Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

by **New Sideburn** » Mon Sep 23, 2013 9:37 pm

HISTORY OF THE PREMIERSHIP
1: Emergence
2: The Wilderness
3: The Rock
4: Sabrefell Strikes Back
5: Starling
6: Unlikely Heroes
7: Revelations

UICA ERA

RP PERMISSIONS
Thanks to Kelssek for kickstarting the idea of having some...

Nephara is a footballing power by any definition; the national team have won two World Cups, the league was ranked #1 in the world for roughly twenty almost unbroken cycles. Almost every player put on the Transfer Window - unless they are specifically noted as being a young academy reject - will have played at that level. The bulk of free agents are players who are no longer of the calibre to lock down consistent minutes in the Zenith, but would be able to play in a top 32 league and star in a league below that. They are largely being released to seek more minutes abroad, not to continue to warm the bench, especially if they are an ambitious player in their mid-20s entering the prime of their career. Not every player of quality will be capped.

By and large, I do not want to micromanage my players abroad, and I will not set up a sheet for foreign players in Nephara. I run the league fast and loose, and will manage players in the best interest of the club they play for. If you have special plans for a given player, I will respect that, but I am not going to take a proactive hand in that process. I do not keep detailed player stats. You are welcome to RP a player as having done well or poorly in Nephara, though obviously their fortunes are somewhat dependent on the club they play at.

As a rule, applying both to Nepharim abroad and foreigners in Nephara:
- Players 35 and older will retire when no longer needed by their clubs
- Anyone signed from the Free Agents tab can generally be released to the Free Agents tab, as will aging non-internationals
- Anyone can be put on the TL at any time for any reason, by either nation
- Players will generally be either sold, released or phased out as they age past their prime
- If you wish to sell a Nephar and don't want to deal with them anymore, I will generally give them an opportunity to be bought by another foreign nation; if not picked up, I will try to find room for them towards the end of the room, but cannot guarantee space will be found or an asking price agreed upon
- Sometimes the move will not work out; players will not be portrayed as incompetent, but they may be portrayed as out of their depth if the scorinator betrays the club
- If a player is being signed as a depth option, this will be noted in the bid, but they may still slip out of favour as they age past their prime
- A player outside the Strongest XI is still probably playing most games in the season
- Backup goalkeepers are significantly lower-status than backup outfielders, for obvious reasons
- Injuries, suspensions, rotations for rest and tactical changes are assumed to be part of every season. It is extremely unlikely that a player will play every game, let alone every minute
- Contract lengths and wages are assumed to be whatever makes sense. I lean on Audio's wage calculator extensively
- Goalkeepers are not pitchers. Most goals are not their fault; their value is not evaluated based on clean sheets or goals conceded
- Read the biographies

Regarding the OOC aspect, the same holds true for Brenecians / my minor puppets (ASU / CYI / EVM / LEX).

In-character

Disclaimer: this describes a general culture and is intended as an RP aid, not as a set of proscriptions. Every nation has outliers, and players that aren't internationals and don't have characterisation detailed in their biography are going to be pretty light on detail. It is very unlikely that I will be annoyed by the way you write a Nephar.

That out of the way: most Nepharan footballers are ambitious, highly-driven, results-oriented and mercenary. They know their worth and reputation, and will expect to be treated accordingly, outside of the biggest clubs. While having no desire to act like divas, respect has to be earned; this is a particular issue outside of traditional footballing powers, with most Nepharim being, bluntly, arrogant. What you can guarantee is that they will live up to their own high standards, or at least, think they will. Professionalism matters to them, but they are outspoken on and off the pitch.

By and large, Nepharan women are large; Nepharan men are huge. Almost every Nephar has multiple tattoos and piercings. The standard 'marcher' ethnicity is pale white, with brown or auburn hair and generally blue, green or hazel eyes. That said, the nation has become significantly more diverse over the past decades, as it's become a more and more desirable place to migrate to, and in the face of multiple waves of asylum seekers.

When things are going well, Nepharim might:
- lift the team by inspiring them, either by example or through rhetoric
- be first to every ball, run through a brick wall for the team
- cleverly manipulate the game with cynical professional fouls
- open up the game with an innovative bit of individual brilliance
- engage in mind games and trash talk with the opposition

When things are going badly, Nepharim might:
- fall out violently with the manager, or the rest of the squad
- have lapses of discipline off the pitch
- have an affair with a squadmate
- be outspoken about issues, air dirty laundry to the press
- lose faith in the team and try to do too much alone

Common Nepharan archetypes of player:
- the assertive, commanding goalkeeper, quick off her line and on her feet, berating defenders loudly after every goal conceded
- the commanding defender, tall, powerful and loud, the size of a barge and with about the same turning circle
- the streetwise and efficient holding player, neither strong nor fast, but with unmatched game management and great passing range
- the energetic, tireless flank player, eager to get forward with pace, chalk on the boots, but unafraid to dive into covering challenges
- the clever 'asphalt footballer', an old-school dribbler and trickster who can look after herself with sharp elbows
- the brutish spearhead, able to link up play but at his best facing goal, dominating in the air and with a single-minded eye for scoring

by **New Sideburn** » Mon Sep 23, 2013 9:42 pm

SEASON PREVIEW for the NEW SIDEBURN PREMIERSHIP 332

Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
 1 AFC Treason                46  28  10   8  79  37  +42  94  Champions
 2 Sabrefell Athletic         46  27   9  10  77  43  +34  90  GC
 3 Brinemouth                 46  24  15   7  61  32  +29  87  GC
 4 Sabrefell Moths            46  25   9  12  72  42  +30  84  GC
 5 North Laithland            46  23  12  11  56  30  +26  81
 6 Maximum Rovers             46  22  11  13  66  48  +18  77
 7 Maximum City               46  22   9  15  60  42  +18  75
 8 Crisisbless                46  20  14  12  47  36  +11  74
 9 Parrhesia United           46  16  19  11  66  52  +14  67
10 Violence Chariots          46  19  10  17  61  56   +5  67
11 Brookford Otters           46  18  12  16  43  43   +0  66
12 South Laithland            46  17  12  17  56  61   -5  63
13 Cranequin Wanderers        46  18   9  19  40  46   -6  63
14 AFC Raven River            46  16  12  18  54  49   +5  60
15 Southfell United           46  17   9  20  64  65   -1  60
16 Valkyrja Hawks             46  17   9  20  50  58   -8  60
17 AFC Integabad              46  16  11  19  51  59   -8  59
18 Iron City                  46  14  12  20  37  56  -19  54
19 Corvette Maulers           46  15   8  23  47  71  -24  53
20 Goodfeather FC             46  12  12  22  57  85  -28  48
21 Leopolis Hatemongers       46   9  12  25  39  67  -28  39
22 Raging Fire Hares          46   7  16  23  27  55  -28  37  R
23 Rhagant Schadenfreude      46   4  16  26  25  62  -37  28  R
24 Franchise FC               46   3  18  25  36  76  -40  27  R

 1 Dubstep Rangers           46  28   4  14  65  42  +23  88  P
 2 Vermillion Rage           46  24  11  11  92  60  +32  83
 3 AFC Rochford              46  22  12  12  59  42  +17  78  P
 4 AFC Shale                 46  22   9  15  46  32  +14  75  P
 5 Chenoworth Rovers         46  19  17  10  47  31  +16  74
 6 Crisisbless United        46  19  16  11  61  49  +12  73

TOP SCORERS
24 - Tara Lockdown (TRE)
23 - Leyland Stallion (SFA)
20 - Daniel Canady (MXR)
19 - Bruce Payne (TRE)
17 - Jonny dos Santos (BRI), Ninian Locksmith (MXC), Leigh Fletcher (MXR), Molly Keynes (NLA), Rudolf Blake (SFU)

CLEAN SHEETS
24 - Phillip Strummer (CRI), Kieron Riordan (NLA)
22 - Albert von Specta (BRI)
20 - Wilhelm Urquhart (SFA)
19 - Bruno Hawke (BRK)
18 - Paolo Crewe (MXC), Troy Ross (MXR)

AWARDS
Iron Boot: Tara Lockdown (TRE)
Iron Gauntlet: Kieron Riordan (NLA)
Player of the Year: Karelline Charmwell (SFA)
Foreign Player of the Year: James Macbeth (SFM)
Manager of the Year: Reinhard Shale (MXR)

by **New Sideburn** » Mon Sep 23, 2013 10:28 pm

by **New Sideburn** » Sat Sep 28, 2013 2:59 am

332 SEASON - MATCHDAYS 1-10

The Sabrefell Moths are the standout for this match, picking up a … solid 7-1 away win over Goodfeather. Debutant Andrey Rettinger scores, however, the first Buyanic in the Premiership. Other than that, most of the usual suspects pick up wins, though Brinemouth capitulates at home to Violence.

Two standout matches; the Maximum derby ends with a Rover defeat at home; Daniel Brunet is encouraging strong, pressing play and zonal defence. Meanwhile, Sabrefell Moths host Crisisbless in the first major clash of the season, though it ends level.

Rochford lead Crisisbless away from home for the better part of sixty minutes with an early goal, before strikes from Farrell and Scabbard overturn the lead. Meanwhile, Treason are sunk by a brace from Jonny dos Santos, offering no reply and sinking to a 2-0 defeat at Brinemouth.

Shale pick up their first goal of the season, as one is enough to defeat Coret. Treason flirts with trouble, nearly stalemated by South Laithland before a late Tara Lockdown goal sealed the affair, while the Moths embrace it, scalped by Violence. Crisisbless, naturally, has no time for trouble, wasting Parrhesia 5-1. Finally, Dubstep and North Laithland are both sides exemplifying the positive attributes of youth, but it is the Rangers who take the first game, 2-1 away.

While Brinemouth chew through South Laithland, River chalk up another 3-0 win; eleven points, nine goals and no concessions sets Blake Lawless’ men off to a great start. Treason bounces back from defeat with a solid 2-1 victory over the Moths.

A third consecutive defeat for Sabrefell Moths. Crisisbless succumb to the Hatemongers, River’s streak is broken and Parrhesia succumb to yet another heavy defeat. Brookford striker Ray Detriot scores against his former club in a 1-0 victory. Otherwise, an unremarkable week.

A fourth consecutive defeat for Sabrefell Moths. Both of the strongest teams are shut down, Sabrefell away to Shale and Treason hosting Parrhesia.

An eight-goal deadlock between the Rovers and Treason, as Maximum fights back from a 4-2 deficit at half-time - Sabrefell Athletic go for the somewhat more conventional 1-0 victory over Brinemouth, and the Moths less than impressively break their losing streak 1-0 against Rochford. Goodfeather FC properly click for the first time all season, brushing off the Wanderers 3-0 at home.

Brinemouth are held by Rochford. Athletic are held by River. The Moths are held by Parrhesia. Not a good day for some of the big teams, but Treason hammers the Hatemongers 4-0 at home… but the standout match is Rangers being crushed 5-1 by Corvette.

River succumb to their first defeat hosting Brinemouth, while Maximum City are yet to meet theirs; they defeat neighbours Shale 1-0. Rovers, while not in last season’s form yet, are not without a little strength from that campaign; the Moths fall 2-0, and so far their start has been far from glorious.

Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Maximum City             10  7  3  0  12   3   +9  24
  2 AFC Treason              10  6  3  1  18   9   +9  21
  3 Brinemouth               10  6  1  3  16   7   +9  19
  4 Sabrefell Athletic       10  5  4  1  19  12   +7  19
  5 Crisisbless              10  5  3  2  14   8   +6  18
  6 Violence Chariots        10  5  3  2  12   8   +4  18
  7 Raven River              10  4  5  1  17   7  +10  17
  8 South Laithland          10  5  1  4  15  12   +3  16
  9 Brookford Otters         10  4  4  2  10   9   +1  16
 10 Maximum Rovers           10  4  3  3  12  10   +2  15
 11 Dubstep Rangers          10  4  3  3  10  12   -2  15
 12 Corvette Maulers         10  3  5  2  16  12   +4  14
 13 Coret Hawks              10  3  5  2  14  13   +1  14
 14 Parrhesia United         10  3  4  3   9  14   -5  13
 15 North Laithland          10  3  3  4  10  10   +0  12
 16 Goodfeather FC           10  3  3  4  12  17   -5  12
 17 Sabrefell Moths          10  3  2  5  14  14   +0  11
 18 Cranequin Wanderers      10  3  2  5  12  17   -5  11
 19 Southfell United         10  2  4  4   9  12   -3  10
 20 AFC Integabad            10  2  4  4   5   9   -4  10
 21 Leopolis Hatemongers     10  1  3  6   6  19  -13   6
 22 Iron City                10  1  2  7   8  16   -8   5
 23 Shale                    10  1  2  7   2  12  -10   5
 24 Rochford                 10  0  2  8   4  14  -10   2

TOP SCORERS
7 - Konrad Evans (CVM), Cheney Bittencourt (RVR)
6 - Tara Lockdown (TRE), Jonny dos Santos (BRI), Leyland Stallion (SFA)
5 - Gareth Farrell (CRI), Daniel Canady (MXR), Croft Drinkwater (VIO), Ninian Locksmith (MXC), Warner Garfield (SFA)

CLEAN SHEETS
8 - Paolo Crewe (MXC)
6 - Kurtis Fitzmarten (RVR)
5 - Bruno Hawke (BRK), Troy Ross (MXR), Rudi Stahl (INT), Russell Miller (TRE)

While some say ten games in is too early to say anything for definite, and they’d have a point, one could also argue that having twenty-four points in that time is indicative of a certain power within the side, and is a damn sight better than two. Thus is the position that Maximum City find themselves in, unbeaten and having conceded just three goals in ten games. Close behind are Treason and Brinemouth, having both gone off to strong starts in both attack and defence. Boasting the most goals in the league is Sabrefell Athletic in fourth, but with just two clean sheets there have got to be questions asked of the defence. Finishing off the top six is Crisisbless and Violence Chariots, both of whom have been consistent and strong, but not to the point where one would call their long-term success assured.
Raven River are off to a strong start, unbeaten in their first nine games and with both a tight defence and the equal-top scorer, Bittencourt, and South Laithland have also gone off to a strong start. Brookford and Rovers round out the top ten. Rangers have stayed ahead of Corvette and Coret despite a relative dearth of goals, and lagging one point behind is Parrhesia who had been vulnerable to heavy defeats so far. North Laithland are starting slowly, Goodfeather starting relatively as expected and Sabrefell Moths have been simply shocking, losing half their matches. Cranequin have suffered the same fate, too, but Southfell’s leaky defence and Integabad’s putrid attack have left them vulnerable.
Sitting on just a single win apiece are Leopolis and their awful -13 goal difference, Iron and Shale, the lattermost having scored just twice in ten games. Rochford however have failed to win at all.

Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
  1 Rhagant Schadenfreude     10  8  2  0  15   5 +10  26
  2 Iron United               10  7  0  3  11   7  +4  21
  3 Chatswood                 10  5  3  2  18  12  +6  18
  4 Mainstream Fist           10  5  2  3  13   8  +5  17
  5 Chenoworth Rovers         10  5  2  3  14  10  +4  17
  6 Crisisbless United        10  5  2  3  11   8  +3  17
  7 Vermillion Rage           10  5  2  3  19  17  +2  17
  8 Starling                  10  5  1  4  17  19  -2  16
  9 Chenoworth Harriers       10  4  3  3  14  12  +2  15
 10 Newrook Democracy         10  4  2  4  20  16  +4  14
 11 Leicard Crimewave         10  3  5  2  10   7  +3  14
 12 Corby Hubris              10  3  5  2   8   9  -1  14
 13 Orbital Bombardment       10  4  2  4   9  11  -2  14
 14 Forge Carpenters          10  4  1  5  10  12  -2  13
 15 Ritter Town               10  3  3  4  10  11  -1  12
 16 Crossroads Town           10  3  3  4   8  12  -4  12
 17 Martella Jazz             10  2  5  3  17  16  +1  11
 18 Franchise FC              10  3  2  5  12  13  -1  11
 19 West Brinemouth           10  3  2  5  12  14  -2  11
 20 North Dubstep             10  2  3  5  10  14  -4   9
 21 Ox River United           10  1  5  4   8  12  -4   8
 22 Haymaker United           10  0  7  3   3   8  -5   7
 23 Locksley Petty Theft      10  1  3  6  11  20  -9   6
 24 Raging Fire Hares         10  0  5  5   3  10  -7   5

Rhagant are off to a stunning start, unbeaten in ten with eight wins. Iron is close behind, followed by a swarm of clubs jostling for the final two slots. Vermillion, Starling and Newrook in particular are notable for how many goals have been … involved in their games. Slumming it in the single digits; North Dubstep on a nine that keeps them at 20th, while Haymaker and Raging Fire struggle to get goals, Locksley struggle not to concede them and Ox River just struggle in general. Haymaker, in fact, have seven draws, which is the highest attained at this stage.

Team                          P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rushe United                 10  7  2  1  17   6  +11  23
  2 Extreme Hills                10  7  2  1  15   5  +10  23
  3 Cranequin City               10  7  2  1  14   6   +8  23
  4 Bishop                       10  7  1  2  16   9   +7  22
  5 East Laithland Harriers      10  5  3  2  12   9   +3  18
  6 Dross Rovers                 10  5  2  3  12  10   +2  17
  7 Creed United                 10  4  4  2  15  11   +4  16
  8 Gridlock Rovers              10  5  1  4  10   6   +4  16
  9 Falston-on-Ceynes United     10  4  3  3  14  12   +2  15
 10 North Sabrefell              10  4  3  3  14  13   +1  15
 11 Greymouth                    10  4  2  4  13  15   -2  14
 12 Sandrock Artillery           10  3  4  3   8   9   -1  13
 13 Haymaker Town                10  3  4  3  14  17   -3  13
 14 Reckdale Town                10  3  3  4   9  11   -2  12
 15 Anslow Medication            10  2  5  3   8   8   +0  11
 16 Inner-East Fairywrens        10  3  2  5   8   9   -1  11
 17 Strephonage                  10  3  2  5   6  10   -4  11
 18 Cypher Town                  10  3  1  6  12  13   -1  10
 19 Sheridan                     10  3  1  6   8   9   -1  10
 20 Steak                        10  2  3  5  11  15   -4   9
 21 Fenland Albion               10  2  3  5  10  15   -5   9
 22 West Shotgun Turtles         10  1  4  5   7  14   -7   7
 23 Geoff United                 10  2  1  7   9  21  -12   7
 24 Hackett                      10  0  4  6   9  18   -9   4

Rushe, Cranequin and the newly-promoted Extreme Hills share the top spots on 23 points; Bishop, on 22, still enjoy a four-point gap over East Laithland in fifth. Hackett completes every league having one team without a win, joined by Geoff United in the relegation places; West Shotgun enjoy an advantage from their significantly less awful goal difference.

by **New Sideburn** » Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:40 am

332 SEASON - MATCHDAYS 11-15

The standout result here is Leopolis being annihilated by the Moths, 7-1. It’s a bad day for Integabad, as well, who lose 3-0 to the Southlanders; Shale double their goal tally against fellow strugglers Iron, and the Smiths draw against hosts Athletic.

Iron City hold a 2-1 lead over Sabrefell Athletic 60 minutes into the game, then lose it; similarly, Rochford have a golden opportunity to actually win a game, but blow that after half-time too. Cranequin holds Treason at home, and Shale score a goal.

Maximum City’s unbeaten streak is maimed in spectacular style by North Laithland, who just couldn’t stop scoring, putting five past the Smiths’ defence. Athletic pay for only converting their advantage into a one-goal lead, as a John Beckett strike puts paid to their hopes of victory in a winnable match. Violence inflicts a heavy defeat on Coret, 4-1 the final score.

Violence are the only Sabrefell team in the Premiership to get so much as a point this week, the rest all suffering clean sheet losses away. As Treason, Brinemouth and City all draw, the latter two against each other, it’s rather stagnant at the top of the league as a result. Nearby Southfell also succumb to a poor result; while drawing to Violence is not a bad result, it’s the last straw for Southfell’s administration, and Bridget Lastgasp is shown the door.

Rochford pick up their first win, and in fact first clean sheet, Matt Newark’s goal putting paid to Cranequin. North Laithland are stunned by Goodfeather at home, while another shock is Brinemouth’s defeat to Leopolis. Both major Sabrefell teams pick up massive wins, nine goals scored between them against Corvette and Brookford. Interim manager Rick Stemford’s Tanners somehow pull off a 0-0 draw against Treason, which bodes well - except that Stemford’s successor is announced as Edmund Agincourt less than an hour after the game.

Team                       P  W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Maximum City              15  9  5   1  19  10   +9  32
  2 Crisisbless               15  9  4   2  21   9  +12  31
  3 AFC Treason               15  8  6   1  23  11  +12  30
  4 Violence Chariots         15  8  5   2  21  11  +10  29
  5 Sabrefell Athletic        15  7  6   2  29  18  +11  27
  6 South Laithland           15  7  4   4  21  14   +7  25
  7 Brinemouth                15  7  3   5  22  14   +8  24
  8 Sabrefell Moths           15  7  2   6  28  18  +10  23
  9 Corvette Maulers          15  5  7   3  24  22   +2  22
 10 Parrhesia United          15  5  6   4  15  17   -2  21
 11 North Laithland           15  5  5   5  23  19   +4  20
 12 Maximum Rovers            15  5  5   5  16  17   -1  20
 13 Dubstep Rangers           15  5  5   5  14  18   -4  20
 14 Raven River               15  4  7   4  20  15   +5  19
 15 Goodfeather FC            15  5  4   6  19  22   -3  19
 16 Brookford Otters          15  4  5   6  12  18   -6  17
 17 Coret Hawks               15  3  7   5  18  23   -5  16
 18 Cranequin Wanderers       15  4  4   7  17  22   -5  16
 19 Leopolis Hatemongers      15  4  4   7  13  29  -16  16
 20 Southfell United          15  3  6   6  13  17   -4  15
 21 AFC Integabad             15  3  6   6   9  16   -7  15
 22 Shale                     15  3  4   8   5  15  -10  13
 23 Iron City                 15  1  4  10  13  26  -13   7
 24 Rochford                  15  1  2  12  10  24  -14   5

TOP SCORERS
9 - Konrad Evans (CVM), Leyland Stallion (SFA)
8 - Brad Kuepper (SFM)
7 - Tara Lockdown (TRE), Gareth Farrell (CRI), Daniel Canady (MXR), Molly Keynes (NLA), Cheney Bittencourt (RVR), Rook Cathar (SFM), Croft Drinkwater (VIO)

CLEAN SHEETS
10 - Paolo Crewe (MXC)
8 - Russell Miller (TRE)
7 - Daniel Cromwell (CRI), Kurtis Fitzmarten (RVR), Damian Shrewe (SLA)

Maximum City sit top despite a crippling 5-1 defeat to North Laithland, responsible for half their conceded goals. Crisisbless, Treason and Violence are close behind, in the other UICA slots. Sabrefell Athletic are attempting to keep pace with the best offence in the league, but their defence is letting them down by comparison; South Laithland, surprisingly, round out the top six.
Brinemouth, by comparison, are underachieving, with five losses they can’t afford if they’re to make a title push, and the Moths are a point further behind despite strong recent form. Corvette are doing better than expected, having lost just three times thanks to the goals of Konrad Evans, and Parrhesia behind them have recovered from some crippling defeats to come a solid fifth.
On five wins and five draws are North Laithland, Maximum Rovers and Dubstep Rangers, two sides with diametrically opposite expectations and one in between. Raven River have been winless for this stretch, and sit 14th; Goodfeather are below them on goal difference, still reeling from the harsh first-day defeat to the Moths. Brookford, who have struggled in attack, barely lead Coret, Cranequin and Leopolis, who have all suffered from defensive issues.
On fifteen points are Southfell, with Bridget Lastgasp the first managerial casualty of the season, and AFC Integabad behind on goal difference. Shale have failed to get their pseudo-Karelan tactics off to a good start, but they have the lowest average wage of any side in the Premiership; the comparatively rich Iron City and Rochford have both suffered from utterly dreadful form.

Team                        P  W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chatswood                  15  9  3   3  29  15  +14  30
  2 Rhagant Schadenfreude      15  9  3   3  19  12   +7  30
  3 Vermillion Rage            15  8  4   3  25  20   +5  28
  4 Iron United                15  8  1   6  15  12   +3  25
  5 Crisisbless United         15  7  4   4  14  11   +3  25
  6 Newrook Democracy          15  7  3   5  28  20   +8  24
  7 Forge Carpenters           15  7  3   5  16  13   +3  24
  8 Starling                   15  7  3   5  25  29   -4  24
  9 Leicard Crimewave          15  5  8   2  16  11   +5  23
 10 Mainstream Fist            15  6  4   5  17  14   +3  22
 11 Chenoworth Harriers        15  6  4   5  18  16   +2  22
 12 Orbital Bombardment        15  6  3   6  14  16   -2  21
 13 Corby Hubris               15  5  6   4  13  15   -2  21
 14 Chenoworth Rovers          15  5  5   5  16  14   +2  20
 15 Martella Jazz              15  4  7   4  20  18   +2  19
 16 North Dubstep              15  5  4   6  16  19   -3  19
 17 Franchise FC               15  5  3   7  16  16   +0  18
 18 Crossroads Town            15  4  4   7  10  16   -6  16
 19 Ritter Town                15  3  6   6  12  15   -3  15
 20 Ox River United            15  3  6   6  13  17   -4  15
 21 West Brinemouth            15  4  3   8  14  21   -7  15
 22 Raging Fire Hares          15  2  7   6   9  14   -5  13
 23 Haymaker United            15  1  9   5   6  11   -5  12
 24 Locksley Petty Theft       15  1  3  11  12  28  -16   6

The competition for promotion is closer than ever, as Rhagant follow up on an amazing start and seemingly insurmountable lead by immediately choking on it. Chatswood sits top, and Vermillion takes a much-expected promotion place; fourth down is extremely tightly contested, and there’s even significant doubt around the relegation places; Locksley are heavily mired, while Raging Fire and Haymaker struggle but could still make a break for it. Haymaker, with nine draws, have the most of any team at this stage.

Team                           P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bishop                        15  11  1  3  24  14  +10  34
  2 Extreme Hills                 15  10  2  3  24   9  +15  32
  3 Rushe United                  15  10  2  3  21  13   +8  32
  4 Cranequin City                15   9  4  2  19  10   +9  31
  5 Falston-on-Ceynes United      15   8  3  4  23  15   +8  27
  6 North Sabrefell               15   7  4  4  23  17   +6  25
  7 East Laithland Harriers       15   7  4  4  18  13   +5  25
  8 Dross Rovers                  15   7  3  5  16  18   -2  24
  9 Reckdale Town                 15   6  4  5  17  16   +1  22
 10 Strephonage                   15   6  3  6  16  16   +0  21
 11 Greymouth                     15   6  3  6  19  21   -2  21
 12 Anslow Medication             15   5  5  5  14  12   +2  20
 13 Sandrock Artillery            15   5  4  6  11  13   -2  19
 14 Haymaker Town                 15   5  4  6  17  22   -5  19
 15 Creed United                  15   4  6  5  18  17   +1  18
 16 Gridlock Rovers               15   5  3  7  12  11   +1  18
 17 Inner-East Fairywrens         15   5  2  8  12  14   -2  17
 18 Cypher Town                   15   5  1  9  21  22   -1  16
 19 Geoff United                  15   5  1  9  14  26  -12  16
 20 Fenland Albion                15   4  3  8  18  21   -3  15
 21 Sheridan                      15   4  3  8  11  16   -5  15
 22 Steak                         15   3  5  7  14  21   -7  14
 23 West Shotgun Turtles          15   2  4  9   9  22  -13  10
 24 Hackett                       15   1  6  8  11  23  -12   9

Bishop, Extreme, Rushe and Cranequin have a solid but not unassailable edge on the rest of the competition, headed by recently-relegated FC United. Geoff have escaped from immediate danger, Hackett have decidedly not and are now joined by West Shotgun.

by **New Sideburn** » Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:33 pm

332 SEASON - MATCHDAYS 16-20

The Moths win a hard-fought victory against the Hawks in the game of the weak, while in the East Sabrefell derby fourth-placed Chariots host fifth Athletic… and utterly capitulate to a 4-1 defeat. Maximum seem to be backsliding, this time unable to finish off Goodfeather, as the Integabad derby leaves Leopolis 2-0 down in the dust, lifting Integabad over their rivals and out of the relegation zone.

Crisisbless hold City to a cagey goalless draw, and Athletic take advantage with a 1-0 victory over Treason that could well decide the champions when all is said and done. In one of the Fell derbies, Southfell falls tamely to the Moths, 1-0.

Shale put two goals past the Moths. As in, they score twice. This is the standout fact in a week that sees Crisisbless fail to beat Iron City, Maximum City lose to Corvette, Raven River overcome Treason, Athletic succumb to the Southrons and a 4-2 thriller between Goodfeather and Brinemouth. The important thing, to reiterate, is Shale scoring twice in one game.

North Laithland defeat a backsliding Treason 2-1, the Sabrefell derby ends in a 0-0 draw and Rochford-Shale, the match most tipped by bookies to end goalless, ends 1-1. Some interesting results, little to say about any of them.

A 1-1 draw with Brinemouth is enough to secure Crisisbless pole position for the 20-match mark; Treason lose a fourth straight game. A diplomat would say they were distracted with an overwhelmingly successful UICA campaign. A pragmatist might say that three of these were to top teams, and River are strong as well. A cynic might say they utterly bottled it. River are guests to the Moths, technically the closest rivals in the city; it is the hosts who win, 2-1. The Laith derby is played out as well, with a rare victory for the South. Shale score twice again.

Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crisisbless               20  11  7   2  26  12  +14  40
  2 Maximum City              20  11  7   2  23  14   +9  40
  3 Sabrefell Athletic        20  10  7   3  38  21  +17  37
  4 Brinemouth                20  11  4   5  34  17  +17  37
  5 Violence Chariots         20   9  7   4  26  18   +8  34
  6 South Laithland           20  10  4   6  27  20   +7  34
  7 Sabrefell Moths           20  10  3   7  34  23  +11  33
  8 AFC Treason               20   9  6   5  26  17   +9  33
  9 Parrhesia United          20   7  8   5  21  23   -2  29
 10 Raven River               20   7  7   6  27  20   +7  28
 11 North Laithland           20   7  6   7  28  25   +3  27
 12 Maximum Rovers            20   7  5   8  21  22   -1  26
 13 Goodfeather FC            20   7  5   8  27  29   -2  26
 14 Corvette Maulers          20   6  7   7  29  29   +0  25
 15 Cranequin Wanderers       20   7  4   9  24  25   -1  25
 16 AFC Integabad             20   6  6   8  17  21   -4  24
 17 Brookford Otters          20   6  6   8  19  27   -8  24
 18 Dubstep Rangers           20   6  6   8  17  26   -9  24
 19 Shale                     20   6  5   9  11  17   -6  23
 20 Southfell United          20   5  6   9  17  22   -5  21
 21 Coret Hawks               20   4  9   7  24  30   -6  21
 22 Leopolis Hatemongers      20   4  6  10  16  39  -23  18
 23 Iron City                 20   2  6  12  17  34  -17  12
 24 Rochford                  20   2  3  15  13  31  -18   9

TOP SCORERS
11 - Leyland Stallion (SFA)
10 - Jonny dos Santos (BRI), Konrad Evans (CVM), Brad Kuepper (SFM)
9 - Cheney Bittencourt (RVR), Warner Garfield (SFA)

CLEAN SHEETS
12 - Paolo Crewe (MXC)
9 - Daniel Cromwell (CRI), Kurtis Fitzmarten (RVR), Matt Well (SHA), Russell Miller (TRE)
8 - Rudi Stahl (INT), Troy Ross (MXR), Peter Tomasen (PAR), Damian Shrewe (SLA), Felix Carrick (VIO)

Crisisbless lead the table on goal difference, overcoming a Maximum City side whose offence has failed to match the standards set at the back. Sabrefell Athletic and Brinemouth are three points behind, the difference there solely on goals scored, and Violence and South Laithland are three points further behind, both surprises and both maintaining their good form. A dreadful run of form for Treason sets them in eighth, behind the Moths on goal difference. Parrhesia and River are doing slightly better than anticipated, leading a North Laithland side that have been shaky at best so far. Rovers are failing to reach last season’s heights, while Goodfeather and Corvette are exceeding expectations. Cranequin is failing to beat many teams it should make short work of, but besides the inconsistency they’re at least hanging in midtable. Integabad have definitely undershot the mark. Brookford and Dubstep will be happy to be out of the relegation zone, as will Shale, whose strategy is finally coming together. Southfell is the only unusual face in the 20s, joined a the relegation zone of Coret, Leopolis, Iron and Rochford, the latter two must surely have one foot in the grave by now.

Team                        P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Vermillion Rage            20  11  5   4  34  24  +10  38
  2 Rhagant Schadenfreude      20  11  5   4  22  15   +7  38
  3 Starling                   20  11  4   5  31  31   +0  37
  4 Orbital Bombardment        20  11  3   6  23  16   +7  36
  5 Crisisbless United         20  10  5   5  20  13   +7  35
  6 Chatswood                  20  10  4   6  33  25   +8  34
  7 Chenoworth Rovers          20   8  6   6  23  17   +6  30
  8 Leicard Crimewave          20   7  9   4  18  14   +4  30
  9 Newrook Democracy          20   8  5   7  30  25   +5  29
 10 Chenoworth Harriers        20   8  5   7  24  20   +4  29
 11 Mainstream Fist            20   8  5   7  20  16   +4  29
 12 Iron United                20   9  2   9  17  16   +1  29
 13 Ritter Town                20   7  6   7  21  17   +4  27
 14 Forge Carpenters           20   7  5   8  19  20   -1  26
 15 Franchise FC               20   7  4   9  22  22   +0  25
 16 Martella Jazz              20   6  7   7  27  28   -1  25
 17 North Dubstep              20   7  4   9  20  24   -4  25
 18 Ox River United            20   6  6   8  22  21   +1  24
 19 Corby Hubris               20   5  7   8  14  25  -11  22
 20 Raging Fire Hares          20   4  8   8  12  17   -5  20
 21 Haymaker United            20   3 10   7   9  17   -8  19
 22 West Brinemouth            20   4  6  10  15  26  -11  18
 23 Crossroads Town            20   4  5  11  14  27  -13  17
 24 Locksley Petty Theft       20   3  4  13  19  33  -14  13

Locksley look close to done for. They’re joined by Crossroads, West Brinemouth and Haymaker, but the recently-relegated Raging Fire are hovering dangerously as well. Vermillion sit top, equal on points with Rhagant - Starling make it to third with an even goal difference in spite of having eleven wins and five losses.Orbital, Crisisbless United and Chatswood fight for the final promotion slot, while midtable is a congested mess; six teams have either 29 or 30 points.

Team                           P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bishop                        20  15  2   3  33  16  +17  47
  2 Rushe United                  20  13  3   4  30  17  +13  42
  3 Extreme Hills                 20  12  4   4  30  15  +15  40
  4 Cranequin City                20  11  5   4  22  12  +10  38
  5 Falston-on-Ceynes United      20  10  4   6  28  20   +8  34
  6 North Sabrefell               20   9  5   6  34  25   +9  32
  7 Cypher Town                   20   9  2   9  31  26   +5  29
  8 Greymouth                     20   8  5   7  23  25   -2  29
  9 Dross Rovers                  20   8  5   7  20  24   -4  29
 10 Strephonage                   20   8  4   8  21  22   -1  28
 11 Reckdale Town                 20   7  6   7  22  23   -1  27
 12 Fenland Albion                20   8  3   9  25  27   -2  27
 13 Haymaker Town                 20   7  6   7  21  26   -5  27
 14 Creed United                  20   6  8   6  26  23   +3  26
 15 East Laithland Harriers       20   7  5   8  21  22   -1  26
 16 Anslow Medication             20   6  7   7  18  16   +2  25
 17 Sandrock Artillery            20   6  7   7  15  16   -1  25
 18 Gridlock Rovers               20   7  4   9  18  20   -2  25
 19 Geoff United                  20   8  1  11  22  31   -9  25
 20 Inner-East Fairywrens         20   7  3  10  16  17   -1  24
 21 Sheridan                      20   4  6  10  14  23   -9  18
 22 Steak                         20   3  6  11  17  28  -11  15
 23 Hackett                       20   3  6  11  19  31  -12  15
 24 West Shotgun Turtles          20   2  5  13  11  32  -21  11

Extreme Hills are still standout performances, third after Rushe and the outstanding Bishop; the latter enjoy a five-point lead on Rushe, a thirteen-point lead on fifth-place Falston-on-Ceynes and the highest points total of any team in the association. West Shotgun have been godawful; little seperates Steak and Hackett, one goal difference deciding the final relegation place for now.

332 CUP

by **New Sideburn** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 3:55 am

332 SEASON - MATCHDAYS 21-25

Despite a straight red card for Damian Shrewe, Shale hold on for a victory against the Maximum Rovers; an inconsistent North Laithland side defeats the inconsistent Moths. The Rangers, however, manage a complete victory over Brookford, 3-0 and with 68% possession.

Shale put two goals past Leopolis, putting paid to any idea of them having a half-decent defence; Goodfeather scalp an inconsistent Treason and the major Sabrefell sides are held to draws by the major Maximum sides. Chariots defeat Crisisbless in the midseason clash of a team that has consistently outdone itself at the start of the season and another that has constantly undershot the mark at the end.

Treason put paid to their demons, beating Crisisbless away, as Konrad Evans’ last match at Corvette sees the Chariots blown away 3-0. Other than that, little else of note, though ten of the twelve matches ended in clean sheet victories, and none in draws.

It is in the midseason that the transfer window deadline for the rest of the world happens. This largely creates an exodus; Konrad Evans the highest-profile departure to Astograth, but also begins to ask questions - the Sideburnese cycle is somewhat earlier than most other nations. As a result, the rest of the season will be slightly staggered, in order to begin the next season in line with other nations’ cycles.

Without Evans, Corvette are goalless against Treason, though this is perhaps understandable given the power of the opposition. Jayson looks promising on his debut, threatening Cranequin, though not scoring - Old Guardian Richard of France is crucial in the Moths defence as they take out Goodfeather FC.

The Maximum derby ends in a 1-1 deadlock - so do five other matches this week, Leopolis holding out against the Spiders, South Laithland’s impressive form not catching Corvette, Brinemouth unable to defeat Coret, Cranequin leaking a goal to Shale and Southfell and Brookford both being distinctly below-par. The highest-billing fixture sees the Moths grind out a 1-0 victory against Crisisbless. The most shocking result has the Rangers forcing Athletic to defeat. But the most exciting match is a six-goal thriller, seeing Treason defeat Violence 4-2 in a tight contest.

Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Athletic        25  13   8   4  49  27  +22  47
  2 Maximum City              25  12  10   3  26  18   +8  46
  3 AFC Treason               25  13   6   6  36  21  +15  45
  4 South Laithland           25  13   6   6  33  22  +11  45
  5 Brinemouth                25  12   7   6  40  22  +18  43
  6 Sabrefell Moths           25  13   4   8  40  26  +14  43
  7 Crisisbless               25  12   7   6  28  17  +11  43
  8 Violence Chariots         25  10   9   6  31  27   +4  39
  9 Raven River               25  10   8   7  34  25   +9  38
 10 North Laithland           25  10   8   7  38  31   +7  38
 11 Dubstep Rangers           25  10   7   8  27  30   -3  37
 12 Parrhesia United          25   9   9   7  31  31   +0  36
 13 Goodfeather FC            25   9   6  10  32  35   -3  33
 14 Shale                     25   9   6  10  17  20   -3  33
 15 Corvette Maulers          25   8   8   9  36  36   +0  32
 16 Cranequin Wanderers       25   8   7  10  29  29   +0  31
 17 Maximum Rovers            25   7   8  10  25  28   -3  29
 18 AFC Integabad             25   7   8  10  22  29   -7  29
 19 Southfell United          25   6   9  10  22  27   -5  27
 20 Brookford Otters          25   6   9  10  21  34  -13  27
 21 Coret Hawks               25   4  12   9  27  36   -9  24
 22 Leopolis Hatemongers      25   4   8  13  20  48  -28  20
 23 Iron City                 25   3   7  15  21  40  -19  16
 24 Rochford                  25   2   3  20  13  39  -26   9

TOP SCORERS
14 - Leyland Stallion (SFA)
12 - Cheney Bittencourt (RVR), Brad Kuepper (SFM), Tara Lockdown (TRE)
11 - Jonny dos Santos (BRI), Konrad Evans (CVM), Warner Garfield (SFA)
10 - Fran Sadler (CRN), Daniel Canady (MXR), Molly Keynes (NLA), Karelline Charmwell (SFA), Croft Drinkwater (VIO)
9 - Gareth Farrell (CRI), Fiona Marsden (DSR), John Beckett (GDF), Kamilla Brandt (PAR), Rook Cathar (SFM)

CLEAN SHEETS
14 - Paolo Crewe (MXC)
12 - Russell Miller (TRE)
11 - Kurtis Fitzmarten (RVR), Damian Shrewe (SLA)
10 - Peter Tomasen (PAR)
9 - Daniel Cromwell (CRI), Rudi Stahl (INT), Bryan Veldt (SFM), Felix Carrick (VIO)

At the top of the table, a strong run of form sees Athletic take the lead in the table with the best goal difference and attack in the league; Maximum City follow backed by a strong defence marshalled by 14-sheet Paolo Crewe. Treason make something of a comeback to hang onto third, while South Laithland are hanging onto contention somehow, two points off first with twenty-five games played. Brinemouth lead the Moths (whose defence has been frail) and Crisisbless (who have… true to form, totally choked on the last five games, managing just one win and four defeats) on goal difference.
In midtable, Violence Chariots’ honeymoon is over, and they fall to a still-respectable eighth. Raven River follow, looking fresh and benefiting from Cheney Bittencourt’s superb form, and North Laithland meanwhile have cause for disappointment with a lacklustre season to date. Dubstep are a fair way clear of trouble, and will almost definitely be safe this season; Parrhesia and Goodfeather are doing about as expected, while Shale’s main plan seems to be working out despite an abysmal offence. Corvette have done competently, but eleven of their thirty-six goals have come from the now-departed Konrad Evans, and they’ve conceded just as many, which is hardly ideal. Cranequin are below-average, but competent.
In the danger area, Rovers are suffering from some shaky form, but it’s likely they can climb back from this. Likewise for Integabad, whose 4-4-1-1 has simply not been working out for them in attack. Southfell, too, have suffered from offensive woes, and are beginning to feel as though maybe they could be the shock dropouts of the season; for the Otters, though, it would almost be expected, and they’re desperate to avoid that fate. Without Bard, they’ve been beyond anemic up front. As for the bottom four themselves, Coret are three points from safety, with a major hamstring being an inability to make wins; twelve draws is simply not cutting it. Four points behind them, seven points from safety and with the worst goal difference in the league are Leopolis, whose 5-3-2 has been all too easily shredded this season, and they lack the offensive power to overturn that. Iron City, despite seeming more in-shape and coordinated, have been even worse at securing results - Beckerman was fired earlier in the month. Rochford are beyond salvation.

Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Vermillion Rage            25  13   7   5  44  33  +11  46
  2 Chatswood                  25  13   4   8  41  29  +12  43
  3 Crisisbless United         25  12   6   7  26  21   +5  42
  4 Rhagant Schadenfreude      25  12   6   7  24  21   +3  42
  5 Starling                   25  12   5   8  34  36   -2  41
  6 Chenoworth Rovers          25  11   7   7  30  22   +8  40
  7 Mainstream Fist            25  11   6   8  26  17   +9  39
  8 Newrook Democracy          25  11   6   8  40  33   +7  39
  9 Orbital Bombardment        25  11   5   9  25  25   +0  38
 10 Chenoworth Harriers        25  10   7   8  31  24   +7  37
 11 Leicard Crimewave          25   8  11   6  20  17   +3  35
 12 Iron United                25  11   2  12  21  20   +1  35
 13 Ritter Town                25   9   7   9  27  22   +5  34
 14 Forge Carpenters           25   9   7   9  23  23   +0  34
 15 North Dubstep              25  10   4  11  28  29   -1  34
 16 Franchise FC               25   9   5  11  29  28   +1  32
 17 Martella Jazz              25   8   7  10  36  36   +0  31
 18 Haymaker United            25   6  11   8  14  20   -6  29
 19 Crossroads Town            25   8   5  12  19  29  -10  29
 20 Ox River United            25   6   9  10  24  26   -2  27
 21 Raging Fire Hares          25   5   9  11  15  23   -8  24
 22 West Brinemouth            25   5   9  11  21  34  -13  24
 23 Corby Hubris               25   5   8  12  18  36  -18  23
 24 Locksley Petty Theft       25   5   7  13  26  38  -12  22

It’s tight at the top, as Orbital go winless in five and slide to ninth, Starling also can’t take the heat and Rhagant hold just a single point’s advantage in fourth. Vermillion are still the strongest by a margin, however. The lowest teams all seem to have an almost decent week, but Locksley are still rooted to the bottom of the table. Things are still very tight and even all across the table, though, and nobody’s yet sunk… and few are safe.

Team                           P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bishop                        25  18  3   4  39  20  +19  57
  2 Rushe United                  25  15  5   5  35  18  +17  50
  3 Extreme Hills                 25  14  7   4  34  17  +17  49
  4 Falston-on-Ceynes United      25  12  6   7  33  22  +11  42
  5 Cranequin City                25  12  6   7  25  16   +9  42
  6 Strephonage                   25  11  6   8  29  27   +2  39
  7 Creed United                  25  10  8   7  35  25  +10  38
  8 North Sabrefell               25  11  5   9  38  32   +6  38
  9 East Laithland Harriers       25  11  5   9  27  24   +3  38
 10 Cypher Town                   25  11  3  11  34  29   +5  36
 11 Greymouth                     25  10  6   9  27  32   -5  36
 12 Inner-East Fairywrens         25  10  5  10  21  18   +3  35
 13 Sandrock Artillery            25   9  8   8  19  18   +1  35
 14 Dross Rovers                  25  10  5  10  26  31   -5  35
 15 Fenland Albion                25  10  4  11  31  33   -2  34
 16 Anslow Medication             25   7 10   8  25  21   +4  31
 17 Reckdale Town                 25   7 10   8  29  31   -2  31
 18 Gridlock Rovers               25   9  4  12  22  25   -3  31
 19 Haymaker Town                 25   8  7  10  25  36  -11  31
 20 Geoff United                  25   8  1  16  23  39  -16  25
 21 Sheridan                      25   5  6  14  16  30  -14  21
 22 Hackett                       25   4  8  13  26  39  -13  20
 23 West Shotgun Turtles          25   5  5  15  17  37  -20  20
 24 Steak                         25   3  7  15  19  35  -16  16

Bishop still dominate, and Extreme Hills are still doing shockingly well; they and Rushe all have significant leads on the rest, FC United and Cranequin City next on 42 points. The bottom four are also looking somewhat seperated; Sheridan and Hackett are barely safe, but four points from 20th, West Shotgun looks deep in trouble with a pathetic -20 goal difference and Steak is up to the neck in failure.

by **New Sideburn** » Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:17 am

332 SEASON - MATCHDAYS 26-30

Rochford beat a dominant Crisisbless, who have only themselves to blame for squandering a massive possession and momentum advantage. Treason are distinctly looking stretched by UICA and CEdC, forced to make several changes to their first team against Brinemouth - they pay for it, losing 1-0. Maximum Rovers prove even Iron’s defence can no longer take the strain of this standard of play, putting five past their opponents.

Iron shape up at the back and get a leg up on the Hatemongers with a 1-0 win that was absolutely necessary to give them any hope of survival. Brinemouth suffers a surprise reversal against Southfell, Violence defeat their nearest rivals, the Moths, while Brookford is swept 4-0 at home.

The Moths suffer another defeat, this time to a Treason that is genuinely bringing its first-team to the table. The Rovers hold Crisisbless for seventy minutes, before two goals in quick succession pull them down. Meanwhile, South Laithland’s recent form meets its match in a Brinemouth determined to bring its A-Game to the Laith - they were good, the Dockers were simply stunning.

Treason draws 0-0 at home to Rochford.
Treason draws 0-0 at home to Rochford.
Treason draws 0-0 at home to Rochford.

The Clydesdale System works like a charm, Sabrefell Athletic caught twice on the counterattack to lose at home against an inferior team, while holding a 71% possession advantage. As Crisisbless manage another remarkable fightback (so unlike their usual character) to beat a forceful Integabad, while an unlikely Parrhesia punches through Treason’s defence to score a win.

Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Athletic        30  17   8   5  60  32  +28  59
  2 Crisisbless               30  15   8   7  38  25  +13  53
  3 Maximum City              30  14  11   5  30  25   +5  53
  4 AFC Treason               30  15   7   8  38  24  +14  52
  5 Brinemouth                30  14   9   7  46  26  +20  51
  6 Sabrefell Moths           30  15   5  10  46  30  +16  50
  7 South Laithland           30  14   7   9  35  28   +7  49
  8 Parrhesia United          30  13  10   7  38  33   +5  49
  9 Violence Chariots         30  12  11   7  37  31   +6  47
 10 North Laithland           30  12   9   9  45  37   +8  45
 11 Dubstep Rangers           30  12   8  10  32  36   -4  44
 12 Raven River               30  11   9  10  38  30   +8  42
 13 Shale                     30  10  10  10  21  22   -1  40
 14 Maximum Rovers            30  10   9  11  37  34   +3  39
 15 Cranequin Wanderers       30  10   9  11  38  36   +2  39
 16 Southfell United          30   9  10  11  28  30   -2  37
 17 Goodfeather FC            30  10   7  13  34  41   -7  37
 18 Corvette Maulers          30   9   8  13  40  45   -5  35
 19 Brookford Otters          30   8  11  11  28  39  -11  35
 20 AFC Integabad             30   8  10  12  26  34   -8  34
 21 Coret Hawks               30   5  13  12  29  42  -13  28
 22 Leopolis Hatemongers      30   5   8  17  24  56  -32  23
 23 Iron City                 30   4   9  17  25  48  -23  21
 24 Rochford                  30   3   4  23  16  45  -29  13

TOP SCORERS
16 - Leyland Stallion (SFA)
14 - Cheney Bittencourt (RVR)
13 - Jonny dos Santos (BRI), Warner Garfield (SFA), Brad Kuepper (SFM), Tara Lockdown (TRE)
12 - Daniel Canady (MXR), Molly Keynes (NLA), Croft Drinkwater (VIO)
11 - Fran Sadler (CRN), Gareth Farrell (CRI), Kamilla Brandt (PAR), Karelline Charmwell (SFA), Rook Cathar (SFM)

CLEAN SHEETS
16 - Paolo Crewe (MXC)
15 - Russell Miller (TRE)
13 - Peter Tomasen (PAR), Kurtis Fitzmarten (RVR), Matt Well (SHA), Damien Shrewe (SLA)

Sabrefell Athletic enjoy pride of place, the least inconsistent team by a fair margin, lead by a strong offense. Crisisbless have uncharacteristically made a strong rally as well - well, as strong as any rally including a 2-0 defeat to Rochford can be. Maximum are third despite having just half the goals Athletic can boast - William Čalrek, who has earnt the affectionate nickname of ‘Czechmate’ from the fans, is directly responsible for a third of them after a strong run of form. Treason barely hold fourth.
Snapping at the defending champions’ heels are Brinemouth with 51 points, whose switch to 4-4-2 has lead to a certain (rather typical) loss in chemistry, and the Moths on 50, still with a leaky defence despite the midseason addition of Old Guard stalwart Richard of France. South Laithland and Parrhesia United find themselves in the unlikely position of needing just five points to secure second place.
Violence leads the chasing pack, uncharacteristically focused on defence this season - they’ve conceded just thirty one. The same cannot be said for North Laithland, whose defensive consistency brought them to a great finish last season, but they’ve kept just seven clean sheets so far. Dubstep have been inconsistent in attack, while River’s strong all-round performances
Despite four points from six against Treason and Crisisbless, Rochford are still doomed. Leopolis and Iron City are probably also doomed. Coret have a five-point gap due to a crippling tendency to draw games, and if they don’t shape up quickly they, too, will be doomed.

Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Vermillion Rage            30  14   9   7  49  37  +12  51
  2 Orbital Bombardment        30  15   6   9  31  25   +6  51
  3 Starling                   30  15   6   9  41  40   +1  51
  4 Crisisbless United         30  14   8   8  31  26   +5  50
  5 Chatswood                  30  14   7   9  47  34  +13  49
  6 Mainstream Fist            30  14   7   9  31  19  +12  49
  7 Rhagant Schadenfreude      30  13   7  10  27  26   +1  46
  8 Chenoworth Rovers          30  12   9   9  34  26   +8  45
  9 Newrook Democracy          30  12   9   9  48  41   +7  45
 10 Leicard Crimewave          30  11  12   7  27  21   +6  45
 11 Chenoworth Harriers        30  12   8  10  34  27   +7  44
 12 Iron United                30  13   3  14  25  23   +2  42
 13 Ritter Town                30  11   8  11  33  26   +7  41
 14 Martella Jazz              30  11   7  12  44  42   +2  40
 15 Ox River United            30  10   9  11  30  29   +1  39
 16 Franchise FC               30  10   8  12  32  33   -1  38
 17 Crossroads Town            30  10   7  13  24  33   -9  37
 18 Forge Carpenters           30   9   9  12  25  28   -3  36
 19 North Dubstep              30  10   6  14  30  36   -6  36
 20 Haymaker United            30   7  12  11  17  27  -10  33
 21 West Brinemouth            30   7  10  13  26  38  -12  31
 22 Corby Hubris               30   7   9  14  22  41  -19  30
 23 Locksley Petty Theft       30   7   7  16  30  46  -16  28
 24 Raging Fire Hares          30   6   9  15  16  30  -14  27

Vermillion, Orbital and Starling have their horns locked on 51 points apiece, Crisisbless United just one point behind; Chatswood and Mainstream are lurking in the wings, at that. But it’s anyone’s game, with a stalemate all the way to midtable; anyone up until 12th placed Iron United on 42 points probably fancies themselves to have a shot, with sixteen games to play. By contrast, West Brinemouth on 31 points may only be two points from safety (putting the pathetic offence of Haymaker on panic stations), but a five-point cushion means both North Dubstep and Forge will have a way to fall before things really get dangerous.

Team                           P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bishop                        30  20   4   6  46  28  +18  64
  2 Rushe United                  30  17   7   6  40  21  +19  58
  3 Cranequin City                30  16   6   8  30  17  +13  54
  4 Extreme Hills                 30  15   8   7  43  28  +15  53
  5 Creed United                  30  14   9   7  46  30  +16  51
  6 Falston-on-Ceynes United      30  13   8   9  40  30  +10  47
  7 East Laithland Harriers       30  13   8   9  32  27   +5  47
  8 North Sabrefell               30  12   7  11  45  40   +5  43
  9 Cypher Town                   30  13   4  13  42  38   +4  43
 10 Strephonage                   30  12   7  11  33  32   +1  43
 11 Dross Rovers                  30  12   7  11  33  36   -3  43
 12 Inner-East Fairywrens         30  12   5  13  25  25   +0  41
 13 Anslow Medication             30   9  13   8  32  25   +7  40
 14 Reckdale Town                 30   9  11  10  36  38   -2  38
 15 Sandrock Artillery            30  10   8  12  22  24   -2  38
 16 Fenland Albion                30  11   5  14  37  41   -4  38
 17 Greymouth                     30  10   8  12  28  36   -8  38
 18 Gridlock Rovers               30   9   7  14  26  33   -7  34
 19 Geoff United                  30  10   3  17  30  46  -16  33
 20 Haymaker Town                 30   8   9  13  26  42  -16  33
 21 Sheridan                      30   8   7  15  22  33  -11  31
 22 West Shotgun Turtles          30   8   6  16  25  41  -16  30
 23 Hackett                       30   6  11  13  37  48  -11  29
 24 Steak                         30   5   8  17  23  40  -17  23

Bishop’s dominance continues, the Saints holding a six-point lead over Rushe, ten over Cranequin and thirteen over the fifth-placed Creed. The bottom of the league looks similarly unchallenged - Hackett are six points above Steak, and just one from safety. There’s still uncertainty for the glory of fourth, currently occupies by Extreme Hills (who are looking for consecutive promotions)... and for the safety of 22nd, presently held by West Shotgun by one point with a goal difference deficit.

by **New Sideburn** » Tue Oct 29, 2013 12:12 am

332 SEASON - MATCHDAYS 31-35

Athletic are taken down by Brinemouth in what is probably the game of the week, as the Moths roundly defeat Rochford in what is decidedly not. Further down the table, an exciting 3-3 draw sees Integabad barely hold off a Corvette onslaught (lacking, but still noteworthy, in the absence of Konrad Evans) while Cranequin host Goodfeather - two of the high-possession, low-tempo teams, and it is the Wanderers who take it after ninety surprisingly entertaining minutes.

Coret reach an important win over Iron City, keeping hopes of staying up alive with a single goal from Helga Rus. No such luck for Leopolis, who are put down by Treason in a brutally one-sided match, or for Rochford, who to their credit gave Brinemouth a sour taste in their mouth after putting the game in doubt before dos Santos scored Brinemouth’s third from a corner. Southfell manage an undeserved win over Maximum, bulled off the pitch but a long shot from Vermont in the 51st minute gives them the win. Meanwhile, one of the numerous Sabrefell derbies sees River fall to leaders Athletic after a spirited performance from both.

With his ninth goal of the season, Brookford’s Delicious Johnson has already passed last season’s dismal tally - in his advancing age, the centre-forward does seem more comfortable in the target man role. The header allows the Otters to come back from 1-0 down against Crisisbless in the 85th minute, though there are far more impressive results in the week. Integabad scalps Treason, an enterprising North Laithland tries out a 4-6-0 only to be brutally put down by Sabrefell Athletic in an actual formation, while the Rovers capitulate 5-1 to the Moths.

An energetic match between Athletic and City is the highlight of the week, Athletic dominating the game but proven repeatedly vulnerable on the counter. Only thanks to a terrific save from Wilhelm Urquhart did they avoid a loss in extra time. Violence, too, were easily stretched by Cranequin, who seem to be reaching the peak of their powers. Maximum Rovers are beginning to get worried, after somehow losing to Rochford.

An unremarkable week, though in an unlikely result Athletic were defeated by Iron City - the Lacklustrian Alcatraz showing he belongs at this level, though perhaps not with this side. Cheney Bittencourt’s form is no longer red-hot, but he manages to fire the winner past Paolo Crewe after three weeks’ injured - City suffering an upset away to River. North Laithland are presented with a golden opportunity to improve their position, facing Brinemouth 0-0 against ten men by half-time - they still lose. Spike Turnbull looks very pensive lately...

Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Athletic        35  19   9   7  67  39  +28  66
  2 Brinemouth                35  19   9   7  55  28  +27  66
  3 AFC Treason               35  18   8   9  44  27  +17  62
  4 Crisisbless               35  16  11   8  44  30  +14  59
  5 South Laithland           35  17   8  10  39  30   +9  59
  6 Maximum City              35  15  13   7  35  31   +4  58
  7 Sabrefell Moths           35  17   6  12  57  37  +20  57
  8 Violence Chariots         35  15  12   8  44  35   +9  57
  9 Parrhesia United          35  14  13   8  43  37   +6  55
 10 North Laithland           35  15   9  11  50  42   +8  54
 11 Dubstep Rangers           35  14   9  12  37  40   -3  51
 12 Cranequin Wanderers       35  12  11  12  45  41   +4  47
 13 Raven River               35  12  10  13  41  35   +6  46
 14 Southfell United          35  12  10  13  36  38   -2  46
 15 AFC Integabad             35  11  12  12  35  39   -4  45
 16 Shale                     35  11  11  13  23  26   -3  44
 17 Goodfeather FC            35  12   7  16  40  48   -8  43
 18 Maximum Rovers            35  10  10  15  39  43   -4  40
 19 Brookford Otters          35   9  12  14  31  45  -14  39
 20 Corvette Maulers          35   9  11  15  45  53   -8  38
 21 Coret Hawks               35   7  16  12  33  44  -11  37
 22 Iron City                 35   6   9  20  29  54  -25  27
 23 Leopolis Hatemongers      35   6   9  20  27  64  -37  27
 24 Rochford                  35   4   5  26  20  53  -33  17

TOP SCORERS
19 - Leyland Stallion (SFA)
17 - Brad Kuepper (SFM)
15 - Jonny dos Santos (BRI), Cheney Bittencourt (RVR)
14 - Tara Lockdown (TRE)
13 - Fran Sadler (CRN), Gareth Farrell (CRI), Daniel Canady (MXR), Molly Keynes (NLA), Warner Garfield (SFA), Rook Cathar (SFM), Croft Drinkwater (VIO)

CLEAN SHEETS
18 - Russell Miller (TRE)
17 - Paolo Crewe (MXC), Damien Shrewe (SLA)
15 - Matt Well (SHA), Felix Carrick (VIO)

A near-universally inconsistent week, very much the same story as the entire season so far. Athletic, who are still firing hard despite Warner Garfield’s injury keeping him out for the month, hold Brinemouth off by a point of goal difference after the Dockers won all five games this month, while Treason’s inconsistencies prevent them from capitalising; Crisisbless rounds out the top four. But South Laithland have made the most of the inability of any top team to take centre stage, maintaining their lead over both the Smiths and the Moths - Violence are 8th, their Brenecian goalkeeper Carrick now fifth on the clean sheets table. Parrhesia, North Laithland and Dubstep have had weeks about the same as ever - Cranequin makes a slight resurgence, making it to twelfth, but is seven points removed from the top ten. River and Southfell hold the next places, George Jayson pivotal to the latters’ recent performances - the veteran is the first Equestrian to play for a Sideburnese club, and to his credit he’s performing well.
Those looking over their shoulder starts in 15th, with Integabad, who are followed by Shale (boasting the best defensive record in the league, with fifteen clean sheets on top of that). Goodfeather should be in the clear, as should the Rovers - though recent form has not been good to Reinhard Shale’s men and women, and they have seemed unable to get goals from around the field as well as they did last season. But Brookford were poor this month, and Corvette even worse - and by a worrying contrast, Coret absolutely surged up the table, going unbeaten for the month and claiming solid draws with Crisisbless and Maximum City. Iron did competently, but not nearly enough to overturn their current state of affairs - things look even worse for the bottom two, though Catheline Farham has somehow kept her job through all this, promising a strong run to the close of the season.

Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Mainstream Fist            35  17   9   9  39  22  +17  60
  2 Vermillion Rage            35  17   9   9  60  48  +12  60
  3 Leicard Crimewave          35  15  13   7  33  21  +12  58
  4 Chenoworth Harriers        35  16   9  10  44  29  +15  57
  5 Crisisbless United         35  16   9  10  36  31   +5  57
  6 Newrook Democracy          35  15  11   9  55  43  +12  56
  7 Chatswood                  35  16   8  11  52  41  +11  56
  8 Rhagant Schadenfreude      35  16   8  11  33  29   +4  56
  9 Orbital Bombardment        35  16   7  12  34  30   +4  55
 10 Starling                   35  15   8  12  46  51   -5  53
 11 Iron United                35  16   4  15  29  24   +5  52
 12 Ritter Town                35  14   9  12  41  31  +10  51
 13 Martella Jazz              35  14   8  13  50  45   +5  50
 14 Chenoworth Rovers          35  12  10  13  35  33   +2  46
 15 Ox River United            35  11  12  12  34  33   +1  45
 16 Franchise FC               35  12   9  14  37  37   +0  45
 17 Forge Carpenters           35  11  10  14  30  32   -2  43
 18 Crossroads Town            35  12   7  16  30  40  -10  43
 19 North Dubstep              35  11   6  18  32  43  -11  39
 20 Corby Hubris               35  10   9  16  28  45  -17  39
 21 West Brinemouth            35   8  11  16  31  46  -15  35
 22 Raging Fire Hares          35   8  10  17  18  32  -14  34
 23 Haymaker United            35   7  12  16  18  36  -18  33
 24 Locksley Petty Theft       35   7   8  20  32  55  -23  29

It is impossible to call anything in the top half of the table.
Things are slightly closer-cut in the danger zone, Locksley having regained their rightful placement at the foot of the table while Raging Fire are still setting course for consecutive relegations (a feat that has not happened in twenty-four years, with Ox River). North Dubstep and Corby hold a four-point lead, but it’s easy to see Haymaker, Raging Fire or West Brinemouth making a surge, so they’ll have to keep an eye out - Crossroads and above should be safe barring a sudden slide in form.

Team                           P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rushe United                  35  22   7   6  52  24  +28  73
  2 Bishop                        35  23   4   8  52  32  +20  73
  3 Creed United                  35  17  11   7  56  33  +23  62
  4 Cranequin City                35  18   8   9  34  21  +13  62
  5 Extreme Hills                 35  15  11   9  46  35  +11  56
  6 Falston-on-Ceynes United      35  15  10  10  46  33  +13  55
  7 Cypher Town                   35  17   4  14  49  40   +9  55
  8 East Laithland Harriers       35  14  10  11  38  37   +1  52
  9 Strephonage                   35  14   9  12  39  38   +1  51
 10 North Sabrefell               35  14   8  13  51  45   +6  50
 11 Anslow Medication             35  11  15   9  36  28   +8  48
 12 Dross Rovers                  35  13   8  14  37  42   -5  47
 13 Reckdale Town                 35  11  12  12  42  42   +0  45
 14 Inner-East Fairywrens         35  13   6  16  30  32   -2  45
 15 Sandrock Artillery            35  11  10  14  27  30   -3  43
 16 Fenland Albion                35  12   7  16  43  49   -6  43
 17 Sheridan                      35  11   8  16  27  36   -9  41
 18 Greymouth                     35  11   8  16  30  44  -14  41
 19 Geoff United                  35  12   5  18  35  50  -15  41
 20 Gridlock Rovers               35  10   9  16  30  39   -9  39
 21 West Shotgun Turtles          35   9  10  16  30  45  -15  37
 22 Hackett                       35   8  12  15  41  51  -10  36
 23 Haymaker Town                 35   8  11  16  28  51  -23  35
 24 Steak                         35   5   9  21  24  46  -22  24

Rushe win five straight games to take first from Bishop, who won three and lost two. But they both have a commanding eleven-point lead over Creed and Cranequin, and Extreme Hills have dropped wildly in form. Steak are still going down, but it’s still close as to who will join them - Sheridan have pulled well clear for now, as a dismal month for Haymaker sees them score just twice in five games - they take the plunge to 23rd, former denizens Hackett a point and a place above.

by **New Sideburn** » Tue Oct 29, 2013 3:48 pm

332 SEASON - MATCHDAYS 36-40

A… very unremarkable week. The most highly-billed fixture, City vs. North Laithland, ends with a single goal for substitute Jack Tariff in the 78th - Laithland managed 63% possession, and two shots on goal.

Coret manage a hard-fought win over Treason, giving them new hope for survival, but there is yet another eight-goal massacre of Goodfeather FC (you’d have thought one per season would be enough) as Bittencourt, Reeve, Scully and Galloway demolish the Quakers, and there likely would’ve been more without Willans’ stellar goalkeeping (conceding six being stellar gives you an idea of how many shots River had). The Moths, meanwhile, find that the Wanderers break under pressure, in a 4-0 demolition of the club - if the Moths could get more results like these, they might be a little higher up the table.

The Hawks pull another victory, as Corvette look most likely to slip after never even challenging Athletic in a 3-0 defeat. The Moths, having showcased their best attributes in the Cranequin victory, show their worst against Brookford - bad errors from Veldt cause two of the goals, they’re caught overextending in attack for a third and lose a fourth to a penalty.

Coret attempt to exploit the gaps in the Moths’ defence the same way Brookford did, but a sturdier performance gives the Moths at least a point against their plucky opponents. North Laithland puts three past Crisisbless as their play style finally actually pays off. The Integristani derby (the last for a while, on Leopolis’ current form) is marked by violent conduct and an unruly crowd - Integabad finishes one goal to Leopolis’ nil, but perhaps the Hatemongers can claim a moral victory, left with nine men to Integabad’s eight.

Somewhat brittle squads from Integristan, wracked with last game’s suspensions, somehow both achieve good results. Meanwhile, a spirited victory for Corvette over the Spiders is not enough to take them out of the relegation zone - Coret choke on their recent form by somehow losing to Rochford, who have won enough times that perhaps ‘losing to Rochford’ is no longer the ultimate badge of shame (they’ve won three this month, for seven total). Other than the Corvette-Laith match, no match has more than two goals, but there were other highlights - the Southfell-Sabrefell derby (strongest when the Tanners face the Moths) results in an unlikely draw, and in perhaps the most significant result of the week AFC Treason and Athletic play each other out to a draw.

Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Athletic        40  21  10   9  74  43  +31  73
  2 Brinemouth                40  20  11   9  58  32  +26  71
  3 AFC Treason               40  20  10  10  48  30  +18  70
  4 Crisisbless               40  19  12   9  50  34  +16  69
  5 South Laithland           40  20   8  12  45  35  +10  68
  6 Maximum City              40  18  14   8  40  35   +5  68
  7 Violence Chariots         40  17  14   9  50  39  +11  65
  8 North Laithland           40  18   9  13  60  48  +12  63
  9 Sabrefell Moths           40  18   8  14  67  46  +21  62
 10 Parrhesia United          40  15  15  10  45  42   +3  60
 11 Dubstep Rangers           40  16  10  14  44  46   -2  58
 12 AFC Integabad             40  14  14  12  40  40   +0  56
 13 Raven River               40  13  14  13  49  39  +10  53
 14 Cranequin Wanderers       40  14  11  15  49  48   +1  53
 15 Maximum Rovers            40  13  12  15  46  47   -1  51
 16 Southfell United          40  13  12  15  40  43   -3  51
 17 Shale                     40  12  12  16  25  32   -7  48
 18 Goodfeather FC            40  13   7  20  44  60  -16  46
 19 Coret Hawks               40   9  18  13  39  49  -10  45
 20 Brookford Otters          40  11  12  17  40  53  -13  45
 21 Corvette Maulers          40  10  13  17  52  61   -9  43
 22 Leopolis Hatemongers      40   6  13  21  29  67  -38  31
 23 Iron City                 40   6  10  24  29  60  -31  28
 24 Rochford                  40   7   5  28  25  59  -34  26

TOP SCORERS
21 - Leyland Stallion (SFA)
18 - Brad Kuepper (SFM)
17 - Cheney Bittencourt (RVR)
15 - Jonny dos Santos (BRI), Molly Keynes (NLA)
14 - Fran Sadler (CRN), Gareth Farrell (CRI), Daniel Canady (MXR), Warner Garfield (SFA), Rook Cathar (SFM), Tara Lockdown (TRE), Croft Drinkwater (VIO)

CLEAN SHEETS
20 - Russell Miller (TRE)
19 - Paolo Crewe (MXC)
18 - Damien Shrewe (SLA)
17 - Felix Carrick (VIO)
16 - Peter Tomasen (PAR), Kurtis Fitzmarten (RVR), Matt Well (SHA)

Sabrefell Athletic are still in pole position, but no one club has ever been consistent enough to really keep a solid hold on any position in the top six. Said top six still includes South Laithland, and is now at the expense of the Sabrefell Moths (who are ninth). Violence have had a sturdy defence, enough to bear them to seventh, while North Laithland’s strongest point last season has become their weakness. Parrhesia round out the top ten, finding solidity with the fine form of the Bederborger Peter Tomasen.
Dubstep have been doing improbably well, probably the last of the sides that can claim to really be having a good season. That said, Integabad have been getting well clear of their earlier bad form. River and Cranequin have been doing competently, not amazingly, and both Rovers and Tanners can boast stability in recent form.
Shale’s defensive strategy has largely worked, with twelve scrappy wins and twelve ground-out draws. Because God loves us, manager Andrew Clydesdale has admitted he is open to making his team somewhat more aggressive next season. Goodfeather is still vulnerable to crushing defeats, but thirteen wins will likely see them clear of the drop - Coret, Brookford and Corvette all jostle to avoid 21st, Corvette the current losers by two points but enjoying a healthy lead in goal difference.
With one draw and four losses, Iron are somehow likely on current form to be overtaken by Rochford, who won three this month. But these two and Leopolis are practically already relegated, and will have to adapt to the First Division - in the Hatemongers’ case, for the first time in seventeen years.

Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Vermillion Rage            40  21   9  10  71  51  +20  72
  2 Mainstream Fist            40  20  10  10  46  25  +21  70
  3 Leicard Crimewave          40  19  13   8  40  23  +17  70
  4 Chenoworth Harriers        40  19  10  11  50  33  +17  67
  5 Crisisbless United         40  18  10  12  43  36   +7  64
  6 Chatswood                  40  18   9  13  59  49  +10  63
  7 Newrook Democracy          40  15  15  10  62  51  +11  60
  8 Ritter Town                40  17   9  14  47  36  +11  60
  9 Rhagant Schadenfreude      40  17   9  14  35  34   +1  60
 10 Orbital Bombardment        40  17   8  15  36  35   +1  59
 11 Chenoworth Rovers          40  16  10  14  44  36   +8  58
 12 Martella Jazz              40  16   8  16  53  53   +0  56
 13 Iron United                40  17   5  18  34  35   -1  56
 14 Starling                   40  15  10  15  48  59  -11  55
 15 Franchise FC               40  14  10  16  40  40   +0  52
 16 Forge Carpenters           40  13  12  15  39  36   +3  51
 17 Crossroads Town            40  14   8  18  34  46  -12  50
 18 Ox River United            40  12  12  16  35  38   -3  48
 19 Corby Hubris               40  12   9  19  35  51  -16  45
 20 West Brinemouth            40  11  11  18  38  50  -12  44
 21 Raging Fire Hares          40  11  10  19  22  35  -13  43
 22 North Dubstep              40  12   7  21  35  50  -15  43
 23 Haymaker United            40   9  14  17  27  43  -16  41
 24 Locksley Petty Theft       40   8  10  22  37  65  -28  34

And somehow, one week restores order to the top half of the table. Vermillion have a strong lead, and Mainstream and Leicard (who have announced they will change their name to match the no-longer-attempted-to-be-Anglicised city) join them with a fair lead. The Harriers, meanwhile, have taken the final spot. Even in midtable, things are fairly well-ordered, while at the bottom Locksley have once more plowed themselves into the floor - Haymaker also look pretty done over, while North Dubstep, Raging Fire, West Brinemouth and Corby Hubris are locked in combat to escape.

Team                           P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bishop                        40  25   5  10  57  41  +16  80
  2 Rushe United                  40  22   9   9  54  30  +24  75
  3 Creed United                  40  20  13   7  64  36  +28  73
  4 Cypher Town                   40  21   4  15  60  46  +14  67
  5 Cranequin City                40  18  11  11  36  25  +11  65
  6 Falston-on-Ceynes United      40  17  12  11  51  37  +14  63
  7 Extreme Hills                 40  16  13  11  51  43   +8  61
  8 East Laithland Harriers       40  16  10  14  42  41   +1  58
  9 Strephonage                   40  16  10  14  47  47   +0  58
 10 North Sabrefell               40  15   9  16  61  53   +8  54
 11 Anslow Medication             40  12  18  10  39  32   +7  54
 12 Greymouth                     40  15   8  17  41  50   -9  53
 13 Reckdale Town                 40  13  13  14  51  51   +0  52
 14 Dross Rovers                  40  14  10  16  42  48   -6  52
 15 Inner-East Fairywrens         40  14   9  17  34  36   -2  51
 16 Sandrock Artillery            40  13  11  16  33  38   -5  50
 17 Fenland Albion                40  13   9  18  48  57   -9  48
 18 Geoff United                  40  14   6  20  42  54  -12  48
 19 West Shotgun Turtles          40  12  11  17  38  51  -13  47
 20 Gridlock Rovers               40  11  11  18  34  43   -9  44
 21 Sheridan                      40  11  11  18  30  41  -11  44
 22 Hackett                       40  10  12  18  45  57  -12  42
 23 Haymaker Town                 40  10  12  18  32  56  -24  42
 24 Steak                         40   9   9  22  29  48  -19  36

Even with Rushe’s exceptionally poor week, the top of the table is still more or less sorted out - Cypher is the only team approaching danger of falling out. Extreme Hills have lost their once-formidable grip on the top four, and now sadly look out of contention. Hackett hold 22nd by virtue of a colossal goal difference advantage - Haymeker are distinctly on the back foot, and Steak are eight points adrift.

by **New Sideburn** » Fri Nov 01, 2013 2:35 am

332 SEASON - MATCHDAYS 41-45

At the top of the table, South Laithland is put back in their place by Athletic, who earl a leg up on their opponents - Brinemouth are held by the Quakers at home, Treason are held by River away. Once again, Coret gain a hard-earned point (against Parrhesia) while Corvette are shut out and beaten down.

And as Athletic win the reverse for the Sabrefell derby, Treason are defeated narrowly by North Laithland, and as Brinemouth also lose Athletic will be feeling confident of ultimate victory.

And on this match, they secure it. Rochford, despite a spirited home performance, are ultimately still not very good despite recent form, and are defeated. River face another Sabrefell derby against the Moths, losing 3-0 at home in a match that saw Cheney Bittencourt get overtaken by his former U-21 strike partner, Rook Cathar, but it’s scant comfort to the Moths, who are ultimately far out of UICA contention. Coret only manage a point against Leopolis, but it’s one more point than Corvette manage - it’s heading for a tense final day.

Corvette strike a vital three points back, somehow beating Crisisbless 3-2 at home in a tense match - Brinemouth totally drop the ball against Crisisbless, Treason draw, City lose to South Laithland and North Laithland are hammered by the Moths as the top tier of the table is totally thrown into disarray. Athletic celebrate their victory by losing to Parrhesia.

Athletic celebrate their victory by losing again, this time 4-0 to a determined Rovers who in one game look every inch the team that outstripped their local rivals last season. South Laithland keep in contention, as the Smiths manage to get their shit together and beat the Moths - Brinemouth fail again, brought low by a Corvette side determined to escape relegation - Coret have a chance to put the result beyond doubt, going 3-1 up against Dubstep before going a man down and conceding thrice in 39 minutes..

Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Athletic        45  24  10  11  79  50  +29  82 Champions
  2 Brinemouth                45  21  13  11  64  39  +25  76
  3 AFC Treason               45  21  13  11  52  32  +20  76
  4 Maximum City              45  20  16   9  47  39   +8  76
  5 Crisisbless               45  21  12  12  57  42  +15  75
  6 South Laithland           45  22   9  14  49  39  +10  75
  7 Parrhesia United          45  19  16  10  55  46   +9  73
  8 Violence Chariots         45  18  18   9  54  41  +13  72
  9 Sabrefell Moths           45  21   8  16  77  51  +26  71
 10 North Laithland           45  20  10  15  66  55  +11  70
 11 Dubstep Rangers           45  20  10  15  55  52   +3  70
 12 Cranequin Wanderers       45  19  11  15  59  52   +7  68
 13 Maximum Rovers            45  16  13  16  55  51   +4  61
 14 AFC Integabad             45  15  14  16  41  45   -4  59
 15 Raven River               45  13  16  16  51  47   +4  55
 16 Southfell United          45  14  13  18  42  49   -7  55
 17 Shale                     45  13  13  19  28  36   -8  52
 18 Brookford Otters          45  13  13  19  46  59  -13  52
 19 Goodfeather FC            45  14   9  22  47  67  -20  51
 20 Coret Hawks               45  10  20  15  47  58  -11  50
 21 Corvette Maulers          45  11  14  20  56  71  -15  47
 22 Rochford                  45  10   6  29  33  64  -31  36 Relegated
 23 Iron City                 45   7  12  26  34  66  -32  33 Relegated
 24 Leopolis Hatemongers      45   6  15  24  30  73  -43  33 Relegated

TOP SCORERS
24 - Leyland Stallion (SFA)
21 - Brad Kuepper (SFM)
19 - Rook Cathar (SFM)
17 - Jonny dos Santos (BRI), Gareth Farrell (CRI), Daniel Canady (MXR), Molly Keynes (NLA), Cheney Bittencourt (RVR), Tara Lockdown (TRE)
16 - Fran Sadler (CRN), Warner Garfield (SFA), Croft Drinkwater (VIO)

CLEAN SHEETS
23 - Russell Miller (TRE)
20 - Paolo Crewe (MXC), Damien Shrewe (SLA), Felix Carrick (VIO)
18 - Kurtis Fitzmarten (RVR), Matt Well (SHA)
17 - Peter Tomasen (PAR)
16 - Rudi Stahl (INT)

Sabrefell Athletic are champions. Despite losing the last two games. Emblematic of the season, really. And yet, none of the Globe Cup places are secure - anyone up to 7th-placed Parrhesia United is in with a shot, and that’s excluding 9th-placed Moths and 10th-placed North Laithland. Brinemouth, Treason and Maximum City are in the prime positions, with point leads over the chasers.
The main break in points happens between 12th-placed Cranequin on 68 points and the 13th Maximum Rovers on 61. From there, it’s still less of a blur between the bottom clubs than at the top, culminating at the relegatio

Key fixtures include Corvette facing Violence away, while the Hawks face Cranequin at home. Corvette likely have the harder fixture, but it’s a tall order for both teams - still, with Coret needing to lose and Corvette needing to win by a combined total of 4 GD, Coret will feel comfortable in the driver’s seat tomorrow. Still, neither the Chariots nor the Wanderers have anything to play for, so expect an upset… or two.
Treason vs. Crisisbless will decide who makes UICA, most likely, City with the easiest fixture against Rochford and Brinemouth defending their place against Brookford. Finally, Sabrefell Athletic try not to have lost their final three games, handed an easy fixture against foot-of-the-league Leopolis.

Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Vermillion Rage            45  23  10  12  76  56  +20  79 Champions
  2 Chenoworth Harriers        45  21  12  12  56  37  +19  75
  3 Crisisbless United         45  21  11  13  51  39  +12  74
  4 Mainstream Fist            45  20  13  12  49  30  +19  73
  5 Ritter Town                45  21   9  15  57  39  +18  72
  6 Leicard Crimewave          45  19  14  12  41  31  +10  71
  7 Chatswood                  45  20  10  15  64  53  +11  70
  8 Orbital Bombardment        45  20   9  16  42  37   +5  69
  9 Newrook Democracy          45  17  16  12  69  58  +11  67
 10 Chenoworth Rovers          45  19  10  16  50  41   +9  67
 11 Rhagant Schadenfreude      45  18  11  16  38  38   +0  65
 12 Iron United                45  19   6  20  37  38   -1  63
 13 Franchise FC               45  17  11  17  51  45   +6  62
 14 Martella Jazz              45  17  10  18  57  58   -1  61
 15 Starling                   45  16  11  18  52  67  -15  59
 16 Forge Carpenters           45  15  13  17  43  41   +2  58
 17 Ox River United            45  15  13  17  40  42   -2  58
 18 Crossroads Town            45  16   9  20  37  51  -14  57
 19 Raging Fire Hares          45  14  10  21  26  37  -11  52
 20 Haymaker United            45  12  16  17  34  46  -12  52
 21 West Brinemouth            45  13  11  21  42  56  -14  50
 22 North Dubstep              45  13   9  23  39  54  -15  48 Relegated
 23 Corby Hubris               45  12  11  22  38  59  -21  47 Relegated
 24 Locksley Petty Theft       45   9  11  25  41  77  -36  38 Relegated

Vermillion are champions, with a strong final run carrying them past their inconsistent colleagues - nobody else is confirmed for promotion, though the Harriers will be feeling pretty safe. West Brinemouth can still leap above Raging Fire or Haymaker.

Key fixtures next week include West Brinemouth’s ticket to freedom, with a relatively easy fixture against North Dubstep - Raging Fire will have a difficult match against Vermillion, Haymaker unlikely to get a result against Franchise. Leicard and Chatswood are the least likely of possible contenders to promote, and face each other tomorrow - Mainstream Fist need to beat Orbital, Crisisbless United will look for a win against Iron United while the Harriers will fancy themselves to get a point against relegated Corby.

Team                           P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rushe United                  45  24  11  10  60  35  +25  83 Promoted
  2 Bishop                        45  26   5  14  60  49  +11  83 Promoted
  3 Cranequin City                45  22  11  12  46  26  +20  77
  4 Cypher Town                   45  24   4  17  69  52  +17  76
  5 Creed United                  45  20  14  11  65  45  +20  74
  6 Falston-on-Ceynes United      45  19  14  12  56  41  +15  71
  7 Extreme Hills                 45  18  14  13  56  48   +8  68
  8 North Sabrefell               45  19   9  17  66  56  +10  66
  9 Strephonage                   45  18  12  15  53  52   +1  66
 10 Dross Rovers                  45  18  10  17  55  54   +1  64
 11 East Laithland Harriers       45  17  12  16  47  45   +2  63
 12 Anslow Medication             45  13  20  12  45  40   +5  59
 13 Geoff United                  45  17   8  20  47  55   -8  59
 14 Inner-East Fairywrens         45  16  10  19  39  41   -2  58
 15 Greymouth                     45  16  10  19  44  54  -10  58
 16 Reckdale Town                 45  14  15  16  55  55   +0  57
 17 Gridlock Rovers               45  15  12  18  44  46   -2  57
 18 Sandrock Artillery            45  14  12  19  36  45   -9  54
 19 Fenland Albion                45  15   9  21  52  65  -13  54
 20 Hackett                       45  12  14  19  52  61   -9  50
 21 Sheridan                      45  13  11  21  34  48  -14  50
 22 West Shotgun Turtles          45  12  13  20  41  59  -18  49
 23 Haymaker Town                 45  11  13  21  36  66  -30  46 Pretty Much Relegated
 24 Steak                         45  11   9  25  36  56  -20  42 Relegated

In the Second Division, relegation is pretty much beyond doubt; Haymaker Town require a win, the Turtles to lose and between them cover a margin of twelve GD. Thirteen, if it doesn’t cover West Shotgun’s goals scored advantage of five. It won’t happen, particularly given as West Shotgun play Steak at home on the last day of the season. Actually key fixtures involve the battle for third and fourth - Cranequin holds a strong advantage, but Creed will be in contention, playing Gridlock at home while Cypher hosts Sheridan. Creed need to win and hope that Cypher loses or draws, holding the advantage in goal difference.

by **New Sideburn** » Sat Nov 23, 2013 5:04 am

332 SEASON - FINAL DAY

Brinemouth had a good season marked by hideous inconsistency - having made it to second place in the cup, they now risked falling out of the UICA places. As a result, they took a close to full-strength lineup to Brookford, putting McFadden on the left wing and putting Dietmar Borussia in attack. Brookford were … purely playing for pride, but they, too, took a full-strength lineup - they hadn’t had much to boast this season, but ultimately, any season in which a borderline club like the Otters stayed up can’t be a bad year.

It was, indeed, the Otters who pressed the high-budget Dockers heavily in the opening minutes - Michael Keane did some good work to keep on the pressure when pitted against the Ecossian McFadden, before laying off the ball to Berkeley. The box-to-box midfielder, probably his team’s player of the year, lashed in a long shot that caught von Specta off his line and off his guard - the Echidnan did well to tip the strike over the bar. The resulting corner fizzled out, however, and Brinemouth were sharp on the counter as ever. Watt took possession in open play, dashed past a flat-footed Gabby Queanbeyan and lofted a masterful forward ball to Dietmar Borussia - the centre-forward had struggled to force his way into the first team this season, but some good performances had earnt him the start here, and he showed some more class with his first touch - hooking the ball up and over Hawke, it took an excellent reflex save from the keeper to slap the ball away from the net.

The next clear-cut chance belonged to Borussia as well, and again Watt with the assist - the Licentian’s cross found Borussia unmarked by a floating Cornwall, and he made good on his earlier threats - Hawke could do nothing to get to his near post in time. Brinemouth, buoyed by this success, rained chance after further chance at Brookford - Shane Gunsworthy, however, had trained his defensive line well, and they held firm under the assault. When they failed, Bruno Hawke came to the rescue - the 30-year old has made no secret he intends to move, and with form like this there’ll be no shortage of buyers, but nobody could accuse him of not giving his all for Brookford. As the sides retreated back into the tunnel for half-time, Brinemouth left-back Markus Blakewell could clearly be heard to say “Park the bloody bus for forty minutes, and it’s one-fucking-nil!”

Sadly for Brinemouth, Blakewell’s frustrations were proven to have a prophetic quality to them, though to call the goal a fluke would be to do the Otters an injustice. Keane again found the gap between Rakewood and McFadden, and as Kenney moved to close him down he rolled the ball across to the rookie, Queanbeyan. Queanbeyan was left without options, and with a converging defence - however, her long ball into the box was superb, leaving Andre Lopez stranded and Delicious Johnson, barely onside, able to place a diving header past a scrambling von Specta.

Brinemouth continued to dominate even after the sixty-sixth minute equaliser, but could not find a way past Hawke and his defenders. The score ended 1-1, Brinemouth’s place in UICA probable but not secured...

Like battled like at the Rookridge, two teams noted for exciting, fast and decisive play - River continued to look to their strikers as their primary hope, while the midfield’s supply was just as important for Rovers. Both had floated around lower midtable for most of the season, though the Rovers showed occasional glimpses of their 331 glory.

The hosts began with the advantage, as they pressed the Rovers into giving up their midfield advantage early - Joscelyn Scully, on the downswing of her career after a move from the Sabrefell Moths, was still proving an excellent anchor in midfield, allowing those around her to advance up the field in safety. Scully’s pass to Forde left the midfielder unmarked, and in a dangerous area - as Mark Graves moved to cover her, Nikita Reeve ran behind and collected Forde’s pass. She got the first shot on target, but should have put it away - a slightly scuffed shot went straight at Troy Ross, who collected the ball in his chest gratefully.

River were unable to press their advantage, and at the break the scores were still level. They came out from the tunnel clearly affected by their failures to score, and the Rovers took full advantage - first pressing hard on River, then winning a free kick just outside the box as Jacklin clotheslined Fletcher. Catheline Harper took the free kick, attempting to hook it over the wall, but it took a deflection off Morant’s shoulder and ended in a corner - Harper took the corner as well, hitting it into Daniel Canady’s path as he escaped his marker, and the Rovers were 1-0 up.

The deficit doubled in the 64th minute, as Cath Harper scored directly from her next free kick, a screamer that left Fitzmarten motionless. But at the end of the day, River deserved at least a consolation goal, and were rewarded ten minutes from time as Cheney Bittencourt latched onto a long ball into the box, made some impressive footwork to avoid being pressured out of play and hit a low shot with his left that snuck under Ross at close range. The final result: 2-1 Rovers, who take 13th as River slips to 15th.

The most highly-billed fixture - two high-profile teams, and the winner was guaranteed a UICA place. Jess Mortlock had succeeded in convincing the public that her team was no longer superstars that could be expected to win the title, but she was certainly trying her hardest to make the best of the situation. Treason, meanwhile, the established superstars - not a great season domestically, but some canny financial types had figured out that their winnings from UICA would give them a strong advantage in the transfer window…

Crisisbless were initially content to step back and let Treason come to then - their opponents had had difficulty breaking through Premiership defences this term, and with Lockdown out of form and Payne injured today looked a better opportunity than ever. Treason countered by playing the pressure game, not rushing into a vulnerable position, but hoarding possession in midfield and letting their wingbacks hound the flanks. While Crisisbless held out the initial rush, a goal seemed inevitable - Tara Lockdown would provide it with a subtle nod into the underside of the bar from Allbeck’s superb corner. Crisisbless’ counters had failed, and they had fallen behind - they were left at half-time with no choice but to press forward.

Locklear came forward and Twining repositioned behind the strikers, leading to a 4-4-2 diamond exiting the tunnel after the interval. Treason held formation, and kept pressing, but this time they were met with fiercer resistance. It didn’t take long for the first breakthrough - Wingett was floored by a hard tackle from Hewitt Randall, who centred the ball to Twining. The Brenecian found Farrell heavily marked down, but Locklear practically open - the striker made it to the forward pass and lay a powerful strike dead on goal, but Russell Miller made an outstanding save to parry it down for Kendall to clear.

Not long afterwards, the main controversial moment of the match followed - Broker lost possession to a hard-pressing Oakwood, whose long pass made it into the box. Farrell and Kendall both rushed out for it, the defender winning, but Kendall appeared to catch the Brenecian heavily in the stomach with his outstretched boot. It was judged to be accidental, but one could reasonably have expected the reckless action to be punished with a penalty, but no call came from referee Maria Stout, the former NSB international.

Buoyed by the escape from that close call, Treason pressed the attack, Logan Byron stinging Cromwell’s hands with a long free kick in the 71st minute. And ultimately, it was not to be for Crisisbless, who simply could not start the game with nearly enough passion, and with Brinemouth’s draw to Brookford it was Treason that secured second place.

Coret needed a win to get clear of the drop zone - they’d done very well these past few weeks, but they needed a result in the event of Corvette securing a victory. Meanwhile, Cranequin had literally nothing to play for - inspirational manager Larissa Garrotte had declared this would be her final match in charge.

The Wanderers showed their lack of drive, as they apathetically let the Hawks take all the momentum - within three minutes.the inexperienced Daniel Bolt gave Ryan Shipwright all the room in the world to line up a shot that really should have hit the target. Griff Reynolds returned the favour with a scathing direct free kick in the tenth, but Claire Antioch judged it correctly and palmed it over the bar - the corner came to nothing.

But the goal was inevitable. Helga Rus took a long throw on the chest, backheeled the ball (and utterly fooled Jem Hague) to space - Cayenne ran onto it and smashed the ball across the face of goal. Rothner couldn’t get to it, and Shipwright’s outstretched foot bundled the ball into the net.

The scoreline persisted to half-time, but still the Wanderers normally dominant midfield were in a torpor. Fran Sadler and Reynolds were still the only highlights, and a forward pass from the latter allowed the former to run into the box unmarked, but Sadler couldn’t quite keep control of the ball - it bounced forward off her shin for Antioch to kick it far upfield. This in itself sparked a counter-attack, as Andrew October’s probing of the defence found Bolt panicking and ill-prepared - the Hawks midfielder shot too far out, however, and it skimmed over the bar.

But the last goal was forthcoming - and not a minute too soon, with the news arriving in the 60th minute that Corvette had somehow won 3-0. Coret, spurred on by their manager, surged forward and once against surprised the Wanderers’ hapless defence. A chip from Rus found Shipwright, whose header was clumsily headed out for a corner by Hague on the far post. The corner, however, found Cayenne, whose half-volley left Rothner with no chance… and secured Coret’s survival for another season.

Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Athletic        46  24  10  12  79  51  +28  82  Champions
  2 AFC Treason               46  22  13  11  53  32  +21  79  GC
  3 Maximum City              46  21  16   9  49  39  +10  79  GC
  4 Brinemouth                46  21  14  11  65  40  +25  77  GC
  5 South Laithland           46  22  10  14  49  39  +10  76
  6 Crisisbless               46  21  12  13  57  43  +14  75
  7 Sabrefell Moths           46  22   8  16  79  52  +27  74
  8 North Laithland           46  21  10  15  69  55  +14  73
  9 Parrhesia United          46  19  16  11  55  49   +6  73
 10 Dubstep Rangers           46  21  10  15  56  52   +4  73
 11 Violence Chariots         46  18  18  10  54  44  +10  72
 12 Cranequin Wanderers       46  19  11  16  59  54   +5  68
 13 Maximum Rovers            46  17  13  16  57  52   +5  64
 14 AFC Integabad             46  15  14  17  41  46   -5  59
 15 Raven River               46  13  16  17  52  49   +3  55
 16 Shale                     46  14  13  19  29  36   -7  55
 17 Southfell United          46  14  13  19  42  50   -8  55
 18 Coret Hawks               46  11  20  15  49  58   -9  53
 19 Brookford Otters          46  13  14  19  47  60  -13  53
 20 Goodfeather FC            46  14  10  22  47  67  -20  52
 21 Corvette Maulers          46  12  14  20  59  71  -12  50  Relegated
 22 Rochford                  46  10   6  30  33  66  -33  36  Relegated
 23 Leopolis Hatemongers      46   7  15  24  31  73  -42  36  Relegated
 24 Iron City                 46   7  12  27  35  68  -33  33  Relegated

TOP SCORERS
24 - Leyland Stallion (SFA)
22 - Brad Kuepper (SFM)
19 - Rook Cathar (SFM)
18 - Daniel Canady (MXR), Molly Keynes (NLA), Cheney Bittencourt (RVR), Tara Lockdown (TRE)
17 - Jonny dos Santos (BRI), Gareth Farrell (CRI)
16 - Fran Sadler (CRN), Dan Shaw (DSR), Warner Garfield (SFA), Croft Drinkwater (VIO)
15 - Fiona Marsden (DSR), William Čalrek (MXC), Kamilla Brandt (PAR)
14 - Ryan Shipwright (COR), Alicia Scabbard (CRI), Chris Muscat (SLA)

CLEAN SHEETS
24 - Russell Miller (TRE)
21 - Paolo Crewe (MXC), Damian Hawke (SLA)
20 - Felix Carrick (VIO)
19 - Matt Well (SHA)
18 - Kurtis Fitzmarten (RVR)

AWARDS
Iron Boot Winner: Leyland Stallion (SFA)
Iron Gauntlet Winner: Russell Miller (TRE)
Player of the Year: Karelline Charmwell (SFA)
Foreign Player of the Year: Josephus Flaccus (SLA)
Manager of the Year: Gareth Brunt (SLA)

Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Vermillion Rage            46  23  11  12  77  57  +20  80  Champions
  2 Mainstream Fist            46  21  13  12  50  30  +20  76  Promoted
  3 Chenoworth Harriers        46  21  13  12  58  39  +19  76  Promoted
  4 Leicard Crimewave          46  20  14  12  43  31  +12  74  Promoted
  5 Crisisbless United         46  21  11  14  51  40  +11  74
  6 Ritter Town                46  21   9  16  58  41  +17  72
  7 Chatswood                  46  20  10  16  64  55   +9  70
  8 Orbital Bombardment        46  20   9  17  42  38   +4  69
  9 Newrook Democracy          46  17  17  12  70  59  +11  68
 10 Chenoworth Rovers          46  19  11  16  51  42   +9  68
 11 Rhagant Schadenfreude      46  19  11  16  40  38   +2  68
 12 Iron United                46  20   6  20  38  38   +0  66
 13 Franchise FC               46  18  11  17  52  45   +7  65
 14 Martella Jazz              46  18  10  18  60  60   +0  64
 15 Forge Carpenters           46  16  13  17  45  42   +3  61
 16 Crossroads Town            46  17   9  20  39  52  -13  60
 17 Starling                   46  16  11  19  53  69  -16  59
 18 Ox River United            46  15  13  18  40  44   -4  58
 19 Raging Fire Hares          46  14  11  21  27  38  -11  53
 20 West Brinemouth            46  14  11  21  43  56  -13  53
 21 Haymaker United            46  12  16  18  34  47  -13  52  Relegated
 22 North Dubstep              46  13   9  24  39  55  -16  48  Relegated
 23 Corby Hubris               46  12  12  22  40  61  -21  48  Relegated
 24 Locksley Petty Theft       46   9  11  26  43  80  -37  38  Relegated

Team                           P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rushe United                  46  24  12  10  62  37  +25  84  Champions
  2 Bishop                        46  26   5  15  61  51  +10  83  Promoted
  3 Cranequin City                46  22  12  12  47  27  +20  78  Promoted
  4 Cypher Town                   46  24   5  17  69  52  +17  77  Promoted
  5 Creed United                  46  20  15  11  65  45  +20  75
  6 Falston-on-Ceynes United      46  19  15  12  56  41  +15  72
  7 Extreme Hills                 46  18  15  13  58  50   +8  69
  8 Dross Rovers                  46  19  10  17  57  55   +2  67
  9 North Sabrefell               46  19   9  18  67  58   +9  66
 10 Strephonage                   46  18  12  16  53  54   -1  66
 11 East Laithland Harriers       46  17  13  16  47  45   +2  64
 12 Geoff United                  46  18   8  20  49  55   -6  62
 13 Greymouth                     46  17  10  19  46  54   -8  61
 14 Reckdale Town                 46  15  15  16  57  56   +1  60
 15 Anslow Medication             46  13  20  13  45  42   +3  59
 16 Inner-East Fairywrens         46  16  11  19  40  42   -2  59
 17 Gridlock Rovers               46  15  13  18  44  46   -2  58
 18 Fenland Albion                46  15  10  21  53  66  -13  55
 19 Sandrock Artillery            46  14  12  20  36  47  -11  54
 20 Hackett                       46  13  14  19  54  61   -7  53
 21 West Shotgun Turtles          46  13  13  20  43  60  -17  52
 22 Sheridan                      46  13  12  21  34  48  -14  51
 23 Haymaker Town                 46  11  14  21  37  67  -30  47  Relegated
 24 Steak                         46  11   9  26  37  58  -21  42  Relegated

by **New Sideburn** » Sat Nov 23, 2013 6:43 pm

OOC Post-Season Things
Right, to the people who actually read this (I'm getting far more thread views than I'd ever expected, which is a real motivator for me to write more of these), in all honesty I don't know what is actually ... enjoyable to read.
So assuming I get less time to write next season, what should I focus on keeping or adding, and what should I just drop? Next season will likely be a season preview, four quarters of the season and a final day larger update similar to the above, but I'm open to ideas as to what to include, to focus on, or to drop entirely. Plans will probably involve a brief overview of how the foreign players performed at the end of the season.

Brenecia are going to get season previews from now on - it's a neater format, and suits me better. This means they're going RP-less this cycle, but the RP for next cycle should be of pretty decent quality.

People other than me can post now.

by **Felix** » Sat Nov 23, 2013 7:18 pm

OOC: I got a suggestion, could you RP a little bit more about the lower leagues? Like have awards and stuff for players and teams in the lower divisions as you do for the first division? That would be great, other than that this is a solid newswire.

by **New Sideburn** » Sat Nov 23, 2013 7:24 pm

Noted - I'll try to be more in-depth about the lower leagues. Switching to a quarterly format should make that easier - this season in particular they've tended to boil down to 'these teams are still at the top, these teams are kind of terrible, this team in midtable has scored notably few goals'. I'll work on improving that.

If anyone wants to make any IC proposals of any kind, feel free to leave them here as well.

by **San Jose Guayabal** » Sat Nov 23, 2013 7:29 pm

OOC: You should give a little more emphasis and prominence to the amateur leagues, as well as create a youth league, a system of sponsorship or foreign investment (something I plan to do as well), create a cup and a supercup too. But other than that you do a good job I congratulate you :bow:

.

by **New Sideburn** » Sat Nov 23, 2013 7:43 pm

I intend to do none of these things, barring the cup, which I already have. I'm not even sure what you mean by 'supercup'. Caring overmuch about sponsorship would be out of character, given this is a league that doesn't even permit shirt sponsors, and Brinemouth's shady consortium is the closest you'll get to serious foreign investment without something really convincing and well-written IC.

Edit: I'm now aware of what a Super Cup is. I still don't intend to add one.

by **New Sideburn** » Thu Dec 26, 2013 10:25 pm

SEASON PREVIEW for the NEW SIDEBURN PREMIERSHIP 333

Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
 1 Sabrefell Athletic        46  24  10  12  79  51  +28  82  Champions
 2 AFC Treason               46  22  13  11  53  32  +21  79  GC
 3 Maximum City              46  21  16   9  49  39  +10  79  GC
 4 Brinemouth                46  21  14  11  65  40  +25  77  GC
 5 South Laithland           46  22  10  14  49  39  +10  76
 6 Crisisbless               46  21  12  13  57  43  +14  75
 7 Sabrefell Moths           46  22   8  16  79  52  +27  74
 8 North Laithland           46  21  10  15  69  55  +14  73
 9 Parrhesia United          46  19  16  11  55  49   +6  73
10 Dubstep Rangers           46  21  10  15  56  52   +4  73
11 Violence Chariots         46  18  18  10  54  44  +10  72
12 Cranequin Wanderers       46  19  11  16  59  54   +5  68
13 Maximum Rovers            46  17  13  16  57  52   +5  64
14 AFC Integabad             46  15  14  17  41  46   -5  59
15 Raven River               46  13  16  17  52  49   +3  55
16 Shale                     46  14  13  19  29  36   -7  55
17 Southfell United          46  14  13  19  42  50   -8  55
18 Coret Hawks               46  11  20  15  49  58   -9  53
19 Brookford Otters          46  13  14  19  47  60  -13  53
20 Goodfeather FC            46  14  10  22  47  67  -20  52
21 Corvette Maulers          46  12  14  20  59  71  -12  50  Relegated
22 Rochford                  46  10   6  30  33  66  -33  36  Relegated
23 Leopolis Hatemongers      46   7  15  24  31  73  -42  36  Relegated
24 Iron City                 46   7  12  27  35  68  -33  33  Relegated

 1 Vermillion Rage            46  23  11  12  77  57  +20  80  Champions
 2 Mainstream Fist            46  21  13  12  50  30  +20  76  Promoted
 3 Chenoworth Harriers        46  21  13  12  58  39  +19  76  Promoted
 4 Leicard Crimewave          46  20  14  12  43  31  +12  74  Promoted
 5 Crisisbless United         46  21  11  14  51  40  +11  74
 6 Ritter Town                46  21   9  16  58  41  +17  72

TOP SCORERS
24 - Leyland Stallion (SFA)
22 - Brad Kuepper (SFM)
19 - Rook Cathar (SFM)
18 - Daniel Canady (MXR), Molly Keynes (NLA), Cheney Bittencourt (RVR), Tara Lockdown (TRE)
17 - Jonny dos Santos (BRI), Gareth Farrell (CRI)
16 - Fran Sadler (CRN), Dan Shaw (DSR), Warner Garfield (SFA), Croft Drinkwater (VIO)
15 - Fiona Marsden (DSR), William Čalrek (MXC), Kamilla Brandt (PAR)
14 - Ryan Shipwright (COR), Alicia Scabbard (CRI), Chris Muscat (SLA)

CLEAN SHEETS
24 - Russell Miller (TRE)
21 - Paolo Crewe (MXC), Damian Hawke (SLA)
20 - Felix Carrick (VIO)
19 - Matt Well (SHA)
18 - Kurtis Fitzmarten (RVR)

AWARDS
Iron Boot Winner: Leyland Stallion (SFA)
Iron Gauntlet Winner: Russell Miller (TRE)
Player of the Year: Karelline Charmwell (SFA)
Foreign Player of the Year: Josephus Flaccus (SLA)
Manager of the Year: Gareth Brunt (SLA)

by **New Sideburn** » Thu Dec 26, 2013 10:29 pm

by **New Sideburn** » Sat Jan 04, 2014 7:32 pm

A fairly tasty list of initial fixtures, but the highlight turns out to be Integabad against the Moths - historically fierce rivals when Integabad was strong and the Moths were the icon of New Sideburn as a whole. The hosts took an early two-goal lead, former Leopolis midfielder striking a free kick out of Connell’s reach and Oskar Montag volleying in a strike from close range. The score held into the second half, before a Moths comeback saw a brace from either foot by Rook Cathar, and a scrappy corner finally put in the net by a fierce Rook Asquith shot. The Moths getting by far the better of things, Cathar nearly completed a true hat-trick with a header that just drifted over the bar, but Integabad drew back an equaliser as substitute Helga Zeppelin’s shot was deflected off Gallagher and into the net.
In other results, Vermillion flexed their muscles with a convincing victory over a poor Brookford, and Mainstream Fist made a strong fightback against River to score twice in the last five minutes.
Overall, it was a day to remember for many players. 8 debutants scored on the first day - Mathias for Brinemouth, Kaiserslautern for Integabad, Drake for Rovers, Arragne for North Laithland, Canady for Athletic, Connacht for South Laithland, Bittencourt for Treason and Leinster for Violence.

Vermillion continue to show their strength, simply overrunning the high-budget Brinemouth. The team has a genuine spirit behind them, and the home advantage of a packed 49k at the Iron Hill is immense. Meanwhile, the Maximum derby ends in a narrow victory for the hosts at Griffindon, a long chip from Avery finding Fletcher through on the goalkeeper, before the young striker chipped over Crewe as he rushed forward. Aside from that, a cagey match, neither side having many clear-cut chances.

The Rage’s force runs into a brick wall as Treason simply shut them out and catch them twice on the counter, a pressing game paying dividends. Goodfeather FC’s defensive problems are already showing, with Rettinger and Pearce being cancelled out by a bombardment from the Saints. But ultimately, the biggest surprise is the anemic performance of Athletic - an early brace from Brenecian striker Farrell puts them down, but they simply never looked like coming back.

As absolutely nobody expected, Leichhardt are the first team to net a hat-trick, the Fist simply failing to close up at the back. Jack Helton’s goals in the 11th, 17th and 57th seal the match for Leichhardt, with Hogan delivering the final strike. But the cracks in Goodfeather’s defence have been utterly smashed open by the Rovers, and Leigh Fletcher snaps three shots of her own past Barunia no. 1(0) Mic Willans.
North Laithland notch up a first victory after a slow start to the season, running roughshot over Dubstep in a brutal second half. River show no mercy in a demolition of Cranequin, either, and that isn’t the end of the upsets - Brookford notches an unlikely away win against the Moths and a plucky Harriers side is genuinely unlucky to only draw with the champions.

South Laithland show their intent in pursuing the top five once again - Miller scores her first of the season with a sickening free kick, and Chris Muscat heads a second past Russ Miller from a well-taken corner. Athletic look shaky at the back yet again, Leyland Stallion’s first goal in five overturned by 19-year old Nate Walker and former Mauler Mark Scannell in a cross-Sabrefell matchup… but easily the most surprising result is Southfell, criticised last season as lacking spirit and passion, fought back from 1-0 down to equalise before the break, then score three times in the second half. Away at Brinemouth. That’s not a feat many other teams will be able to boast.

Southfell are evidently so shocked by winning a game that they totally forget how football works against Shale - given the nature of the Union, it’s doubtful they’ll score four again anytime soon, including the Daineri Robill breaking his duck with a brace. Meanwhile, even deprived of the services of Treason loanee Schindler in attack, the Moths triumph over the favourites with a superb home performance.

Brinemouth’s shaky attack shapes up, as they take care of Shale in a clinical fashion. The Tanners come back from their crushing defeat to edge their Sabrefell rivals in a surprisingly tight and defensively-focused game - Athletic should have won were it not for poor finishing and several strong saves from former Corvette stopper Roy Hennessey.

In two tight but highly-anticipated fixtures, Brinemouth take the lead forty minutes in against the Moths, but the hosts equalise just three minutes later with a spectacular leaping volley from Rook Cathar. In the other, North Laithland shape up to take care of Treason, sharp at the back and relentless in midfield, with Damien Arragne scoring the only goal of the game.
Meanwhile, the Hawks get utterly obliterated. The Rovers have been seeing a tendency to dominate teams since Agincourt came in, as opposed to Shale’s slightly more cautious, tactical approach.

Treason lose momentum yet again, this time it being City - Brunet’s new-look Smiths appear prepared to take a strong stance and take the fight to people, rather than sitting back and relying on counterattacks and wingback crosses. It’s a welcome change, and after having the better of most of the match, Čalrek flicks a strike over an advancing Urquhart, neatly into the net. The Rovers totally evaporate against Southfell, who have been probably the most inconsistent team of the Premiership so far.

A struggling Brookford score twice against Crisisbless, Smoky Whelan’s first goal for the club curling beautifully beyond Brockhurst and Ray Detroit stabbing in a strike from point-blank - Ash Twining pulled one back just before the break, but it was looking good for Brookford. Then a crippling barrage of strikes rained down on Helen Vickers, and a slightly dazed Brookford exited the field 4-2 down and wondering what happened. North Laithland, meanwhile, finish off the Moths in genuine style - an uncharacteristically flamboyant and technical brace from Keynes backed up by Matthew Conway’s long strike going in off the post.

Bror Helmensun scores the third hattrick of the campaign already, taking part in an utter demolition of the Otters - the Harriers’ 4-2-3-1 flexes its offensive muscles as Brookford is left dazed and helpless to respond, Marlon Berkeley scoring a consolation in the 55th - when it was already 4-1. Meanwhile, the big Sabrefell teams host the two teams from Maximum - Athletic/Rovers is unremarkable, with former Rovers striker Canady scoring the only goal, but the Moths-City conflict sees the Moths leading for 86 minutes before a Tariff strike in stoppage time levels the scores.

Five different scorers against Leichhardt - Gallagher, Lazuli, Cathar, Macbeth and Asquith all hitting home on the day without reply. But somehow this doesn’t steal the headlines - after taking Goodfeather straight back to the Premiership and keeping them there for three years, Bess Lovett is fired from Goodfeather after a 3-0 loss at home to the Southrons.

Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crisisbless              12  7  5  0  22  11  +11  26
  2 Maximum City             12  7  3  2  17   9   +8  24
  3 Violence Chariots        12  7  2  3  19  14   +5  23
  4 Vermillion Rage          12  6  2  4  17  13   +4  20
  5 AFC Integabad            12  5  5  2  14  10   +4  20
  6 AFC Treason              12  6  1  5  15  12   +3  19
  7 Parrhesia United         12  5  4  3  15  13   +2  19
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       12  6  1  5  12  11   +1  19
  9 Maximum Rovers           12  5  3  4  20  14   +6  18
 10 Southfell United         12  5  3  4  16  13   +3  18
 11 North Laithland          12  5  3  4  16  13   +3  18
 12 South Laithland          12  5  3  4  15  15   +0  18
 13 Mainstream Fist          12  4  5  3  13  12   +1  17
 14 Sabrefell Moths          12  4  4  4  17  15   +2  16
 15 Cranequin Wanderers      12  4  4  4  14  14   +0  16
 16 Shale                    12  3  4  5  14  13   +1  13
 17 Chenoworth Harriers      12  3  3  6  16  15   +1  12
 18 Brinemouth               12  3  3  6  13  17   -4  12
 19 Raven River              12  3  3  6   9  13   -4  12
 20 Dubstep Rangers          12  3  3  6  11  18   -7  12
 21 Leichhardt               12  3  3  6  14  22   -8  12
 22 Goodfeather FC           12  2  5  5  14  23   -9  11
 23 Brookford Otters         12  3  2  7  14  26  -12  11
 24 Coret Hawks              12  1  4  7   6  17  -11   7

TOP SCORERS
7 - G. Farrell (CRI), W. Čalrek (MXC), L. Fletcher (MXR)
6 - B. Helmensun (CHH), F. Sadler (CRN), C. Bittencourt (TRE), L. Hunter (VER), C. Drinkwater (VIO)
5 - J. dos Santos (BRI), J. Beckett (GDF), K. Given (MSF), M. Keynes (NLA), D. Arragne (NLA), G. Kite (PAR), D. Canady (SFA), R. Cathar (SFM), P. Gannon (SHA)

CLEAN SHEETS
5 - A. von Specta (INT), W. Urquhart (SFA), D. Shrewe (SLA), R. Miller (TRE)

Crisisbless The consistency of the Crisisbless strikers (and hasn’t it been a while since anyone has used that phrase?) is coming to their rescue, as Farrell has scored 7 and Keast and Scabbard, working in rotation, account for 7 more between them. Combined with a solid defence, Jess Mortlock continues to overachieve with the resources given her.
Maximum City At this rate of scoring, Čalrek will net almost twice as many as last season. The rest of City combined have accounted for just 10, but the solidity in defence and now in midfield is doing strong by them, and they’re well on course to maintain their title bid..
Violence Chariots Drinkwater and Walker have combined well in attack, but just two clean sheets in twelve games is something they’ll look to improve on. Still, sitting in 3rd, the Chariots’ reputation for early success is still going strong...
Vermillion Rage Despite the attacking slant of the team, Rosenfeld has done exceptionally well to keep four clean sheets. It’s doubtful, of course, they’ll stay this high… but a top half finish is looking very good and very possible right about now.
AFC Integabad A little more assurance and composure in front of goal would see them in the UICA places. As it is, Brinemouth’s von Specta has been an excellent investment for them. Particularly because he was a free transfer.
AFC Treason Edged out by City and North Laithland, it’s easy to predict that Treason will find their feet under Shale and storm up to properly contest the championship… but this fairly weak start already asks questions. The midfield’s sometimes failed to gel.
Parrhesia United Solid, consistent performances for Parrhesia, largely below the radar - Georgia Kite’s five goals lend credence to her being one of the great talents of the new generation, and they’ve adapted well to their losses in the transfer window.
Sabrefell Athletic Athletic have been shaky even through some of their wins - Stallion is on track to score just half as often as he did last season, and with a couple of injuries to key personnel already (Ironclad, Bramwell) Athletic’s next few matches will be a real test. Can they defend their title?
Maximum Rovers Twenty goals, second-best in the league… but of those, ten came in two games. Still solid all over the pitch, and there can be few complaints about new manager Agincourt’s efficient style.
Southfell United Totally inconsistent, it’s practically impossible to predict which side of the Tanners you’ll see on a given day. It’s like their form over seasons, compressed into form day-by-day.
North Laithland Equal in all regards to Southfell, Laithland can technically claim to be in the top 10. This will likely be scant comfort. A slow start to the season, but they’ve performed better after that stumbling period.
South Laithland The Southrons haven’t quite been up to their 332 standard, but the same could be said of many other teams, and it’s early days yet. Rutger Connacht has been outstanding so far, going above and beyond expectations for a 20-year old with purely Conference and Second Division experience.
Mainstream Fist The Fist have done fairly well so far, and have actually managed a moderately tight defence. Snowy Brennan gets most of the credit for this, the back four leaving her exposed a lot of the time.
Sabrefell Moths Just four points off the UICA places, but a disappointing start regardless. The two Rooks, Asquith and Cathar, have netted eight between them, but the defence is a concern besides the solid Connell.
Cranequin Wanderers Fran Sadler is being very consistent up front, and pairing well with Locklear - but Paul Rothner has already made a couple of errors, and he’ll need to do better if he wants to earn a Brenecia callup someday.
AFC Shale Not quite as defensively sound as most were expecting, and the defence doesn’t quite seem to have gelled. But Gannon’s five goals lead most to expect she’ll beat last season’s twelve by a mile, and young Bree Montreal has done exceptionally so far.
Chenoworth Harriers Helmensun was a superb addition, as his six goals to date prove. The formation is working well at the moment, and every first-team midfielder has already scored at least once.
Brinemouth Still in transition back to a 4-3-3, but the midfield simply isn’t supporting the exposed defence enough. Mathias is looking like a very good purchase, though, three goals so far.
Raven River Struggled to find the net without Bittencourt. Scully is very industrious on the right of the diamond, however, and Fitzmarten is having a great season so far. Without his good form, River could be in the bottom four.
Dubstep Rangers Slow start marred by awful and naive defending - a totally different look to last season. At least Fiona Marsden’s netted four, keeping them from sinking to the bottom of the table. They’re clearly suffering without Crowe, but should pick up later in the season.
Leichhardt Showed a lot of spirit and character, but their 0-5 obliteration against the Moths leaves them in the bottom four on goal difference. The defence, surprisingly, has let Leichhardt down, and they’ve kept just one clean sheet so far.
Goodfeather FC Lovett has been sacked, and justifiably. New manager Spike Turnbull was brought in within a day - a primary highlight will be the surprising form of Wil Ripton so far, with three goals and four assists already. Willans still needs more support than he’s getting.
Brookford Otters Simply dreadful form so far. Defence like this will be the death of them, and they really do look like relegation candidates.
Coret Hawks Goal-shy and with but a single win to date, albeit that against the defending champions. They’ll need to sharpen up in front of goal quickly if they expect to stay up, and Cheney Rosewood has been injured for four games already.

Team                        P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chatswood                  12  7  4  1  22   9  +13  25
  2 Chenoworth Rovers          12  7  4  1  14   7   +7  25
  3 Cranequin City             12  7  3  2  15  11   +4  24
  4 Franchise FC               12  6  4  2  18   9   +9  22
  5 Rochford                   12  6  4  2  15   9   +6  22
  6 Raging Fire Hares          12  7  1  4  10   8   +2  22
  7 Corvette Maulers           12  6  1  5  22  19   +3  19
  8 Leopolis Hatemongers       12  5  4  3  19  16   +3  19
  9 Martella Jazz              12  5  3  4  17  13   +4  18
 10 Rhagant Schadenfreude      12  5  3  4  13  11   +2  18
 11 Rushe United               12  4  5  3  14  13   +1  17
 12 Iron City                  12  5  2  5  12  13   -1  17
 13 West Brinemouth            12  4  4  4  14  11   +3  16
 14 Starling                   12  4  4  4  13  13   +0  16
 15 Ritter Town                12  4  4  4  13  14   -1  16
 16 Newrook Democracy          12  4  3  5  17  19   -2  15
 17 Crisisbless United         12  3  5  4  13  12   +1  14
 18 Iron United                12  2  5  5   6   9   -3  11
 19 Forge Carpenters           12  2  5  5   8  12   -4  11
 20 Ox River United            12  2  5  5  14  22   -8  11
 21 Orbital Bombardment        12  3  1  8   6  14   -8  10
 22 Crossroads Town            12  2  4  6  14  24  -10  10
 23 Cypher Town                12  2  2  8  10  21  -11   8
 24 Bishop                     12  1  2  9   8  18  -10   5

Chatswood The Sky Blues’ plan appears to be going well to date. Get men forward in numbers, and crack defences with traditional Sideburnese force. With nine goals so far, Nikita Charlemagne is the league’s top scorer so far.
Chenoworth Rovers Reliant on an aging defence, the Rovers are doing well… now that everyone is fit.
Cranequin City Tidy in midfield, but lapses of concentration have cost City more than once. They’ll need to kill off games and be more ruthless in attack.
Franchise FC New manager Kenneth Reinhold is bringing Franchise back to the basics - they could press for promotion, or they could be let down by a patchy squad and weak depth.
Rochford Farham’s goal is nothing short of victory, but Henriette Cunningham will need to have better finishing if they are to achieve that goal.
Raging Fire Hares Considering withdrawing from the league as Raging Fire begins plans to start a professional league of its own. Amidst the controversy, the Hares remain the same as ever.
Corvette Maulers Red-hot attack, red-faced defence. Clint Cale hasn’t started in a year and a half, and it shows.
Leopolis Hatemongers Landing on their feet, but they are nothing but above-average at this standard. Their quality players were stripped out in transfers.
Martella Jazz The long-term goal of steady improvement is coming to fruition. A cut above most of their opposition technically, but vulnerable to direct play and brute force.
Rhagant Schadenfreude They just don’t seem to have the heart for a promotion challenge.
Rushe United Adapting well to a higher standard, the southeast Sabrefell side have looked natural here.
Iron City Too vulnerable to late goals to justify their weak offence - lacking Carsley and Alcatraz, the second-string of Pryor and Ring have not stepped up to the task, and most goals come from the midfield.
West Brinemouth The Falcons have gone from flirting with relegation to pressing confidently upfield and taking the fight to their opponents.
Starling Standard fare from Starling, but after conceding 69 goals last season their focused transfers appear to have tightened things up.
Ritter Town Nearly promoted last season, but as it stands have been too vulnerable to controlled play choking momentum.
Newrook Democracy If they can improve their defence, they’ll make the top eight easily. They show no signs of improving their defence.
Crisisbless United Their aging core of a squad who were crushed in the 330 premiership appear eager to get crushed once more. Only the strike parnership of Reveley and Baron is saving them so far - they’ve scored ten of United’s thirteen.
Iron United Often appear confused about their occupation. Lone striker Gary Arbor appears particularly baffled, and appears to believe he is a toaster - he’s on a ten-game duck for United.
Forge Carpenters The First Division appears sick of Forge ‘Bloody’ Carpenters’ negative tactics. Forge ‘Bloody’ Carpenters appear sick of the concept of winning games.
Ox River United A team notable for only boasting a solid defence no longer possesses a solid defence. It is a bad omen.
Orbital Bombardment Shrinking crowds and, it is believed, shrinking finances. A stretched squad lacks the stamina and talent to cut it.
Crossroads Town They look as though they can pull themselves up, but they’ll need to get results and quickly. Manager Keegan is hanging onto his job by a thread.
Cypher Town After shredding the Second Division last season, Cypher appear eager to return there.
Bishop After choking dreadfully in the second half of 332, they’ve done poorly at the start of the new year, and it’s a bad time for it.

Team                           P  W  D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
  1 Strephonage                   12  8  2  2  13   7  +6  26
  2 Anslow Medication             12  7  3  2  18  12  +6  24
  3 Gridlock Rovers               12  7  3  2  15   9  +6  24
  4 Dross Rovers                  12  7  2  3  12   7  +5  23
  5 North Sabrefell               12  6  4  2  16  10  +6  22
  6 Corby Hubris                  12  5  5  2  14   7  +7  20
  7 Haymaker United               12  5  4  3  11   6  +5  19
  8 Sheridan                      12  5  4  3  12  10  +2  19
  9 Falston-on-Ceynes United      12  5  4  3   9  10  -1  19
 10 Extreme Hills                 12  4  5  3  19  15  +4  17
 11 Sandrock Artillery            12  5  1  6  10  12  -2  16
 12 West Shotgun Turtles          12  5  1  6   7  12  -5  16
 13 West Hook                     12  4  3  5  13  11  +2  15
 14 Creed United                  12  4  3  5  14  14  +0  15
 15 Sutcroft                      12  4  2  6  11  13  -2  14
 16 Fenland Albion                12  4  2  6  10  14  -4  14
 17 North Dubstep                 12  3  4  5  13  14  -1  13
 18 Locksley Petty Theft          12  4  1  7  16  20  -4  13
 19 Greymouth                     12  4  1  7  10  18  -8  13
 20 Geoff United                  12  3  3  6  14  17  -3  12
 21 Reckdale Town                 12  3  3  6  10  15  -5  12
 22 East Laithland Harriers       12  2  4  6   8  12  -4  10
 23 Hackett                       12  2  4  6  15  20  -5  10
 24 Inner-East Fairywrens         12  2  4  6   7  12  -5  10

Anslow are surprising everyone with a spirited but leaky bid for promotion - Strephonage, Gridlock and Dross make for a trio of sides recently in the Conference. But things are tight both at the top and the bottom - Hackett will likely pull themselves out, and a win could pull them to 17th. The Inner-East are looking significantly worse for wear, and the injury-ridden Harriers are looking vulnerable.

by **New Sideburn** » Sat Jan 18, 2014 2:07 am

The absence of Albert von Specta from the Integabad lineup (celebrating the birth of his third son, Waldemar) leads them to defeat at Athletic, as Brinemouth begin to regain a foothold on the league with a victory over the Rovers (notable for Fletcher scoring her eighth of the season so far). And a first goal of the season for Bazinho sees the Spiders edge Maximum City at home. Meanwhile, Spike Turnbull’s first match as manager sees them equal to the Moths thanks to a curving 17th-minute strike from Eleanor Pearce, though a brutal close shot in the 5th minute from Mantell had put the hosts ahead by then.

U-21 international and suspected Cormorants candidate Chris Christon finally broke his duck - a short-range shot stabbed past Crewe was enough for the Dockers to clinch an away victory at City. But it wasn’t the goal that caught most eyes - Parrhesia United scraped a point against Integabad, as a backpass to Peter Tomasen high up in the Parrhesia half was hefted long and hard… and overhit. The wind carried it past a scrambling von Specta, who was off his line - Aslotten Tomasen now has the honour of being the first goalkeeper to score in the Premiership.

One game caught all the attention - the unlikely-looking clash between South Laithland and Violence Chariots. Nate Walker scored the first of the match in the 7th minute, latching onto a long ball that went beyond the Southron’s high line - the Project+90 graduate made no mistake stroking the ball past Damian Shrewe. The hosts did manage an equaliser soon afterwards, though, Luke Dashwood’s well-placed free kick allowing Valiant to escape his marker and nod in at the far post. The Chariots were quick to pull ahead again, Uli Alsatian beating Shrewe at his near post with sheer power, but a placed shot from Chris Muscat just outside the box levelled the scores again - and Muscat pulled his team in front in stoppage time, taking the ball on his chest and volleying past a stretched Felix Carrick.
After half-time, the Chariots were clearly fired up and ready to retake the lead, going one step closer when Croft Drinkwater rifled one in from range. But a header from Edward Bard and a free kick from Roslin Grey seemed enough to secure the win, with Rutger Connacht dropping inside the box to take possession on a Grey cross before hooking it over Carrick leaving the scores at 6-3 to South Laithland.

Daniella Strauss marks a goal on her debut, a low, arcing shot beating Guildenstern - the second of Brinemouth’s goals on the day. Meanwhile, a brace from Steed Curtis put the Fist 2-1 up over Integabad at half-time, but the persistent hosts harried the erratic Fist defence twice into mistakes to take the three points. And the Quakers under Spike Turnbull look surprisingly dominant against Maximum City, the home crowd pushing through a victory - Buyanese Andrey Rettinger with the only goal.

Goodfeather were on the receiving end of an upset this time, Leichhardt simply too resilient in defence and countering putting holes in their defence - but the lasting news of import is an injury to Damian Shrewe. During a brave charge out for a corner, he clashed heads with George Jayson and fell heavily - Reece Benedict saw out the rest of the 2-0 victory, and will likely start for the next month.

Southfell suffer a heavy defeat - four goals from four different players sealing a crushing victory for their rivals, the Moths. It was too much for the Tanners’ board - Rick Stemford was fired, and former assistant Lara Janeworth takes over.

Lara Janeworth’s first game in charge sees a decent showing in defence, but abysmal finishing being United’s sour note yet again - despite eighteen shots on goal, five were on target and Kurtis Fitzmarten was equal to them all. Brooke Forde’s free kick settled the affair.

Several big matches, including a 4-0 annihilation of the Saints by South Laithland, but a match between Crisisbless and Brinemouth (who are beginning to grow a rivalry over being the dominant sides of the east) ended rather damply - Crisisbless’ midfield domination couldn’t translate into firepower, and Brinemouth got the best chance of the match with a penalty… saved by Brockhurst. But naturally, all eyes would turn to the Sabrefell derby - a dominant affair for the Moths that

Athletic suffer a bad loss to River, who have won their third straight, as Leichhardt vs. Coret is the most highly-tipped to finish 0-0. That doesn’t happen - the hosts have the better of things at the start, but a goal against the run of play for Cheney Rosewood sees them enter half-time 0-1. Leichhardt draw level in the 53rd with an impressive build-up culminating in Olga Pardew curling the ball past Antioch from a tight angle, but Coret then retake the lead from a corner - Gregor Mayhew heading in at the far post, and this time they hold their lead. Meanwhile, City totally roll over the Tanners, but Clint Hemingway is spotted in the stands and confirmed as new manager shortly after the game.

Buoyed by two straight victories, Coret are quick to secure a third. Ryan Shipwright puts a hattrick past Mic Willans, who has a rare poor game - a dropped long shot puts it on a tee for the opportunistic Cayenne is Coret’s only other goal - a consolation is taken by Beckett, who strokes a fine shot past Antioch. The Chariots, meanwhile, are quick to establish the new order of things, crushing Crisisbless at home in a scintillating display of skill, and Hemingway’s first game in charge sees them… defeated by Leichhardt, at home.

An unremarkable week, but there’s two candidates for a best match. Predictably, one of them sees two teams with shaky defences hacking at each other. Southfell take an early lead against Goodfeather, Jayson putting a header past Willans from a Brookwood cross - Goodfeather strike back twice, Wil Ripton netting his fourth and Beckett his eighth, to take a lead into the second half. They have the better of the rest of the match, enjoying 57% possession, but a spectacular free kick from Gail Vermont levels the scores at 88 minutes. But the highest stakes are surely seeing Maximum City stave off Athletic. The Sabrefell team was, frankly, dominant throughout, and Daniel Canady tucked a tidy effort past Crewe within six minutes. But abysmal finishing from Leyland Stallion, who missed an open goal once and was denied a second time by a spectacular save (but one Crewe should not have had the chance to make) triggered taunts from the away side, bitterly chanting ‘Leyland doesn’t give a shit, fuck off, fuck off’ (to the vague tune of Campertown Races, of all things…) and letting the Smiths claw themselves back into the game. Heavy pressure on Rhys Bergman forced the young right-back into a mistake - Groves took possession and lashed a ball into Čalrek, who volleyed expertly past Urquhart, and a Jack Radd direct free kick killed it off. City leapfrog the defending champions, who sink to ninth.

Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 North Laithland          23  13  6   4  33  15  +18  45
  2 Violence Chariots        23  13  4   6  37  30   +7  43
  3 AFC Treason              23  13  3   7  32  20  +12  42
  4 Brinemouth               23  11  6   6  30  22   +8  39
  5 South Laithland          23  11  5   7  36  28   +8  38
  6 Vermillion Rage          23  10  6   7  34  27   +7  36
  7 Maximum City             23  11  3   9  27  20   +7  36
  8 Sabrefell Moths          23  10  5   8  30  22   +8  35
  9 Sabrefell Athletic       23  10  5   8  28  23   +5  35
 10 Parrhesia United         23   9  7   7  29  35   -6  34
 11 Crisisbless              23   8  9   6  29  25   +4  33
 12 AFC Integabad            23   8  8   7  23  24   -1  32
 13 Chenoworth Harriers      23   9  4  10  32  27   +5  31
 14 Maximum Rovers           23   8  7   8  29  25   +4  31
 15 Shale                    23   8  6   9  26  24   +2  30
 16 Raven River              23   8  5  10  23  25   -2  29
 17 Cranequin Wanderers      23   7  7   9  24  26   -2  28
 18 Mainstream Fist          23   6  9   8  25  26   -1  27
 19 Southfell United         23   7  6  10  25  33   -8  27
 20 Coret Hawks              23   6  5  12  19  33  -14  23
 21 Goodfeather FC           23   5  8  10  25  40  -15  23
 22 Dubstep Rangers          23   5  6  12  22  33  -11  21
 23 Brookford Otters         23   5  6  12  21  38  -17  21
 24 Leichhardt               23   5  4  14  18  36  -18  19

TOP SCORERS
12 - L. Hunter (VRR)
11 - L. Fletcher (MXR), D. Canady (SFA), C. Drinkwater (VIO)
10 - B. Helmensun (CHH), W. Calrek (MXC), D. Arragne (NLA), G. Kite (PAR), R. Cathar (SFM), C. Bittencourt (TRE)
9 - F. Sadler (CRN), P. Gannon (SHA), C. Muscat (SLA)
8 - R. Shipwright (COR), G. Farrell (CRI), J. Beckett (GDF), N. Reeve (RVR)

CLEAN SHEETS
12 - J. Pence (NLA)
10 - R. Miller (TRE)
9 - W. Urquhart (SFA)
8 - T. Colbright (BRI), A. Middleton (MXR), K. Fitzmarten (RVR)
7 - L. Brockhurst (CRI), A. von Specta (INT), S. Brennan (MSF), F. Connell (SFM), D. Shrewe (SLA)

North Laithland
Top scorer: Arragne (10)
Undefeated in eleven, since a 3-1 home defeat to Brinemouth. They’ve also conceded just twice in that stretch of time. No wonder they’ve leapfrogged the competition, who seem to imply it will be an erratic season like the last.

Violence Chariots
Top scorer: Drinkwater (11)
Leinster and Walker have fit right into the Premiership, giving the side an enviable youth, while Croft Drinkwater is simply cold as steel in front of goal. It’s a common cliche that Violence are strong at first before faltering, but… they’re second, after playing half the teams in the league, so who’s to say this time they might not pull a South Laithland?

AFC Treason
Top scorer: Bittencourt (10)
Treason have three more points than they did at this point last season, so all looks solid for Reinhard Shale… but they’ll be disappointed not to be top of the league. Treason have to start flexing their considerable muscle - but they’re still favourites, and many still see it as their title to lose.

Brinemouth
Top scorer: dos Santos (7)
Six points adrift of the Spiders, Brinemouth’s latest sally for the title looks already to have run somewhat aground after a poor start. But they’re a quality side, and they’re looking stronger than last season under Larissa Garrotte - the added depth and youth in the reserves is really paying dividends.

South Laithland
Top scorer: Muscat (9)
With nine clean sheets, the Southrons can count on their defence to see them through matches - as long as Muscat and Bard can keep banging the goals in, they’ll hold onto a Top Six spot, but can lightning strike twice for them? They’ve scored more than any other side so far - that much is a stark contrast from even last year.

Vermillion Rage
Top scorer: Hunter (12)
The Rage are showing themselves to be properly good. The 3-4-3 is working smoothly both in attack and defence, with the only issues coming when the flank midfielders don’t track back well enough.

Maximum City
Top scorer: Čalrek (10)
The defence is solid, just 20 conceded. What City need is for their other players to score - no player besides Locksmith, Tariff, Čalrek and Radd has scored more than once so far. This could be another underwhelming year for City, but the fans keep faith in Brunet.

Sabrefell Moths
Top scorer: Cathar (10)
Gareth Bournemouth, who guided the Moths to the first modern-era title, has resigned after leaving the Moths in 8th with half the season played. Taking the helm is pre-UICA era Moths legend and former national team vice-captain Asger Stubbs, who has never managed before - he’ll have Bournemouth’s experienced staff to help him.

Sabrefell Athletic
Top scorer: Canady (11)
Daniel Canady has been consistently on-target. This is a good thing, with Garfield and Dorne netting just once apiece and shockingly last season’s Iron Boot winner managing only four. Any hope of defending the title has largely left them, ten points from first with teams like Brinemouth and Treason looking far more likely to overtake. But this is the most striking statistic of all - last season they’d scored 45 in 23, Stallion netting 14, Garfield 11 and Charmwell 10. This season, just ten between the three of them.

Parrhesia United
Top scorer: Kite (10)
A -6 goal difference, but they’ve gotten results. The team is beginning to gel in the 4-4-2, with former Treason midfielder Morry Sands the most valuable player for them. Peter Tomasen is the first Premiership goalkeeper since Cranequin captain Bonny Sherry in 330 to score a goal.

Crisisbless
Top scorer: Farrell (8)
Great performances from new signings Knutsen and Keast only serve to highlight the aging core of the squad; Ash Twining now looks sluggish as her legs start to go, and Randall and Falconer are the first-team core of a lacklustre left wing - combined age: 60. Karl Finnan has been superb, but even this just serves to ask questions: where will he be next season?

AFC Integabad
Top scorer: Montag (6)
Offensively, Integabad have been feeble: just 23 scored. Veteran Walter Hahn is having his best ever season, now playing on the left wing (he’s netted five goals, two in a single game when called into a centre-forward role), but Montag looks too raw and young, and Petrarch doesn’t have Premiership experience.

Chenoworth Harriers
Top scorer: Helmensun (10)
Surprisingly incisive in attack, the Harriers rely on Bror Helmensun to get the goals; a player who seems entirely revitalised by his move. His backup, Neill, has scored twice off the bench, to give them an extra killing edge in the late stages of a game. This probably won’t last, but they definitely don’t look like relegation material.

Maximum Rovers
Top scorer: Fletcher (11)
Leigh Fletcher has been superb, while Bruce Payne’s five goals all appear to have been scored without movement - but then, he is thirty-four. Reinhard Drake’s netted three from his seven starts, and looks to be a worthy successor to Payne after his one-year contract expires, and Snowden and Middleton have both been highlights. Apart from that, it’s the same story as always.

AFC Shale
Top scorer: Gannon (9)
Paula Gannon has scored nine goals so far (compared to 12 over all of 332’s league) and in Daineri Robill appears to have a fitting strike partner. But Shale’s newfound attacking prowess has been undermined by gaps in the defence - injuries haven’t helped, but the loss of Tosca Marlowe is sorely missed.

Raven River
Top scorer: Reeve (8)
Kurtis Fitzmarten is still the redemption of the defence, but captain Bruce Morant also looks solid as ever at 36. Attack has been a weak point, but it’s vastly improved from early in the season; Nikita Reeve and Brooke Forde have both found some form, and it’s probably why River isn’t in the bottom six right now.

Cranequin Wanderers
Top scorer: Sadler (9)
Fran Sadler was injured for a month, and Cranequin’s form subsequently slipped. Russ Reucassel’s attempts to shift the Wanderers into a more direct game have stuck insofar as you’ll rarely see them play the ball from the back anymore, but the goals just haven’t come yet.

Mainstream Fist
Top scorer: Given (7)
Snowy Brennan has been one of the best young players in the league - seven clean sheets is amazing for the attack-minded nature of the team. Attack’s been great, defence falls apart easily, high line gets beaten on the counter. Most people want the Fist to stay up… most people also think it can’t last.

Southfell United
Top scorer: Blake (7)
The proud Tanners, who reached sixth place, a Cup win and a UICA finish under Bridget Lastgasp in 330, now face a new reality - dark horses for relegation. Hennessey, who went down with Corvette last season, has all too often been let down by careless or naive defending, and the attackers (who once counted both Leyland Stallion and Dale Brightley in their ranks) now struggle to make up for it.

Coret Hawks
Top scorer: Shipwright (8)
Coret scramble out of the bottom four, having finally remembered how to score. They’ve still scored the second-least and conceded thirty-three, but if they show the persistance and spirit that they did last season to get out of the same situation, they have decent odds to keep afloat.

Goodfeather FC
Top scorer: Beckett (8)
Goodfeather have the worst defence in the league and despite Turnbull’s assurances, being 21st halfway through the season is genuinely ominous. They have the quality, but why can’t they get the results?

Dubstep Rangers
Top scorer: Marsden (7)
It’s unclear why the Rangers are this far gone. They’ve just sunk to the bottom - Dan Shaw has nowhere near last season’s form and the midfield lacks dominance. Or maybe they’ve just been found out… but they were 11th after 25 matches last season.

Brookford Otters
Top scorer: Johnson (6)
Pride and passion, but no confidence. Brookford simply don’t look like they’re going to escape this season - Gunsworthy has vowed to instill more fight into the side.

Leichhardt
Top scorer: Helton (6)
Truth be told, five wins from twenty-three is more than most had expected. Leichhardt have shown bravery and tenacity at times, but they’re playing above their level. It’s a common occurrence - some are sparking calls for only three teams to be promoted to the Premiership, while others argue this only weakens the ability of most to make it up.

Team                        P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chatswood                  23  15  5   3  43  18  +25  50
  2 Newrook Democracy          23  12  6   5  42  24  +18  42
  3 Franchise FC               23  11  5   7  33  19  +14  38
  4 Martella Jazz              23  11  5   7  38  29   +9  38
  5 West Brinemouth            23  11  5   7  30  24   +6  38
  6 Leopolis Hatemongers       23  11  5   7  32  27   +5  38
  7 Chenoworth Rovers          23  11  4   8  26  24   +2  37
  8 Raging Fire Hares          23  11  4   8  19  17   +2  37
  9 Corvette Maulers           23  11  3   9  39  32   +7  36
 10 Cranequin City             23  10  6   7  24  24   +0  36
 11 Iron City                  23  10  5   8  26  22   +4  35
 12 Ritter Town                23   9  6   8  33  28   +5  33
 13 Starling                   23   8  7   8  29  33   -4  31
 14 Rochford                   23   8  6   9  19  23   -4  30
 15 Cypher Town                23   9  2  12  23  30   -7  29
 16 Rhagant Schadenfreude      23   6  9   8  21  23   -2  27
 17 Crossroads Town            23   7  6  10  27  34   -7  27
 18 Rushe United               23   7  6  10  23  33  -10  27
 19 Bishop                     23   7  5  11  23  29   -6  26
 20 Crisisbless United         23   5  9   9  23  27   -4  24
 21 Orbital Bombardment        23   6  5  12  17  27  -10  23
 22 Iron United                23   5  5  13  13  24  -11  20
 23 Ox River United            23   4  8  11  28  43  -15  20
 24 Forge Carpenters           23   4  7  12  16  33  -17  19

Chatswood Exactly on track to reach a century of points - if it happens, it’d be the first time in any league in the modern era. Twelve points from 5th with a massive goal difference, they’re almost assured to be first, and eight over Newrook gives them a strong chance at promotion. Charlemagne has scored seventeen by now - she’s still the league’s top scorer, having scored four more than the entire roster of Iron United and one more than notorious journeyman striker Own Goal.
Newrook Democracy Considering a name change to simple Newrook FC (the two small towns at founding have both been incorporated into Crisisbless since), Newrook haven’t been distracted by the rebrand and are focusing on holding onto their lead. They’ve been unbeaten in eleven, relying on their strong attack and midfield to carry them.
Franchise FC A couple of minor injuries notwithstanding, the Gridlock side has kept well in the thick of things. The question is, after the disaster of their last Premiership season, do they even want to promote? Of course they do. Will they? Probably not.
Martella Jazz Martella has often been noted for a team who largely recruit their ranks from the reserves. Right now, it seems to be working. Many of their prospects have gone on to make it in the Premiership, but now it seems they’re on track to prove it at their home club.
West Brinemouth A solid seven wins from eleven brings West Brinemouth level with third on points, and there’s more depth in their side than that of Franchise. Many are pegging them to scrape in.
Leopolis Hatemongers Doing the best of the relegated sides, Leopolis have flexed their experience over their nearby rivals. Official statements have stated they’re eager to get back to a predominantly Integristani squad, promoting the image of the nation as a whole.
Raging Fire Hares Less than a goal scored a game, yet hanging onto eight. It doesn’t matter - things look as though they’ll fold and join the semi-pro Raging Fire national league as the Isengard Hares next season.
Corvette Maulers Picked by many to come straight back up, Corvette… aren’t doing so. They’re not far off, but they’ll need some more consistency.
Cranequin City Cranequin’s tendency to win small and lose big will cost them if they get into the scrap for promotion. This doesn’t seem likely from position, but they’re just two points off third. Will be looking for more consistent work from centre-forwards Galleon and Moray - they’ve scored just twelve between them.
Iron City Pryor and Ring have finally stepped up to the task of replacing the absent Gregory Carsley - overall, it’s hard to see where the problems lie, but they simply haven’t been challenging hard enough. Still… 11th or not, they’re just three points off third.
Ritter Town The first team not to be jostling for promotion, Ritter have focused on an intense pressing game under their new manager, but it’s not certain the players have the stamina needed to see it through 90 minutes - they concede 40% of their goals in the last twenty minutes of the game.
Starling Nothing exceptional, just a weak defence propped up by a strong five-man midfield, 23-year old Rutger Houghton with ten goals from the lone striker role.
Rochford Catheline Farham’s squad has been godawful in front of goal, poor finishing letting them down more than anything. At least their defence is secure, even without Gareth Baird.
Cypher Town Cypher tend to press hard for the win in a late-game tied fixture, and that’s cost them as much as it’s given them the three points. They struggle getting goals early, and often come into that period nil-all.
Rhagant Schadenfreude In contrast to Cypher, struggle to break down packed defences, especially during even games. They’ve kept solid at the back even after Emmeric Brownlow retired, but they need more punch up front.
Crossroads Town Pure distilled mediocrity. They’ve pulled themselves out of the relegation zone, but they still appear to be playing to reach 50 points and pray for others not to overtake them.
Rushe United The Sabrefell side and Second Division champions have been lacklustre in front of goal and generous in defence, but they’ve gotten the results where it counts - easily the most important thing in the end, and it’s keeping them from the relegation zone.
Bishop Practically identical to Rushe last season, practically the same this time around as well.
Crisisbless United For once, they have the heart - it’s the quality that lacks in a side forced to compensate for its owners slowly transferring control to a fan trust. They do look as though they’ll stay up, however, and the owners’ selling has been very well-done.
Orbital Bombardment The lack of funds has been haunting them for a while - Orbital have always struggled to reach even Conference attendances. With that the case, that’s likely where they’re headed, perhaps to be reborn around the town of Boleyn which adopted the military side as its own.
Iron United They’ve scored thirteen goals in twenty-three games. Really, the only impressive part is they’ve gotten five wins and five draws from that tally.
Ox River United Their former prodigy, Jayce Pence, leads the line for Premiership-topping North Laithland, and was selected for Brenecia in the 67 Cycle. Ox River themselves… well, they’re sunk if they can’t reclaim some of the defensive solidity they used to claim for their own.
Forge Carpenters “Forge is a fucking korfball town anyway,” spit most First Division rivals. They’ll likely not be missed, pragmatic tradesman nickname or not.

Team                           P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Dross Rovers                  23  13  4   6  23  14   +9  43
  2 Gridlock Rovers               23  12  6   5  29  21   +8  42
  3 Falston-on-Ceynes United      23  11  7   5  28  25   +3  40
  4 North Sabrefell               23  10  7   6  29  20   +9  37
  5 West Hook                     23  11  4   8  24  17   +7  37
  6 Sheridan                      23  10  6   7  21  16   +5  36
  7 Creed United                  23   9  7   7  30  25   +5  34
  8 Strephonage                   23  10  4   9  18  22   -4  34
  9 Reckdale Town                 23   8  8   7  28  27   +1  32
 10 Anslow Medication             23   9  5   9  25  26   -1  32
 11 Extreme Hills                 23   8  7   8  42  31  +11  31
 12 North Dubstep                 23   8  7   8  27  23   +4  31
 13 Haymaker United               23   8  7   8  24  21   +3  31
 14 Sutcroft                      23   9  4  10  22  23   -1  31
 15 West Shotgun Turtles          23   9  4  10  15  22   -7  31
 16 Sandrock Artillery            23   7  9   7  19  21   -2  30
 17 Locksley Petty Theft          23   7  8   8  32  34   -2  29
 18 Hackett                       23   8  5  10  26  29   -3  29
 19 Corby Hubris                  23   7  8   8  19  22   -3  29
 20 Greymouth                     23   7  4  12  18  27   -9  25
 21 East Laithland Harriers       23   5  9   9  17  22   -5  24
 22 Fenland Albion                23   6  6  11  22  31   -9  24
 23 Inner-East Fairywrens         23   4  9  10  18  25   -7  21
 24 Geoff United                  23   4  7  12  24  36  -12  19

NSFA Cup - Opening Stages

by **New Sideburn** » Sat Jan 25, 2014 4:08 pm

North Laithland made their mark to reinforce their hold on first - Keynes and Raptor both scored in the second half, but Sedgwick’s hattrick stole the show in a 5-1 mullering of the Rovers. It was the Chariots’ home fixture against Brinemouth that was the most enthralling, however - Croft Drinkwater struck first, low and hard from distance, but a deflected Christon volley wrongfooted Felix Carrick, and a skilful pass to play Jonny dos Santos past the defence put Brinemouth 2-1 up by half-time. But the Chariots were determined to claw back into the game - Drinkwater made his brace from a corner with a header at the far post in the 71st minute, and substitute Nate Walker slotted home in extra time to cap off a dramatic fixture.

It’s a close-run thing for Treason, who need to catch up on North Laithland - they only beat a determined Brookford with a Wingett free kick in the 73rd minute, and looked vulnerable late in the game. Fortunately for them, the Spiders slip up against Mainstream, foiled by their own weak defending. Meanwhile, a straight red for Claire Antioch in the 86th minute somewhat mars a Coret away victory over the Chariots. Substitute goalkeeper Bret Faulkner, making his first Premiership experience, saves Sylver’s penalty and spares Coret’s blushes.

Brinemouth surprisingly can’t beat Coret, who hold out at home and slot one of their three shots home, while Faulkner has a brilliant game. Crisisbless could have put three or four past Athletic if not for poor finishing and the form of Wilhelm Urquhart - as it stands, they dominate and score the winning goal in the 62nd minute, from Osric Keast’s volley.

Treason go on the attack all game, but Brinemouth hang back and try to play the counter. Neither is effective, although Luke Kendrick comes on as a substitute and nearly scores with his first touch in the 81st minute - a little flick wings just over the crossbar. Their impasse leaves room for Laithland to further their lead at the top. Meanwhile, Chenoworth utterly dominate the defending champions, who are, simply put, rubbish.

Kelly Given scores a hattrick, the Fist centre-forward the difference between the hosts and the Quakers. Meanwhile, Athletic still can’t win, but Luther Marshall breaks his duck as he lashes a long shot past Carrick from distance - but the Chariots still look the better team for most of the match. Once again, North Laithland capitalise as Brinemouth and Treason both drop points.

A packed week - one in which most games deserve some mention.
Shale scored four goals in one game - they’re definitely showing more attacking flair than last season. Of these, three came in counters, as the Tanners simply overstretched themselves. It could’ve been more - from four one-on-ones against Hennessey, the Southfell keeper saved two.
Treason simply outdid the Moths, and a brace from Cheney Bittencourt saw the hosts off. Under Reinhard Shale, Treason have been more willing to take play into their own hands, especially at home - this game was no exception, and the Moths simply weren’t permitted chances of their own.
Athletic had yet another bad game, and were put to flight by a resilient Coret in Claire Antioch’s first match back from suspension.
Vermillion simply ran roughshod over River, with Lukas Hunter finally scoring his thirteenth goal of the season, Emerett and centre-back Deighton scoring the others.
Similarly, Maximum City simply annihilated Cranequin. The score was kept down to 0-1 with a string of good saves from both Rothner and Crewe keeping the scores down. Then Maximum City spend forty-five minutes kicking Cranequin’s teeth in.
Crisisbless go down quick, but rack up three goals before the end of the half (including two from young Osric Keast) to go into the next half 3-1 up. They score a fourth in the 50th, Lucia Oakwood converting a penalty won by Keast when Brennan went for his shins in the penalty area, but Mainstream score in the 65th and 72nd to set teeth rattling. It all comes to nothing, however, as Mainstream’s attacks falter for the rest of the game.
Brookford-North Laithland was, for anyone who loved football, pornography. North Laithland rack up a two-goal lead within ten minutes, with two identical goals from Delicious Johnson - played through the defence as he stood off the shoulder of Dvorak, breaking through and smashing into the back of the net. The Spiders immediately wrest the game from them, Sedgwick, Arragne and Loque taking the lead in at half-time. Molly Keynes knocks in a fourth from a corner, then they sit on the lead… until the 85th minute. Johnson’s played through again and completes his hattrick, then a relentless flurry of attacks from both sides finally sees the game settled in the most jammy way possible. A long throw from Mike Arneson is chested down by Brighton Kaywood then laid off to Queanbeyan, who’s first-touch effort soars into the net from range before any Laithlander can react… and Brookford take a point against the team in first.

Athletic are almost humbled by the Tanners, 1-0 down with ten minutes to play - but with their most spirited performance yet, they mount a comeback. A ferocious series of attacks is nearly held out, but when Alysia Dorne is played into a good position her shot forces a stunning reflex save from Hennessey - but it’s for naught, as Canady gets to the rebound and stabs the ball into the open net. But with just stoppage time to play, Southfell think they’ve secured a point away at the Barbarossa… until Jess Carragher tactically fouls Dorne, who’s found her way on the break, just outside the box. Ella Bramwell is suboptimally close to goal, but a superb hooking shot leaves Hennessey with no chance to save, and Athletic steal the result.

River approach the Southrons without fear, and despite going behind early (Muscat heads home from a corner) they fight back - 3-1 by half-time, and two from Nikita Reeve to finish the match. Meanwhile, Treason must beat North Laithland to keep within touching distance of first place - they manage it, just. Cheney Portsmouth makes his third start for the first-team, and scores his first goal this match - a cross from Wingett is headed out by Dvorak, but Portsmouth makes an instinctive first-time shot that crashes into the top-right.

The Laith derby is traditionally one of the most easy-going, as both sides share mutual respect. It’s still an important match for the Spiders, who need to win to keep the edge over their rivals. They treat it like one, too, and their southern rivals simply can’t compete in the middle of the park - North Laithland dominate possession, and get two quick, direct goals.

Goodfeather’s 20-year old midfielder Rachael Loxley presses her claim to get more first-team action, a Man of the Match performance culminating in a fine assist for Beckett in the 33rd minute and a goal of her own in the 82nd, bringing Goodfeather their fifth straight win. South Laithland, by contrast, record a fifth straight defeat from a tough run of matches, but as their next fixtures are against Treason and Leichhardt respectively, most people bet both streaks to break next week. Meanwhile, Southfell crush Mainstream, with previously out-of-form George Jayson recording a hattrick. For Southfell and Goodfeather, these could be wins that change their season.

As predicted, South Laithland and Goodfeather both end their streaks, though Goodfeather lead through a Rettinger strike until sixty minutes in, when Harper and then Flaccus score within ten minutes. Vermillion, meanwhile, dominate Crisisbless, but ten outstanding saves from Lauren Brockhurst keeps them in the game, while North Laithland go into the break on the back foot and 0-0, but come out flying on the break - Arragne scores a brace, and Bazinho makes his first touch of the ball as a substitute count to give them a solid 3-0 victory.

Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 North Laithland          34  19   8   7  53  25  +28  65
  2 AFC Treason              34  19   6   9  43  24  +19  63
  3 Violence Chariots        34  18   8   8  54  44  +10  62
  4 Maximum City             34  18   4  12  44  24  +20  58
  5 Brinemouth               34  16   9   9  42  29  +13  57
  6 Sabrefell Moths          34  16   7  11  40  28  +12  55
  7 Crisisbless              34  14  12   8  42  36   +6  54
  8 South Laithland          34  15   7  12  47  44   +3  52
  9 Sabrefell Athletic       34  14   7  13  41  37   +4  49
 10 Parrhesia United         34  13  10  11  38  44   -6  49
 11 Shale                    34  13   8  13  39  34   +5  47
 12 Vermillion Rage          34  12  10  12  43  43   +0  46
 13 Maximum Rovers           34  12  10  12  39  39   +0  46
 14 Chenoworth Harriers      34  13   6  15  47  41   +6  45
 15 Raven River              34  13   6  15  39  42   -3  45
 16 Cranequin Wanderers      34  11  11  12  38  39   -1  44
 17 Southfell United         34  12   8  14  42  47   -5  44
 18 Goodfeather FC           34  11  10  13  40  52  -12  43
 19 Mainstream Fist          34  11   9  14  45  50   -5  42
 20 AFC Integabad            34  10  11  13  30  36   -6  41
 21 Coret Hawks              34  10   8  16  28  40  -12  38
 22 Brookford Otters         34   8   7  19  30  54  -24  31
 23 Dubstep Rangers          34   7   6  21  28  50  -22  27
 24 Leichhardt               34   6   6  22  21  51  -30  24

TOP SCORERS
15 - R. Cathar (SFM), C. Drinkwater (VIO)
14 - F. Sadler (CRN), W. Čalrek (MXC), L. Fletcher (MXR), D. Canady (SFA), C. Bittencourt (TRE)
13 - M. Keynes (NLA), D. Arragne (NLA), G. Kite (PAR), L. Hunter (VRM)
12 - B. Helmensun (CHH), G. Farrell (CRI), J. Beckett (GDF)
11 - K. Given (MSF), N. Reeve (RVR), P. Gannon (SHA), C. Muscat (SLA), R. Blake (SFU)

CLEAN SHEETS
17 - R. Miller (TRE)
16 - J. Pence (NLA)
15 - T. Colbright (BRI)
13 - P. Crewe (MXC), F. Connell (SFM)
12 - L. Brockhurst (CRI), W. Urquhart (SFA)

North Laithland Several dominant performances, but with two teams in touching distance they’ll have to keep up the strong performances. Blake Lawless has done a stunning job to transform the squad, though, and currently the bookies have them second-favourite for the title.
AFC Treason Treason’s strong and disciplined defence and midfield are their main virtues, and most people believe they can take the title. Russ Miller in particular has been in outstanding form, but their strikers aren’t, perhaps, producing as much as they would have hoped.
Violence Chariots Surprisingly still in the thick of the UICA places, and with a four-point gap over 4th and five from fifth, they’re serious contenders to make it. Croft Drinkwater is joint top scorer of the league, Nate Walker is extremely promising and their midfield has been outstanding. They’ve still been vulnerable on the defensive, however. The league’s top scorers at present, with 54.
Maximum City Great defence as ever, and with the fewest draws in the league at just four. They do tend to lose matches they could get points from, but for once their strikers are producing, especially 14-goal Čalrek.
Brinemouth A fluid 4-3-3 in attack and rigid in defence, dos Santos is the closest thing the league has to a ‘false nine’, contributing to more phases of play than a traditional target man but without the goal tally. It took a while to click, but they’ve lost just three from the last twenty-two games - Tana Colbright has been outstanding despite some early problems.
Sabrefell Moths Rook Cathar is the main source of goals for the Moths, and they’ve struggled to find the net during his six games out. Still, he’s fit at the moment, and has stated his determination to score ten more before the season is done. Beyond that, they need more genuine star quality in support, though loanee Schindler’s thrived.
Crisisbless A good run of form, backed by Gareth Farrell’s eye for goal, sees Crisisbless back in borderline UICA contention. But the quality’s still patchy, and they’re still very much a team in transition. Maybe a new transfer window and the ability to spend some of the income from the Cromwell transfer will give them the opportunity to strengthen.
South Laithland Five straight defeats for the Laithlanders sees them struggle, as Muscat only finds the net twice in the eleven matches. No longer realistic contenders to match their previous season, though they’re still punching above their weight.
Sabrefell Athletic The defending champions should not be in ninth, struggling to find the net and leaky in defence. Nobody’s certain what has gone wrong here, but they’re hoping they can make the pace to at least place in the top 6.
Parrhesia United Georgia Kite has been exceptional for them, the young striker scoring over a third of the Saints’ goals. They’ve been shaky at times, but their ability to scalp games even on a bad day is keeping them in the top ten.
AFC Shale Still not lethal in front of goal, but their ability is no longer to be dismissed. 11 goals from Paula Gannon combined with a tight defensive unit means most teams still struggle to score against them, and if they do concede they’ve a better chance of drawing level.
Vermillion Rage A pretty dismal run for Vermillion, as Lukas Hunter encounters a barren spell, scoring just one from eleven. The side wins two, draws four and loses five of the past eleven, and it sees them slide into midtable.
Maximum Rovers After free-scoring early form, the supply’s dried up for Rovers, besides Leigh Fletcher with a tally of 14. Still, they’re as balanced and coordinated as ever, and Edmund Agincourt’s shown himself to be capable of keeping them in good shape.
Chenoworth Harriers Have often been forced to go on the attack, as they’re prone to going behind - as a result, they’ve scored an impressive 47. It’s worked out well for them, as has their unconventional 4-2-3-1 formation. 24-year old Flynn King’s had his work cut out for him, but at times a stretch of acrobatic saves has kept the Harriers in matches.
Raven River Very average right now, without the influence of a particular star player. Fitzmarten, however, has been one of the best goalkeepers in the league … but you can’t help but feel some more support from the defence might help.
Cranequin Wanderers Russ Reucassel’s men been solid all-around, but have not managed to play through defences the way they used to. But Reucassel’s plan B (bomb direct balls at Fran Sadler) isn’t one the team is suited for, and a last resort at best.
Southfell United It’s not been pretty, but Southfell have been playing with grit and steel more than pace and flair for the first time in the modern era - the midfielders’ job is to get the ball forward fast, and the strikers’ jobs are to bash the ball into the net. But Hemingway will need to shore up the defence if he wants to make sure they’ll stay up.
Goodfeather FC Five straight wins, a streak ended with a spirited showing against Treason, sees Goodfeather in the clear. But they’ll need to keep it up, as a poor run of form could see them be edged out for survival. Still, with the quality on this team, they’ll likely make it.
Mainstream Fist The Mainstream defence appears inadequate to maintain its high line, but strength in attack is keeping Mainstream afloat. Still, you sense Integabad have the experience to stay afloat, and Coret pulled off a remarkable feat to stay up last season, so if the Hawks manage it it’ll probably be at Mainstream’s cost.
AFC Integabad A misfiring attack that badly needs a proper target man - Montag’s a good player, but this is not his element when balls need to be hit high at him. Solid at the back, though, just 36 conceded and that will be enough to keep them up.
Coret Hawks Down, but not out. Dismal attacking form has meant they’ve struggled to stay in games when they go down, but the past seasons have shown there’s no doubt Coret have what it takes to mount a spirited last-minute charge.
Brookford Otters Poor going forward, frail in defence. There’s little for the Otters to be optimistic about, and ten points from safety means they’re already practically relegated.
Dubstep Rangers All but relegated, and nobody’s entirely certain what happened. Another mass migration can be expected at the end of the season.
Leichhardt Realistically, nobody expected Leichhardt to stay up. Rooted at the bottom of the table for most of the season, they’re destined to go straight back down. They didn’t financially overextend, however, and will likely keep most of their players. The same cannot be said for some of the teams around them...

Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chatswood                  34  23   7   4  66  24  +42  76
  2 Newrook Democracy          34  20   6   8  60  33  +27  66
  3 Franchise FC               34  18   6  10  49  27  +22  60
  4 Martella Jazz              34  18   6  10  61  47  +14  60
  5 West Brinemouth            34  17   7  10  40  31   +9  58
  6 Corvette Maulers           34  17   4  13  53  47   +6  55
  7 Iron City                  34  15   9  10  42  31  +11  54
  8 Raging Fire Hares          34  16   6  12  28  24   +4  54
  9 Chenoworth Rovers          34  16   5  13  35  35   +0  53
 10 Cranequin City             34  15   7  12  35  32   +3  52
 11 Ritter Town                34  14   9  11  46  38   +8  51
 12 Leopolis Hatemongers       34  14   9  11  44  41   +3  51
 13 Bishop                     34  15   5  14  42  36   +6  50
 14 Rochford                   34  12   9  13  31  35   -4  45
 15 Rhagant Schadenfreude      34  11  10  13  34  36   -2  43
 16 Starling                   34  10  10  14  38  52  -14  40
 17 Rushe United               34  10  10  14  32  46  -14  40
 18 Crisisbless United         34   9  10  15  38  43   -5  37
 19 Crossroads Town            34   9   8  17  33  51  -18  35
 20 Cypher Town                34  10   5  19  29  48  -19  35
 21 Orbital Bombardment        34   8   8  18  22  41  -19  32
 22 Ox River United            34   6  13  15  34  53  -19  31
 23 Iron United                34   7   7  20  17  34  -17  28
 24 Forge Carpenters           34   5  10  19  21  45  -24  25

Chatswood Eighteen points from fifth, a sure bet for promotion. Still on target to make 100 points, and have the best attack, defence and top scorer in the league.
Newrook Democracy No complaints here, as Newrook look to make their return to the top flight. Solid, but no realistic chance of the title. Will probably promote.
Franchise FC Third in points and goal difference, with a solid defence. The younger aspects of the squad that crashed out of the Premiership have risen to the fore, but a couple of key injuries sees them looking a little shaky in the final stretch of the season.
Martella Jazz A leaky defence and strong attack make them an exciting team to watch, as they go into every match commanded to attack without fear. They’ll have to maintain their good form and eye for goal if they want to keep their promotion place.
West Brinemouth Sturdy defence and an attack that can get the job done. One wonders if they’ll be like Leichhardt if they make it up, with little chance of survival, but there’s a feeling to this side giving the real impression they can make it.
Corvette Maulers Coming straight back up was always the goal, and one many people backed them for, but they’re now five points back of fourth. Not impossible by any means, but they’ll need two teams to slip up.
Iron City A good core squad that never looked like making promotion. A season of consolidation, and City will look ahead to the next season.
Raging Fire Hares Same old Hares - leaving the league next season, and nothing new in their last.
Chenoworth Rovers Needed far more skill and quality - as it stands, Rovers look happy to be in the First Division, with no ambition. Rumours of a change in leadership are rife, but probably not until next season.
Cranequin City They’ve done well, and look secure their first season after promotion. They can expect to be more or less secure next season, with this squad.
Ritter Town They’ve had trouble turning dominance into victory, but they’re definitely a solid side. Some of their young prospects have been scouted out by Premiership sides… there’s definitely some interest there, and that’ll mean profit for Town.
Leopolis Hatemongers Solid midtable, and they seem comfortable with it. A season of consolidation and rebuilding.
Bishop Good form has pulled them well out of danger. Their players look fairly comfortable in their new surroundings, and some are beginning to speak of a top eight finish next season.
Rochford Looked well in the mix twelve games in, then their bid for promotion totally collapsed. Farham keeps her job by a thread, but she’ll have to do better next season - this one’s too late to salvage.
Rhagant Schadenfreude Surprisingly shaky, and they’ll look to reinforce their aging squad with some blood in the prime of their lives. If they address that, they could make the top half next season.
Starling The second-weakest defence in the league, but on the whole Starling are doing well to keep out of the relegation dogfight.
Rushe United Have looked very poor at times, but an ability to grind out results even on a bad day has kept them out of the bottom six. They might not stay out of there, but they don’t look relegation-threatened.
Crisisbless United They just look mediocre, and a tendency to be slow starters in games isn’t helping them. Should still avoid the drop handily.
Crossroads Town A team that likes to counter-attack, but too often the opponent’s attacks end in goals. They’ve faltered of late, and it’s only lucky for them that so have the teams around them.
Cypher Town Hanging on by a thread - goalshy and weak defensively, if it wasn’t for 23-year old goalkeeper Chase Berenger they’d be in the bottom four.
Orbital Bombardment If you don’t score, you can’t win. Orbital simply haven’t been able to score.
Ox River United The weakest defence in the league, which nobody really expected. United could be out of this situation if they turned draws into wins, but they’ve either conceded late or finished poorly. It’s not too late, and some fancy them to make it to 20th over Cypher and Orbital, but time’s running out.
Iron United They’ve just been dull, dreary and disappointing.
Forge Carpenters With practically no hope of survival, a poor season for Forge will end with relegation for the first time in the modern era.

Team                           P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Falston-on-Ceynes United      34  16  10   8  40  36   +4  58
  2 Gridlock Rovers               34  15  12   7  42  33   +9  57
  3 Creed United                  34  15  11   8  47  29  +18  56
  4 West Hook                     34  16   7  11  39  24  +15  55
  5 Extreme Hills                 34  15   9  10  56  35  +21  54
  6 Dross Rovers                  34  16   6  12  29  25   +4  54
  7 Sutcroft                      34  15   7  12  42  33   +9  52
  8 North Dubstep                 34  13  12   9  41  33   +8  51
  9 Reckdale Town                 34  13  10  11  45  40   +5  49
 10 Haymaker United               34  13  10  11  31  26   +5  49
 11 North Sabrefell               34  13  10  11  38  35   +3  49
 12 Corby Hubris                  34  12  11  11  30  30   +0  47
 13 Fenland Albion                34  13   8  13  36  39   -3  47
 14 Locksley Petty Theft          34  13   8  13  45  49   -4  47
 15 Strephonage                   34  13   7  14  26  34   -8  46
 16 Sandrock Artillery            34  10  14  10  26  28   -2  44
 17 Anslow Medication             34  10  12  12  36  42   -6  42
 18 East Laithland Harriers       34  10  12  12  29  35   -6  42
 19 Hackett                       34  11   8  15  40  45   -5  41
 20 Sheridan                      34  10   8  16  25  34   -9  38
 21 West Shotgun Turtles          34  11   5  18  22  41  -19  38
 22 Inner-East Fairywrens         34   7  12  15  24  32   -8  33
 23 Geoff United                  34   8   9  17  39  50  -11  33
 24 Greymouth                     34   8   6  20  23  43  -20  30

NSFA Cup

by **New Sideburn** » Sun Jan 26, 2014 9:59 pm

NSFA CUP FINAL RESULTS
Third-Place Final
Violence Chariots 0-2 Brookford Otters (0-2 agg)

Final
North Laithland 1-3 Parrhesia United (1-3 agg)

Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 North Laithland          45  26   9  10  78  38  +40  87
  2 Brinemouth               45  25  11   9  63  35  +28  86
  3 AFC Treason              45  25   8  12  57  34  +23  83
  4 Maximum City             45  25   5  15  62  35  +27  80
  5 Sabrefell Moths          45  23   9  13  60  36  +24  78
  6 Crisisbless              45  19  15  11  53  45   +8  72
  7 South Laithland          45  20  11  14  64  55   +9  71
  8 Parrhesia United         45  20  11  14  50  53   -3  71 Globe
  9 Violence Chariots        45  20  10  15  67  64   +3  70
 10 Maximum Rovers           45  18  13  14  53  47   +6  67
 11 Sabrefell Athletic       45  18  10  17  57  53   +4  64
 12 Vermillion Rage          45  15  13  17  52  57   -5  58
 13 Cranequin Wanderers      45  14  15  16  46  48   -2  57
 14 Shale                    45  15  10  20  45  48   -3  55
 15 Chenoworth Harriers      45  16   7  22  56  60   -4  55
 16 Southfell United         45  15  10  20  56  63   -7  55
 17 Goodfeather FC           45  14  13  18  54  70  -16  55
 18 Raven River              45  15   9  21  51  62  -11  54
 19 Coret Hawks              45  14  10  21  42  57  -15  52
 20 AFC Integabad            45  12  14  19  41  51  -10  50
 21 Mainstream Fist          45  12  11  22  56  72  -16  47
 22 Brookford Otters         45  12  11  22  44  66  -22  47
 23 Dubstep Rangers          45  12  10  23  36  56  -20  46  Relegated
 24 Leichhardt               45   8   9  28  30  68  -38  33  Relegated

TOP SCORERS
23 - R. Cathar (SFM)
21 - M. Keynes (NLA)
20 - W. Čalrek (MXC), D. Arragne (NLA), C. Drinkwater (VIO)
19 - G. Kite (PAR), C. Bittencourt (TRE)
18 - L. Fletcher (MXR), C. Muscat (SLA)

CLEAN SHEETS
20 - T. Colbright (BRI), R. Miller (TRE)
19 - F. Connell (SFM)
18 - J. Pence (NLA)

Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Chatswood                  45  31   8   6  83  28  +55  101  Champions
  2 Newrook Democracy          45  27  10   8  77  41  +36   91  Promoted
  3 Martella Jazz              45  25  10  10  87  58  +29   85  Promoted
  4 West Brinemouth            45  22  10  13  52  43   +9   76  Promoted
  5 Franchise FC               45  20  11  14  60  41  +19   71
  6 Corvette Maulers           45  22   5  18  70  69   +1   71
  7 Leopolis Hatemongers       45  19  12  14  67  53  +14   69
  8 Chenoworth Rovers          45  20   8  17  48  46   +2   68
  9 Ritter Town                45  19  10  16  62  51  +11   67
 10 Iron City                  45  19  10  16  48  40   +8   67
 11 Cranequin City             45  19  10  16  47  44   +3   67
 12 Raging Fire Hares          45  19   8  18  33  37   -4   65
 13 Bishop                     45  18   7  20  54  55   -1   61
 14 Rochford                   45  16  12  17  41  48   -7   60
 15 Rhagant Schadenfreude      45  15  14  16  44  44   +0   59
 16 Crisisbless United         45  15  13  17  53  53   +0   58
 17 Starling                   45  14  13  18  56  70  -14   55
 18 Cypher Town                45  14   9  22  48  65  -17   51
 19 Crossroads Town            45  13  10  22  42  61  -19   49
 20 Rushe United               45  12  12  21  47  67  -20   48
 21 Orbital Bombardment        45  10  12  23  36  58  -22   42  Relegated
 22 Iron United                45  11   8  26  26  49  -23   41  Relegated
 23 Ox River United            45   8  16  21  40  66  -26   40  Relegated
 24 Forge Carpenters           45   7  12  26  26  60  -34   33  Relegated

Team                           P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Extreme Hills                 45  21  13  11  71  43  +28  76  Promoted
  2 Creed United                  45  20  14  11  65  46  +19  74  Promoted
  3 West Hook                     45  20  11  14  54  34  +20  71
  4 North Dubstep                 45  19  14  12  61  47  +14  71
  5 Falston-on-Ceynes United      45  18  16  11  50  49   +1  70
  6 Gridlock Rovers               45  17  17  11  56  48   +8  68
  7 Haymaker United               45  19  11  15  41  36   +5  68
  8 Dross Rovers                  45  20   8  17  43  41   +2  68
  9 Sutcroft                      45  18  12  15  55  46   +9  66
 10 West Shotgun Turtles          45  20   5  20  41  48   -7  65
 11 Reckdale Town                 45  16  15  14  58  55   +3  63
 12 Locksley Petty Theft          45  18   9  18  60  68   -8  63
 13 North Sabrefell               45  16  13  16  48  47   +1  61
 14 Fenland Albion                45  16  12  17  48  51   -3  60
 15 Sandrock Artillery            45  15  15  15  33  36   -3  60
 16 East Laithland Harriers       45  14  17  14  43  44   -1  59
 17 Hackett                       45  16  10  19  58  60   -2  58
 18 Strephonage                   45  16  10  19  37  50  -13  58
 19 Corby Hubris                  45  13  13  19  40  50  -10  52
 20 Inner-East Fairywrens         45  11  18  16  33  38   -5  51
 21 Sheridan                      45  13  12  20  34  45  -11  51
 22 Anslow Medication             45  11  15  19  44  57  -13  48
 23 Geoff United                  45  11  14  20  57  67  -10  47
 24 Greymouth                     45   9  12  24  32  56  -24  39  Relegated

by **New Sideburn** » Sun Jan 26, 2014 10:07 pm

Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 North Laithland          46  27   9  10  80  38  +42  90  Champions
  2 Brinemouth               46  26  11   9  64  35  +29  89  Globe
  3 AFC Treason              46  26   8  12  62  35  +27  86  Globe
  4 Maximum City             46  25   6  15  62  35  +27  81
  5 Sabrefell Moths          46  23   9  14  60  37  +23  78
  6 Crisisbless              46  19  16  11  53  45   +8  73
  7 Violence Chariots        46  21  10  15  70  66   +4  73
  8 South Laithland          46  20  12  14  65  56   +9  72
  9 Parrhesia United         46  20  11  15  50  55   -5  71  Globe
 10 Maximum Rovers           46  18  14  14  53  47   +6  68
 11 Sabrefell Athletic       46  18  11  17  57  53   +4  65
 12 Cranequin Wanderers      46  15  15  16  48  49   -1  60
 13 Shale                    46  16  10  20  47  49   -2  58
 14 Vermillion Rage          46  15  13  18  53  59   -6  58
 15 Goodfeather FC           46  15  13  18  58  73  -15  58
 16 Chenoworth Harriers      46  16   7  23  58  63   -5  55
 17 Southfell United         46  15  10  21  59  67   -8  55
 18 Raven River              46  15  10  21  51  62  -11  55
 19 Coret Hawks              46  14  11  21  42  57  -15  53
 20 AFC Integabad            46  12  15  19  42  52  -10  51
 21 Mainstream Fist          46  13  11  22  57  72  -15  50  Relegated
 22 Brookford Otters         46  12  11  23  44  67  -23  47  Relegated
 23 Dubstep Rangers          46  12  10  24  37  61  -24  46  Relegated
 24 Leichhardt               46   8   9  29  31  70  -39  33  Relegated

Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Chatswood                  46  32   8   6  85  29  +56  104  Promoted
  2 Newrook Democracy          46  28  10   8  80  42  +38   94  Promoted
  3 Martella Jazz              46  26  10  10  88  58  +30   88  Promoted
  4 West Brinemouth            46  23  10  13  55  45  +10   79  Promoted
  5 Corvette Maulers           46  23   5  18  71  69   +2   74
  6 Franchise FC               46  20  11  15  61  43  +18   71
  7 Chenoworth Rovers          46  21   8  17  50  46   +4   71
  8 Cranequin City             46  20  10  16  49  45   +4   70
  9 Leopolis Hatemongers       46  19  12  15  67  55  +12   69
 10 Iron City                  46  19  11  16  48  40   +8   68
 11 Ritter Town                46  19  10  17  64  54  +10   67
 12 Raging Fire Hares          46  19   8  19  33  38   -5   65
 13 Bishop                     46  19   7  20  55  55   +0   64
 14 Rhagant Schadenfreude      46  16  14  16  46  45   +1   62
 15 Rochford                   46  16  12  18  42  51   -9   60
 16 Crisisbless United         46  15  13  18  54  55   -1   58
 17 Starling                   46  14  13  19  57  72  -15   55
 18 Rushe United               46  13  12  21  49  67  -18   51
 19 Cypher Town                46  14   9  23  48  66  -18   51
 20 Crossroads Town            46  13  10  23  42  63  -21   49
 21 Orbital Bombardment        46  11  12  23  38  58  -20   45  Relegated
 22 Iron United                46  11   9  26  26  49  -23   42  Relegated
 23 Ox River United            46   8  16  22  40  67  -27   40  Relegated
 24 Forge Carpenters           46   7  12  27  26  62  -36   33  Relegated

Team                           P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Extreme Hills                 46  22  13  11  73  43  +30  79  Promoted
  2 Creed United                  46  21  14  11  66  46  +20  77  Promoted
  3 West Hook                     46  21  11  14  55  34  +21  74  Promoted
  4 North Dubstep                 46  20  14  12  62  47  +15  74  Promoted
  5 Falston-on-Ceynes United      46  18  16  12  50  51   -1  70
  6 Sutcroft                      46  19  12  15  56  46  +10  69
  7 Dross Rovers                  46  20   9  17  44  42   +2  69
  8 Gridlock Rovers               46  17  17  12  56  49   +7  68
  9 Haymaker United               46  19  11  16  42  38   +4  68
 10 Locksley Petty Theft          46  19   9  18  63  69   -6  66
 11 West Shotgun Turtles          46  20   6  20  42  49   -7  66
 12 Reckdale Town                 46  16  15  15  58  56   +2  63
 13 Fenland Albion                46  17  12  17  49  51   -2  63
 14 Hackett                       46  17  10  19  60  60   +0  61
 15 North Sabrefell               46  16  13  17  48  48   +0  61
 16 Sandrock Artillery            46  15  16  15  34  37   -3  61
 17 East Laithland Harriers       46  14  17  15  44  47   -3  59
 18 Strephonage                   46  16  10  20  37  51  -14  58
 19 Sheridan                      46  14  12  20  36  46  -10  54
 20 Corby Hubris                  46  13  13  20  40  52  -12  52
 21 Inner-East Fairywrens         46  11  18  17  33  40   -7  51
 22 Geoff United                  46  11  15  20  58  68  -10  48
 23 Anslow Medication             46  11  15  20  44  58  -14  48  Relegated
 24 Greymouth                     46  10  12  24  34  56  -22  42  Relegated

by **New Sideburn** » Sun Jan 26, 2014 10:10 pm

It’s the end of an era for Brenecian domestic football. Every year, the best talents are poached by the Sideburnese Premiership, and we might get some washed-up veteran who can’t cut it at that level anymore - and he’ll be good enough for the A-League, damn it all. Between joining UICA and the CEdC (where A-League teams have been largely humiliated) and the rapid advancement of the Premiership, the A-League is finally recognised as a place for Brenecian talent to develop, and to retire in a glorious homecoming.

This isn’t all bad, of course. The relative evenness of the teams often (but not always, with Union running away with the title this season and Garfield getting pulverised by just about everyone) leads to tense, exciting fixtures where anyone feels like they could take anyone else in the league, home or away. And of course it’s where the Brenecian youth are discovered, as ever, but this time with the objective of finding new challenges abroad. It’s a training ground, which may not be the most pleasant duty for the Brenecians to admit they fill, but it’s one that’s necessary for the advancement of the national team.

But in the meantime, as the A-League waits to develop into a power in its own right (which may, granted, never happen in full… but improvement is certainly within reach), there’s still an exciting world of football out there, at inexpensive prices and a tense equality of talent, with new players breaking through the ranks to stun the country and legends returning to finish their careers. It’s the end of an era… but perhaps that’s for the best.

Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Northern Union           38  25  11   2  59  23  +36  86
  2 Kingsgrove               38  19  12   7  64  31  +33  69
  3 South Rathia             38  18   9  11  57  40  +17  63
  4 Marque                   38  18   9  11  57  50   +7  63
  5 Ridgeway United          38  16  13   9  47  42   +5  61
  6 Lotus Park               38  17   9  12  52  44   +8  60
  7 Rozelle                  38  16  11  11  54  47   +7  59
  8 Saint Alexander          38  16  10  12  44  35   +9  58
  9 Mount Roland             38  16  10  12  33  33   +0  58
 10 North Hall               38  15  12  11  55  37  +18  57
 11 Rosbank Town             38  14   9  15  42  43   -1  51
 12 Southside Wanderers      38  14   8  16  46  43   +3  50
 13 Westpyke                 38  11  15  12  40  36   +4  48
 14 Chafford                 38  12  12  14  41  38   +3  48
 15 Gallant Cross            38  11   6  21  35  59  -24  39
 16 Pikemouth                38   8  13  17  38  59  -21  37
 17 Envy River               38   8  13  17  35  59  -24  37
 18 Falkner United           38  10   5  23  35  56  -21  35
 19 Rozelle United           38   9   7  22  45  74  -29  34
 20 Garfield                 38   6   8  24  27  57  -30  26

Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sutbyrne               38  25   3  10  66  40  +26  78
  2 Platwood               38  23   7   8  67  32  +35  76
  3 North Rathia           38  21   7  10  57  37  +20  70
  4 Westpyke United        38  20   6  12  41  31  +10  66
  5 Snowden River          38  19   8  11  57  36  +21  65
  6 Dalgallen              38  17  11  10  62  44  +18  62
  7 Region                 38  17  10  11  37  36   +1  61
  8 Thrush Central         38  18   5  15  55  43  +12  59
  9 Scaffield              38  15  10  13  47  32  +15  55
 10 Longshanks Forest      38  14  13  11  47  38   +9  55
 11 Reave City             38  16   6  16  55  51   +4  54
 12 Francisca Orient       38  15   9  14  52  48   +4  54
 13 Hooker Ridge           38  15   8  15  49  50   -1  53
 14 Threat City            38  12   9  17  42  62  -20  45
 15 Saint Wessex           38  11   9  18  28  48  -20  42
 16 Thriss Valley          38  12   5  21  45  63  -18  41
 17 Jackdaw River          38  11   4  23  38  60  -22  37
 18 Swayback               38   9   6  23  35  69  -34  33
 19 Eastern Pryde          38   8   8  22  24  51  -27  32
 20 Highden                38   6   8  24  27  60  -33  26

Promoted: Crest, Glassfields, Brookden

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