Суббота, 15 май, 2010 г.
Saturday, 15 May, 2010
Global News
The conflict in Blue Zone 1 and Red Zone 1 has come to a close after less than a month of hostilities, with the resistance forces of Blue Zone 1 conceding defeat to the allied forces following the collapse of their government and military defeat. Whatever land Blue Zone 1 once owned has been divided up between The Quendi and Panzerjargernargle.
With a ceasefire now implemented in the region, the secessionist colony of Red Zone 1 is now at peace, though Quendi peacekeepers still remain.
Radimir Mitya (Marshal of the Red Army) had this to say:
"While we are pleased with how quickly the situation was resolved and that our forces did not need to engage the enemy, Blue Zone 1 is still a threat to the free world, and the GpZGB's ultimatum still stands. We must remain vigilant and be prepared to act quickly and decisively in case of terrorist attacks."
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14-year-old Emma Ferd, fan of the Kalasparatan Genco City Zebras, was arrested for vandalism of public property after a drunk rampage following her team's loss in this weeks' Kalasparatan Games. After destroying the lights in the train she was riding on and setting it alight, she was incapacitated by police, who shot her in both legs, and is expected to recieve life in prison plus 567 hours (23.625 days) community service cleaning graffiti. She will also have a hole drilled into her spine, for reasons nobody can fathom.
"This is another case of Kalasparata's supposedly far-reaching civil liberties and corrupt police force gone wrong," says Gavriil Stepan, a representative for the Zavod soviet. "The question we must all ask ourselves is, first, how does a 14-year-old obtain so much alcohol as to become heavily drunk and nobody bats an eyelid? Secondly, what kind of monsters are in the Kalasparatan police and judicial system? I have heard that the officer who shot this poor, unarmed girl will recieve a medal for his 'quick thinking', and who sentences someone to life in prison over vandalism?"
"I disagree," retorts police officer Susanna Lyudmila. "Kalasparata is a place where 14-year-olds are apparently allowed to be entirely intoxicated in public. If you give someone that much freedom, and they cannot take responsibility for their own actions, then they should be punished. Yes, the punishment was entirely too harsh, but I would not be so quick to insult the Kalasparatan judiciary."
Today's poll: Was the punishment meted to Emma Ferd too harsh?
-Yes
-No
-Unsure
(Votes may be cast online at novosti.gd. Polls close at 6pm tomorrow.)
National News
A man in Serov has been charged with keeping a wyvern without a license and abuse of the national animal after police, who had been called to the area after reports of suspicious behaviour, found that he had chained up a wyvern on the floor of his shed. The malnourished creature, which is almost fully-grown, was carefully removed by animal control and is currently undergoing medical checks at the Serov Zoo.
"This is a blot on our national pride," one officer at the scene commented. "What possesses someone to commit such an act against an animal which has been the symbol of our nation for over five hundred years?"
The offender was unavailable for comment, but police are still trying to figure out how he managed to capture and bind the wyvern, and what he had hoped to achieve by doing so.
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Public transport was delayed in Arsk this morning as a bear decided to take a nap directly in front of the bus station. All outgoing buses were rerouted through the entrance to the station until the bear moved on some five hours later, causing minor delays.
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A cease-and-desist order from capitalist global media conglomerate Whopping Media Group (WMG) was filed today against the Classics channel 97.7FM for copyright infringement for use of pirated film soundtracks and other copyrighted music without permission. The notice was met with raucous laughter from radio presenters before being duly ignored.
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Last week's poll: Would you support a Grandian space program?
80% Yes
16% No
4% Unsure
