The 52nd Baptism of Fire Everything Thread

[Brenecia]

"A solid... attempt by Brenecia against the Free Republics, there," said Garrett Penny. Rowan noted, sourly, that he was trying not to grin.
"Yeah, yeah, they lost," he grumbled. "But they put up a decent fight of it! You don't have to sound so bloody smug about it."
"Aren't we meant to be impartial?" smirked Trish.
Asger sensed that a fistfight was probably about to happen, and interjected. "So, Lukas, what were your thoughts?"
"Ah, I dunno, Asger," said the veteran defender, leaning back in his chair. "For me, the problems lay with the defence. It's theoretically among the Patriots' strengths, yet they just seemed rigid out there! Mansfield looked more or less solid in goal, at least. Yeah, he was caught out of position for the first goal, but you just can't help that sometimes."
"And it didn't seem like the wing play was working the way it should, either," Rowan chipped in. "The crosses from the wings just seemed... disjointed. Macbeth and Spitfire still made some good work, but he made all that from drifting into the centre, and the full-backs almost seemed scared to go forward."
"It's agreed, then," said Garrett, sharply. "They're rubbish and they need to shape up, quickly."
"Yeah," agreed Trish, with a sigh.
"But-"
"And that's all we'll have time for tonight! Join us next week on Hazard Sports for coverage on Brenecia vs. Sovan!"
Rowan blinked as the transmission was cut. With a lot he wanted to say, he eventually decided on muttering "bassssstarrd" under his breath.

[Tasrailia]

Tasrailia Blog 2 (shorter blog)
Nandezia 4-3 Tasrailia
As the coach came into the box to talk to the players, he simply said: "We are going good and every team will suffer a lost sometime in their life. Don't make this match the start of the fall because we played really good, just that Nanzedia did better. The players celberated and hoped that this won't be the fall.

[Albaie]

The game had had a slow start. Neither team were making any good attacks and both were putting up strong defenses very hard to penetrate. At half time both teams had had two shots and only one on target. Albaie hadn't had a stand out player but the players were just playing well neither bad nor good. At half time Count Deberen gave the team a rousing speech and sent them back out to go and win the game. For Albaie The Fans And The Emperor he roared as his team went back onto the pitch a rousing cheer taken up by the fans in the stadium.

It was the 89th minute. Tirdarsaor got a penalty from Dubrack Dubrackson as he tuged down a player as he jumped up for a ball. It looked as if Albaie were set for their first ever loss in competitive international football. The player stepped up to the ball. He kicked it. Erentsen dived. He caught the ball and rolled over. He looked up and saw the young striker Queb standing on the half way line with only one of their players on him. He kicked the ball up to the Advar player. Queb chested it down then played it over his markers head. He turned and sprinted past his marker. He got to the ball first. He could feel the player bearing down on him as he sprinted with the ball down the pitch. He knew that if he could score he would be the first ever Albaie player to score in competitive internationals how much pride would he bring to the Advar people this goal would show the Albaien born they were not the best at everything. He could see the goalkeeper running out. He chipped the ball into the air. Time seemed to slow in the stadium as the goalkeeper tried to backpedal then lept up and couldn't reach the ball. The Albaie fans erupted when the ball crossed the line they had done it all they had to do was see out this game and they had won their first ever competitive international.

Deberen walked into the changing rooms. The players were still celebrating. At the center was Queb and Erentsen both had done the unthinkable when Dubrack Dubrackson got a yellow card and the penalty was given. Deberen waited until the lads quietened down which wasn't long they all had complete admiration for him. " Great win lads nothing much to say keep the defense this strong next match keep making the chances and we will win. " Deberen said " Enjoy the victory lads but early night tonight we still need to play again tomorrow. " Deberen said and then left the room. He pumped his fist into the air when he got outside he had known they could do it and now they had proved it to the world.

[Tirdarsaor]

Kilgall Free Press

Disappointment for National Side in Kinitaria, Better Needed in Legalese

Faolán Mac Maol Dáire has told his Tirdarsaor team to "buck up their ideas" ahead of the second half of the Casaran stage of the fifty-third Baptism of Fire, with the nations all moving from Kinitaria to Legalese ahead of the third game of the tournament.

The first game of the Baptism of Fire for the Fighting Celts was against Luzvimindia in the Arena Damacii, in Damaciu. After the usual formalities, the game kicked off, and it wasn't an exciting game to watch for the first half an hour or so. Both teams seemed to be testing the water, and the other side, with no big attacks; though all out defence is the style of the manager in his day job at Inverglyn Rovers. It took thirty nine minutes for the game to see its first real attack, and it was converted by Tirdarsaor. Fearghus Mac Giolla Eoin used his free role in attacking midfield to burst forward, round Gabriel Trillañes, and tapping the goal home to give the Celts the lead going into the break.

After the break, there was a real sense that Mac Maol Dáire had got his tactics right. The Luzvimindia team was tiring, and experienced players like Éanna Ó Cadhla and Eoghan Mac an t-Saoir had controlled their areas of the pitch for long portions of time. Therefore, it was surprising when Luzvimindia equalised in the seventy eighth minute. Mateo Garredo stole the ball from substitute Peadar Mac Diarmaid, and found Emilio Vinson, who slotted it past Ó Scolaighe, to put the game at its final score of 1-1.

The second game against Albaie at Stadion Orašii in the Kinitar capital of Mi'ato was even more disappointing for Tirdarsaor. It was another boring, defensive match, which looked to be going to the Fighting Celts' second draw of the campaign, until the eighty ninth minute. Dubrack Dubrackson pulled down Éanna Ó Cadhla in the box, and the referee awarded a penalty. Ó Cadhla stepped up to the spot, a prolific penalty scorer for his club, Morrath, but hit it straight at Albaie's keeper, Erentsen. He found Queb down the field in space, who went the other way to put Albaie in front, and kill the Tirdarsaoran momentum on their way to Legalese.

The Fighting Celts now face a game against Fristat and Marianopolis, a side who have previously drawn with both Oralana and Arkolon. Fáolan Mac Maol Dáire has to hope that his team can turn this tournament around, and put Fristat and Marianopolis to the sword.

---

The Tirdarsaoran side had sat through the short flight from Kinitaria to Legalese in an eerie silence. After Faolán's short speech before the flight, and the obligatory comments from the pilot as they took off, each member of the team had been engulfed in his own thoughts about the last week or so, in which the Fighting Celts had played two games of football that the majority of team members were ashamed of. Only a few in the team could have claimed to play at their best in the games against Luzvimindia and Albaie.

Éanna Ó Cadhla had been disappointed with how he played in both matches. He had been closed out for most of the game against Luzvimindia; you could look at it as him taking the flack for not doing well, and allowing Mac Giolla Eoin the chance. Fearghus had been ignored by the defence all evening, so Éanna had done his job in a way. In the second game, there was no excuse. He was a prolific penalty scorer back home at Morrath; that was why the boss had sent him to the spot. For Ó Cadhla to miss a penalty was almost unheard of. At the end of the day, the bottom line was goals; if he didn't get any against Fristat and Marianopolis, he would be sure to be dropped by Fáolan.

Oisín Mac Conchobhar had had his troubles as well. They weren't as well publicised as Éanna's problems; there was a little less pressure on Mac Conchobhar because of his age. However, he was a starlet, scouted by many teams at home and abroad. It was even rumoured that some clubs in the Licentian Islands wanted to claim his signature. That was never going to happen if he didn't pick up his game. Because he hadn't been on the ball; he was under pressure from the manager; he had offered to replace him if it was too much for the seventeen year old. Oisín wouldn't let that happen.

Both men needed to pick up their performances. Those desires were about to bring them on a collision course.

[Sudagiu]

Sudagiu Informative Networks


Sudagiu Thrashes Mythic Erin

Our Sudagian national team got a big win today, moving to a 2-0 record with the 4-0 win over Mythic Erin. The team has done us proud, winning both games, scoring 8 goals, and conceding none. The next match for our team is against Ethington, who are on a high note after destroying The City of Woe 7-0. Under the lights of the Stadion Viteanii Revolusii, at 04:00 Sudagian Standard Time.


Sudagiu 4 (Þiudreiks- 1', Żuraw 5', 63' Kaluza 90+2') - Mythic Erin 0'

Team	Sudagiu	Mythic Erin
Goals Scored	4	0
Shots Total	16	5
Shots on Target	14	1
Yellow Cards	1	4
Red Cards	0

The game started amongst controversy, as the fans of both sides, with fire in their lungs and passion in their veins, had a small scuffle in the northern stand. Kinitarian police are reported to have stopped the fight, which was started by two drunk fans, in time to allow the game to proceed on schedule. The Mythic Erin team was most affected by the scuffle, as it looked, as they gave up a rash penalty after just 31 seconds, without them touching the ball. Hróðvaldr Þiudreiks easily dispatched the penalty. Just 5 minutes later, Gerhard Żuraw, who was brilliant against Phing Phong, showed his brilliance again by sending a dipping, swerving ball into the top right corner of the net, while the Mythic Erin goalkeeper just watched in horror. Mythic Erin got a few shots in the second half, only testing Eligiusz Berinhard once, after 62 minutes, Berinhard easily caught it, and saw an opportunity for Sudagiu. He threw the ball all the way to the halfway line, where Rokus Kaluza caught the ball on his chest, and volleyed it just outside the area, where Żuraw, having lost the defender, took his time to slide the ball home past the despairing keeper. Mythic Erin would shoot the ball just over the bar in the 79th, and that was their last attack of the game. Rokus Kaluza got the ball from Wilfrið Schmid just inside Sudagiu's half, and proceeded to send a cheeky chip over the out-of-position keeper to embarrass him and seal the game for Sudagiu. Sudagiu are now placed 6th, and are going to play 5th placed Ethington.

[Felix]

52nd Baptism of Fire: Two Wins In A Row

By: Steven Smith

Felix won once again by beating Mr. Creeper 1-0 and with that we are on top of the tables with 6 points and have yet to concede a goal. The surprising performance by Felix has been given praise by all of Felix's media groups (including ours) and many people are excited what's going to come to Felixan football. So now we are 2-0, can we continue our streak against the also unbeaten Nandezia? We will get to that later, now lets talk about the Felix - Mr. Creeper game.

The first half started off like the other match with Felix dominating the pitch in terms of possession and ball position. Felix tried to turn that dominance into goal but oddly enough the opportunities at goal were not taken. The first such attempt was a shot from Mikel Araboa but the shot was blocked by the goalkeeper. Felix kept attacking putting massive amounts of pressure on Mr. Creeper, but the defense did not buckle. Another shot was made in the 28th minute from Yun Dong Lee but that too was blocked by their goalkeeper. Finally in the 36th minute Felix took the lead with a goal from Yun Dong Lee, his third in the BoF. Felix ended the first half with a 1-0 lead.

The second half wasn't much of a change as Felix continued it's dominance over Mr. Creeper. The team passed well but we couldn't finish the plays and score more goals. So the second half just kept lagging for us and the game got quite boring as the mistakes to kept on happening. In the end we won against Mr. Creeper, 1-0. Giving us a second victory in a row. The post game press conference was mainly all smiles, but there were some reports of disappointment came from the locker room. Here is a little part of the post game press conference.

Reporter A: "So you won two games in a row, are you confident that your team will go far in the BoF?"
Cardona: "Yes, I am confident, but I am also realistic. I want us to go far but lets take one game at a time."
Reporter B: "Were you a bit frustrated by the 1-0 win?"
Cardona: "A bit, but a win is a win. I wasn't frustrated on the result but how we had a lot of opportunities and we didn't take it."
Smith (Me): "Are you ready to face another undefeated team?"
Cardona: "Yes, I will have to set up a new gameplan and we have to get ready for that flight and those practices."
Reporter C: "Are you going to watch the U-15 World Cup?"
Cardona: "Maybe." He Laughs, "I have to coach my team first, but I will be rooting for the boys."

After that he left to the locker rooms, now here are the statistics from today's match.

Goals
(36th): Yun Dong Lee (FEL)
Assists
N/A
Possession
MRC: 30%
FEL: 70%
Fouls
FEL: 4
MRC: 4
Cards
Yellow: N/A
Red: N/A
Injuries
N/A


Now here are the statistics for the whole tournament so far.


Goals
Yun Dong Lee (3)
Mikel Abaroa (1)
Eutimio Salazar (1)
Assists
Mikel Abaroa (1)
Ziya Saqqaf (1)
Felix Pier (1)
Clean Sheets
Viggo Tyko (1)
Yellow Cards
N/A
Red Cards
N/A
Injury List
N/A

We face Nandezia at Legalese next week. Legalese like Kinitaria are located in Atlantian Oceania, the PLACE, as some folks call it. Anyways, Nandezia has won to games in a row in their last match they barely won against Tasrailia winning 4-3. They have a great offence and their star striker Felix Alban, hopefully Felix's defense can hold on and get us another win and get us in a better position to get into the playoffs. That's all from Legalese, good luck to our players and the boys competing in the U-15 World Cup!

[Legalese]

Matchday 3 Results

Felix 0 - 0 Nandezia
German-Spanish Empire 0 - 2 The Greater Archipelago

Nouvel Ecosse 4 - 1 Neu Engollon
Metropolis Mania 0 - 1 Aquitayne

Ethington 0 - 1 Sudagiu
Hontaypyar 0 - 2 Mechelen

De La Fleur 0 - 2 Luzvimindia
Free Republics 4 - 0 Albaie

Colland 0 - 4 Neo Lemmitania
Tasrailia 2 - 0 Punum

Tantamir 0 - 2 Kaznan
Mr Creeper 0 - 1 Chiata

Sondstead 3 - 1 Europa Brittania
The Fair Republic 0 - 1 Carizzal

Bloodridge 0 - 2 Mizuyuki
Mythic Erin 1 - 1 The City of Woe

Qatarus 2 - 0 Penileanium
Sangti 3 - 0 Telnaior

Speranda 1 - 1 The Fief of Sir Kunne
Fristat and Marianopolis 1 - 1 Tirdarsaor

Oralana 0 - 3 Aels
Asasia 0 - 0 Subramani

Arkolon 0 - 2 Kikwipeyi
Brenecia 4 - 0 The Sovan Antithesis

Kalusia 6 - 0 TailsPrower
Lahoa 3 - 1 Soviet New Ireland

Lzherusskia 0 - 0 Querria
Piddlehinton 2 - 1 Phing Phong

Borealia 1 - 0 Joshulia

Standings Through MD3

1. Nouvel Ecosse (3-0-0) 9 Pts. 6 GD 18 SoV 18 SoS
2. The Greater Archipelago (3-0-0) 9 Pts. 7 GD 12 SoV 12 SoS
3. Sudagiu (3-0-0) 9 Pts. 9 GD 10 SoV 10 SoS
4. Aquitayne (3-0-0) 9 Pts. 7 GD 10 SoV 10 SoS
5. Mechelen (2-1-0) 7 Pts. 4 GD 12.333333333333334 SoV 17 SoS
6. Nandezia (2-1-0) 7 Pts. 4 GD 11.333333333333334 SoV 16 SoS
7. Free Republics (2-1-0) 7 Pts. 5 GD 10.333333333333334 SoV 15 SoS
8. Luzvimindia (2-1-0) 7 Pts. 4 GD 8.666666666666666 SoV 10 SoS
9. Felix (2-1-0) 7 Pts. 5 GD 8.333333333333334 SoV 13 SoS
10. Metropolis Mania (2-0-1) 6 Pts. 1 GD 10 SoV 19 SoS
11. Tasrailia (2-0-1) 6 Pts. 2 GD 9 SoV 16 SoS
12. Sondstead (2-0-1) 6 Pts. 1 GD 9 SoV 15 SoS
13. Ethington (2-0-1) 6 Pts. 8 GD 7 SoV 16 SoS
14. Neo Lemmitania (2-0-1) 6 Pts. 5 GD 7 SoV 16 SoS
15. German-Spanish Empire (2-0-1) 6 Pts. 2 GD 7 SoV 16 SoS
16. Sangti (2-0-1) 6 Pts. 5 GD 6 SoV 15 SoS
17. Neu Engollon (2-0-1) 6 Pts. 3 GD 6 SoV 15 SoS
18. Hontaypyar (2-0-1) 6 Pts. 1 GD 6 SoV 13 SoS
19. Mizuyuki (2-0-1) 6 Pts. 5 GD 6 SoV 12 SoS
20. Carizzal (2-0-1) 6 Pts. 2 GD 6 SoV 12 SoS
21. Chiata (2-0-1) 6 Pts. 1 GD 6 SoV 9 SoS
22. Qatarus (2-0-1) 6 Pts. 4 GD 3 SoV 9 SoS
23. Kaznan (2-0-1) 6 Pts. 2 GD 3 SoV 6 SoS
24. Aels (1-1-1) 4 Pts. 1 GD 3.333333333333333 SoV 13 SoS
25. Albaie (1-1-1) 4 Pts. -3 GD 3.333333333333333 SoV 13 SoS
26. Colland (1-1-1) 4 Pts. -3 GD 3.333333333333333 SoV 12 SoS
27. Mythic Erin (1-1-1) 4 Pts. -3 GD 2.333333333333333 SoV 14 SoS
28. Brenecia (1-1-1) 4 Pts. 3 GD 2.333333333333333 SoV 12 SoS
29. De La Fleur (1-1-1) 4 Pts. 0 GD 2.333333333333333 SoV 12 SoS
30. Kikwipeyi (1-1-1) 4 Pts. 0 GD 2.333333333333333 SoV 12 SoS
31. The Fief of Sir Kunne (1-1-1) 4 Pts. 0 GD 2.333333333333333 SoV 11 SoS
32. Speranda (1-1-1) 4 Pts. 1 GD 1.3333333333333333 SoV 10 SoS
33. The City of Woe (1-1-1) 4 Pts. -6 GD 1.3333333333333333 SoV 10 SoS
34. The Fair Republic (1-0-2) 3 Pts. -3 GD 6 SoV 21 SoS
35. Mr Creeper (1-0-2) 3 Pts. -1 GD 6 SoV 19 SoS
36. Tantamir (1-0-2) 3 Pts. -2 GD 3 SoV 15 SoS
37. Bloodridge (1-0-2) 3 Pts. -3 GD 2 SoV 17 SoS
38. Fristat and Marianopolis (0-3-0) 3 Pts. 0 GD 1.6666666666666665 SoV 5 SoS
39. Penileanium (1-0-2) 3 Pts. -5 GD 1 SoV 14 SoS
40. Europa Brittania (1-0-2) 3 Pts. -2 GD 1 SoV 10 SoS
41. Piddlehinton (1-0-2) 3 Pts. -4 GD 0 SoV 15 SoS
42. Kalusia (1-0-2) 3 Pts. 2 GD 0 SoV 13 SoS
43. Lahoa (1-0-2) 3 Pts. -2 GD 0 SoV 12 SoS
44. Telnaior (1-0-2) 3 Pts. -4 GD 0 SoV 12 SoS
45. Punum (1-0-2) 3 Pts. -4 GD 0 SoV 12 SoS
46. Borealia (1-0-2) 3 Pts. -5 GD 0 SoV 12 SoS
47. Tirdarsaor (0-2-1) 2 Pts. -1 GD 3.3333333333333335 SoV 14 SoS
48. Oralana (0-2-1) 2 Pts. -3 GD 1.6666666666666665 SoV 9 SoS
49. Asasia (0-2-1) 2 Pts. -1 GD 1.3333333333333333 SoV 8 SoS
50. Subramani (0-2-1) 2 Pts. -1 GD 1 SoV 6 SoS
51. Arkolon (0-1-2) 1 Pts. -4 GD 1 SoV 11 SoS
52. The Sovan Antithesis (0-1-2) 1 Pts. -5 GD 0.6666666666666666 SoV 10 SoS
53. Lzherusskia (0-1-2) 1 Pts. -5 GD 0.3333333333333333 SoV 13 SoS
54. Querria (0-1-2) 1 Pts. -2 GD 0.3333333333333333 SoV 8 SoS
55. Phing Phong (0-0-3) 0 Pts. -8 GD 0 SoV 18 SoS
56. Joshulia (0-0-3) 0 Pts. -7 GD 0 SoV 13 SoS
57. TailsPrower (0-0-3) 0 Pts. -9 GD 0 SoV 12 SoS
58. Soviet New Ireland (0-0-3) 0 Pts. -4 GD 0 SoV 10 SoS

Note: If the Tournament advanced to the knockout phase today, All those with six points or more would advance. Obviously, the next two matchdays will change that somewhat.

Matchday 4 Fixtures:

Nouvel Ecosse v. Aquitayne

The Greater Archipelago v. Sudagiu

Mechelen v. Luzvimindia

Nandezia v. Free Republics

Felix v. Metropolis Mania

Tasrailia v. Qatarus

Sondstead v. Chiata

Ethington v. Carizzal

Neo Lemmitania v. Mizuyuki

German-Spanish Empire v. Hontaypyar

Sangti v. Neu Engollon

Kaznan v. Aels

Albaie v. Speranda

Colland v. The Fief of Sir Kunne

Mythic Erin v. Kikwipeyi

Brenecia v. De La Fleur

The City of Woe v. The Fair Republic

Mr Creeper v. Borealia

Tantamir v. Punum

Bloodridge v. Telnaior

Fristat and Marianopolis v. Lahoa

Penileanium v. Kalusia

Europa Brittania v. Piddlehinton

Tirdarsaor v. Asasia

Oralana v. Subramani

Arkolon v. Querria

The Sovan Antithesis v. Lzherusskia

Phing Phong v. Soviet New Ireland

Joshulia v. TailsPrower

[Neo Lemmitania]

Bob: Good morning, honey! Say, you look sort of bloated and hung over today.

Jane: Oh, thanks a heap, ‘hon.’ Maybe it’s because I was up all night listening to the lemmings scratching in the walls.

Bob: Well, you’re going to thank your lucky stars for those lemmings in the walls when you see what I bought last night!

Jane: What is it this time?

Bob: Now, I know I’ve bought some junk before. I admit, I was suckered by the slick advertising of those lying bastards at Acme Lemmings Limited.

Jane: Please just tell me you didn’t buy another home gastroenterology kit, Bob.

Bob: Ha ha! Never again, Jane. Look! I got us a genuine JuiceLoosener(tm) from the Electric Lemming Corporation!

Jane: Well, if it’s from ELC, I know it has to be good. But what in the world is a JuiceLoosener?

Bob: It’s just what it sounds like: a brand new device that automagically loosens the juices from even the stingiest lemming!

Jane: It juices lemmings?

Bob: That’s right! Now, aren’t you glad we have an infestation?

Jane: But what’s lemming juice? Blood?

Bob: Egad no, that would be horrifying! The JuiceLoosener extracts all the natural, delicious, and healthful juices from the lemming while leaving all the disgusting stuff inside. Wanna try?

Jane: Well, it does sound kind of appealing.

Bob: Great! Just grab a lemming and drop it in.

Jane: Okay... there’s one sticking out of that crack in the wall right there.

Bob: Here, wear the included LemmingGloves(tm).

Jane: Thanks. Okay... got him!

Bob: Just shove him right in here, and... voila!

Jane: Ha ha! Look at him squirming around in there! He he he! Look, it’s squeezing his eyeballs out!

Bob: It’s breakfast and a show, all in one!

Jane: Well, that lemming’s pretty flat. So where’s the juice?

Bob: Just hold your glass under the spigot and I’ll do the honors.

Jane: Mm, it looks delicious.Not the least bit like blood.

Bob: Nope, absolutely not.

Jane: Why’s it purple, though?

Bob: That’s the absolutely completely non-carcinogenic food coloring additive making it that deliciously appealing color. Go ahead and have a sip!

Jane: Mmm. Yummylicious(tm)!

Voiceover: Get the brand new JuiceLoosener from the Electric Lemming Corporation at finer retailers across Neo-Lemmitania. There’s no other way to get fresh, warm lemmingjuice without squeezing the little suckers with your own two hands. So stop wasting time hand-squeezing them and start using those precious minutes for more productive activities - like drinking fresh lemmingjuice! Buy one today.

Shemp: This is Shemp Wooley, the Dean of Neo-Lemmitanian Sports, and you’re watching Shemp’s Corner. Wow, that’s a convincing message. I think I’m going to go out and get one of those right after the show. What about you, Tjal?

Tjal: Oh sure, tha’s wot I’m all about, Shemp. Drinkin’ lemmin’ juice.

Shemp: Joining me on tonight’s program is Tjal Cader, extreme athlete and current holder of the first spot on the Lemming Hammer leaderboard. Welcome to the show, Tjal.

Tjal: Thankee. Glad t’be here.

Shemp: That’s a hell of a lot of hardware sticking out of your face, Tjal. Part of the ‘extreme sport’ lifestyle?

Tjal: Sure, wotevah.

Shemp: How many tattoos do you have?

Tjal: Forty-two. ‘ow many you got?

Shemp: Zero.

Tjal: An’ no piercin’s, neither.

Shemp: Hell no.

Tjal: You look a right dick’ead, Shemp. No offense.

Shemp: I never take offense at anything said by a member of your generation, Tjal. Just not worth the effort.

Tjal: Tit.

Shemp: So, highest ranking ‘Lemming Hammerer’ in the country. That’s a hell of a sport.

Tjal: Righteous is wot it is.

Shemp: So basically there’s a platform with holes spaced every half a meter or so and at irregular intervals lemmings pop out of the holes and you smash ‘em with a hammer. Have I got that about right?

Tjal: About right? This ain’t a kids’ game, ol’ man.

Shemp: So tell us about lemming hammering.

Tjal: Okay, first off - It’s called a ‘table,’ not a ‘platform.’ An’ lemmin’s don’t ‘pop out’ of the holes. They get propelled out by tiny cannons. At right wicked speeds.

Shemp: I’m sure it’s more dangerous than it sounds.

Tjal: Tha’s one way to put it. I saw me friend Niko Spurgeon lose an eye when one of the hairy li’l bastards caught ‘im in the face. Niko was leanin’ over the table on a long left cross’ammer - that’s wot it’s called when you hit a lemming at the top left corner with your right hand - and damn if the lemmingcannon didn’t pick the wrong moment to fire off. Well, wrong for Niko. It worked out nicely for me.

Shemp: So Spurgeon had to forfeit the match and you won by default?

Tjal: Forfeit? Hell no, you freakin’ kiddin’ me? Ain’t no forfeitures in Lemming Hammer. You’re in it to win it. An’ if a lemming takes your eye out, you keep playing one-eyed.

Shemp: Okay. That is extreme, I’ll admit.

Tjal: Damn straight.

Shemp: Doesn’t sound like a sport that’s likely to catch on with the national television audience, though. Especially considering how many lemmings you crush in a match.

Tjal: We’re too extreme for TV. Screw TV. It’s why we have a contrac’ with NLRN.

Shemp: Speaking of the Neo-Lemmitanian Radio Network, I want to mention to our viewers that I’ve just been contracted to host the World Cup broadcasts when the qualifiers start. The match commentators have yet to be selected. I’m hearing the names Dan Lemzig and Ricotta Melmond tossed around.

Tjal: Wot the hell is a ‘World Cup?’

Shemp: International football tournament. So I take it you aren’t following the Baptism of Fire.

Tjal: Baptism of Fire? That’s a sporting event? Sounds right wicked.

Shemp: It’s a football tourney. Precedes the World Cup.

Tjal: Rugby football? Played on a burnin’ pitch? That is extreme. Put me on the list.

Shemp: Sorry, no. It’s international-rules football. And it’s played on a regular grass pitch.

Tjal: Bastards. Take me back off the list.

Shemp: The Lemmings - that’s our national football side, Tjal - played their third match of the tournament last night against the Colland national team.

Tjal: Colland? Colland? Wot the hell’s a colland?

Shemp: It’s a country.

Tjal: Sounds like a vegetable.

Shemp: Well, it’s not.

Tjal: I hate me veggies.

Shemp: Probably why you look so pale.

Tjal: Naw, tha’s just the leeches ‘at do that.

Shemp: You use leeches? Like, for bleeding?

Tjal: Wot else you gonna use ‘em for? They ain’t good for eatin’ like lemmings are.

Shemp: Everything you do is extreme, that’s your MO?

Tjal: Tha’s me MO.

Shemp: Sounds like you could use a mother.

Tjal: Me ma’s dead, Shemp. Died when I was but four years old.

Shemp: Who raised you?

Tjal: Some kids in the alley took me in.

Shemp: Explains a lot.

Tjal: Douche.

Shemp: Not sure we’re going to have more ‘extreme sports’ practitioners on for a while. Why don’t you just amuse yourself while I describe the match against Colland?

Tjal: Fine, gimme a knife.

Shemp: Okay, don’t amuse yourself. Just sit there and be bored.

Tjal: Mebbe I’ll jus’ leave.

Shemp: It’s a free country.

Tjal: Kicked off Shemp’s Corner! That’s wot happened to me...

Shemp: ...Okay, that was not the most pleasant experience I’ve had with a guest. Probably better than Gil Lemson, though. But back to the matter at hand - a terrific performance from the Lemmings football side last night, in the nation of Legalese right here in Atlantian Oceania. The Colland side came in just ahead of Neo-Lemmitania in the standings, with four points on a win and a draw. But they didn’t bring their A game. The Lemmings controlled from the early minutes, with the trio of strikers, Bingson, Henneman, and Roger Rosco running the Colland defenders ragged. After failing to score against Nouvel Ecosse last week, it was a festival of goals for the Lemmings this time around. Henneman got his first of the tourney in the twenty-fifth minute, and Bingson added his third in the closing minutes of the first half. In the second, things went pretty much the same, with the Rosco twins each adding a goal, the last one a beauty of a penalty kick by Wilco after being taken down on a nasty tackle that just spoke to the frustration of the struggling Colland players. So with a four-nil win, the Lemmings have six points and are placed fourteenth in the field of fifty-eight. Up next they’ll be playing Mizuyuki, who have an identical record.

After a break for some important messages from our underwriter, we’ll be back to talk lemming tossing: is it a sport? Or just a convenient way to thin the population?

[Chiata]

Sweat was running down everyone's face. It had been a long game. Each team having exeptional defence. Whenever one side began to gain momentum, it was crushed by a big defencive stop. The defences were as stiff as a board. No one was getting through. The perfect game for the Suns.
The Sun's game plan is to have great defence and to sub alot. This was their perfect game. Where it focases on defence and it is a long physical battle. Since the Suns sub alot, getting ran out was not a problem. It was a major problem for the Creepers however. This didn't seem like their kind of game, long and low scoring. If the pressure was kept up, said coach Fillmont, then the defence would eventually crack. It did.
It was five minutes till the game was over. Both teams wern't satisfied with a tie. So it was crunch time. In situations like this, unectspected people tend to step up to the plate and get the job done. That person was the assist man.
Ringer-Toso looked up at the clock. There wasn't much time left. This was probably going to be the Suns' last chance to score. It was in his hands, not Swade's. Earleir in the game, Swade had gotten in an argument with an official. What would have been a yellow card was turned into red. Swade was ejected from the game. Roger Wilson had replaced him. But Wilson was not at all like Swade.
Rigner-Toso kicked it to Willis. Ringer-Toso saw that Willis knew the situation was dire too. They began to run up feild. They kept on passing it to eachother when defenders came up. Eventually, the defenders cought on and moved in closer. Willis quickly tossed it up to Willson. Willson was in prime scorring position so the defence swarmed to him. But the defence didn't know that Willson doesn't have a good leg. Willson didn't even intend to shoot. He was drawing the defenders closer and closer. Just before they got to him he kicked it back to Willis. Directly behind Willis was Ringer-Toso. Willson wound up and kicked. The goal keeper jumped up........ but there was no ball. On his way down, the goal keeper saw his mistake. Willis had faked kicking the ball to get the goal keeper to jump. Right after Willis faked his kick, Ringer-Toso did the real kick. The ball sailed into the net uncontested because the goal keeper was just coming down from his jump. GGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
Ringer-Toso had scored. The Suns won their second straight game in the Baptism of Fire. With the win, they jumped 16 ranks. Number 37 to number 21. Over 3 games, the Suns have only given up 2 goals. That is an average of .66 goals scored on them every game. The Suns next aponent is Sonstead. Sonstead is ranked number 12 but has the same rank as the Suns.
The Chiata Suns continue to march forward and representing their country in the Baptism of Fire.

[Sudagiu]

Sudagiu Informative Network

Sudagiu Beats Ethington


Sudagiu 1 (Żuraw- 90+4' ) - Ethington 0

Team	Sudagiu	Ethington
Goals Scored	1	0
Shots Total	20	13
Shots on Target	14	7
Yellow Cards	1	1
Red Cards	0	0

Sudagiu had their tightest game of the tournament against Ethington. In a game that was full of great attacking football, Sudagiu edged out a win. 3 minutes into the game, Alexandre Ruíz brought down Rokus Kaluza at the edge of the box, but the referee wrongly called for a free kick. Nevertheless, Gerhard Żuraw took the kick, and hit the underside of the ball. Ethington got lucky again, as the all clearly bounced inside the goal, but the referee ruled it a goal kick, after Kaluza headed the ball over the bar.

Is it over the line, or not? The debate rages on.

20 minutes later, Ethington got a free kick. Avalon Césasarælía took the free kick, and hit the ball off the post, and then the ball bounced out for a goal kick. The game was nearly over, until the referee called for 5 minutes of extra time. In a final minute characterized by a dramatic finish, Żuraw received the ball on the edge of the area. He took one step, and shot the ball. The ball was saved brilliantly saved by Hanna Hamren, the Ethington keeper, but the ball ricocheted off of the Ethington center back, and bounced into the path of Żuraw, who, delighted with his luck, slammed the ball into the top right corner to send the Schmiegelland fans into hysterics.

---

The next match would be against The Greater Archipelago, who are coming off a 2-0 win over the German-Spanish Empire. Sudagiu is now the 3rd best team in the tournament, and The Greater Archipelago are second. Thats all from Sudagiu Informative Networks, and you may now continue with your previously scheduled programming.

[Neu Engollon]

TELLEURSVILLE TIMES

SPORTS IN THE CONFEDERACY

BOHICA in Legalese

By Jean Marc Charjan

The Goats have taken it in the keester from the Walri. That much is certain. One cannot fathom how a good crew that was sailing in the tournament fell apart, but they did and they did it hard. The Casaran rankings don't seem to help...anyone, let alone the Goats - having dropped 9 spots to #17. Who knows, if they win the next match to Sangti, maybe they'll rocket back up to #1 with this system, but I won't hold my breath. Boy, that glory was short lived at the top. Now that I've sprayed my shotgun of blame out, maybe it's time to realistically focus more inward, to the lineup.

First of all, another match with mass amount of yellow cards thrown, and no, the refs aren't being derholes, the Goats deserved every one of them. The worst part is that on a normal day, a Neu Engollonian and Ecossian tend to get along pretty well. Take your average Ecossian and average Alpen lad, they both have Astyria in common, they both come from a land that loves beer and hospitality; yet set them on the football pitch together and they will kick, elbow and shove their way to frustration and maybe tap a ball in the net in the process. The worst offenders being Gerard Paseult and Matteo Grazzani, who was real close to getting that red card for some heinous behavior we won't get into.

Generally, most of the players got along, but as the Walri knocked in the third goal at the 68' mark, things ratcheted up a little tighter. With the sole Neu Engollonian goal headbutted in by Manion at 74', all hell broke loose with Holt-Ash of the Walri demanding an offsides call. The call luckily didn't go against us and the goal stood, otherwise, it would've been a miserable shut out with the 4th goal knocked in on a penalty kick by their #11, Reno at the 86th minute.
Henau approached their Manager, Norrie Stewart and it was agreed that a little letting off of steam was in order after the match. We hope to have some account of this soon, as I'm in touch with some eyewitness fans. I guess we'll know if they overdid it by this next matches' score.

Next, the Goats face Sangti. While just like everyone else in the BoF, a relative newcomer to International football, their footie squad are nothing to brush off, and hold a record extremely similar to that of Neu Engollon. One hopes the Goats can find a little redemption.
***

[Sondstead]

SUBTITLE IS ON HIATUS. SOZ.

Sondsteadish Pop Culture · Sports in Sondstead · Technology · Weird Stuff · Visiting Sondstead

Gamal Karimi shone like the sun with two goals tonight in Legalese!
Sondstead comes back! (7 June 2013)

Contributed by Jay Cranston · Exciting match for Sondstead on day three. Sondstead came in needing a victory to salvage their bruised morale, and even against a team less formidable than Neu Engollon (as an aside, "The Goats" as they're nicknamed played their neighbors and reputed, um, human/walrus hybrids Nouvel Ecossel... a claim I have been unable to either disprove or prove).

Anyway, the battlelines were set for Sondstead against Europa Brittania with Rum deciding to start with Tom Karlman in Hwitrländer's place on the defence. In addition Muharukua replaced Bage̊r-Lusjanssunr also at defence, Henrikjrssünr replaced Sude̊rman on the midfield, and E̊nokssunr filled in as goalie simply as the team wanted to give other players a chance to get out on the field.

More interesting, especially for a usually risk averse and defensive minded coach like Rum, was his choice to mix up the formation and adopt the 4-3-3, putting all three forwards on the field while neglecting to bring a player off the bench to sub for Nagy. Especially risky given the squad sent to Kinitaria (well, Legalese now, but you know what I mean) is technically down a substitute forward; any injury or red card could've unravelled the Sondsteadish strategy unless Dale̊r's or Markussunr's versatility held up if brought in as strikers. Which was a big if.

We'd soon see that Rum knew exactly what he was doing, however.

The game kicked off with a stronger Sondsteadish offence than most could've foreseen, with Karimi, Rummo, and Weäldrberg starting strong with Markussunr supporting from the midfield. In short order at 9 minutes in, Karimi scored with his trademark curling shot. Redemption for yesterday's similar but off-target direct free kick shot, in a way.

The blazing game continued, but the Europa Brittanian side quickly found that Sondstead had sacrificed their typical strong defence in switching formations and evened the score at 20 minutes. The Sondstead fans in the stands started getting anxious (no doubt many now fearing a repeat of last night; I know I was), but surprisingly, the team seemed less phased than they should've been and kept going on.

At 32 minutes, Rummo slammed in a second goal for Sondstead. Amazingly, the switch to a slightly more offensive strategy seemed to be working, and although they were working overtime to compensate for the weaker midfield, the defenders, especially Agócs, seemed to really get in the zone. In short, while deviating from their traditional 4-4-2 diamond, this Sondstead looked more like the strong, competitive Green and Red side of the 2011 Mare Cup and less like the psyched out, demoralized one of last night.

At halftime, the team had a judgement call to make; try for a big victory or hold on to what they had?

It was a move that drew a definite mixed reaction at that moment, but everyone agreed it was a classic Rum move; when the teams came back out, Sondstead was back to the tried and true 4-4-2 diamond, with Weäldrberg returning to the bench and Osgar Sarman coming up to the midfield to take Nagy's space. From them on the Sondsteadish defence went from vulnerable to quite tough; the Europa Brittanian side made some good moves but all of them failed to get through, while before the formation switch I am 99% certain the shot at 54 minutes would've been a goal and maybe 90% sure the one at 74 minutes would've been.

Sondstead's offence remained competent, if diminished, following the formation switch, and it turned out there was one more trick left for them; after some masterful playmaking by Markussunr (which must've been painful to watch for the EB fans) Karimi kicked another excellent shot clear into the goal at 67 minutes, putting the score at three to one. From there one, it was a focus on defence for the Green and Red, and in those last twenty-five or so minutes they managed to make it a very strong defence indeed. The game reached full time still at three nil, and the reaction on our side of the stands was a sight to see.

I ended up going to a little pub just down the road from the stadium along with more than a few fellow Sondsteadish fans (it was bloody packed!) and at least one of players. The star of the night, Karimi, was unfortunately not among them. You can bet if he had been there he wouldn't have had to buy himself a single drink!

UPDATE: Matchups and Casaran rankings have now been revealed; heck of a jump for Sondstead in the rankings, climbing to 12th! Tomorrow they're up against Chiata, another solid but not exceptional team; 21st in the Casaran rankings, like Sondstead they won twice and lost once, but they managed to score in all three of their games so far. It could be anyone's match to win, but if Sondstead's performance tonight turns into a trend, we should have the advantage!

P.S. – Yes, you got us. Including both the tech only guy (me), the two guys doing writing and tech (looking at you though, Jöhän), and the six guys and gals writing we only have nine people working on the whole blog. And more than 8.55 of them are "Anglos". I blame Jöhän. ~ Bob the Tech Guy

[Luzvimindia]

THE SPORTS LOUNGE

(OOC: I would like to sincerely apologize to Aels about the inaccuracies and mistakes I have made in my previous post. I have sent him a TG, reiterating my sincerest apologizes about that and I hope that what happened there will end there. Being a newbie in the world of soccer RPs, I thank Aels for the comments he gave about my way of posting and I can honestly say, I have learned my lesson. I hope that despite that no one will judge me for what happened and I promise to not make the same mistakes again. Thank you!)

Eagles soar over De La Fleur to win 2nd straight game, 2-0
by: Lorenzo Lozano - 5:29 pm June 8, 2013 (Luzvimindia Time); 9:29 am June 8, 2013 (UTC)

In a second straight game, the Luzvimindia Eagles put up an excellent performance, beating the De La Fleur National Football Team, 2-0, catapulting themselves to the 8th place in the Baptism of Fire standings with a record of 2 wins, 1 draw and zero losses.

As soon as the game ended against Aels yesterday, the whole team slept through the night but it was a very short one. The flight from Kinitaria to Legalese usually takes only 3 hours but still the Eagles had to be up early for their 7 am flight to Legalese. Arriving around 10 am, the team arrived at the hotel and were given a 4 hour rest period before their light training session in the form of a scrimmage began. In an interview with Coach PJ during the session, he said that the team had to prepare properly for the next match especially since they had less than 8 hours of sleep last night. However, he was quite confident that the team will be able to put up their best performance by tonight's game.

As per the usual routine prior to a game, Coach PJ said a few words of advice and encouragement to the team, stating that they had already come quite a long way in terms of team maturity and camaraderie. He also expressed his confidence in the team and that he trusts they will all give their best performance in tonight's match. Again, Renato Delos Santos, general manager of the team and president of the Luzvimindian Football Association, led the team in prayer. After both teams had entered the pitch, the national anthem of Legalese was played followed by that of Luzvimindia's and then De La Fleur's. After that, the game was off.

The Eagles mounted a strong offense in the opening minutes of the game. Eagles Team Captain and midfielder Julius Rizal along with forward Rommel Lim nearly scored a goal at the 18th and 27th minute respectively. However, by the 30th minute, the De La Fleur defense became more consolidated and by the halftime mark, the score of both teams was still at zero.

In the locker room, Coach PJ tried changing tactics a bit by moving from a 4-3-2-1 to a 4-5-1 formation, normally a defensive formation. It paid off and in the 49th minute, Rizal scored a goal through a good pass from center-midfielder Mateo Garredo. Still, the De La Fleur team wouldn't let up, nearly scoring from three attempts by their two forwards. However, by the 60th minute, it seemed clear that De La Fleur had exhausted their offense and the Eagles took the opportunity. In the 67th minute, center-back Miguel Ermita managed to steal the ball from an long-pass by the De La Fleur midfielder and passed it to forward right wing Reynante Gabuhat who suddenly found himself surrounded by the De La Fleur defenders, he immediately passed it to Garredo who spotted the open Emilio Vinson at the left side of the penalty area. Garredo passed it but it was off by a few meters, forcing Vinson to chase it followed by a De La Fleur defender. Vinson managed to regain control but now had much of the De La Fleur defense on top of him. He returned the ball to Garredo who passed it to Rizal for a possible shot at the goal. Instead of forcing a goal Rizal passed it to Lim. Lim charged through one of the opposing team's defenders. Unexpectedly, Lim did a scissor move, leaving the defender and scoring a goal at the 68th minute, bringing the score to a 2-0 lead over the De La Fleur team. After the goal by Lim, the Eagles consolidated their defense and in the last few minutes of the game, the De La Fleur team only had one open attempt at a goal, giving the Eagles their second win in the Baptism of Fire.

In the post-game interview with Coach PJ, he said that it was a stellar performance from Lim and Rizal, the two scorers for the game, and the defense given by four starting defenders and Trillañes was the best he had seen so far. He also lauded the actions of midfielder Garredo for the selfless sharing of the ball with his teammates. Overall, he said, all the players gave their best leading them to their second straight victory.

I also got to interview Renato Delos Santos, manager of the team and president of the LFA, about how well the team is now playing. He said that he did not expect that all the players will show this kind of athleticism and effort for the games they had played so far and he hopes that they will continue it all the way to the Baptism of Fire Championship Phase. He also lauded (much like Coach PJ) the selfless sharing of the ball by Garredo but also Coach PJ's actions especially during training and during the matches. He was glad that he is not regretting the decision to make PJ the head coach of the Luzvimindia Eagles.

Final recap of the score 2-0:

49' Rizal - nil
68' Lim

With that, the Luzvimindia Eagles are one step closer to qualifying for the Championship Phase of the Baptism of Fire. Luzvimindia's next match will be against Mechelen who also won against their opponents, Hontaypyar, 2-0.

Once again this is Lorenzo Lozano, reporting from Legalese. See you all in my next update!

© National Television Broadcasting Network. June 8, 2013.

[Metropolis Mania]

Metropolis Mania Daily

The Metropoli Soccer/Football Authority, also known as the MSFA, recently decided to compete at the World Cup and Baptism of Fire. 3 matches have been played, we'll summarize them for you. Against Qatarus, Riley Catan scored twice and his striker teammate Ryan Sharp scored, and Kyle Arthurs allowed 2 goals on 8 shots as Metropolis Mania defeated Qatarus 3-2. Next against The Sir Fief of Kunne, Connor Apple scored his first-ever goal, and Riley Catan added his 3rd goal in his second cap, with Randy Vachon giving up a goal in the 65th minute, Metropolis Mania would take victory again. The first two international games had become wins, and manager Ross Clooney was happy about that: "We've come to Kinitaria to show that we can play strong football against other teams like us, competing in their first major tournaments. These first 2 victories have given us the confidence we needed to become a better football team. I'm very happy with the result of these first matches." I don't think he would have liked the jerseys the team wore for those first few games. As the team had no kits, they simply played in track shorts and grey t-shirts. An urgent request was sent to Barrengeka Kits of Astograth for a national team strip. The kits arrived just in time for the next game, against Aquitayne, but more on that below. Aquitayne scored quickly early on, and Metropolis Mania's strikers were silenced by the keeper. Metropolis Mania's team suffered its first loss, Next up for Metropolis Mania is Felix, who are currently 2-1-0, in 9th place overall. Metropolis Mania are in 10th. If the tournament ended today, the top 23 teams would qualify because they all have 6 or more points. However, the tournament does not end today, and the Metropoli have everything to play for in these final 2 games.



Before the game against Aquitayne at a press conference, Riley Catan, Ross Clooney and Clarke Montgomery, Director of the MSFA, showed off the new kits to the crowd. The home kit has red and green stripes with the flag in the middle. Catan, who modeled the jersey, had his name and number on the back, which were coloured yellow, the national colour of our nation. For the away strip, the main colour is yellow, with a red stripe diagonally placed, intersecting with the flag. Although it is not shown in that image, the back was the same, with the name and number being green. Players of the Metropolis Mania National Football team will wear the kits with pride, starting this match against Felix. In other news today, the Metropolis Maker visited a doughnut shop in the capital today, it is expected that tomorrow he will announce a project to build a new national football stadium. That's the news today, tune in tomorrow to see how the games played out at the 52nd Baptism of Fire!

[Nouvel Ecosse]

OOC: I've not enough time for a EcosseSoccer Match Report. Essentially, McFadden got 2, Lafleur 1 and Reno 1 from a penalty. However, we felt that the result was grossly unfair on the performance of the Neu Engollon side, who played a terrific game and were rather unlucky to see the game go the way it did.

No changes to the side against Aquitayne. Should be an exciting game.

[The Greater Archipelago]

ABO Sports

The Lowdown

Are you calm? Cos you won't be in a minute! We won! Again! And we're now second!I can scarcely believe it myself. I bet you want a match report don't you. Well, we're not one's to disappoint. Neither are the Plovers as they have nicknamed themselves, but never mind. Anyway here it is:

German-Spanish Empire 0-2 The Greater Archipelago

                                                     Borla 87, 90+2

The first match of the BoF in Legalese for both the German-Spanish Empire and The Greater Archipelago was the first major test The Greater Archipelago had faced. The German-Spanish Empire was higher in the table than them and, like The Greater Archipelago had won two games. As both sides ran onto the pitch, it became clear we were going to get a good game.

The German-Spanish Empire kicked off for the game of both sides' tournament so far. Both sides were immediately attempting to get a goal. Initially, however, the German-Spanish Empire looked the more positive. The only thing stopping an early German-Spanish Empire goal was the brilliance in goal of David Harris. Indeed when Yunel Ferdinand unleashed a shot from the edge of the area it seemed as if it was destined for the back of the net, but for Harris to pull of a seemingly physics-defying save. But it wasn't all completely one-sided. A swift counter-attack through Bentley, Fold and Cohen bought Borla some space. He delivered a bullet header towards the bottom corner, but for Bramer to pull off a sublime stop. At half-time the score was 0-0, thanks largely to the goalkeepers.

The second half started in much the same way. The Archipelago were attacking hard and the German-Spanish Empire looked very dangerous on the counter-attack. Borla and Fold had a couple of chances, but nothing came of them. In the 62nd minute, Borla headed it at goal. Bramer parried it to Darryl Johnson who cleared to Jose Martinez he played it to Miguel Rios who took it forwards. Then Rios was bought down by a frustrated Jack Connell who earned himself a booking. It was clear he may talk himself into more trouble and so he was brought off the field to be replaced by Richard Simpson. It wasn't the only substitution. Miles Ray had too become quite frustrated with the defending of Julian Juarez. He felt it was illegal, but nothing was given. He was replaced by, revelation of the competition so far, Oliver Harrison. The game didn't open up yet though. In the 75th minute Alex Rogers was brought on for the tired Robert Fold. In the 87th minute with the match looking like a 0-0 draw a super cross from Harrison found Harry Borla in space who fired home for the opening goal with a dynamite volley. In the 2nd minute of added time the German-Spanish Empire got a corner. Johan Streisberg whipped in the corner and Rios got his head to it. It seemed they had fianlly beaten Harris, but for Delley delivering an on the line clearance. While the German-Spanish Empire rued their misfortune, Harrison counter-attacked. He knocked it across goal and away from Bramer for a Borla tap in to make it 2-0. And that was how it finished.

Player ratings:

David Harris - 10 (Man of the Match)
Matt Bentley - 8
Jack Connell - 6
Luke O'Leary - 7
Simon Delley - 8
Richard Peel - 7
Michael Sampson - 8 (Captain)
Roger Cohen - 8
Miles Ray - 6
Robert Fold - 7
Harry Borla - 10
Richard Simpson - 7
Oliver Harrison - 9
Alesx Rogers - 8

I asked Gareth James on his views:

GJ: I'm very pleased and I think Darren Mason will be as well. They were strong and dangerous. The first real test for David Harris. He was supreme today. To be honest he deserved 11 out of 10, but we can't give him that. Borla was sensational as well, but for me Harrison has been a real surprise. It would be a shock if he doesn't start against Sudagiu.

Starting formation: 4-2-3-1



Finishing formation: 4-2-3-1



So we are now 2nd. Our next game is against 3rd place Sudagiu. If that isn't a very good game then something has gone badly wrong.
That will be live from Legalese this evening, on ABO Sports 1, ABO Sports 1 HD and ABO Sports 3D. There will be another episode of The Lowdown tomorrow on ABO Sports 2 and ABO SPorts 1 HD. I'll see you then. Make sure to check out my blog on abosports.com and of course during the match you can listen to the alternate live commentary with me and a special guest. I'll see you tomorrow.

This is live from Legalese, I'm James Reid and this is goodbye

[Sangti]

GOOD TIMES
Roman Barlaan, El Diario Deportivo del Sangti

Sangti players celebrating their third goal.

Sangti 3 (Utanes 4' 34'(pen) 90'), Telnaior 0
Baptism of Fire 52 Preliminary Stage
Reporting from Legalese

Sangti continued its onslaught as John Utanes netted his hat-trick for the Agilang Dilaw, who never looked losing on the pitch despite the injury to Christiann Sanchez. They stay in Legalese for the rest of the preliminaries and a difficult match against Neu Engollon which may decide both teams' fate in this tournament.

Lineup

SANGTI
1 Navarette ©
2 Bautista
3 Pablo
4 Docdoc
5 Ang (Lampa 77')
6 Calayag
7 Sor (Khan 83')
8 Linsangan
14 Flores
10 Magcaleng (Corsiga 77')
9 Utanes

John Utanes opened the scoring for the Sangtians after a cheeky run into the box, jinking past player after player and flicking the ball beyond the Telnaiorian keeper in the 4th minute. They had a chance to double the lead through Franco Flores, filling in for the injured Sanchez. His header after a good corner from Marvick Sor was deflected by a defender and almost got in but a goalline clearance from the keeper kept the scores 1-0. However, he cannot stop Utanes. After the perfectly-timed pass from Flores, Utanes found himself in a one-on-one with the keeper and... the keeper tripped Utanes for a penalty. Fortunately he wasn't sent off. Utanes scored from the spot in the 34th minute to double the Sangtian lead.

The second half was a dull affair - until a man who scored two goals already - scored... again. Utanes scored in a pass from the substitute Erick Khan to slot home a drilling low shot into the near side of the post, impossible for the keeper to reach. Utanes took home the match ball after grabbing the hat-trick, which was his first of his international career.

Sangti has now won two straight with a score of 3-0, and will look like to dominate its opponents in the remaining fixtures. Their opponents Neu Engollon has the same record as the Agilang Dilaw.

---

Facing Neu Engollon, who recently had a devastataing loss to Nouvel Ecosse 1-4, a team who also beat Sangti in matchday 1 of the competition, Sangti's form is on a high after two consecutive 3-0 victories. However, bookies can tell that this match, unlike the last two matches, will be a close encounter.

NEU ENGOLLON FORM GUIDE
Matchday	Opponent	Result	Scorers
MD1		Joshulia	W 4-0	Grazzani, Siebech(2), Vuson
MD2		Sondstead	W 2-0	Siebech, Brenz
MD3		Nouvel Ecosse	L 1-4	Manion

One man, or perhaps, woman to be watched for Neu Engollon will be Erich Siebech. She scored 3+ goals for them so far, but I don't know if she scored in the match against Nouvel Ecosse. But Sangti has the upper hand due to its momentum.

But one thing is sure, the loser of this match will have a difficult task of qualifying in the preliminaries. That is the minumum requirement for Jerous Manalo, the manager of the Agilang Dilaw. Whatever happens, Sangti will play its best to beat Neu Engollon. The same squad that dismantled Telnaior might feature in the upcoming match.

[Free Republics]

Sporting World

Republicans win 4-nil against Albaie
by: Nova Hellstrom

The 52nd Baptism of Fire continued today, from the nation of Legalese, where the incomprehensible language of legalese was invented. Today, Rule Theriault's Republican side was scheduled to play Albaie, a nation from the region of Esportiva. Coming off a victory over Esportiva's champions, who were posing as their colony, few Republicans were worried. They needn't have been.

I spent the day in Legalese talking with Mr. Theriault. He told me all about the strategies he would use in this match. For some reason, he insisted that the "Brenecia" team he had defeated was not New Sideburn, so it looks like they've fooled him too, but they can't fool me. It is always great to be able to speak to Mr. Theriault. Before the game, he told me, "They've only scored 1 goal so far, but haven't allowed any. We just have to get out to an early lead. I don't think they have the weapons offensively to keep up with us." That would turn out to be a prescient statement. See, I can use big words, so don't ever call me a "dumb blonde" in those comments ever again, you ignorant trolls. It's so hurtful and mean.

The Republicans struck quickly today, showing those foreigners from the backward region of Esportiva how to play soccer properly. Indeed, our region would never hold a regional championship because the King of Saintland knows that his kingdom would get crushed against superior Republican athletes. There is no way that a tiny island on the north pole could compete with the greatest nation in the multiverse. The only reason they aren't part of the FFR is because conquering that worthless island would be a waste of time and resources. The success of their athletes proves that the caliber of competition in international sports is not very high. Fortunately, I haven't misplaced a roster since the Di Bradini Cup, but I don't think it matters what the names of these foreigners happen to be. They exist to lose to the Republicans and find out that they are inferior in every way. The only reason that baseball team of scrubs started struggling was because their captain came out as gay, splitting the locker room. Their performance shows why gay athletes need to keep their preferences to themselves. If it wasn't for that distraction, the FFR would be well on our way to winning the World Baseball Classic right now, as we should be.

But, I know very little about baseball, a boring sport with arcane rules that nobody understands. Even baseball "umpires" never get anything right and I personally cannot understand why baseball doesn't just call them "referees" like a normal sport. The only thing interesting about baseball games is looking at the cute ballplayers. Soccer's a much more exciting sport anyway. It is so much fun to play and it is much more entertaining to watch. I know I'll upset all the baseball fans, but I played soccer and soccer has always been my favorite sport. Since I'm a girl, I'm not much of a fan of football. I don't understand the rules of that either and the players wear all that armor. The only thing I liked about football was going to the games because all the cute guys were there. We Republicans have never cared much for indoor sports and personally I can't say that basketball players are even real athletes. I know that's probably going to get some basketball fan to troll in the comment section, but I don't care.

Anyway, Mr. Theriault's team got out to an early lead today. Kieran Kewer attempted to cross to Queb in the 9th minute. Arnou Labrecque intercepted and passed forward to Ayub Sandstrom. Sanstrom ran with the ball most of the way downfield and then passed inside to Jens Koch. Koch set up Leo Cremonesi and Cremonesi put it high, in the left corner after faking a shot to the right corner. Edward Erentsen dove right and watched helplessly as the shot sailed into the net. Leo Cremonesi had put the FFR in the lead! FFR! FFR! FFR!

It didn't take long for other Republican players to add to that advantage. After a long shot from Kewer hit the post, Joseph Poole booted it deep. Bernard Lukic crossed, finding Kyle Bolton. Erentsen had no choice but to deflect Bolton's shot for a corner. Ayub Sandstrom's corner went into the box, where it found the head of Kieran Hancock. Hancock's header went in for a second goal. Mr. Theriault's Republicans had struck again. Suddenly, things looked very bleak for Albaie.

The remainder of the first half saw Republican shot after Republican shot hit the post or the bar or just miss the net by a few inches. Every Republican striker and midfielder got into the act. It took a while, but the Republican side would finally get that 3rd goal just before halftime. Koch crossed to Bolton and Bolton passed to Ayub Sandstrom, setting up a one-time shot. Sandstrom's one-timer was hit perfectly and it was in the back of the net before Erentsen knew what was happening. Halftime soon arrived, with the FFR leading 3 goals to nil.

At halftime, Albaie pulled their keeper, replacing him with Robert Smith. Smith would fare little better. Just a few minutes later, Dan Pepen gave the ball away to Kieran Hancock. Hancock moved forward, passing to Bernard Lukic. Lukic quickly passed the ball to Jens Koch. Koch crossed to Faredin Pozenel. Pozenel passed to Kyle Bolton and the Republican captain put it in the net for the 4th Republican goal. Suddenly, the FFR led 4 goals to nil and everybody in the stadium knew that this one was over.

Mr. Theriault suddenly went defensive, bringing in Berto Marcelo and Patrick Werfel as substitutes for Leo Cremonesi and Faredin Pozenel. Suddenly, the FFR was playing a 5-1-2-1-1 formation. At this point, I stopped paying attention to the match. I just wanted to get back to the new Sixty Shades book. Today, I opted not to drink any alcohol and spent most of the second half reading. I figured that I'd find out from the fans around me, most of whom seemed to be supporting Albaie, if anything happened that I needed to report about. Both teams probably had some scoring opportunities and maybe a card happened, but I didn't pay attention to the match, so I don't know.

With the 4 to nil victory, the FFR is now ranked 7th in the Casaran standings. The teams with 2 wins and a draw are currently ranked between 5th and 9th. For some reason, the Casaran standings rank Mechelen 5th and Nandezia 6th. Luzvimindia is 8th, followed by Felix. I personally cannot understand why those ignorant foreigners would rank Mechelen above the FFR. Mr. Theriault's side proved on the playing field that they were the better team. The draw was a fluke that only happened because Ausilio Mancini dropped the ball on that day. Mechelen will be playing Luzvimindia next while the FFR's next opponent is Nandezia. Victories by the FFR, Mechelen and Felix would likely set up the 3rd match between Felix and the Federation of Free Republics this year, as the 2 nations met twice in the Di Bradini Cup, with the FFR beating them twice. However, its impossible to be sure of anything until the schedule is announced. That's simply how this Casaran system works. Only the inventors of the language of legalese know how the Casaran works. Fortunately, if Mr. Theriault's team keeps winning, they will keep moving higher and higher in the Casaran standings. Although I may not understand how this thing works, I believe the FFR would clinch a spot in the Round of 16 with a victory tomorrow against Nandezia. If Mr. Theriault's side gets into the elimination rounds, they have to be regarded by everybody as the favorites to win the Baptism of Fire because the FFR is the greatest nation in the multiverse and the greatest nation has the greatest athletes. FFR! FFR! FFR!

Nova Hellstrom is an young sports journalist, just out of journalism school. She got her start covering high school soccer for the Petrograd Times. At one time, she played girls soccer for Petrograd Christian School. She was recently discovered by Sporting World and was previously assigned to cover the 27th Di Bradini Cup. By request of Rule Theriault, she will be recapping FFR matches from the Baptism of Fire.

[Nandezia]

It's A Draw!

Nandezia and Felix went at it in their most recent Baptism of Fire match, where both teams were near the top of the table, vying to continue their winning streaks. However, after 90 minutes, the score was still 0-0, and both teams should be happy with their performance.

Daniel Cardona and Felix came out strong, putting themselves on the front foot from the very get-go. Within the first 20 minutes, Felix had taken five corners. However, with hearty defense, Nandezia was able to keep it out of the back of the net. Desi Tono, the Nandezian captain, will be happy with his performance, and his seven saves throughout the whole game. The best chance that Felix had came to their young forward, Ziya Saqqaf, who misjudged a volley five yards from goal, and sent it sailing over. Had Saqqaf got it down, Tono would have had no chance.

After half time, Jimeno Moles came out for Nandezia and he was replaced by Matias Aquino, so that hopefully Nandezia could control the midfield more, and move out from there. Felix's 3-4-3 formation was killing Nandezia at the back, so Aquino came in to reinforce the back. In the 72nd minute, Blau brought down Alban in the box on a clumsy mistake, and Vipond was given the penalty kick. Vipond should of put it in the back of the net, but instead, he nailed it off the left side post and it rolled out of play. That was the Canaries chance to take the lead, but they couldn't grasp it.

Defense seemed to be the name of the game today, as both teams, for what seemed a majority of the game, were backed into their own halfs, just trying to retain a clean sheet. This draw marks Tono's first international clean sheet. We got to speak with him after the game and he had this to say:

"I was really proud of our defense today. We came out with passion, and we knew nothing was going to roll into our net. The guys played strong and confident, and that's what you need out of your defenders. It's unfortunate that the forwards couldn't make it count when they needed to, but that's the game of it. We played a really difficult defense today, even though they only had three at the back. Next game, I know we'll be scoring the goals we're known for."

Nandezia is currently ranked 6th in the standings. Their next game will match them against The Free Republics, who have the same record as Nandezia, and lie in 7th place. The Free Republics won their last game 4-0, and are known for their attacking style of play. Their young squad will have much more energy and pep then some of the aged Nandezians, but the Canaries will be relying on their experience to outplay the fiery Free Republics.

The 58 team section of the Baptism of Fire is near it's end, and Nandezia find themselves near the top of the table, trying to hold on for the later rounds. They're playing great football, and the full force of the nation is behind them in their first ever international competition.

[The Greater Archipelago]

ABOSports.com

All the stories! All the rumours!

The BoF Blog
By James Reid
Posted 08/06/2013

So another win. The momentum's building. The game yesterday was good. We won solidly, but we do need to be cautious with predictions as there is a long way to go yet. We are now, however, 2nd in the standings. We're genuinely doing well at this stage. If I sound a little downbeat compared to what I was like during The Lowdown earlier, that's because I've had a migraine. However, I'm feeling a lot better now and intend to continue as usual.

Legalese. As I say I've been here before. On holiday. Three years ago. The weather is normally fantastic, but you can never be too sure. So far, however, it has been good. The people are extremely welcoming and know their football very well. I've been asked about The Greater Archipelago as a country, but as a team everyone knows the players. And they've been watching the matchs. As a result they seem to talk a lot about Borla and Harris. I think it comes from last night's match.

Anyway, the next match, against Sudagiu. They're 3rd. That's one thing I've noticed. 1st is going to be playing 4th and 2nd is going to be playing 3rd. Clearly the people making the draw want the number of teams with all wins down to two. As it will be after tonight. So tune in, of course, and listen to my live commentary. I'll take some happiness pills to cheer me up. Not drugs though. My live commentary tonight will feature rugby player Jack May. A Koimo Island fan. Running through all the clubs in The Greater Achipelago now are we to show once and for all we're not biased. But we're not and there have been no suggestions we are.

Anyway, laters,

James Reid

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Interview with: David Harris
By Andy Blagg
Posted 08/06/2013



David, you're yet to concede a goal in the competition. Are the opposition all just not good enough or are you just unbelievable?
Haha, neither. I've been playing the best I ever have I'd say. The opposition have been good. Piddlehinton and The Fair Republic were disappointing. They weren't really a challenge at all. The German-Spanish Empire on the other hand were very good.

You were absolutely magnificent in that match.
I'm flattered. Yeah, I thought I'd played pretty well.

You were voted man of the match. How does that feel?
It's an honour. Now I've just got to keep it going now.

Sudagiu next. Tougher opposition?
Oh definitely. They are strong. They're 3rd we're 2nd so it should be an absolute cracker of a match. And a real challenge for me. I've never looked forward to a match more.

Best of luck.
Thanks.

[Kalusia]

The Golden Stripes had one mission. Win. And they did. Mobinôs was wary that if this match wasn't won, the team would be out of the tournament for sure. Now, if they would be to win, there was a small hope. Not much, but Mobinôs knew that he had to stay optimistic, to make sure his team did so too. Luckily, in the 6th minute already, Fejîs got a corner out of a certainly failed offense. Now, Gôjlêv shot the ball into the masses of people in the box, but he found Tornej's head, who handily knocked the ball in the net. Euphoricly he ran to Mobinôs and kissed his feet, and did so with Gôjlêv's shoes too. The first time in the Baptism of Fire, the Kalusian Team was leading! However, Mobinôs yelled at the team that focus was needed to ensure victory. Whether they were focused or not, in the 18th minute, Tornej striked again. He rocketed the ball in the net, far out of reach for the TailsProwerian goalkeeper. It wasn't done yet though. The 28th minute was the stage for another goal, this time by Fejîs. He got a pass from the midfield, by Kômôn and very precisely pushed the ball past the goalkeeper. The next goal was just before half time, and was scored by the last striker of the Golden Stripes in the field, Têrzibâlt. He got the ball right-angled from Tornej, and surprised the keeper with a fast, straight ball over the ground. With the score of four to nill on the board half time started. And fifteen minutes later, the game went on again. This time, it was Kômôn who walked up to the box, but was taken down by a defender from TailsPrower. Kômôn was slightly injured it seemed, and to leave no risk, Mobinôs decided to switch him out. Brôntir filled in his spot, and Hugh made his match debut. Gôjlêv took the free kick, and hit the head of Tornej, who skillfully headed the ball past the goalie. The last goal by the Kalusian team was made by the sub Hugh, who came up walking from half field and through a few quick passes with Têrzibâlt and Fejîs got a shot at goal. Succesfull, it turned out. 6 - 0 was the final standing, and the Kalusian supporters were outside theirselves. They believed that there was perhaps something left in the tank, and that the team could at least go down with honour, though they'd much prefer it they'd never go down! ''This was a magical night'' a supporter exclamated. ''Wouldn't have wanted to miss this at all'' All of Kalusia hopes that the next match will go just as easily, and critiques think that the team has a very good chance to win. However, Galêx Mobinôs, the chief commander of the Kalusian Army is still sceptical.. ''We shall see. But as always, I hope for the best, and I know that everyone in the team does. They know that we must win, and they'll all go for it the full 100 procent.'' We shall see tonight.

[Brenecia]

Kick-off
Rowan leaned back in his chair, and poured himself a whiskey. Neat, at that. He couldn't put his finger on why Garrett's seeming hate towards Brenecia pissed him off so much... it wasn't like he had any real ties to that country besides some cousins who lived there. But... bloody hell, the war was decades ago, and there had been exactly eight deaths on both sides combined before New Sideburn gave up and went home! It wasn't like they were some kind of axis of evil, just... just people who wanted independence, and if there's anything a Sideburnese should understand it's that desire...
And here was the fat fuck now. Rowan wished he was a more vengeful person who wouldn't feel guilty about hauling off and belting him one, but alas.
He settled for pouring himself another drink.
"Ah, whiskey?" said Garrett, brightly. "I'll take one myself, if you don't mind."
Oh, fuck right off. Rowan, however, didn't resist as he poured himself some.
"Ah, Newrook 12-year, huh? The good stuff, I see!"
"I bloody well need it," grunted Rowan. "We need three straight wins or we're fucked."
Garrett laughed, unpleasantly. Rowan's eye twitched a little, but mercifully an alarm sounded before violence happened.
Kick-off approached.
Sighing, Rowan swivelled over to look at the laptops streaming the game live as a faceless techie flicked on all the equipment.
"1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war..." muttered Garrett. "Okay? We good to go?"
"On in five, four, three, two..." Another techie, Andrew, counted the last number off with his finger, then flashed a thumbs up.
We have the best coverage. We have all the numbers. We have the analysts who've been there in the hot spots before.

For your Baptism of Fire 52 coverage;
GARRETT PENNY! Veteran commentator and analyst for 30 years, after a playing career spanning another 15!

ROWAN PENDRAGON! The youngest manager ever to take the helm in the Premiership, he steered the 302 Corvette Maulers to 9th in their first season, then won the Cup with Southfell United two years later!

Bringing you the best coverage since 291, this! Is! Hazard! Sports!
"Hello and welcome to Hazard Sports' coverage of the Brenecia vs. Sovan Antithesis Baptism of Fire 52 fixture held in beautiful Legalese," said Garrett, in one breath. Rowan cocked an eyebrow. "With me here is Rowan Pendragon, our somewhat sour off-colour commentator of late!"
"Ha, ha," said Rowan, loyally. I will shank you. I will shank you in the face, right here, right now, just bloody try me, god I need another drink.
"Now, presently the lineups are showing up, and Brenecia it seems are sticking to their lineup! Rowan? Any thoughts on this mad decision?"
"I don't think it's a mad decision at all," said Rowan, evenly. "Too much rotation upsets the boat; players LIKE stability, if they're on the sharp end of it. Lawless knows these are the best eleven players he has, so he's using 'em... it's that simple."
"Hm... well, we shall see."
Yeah, thought Rowan, bitterly. We shall. ... Bastard.

Dominance
"And it's cleared out by a defender for a Brenecia throwin in Sovan's third of the pitch. Now, you've got to expect Vinny Riggs to take a throw from this position, and... yes, here he comes."
Rowan leaned forward, entranced by the match. He'd not said much, to be true... but Brenecia had dominated so far. Sovan simply couldn't touch Spitfire and Macbeth on the wings, and that appeared to be increasingly fatal for their defensive prospects. If Riggs could just...
The ball was flung out into the penalty area in a passable imitation of any other set-piece. Sovan evidently hadn't done their homework... they hadn't expected that.
"Edmund Pike suddenly cuts out in front of- ! Volleys it!" roared Garrett. "GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!"
Pike had, in fact, managed a superb strike to put it through the defence. And while Rowan said some colour commentary to actually earn his paycheck, he couldn't help but marvel that Brenecia had scored in just seven minutes.

Penetration
This had gotten ridiculous.
The Sovans had evidently concentrated on playing the centre, where they compete. Unsurprisingly, letting Brenecia's two best players run rampant on the wings wasn't working out that great for them.
"Here's Spitfire on the ball," said Garrett, slightly irritably.
"Brenecia have held 64% of possession so far in the match, and 72% of the last five minutes," said Rowan, helpfully.
"Yeah, right. Spitfire still on the ball... the Sovan full-back comes in with a neat tackl-"
"Evaded!" cried Rowan triumphantly. "Spitfire's through on goal with that bit of skill!"
"A defender tries to stop her- she lays it off to Ash Twining! Twining smashes it!"
"GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!"
Stunningly, Brenecia were 2-0 up in nineteen minutes, and as Garrett calmly tried to explain how Brenecia had managed it, Rowan continued to be extremely smug and self-satisfied.

Counter-attack
"Oof, poor corner there from Lyons," muttered Garrett. "Cleared out by the Sovan keeper... oh!"
Rowan swore on-mic, and was suddenly glad for the nation's leniancy towards profanity and open bias in favour of nearby affectionate arch-rivals.
"It's 3 vs. 3 here," said Garrett smoothly, "and most of the Patriots are rushing back... Silence slides in to try and intercept the forward pass, misses, now she's out of the play, Allbeck against their number ten here, the South Laithland right-back is keeping firm here, but the number ten puts on a burst of pace to get past her, now it's 10 and 9 against the keeper, Mansfield makes himself big and a cracker of a shot is palmed over."
Rowan breathed a sigh of relief. "Close call there for the Patriots," he acknowledged, "but big Steve Mansfield had that covered."

Interval
Rowan breathed a sigh of relief as the final whistle blew. 4-0 Brenecia in the end, with another goal from Pike in first half stoppage time from a corner, and Macbeth putting the final nail in in the 72nd minute.
He thought he'd go home early tonight, and then catch up with some mates and go on a bar crawl. Almost by instinct he texted his husband to let him know there was way too much whiskey in his system for him to be behind the wheel. Evan would understand, though he would probably raise an eyebrow... he'd spent the last six years in Alcoholics Anonymous, and it had left him with a certain holier-than-thou attitude to the Demon Drink.
"Well, I'm gonna go, I think," said Garrett, in the overly matey tone of someone who probably dislikes you but never actually lets it show. "See you tomorrow, Rozza."
"Yeah, bye..."
"'S the Strongnesse Trophy soon," said Garrett helpfully.
"Right, yeah," mumbled Rowan, trying to remember through the haze where the U key was on a phone's keypad.
"Maybe people will overlook your shitty commentary then."
Rowan glanced up from the phone for a second. "What did you say?" he asked, with a distinct edge.
"I said you won't have to suck Brenecian cock for another match," said Garrett, evenly. "What, you want to try me?"
Rowan looked back down to the phone. "How about you go home before I break you."
"Oh, big words."
"No, I kept small, on account of I don't think you'd understand 'big words'," said Rowan breezily, without looking up. "Do you really think you're so fucking tough? I think they still have montages of your diving on YouTube..."
It was a hard punch, and it hurt, but that wasn't relevant for long. Rowan was out the moment his head hit the floor.

[Tirdarsaor]

Kilgall Free Press

Draw Leaves Fighting Celts All But Eliminated

Tirdarsaor have drawn their second game in the fifty third Baptism of Fire, leaving them ranked forty seventh out of fifty eight teams, and near enough eliminated from the tournament.

In their first game in the Legalese half of the Casaran stage, the Fighting Celts were drawn against Fristat and Marianopolis, who were just ahead of Tirdarsaor in the table before the game. After the national anthems and handshaking, the game got off to a fairly exciting start, with both sides getting some good chances early on; Tirdarsaor through Oisín Mac Conchobhar, Fristat going close through Johan Berthelsen. It was Fristat and Marianopolis who took the lead, about half an hour in, Lavrenti Sjolund's pinpoint cross finding Uwe Kunze for the goal.

When the second half got underway, Tirdarsaor looked dejected, with no will to win the game. Fristat and Marianopolis had control over the game, and only a trifecta of brilliant saves from Fionnbharr Ó Scolaighe kept the Fighting Celts fighting in the game. Chances were few and far between for Mac Maol Dáire's side, until the eighty fifth minute, when Éanna Ó Cadhla made amends for his recent troubles with a simple tap in past Kevin Ehrlichmen. Ó Cadhla caused controversy, however, when he removed his shirt to reveal a pro-Latin message on his undershirt.

Aside of the controversy surrounding the captain's goal celebrations, the game showed only that Tirdarsaor, as a football squad, are not ready for the international stage. In their last two games, it appears the side are playing simply for dignity and pride, with fans hoping that they can at least beat Asasia to prove that they can beat somebody.

---

The controversies surrounding Éanna Ó Cadhla's celebrations were more than the Kilgall Free Press, or any other broadsheet in the Territories, could imagine.

The veterans knew eactly what Éanna was going to do if he got a goal against Fristat and Marianopolis. A couple of them applauded, most kept quiet, while the team's most peaceful player, Peadar Mac Diarmaid had advised the captain against it. He wasn't for listening. There would be millions of people, of all persuasions, watching the game back home. He had to show that he, a hero to thousands in the town of Morrath, was against the injustices meted onto the Latin race, and for the equality that so many desired.

Éanna knew exactly what it would do to the youngsters; people like Mac Conchobhar, who would do anything to prevent a Latin getting anywhere near them. It had been discovered recently that Oisín's apartment in Kilgall had a banner hanging from the balcony that declared, "Fuck Off Latin Scum". Éanna hated that. He hated that he could get away with it. He hated that a bigot like that was allowed to represent his country. He didn't care what Mac Conchobhar thought of the stunt. But he was about to hear it anyway. Oisín found him in the dresing room not long after the final whistle.

"What the fuck were you thinking out there Éanna ??" Mac Conchobhar, fuming, went straight to the point.

"I know, I know. It was a risky shot to take, especially with Fearghus to my right, but I saw their keeper off his line, and I just needed to go for it. It worked well enough though, didn't it ??" Éanna smirked at the knowledge that he was thoroughly winding his rival up.

"You know what I mean Ó Cadhla. It's fucking disgraceful what you did out there." Mac Conchobhar stroked his chin. "You realise what harm you've done ??"

"What, by supporting equality ??" Éanna laughed at his teammate.

"For those bastards ?!" Oisín was in a rage. "You realise how Celts are treated in some places ?? It's all because people like you propose your fucking equality. They don't deserve it. They are invaders. They are scum. They don't deserve to grovel at my fucking feet."

"Do you even know what grovel means, Mac Conchobhar ??" Éanna sounded like a junior school teacher with his patronising voice when he made comments like this. Oisín swung a fist at the captain. He was quickly pulled away by his friends, claiming that Éanna was not worth it, but Mac Conchobhar was thoroughly pissed off. The team was at boiling point. They couldn't deal with any more disagreements.

[Tasrailia]

Tasrailia Blog 3
Tasrailia 2-0 Punum
The Tasrailia Tigers were looking to take home another win for the 52nd edition of the Baptism of Fire and they will have to take on Punum. The unknowns as they were ready to take another victory and maybe go into the knockouts in their first appearance in a international competition. They could see it and they did feel it.

It would it only take 6 minutes for the opening goal to arrive as James Blueberry scored to get the first goal of the game and they were ahead 1-0. 7 minutes later, another goal came, this time from Michael Mole as he got an assist from his brother Timothy to collect their second of the game. They knew that a another goal could make Punum feel like a devil.

22nd minute was a big factor into the game as both Henry Dean (Punum) and Riley Daian (Tasrailia) tripped in the exact spot as they both fell over. Both were thinking of doing punches but then they stopped and knew what was going to happen. They both would of got red cards if they fight.

As the match continued, Punum tried everything except for one and that was to kick into their own net. From kicking it wide to kicking straight on, Kyle Danai didn't budge as he was like a wall stopping everything that was heading towards goal. So another win for the Tigers as they will take on Qatarus in the next match. Here was the chat

Coach: Well Done team, another win in the bag
Players: Hooray
Coach: Riley Daian, can I talk to you for a minute
Riley: Ok *walks to the coach*
Coach: What happened
Riley: What the incident?
Coach: No the cricket, of course the incident
Riley: I think that pitch is rigged
Coach: Why so?
Riley: Cause me and Henry from Punum tripped in the exact same spot.
Coach: I did see that, and something up
Riley: Tell me about it
Coach: I will talk to the person who controls the ground that we just played on and see what we do about it
Riley: Ok
Coach: Good, now go to your teammates they would be waiting
Riley: Yep

Lineup for the next match
GK: Kyle Danai (Devbourne)
DF: Matthew Norir (Devbourne)
DF: Mario Aoaoae (Launey)
DF: Barry Edwards (Devbourne)
DF: Riley Daian (Launey)
MF: James Blueberry (Hoberra)
MF: Timothy Mole (Devbourne)
MF: Michael Mole (Devbourne)
FW: John Utaja (Burth)
FW: Robin Federer (Burth)
FW: Jarrod Murphy (Burth)

Subs
GK: Alex Permat (Hoberra)
DF: Joshua Coap (Devbourne)
MF: Ben Ben (Burth)
MF: Ryan Whincup (Burth)

[Aels]

THE REPORT
Huw Price in Legalese

Aels off the mark with Jenkins watching

Oralana 0
Aels 3

ALUN Jenkins is not a very popular man in Aels. Dinas Drefhil's midfield dynamo—and captain of Ancharmunn—broke ranks with close friend Elwyn Richard by choosing not to switch allegiance back to his home country when the Football Commission of Aels finally formed a senior national team.

It was therefore quite a surprise to many, both in the press box and in the stands and probably on the pitch as well, that Jenkins should be spotted last night sitting with FCA non-executive president Geraint Owen Sr. in one of the luxury boxes.

And Jenkins might have been left wondering what he could have brought to this Aelsh side still completely fresh to international football with the exception of Richard, as while Richard nabbed his first international goals—a hat-trick—for Aels, Gethin Evans looked completely out of place in central midfield with his two more experienced overseas-based colleagues, Rhodri Evans and Aled Jones.

Richard, who has repeatedly defended his friend's decision not to make the switch from Ancharmunn to Aels, might well think in private that the Aelsh would work better as a unit with the Drayfill-born maestro leading the midfield. But there were no worries for him last night as he scored Aels' first goals in WCC football.

A deft flick on by strike partner Bryn Thomas after a long ball from Iwan Maddox at the back set Richard up perfectly to open the scoring just a quarter of an hour in, and the 34-year-old front man doubled his tally just six minutes later by heading in a Rhodri Evans cross from close range.

Richard, desperate to get his hat-trick, snatched too quickly at chances for the rest of the first half and missed four gilt-edged opportunities to put the game out of reach. What Sergyei Arefev would've said to him at half time is anyone's guess—though the Mytanar would probably have done well not to speak to Richard.

Arefev acknowledged after the game that the skipper led by example, noting that the experienced Iturributa United striker had a point to prove. "It's his one and only World Cup cycle with us. He's a consummate professional and was always going to give it his all."

Richard did finally complete his hat-trick seven minutes into the second half as he picked the ball off an opposition midfielder and struck it sweetly with real venom from 30 yards. Time seemed to stand still; Richard almost carried a cheeky grin on his face as he watched the flight of the ball in the air before it crashed into the top right corner of the net.

Gethin Evans' bad day went down the drain when he was sent off with half an hour still to play for a second bookable offence for dissent; Arefev responded by bringing the hat-trick hero Richard off for an extra midfielder in Ryan Dougal to counter what little attacking threat Oralana provided.

Aels now face Kaznan, the first time this tournament they will play a team with a better record than them. With Gethin Evans suspended, Arefev has decisions to make—but buoyed by this comprehensive win, the Mytanar might well find it in his heart to forgive the poor 24-year-old.

Match ratings: J McConnell 7.5, R Jones 7.0, O Griffiths 6.5, I Maddox 7.5, S Andrews 6.5, C O'Connor 7.0, R Evans (vc) 8.0, A Jones 7.5, G Evans 5.5, B Thomas 8.0, E Richard (c) 10.0; Subs: I Thomas 7.0 (for R Jones), G Owen 7.0 (for C O'Connor), R Dougal 6.5 (for E Richard)
Bookings: S Andrews, G Evans 2
Sendings off: G Evans
Goals: E Richard 3