Awesome/Funny NS quotes (not your own quotes, please)

[Blazedtown]

Mmm, of course the difference there is that 'Apache' is at least likely adapted from a peoples' name for themselves. To borrow your example, this is akin to building a transport helicopter and having someone dub it the 'Niggercopter' after the slaves that were worked to death on plantations. It may be intended out of some sort of good will, but that's doesn't really excuse how terrible the 'execution' is.

[Agritum]

Of course. Label me something offensive because of my opinion that the Native Americans chose to become egregious alcoholics and chose to live poverty-stricken lives after their lawful defeat in a time of war. We gave them every chance we could to make them good, hard working Americans and they chose not to be. We led the horse to water, but the majority chose to wallow in their self-pity and their anguish. I won't be blamed for their decisions, because I had nothing to do with what they decided to live like.

I'm neither a Nazi or a Confederate, so don't treat me like one.

Oh, I get it.

You're doing Colbert-like satire in a thread about Colbert.

Genius!

[Yumyumsuppertime]

Oh, I get it.

You're doing Colbert-like satire in a thread about Colbert.

Genius!

Aw, thanks!

[Bezombia]

It's been ten days and I'm still laughing at this:

I was asleep as of minutes two ago, and they say that horrible being tired is tje same reflex of tine reaction and corodination of being drunk, so drunk I might be a little, and this is shitting me off again

There is a coherant station in my brain, you challenge me to find I think

edit2: I dont think I want to try again, everthhing I tyoped is come out the badly

wat

Help

how do I stop tired
how do I stop my body from qwop

[Thafoo]

It's been ten days and I'm still laughing at this:

I was asleep as of minutes two ago, and they say that horrible being tired is tje same reflex of tine reaction and corodination of being drunk, so drunk I might be a little, and this is shitting me off again

There is a coherant station in my brain, you challenge me to find I think

edit2: I dont think I want to try again, everthhing I tyoped is come out the badly

Help

how do I stop tired
how do I stop my body from qwop

I'm going to use "how do I stop my body from qwop" in the future.

[The Corparation]

After all this talk of flying games, I'm having a serious urge to want to use my joystick

fffff

That's quite a fancy way of saying you have an urge to masturbate.

[Zoboyizakoplayoklot]

I can't believe the majority of people have said yes, I wouldn't be able to tell my friends apart at school, know which girls the one I have a crush on, or know which kids to avoid.

The ones with gum and shit in their hair are the ones you avoid. Duh.

[Coffee Cakes]

... That can be fixed.

Pray the straight away!

[Zaldakki]

IC: Blobert the Fat Kid would like to order some of this magic stuff so he can get less fat.

OOC: Shouldn't this go in GE&T?

Don't you realize it's an add spam ?

Wow, I feel dumb now.

[Thafoo]

Don't you realize it's an add spam ?

Wow, I feel dumb now.

Perhaps you do, but why does that merit being here?

[Zaldakki]

Wow, I feel dumb now.

Perhaps you do, but why does that merit being here?

Kinda funny in retrospect.

[Natair]

Perhaps you do, but why does that merit being here?

Kinda funny in retrospect.

You kinda had to be there :/

[Shofercia]

It's three posts, so pretend it's a quote tree

Why can't they make up their minds?

Because who's in power makes almost no difference for the average Ukrainian. Their choice is between the corrupt plutocrats supported by Putin and the corrupt plutocrats supported by "the west." Neither group gives a rat's fart about average Ukrainians. So they're stuck in an endless loop of the grass being greener on the other side.

This post is so full of win, I'm having a realitygasm.

[Darwinish Brentsylvania]

Fascinating, the Domino Effect is...

[Reploid Productions]

Basically, the next page or so from here involving the Tsar Fight that's broken out. It is very silly!

[Ruridova]

Basically, the next page or so from here involving the Tsar Fight that's broken out. It is very silly!

Because my ego says it needs help, I'm Ivan IV, Catherine the Great, Vladimir Lenin, and Napoleon Bonaparte.

[Risottia]

Blaat, pretty much chewing at the scenery in the hopes of getting AQed.

Introduction
In the following experiment we'll measure the mod response time (MRT).

Materials and Methods
What we'll do is the following.

-We'll find a suitably old thread
-We post in it
-We measure the timestamp of the gravedigging post
-We observe when a mod locks it and measure that timestamp as well
-We calculate the difference between the two timestamps
-Afterwards we'll discuss the MRT and draw conclusions from it

Results
1. posted first post at 8:37 AM CET

Discussion
To be done yet. First gather all the results

Conclusion
Also still to be done yet

Well, seems like you succeeded, Blaat.

[Patistan]

(Image)

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Note: Super Happy Fortune Lottery inc. takes no responsibility for any net loss of Bytecoins which may occur due to unfortunate fires, monkeys, silly string, the Albanian Mafia, or anything else.

In answer to this by:Shibe land

[/quote]

[The Blaatschapen]

Blaat, pretty much chewing at the scenery in the hopes of getting AQed.

Introduction
In the following experiment we'll measure the mod response time (MRT).

Materials and Methods
What we'll do is the following.

-We'll find a suitably old thread
-We post in it
-We measure the timestamp of the gravedigging post
-We observe when a mod locks it and measure that timestamp as well
-We calculate the difference between the two timestamps
-Afterwards we'll discuss the MRT and draw conclusions from it

Results
1. posted first post at 8:37 AM CET

Discussion
To be done yet. First gather all the results

Conclusion
Also still to be done yet

Well, seems like you succeeded, Blaat.

Thanks.

I had this idea last year, but I forgot. It was even funnier now.

Anyway, it got locked at 7:37 pm CET by someone else. Seems that April Fools is not a day for doing scientific experiments


Edit: It also means that I'm not the only mod anymore who does gravedigging for science

[Thafoo]

(Image)

[INSERT NAME HERE], YOU'RE OUR LUCKY FORTUNE SQUILLIONAIRE WINNER!!!

If you're reading this, congratulations on being the lucky winner of the Super Happy Fortune Lottery!!! Now, before you think "wait a minute, I didn't enter any lottery!", the best thing about the Super Happy Fortune Lottery is that you didn't even have to enter, due to our super advanced random name picker!

The Super Happy Fortune Lottery is overjoyed to inform you that you have won:
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Bytecoins!!!

All you need to do is send a 2.000 Bytecoin verification fee to our head office in New Aerios, and all this Super Happy money could be yours!!!

So what are you waiting for?! Simply send your 2 Bytecoins to New Aerios today, and you could be a Super Happy Gazillionaire!!!



Note: Super Happy Fortune Lottery inc. takes no responsibility for any net loss of Bytecoins which may occur due to unfortunate fires, monkeys, silly string, the Albanian Mafia, or anything else.

In answer to this by:Shibe land

[/quote]
Meme pics aren't awesome quotes.

[Lazssia]

This was just too perfect to go unquoted.

You, sir, can suckle on my Romulan dragon balls.

[Grenartia]

Krishna Khan™ is a registered trademark of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan.

[The Grey Wolf]

Hi there!
I'm award winning local RPer the American Tiger Kingdom (Or "Tigga" to my friends/work associates/bookie/probation officer)! You may remember me from such beloved RPs as Megalodon: Our Playful Pelagic Pal and "Klaus the Disturbed German Settles a Score", and if you think the Indian up there makes a compelling offer, boy howdy, have I got a deal for you!

You see, I am a man who has imbibed deeply and irrevocably of the intoxicating (yet somewhat skunky-smelling) beverage of RP, and it has stained the nice sweater-vest of my soul forevermore. Every "happening" RPer in P2TM who is "groovy", or "with it", or even "hip" in any fashion whatsoever is getting down to my multiple-award-winning RP Excalibur Squadron. It's a kickin' rave, to be sure.
And, for a reasonable sum of Bytecoins, you can get yourself a once-in-a-lifetime chance to participate

That's right - I'm officially announcing the beginning of the exclusive Excalibur Squadron VIP Package Auction! A truly once in a lifetime offer of unfathomable value*, now yours for only (however many Bytecoins you care to shovel at me)!
Whoever places the highest bid for my Package offer will receive:

-The right to apply one (1) character based on themselves, who will be approved immediately, regardless of historical accuracy or common sense...
-...And who will then be referred to as "Ace" by every other character in the RP.
- One (1) firm handshake from the valiant Captain Page,
- One (1) exasperated explanation from Flight Lieutenant Alix Noble as to how just because two women are in a communal shower at the same time at one point does NOT constitute a "shower scene",
- One (1) brand-new Spitfire Mk. V in full Excalibur livery fighter aircraft for use around the home, around the workplace, or just to intimidate all those girls who laughed at you in junior high! Won't they be sorry they were so mean!
This is not rhetorical. They will be sorry.

...Not that it will do any good now!
- One (1) creepy German stalker who is willing to get DOS'd to harass you late at night (not that that'll stop him! Nothing will ever stop him),
- And the eternal gratification of knowing that you helped me fund(? That is how this works, right?) ES for possibly years to come!

So come on, friends! Let's all ignore Nightkill and bid high for a truly grand prize - the Excalibur Squadron VIP Package!**



Maybe three bucks, tops.
No digital fund transfers possible, ironically, due to the current extranational status of the American Tiger Kingdom as well as the current warrant for his arrest issued by Interpol. Bytecoins are not to be wired or sent via bank, just wrap them up in an envelope and leave them in Men's Bathroom #17 at Seatac Airport. Third stall along, leave the latch on.

We'll see you in the Court of Whimsical Nonsense, scumbag.

[Coffee Cakes]

no kidding. rise damn you. rise!!!

Incidentally, "rise damn you. rise!!!" also sums up Mike's sex life.

[Grenartia]

My last one went over the character limit, so I had to make a second one.

Hi there!
I'm award winning local RPer the American Tiger Kingdom (Or "Tigga" to my friends/work associates/bookie/probation officer)! You may remember me from such beloved RPs as Megalodon: Our Playful Pelagic Pal and Klaus the Disturbed German Settles a Score, and if you think the Indian up there makes a compelling offer, boy howdy, have I got a deal for you!

You see, I am a man who has imbibed deeply and irrevocably of the intoxicating (yet somewhat skunky-smelling) beverage of RP, and it has stained the nice sweater-vest of my soul forevermore. Every "happening" RPer in P2TM who is "groovy", or "with it", or even "hip" in any fashion whatsoever is getting down to my multiple-award-winning RP Excalibur Squadron. It's a kickin' rave, to be sure.
And, for a reasonable sum of Bytecoins, you can get yourself a once-in-a-lifetime, totally unique chance to participate in ES!

That's right - I'm officially announcing the beginning of the exclusive Excalibur Squadron VIP Package Auction! A truly once in a lifetime offer of unfathomable value*, now yours for only (however many Bytecoins you care to shovel at me)!
Whoever places the highest bid for my Package will receive:

-The right to apply one (1) character based on themselves, who will be approved immediately, regardless of historical accuracy or common sense...
-...And who will then be referred to as "Ace" by every other character in the RP.
- One (1) firm handshake from the valiant Captain Page,
- One (1) exasperated, hour-long explanation from Flight Lieutenant Alix Noble as to how just because two women are in a communal shower at the same time at one point does NOT constitute a "shower scene" (Q&A to follow),
- One (1) brand-new Spitfire Mk. V in full Excalibur livery fighter aircraft for use around the home, around the workplace, or just to intimidate all those girls who laughed at you in junior high! Won't they be sorry they were so mean!
This is not rhetorical. They will be sorry.

...Not that it will do any good now!
- One (1) creepy German stalker who is willing to get DOS'd to harass you late at night (not that that'll stop him! Nothing will ever stop him),
- And the eternal gratification of knowing that you helped me fund(? That is how this works, right?) ES for possibly years to come!

So come on, friends! Let's all ignore Nightkill and bid high for a truly grand prize - the Excalibur Squadron VIP Package!**

*Maybe three bucks, tops.
**No digital fund transfers possible, ironically, due to the current extranational status of the American Tiger Kingdom as well as the current warrant for his arrest issued by Interpol. Bytecoins are not to be wired or sent via bank, just wrap them up in an envelope and leave them in Men's Bathroom #17 at Seatac Airport. Third stall along, leave the latch on.

I know there isn't discussing and debating going on this thread.

I just know there isn't. It'd be a shame to lock it.

That's a nice thread you've got there...

It'd be a shame if someone... jacked it...

No, it's not.

[]spoiler=Link]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/0e/Link_LOZ_with_items.png[]spoiler]
[]spoiler=Messerschmitt]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ee/Bundesarchiv_Bild_101I-487-3066-04%2C_Flugzeug_Messerschmitt_Me_109.jpg[]spoiler]
[]spoiler=Link with Messerschmitt up ass]http://safebooru.org//images/543/cb76e434a51ed443a66a173a74462fd25e031f25.jpg[]spoiler]
"HOW DO YOU NOT SEE IT?" -Sterling Archer

The best stealth plane isnt American or British (Image)

Except that it does.

Wrong. As I've already demonstrated.

If it takes 10 people to issue 10000 licenses, how many people does it take to issue 11000?

10.

No, it boils down to the fact that homosexuals aren't capable of producing children. Don't put me into a little right-wing extremist box.

Then don't be a little right-wing extremist, who supports vile little right-wing extremist positions with ridiculous, previously debunked, little right-wing extremist talking points.

I get the feeling that the US South would probably have one of the lowest concentration of wizards per km² in the world.

Oh, they've got no shortage of Grand Wizards, believe me.[/quote

LaVeyan Satanism is really just Objectivism given the face of a religion.

Because it's less shameful to admit you follow Satan than it is to admit you follow Ayn Rand.

Yes, it does. That's rather the point of comedy actually. All comedy is derisive. All humor is, on some level, poking fun at someone(s) or something(s). That's why it's funny.

Offesnsive jokes are a huge part of comedy. So, yes, it does get a pass.

Okay, no. No no no no. I cannot let this pass because this is grade A pure and total horse shit. I have watched you stretch to incredulity concepts like 'humor' and 'absurdity' in your desperate attempts to 'devils advocate' what is ultimately a defenseless position because maybe school starts late for you or whatever, but I care far too much about comedy to let this rank dumbassery to stand.

First of all, this barely ranks as a joke. Let's be real about this for once. In only so much as we'll be granting the benefit of the doubt to this moron that he is not, in fact, a nazi and is just yet another in a long stream of sheltered white American children that think invoking nazis is the edgiest thing in the fucking world. Not unlike the flood of pathetic summer nazis that NSG has endured from inception.

So, inherent to humor is novelty. Especially if said humor is supposed to rely on 'absurdity,' if the joke is woefully common place, it is no longer humorous, but belabored and stupid. Do you chuckle uncontrollably every time someone tells you why the chicken crossed the road? If you do, I want to point out that your sense of humor is not developed but rather stunted.

Which is exactly what's happening here. Little high school dipshits who lack imagination and what one would consider an actual personality have crutched the evilest thing they've heard of to make themselves edgy for fucking ever. Why do they care? It's ancient history, they're not likely to be serving someone these days only to see a serial number tattoo on their wrists as they pay (something I have in fact seen) to have the stark reality of their little joke highlighted for them.

So yet another one of these sheltered imaginationless brain slugs drawing yet another swastika on something is not 'brilliantly absurd.' It is trite and hackneyed. Even if the symbol was not evocative of one of the most destructive genocidal groups of the twentieth century, it would be offensive just on thinking doing it yet again would pass for 'edgy' or 'absurd' or anything that some hacky teenager isn't doing in some capacity somewhere in the US for the last forty fucking years.

Second, being offensive is not humor and humor is not inherently offensive. In a perfect world you'd be visited by the ghosts of 'offensive' humor past, Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks, and George Carlin would visit you one at a time and astrally slap you for providing such a piss poor assessment of what they have done for comedy.

Comedy's first and really only important rule is that it must be funny. Lenny Bruce highlights that distinction when challenged that his laughs were not coming as tight later in his career as he became more embittered by his legal struggles and conceded "I'm not a comedian, I'm Lenny Bruce."

If the comedy is not funny, everything else is meaningless. So before we get any further this 'joke' has already failed in the same way a comedian saying "Guess what? Chicken butt!" would. It would take an Andy Kaufman level of ironic detachment that frankly is not possible within the medium of butter and buns to pull that off and the author would be able to come up with a context better than, "I was bored."

But further more, offensive humor says something. Lenny Bruce challenged sexual repression and racism with bits like 'to is a preposition, cum is a verb' and 'how to relax your colored friends at parties.' George Carlin's 'seven words you can't say on television' is more than just stringing together seven words that are funny because they're taboo but examines what they mean by being something you can't say on television. Bill Hicks draws out hypocrisy of drug policy and the cultural value drug users have contributed. This dipshit drew a swastika on a bun because he was bored. He has said nothing of import except that he is detached enough from the crimes against humanity enacted by the nazis that he can appropriate it for his own inadequate sense of edginess. Because he doesn't have the faintest hint of what makes 'offensive' comedians work.

In fact, the knee jerk "I'm joking" defense for asshattery and general nonsense is so hackneyed that jokes about people defending their stupidity with "I'm joking" are a bit threadbare.

I know you're desperate to find some way to defend this bullshit because right now it's making you the belle of the ball, and I certainly don't want to rob you of whatever precious breadcrumbs of attention you apparently need. But it would be great if in the process of your mental gymnastics to make this work you would not smear comedy in the process. Too many people have worked hard to craft an actual sense of humor for you to abuse the term so dearly.

he just beat off three Republic brigades and 3 jedi...

Jesus Christ. Wouldn't his wrists get sore?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Savile_sexual_abuse_scandal
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_abuse_scandal_in_the_Catholic_archdiocese_of_Boston
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_abuse_scandal_in_the_Catholic_archdiocese_of_Dublin
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catholic_sexual_abuse_cases_in_Europe
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_in_Saudi_Arabia

Of course PCers will dismiss these sources. PCers believe Wikipaedia is a wholely owned subsidiary of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion and is just communist conspiracy theory.

No.

What are you smoking, and why aren't you sharing?

You mean this? I'm pretty sure this is Moa's long march.

... and this is a Moa. I suppose being flightless they had to march everywhere.

Burn it to the ground, scatter the ashes, and salt the earth. The server farm has been befouled by this thread and can never be restored to status quo ante bullshit.

[spoiler= You asked for feedback]

I am making an alternate history RP wherein the Nazi's or the Axis in general won the war and then a Resistance Movement in the 1960's rises up to dislodge the Nazi's from their rule. I want to know a general opinion on the backstory I've setup, whether it makes sense or not.

Oh Decius, Decius, Decius.
It has been too long.

oh jesus god the formatting
god spare me from that awful formatting

When the Allies were completely defeated at Normandy,

Now how'd that happen?

the Russians were unable to make a decisive push against the Germans because no new troops were required to be transferred to the Western Front meaning the Eastern Front stood at a standstill on both sides.

Now that's completely wrong, given that the Bagration Offensive (which shattered Army Group Center and trapped Army Group North in the Baltic States) was planned completely independent of D-Day, and went ahead before the Germans could make any troops withdrawals westwards (6/20/44).
Even if D-Day had failed, Bagration would've annihilated the German lines two weeks later anyways. It wouldn't have made any difference.

On June 12th, 1944 Allied High Command discovered that German Agents within British Intelligence had passed the information along to Hitler that the supposed Invasion of Calais or another point was a fake

Wildly implausible. MI5 and the SOE had annihilated any semblance of a Nazi intelligence network within Britain by practically the end of the first month of the war. The only agents remaining were the ones that the security services had managed to capture and turn. The Germans were terrible at securing their assets.
Granted, both services were riddled with SOVIET moles, but that only became a major problem after the war was over. Germany was pratically incapable of keeping ONE spy safe in britain, much less a network.

and the real strike was coming at Normandy allowing the German General's Staff to organize a suitable counter-attack

See, that's problematic too, given Hitler's prejudices. The Germans actually had some info - gained mainly from French resistance fighters who had been captured - that the attack was coming in the Cherbourg-Caen area. They even had a snippet of the Maquis trigger phrase that would signal an imminent attack. The problem was, Hitler had convinced himself years in advance (thanks mainly to what had happened at Dieppe) that if an Allied landing was coming, it would HAVE to be at Calais, and that anything else was an Allied lie (except for maybe the threat to Norway, given Churchill's hang-up with the Narvik iron field). It made sense - Calais was closer, the British had had a historical connection to the place, and it was held as truth that the Allies would have to land right at or in a port (like at Dieppe). The idea of the Allied force landing at some desolate beach expanse like in Normandy was thought of as logistical suicide.
Hitler had committed himself to Calais being the target years before, and going back on his word was inconceivable. He'd staked his entire reputation as a military genius on the location being Calais, and he was fully prepared to disregard any information to the contrary as a deception.
Basically, he had Bodyguard backwards.

and hit the Allies once they believed they had taken the beaches.

That's a weird way to write that. "Believed they had taken the beaches"?
Either they had or they hadn't. It's not a matter of belief.
And so you're basically committing to the Geyr plan of "all-out inland panzer attack" over Rommel's "panzers on the beach" strategy?
The problem with that is that the Germans actually ended up executing Geyr's plan (more or less, and six weeks later) during Operation Luttich, where Hitler stripped the defensive perimeter bare of tanks and hurled then at the "weakest point" of the American lines at Mortain.
It didn't work. Allied air supremacy was total, the troops held on, the US tanks rode to the rescue and German offensive power was shattered right on time for the August breakout with Cobra. It didn't work then, why would it have worked here?
Hell, if anything, such an attack might have shortened the war by two or so months, destroying German armored power like that.
In addition, French transportation infrastructure was completely fucked. The old scare stories about what might have happened if the Calais garrison or all the Panzers in France had converged at Normandy is undercut by the fact that Allied air supremacy was so total, any attempt at sending reinforcements en masse would have just given the Tac Air Force and the RAF a shooting gallery. It took MONTHS for a panzer division to cross France - and not many Panzer divisions were in convenient locations to begin with.

With this revelation of British Intelligence being compromised in such a large way, it brought Allied Efforts across Europe and North Africa to a halt, not knowing whether or not to trust the information they were given.

There were no "Allied Efforts" in North Africa in 1944. The Italo-German Panzer Army surrendered in April of '43.
And why would British intelligence being deemed untrustworthy compromise American efforts? We had the OSS. We didn't need the British.
The entire Allied war effort was not hanging on the trustworthiness of the SOE.

Taking advantage of this, German Forces swept down into Italy beating back the Allied Forces there, fielding a brand new weapon from their Wunderwaffe Program, the Panzer VIII Maus Super Tank, crushing Allied Troops across the Italian Front.

Oh, for fuck's sake.
The Maus couldn't go up a fucking hill. How the hell could it have survived in Italy? The whole fucking country's a mountain range - and that's right smack where the Allied lines were in mid-44, high up in the Apennines.
Besides, as we have been through time and again, the Maus may have been literally the worst tank ever invented. For all that armor, a fighter-bomber strike would have killed it just as dead as a Panzer II. Infantry with satchel charges could've maneuvered around it and destroyed it with ease. Shermans could run rings around it. It was so slow, it could barely move on level ground. Judging from other German tanks of that weight class, it would also almost certainly have broken down constantly. It also probably would have broken every single bridge it tried to cross, given that it WEIGHED 190 TONS (for comparison, the most modern Abrams weighs about 120 tons).
To say nothing of fuel consumption.

By September, 1944 German Forces had recaptured Italy and restored Mussolini to power, bringing Italy back into the war.

Germany would never have allowed an independent Italy to exist again. Why would they? The country didn't support Mussolini anymore, they'd already proven themselves fatally unreliable by surrendering, and Hitler didn't like sharing power.
Makes no sense.

The new Italian Government which had declared war on Germany was wiped out and its supporters forced to flee the country.

There goes like 35% of the population, because nobody in the Allied Italian zones could stand Germany after liberation!

In October, the Allied Powers on the Western and African Fronts made a push to try and force the Germans to relocate troops from the Eastern Front to counter it in order to free up Russian Forces to push forward.

There was no "African Front" anymore.

Halfway through the month, an all out Bombing Attack was launched against German-Occupied France, with over 1,000 Bombers participating in the action across Occupied France targeting Supply and Troop positions. However, yet another weapon flowed out from the Wunderwaffe Program, two actually,

Are you trying to be cute?
Or did you literally forget what you were going to write and then remembered halfway through, but left it in anyways?

the first being the Flakpanzer Kugelblitz a Self-Propelled AA Gun which wreaked havoc in the sky

You do realize what the Kugelblitz was, right?
It was two 30mm AA guns sitting in a turret. It was not exactly revolutionary.
And it would have been useless against high-level bombing (or at least, no better than any normal set of AA guns), because it was designed to do one thing - to move with panzer formations and defend them against fighter-bomber strikes. Using them as static rear-echelon AA against high-level bombing is a ridiculous waste.

and the second being the Focke-Wulf Ta 152 High Altitude Fighter.

No way the Germans could have produced enough to make a difference.

Together these two new weapons destroyed more than half of the Bomber Force launched by the Allies with the Allied Air Power only able to inflict minimal damage against the German Forces in France.

The Ta152, even by the most generous estimates, would have not been nearly good enough to achieve those kind of results, and we've already established how the Kugelblitz wouldn't have mattered at all.
Oh, and here's a sterling testament of the early TA-152's quality:

It was found that critical systems were lacking sufficient quality control. Problems arose with superchargers, pressurized cockpits leaked, the engine cooling system was unreliable at best due in part to unreliable oil temperature monitoring, and in several instances the landing gear failed to properly retract.

What an amazing plane! Surely, a handful of those would be capable of downing >500 bombers at a go!

The German Wonder Weapon Program churned out more and more new weapons to use against the Allies, utilizing every last scientific mind in the Third Reich and putting more than 40% of the industry under the supervision of the program.

There are hardly words for how ridiculous this is.
First off, there was no "German wonder weapons program". There never was, because the various German services would rather have slit their own throats than cooperate with each other. What you had instead was a group of little fiefdoms in the Army/Luftwaffe/Navy/SS/whoever the fuck else, all trying to get Hitler's ear for their projects at the direct expense of everybody else. Suddenly, every German becomes selfless?
Second, German scientific minds were hardly reliable weapons-makers. Heisenberg, the foremost nuclear physicist left in Germany, was of the staunch opinion that making a nuclear bomb was impossible and wouldn't be shifted on the issue. He was maybe the single greatest roadblock to the German nuke program of all of them, and to many, he was also the indispensable component.
Third, the Germans had barely grasped the idea of military mass-production and industrial conscription by 1944 - and now, suddenly this mythical "program" has MORE THAN FORTY FUCKING PERCENT OF GERMAN INDUSTRY? Fucking hell, Speer couldn't make the Wolfsburg auto plant turn over to military production for years on end!
Given the pace of development, this would run the German war machine into the ground within a week. Just keeping up its basic obligations - bullets, butter, boots, etc - was straining the German economy to the limit. Do you have any idea how expensive and long-term such a program would be? It would take decades to make all the advances you're handing the Germans, at an absolutely unimaginable expense, and would require more labor and resources than existed in Continental Europe.
Fourth, the German economic policy was such a clusterfuck that there was basically no method for anybody - not even Hitler, to "turn over" industry to a project, much less on the scale you're talking about. Nothing. The Allies could sign juicy contracts with GM or the Kaiser yards to make tanks or carriers or whatever, and the Soviets had a very clear chain of command when it came to the design bureaus and what they should make and how much, but the Germans had no system at all - it was a total anarchy of competing branches and bureaus, all of them filled with corrupt and ignorant bureaucrats, and Hitler didn't care to manage it. Speer never got the hang of the system until practically 1945, and by then it was far too late.

The Germans bombed London, Moscow, and numerous other targets using their new He 343 Jet Bomber's;

Never even got off the drawing board, and now, suddenly, the Germans have massive fleets of them by October of 1944? How fast do you think it takes to develop a normal plane, much less one that would objectively be the most advanced in the world? At the rate the Germans were going, it would take decades!
But no - you think the Nazis are so awesome that they can design, test, produce, and fly the most advanced plane in the world in...what? Eight weeks?
Axiswank.

The Luftwaffe shattered the Allied Bomber Power with their Me 262 and Ho 229 Jet Fighters;

The Germans made 262s during the war.
They did not make any difference.
Oh, and of course, they have a magic fleet of Hortens, too.
Sure was good the Nazis had so many wizards to magic all these planes up for them out of nowhere - and all the fuel to fly them with too (because by your point of divergence in June, the German oil supply was already shattered beyond repair)!

The German Naval Power rose again with the new H-Class Battleships and Rocket U-Boat Ballistic Missile Submarines;

Oh, come on.
OK, let me go over this in detail:
First, the Germans only had a tiny number of actual military shipyards capable of heavy construction. If I'm generous, I'll say they had four: Bremen, Wilhelmshaven, Kiel, and Hamburg, Four ports. All of those ports had had the absolute shit bombed out of them by 1944, to the point where the remnants of the German battle fleet had to be hidden up in Norway. The facilities there were shattered - it would take actual decades just to fixc thyem up, much less make new battleships froms cratch.
Second, do you know how long it took to make the Bismarck and Tirpitz under pretty easygoing wartime conditions - no bombing, war going well?

It took over four whole years.

But that's OK. To you, the Nazis were apparently so awesome they can magic up a whole fleet out of thin air in...what? A week? I'm amazed you didn't just say they teleported them in from another dimension.
Besides, if the German battleship antics of the early war proved anything, it was that battleships were fucking useless anyways. The Tirpitz spent its entire lifepsan hiding at Trondheim because everybody knew it'd get annihilated if it poked its head out, and the Bismarck was hunted down like a mangy dog the second it got into the Atlantic.

Battleships were a waste of time, on top of being totally, categorically, objectively impossible to make so fast.

The Wehrmacht utilized their new Super Tanks to spearhead their way forward on the Eastern Front.

At the incredibly speed of SIX MILES AN HOUR, while getting blown up by Sturmoviks, trapped in the mud, drowned because of river bridges breaking, and suffering constant breakdowns all the while!

In order to meet the industrial capacity required to keep up the production of their new War Machines, the Nazi's invaded Spain and Portugal from France taking the two countries in just three weeks,

Holy Jesus Christ.
"To meet industrial capacity, the Germans decided to hugely expand the war by invading two countries comprising an absolutely massive amount of land to occupy and with a legendary tradition of partisan resistance, neither of which had any actual industry to begin with".
Plus, German tanks couldn't get over the Pyrenees in three weeks, much less across the country.

whilst another force seized Romania and Bulgaria.

Good of the wizards to magic up "another force" for the Germans!

This allowed the German War Machine to be sustained.

Also, all the magic unobtainium that served as a literally limitless source of fuel, food, steel, industrial capacity, and literally everything else helped out too!
Jesus Christ. This is so bad.

In order to sustain the economy of the Reich, Hitler ordered the revival of the more humane industries such as Automobiles and Agriculture, mostly in the occupied territories.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW?
From all the stuff you've described, you're overestimating German labor and industrial capacity by...I'd estimate approximately 800-900% at a conservative estimate (and that includes occupied areas, and yet somehow they have the spare industry and labor to let people go back to civilian work?
Good lord, how much more of this is there?

Throughout the remainder of 1944 and into early 1945, the revived Axis Powers in Europe beat back the Allies on all Fronts,

Listen: I know you have a huge, throbbing erection for the Nazis, but could you maybe not flaunt it so publicly? It's embarrassing.

whilst in the Pacific the Japanese Empire was in a holdout against the United States. German Scientists found their way via U-Boat to Japan to help them develop their way to get back to winning the war.

Did they bring their unicorn that they named Fluffy?

On March 3rd, 1945 as a combined Filipino/American Assault was being made to capture Manila, the Japanese fielded the product of the combined German-Japanese Scientific Initiative: The Kawanishi Baika Jet Fighter,

Of which thousands were made in about two hours!

which swept across the sky's destroying the Allied Air Cover and turning the tide for the Japanese so that they were now the winning side.

A single fighter does not a total air-sea-land victory make.

The next day multiple V-2 Rockets loaned to Japan by Germany are launched and the Allied Fleet still anchored off Manila is wiped out,

Holy fucking shit.
V-2s could only reliably hit a city-size target.
How the fuck can it hit ships? Much less enough to "destroy a fleet"?

and soon after the road to Rangoon is once again secured by Japanese Troops.

Through maaaagic!

Following that another new weapon; the Japanese Nakajima G10N Ultra-Long Range Heavy Bomber,

Fueled by nothing other than ordinary rice husks and grass, because that was all the fuel Japan had!

the project having been restarted earlier,

Oh that's convenient.

was fielded and used to bomb multiple American Bases in the Pacific on March 12th through 16th.

Apparently, the US Air Force has decided to go home and have a good cry.
Seriously, do the Allies do literally anything in this little screed besides fail and shake their fists at the heavens?

These repercussions threw a monkey wrench into previous American Plans for victory in the Pacific, which was a very hoped for victory considering the worsening Allied Situation in Europe.

Oh, never mind.

However by April 1st, 1945 when Japanese Warships began shelling American Forces on Iwo Jima,

Oh, so the Japanese fleet magically came back from the dead too?
Were they fueled by unicorn farts and cherry blossoms?

it became clear that victory in the Pacific was at that moment as far off as victory in Europe.

Well, that's what happens when the person writing the story is obviously pulling very hard for one side to win, for reasons that are seem more than a little bit icky.

With the Japanese having the benefit of some of the best scientists of the Wunderwaffe Program,

The Germans having an infinity of scientists capable of designing, testing producing, and refining perfect wonder weapons in a matter of hours...

the Allies now were facing super weapons on all fronts.

Serves them right for not being Nazis!
Am I right, Decius?

Not only that but with the help of the Germans, the Japanese developed a new code without the knowledge of the Allies.

Not only that, but Hirohito was secretly fucking Eleanor Roosevelt and Winnie Churchill on the side, as Hitler went and gave Stalin an atomic swirlie while Mussolini dumped his books!

Allied Intelligence kept intercepting Japanese Messages but without the ability to decode them.

I would seriously point out all the historical errors and impossibiolities in all this (namely, that the Japanese were convinced that no white people could ever crack ANY of their codes), but I'm starting to realize how utterly pointless that is.
Jesus Christ, how much time did you spend on this?
All that time, you could've actually been researching the actual, you know, realities of the war...or...doing anything else...

This meant that the Allies know longer could be one step ahead of the Japanese.

Then, everybody in America literally choked on their own saliva, because in this universe, anyone who isn't a Nazi or Imperial Japanese is literally retarded!

A true low for the Allies came on May 26th, 1945 when more than two hundred German V-2 Rockets were launched at various targets in Russia, wiping out over one and half million Soviet Troops in just one day.

*sigh*
That is a kill ratio of >7500 dead per rocket.
The highest death total ever reported from a single rocket strike was about 500, when a V-2 hit a movie theater in Holland in a freak occurrence (it was off-target anyways).
Come ON, Decius.

Following that on May 27th, German Forces made a blitzkrieg into Russia capturing positions from Leningrad down to Rostov effectively establishing a line separating Soviet Russia from German-Occupied Russia.

It sure was a good thing the Russians were sitting around with their thumbs up their asses!
Also, there is literally no worse tank in the world then the Maus for "blitzkrieg". The thing's a barely-mobile, deeply shitty bunker.

The Russians did not have much breathing time as on June 1st, the Germans fielded another weapon; the Schwerer Gustav Rail-Mounted Howitzer

Hey, a weapon that actually could have existed at the time! Sweet Jesus!
With only the tiny weakness that it took months to move literally anywhere, and was only rail-mobile!

and with their new line established about 200 Kilometers west of Moscow,

Why 200? Why not 100, Why not 50? Apparently, the Germans are magic, so why not just say they teleported an army right into the Kremlin?
Believe me, if you can make a battleship flotilla in a month, you can teleport.

that meant that German Forces could shell any Russian Forces and Defensive Emplacements on the outskirts of the Russian Capital's Defense Line.

The funny thing is, 200 km is literally four times the range of the Gustav alone.
I mean...this is not hard to look up. It took five seconds.

On June 5th, another V-2 Bombardment took place against Soviet Cities to the east of Rostov, wiping out over a million Soviet Troops

Those are some magic V-2s, man.

and allowing German Troops to launch another push on June 7th, capturing the way to Turkey

Sure. Why the hell not.

and extending their line so that it spanned from the Sea of Azov to the Caspian Sea. In mid-June, Stalin began trying to negotiate a peace agreement with Hitler but the only condition the Nazi Leader would accept is absolute submission of the Soviet Nation to German Rule and the disbandment of the Soviet Armed Forces along with the release of all German Prisoners of War.

I genuinely feel like I'm reading what amounts to the worldbuilding for Nazi slashfic, with Hitler as the Mary Sue protagonist.

However Hitler knew it was vital to make sure that the Russians were unable to destroy any valuable recourses that German Forces could capture

If you're done tongue-bathing Hitler for a moment...

so he ordered that the Luftwaffe begin dropping Paratroopers into Industrial Areas and such before attacks so they could prevent the Russians from destroying what could be vital factories. The tactic saw much success considering the already mass disorder amongst the Red Army.

Why the hell would Hitler have even cared? He already had wizards conjuring wonderweapons and whole battlefleets for him out of thin air?
I can't believe I'm still seriously engaging with this.

Whilst the Germans advanced on the Eastern Front, at the same time the Allied Powers in the west attempted yet another invasion of German-Occupied Europe, this time selecting Dunkirk and Calais, with the British and French taking Calais and America and other Resistance Forces taking Dunkirk. More than half a million Troops were to be utilized in Dunkirk and over a million were to be used at Calais and full support was to be provided by the RAF and Allied Naval Forces in England. It was the Western Allies desperate all-out last attempt to turn the tide of the war. The two Invasion Forces were launched from Portsmouth on May 28th, 1945 however not more than an hour later they were spotted from the air.

Why are you writing this?
Seriously, though, do you get off to this?
What narrative purpose does ANY of this serve?
I don't know if you're a Nazi or not, but I seriously don't know what anybody would get out of this if they weren't a Nazi.

They were not even spotted by a Recon Plane but the lead plane of a German Bomber Group on its way to bomb a target in Britain.

Why is this important?

I can't go any further - partially because that this is now basically beyond meaningful criticism beyond "none of this makes any sense", and partially because it would take me a full day and night to get through this unformatted, wall-o-text nightmare.
This is ridiculous. I have no idea why anyone would devote THAT level of effort to getting things so totally wrong, unless they got off on the idea of the Nazis being perfect and flawless.
This would probably fit better on Stormfront, honestly.
If you're mad at me, well, you asked for feedback.

Back at base...

Intel officer: "How many kills?"
Pilot: "Three! I got all three of 'em!"
Intel officer: "Really? What a coincidence, the last three pilots I debriefed also claimed three kills each..."

Or this:
*three ISIS jets flying in formation*
Flight lead: "Alright, today we show these infidels what the might of Allah...."
*radar warning sensor goes off*
FL: "what in the name of Allah is that infernal beepi-"
*All three get blotted out by 8 AIM-120D's 50 miles away sits a flight of f-22's, Danger zone can be faintly heard over the comms*
American flight lead: "Well that wasn't very exciting. Simmons turn that music off, this fight isn't worthy of that song.
Simmons: "I knew we should have used guns"
Third F-22 pilot: "Aloha Snack bar Motherfuckers"

Or this:
*three ISIS jets flying in formation*
Flight lead: "Alright, today we show these infidels what the might of Allah...."
*radar warning sensor goes off*
FL: "what in the name of Allah is that infernal beepi-"
*All three get blotted out by 8 AIM-120D's 50 miles away sits a flight of f-22's, Danger zone can be faintly heard over the comms*
American flight lead: "Well that wasn't very exciting. Simmons turn that music off, this fight isn't worthy of that song.
Simmons: "I knew we should have used guns"
Third F-22 pilot: "Aloha Snack bar Motherfuckers"

AWACS operator: "Thanks guys, now I get to stare at a blank scope for the next six hours till we're off station. God, this is gonna suck..."

I do not want the Down's syndrome people walking around either.

Hey, there.

Father of a disabled child, here, though she doesn't have Down's Syndrome. Just a question for you, and I hope that you take it in the spirit in which it was intended:

How fucking dare you?

Look, I've accepted that you have a unique sense of humor, and I've even learned to appreciate both that and your seemingly mystical ability to avoid getting warned for trolling. Hell, I even put you up for "Best Sarcasm". This, though? This is beyond the pale. This is vile. This is taking an entire class of people who are doing the best that they can to overcome major disabilities, and totally dehumanizing them. It's horrific. It's actually offensive. It's ableism of the highest order. Even as a joke, it's simply nasty. Hell, it's arguable that it's worse as a joke, because it means that rather than having a perspective that might be changed with enough education, you simply have such a shriveled soul that you see people with disabilities as somehow being a ripe subject for humor. God, how dickish can you be? You're trivializing their struggles and the struggles of their families. You're dismissing the bravery and strength that it takes to get up every day and deal with a culture in which you're often seen as little more than an object of scorn or pity. You're painting people who do their goddamned best every day of the week to keep up with the rest of the world as mere annoyances that you don't care to be subjected to. You're describing them in terms that strip them of basic humanity and dignity.

With the full understanding that I will be warned or otherwise sanctioned for this, and full acceptance of whatever punishment the moderators choose to dish out to me as a result of the following words, I have to say this as the father of a child who is going to deal with her own struggles due to a disabling physical condition.

On behalf of my daughter, and on behalf of her fellow people who deal with disabilities, fuck you. Fuck you, you goddamned fucking asshole. Fuck your snide attitudes, fuck your dehumanizing language, fuck your idea that the struggles of others to overcome enormous obstacles are worthy of dismissal, fuck your asinine sense of humor, fuck your constant unaddressed trolling of threads, fuck your arrogance that has nothing to back it up, fuck your superior attitude, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. You may not be the biggest asshole on this forum, but by God, you're the only one who seems to be able to get away with it on a regular basis. I'm sick of that, and I'm sick of you, you major goddamned fucking prick asshole. I sincerely hope that you're somehow inflicted with a major brain injury (NOTE: This is not a threat to cause one for you), and that you end up drooling in a wheelchair, entirely dependent upon others to change your diapers, and subjected to looks of pity and revulsion as the nurse takes you for your daily stroll around the park. See how you feel about disabled people then, and whether or not their daily challenges are worthy of mockery.

There are way better places to find someone than here.

You have all sorts of gadgets these days. Use your Tinder, or Grindr, or Fuckr or Suckr or Lickr or whatever the fuck else you got.

"Steamwank" sounds like a horrifying old-timey sex toy.

"It's a gas in the bedroom, ladies and gentlemen! Sure to make him/her blow his/her horn in ecstasy and excitement! Sure to make even the most strait-laced of schoolmarms steamy and salacious! Buy it now and I'll throw in a bottle of Doctor Jack's old-timey KY genital balm. What's the KY stand for, you ask? Why 'Knock 'yer Yuckies', of course! As in when you use it you'll be knocking 'yer yuckies together in no-time flat! Either that or you can use it for the burns from my steamwank...Doesn't that just sound bully?"

I've never been able to enjoy the whole Victorian-era motif that sorrounds steampunk. It never interested me to any real degree. Always was more of a 'dieselpunk' fan. Because blimps are a lot cooler in the 1920s than they were in the 1890s or so, and steam-planes are just ridiculous.

I would watch Fury, but I'm not really comfortable with watching Fascists being slaughtered en masse.

Man, fascists are so selective and PC in terms of exactly which groups of people they like watching get slaughtered.
It's such a moving target.
EDIT: (^ not unlike the retreating hordes of SS troopers the Allies mowed down in 45, eh?)

I don't believe so.

I do. As someone who has been on this site for 5 years, I'd say that, overall, the mods have become much more lenient, or at the very least much more hesitant to act with regards to rule violations such as trolling. Posting a provocative opinion which a few years back would have been smacked down quickly as an obvious troll, now allows one free reign to spread their bullshit for extended periods of time as legitimate opinions we need to "argue down".

There's other issues I see with the current state of the forum, i.e. established and respected posters leaving of becoming less active,and a large demographics shift the average age on the forum decreasing significantly over the past several years. (compare 2010 to 2014 as well as sharp drop in the number of females on this site 18% in 2011 vs 10% only 2 years later Overall though I think that these issues to back to the shift in moderation's position regarding what does and doesn't constitute trolling.


[spoiler= To quote one Former NS Poster offiste]

Trolls don't care about warnings. Trolls don't care about nation deletions. For the most part, trolls don't even care about being banned from a forum all together, they'll just go find another. It matters to everyone else. The population you end up with is indicative of how you handle trolls like this. And every time you let someone go "oh I love first class, otherwise I'd have to sit with smell poor people!" Every time you let someone post a "not equals" sign in protest of gay marriage rights cases as their flag, every time you let someone complain about "my family makes $500,000 a year, I don't want to pay for some crack whore to have a 12th kid" and you do NOTHING about it, you cause intelligent, mature adults to go "you know what? fuck this. I'm out". When you let profoundly misogynistic viewpoints fester and linger, you drive away women.


And this is not speculation. This is demographically PROVEN. Look:

In 2010 43% of NSG was 21+, 16% of the forum was 15 or under.
in 2014 29% of NSG was 21+, 24% of the forum was 15 or under.

What's especially damning about this is, think about what this means. If NSG had a stable population, average age would rise. That's what people DO right? They get older. In 4 years the average age of NSG has dropped about 4 years. But this doesn't mean that for everyone of age X who leaves, someone of age X-4 joins. The percentage of the population that stayed would logically age 4 years in the gap. In order for average age to drop 4 years in a 4 year span, and maintain a roughly stable population with a certain % exodus and a certain % joining fresh, for every person who leaves someone on average 6.5 years YOUNGER must join to counter act the logical impact time has on average age. In short, if population was stable, we'd expect an average age 4 years older 4 years later. If we were merely losing an average of 4 years for every time a poster leaves and another poster joins, average age would remain the same.

What we have seen is a DRAMATIC drop in average age of joining posters, and a DRAMATIC drop in average age of retained posters, this is the only way to account for an average age DECLINING across time. This is not simply a matter of older posters outnumbered by younger ones, the poll sample had similar sizes?

What about gender? Well gender doesn't change with time, so we should see a fairly static number.

In 2011 18% of NSG identified as female.
In 2014 10% of NSG identified as female.

There's really nothing I really need to say about that is there?

Is that

when the doves cry?

Dig if you will the picture
Of Farn and I both hitting submit
We decide if to hand out a warning
Can you my Ethel,
Can you picture this?

Dream if you can a forum
An ocean of posting in bloom
Trump fan boys strike curious poses
They feel the heat
The heat of a warning sent through

Now we will just leave you standing
Alone in a thread that's so cold. (So cold)
Maybe I'm just too demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father, too bold
Maybe Farn's just like her mother
She's never satisfied (She's never satisfied)
Why do we mod like each other?

This is what it sounds like
When mods collide

I'm a gangster.

A gangster who spends what percentage of his life at Chuck E Cheese?

How can somebody "be homosexuality"?

Have you ever heard of Richard Simmons?

its for their own protection

I think IM ought to be banned from posting on, or perhaps even from reading NSG. They might run into opinions that differ from their own, or could be interpreted as offensive, contrary, divisive, or otherwise running in opposition to their preferred state of things. It could interfere with their world perception. It might trigger them. It holds the possibility of resulting in the possible changing of stance on their part, in a worst case scenario. Or they might even be forced to learn something against their will. The horror ... the horror ... but really.

It's for their own protection.