The Greatest GA Proposals of ALL TIME!

[A mean old man]

Greetings, members of the World Assembly General Assembly!

WARNING!
The thread you are about to witness contains (shield your eyes if the greatness might burn them)...!

The Greatest GA Proposals of ALL TIME!

That is correct, ladies and gentlemen; here you can find the greatest proposals that the General Assembly has ever seen, and anticipate all of the great proposals the GA has yet to lay eyes on!

IMPORTANT!
Please note the hint of sarcasm! Should you actually read the following proposals and expect to see something incredible and wonderful that the WA must pass, you will most likely wonder what the hell is going on!

These proposals are here to mock and criticise all that we General Assembly members find to be steriotypical or wrong about the happenings in our assembly, or to just write up something completely ridiculous and hilarious for everyone to laugh at and appreciate. Write up and post a joke proposal, comment on others' joke proposals, and just have a laugh at the shit we have to deal with in here.

This is not a "silly/illegal proposals" directory. Well, I guess in a way it is. However, those are often created with serious intent but SUCK, either because they are a terrible idea, or they are written horribly. This is for joke proposals, written beforehand with the specific intent of being a joke.

We deal with joke proposals in here in the GA forum all the time, and usually they have their individual threads and wind up taking up space in the thread list until they're either locked due to spamming or people finally forget about their existence. Posting them here should help keep this forum-choking thread spam from happening, and will also give us all a good directory of joke proposals and someplace we can go to for a laugh when the stress of this maddening bar brawl of an assembly begins get on our nerves.

But HEY:
A reminder for the rabid ambassadors who are constantly spewing steam from their aural passageways and are ready to sink their teeth into the ankle of anyone who seems to be challenging them or their beliefs in any way:

• It's a joke. If you find yourself getting fired up over someone's mockery of your beliefs about government or the GA assembly, step back for a moment and take the time to realize that the person complaining also has their own beliefs that are being violated and that they need some way to express their frustration, and that they aren't targetting you personally. Even though they may be WRONG in your opinion, that's not what this thread is about. You can go rant about that in the threads that actually concern the serious proposals/resolutions. If you think someone is wrong here, don't start getting angry at them and begin mouthing off; just come up with a clever mockery of their ideas. See? It's all about being clever. If you're not clever, you lose.

• Do NOT name names in your joke proposals. Targetting a group of people, such as the "communists" or the "capitalists" or the "lemmings" is fine, but don't say something like, "RECOGNIZING A mean old man's opinions as being totally cynical and insensitive, and believing his work in the GA to be a pile of capitalist bullshit;" or "HATING the region [region] because they're all a bunch of lousy hypocritical Marxists who are are fine with spewing their ridiculous ideas of 'human life being more valuable than anything any business could ever produce' while they're also perfectly fine with spending money on a military and endangering the lives of the people of their nation and the people of other nations;"

- That's not okay. You can express your frustration with the capitalists or the communists or the liberals who you think are taking over the WA or who are being trodden upon by the WA or who are doing whatever you'd like to make fun of in these proposals, but don't name specific people.

Basically, follow the forum code of conduct, or "rules," paying particular attention to the rule regarding flame-baiting, in here. Don't post anything that you think would insult or personally upset "the player behind the nation." For most of you it should be a given. For the rest of you who are incredibly belligerent and nasty and don't actually consider the rules (until you get banned, which is usually fairly quickly), well, you probably didn't even read this post for long enough to even get to this point, and I don't know why I'm even addressing you. Oh well.

Enjoy!
A mean old man.

[A mean old man]

This is definitely not, by any means a sarcastic mocking of the beloved and wonderful proposal writers that draft and/or submit certain proposals that never seem to be accepted by the rest of the overwhelming majority of the WA, despite the proposals' noble, perfectly rational basis on issues that the world absolutely MUST worry about according to the writers' totally normal points of view...

Bovine Emissions Reduction Act
Category: Global Disarmament
Strength: Economically Crippling

Description:
The World Assembly,

RECOGNIZING the family bovidae and several of its members, especially the domestic dairy cow and beef cattle and stuff like that and making some official-sounding but really not all that great description of this family and its characteristics;

HEARING on the television that cows burp and fart a hell of a lot and produce shitloads of gases that cars and things give off too but probably not exactly the same but will still damage our atmosphere and deciding to bring this idea into the NationStates GA Forums with extreme confidence in the fact that everyone will agree with its terms, but ready to attack any opposition ruthlessly with poorly-worded flame-baiting messages in
ALL CAPS, BOLD, AND SIZE 300 TEXT;

REALLY SCARED that, after a hell of a lot of years, like a HELL of a lot of years, the copious amounts of greenhouse gases produced by cows and other critters of the like will virtually destroy our planet’s ozone layer and will open us up to be fried like burgers from McDonald’s by the sun’s radioactive rays, just minus the incredibly unhealthy but quite cheap oils, although I assume those would be added to the mixture considering they’re also on the planet and everything on the planet would be getting fried;

DEMANDING that the WA must now distribute fried chicken, burgers, and maybe a few sides of fries to all of its representatives because the previous clause made me hungry;

GETTING back on topic;

OH YEAH, AND DECIDING that the WA must give out a nice big pile of cash to all nations from its secret stash that it steals from non-WA nations (YES, WE KNOW IT’S OUT THERE SOMEWHERE, YOU CAN STOP LYING TO EVERYONE) so that we can tell our scientists to design filters and chemical converters to hook up to cows butts to convert these deadly gases into something less… deadly;

FREAKING out because I bet a lot of these nations that are supposedly supporting agriculture and are farming these vile, dangerous, vile, vicious, vile creatures are probably involved in some sort of retaliation plot against the WA by NAZI EUROPE or Macedon (but Macedon actually seemed to take their condemnation in stride…) to get us all killed;

TAKING back what we said about putting things on cows’ asses to reduce emissions and just deciding to put all cows IN THE WORLD inside a massive rocket and send them to The Rejected Realms, which I don’t think is part of this planet;

NOW WONDERING if The Rejected Realms is actually on our planet and getting a little worried that maybe the cows will still wind up being with us;

NOTICING that this proposal is really long and deciding to cut it off here and successively carrying out every single thing listed in the previous proposal and requiring all WA Members to send 98% of their population to A mean old man and denying the fact that this is a run-on sentence.

Supplied by Goobergunchia:

HIPPOS ARE BIG

A resolution to improve worldwide human and civil rights.

Category: Human Rights
Strength: Strong
Proposed by: Architeuthis

Description: WHEREAS the participants of the NationStates forum, while quite noisy, do not accurately represent the vast majority of the NationStates players, and;

WHEREAS said vast majority of players unequivocably support the Freedom of Humor for all, and;

WHEREAS hippos are indeed quite large,

I hold this truth to be self-evident...

HIPPOS ARE BIG.

After that was deleted....

HIPPOS ARE REALLY QUITE LARGE

A resolution to increase the quality of the world's environment, at the expense of industry.

Category: Environmental
Industry Affected: All Businesses
Proposed by: The Orion Nebula

Description: PREAMBLE: The intent of the UN rules governing proposals is to insure that substantial issues are discussed. It is entirely just and proper that this should be so. Similarly, the intent of the Freedom of Humor Act, which recently passed the UN by an almost 4 to 1 margin, is to allow these issues to be discussed in an entertaining and amusing way. This too is entirely just and proper and will lead to a happier and more humane citizenry. The Whimsical Republic of the Orion Nebula is therefore proud to submit the following for consideration.

HIPPO AWARENESS DAY

WHEREAS, although Hippos are indeed quite large there exists some controversy as to whether they are the second or third largest land animal;

AND WHEREAS the Hippos are known to be distressed by the terrible way that mankind has treated the environment of the Earth;

AND WHEREAS Hippos are not only an endangered species but young Hippos are often mocked in junior high school for their ridiculous looking windbreakers, their large glasses and their round sneakers that resemble above-ground pools,

LET IT BE RESOLVED THAT each member nation of the United Nations declare the first Thursday following the Winter Solstice to be "Hippo Awareness Day".

AND LET IT BE FURTHER RESOLVED that each member nation shall create programs that, on this day, educate its populace to the plight of all endangered species, but mostly Hippos. These programs should also raise the environmental awareness of the citizenry and encourage conservation.

AND LET IT BE EVEN FURTHER RESOLVED that these programs should contain the information that HIPPOS ARE BIG to help them regain their rightful place as the Earth's second largest land animal. Also this could be best accomplished by encouraging people to visit the zoo to see Hippos in the flesh so they can understand just how big Hippos are. This would prevent hurt Hippo feelings when people, unfamiliar with the size of Hippos, say "Wow, Hippos are big!" as opposed to having a comfortable idea about the relative size of Hippos, which would cause them to say "Now, THAT is a big Hippo!" only in the presence of an overtly large representative of the species.

AND LET IT BE STILL FURTHER RESOLVED that the member nations of the UN are encouraged to broadcast a national telethon on Hippo Awareness Day to raise money for the establishment of national parks and wildlife sanctuaries.

ALSO hello.

Supplied by Flibbleites:

Weasel Stomping Day
by Bob Flibble's chef, Sven

Category: Human Rights
Strength: Mild

NOTICING a distinct lack of UN established holidays

FEELING it important to correct this appalling oversight

The UN hereby

DECLARES April 1st to be Weasel Stomping Day to be celebrated as follows

1) all celebrants are to wear viking helmets and boots suitable for stomping on weasels

2) a liberal coating of mayonnaise is to be spread on lawns

3) all celebrants must greet each other by saying "Howdy ho"

4) all celebrants must stomp on at least one live weasel

FURTHER DECLARES that no nation is to make celebration of this holiday manditory.

Hip, hip, hooray, it's Weasel Stomping Day!

Supplied by Omigodtheykilledkenny:

Well if Max can have his holiday, I think its time for another holiday....

Thessadorian Ambassador Appreciation Day
a resolution ecouraging education and the arts

by Palentine UN Office

Category: Education and creativity
area of effect: Education
Proposed by: Palentine UN Office

Whereas for many years the Thessadorian Ambassador has brought great joy to some members of the UN.

Recognizing the unique perspective the Thessadorian Ambassador's..... ummmm...assets bring to the august Halls of the UN.

Understanding that there has been a small cry to "free the Thessadorians" from some UN members.

Recognizing that true beauty sometimes needs appreciated in times of international ugliness.

Hoping for more visits to this august body, by the Thessadorian Ambassador, this document sets forth May 1st as the Thessadorian Ambassador Appreciation Day.

Authored by the good but slightly unwholesome Sen. Sulla

Excelsior,
Sen. Horatio Sulla
Palentine UN office

Supplied by Mad Sheep Railgun:

Inflatable Gandalf Act
A resolution to improve world security by boosting police and military budgets.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Category: International Security
Strength: Strong
Proposed By: Royston--Vasey

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Description: The Government of Royston--Vasey has noted a rise in the number of road deaths in all nations in the past 10 years. This is due to the reckless driving of some people who do not stop at crossings. To encourage drivers to stop and so reduce road deaths, the Inflatable Gandalf Act would install 4 inflatable Gandalfs on all road crossings which shout "You shall not pass" at speeding vehicles which refuse to stop at crossings where pedestrians are waiting to cross. Where there are no road crossings, the act would provide the local residents with their very own Inflatable Gandalf to aid safe passage.

[Doujin]

This is definitely not, by any means a sarcastic mocking of the beloved and wonderful proposal writers that draft and/or submit certain proposals that never seem to be accepted by the rest of the overwhelming majority of the WA, despite the proposals' noble, perfectly rational basis on issues that the world absolutely MUST worry about according to the writers' totally normal points of view...

-snip-

Hey, this paragraph here sounds like your current proposal!

[A mean old man]

This is definitely not, by any means a sarcastic mocking of the beloved and wonderful proposal writers that draft and/or submit certain proposals that never seem to be accepted by the rest of the overwhelming majority of the WA, despite the proposals' noble, perfectly rational basis on issues that the world absolutely MUST worry about according to the writers' totally normal points of view...

-snip-

Hey, this paragraph here sounds like your current proposal!

Hey, it happens to be a resolution now, not a proposal!

EDIT: Wasn't in a fighting mood when I posted this reply, but I also have to say this was a totally unnecessary comment here.

[Grays Harbor]

This is definitely not, by any means a sarcastic mocking of the beloved and wonderful proposal writers that draft and/or submit certain proposals that never seem to be accepted by the rest of the overwhelming majority of the WA, despite the proposals' noble, perfectly rational basis on issues that the world absolutely MUST worry about according to the writers' totally normal points of view...

ok, that got a good giggle out of me. especially the Bovine thing which I snipped for brevities sake.

[Enn]

I assume at some stage we will get the Greatest UN Proposals of All Time put up for comparison?

For my money they would be, in no particular order:
Inflatable Gandalfs Act
Mad Sheep Railgun Act
Hippos are Really Quite Large

Any others people can think of?

[Grays Harbor]

How about the 10,004 "d00D, make weed legal111!11" proposals in the first few months of '03?

[Goobergunchia]

Hippos are Really Quite Large

Since most people probably haven't seen the Hippo proposals...

HIPPOS ARE BIG

A resolution to improve worldwide human and civil rights.

Category: Human Rights
Strength: Strong
Proposed by: Architeuthis

Description: WHEREAS the participants of the NationStates forum, while quite noisy, do not accurately represent the vast majority of the NationStates players, and;

WHEREAS said vast majority of players unequivocably support the Freedom of Humor for all, and;

WHEREAS hippos are indeed quite large,

I hold this truth to be self-evident...

HIPPOS ARE BIG.

After that was deleted....

HIPPOS ARE REALLY QUITE LARGE

A resolution to increase the quality of the world's environment, at the expense of industry.

Category: Environmental
Industry Affected: All Businesses
Proposed by: The Orion Nebula

Description: PREAMBLE: The intent of the UN rules governing proposals is to insure that substantial issues are discussed. It is entirely just and proper that this should be so. Similarly, the intent of the Freedom of Humor Act, which recently passed the UN by an almost 4 to 1 margin, is to allow these issues to be discussed in an entertaining and amusing way. This too is entirely just and proper and will lead to a happier and more humane citizenry. The Whimsical Republic of the Orion Nebula is therefore proud to submit the following for consideration.

HIPPO AWARENESS DAY

WHEREAS, although Hippos are indeed quite large there exists some controversy as to whether they are the second or third largest land animal;

AND WHEREAS the Hippos are known to be distressed by the terrible way that mankind has treated the environment of the Earth;

AND WHEREAS Hippos are not only an endangered species but young Hippos are often mocked in junior high school for their ridiculous looking windbreakers, their large glasses and their round sneakers that resemble above-ground pools,

LET IT BE RESOLVED THAT each member nation of the United Nations declare the first Thursday following the Winter Solstice to be "Hippo Awareness Day".

AND LET IT BE FURTHER RESOLVED that each member nation shall create programs that, on this day, educate its populace to the plight of all endangered species, but mostly Hippos. These programs should also raise the environmental awareness of the citizenry and encourage conservation.

AND LET IT BE EVEN FURTHER RESOLVED that these programs should contain the information that HIPPOS ARE BIG to help them regain their rightful place as the Earth's second largest land animal. Also this could be best accomplished by encouraging people to visit the zoo to see Hippos in the flesh so they can understand just how big Hippos are. This would prevent hurt Hippo feelings when people, unfamiliar with the size of Hippos, say "Wow, Hippos are big!" as opposed to having a comfortable idea about the relative size of Hippos, which would cause them to say "Now, THAT is a big Hippo!" only in the presence of an overtly large representative of the species.

AND LET IT BE STILL FURTHER RESOLVED that the member nations of the UN are encouraged to broadcast a national telethon on Hippo Awareness Day to raise money for the establishment of national parks and wildlife sanctuaries.

ALSO hello.

This has been an OOC post.

[Charlotte Ryberg]

Wouldn't it be a Right to Education? it survived probably the biggest crash-test of all time, as well as pushing the opinions of many ambassadors to the limits.

[Flibbleites]

If we're nominating UN era ones I've got to mention my old Weasel Stomping Day proposal.

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

Thessadorian Ambassador Appreciation Day all the way!

[Kryozerkia]

If we're nominating UN era ones I've got to mention my old Weasel Stomping Day proposal.

Ah! The Grand Magistrate Weasel is outraged over this and...and... declares that your country is guilty of Anti-Weaselism!

Actually, we found it amusing if anything else.

[Charlotte Ryberg]

Apart from active resolutions that have gone through a lot of drama, the Inflatable Gandalf Act comes into mind.

OOC: In terms of active resolutions, GA#51, written by me, was voted on as the world mourned the death of Michael Jackson.

[Carbandia]

Agreed, although you must admit, sir, that the Mad Sheep Railgun one was pretty funny as well. (this has been a IC post)

[Bergnovinaia]

Apart from active resolutions that have gone through a lot of drama, the Inflatable Gandalf Act comes into mind.

OOC: In terms of active resolutions, GA#51, written by me, was voted on as the world mourned the death of Michael Jackson.

I concur with you on Inflatable Gandalf Act.

OOC: However, like Charlotte Ryberg, I must say my resolutions "Biological Weapons Conference" and "Cultural Heritage Protection" were also pretty good ("Biological Weapons Conference more so...).

[Charlotte Ryberg]

Actually, every passed resolution has had a great story to look back on.

[Bergnovinaia]

Actually, every passed resolution has had a great story to look back on.

So true...

[Unibotian WASC Mission]

Ah.. my resolution sparked a fight to the death between a Space Captain (a cross breed between Captain Kirk and Captain Nemo) and a seven foot, armor clad, ventilating, dark, ominous, caped, deeply voiced, light saber wielding 'ambassador' whose rigid stance was a frighting combination of a tree and Keanu Reeves.

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

Well, if we're getting into the greatest debates/brawls of all time, you can't go without mentioning UN Fair Wage Convention. There were others too -- Glog's repeal, the whaling repeal, the Dictionary Wars and the giant squid cyborg incident during Sapient Rights -- but UNFWC pretty much set the standard for high-flying hilarity!

[Charlotte Ryberg]

Well, if we're getting into the greatest debates/brawls of all time, you can't go without mentioning UN Fair Wage Convention. There were others too -- Glog's repeal, the whaling repeal, the Dictionary Wars and the giant squid cyborg incident during Sapient Rights -- but UNFWC pretty much set the standard for high-flying hilarity!

There was also the destructor bunnies, destructor penguins and custard pie fights.

[The Most Glorious Hack]

Inflatable Gandalfs Act. Totally.

However, Commend That Place Over There was so awesome that it transcended the WA/SC split. As it is indeed over there.

[A mean old man]

Inflatable Gandalfs Act. Totally.

However, Commend That Place Over There was so awesome that it transcended the WA/SC split. As it is indeed over there.

Can someone link me to the Inflatable Gandalfs Act?

...and "Commend That Place Over There" should definitely have reached queue and been passed, seeing as it summarizes perfectly the goal of incredible appropriateness and justification of reasoning our SC values so much today.

[Mad Sheep Railgun]

Can someone link me to the Inflatable Gandalfs Act?

http://www.nswiki.net/index.php?title=Inflatable_Gandalf_Act