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Elfen High 2 (OOC 5, Closed)

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Rupudska
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Postby Rupudska » Sun Mar 17, 2013 2:59 pm

Mavorpen wrote:I want Lena to respond, "Hentai" so badly.

But she's not Olthar. She's just RPed by her.
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Presumably they use advanced technology like STRIKE WITCHES

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Nightkill the Emperor
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Postby Nightkill the Emperor » Sun Mar 17, 2013 2:59 pm

Astrolinium wrote:Eric, as music teacher, must now form an Elfen High marching band and have them go toe to toe with Shung's.

The problem is that Crowley will take "Play the flute" in a different manner than intended.
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Nat: Night's always in some bizarre state somewhere between "intoxicated enough to kill a hair metal lead singer" and "annoying Mormon missionary sober".

Swith: It's because you're so awesome. God himself refreshes the screen before he types just to see if Nightkill has written anything while he was off somewhere else.

Monfrox wrote:
The balkens wrote:
# went there....

It's Nightkill. He's been there so long he rents out rooms to other people at a flat rate, but demands cash up front.

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Olthar
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Founded: Jun 23, 2010
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Postby Olthar » Sun Mar 17, 2013 2:59 pm

Mavorpen wrote:I want Lena to respond, "Hentai" so badly.

That would be humorous. :P

Nightkill the Emperor wrote:
Astrolinium wrote:Eric, as music teacher, must now form an Elfen High marching band and have them go toe to toe with Shung's.

The problem is that Crowley will take "Play the flute" in a different manner than intended.

:lol:
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Nationstatelandsville
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Postby Nationstatelandsville » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:00 pm

Nightkill the Emperor wrote:
Astrolinium wrote:Eric, as music teacher, must now form an Elfen High marching band and have them go toe to toe with Shung's.

The problem is that Crowley will take "Play the flute" in a different manner than intended.

Did you not read Astro's first two posts?

That's exactly what Gay Eric intends.
"Then I was fertilized and grew wise;
From a word to a word I was led to a word,
From a work to a work I was led to a work."
- Odin, Hávamál 138-141, the Poetic Edda, as translated by Dan McCoy.

I enjoy meta-humor and self-deprecation. Annoying, right?

Goodbye.

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Mavorpen
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Postby Mavorpen » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:00 pm

Rupudska wrote:
Mavorpen wrote:I want Lena to respond, "Hentai" so badly.

But she's not Olthar. She's just RPed by her.

I know, but it would just be so random and amusing for a girl who pretty much lacks a personality to enjoy Hentai.
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Astrolinium
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Postby Astrolinium » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:03 pm

Nightkill the Emperor wrote:
Astrolinium wrote:Eric, as music teacher, must now form an Elfen High marching band and have them go toe to toe with Shung's.

The problem is that Crowley will take "Play the flute" in a different manner than intended.


This one time, at band camp...
✡ וישבו איש תחת גפנו ותחת תאנתו ואין מחריד כי־פי יי צבאות דבר ✡
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Nightkill the Emperor
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Postby Nightkill the Emperor » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:03 pm

In my head, I almost feel like Sanchez is a Muggle Crowley (though with far less Crowley to him) and Shung is a Muggle Minh.
Hi! I'm Khan, your local misanthropic Indian.
I wear teal, blue & pink for Swith.
P2TM RP Discussion Thread
If you want a good rp, read this shit.
Tiami is cool.
Nat: Night's always in some bizarre state somewhere between "intoxicated enough to kill a hair metal lead singer" and "annoying Mormon missionary sober".

Swith: It's because you're so awesome. God himself refreshes the screen before he types just to see if Nightkill has written anything while he was off somewhere else.

Monfrox wrote:
The balkens wrote:
# went there....

It's Nightkill. He's been there so long he rents out rooms to other people at a flat rate, but demands cash up front.

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Nationstatelandsville
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Postby Nationstatelandsville » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:04 pm

Nightkill the Emperor wrote:In my head, I almost feel like Sanchez is a Muggle Crowley (though with far less Crowley to him) and Shung is a Muggle Minh.

I could see Minh knitting.
"Then I was fertilized and grew wise;
From a word to a word I was led to a word,
From a work to a work I was led to a work."
- Odin, Hávamál 138-141, the Poetic Edda, as translated by Dan McCoy.

I enjoy meta-humor and self-deprecation. Annoying, right?

Goodbye.

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Nightkill the Emperor
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Founded: Dec 28, 2009
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Postby Nightkill the Emperor » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:06 pm

Nationstatelandsville wrote:
Nightkill the Emperor wrote:In my head, I almost feel like Sanchez is a Muggle Crowley (though with far less Crowley to him) and Shung is a Muggle Minh.

I could see Minh knitting.

In hindsight, so can I.
Hi! I'm Khan, your local misanthropic Indian.
I wear teal, blue & pink for Swith.
P2TM RP Discussion Thread
If you want a good rp, read this shit.
Tiami is cool.
Nat: Night's always in some bizarre state somewhere between "intoxicated enough to kill a hair metal lead singer" and "annoying Mormon missionary sober".

Swith: It's because you're so awesome. God himself refreshes the screen before he types just to see if Nightkill has written anything while he was off somewhere else.

Monfrox wrote:
The balkens wrote:
# went there....

It's Nightkill. He's been there so long he rents out rooms to other people at a flat rate, but demands cash up front.

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Nightkill the Emperor
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Posts: 88776
Founded: Dec 28, 2009
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Postby Nightkill the Emperor » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:07 pm

EH Knitting Club Members
Laz
Calliel
Daisuke
Depressed Mummy
Hi! I'm Khan, your local misanthropic Indian.
I wear teal, blue & pink for Swith.
P2TM RP Discussion Thread
If you want a good rp, read this shit.
Tiami is cool.
Nat: Night's always in some bizarre state somewhere between "intoxicated enough to kill a hair metal lead singer" and "annoying Mormon missionary sober".

Swith: It's because you're so awesome. God himself refreshes the screen before he types just to see if Nightkill has written anything while he was off somewhere else.

Monfrox wrote:
The balkens wrote:
# went there....

It's Nightkill. He's been there so long he rents out rooms to other people at a flat rate, but demands cash up front.

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Seshephe
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Postby Seshephe » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:09 pm

O.O
so many pages already...


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Astrolinium
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Postby Astrolinium » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:09 pm

Nightkill the Emperor wrote:EH Knitting Club Members
Laz
Calliel
Daisuke
Depressed Mummy


Parnell wants to join.
✡ וישבו איש תחת גפנו ותחת תאנתו ואין מחריד כי־פי יי צבאות דבר ✡
The Sublime Island Kingdom of Astrolinium
Ilia Franchisco Attore, King Attorio Maldive III
North Carolina | NSIndex Page | Embassies
Pop: 3,082 | Tech: MT | DEFCON: 5-4-3-2-1
May 2018 Be Kind To You
About Me: Ravenclaw, Gay, Cis Male, Lefty, 5’4”.
Classical Studies Major, Archaeology Minor, Jew.

Ex-Delegate of Ankh Mauta | NSG Sodomy Club
Minor Acolyte of the Vast Jewlluminati Conspiracy™

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Nationstatelandsville
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Posts: 70969
Founded: Apr 27, 2011
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Postby Nationstatelandsville » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:09 pm

Nightkill the Emperor wrote:EH Knitting Club Members
Laz
Calliel
Daisuke
Depressed Mummy

Lewis.
"Then I was fertilized and grew wise;
From a word to a word I was led to a word,
From a work to a work I was led to a work."
- Odin, Hávamál 138-141, the Poetic Edda, as translated by Dan McCoy.

I enjoy meta-humor and self-deprecation. Annoying, right?

Goodbye.

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Ende
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Posts: 7475
Founded: Jan 23, 2012
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Postby Ende » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:11 pm

"So, my man Calliel, I got some advice for you." said Laz enthusiastically, downing another pint of vodka in a single gulp. Demon livers were extroardinary - they could handle a ridiculous amount of alcohol and other poisons easily. Laz, of course, just used this to drink as much of the stuff as possible. That was like, the one thing humans had done right. Demon beer was shit. And sometimes literally shit.

Calliel looked up, his head throbbing. One sip. One sip of alcohol. That was all he had, and he felt terrible. Angels were not biologically compatiable with alcohol. Unluckily for Calliel, he didn't know that. He felt slightly bad, actually - "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery." Ephesians 5:17. But he wasn't getting drunk! It was just one drink. Ivy wouldn't mind. It wasn't a sin, right?

"What is your advice?" he replied curiously, squinting at Laz.

"Dude," said Laz, devouring a chicken wing, "you need to get fucking laid. I mean, don't get me wrong, you're a cool guy," he slurred, chewing raucously, "but you could be less fucking uptight sometimes. Getting laid would really help with that."

Calliel looked confused.

"Brother Laz, I would appreciate if you did not use such abusive language. Anyway, I do not quite understand what you mean. I lay down every night in bed." he said, scratching his aching head.

Laz facepalmed, letting out a snort of smoke.

"Sweet lucifer, man, you're thick. I mean, like, sex. You need to have sex. I would know. Here, let me explain it to you real quick."

Suddenly, things registered with Calliel.

"Oh!" he said enthusiastically, raising a single finger in the air, "I understand. Sex. Yes. Ivy has tried to explain it to me. She is not very good at it, Brother Lazarian. Her face always turns rather red and she becomes very embarrassed. I do not quite understand why."

Lazarian laughed.

"Your wife is kinda hot, man, but she's totally a prude and doesn't know how to explain the dirty stuff to you. Doesn't surprise me at all. Angels. Hahahaha." he chortled, steam streaming from his nostrils. "Look, let me explain sex to you. Allllright."

Lifting his hands in the air, he made a circle with his fingers in his left hand, and then pointed with his other hand.

"Alright, see this? Lefty is her. Righty is you." he said, wiggling his fingers. "Now you guys need to do this."

He shoved his pointing finger into the circle. Then, he shoved it in again. He continued repeating this action, poking his finger in and out rapidly, increasing quickly in speed. He did this for at least a minute, grinning like a schoolboy.

Calliel felt slightly uncomfortable, but he wasn't sure why.

"Alright," Laz said, stopping, "can you see how it works? You gotta do it rough, man. Bitches love it when you do it rough. Oh, and if she's screaming, that's not a bad thing. She's not hurt. I mean, thought I should tell you that, cause you're an angel and you guys are a bit thick. And if they call out your name, that's a sign that you're doing it right. Just one more thing, though. And this is important. Try not to get her pregnant. If the stork god shows up, punch the fucking shit out of him. You do not want your wife to be pregnant. Pregnant bitches are fucking terrifying. I mean, I've seen a lot of things in five hundred years, and, holy shit, pregnant bitches." he said, wiping sweat off his forehead with his hand.

Calliel glared at Laz.

"My wife is the most beautiful woman alive, and I love her with all of my heart. Do not insult her, Brother Lazarian. She is not a female dog." he said, his voice cold and sharp as steel. Laz put his hands in the air, looking somewhat surprised.

"I'm not insulting your girl, man! She's kinda hot, for an angel. Don't get me wrong, bro. We're cool, right?"

"Oh. Yes, Brother Lazarian, we are...cool." said Calliel, chewing a piece of chicken wing. He paused.

"Now can you explain this "professional wrestling" to me? I do not understand."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The next night.
---------------------------------------------------------------

"Ivy," proclaimed Calliel firmly, swinging open the door to their room, "I have something important to tell you." he said enthusiastically, walking over to their bed. She was lying there, reading a book, seeming somewhat bored.

"Yes?" said Ivy, looking up.

"I would like to have a sex with you." announced Calliel proudly, smiling brightly. Ivy dropped the book in surprise, and it fell on the floor with a dull thud. She stared at him for a few moments, and then smiled faintly.

"...really?" she asked, squinting at him. She had tried explaining it to him before, but he didn't understand, and it was embarrassing, and, besides, sex wasn't an important part of their love. Sex was just a part of love - not the entire point of a relationship, just a piece - and they didn't really need it. She was perfectly happy to be with him, whether he understood it or not.

"Yes." he said brightly, coming and sitting down next to her on the bed. "I believe that this is a thing that normal married couples do. People who love each other have a sex. I understand Crowley now! He is always full of love for everybody." he said happily, stroking his hands through her hair. "And I love you, Ivy."

Ivy looked slightly concerned.

"You've never really wanted to do this in the past, Calliel. Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yes. I am entirely sure."

"Okay, then." she said, shrugging. She pulled her shirt off, and started to undress. Calliel was very confused. Laz had not mentioned this. Oh dear. Ivy did not know how to do a sex. That was too bad. He would have to explain it to her.

"Ivy," he informed her, "You do not need to take your clothing off to have a sex. That is immodest."

Ivy stopped mid-unfastening, and looked at him with a look along the lines of "what the fuck, Calliel?".

"Look, Ivy." he sighed. "You do not know how to do a sex. I will explain this to you."

Taking her hand in his, he tenderly and carefully curled her fingers into a circle. Then, his hand trembling, he extended his pointer finger, and then slowly and carefully pushed his finger through the circle.

"There." he said softly, beaming a beautiful smile at her. "We just had a sex."

Ivy stared at him quizzically for a few moments, and then burst out into hysterical laughter. Her face turned red, and she laughed uncontrollably, rapidly running out of air. It was hard for her to breath. Oh, god, was he serious? Was he...yes, he was serious. He was completely and utterly serious. After a few moments, her laughter gradually faded away, and she sighed, letting out a deep breath.

"Oh, Calliel," she sighed, "you'll figure it out eventually."

"Let's have another sex." he said calmly, pressing his finger through hers again. She closed her eyes and let her head fall backwards against the headrest in exasperation.

"Are you...really, Calliel? Really? Well...okay, if you insist." she grumbled.

------------------

"Brother Lazarian!" said Calliel enthusiastically, patting him on the back. "I have wonderous news to tell you!"

Laz turned around, a broom in his hands, his mouth jammed full of an absurd conglomeration of food. He chewed for a few moments, and then swallowed.

"Did you get laid, man?"

"Yes! We did sexes all night long!" replied Calliel cheerfully, picking up a broom and starting to clean the floor. Brother Lazarian always appreciated help in his honorable work of making things clean. Cleanliness was close to godliness, after all, and Brother Lazarian was the cleanest demon he had ever met. Such a good family man, too. He had over thirty children. It required a very large amount of dedication to have so many children.

He paused for a moment, looking slightly confused.

"Ivy seemed very annoyed, though, and she kept trying to sleep. I do not think she is good at having a sex."

"Brother Lazarian" sighed.

"I think you might have done it wrong, man." he said completely seriously, and then he resumed sweeping the floor.


This is the best thing I have ever written.
Last edited by Ende on Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Constaniana
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Postby Constaniana » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:11 pm

Nightkill the Emperor wrote:EH Knitting Club Members
Laz
Calliel
Daisuke
Depressed Mummy

Porter Rockwell.
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Olthar
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Founded: Jun 23, 2010
Ex-Nation

Postby Olthar » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:12 pm

Nightkill the Emperor wrote:EH Knitting Club Members
Laz
Calliel
Daisuke
Depressed Mummy

And Crazy Uncle Frank. He's in every club. *nods*
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Nightkill the Emperor
Post Kaiser
 
Posts: 88776
Founded: Dec 28, 2009
Ex-Nation

Postby Nightkill the Emperor » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:13 pm

Ende wrote:
"So, my man Calliel, I got some advice for you." said Laz enthusiastically, downing another pint of vodka in a single gulp. Demon livers were extroardinary - they could handle a ridiculous amount of alcohol and other poisons easily. Laz, of course, just used this to drink as much of the stuff as possible. That was like, the one thing humans had done right. Demon beer was shit. And sometimes literally shit.

Calliel looked up, his head throbbing. One sip. One sip of alcohol. That was all he had, and he felt terrible. Angels were not biologically compatiable with alcohol. Unluckily for Calliel, he didn't know that. He felt slightly bad, actually - "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery." Ephesians 5:17. But he wasn't getting drunk! It was just one drink. Ivy wouldn't mind. It wasn't a sin, right?

"What is your advice?" he replied curiously, squinting at Laz.

"Dude," said Laz, devouring a chicken wing, "you need to get fucking laid. I mean, don't get me wrong, you're a cool guy," he slurred, chewing raucously, "but you could be less fucking uptight sometimes. Getting laid would really help with that."

Calliel looked confused.

"Brother Laz, I would appreciate if you did not use such abusive language. Anyway, I do not quite understand what you mean. I lay down every night in bed." he said, scratching his aching head.

Laz facepalmed, letting out a snort of smoke.

"Sweet lucifer, man, you're thick. I mean, like, sex. You need to have sex. I would know. Here, let me explain it to you real quick."

Suddenly, things registered with Calliel.

"Oh!" he said enthusiastically, raising a single finger in the air, "I understand. Sex. Yes. Ivy has tried to explain it to me. She is not very good at it, Brother Lazarian. Her face always turns rather red and she becomes very embarrassed. I do not quite understand why."

Lazarian laughed.

"Your wife is kinda hot, man, but she's totally a prude and doesn't know how to explain the dirty stuff to you. Doesn't surprise me at all. Angels. Hahahaha." he chortled, steam streaming from his nostrils. "Look, let me explain sex to you. Allllright."

Lifting his hands in the air, he made a circle with his fingers in his left hand, and then pointed with his other hand.

"Alright, see this? Lefty is her. Righty is you." he said, wiggling his fingers. "Now you guys need to do this."

He shoved his pointing finger into the circle. Then, he shoved it in again. He continued repeating this action, poking his finger in and out rapidly, increasing quickly in speed. He did this for at least a minute, grinning like a schoolboy.

Calliel felt slightly uncomfortable, but he wasn't sure why.

"Alright," Laz said, stopping, "can you see how it works? You gotta do it rough, man. Bitches love it when you do it rough. Oh, and if she's screaming, that's not a bad thing. She's not hurt. I mean, thought I should tell you that, cause you're an angel and you guys are a bit thick. And if they call out your name, that's a sign that you're doing it right. Just one more thing, though. And this is important. Try not to get her pregnant. If the stork god shows up, punch the fucking shit out of him. You do not want your wife to be pregnant. Pregnant bitches are fucking terrifying. I mean, I've seen a lot of things in five hundred years, and, holy shit, pregnant bitches." he said, wiping sweat off his forehead with his hand.

Calliel glared at Laz.

"My wife is the most beautiful woman alive, and I love her with all of my heart. Do not insult her, Brother Lazarian. She is not a female dog." he said, his voice cold and sharp as steel. Laz put his hands in the air, looking somewhat surprised.

"I'm not insulting your girl, man! She's kinda hot, for an angel. Don't get me wrong, bro. We're cool, right?"

"Oh. Yes, Brother Lazarian, we are...cool." said Calliel, chewing a piece of chicken wing. He paused.

"Now can you explain this "professional wrestling" to me? I do not understand."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The next night.
---------------------------------------------------------------

"Ivy," proclaimed Calliel firmly, swinging open the door to their room, "I have something important to tell you." he said enthusiastically, walking over to their bed. She was lying there, reading a book, seeming somewhat bored.

"Yes?" said Ivy, looking up.

"I would like to have a sex with you." announced Calliel proudly, smiling brightly. Ivy dropped the book in surprise, and it fell on the floor with a dull thud. She stared at him for a few moments, and then smiled faintly.

"...really?" she asked, squinting at him. She had tried explaining it to him before, but he didn't understand, and it was embarrassing, and, besides, sex wasn't an important part of their love. Sex was just a part of love - not the entire point of a relationship, just a piece - and they didn't really need it. She was perfectly happy to be with him, whether he understood it or not.

"Yes." he said brightly, coming and sitting down next to her on the bed. "I believe that this is a thing that normal married couples do. People who love each other have a sex. I understand Crowley now! He is always full of love for everybody." he said happily, stroking his hands through her hair. "And I love you, Ivy."

Ivy looked slightly concerned.

"You've never really wanted to do this in the past, Calliel. Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yes. I am entirely sure."

"Okay, then." she said, shrugging. She pulled her shirt off, and started to undress. Calliel was very confused. Laz had not mentioned this. Oh dear. Ivy did not know how to do a sex. That was too bad. He would have to explain it to her.

"Ivy," he informed her, "You do not need to take your clothing off to have a sex. That is immodest."

Ivy stopped mid-unfastening, and looked at him with a look along the lines of "what the fuck, Calliel?".

"Look, Ivy." he sighed. "You do not know how to do a sex. I will explain this to you."

Taking her hand in his, he tenderly and carefully curled her fingers into a circle. Then, his hand trembling, he extended his pointer finger, and then slowly and carefully pushed his finger through the circle.

"There." he said softly, beaming a beautiful smile at her. "We just had a sex."

Ivy stared at him quizzically for a few moments, and then burst out into hysterical laughter. Her face turned red, and she laughed uncontrollably, rapidly running out of air. It was hard for her to breath. Oh, god, was he serious? Was he...yes, he was serious. He was completely and utterly serious. After a few moments, her laughter gradually faded away, and she sighed, letting out a deep breath.

"Oh, Calliel," she sighed, "you'll figure it out eventually."

"Let's have another sex." he said calmly, pressing his finger through hers again. She closed her eyes and let her head fall backwards against the headrest in exasperation.

"Are you...really, Calliel? Really? Well...okay, if you insist." she grumbled.

------------------

"Brother Lazarian!" said Calliel enthusiastically, patting him on the back. "I have wonderous news to tell you!"

Laz turned around, a broom in his hands, his mouth jammed full of an absurd conglomeration of food. He chewed for a few moments, and then swallowed.

"Did you get laid, man?"

"Yes! We did sexes all night long!" replied Calliel cheerfully, picking up a broom and starting to clean the floor. Brother Lazarian always appreciated help in his honorable work of making things clean. Cleanliness was close to godliness, after all, and Brother Lazarian was the cleanest demon he had ever met. Such a good family man, too. He had over thirty children. It required a very large amount of dedication to have so many children.

He paused for a moment, looking slightly confused.

"Ivy seemed very annoyed, though, and she kept trying to sleep. I do not think she is good at having a sex."

"Brother Lazarian" sighed.

"I think you might have done it wrong, man." he said completely seriously, and then he resumed sweeping the floor.


This is the best thing I have ever written.

This is beautiful.
Hi! I'm Khan, your local misanthropic Indian.
I wear teal, blue & pink for Swith.
P2TM RP Discussion Thread
If you want a good rp, read this shit.
Tiami is cool.
Nat: Night's always in some bizarre state somewhere between "intoxicated enough to kill a hair metal lead singer" and "annoying Mormon missionary sober".

Swith: It's because you're so awesome. God himself refreshes the screen before he types just to see if Nightkill has written anything while he was off somewhere else.

Monfrox wrote:
The balkens wrote:
# went there....

It's Nightkill. He's been there so long he rents out rooms to other people at a flat rate, but demands cash up front.

User avatar
Nightkill the Emperor
Post Kaiser
 
Posts: 88776
Founded: Dec 28, 2009
Ex-Nation

Postby Nightkill the Emperor » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:14 pm

Olthar wrote:
Nightkill the Emperor wrote:EH Knitting Club Members
Laz
Calliel
Daisuke
Depressed Mummy

And Crazy Uncle Frank. He's in every club. *nods*

Including the Feminist Club.
Hi! I'm Khan, your local misanthropic Indian.
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P2TM RP Discussion Thread
If you want a good rp, read this shit.
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Nat: Night's always in some bizarre state somewhere between "intoxicated enough to kill a hair metal lead singer" and "annoying Mormon missionary sober".

Swith: It's because you're so awesome. God himself refreshes the screen before he types just to see if Nightkill has written anything while he was off somewhere else.

Monfrox wrote:
The balkens wrote:
# went there....

It's Nightkill. He's been there so long he rents out rooms to other people at a flat rate, but demands cash up front.

User avatar
Constaniana
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 25040
Founded: Mar 10, 2012
Democratic Socialists

Postby Constaniana » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:14 pm

Ende wrote:
"So, my man Calliel, I got some advice for you." said Laz enthusiastically, downing another pint of vodka in a single gulp. Demon livers were extroardinary - they could handle a ridiculous amount of alcohol and other poisons easily. Laz, of course, just used this to drink as much of the stuff as possible. That was like, the one thing humans had done right. Demon beer was shit. And sometimes literally shit.

Calliel looked up, his head throbbing. One sip. One sip of alcohol. That was all he had, and he felt terrible. Angels were not biologically compatiable with alcohol. Unluckily for Calliel, he didn't know that. He felt slightly bad, actually - "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery." Ephesians 5:17. But he wasn't getting drunk! It was just one drink. Ivy wouldn't mind. It wasn't a sin, right?

"What is your advice?" he replied curiously, squinting at Laz.

"Dude," said Laz, devouring a chicken wing, "you need to get fucking laid. I mean, don't get me wrong, you're a cool guy," he slurred, chewing raucously, "but you could be less fucking uptight sometimes. Getting laid would really help with that."

Calliel looked confused.

"Brother Laz, I would appreciate if you did not use such abusive language. Anyway, I do not quite understand what you mean. I lay down every night in bed." he said, scratching his aching head.

Laz facepalmed, letting out a snort of smoke.

"Sweet lucifer, man, you're thick. I mean, like, sex. You need to have sex. I would know. Here, let me explain it to you real quick."

Suddenly, things registered with Calliel.

"Oh!" he said enthusiastically, raising a single finger in the air, "I understand. Sex. Yes. Ivy has tried to explain it to me. She is not very good at it, Brother Lazarian. Her face always turns rather red and she becomes very embarrassed. I do not quite understand why."

Lazarian laughed.

"Your wife is kinda hot, man, but she's totally a prude and doesn't know how to explain the dirty stuff to you. Doesn't surprise me at all. Angels. Hahahaha." he chortled, steam streaming from his nostrils. "Look, let me explain sex to you. Allllright."

Lifting his hands in the air, he made a circle with his fingers in his left hand, and then pointed with his other hand.

"Alright, see this? Lefty is her. Righty is you." he said, wiggling his fingers. "Now you guys need to do this."

He shoved his pointing finger into the circle. Then, he shoved it in again. He continued repeating this action, poking his finger in and out rapidly, increasing quickly in speed. He did this for at least a minute, grinning like a schoolboy.

Calliel felt slightly uncomfortable, but he wasn't sure why.

"Alright," Laz said, stopping, "can you see how it works? You gotta do it rough, man. Bitches love it when you do it rough. Oh, and if she's screaming, that's not a bad thing. She's not hurt. I mean, thought I should tell you that, cause you're an angel and you guys are a bit thick. And if they call out your name, that's a sign that you're doing it right. Just one more thing, though. And this is important. Try not to get her pregnant. If the stork god shows up, punch the fucking shit out of him. You do not want your wife to be pregnant. Pregnant bitches are fucking terrifying. I mean, I've seen a lot of things in five hundred years, and, holy shit, pregnant bitches." he said, wiping sweat off his forehead with his hand.

Calliel glared at Laz.

"My wife is the most beautiful woman alive, and I love her with all of my heart. Do not insult her, Brother Lazarian. She is not a female dog." he said, his voice cold and sharp as steel. Laz put his hands in the air, looking somewhat surprised.

"I'm not insulting your girl, man! She's kinda hot, for an angel. Don't get me wrong, bro. We're cool, right?"

"Oh. Yes, Brother Lazarian, we are...cool." said Calliel, chewing a piece of chicken wing. He paused.

"Now can you explain this "professional wrestling" to me? I do not understand."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The next night.
---------------------------------------------------------------

"Ivy," proclaimed Calliel firmly, swinging open the door to their room, "I have something important to tell you." he said enthusiastically, walking over to their bed. She was lying there, reading a book, seeming somewhat bored.

"Yes?" said Ivy, looking up.

"I would like to have a sex with you." announced Calliel proudly, smiling brightly. Ivy dropped the book in surprise, and it fell on the floor with a dull thud. She stared at him for a few moments, and then smiled faintly.

"...really?" she asked, squinting at him. She had tried explaining it to him before, but he didn't understand, and it was embarrassing, and, besides, sex wasn't an important part of their love. Sex was just a part of love - not the entire point of a relationship, just a piece - and they didn't really need it. She was perfectly happy to be with him, whether he understood it or not.

"Yes." he said brightly, coming and sitting down next to her on the bed. "I believe that this is a thing that normal married couples do. People who love each other have a sex. I understand Crowley now! He is always full of love for everybody." he said happily, stroking his hands through her hair. "And I love you, Ivy."

Ivy looked slightly concerned.

"You've never really wanted to do this in the past, Calliel. Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yes. I am entirely sure."

"Okay, then." she said, shrugging. She pulled her shirt off, and started to undress. Calliel was very confused. Laz had not mentioned this. Oh dear. Ivy did not know how to do a sex. That was too bad. He would have to explain it to her.

"Ivy," he informed her, "You do not need to take your clothing off to have a sex. That is immodest."

Ivy stopped mid-unfastening, and looked at him with a look along the lines of "what the fuck, Calliel?".

"Look, Ivy." he sighed. "You do not know how to do a sex. I will explain this to you."

Taking her hand in his, he tenderly and carefully curled her fingers into a circle. Then, his hand trembling, he extended his pointer finger, and then slowly and carefully pushed his finger through the circle.

"There." he said softly, beaming a beautiful smile at her. "We just had a sex."

Ivy stared at him quizzically for a few moments, and then burst out into hysterical laughter. Her face turned red, and she laughed uncontrollably, rapidly running out of air. It was hard for her to breath. Oh, god, was he serious? Was he...yes, he was serious. He was completely and utterly serious. After a few moments, her laughter gradually faded away, and she sighed, letting out a deep breath.

"Oh, Calliel," she sighed, "you'll figure it out eventually."

"Let's have another sex." he said calmly, pressing his finger through hers again. She closed her eyes and let her head fall backwards against the headrest in exasperation.

"Are you...really, Calliel? Really? Well...okay, if you insist." she grumbled.

------------------

"Brother Lazarian!" said Calliel enthusiastically, patting him on the back. "I have wonderous news to tell you!"

Laz turned around, a broom in his hands, his mouth jammed full of an absurd conglomeration of food. He chewed for a few moments, and then swallowed.

"Did you get laid, man?"

"Yes! We did sexes all night long!" replied Calliel cheerfully, picking up a broom and starting to clean the floor. Brother Lazarian always appreciated help in his honorable work of making things clean. Cleanliness was close to godliness, after all, and Brother Lazarian was the cleanest demon he had ever met. Such a good family man, too. He had over thirty children. It required a very large amount of dedication to have so many children.

He paused for a moment, looking slightly confused.

"Ivy seemed very annoyed, though, and she kept trying to sleep. I do not think she is good at having a sex."

"Brother Lazarian" sighed.

"I think you might have done it wrong, man." he said completely seriously, and then he resumed sweeping the floor.


This is the best thing I have ever written.

Magnificent.
Joe Biden 2020; make aviators great again.
Elementals 3 has arrived!
Agritum wrote:I want to marry you now, my British damsel.
Nightkill the Emperor wrote:You know, I didn't expect you to be the most psychopathic person here.

I have the oddest of feelings this is my fault somehow.
Nightkill the Emperor wrote:I just realised how bizarre Const's existence is.
Cerillium wrote:Const is right.
Zarkenis Ultima wrote:You just cornered a scary indian man with a sword-of-brick-shattering.

Have a cookie.
Winner of the Best High Fantasy RP of P2TM twice in a row Choo Choo

User avatar
Olthar
Khan of Spam
 
Posts: 59474
Founded: Jun 23, 2010
Ex-Nation

Postby Olthar » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:16 pm

Nightkill the Emperor wrote:
Olthar wrote:And Crazy Uncle Frank. He's in every club. *nods*

Including the Feminist Club.

He rides the Feminist Club.

And I mean the concept of the club, itself, not the members. Though he does sometimes ride them, too.
Last edited by Olthar on Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Rupudska
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 20387
Founded: Sep 16, 2010
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Rupudska » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:17 pm

Ende wrote:
"So, my man Calliel, I got some advice for you." said Laz enthusiastically, downing another pint of vodka in a single gulp. Demon livers were extroardinary - they could handle a ridiculous amount of alcohol and other poisons easily. Laz, of course, just used this to drink as much of the stuff as possible. That was like, the one thing humans had done right. Demon beer was shit. And sometimes literally shit.

Calliel looked up, his head throbbing. One sip. One sip of alcohol. That was all he had, and he felt terrible. Angels were not biologically compatiable with alcohol. Unluckily for Calliel, he didn't know that. He felt slightly bad, actually - "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery." Ephesians 5:17. But he wasn't getting drunk! It was just one drink. Ivy wouldn't mind. It wasn't a sin, right?

"What is your advice?" he replied curiously, squinting at Laz.

"Dude," said Laz, devouring a chicken wing, "you need to get fucking laid. I mean, don't get me wrong, you're a cool guy," he slurred, chewing raucously, "but you could be less fucking uptight sometimes. Getting laid would really help with that."

Calliel looked confused.

"Brother Laz, I would appreciate if you did not use such abusive language. Anyway, I do not quite understand what you mean. I lay down every night in bed." he said, scratching his aching head.

Laz facepalmed, letting out a snort of smoke.

"Sweet lucifer, man, you're thick. I mean, like, sex. You need to have sex. I would know. Here, let me explain it to you real quick."

Suddenly, things registered with Calliel.

"Oh!" he said enthusiastically, raising a single finger in the air, "I understand. Sex. Yes. Ivy has tried to explain it to me. She is not very good at it, Brother Lazarian. Her face always turns rather red and she becomes very embarrassed. I do not quite understand why."

Lazarian laughed.

"Your wife is kinda hot, man, but she's totally a prude and doesn't know how to explain the dirty stuff to you. Doesn't surprise me at all. Angels. Hahahaha." he chortled, steam streaming from his nostrils. "Look, let me explain sex to you. Allllright."

Lifting his hands in the air, he made a circle with his fingers in his left hand, and then pointed with his other hand.

"Alright, see this? Lefty is her. Righty is you." he said, wiggling his fingers. "Now you guys need to do this."

He shoved his pointing finger into the circle. Then, he shoved it in again. He continued repeating this action, poking his finger in and out rapidly, increasing quickly in speed. He did this for at least a minute, grinning like a schoolboy.

Calliel felt slightly uncomfortable, but he wasn't sure why.

"Alright," Laz said, stopping, "can you see how it works? You gotta do it rough, man. Bitches love it when you do it rough. Oh, and if she's screaming, that's not a bad thing. She's not hurt. I mean, thought I should tell you that, cause you're an angel and you guys are a bit thick. And if they call out your name, that's a sign that you're doing it right. Just one more thing, though. And this is important. Try not to get her pregnant. If the stork god shows up, punch the fucking shit out of him. You do not want your wife to be pregnant. Pregnant bitches are fucking terrifying. I mean, I've seen a lot of things in five hundred years, and, holy shit, pregnant bitches." he said, wiping sweat off his forehead with his hand.

Calliel glared at Laz.

"My wife is the most beautiful woman alive, and I love her with all of my heart. Do not insult her, Brother Lazarian. She is not a female dog." he said, his voice cold and sharp as steel. Laz put his hands in the air, looking somewhat surprised.

"I'm not insulting your girl, man! She's kinda hot, for an angel. Don't get me wrong, bro. We're cool, right?"

"Oh. Yes, Brother Lazarian, we are...cool." said Calliel, chewing a piece of chicken wing. He paused.

"Now can you explain this "professional wrestling" to me? I do not understand."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The next night.
---------------------------------------------------------------

"Ivy," proclaimed Calliel firmly, swinging open the door to their room, "I have something important to tell you." he said enthusiastically, walking over to their bed. She was lying there, reading a book, seeming somewhat bored.

"Yes?" said Ivy, looking up.

"I would like to have a sex with you." announced Calliel proudly, smiling brightly. Ivy dropped the book in surprise, and it fell on the floor with a dull thud. She stared at him for a few moments, and then smiled faintly.

"...really?" she asked, squinting at him. She had tried explaining it to him before, but he didn't understand, and it was embarrassing, and, besides, sex wasn't an important part of their love. Sex was just a part of love - not the entire point of a relationship, just a piece - and they didn't really need it. She was perfectly happy to be with him, whether he understood it or not.

"Yes." he said brightly, coming and sitting down next to her on the bed. "I believe that this is a thing that normal married couples do. People who love each other have a sex. I understand Crowley now! He is always full of love for everybody." he said happily, stroking his hands through her hair. "And I love you, Ivy."

Ivy looked slightly concerned.

"You've never really wanted to do this in the past, Calliel. Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yes. I am entirely sure."

"Okay, then." she said, shrugging. She pulled her shirt off, and started to undress. Calliel was very confused. Laz had not mentioned this. Oh dear. Ivy did not know how to do a sex. That was too bad. He would have to explain it to her.

"Ivy," he informed her, "You do not need to take your clothing off to have a sex. That is immodest."

Ivy stopped mid-unfastening, and looked at him with a look along the lines of "what the fuck, Calliel?".

"Look, Ivy." he sighed. "You do not know how to do a sex. I will explain this to you."

Taking her hand in his, he tenderly and carefully curled her fingers into a circle. Then, his hand trembling, he extended his pointer finger, and then slowly and carefully pushed his finger through the circle.

"There." he said softly, beaming a beautiful smile at her. "We just had a sex."

Ivy stared at him quizzically for a few moments, and then burst out into hysterical laughter. Her face turned red, and she laughed uncontrollably, rapidly running out of air. It was hard for her to breath. Oh, god, was he serious? Was he...yes, he was serious. He was completely and utterly serious. After a few moments, her laughter gradually faded away, and she sighed, letting out a deep breath.

"Oh, Calliel," she sighed, "you'll figure it out eventually."

"Let's have another sex." he said calmly, pressing his finger through hers again. She closed her eyes and let her head fall backwards against the headrest in exasperation.

"Are you...really, Calliel? Really? Well...okay, if you insist." she grumbled.

------------------

"Brother Lazarian!" said Calliel enthusiastically, patting him on the back. "I have wonderous news to tell you!"

Laz turned around, a broom in his hands, his mouth jammed full of an absurd conglomeration of food. He chewed for a few moments, and then swallowed.

"Did you get laid, man?"

"Yes! We did sexes all night long!" replied Calliel cheerfully, picking up a broom and starting to clean the floor. Brother Lazarian always appreciated help in his honorable work of making things clean. Cleanliness was close to godliness, after all, and Brother Lazarian was the cleanest demon he had ever met. Such a good family man, too. He had over thirty children. It required a very large amount of dedication to have so many children.

He paused for a moment, looking slightly confused.

"Ivy seemed very annoyed, though, and she kept trying to sleep. I do not think she is good at having a sex."

"Brother Lazarian" sighed.

"I think you might have done it wrong, man." he said completely seriously, and then he resumed sweeping the floor.


This is the best thing I have ever written.


Glorious.
The Holy Roman Empire of Karlsland (MT/FanT & FT/FanT)
THE Strike Witches NationState
Best thread ever.|SPACE!
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On Karlsland Witch Doctrine:
Hladgos wrote:Scantly clad women, more like tanks
seem to be blowing up everyones banks
with airstrikes from girls with wings to their knees
which show a bit more than just their panties

Questers wrote:
Rupudska wrote:So do you fight with AK-47s or something even more primitive? Since I doubt any economy could reasonably sustain itself that way.
Presumably they use advanced technology like STRIKE WITCHES

User avatar
Olthar
Khan of Spam
 
Posts: 59474
Founded: Jun 23, 2010
Ex-Nation

Postby Olthar » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:19 pm

Ende wrote:
"So, my man Calliel, I got some advice for you." said Laz enthusiastically, downing another pint of vodka in a single gulp. Demon livers were extroardinary - they could handle a ridiculous amount of alcohol and other poisons easily. Laz, of course, just used this to drink as much of the stuff as possible. That was like, the one thing humans had done right. Demon beer was shit. And sometimes literally shit.

Calliel looked up, his head throbbing. One sip. One sip of alcohol. That was all he had, and he felt terrible. Angels were not biologically compatiable with alcohol. Unluckily for Calliel, he didn't know that. He felt slightly bad, actually - "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery." Ephesians 5:17. But he wasn't getting drunk! It was just one drink. Ivy wouldn't mind. It wasn't a sin, right?

"What is your advice?" he replied curiously, squinting at Laz.

"Dude," said Laz, devouring a chicken wing, "you need to get fucking laid. I mean, don't get me wrong, you're a cool guy," he slurred, chewing raucously, "but you could be less fucking uptight sometimes. Getting laid would really help with that."

Calliel looked confused.

"Brother Laz, I would appreciate if you did not use such abusive language. Anyway, I do not quite understand what you mean. I lay down every night in bed." he said, scratching his aching head.

Laz facepalmed, letting out a snort of smoke.

"Sweet lucifer, man, you're thick. I mean, like, sex. You need to have sex. I would know. Here, let me explain it to you real quick."

Suddenly, things registered with Calliel.

"Oh!" he said enthusiastically, raising a single finger in the air, "I understand. Sex. Yes. Ivy has tried to explain it to me. She is not very good at it, Brother Lazarian. Her face always turns rather red and she becomes very embarrassed. I do not quite understand why."

Lazarian laughed.

"Your wife is kinda hot, man, but she's totally a prude and doesn't know how to explain the dirty stuff to you. Doesn't surprise me at all. Angels. Hahahaha." he chortled, steam streaming from his nostrils. "Look, let me explain sex to you. Allllright."

Lifting his hands in the air, he made a circle with his fingers in his left hand, and then pointed with his other hand.

"Alright, see this? Lefty is her. Righty is you." he said, wiggling his fingers. "Now you guys need to do this."

He shoved his pointing finger into the circle. Then, he shoved it in again. He continued repeating this action, poking his finger in and out rapidly, increasing quickly in speed. He did this for at least a minute, grinning like a schoolboy.

Calliel felt slightly uncomfortable, but he wasn't sure why.

"Alright," Laz said, stopping, "can you see how it works? You gotta do it rough, man. Bitches love it when you do it rough. Oh, and if she's screaming, that's not a bad thing. She's not hurt. I mean, thought I should tell you that, cause you're an angel and you guys are a bit thick. And if they call out your name, that's a sign that you're doing it right. Just one more thing, though. And this is important. Try not to get her pregnant. If the stork god shows up, punch the fucking shit out of him. You do not want your wife to be pregnant. Pregnant bitches are fucking terrifying. I mean, I've seen a lot of things in five hundred years, and, holy shit, pregnant bitches." he said, wiping sweat off his forehead with his hand.

Calliel glared at Laz.

"My wife is the most beautiful woman alive, and I love her with all of my heart. Do not insult her, Brother Lazarian. She is not a female dog." he said, his voice cold and sharp as steel. Laz put his hands in the air, looking somewhat surprised.

"I'm not insulting your girl, man! She's kinda hot, for an angel. Don't get me wrong, bro. We're cool, right?"

"Oh. Yes, Brother Lazarian, we are...cool." said Calliel, chewing a piece of chicken wing. He paused.

"Now can you explain this "professional wrestling" to me? I do not understand."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The next night.
---------------------------------------------------------------

"Ivy," proclaimed Calliel firmly, swinging open the door to their room, "I have something important to tell you." he said enthusiastically, walking over to their bed. She was lying there, reading a book, seeming somewhat bored.

"Yes?" said Ivy, looking up.

"I would like to have a sex with you." announced Calliel proudly, smiling brightly. Ivy dropped the book in surprise, and it fell on the floor with a dull thud. She stared at him for a few moments, and then smiled faintly.

"...really?" she asked, squinting at him. She had tried explaining it to him before, but he didn't understand, and it was embarrassing, and, besides, sex wasn't an important part of their love. Sex was just a part of love - not the entire point of a relationship, just a piece - and they didn't really need it. She was perfectly happy to be with him, whether he understood it or not.

"Yes." he said brightly, coming and sitting down next to her on the bed. "I believe that this is a thing that normal married couples do. People who love each other have a sex. I understand Crowley now! He is always full of love for everybody." he said happily, stroking his hands through her hair. "And I love you, Ivy."

Ivy looked slightly concerned.

"You've never really wanted to do this in the past, Calliel. Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yes. I am entirely sure."

"Okay, then." she said, shrugging. She pulled her shirt off, and started to undress. Calliel was very confused. Laz had not mentioned this. Oh dear. Ivy did not know how to do a sex. That was too bad. He would have to explain it to her.

"Ivy," he informed her, "You do not need to take your clothing off to have a sex. That is immodest."

Ivy stopped mid-unfastening, and looked at him with a look along the lines of "what the fuck, Calliel?".

"Look, Ivy." he sighed. "You do not know how to do a sex. I will explain this to you."

Taking her hand in his, he tenderly and carefully curled her fingers into a circle. Then, his hand trembling, he extended his pointer finger, and then slowly and carefully pushed his finger through the circle.

"There." he said softly, beaming a beautiful smile at her. "We just had a sex."

Ivy stared at him quizzically for a few moments, and then burst out into hysterical laughter. Her face turned red, and she laughed uncontrollably, rapidly running out of air. It was hard for her to breath. Oh, god, was he serious? Was he...yes, he was serious. He was completely and utterly serious. After a few moments, her laughter gradually faded away, and she sighed, letting out a deep breath.

"Oh, Calliel," she sighed, "you'll figure it out eventually."

"Let's have another sex." he said calmly, pressing his finger through hers again. She closed her eyes and let her head fall backwards against the headrest in exasperation.

"Are you...really, Calliel? Really? Well...okay, if you insist." she grumbled.

------------------

"Brother Lazarian!" said Calliel enthusiastically, patting him on the back. "I have wonderous news to tell you!"

Laz turned around, a broom in his hands, his mouth jammed full of an absurd conglomeration of food. He chewed for a few moments, and then swallowed.

"Did you get laid, man?"

"Yes! We did sexes all night long!" replied Calliel cheerfully, picking up a broom and starting to clean the floor. Brother Lazarian always appreciated help in his honorable work of making things clean. Cleanliness was close to godliness, after all, and Brother Lazarian was the cleanest demon he had ever met. Such a good family man, too. He had over thirty children. It required a very large amount of dedication to have so many children.

He paused for a moment, looking slightly confused.

"Ivy seemed very annoyed, though, and she kept trying to sleep. I do not think she is good at having a sex."

"Brother Lazarian" sighed.

"I think you might have done it wrong, man." he said completely seriously, and then he resumed sweeping the floor.


This is the best thing I have ever written.

:lol2:
The Second Cataclysm: My New RP

Roll Them Bones: A Guide to Dice RPs

My mommy says I'm special.
Add 37 to my post count for my previous nation.

Copy and paste this into your signature if you're a unique and special individual who won't conform to another person's demands.

User avatar
Nationstatelandsville
Khan of Spam
 
Posts: 70969
Founded: Apr 27, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Nationstatelandsville » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:24 pm

Where's Lewis to burn the locker room down when you need him?

Oh, right. Shit.
"Then I was fertilized and grew wise;
From a word to a word I was led to a word,
From a work to a work I was led to a work."
- Odin, Hávamál 138-141, the Poetic Edda, as translated by Dan McCoy.

I enjoy meta-humor and self-deprecation. Annoying, right?

Goodbye.

User avatar
Nude East Ireland
Post Marshal
 
Posts: 17308
Founded: Dec 31, 2011
Ex-Nation

Postby Nude East Ireland » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:25 pm

Damien was posthumously knighted, correct?
Part One of the Incredible, Invincible Team Dai-Zarkeland!

User avatar
Nightkill the Emperor
Post Kaiser
 
Posts: 88776
Founded: Dec 28, 2009
Ex-Nation

Postby Nightkill the Emperor » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:26 pm

Nude East Ireland wrote:Damien was posthumously knighted, correct?

No, only the living were knighted.
Hi! I'm Khan, your local misanthropic Indian.
I wear teal, blue & pink for Swith.
P2TM RP Discussion Thread
If you want a good rp, read this shit.
Tiami is cool.
Nat: Night's always in some bizarre state somewhere between "intoxicated enough to kill a hair metal lead singer" and "annoying Mormon missionary sober".

Swith: It's because you're so awesome. God himself refreshes the screen before he types just to see if Nightkill has written anything while he was off somewhere else.

Monfrox wrote:
The balkens wrote:
# went there....

It's Nightkill. He's been there so long he rents out rooms to other people at a flat rate, but demands cash up front.

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