Palentine Diplomatic Exchange

[The Palentine]

Greetings and Salutations, excetery excetery,

You lucky sods, The Evil Conservative Empire of the Palentine has decided to open its nation to international diplomacy. Under the order of Empress Jhessan Spaulding, the Palentine shall accept ambassadors from other nations and reciprocate with sending ambassadors to the nation making the request. The Empress feels this should promote kindness and understanding between nations...I can't belive I just said that with a straight face. Anywho, just submit your nation's name, the name and brief description of your ambassador to the Palentime. Also, if he or she has some kind of special needs or requests that need to be met for your ambassader's comfort, please let it be known. I and my staff shall read through our diplomatic dossiers to find the pefect Palentine ambassador for your nation

See you in the Funny papers.
Lord Julius
Prime Minister

[The Imperial State]

Nation Name: The Imperial State
Ambassador Name: Richard Cunningham V
Ambassador Description: Richard Cunningham V is a young new diplomat who happens to be the scion of one of The Imperial State's oldest aristocratic families. After the Emperor recently purged the State Department as part of his "corruption crackdown" the unmarried 26 year old was able to get the prestigious intra-region posting in The Palentine after the front-runner was hanged during the BombBall Northern League Playoffs Half-Time Show. An ardent patriot and smooth operator (occasional dalliance with low class women aside), The Imperial State is happy to make Dick Cunningham V Ambassador to The Palentine, where he will hopefully represent us well.

[The Palentine]

Greetings and salutations Emperor Thomas.
On behalf of my Empress, I thank you for furthering diplomatic ties with a fellow region mate. It is our hope those ties will continue and allow peace and understanding. Your Ambassador is accepted and we have a townhouse ready for his residence in the Smallman Street section of The Burgh...unless your nation would like to aquire some land for a larger embasssy compound to be built.

It is also with great pleasure that I appoint Bambi Kornweasel to your nation as our Ambassador. Her friends call her Iron Bambi. In addition to her fulfilling official duties from the Palentine, she will also serve as a liason between you and the Gnomish Warbands who roam the AO wastelands collecting rent. Since she is the Sister of Thain Thadbroxton Kornweasel, you can pay your yearly regional dues/rent to her, and she'll see to it the money makes it back into the warband's collection.

Bambi Kornweasel aka Iron Bambi

She is the sister of Thadbroxton Kornweasel, and an accompllished warrior and mage. She would prefer a hilly region for her residence where she can dig a cozy warrren into the hills and tunnel to her heart's content.

Warning: keep the short jokes to yourself when in her presence, or she's liable to turn your testicles into a speed bag.

See you in the Funny Papers,
Lord Julius
Prime Minister

[Free Las Pinas]

Salutations,

His Excellency’s Department of Foreign Affairs of Free Las Pinas extends its warm greetings to the Palentine, with fervent desire to cultivate relations of friendship and amity between our two nations.

I, as foreign affairs minister, have appointed Tansy Lucrezia to your nation as an ambassador, and hope you do accept her. She’s fairly young, having just graduated from the Piñeapolis Academy for International Affairs two years ago, but she’s very much ready to take this on.

For shits and giggles,
Chelsea Mendoza, Minister of Foreign Affairs.

Nation’s Name: Free Las Pinas
Ambassador’s Name: Tansy Lucrezia
Ambassador’s Description: Tansy is a currently unemployed 25 year-old, who would do anything to not have to pay rent. It’s suggested that you keep your distance, as when she gets attached, she actually tries to attach you to her physically/magically. It took three hours for her mom to detach Tansy from her younger brother the last time. She’s proficient in email and Tumblr, so there’s likely not going to be a need for technical assistance. We believe she has changed her ways at least a bit, and are happy to have her represent us.

[Estados Vaticanos]

The Honorable Charles de Lucas wishes to open diplomatic relations with his nation, although with some terror and asked permission from His Majesty Francisco I to establish relations with his nation, he gave his permission

Nation Name: Kingdom of the Vatican States
Ambassador's Name: Generoso Trentini
Biography of the Ambassador: Generoso Trentini is an ambassador who recently graduated from the University of Diplomatic Relations, he is 31 years old, with a doctorate in history of Palentino and for them we decided to put him in the embassy of his country, he is single and very professional, although very paranoid about your safety
Diplomatic Staff: 5
Special needs: We want to put 10 highly trained security guards at the service of the embassy, who are Vatican nationals, each one of them will have a glock 17 and there will be 5 armored Bentley Mulliner Mulsanne armored cars imported from our nation, apart from that we want there to be a Gulfstream G650 parked at your national airport in case of having to evacuate the emergency embassy, obviously we will pay taxes and a rent for parking our plane

[The Palentine]

Salutations,

His Excellency’s Department of Foreign Affairs of Free Las Pinas extends its warm greetings to the Palentine, with fervent desire to cultivate relations of friendship and amity between our two nations.

I, as foreign affairs minister, have appointed Tansy Lucrezia to your nation as an ambassador, and hope you do accept her. She’s fairly young, having just graduated from the Piñeapolis Academy for International Affairs two years ago, but she’s very much ready to take this on.

For shits and giggles,
Chelsea Mendoza, Minister of Foreign Affairs.

Nation’s Name: Free Las Pinas
Ambassador’s Name: Tansy Lucrezia
Ambassador’s Description: Tansy is a currently unemployed 25 year-old, who would do anything to not have to pay rent. It’s suggested that you keep your distance, as when she gets attached, she actually tries to attach you to her physically/magically. It took three hours for her mom to detach Tansy from her younger brother the last time. She’s proficient in email and Tumblr, so there’s likely not going to be a need for technical assistance. We believe she has changed her ways at least a bit, and are happy to have her represent us.

Greetings and salutations,

Excellent. We await Ambassador Tansy's arruval. We have prepared a lovely townhouse in the Hill District of The 'Burgh that gives an excellent view of Dusquense Park.

Please accept our ambassador Rory "Bluto" Blutarski. He is a 8 year graduate of Hillsfair College, majoring in toga parties and shennanigans. His outstanding acchievment during his college days was being pledgemaster of the Tappa Kegga Bru Fraternity.

See you in the Funny Papers,
Lord Julius

[The Palentine]

The Honorable Charles de Lucas wishes to open diplomatic relations with his nation, although with some terror and asked permission from His Majesty Francisco I to establish relations with his nation, he gave his permission

Nation Name: Kingdom of the Vatican States
Ambassador's Name: Generoso Trentini
Biography of the Ambassador: Generoso Trentini is an ambassador who recently graduated from the University of Diplomatic Relations, he is 31 years old, with a doctorate in history of Palentino and for them we decided to put him in the embassy of his country, he is single and very professional, although very paranoid about your safety
Diplomatic Staff: 5
Special needs: We want to put 10 highly trained security guards at the service of the embassy, who are Vatican nationals, each one of them will have a glock 17 and there will be 5 armored Bentley Mulliner Mulsanne armored cars imported from our nation, apart from that we want there to be a Gulfstream G650 parked at your national airport in case of having to evacuate the emergency embassy, obviously we will pay taxes and a rent for parking our plane

Greetings and salutations,

Excellent. We await the arrival of Ambassador Trentini. We have prepared a Townhouse in the Brookside section of the city near the National Cathedral. The Cathedral is primarily used by those who follow Reaganism, but that religeon is fairly close to Episcopalianism so he should have no problems should he decide to take in some services. We find your other requests reasonable, though are Jaegermonsters are a litle bit peturbed that their services as security isn't considered adaquate. I'd suggest your ambassador compliment them profusely on their hats when he meeets them.

As for our nation please accept Praisethelord Harris, he's a diplomat and ordained minister of one of The Palentine's more strict puritan branches of Reaganism. He doesn't require much, and would prefer his residence to be as spartan as possible.

See you in the Funny papers,
Lord Julius

[The Palentine]

Ooc: BUMP!

[The Palentine]

Ba ba ba BUMP!

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

Her Hotness' estate outside Ohiopyle had been decorated quite lavishly on the occasion of her annual New Year's Eve celebrations. It seemed every pillar had been adorned with a large holly wreath, with holly garlands hanging between them; nearly anything that grew in the courtyard was lit up brilliantly with Christmas lights, including the tall evergreen, handsomely and tastefully decorated for the holidays. Amidst the bustle among all of her excited guests -- the massive, tuxedoed form of Philo Simeon could be seen clinking glasses with Major Gunns; Rocko Sulla, standing alone, was chugging down a can of Iron City™, whilst the remaining "five pack" hung from his free hand; and Zara, Duchess of Grambolputty and her husband the duke were keeping the Imperial Mother occupied -- Jhessan likely would have missed the short, blonde woman of about thirty stepping down into the courtyard, plainly dressed, with a uniformed young Kennyite officer accompanying her.

"You know, Ambassador, this is a little irregular," the officer nagged her. "You are not expected to present your credentials until after the New Year, at a formal ceremony."

"Well, I am still the new ambassador to this country," she replied. "You'd think my name would be on the guest list."

"Ahh, yes...by the way, masterful handling of that Jaeger guard...bribing him with my beret like that!" The officer's hand brushed briefly against his now naked, cleanly buzzed head.

The woman did not appear to be listening, as an alarm on her cell phone had gone off. Quickly she whirled around mid-step to behold a rather beleaguered-looking youngish man waiting in the castle's lighted doorway, dressed sort of like a retired Mexican gang member, with dark cargo shorts, knee-high white socks. and long sleeves to cover up his old tats. In tow he had two elementary school-aged girls, whilst he cradled a much younger little one in his arms; all three girls had light skin and their mom's blonde hair. "Ese!" the woman shouted at him, "Jasmine needs her bottle soon!"

The man only nodded half-heartedly, daring not to holler anything in reply.

"And so the reason we're crashing this party at a very heavily guarded castle is...?" the officer said as the woman resumed her pace.

"Oh, you know my idiot brother never introduced me to any of the fabulous women he got to meet while he traveled the world as a diplomat -- except maybe that Avaya brat -- so tonight's my chance to rub shoulders with some of them! ...Oh!" she suddenly added, "there was also that time I got to meet you in that Altanar place, Spence." She smiled girlishly at him.

The officer smiled sheepishly. "Ma'am, I keep telling you, I'm not Spence; I'm his brother Dayton. Also, would you mind calling me Lieutenant, at least while I'm in uniform?"

Again, the woman hadn't heard, as she neared the center of the courtyard to see Empress Jhessan, naturally the focus of everyone's attention, wearing a stylish red Victoria Huang cocktail dress, and happily exchanging pleasantries with arriving guests. Prince Consort Perfecto, meanwhile, clad in a striking white suit and black tie, was trying to retain his post next to his wife, but was rather occupied by the hard, leafy "jaws" of a giant mutant plant currently trying to swallow his left arm. Closer to the ground, Poison Ivy-- er, Jhessan's beloved daughter Cassandra stirred the soil in the plant's pot. "I think she needs a bigger pot," she suggested.

"I think she needs her own planet!" Perfecto quipped, still trying to yank back his trapped appendage.

Some feet away, Cassandra's twin brother Sebastian was holding a rigged-up device that seemed to control a homemade remote-controlled car freely whizzing back and forth along the walkway. Sebastian had earlier offered to show Perfecto all the "neat tricks" his new toy could do, but the prince declined, fearing that all of the "neat tricks" would also be rather terrifying.

"Well...?" the ambassador said expectantly as she lingered before the imperial family. "Aren't you going to announce me?"

Dayton sighed. "Seeing as you were not invited, I think it might embarrass the empress," he answered impatiently.

"Oh, you're useless," she scoffed, and daringly approached her (inadvertent) hostess: "Your Hotness?"

Jhessan turned slightly to find her, currently attempting a formal curtsy in her simple floral gown. The imperial regarded her strangely, even though by now she had already been briefed on the new Kennyite envoy's vital information. and so probably knew exactly who this woman was. Unfortunately, the file on her had omitted one key detail: this woman was also currently about 1,000-months' pregnant. "Ohh, uhh, Ambassador," Jhessan greeted her cordially, offering her (non-bionic) hand. "We were not expecting you to arrive so soon! How have you been finding The 'Burgh?"

"Oh!" the ambassador tried to reply, but all that came out was a string of nervous giggles. "Everyone's so friendly...uhhh...I feel so at home here!" she eventually said.

"...Well, thank you!" she suddenly gushed again after absently exchanging a few more niceties with Jhessan. "I just so wanted to meet you!" And she turned about to waddle as quickly as she could back toward her daughter-wrangling husband, having completely forgotten to shake the empress's hand.

Dayton smiled and offered his hand instead. "Some reading material, Your Hotness," he said, as he pulled out some neatly folded pages and handed them to her. "I am Lieutenant Dayton Beuerman, by the way, the new Kennyite defense attaché to your court. It is a pleasure serving as a guest in your beautiful country."

Had Jhessan examined the documents just given her, she would have read:

LETTERS OF CREDENCE for CRYSTAL FAISANO, AMBASSADOR EXTRAORDINARY and PLENIPOTENTIARY of the FEDERAL REPUBLIC of OMIGODTHEYKILLEDKENNY to the IMPERIAL COURT

They bore Captain Chiang's signature.

[The Palentine]

As much as she sometimes complained about the hectic nature of her schedule this time of year, Empress Jhessan really did love the holiday season, especially here at Castle Stalker, away from the capital. Normally these holiday celebrations were dreadfully dull, as she was usually performing official duties at parties thrown by various politicians and civic groups, sometime two a night near Christmas. However this was different. This was her personal celebration with friends, family, and select people she had placed in her inner circle. Here the atmosphere was more relaxed and festive.

Her Hotness took advantage of a lull from greeting her guests, by taking a glass of wine from one of the footmen carrying a tray for guests. She smiled as she glanced at the decorations, and listened to the festive music being softly played by a chamber group. She sipped from her glass and thought to herself,

"My Steward and her staff did and excellent job with the decorations and party this year. I'll have to make sure they all recieve a nice bonus in their pay."

Jhessan turned to her somewhat belagered husband, and gave him a fond kiss on the cheek, and whispered a few loving words in his ear. That is why she was somewhat distracted when the young female introduced herself.

"Your Hotness..."

Jhessan did a double take when she looked at the young lady, and tried to figure out just who she was, until she remembered something that Lord Julius told her a few weeks ago. Lord Julius didn't inform her that the new Ambassador was very much pregnant.

"Oh Ambassador, we were not expecting you to arrive so soon. How have you found The 'Burgh?"

Jhessan listened politely to the Ambassador's answer, but was a little taken aback by her absentmindedness. Fortunately Lt. Bauerman shown that there were some Kennyites who had manners and good fetchings up. As the young Leutenant walked away, Jhessan glanced at the papers before turning to her husband, Perfecto and saying,

"Hold the fort for me, darling. I need to attend to some business. It should only take me about five minutes or so."

She gave him another kiss, and made her way out of the hall, to find her Steward. When she found her, Jhessan told her of the situation and to see that Ambassador Faisano had a comfortable chair to relax, see that some refeshments were prepared for the added guests, and to have a servant take these credentials to her private study and put them on her desk. She also asked her Steward to inquire which Jaegermonster let the ambassador in, and inform said Jaeger that they would be the Empress' sparring partner for her kickboxing workout the next day. Jhessan then made a call to the castle's infirmary to warn them they might have to birth a baby before the night was over. Jhessan also made a mental note to herself to see to it larger housing was found for the Ambassador and her family...preferably someplace in The 'Burgh as far from the Imperial Palace that would not be seen as a snub.

After that was finished Empress Jhessan returned to her party.