Republic of TurtleShroom World Factbook
The nation of TurtleShroom is a unique nation, one of which is like no other known in the world.
Inhabitants
The nation's population consists of two primary, sentient, and (as the page states), intelligent creatures.
*The first species is the turtle, literally. Chelonians of all types exist in this realm, from turtles to tortoises to terrapins, enjoying the sunny skies and lush climate of the country, the deserts in the northern fringes, and their famous lush forests to the lower area of the center of the state. The turtles are not anthropomorphic, they move like normal turtles (on all fours) and use tools with their mouths, moving very slowly unless using vehicles and methods of transportation (namely railroads).
*The other creature is a slightly anthropomorphic mushroom. Mushrooms in TurtleShroom consist of the fruiting body, or in other words, the part of the mushroom that you see. Mushrooms move about by levitating a few inches above the floor. They lack hands, arms, feet, and any bodily organs, but they do have eyes and a mouth on the cap of the mushroom, for speech and expression. To pick up items and maneuver things like hands would, the mushrooms have developed telekinesis, overcoming their limbless form. Mushrooms appear everywhere except the deserts, but require wet, dimly lit conditions to thrive. Thus, the concentration of mushrooms is mostly found in the central forests and the swamp to the southwest. Mushrooms, like in the real world generate by spores. To eat, they fall into piles of garbage and secrete digestive enzymes, absorbing the nutrients into them, like actual fungi.
Humans
There's a reason tourism in this country is so low. Let's just say it. Many TurtleShroom humans are simply UGLY.
No one can explain this, but your average TurtleShroom adult male human is about eight feet in height, rarely if ever reaching nine. TurtleShroom females are about seven foot three, on average, and perverts are always disappointed to find that they have practically nothing to offer in the breast area (being quite flat-chested). Female humans also dress modestly, either in long pants (or pantsuits), shorts that descend to just below the kneecaps, or skirts of that length. If they wear anything shorter (except in places where it is socially acceptable, like those volleyball shorts), people question their morality and the idea of possible harlotry comes in.
Further, another trait is that humans in TurtleShroom have red eyes. By red, we don't mean some dull color, we mean red as in -|-->III<--|-, blood red.
Most TurtleShroom humans of both genders are scrawny, with little muscle on their arms or leg. Foreigners could grab a TurtleShroomer's wrist and find that his middle finger will touch this thumb when they do it.
Your average TurtleShroomer also has thick brown hair that has a 40/60 chance of falling out (if male) in their late twenties and turns completely white in their fifties.
- There's also flaws: horrible flaws and traits that disturb foreigners.
- Most TurtleShroomers can't see too well, so they rely on glasses... -and not just any glasses: thick, black, heavy coke bottle glasses not unlike what you'd see on a cartoon. When wearing glasses, the lenses are so thick that the real color of their eyes are obscured, and the pupils are about all you can see, giving the humans a cartoon-esque appearence of having black dots for eyes, unless the glasses come off.
- Then that accent. There are three accents in TurtleShroom. There's the formal one, where they talk like I am typing in this Factbook, there's the Marxist one ("Vhat? What is 'zis 'voney' you speak of?"), and, of course, the TurtleShroom signature/national accent. Derived from Old Southern American English (or the "Southern drawl") and immensely exaggerated, it really gets on the nerves of foreigners: "Ya'll ain't gone to invade THIS country! Do it and we may just launch our NOOKULAR WEAPONS on ya!!"
- That's a flaw in and of itself. 79% of TurtleShroomers can't pronounce "nuclear" properly, saying it like ol' Dubya. NOOKULAR.
- It gets worse. Neither turtles nor mushrooms have teeth. Therefore, the demand for dentists are low. Most TurtleShroomers don't have access to dentists. Fortunately, the flouride in TurtleShroom water ensures their teeth are glistening and white. However, the lack of dentists means an even greater lack of orthodontists. So, imagine if you will, the teeth of a hillbilly. Then, imagine these same teeth as white as those toothpaste commercials. THAT is what you'd be looking at in a TurtleShroom human's smile... UNLESS they have horrendous buck teeth.
- Have you ever watched the Fairly OddParents? If so, you've caught yourself a glimpse of TurtleShroom's most distracting flaw in the human population. Many TurtleShroomers have large buck teeth. Foreigners have a hard time not looking at those teeth. The teeth, oh, the teeth, how can they be described? TurtleShroom buck teeth come in two formats. There's where the two front teeth are large and hang out of the human's mouth, and there's the more common version, where the teeth to the left and right of each top incisor jut out at the edges/corners of the human's lips, which is far more disturbing to those not used to it. The teeth jut out even when their mouth is completely closed.
- To top this off, many TurtleShroomers are highly devout, so they will speak of the "Lawd" every now and then, or quote the Bible, or something about religion.
- Judges in TurtleShroom and many bureuacrats and employees wear golden pectoral crosses when on duty.
- Most every TurtleShroomer of any species has a gun or a taser or some sort of weapon of self defense. It's like a Republican NRA paridise.
- The vast majority of TurtleShroom humans are white. Also, they're gun-toting, conservative, Christian, single, pro-life, anti-gay, capitalist, and ugly looking.
- Forty percent of TurtleShroomers are either single or celibate... for good reason.
- Nearly all of them hate alcohol and are either absurd or serious business. They all look absurd, though.
On the bright side, such hideous traits have instilled the populace with humility. You will never, EVER hear a TurtleShroomer boast of their "good looks", because they don't have any, unless they're men talking about facial hair. Sweet mustaches (without beards) are considered a sign of the elite and the well-off.
TurtleShroom humans are, by and large, very friendly people. If you can look past their hideous appearence and flaws, you can easily befriend them. Just look up; they're tall!
Currency
The currency of TurtleShroom is the skillet, literally the iron frying pan, to discourage use of said item to cook residents. Skillets are a major import from other nations in The Land Of Power and abroad.
Skillets are large and heavy (literally being iron frying pans), so denominations are widely used. A black Skillet is $1 USD. A yellow Skillet is $5 USD. A blue Skillet is $10 USD. A light-green Skillet is $20 USD. A dark-green Skillet is $50 USD. A grey Skillet is $100 USD. An orange Skllet is $1000 USD. An indigo-colored Skillet is $5000 USD. A white Skillet is $10,000 USD.
Your average Skillet is six inches in diamater, has a handle of four inches long, and weighs two pounds. Skillets are traditionally carried in portable suitcases with the citizen. They are made of solid iron. TurtleShroom imports more iron than all other nations in the Land of Power combined.
Transportation
The main form of transportation is the railroad, because it is the largest and most efficient way to transport goods and creatures from place to place. The mushrooms ride in converted cargo cars because of their dimply lit and damp conditions.
Roads are small-scale; highways in TurtleShroom are considered two-lane roads. Superhighways are viewed as a road consisting of a total of five lanes. The highest speed limit in TurtleShroom is 55 MPH.
