AOCAF Cup 29 RP/Rosters/Scores

[Starblaydia]

The Atlantian Oceania Confederation of Association Football
and Starblaydi Football Association
proudly present...

AOCAF Cup 29 - Starblaydia

The world's premier, longest-running, regional football (soccer) tournament returns for its 29th edition, with the football teams of the Atlantian Oceania region coming to Starblaydia for the third time in its history - now that the Di Bradini Cup has been gotten out of the way, bit confusing if both were running at the same time. Pacitalia, victors three times in the last four editions of the AOCAF Cup, will attempt to become the first team since NEWI Cefn Druids to successfully defend their trophy for a second time, while many nations famous on the world stage - including former World Champions Valanora and Cup of Harmony Champions Milchama. Starblaydia, Sarzonia and Sorthern Northland are among the nations hoping to get back to the top spot, while a host of new and returning nations come to Starblaydia seeking a slice of glory.

Twenty-six nations have been included, necessitating an unorthodox Group Format. There will be four groups of four teams and two groups of five teams. The top two from Groups A-D, as well as their 2 best third-place finishers, will join with the top three teams of Groups E & F in the sixteen-team second round. Sounds complicated, and sort-of is, but all will become clear after five Matchdays (Thanks to 2 groups of 5, bah) of Group Stage goodness! Now is the time for Rosters and RPs and such, too.

Group Draw (Rankings in Brackets):
Group A
Krytenia (4)
Delaclava (-)
Dorian and Sonya (-)
Arroza (25)

Group B
West Pocono (19)
Hockey Canada (-)
Cafundeu (3)
Nellietopia (-)

Group C
Sportgirls (-)
Pacitalia (1)
Sarzonia (14)
Armed Beers (-)

Group D
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (-)
Starblaydia (5)
Schiavonia (33)
Dariusville (28)

Group E
Osarius (-)
Kosovoe (11)
Milchama (-)
Mantwenic (-)
The Bear Islands (9)

Group F
Sorthern Northland (2)
Burchadinger (-)
Valanora (-)
Jesselton (22)
Carpathia and Ruthenia (-)

Groups A-D Schedule
MD1: 1v3, 2v4
MD2: All Teams Bye
MD3: 4v1, 3v2
MD4: All Teams Bye
MD5: 1v2, 4v3

Group E & F Schedule
MD1: 1v5, 2v3, 4 Bye
MD2: 4v5, 3v1, 2 Bye
MD3: 2v4, 5v3, 1 Bye
MD4: 1v4, 2v5, 3 Bye
MD5: 2v1, 4v3, 5 Bye

[Burchadinger]

BURCHADINGAN NATIONAL TEAM
First Team in Bold

Tim Schultze will return for the first time since World Cup 50 qualifying, after suffering an injury against West Zirconia. Deval Enke will not be playing him in the first team again just yet however. There are 2 additions to the squad, with Marko Autmen and Andreas Helmers joining Die Adler. Enke is not ready to give the U-21's a chance yet.

FORMATION:

4-1-2-1-2 (DIAMOND)

GK- Hans Steinmeir
GK- Klaus Diefenbaker

LB- Bernd Hansen
LB- Dler Radfor
CB- Leon Muller
CB- Daniel Felkan
RB- Tim Schultze
CB- Elias Becker

CM- Maximillian Fischer
CDM- Alexander Schmidt
CM- Hans-Mayer Hansen
CAM- Leonid Brstov
CM- Radoslav Pretiev
CAM- Nick Heidfeld
CDM- Marko Autmen
CM- Andreas Helmers

CF- Wilhelm Sigmundson
CF- Markus Hoogdalem
CF- Walter van Fredstein
CF- Markus Klogh

RP Permissions

Select my scorers Y
Give out yellow cards to my players Y
Give out red cards to my players Y
RP injuries to my players Y
Godmod injuries N
Godmod scoring events Y
Godmod other events Y

Skill modifier. +3

Kit

Kits made by Daiden.

[Cafundeu]

CCFM RELEASES SQUAD LIST FOR THE AOCAF
Team is composed by players looking for a WC call-up

As usual, the CCFM is going to send a team full of talents for the AOCAF, in order to win the title that was lost in the final two editions ago against Sorthern Northland. Now the country has a good ranking within the region, and can enter the competition as one of the favourites. The squad called by the CCFM President The Scout does not have any of the players who went to the previous World Cup, but has all the players who have solid chances of going to the next one, in Paripana and Septentrionia. This said, the AOCAF is the last chance of these players to show their quality and get some places in the official roster for the World Cup, under command of an unannounced coach.

Style: +2.5 (if max is 3) or +3.5 (if max is 5)

Here is the list of 23 players (number-name [team]):

Use the BOLDED names of my players, but not in all capitals, when RPing

Goalkeepers:

1- CLESTON Castanheira Figueira (24, Clube Comercial, B)
12- Derek Soares "CURUPIRA" (26, Ranca Toco, C)
22- OTÁVIO GUMES (23, Bandeirantes, C)

Full-Backs:

2- Celso Fábio Williams MESQUITA (27, SC Lasft, A)
6- NELSINHO Perroza Dias (25, Ranca Toco, A)
14- JÚLIO CÉSAR Andrade Fagundes (27, Dunboor FC, B)
16- MAURÍCIO Jamelão Docas (25, A.F.F., C)

Defenders:

3- VÍTOR Sorrah MARTINS (27, Clube Imperial, A)
4- Teotônio de Azevedo "TETEO" (22, Arrigo Portuguese [CAM], B)
13- André Luiz Lopes FARINA (24, Internacional, C)
21- Paulo Machado "PAULÃO" (25, Galáxia, C)

Defensive Midfielders:

5- Alcídio Viana AMARAL (24, Petardos S/A, A)
8- Nico LEWTON (25, América, A)
15- DORAMÍLTON Pereira Barreto (33, Arrigo Portuguese [CAM], B)
20- Lisandro Mazzon Anturk "TURCO" (26, Eldorado, B)

Offensive Midfielders:

7- Gérson AGOSTINHO (26, Caires City [CAM], A)
10- ADAMÍLSON Pedra Júnior (26, Atlético Jutense, A)
17- NÉLIO Gomes Bacchini (31, Mercia Bromham [KRY], B)
23- Roberto Soares Chryz "BETINHO" (23, Clube Comercial, C)

Attackers:

9- ABELARDO Ramos Garcia (26, Metalurgs [SOM], B)
11- Bruno Aguiar "BIRA" (23, América, B)
18- KELSON Silva (23, Central United, C)
19- GILMAR Sarrakh (32, Deportivo Soluca [SRG], B)

Coach: The Scout (interim coach, will not be the one for the World Cup - the one for the WC is to be announced only in the official roster)

Formation (4-4-2):

------------------------------Cleston------------------------------
-----Mesquita-----Vítor Martins-----Teteo-----------Nelsinho-------
-------------------------------Amaral------------------------------
----------Lewton--------------------------------Agostinho----------
-----------------------------Adamílson-----------------------------
--------------------Bira-----------------Abelardo------------------

Kits:

(home)
(away)
(third)

[Sorthern Northland]

Sorthern Northland national football team

Number, name, age, position (n/a for goalies and forwards), club (club's country in brackets, if not a Sorthern club)

Goalkeepers:

1. Piran Hean (captain), 32 y/o, Ousevale Borough (Krytenia)
13. Leroy Nghiêm, 24 y/o, Marquez-Onwere (Candelaria And Marquez)
23: Yasser El-Borolossy, 18 y/o, 17th of October

The ever dependable Piran Hean naturally retains the number one jersey and the defence in front of him with confidence and now also has the added responsibility of having a captain's armband to go with the one he wears at his club side.

Leroy Nghiêm whose impressive displays of benchwarming for Marquez-Onwere have seen him move up to second in the pecking order. Just the captain standing in his way of the number one shirt now, exciting times! Oh, and Yasser El-Borolossy, who quite frankly looks more likely to become number one when Hean does eventually lose his place.

Defenders:

2: Margh Bastian, 30 y/o, right back, Atlético Jutense (Cafundéu)
12: Laura O'Bagels, 26 y/o, right back, Beningrad

Bastian, a right-back rather fond of bombing up and down the right-wing, even whilst rapidly losing the pace he once had retains the first choice right back slot. Though a left back for most of her career Laura O'Bagels is also quite capable on the right and will be making to look an impact should she be given a chance. And she's not in the squad just because of her surname and you can't prove anything.

3: Santiago Fuentes, 29 y/o, left back, Port of Clotaire (Candelaria And Marquez)
23: Mike Pohl, 22 y/o, left back, Tenderville United (Nethertopia)

Santiago Fuentes will have a point to prove – though some will say a weight of pressure off his shoulders – after being stripped of the captaincy following allegations that he drank a can of Landsberg. Other than that indiscretion he's a very good attacking full-back who can on occasion get rather lost defensively. In reserve to him Pohl has spent the last few seasons in Tenderville maturing into a splendid (okay, a half decent) left-back and is a two time Di Bradini Cup winner, having lifted DBC12 as the Sorthern-U21 captain.

5: Candelario Oliveira Tavares, 29 y/o centre back, Emberton Reds (Krytenia)
6: Andrew Heywood, 26 y/o centre-back, Heathfield City
15: Kaeton Fishsnapperbottom, 24 y/o centre-back, Marquez-Onwere (Candelaria And Marquez)
16: Brian Andrews (vice-captain), 33 y/o centre-back, Port of Clotaire (Candelaria And Marquez)

Despite being vice-captain Andrews has most definitely dropped behind Fishsnapperbottom and Heywood in the pecking order. Each of are very capable centre backs and, yeah.... other than being good footballers they're all rather dull really. Fishsnapperbottom has a pet llama though. Maybe.

Midfielders:

7: Siobhan Ní hÓgáin, 27 y/o right winger, Corcaigh
27: Tadhg Ó Lorcáin, 19 y/o, right winger, St. Patrick's

Having seen the ban on women playing top level football in Sorthern Northland being lifted largely in part due to her efforts during World Cup 49 and the previous AOCAF Cup, Ní hÓgáin has made the number seven shirt her own after proving her critics wrong and developing into a fine winger with a knack for mazy runs, accurate crosses and an eye for goal.

Ó Lorcáin meanwhile hails from the fine academy of football that is the Little Clotaire based Saint Patrick's Football Club. Famous for producing really good Sorthern footballers and shipping them off to the real Clotaire to play for Port of Clotaire in the CMSC. Ó Lorcáin with his pace, his silky skills, and his oh so good crosses has all the attributes to follow in the footsteps of the likes Lee Waywide, Alan Cooper, Franny Sánchez Garciá and Iñaki Arrigorwhashisface.

11: Timm Holtz, 26 y/o, left winger, Tenderville United (Nethertopia)
17: Baral Qaavigaaq, 22 y/o, left winger, East Reading

Timm Holtz stays as first choice left winger despite his tendency to go completely missing in the red and gold shirt of Sorthern Northland. In reserve Baral Qaavigaaq, who as well as having more a's than his really smart sister got at school is good with both feet (really though, these lot are professional footballers, they should be able to use either foot), a fine taker of set-pieces and coming from the Northern Wastes is a man who considers any temperature above 0°C as nice and warm. Makes a lovely fish stew as well. Has crap fitness though, which is perhaps why he's not first choice.

4: Martijn Barentstochter of Bergkamp of Drotske of Groethuysen of Hackenbroch of Struycken, 27 y/o Central-midfielder, NAPCC (Nethertopia)
8: Will Hooper, 24 y/o, central midfielder, Port of Clotaire (Candelaria And Marquez)
14: Frank Vroon, 29 y/o, central midfielder, América (Cafundéu)
18: Aisling Ní Cheallaigh, 20 y/o, central midfielder, Baile an Fheirtéaraigh

Barentstochter of Bergkamp of etcetera (we just tend to call him Martijn to be honest) as well as providing a massive windfall in takings on replica shirts for his club provides the box-to-box drive and grit and determination and all those other words that unstylish but effective midfielders are described with. Hooper meanwhile provides the creativity and the passes to bring the crowds to their feet, and having been shifted to the right wing at Port of Clotaire is versatile as well. Which is always handy.

Vroon is in much the same mould as Martijn, though he does lack Martijn's sexy haircut. The long drawn out end to Marek Krofcky's international career would finally seem to have arrived with his place in the squad being taken by Aisling Ní Cheallaigh, who some are saying is the finest Sorthern attacking midfield talent since the Krofcky first broke onto the scene. Oh, those days when Krofcky was proclaimed as the future of Sorthern football. Weren't they wonderful, Nóirín? Nóirín?

Forwards:

9: Francisco Manuel Sánchez Garciá, 29 y/o, Port of Clotaire (Candelaria And Marquez)
10: Iñaki Arrigorriagakoa, 29 y/o, Port of Clotaire (Candelaria And Marquez)
19: Eulàlia Marxuach, 22 y/o, Reading Town
20: Seán Ó Murchú, 21 y/o, Rode Ster Amsterdam

Considered by many Sortherners (and probably very few other people to tell the truth) to be amongst the best strike partnerships in the whole motherflukeing-multiversez Sánchez Garciá and Iñaki (we call 'im that, we can't pronounce his surname unfortunately) certainly know each other inside out having spent much of their professional career playing – and scoring plenty of goals – together at the quaint Harper Street. They certainly can prove to be a handful for any defence out there. Marxuach meanwhile broke into the senior team looking to have a bright future having scored plenty of goals at Di Bradini Cup 12 (which we won, might've mentioned that when talking about Mike Pohl) whilst Ó Murchú is always capable of finding the vague vicinity of the goal, a handy skill for a striker to possess. Though a number of his efforts do end up in row Z. Still, they said that about Lee Waywide once.

Coaching staff:

Manager: Caio Meback

Assistant manager: Ray Kirs
Coach: Tighearnach Ó Conaill
Coach: Amets Urzúa
Fitness coach: Seòras Mac a' Ghrùdair
Goalkeeping coach: Jonny Sage
Physiotherapist: Ashleigh Trumble
Kitman: Fernando Cervera

Kits

Home/Away


Formation is 4-4-2 with a style modifier of +5 (or whatever the max is).
Numbers 1 to 11 are the usual starters.
Feel free to make a couple of changes to those line ups though.

RP thingy

My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod scoring events N
RP injuries to my players Y
Godmod injuries to my players N
Hand out yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out red cards to my players Y
Godmod other events Y

[Krytenia]

Please assume YES for all answers in the Permission Box – just don’t kill anyone, K?
Ages are at WCL finals; deduct two years for first half of qualifiers, one year for second half.



KRYTENIA 2136 AOCAF CUP SQUAD
Modifier: +3

THE MANAGEMENT TEAM

Manager: Marc OLIC, 48
Assistant Manager: David IULIANO, 37
Goalkeeping Coach: Juan GARCIA, 59
Defensive Coach: Derek SELYER, 62
Offensive Coach: Angel GUEVARA, 49
Physiotherapist: Marcus ASIMOV, 33

THE SQUAD

Goalkeepers

#1 GK SUN Choi-An Age: 34
Club: Emberton Reds
Caps: 16 Goals: 0

#13 GK ARIAN (Allen Morris) Age: 26
Club: Avidia United
Caps: 14 Goals: 0

#18 GK Kevin GLASS Age: 28
Club: Notegia Rangers
Caps: 0 Goals: 0

Defenders

#3 RB Ricky VARADERO Age: 33
Club: Krytenia Emberton
Caps: 6 Goals: 0

#21 RB Ross SISSIKI Age: 33
Club: Ousevale Borough
Caps: 6 Goals: 0

#5 CB Steve DOMENICO Age: 32
Club: Casuals Osteria
Caps: 36 Goals: 2
CAPTAIN

#6 CB Anthony JOHNSON Age: 25
Club: Ousevale Borough
Caps: 6 Goals: 0

#14 CB Graham KO Age: 32
Club: Casuals Osteria
Caps: 4 Goals: 0

#23 CB Dan VOLPE Age: 29
Club: Casuals Osteria
Caps: 0 Goals: 0

b]#2 LB Simeon AP GRUFFUDD Age: 29
Club: Beckton Supermarine
Caps: 6 Goals: 0[/b]

#20 LB Howard GOODLEY Age: 23
Club: Mercia Bromham
Caps: 0 Goals: 0

[Midfielders

#8 RM Warren KENNEDY-WORTHINGTON Age: 19
Club: Stanton Town
Caps: 0 Goals: 0

#12 RM David MICHALIS Age: 21
Club: Avidia United
Caps: 0 Goals: 0

#4 CM Ricky SEXTON Age: 24
Club: Ousevale Borough
Caps: 6 Goals: 1
VICE-CAPTAIN

#7 CM James MORRIS Age: 24
Club: Mercia Bromham
Caps: 0 Goals: 0

#15 AM Kevin IRELAND Age: 20
Club: Ousevale Borough
Caps: 0 Goals: 0

#16 AM Sancho TORRES Age: 29
Club: Toban Bulgyo (HAN)
Caps: 5 Goals: 2

#11 LM Thomas SCARBOROUGH Age: 22
Club: Radyukevich CSC (CAM)
Caps: 0 Goals: 0

#19 LM Jon BARCLAY Age: 21
Club: New Cefn Albion
Caps: 0 Goals: 0

Forwards

#9 CF CF Damon PARKER Age: 22
Club: Radyukevich CSC (CAM)
Caps: 3 Goals: 2

#10 CF Ricky SMEATON Age: 26
Club: Krytenia Emberton
Caps: 6 Goals: 3

#17 CF Zachariel KENNEDY Age: 16
Club: Stanton Town
Caps: 0 Goals: 0

#22 CF Lewis OSMOND Age: 27
Club: Emberton Reds
Caps: 0 Goals: 0

LIKELY STARTERS
1 CA Sun
3. R Varadero – 5. S Domenico – 6. A Johnson – 2. S ap Gruffudd
8. W Kennedy-Worthington – 4. R Sexton – 11. T Scarborough
16. S Torres
9. D Parker – 10. R Smeaton

THE KITS

Manufactured by:

[Pacitalia]

The Blue Foxes
Representing the Pacitalian Republic in
international men's football competition

The three-time champion Blue Foxes are back for their 18th appearance at the Atlantian Oceanian Confederation of Association Football Cup in AOCAF Cup 29. The Foxes have dominated this competition in recent memory, but, as Pacitalia captain Abro Zolà puts it, hope to defend their title "confidently, without being cocky". The overarching theme, despite a bit of turnover on the starting XI, is that the Blue Foxes' four-tier pitch formation has been a huge success in the world's premier regional tournament. As our friends in Sarzonia would say... "hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it".

---

Home kit (left), away kit (right)


Kits created by

I give my opponent permission to:
Choose my scorers
Delegate yellows/red
Injure my players (within reason)

Manager: Marco van Basten
Assistant manager: Veranace d'Amantano
Captain: Abro Zolà (GK)

Formation and style
4-2-3-1 with a +3 style modifier

Starters	Substitutes	Reserves
1. Abro Zolà (GK) 2. Sergio San Cristobál (LCB) 3. Semih Mansur (RB) 4. Nicolás Sema (RM) 5. Aurelio Seriesta (LB) 9. Ambrosino Giurimano (ST) 14. Michelangelo Mascagnano (CAM) 15. Diego Tomás Cruz (LM) 16. Hermès Adiarche (RCB) 19. Andolfabio Vunghiasso (LAM) 22. Massimo da Scupeta (RAM)	6. Adrian Manoliu (ST) 7. Afino Boranogunta (LAM) 8. Mario Camanecchia (RCB) 10. Ami Bellagente (LCB) 11. Bertrando Massimatto (CAM) 12. Giordano Muntefeora (LM) 13. Tiberiu Manescu (LB) 17. Ambrosino Terasti (RB) 18. Fenicio Samatini (RM) 20. Manel Bernát i Lem (RAM) 23. Romano Cristiano Santi (GK)	21. Arcangelo Fonseca (ST) 24. Nicu Vasilica (RCB) 25. Andreos Charisteas (RAM) 26. Angelo Bordellatta (LB) 27. Sergio Fernández (LAM) 28. Iñaki Montoya (CAM) 29. Ferdinando Imperino (LM) 30. Luís Capodor Reina (GK) 31. Benigno Colombano (LCB) 32. Antonio Linguera de Sà (RCB) 33. Chimano San Sebastiano (RM) +

Giurimano




 Vunghiasso               Mascagnano            da Scupeta





Cruz                      Sema





Seriesta                                                Mansur   
San Cristobál            Adiarche



[ Zolà ]

Notes
• Despite making the final squad as a reserve, RM Chimano San Sebastiano remains on the injured reserve following Achilles heel surgery in October 2009.

Federazione Futaboli Pacitaliana
℗ MMX (2010)
Pacitalian Football Federation

[Valanora]

From the Offices of the VSC does the Marauder information come

My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod Scoring Events Y
RP injuries to my players Y (no more than two games out)
Godmod injuries to my players N
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out Red cards to my players N
Godmod Other Events Y

What is the name of…

…three time former World Cup champions?
Valanora (known prior to World Cup 37 as Elves Security Forces)

...the other nations involved in Valanora?
Vyinta and Dark Templara

…the nation in which this Commonwealth play their home matches?
Elves Security Forces (sometimes ESF in shortphrase)

…people from the Commonwealth?
Vanorians or Vanors

…the person who created this mess?
Elves Security Forces

Style Modifier: +2

Kits

Home Away Third

Manager

Daugar Massimo
Age: 17,438
After long and prosperous managerial records at Hondo FC and Green Island of the CMSC, Massimo was been appointed the manager of the national team. Much in the mold of Jaime Kuu, Massimo likes his wingers to play an aggressive style, peppering the keeper whenever the opportunity presents itself. The appointment of Massimo also brings back the emphasis on the attacking nature of the Marauders, hopefully not at the expense of the progression the side had made on defense under Narmolanya. He is looking to use the AOCAF to rebound from a bitter disappointment in his debut of World Cup 50 performance and expand the national team pool.

Assistant Manager

Gilmeluon Werlothas
Age - 12,865
A strong and steady second in command who looks to be the liaison between Massimo and his squad.

Keeper

1 Belltarion Nartalhûn, AC Valanari
Age - 681
Sex - M
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 173 lbs
A very reflexive and intelligent keeper who is looking to work his way into the starting job for World Cup 51 after being the backup during the previous World Cup.

Defenders

2 Tandion Aeraglinaeth, Soldarian FC
Age - 737
Sex - M
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 168 lbs
A good defender who plays smartly and keeps his mark from making cuts inside.

13 Placibus Hardsworth, Hondo FC
Age - 906
Sex - M
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 181 lbs
The experienced Hardsworth once again gets a shot to captain the backline of the national team and should provide a calming and stalwart influence over the other two centerbacks.

29 Thankanion Elenelwa, Green Island (Candelaria and Marquez)
Age - 595
Sex - M
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 180 lbs
A strong and physical presence that will put some bite into the backline.

Midfield

5 Rosertan Hiatt, Char Sara FC
Age: 693
Sex - M
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 157 lbs
Quick, smart, agile, and a superb crosser of a ball gives the Char Sara winger a chance to show Massimo what he can bring to the national team program.

6 Innathwen Tathmin, Club ESF
Age - 806
Sex - F
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 137 lbs
If you blink, you've missed Tathmin, as she has pace to be a sprint star but the gift of great distribution with the football to make her a deadly attacking midfielder.

7 Elarwen Tallaion, Juavi FC
Age - 682
Sex - F
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 124 lbs
Tallaion is another very pacey player with Massimo seeming to take the quickest of the quick to fill his AOCAF squad. She is a bit late when tracking back and will need to improve on that if she wishes to make the World Cup squad.

8 Morronuth Neltanta, Wexax United ~
Age - 707
Sex - M
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 164 lbs
A strong and physical player who uses his body well when shielding off opposing players off the ball. Lacks the pace of some of the squad but is great at keeping possession and finding an outlet pass.

28 Faeron Soldarian, Raynor City United
Age - 590
Sex - M
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 163 lbs
His skill, his heritage, his heart, there is nothing about the eldest Soldarian son that you would not like. He wears his heart out on his sleeve, and is probably better for it, as he is the spiritual leader of the side. Without Hawk, Faeron will need to equal what he does in getting the spirits in keeping the team organized in Hawk's absence. All in all, he is simply a world class footballer and person, one that children across the world can aspire to emulate.

Strikers

3 Ardaugien Ealomiel, ISC Rig (Somewheristonia)
Age - 759
Sex - M
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 159 lbs
A quick and clinical finisher who is making a name for himself in Rushmore and may be pushing Hearts for a starting role in the upcoming Qualifiers

9 Rharanthea Kithaldar, Soldarian FC
Age - 783
Sex - F
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 142 lbs
Despite her size, Rharanthea can handle the tough and physical centerbacks and shake them off with ease. She is a better passer of the ball than finisher as of now but has a very strong and accurate shot from distance.

Subs
10 GK Rainimien Shathanelen - age 589 - Turmondale United (M) ~
11 GK Veryasirion Dart - age 651 - Raynor City United (M)
12 CB Erutalion Toraethil - age 722 - FC Capri (M)
14 CB Tamlassas Celetaar- age 801 - FC Capri (M)
15 CB Jarenion Lassethta - age 673 - Raynor City United (M) ~
16 MC Merenwen Lúinwë - age 642 - Hondo FC (F)
17 MC Leë Oronrá - age 203 - Mar Sara FC (M) ~
18 LW Thandarron Maalvatinu - age 734 - Raynor City United (M)
19 RW Nitimia Telésonel - age 668 - Juavi FC (F) ~
20 MC Rochenion Falaval - age 721 - Club ESF (M)
21 ST Lathadernosnen Narésiel - age 802 - Juavi FC (M) ~
22 ST Dûrdur Celetholtinu - age N/A - Char Sara FC *

Captain: Faeron Soldarian
Set Piece Taker: Faeron Soldarian
Penalty Taker: Rharanthea Kithaldar
Right Corner: Elarwen Tallaion
Left Corner: Elarwen Tallaion

Nartalhûn
 Aeraglinaeth   Hardsworth    Elenelwa
Hiatt        Soldarian     Neltanta       Tallaion
Tathmin
Kithaldar    Ealomiel

~ denotes Vyintanese
* denotes Templar

[Dorian and Sonya]

Necromancers Return to AOCAF

In a combined effort to recreate a “Blast From the Past” as well as “Distract” their mostly male counterparts, the Necromancers make their AOCAF return sporting brand new Bikini Kits from Sabre Inc.

Necromancer AOCAF roster (all female)

Starters
No	Pos	Name				Age	Ht

11	LF 	Catoltheldë Undolond		23	4’11
22	CF	Gwethidrenmamiiel Vanloth	21	5’0
10	RF	Eshdothiel Aeratail		19	5’1
43	LM	Aernaewen Elernae		26	4’9
98	CM	Aintiraya Wertaththar		25	5’4
12	RM	Amonwen Galabrinsyr	21	5’0
30	LB	Tirnoststra Gwataur		16	4’10
19	LCB	Ilmeldollasa Kitholion	18	5’2
55	RCB	Táressa Beranar		22	5’1
69	RB	Vanda Narglinaas		27	5’0
75	K	Rhanenniel Lasstanil		22	5’2


Reserves

00	F	Saienesiel Laraltinu		20	4’8
88	F	Erurwen Aldaos		17	4’10
  9	M	Mithileldë Galayaas		25	5’1
27	M	Nimiliel Runvanta		18	5’0
54	B	Táriel Nallren			21	4’9
64	B	Tetiinwen Gaelenlal		16	5’1
  3	K	Rinana Tathelon		17	5’5


Manager: Calenladiel Mithethrin	Age:28

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

River Dragons Return!

Draggonnii Rivii Roster

Starting 11
No	Pos	Name				Sex	Age	Ht	Wt	Club
10	RF	Swourdynna Ar’Kim’Oiirit	F	21	5’9	145	Sa Aln FK	
35	LF	Starech Per’itur			M	24	6’5	195	Sa’una Vega
12	RM	Jyacyntha Hai’Unda		F	19	5’11	160	Errion Vega FK
44	CM	Om-Karu J’uas’wei		M	18	6’0	204	Carrington FK
  9 	LM	Niliha Iss'enth'oesh		F	17	5’7	135	Jaris Sarud
19	DM	Zawis	Chr'oughvo		M	26	6’2	200	FK Kelsey
54	RB	Irisyendii Draesh'o		F	24	6’1	175	Errion Vega FK
45	RCB	Nadurina Usk'ild			F	20	5’10	170	Tapia Reis
83	LCB	Uasochai Ban'awii		M	21	6’6	215	MalachI Ifreet
11	LB	Soyiarr Entheiq'I			M	18	6’2	197	Tobia Sarud
00	K	Vedyt Inayll'gh			M	22	6’5	210	Vega Dras

Reserves

  3	F	Neryneka Tan'lor'ied		F	17	5’5	130	Carrington FK
27	M	Ytoiku T’unul’jiq’ii		M	23	5’11	180	Sarii E.V.
16	B	Ibeluesto A'ustqua		M	15	6’1	194	Erda Khaza
99	K	Dodyr Asheev'nt			M	19	6’9	224	Erda Khaza

Manager: Sayorm Draesh'o   Age:45  	Vegan 4th Quad

You can do anything but kill my players without prior permission to do so.
Style: -1

[Osarius]

AOCAF Cup 29 Squad

Style: +2
Manager: Benedict di Corradi
The Osarian boss NEVER makes defensive substitutions unless forced to by injury or a sending off. Most likely, you will see him pull off a defensive player in favour of another striker, or an attacking midfielder to break down a stubborn defence. He likes to try and get his teams playing Total Football, but it doesnt always work - they're not the brightest, are Osarian professional athletes - and he will settle for simply giving the opposition a "good fight". As he once put it, in a vague reference to a famous piece of fight commentary, "the team who scores the most goals wins".

The team itself is an offensive machine, and all players run tirelessly, seemingly not understanding the term "give up".
They play a high line, and a pressure defence which seeks only to regain possession and counterattack.
Jermain Lewis is easily the most important cog in the midfield unit, while Benni Watson's delivery is seldom poor. This is why he takes set pieces.


Goalkeepers


Albert MARIANA - 26 years old
San Vivaldo (Carpathia and Ruthenia)
Having usurped Florian's position as Osarius' number one, Mariana is quickly learning how important it is to communicate well with his defence. Many fans are still unconvinced after his mediocre showing in Svoboda Cup II.

Matthew ROSE - 28 years old
Hamtown Athletic
Rose seems destined to be a backup for his entire international career, but thats not too bad. He is a more-than-capable 'keeper, with good organisational skills. Learning under veteran James Davidson has really benefited him.

Christopher SULLIVAN - 22 years old
Greeningham City
Sullivan's inexperience is the only thing stopping him from claiming the number one shirt as his own. His shot stopping is perhaps on par with Mariana's, but his relative lack of game time means he is less well-versed in the more technical and tactical sides of the role.


Defenders


Jay Jay ANDERSON - 31 years old, right back
Radyukevich CSC (Candelaria And Marquez)
After what seems like a lengthy absence from the squad, the giant, attack-loving, hard-hitting full back returns to the fold. No doubt Anderson will be hoping he can impress the boss before the next World Cup rolls around, as he is aware that he may not get another chance.

Marc VILITO - 28 years old, right back
Albrecht FC (Candelaria And Marquez)
Anderson's main rival for the right back berth, and arguably the better man for the job. However, Anderson's reckless abandon going forward seems to put him above Vilito in the manager's eyes.

Avery MCFARLANE - 27 years old, centre back
Capital AC (The Babbage Islands)
McFarlane's first team opportunities have been pretty limited as of late, but a mid-table finish for his club side, as well as a quarter finals run in the Islands Cup have boosted his stock considerably.

Tay GIDDS - 32 years old, centre back
Grasshoppers Turic
Gidds' speed was once his greatest attribute, along with his incredible vertical jump. However, the aging Turic captain now relies on his vastly increased ability to read the game. With younger, faster, centre back partners, he looks a lot stronger. Alongside his old pal Higuain, however, their aging legs combine to bad effect.

Marvin POULSEN - 23 years old, centre back
Grasshoppers Turic
While Poulsen is behind McFarlane on the depth chart for a central midfield slot, its worth noting that the Turic centre back is capable of playing as a sweeper as well as in midfield. His versatility, and aerial dominance make him a very useful player for di Corradi's side.

Rafael HIGUAIN - 33 years old, centre back
Radyukevich CSC (Candelaria And Marquez)
Higuain is a popular man, and he has already announced his intention to retire from international football this year. This would make the AOCAF Cup his final tournament as an Osarian international. His calmness and composure, combined with an enviable passing range, make him a good man to play the ball out of defence.

Georgina CARSLEY - 22 years old, left back
Greeningham City
"Gorgeous" Georgie is the darling of the Greeningham crowd, and the nation. Even Firewood fans like her. Her no nonsense attitude, crunching tackles, and - lets face it - good looks make her the perfect daughter-in-law for practically any Osarian parent. Her industrious nature and fearlessness have earned her a fan in Benedict di Corradi.

Ashley WATSON - 27 years old, left back/left midfield
Trothwands Evolution
Ashley Watson's performances in the Svoboda Cup really opened some eyes. He played well enough for Trothwands in the King's League last season, but his offensive capabilities weren't truly realised until we saw him link up with his brother for the Firebirds. While his delivery and finishing aren't as good as his brother's, he is easily the superior tackler. His offensive attributes could see him start ahead of Carsley for the World Cup, and this tournament could well be seen as a face off between the two to see who serves as Amir Ali's understudy.


Midfielders


Jermain LEWIS - 30 years old, centre midfield
Firewood City
The national team captain is as hungry as ever, and his dynamism is not lessened at all by his gruelling schedule

Benni WATSON - 28 years old, right/left winger
Firewood City
Benedict di Corradi's decision to move Watson further forward seems to be paying off, as the Firewood winger has been a much more notable threat going forward. However, this advanced position, combined with his almost complete defensive ineptitude sometimes leaves the full back over-exposed.

Renaldo AGUILAR - 29 years old, left winger/forward
San Vivaldo (Carpathia and Ruthenia)
Aguilar's move made him a hated man in Hollybrent, as they accused him of being out for the money. This has had no negative effect on the winger, though. He retains his trickery, and for his new club, he has been stronger than ever, linking well with a rejuvenated Dean Atkinson.

FERNANDINHO - 28 years old, attacking midfielder
St Bartholomew's Wanderers (Eastfield Lodge)
The former Rapid Hearthlands midfielder jumped ship when they were dropped to the Royal League, and fled to a big money contract in Eastfield Lodge. Many called it a cop-out, and he was accused of "bottling it", but the tricky midfielder is still in di Corradi's plans. Says all you need to know, really.

Remy BONRIOU - 27 years old, left/right winger
Firewood City
Bonriou's understanding with his clubmates is astounding, and it sees him act as a major part of some serious offensive moves. However, he lacks that same shine with the national team. His versatility and obvious talent keep him in the fold, but its clear that di Corradi is losing patience.

Kristen MILLICAN - 23 years old, centre midfielder
Grasshoppers Turic
Originally named as a defensive midfielder, and usually played as one by Turic, Millican has shown a whole other side to her game in the Svoboda Cup. Her ability to work in tandem with Lewis while both attacking and defending has really impressed a lot of pundits and prompted Karl Heinz-Grichenbauer to issue a hands-off warning.

Jake MOONEY - 30 years old, centre/left midfielder
Coranto FC (Tyrrin)
Mooney's move to Coranto saw him playing in a struggling side (quite a familiar experience, really) and effectively pulling all the strings in midfield (not so familiar). his move to the middle has unleashed a playmaking beast of a player, who is also capable of popping up with a goal or two - conveniently when his team needs them.


Forwards


Dean ATKINSON - 32 years old, striker
San Vivaldo (Carpathia and Ruthenia)
As predicted, Atkinson's move has rejuvenated him and he is scoring again. However, there are questions over his fitness. While his finishing remains undoubted, some are starting to question his ability to put himself in the right areas. He still manages it, but if its the eightieth minute and Osarius need a goal, can they still rely on him?

Rudy ATKINSON - 28 years old, centre forward
Dynapolis United (Balida)
Rudy relishes his role as the link-up man for Osarius, but despite his obvious hold-up and link-up ability, he seems uncomfortable as a lone striker. This could perhaps just be down to his inconsistent finishing, though. Its worth noting that Rudy is very impressive in the air.

Keon TINTO - 25 years old, striker
AFC Hollybrent
The breakout star of the last season, Tinto has hit the net time after time. Its hard to explain how he does it, though. Its almost like mind-reading, he sometimes just scores like there was no defence. Other times, he is anonymous. Despite his inconsistency, Tinto's reflexes make him a reasonable shout to score, especially with the good deliveries Osarius have coming into the box.

Calvin HARRIS - 29 years old, striker
Oclia Mariners (Tyrrin)
At the moment, only Dean Atkinson boasts a superior goals per game rate than Harris, and the latter is faster and stronger. Its also worth noting that Harris was named Foreign Player of the Season in the Commander's League, and his omission from the Osarius squad during World Cup Qualifying seemed to be at the root of many calls for di Corradi's sacking. The wisdom of crowds, eh?

Rene WILSON-OUADDOU - 26 years old, left/centre forward
Firewood City
Wilson-Ouaddou still boasts his record as the fastest player in Osarius, and he still relies a little too much on that. However, with his lethal accuracy, he doesn't really need to do much running. He can score from almost anywhere within 25 yards. Despite this, he seems to shy away from long range efforts, preferring to run in behind defenders and exploit the space he is given. This suggests a lack of composure when under pressure, a problem di Corradi will doubtlessly have picked up on.

[Sportgirls]

Sportgirls National Football Team

Head Coach: Beth LoPiccolo, 38, North Ward
Formation: 4-4-2
Style: -1

Starters

1 Veronica Evans, starting keeper, 22, West Scoville Tigers (TBI)
2 Monique Robinson, starting right wingback, 26, North Ward
3 Sarah Belger, starting centre back, 21, Commercial
4 Megan Sullivan (captain), starting defender, 24, Harbour Town
5 Debra Brady, starting defensive midfielder, 23, Four Towers (TBI)
6 Samantha Thomas, starting left wingback, 25, Palace
7 Kathy Dixon, starting right midfielder, 27, Greenville Rovers (TBI)
8 Nicole Kelly, starting centre midfielder, 23, Greenfield
9 Emily Page, starting striker, 25, Dover City (TBI)
10 Courtney Lee, starting attacking (left) midfielder, 26, North Ward
11 Jessica White, starting striker, 27, Palace

Bench

12 Caitlin Ballantyne, reserve defender, 22, Harbour Town
13 Hannah Anderson, reserve goalkeeper, 29, Commercial
14 Dawn Butler, reserve striker, 27, Greenfield
15 Jill Kaufman, reserve defender, 25, Commercial
16 Jess Martin, reserve striker, 28, North Ward
17 Kate Thompson, reserve midfielder, 28, Harbour Town
18 Georgia Harris, reserve midfielder, 31, Palace

Notes

• Sportgirls once maintained an all-sport single national team, but now uses those resources on domestic professional football.
• North Ward are the first champions of the Sportgirls National League.
• Debra Brady, Kathy Dixon, and Emily Page have all won championships in the FFB Premier League of The Babbage Islands.
• Megan Sullivan is an Olympic bronze medalist in speedskating.
• Caitlyn Ballantyne is an associate professor of literature when she's not playing football. Yes, at 22.
• Samantha Thomas and Georgia Harris are the party girls.
• Sarah Belger is an adept practitioner of the professional foul.
• Emily Page takes penalties; Nicole Kelly generally takes set piece kicks.

Kits (courtesy of Sabre Inc.)



RP Permissions

Full permissions. (I will determine the true severity of injuries.)

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

Humble Expectations for River Dragons

The River Dragons return to the AOCAF with high hopes. Not of winning the damn thing, of course. But of simply not getting run off the pitch by Schiavonia and Starblaydia.

Let’s be honest. We are just returning to a tournament that has quite literally chewed us up and spit us out in our previous efforts. But who knows, maybe this time around will be different, but I seriously doubt it.

[Mantwenic]

Mantwenic's AOCAF Roster

Kits:
Home: http://s156.photobucket.com/albums/t38/ ... wenicX.png
Away: http://s156.photobucket.com/albums/t38/ ... wenicb.png
Keeper/3rd: http://s156.photobucket.com/albums/t38/ ... wenic3.png

Roster:

Head Coach: Martin Harris, 68

Goalkeepers
#35 George Jenkins, 28, Elmelk
#47 Michael Cromings, 23, Balan
#27 Christopher Kendal, 25, Morosia

Full-backs
#7 Gregory Hamlin, 28, Dauron
#16 Stephen Williamson, 22, Aarowmaw
#29 James Largo, 22, Kirie
#3 Mitchell Harrison, 27, Elesbery

Defenders
#12 Andrew Anderson, 27, Trelson
#17 Logan Kempson, 26, Zeava
#20 Mark Jackson, 24, Ansker
#21 Luke Grayson, 25, Epson

Defensive Midfielders
#10 Timothy Kinsler, 29, Benshawk
#11 Zachary Linkousky, 24, Toshien
#18 Jason Parsons, 26, Olsen
#13 John Sereb, 25, Tenshawn

Offensive Midfielders
#23 Peter Kramer, 24, Kempton
#24 Cedric Harriot, 23, Enston
#5 Kurt Davidson, 28, Trelson
#14 Brett Macson, 29, Makotok

Attackers
#28 Aaron Finkson, 27, Epson
#15 Joseph Toman, 29, Ansker
#19 Thomas Mickelson, 25, Elesbery
# 29 Henry Gammon, 23, Balan

RP Business
My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers: Yes
Godmod scoring events: No
RP injuries to my players: Yes
Godmod injuries to my players: No
Hand out yellow cards to my players: Yes
Hand out red cards to my players: Yes
Godmod other events: Yes

[Nellietopia]

The following is hijacked from the World Cup 50 Thread, simply because we're going to be lazy about this, but there's a really good reason for this:

Nellietopia is in fact a country of PURPLE-STINGING NELLIES!

Right, so now that you've clicked on the link, we can go scurry off and find something to do with these little miscreants before anyone realizes the horrible mistake of letting the little critters play football... again. Yeah, that's right. Instead of fielding androids for Allemenschen, we had purple-stinging nellies, which caused all sorts of problems, ranging from stinging (surprise?) to a never-quite-fulfilled declaration of war by AFLAC (it's still called AFLAC, because we're not that imaginative) against Sorthern Northland.

Manager: some scared anthropomorphic animal. After the inevitable collapse of Allemenschen, the nellies decided to take matters in their own hands (all 8 of them, plus those chelicerae) and establish a new government. Just for that, the roles in society got switched around - with them nellies being the primary residents, and the humans becoming the national pets of Nellietopia. Of course, there's something wrong about having "humans" has national pets according to the WA, so the Nellies managed to get around this by labelling all humans as "anthropomorphic animals". Doesn't have the same ring as "human", but it still grants humans their proper national protection under the law.

Anyway, they got one of them to be their coach. His name is probably Bob, so say hello to Bob. And Bob likes to play uber-defensive (-max) 1-4-5.

GK: #1. We're not sure if that's his name (we're not sure if anything of them have names), but they got white paint and painted various things on their backs. And the goalkeeper - who really looks like one of them goliath spiders - is an imposing figure in the box. Just don't let him eat you.

RWB: D. Again, the names thingy. But D is quite swift, and he's good with the ball. Unfortunately, he thinks the ball is food, so after catching the ball, he tends to deflate the thing and start sucking out whatever juices one can contrive from a leather sack.

LWB: =. There's just one problem with nellies; do they have eight legs or eight arms. Because clearly having four pairs of limbs is a serious advantage, but we don't want to break any rules. And = manages to avoid the gravest error by frequently using her abdomen (and yes, we know she's a she). Very strong abdomen.

RCB: $. Did we mention that these things are about the size of your foot? So... these little suckers are going to have problems competing with full-sized humans. But somehow we think they'll do just fine, as long as they play with their ball and not their opponents. Oh right, and this little chap just likes the $ sign.

LCB: ~~~. Something about them tildes makes ~~~ really happy. Fortunately, he doesn't eat the ball or his opponents; in fact, he's a vegetarian (weird, innit?).

CB: P. And the anchor of the defense is really strong, really big (for a nellie), really smart, and really strong. Did we mention that he's really strong. All of these nellies are really strong, but P is really strong. In fact, if he doesn't get his way, he'll cast a web of silk and start battling it out old school style, which is quite strange for a football match, because I've never seen old-school footy.

DMC: bubba. The only one with a somewhat human name, and the way he plays resembles the way most humans play. Of course, watching a bipedal human with 6 other arms is still quite unnerving, but you'd be surprised how the increased profile actually helps bubba keep the ball under his control.

RCM: #2. Apparently, this little bugger thinks of herself as the #2 person on the squad. And while you'd be pressed to wonder why she spends most of her time airborne, you'd also be pressed to keep your eye on the ball. #2 has certainly mastered the aerodynamic principles of web-flying.

LCM: 1093. Some weird inside, it seems. The nellies themselves don't know what it means, but 1093 just likes to play footy they way everyone else does (which is get the ball, eat the ball, and just beat the other team by forcing them to play a game that they're not used to playing).

CM: xyz. wtf? seems like everything about this little one is abbreviated journeys, which means lots of long kicks, lots of quick bursts of speed, and lots of random scurrying around the pitch. Thankfully, xyz can do all of that.

REM: 0. And no, that's not rapid eye movement, it's random everywhere man. And I'm not sure why they're calling 0 a "man", since he's not a man. He's more like a REN - random everywhere nellie. But yeah, he's just everywhere and everything, so if you looking to defend anyone, it's him.

Okay, so having established that the same nellies will be playing for AOCAF29, we'll go a little bit into the history of these nellies. Ummm... yeah, so they weren't supposed to go ahead and almost qualify for World Cup 50, knocking off the likes of Nethertopia and summat others from having a good chance to qualify. Moreover, it wasn't part of the plan for them to be so good or summat. So to ensure that the Nellies drop out of the Group Stage, we're going to bribe the officials. Hopefully, the bribery will be sufficient on its own to ensure that the Nellies do not progress out of the Group Stage.

Now, it's time for that long-avoided but nonetheless inevitable invasion of Sorthern Northland (I believe we got as far as invading Septentrionia on accident, despite the fact that the two countries are on opposite sides of the region... idunno, I just write this stuff...)


Nothing could go wrong...

Except that it did. The old gander was anticipating favorable winds to carry the geese straight away to Sorthern Northland (of course, one begs to know why they're coming in from the north when Nellietopia is in the south - but there's a good reason for that as well, not to be lost upon our Rushmori accomplices). Unfortunately, the old gander glanced at his old collar and realized that he had one new message. He felt a bit tired to read it, but he knew that it might contain important information. Moreover, why would we talk about a new message if it wasn't important.

It was from his wife.

"Honk honk honk honk honk honk honk." (Be sure to bring home some extra Sorthern babies, so little Gosling junior can have his protein and build strong muscles like his daddy). The nerve of that lady goose! How dare she insist to the old gander what to do when he got to Sorthern Northland! How would she know that he would get a little Sorthern baby just for her little gosling (who by the way was the offspring of some other perverted and flirtatious gander, now held on trial for the double rape and murder of a badger sometime in Nethertopia - who knows about those Nethertopians? They'd wed their cats as soon as they'd do something sensible (of course, this may imply that they are sensible... (hooray multiparenthetical remarks!)))?!?

Nonetheless, that message was not important. Just to highlight that just because you read it here doesn't mean that it always must contribute to the greater aspect of the story. In fact, it may be altogether meaningless, meaning that you've just wasted a few extra minutes reading a meaningless paragraph.

The next message was not not important however. It was the Supreme Commander of AFLAC!

"Hey! You guys! You're late! We need you to report immediately to Starblaydia for the opening ceremonies! NOW!"

"Honk?" (Huh?) The gander's reply was equally confusing. What "opening" ceremony? As far as he was aware, Sorthern Northland was not Starblaydia (thank goodness, eh?). Moreover, the priority was to bombard Sorthern Northland with singing Barney dolls until they surrendered or their heads exploded from the incessant incantations of incoherent grammatically proper invocations on the subject of amorous ardor. If they were lucky, a certain malfunction in the dolls would cause instantaneous combustion of the entire country, pervading any necessity to make a landing and pluck out the beating hearts of every living Sorthern individual who had ever lived, had been living, or will have ever lived. To put it straight, they're sick and foul beasts, but they'd rather avoid the messy work than to do it actually.

But this command from the Supreme Commander of AFLAC could not be taken so lightly, especially if that meant fighting the Sortherners on the home front in Starblaydia (not that Starblaydia was a home to anyone in the AFLAC Bovine Geese Corps... not that he was aware that there were even Sortherners in Starblaydia...). In fact, this turn in the flight of the geese seemed reminiscent of the Great Fowl Invasion of some years ago, when that freakish winter in Rushmore forced everyone's cousin, cousin's uncle, cousin's uncle's monkey, and whatever to come on down to the Bekkside shores for the grandest of family reunions ever. Fortunately, nothing like that was going to be happening anytime soon. Come to think of it, they've probably passed some new rules in Gordon Bay City about the waterfowl in that stretch of Rushmore... But unlike then, the weather will turn their attentions away from Sorthern Northland. The old gander had to make the call that he most detested.

"HONK!" (WE'RE CHANGING DIRECTION!)

In the instant, he could hear the uttered honks of disbelief, confusion, and otherwise senseless despair. The Great Invasion of Sorthern Northland was called off? No, it was delayed - they would say once again. And after everything had gone so well...

[Milchama]

OOC: No I really don't care about you saying Milchama won a COH or two. My characters on the other hand...

"Well that's insulting"

"Yeah, here are two great champions and this other nation that won a booby prize of some sort"

"Well we are 3 time COH winner"

"That's like winning AAA championship for the MBL, who really cares?"

"The good people of New Washington deserve a champion too"

"All 12 of them? Come on now, the MBL is what matters, just like the WC. More importantly one of those was directly attributed to TIMMONS! Do you really want to glorify something he helped accomplish?"

"No"

"So then, we shouldn't be celebrating it"

"It's not us, it's Starblaydia"

"Well they shouldn't be trumpeting that fact"

"How can we stop them?"

"I have no idea"

"Well then let's just ignore it"

"But it's out there for the entire region, well actually WORLD to see. How do you we ignore such an insult?"

"We say, well who read the introduction"

"I did"

"Ok that makes one, name somebody else"

"Ummm...."

"Exactly, ignore it. We won a few cups, it's more than a lot of nations can say in this region. Let's be happy. Do you want to get a few drinks at the pub and talk about failure"

"Sure"

"Alright let's do it"

[Starblaydia]

Matchday One Scores

Group A
Krytenia 2-2 Dorian and Sonya
Delaclava 0-1 Arroza

Group B
West Pocono 0-3 Cafundéu
Hockey Canada 1-2 Nellietopia

Group C
Sportgirls 0-2 Sarzonia
Pacitalia 4-0 Armed Beers

Group D
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 1-1 Schiavonia
Starblaydia 3-1 Dariusville

Group E
Osarius 1-2 The Bear Islands
Kosovoe 1-0 Milchama

Group F
Sorthern Northland 3-0 Carpathia and Ruthenia
Burchadinger 2-1 Valanora

[Schiavonia]

Kenny Sanderson VI was speaking in front of the crowd addressing the people of Schiavonia.

"People of Schiavonia, it has now been over a year since the tragic events of World Cup 50 led to the passing of our refounder Carlos Cueto. Our national football team has barely played a game since then, and are in need of getting some more competitive practice in before the World Cup qualifiers. They are at a stage in their lives where they need to test themselves out on a regular basis, something that hasn't happened since the World Cup. So, as a result, we will be sending a slightly out of practice Wonderkids team to the latest AOCAF championships."

And so the kids came out. This is who they are.

SFF announce squad for AOCAF 29

TEAM MANAGEMENT

Kenny Sanderson IV (Age 44)
The only one in the line of Kenny Sandersons not to have played for Schiavonia, Kenny IV is now being touted as one of the best coaches in the world after getting an unlikely bunch of children to the quarter-finals of World Cup 50. However, Kenny has also been placed in charge of the country since the passing of Carlos Cueto, and will be delegating the management of the team for AOCAF 29 to his assistants. Who just happen to be the radio commentary team.

Laurie Jones (Age 25) and Al Smith (Age 53)
The commentary team for Schiavone International Broadcasting Network (SIBN). Laurie has a bit of a reputation as being a bit... well... easy. And with her looks, it means she gets a lot of action. And we don't mean football action, although she is incredibly well read on the game. Al, on the other hand, generally doesn't have as good a grasp on the game, but is Schiavonia through and through. Gets put on the radio for his enthusiasm and for a bit of a laugh.

GOALKEEPERS

1. Marc Howard (Age 14)
2. Alan Brenton (Age 12)
3.Tom Fearley (Age 11)
Schiavonia's three goalkeepers, great-grandsons of the three previous holders of these squad places.


DEFENDERS

Centre Backs (CB)

11. Callum O'Henry (Age 9)
Great-grandson of Niall O'Henry.

12. Benny Jones (Age 5)
Great-grandson of David and Isla Jones, also son of Schiavonia's commentator Laurie Jones and someone she met at the Cup of Harmony during WC49. Father unknown.

13. Rebecca Tilda (Age 14)
Great-granddaughter of Matthey Tilda, and also a promising gymnast. Not strong, but intelligent and can get the ball away quite unexpectedly.

14. Jaime Cueto (Age 12)
Great-grandson of Carlos Cueto, who is still running the place.

Left Backs (LB)

15. John Jones (Age 17)
Jones is the youngest grandchild of David and Isla Jones.

17. Ed Neil (Age 14)
Great-grandson of Jim Neil

Right Backs (RB)

16. Billy Bell (Age 16)
Great-grandson of Andy Bell

18. Tony Fowler (Age 12)
Grandson of Winston Fowler.


MIDFIELDERS

Ball Winners (MB)

22. Robbie Winston (Age 12)
Great-grandson of Richie Winston

23. Jonas Tomasson (Age 10)
Grandson on Jan Tomasson. Quite a big lad, it must be said, especially for his age.

Distributers (MD)

21. Kenny Sanderson V (Age 15)
Not surprisingly, the grandson of Kenny Sanderson III. Kenny Sanderson IV was very disappointed not to be involved.

24. Adam Adams (Age 9)
Great-grandson of the Adams fella who used to be in the squad but never play. Hopefully Adam will get better in time. Johnny, that's him!

Creators (MC)

25. Debbie Jones (Age 13)
Great-granddaughter of Isla and David Jones. Well, legally, David Jones, although Isla was a bit of a player back in the day...

26. Desmond O'Connor (Age 10)
Great-grandson of Graham O'Connor. Would rather play tennis, but is best friends with Tom Fearley, so is coming along for a bit of a laugh.


FORWARDS

Runners (FR)

35. Pierre Leau (Age 17)
A quick young thing like grandfater Jean used to be. Not many adults manage to keep up with him.

36. Joseph Lewis (Age 11)
Great-grandson of Frank Lewis, Joseph will be racing Pierre in a few years time.

Strengths (FS)

32. John Smith (Age 11)
Grandson of Paul Smith and another big lad in the same way as Jonas Tomasson. They both love sweets more than your average kid.

34. James Hogan (Age 16)
Grandfather James was nicknamed "The Hulk", but Paul isn't huge but has massive strength, especially for his age.

Finishers (FF)

31. Colin Berry (Age 13)
Great-grandson of Jerry Berry, and named after Schiavone legend Colin Chester. Good instinct for tender years.

33. Alexandros Chester (Age
Great-grandson of Horatio Konstantopolous, one of only two family names not to make it from the last squad, this one due to marraige. The other being Hugo Brain, as he was always to dumb to figure out how the whole reproduction thing worked.

Our first choice line-up is as follows...

                       1. Howard


    16. Bell     13. Tilda     14. Cueto   15. J.Jones


         25. D.Jones   22. Winston   21. Sanderson V


           31. Berry    34. Hogan    35. Leau

However, there are three alternative formations that are sometimes used. One is the traditional 4-4-2...

                       4. Howard


   16. Bell     13. Tilda     14. Cueto   15. J.Jones


 25. I.Jones  22. Winston   21. Sanderson V   35. Leau


                31. Berry     34. Hogan

...another, a less traditional variation on the same formation, a 2-4-2-2...

                        4. Howard
               

                14. Cueto       13. Tilda


   16. Bell     22. Winston    23. Tomasson   15. J.Jones

              21. Sanderson V   25. D.Jones


                  31. Berry    34. Hogan

...and finally, 3-5-2.

                           4. Howard


               14. Cueto   13. Tilda  11. O'Henry


 35. Leau  25. D.Jones  22. Winston  21. Sanderson V  15. J.Jones


                     31. Berry   34. Hogan

The SFF made themselves some dashing kits for World Cup 31, and we doubt they'll be changing any time soon. Mainly because the designers passed away years ago.

A GUIDE TO SCHIAVONE PLAYING POSITIONS

Schiavone football teams generally play in a 4-3-3 formation, but the different positions are not always referred to in normal terms. The goalkeeper (GK) and centre-backs (CB) are as normal, but the rest are not so clear cut.

The left-back (LB) and right-back (RB) are very important in attacking, and generally one attacks down the wing while the other one comes in and covers as a centre back.

Ball winner (MB) is a midfield position that does exactly what you think. They sit in midfield to protect the defence and win the ball back for the team.

A distributor (MD) is a player with very good passing skills, and can switch play or unlock a defence with one pass, but can keep it simple if the situation requires it.

The creator (MC) is a player who runs at defenders with the ball before either shooting or, more often, laying it off for someone else to have an effort on goal. They are good at attracting defenders and so making space for team mates.

The runner (FR) is a player who can run away from defenders and make chances for themselves with this advantage. Not many slow players can play this role, although Shiela Blige is an example of one.

The strength (FS) is what most people would call the big man up front.

Finally, the finisher (FF) is a player who has an uncanny knack of being in the right place at the right time to stick the ball into the goal with an uncanny regularity.

So there you have it. A guide to the Schiavone style of playing football. Hope that was helpful.

Games in Schiavonia will take place on The Field, which will have a capacity of 6,000. There will be a main stand for 5,000 away fans, and the locals will stand around the edge of the pitch.



Want to know more about our nation? Find it out here.

If you want to interview a Schiavone, feel free. Responses might be a bit slow, though.

Style modifier is +2.


My opponent, if they RP first, can do whatever the hell they like. As long as it is in the friendly Schiavone nature and doesn't involve severely harming or stealing any of the players or the island. For anything that might be a bit outlandish, do contact me first, although I'm usually open-minded to most things. In terms if the usual boxes...

Choose my goalscorers: Y
Godmod scoring events: Y
RP injuries to my players: Y (but nothing too major without asking)
Godmod injuries to my players: Y (again, nothing to major without asking. And no deaths to players!)
Hand out yellow cards to my players: Y (although Schiavone peoples are incredibly nice, often beyond naivity. So no dissent, deliberate violence, etc.)
Hand out red cards to my players: Y
Godmod other events: Y (but don't kill anyone!)

[The Bear Islands]

(Evidently time must pass at a slower rate for this nation than it does for Bears Armed, because they’re still fielding a team whose composition is hardly changed at all from the one that made their international debut back in BoF33…)


Nation: ‘The Bear Islands’.
3-letter code: ‘YRU’.
Team nickname: 'the Braves'.

National Soccer Organisation: The ‘Team Chief’ (i.e. ‘Manager’) reports directly to the national government.
Home pitch: South Beach (This is only useable around low tide, which affects the timing of any games that ever get held there…).
Anthem: ‘We Are Best’.

Team Chief (= Manager): Listens-To-Parrots.
Medicine Man (= Doctor & Chaplain): Red Owl.
Physio: Moonshine (female).

______________________________________________________


This is the team’s starting line-up, until further notice _


Goalkeeper

Stands-Like-Oak (very tall, so that the ball’s unlikely to go over him & still be inside the net; good at reaching out to the sides without moving his feet much, too, although he can move around — and do so very well — if it’s really necessary…)


Defenders

Left: Stone Turtle
Centre: Turtle-Blue-Twin (actually a pair of identical twins, legally a single person under this nation’s own rules, who will generally remain close together and function as a single player…)
Right: Wide Boy


Defensive Midfielders

Left: Running Joke (seems to be as good at running sideways, or even backwards, as he is at running forwards… and is very likely to do so..)
Right: None-Shall-Pass (big and strong, but surprisingly agile for his size too; just promoted from ‘substitute’ to ‘starter’, and wants to prove himself…)

Offensive Midfielders

Left: Mighty-Like-A-Rose ('Game Chief', i.e. Captain)
Right: Harefoot (the team’s fastest runner)


Offenders
(Left to right…)

Running Bare (plays in minimal loin-cloth)
Head-in-Air (very tall, which is relevant for headers and high shots…)
Thunderbolt (takes kick-offs, and most ‘set pieces’)
Son-of-Waves


Substitutes

‘Utility’ (good in any & every position): Football-Wizard

"That deaf, dumb and blind Bear,
Sure plays a mean Football!"

Goalkeeper: Son-of-The-Moon
Defender/Defensive Midfielder: Leaping Walrus (wonderful moustache!
He’s just been demoted from ‘starter’, ands wants to win that stsaus back…)
Midfielder (Defensive/Offensive): Floats-Like-Butterfly
Midfielder (Offensive)/Offender: Stings-Like-Bee (non-identical twin of ‘Floats-Like-Butterfly’)
Offenders: White Lightning (another very fast runner; half-brother of ‘Moonshine’, the Physio…)

Reserve

Offender: Hears-Strange-Ghosts (claims to be advised by spirits whom the team’s other members — and even their nation’s specialists in these matters — can’t detect… He has just been demoted from ‘substitute’ to ‘reserve’, due to unreliability…).


(Their identifying numbers will be re-assigned before each match, on a complicated basis that I’m not going to explain here but might get around to describing in RP at some point…)


No more reserves have been named publicly yet, because to do that would be to imply that they would actually be needed which would be inviting bad luck, but they’ve probably brought a few along anyway….

______________________________________________________


Kit: The team plays in a variant of their normal clothing, rather than in a more ‘conventional’ kit. This consists of a ’churra’ (a sort of short poncho, that doesn’t extend far down the arms) in a red-&-black chequered pattern, held in place by a belt around the waist, with a leather breech-clout under this. They will play bare-footed, unless the organisers forbid this.
They don’t actually have an alternative kit: if circumstances mean that they can’t use their “first” one then they’ll play ‘topless’ instead…

______________________________________________________


If my opponent RPs first then
My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers: Y
Godmod Scoring Events: Y
RP injuries to my players: Y, but nothing too serious without prior permission.
Godmod injuries to my players: Y, ditto.
Hand out Yellow cards to my players: Y
Hand out Red cards to my players: Y, but not more than 2/game without prior permission.
Godmod Other Events: Y, as long as it’s funny…


Comments

Yes, these are all ‘Ursines’, but unlike the members of my other ‘Ursine’ teams they’re all males. They’re a bit less civilised than most of the people from ’Bears Armed’, and their version of the ’harrdiharr’ actually involves brandishing war-clubs (unless their hosts say “No!” verrry firmly…). Expect a modest number of travelling supporters, arriving in large outrigger-canoes and catamaran-canoes and beating loudly on drums to accompany their chants during matches…

[Armed Beers]

'Armed Beers National Team'

Each of this team’s players consists of a quart glass, containing a dark brown liquid with a frothy white ‘head’ (presumably Beer…) in which a pair of glowing [immaterial?] eyes float, that is hovering with its base somewhere between 5 feet & 6 feet off of the ground, with both a pair of identifying numbers and a pair of football boots in appropriate positions — but with the boots not quite touching the ground, even when the player is stationary — below this… and, for the goalkeeper, a pair of gloves (that are apparently filled with something , although you can’t see what that is…) suitably located as well. The eyes will remain paired, but can move freely within the fluid to let them see in any direction without actually needing to turn their “heads” around. They can briefly increase or decrease their height by up to half if this seems useful.
Yes, they can ‘head’ the ball without the glasses breaking or contents spilling, and close observation will reveal that in fact the ball bounces from an invisible surface about an inch off of their visible components when they do so: This surface also protects the glasses against getting broken. They cannot be tripped, and will not dive. Shooting the ball “through” one of them, between their head & their boots, is probably possible if & when they aren’t looking in the shooter’s direction but not if they are aware of the attempt in advance… although other team’s players will only discover this by trial & error.
They can manage throw-ins somehow, although nobody actually sees any hands...

They practice a balanced style, ±0.
They employ a 3-4-3 formation.

Goalkeeper = #1.
Defenders = #2 to #4, right to left.
Midfielders = #5 to #8, right to left.
Forwards = #9 to #11, right to left.

Substitutes = #12 to #18 (preferred positions not yet specified), but these will only be deployed if somebody actually finds a way of injuring one of the starters… and no, your players can’t drink the ‘beer’!

They have not yet supplied the names of their players — or even clarified whether they actually have individual names, anyway — and no manager or coaching staff have been identified so far either.
They haven't brought any supporters along, but don't seem to feel the lack...


My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers: Y
Godmod Scoring Events: Y
RP injuries to my players: N, unless they have obtained prior permission.
Godmod injuries to my players: N, unless they have obtained prior permission.
Hand out Yellow cards to my players: Y, but only if this is acknowledged to be due to faulty (or biased) refereeing as this team will be playing strictly by the book…
Hand out Red cards to my players: N, unless they have obtained prior permission.
Godmod Other Events: Y, as long as it’s funny…

[Sarzonia]

Note: Home kits have a primarily navy colour scheme; away kits are primarily white; keeper kits the third set shown.

I Give My Opponent Permission To:
====================
Choose Scorers: Y
GodMod Goalscoring Events: N

Injure Players: Y (within reason; just don't kill someone)
GodMod Injury Events N

Red Card Players: Y (within reason; no more than two)
Yellow Card Players: Y (within reason)
GodMod Other Events: N
====================

Sarzonia Stars

Manager: Kevin Wilson (48 years old)
After losing out to Franz Braddock for the senior national team managing honours, the younger brother of now Incorporated Football Federation Chairman Brian Wilson has taken the second choice Stars national team.
Assistants: Tom Kendrick (60 years old)
The now-former manager of the Woodstock Wild joined the second choice national team programme after winning just one SFC title in six seasons.
Goalkeeping Coach: Troy Perkins (63)
The first starting goalkeeper in Stars history, Perkins brings a link to the early days of Sarzonian football.

Squad Listing
(Note: Starters in BOLD. Team plays a 4-4-2 alignment with a plus-one modifier.)

No. Name Position Height Weight
1 Will Brantley GK 5'11" 165 pounds
After taking over for Cody Taylor in Woodstock, Brantley, 25, led the league with 27 wins and a 0.61 goals against average.

2 Jonah Matthews D 6'0" 170 pounds
Matthews, 23, brings a lot of speed and skill to the position, but is still trying to get more experience.

4 Tom Thomas D 6'1 185 pounds - CAPTAIN
Thomas, 37, changed his mind about retiring from international football and again assumes the captain's armband.

6 Wes Scott D 5'11 170 pounds
Scott, 28, plays either halfback or fullback for the Nicksia Knights depending on the team's needs of the day. Does not play either position well enough to start for the national team, but his depth should be helpful if the team is leading late.

7 Elijah Aston M 6'1 175 pounds
Aston is arguably the team's most athletic player. He's deadly for New Daurmont on the left flank and was far and away the team's leading scorer with 14 goals in 27 matches. At 24 years old, has potential.

8 Carletta Ryan D 5'7 135 pounds
By far the most physical player in Sarzonian women's football, the 27-year-old has no problems mixing it up with women or men. Set a women's league record for most yellow cards and red cards in one season. Even senior national team goon Spencer Hicks wouldn't mess with her.

9 George Maxwell D 6'5 225 pounds
Dubbed "the brick wall," Maxwell uses size to be a disruptive element as a defensive player. He's also used in an effort to score off headers and the 28-year-old picked up eight goals in 27 matches that way.

10 Nick Barrett F 6'2 220 pounds
Another strong, tall presence, the 25-year-old Barrett is a load to bring down in the box. He's not the most skilled with the ball and he'll likely be used more for the cherry-picking goals.

11 Adam Jones M 5'11 155 pounds
Used as the playmaking midfielder for the Stars second choicers, he fulfills the same role for New Daurmont. Even though he's only 25 years old, he displays enough leadership potential to be considered for the armband sometime in the near future. Scored 11 goals in 32 games.

12 Darryl Norton D/M 6'1", 175 pounds
More likely to provide depth in midfield, but can play defence if needed, the 31-year-old Norton is one of the more vocal players on his team, particularly with younger players who aren't playing to their potential.

13 Dustin Roberts M 5'10 172 pounds
The 33-year-old Roberts is another experienced depth player, coming from Wilmington. He can serve as a playmaking midfielder or on the right wing if needed for his team.

14 Greg Clayton M 6'1, 200 pounds
Clayton, 35, is the defensive midfielder for these Stars. Is not as vocal as Norton is, but gets his point across by intimidating players smaller and larger.

15 Mike Lohman F 6'1, 205 pounds
This 26-year-old has been tried as a playmaking midfielder, but does better as a withdrawn forward. He's scored nine goals in 18 matches in that role after only two goals in 14 matches in midfield. Has speed and skill with the ball.

16 Andrew David M 6'0", 205 pounds
Plays the right wing for the Stars and has blinding speed and a hard shot, though this 22-year-old occasionally needs to be calmed down.

18 Lionel Webb GK 6'4", 210 pounds
Webb, 23, started the last five matches for the Saugerties Snakes, who just missed the SFC playoffs despite his 4-0-1 record and 0.92 goals against average. Used his size and an ability to read shooters to save three of four penalty kicks against.

20 Joel Jones F 5'10", 180 pounds
Speed and scoring touch ensured that this 23-year-old former No. 1 draft choice out of Saugerties University would emerge for the Snakes as their top goalscoring threat. He scored 13 goals in 18 matches after earning his way into the team's starting 11.

[Sarzonia]

Until last night, the last memory anyone had of Sarzonia's second choice national side in AOCAF play was a controversial replay of their Round of 16 match against eventual AOCAF champion Pacitalia.

Everyone knows the history: Sarzonia originally destroyed the Blue Foxes 5-0 in a shock result that resonated throughout Atlantian Oceania. However, Bazalonian organisers determined that the replacement officials hired to work the game failed to receive their permits, and the match was replayed with normal officials.

"It was a valid result," fumed manager Kevin Wilson in his first remarks since the controversy. "There was no bloody reason for replaying the match. It should have been allowed to stand."

The Stars returned to the pitch with Wilson having saved his job in a match that was somehow wiped from the record books. What he didn't know was that first team manager Franz Braddock endorsed him with the Incorporated Football Federation Board of Governors.

It was possible he didn't need the endorsement. After all, his older brother Brian was the chairman, and Brian likely could have used backroom political measures to avoid bringing a motion to terminate Kevin's contract up for a vote. However, there was no need for such dealings.

Wilson's reward for getting his job again? Why, a matchup against Pacitalia, of course. The Stars were drawn with their football rivals once again in the group stage of AOCAF 29. Before that clash, however, the Stars would have to face Sportgirls in their next match. They were successfully able to avoid looking past Sportgirls and to their match against Pacitalia, finishing with a 2-0 victory.

The other opponent in Group C is Armed Beers. Yes, glasses of that brown, frothy beverage will face the Stars in what could be a battle for the right to qualify for the AOCAF knockout stages.

However, Kevin Wilson is not bothered by the incongruity.

"We've faced sentient trees, anthromorphic bears and all manner of unusual combinations," he said. "Facing beers will be interesting. I'll just have to make sure we have wine or champagne in the dressing room for post-match celebrations."

[Starblaydia]

[quote="Starblaydia";p="2079620"]

Matchday Two Scores

Groups A - D, of course, have a bye day. Tables from MD3.

Group E
Milchama 1-2 Osarius
Mantwenic 0-1 The Bear Islands

Group F
Valanora 2-2 Sorthern Northland
Jesselton 1-1 Carpathia and Ruthenia

[Sportgirls]

Overheard in the Sportgirls dressing room after the 2-0 opening day loss to Sarzonia:

"Ow."
"Damn right, ow!"
"Where did they ever get that Ryan chick from? She's tough!"
"You expected less? That was Sarzonia out there."
"Number three in the world. Who cares if it was a B-team."
"B-something works for Ryan, anyhow. I haven't been beaten up that badly since, well, never mind."
"Hey, she did her job. They all did their jobs. We did our jobs, too, two-nil is not a bad result."
"I guess not."
"Who's next?"
"The other unseeded team in the group. Armed Beers. Don't know much about them."
"Then it's Pacitalia, right? Number one in AOCAF?"
"Yeah, we'd better go all out for three this match."
"I always go all out, girlfriend."

[Nellietopia]

To be honest, we're not sure how this thing actually goes, but it's seems quite certain that it would go like this:

The Board of Directors were busily seated in their Boardroom, watching their favorite sitcoms. However, they couldn't just flip through the channels at their leisure; there were taxes on that. Such were their choice of programmes - "O Juiz de Marcarinho"...

"... and your sentence shall be as follows: for failure to turn right down a one-way street of the left-lane of bifurcated highway, a fee of 20 vintems; for failure to pay the tax for failure to turn right down a one-way street of the left-lane of a bifurcated highway, a fee of 200 vintems; for failure to see the car in front of you, a fee of 20 vintems; for failure to pay the tax for failure to see the car in front of you, a fee of 200 vintems; for failure to pay the tax on temporary blindness, a fee of 4000 vintems; for failure to pay either tax in conjunction, a fee of 60000 vintems; for failure to wear a seat belt, one hour of listening to my mother tell you how important it is to wear your seat belt, and any accompanying taxes associated with listening to my mother speak for one hour; for failure to remain in the vehicle after it has come to a complete stop while still in operation, a fee of 20 vintems; for failure to pay the tax for failure to remain in the vehicle after it has come to a complete stop while still in operation, a fee of 200 vintems; for failure to pay the tax on flying, 98400 vintems; for failure to pay the tax on landing, 1093900 vintems; for failure to pay the tax on crash landing, resulting in the injury of a pasenger, 644382000 vintems; for failure to report to the arriving police officer on duty, a fee of 10 vintems; for failure to pay the tax for failure to report to the arriving police officer on duty, a fee of 259348000 vintems; for failure to stand on your own two feet while in this courtroom, a fee of 40 vintems. And I note that the guilty part shall also be charged a fee of 30 vintem for every word that I have uttered, as well as any accompanying court fees, taxes, and the related..."

A few chuckles erupted, but none too hearty. There was a tax on that. They were just about to change the channel to another favorite when a single knock resounded at the door. The Board of Directors looked at their watches, but only for one instant. Using more than one instant requires a tax (and even that one instant was taxable, although they were more than willing to take the tax exemption tax for that one). But having looked at their watches, the Board of Directors realized that they didn't have any scheduled appointments at that time, and having a visitor without an appointment costs more in taxes than making the appointment and keeping to the scheduled time for the appointment. But evidently, whoever was knocking was clearly unaware of the tax on knocking on the frame of really big doors (as opposed to really small doors).

With that, a huge crack heaved the door and in came purple-stinging nellies!

"Ah!!! Taxes!!!" the Board of Directors cried, worrying more about paying the taxes for having a broken door (which ironically was less than the tax for breaking down a door, although there were taxes against assault of an inanimate object, destruction of property without title to property, destruction of property in possession of another, destruction of property entitled to another, destruction of property... in general...). But the nellies were quick to quip their by now ridiculous chime. "We're here to sell Nellie Scout Cookies. Would you care to buy some?"

A couple of grumbles echoed amongst the men seated at the table. A couple of "ho"s also echoed, but we're not too certain about that. Then, the nearest director - the Director of Talking (because he was paid to talk - so he could pay the taxes for talking to people without appointments) - leaned towards the nellies, saying, "We're not interested in buying your cookies, least of all because we're not too keen about the purchase of your cookies."

"But we'll pay all of the taxes associated with your purchase!" the nellies said.

"Right," the Director replied, "but we're also aware of some stories about your cookies. Rumor has it that they're..." he leaned even closer... "made with children."

"We also have cookies that aren't made with children!" the nellies replied.

The Directors simultaneously gasped, notwithstanding the tax for gasping out of order was significantly more expensive than the tax for gasping in unison. The Director continued to talk. "But who would eat such a thing?"

"Cookies made without babies?" the nellies replied.

"No, cookies," the Director explained. "Besides, we're not too fond of eating cookies."

At that instant, the rest of the Board glanced at that Director. He had forgotten that publicly declaring a dislike of cookies took a hefty fine. It seems that that one was coming out of his paycheck.

"Well, I'm sure that we can come to agreement about purchasing some of our cookies," the nellies replied.

The Director shrugged his shoulders, "Actually, no we can't, because negotiations are taxed in Cafundéu." It was evident that he didn't want to talk with the nellies.

"On the contrary, negotiations with nellies are not taxed in Cafundéu."

As if on command, the TV blared out a new announcement: "BREAKING NEWS FROM CAFUNDO DO JUTA! PARLIAMENT HAS JUST PASSED A NEW TAX ON NEGOTIATIONS WITH NON-HUMAN SENTIENT CREATURES! NEWS AT 8 TONIGHT AFTER YOU'VE PAID YOUR TAXES!"

The nellies, with their plethora of eyes, glanced at the TV, wondering if some form of subterfuge was going on. "Well, it used to be the case..."

THe TV broke out with yet another wonderful announcement: "BREAKING NEWS FROM CAFUNDO DO JUTA! PARLIAMENT HAS JUST PASSED A NEW TAX ON NEGOTIATIONS WITH NON-SENTIENT CREATURES AND/OR INANIMATE OBJECTS! NEWS AT 8 TONIGHT AFTER YOU'VE PAID YOUR TAXES!"

"Clearly, there's something wrong with this country," the head nellie said. "Yeah, there's a tax on that too. Anyway, since there's taxes out the wazoo - and there's a tax on that too - let's get to the negotiations."

"We categorically refuse to commence any negotiations," the Director said. "Besides, you'd need to make an appointment before we could begin any sort of discussion to make a transfer or exchange of property."

"We've already made an appointment."

Immediately, a sigh of relief erupted from the Board of Directors. Unfortunately, the Director of Talking was too busy talking to sigh at the same time, so a tax on not sighing in unison was applied. But with that said, the Board of Directors began negotiations. Fortunately, they opted for an abbreviated negotiation, montage style with lyrics from the latest WorldSongContestThingamerbobberthingy about working hard and hardly working. At the end of it all, there was an agreement, although I'm not sure what it was all about. I'm pretty sure there's a tax on that too.


Anyway, back to Starblaydia...

[Pacitalia]

Football > AOCAF Cup 29
Monday 10th May 2010

Foxes open with confident win over Armed Beers
Legless flagons of ale unable (in more ways than one) to put anything past clean-sheeted Zolà

Alberto-Vicente Marro
Tabeck, Starblaydia

It was an easy re-entry to the AOCAF Cup for title defenders Pacitalia Monday evening, downing Armed Beers 4-0 to open the group stage.

Striker Ambrosino Giurimano, in his 99th cap for the Blue Foxes, put in his 77th and 78th career international goals, in leading a balanced Pacitalian attack. Meanwhile, the Foxes' defence held strong, conceding only a pair of shots on target during 90 minutes.

Massimo da Scupeta and Andolfabio Vunghiasso (on a penalty kick) provided the Foxes' other two goals during the opening match of the AOCAF29 group stage in Starblaydia.

Notwithstanding the fact that it was the toughest of opening draws for the Armed Beers to face the region's number-one team; it was also difficult for them to generate shots as the team consists of animated glasses of beer, with no arms or legs. Both of the team's shots came off redirections by the head.

"It was an amusing match to say the least," Pacitalian manager Marco van Basten remarked post-game. "I think the boys went a little easier on them then they needed to be."

"That said," van Basten added, "it's not sporting to go for the blowout win."

The manager noted that the Armed Beers match was "an easier opening test than we're used to", and says the last thing the Foxes want to do at this point is get overconfident.

"We will take the good lessons from that first match and try and apply them in our next few matches," he said. "It's just one match."

van Basten refused comment on a question from a Starblaydi reporter asking whether allowing beer glasses to compete in what is supposed to be the premier regional tournament in the world diminishes the cup's overall reputation. But he did say that "the point of AOCAF's set up is to allow every team that wants to compete the chance to compete. I'm not against a qualifying pre-tournament like the World Cup has but I do appreciate the different way in which we do things."

For Pacitalia's fans, the Armed Beers match was just a preliminary blip on the radar in advance of what is surely going to be one of the defining matches of the whole group stage and maybe the tournament. Once again, the Foxes will face Sarzonia's Stars; anyone with even a short memory will instantly be reminded of the controversy last year between the two normally friendly rivals, when the Stars dumped the Foxes in a 5-0 shellacking only to end up losing to Pacitalia 3-2 when the entire round of 16 was re-run due to irregularities with the officiating team.

Pacitalia, on its second life, went on to recapture the AOCAF title, beating Sorthern Northland 2-1 in the final.

Had the matches not been replayed, the original result, a stunning early elimination in the opening knockout round, would still be haunting the Foxes and their fans, and the preview of the Pacitalia-Sarzonia match would be built upon the question of whether or not the Foxes would be able to exact decisive revenge for such a lopsided defeat.

Instead, it will be the Stars looking to right what they see as a victory, moral as much as physical, a rare win over a normally unbeatable Foxes squad, stolen from right under them. The two teams will flip kits; this time, the Stars will play in navy blue and the Foxes will be in their away white kits.

From AOCAF Cup 29 in Starblaydia
Pacitalia 4 — 0 Armed Beers
PAC: Vunghiasso 11' (p) / Giurimano 39', 71' / da Scupeta 55'

Next up: SRZ v PAC, ARB v SPG

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