The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[Murray the Evil Skull]

Murray looks over from his place on the bar, his eyes glowing a malevolent red as he cast his gimlet skull gaze over the patrons of the bar. Sighing the evilest talking skull in nationstates thought to himself,
"If only I had my body, I'd bend these drunken fool's will to mine."

"I...bartender, is she an ambassador to somewhere?

How very risky. Risque. I forget which."

Murray notices the figure in the black hooded cloak and does a double take before saying,

"Are you sure you are who you say you are? I was under the belief that you only spoke in capital letters, slick?"


(ooc:booyah! Discworld reference.)

[Damanucus]

Stephanie pulled out her pen from her jacket pocket—why she had a pen in her jacket pocket would be a little confusing to anyone, if they weren't members of the World Assembly; it'd be even less confusing if anyone noticed the slowly aging personal ad that was still pinned up on the wall of the bar—and placed a half-and-half attempt at her signature on the dotted line.

Then the thought hit her. The bar didn't have a chandelier. And her legs didn't feel like they had been the hanging point for the rest of her body.

"Neville, what did I just sign?"

"Why, the invoice. For the replacement chandelier. That you broke. When you were too drunk to remember," answered Neville, his delivery jerky as he responded to increasingly coherent looks from the far too sober Ambassador.

Unseen behind him, Violet shook her head in vigorous denial at each pause.

"We could name the new one after you," the BarLord offered winningly. But Stephanie's concentration seemed to be wavering; he turned to see if something had attracted her attention.

"I whip my hayyyrrrr back and forth," Violet sang, doing so. "It's an oldie but a goodie," she added, her voice bright with unnaturally girlish enthusiasm.

Stephanie was certain that she was going to get whiplash from the amount of head-turning she was doing. "I don't remember any chan..." She immediately turned towards the ceiling. Spotless. No holes that could've even held a chandelier (and no edges of fading that indicated any long-term mounting of any sort), and no sign there was even a chandelier being considered. Violet was right, even if silently so.

She folded the invoice up and placed it in her pocket. "Neville, if you want me to install a chandelier for you, at my personal expense, please ask instead of trying to manipulate me by exploiting an alcohol-generated amnesia. Now, care to tell me what really happened?"

OOC: Caught, Neville! Mind you, maybe you should consider that for when you decide to fix the balcony.

[Araraukar]

She folded the invoice up and placed it in her pocket. "Neville, if you want me to install a chandelier for you, at my personal expense, please ask instead of trying to manipulate me by exploiting an alcohol-generated amnesia. Now, care to tell me what really happened?"

"A chandelier really did fall," Janis said, sipping her daily drink, "and cause untold amount of hilarity and suffering. I can't remember which delegate was swinging from it at the time, but the whole mess got cleaned up overnight, as tends to happen in this place. Or was that before they named this place the World Assembly? I wouldn't put it past Neville to have some sort of time warp installed here. But," she added, looking directly at Neville, "I would never have thought he of all people would try to use alcohol as an excuse to scam and swindle."

[Eireann Fae]

A rather attractive woman enters the Bar, and seems reassured upon seeing the patrons and bar, as if she wasn't sure she would be in the right place. She approaches the bar and flashes a pretty smile at Neville, her pearly white teeth contrasting nicely with her dark skin. "Well met and blessed be. I take it you're the proprietor of this establishment? My name is Niobe, and I'm with Eireann Fae's diplomatic office. In light of our proposal's recent success in reaching quorum, we would like to buy five rounds of drinks for, well, everybody. Even that Martin Russell guy that little Rowan is always complaining about, and Alex is always making death threats against..."

The woman produces a pouch and empties its contents onto the counter - five discs of chemically pure gold bearing the Faerie-and-lotus symbol of the Community of Eireann Fae. "Here's five ounces of gold to get them started. Let me know if they burn through that. I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got another delivery to make. Cheers!" With that, she turns and leaves. As the door swings closed, she can be seen pushing a cart covered with brightly covered sweets down the hall...

[Imperium of Tanith]

A rather attractive woman enters the Bar, and seems reassured upon seeing the patrons and bar, as if she wasn't sure she would be in the right place. She approaches the bar and flashes a pretty smile at Neville, her pearly white teeth contrasting nicely with her dark skin. "Well met and blessed be. I take it you're the proprietor of this establishment? My name is Niobe, and I'm with Eireann Fae's diplomatic office. In light of our proposal's recent success in reaching quorum, we would like to buy five rounds of drinks for, well, everybody. Even that Martin Russell guy that little Rowan is always complaining about, and Alex is always making death threats against..."

The woman produces a pouch and empties its contents onto the counter - five discs of chemically pure gold bearing the Faerie-and-lotus symbol of the Community of Eireann Fae. "Here's five ounces of gold to get them started. Let me know if they burn through that. I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got another delivery to make. Cheers!" With that, she turns and leaves. As the door swings closed, she can be seen pushing a cart covered with brightly covered sweets down the hall...

Micheal turns and watches the strange new lady leave, an eyebrow peaked out of intrigue. "Well, that was interesting to say the least. Quite a pretty one she is." He says quietly as he sips his drink.

[Murray the Evil Skull]

Upon the bar's stage a band of Destructor Bunnies wearing skull themed nudie suits were setting up their musical instruments. A barstool as set up behind a mic. Two destructor bunnies walked up to the stool carrying murray. They carefully placed him on the stool and placed a fine Yeldan Stetson hat(TM) on his head. then the went ot their intruments ansd picked them up. a few minutes later one of the bunnies began to speak in a don Pardoe voice,

"And now live from the AO, the showband of the southern hemisphere Cowboy Murray and his Buckaroo Bunny band..."

The bunny at the piano stated playing a few bars from the Theme of the movie "Exodus" before setting into a fast county riff. Murray began to sing....
"Well, I pulled out of Pittsburgh,
Rollin' down the Eastern Seaboard.
I've got my diesel wound up,
And she's running like never before.
There's a speed zone ahead, all right,
I don't see a cop in sight.
Six days on the road and I'm gonna make it home tonight.

I got ten forward gears,
And a Georgia overdrive.
I'm taking little white pills,
And my eyes are open wide.
I just passed a 'Jimmy' and a 'White':
I've been passin' everything in sight.
Six days on the road and I'm gonna make it home tonight.

Well, it seems like a month,
Since I kissed my baby good-bye.
I could have a lot of women,
But I'm not like some other guys.
I could find one to hold me tight,
But I could never believe that it's right.
Six days on the road and I'm gonna make it home tonight.

I.C.C. is checking on down the line.
I'm a little overweight and my log's three days behind.
But nothing bothers me tonight.
I can dodge all the scales all right,
Six days on the road and I'm gonna make it home tonight.

Well my rig's a little old,
But that don't mean she's slow.
There's a flame from her stack,
And the smoke's rolling black as coal.
My hometown's coming in sight,
If you think I'm happy your right.
Six days on the road and I'm gonna make it home tonight."

[Viritica]

Abels stumbled into the bar after seeing the flickering sign, his toe aching. "I wonder how many other people have stubbed their damn toe on that plaster," he remarked.

He groaned and loosened his tie. It was another uneventful day at the World Assembly. The same mindless debates about the same mindless topics. He sat down at the bar. "Some whiskey, please. I've been dying for some all day."

[Draica]

Ambassador Edward Tung of the Republic of Draica would walk into the bar, being new in town. He had decided he needed a long break after he was done in the World Assembly office. He sat down and took off his suit jacket, ordering a shot of White vine.

"Ahh...Great to relax" He said as he kicked back and shut his eyes*

[Damanucus]

Stephanie's phone went off in her pocket. On the upside, at least she wasn't in the Snakepit; on the downside, she was arguing with Neville about breaking a chandelier that was never there, and the cost of replacing the non-existent—and hence undamaged—item. The philosophising on whether Neville viewed the universe in C³ space had to wait while she dealt with matters of a more real—and, to be more specific, rational—nature.

"Stephanie, Targen here," came a voice that sounded like destructor bunnies at an end-of-financial-year party, after they had spiked the punch and proceeded to consume it from the bowl. Evidently rationality had to wait as well. "Good news: you are still the regional delegate. You can keep your current offices."

"Targen, I'm still in the dratted electronic waste deposit. The fact that I have managed to commandeer a couple of connecting offices for...well, for personal use—" She stopped when she heard sniggering. Sounded like he had taken some less-than-sound advice from said bunnies. "Targen, are you intoxicated?"

"If you mean 'intoxicated' as in 'slooshed'"—his voiced went up an octave as he slurred the double-o—"then yes, we're celebrating." Stephanie hoped he couldn't hear her lack of expression; it was unusual for Targen to get drunk, but it was very usual that he would regret it afterwards. "I'm sending some wine and some beer to the bar up there, our gift. Oh yeah, and tell Neville if there's anything he needs, we will gladly pay for it. By the way, didn't you break a chandelier there?"

"I did not break—" She just stopped and recomposed herself. Getting angry at a drunk didn't make them any more sober, or any less stupid. "Fine, I'll tell him that. And I'll make sure he knows about the alcohol." She hung up before he could accidentally say any more potential regrets.

She turned back to the bar, and pulled out the folded slips of paper, handing them back to Neville. "Here, your chandelier is on route, courtesy of the Damanucus Foreign Affairs department. By the way, you should be expecting an ethanol-imbued gift of Damanucan beer and wine in the next week or two. I hope you have room in your cellar."

A text came through on her phone. What now? she thought.

By the way, for your barkeep's records, tell him that the wine is Damanucus' First Shiraz, Merlot and Semillon, 2 crates of 12 each, and the beer is Wild Seeds, kegs of the stuff.

Oh yeah, and Passenly is sending a bodyguard of sorts. Gempidon Deach, her name is. She tells me you've been having problems with a potential assassin.

Stephanie wanted to facepalm. That was dodgy electronics, not gun shots. And the shooter was...she didn't bother anymore. Apparently, they were sending Gempidon, and she was going to have to put up with her for a week, at least. But at least she had numbers for the alcohol. "Neville, just some numbers for that alcohol..."

[The Grim Reaper]

"Are you sure you are who you say you are? I was under the belief that you only spoke in capital letters, slick?"

The man made his comment in passing, still distracted, as Murray made his way to his five seconds of fame.

"HOW WOULD I SPEAK IN CAPITAL LETTERS when I'm using my voice? Really, you can't believe everything you read. Although, I must admit - I may have dabbled in a spot of ghostwriting back in the day, and I brushed shoulders with a few people who interpreted my accent in odd ways."

The...man?...in the black cloak pulled a relatively small netbook from his seemingly empty robes, a large 'E' seemingly impressed upon the top of the lid. The dark-blue log-in screen burst into life within only a few seconds, opening on what appeared to be a web-page showing a proud, bold, gold logo - "Equbuntu".

A recent interview he had conducted with a General Assembly legislator came up momentarily, in what seemed to be a simple notepad application - no doubt the early stages of formatting.

A look of surprise and interest flashed across what could be seen of...his eyes?...for a moment, as he considered what he was doing, before promptly opening what appeared to be a video editing program.

It would take a few moments for the common bystander to realize it was actually a, no doubt home-brew, media player currently streaming the Bar's live feed of the General Assembly Floor, dubbed over with a laugh-track.

He settled down, pulling out a small pair of...headphones? Ah, these would be somewhat familiar to a dedicated audio enthusiast - that being said, athletes might too enjoy using them. Bone-conduction headphones - they don't block any surrounding sound, because they don't go in your ear. As the name implies, they use conduction of the bones as an amplification technique.

[Murray the Evil Skull]

As nudie suit clad destructor bunnies finshed up their first song, Murray spoke into his mic while the band got ready for their next number.
"Thank you very much! Were glad to be here tonight. This next song is a Buck Owens classic and goes out as a dedication to the young Kawaiian Nuncia. Hit it Bunnies"

The band began playing a classic country riff as the EVILEST talking skull in Nationstates began to sing....

"I've...got...a...tiger by the tail
It's plain to see,
I won't be much
When you get through with me.
Well, I'm losing weight
And turning mighty pale.
Looks like I've got
A tiger by the tail.

Well, I thought the day I met you
You were meek as a lamb,
Just the kind to fit
My dreams and plans.
But now, the pace we're living
Takes the wind from my sail,
And it looks like I've got
A tiger by the tail.

I've...got...a...tiger by the tail
It's plain to see,
I won't be much
When you get through with me.
Well, I'm losing weight
And turning mighty pale.
Looks like I've got
A tiger by the tail.

Well, every night you drag me
Where the bright lights are found,
There ain't no way to slow you down.
I'm about as helpless
As a leaf in a gale,
And it looks like I've got
A tiger by the tail.

I've...got...a...tiger by the tail
It's plain to see,
I won't be much
When you get through with me,
Well, I'm losing weight
And turning mighty pale.
Looks like I've got
A tiger by the tail."

[Sierra Lyricalia]

Vinny moves into the room, lifts the mostly empty ice bucket up to the dark wooden bar, and sets it down. He nods at the bartender.

"Thanks for the bucket, man."

Setting the box on top of the bar, Vin removes the last four unopened bottles of Spectacle Island Squall^TM single-malt whisky, the remains of a conditional gift box from that distillery, and sets each on the bar in turn. On each label, a stormy grey sea threatens to demolish an old wooden sailing vessel as lightning arcs through the grey-black overhead; yet a large white bird glides calmly over the whole scene, its long beak almost seeming to smile placidly despite the surrounding chaos.

Vin straightens himself up and squares his shoulders.

"I am directed to render unto you this third of a case o' the good stuff to do with as you please, and to call your attention to the ordering information on the back label should you wish to procure more." He relaxes, lifts his leg over, and sits on the stool directly in front of him.

"And believe me, this is the good stuff. Came within a hair o' first place in its type at the Shetburrough Islands World Whisky Cup last year. Brother-in-law makes 'e stuff. Hey, can I grab a glass, 'n two rocks? 'Anks."

Vin lifts the last bottle, still about 1/3 full, out of the box, and pours himself a few fingers. Cloudy in the glass, only a hint of amber coloring, and swirling a little as the ice starts to melt. Smoke seems to ooze from the glass to his nose, and he breathes deeply and sighs, the corners of his mouth turning up just a little. Inhaling again, he takes a sip and turns around in his stool, to see if anything's going on in the rest of the establishment.

[Aetrina]

Andrew Delling couldn't remember the last time he had come into the bar. It had been a very long time. First there was the buisness with a former ally and now he was running full hammer trying to keep Aetrina's interests covered. He wondered just how long a person could go without sleep. He leaned against the bar and loosened his tie. "Aetrinian whiskey please."he asked the bartender. The drink arrived with the usual speed and silence both of which Andrew appreciated

[Retired WerePenguins]

Barry Black enters the Bar, probably for the last time. "Well, I'm glad that's over. No drinks for me today, the dispatch that confirmed our egress with the festering snakepit also officially reallocated any remaining spending budget to the military. I just wanted to say 'goodbye' and stare at that funny shrine one more time before I return to the Antarctic. It's a shame that they cut my budget; I wanted to buy everyone a nice Chivas Legal. OH well, everyone buy themselves a Chivas Legal and pretend I paid for it. Very few of you actually pay your bar tabs anyway."

[Bloodstone Kay]

Do not worry about such a trifling matter as a bar tab, I'll just convince Her Fluffiness Dread Pirate Kagrosi to cover such a large order of drinks under "Miscellaneous expenses", that's where I'm intended to eventually pay my bar tab from anyway.

[Sierra Lyricalia]

Vin slides down the bar, bottle and glass in hand. He takes a sip before plopping his ass on the stool next to Barry.

"Well, that's just goddamn cold. They can't blame the way this vote's going on you, can they? Never heard of an embassy being yanked away fast enough to forbid one last round of drinks. Bastards."

Vinny puts his glass down on the bar and calls, "'Ey barkeep, 'nother glass? Thanks!"

"Think you need the rest o' this more th'n I do. If you like Chivas, it might be over the top for ya; my wife says it smells like gasoline, but that's just prejudice. Ah, thanks." He pours two fingers into the new glass, and sets the now quarter-full bottle on the bartop.

"You've had Bard-egg, or any of the other Izzlaind malts? That kind of thing. Smoke 'n peat outcher eyeballs... 'n suddenly all is right w'th'world for a minute. Here." Clink.

A pause.

"Just - hell, I can't even stand being in the chamber when they're goin' at each other like that. 'F you can't get your point across, it's just the nature o' the beast. 'Specially w/ somethin' like this, where by two completely different but totally consistent standards of the most basic and necessary protections of sapient rights, the other side is utterly abominable and cannot be reckoned with. They can't blame that shit on any o' the people in here arguing; whoever comes out behind is gonna feel gouged and colonoscopied no matter what else happens."

Vin takes a sip, slowly.

"Hell, they gotta let you stay on as non-voting observer, right? Even without a discretionary budget, you can still put a word or two in to shape some things for the better, right? Well, you're a reasonable man; not like some o'the, really, I'm sure quite literal psychotics in here. We're on the opposite side of the votes for this damn thing, yeah, but that's not some kinda character stain I don't think. Anyway, it's always been our position that no country should be excluded from observing public sessions, no matter what their membership status. So lemme know if y'ever need some office space, I think we can scare somethin' up, or put a word in somewhere. Better'n goin' home to watch some poncy-ass general ride around in your scotch budget lookin' pretty for the cable news assholes, that's for damn sure."

[Tzorsland]

Suddenly, and without warning (OOC I can't believe I first used that expression in a D&D game over 32 years ago) a six foot tall maneki-neko appears next to the shrine of the visitation. From behind the tall cat like figure, a man dressed in black emerges. He turns back and looks at the cat and shakes his head in disgust. "I haven't had this much problems with my chameleon circuit since that bratty math knurd from e-space." Turning to the bartender he stares and says, "I am the Master and you will ... say you're still running this joint? I haven't seen you in over five hundred years. Or was that five years? It's not easy being a Time Lord. Now where are my assistants?"

The Master grabs a small signaling device and points it at the maneki-neko. From behind four small metal devices roll out waving two wand like appendages, one of which looks strangely like a toilet plunger.

"Try not to annoy my Darlek Quartet," the Master replies. "They are known to be trigger happy, and with the weapon transmogrifier in the bar who knows what strange and funny things would result."

"WHY HAVE YOU CALLED US OUT?" One of them barked in an eerie metallic monotone.

"This, my fine singing quartet," the Master began, "is the stranger's bar. Barkeep, four Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters ... actually make it five."

"INTOXICATE, INTOXICATE, DO NOT DEVIATE!"

[Imperium of Tanith]

Suddenly, and without warning (OOC I can't believe I first used that expression in a D&D game over 32 years ago) a six foot tall maneki-neko appears next to the shrine of the visitation. From behind the tall cat like figure, a man dressed in black emerges. He turns back and looks at the cat and shakes his head in disgust. "I haven't had this much problems with my chameleon circuit since that bratty math knurd from e-space." Turning to the bartender he stares and says, "I am the Master and you will ... say you're still running this joint? I haven't seen you in over five hundred years. Or was that five years? It's not easy being a Time Lord. Now where are my assistants?"

The Master grabs a small signaling device and points it at the maneki-neko. From behind four small metal devices roll out waving two wand like appendages, one of which looks strangely like a toilet plunger.

"Try not to annoy my Darlek Quartet," the Master replies. "They are known to be trigger happy, and with the weapon transmogrifier in the bar who knows what strange and funny things would result."

"WHY HAVE YOU CALLED US OUT?" One of them barked in an eerie metallic monotone.

"This, my fine singing quartet," the Master began, "is the stranger's bar. Barkeep, four Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters ... actually make it five."

"INTOXICATE, INTOXICATE, DO NOT DEVIATE!"

Micheal raises an eyebrow at the sudden appearance of what claimed to be a Time Lord "Surely you jest good sir, for I thought there was only one Time Lord currently in existence at any given point, and I know exactly where he is, so he certainly did not regenerate or whatever you Time Lords do." He says out loud as he downs his drink "So please, explain. I'm curious as to how this is at all possible."

[Tzorsland]

Micheal raises an eyebrow at the sudden appearance of what claimed to be a Time Lord "Surely you jest good sir, for I thought there was only one Time Lord currently in existence at any given point, and I know exactly where he is, so he certainly did not regenerate or whatever you Time Lords do." He says out loud as he downs his drink "So please, explain. I'm curious as to how this is at all possible."

"I believe you are confusing 'Time Lords' with 'Sith Lords,'" the Master replied. "Given the fact that the former term applies to an entire race of people, it would be most illogical to insist that only one can be in existence at ... did you say point? Point of space or point of time or point of space-time? I'm pretty sure that I am not a boson and therefore another Time Lord cannot occupy the same point of space and time as I occupy."

The Master pauses. "I really miss being here. Normally I would just point my tissue compression eliminator at you and be done with it. Talking with primitives like you can be an interesting experience. Perhaps I should do more of it. I hear that there is a debate in the main chamber about the right to exterminate babies before they are born."

"EXTERMINATE," the drunken darleks reply.

"Yes, but you tend to exterminate the child and the mother at the same time."

"DETAILS, DETAILS," the drunken darlek replied. "EXTERMINATE THE FOETUS."

[Aetrina]

Andrew Delling remembered why he didn't come into the bar very often. He like to think of himself as fairly cosmopolitan and gods knew 4 years of this place would alter your multiverse view permanently, but somethings were just too much to wrap ones head around. Drunken Darleks and a Time Lord? oh Katie would be in stitches reading his next e-mail home.....

[Elke and Elba]

"Neville, what's happened to the Bar?"

"Oh, it's nothing, just some random kiddy delegates fooling around and breaking the chandelier and tearing a roof in the ceiling. What the hell were they thinking?"

"I'm not sure myself. Anyway, my Deputy Ambassador has a new chandelier you might be able to use. He mistakenly bought it for the new EnE embassy which was supposed to be minimalist in style. I'm quite sure he isn't very bright with certain terms..."

"Thanks a lot. I've called people to repair the ceiling. Don't worry too much. Irish cream in your coffee?"

"Yup. Overworked but I'm paid for it. Need the coffee and liqueur to stay awake. I heard the Faeries had a hard time with the joke repeals. Where are they now?..."

[East Klent]

Stevens entered the pub, dusted off his stool and sat down. He was about to order when he glanced over at the delegate from Elke and Elba who seemed to be conversing with the dog Neville for some reason or another.

"Some of these people," he mumbled.

[Applebania]

A man wearing a trenchcoat, sunglasses and a top hat enters the bar and sits down at a table, flicking through the menu.

[Tzorsland]

"It is a sad day when the Stranger's Bar is found on the third page," the Master replied to the fourth wall. "I believe I shall use my TARDIS to bump the bar to the first page."

And with that he proceeded to move the stranger's bar to the first page, at least for the time being.

[Separatist Peoples]

"It is a sad day when the Stranger's Bar is found on the third page," the Master replied to the fourth wall. "I believe I shall use my TARDIS to bump the bar to the first page."

And with that he proceeded to move the stranger's bar to the first page, at least for the time being.

"Good lord, man! Warn a fellow before doing that!" said Bell, wiping what used to be the contents of his glass off of his suit jacket and face.

Setting his barstool upright, Bell wiped his face one last time with his handkerchief, wrung it out over his glass, and took another drink, muttering something about the fabric of space and time.