Factbook of Ylamoria

[Ylamoria]

Table of Contents
1. Geography
2. Economy
3. History
4. Military
5. Government Structure and Political Structure
6. People and Population
7. Communications
8. Megas Haresus
9. A little random stuff...
10. MORE HISTORY!!!

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THIS FACTBOOK WILL BE EDITED UP TO DATE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE!!!

Ylamorias Factbook



Geography of Ylamoria:

Relative location:
The East Pacific, the Hawaii-islands has been compressed into one big island and it is on that big island Ylamoria lies on.

Absolute Location of the capital of Ylamoria, Haresiana:
21°19'N, 157°52'W

Area of Ylamoria:
around 25 000 square km

Comparative area:
Think Croatia but half the size.

Bordering Nations:
None, Ylamoria is a big island where it is completely alone.

Coastline length:
20 000 km aprox

Maritime Claims:
12 Nm from the coast

Terrain:
Barren, mostly inhospitable landscape. Some plains but also some jungle places. In the middle of the island there is the vulcano of Killaumausios which makes the earth around it healthy and good.

Climate:
Tropical climate, some jungle.

Elevation "Extremes":
Hill Megasus is the highest spot in Ylamoria, it reaches the stunning height of 300 meters!

Natural Resources:
Uranium, timber, stone, iron-ore, coal, fish, whales, sugarcanes and pineapples.

Land Use:
Most of the land is used as pastures for goats and sheep.

Irrigated Land:
None, the land doesnt grow any crops in any major numbers because the sheep and goat industry covers the needs of the island.

Enviromental Issues:
None at the moment.

Enviromental Agreements:
None at the moment.

http://img64.imageshack.us/img64/5060/ylamoria.jpg (there is a map of Ylamoria, I couldnt IMG it, too big)
Short description:
Green: Grass
Blue: Sea
Dark Grey: City/urban area
Light Grey: Mountain
Light grey mountain with a red thing on it: Vulcano
Orange: Fields for goats or sheep.
Near a mountain there is something black I think: Mines
Other black stuff or stuff that I havent mentioned here: Factories or mines propably. Some factories are also inside the city.

[Ylamoria]

Economy of Ylamoria:

FOR THE MOST UP TO DATE INFO ABOUT YLAMORIAS ECONOMY CHECK HERE!!!
But do not trust the budget on that page.

GDP:
$1,670,830,710,205.26

GDP Per Capita:
$9,231.11

Population below poverty line:
7%

Unemployment rate:
8.75%

Income Tax rate:
58% income tax

Labour Force:
Aprox 60 milions

Industries:
The O´Conney Cheese factory, the Darley Washington Ratoma Uranium Industries, the Cole & Co Coal and Iron industry, the Ylamorian National Motors, the Ylamorian National Weapon, the Ylamorian National Steel Factory. And some more which the government has not yet noticed.

Electricity:
Electricity is produced in 15 nuclear power plants in the outskirts of Haresiana.

Natural Gas:
No-one has looked for any natural gases at the moment so none has been found yet.

Oil:
Same as with the natural gas.

Agricultural products:
Ylamorias land is mainly used for pastures to goats and sheep whos milk and meat is used to supply the people with food and drink. The milk is also used to produce cheese.

Exports:
$209,183,133,730.26 worth of exports

Imports:
1 million barrels of crude oil/year from Coalition Oil.
500 G77 weapons/year from Cazatanian Small Arms and Vehicles Consortium.
$201,885,024,375.00 worth of other imports.

Trade Surplus:
$7,298,109,355.26

Currency:
The Libertian

Currency Code:
LD (Liberty Dollar)

Exchange rate:
2.0920 Libertians = $1

Consumption:
$704,705,400,000.00

Government Budget:
$1,065,363,556,500.00

Budget Details:
Administration: 14%
Social Welfare: 15%
Healthcare: 14%
Education: 18%
Religion & Spirituality: 1%
Defence: 5%
Law & Order: 10%
Commerce: 7%
Public Transport: 2%
Social Equality: 14%

Government Expenditures:
$958,827,200,850.00

Government Waste:
$106,536,355,650.00

[Ylamoria]

History of Ylamoria:

The Free Land of Ylamoria was founded by Megas Haresus, Master-Lord of Ylamoria who was the Lord of the Fleet in the old homeland, Moria.
Following the anarchy that a weak democracy brought to Moria Haresus gathered his fleet and togheter with all who wanted to flee from the anarchy.
The journey to a new land was harsh and many ships were sunk or starved to death because of ill-filled food supplies.

After a while they came to a island, Haresus called it Ylamoria or New Moria.
The survivors gathered at the island and Haresus quickly seized the opportunity to form the one-man senate which would rule Ylamoria. Elections now also became outlawed.
During the formation of the new governement Haresus brother was one of the main supporters of the one-man senate and his loyality was rewarded by 1 million LD and an estate on the countryside.
Haresus now became Megas Haresus, Master-Lord of Ylamoria and quickly put his men to begin to work with whatever livestock they had managed to get with them,
the livestock consisted mostly of cows and sheep and the island seemed to have a surprisingly good soil, fitting for cows and sheep.

Unfortuantely most of the high-tech of Moria was impossible to be brought to Ylamoria and therefore Ylamoria was off to a pretty un-technological start on the new island.
After some years the Free Land of Ylamoria began to get back into its former glory and three new private companies were founded, first the O´Conney Cheese factory was built with great success.
Then after O´Conneys factory the known rich-man Darley Washington Ratoma built the Darley Washington Ratoma Uranium Industries or the DWRUI. After Ratoma and O´Conneys industries were built Cole & Co found coal and iron-ore on the island, he quickly built the Cole & Co Coal and Iron industry.

To prevent these new company-owners from making the prices to high Master-Lord Haresus made a maximum price law which the one-man senate all voted for. This law made it impossible for the companies to make their prices unacceptable high without risking 5 years jail and losing their company to the state.

After a zombie outbreak in the Albana Islands 258 volunteers were sent out with a fleet ready to evacuate the island from civilians.
The expedition was a complete failure and almost no-one got back home.

One day Dorothy Terwilliger lies immobilized in a hospital bed, unable to move. She has end-stage cancer, and wishes to end her struggle against death. However, laws prevent her doctors from obeying her wishes.

After debates between Dorothys family who wanted to pass a "Dying with Dignity" bill and a freelance medical writer, Pip Rifkin who wanted Dorothy to continue living the priest Johann King intervened by saying that

they should go even more far than just preventing this case by forbiding euthanasia completely.
Megas Haresus with his most divine wisedom followed the advice of Johann King during this issue.

During a protest from a nudist organisation Jean-Paul Hendrikson debatted for stopping nudity being a crime, sociology professor Chastity Wall even debated for making it compulsory while noted accountant Klaus Chicago debated against nudity.
Not wanting to force people to wear clothes or to not wear clothes Megas Haresus supported Jean-Paul Hendrikson and made it legal to be nude in public.

In Ylamoria the crime rate was very high so the police wants to install cameras in all major places.
A libertist didnt want this because now he would be seen, this argument was quickly brought down by a police by saying that people CAN see you anyway.
The police-minister wanted us to make a big DNA database to be made with handprints and other info about ALL people.
Hareusus supported the police minister in this.

Ylamoria's TV soaps--famous around the region--have come under fire for their lack of ethnic diversity.
Randy McGuffin, a lilliputian, is looking on the TV-program 'The Brash and the Backstabbing' regularly put is upset that no persons from other ethnic groups are in that TV-program.
The reason because of this is because the state didnt know that there were any major ethnic groups in its country but ofcourse Megas Haresus cant say that on media.

George W. Clinton, spokesperson for the Tasmanians Against Ethnic Stereotyping is upset that Tasmanians are seen to much by others in such TV-programs as 'The Brash and the Backstabbing' and says that the Lilliputians are lucky for not being painted out as a decieving ethnic minority and thinks that government prices should be given for describing some ethnic majorities positively.
TV studio executive Violet Broadside thinks that all this is just shit and that the government shouldnt care about it.
She says this in a interview:
"Hasn't the government got anything better to do? Why don't they just back off and let society work out these things on its own?"
After careful consideration Megas Haresus has decided to listen to Mr.McGuffins request and has accepted that all ethnic minorities are to be represented in TV-soaps.

A group of nudist women have asked for permission to form the "First Ylamorian Female Nudist Foot", that they are naked and female will maybe shock the enemy to the degree that the First Ylamorian Female Nudist Foot could get an advantage against some enemies which appealing to Megas Haresus and so they got his immediate acceptance.

Also a change in the nation happened now, from being a "Father knows best state" to be a "Iron first consumerist" state. The people lost more civil rights and riots began to break out in the country.
Megas Haresus tries to calm down his people by saying that it is only temporary.

The increasingly militant Animal Liberation Front struck again last night, freeing dozens of chickens bound for delicious snack packs.

Concerned consumer Konrad Christmas says that these "nuts" must be stopped and that people want to eat delicious snack packs no matter how many innocent chickens are killed.
He also pointed out that chickens would do the same to humans if we were them and they were us.

Johann Frederickson thinks that the "Liberationists" are right, too often are animals put into needless cruelty just to make their flesh taste a little more delicious. He wants a ban on the horrific abuses on chickens and other animals.

Protestor Peggy Mistletoe wanted to completely ban meat-eating because "animals got feelings too".

Economist Bill Wall wanted to put in the cost of the animals suffering into the price. A tax on meat-eating, in proportion to the amount of cruelty involved would do the trick. Plus it will give much money to the state!
Poor people wouldnt afford meat as easily as before but thats just more incentive for them to get jobs!
Megas Haresus decided to follow Bill Walls fantastic advice and also made Bill Wall the new Minister of the Trade and Treasury .

It's time for the government to hire a new religious advisor. Your people have narrowed down the candidates to:
Catholic Archbishop Buy Winters: boasts an excellent track record, having rapidly increased church attendances in his constituencies through the "Reaching God Through Guilt" program. Seen as a solid choice.

New Age thinker Gregory Hamilton: a left-field candidate with some radical ideas. "For me, it's not about the name of your religion. It's about discovering your spirituality in whatever guise that takes. Some people call that a cult: I call it taking spirituality to the people."

Finally, there's Larry Licorish. "If I am awarded the appointment, I will immediately resign," the ex-schoolteacher has declared. "Because, frankly, God is a big load of hokey. I'll be doing everyone a favor by just shutting up about it."

Megas Haresus has decided to choose new age thinker Gregory Hamilton as the new spiritual advisor.
This is to declare that the state is not supporting any religion and that The Free Land of Ylamoria is following a free religion stance but that it still isnt an atheistic society.

It was during this time that The Free Nation of Ylamoria joined the Coalition of Nation States and began to participate in the CoNS Olympics. This was also the first time a Ylamorian athlete participated in a international sport.

Several major city streets were clogged with bicycles this morning, as the environmental group 'Two Wheels Good, Four Wheels Bad' staged a protest. Several hundred riders ambled through downtown streets, blissfully ignoring the torrent of abuse hurled at them by thousands of motorists running late for work.
"People are sick of dirty, smelly automobiles," said protest organizer Alexei Broadside. "They're choking the city, the environment--our lives! Cars must be banned!"

"The only thing people are sick of is long-haired idiots riding their bicycles at two miles an hour on major thoroughfares," says committed motorist Violet Longbottom. "People shouldn't be able to protest like this. The government needs to crack down on them."

The Automotive Manufacturers Association, meanwhile, has called for government support. "It's clear that we need to boost the level of automobile support in this country. This protest this morning is a clear indication of... um... anyway, we need more government funds."

Megas Haresus in all his wisedom decided to forbid protests on the streets!

The latest "Harry Potter" book to hit schools across Ylamoria has stirred up the greatest controversy yet.
"I quite enjoyed the book, until I got to the part where Harry summons evil demons to do his bidding," says religious leader Freddy Clinton. "Now that's just wrong. We need to restore some sense to this debate, by which I mean we should remove this book from the shelves, salt it thoroughly, and burn it."

Teachers union President Sue-Ann Rifkin says, "Come on, the book is fantasy! And it's a damn good read. I'd like the government to issue a statement of support for our teachers and librarians, so kids can enjoy good books without interference from religious wackos, like Christians."

Ofcourse Megas Haresus decided to support Sue-Ann Rifkin.

Megas Haresus has decided to declare war upon Bengera and have also mobilised 11 000 men to help in the war effort.

Far-right-wing Nazi supporters plan to stage a rally in the city center tomorrow, giving voice to their violent, racist views.
"Frankly, I'm appalled that the government can even consider allowing this travesty to go ahead," says prominent Jewish personality Steffan Falopian. "We can't let these animals broadcast their message of hate. Surely Ylamoria is too civilized for that."

"It's exactly because we're civilized that we must let the demonstration proceed," says free speech campaigner Elizabeth Nagasawa. "We may not like what they have to say, but in this society, people have the right to argue whatever political view they want, no matter how hateful, selfish, or stupid it is."
Megas Haresus decided to support Elizabeth Nagasawa, Ylamoria will let their people say, think and believe whatever they want as long as it doesnt damage Ylamoria itself.

A recent poll has revealed high levels of dissatisfaction among the populace about tax rates.
"Do you know how much of my year's work goes to the government?" demanded angry worker George W. Fellow. "Too much! Government spending has gotten way out of control. It needs big cuts in welfare, health, and education. But leave those subsidies to business alone. We need them to create jobs."

"It's not the AMOUNT of tax, it's where the burden falls," says student activist Calvin Shiomi. "And at the moment, far too much of the burden is falling on the poor. People on high incomes still have more money than people on low incomes. I don't think I need to say anything more than that."

"I don't object to the amount of tax, I object to where it's being spent," says social reformer Aaron Hanover. "I'd like to see everyone have a choice as to where their Libertianss go every time they fill out a tax return. Everyone would feel a lot better about opening their wallets if they had a say as to where the money went. I think you'd see a lot more public money going to education and a lot less to business."

Megas Haresus openly shows disgust at the first and last suggestions and both George W. Fellow and Aaron Hanover are to be fined for stupidity. Student activist Calvin Shiomi doesnt bring up a very good idea but Megas Haresus decides to listen to him and un-burden the poor from some of their taxes.

Hospitals have requested that they be allowed to pay people for donating blood and other bodily organs, such as kidneys.

"We remain critically short of blood plasma and various organs," says Ylamoria One hospital administrator Hack McAlpin. "Especially hearts. A good heart is hard to find. But if we were allowed to pay for donations, we'd get more of them and could save more lives. Plus the donor takes home a few hundred Libertians in compensation. Unless it's a post-mortem donation, of course. In that case we'd pay the family."

"Great idea," says social commentator Tobias Trax. "Except for one thing. You know who's going to be selling their organs? Poor people! They'll be so desperate for money that they'll sell their own kidneys. Well, a kidney. This is just another way for the rich to buy themselves a better life at the expense of the poor. It must be outlawed."

Megas Haresus decides to support Hack McAlpin in this issue.

Scientists using cloned human embryos for research are on the verge of a medical breakthrough

"It's really very exciting," says lab head Violet Falopian. "Until now, we've kept very quiet, to avoid being targeted by lunatic fringe groups who for some reason think it's wrong to clone human embryos. It's too early to promise anything, but we hope that one day we will have genetic cures for a whole range of debilitating illnesses. I certainly hope the government will support our work."

"Well, if you have to be part of a lunatic fringe group to object to this barbaric practice, I'm a lunatic," says placard-waving protestor Johann Spirit. "Of course it would be nice to cure these unnamed diseases, but at what cost? They're messing with the sanctity of human life. It's wrong, and the lab should be shut down immediately."

Megas Haresus is supporting Violet Falopian.

Last night the respected tabloid TV show "National News" ran a report on Ylamoria's rising divorce rate. What is happening to the nuclear family?

"There's a simple solution," says Pastor Felix, of the Catholic Church. "Divorce should be illegal. 'For better or worse,' anyone remember how that goes? We should return to the good old days, when you got married for life and stuck by your partner no matter how much of a drunken, abusive, adulterating disappointment they turned out to be."

John Black, author of the hit book, 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Some Whole Other Place,' has a simpler solution. "If couples would just call each other 'darling' once in a while, there would be far fewer relationship breakdowns. A little affection is all it takes. So the government should make it mandatory: call your spouse 'darling' at least once a day, or face a fine."

"There's a simple way to boost the marriage rate," says gay rights activist Alexei Summers. "Abolish those arcane laws that discriminate against same-sex marriages. It's obscene to treat people differently because of their sexual preference. Besides, everyone knows gay relationships are more stable than straight ones."

Megas Haresus has decided to support Alexei Summers and allow same-sex marriages.

With military recruitment numbers down, there's been some discussion in civilian circles of relaxing 'sodomy' regulations in the armed forces in order to allow homosexuals to serve openly. However, with the occasional reports from the field of suspected homosexuals being beaten by their squadmates, some wonder if such measures are really appropriate for the notoriously conservative culture of Ylamoria's military.

"There will never be room for gays in our God-fearing service," says Army Chaplain Orel Roze, absent-mindedly fingering the religious device of his office on his lapel. "I mean, uh, think about what it would do to morale. In the military men have to eat, live, and sleep in extremely close quarters and even consensual sexual relationships in the chain of command leads to leadership problems. It's just a natural extension of fraternization rules... and not only that, but our current policy is actually a service to the poor misguided souls, since it prevents any temptation to act on their given perversion... I mean preference."

"God doesn't enter into it," says Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Melbourne Longbottom, head shaking. "Times are changing, and people are becoming more accepting of homosexuals. We have women in the military, and that surely leads to 'temptation', but for the most part everyone's quite professional about it. Allowing homosexuals to serve openly will increase our recruitment pool and actually simplify things; just look at the Navy: hundreds of horny men in steel boxes in the middle of the ocean for up to six months at a time... there has to be a reason that people volunteer for that, right?"

"This coming from some pampered soul in the Chair Force," scoffs Commander Jennifer Spirit, calling in via satellite from aboard a destroyer. "Inter-service rivalries aside, ever read some of those ancient sagas about cities being besieged? Those ancient cultures had no problem with homosexuality; actually, it strengthened their resolve and spirit because they were literally fighting alongside their lovers, and anyone in the service will tell you it's all about the guy standing next to you. Now, what if--and this is just a hypothetical, mind--based on this and to counter years of discrimination, only homosexuals were allowed to serve?"

"That's... interesting, but it doesn't really address the problem, does it?" asks Lance Corporal May Mombota, part of your honor guard. "Let's look at it this way: only ten percent of the population is homosexual, right? No matter what, the majority will be heterosexual. We want homosexuals to serve, but there will always be a backlash against them. No regulation changes are needed if you just pen a policy where sexual orientation becomes a taboo subject in discussion--not like it's anyone's business to talk about their sexual interests in a professional military, right? This way homosexuals can serve, albeit quietly, and be happy, and the moral conservatives stay happy since the military is still 'officially' anti-gay. Of course, if anyone's pulled out of the closet, their career is instantly over, but that's the cost of compromise."

"We still have a military?" questions your Minister of Peace, scratching his unruly hair and smelling none too vaguely of patchouli. "Man, I thought we got rid of those war pigs ages ago. Y'know, if you'd just listen to me and go with flowers instead of firearms, this whole gays-in-the-military thing wouldn't be such a buzzkill all the time. Hey, speaking of buzzes, I just got these mighty strong Bigtopian Blues from a guy I know. I'm on one right now and they are far OUT. You wanna expand your mind with me? No? That's cool too."

Megas Haresus executes the Minister of Peace and supports Jennifer Spirit

In a bid to provide a new revenue stream for Ylamoria's Beef-Based Agriculture industry, it has been suggested that Lynxs could be added to the menu.

"The fact is, the Lynx population is out of control," says Beef-Based Agriculture spokesperson Gregory Longbottom. "We have to do something about them anyway, so why not market them as tasty snacks? We could have Lynx kebabs, Lynx pies, Lynx-on-a-sticks--the possibilities are endless! Let's not pass up this golden opportunity to provide a feast, if you will, for our economy."

"I agree that something needs to be done about Lynx over-population," says random passer-by Beth Gutenberg, "but eating them? That's kind of gross. Let's just shoot the ones we have to and shovel their bodies into ditches like normal."

"I am shocked and appalled!" declared SPCA President George W. Wong. "If anyone needs to be culled, it's us humans. The Lynxs were here first, remember? We need to take this as a sign to get our industry--agriculture in particular--to back off. The Lynx is part of what makes Ylamoria a great nation!"

Megas Haresus supports Gregory Longbottom in this issue

Cheap, foreign-made cars are becoming increasingly popular, causing concern in Ylamoria's automobile manufacturing industry.

"Unless this government does something, Ylamoria won't have an auto industry for much longer," says auto industry union boss Steffan Dodinas, in a rare public appearance alongside management. "These foreign companies employ people for a few Libertians a day. The only way to level the playing field is to raise tariffs. The government would make more money, too, so it's win-win."

"For once, I agree with my grubby colleague here," says General Chassis CEO Al Wu. "Although I have to say, tariffs aren't the only answer. A more effective solution would be to abolish minimum wage laws. Now that would level the playing field. And we'd be able to employ more--argh, let go of my throat!"

"I think we need to face facts," says noted economist and chat-show regular Calvin Jefferson. "We live in a global economy now, and automobile manufacturing just isn't Ylamoria's strong suit. There's no point taking money from taxpayers in order to line the pockets of a few greedy workers and corrupt managers in a doomed industry. Let the market takes its--argh, let go of my throat!"

Megas Haresus supports Steffan Dodinas in this issue.

Children as young as eight have been spotted gambling in some of Ylamoria's seedier casinos.

Social activist Billy-Bob O´Bannon is outraged. "Gambling needs to be outlawed immediately. It's no wonder children are becoming sucked into the vice, with adults setting such a poor example. Gambling is a stain on Ylamoria's international reputation and it must be stopped!"

However, Crown Casino chairperson Bianca O´Bannon says, "What's wrong with children gambling? It prepares them for the realities of life, teaching them that success or failure is not due to hard work or intelligence, but the roll of the dice. Besides, if kids weren't gambling, they'd be spraypainting trains."

Megas Haresus supports Mr.O´Bannon in this issue to avoid the children of Ylamoria to become poor idiots.

While effusively praising Ylamoria's leadership and bowing repeatedly, a delegation has humbly requested that the government take a more "modernistic" view in the future.

The High Minister for Finance, dismisses the claim. "What these people fail to realize is that you know what's best for them. The alternative is anarchy! I say stick to your course. And execute these wackos for treason."

"Perhaps the people could be given some more political freedoms," muses your Chief of the Army. "Is there really such harm in allowing public discussion of ideas? We could even have a real Opposition Party. One that isn't just full of your puppets, I mean."

Megas Haresus quickly supports the High Minister for Finance

The Department of Defense has put its case for a substantial increase in funding for the coming financial year.

"These are turbulent times we live in," says Captain Freddy Fellow. "Turbulent and dangerous. And the only sensible response to that, of course, is to build a lot more weapons. Unless we get the funding we need, I can't promise that we'll be able to defend Ylamoria's sovereign borders from rogue nations and foreign powers. Or those leaky boatloads of refugees, for that matter."

"NO MORE BOMBS," chant the protestors outside Parliament House, in a repetitious and increasingly annoying appeal. Spokesperson Miranda Thiesen, speaking through a feedback-afflicted microphone, says, "Ylamoria needs fewer weapons, not more! Make the world a safer place! Disarm now!"

Megas Haresus supports Freddy Fellow in this issue. Ylamorian weapons will now be produced instead of all weapons coming from trade.

It's time for the government to allocate spending for the coming year, and as always, special interest groups are keen to have their say.

"The state of the education system is, in many areas, simply frightful," says Teachers Union leader Elizabeth Jong-Il. "And even where we are doing well, we could do better. I appeal to the authorities for a substantial boost in funding. Remember, the children are our future."

"We won't have a future unless we improve police numbers and rebuild the military," says General Anne-Marie Wong. "Oh, it's all well and good to have your fancy education and your nice cars, until some tinpot dictatorship decides to invade. And don't pretend like there aren't any of them in our region. Our number one priority has to be security."

"Education is nice, but Health and Social Welfare are more important," says celebrity social worker Faith Winters. "This is where the people who really need government help are: the marginalized of our society. If we don't help them, what kind of a nation are we?"

"Hey, I've got a crazy idea," says noted libertarian and bird-watcher Jean-Paul Winters. "How about the government stops taking so much tax from people? Give us a tax cut and we'll buy the things we need ourselves. People need to be weaned off the government teat!"

Megas Haresus supports Elizabeth Jong-Il in this issue.

A recent lull in legislation has sparked the fires of some bored politicians. After reviewing the back-log of constituent complaints, they've come to your desk demanding welfare reform.

"The process ought to be made easier," says Inga Matthews, picking the grime out of her dirty fingernails. "It's so difficult convincing welfare administrators that I am actually a poor, helpless vagrant on the brink of homelessness! When you finally do, you get tangled up in all the red tape, and you're lucky to see a dime. The government should just trust my word and fork over the Libertians I need to survive."

"The current system is not very efficient, I'll admit," says Jazz Summers, a local welfare administrator and esteemed bureaucrat. "But we can't trust these bums to manage their welfare aid. How are we supposed to help them help themselves if they waste their benefits on things like trashy clothes and cheap alcohol? We need more authority over how the aid is spent, it's the only way we can be assured that it is used responsibly."

"Get the free-loaders off the government teat!" shouts conservative activist, Bill Steele. "The free-market system says that those who work hard will succeed. If these so-called 'needy people' would roll their sleeves up, lift a finger, and earn an honest living, we wouldn't be bankrupting our country helping them! The only sensible solution is to abolish all welfare programs, and let the natural, capitalist process take place."

"He has a point," says popular political pundit Anne-Marie Gutenberg. "There are a lot of people in the system, and some of them don't really need to be there. The government should be finding these people jobs, so that our welfare system can survive and meet the needs of the truly impoverished. Of course, we're going to have to spend a few Libertians to achieve this goal. But, what's a little tax hike if it means saving our dying welfare programs and the people who depend on them?"

"Capitalism is the very reason why we need welfare in the first place. Laissez-faire policies would only make the problem worse," argues political activist Charles O'Bannon. "If the government would ensure that all employers pay their employees the amount they need to live – no more, no less – then the problem of providing for the poor would disappear."

Megas Haresus supports Anne-Marie Gutenberg.

A newspaper article revealed that patients are waiting months for the most urgent operations. Hospitals have blamed it on a lack of qualified doctors and nurses.

"The problem is that there just aren't enough incentives to enter the medical profession," says Doctor Violet Trax. "We need to advertise government grants for medical students, give more funding to educational centres of medicine. If you don't act quickly then Ylamoria will have a full-blown healthcare crisis!"

"Nah, it's just that we don't have the numbers of graduates or young doctors needed to fill the gap before we have a 'crisis'," says Larry Dodinas, leafing through pages of statistics. "The best solution is to recruit doctors from abroad. If we snag 'em from the poorer countries then we won't have to spend half as much as grants would cost us."

"Or we could NOT waste money on bringing foreigners into the country," grumbles Gregory Wong, a wealthy businessman. "And giving money to the students? How many of them do you think will stay the whole course, hmm? How many Libertians are we going to burn on this? Our healthcare system is great, there are thousands upon thousands of nations that would give their right province for what we have. I think we can afford to let go of some of that funding and give the good people of Ylamoria a tax break, don't you?"

Megas Haresus supports Doctor Violet Trax.

A survey citing a tremendous increase in unsolicited emails has added fire to the subject of what many view as a scourge of the Internet.

"The spam problem is out of control," states anti-spam advocate Anne-Marie Dodinas. "I get at least fifty spam e-mails a day. That isn't even counting the spam people are posting to my newsgroup and to my messageboard. This junk is a waste of time in that I have to delete it and a waste of my money in that I have to buy anti-spam programs-which hardly work anyway. People get swindled by this stuff - it should be a crime, just like regular fraud."

"A ban on all spam is a restriction on our freedom of speech and on the freedom of the press!" screams Roger Utopia president of Citizens for Internet Freedom. "What is the government to say what is and isn't commercial spam? Could they haul charity representatives off to jail for seeking donations? Could they jail politicians for using e-mail to try and gain votes? Could they arrest me if I accidentally send my erotic novel-in-progress to the wrong address? Seriously, spamming is a subjective offense and as such should not be considered a crime."

"Both sides are wrong," grumbles government paper-pusher Violet Spirit. "Spam is definitely a problem, yet so is the restriction on freedoms which some draconian anti-spam codes would impose. I propose a ban on overtly fraudulent spam, and a tax on more legitimate businesses that rely on spam as an advertising method, and a strict legal definition of spam that would ensure no innocent person was prosecuted or taxed."

Megas Haresus supports Violet Spirit even though it will propably have no effect.

Scientists at a private medical research laboratory have announced that they have produced a drug which will combat Ylamoria's most notorious malady - Spon Plague.

"This pill is the only known and unknown cure for the Spon Plague!" proclaims Professor Bill Christmas, the inventor of the cure. "But if we are to go ahead with the production of this drug, we must get some government support. We're set to make a fortune from this drug - the money we earn will help us develop even more cures for other as-yet untreatable diseases. Some people won't be able to afford it of course, but hard cheese on them: they should have got a paying job while they were still capable."

"That's a disgraceful way to think!" says equal rights activist, Jennifer Broadside. "So the people who need the most help shouldn't get any? I propose that the government subsidises the production of all drugs so everyone can benefit from them, rich or not! That way the money-hungry corporations won't profit from the suffering of the masses. Of course there will be the matter of a small tax rise to fund it - but what's that when lives will be saved?"

"I can't believe what I'm hearing," deplores well-respected religious leader, Buffy Jefferson. "If God didn't want people to have this disease he wouldn't have created it in the first place. This is completely against the will of God and if the government allows this drug to go on sale we will all be doomed to an afterlife in a dark and fiery place! Now let's end this madness and abolish the production of pharmaceuticals and drugs altogether!"

Megas Haresus supports Jennifer Broadside with his whole heart! Cures to everyone!

A furious debate over eminent domain, or compulsory purchase, the government's right to take a citizen's private property without permission, has erupted after the government evicted hundreds of people from their homes to make way for a new shopping complex and a bypass.

"Eminent Domain? More like outright theft!" cries Bill Love, whose house was bulldozed. "They took away my home! I have to move everything in my life somewhere else because of the whims of some fruitcake city planner? It's lunacy! This blatant power abuse mustn't be allowed to continue. The government should require explicit permission before taking private property!"

"You can't be serious," objects Roxanne Barry, a city planner. "You've got to have bypasses. Eminent domain's essential! Without it we'd actually have to pay for the property we were steali- ah- expropriating and that would mean lots of boring paperwork and be much more expensive. If we really need to build something, say a bypass to ease congestion, do you really want that to be stopped because one person says no? We need eminent domain to let Ylamoria make progress. In fact we could cut costs even more if we didn't have to pay compensation..."

"I do believe we should retain our right to eminent domain," says Beth King, your Minister of Miscellaneous Amenities. "But to use it for private industry is just immoral and corrupting. We really ought to only use eminent domain for the purpose of building public utilities like hospitals, schools, and carparks."

Megas Haresus supports Beth King.

Bigtopian activists have staged a sit-in at the largest primary school in Ylamoria bringing education to a halt in a bid for integration and tolerance.

"You know... it's not that we don't let them in... it's that they don't apply," murmurs Principal May Silk, nervously tugging at his shirt collar. "I mean, yeah, sure, if these Bigtopians lived around here... uh... we'd let them into the school. But... you know... this isn't exactly a Bigtopian community, you know? So... uh... could you please put a stop to these protestors? Oh, and, uh..." Here he leans forward and whispers. "... make sure those creepy Bigtopian protestors don't show up at my school again, okay?"

"The time has come for the dream of equality to be realized!" shouts noted Bigtopian rights activist Jazz Dredd, slamming his fist against your desk. "I see Lilliputians, Tasmanians, and Lord knows how many East Lebatuckese keeping my Bigtopian brothers holed away in their prisons of blindness and ethnic apartheid! The time has come for full integration! If these schools are going to keep us out, I say it's time we were bussed in!"

"Well, that's all well and good, but it ain't well and good enough!" screams Zeke Thiesen, leader of Bigtopians Rising Against Totalitarianist Scum, slamming his black-gloved fist against his podium during a recent pep rally. "We ain't just bein' kept out of their schools; we're bein' kept out of their neighborhoods! The oppressive majority fears us, but they can't hold us back any longer! The government needs to integrate the community as a whole by pushing out the majority and making way for a very loud, very angry minority!"

Megas Haresus supports Jazz Dredd.

After delayed DNA evidence put a notorious rapist behind bars the police have demanded that it be mandatory for those accused of a crime to surrender blood and tissue samples to aid the elimination process.

"I'm surprised this hasn't been brought up sooner," says Chief Constable Beth Chicago. "If we have DNA samples of all the accused it will make solving crimes like rape and murder that much faster! Sure, some people will think it's a tad invasive, but in my experience if you're worried by something like giving up a few drops of the red stuff then you've probably got something to hide."

"This is a breach of privacy in every meaning of the word!" criminal defence attorney Colin Trax exclaims. "Or three words, but this is an outrage! It's these peoples' bodies, not the government's nor the police's. If they want to give a DNA sample it should be THEIR decision! Now I'll admit there have been times when DNA sampling has helped solve a case or two but shouldn't we be upholding the inherent right of every man and woman to have their body remain unmolested unless they should so choose it? Undoubtedly! DNA sampling should only take place with the person's informed consent."

"What about the victims of these crimes?" asks DI Tobias Silk, ever gruff and stalwart in the face of adversity. "Do they not have rights? Their right to privacy's been violated so it ought to be the responsibility of the criminal to give up his own. What I propose is the collection of DNA samples from every citizen in Ylamoria so we can track down the culprit if none of our suspects come up with anything. It'll be expensive, sure, there's 32 million people to go through... but it's just a small blood sample. Don't you think it's worth it?"

Megas Haresus supports DI Tobias Silk

After several reports of pet Lynxs violently attacking, injuring, and even killing citizens, there has been growing pressure from public safety activists for the government to take action.

"These creatures are a danger to the public and must be destroyed!" says Charles Jefferson, representative of the Public Institution for Social Safety, Equality, and Direction. "I was attacked by one just on the way here and I nearly lost my life! They're a public menace. We must shoot and burn them!"

"Why punish the poor things?" asks animal-lover Colin O'Bannon, covered in scars from previous encounters with Lynxs. "All they need is good hands to care and rehabilitate them. We need a government education programme to tame them and turn them into loveable pets. The one I'm holding right now shows that it can be done. They are all good, kind creatures deep d- argh!"

"I agree that we shouldn't kill them," says Clint Jones, a famous lawyer. "But I don't think the owner should get away with breaking the law! This is clearly a case of 'intent to greviously harm' if I ever saw it. All citizens should be held accountable of their pet's actions as if they had done the act themselves. It's the only way to be fair - after all, they're just dumb animals."

"Who cares!?" screams Thomas Mombota as he sends out his pirate radio station broadcast. "Just repeal any laws preventing us from shooting the things when they attack and we'll be able to save ourselves without this stupid, authoritarian, overbearing government and legal system wasting our tax money!"

Megas Haresus supports Colin O´Bannon.

In response to rising rates of depression related suicides, mental health groups have called for government funding to help support treatment programs, citing various surveys that indicate psychological disorders are often an overlooked problem.

"Although it is often dismissed as an irrelevant complaint, depression is a real disease, it isn't just 'all in your head'," says Lars Hendrikson, depression sufferer. "Depression has significant effects on groups and individuals, especially amongst teenagers. Every day, more and more people commit suicide because of this disease, but this could all be stopped if this country had a decent level of funding for support and public awareness programs."

"Screw them," Calvin Winters, talkback radio host, stated yesterday. "Depression isn't a disease, it's just another example of today's youth finding something to complain about. Life's never been better. In fact, just yesterday, I bought my fourth BMW. And even if it is as serious as the bleeding hearts claim, then I say we leave it and cut some of the funding being wasted on these head cases. If a few whiners jump off a bridge, it'll be good for the genepool. Natural selection, my friends. It's a great thing."

"Actually, a lot of depression cases in teens are related to school and all the stress and pressure young people are under to succeed. A greater effort to correct the problem of depression should start there, with more funding so that schools can provide better counseling programs." Comments Dr. Clint Fellow, author of the book "Tomato Soup for the Soul". "That way teens who are depressed can get help even if their parents can't or won't take them to see a psychologist."

Megas Haresus supports Dr. Clint Fellow.

A monstrous debate between pro-life and pro-choice groups has erupted after a high-profile case of a pregnant woman aborting her foetus because she 'didn't feel like it' hit the tabloids.

Aaron Utopia, lawyer for the woman known only as Miss X, says, "It is Miss X's right to choose! It's her body; she can do whatever she wants with it. In the interest of women's rights, abortion MUST be legal throughout the country!"

"I most vehemently disagree," says Larry Winters, a pro-life activist. "I'm all for women's rights in general, but what about the child? Does it have no rights either? Abortion is totally immoral and I insist that it be outlawed except in cases of rape, or when the mother's life is in danger."

"You're not going far enough! Abortion is murder!" shouts Reverend Clint McAlpin, waving a placard with a picture of a foetus on it. "God decides which babies live and which will die, not us! The government must maintain a stern anti-abortion stance to preserve the morality of Ylamoria!"

"Abortion has to be legal if we're going to last as a nation," says Violet Christmas, President of the Society of Bitter Old People. "Have you ever thought that with Ylamoria's growing population of 36 million, we soon aren't going to be able to squeeze any more people within our borders? If we use abortion to control the population, we'll make great savings and can spend the money elsewhere. One child per family should just about do it I think. Extraneous ones can be sold to other countries."

While Violet Christmas is partly right Megas Haresus is not ready to make such a drastic move and instead he supports Larry Winters.

Thousands of business men and women have taken to the streets in protest of their working conditions and pay. "It's not fair that we can't have a union," says Faith King, VP of Sales at SlothCorp. "Just because we make six figures doesn't mean we don't deserve overtime too! It's high time that the lower classes come to appreciate our hard efforts."

Klaus Rifkin, secretary of commerce, recommends you ignore these commies. "Free enterprise means not having to succumb to unions, and the world has enough unions already."

Clint Rifkin, secretary of labor, advises you to adjust laws to allow white-collar unions. "It only makes sense that all of the workers in our nation have equal opportunity to benefit from the advantages of collective bargaining."

"Get these people out of the street!" advises Thomas Gutenberg, local police chief. "They're blocking traffic, and making it impossible for the common man to drive to the megamall!"

Finally, Right Reverend Colin Nagasawa proclaims, "The downtrodden are suffering at the hands of the MAN, and these wealthy upper shelf vice presidents are asking to make the rich richer and the poor poorer! The only reason the common worker needs a union is to be able to fight against the oppression of these slave drivers! It's ludicrous that these greedy scrooges are asking for even MORE money! Send them packing and raise taxes on the wealthy to bring more equality to our nation!"

Megas Haresus supports Klaus Rifkin.

A medical report has detailed a twenty-fold increase in infection rates over the past ten years of the sexually transmitted disease VODAIS (Viral Overactive Dysfunction of the Auto-Immune System). People all over the nation are petitioning that the government do something about the epidemic.

"This situation is about to explode. At this rate, this epidemic could severely impact our economy, our way of life, and even our government," says Doctor Freddy Licorish. "We must supply powerful drugs to all infected people, even if we have to produce and distribute it ourselves. We must also educate people on the dangers of VODAIS and supply condoms to all sexually active males. Sure, we'll need to divert tax money from the military to fund all this, but what good is a military if the soldiers are too sick to fight?"

"If you supply condoms, you'll increase sexual promiscuity," scoffs religious leader Roger Licorish. "If you supply drugs, you'll risk creating an aura of invincibility which in turn increases sexual promiscuity. Sexual abstinence is 100% effective in preventing VODAIS infection. This knowledge must be taught at all schools and workplaces, and all other choices must be ridiculed. Make celibacy the only option!"

"Supplying drugs and condoms will not stop VODAIS infections and forcing everyone to be celibate will be the slow death of Ylamoria," whispers Health Minister Randy Nagasawa in a poorly-lit back room. "Segregating the infected people is the most effective method. Everybody in Ylamoria must be tested for VODAIS. Then all the VODAIS positive people will be shipped to seperate gated communities away from the rest of us. If they need to mingle with uninfected people, then they must wear distinguishing badges that feature a Grim Reaper holding a skeletal Lynx."

Megas Haresus supports Doctor Freddy Licorish.

The Ylamoria Teachers' Union, complaining of a steady increase in student disciplinary problems, wants to be able to use corporal punishment to correct misbehavior.

"Clearly, parents aren't teaching manners at home," says Pete Mistletoe, the union president. "All we want is to be able to take a paddle to their backsides when there are problems. It's not like we want to throw the kids in jail."

"Keep your hands off my kids!" shouts Freddy Hamilton, while protesting outside of union headquarters. "If there's a problem, it's with the teachers not having the skills to do their jobs. They should be tested for qualifications!"

"Corporal punishment would only treat a symptom of the bigger problem: our education system is in need of an overhaul," says Anne-Marie Jefferson, Ylamoria's education minister. "We need smaller class sizes, more teachers, better buildings, and better pay. It'll cost, but it'll pay off in the long run."

"Why don't we just abolish the schools and home-school the kids?" asks Beth Mombota, education coordinator for the Ylamoria First Omnimenical Church. "That way parents can stress the values they want their kids to have and give them the attention they need."

Megas Haresus supports Freddy Hamilton in this issue. There is no problem with the education, only with the teachers.

The Ylamoria police force have come to you for permission to use phone taps to trace suspected criminals.

"This is a great idea," says police officer Freddy Thiesen. "We can never have too much evidence in a case, and this will be of enormous help to us at reducing crime and seeing that those who deserve punishment get justice! If we could just get those silly privacy laws repealed and some funding we could find out stuff the government wants to know too."

"This is an unacceptable intrusion into the personal lives of the population," says Zeke McGuffin while checking under your chair for bugs. "Just imagine all of the sensitive personal information that the police will pick up! Would you like someone listening to your calls to your mother or your lover? I think not! Laws should be passed so that the government and police can't stick their big noses where they're not wanted!"

Megas Haresus supports Zeke McGuffin.

A mine has collapsed in Ylamoria burying hundreds of workers. Calls have been made by the families to tighten up mining safety laws.

"We need tighter laws to protect vulnerable miners!" moans Zeke Jones, a family member of one of the victims. "The mines are being propped up by twigs, the hard hats might as well be made of polystyrene, and the inspectors are all bribed! New laws must be made and the people responsible for allowing this to happen brought to justice."

"These allegations are ludicrous and unfounded," says Al Wall, CEO of the South Ylamoria Mining Company. "We use the finest twigs to build our mines and the last thing we need is the government tying us down with yet more rules. More safety laws means more expense means less profit and less profit means companies will look elsewhere to get their goods. You should leave us alone before you destroy thousands of jobs - do you really want that on your conscience?"

Megas Haresus supports Al Wall, mining is a dangerous work and the miners should know the risks.

A small religious group is lobbying the government to allow them to take multiple wives.

"It's about time we had our religious rights recognized," says Calvin Nagasawa, a devout member of a faith that is never made quite clear. "Who is the government to tell me I can't love more than one woman? The government doesn't know how much of me there is to go around!"

"This is nothing more than sexual deviants using religion as a pretext for perversion!" says Reverend Max Utopia. "Marriage is one man, one woman, and death do we part. What's so hard to get? Anything else is a perversion, and must be banned."

"Multiple wives? Excellent!" says passer-by Beth Jefferson. "Presumably we will allow multiple husbands, as well. And gay marriages, of course. In fact, now is probably the time for the government to butt out of marriage altogether. Let people marry their cats, if they want."

Megas Haresus and Alys Alcedina supports Polygamy within some guidelines:
1. Multible husbands and wifes are allowed, but
2. That means NO cat or animal marriages.

It has come to your attention that there is some serious debate over whether Ylamoria's postal service should be either privatised or nationalised.

"The postal system ought to be privatised," says Thomas Chicago, Director of PostHaste, a small package delivery company. "All the government is doing is putting the tax Libertians of hard-working citizens into an outmoded and wasteful system. Private businesses can offer a much more efficient system with less junk mail. A little more expense on stamps is worth that right?"

"Uh huh? And what about those in rural or remote areas?" asks Beth Jong-Il, the CEO of Ylamoria Mail, the government-owned postal service. "If you privatise this business then they'll get marginalised and ignored. With a nationalised service everyone can use the system and cheaply too. We provide a good service for our customers and have been doing so for a very long time! The postal service should be nationalised and all competition banned!"

Megas Haresus and Alys Alcedina supports a nationalised postal service.

After several bloody conflicts in nearby regions, a stream of asylum-seekers and refugees has been spotted heading for Ylamoria's shores.

"Some of these people have endured terrible hardships to reach our borders," says International Red Cross spokesperson Pip Nagasawa. "We must welcome these unfortunates with open arms. Let the world see that Ylamoria does not turn its back on those in need!"

"These grasping freeloaders will swamp our culture and traditions!" argues talk-radio host Elizabeth Mombota. "First they want welfare, next thing you know they're taking our jobs -- and you know they won't bother to learn our language. I say charity begins at home -- and this isn't their home. This is the world's problem, not ours."

Economics Professor Roxanne Steele offers an alternative. "There is no question that we have to help those who reach out to us in their darkest hour. But on the other hand, we cannot help everybody. So let's just take the ones who are willing to keep our streets clean and our drains flowing in return for a subsistence wage."

Megas Haresus and Alys Alcedina supports Pip Nagasawa in this issue.

A recent poll on putting up huge loudspeakers in Ylamoria's cities for public government broadcasts has been brought to your attention.

"This idea is brilliant, and Ylamoria can't afford to pass it up," claims Calvin Longfellow, your Minister of Safety. "These loudspeakers can assure the public that the government is always here to help them. The potential here, to immediately warn citizens of an emergency such as an earthquake or a stampede of Lynxs or something, simply must be taken into account! This could save lives! And I suppose, when there isn't anything the citizens need to be told, you could always use them to broadcast patriotic messages like 'Power and Order' and inform the good people which party to join and vote for with newsbriefs and such. It'll be worth it to strengthen the populace's devotion to our glorious nation!"

"I think people need to realise what this really is: brainwashing!" retorts Johann Love, a wealthy marketer. "I don't want to hear all this flag-waving hogwash every time I go out for a walk. But when it comes to emergencies, I do agree that something should be done to warn everyone: we should send out messages on mandatory minature radios that you can carry in your pocket. It could tell you things you need to know too, like what shoes to buy and such."

"To be honest, I can't see why we should put up with advertising at all," says Jennifer Nagasawa, an anti-business protester. "All it is is some multi-billionaire or politician somewhere trying to make even more money while the rest of us struggle to make ends meet. I say we ban it. Maybe the economy will suffer a little and some people may lose jobs but that's just a minor side-effect really, especially when you consider that no longer will our children be encouraged to fill themselves with junk-food because some guy on the telly tells them it's cool!"

Megas Haresus supports Calvin Longfellow.

A number of well-dressed gentlemen wearing a varied assortment of swords is insisting that they be allowed to settle their private disputes on the field of honourable battle.

"We must be permitted our inherent right to defend our honour through feats of arms!" exclaims Gregory Bush, a bewigged aristocrat sporting a particularly flamboyant swept-hilt rapier. "The right to duel is one found throughout history for the honourable settling of disputes and I must insist that my right to fight be recognised! The world would be so much better - and cheaper too - if conflicts of interest were sorted through trial by combat instead of trial by jury."

"Swords? Heavens, what dreadful things. All sharp and pointy - quite dangerous, you know," says Falala Johnson, an ardent pacifist. "Duelling ought to be banned! The best way to settle these kind of arguments are through trials, we all know that. If we go ahead with what these duelling nutters want then innocent people will die! It will be a sad day when people value money more than justice. Apart from lawyers, obviously."

Megas Haresus has decided that unless a person from another country decides to challenge you then it is illegal to duel.

[Ylamoria]

Military of Ylamoria:

The Infantry:
The Master-Lords Guards, consists of 1000 men under the direct command of the Master-Lord, current Master-Lord: Megas Haresus.
First Ylamorian Foot, consists of 6000 men under the command of General (even if he is just General of the First Ylamorian Foot he is also the Minister of The Army and therefore he is higher in command than the other generals) Loeru, also the Minister of the Army.
Second Ylamorian Foot, consists of 6000 men under the command of General Jaroviuma.
Third Ylamorian Foot, consists of 6000 men under the command of General Clark.
Fourth Ylamorian Foot, consists of 6 000 men under the command of General Ulimaro.
First Ylamorian Female Nudist Foot, consists of 6 000 women under the command of Captain Catherine.

The Armoured/Motorised Forces:
First Ylamorian Motorised, consists of 10 000 men and 300 motor-bikes (Class Lighting), 1 000 trucks (Class Elephant), 300 armored cars (Class Speedy) under the command of Russilon.
First Ylamorian Armored, consists of 5500 men and 50 Heavy tanks (Class Lynx) and 500 Lighter Tanks (Class Cat) under the command of Tarminoa.

The Fleet:
4 Battleships (Tzunami Class). 6200 men.
50 motor-boats. 250 men.
100 transport-boats. 1 000 men.
25 war-ships bigger than motor-boats but smaller than battleships. 15 000 men.

The Artillery:
Ylamorian Long Range Artillery, consists of 2500 men, 200 Long Range Cannons (Class Asteroid).
Ylamorian Short Range Artillery, consists of 2500 men, 200 Short Range Cannons (Class Rooster)

The Air-Defence:
First AAA Brigade, consists of 4000 men, 800 Anti-Air Artillery guns.
Second AAA Brigade, consists of 3000 men, 600 Anti-Air Artillery guns.

Total Number of Soldiers in the standing army:
46 750 soldiers.

Men who have done the military service:
Aprox 10 000 000

Men who can do the military service:
Aprox 50 000 000

Expenditure in peace:
185 625 000 Libertians. 46 750 X 5000 = 198 750 000 X 1,5 = 298125000 OR Soldiers X Wage = total wage X peace upkeep modifier = total peace cost.

Expenditure in war and no total mobilisation:
467500000 Libertians. 46 750 X 5000 = 233750000 X 2 = 467500000 OR Soldiers X Wage = total wage X war upkeep modifier = total war cost.

Expenditure in war and during a total mobilisation:
1 247 500 000 Libertians. 240 050 X 5000 = 1 200 250 000 X 2 = 2 400 500 000 OR Soldiers&military service men X wage = total wage X war upkeep modifier = total war cost.

Note about quality of the troops:
A deal with the Cazastanian Small Arms Consortium has given the Ylamorian army well-needed assault rifles.

Allies:
The Coalition of Nation States! So be afraid! Be very afraid!

Annual Nationals reaching military age (age 16=military age in Ylamoria):
1 000 000 men/year

These are the Ylamorian weapons produced in Ylamoria:

Name: YNAR 1 (Ylamorian National Assault Rifle)
Length: 700 mm
Weight: 2,6
Caliber: 5.56x45 mm
Muzzle Velocity: Aprox 900 m/s
Rate of Fire: 750 shots/minute
Produced: 3000/Year

[Ylamoria]

Government and Political Structure of Ylamoria:

Country name, long form:
The Free Land of Ylamoria

Country name, short form:
Ylamoria

Country name, common form:
Ylamoria

Head of State:
Master-Lord Megas Haresus of the Free Lands of Ylamoria. He is also a member of the one-man senate.

Minister Of Foreign Affairs:
Joe King

Minister Of The Trade and Treasury:
Bill Wall

Minister Of Security:
Faith Mombota

Minister of Spirtuality:
Gregory Hamilton

Minister of The Army:
General Loeru

Government form:
Enlightened Absolutism

Captial City:
Haresiana, 30 000 000 citizens live in Haresiana

Date of Founding:
Year 0 AL, March the Thirteenth, Friday (AL = After Liberty).

National Holiday:
March the Thirteenth

Legal System:
Civil Law

Suffrage:
None. Unless the Master/s wills it.

Political Parties:
No political parties.



People and Population of Ylamoria:
Total Population:
181 millions of people.

Population Growth Rate:
Fast, no-one is keeping check on the number at the moment so we cant come with any more accurate figures.

Net Migration Rate:
Positive, again no-one is keeping check on the number at the moment so we cant come with any more accurate figures.

Life expectancy at birth:
80-90% life expectancy.

Nationality:
Ylamorian

Ethnic Groups:
Lilliputians, Bigtopians, Marche Noirians but atleast not more than 4 or 10 persons are from each ethnic group. But they sure know how to make a big fuss of themselves.
A lot of Atians (30-40 000 of em) who have been provided Ylamorian citizenship have moved to Ylamoria.

Religions:
Free Religion rules in Ylamoria but there is a major religion called Vita Commodo which is commonly practised.

Literacy:
70% of the people in Ylamora can read and write.

[Ylamoria]

Communications of Ylamoria:
Country Code:
13

Number of Televisions:
10 000 000, aprox

Number of Telephones:
100 000 000, aprox

Number of Cellphones:
100 000, aprox

Number of Radios:
150 000 000, aprox

Radio Broadcast Stations:
The Ylamorian National Radio Broadcasting Station AKA TYNRBS

Television Broadcasters:
The Ylamorian National Television Broadcaster AKA TYNTB

[Ylamoria]

Master-Lord Megas Haresus:

Haresus was born in a little fishing village in the Democratic Republic of Moria.
He was the son of a sailor and a ropemakeress and firstly earned a living by fishing in the village until he decided to move to the capital of Mora which was a harborcity at the age of 12.
There he began to assist a dock-inspector and learned how to read, write and build ships. After assisting the inspector in 2 years Haresus became kidnapped and was sent to work as a ship-boy in a pirateship called the "Fear", a sloop.
After the captain there discovered that Haresus could both read and write and also knew much about ships he made him his personal servant.

Haresus learned much about ships during his time with the pirates and also learned how to navigate a ship.
After sailing with the pirates in 1 year and watching countless of ships being plundered by the "Fear", a patroling warship called "Defiance" (Brig) found the pirates and caught up with them.
The pirates surrendered but Haresus was forced to help the pirate-hunters captain intead of the pirates now.
Haresus sailed with the pirate hunters in 3 years and was also involved in many battles against pirates.
When Haresus became 18 he was promoted to cadett and was moved to another pirate-hunting ship called "The Marie Elena" (Frigate).

After a year on the Marie Elena Haresus was sent away back to the city of Mora.
In the city of Mora Haresus began to pursue politics and became the Lord of the Fleet in Moria.
He made a reorganisation of the navy and imported other ship-building technics from other countries.
He began to build more modern steel ships with more modern cannons and modern engines.
Long range coastal artillery was built on his order so that pirates would be brought away from the coasts.

But after a election where "The Total Freedom Party" won a radical change began. The police was removed because it didnt support total freedom, drugs were legalised, all laws were removed.
Anarchy began to reign. Gangwars began to be a common sight on the streets. After understanding the hopeless situation Haresus gathered his beloved fleet for a journey to a new land.
He gathered the greatest fleet the world has ever seen packed with people looking for a safer world, fishing boats, transport boats, warships, pirates, merchants, everything was used to get the people out of Moria.
Just after Haresus left with this gigantic fleet another fleet embarked in the same direction as Haresus fleet went. These 2 fleets propably had up to 2 million men, women and children packed inside.

During the journey most ships were sunk during a big storm and because the food didnt last long enough. The warships took the biggest losses.
Those ships who survived the journey were allmost all badly damaged and almost all of them were quickly scratched and used for weapon and mining industries and other civilist purposes.
Haresus was a natural born leader and the people rallied to him when they reached the new island.
Afraid of coming to the same situation as Moria came to Haresus established himself as dictator of Ylamoria with the motto "Power and Order".
By quickly making voting illegal Haresus established his powerbase.
The people supporting Haresus called him Megas Haresus, Haresus the Great.
Ylamoria is not the technological advanced country as it was before but it still has a chance of becoming a strong powerbase under Haresus reign...

Megas Haresus is married to Alys Alcedina and fought victorously in the Quendian war of liberty.

[Ylamoria]

Local info, Trivia and Shit:

Local Food: The Supreme Cowburger is very popular in Ylamoria. More info about it can be found HERE. Sheepmeat and milk are also very popular in Ylamoria.

"Most Ylamorians arent very religious but we believe that life is like a borrowed car which we are supposed to keep clean and nice until its time for the lender to get the loaned life back, then we borrow another life but depending on how the previous life came back to the lender we will get a better or worse life, I hope you understood. That is the main part of common Ylamorian folk belief, then there is also lots other stuff like some people believes that there is a way out of the never-ending borrowing if you can take really good care of your life, some believe that you choose yourself when you want to borrow a new life or when that there is a big marketplace where you can either borrow a really good life for a shorter period of time or a worse life for a longer period of time... it is all pretty complicated..."
- Citate from Megas Haresus when he chatted with the Princess-Regent Arabella Alcedina during his wedding.

Enviromentalists are laughed on at the streets in Haresiana.

Megas Haresus is to be addressed to as His Excellency or Excellency when speaking to him man to man.

The Order shall stay strong with backs of iron,
We will fight without surrendering to the tyrann!

Together we are strong, never losing hope or courage,
Defending our nation against the anarchies warpage!

Our nation will fight much dangerous evil,
Fearing none not even the dread devil!

Through this we will have peace and Order,
And there will be no and never a murder!

Thy Masters who diligently watches us,
They save us much irritating fuss!

So long live Ylamoria, thy land of Order and Hope!
So long live Ylamoria, thy land of Order annnnndddddd Hopeeeee!
-National Hymn of Ylamoria

Schooltimes:
Pre-School: 12:00-2:30 Monday-Thursday
Elementary School (GRADES K-5): 10:00-4:30 Monday-Friday
Middle School(GRADES 6-8): 10:00-5:30 Monday-Friday
High School: 9:00-6:00 Monday-Friday

No homework is da policy.

[Ylamoria]

MORE ISSUES!!! (I should make a collection)

A haggard group of new recruits in Ylamoria's army have spoken out against the brutal conditions experienced in their military training.

"It's atrocious!" wails Private Jazz Dodinas, from amidst the cacophony of a parade cadence. "We're forced to sleep in crowded barracks, on hard cots, and do the most inhumane exercises when we wake up! Just today I've had to crawl through a muddy minefield, climb a grease-coated wall, and to top it all off, get mangled by an angry drill sergeant! All we want is a little respect from the officers - maybe to sleep in until noon, and not have to get all sweaty and tired doing stupid things like marching and climbing ropes. Oh, and private bedrooms too - we're risking our lives for the country, after all."

"THEY WANT WHAT?!" screams Sgt. Burkz, while pressing back a rising vein on her neck. "This is WAR, not DAYCARE! If anything, the training standards should be tougher! If I want to whip some pasty-faced, beer-gutted greenhorn because he can't climb over a razor-wire fence then I should be be given the permission to do so right away! The cry-babies won't like it, but they can run home back to their rich daddies if that's the way they're having it. War isn't a walk in the park, and training shouldn't be either. For all our sakes."

"Training, what a load of old hooey," says renowned spendophobe and radio announcer, Larry Jones. "The only thing it teaches our soldiers is how to shine boots and fight plastic dummies. We'd be better off if we just dropped them into the fight so they could learn to shoot for themselves. There might be a few accidents, but it'll be worth it for all the Libertians we'll save."

"There is another way, you know..." whispers Jean-Paul Spirit, the Chief of Secret Projects and Shiny Things in Ylamoria's military research department. "What if we started taking children and raising them from birth to fight? We'd be able to make them completely immune to propaganda, psychological warfare, and demoralisation. Not only would that stop the crying new recruits, it'd also give us a powerful military edge. People may not like giving up their kids, but that's why we run the country. We know better."

Megas Haresus supports Sgt. Burkz.

Falling standards at Ylamoria's retirement homes have prompted OAPs to take to the streets and demand better treatment.

"There needs to be more done for the elderly," says Gregory Clinton, a resident of 'This Old Man' retirement home. "We can't work to support ourselves anymore, and the pensions we get are measly. We need more benefits such as higher standards of living, free bus tickets, and a continuous supply of Libertians. All it requires is a little more generosity on the part of the tax payers - after all, we fought the war for their sort."

"I'm not giving any of my hard-earned wages to a bunch of old fossils," says Akira Mombota, a devout taxpayer. "If they weren't smart enough to save enough money for their later years, then why should the government pay out for them now? They had their chance and they didn't take it. If they really want money so bad, they can go out and work for it like everyone else."

Megas Haresus and Alys Alcedina supports Gregory Clinton, some people didnt have the chance that some others had to make money and we, the Government should support all, even the old and ill-fortuned.

A coalition of tribalists, health experts, and civil rights proponents have recently suggested legalizing cannibalism for consumers of willing would-be meals.

"I see absolutely no problem with people digging into each other at dinnertime, so long as everyone is willing," Beth Mombota, the editor of the monthly magazine 'To Serve Man', quips, "Not only does it solve hunger problems and create jobs, but it also adds variety to Ylamoria's sometimes dull palette."

Civil rights leader Al Li came out publicly for moderate pro-cannibalism legislation, commenting, "While it may strike some as a crude, even evil practice, our ancestors have practiced cannibalism for years. If we create a government organization to strictly regulate and grade all human meat prior to its arrival on the market, we can ensure that respect for diversity is maintained while health concerns are also allayed. And instead of killing average people, why not make being turned into snack foods a post-mortem option? Like donating your body to science!"

"You're all absolutely out of your minds!" exclaims Calvin Shiomi, head of Ylamoria's largest health-food manufacturer. "It's immoral, it's unhealthy, and it's disgusting. Not only are these so-called 'dietary rights' activists leading us down a dark path of sin, but right into a marketplace with yet another product that's almost as bad as beef!"

Alys Alcedina and Megas Haresus supports Calvin (lol, that is a swedish cow-advertising... thing) Shiomi

The commercial release of the controversial children's book 'Heather Has Two Mommies' in Ylamoria has sparked debate over laws concerning the adoption of children by homosexual couples.

"I cannot understand for the life of me why anyone could possibly be against this," complains Jacob Kantelberg, showing up at your office wearing a pink feather boa. "Bart and I are good and caring people and will make excellent fathers, so what's the problem? All of the scientific studies have shown that there's no difference in the wellbeing of children raised by gay and straight couples. All that's holding these little darlings back from the happy family life that they deserve is the outdated prejudices of some prudes. All we want is to adopt a child to call our own. It'll be fabulous!"

"I don't care what these so-called scientific studies say," says Sue-Ann Dodinas, representing a number of conservative religious organisations. "How can a boy hope to develop properly into a man if he's being brought up by poofs? A father figure is not supposed to behave as if it is 'okay' to be, um, romantically invested in another man - and the same goes for lesbians! Why? Because it is not okay. It'll just give them gay! Think about it: say you have two gay Lynxs - they can't have children because nature did not provide them with the tools and if God wanted gays to have kids then they would have those tools. Don't legalise this blasphemy! Think of the children!"

"This just doesn't go far enough in my opinion," grumbles Abraham Jones an ardent opponent to homosexuality. "The more concessions we give these people, the more they'll reduce our nation to the most embarrassing gayfest of all the region! We'll be a joke! Homosexuality is a sin, and not only that it's a disease of society and there's no two ways about it. It must be criminalised and those responsible hanged just like in the good old days."

Alys and Haresus supports Jacob Kantelberg.

A violent and rather messy stampede of Lynxs during a parade in your honour has brought widespread media attention to the shortage of blood, plasma and platelet donors in Ylamoria.

"Blood donation should be compulsory!" argues Dave Wu, a spokesperson for the Ylamoria Blood Donors' Association. "We can't expect citizens to come flocking to donate blood just out of the goodness of their hearts, so the government should take the matter into its own hands. If we could maybe require healthy citizens to... let's say... donate blood every three months, we wouldn't have such a problem with shortages. It'll require more funding to organise and carry out, yes, but your people are worth it, aren't they?"

"Don't listen to that devil worshipper!" preaches Larry Christmas, a Jehovah's Witness. "It isn't up to us to decide what should be done, it is God, and only God, who decides what someone should do with their blood. I'd rather die clean and go to Heaven, thank you very much! We must heed this Gospel and ban blood donations now! Of course some people will die, but they will be rewarded in the afterlife for obeying His word."

"You're kidding, right?" burbles anaemic patient Dave Gutenberg from a hospital bed. "I'm not going to let some closed-minded priest tell me what I can and can't do with my blood! But I don't think people should be forced to give blood; they just need incentive, that's all. Like money. Trust me, any kind of 'Libertians For Blood' scheme will have them almost begging to donate. It's the only humane way to ensure that people like me are getting the care we need. If you're worried about funding just get it from those religious nuts... they're not helping anyone with it."

"I have an even better idea," says Billy Steele, a prison officer. "How about we force every healthy prisoner to donate blood? It's about time they gave back to society what they've taken away in the first place. If we do this we won't have to beg the law-abiding citizens of Ylamoria to take time out of their day to give blood. It's not like these thugs are really doing anything for us, so missing a pint or three won't matter, am I right?"

Haresus and Alys supports Dave Gutenberg.

The National Poetry Society of Ylamoria is demanding government-funded programs to promote the arts, especially poetry.

"We need government help to promote culture." says Zeke Summers, chairperson of the National Poetry Society of Ylamoria. "Poetry is the soul of our nation, the very pulse of humanity! We will ultimately be judged according to our contribution to artistic enlightenment. In other words, please provide funding for our humble mission to bring the beauty of poetry to the masses!"

"Artists and poets should support themselves, like everyone else," replies Faith Clinton, spokesperson for the Capitalism Now Party. "The suffering taxpayers should be given a break. In fact, we should abolish all government subsidies for special interest groups."

"Poets--who needs them?!" scoffs Johann Longbottom, Chairperson Emeritus of the Troglodyte Coalition. "These long-haired troublemakers should all be lined up against the wall and shot! That would be far more entertaining than reading some dumb poems!"

Alys and Haresus supports Zeke Summers!

In light of Ylamoria's ban on gambling, people ranging from angry homemakers to allegedly legitimate businessmen have been arguing incessantly about whether or not banning casinos was a good idea.

"We are highly distressed at your decision to revoke our casino licences," says FamilyCorp. Representative "Fat Tony" Melbourne Shiomi, while sipping a glass of fine wine. "If the ban were to be revoked, think of all the money you could get from your cut of the profit. In addition, it would help ensure the safety of assorted members of Ylamoria's government. I think this is an offer that you should not refuse."

"These casinos cannot be allowed to reopen!" says Beth McAlpin, an ex-gambling addict. "Remember what happened last time? People get out of control and lose their life's savings! Just say no to these so-called legitimate businesses! And crack down on the rest of organized crime while you're at it."

"There is a solution to this problem," says Native Ylamoriaite chief Dances-With-Lynxs. "You could let us front the casinos as payback for stealing our land, and we'll enforce age limits and pay some tax on the income these casinos generate. Just think of the jobs it could create for us, and the boost to the economy!"

Alys Alcedina and Megas Haresus supports Beth McAlpin, the welfare of many goes before the riches of the few.

The late-night, alcohol-fuelled marriage and subsequent annulment of pop starlet Dipsy Bubbleyum has been thoroughly condemned by tabloid presses across the country. There is now a growing call for some restraints to be put on Ylamoria's liberal marriage laws.

"This could all be solved quite easily," says Calvin Gutenberg, a tee-totaler. "With a little common sense. These marriages happen because the bride and groom are inebriated, right? So obviously we should make applicants pass a sobriety test before they can be issued a marriage licence. If you're too drunk to drive, you're too drunk to get hitched."

"I think everyone's being very unfair and mean!" says self-described party girl, Bertina Chaswick, writing in to Alright! Magazine. "I mean, like, Dipsy was just havin' fun, yeah? So she made a mistake, but we all do when we've had a few! If someone wants an annulment they should be able to get it for any reason. Divorces are long, messy and SO yesterday!"

"Marriage is the sacred and immortal union of two souls," declares conservative commentator, Cornelius Prodnose. "It is the ultimate gesture of love! To get married out of sheer whimsy and then change your mind later... it's obscene! People need to face up to the consequences they bring on themselves! Once you're married, that's it. No annulments, no divorces. Just eternal love and decency."

Alys Alcedina and Megas Haresus supports Calvin Gutenberg. What he says is pure sense.

Prospecting company Nukes4U has uncovered a large uranium deposit in Ylamoria's south-west.

"This is a terrific find!" claims Nukes4U CEO Max Silk. "It will provide an enormous stimulus to our economy and create thousands of new jobs. It's win-win! All we need from the government is permission to bulldoze the rainforest that's on top of the deposit."

"You've got to be kidding," says Green politician Bianca McAlpin. "This rainforest is thousands of years old! This country needs more environmental protection, not less. And to destroy the environment in order to mine uranium that then goes into nuclear bombs--well, that really sticks in my craw."

"There's no need for an either-or decision," says the government's Minister for Mining, Clear-Felling, and the Environment. "We can preserve most of the rainforest and allow mining of a small part. After all, think of all the good that the money from this uranium deposit can bring to Ylamoria."

Megas Haresus supports Max Silk, the economy will boost.

After several complaints of the tripping hazards presented by sleeping bags on the doorsteps of public buildings, the citizens of Ylamoria have brought the problem of homelessness to your attention.

"To be honest, I'd just like a place to stay," says a scruffy man who's been living under your desk. "Somewhere I don't have some landlord breathing down my neck all the time. If the government could see fit to build some kind of free hostel where people could go if they've fallen on hard times, well, that'd be just great."

"You can't possibly think that's a good permanent solution!" cries Klaus Love, co-ordinator of the local soup kitchen. "What these people need is help to get their lives back on track. Yes, they have the right to a place to live, but they also need an honest job to pay for it. They need to be encouraged to work to become integrated into society again! Force our major businesses to create some basic jobs for these poor souls, and soon they will become pillars of the community!"

"And who do you suppose pays for all this?" snaps Freddy Thiesen, one of your advisors. "Your loyal taxpayers, that's who! People who actually work for the things they have! And let's face it: these vagrants bring it on themselves - frittering their money away on rubbish and rollicking in unemployment while the rest of the world slaves away to make ends meet. They're worthless scum and they gave up their 'rights' a long time ago. I say we leave them to their misery until they become a nuisance, then have them dealt with like any other criminal."

"As far as I can see, homeless people are already a nuisance," says Naki Thiesen, a proud citizen. "They're mostly thieves and drug addicts, they make the streets a dangerous place for our children, they make honest people feel guilty for turfing them off their doorsteps and, frankly, they smell bad. They're vermin, plain and simple, and as such I suggest they be destroyed before the infestation gets even more out of hand."

Alys Alcedina supports the scruffy man living under her desk!

The Ylamoria S.P.C.C. has launched a fresh campaign to stop parents from smacking their children. They demand that the government introduce laws to ban this form of 'corporal punishment'.

Child Psychiatrist, Dr. Buy McAlpin, speaks at a press conference on the matter: "Parents and teachers must realise that smacking children increases aggressiveness, lowers their self-esteem, and can cause long-term emotional trauma! How can anybody think that it is anything but child abuse? Parents who resort to smacking their children are obviously unfit to be parents at all! We must ban this horrible practice at once!"

"What are these lunatics on about?!" yells Miranda Washington, a concerned parent. "Smacking children has been an effective form of punishment since the dawn of mankind! Outlaw it and I guarantee you the next generation will be a disorderly disaster! Children need, nay CRAVE discipline! Sometimes the only language they understand is the cane, and the government has to respect that!"

Alys Alcedina supports Dr. Buy McAlpin.

A top fertility clinic has recently announced a new service allowing parents to create so-called 'designer babies'.

"Embryo selection isn't really genetic engineering in the technical sense," explains Dr. Sue-Ann Gutenberg, owner of the Babies-2-Go Clinic. "It's more like being able to have a dozen abortions per month until you get the foetus you desire. I can't really see what's wrong with parents who can afford it being able to eliminate foetuses with undesirable genetic traits - like stupidity."

"Thou shalt pay for thy sins!" screams Buy Shiomi, waving a crucifix. "This is just meddling with the sanctity of life. If these children are to be born with horrible defects then it's God's will and who are we to question it? This technology must be banned at once!"

"This technology shows promise," muses Bill Love, minister of health. "But we can't trust the private sector with the future of our nation's children. We must place it under strict government regulation, so that we only screen out embryos with serious genetic conditions."

"This has got me thinkin'," says General Anne-Marie Li, thumbing through a big folder marked 'X'. "If this technology lets us reduce genetic defects, then couldn't it work the other way? We could create ourselves an army of genetically superior soldiers! With our army of Super Soldiers, no nation would dare stand in our way!"

Alys Alcedina supports Bill Love, think what could happen if a citizen who wanted world domination made super soldiers with his sons and daughters!

A group of holidaymakers from Ylamoria have been arrested while visiting the scenic, yet corrupt and totalitarian, nation of Maxtopia on charges of drug trafficking - an offence which carries the maximum sentence of the death penalty. The story has provoked outrage from citizens, many believing the government should intervene to bring the tourists back home.

"Everyone knows what barbarians those Maxtopians are!" says May Mombota, parent to one of the arrestees. "They've not even allowed my son and his friends access to lawyers! That government is as corrupt as they are cruel, my boy would never have anything to do with drugs! You need to do something to save them, I'm begging you! I'm sure the Maxtopian officials will back down if you threaten trade sanctions or something. Right?"

"You've got to see it from the other side," argues Hope Li, a customs official. "While it's unfortunate that the sentence is so stiff, they really shouldn't have been smuggling drugs. I'm sure we wouldn't be happy if Maxtopians came over here with banned goods. I just can't sympathise: they were greedy, they broke the law, they got caught. What makes them so special that they should be bailed out? At the taxpayers' expense I might add. Let them be - it'll show we respect the judicial rights of other countries."

"I agree," chimes in George W. Summers, an anti-drug campaigner, waving a banner which reads 'Don't Be a Fool, Drugs Aren't Cool'. "Did you ever stop to think that our foreign neighbours might have the right idea? A zero-tolerance attitude to the drugs issue is what this country needs! Death to the dealers!"

"You people are so quick to lay the finger of blame," says Thomas King, an ambassador at Ylamoria's embassy in Maxtopia. "My motto has always been 'If you want something, give something away'. It is the government's duty to protect its citizens from harm! We don't want to cause too much international friction by making a mockery of their laws so we've got to settle things more diplomatically: they scratch our backs now and we'll scratch theirs later."

"That's what they want! Leverage!" hollers Lars Clinton, your Minister of Defence, storming into your office. "Advances in our markets, political favours - they'll do anything to undermine us! They've always hated us, those rats! If you ask me, this brouhaha isn't about drugs - it's a spit in our eye, that's what it is! What kind of people execute kids for having a few ounces on them? We ought to give them a good bombing, then they'll know how a proper country behaves!"

Alys Alcedina supports...

After a recent left-wing broadsheet exposé of agricultural practices, an outburst of public paranoia has stirred up the organic foods debate.

"I just can't stomach it any more," rants concerned parent Billy-Bob Spirit. "My children's future is being put at risk by irresponsible corporate practices. We must outlaw the use of pesticides and additives by farmers and food producers."

"I've heard enough of this treehugging, lefty nonsense," argues corporate spokesman Bianca Jefferson. "The agricultural industry needs to use the most advanced technology available, it's the only way to keep Ylamoria competitive in food production. Besides, the studies we have commissioned prove that only a very small number of child deaths are due to our products, and surely that's an acceptable rate in the name of progress?"

"Stop torturing Mother Earth!" yells outraged environmental extremist Faith Rubin. "Are we prepared to sacrifice our planet and our souls for the sake of a few extra Libertians? If we hope to live in harmony with the environment that nurtures and protects us, we must ban all industries that pollute our world. Let us return to the trees, my brothers!"

Alys Alcedina supports Bianca Jefferson.

Students from many universities in Ylamoria are protesting about the rising financial cost of studying at university and are demanding that the government provide more financial aid to students.

"We need money now," screams Roger Mistletoe a student from one of Ylamoria's top achieving universities. "All these tuition fees are just too much! I need that money to spend on books, study materials, accomodation, and alco- well, uh, you get the gist of it. All these fees are doing is preventing people from poorer backgrounds achieving their potential. The government ought to pay for all university expenses. After all if nobody went to university where would all the doctors and teachers come from?"

"OH GOD NO THE EXPENSE!" screeches Hack Johnson, your minister of Education before eventually calming down. "No, no. This is not a good idea. Do you know how high the tax rate is already without introducing something like this? We should be making tuition fees higher if anything. University is a privilege, not a right, and only the elite should be allowed within those walls. And by elite, of course, I mean rich."

"These young people are the greatest resource our nation has," says Clint Utopia, a famous demographer. "If you're going to discourage them from going to university then you're cheating our nation out of its potential. What I suggest is government-funded loans to students from poor families. That way we can have the best of both worlds without the expense. Admittedly, some may still not be able to afford it but there's no pleasing some people."

"Why bother with universities anyway," says refuse collector Violet Hamilton. "These students could be working and earning a living instead of wasting time and money learning things with no point whatsoever. Who needs to know about ancient Maxtopian poetry, huh? Who would hire you for that? There are plenty of jobs out there, so why don't they go and get one? I'll tell you why: it's because they are lazy. I propose the government close all universities in Ylamoria and make people get a job after they leave school. With all the money saved from closing down universities we can have a well-deserved tax cut too."

Alys Alcedina and Megas Haresus supports Clint Utopia.

The recent popularity of a science-fiction TV show has prompted calls for Ylamoria to develop its own space program.

"Don't tell me space colonies wouldn't be cool," says excited fifth-grade teacher Konrad Nagasawa, still wearing big Spock ears from his last convention. "Think of how they would galvanize the national population! And there would also be some kind of scientific benefit, probably."

"The project certainly is feasible, but very expensive," says Ylamoria Space Agency Head Randy Trax. "We could make it less of a burden on the taxpayers if we sought funding from private industry -- advertisements on the side of our rockets, selling contracts to the Arms Manufacturing industry, that kind of thing."

"If God had meant Man to fly, he would have given us solid rocket boosters instead of legs," says religious type Randy Dredd. "We should not be looking to the stars, but rather inside our own hearts. That's why we should abandon this so-called space program, and instead make the teaching of religion mandatory in all schools."

Alys Alcedina and Megas Haresus supports Randy Trax.

During the construction of a new Hyper-Mega-Ultra-Super Mall, construction workers have unearthed what appears to be an ancient temple. A furious debate has arisen between those who wish to preserve it, and those who need their retail therapy.

"This is the perfect opportunity to learn more of our nation's history!" says Professor Chastity Utopia, head of the archaeological department of the Ylamoria History Museum. "All building work must be halted immediately so that my team can study this remarkable piece of our nation's past. To bury these ruins under some concrete eyesore would be criminal!"

"It's all very nice to get to know some more about our past," argues foreman Beth Licorish. "But that's just the thing! It's the past! We must think of the future. If you allow those decrepit fossils to take over this place, you put at risk the future of our economy! Today it's archaeological digs, tomorrow it's 'preservation of the environment'. Just let me bulldoze the worthless pile of rubble and bury it under a few hundred tonnes of concrete."

"Behold, the hour has arrived! The Holy Temple of Firefury Amahira has been unearthed!" proclaims Yon-Zhauryg v'Klot, leader of the Cult of the Undead Lynx. "This land is sacred, and must not be befouled by these corporations! No-one but the enlightened children of Firefury must be allowed to venture inside our rediscovered sanctuary, where we will perform the required rituals to please the Great Goddess and prevent Her from unleashing Her wrath upon the world."

Megas Haresus supports Chastity Utopia. After a while the temple can be moved out of the way and the Hyper-Mega-Ultra-Super-Mall construction can begin again.

The Lynx is on the brink of extinction, largely due to people hunting them down for tasty Lynx-kahbobs and Lynxburgers, and as ecological disaster looms, various factions are all calling for what they feel should be done about the Lynx.

"This is an outrage!" shouts Calvin Li, outspoken member of the Ylamoria Wilderness Protection Movement. "The government has to put a stop to the out of control hunting of our beloved Lynxs. Do you want our children and grandchildren to miss witnessing the spectacle of wild Lynxs prancing freely in our forests?"

"Who cares what happens to some dumb wild pest?", scoffs Randy Jones, employee of Ylamoria National Lumber, "If they're endangered it's 'cause they were too weak to adapt. They probably deserve to be killed off. With them out of the way, we could clear-cut the forests Lynxs like to hide in, which would really boost the economy through the timber industry!"

"Nature is hardly a black and white issue," Prudence Longbottom, a respected scholar, notes. "We should start a breeding program to help these creatures recover their numbers. We can display them in captivity, and gradually release them into the wild. Couple it with limiting, but not abolishing Lynx hunting, and everyone benefits. Of course, Lynxs raised in captivity don't generally survive in the wild, but I'm sure we can find a way!"

Alys Alcedina supports Calvin Li. The Lynxs are a national symbol and must be saved.

A man by the name of &%*\@# Smith hit the headlines yesterday when he had his first name legally changed to 'John', citing the ridicule and stress he suffered because of his given name. Mr Smith publicly commented afterwards that there should be more restrictions on what parents can name their children.

"People do so love to be different," says Insert Name Here, with a heavy sigh. "I don't know what my folks were thinking when they named me. Probably about how 'novel' and 'with it' they were being, but I didn't get a say in it did I? Growing up in my neighbourhood with the first name 'Insert' wasn't fun at all I can tell you! The government should set up a registry of recognised names that are clean, sensible, and non-teasable. Kids deserve better."

"It's none of the government's business what I name my daughter," says Follicle Rainbow Gooseknob, cradling [expletive deleted] in her arms. "Are you going to tell us what to think next? Where to go? Who to love? I don't want some grey-faced bureaucrat deciding what name is appropriate for my child! What kind of country hates personal freedom so much you can't even choose your own name?"

"Names? Names are so inefficient!" Says Five-Oh-Three McGoohan, counting beads. "Who can honestly tell one Tobias Christmas from another? That name's so popular now, I met three people at the mall with it just last week! Face it! Names are old-hat! Everyone ought to go by a government-allocated ID number instead, much more practical. Who could make fun of a child named Six-Eight-Four?"

Alys Alcedina supports Insert Name Here.

The oldest power station in Ylamoria suffered a catastrophic failure last night, plunging a third of Ylamoria's national power supply grid into darkness. There is no debate that it needs to be replaced, but the question is with what?

"The solution is clear," says environmental activist George W. Broadside. "Wind turbines and solar power stations are the cleanest there are. We must switch power production to forms of renewable energy, that will never run out. The only minor problems are that wind farms will take up a great deal of space and of course we can't exactly rely on the weather. It isn't as though we control it. But think of how much healthier people will be without all that pollution!"

"Wind power? Solar collectors? Bah! Have you ever wondered when the least amount of strain is placed on the national grid? WHEN THE SUN IS SHINING!" exclaims Southern Ylamoria Electra official Gregory Christmas. "We need power under our control, and cheaply. Coal has been the cheapest and most abundant power source for ages. We don't need this airy fairy wind malarky when we have cheap and reliable power available for all. True, pollution will be a bit on the heavy side but I'm sure that's only a minor problem, with how well funded our health system is!"

"Now the way I see it is that it's either green, expensive, and sprawling; or compact, polluting and cheap. Wouldn't it be nice if we had the best of both worlds? Well, we can!" claims fission technician Abraham Nagasawa. "Nuclear power is reliable, clean, and although it isn't cheap, it won't break the bank. There is a risk of deadly meltdown, but this is relatively small, and the only people who could be against this are anti-nuclear protesters, but what do we care about those tree-hugging hippies?"

Alys Alcedina and Megas Haresus supports Abraham Nagasawa.

After a recent national survey revealed that almost three-quarters of the population only know the primary language of Ylamoria, there have been rising calls for the government to take action.

"Fluency in foreign languages is imperative to education," says Professor Jean-Paul Chicago of Ylamoria University. "Learning a new tongue not only gives a child a practical, marketable skill, but also encourages compassion and understanding of foreign cultures. With so many nations in the world, I do insist that we increase government funding in these areas and make it a compulsory part of the curriculum. As we say in Ancient Maxtopian: froggug sederty bungo-bungo!"

"To be frank, the need for outsiders' speak doesn't appeal to me in the slightest!" claims May Love, a fierce patriot. "Making our children learn these languages is an affront to the basic civil rights of Ylamoria! What's more, this will encourage those damn foreigners to come here and take our jobs! I for one, will not stand for it! We can drop that area of education; it'll give us tax payers a bit of a breather for once. I've always said that we don't need any others but our own!"

Alys Alcedina (an outsider herself) supports Jean-Paul Chicago. Ylamorian, English and one language choosen by the person is to be learned by ALL in Ylamoria.

A group of prominent business identities has proposed privatizing Ylamoria's beaches.

"Have you been to the beach lately? It's disgusting," says company spokesperson Anne-Marie McAlpin. "There's litter, there's teenagers smoking, and there are people enjoying themselves without paying for it. Let the private sector in on this, and Ylamoria's beaches will be the talk of the region! And a nice little earner, too."

"Whoa, whoa, we're privatizing beaches now?" says local campaigner Clint Silk. "These are public spaces! All Ylamoria's citizens have a right to enjoy them, not just the well-off. Yes, we should improve the quality of our beaches, but handing them over to the money-grabbers is not the right way to do it. The right way to do it is to boost government spending by increasing taxes."

Alys Alcedina and Megas Haresus supports Clint Silk. The beaches are also important in the defence of the homeland. Making it important that they are kept okay.

The CEO of Ylamoria software, hardware, and electronic headwear giant Microcosm, Inc. has been brought before the Supreme Court for violation of antitrust laws.

"These allegations are absolutely ludicrous!" shouts Microcosm CEO Buy Li from out the window of his 90-foot stretch limo. "Just because rival companies are incapable of producing products as brilliant as mine is no reason to punish ME! I say it's high time we abolish these idiotic antitrust laws and give big business the freedom to serve the public better. After all, I'm in this business for the people!"

"Microcosm must be shut down immediately," argues CEO of Computers, Computers, Computers! Alexei Longfellow from out the window of his clunky, exhaust-choked used car. "I can't get a foothold to compete in the market because those bigwigs in Microcosm have that foothold by the throat! It's high time the government stepped in and helped out the little man, and the best way to do that is to shut down the big, oppressive, corporate gurus in Microcosm and beyond."

"Verily, I say unto thee, none of this would have happened wouldst thou not have stopped the problem before thou didst start it," argues Brother Miranda Gutenberg of the Ylamoria Amish community from out the window of his horse-drawn carriage. "We must doest as the Lord commandeth and abolishest the evils of computers and the Internet entirely. Only whenst we harken unto the Lord's commandments mayeth we truly be spiritually blessed."

Megas Haresus and Alys Alcedina support Buy Li, if he does anything which the state does not like then it will just take over his company and expand its riches.

Scientists and animal rights activists have once again brought up the debate over animal experimentation to your attention.

"What have those poor, defenceless animals ever done to us?" asks Anne-Marie Frederickson, owner of the East Ylamoria Lynx Sanctuary. "Kidnapping these helpless creatures from their habitat simply to stick probes and needles in them is just barbaric! How would you like it if someone caged you in a lab and conducted tests on you just to find out whether a new product was fit for sale? Experimenting on animals ought to be banned!"

"It is not unethical," replies Dr. Stephanie Nagasawa, the chief surgeon at Ylamoria's largest Cancer Research Clinic. "The unethical thing to do would be to deny the public of the benefit of the great scientific advancements we're making! If we have to sacrifice some animals in the name of science, healthcare, or a commerical venture, then that's just what we've got to do! Think of the lives we could save! All we require is more government support and funding for this worthy cause."

Alys Alcedina and Megas Haresus supports Stephanie Nagasawa.

More and more, citizens are drinking before getting behind the wheel. A group of concerned citzens wants something done.

Gregory Mistletoe, head of Ylamoria's chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous, says that drunk drivers need help. "Alcoholism is a nasty thing, a disease. The government has to help these poor souls to avoid the temptations of liquor, and wine, and beer, and hard cider, and brandy, and?" His eyes get a glazed far off look, "Where was I? Oh right, we have to help these people, not imprison them."

"That's lovely," says Randy Barry, a noted anti-alcohol advocate, "In a perfect world where rehab fixes everything. But this is the real world, and it doesn't bring back the victims. Drunk drivers kill people every day. If they take other's lives, the government must take theirs!"

"All of those plans attack the symptoms, not the disease," says Minister of Transportation Jennifer Mombota, "Alcohol is a curse, a poison sent by the Devil to tempt mankind. We cannot trust people to make decisions for themselves. The only answer is prohibition. Ban alcohol completely."

Megas Haresus and Alys Alcedina supports Gregory Mistletoe.

The state of Ylamoria has throwed itself into a world of isolationism and a "verda non acta" policy for the time being. We will only trade the things we need for survival and Order. No other foreign intervetion.

The fall of the CoNS have reacted badly upon Megas Haresus and his wife can not get him into the way of politics again.
Since Alys Alcedina needs the support from Megas Haresus to do anything diplomatic she wont have any power to change things.
The people pray that the respected Master-Lord shall come back to sanity.