Personification Life OOC IX [CLOSED]

by **Swith Witherward** » Mon Feb 16, 2015 9:44 pm

Yinz pick a place to go (or a story to embark on) and I'll have Marcus follow.

by **The New Velociraptor Empire** » Mon Feb 16, 2015 10:06 pm

by **Swith Witherward** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 12:05 am

NVE, we had them move along because you didn't check back in. Apologies for that, but the carnival will only last a couple more days (IRL).

by **The New Velociraptor Empire** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 12:10 am

Swith Witherward wrote:NVE, we had them move along because you didn't check back in. Apologies for that, but the carnival will only last a couple more days (IRL).

Go ahead it's fine, I had nothing anyways. And I did read it, it's just that the segway felt more like passing notice than leading into something.

by **Swith Witherward** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 12:17 am

The New Velociraptor Empire wrote:Go ahead it's fine, I had nothing anyways. And I did read it, it's just that the segway felt more like passing notice than leading into something.

Ah, 'tis cool then. :hug:

And goodnight Peeps!

by **The New Velociraptor Empire** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 12:25 am

Swith Witherward wrote:
The New Velociraptor Empire wrote:Go ahead it's fine, I had nothing anyways. And I did read it, it's just that the segway felt more like passing notice than leading into something.

Ah, 'tis cool then.

And goodnight Peeps!

Goodnight and never may the sounds of Ghasts haunt your dreams.
*shivers*

by **TotallyNotEvilLand** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 12:05 pm

G'morning, PL. Anyone up for dealing with Adri today?

by **Germanic Templars** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 2:44 pm

TotallyNotEvilLand wrote:G'morning, PL. Anyone up for dealing with Adri today?

I could have one of my characters swoop by.

by **Swith Witherward** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 4:28 pm

Just got home. Brrrrr. I'll be back in ten or so. Absolutely chaotic today.

And now back. I'll drop an IC post in.

Torsii and Bran, is there anything particular you have in mind? My suggestion would be the tents rather than a ride. You can't do much with a ride other than basic reactions to it, but a tent would provide more of a chance to actually write something that adds depth. I've pointed Gio's character towards that group. I'm not sure of her connectivity woes, though, or if she'll be offline for a while.

Or, since Drova and Torii are "valentines", they could set off to do stuff? Yuna gets parked, and Marcus is parked/runs silent.

by **TotallyNotEvilLand** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 5:41 pm

Germanic Templars wrote:
TotallyNotEvilLand wrote:G'morning, PL. Anyone up for dealing with Adri today?

I could have one of my characters swoop by.

Sweet. She's... near a tent. :I Which character were you thinking?

by **Northwest Slobovia** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 8:19 pm

I'm gonna be a bit slow at responding for the next day or two, 'cause my workstation's graphics card died. I've got other net.access (duh) but I'm without all my usual tools and such.

by **Giovenith** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 8:23 pm

Tis fine.

by **Germanic Templars** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 8:53 pm

TotallyNotEvilLand wrote:
Germanic Templars wrote:I could have one of my characters swoop by.

Sweet. She's... near a tent. :I Which character were you thinking?

Superbia!!

by **Torsiedelle** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 8:56 pm

Gonna start my post now, Gio, Guys.

by **Crumb-Cashew** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 9:03 pm

Do not remove this search tag: #PLAPP
Your NS Nation's Nickname: Crumb

Character Name: Oila Crumb

Character Gender: Female

Character Species (nation personification, human, alien, etc): Crumb. The Crumb species is similar to a human, although it has a specific appearance (hence all Crumbs look very similar) and completely lacks red blood cells. Other than that, it is basically a nation personification only.

Character Physical Description (height, weight, apparent age, actual age):
- Height: 5'8"
- Weight: 103 lbs
- Apparent age: 30
- Actual age: 23

URL to Character Picture, if any: Portrait

Primary Skill or Power: Diplomacy skills, otherwise mundane

Power Weaknesses/Flaws: Can be interpreted as cold or lacking emotion

Secondary Skill or Power: N/A

Power Weaknesses/Flaws: N/A

Character Background/Biography: The descendant of oligarch Sulpalco Crumb, Oila was born into a well-off family in Crumb-Cashew. Oila spent her childhood searching for the meaning of life, which brought her into adulthood faster than it should have. She has a rather melancholic nature due to this, forever reminded of what was taken from her too soon. As an older child, she was noted for her exceptional diplomacy, which brought her to the Board of Culture as a junior diplomat. She has not seen her family since diplomatic status, and has travelled to Bielefeld on her on accord outside of diplomacy. As a full-blooded Crumb, Oila is particularly proud of her heritage and will stick with it until her demise.

Why the character is in Bielefeld/Occupation: Oila travelled to Bielefeld on her own accord, hoping to experience a new culture other than the Crumb-Cashew lifestyle. She is currently a diplomat working for the Board of Culture in Crumb-Cashew, and is a certified Regulator.

URL to Apartment Picture:Apartment

[b]Link to RP examples: (this MUST be a DIRECT LINK to your IC post in an RP, NOT a link to the RP thread itself. If you don't have examples, make your biography good.) None (yet): after all, everyone must start somewhere.

IMPORTANT:
One paragraph that sums up your character. This paragraph is what we'll use on your player tab on the first page of the thread. This MUST be brief. Your tab will contain a link to your application so people will have full details: Oila Crumb is a 23-year-old diplomat from Crumb-Cashew, sporting the Crumb physical traits of large, dark eyes, a curved nose, olive skin, and a square jaw. Oila is noted for her highly philosophical nature and is devoted to her religion, Cipolle, the Crumb-Cashew faith. She has yet to see the more frivolous part of life. While she has a fondness for culture, conservatism, politics and onions, she particularly dislikes one lacking of punctuality, the color pink, and shallowness.

by **Mincaldenteans** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 9:17 pm

Crumb-Cashew wrote:Your App

Cer, our OP, oversees all applicants and will be looking over this as soon as he can.

In meantime, hello

-waves-

by **Crumb-Cashew** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 9:25 pm

Mincaldenteans wrote: In meantime, hello -waves-

Ciao! I look forward to this greatly! -waves back-

by **Swith Witherward** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 10:10 pm

MENTOR NOTE ON DIALOG

I came across some old notes this morning and thought I'd share them here. It's from a workshop by Holly Lisle. I found a copy of it, and I present it here (with some tweaks for RP purposes). Credit goes to her.

The purpose of this is to help people write better when two of their own characters are speaking in the same post, but it works just as well as a reference source when two players are working on a collaborated post.

CONFLICT
Dialogue is about demonstrating character through conflict, either internal or external. Remember that, and your job becomes easier. Conflict isn’t always something bad that’s happening. It can be something as terrific as winning a million bucks in a lottery or falling in love or discovering your character is going to have a baby. However, conflict always portends change. And dialogue always gives you a window to see into the way that characters feel about that change, or at least the way they want each other to think they feel, which may not be the same thing.

WRITING DIALOG
Here are a few recommendations about writing convincing dialogue. None of them are cast in stone, but until you’re comfortable enough with the rules to know how to break them, you’ll work better if you keep them in mind.

Avoid phonetic spelling. Dialogue of the following sort—“Ah reckon ah don’ haff ta go dowan tuh th’ rivuh tuhday, ‘cawse we gots awl th’ feeush we gwine need”—gives the reader a headache and makes you look like a moron. With dialect, less is definitely more. “I reckon I don’t have t’ go down t’ the river today, ’cause we got all the fish we gonna need,” is much more readable and still suggests a particular character.

Keep to the conflict. If there is no conflict for the two characters in a piece of dialogue, then the dialogue has no place in your story. The conflict can be internal (he’s lying to her; she doesn’t like him; she's embarrassed by her friend's behavior, etc) or external (raptors are trying to eat them; an object has triggered a problem they need to solve). But it has to be there. Dialogue illuminates character faster than any amount of exposition, but only if you give your characters something interesting to talk about, and something that moves your story forward. And that means conflict.

Don’t let characters “speechify.” What worked in a Shakespeare monologue does not work in a dialogue between two people. Fictional dialogue is about give and take, meant to sound realistic but sharpened by the fact that each character needs something, and by the fact that their needs do not mesh. You won’t get two-page speeches if you remember this.

A note on that: I fall into this trap, usually when responding to a long post.

Remember that people breathe while speaking. Read your dialogue out loud, in your normal, conversational tone of voice. If you run out of air part of the way through a sentence, rework it. Add punctuation, break it up, rip out the flowery stuff.

Avoid “talking heads.” Have characters do something while they speak.

THREE KINDS OF DIALOG
Swith's rule on orphaned dialog is simple: I don't read the post. Your dialog is bad and you should feel bad. *winks* It's monotonous to read something where we have to keep track of who spoke first. The writer has an idea of emotional response, but they don't weave it in. RP is not script-writing, either.

SCRIPT WRITING

ORPHANED DIALOG
This is the schmutz that kills posts and paints the writer as unimaginative. If someone were to ask me to judge a post on quality for a contest, orphan dialog would have the post disqualified as the puerile garbage that it is.

Did you read all of that? I'd wager the answer is "no".

EMBODIED DIALOG
This is what fleshes out the scene. It allows you to create conflicts which the characters then play off of as the conversation progresses. (When crafting posts

BONUS MENTOR NOTE IS BONUS

REPEATED WORDS ARE REPEATED
Proof a post before submitting it. How many times do you use the same word to describe the same action? Try to not use the same verb twice in the same short post. The shorter the post, the more the repeated words stick out. They become fodder for the "drinking game".

BAD

Max ran to the store. He bought a power cable. Then he ran back home and ran up the stairs. He ran to his laptop to see if it was running.
GOOD

Max hurried to the store and purchased a new power cable for his laptop. Once home, he took the stairs two at a time, hoping the battery hadn't died on his laptop while he was gone.

:lol:

by **Torsiedelle** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 10:15 pm

Thaaaank you. Was wondering how to better muh dialogue, actually.

by **Swith Witherward** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 10:19 pm

Torsiedelle wrote:Thaaaank you. Was wondering how to better muh dialogue, actually.

You're welcome. You did a damn good job on that long two-character post a week back. I was especially proud of the way you broke away from Fvaar's character to get business done, but wove your character right back into the scene afterwards. It was pretty seamless and flowed nicely.

by **Torsiedelle** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 10:29 pm

Awww, I just did it the way I thought was most natural. Still, it felt way too choppy for me.

But I oughtta be getting some rest now. Damn sleep and stuff. Goodnight.

by **TotallyNotEvilLand** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 10:33 pm

Germanic Templars wrote:
TotallyNotEvilLand wrote:Sweet. She's... near a tent. :I Which character were you thinking?

Superbia!!

An amateur monk / priestess meets... terrifying thing that spooks me. Sounds like the start to a really weird, rambling joke. Anyways, shall I have her wander about in search of someone to talk to or will you have him run into her where she stands?

by **Swith Witherward** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 10:37 pm

Crumb-Cashew wrote:app snip

A quick note:
Her diplomacy skills would fall under primary/secondary skills. Also, is a Crumb a human? If not, could you describe them a bit, please?

Bear in mind that many characters in PL have some sort of supernatural or supra-human ability. We tend to see high drop out rates for players running mundane characters due to the setting.

Also, before I forget, the apartment picture should be the interior of an apartment.

We ask that pictures are linked, rather than embedded, in order to avoid copyright angst or the occasional goatse. Please don't use spoilers in your app. You can link a picture by using this code:

Code: Select all: [url]Picture link here[/url]

The OP is working heavy hours this week. I'll let him know about your app once you've fleshed it out a bit more.

by **Germanic Templars** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 10:39 pm

TotallyNotEvilLand wrote:
Germanic Templars wrote:
Superbia!!

An amateur monk / priestess meets... terrifying thing that spooks me. Sounds like the start to a really weird, rambling joke. Anyways, shall I have her wander about in search of someone to talk to or will you have him run into her where she stands?

Already pop up next to her....And be really creepy about it too.

I thing I would like to make said, @SWITH: Thank you for that very informative post there, will do to use it to my advantage into bettering my RPing.

by **Swith Witherward** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 10:43 pm

TY GT.

It's mostly just getting into a rhythm. I honestly am rusty. I bowed out of RPing last year (obviously, going by my posts here) and I'm going through all my old writing notes to up my game.

Personification Life OOC IX [CLOSED]

Who is online