[PASSED] Commend McMasterdonia

[Mousebumples]

Draft Five:

THE WORLD ASSEMBLY:

RECOGNIZES McMasterdonia as a gifted diplomat, as seen during terms served as Delegate and Minister of Foreign Affairs of The North Pacific where existing alliances with Osiris & The South Pacific were reinforced. New partnerships were also established with Albion, Balder, Europeia, & The East Pacific. These diplomatic efforts fostered strong and lasting ties between the involved regions, promoted peaceful collaboration among international leaders, & strengthened the position of The North Pacific within the NationStates multiverse.

APPRECIATES McMasterdonia's skills as a military commander, noting the efforts spent working among the primary coordinators during the liberation of The South Pacific, after [nation=short]Milograd[/nation]'s coup. McMasterdonia later served as a General in the New Southern Army and assisted in revitalizing the army of the The South Pacific in the coup's aftermath.

HIGHLIGHTS McMasterdonia's efforts to revive the North Pacific Army (NPA) in The North Pacific while serving as the region's Minister of Defense. McMasterdonia was one of the primary contributors to the NPA Doctrine, which is the NPA's current operating document that emphasizes minimization of collateral damage during warfare while permitting the NPA to operate both offensively and defensively in accordance with regional interests. Membership and expertise in the NPA grew significantly as a result of McMasterdonia's continued efforts, which allowed the organization to better serve The North Pacific.

LAUDS the contributions made by McMasterdonia to the security and stability of regions, such as with Australia. McMasterdonia was involved with the efforts to refound this region & also assisted in keeping the natives informed while coordinating with the Ten Thousand Island Treaty Organisation command when the region was refounded.

DETAILS, additionally, the instrumental nature of McMasterdonia's contributions to strengthen the Security Council of The North Pacific, both as Vice Delegate & as a contributing member. Through this work, the community of The North Pacific has seen reinforced security and stability.

OBSERVES McMasterdonia’s continued service as an administrator for the forums of both Balder and The North Pacific, where innovations were implemented to benefit all forum participants.

NOTES that McMasterdonia authored SCR#129 - Commend Eluvatar & SCR#147 - Commend Astarial & also regularly contributes to the efforts of others to draft legislation for this Assembly.

RESPECTS the longevity of McMasterdonia as WA Delegate for The North Pacific. McMasterdonia holds the record for longest continuous Delegate term in the history of The North Pacific & the second-longest cumulative time served as WA Delegate. During this most recent term, McMasterdonia boasted the most endorsements of any WA Delegate within NationStates.

ADMIRES the leadership style of McMasterdonia, which has resulted in improved stability & unity within The North Pacific as a whole, & has served to provide opportunities for the development and advancement of newcomers both in The North Pacific & internationally. Those who have received mentorship & support from McMasterdonia have contributed to the multiverse in a number of ways - such as passing numerous World Assembly resolutions or serving in esteemed leadership positions, such as WA Delegate, within various notable regions.

COMMENDS McMasterdonia.

Co-Author: Renaissancistic People

THE WORLD ASSEMBLY:

RECOGNIZES McMasterdonia as a gifted diplomat, as seen during terms served as Delegate and Minister of Foreign Affairs of The North Pacific where existing alliances with Osiris and The South Pacific were reinforced. New partnerships were also established with Albion, Balder, Europeia, and The East Pacific. These diplomatic efforts fostered strong and lasting ties between the involved regions, promoted peaceful collaboration among international leaders, and strengthened the position of The North Pacific within the NationStates multiverse.

APPRECIATES McMasterdonia's skills as a military commander, as he was among the primary coordinators of the liberation of The South Pacific, after [nation=short]Milograd[/nation]'s coup. McMasterdonia later served as a General in the New Southern Army and assisted in revitalizing the army of the The South Pacific in the coup's aftermath.

HIGHLIGHTS McMasterdonia's efforts to revive the North Pacific Army (NPA) in The North Pacific while serving as the region's Minister of Defense. McMasterdonia was one of the primary contributors to the NPA Doctrine, which is the NPA's current operating document that emphasizes minimization of collateral damage during warfare while permitting the NPA to operate both offensively and defensively in accordance with regional interests. Membership and expertise in the NPA grew significantly as a result of McMasterdonia's continued efforts, which allowed the organization to better protect The North Pacific.

LAUDS the contributions made by McMasterdonia to the security and stability of regions, such as with Australia. McMasterdonia was involved with the efforts to refound this region and assisted in keeping the natives informed and coordinating with the Ten Thousand Island Treaty Organisation command when the region was refounded.

DETAILS, additionally, the instrumental nature of McMasterdonia's contributions to strengthen the Security Council of The North Pacific, both as Vice Delegate and as a contributing member. Through this work, the community of The North Pacific has seen reinforced security and stability.

OBSERVES McMasterdonia’s continued service as an administrator for the forums of both Balder and The North Pacific, where innovations were implemented to benefit all forum participants.

NOTES that McMasterdonia authored SCR#129, Commend Eluvatar, and SCR#147, Commend Astarial, and also regularly contributes to the efforts of others to draft legislation for this Assembly.

RESPECTS the longevity of McMasterdonia as WA Delegate for The North Pacific. McMasterdonia owns the longest consecutive and cumulative Delegate terms in the history of The North Pacific. During this most recent term, McMasterdonia boasted the most endorsements of any WA Delegate within NationStates.

ADMIRES the leadership style of McMasterdonia, which resulted in improved stability and unity within The North Pacific as a whole, and served to provide opportunities for development and advancement of newcomers both in The North Pacific and internationally. Those who have received mentorship and support from McMasterdonia have contributed to the multiverse in a number of ways, which include passing numerous World Assembly resolutions or serving in esteemed leadership positions, such as WA Delegate, within various notable regions.

COMMENDS McMasterdonia.

Co-Author: Renaissancistic People

THE WORLD ASSEMBLY:

Acknowledges that commendations should be awarded only to those nations and regions that have made an effort to go "above and beyond" the actions and achievements of the average nation or region, through demonstrative and diverse efforts that have made a positive impact on the international community as a whole;

Believes that [nation=short]McMasterdonia[/nation]'s actions have merited such a commendation, due to McMasterdonia's active involvement under different capacities in multiple regions around the world and contributions transcending the multiverse.

Recognizes McMasterdonia as a gifted diplomat. This characteristic is exemplified through the actions of McMasterdonia during terms as Delegate and Minister of Foreign Affairs of The North Pacific. McMasterdonia reinforced existing alliances with Osiris and The South Pacific, and established new partnerships with Albion, Balder, Europeia, and The East Pacific. These diplomatic efforts fostered strong and lasting ties between these regions, promoted peaceful collaboration with international leaders, and strengthened the position of The North Pacific within the NationStates multiverse.

Recognizes McMasterdonia as a skilled military commander and administrator, as he was among the primary coordinators of the liberation of The South Pacific, after [nation=short]Milograd[/nation]'s coup. McMasterdonia later served as a General in the New Southern Army and assisted in revitalizing the army of the The South Pacific in the coup's aftermath. McMasterdonia also worked to revive the North Pacific Army (NPA) in The North Pacific when serving as the region's Minister of Defense. McMasterdonia was one of the primary contributors to the NPA Doctrine, which is the NPA's current operating document that emphasizes minimization of collateral damage during warfare while permitting the NPA to operate both offensively and defensively in accordance with regional interests. Membership and expertise in the NPA grew significantly as a result of McMasterdonia's continued efforts, which allowed the organization to better protect The North Pacific.

Recognizes McMasterdonia’s contributions to the security and stability of multiple regions. McMasterdonia was involved with the efforts to refound Australia and assisted with the process through keeping the natives informed and coordinating with TITO command when the region was refounded. McMasterdonia was instrumental in strengthening the Security Council of The North Pacific, both as Vice Delegate and as a contributing member. Through this work, the community of The North Pacific has seen reinforced security and stability. Additionally, McMasterdonia continues to serve as an administrator for the forums of both Balder and The North Pacific, where innovations were implemented to benefit all forum participants.

Recognizes that McMasterdonia authored SCR#129, Commend Eluvatar, and SCR#147, Commend Astarial, and also regularly contributes to the efforts of others to draft legislation for this Assembly.

Respects the longevity of McMasterdonia as WA Delegate for The North Pacific. McMasterdonia owns the longest consecutive and cumulative Delegate terms in the history of The North Pacific. During this most recent term, McMasterdonia boasted the most endorsements of any WA Delegate within NationStates.

Admires the leadership style of McMasterdonia, which resulted in improved stability and unity within The North Pacific as a whole, and served to provide opportunities for development and advancement of newcomers both in The North Pacific and internationally. Those who received mentorship and support from McMasterdonia have passed numerous World Assembly resolutions or served in other leadership positions, such as WA Delegate, within various notable regions.

Hereby commends McMasterdonia.

Co-Author: [nation=short]Renaissancistic People[/nation]

THE WORLD ASSEMBLY:

Acknowledges that commendations should be awarded only to those nations and regions that have made an effort to go "above and beyond" the standard actions and achievements of the average nation or region, through demonstrative efforts that have made a positive impact on the international community as a whole;

Believes that [nation=short]McMasterdonia[/nation]'s actions have merited such a commendation, due to McMasterdonia's active involvement in multiple regions around the world and contributions transcending the multiverse. These include:

• Assisting with the liberation of The South Pacific, after [nation=short]Milograd[/nation]'s coup. McMasterdonia served as a General in the New Southern Army, which assisted in revitalizing the army of the The South Pacific in the coup's aftermath.
• Assisting in the efforts to refound Australia through informing the natives about the process of a such an effort and coordinating with TITO command when the refounding process occurred.
• Serving as the Minister of Information in Balder, where McMasterdonia worked to create legislation to begin the Royal Council, produced multiple issues of the regional newspaper, and contributed positively to the entertainment and cultural development of the region.
• Additionally acting as Vizier of Foreign Affairs for Osiris & the first Minister of Foreign Affairs for Albion;

Recognizes McMasterdonia authored SCR#129, Commend Eluvatar, and also regularly contributes to the efforts of others to draft legislation for this Assembly.

Lauds the efforts of McMasterdonia through the efforts involved with serving as a forum administrator for both Balder and The North Pacific, through which many have benefited from the actions and innovations of McMasterdonia while serving in this role.

Recognizes that McMasterdonia worked to recreate the North Pacific Army (NPA) in The North Pacific when serving as the region's Minister of Defense and served as one of the primary contributors to what became the NPA Doctrine. McMasterdonia continued efforts to guide and improve the NPA while serving as Vice Delegate for The North Pacific. Membership in the NPS multiplied, as a result, which allowed the organization to better protect The North Pacific.

Acknowledges the work of McMasterdonia as a member of the Security Council for the North Pacific, as the Security Council is tasked with ensuring the security of the region.

Respects the longevity of McMasterdonia as WA Delegate for The North Pacific. McMasterdonia served as WA Delegate for a The North Pacific record of 12 months, cumulatively and 8 months consecutively. Both of these are the longest terms - consecutive and cumulative - recorded for The North Pacific. During this most recent term, McMasterdonia boasted the most endorsements of any WA Delegate within NationStates for much of this recent term as Delegate;

Admires the leadership style of McMasterdonia, which resulted in improved stability and unity within the region as a whole and served to provide opportunities for development and advancement of newcomers within The North Pacific;

Recognizes that McMasterdonia served as the Minister of Foreign Affairs for The North Pacific, during which time the region signed treaties with both Balder and Europeia. These diplomatic efforts fostered strong and lasting ties between these regions and reinforced the strength of The North Pacific within the NationStates multiverse.

Hereby commends McMasterdonia.

Co-Author: r3n ... with whatever nation he tells me to credit

I've got verbiage repetition at this point - which is a pet peeve of mine - but I'll fix that once I have a more final draft ready to go. General comments are, of course, welcome, but a few particular things I'd like feedback/more info on:

1) What, if anything, has McM done that has been "notable" through his work as an admin for both Balder and TNP? Right now, that clause is modeled after what's in the Commend for Hobbes, but I wouldn't mind expanding it out more.
2) What specific actions, if anything, has McM done during his time on the TNP Security Council that should be specified in the text?
3) What specific actions or impacts, if any, has McM done with regards to recognizing his leadership style within TNP?
4) Anything else I'm missing ... or anything else that can/should be expanded upon?
5) Anything that doesn't seem to be worth including and should be cut out entirely?

I hope to have another new draft in a few days, but I've got a few drafts in progress (check out the GA for the other two), and this whole mod-thing gives me less free time to work on updating drafts, I'm afraid.

Thanks!

THE WORLD ASSEMBLY:

Acknowledges that commendations should be awarded only to those nations and regions that have made an effort to go "above and beyond" through efforts that have made a positive impact on the international community as a whole;

Believes that McMasterdonia's actions have merited such a commendation, due to McMasterdonia's active involvement in multiple regions around the world and contributions transcend the multiverse. These include:

• Coordinating the liberation of The South Pacific, after the coup of that region by Milograd, and then serving as a General in the New Southern Army following the coup. McMasterdonia assisted in revitalizing the army of the The South Pacific in the coup's aftermath.
• Assisting in the efforts to refound Australia through informing the natives about the process of a such an effort and coordinating with TITO command when the refounding process occurred.
• Serving as the Minister of Information in Balder, where McMasterdonia worked to create legislation to begin the Royal Council.
• Acting as Vizier of Foreign Affairs for Osiris, which [ACCOMPLISHED XYZ - need more meat on this clause ... help anyone?];

Recognizes that McMasterdonia worked to recreate the North Pacific Army in The North Pacific when serving as the region's Vice Delegate. Membership in the North Pacific Army multiplied, as a result, which allowed the organization to better protect The North Pacific;

Respects the longevity of McMasterdonia as WA Delegate for The North Pacific. McMasterdonia served as WA Delegate for 12 months, cumulatively over the course of the past two years, and recently completed an 8 month term as WA Delegate for this region. Both of these are the longest terms - consecutive and cumulative - recorded for The North Pacific;

Notes that McMasterdonia accumulated 530 endorsements within The North Pacific, and boasted the most endorsements of any WA Delegate within NationStates for much of his recent term as Delegate;

Admires the leadership style of McMasterdonia, which resulted in improved stability and unity within the region as a whole and served to provide opportunities for development and advancement of newcomers within The North Pacific;

Appreciates the impressively positive impact that McMasterdonia has had across multiple regions within NationStates;

Hereby commends McMasterdonia.

Comments and additional content are more than welcome, of course. I don't claim to be an SC rules expert, so I may have some goofs in here somewhere that need fixing.

Also, how many of these [nation.] tags should I be including? Everything? Some things? I'm thinking I might [nation=short] on most of these (and save the full [nation] tag for the commend McM line), but those tags don't work on the forums, so I'll worry about that later.

Again, feedback is greatly appreciated as I haven't drafted anything in the SC in ... literally ... almost 4 years. (that was pre-Rule 4!)

[Mallorea and Riva]

Comments and additional content are more than welcome, of course. I don't claim to be an SC rules expert, so I may have some goofs in here somewhere that need fixing.

Also, how many of these [nation.] tags should I be including? Everything? Some things? I'm thinking I might [nation=short] on most of these (and save the full [nation] tag for the commend McM line), but those tags don't work on the forums, so I'll worry about that later.

Again, feedback is greatly appreciated as I haven't drafted anything in the SC in ... literally ... almost 4 years. (that was pre-Rule 4!)

There aren't any obvious rules violations that I can spot. The general tendency is that nation tags should be used the first time a nation is mentioned but not in subsequent repeats. That is merely a stylistic preference though. Personally I'm disappointed that McMaster chose not to coup the place and turn it into his own personal fiefdom but that's just me.

[SkyDip]

I'll reiterate my points from the Europeian draft thread.

My major issue with this draft nominee is that Commendations should be in respect to actions or effects "on the international community as a whole," and yet we see only one clause of six pertaining to actions outside of TNP. I don't think his merits outside of TNP are even that impressive as listed here (and, granted, this is an early draft in which Mouse has stated her knowledge of McM's actions is limited). I mean, vacationing in every GCR isn't really that commendable, to me. In fact, many people here (Europeia) have argued that type of multi-regional membership is a bad thing due to the inherent ability to vote multiple times on WA proposals, etc.

I'm just not sure McM's laudables are really on par with what I think the SC should be highlighting in Commendations.

[Mousebumples]

I could condense the clauses and use a similar list function for his TNP achievements, if that would help. Then it would be like, one clause out of 4, depending on how you're doing your math. Or, I could split out each of the non-TNP list items into being a separate clause. That would make it 4 clauses out of 9, which is almost half.

Funny/fuzzy math doesn't change the fact that McM has had an impact on multiple players and regions across NS. I'm hoping to get more feedback/info from a few additional players that I've contacted, on top of whatever people chime in with on this draft thread. (Hint, hint.)

[Ramaeus]

THE WORLD ASSEMBLY:

Acknowledges that commendations should be awarded only to those nations and regions that have made an effort to go "above and beyond" through efforts that have made a positive impact on the international community as a whole;

Above and beyond what?

Believes that McMasterdonia's actions have merited such a commendation, due to McMasterdonia's active involvement in multiple regions around the world and contributions transcend the multiverse. These include:

This clause is quite strange, but I cannot think of a suitable replacement that keeps your original wording.
Perhaps: "Acknowledging McMasterdonia's contributions to a myriad of regions, assisting in their growth and development, and fostering diplomatic ties and a sense of closeness with some of the largest regions in the world, notably:"

Coordinating the liberation of The South Pacific, after the coup of that region by Milograd, and then serving as a General in the New Southern Army following the coup. McMasterdonia assisted in revitalizing the army of the The South Pacific in the coup's aftermath.

The phrasing is a little awkward, perhaps:
"Coordinating the liberation of The South Pacific after Milograd's coup, and leading in the revitalization of the region's army in the aftermath of the coup,"

Acting as Vizier of Foreign Affairs for Osiris, which [ACCOMPLISHED XYZ - need more meat on this clause ... help anyone?];

I would recommend contacting Sev or Raven.

Respects the longevity of McMasterdonia as WA Delegate for The North Pacific. McMasterdonia served as WA Delegate for 12 months, cumulatively over the course of the past two years, and recently completed an 8 month term as WA Delegate for this region. Both of these are the longest terms - consecutive and cumulative - recorded for The North Pacific;

Notes that McMasterdonia accumulated 530 endorsements within The North Pacific, and boasted the most endorsements of any WA Delegate within NationStates for much of his recent term as Delegate;

Admires the leadership style of McMasterdonia, which resulted in improved stability and unity within the region as a whole and served to provide opportunities for development and advancement of newcomers within The North Pacific;

This set of clauses looks like you are commending him because he was delegate for a while.

Not bad. The phrasing seems a little awkward in parts, you need more information about his achievements in TNP, and this reads more like a commendation for having several titles in several regions. For commendations based on regional work, I would recommend looking at Commend Krull Commend Loop, or Commend Harm.

[SkyDip]

<snip>

Aw, look at you and your three passed resolutions giving Mouse pointers. Adorable.

[Mousebumples]

<snip>

Aw, look at you and your three passed resolutions giving Mouse pointers. Adorable.

I've only got 2 passed SC resolutions, so he's one-upped me there. And thanks for the suggestions, Ram. I know this text needs some work, but I also need some content, so I figured I'd post sooner rather than later to get feedback AND content.

It's about time for work here, but I'll look to make some edits in the next day or so. Thanks again!

[Wordy]

I wonder mouse if somehow his diplomacy and honourable reputation could be further touched upon. The very fact that TITO would work with him while at odds with TNP's military stance is very telling.

[Mallorea and Riva]

I wonder mouse if somehow his diplomacy and honourable reputation could be further touched upon. The very fact that TITO would work with him while at odds with TNP's military stance is very telling.

That's true, working with those TITO people is next to impossible

[Kiwitaicho]

Definitely a good start. You also might want to add that he co-authored Commend Eluvatar.

I don't know if this draft fully conveys his contribution to new nations particularly but it is definitely a good start. I will try have a read over it tonight and suggest some more changes.

[Solorni]

I wonder mouse if somehow his diplomacy and honourable reputation could be further touched upon. The very fact that TITO would work with him while at odds with TNP's military stance is very telling.

That's true, working with those TITO people is next to impossible

Except Mcmasterdonia is a TITO people according to some people

See, it all makes sense.

[Wordy]

I am behind the times. I did not hear that theory before. Last I heard he was Guy.
I actually would have liked to see that worked into the resolution however I believe referring the McM as Guy would be a rule violation.

[Mallorea and Riva]

:clap:
I am behind the times. I did not hear that theory before. Last I heard he was Guy.
I actually would have liked to see that worked into the resolution however I believe referring the McM as Guy would be a rule violation.

He is Guy, but Guy is you. At least, that's the current leading theory. Working that into the proposal is doable I'm sure.

[Abacathea]

I know there's a few nations who really wanted to work on something like this. My original idea was to have a commend with three or four signatures at the bottom, but I suppose someone would have kicked up a fuss about that in the long run despite me feeling it to have been a sizeable tribute to the nation.

I'll try and give you some info to work within in the next day or two, I trust you're following your own words of marathon not sprint, and i'll direct others here who I know are excited about the prospect

[Mousebumples]

Absolutely, true, Aba. I have a bit more info that I've gotten from r3n, notably, that I need to work into this, so I'm hoping to have a new draft to post up maybe tomorrow or so. And, yes, my definition of "marathon" applies here - not yours. This draft is obviously, quite far from where I want it to be, and I'm looking forward to improving it significantly prior to submission.

[Mousebumples]

New draft! (It'll be edited into the OP shortly.)

THE WORLD ASSEMBLY:

Acknowledges that commendations should be awarded only to those nations and regions that have made an effort to go "above and beyond" the standard actions and achievements of the average nation or region, through demonstrative efforts that have made a positive impact on the international community as a whole;

Believes that [nation=short]McMasterdonia[/nation]'s actions have merited such a commendation, due to McMasterdonia's active involvement in multiple regions around the world and contributions transcending the multiverse. These include:

• Assisting with the liberation of The South Pacific, after [nation=short]Milograd[/nation]'s coup. McMasterdonia served as a General in the New Southern Army, which assisted in revitalizing the army of the The South Pacific in the coup's aftermath.
• Assisting in the efforts to refound Australia through informing the natives about the process of a such an effort and coordinating with TITO command when the refounding process occurred.
• Serving as the Minister of Information in Balder, where McMasterdonia worked to create legislation to begin the Royal Council, produced multiple issues of the regional newspaper, and contributed positively to the entertainment and cultural development of the region.
• Additionally acting as Vizier of Foreign Affairs for Osiris & the first Minister of Foreign Affairs for Albion;

Recognizes McMasterdonia authored SCR#129, Commend Eluvatar, and also regularly contributes to the efforts of others to draft legislation for this Assembly.

Lauds the efforts of McMasterdonia through the efforts involved with serving as a forum administrator for both Balder and The North Pacific, through which many have benefited from the actions and innovations of McMasterdonia while serving in this role.

Recognizes that McMasterdonia worked to recreate the North Pacific Army (NPA) in The North Pacific when serving as the region's Minister of Defense and served as one of the primary contributors to what became the NPA Doctrine. McMasterdonia continued efforts to guide and improve the NPA while serving as Vice Delegate for The North Pacific. Membership in the NPS multiplied, as a result, which allowed the organization to better protect The North Pacific.

Acknowledges the work of McMasterdonia as a member of the Security Council for the North Pacific, as the Security Council is tasked with ensuring the security of the region.

Respects the longevity of McMasterdonia as WA Delegate for The North Pacific. McMasterdonia served as WA Delegate for a The North Pacific record of 12 months, cumulatively and 8 months consecutively. Both of these are the longest terms - consecutive and cumulative - recorded for The North Pacific. During this most recent term, McMasterdonia boasted the most endorsements of any WA Delegate within NationStates for much of this recent term as Delegate;

Admires the leadership style of McMasterdonia, which resulted in improved stability and unity within the region as a whole and served to provide opportunities for development and advancement of newcomers within The North Pacific;

Recognizes that McMasterdonia served as the Minister of Foreign Affairs for The North Pacific, during which time the region signed treaties with both Balder and Europeia. These diplomatic efforts fostered strong and lasting ties between these regions and reinforced the strength of The North Pacific within the NationStates multiverse.

Hereby commends McMasterdonia.

Co-Author: r3n ... with whatever nation he tells me to credit

I've got verbiage repetition at this point - which is a pet peeve of mine - but I'll fix that once I have a more final draft ready to go. General comments are, of course, welcome, but a few particular things I'd like feedback/more info on:

1) What, if anything, has McM done that has been "notable" through his work as an admin for both Balder and TNP? Right now, that clause is modeled after what's in the Commend for Hobbes, but I wouldn't mind expanding it out more.
2) What specific actions, if anything, has McM done during his time on the TNP Security Council that should be specified in the text?
3) What specific actions or impacts, if any, has McM done with regards to recognizing his leadership style within TNP?
4) Anything else I'm missing ... or anything else that can/should be expanded upon?
5) Anything that doesn't seem to be worth including and should be cut out entirely?

I hope to have another new draft in a few days, but I've got a few drafts in progress (check out the GA for the other two), and this whole mod-thing gives me less free time to work on updating drafts, I'm afraid.

Thanks!

[Abacathea]

. And, yes, my definition of "marathon" applies here - not yours.

I resent that!

[Mousebumples]

. And, yes, my definition of "marathon" applies here - not yours.

I resent that!

Correction: you resemble that.

[Ramaeus]

Believes that [nation=short]McMasterdonia[/nation]'s actions have merited such a commendation, due to McMasterdonia's active involvement in multiple regions around the world and contributions transcending the multiverse. These include:

I would think "their" would fit better, no?

Believes that [nation=short]McMasterdonia[/nation]'s actions have merited such a commendation, due to their active involvement in multiple regions around the world and contributions transcending the multiverse. These include:

Also, I do not think that this clause describes anything too noteworthy or unique:

Recognizes McMasterdonia authored SCR#129, Commend Eluvatar, and also regularly contributes to the efforts of others to draft legislation for this Assembly.

[Charles Cerebella]

As Mousebumples has messaged me about if there is any relevant information about Mcm's involvement in Albion I thought I would just add a little here. Though he only served as our Knight Foreign for two months, during that period the region signed bilateral treaties with Ainur, Balder, TNI, the LKE, Europeia and Kantrias, as well as the multi-lateral treaties, the Arnhelm Declaration of Recruitment Standards, the Second Monarchist Treaty and the Bealtaine Accord (2013). All these treaties are still extant (though a new Monarchist Treaty is being negotiated at this time and should be ratified soon).

[Kiwitaicho]

I mean this in the nicest possible way but I feel like the structure and emphasis of this draft is completely wrong. McMasterdonia's true talent is diplomacy. I feel that this combined with his almost unparalleled ability to inspire new players and old should be at the core of the proposal.

I'll see if I can retweak it to do this.

He's also one of very few truly neutral players in R/D.

[Ramaeus]

I mean this in the nicest possible way but I feel like the structure and emphasis of this draft is completely wrong. McMasterdonia's true talent is diplomacy. I feel that this combined with his almost unparalleled ability to inspire new players and old should be at the core of the proposal.

I'll see if I can retweak it to do this.

He's also one of very few truly neutral players in R/D.

With all do respect, this is only the second draft. Mouse is immensely skilled and talented. This draft will be quite good once it is submitted.

[Mousebumples]

I mean this in the nicest possible way but I feel like the structure and emphasis of this draft is completely wrong. McMasterdonia's true talent is diplomacy. I feel that this combined with his almost unparalleled ability to inspire new players and old should be at the core of the proposal.

I'll see if I can retweak it to do this.

He's also one of very few truly neutral players in R/D.

I don't disagree with your statements, but I don't have enough information about how he used his diplomacy talents to make an impact on NationStates, or how his leadership worked to inspire others. I agree that those are big things about McM that are undersold in the current draft, but if I just say "he was a great leader and great at diplomacy" and don't have any detail to back it up ... how would nations who don't know McM vote? (My guess: not positively)

I'm happy to link (in the forum thread) to testimonials, etc., if you (or others) have such details to share, and I could probably tie that into the thread by stating that McM served to motivate, inspire, inform, etc., many new players in NationStates, including ... Kiwitaicho, Ravenclaw, Aba, etc., with [nation=short] links in the C&C text itself and then split it out more elsewhere.

Again: I'm happy to rearrange things, if I have enough content to make it seem like a viable alternative. But being told he is all these things (which I've heard before, from others) without any more information that I can expand upon within the text ... doesn't seem as useful to me. But maybe I'm the only one who's naturally skeptical when I'm reading some of these C&C texts if I don't know the target player in question .... ?

[South Pacific Belschaft]

As much as I respect MC, I don't think the TSP reference is justified. Whilst his help was appreciated, he was not a central figure in the regions military campaign, nor has he been particularly involved in TSP before or after.

[Mousebumples]

As much as I respect MC, I don't think the TSP reference is justified. Whilst his help was appreciated, he was not a central figure in the regions military campaign, nor has he been particularly involved in TSP before or after.

I'm planning to rework this significantly - rearranging the setup of the clauses, adding and removing content, etc. - and I will certainly take that into account. I hope to have some time to work on that later this week, although it may not be until this weekend or early next week.