Poem
Submitted by Anonymous Contributor

Why do we continue on?
Why do we fight when the time has come and gone?
Why not give up now because it has gotten close?
After all, we have to face our enemy head on!

We cry for easy victory.
We sing for easily found glory.
We hope to win indirectly.
Clinch the win and advance already!

Why do we fight?
We're a bubble team, like a broken kite.
Sometimes we fly high,
But then we fall out of site.

Luck is with us, at first,
But it drops out when we need the playoff birth.
Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose.
We are oh so tired of getting 3rd or 4th.

Why do we fight?
Because we are tired of fright.
Tired of falling short by a point.
Tired of walking in the dark without a light.

We fight because of things that have been said
Of us and the thoughts run in our head.
"Insignificant" and "uncompetitive" enter the brain
And sinks to the heart like lead.

We fight because we were called "minnow."
A small fish, swept in the undertow.
"An easy three points"
Soon enough the rooster will crow.

We awoke in our 5th try
5th time at bat and trying not to die
We proved the naysayers wrong.
But again, would we ever get to fly?

We fight because we know the winning feeling.
We've been in the Round of 16, yet still healing.
With our crowning achievement, what do we get?
"Luck," "fluke," and spot stealing.

Did we earn it?
Did we deserve it?
Is it some kind of joke?
Some gag run by Margaret!

Why do we fight when we may be wrong?
We went back and lost: the end of the song?
Now we were called chokers.
All is lost! Sound the gong!

Why do we fight?
Because we hate the repeated flight.
The skipping around the problem
And the running from the light.

No more, say I!
I'm tired of losses and ties!
Tired of minnow and choker.
It is time we face it in the eye.

We must tackle the problem had on,
Not looking sideways or down at the lawn.
Eyes forward, filled with tears, years of defeat:
But this gives the energy of King Kong.

The going will be rough.
The opponent is high ranked, at home, and tough.
But we have battled all through qualifying
Sending out reports and battered fluff.

I say it's time we look someone in the eye
And say "I will win" as they give with pity a sigh.
Prove their doubt wrong and go right up and beat them.
That is the one and only way to get the kite to fly.

Why do we fight when we have lost so many times before?
Because we hate the word "minnow" to our core.
Because we want a straight fight: winner takes flight.
Because we are tired of being trodden upon and we want to soar.

Is seven cycles enough? Or must we be dragged on for more...

by **Carialus** » Sun Apr 05, 2015 5:53 pm

Carialus Clairon
Disaster

After the Comrades' stagnant play at Korchayk that led to a draw, Carialus traveled back to Capital Field where they would play their last home game of qualifying. Greater Watford, having surprisingly won on the road against Farfadillis, were to be the Comrades obstacle in holding the number one spot. The major problem would be momentum. Carialus had recently drew against a lowly opponent while Greater Watford had just beaten the number one seed in the group. Amazingly, Greater Watford had defeated the Farves both legs while Antoletia and Carialus had not beaten them once, granted that Carialus still has one more game to play. Greater Watford quickly used their momentum as an advantage. As before, Carialus started out sluggish while Greater Watford came out quick. Manetti improved his already impressive résumé by stealing the ball away from Brissa and scoring on Dopita. In the 28th minute, Greater Watford would strike again. Deer, complete with an unbelievable mazy dribble, spun around Brauer, Brissa, and Cerny to get on the scoreboard. Just like last game, Carialus turned their game up and stopped Watford in their tracks. The Comrades proved what they were capable of by scoring within five minutes. Once again, the Carialites turned to Frost for leadership. Frost led the charge past Greater Watford's bulwarks and landed the ball past Hannon and into the net. At the half, Carialus was behind once more, but this time only by one with the score being 2-1.

Both sides made adjustments to their game plan at the half. Ultimately, Greater Watford made the best changes. Carialus was still striving for a goal but the Watfordians were primed for a counter attack. Oldfen took the ball straight from Gomes and launched the ball to the other end. Brauer was unable to recover the ball and Perez beat him to it. Perez cut inside and wammed the ball straight into the corner of the net and safely put of the reach of Dopita. 3-1 and Carialus was lagging behind. Greater Watford scored their fourth goal in the 61st when Smith, assisted by Deer, tapped the ball in. A furious Schlasteur yelled for Dopita's head and sent Boulos onto the pitch. Kraus actually got to the other end of the pitch but his shot was stuffed by a good play from Hannon. It seemed Carialus was doomed to repeat their performance against Farfadillis. The fans were once again would bare witness to a tragedy. They began to boo their own national team and by the 80th minute a steady stream of people leaving the stadium and resulted in the stands being 3/4ths empty. Greater Watford was very sportsmanlike towards the end of the game and refused to go on another attack that would likely result in another goal. Boulos still found a way to humiliate himself. Horak, when pressured by Perez, passed the ball back to Boulos. Boulos lost control of the ball as it touched it feet and spun lazily in between the goal posts. Boulos scored the final goal for Greater Watford.

Carialus 1-5 Greater Watford

P Group 6                                 Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Farfadillis                              13    8   3   2    32   16  +16    27
2 Carialus                                 13    8   2   3    30   22   +8    26
3 Antoletia                                13    8   2   3    30   19  +11    26
4 Greater Watford                          13    6   4   3    21   12   +9    22
5 Atrua                                    13    5   1   7    14   22   −8    16
6 Korchayk                                 13    2   5   6    21   27   −6    11
7 Stvoto Latoli                            13    3   0  10     6   17  −11     9
8 Sargkisia                                13    2   3   8    12   31  −19     9

After that wretched game, Carialus is going to somehow pick up the pieces and play one last qualifying match. When asked about the goal keeper situation, Schlasteur responded "both Boulos and Dopita have played fairly awful. Sadly, the best bet now seems to start Kroscen." A scary proposition, considering Kroscen has not played an ounce of international football. He has showed promise in practice, though. Farfadillis easily won over Atrua, a nation that Carialus lost three points to. The Farves now lead the group while Carialus and Antoletia are only one point behind. If Antoletia wins their next game, they are guaranteed an advancement position. If Carialus wins they will take the group and Antoletia would get second if they win. That is all fine and dandy but has a big problem. The Comrades' next game will be against Farfadillis. Yes, that Farfadillis. The one seed Farfadillis. The beat you 5-3 at your house Farfadillis. The we have home advantage Farfadillis. Whomever wins the game will be group leader. If it is a draw, things get a little hazy. If Antoletia wins then they take the automatic qualification while Farfadillis gets the playoff spot, leaving Carialus on third once again. If Antoletia would also draw, the Farves get the auto qualification, the Comrades get the playoff, while the Fire Ants get third due to their head to head record against Carialus. Carialus does control their own destiny, but its hard to see the Comrades winning in Farfadillis. Given the keeper situation, the odds are slim and grim for Carialus. A cartoon that is circulating now sums it up pretty well. Boulos is shown scoring his own goal while Dopita is shown sobbing on the bench. Schlasteur, colored with a purple face, is yelling "you're going in" to Kroscen, who is in his warmups. Sadly, the cartoon is a fairly good picture of Carialus as they go to play for their first ever World Cup birth.

by **Electrum** » Sun Apr 05, 2015 5:54 pm

Post-Game Press Conference

The Electrumite journalists are fascinated more than ever with football. Indeed, the coaching job for the Electrum National Team had secured more attention than ever -- before then, it was just Coach Wilkinson having a casual chat with two journalists about his recent loss in the World Cup, and how he was going to change things round. Then, as Electrum rose up the rankings, a few people would show up, namely Kate McNamara from the Herald, then Stewart Faraday would pop up from time to time. But by the last cycle, and especially to the lead-up to the playoffs against The Calanian Union, interest had spiked -- people wanted to know more about the sport Electrum came to do so well in -- and the room was as packed as ever. Coach Daniel Brunet would do the press conference, his sixth one.

"No one saw that coming, didn't they?" said Brunet, "I think I'll start with you, Stewart."

"Ah, Stewart Faraday from the Centralis Herald. Just how did you sneak away with that 2-1 victory against Legalese?"

"Good question. Magic. No I'm kidding. I really drilled them into the new formation that we've been slowly rolling out and practising for the past few weeks. They've been stuck in a rut when you've been playing three years offensively. But it's about analysing the game, finding the right chances to strike and getting those goals. They're steadily improving, and that's what I like to see from my players."

"Could you answer the question?"

"Yeah, I'm getting their Stewart, gee, a bit pushy today eh? Yeah, so they really tried in shutting down the Legalese offense, and other then that sneaky goal towards the end of the second half, we took the opportunities as they arose, and converted. Well done for the team. Next? Ah, Kate."

"Kate McNamara, also from the Herald, um, Chances for qualification? I guess?"

"Hm good question. Let me just consult my schedule -- yeah, so Legalese is playing away in El Gregoria, we're at Centralis with Eastfield Lodge, and Mizuyuki is facing Flardania away. And you know what? We might just outright qualify. If Legalese draws and we win, we can leapfrog them on head-to-head points. But we need to get at least 1 point, to at least make playoffs, what with Mizuyuki two points behind us. Need to make sure we do anything, and anything, to stay ahead of Eastfield. We don't want to risk anything. We have a better head-to-head record with both Legalese and Mizuyuki, but those draws -- and I know I'm to blame for some of them, really cost us some valuable points. Next?"

"Ah, Kate again, with a supplementary question -- Do you really think we can qualify?

"Never say never. Oh, you caught my quoting Rustin Hieber. Um, look. According to our sources, we're the second highest team in the world, before Gregoryisgodistan, to never have qualified to the World Cup, and this is our fourth cycle. Things can definitely go our way, Legalese aren't at home, we're at home, Mizuyuki is away as well, but luck -- I should say skill -- is a fickle thing. I hate other teams performance determining whether or not we advance, it's the worst experience ever. So I'm just focusing the team to do as best they can for the match against Eastfield Lodge."

"Simon Bridle, Half-weekly Sports, I hope you don't mind me asking, but what are the tactics for the next match?"

"Ah, now you know I can't very well tell you what's in store next time. That will give the whole game away, won't it? But what I will tell you is that I'm sticking hard and fast to my principles, and I'm sure you know what they are right now -- take the chances as they come, and keep the ball away from our goalkeeper. Otherwise, I can't go into any other detail. Really important stuff."

"David Clearwater, BDE. Mr. Brunet, you've spoken about the Electrum teams chances in the World Cup, but in Electrumite history, who can be considered the founding father of Electrum?"

"I wouldn't have a clue, hahaha, why are you here?"

"Mr. Brunet, the people of Electrum demand an answer! For a piece of the trivial pursuit pie!" David Clearwater, a satirist recording some lines for a television show is dragged off by some officials...

"No idea.. Any other questions?"

by **Valanora** » Sun Apr 05, 2015 6:32 pm

Valanora Times
Marauders In Last Gasp Saloon

Back to back draws have seen the Marauders from contending with The Calanian Union for the group lead to now needing a minor miracle to even get to the playoffs for the Finals. In a wicked turn of events, back to back road fixtures have seen the Marauders lose a three nil lead with fifteen to play at the Alluminnic States, letting the last placed team in the group snatch two valuable points away from them, much in the same fashion that Aloquirbe had done so earlier in the campaign. That catastrophe was compounded by the Marauders inability to overcome the speciest and hateful crowd in Pays d'en Haut, with another late goal conceded by the lackluster defense keeping the Marauders from having a simple win and in scenario going into the last matchday.

If the inability of the squad to make the Finals knockout rounds was considered to be a terrible tragedy, then what will the prospect of not making the Finals, or even the playoffs to get there, mean for the squad? They are already eliminated from having any chance of winning the group, with the Calanians at twenty-eight points and we at a mere twenty-four. It's a bit sobering to think that the squad will only have a single loss to its name, the opening matchday tussle with the Calanians, and still not even come in second in the group. Yet it has been the inability to keep wins from somehow turning into draws against, quite frankly lesser, oppisition that will be the downfall of the Marauders should luck not turn their way in the last match.

In order for the squad to advance, they have to win in Capri against Polkopia, the side currently sitting in third in the group and looking for their own chances for advancement both through the playoffs or even as group winners. Back on matchday seven, the Marauders were able to travel into Polkopia and escape with a narrow one to nil victory, one that seemed to kill the chances for the Polkopia chances. Yet they and Darvale were gifted this chance, to be on the cusp of advancing thanks to our sides inability to keep three points in the bag. With so much at stake, you can bet that the Polkopia side will be giving absolutely no quarter and the Marauders will have to have their eyes completely on the match in front of them and away from the scoreboard. The defense needs to man up and the manager may even need to think about going to a back four and not the traditional three as it seems to have been found out.

Regardless of the result of if the Marauders somehow luck out, winning their match and Darvale failing to win against Aloquirbe, letting the Marauders sneak into the playoffs, the months ahead will no doubt be full of change. I am not sure what more can be changed though, with a lot of player turnover and the staff having been flipped around quite a bit in the lead up to this cycle. The promise was their after the AOCAF but clearly was muddled up during the qualifiers. Perhaps we may even see the departure of Hawk, va Drake, Soldarian, and Fresco from the squad given that they are used to championship level squads. The time ahead is full of peril, both in the immediate and the long term, and only a resolute and determined bunch will be able to navigate that peril. Can Hawk and the foursome do so again or is this the last song of the great common heroes?

by **Vermark** » Sun Apr 05, 2015 6:35 pm

Academica: A History
Anders Hornqvist, Ph.D | Videnhagen University Press

Foreword
The Scientist
The Psychologist
The Economist
The Philosopher
The Artist

Afterword
The esteemed Academic Age is a period in time that will never be forgotten in the nation of Vermark. Government, economy, and culture may change in the Social Republic, but it will not change without yielding to the effects caused by the Academic Age. Society was based on the advancement of knowledge, and all other tenants of society were directly connected to this. Football was one of these tenants; football and academics were entwined with one another like no other point in the time that followed.

Education remains to this day to be central to the identity of Vermark. The University of Videnhagen is arguably one of the biggest and most important higher education institutions in the region of Rushmore. Social elitism is still often determined by the possession of a post-secondary diploma; while some believe enlightenment is achieved by inward reflection, Vares believe enlightenment comes from simply going to school until one gets tired of school, then stay for a few more years after that. Moving forward, as Vermark looks to integrate into the international system, its education is one of its best assets that it can offer.

The structure of Varish education itself has also been drawn from influences of the Academic Age. The breadth of the subjects discussed in this work reflects the actual breadth of study during this time period. Like the rest of the world, the intellectuals of Vermark valued cross-disciplinary, liberal educations. The idea that one must study holistically has not ceased since the Academic Age. Nor has the requirement that students must research and produce in order to learn left either. While much of the world places its research burden on the professors and advanced students, students are frequently encouraged, pushed, and required to not only do independent research as a part of their studies, but also produce works typically reserved for more senior scholars. In other words, it is unheard of in much of the world for an undergraduate to author a book. In Vermark, it is practically commonplace.

Football is an equally interesting anecdote. Football is not as connected to academics as it once was. Granted, the idea of collegiate sport is still held by students and faculty, as evidenced by the existence of the Varish Interscholastic Sport Association (VISA). However, football has taken a separate path. Education has been slow to reach rural areas. Agriholm University was established until the early twentieth century. Football, however, quickly became the pastime of the farmer of the plains as well as the miner of the mountains. Urban football academies coupled with the rural obsession with the sport has created the phenomenon that is now Varish football. Despite its relatively young age, Vermark on the world footballing stage has been formidable. Despite making a terrible debut at the "Copa Rushmori" regional football championships, Vermark performed well in the "Baptism of Fire" newcomer tournament and has made a strong campaign in its first foray into World Cup Qualifying. Like higher education, Football in Vermark has the potential to be a huge catalyst during Vermark's opening to the world.

What was once the Faculty Football Team is now Academica FC. Though it is Vermark's best football club, it is something more than that. It is Vermark's ambassador to the world. It represent scholarship, openness, and potential. It may be decade before Academica wins an international competition, however, one would be unwise to declare it impossible.

Leonardsson: "Miranda, Stop Being a Bully"
Gabriel Hansen ▪ April 5, 2015

The biggest news today was supposed to be Marcus Leonardsson consolidating the Progressive Conservative Party of Vermark. This group is predicted to be the first group that has a reasonable chance at removing the Liberal Party from its multi-decade reign over Parliament. Leftism has been a strong continuity throughout the history of Varish politics, however, this has the potential to be disturbed.

Except, this news was not the biggest shocker of the day.

After leaving the courthouse (which he visited in order to file the necessary paperwork to establish the PCs as an entity), he held a brief press conference on the steps that turned out to not be so brief. It began with some simple questions regarding campaigning, ideology, and the upcoming elections. This all changed when Videnhagen Press Radio (VPR) reporter Laila Jacobsen inquired about Electrumite pundit Miranda Lawrence's debacle with Varish Scholar Frans Rosling. Leonardsson diverged from expectations and distanced himself from Lawrence when it was expected that the PC leader would try to align himself with her in order to create a more conservative appearance.

"Vermark's economy is based off of two hundred years of unique history, culture, and psychology. One must understand all three of these to simply understand Varish economy by itself; using economic models that work for most economies won't necessarily translate correctly when applied to Vermark. No one understands this better than Dr. [Frans] Rosling," he answered to question regarding Lawrence's economic ideas.

The pressure continued. Jacobsen proceeded to ask about the ideology of Lawrene and her comments on climate change. To this he answered, "You can claim to doubt science all you want. That is fine. Even scientists have doubt about science. But to deny what is simply math, is silly. Temperature today are remarkably higher than they were just a little bit ago. It's like denying evolution or carbon dating. You can say you do not trust, but the rest of the world does, and you are simply going to get left behind if you don't catch up and educate yourself."

Finally, Leonardsson was asked if he had anything to say to Miranda Lawrence. This would prove to be the most influential portion of the entire affair.

"Yes, Dr. [Frans] Rosling is an extremely smart and humble man. He tried to show some respect to you, and you spat in his face. People like you tarnish the idea of conservatism by being rude and refusing to even consider an idea that is not your own. I highly suggest you apologize to him for your behavior. Your comments regarding his lack of economic knowledge were extremely uncalled for as well. I'll use a cherished religious quote that I am sure you are familiar with: 'Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her'. If you're having trouble interpreting this, I am saying that your economic views have flaws too. In summary, Miranda, stop being a bully."

With that, Leonardsson walked away from the horde of journalists and back off to the Parliament Buildings to continue his work. Despite the name conservative, Marcus Leonardsson did not hesitate to remove himself from someone who is more or less the epitome of conservatism. He is taking on a revolutionary new tone of political theory that is unprecedented in Vermark and much of the world. He is combining schools of thought that have been polarized for an extremely long amount of time; he appears to be attempting to combine the traditional liberalism of Vermark with the conservative, capitalism policies of much of the developed, powerful world. Whether or not he will be as successful as he was today in regards to balancing the two opposites, only the future will be able to determine.

by **Pasarga** » Sun Apr 05, 2015 6:46 pm

"Well, the Wanderers are set to make the trip to Esportiva with that win, they can relax with the game against the Pocoans. Even if they somehow lose that match Bears Armed wins theirs, the Wanderers will own the head to head tiebreaker and win the group. What a relief, I would hate to have to worry about the fate of the squad in the last match, though we have been there before. It is so nervewracking for us as just spectators, I wonder what it must be like for the players and staff."

"Has to be pretty stressful and intense for them as well, as managers seem to be fired and retained based on their ability to get their squads into the Finals, while players know that a poor showing means they might not even be a part of the pool for the next cycle. This used to all be for fun and enjoyment, now it has become so much more, entire lives are made and fortunes lost based on this little game, it is quite astounding don't you think? I mean, not only that, but could you have imagined a decade ago that people would consider Pasarga a world footballing power and that one of our players would be considered among the best in the game?"

"Even the smallest of stones cause giant ripples my friend. While I could have said that the Wanderers would have risen as quickly and in short of as of time as they have, I could say that I always saw the potential for us to become one of the powers. We have a real grassroots game, constantly churning out good players who are worth their weight in gold. Now the truly great player has been elusive, yet when that came about in the form of Tobias... well then you see how that has forged the team into a true great squad. While this is a team sport and one person does not make the team, one person can elevate the rest of the squad if they are truly one of the games' greats, you see it all the time. And perhaps we were due some good fortune, after nearly forty years of inconsistency at the international level, this nice consistent success is a nice turn."

"Yes, those first few decades made being a Wanderer fan quite the emotional experience, as it seemed that one year we were the next new and great team. While two years later, we were failing to live up to the promise we had shown in the previous cycle."

"Well, football is like nature, it has its cycles, and one can never be terrible or in our case, terribly inconsistent, forever. Neither can one sustain success forever, eventually it will wane, just look at Valanor and how they once were an automatic slot into the Quarterfinals and now they are in need of help to even make the playoffs. Power waxes and wanes, just as everything does and in every fashion. One day the Wanderers will go back to being just average, so let us take pleasure in this time of when they are great."

"Greatness... do you think they will write about the ascendancy of the Wanderers in the books in the future?"

"Perhaps, yet I am not sure, for all that we have accomplished as of late, the only title to a Pasargan national team has come in the DBC. We will need to win a World Cup I think, maybe a regional tournament or two as well, or at least have some sort of Polarian or Audioslav record in the Final to be written about."

"There is always something to strive for I suppose, something greater to obtain."

"Quite so."

by **Felix** » Sun Apr 05, 2015 7:45 pm

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - Daft Punk

Our Work Is Never Over...

Well this is it! The final qualifier cutoff! For some of you your dreams to qualify are already done for and the results don't really matter to you. But for other folks this is your last chance to influence the table and grab the final playoff spot at the last second. So will you succeed? We'll find out?

MATCHDAY FOURTEEN CUTOFF

by **Gregoryisgodistan** » Mon Apr 06, 2015 7:39 am

Gregoryisgodistan Qualifies for Playoffs, Will Face Apox

Gregoryisgodistan's glorious Foot Slaves have qualified for the playoffs of World Cup qualifying and will play a two-legged draw against Apox for the right to move on to Yttribia or Felix. Gregoryisgodistan beat Dawnaven 2-0 on the road last night thanks to goals by Soccer Captain Laredo Potato and Loyal Friend of Lord Almighty Gregory Death to San Jose Guayabal, and with that, the Foot Slaves celebrated on the field knowing they were through no matter what Jeru FC did against Maklohi Vai. In the end, the soldier boys tied 0-0, meaning a draw would have been good enough to see the Foot Slaves through, but of course they couldn't take that chance.

Lord Almighty Gregory is extremely proud of the team, saying "This is one of the most glorious days in the history of Gregoryisgodistan Soccer. We are now just 180 minutes away from qualifying for our first World Cup, in the lands of Felix and Yttribia. We are playing Apox, the 37th ranked team, in the world, to which I say, A Pox on both your houses. And if that isn't funny, I will have my joke writer killed. After all, writing bad jokes is illegal in Gregoryisgodistan and is a capital crime. So Joke Writer U828AJADAB will have to pay for his sins if that joke isn't funny. For now though, let us rally against Apox and mock them in every way we can. We have temporarily removed all the platypi from the National Zoo in the Capital District. They are being housed in a special secret chamber under the Slave Exhibit. The slaves will have to go down there and feed them so they don't die, and even they will be blindfolded at the time. Other than that, nobody will have any contact with this animal symbol of Apox until the playoffs are over and we have won. And we will indeed win, since Apox is the land of the platypus and platypi are stupid. I invented them to amuse people so people could be amused by their stupidity. The National Zoo houses all animals that I created, which is all animals because I am the Lord Your God. Apox must not forget that if they beat us, they will offend God. And offending God is not a good thing to do, for I can smite your whole country with a wave of my hand. And I may just do that if Apox quaifies instead of us. Do not let it happen, Apox. You will be destroyed, or at the very least, added to the Enemy List. The Foot Slaves must win. We must go through to the World Cup.

"Finally, I wish to talk about other matters. Loyal Friend of Lord Almighty Gregory Death to San Jose Guayabal, formerly a backup forward on the Foot Slaves team, used his Slave Draft rights to select starting forward Slave Beater 20LXAU21 so he would beat himself all day instead of playing soccer. A lot of people have complained about this, because it removes one of the starting players from our beloved Foot Slaves team. Indeed, Slave Beater 20LXAU21, in his short time in uniform, proved to be one of the best players we had. However, the rules of the Slave Draft are quite clear. Any commoner can be drafted into slavery, and if you are drafted into slavery, you must serve your master's needs, not your own. Most likely, if Loyal Friend of Lord Almighty Gregory Death to San Jose Guayabal ever buys more slaves, or selects them in next year's Slave Draft, Slave Beater 20LXAU21 will assist in beating them as well. For now, he is just beating himself so he can stay in Slave Beater shape. For those who claim Loyal Friend of Lord Almighty Gregory Death to San Jose Guayabal was trying to sabotage his team, or worse yet, secure a starting role, those rumors are untrue. Furthermore, slandering a government VIP is punishable by a lifetime of slave labor, so don't do it. You will be caught and you will be arrested. And you will be sent to a slave labor camp for life. Don't do it. There will be punishment most severe and you will not like it. Being sentenced to slave labor as punishment is not an honor like being selected in the slave draft. It does not mean someone admires your work and wants you to work for them full time. It means you have been a bad, bad person and have to be punished. It is the most severe sentence short of execution. Do not let it happen to you. Do not libel or slander Loyal Friend of Lord Almighty Gregory Death to San Jose Guayabal. or you will be punished. Consider this a warning. I will not allow it to happen in my Glorious and Holy Nation.

"One more thing - we will beat Apox. I guarantee it. I am the Lord and I can see the future and I see a victory over Apox in the future. If the Foot Slaves betray me, they will be punished severely. I may wait until after the Cup of Harmony to choose the punishment, I may not. Regardless, those most loyal to me in civilian life, the Government VIPs, will be spared. As for everyone else, I can make no promises about my eternal wrath should we fail to win this tie against Apox. We must qualify over Apox. We will qualify over Apox. Apox and their platypi are going down. Gregoryisgodistan is qualifying for its first World Cup ever. No longer will we be the highest-ranked team never to qualify. Instead, we will qualify and we will win. Or maybe we won't win, but we will qualify and that should be good enough for now. Eventually, we will win, but perhaps it is not time yet. Perhaps it is. By my projections, we will be ranked approximately 37th when the new rankings come out, maybe a few spots higher or lower. It would be difficult to hoist the World Cup trophy, but we can do it, or at least take a few points. That will help us in future years. I am confident this team will be going to Yttribia or Felix, and not to San Jose Guayabal or Ceni. This is one of the biggest days in our soccer history, and never, ever forget it."

From the Desk of Lord Almighty Gregory

To: Warren Elizabeths, President of Taxachusetts
From: Lord Almighty Gregory
Subject: Enemy List Status

Dear Mr. Elizabeths,

I am writing you in response to your letter concerning the Taxachusetts Today journalist incident where your journalists libeled and slandered me. What you have offered to do does not go far enough if you want to be removed from the Enemy List. Normally, the only way to be removed from the Enemy List is to convert your entire nation to the Church of Gregoryisgodistan and execute the non-beleivers. However, I will make an exception for Taxachusetts, provided certain conditions are met. Simply put, you must send 20 percent of your population to Gregoryisgodistan to serve as slaves in our overseas slave islands. This 20 percent must include all employees of Taxachusetts Today, including journalists, editors, delivery boys, secretaries, coffee fetchers, pencil sharpening slaves, and everyone else. I do not care how you select the rest - you could send convicted criminals for all I care. Keep in mind, however, that for security reasons they will be slaving at our Overseas Slave Islands, many thousands of miles from Gregoryisgodistan, so they should not try anything sneaky.

Additionally, these slaves will serve us for life and eat nothing but prune juice and gruel. This is the punishment which Taxachusetts must suffer. This is the punishment that you must suffer. Even your friend, the token liberal, will be sent into slavery for being associated with such a wicked paper. This is why you should choose who you associate with more carefully.

Please let me know whether you accept my offer. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Lord Almighty Gregory

by **San Llera** » Mon Apr 06, 2015 10:27 am

San Llera Go Out, but Without a Bang
The San Lleran national team's World Cup Qualifying run was thankfully put to death last night, as they ended with a victory over lowly Albagaria, following a 2-1 home loss against Super-Llamaland. San Llera's unnecessarily high hopes have been brought back down to Earth, as the newcomers finished 6th in their group out of 8, with 13 points out of 3 wins, 4 draws, and 7 losses. While disappointing, vice captain Don Llorens says it has allowed San Llera to do some introspection:

Yes, we failed, but there are silver linings. We learned a lot about ourselves on the world stage, and we came away with some impressive draws against HopNation. I'm sure the coaches will be looking at the tapes and righting our wrongs, and next time we will be better and more experienced. Don't forget that our performance was not unimpressive for a newcomer. This is just a building block, and before long, we'll be a favorite for this thing.

Following Llorens's statements, coach Jon Lleranerus was asked how he will change things next time

I'm too traumatized to look at the tapes. I will trust in my players that the San Lleran spirit inside them will lift them

San Llera hope to be invited to the Cup of Harmony, and then look forward to the next World Cup.

by **Gloriax** » Mon Apr 06, 2015 1:52 pm

Dream Junction
World Cup 71

It had been a dream World Cup qualification for the Black Tigers - the emergence of Eloisa Purinton as a forefront leader in the team's firing line, and the home thrashing offered to Osarius at home in Titania certainly did boost their confidence to life them to an unimaginable sky of self-belief - and before they knew it, they were into the World Cup playoffs for qualification into the World Cup 71 proper rounds.

This couldn't have been dreamt of before it all started fourteen matchdays back - if you told the average Gloraxian football supporter that their national heroes would march so proudly into the doorstep of eliteness in multiversal football, even after being in the lowly sixties in the World KPB Rankings as they entered the qualifiers for World Cup 71 proper, you would be laughed at as if you told that The Weegies won World Cup 70!

But how did this metamorphosis happen?
Critics and experts say it was just the victory over World Champions, Osarius, that brought about this change in the Black Tigers. The way they moved, the way they played suddenly increased exponentially - and they might not have even realised till now. They could have even qualified for the finals directly, had not the concentration lapse in the game against Thatius, and the disappointing loss resulting due to it come in between as an impervious wall of frustration.

What next?
Next up is the Black Tigers' home-away qualification playoff versus a slightly lower ranked Boring Paradise. Gloriax plays away to Boring Paradise first, and returns for the second leg at home. If rankings were to be trusted, we can see the Black Tigers through to the World Cup proper, but this World Cup has proved to us that rankings are just a mere number. Now, only time can tell!

by **Osarius** » Mon Apr 06, 2015 3:40 pm

blakhat
oracle WC71 madness bracket leaked. no final four sim, oracle didnt run it yet

ikuminati
bro how u get these?

blakhat
lets just say i know a guy

ikuminati
who works at oracle? how u know they didnt sim final four yet?

nollidge
mate, he hacked them. or he knows someone who did. im guessing it was him though, look at his username ffs

ikuminati
ohhhh... cool.
but i dont get it. wat does his username mean?

nollidge
facepalm.jpg

blakhat
lol this guy.

OSN | Oracle
Revealing the truth in numbers

Unfortunately, our planned series of columns detailing the results of our simulated World Cup Madness bracket has been put on hold. This comes as a result of a security breach on our server at OSN headquarters, and the subsequent leaking of our data. We are yet to simulate the final four, however, so there will be a feature on those results.

On reflection, we realise this is all down to an oversight on our part -- ironic, considering what we do -- and security will be dramatically improved from this point on. In response to the potential for further attempts from hackers and other unsavoury individuals, all Oracle datasets will be stored offline, on closed networks from this point on. A side effect of this decision is the dramatic downscaling of our TacticsBoard^TM functionality. Now users will only be able to access statistics for a limited selection of games across a handful of sports, until we find an alternate solution which minimises risk.

The biggest impact this incident has had, however, is that key data behind our algorithm (Oracle Predictive Performance Algorithm) has also been stolen, and the years of developmental work we put into its creation could now be hijacked by other agencies. While it is currently unclear whether or not all the necessary components can be reverse engineered from the stolen data, we cannot understate the degree to which we are disappointed with these events.

For now, we are simply going to try to move forward and continue analysing statistics, seeking to reveal the truth in the numbers. Your support, as always, is greatly appreciated.

Marcus Resheph
Oracle Head of Data

by **Kandorith** » Mon Apr 06, 2015 4:41 pm

Playoffs For The Dragons

Windsor Islands 2–7 Kandorith

P Group 4                                 Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Equestrian States                        14    9   5   0    26   10  +16    32
2 Kandorith                                14   10   2   2    47   22  +25    32
3 Buyan                                    14   10   2   2    23   13  +10    32
4 Matthewsiania                            14    7   2   5    25   19   +6    23
5 Estenia                                  14    5   2   7    16   17   −1    17
6 Kernansquillec                           14    4   3   7    29   31   −2    15
7 Thibaut                                  14    1   2  11     5   32  −27     5
8 Windsor Islands                          14    0   2  12    11   38  −27     2

Even though Kandorith has been chasing the top spot in the group, they just missed out. The Red Dragons came in second in their qualifying campaign, getting them a guaranteed play-off spot. It wasn't what they were hoping for, but something to be proud of for sure. A new refreshed team will be showing their strength on the pitch in the coming days again; looking for the World Cup spot.

"The entire team did well and it would be unfair to just credit the coaching" Xí-tiang exclaimed at the start of the press conference. "This team has been putting down an amazing performance all round and I'm proud of them. Kandorith always had a tough time to qualify in the past, but this team we only had a tough time getting started, slowly but surely we are becoming a large player on the world stage. I won't stop until Kandorith has claimed their rightful place on that world stage. The Red Dragons are a great team, especially this youngster team we have put together for this campaign. I won't say we will take a title home, but I will say we will aim to be at least in the last 16. We should have no trouble qualifying." Strong words from a very confident coach, although will Kandorith deliver the promise? The fans await the upcoming play-offs in tension.

The next time Kandorith will take on Darvale, a first time for Kandorith. Looking at the stats, Darvale should not be a problem for the Red Dragons, but as everyone knows, stats can deceive and never tell the full story. An exiting match awaits and Kandorith will surely be taking a shot at the World Cup once again. Only this time they have a coach who is reaching legendary status, with a very young, yet experienced team. Will this be the dream team Kandorith has been waiting for? Or will the fans be left in the cold? One thing is for sure, the football madness has struck Kandorith once again and the greatest gift is the way this team connects the nation.

by **Free Republics** » Mon Apr 06, 2015 5:06 pm

Lambridge, Taxachusetts

President Elizabeths read the message from Lord Almighty Gregory in amazement. The self-proclaimed "God" had not been satisfied with his rather generous offer. His counter-offer seemed rather extreme, but it wasn't like President Elizabeths had a choice. With the Christian State already terrorizing his nation, he had no desire to antagonize the Gregoryisgodistanis and was willing to do anything, short of actually worship that madman as a God, to get off of their infamous Enemies List. To do that, however, he would have to send 1-in-5 of his people, including every single Taxachusetts Today employee, to Gregoryisgodistan's Slave Islands.

While a leader with a spine would have said no to such an outrageous demand, President Elizabeths was an aging far-left hippie with no backbone whatsoever. Within an hour, he had made his decision. He was going to give in to Lord Gregory's demands and condemn 20 percent of his nation to slavery. On the bright side, he told himself, he couldn't really afford to pay for prisons anyways because of all the tax cheats. Besides, that Freedom and Prosperity Party was increasingly becoming a thorn in his side, since they were the only party willing to actually refer to the Christian State as a "Radical Christian" organization. Taxachussans were flocking to them, if the polls were to be believed, and President Elizabeths was in danger of losing the next election. If he sold his political opponents into slavery, President Elizabeths told himself, maybe he wouldn't lose the next election even after he had run his country into the ground through his incompetence.

However, he was not going to condemn Lydia Patterson, the one decent journalist at Taxachusetts Today, to her death. Lydia was a young girl, a committed progressive who had just graduated from college. She was a true believer in a just society and was a heroic survivor. On at least a half-dozen occasions during his college years, Lydia had been the victim of non-consensual sexual acts, under the "Yes Means Yes Act" and President Elizabeths could not bear the thought of her being victimized again. Therefore, he decided to call her on the phone and warn her about what was about to happen.'

Lydia Patterson - Hello, President Elizabeths.

Warren Elizabeths - Hello, Ms. Patterson. How are you doing?

Lydia Patterson - Well, I guess I could be doing better, but I'm doing fine I guess.

Warren Elizabeth - Good. Can you come by my office as soon as possible? Its very important.

Lydia Patterson - Yes, Mr. President. See you soon.

Warren Elizabeth - Thank you.

A few hours later, the President's Chief of Staff escorted Ms. Patterson to the President's room at the Presidential Palace. President Elizabeths let her gossip for an hour or so before finally pressing the issue.

Warren Elizabeth - Ms. Patterson, if you don't mind, I would like to ask you a question for once.

Lydia Patterson - Ask away, Mr. President.

Lydia was expecting the President to ask her to be his mistress. She would have readily agreed because President Elizabeths had done so much for the women of Taxachusetts, but little did she suspect that the President actually took his marital vows seriously.

Warren Elizabeth - Have you heard the Gregoryisgodistani reaction to that April Fool's article about them?

Lydia Patterson - I heard all about that. It is such a ridiculous overreaction, but that's how they are. I so told my editor not to run that stupid story.

Warren Elizabeth - Well, Lord Almighty Gregory is demanding that I send everybody at Taxachusetts Today to his Slave Islands, along with a fifth of our population.

Lydia Patterson - Good. That's our opportunity to rid our nation of cismale scum once and for all.

Warren Elizabeth - My thoughts exactly, but I'm worried about you.

Lydia Patterson - What do you mean? Surely, you won't send me to the Slave Islands!

Warren Elizabeth - I'm not going to. However, I need you to do something so that I can appease Lord Gregory without victimizing you.

Lydia Patterson - I'll do whatever I have to do. Please don't send me into slavery.

Warren Elizabeth - I want to fake your death in a car crash and move you into our witness protection program. Sadly, it would mean the end of your journalistic career, though.

Lydia Patterson - What do you mean? I'd have to give up journalism? Like seriously?

Warren Elizabeth - Yes, but I'll ensure that you're compensated with a new career as the Chief Diversity Officer for the employer of your choice. May I add that you'll be paid at least 10 times what you are currently.

Lydia Patterson - Will I still be able to blog?

Warren Elizabeth - Of course, so long as you blog under a false identity and never reveal your real identity, your witness protection identity or your photo to anybody over the Internet.

Lydia Patterson - Do I really have to go through all of that crap? Aren't you just being paranoid?

Warren Elizabeth - Sorry, but if I'm going to save you from a life of slavery, you're going to have to accept some loss of freedom. If the Gregoryisgodistanis ever find out about this, our entire nation will suffer for it.

Lydia Patterson - Fine. I'll do everything in my power to prevent them from finding out that I faked my death.

Warren Elizabeth - Good. Now, you need to go to your usual bar and get drunk tonight, without a designated driver. Drive your car into the dark alley nearby. There, you will be taken into a police car, which will be left parked in the alley. One of the "cops" will grab your car and intentionally drive it into the ocean near Lambridge Harbor. You will then be taken in the police car to your new home and given your new identity documents.

Lydia Patterson - But what about my family?

Warren Elizabeth - It just so happens that all of your immediate family members will be "attacked" by the "CS" tonight. We'll nail some dead bodies from the local morgue to the upside down crosses and burn them until they are unrecognizable. We're certain the CS will take credit for it and we'll relocate them as well.

Lydia Patterson - Where will we be living?

Warren Elizabeth - There are 2 options. First is the plan we discussed earlier. You become a corporate executive and never write anything under your identity again. Another possibility, that I've just come up with, is that we reduce your legal age and change up the ages of your family a little bit, so that you become a teenager again. If the former, you'll be relocated to Hamilton. If you choose the latter option, we'll relocate you to a small town in the middle of nowhere and you'll be a junior in high school. I'll personally ensure, if you go down that route, that you get into Lambridge University with a substantial amount of college credit on your high school transcript and can go for any degree program you want.

Lydia Patterson - I'll take the second option. I care about more than money, you know.

Warren Elizabeth - Very well. See to it that you fake your death tonight.

Lydia Patterson - I will. Thank you, Mr. President.

by **Nova Anglicana** » Mon Apr 06, 2015 5:42 pm

Lions With Tough Playoff Row to Hoe

Hayden Landers, Nova Anglican Football Today

Even though the odds were in their favor in their last qualifier, the Nova Anglicana Lions knew they couldn't afford to take their opponent Peace Republic lightly.

"Look, we only beat these guys 3-2 the last time, so even though they were in last place, we knew we had to bring our 'A' game," remarked Lions striker Chris Hodges after the game. "So we really just tried to start fast and keep up that level of intensity the whole game, and it worked out for us."

Indeed it did, as the Nova Anglicana Lions sealed a spot in the World Cup qualifying playoffs by beating Peace Republic 7-3 in front of more than 40,000 in Rutupiae. Chris Hodges had a first-half hat trick to run his qualifying total to twelve goals, leading the team by far. Peace Republic offered little resistance, as Hodges scored in the 8th minute to open things up, then added another in the 15th minute on a good header from a corner kick. In the 20th minute, Kyle Fleming deked and dribbled his way into the box, then slipped it just past the outstretched arms of the keeper to give the Lions a 3-0 lead, and when Emmanuel Moga got a pass from Philip Castillo in the 25th,he faked with his left and curled a ball with his right just off the hands of the keeper and into the net, and the rout was on. One note: Moga is not a strong player with his left foot and so the goal was mostly the fault of the defender, who fell for a pretty poor ruse. The keeper made an excellent effort, but Moga's strike was just too well-executed.

The Peace Republicans managed to hold off the Nova Anglican assault for a short while, but faltered when the keeper could not handle Chris Parker's shot and conceded a rebound in the 40th minute. Chris Hodges was there to collect it and smash it home to complete his hat trick and give the Lions a five-goal lead. Peace Republic managed to stem the tide a bit when their striker's shot deflected off Terrance Jordan and spun past Tim Klein in the 2nd minute of added time, but the Lions were comfortably ahead going into the break.

Sook Jin Lee made two substitutions immediately following the halftime break, putting Jimmy Kelly (Chris Hodges getting some much deserved applause) on as well as giving third-string keeper Derrick Cole his first international cap. The former U20 starter did not look especially polished, making some late reactions to potential threats, but he made three saves and generally performed as one might expect from a third-stringer making his first ever international appearance. Chris Parker gave Cole a little more breathing room when he found Philip Castillo's head in the 50th minute to extend the Lions' lead back to five. Cole conceded on a set piece five minutes later where he should have been more aggressive, but instead hung back on his line, allowing the Peace Republican midfielder to win the header and get it into the net. In the 61st, Casey Bowman conceded a silly penalty by dragging down a Peace Republican player in the box and the subsequent penalty made it 6-3.

In what was a sentimental moment in the 81st minute, Lee brought on 34 year old David Pelletier, a longtime starter who had lost his job to Chris Parker for this World Cup. Pelletier made the most of his time by cleaning up a rebound of a Jimmy Kelly shot in the 89th minute, banging it home to provide the final margin and send him off well in what might be his last international appearance for the Lions. All in all, the 7-3 win was a good showing from the Lions and the three points were most important, as Kalumba faltered against USI, losing 2-0 and assuring the Lions of a spot in the playoffs.

But getting to the playoffs and getting to the World Cup are two entirely different propositions. The Lions managed to draw Kalumba in their last playoff appearance, a favorable matchup, as the Lions won both legs 8-3 on aggregate, dismantling a Kalumba team that didn't appear ready for the two games. This year, the Lions get a San José Guayabal team that was undefeated through thirteen matches before finally dropping a 1-0 decision to Saintland.

The Guayabalenses are widely known as a strong footballing team, and the Lions last faced them in competitive play in WC 68. SJG defeated the Lions under Patrick Moran twice, 1-0 in Nova Anglicana and 1-0 away. The Lions also lost 1-0 to the Guayabalenses in a pre-WC 70 friendly at home, so they've played them close. Victory is still elusive, as the Lions have never defeated SJG. It won't be an easy matchup, especially going to notoriously raucous SJG, but if the Lions can win at home in Kelly Park on the first leg, they just might have a shot. Containing Northbrook Diamonds forward Rodolfo Zelaya up top will be key, but I have a hunch that Lee will want Cesár Martinez to zero in on Arból Saucedo to prevent him from playing a distributor role or overloading the back four. The Lions have to be considered underdogs in this matchup, but they will do their best to fight and claw and scrap their way into their second World Cup appearance.

Emmanuel Moga looking stylish in black as he prepares to enter the Lions' training complex in Londinium

by **Semarland** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 2:54 am

Semarland 2-2 The Royal Kingdom of Quebec
Marc Lygaard 15’, Demba Cisse 81’ - Devane Miller 24’, 60’
SEMARLAND: Blaise N’Zonzi (Andreas Mikkelsen 81), Matur Eiriksson, Jakob Lunds, Matthias Karbruck, Eirik Malsen, Adel Nzonzi (Mads Olsen HT), Demba Cisse, Jakob Poulsen (Marcel Labonne 63), Tipio Runen, Marc Lygaard, Jakob Larsen

Semarland 3-2 Waterandearthstan
Mads Olsen 18’, Marc Lygaard 71’, Diego Snow 86’ - Striker 12’, 89’
SEMARLAND: Marco Valbuena, Rasmus Norregaard (Matur Eiriksson 88), Soren Pedersen, Jakob Lunds, Knut Svensson, Mads Olsen, Demba Cisse (Marcel Labonne 83), Tunji Tunde, Tipio Runen, Marc Lygaard, Yannick Simeone (Diego Snow HT)

Sandwich Territories 2-1 Semarland
Midfielder 34’, 87’ - Jakob Larsen 90+2’
SEMARLAND: Andreas Mikkelsen, Matur Eiriksson, Jakob Lunds, Matthias Karbruck, Eirik Malsen (Knut Svensson 67), Mads Olsen, Demba Cisse, Jakob Poulsen (Yannick Simeone 88), Tipio Runen, Marc Lygaard, Jakob Stretner (Jakob Larsen 86)

Darvale 0-1 Semarland (Post-Qual Friendly)
Tunji Tunde 85’
SEMARLAND: Marco Valbuena, Rasmus Norregaard, Jakob Lunds, Soren Pedersen, Eirik Malsen, Mads Olsen (Adel Nzonzi 62), Demba Cisse, Marcel Labonne (Tunji Tunde 63), Tipio Runen, Marc Lygaard, Yannick Simeone

Semarland 2-0 Darvale (Post-Qual Friendly)
Marc Lygaard 31’, Jakob Stretner 87’
SEMARLAND: Marco Valbuena (Andreas Mikkelsen HT), Rasmus Norregaard, Jakob Lunds, Soren Pedersen, Eirik Malsen, Adel Nzonzi, Marcel Labonne, Tunji Tunde, Jakob Poulsen, Diego Snow (Yannick Simeone 74), Marc Lygaard (Jakob Stretner 75)

And so, another World Cup campaign is over. Semarland didn’t manage to qualify, but they can go into the Cup of Harmony with their heads held high. The 2-0 friendly win over Darvale was the last for a few people. Henrik Jensen and Thomas Leonardsen leave onto new things, with rumours suggesting they will manage Molsbik Arkjet next season. Veteran goalkeeper Andreas Mikkelsen has also announced he will retire from international football at the end of the Cup of Harmony. Going into the tournament, the Semars won’t have winger Mads Olsen and striker Jakob Larsen available to due to injury, and Abel Nkutu and Christian Brocht have been called up to replace them.

Final record:

P Group 13                 Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
4 Semarland                 14    6   4   4    27   25   +2    22

Most appearances: Jakob Lunds (19)
Goalscorers: Marc Lygaard (10)
Demba Cisse, Jakob Larsen, Yannick Simeone, Jakob Stretner, Tunji Tunde (3)
Eirik Malsen, Jakob Lunds, Mads Olsen, Tipio Runen, Diego Snow, Marcel Labonne (1)

by **Blouman Empire** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 7:23 am

THE EMPIRE TIMES

Eagles Come From Behind - Make Playoffs

A come from behind win has been enough to ensure the Blouman Eagles finish second in the group and proceed to the World Cup qualifiers play-offs as they continue their campaign to qualify for the World Cup. A hat-trick from Blain Cooperson put the Eagles ahead after going down two goals in the first twenty minutes. The win kept the Eagles in second spot after Barunia managed to defeat Zenic 5-2 to ensure they remained on top and straight through to the World Cup.

Despite having nothing to play for Octinstine took the game to the Eagles and put early pressure on the Blouman defence. Their attacking play worked well and rewarded them five minutes in as Jake Simpson headed the ball in after a cross from Sean Owen putting them ahead much to the despair of the home crowd. The early goal gave further motivation to the visitors as they continued their forward pressure, Simpson celebrated after knocking the ball past Milton Tuneson thanks to a through ball from Greg Jone but his celebrations were cut short after he was deemed to be offside. It took until the 20th minute for Octinstine to double their lead with Jone breaking away from his marker chipping Tuneson to easily put the ball in the back of the net. Octinstine continued to look strong but it was in the 44th minute that the Eagles finally found themselves on the score sheet. A counter attack caught the Octinstine defence off guard allowing Percy Baser to run down the field before cutting the ball back for the oncoming Cooperson, ensuring the first half would end respectable.

The start of the second half saw the Eagles more determined than ever as a new found confidence swept through the team surging forward against Octinstine. It wasn’t long before Cooperson recorded his second goal levelling the teams in the 55th minute. A corner kick taken by Kane Ancap soared into the penalty area with Cooperson latching onto the ball and putting it in goal. Despite the strong surge by the Eagles the Octinstine defence held out well stopping the Eagles from finishing their attacking play, Octinstine keeper Alex Warren also shone as he weathered the onslaught. He was eventually beaten in the 70th minute as Cooperson finished his hat-trick after taking advantage of an error by Mark May giving him the opportunity to blast the ball into the top right corner. Kane Harrison completed the rout on the 82nd minute taking a shot from 30 yards out catching Warren off his line and unprepared as it dipped into the goal face. While Octinstine attempted to score further goals of the own they were not as dominant as the first half and failed to get any forward movement going.

Manager Logan October was ecstatic after the game pleased at the way the team handled going down early “We were slow off the mark but we turned it around and showed everyone what we are capable of”. The Eagles finished their campaign in second spot and will now have to face Chiata in the play-offs in the hope that they can still qualify. The play-offs are an experience the Eagles have been in many times before a fact that October is well aware of “It’s a whole different game to the group matches but most of the players have been here before. The players know what is required and have been successful before, which gives me confidence as we prepare to face Chiata”. Chiata finished with 30 points after the group stage winning nine of their games and were unlucky to lose against eventual group winners Turori in the final game dropping them to second spot. Chiata will host the Eagles in the first match and with both sides hoping to put in a strong performance for the first leg it will no doubt be a tight, hotly contested match.

by **The Royal Barangay** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 10:01 am

THE BARANGAYAN STAR
SPORTS NEWS

We meet... again?
Agilang Dilaw faces the Comrades in three of the last four editions of the World Cup Qualifiers
by Roman Barlaan, contrbutions by Sonia Aldique

SANGTI - For the fourth consecutive time, the World Cup fate of the Agilang Dilaw will be decided through the dreaded play-offs. In the three occasions that the Barangayan National Football Team entered the playoffs, they managed to make it to the World Cup finals twice (WC 68 and 69) and fail to make it once (WC 70). In this period, they won two two-legged ties and lost the same amount, since the playoffs format for the World Cup 68 was a little different contrary to recent World Cup qualifiers. Two of these three previous editions, they have faced a certain nation named 'Carialus' through the qualifiers - now they face the Comrades again to determine one of the ten remaining open spots for the finals in Felix and Yttribia.

Carialus debuted at the 66th World Cup Qualifiers, with a stint in the 53rd Baptism of Fire. They failed to progress through the group stages of the competition in a group dominated by Aslotten-Behtherborg sa Cesky. For two editions, They would be placed in the midfield of their qualifying groups; a 4th place, 11 point performance from the 6-team Group 18 (WC66) and a 6th place, 20 point performance from the 9-team Group 12.

Past Meetings
The Royal Barangay 4-4 Carialus (WC68Q - Estadio Olimpico, TRB)
RP (OOC: Made a very big error back then - thought was an away match.)
Carialus 1-4 The Royal Barangay (WC68Q - Capitol Field, Carialus)
RP
The Royal Barangay 4-2 Carialus (WC69Q - Estadio Olimpico, TRB)
RP
Carialus 4-3 The Royal Barangay (WC68Q - Capitol Field, Carialus)
Carialus' RP (OOC: Around this point was the start of my inactivity of sorts...)

World Cup 68 qualifying was the first time these two teams met. Then known as the Knights, Carialus visited The Royal Barangay at Estadio Olimpico, and capitalized on a poor Barangayan defense to overturn a 4-0 deficit into a 4-4 stalemate. This match was also known to many as the match where Rick Martinez lost his cool and was sent to the stands. The return match at Capitol Field saw the Barangayans comprehensively beat the Knights with a 4-1 scoreline, which proved costly for Carialus at the end of the campaign, as they miss out of third place by a mere goal difference.

Qualifying for the 69th World Cup brought the two teams together once again, as the Agilang Dilaw and the now-called Comrades faced off at Estadio Olimpico on Matchday 1, which they won 4-2 after a four-goal blitz in nine minutes. However, the Barangayans lost the corresponding fixture courtesy of a Patrick Dumont goal in the last moments of the match, 4-3. Again, inferior goal difference was the culprit for Carialus' misfortunes in missing the playoffs. The Royal Barangay meanwhile survived the matches against Gregoryisgodistan and make it into their second consecutive World Cup finals.

Fast forward into World Cup 71 qualifiers. The Agilang Dilaw, with their unchanged-since-WC69 squad, went into a relatively easy group, while the Comrades were put into a group with Farfadillis and Antoletia among others. The Royal Barangay was in pole position after their Matchday 1 win over top seeds Nephara, but then took a sucker punch to Taeshan, losing 1-0. Nevertheless, they won 10 of their remaining 12 matches and 12 of their last 15 matches overall, while Carialus, being top of Group 6, until their 1-5 loss to Greater Watford enabled the Farves to take the automatiic qualification from them.

The key for this matchup will be defense - which team's defense will hold up longer? Two offensive-minded teams have produced 26 goals in 4 matches, and obviously, good defense will be crucial to each teams' success. The Comrades conceded 25 goals, while their opposite conceded just 14 goals. This is a matchup that favors the Agilang Dilaw; unless they avoid a repeat of their first meeting. The first leg will be played at the renovated Capitol Field, now seating 55,000 people, while the second leg will be played at the Estadio Olimpico, at the capital Sangti.

Let's look at the matches for the upcoming playoffs.

The Royal Barangay (44) vs Carialus (60)
Overview: already done
Prediction: Narrow aggregate victory for the Agilang Dilaw (The Royal Barangay).

Gloriax (62) vs Boring Paradise (63)
Overview: Another Esportiva vs Esportiva matchup. Nearly identical rankings, but different experiences in the qualifiers. Gloriax nearly stunned the multiverse until Osarius overtook them for the ticket to the World Cup. Boring Paradise meanwhile held off a late rally from Filopines to set up this matchup.
Prediction: Close in rankings, but never a close result. Gloriax to seal their maiden World Cup finals.

Bears Armed (43) vs Royal Kingdom of Quebec (21)
Overview: The Grim Reapers overtook Sandwich Territories after a 4-2 win on Matchday 17 and never looked back. Bears Armed meanwhile sealed their playoff ticket on Matchday 13 when they can no longer overtake Pasarga for that top spot. There is a disparity in ranks, but never underestimate the bears.
Prediction: Royal Kingdom of Quebec to continue their good run; but not without a fight.

Kandorith (47) vs Darvale (85)
Overview: With the last two wins against two lowly sides, Darvale secured their playoff spot, eliminating the 5-time World Cup champions Valanora, despite their 3-0 win over Polkopia, also ending the latter's hopes of qualification. Kandorith meanwhile won their last matches to secure a playoff spot at the expense of the Blue Hedgehogs, being the odd-man-out in a three-way-tie with the Equestrian States. Looks like an uphill task for Darvale, one of two playoff teams sporting Libertad kits.
Prediction: Kandorith to make the cut.

San José Guayabal (23) vs Nova Anglicana (35)
Overview: La Selecta fans was shocked when they failed to qualify outright for the World Cup; the spot going to the Starians. Bad news for the Nova Anglicans, who reached this point at the expense of the Kalumbans after their loss to the group winners.
Prediction: The previous co-host San José Guayabal to win the tie.

Electrum (49) vs The Sarian (26)
Overview: With their stunning away win over group winners Legalese back in Matchday 13, Electrum managed to hold off Mizuyuki for the play-off spot. The Bustards meanwhile will look to continue their good run; a 4-4 draw however with Jeckland at the last matchday prevented The Sarian from getting a higher seed in the second placers' table.
Prediction: Despite playing away from home at the second leg, The Sarian will hold off Electrum.

Gregoryisgodistan (39) vs Apox (37)
Overview: The goals allowed from these two teams combined were even less than that of The Royal Barangay's. Two teams with a defensive mindset locking horns, with "Lord Almighty" Gregory already sending warnings to the Apoxians. The Foot Slaves managed to hold off Jeru FC and Maklohi Vai for the playoff spot, while Apox's loss to Xzyxrouw meant that they fail to capitalize on Valladares' defeat to Albaie and had to contend with the playoffs.
Prediction: Gregoryisgodistan will make their maiden World Cup finals, but after a lengthy penalty shoot-out.

Blouman Empire(18) vs Chiata (30)
Overview: Chiata had the top spot for long, until Turori snatched it from them on the last matchday. More unlucky for them, the Eagles were not able to overtake Barunia for the top spot of Group 17.
Prediction: Blouman Empire to beat the Chiata version of the "Suns".

Falcus (38) vs Starblaydia (46)
Overview: Falcus won the playoff spot in the Polar Islandstates' group, while Starblaydia lost to Super-Llamaland that gave the latter the group victory. Although many would favor the five-time World Cup Champions, they would be the underdogs in this showdown against Falcus.
Prediction: I'll still go with the five-time World Champs, Starblaydia.

Holy Republican Empire (17) vs Cosumar (42)
Overview: Holy Republican Empire failed to win their group, allowing Brenecia to qualify for the World Cup automatically, while Cosumar failed to hold off Audioslavia for the group supremacy in Group 15. Although the Cosumarites had a strong first half campaign, they will be the underdogs here against HRE.
Prediction: Holy Republican Empire to beat Cosumar for a spot at the finals.

by **Apox** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 10:14 am

The Leader of Apox's office, where Annabel Harwood, the Leader of Apox, and her chief aide, Sigmen Kurtis are discussing the days issues.

"Fill me in, what's happened overnight?"

"Well Annabel, the "Lord Almighty Gregory" has been making more provocative statements regarding our two national team's meeting in the play-offs, for a start"

"Oh really, what's that lunatic been saying this time?"

"He blathered on about platypi for a while, then stated that it was his divine powers in which he'd forseen a win for their national side, before going out about enemy lists and how we were heretics or something, mixed in with his usual execution spiel, of course."

"Ah, I see. Do you think our national team will be alright to travel over their for the away leg?"

"Yes, the mental laws are usually suspended for international visiting teams. We'll arrive as soon as possible before the match and then get out of there as quickly as possible afterwards. We're not selling tickets for our fans, it's simply too dangerous, but I've been told the team are tough enough to deal with it."

"Damn right they are! And it's clearly the incorrect plural of platypus. It's platypodes not platypi."

"Philistines."

"Christ, he doesn't want to start a war with us over a football match, right?"

"I don't think so, he merely mentioned we'd be breaking his divine will by winning, but everyone does that, so it's no massive problem. I've lost count of the number of nations on his enemy list, and none of them have been blasted into oblivion so far, so I think we'll be all right on that front as well. Shall I draft up a public statement regarding Gregory's speech?"

"No, we'll continue our current policy of ignoring them - it's largely propaganda to appease his hapless population, I'm sure. I'll be sure to run that by the cabinet later on, though I'm sure they'll agree with me."

"Very good then."

"What other news is there?"

"Well, there's the growing unrest in Old Guard, they're unhappy over the lack of distribution of funds - Oldem is a fantastic new city, but Tellabocari is still largely a tented refugee centre - it will need looking into I guess. There's also the recent antics of Sir Charles Smith-Smythe-Smith to look into..."

by **Chiata** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 2:49 pm

Chiata Times
Last Fall

Certainly you already know the story that we are going to retell you. It has been plastered one very sports headline in Chiata for the last week. Chiata lost the final game by a single goal and dropped to second after being first for practically all of qualifying. We will try to give you some details about the match that we are sure all the readers watched anyway. As the away team, Chiata was given the pleasure to kick off in The Isle Emirate of Turori. The clash soon became a battle of defense as Turori tend to lean towards defensive play while Chiata focuses on it. Davis had somehow managed to make the game, though had a definite limp in her gait. In most circumstances she would not have played, but considering Mozrek's and Lemelin's performances in Abanhfleft, she was the best option. Turori pressed to get a goal midway through the first. Varess bested Pearlman and met Eelador in the box. Eastep and Carry went in for the double team and forced Eelador to back out. Widman intercepted a pass and Chiata cleared the danger. Turori came knocking again, this time in the form of Altariiz, who was on a solo run after catching Chiata off guard in transition. Martinez came in to challenge but the talented Altariiz left him in the dust. Truex moved up and was the last man, the goal keeper, between the goal and Altariiz. Altariiz knew how prolific Truex was, being the best keeper stats wise in qualifying, and aimed to chip the ball into the goal. Truex jumped incredibly high to just slightly tip the ball over the crossbar. Ten minutes later, it was the Suns' time to take a shot at the goal. Prince faked out Makakio and was able to long ball a pass to Davis who had ran the sideline. Davis, limping as she was, spun around a confused Edgeli. She landed a narrow shot on goal and winced as she landed on her bad leg. Disterfred II dove and punched the ball spectacularly away. The crowd roared with approval and fed energy into the faltering Eels. Altariiz head another assault on the goal but simply didn't have enough time to see his aims come to fruitation.

The fans that came to watch the game were certainly getting their money's worth. With it tied 0-0 at the half and both sides at the brink of cashing in a goal, the game lived up the the hype that it would be a fantastic game to watch. Whomever won would get the automatic qualifying position. The looser would be treated to the dreaded playoff system, or with a Turori loss coupled with a Kazamatsuri win, then Turori would land 3rd place and hope for another CoH birth. The fans knew the gravity of the situation and the stadium noise roes to whole new levels. As the stadium vibrated, play continued. Turori had made good adjustment and caught the Suns off guard. Kulkkiia landed a shot on goal within five minutes but it was blocked by Truex. Turori's offense grew frustrated with the strength of Chiata's back five. The shots that did get off were smothered by the world class Truex. On the other end of the pitch, not much could be said either. Prince and Davis, the duo that tallied up the scores in the first leg, seemed useless when faced against Edgeli, Levada, Moralziia, and Laina-Sola. Chiata just didn't have the offensive power to score on Turori. The Eels seemed more likely to score, if there was one in this match. In the 61st, all hopes for a goal by Chiata were shattered. Davis cut in front of Laina-Sola to get a crack at the goal but ended up cracking her ankle. The aggravated high ankle sprain looked worse than before as the injury sight quickly swelled up and turned a purplish-red. Mozrek was shoved into play, with no doubt the mentality that he was not going to score if Prince and Davis had not been able to. After the injury, Chiata was sluggish and out of touch. One pass after the other was muffed up, resulting in the Eels getting the ball or the ball simply sailed out of play. With the turnovers came counterattacks by Turori. One after the other, they came, and left the defense gasping for a break. The players looked down, hands on their hips, and their shoulders heaved. Eastep and Rist's effectiveness dropped as they became more and more exhausted. With his last to substitutions, Walters took out the tired two and sent in Myatt and Deanda. They gave some fresh energy but proved to have weak stomachs whenever Alteriiz or Eelador would come rumbling in. More and more shots rained down on Truex. It was only a matter of time before one managed to hit its mark. Eelador would be given the honor to score on Truex and Makakio had the assist. Prince went on one last solo run in stoppage time. When it was put to rest by Moralziia and the ball was cleared. Prince fell down in anguish with his chest heaving for the final minute. Chiata had sunk to second after being in first for the entirety of the second leg.

Turori 1-0 Chiata

P Group 9                                 Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Turori                                   14   10   2   2    33    8  +25    32 Qualified
2 Chiata                                   14    9   3   2    18    4  +14    30 Playoff
3 Kazamatsuri                              14    8   5   1    30   18  +12    29
4 Abanhfleft                               14    7   2   5    27   28   −1    23
5 Isula ĝe Ru                              14    6   2   6    24   19   +5    20
6 Panamerhispania                          14    3   1  10    13   32  −19    10
7 Walamzia                                 14    3   0  11    18   35  −17     9
8 Frenline Delpha                          14    2   1  11    17   36  −19     7

The win sent the number one seed back to the top though they did not have that spot since Matchday 4. Kazamatsuri was out of luck and placed third, just a single point from Chiata. The Suns were now playoff bound, and for the first time in their history as well. Chiata was drawn against Blouman Empire, a nation ranked 20th in the world. Speaking of ranks, Mid World Cup 71 Ranks have come in from the WCC. Due to their swell performance in qualifying, Chiata moved up.... a single position to 29th in the world. Being just nine positions away from Blouman Empire should give the Suns a better chance. The set up in a 4-3-1-2 and have extremely balanced play. They should have an easy time defending our attack, but will have a terrible time in trying to get past Truex. Davis is confirmed out for the rest of the cycle and the not-to-good Mozrek is now officially a starter. The first playoff leg will be played at Gulf Stadium. Already tickets have been sold out and no doubt the streets around the stadium will be packed with fans watching the big screens outside. Make sure to come in full force and to be loud for our Chiata Suns. They could really use your help these days.

World Cup 71 - RP Thread

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