NationStates

Old Hope wrote:The World Assembly This line should be followed by a comma.

Noting that a military is the line of defense against military actions against a member state, A military is not necessarily the only line of defence. There are demilitarised nations that rely on international agreements for protection. Likewise, there are some nations that rely solely on organised militias, or even on the untrained militaristic urges of the populace at large. Therefore, this clause is inaccurate. Furthermore, the repetition of “against” is somewhat dissonant. I thus suggest that your Excellency enact the following wording instead: “Noting that a military is many member states’ first line of defence against hostile military actions,”.

Knowing that members usually need a military to defend them, This clause is redundant when considering the one directly before it. It is also somewhat obvious, and though there is nothing wrong with direct, factual clauses, this one is unnecessary. It can therefore be safely removed.

Percieving a military to be necessary for WA member states to protect their inhabitants from non-member nations' aggressive and deplorable actions, Likewise, this clause is not necessary to establish the argument that your Excellency wishes to create. It overlaps too much with the first and second preambulatory clauses to be of any substantive use. Another problem with it is the tarring of all nations not in the General Assembly as necessarily being aggressive and deplorable in their actions. Though membership in this august Assembly should always be advocated, one catches more flies with honey than with vinegar, notwithstanding the truly vile régimes rare even among non-member-nations.

Not wishing to allow member nations to wantonly or irresponsibly draft unwilling people for the military, Rather than having a conjunction begin this clause, “unwilling” could begin this clause in place of “not wishing”.

Enacts: Colons should follow complete sentences only. Thus, I encourage your Excellency to add “as follows” after “enacts”.

1)World Assembly member nations may force able citizens to undergo a basic military training course for a limited time. This time shall not be in excess of what is needed to instill basic military competency. These courses shall begin at one fixed time in a year; but there may also be no courses at all in a year. As soon as half of all participants from a year(counted from the start of the training) have passed the military training course shall be ended with failure for those from that year who have not unless the participant and the state expressly consent to do otherwise. The course shall also end in failure if it has not been passed after one year has passed unless the participant and the state expressly consent to do otherwise(and it shall then be deemed voluntary service). There are spaces that are missing between “1)” and “World Assembly”, between “year” and “(counted”, and between “otherwise” and “(and”. Some aspects of this clause are micromanagement to no genuine purpose. As is generally true, arbitrary times are not helpful, so the specification of a year is not a good policy. Also, a mandate that courses begin at fixed times in a year is bizarre. In the People’s Republic of Kenmoria, for example, compulsory civic service can begin at any one of four specified points, throughout the year, in order to allow for a season of freedom to study further, for medical reasons, or as might be used for any other purpose. Likewise, the ides that half must pass is not universal to all member-nations. Many member nations have a form of military service that cannot be passed or failed, but which is simply an obligation of service. A half at all, indeed, is an aerhirraty number with no reason to be used. This entire clause should be reworked entirely, your Excellency, in order to be far less needlessly precise. Instead, the clause should, hypothetically assuming that it ought to achieve its objective, solely permit member-nations to use conscription, rather than specifying arbitrary frames of time and methods of assessment.

These military trainees must not serve outside their nation without their express consent, and no one may be forced to undergo basic military training courses more than once, and they shall not serve in actual combat duties against an enemy force without their express consent. This belongs in a separate clause to the mandate above this, because it has a very different area of effect.

After conclusion of that course they shall no longer be considered to be serving in the military unless consenting to serve or being forced to serve under 2). This is true by default and, because nothing in this proposal turns on whether a given person is serving in a military, there is no need for this to be specified.

2)World Assembly member nations may force able inhabitants to serve in the military against their will as long as the following are satisfied: Force is inherently against someone’s will, so there is no need to state that it occurs “against their will”. Furthermore, as with the other clauses here, there should be a space between the numbering and the start of the clause.
2a)There are not enough consenting citizens to serve for the tasks needed. This clause should specify for what purpose these tasks are needed. At minimum, the clause should apply if there are not enough consenting citizens to serve for the tasks needed in wartime.
2b)The time serving is restricted to the time their service is necessary. From a logical standpoint, this condition is as regards the length of the service, rather than as regards whether persons may be compelled to serve in the first places I therefore recommend that tour Excellency place this clause separately.
2c) There is evidence that this time of service is reasonably deemed necessary and sufficient to evacuate a number of sapient inhabitants greater than the number of citizens conscripted for the task
and
These sapient inhabitants are being evacuated to prevent them from being targeted from acts of genocide or other war crimes by an approaching army known for committing those, or known for being willing to commit those. I do not see why, and I do not believe that it is necessary that, this clause is spread over three lines. The restrictions here, unlike elsewhere, seem too restrictive on member-nations. There are many military activities aside from evacuation, and there are also situations here genocide might be suspected rather than known. If conscription is to be permitted then it is unclear policy for it to be restricted in so onerous a manner as this.
3)Those who are already serving in the military(outside of times of involuntary service) and no longer consent to serve in the military shall have their service shortened in the following way:
If they are serving on a military sea vessel they must serve until the next allied port if their service is necessary for the safe operation of the sea vessel.
If they are engaging in a stealth mission they must serve until the stealth mission is over.
Following that, and under other circumstances, they must be discharged as follows:
No longer voluntarily serving shall not be a reason for downgrading the service performance or court action.
They may continue to serve formally(but not actively) to allow an accurate service performance evaluation taking no more time than reasonable.
They may be forced to continue serving formally(but not actively) if they are under investigation and/or on trial for military crimes.
4) Involuntary military service other than provided for in 1) 2) and 3) is prohibited in all member nations.
5) "citizens" in this law include inhabitants that do not have citizenship elsewhere and are not part of a foreign diplomatic mission.
Civil Rights. Significant.

Old Hope wrote:1)World Assembly member nations may force able citizens to undergo a basic military training course for a limited time. This time shall not be in excess of what is needed to instill basic military competency. These courses shall begin at one fixed time in a year; but there may also be no courses at all in a year. As soon as half of all participants from a year(counted from the start of the training) have passed the military training course shall be ended with failure for those from that year who have not unless the participant and the state expressly consent to do otherwise. The course shall also end in failure if it has not been passed after one year has passed unless the participant and the state expressly consent to do otherwise(and it shall then be deemed voluntary service).