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[Eco-Paris Reformation]

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[Eco-Paris Reformation]

This is adapted from Berlin and Hanover's puppet. He had already developed a proposal with a similar concept. We agreed to rewrite it together. This is our current draft, and below is the original draft from his puppet account.

viewtopic.php?f=9&t=503145

[Eco-Paris Reformation]

Does anyone have any comments?

[New Eestiball]

I like it a lot, but the definition of "Public Transport" just seems ambiguous.

[Eco-Paris Reformation]

I like it a lot, but the definition of "Public Transport" just seems ambiguous.

I don't see it that way. The criticism is still duly noted. Nice seeing you on the Forums, man.

[The New Nordic Union]

All member states must provide funding from their governments, which can come from their 'Public Transportation' or 'Industry' budgets;

This sounds like it refers to the gameside stats in a nation's 'Government Expenditure'. This would be illegal.

[Eco-Paris Reformation]

All member states must provide funding from their governments, which can come from their 'Public Transportation' or 'Industry' budgets;

This sounds like it refers to the gameside stats in a nation's 'Government Expenditure'. This would be illegal.

Thanks! I'll find a way to fix that.

[Fachumonn]

Can you put this in a

Code: Select all

[box][/box]

so I can read it better?

[Eco-Paris Reformation]

Can you put this in a

Code: Select all

[box][/box]

so I can read it better?

There you go.

[Eco-Paris Reformation]

I'm going to work on posting this formally tomorrow. If anyone has any more feedback, please feel free to leave it beforehand.

[Makko Oko]

2. Passive Allocation Commissions are to be administered and given to all member states in order to ensure that the GTSA and objectives are met and recognized.

"We feel that this could use a definition with the other terms stated, as our government does not know what a 'passive allocation commission' is and we wish to know before deciding on a stance towards this resolution."

"Furthermore, we are concerned with the lack of financial assistance that's seen in this resolution and feel that not all WA member nations may be able to afford the mandated changes, especially with changes to transportation infrastructure and therefore feel the need to request articles stating the authorization for financial assistance and the eligibility to obtain such assistance."

[Eco-Paris Reformation]

2. Passive Allocation Commissions are to be administered and given to all member states in order to ensure that the GTSA and objectives are met and recognized.

"We feel that this could use a definition with the other terms stated, as our government does not know what a 'passive allocation commission' is and we wish to know before deciding on a stance towards this resolution."

"Furthermore, we are concerned with the lack of financial assistance that's seen in this resolution and feel that not all WA member nations may be able to afford the mandated changes, especially with changes to transportation infrastructure and therefore feel the need to request articles stating the authorization for financial assistance and the eligibility to obtain such assistance."

Thank you for the feedback. I would prefer that someone notify me on this beforehand, but it is what it is. I'll work on fixing all of the stuff that you have suggested. Thanks for the feedback.

[Tinhampton]

This has not been "Proposed." Nor do I have any idea why you want to go from drafting to submission in four days, when this will take two-and-a-half weeks to get to vote even if it reached quorum immediately.

This is a bit too wordy; perhaps the use of indicative examples in Articles 3-6 might be playing a part in that. What you really have is "promote low-carbon transport and discourage high-carbon transport"

[Eco-Paris Reformation]

This has not been "Proposed." Nor do I have any idea why you want to go from drafting to submission in four days, when this will take two-and-a-half weeks to get to vote even if it reached quorum immediately.

This is a bit too wordy; perhaps the use of indicative examples in Articles 3-6 might be playing a part in that. What you really have is "promote low-carbon transport and discourage high-carbon transport"

I'm not going to disagree with any of that. This is the first time that I have put out a draft attempt for a WA proposal and very few people have feedback. I take that to be a good thing. Also, I don't see any way to cut back on it being wordy. There are plenty of other wordy WA proposals out there.

[Makko Oko]

This has not been "Proposed." Nor do I have any idea why you want to go from drafting to submission in four days, when this will take two-and-a-half weeks to get to vote even if it reached quorum immediately.

This is a bit too wordy; perhaps the use of indicative examples in Articles 3-6 might be playing a part in that. What you really have is "promote low-carbon transport and discourage high-carbon transport"

I'm not going to disagree with any of that. This is the first time that I have put out a draft attempt for a WA proposal and very few people have feedback. I take that to be a good thing. Also, I don't see any way to cut back on it being wordy. There are plenty of other wordy WA proposals out there.

OOC: I would agree, but there is apparently a word limit, so you have to be cautious about your writing to make sure you don't exceed it, because then it can't even be proposed

[Eco-Paris Reformation]

I'm not going to disagree with any of that. This is the first time that I have put out a draft attempt for a WA proposal and very few people have feedback. I take that to be a good thing. Also, I don't see any way to cut back on it being wordy. There are plenty of other wordy WA proposals out there.

OOC: I would agree, but there is apparently a word limit, so you have to be cautious about your writing to make sure you don't exceed it, because then it can't even be proposed

It worked when I did propose it formally.

[Berlin and Hanover]

I put the current draft through a word counter, and it has 488 words and 3346 characters, take it as you will as I am not certain of the limit.

[Eco-Paris Reformation]

I put the current draft through a word counter, and it has 488 words and 3346 characters, take it as you will as I am not certain of the limit.

It also managed to fit on the site when I submitted it.

https://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_pr ... al?start=5

[Equai]

The Federation of Equai really like this draft. We are happy to see nations trying to help our planet by reducing the carbon footprint and finding a way to make our public transit more eco-friendly and greener. We are giving this draft a full support and we will look forward to see it being accepted as a proposal in the near future.

[Makko Oko]

b. Eligibility to obtain such assistance.

"We like the new changes that have been made and we feel universally this resolution is almost ready to be proposed, excluding any other changes and feedback provided by other ambassadors, however, we do find one concern with what is quoted here. When we stated including eligibility, we specifically meant specify the eligibility of such specifics, blandly stating 'eligibility to obtain such assistance' will not assist procedures in procuring these funds in any manner and would like to see specifics on eligibility encoded into this resolution before we will consider approving it."

[Eco-Paris Reformation]

b. Eligibility to obtain such assistance.

"We like the new changes that have been made and we feel universally this resolution is almost ready to be proposed, excluding any other changes and feedback provided by other ambassadors, however, we do find one concern with what is quoted here. When we stated including eligibility, we specifically meant specify the eligibility of such specifics, blandly stating 'eligibility to obtain such assistance' will not assist procedures in procuring these funds in any manner and would like to see specifics on eligibility encoded into this resolution before we will consider approving it."

It's getting too long for me to continue adding things onto it. The Agency created by this sorts of the specific details. The process of eligibility would take up way too much space.

[Fachumonn]

b. Eligibility to obtain such assistance.

"We like the new changes that have been made and we feel universally this resolution is almost ready to be proposed, excluding any other changes and feedback provided by other ambassadors, however, we do find one concern with what is quoted here. When we stated including eligibility, we specifically meant specify the eligibility of such specifics, blandly stating 'eligibility to obtain such assistance' will not assist procedures in procuring these funds in any manner and would like to see specifics on eligibility encoded into this resolution before we will consider approving it."

It's getting too long for me to continue adding things onto it. The Agency created by this sorts of the specific details. The process of eligibility would take up way too much space.

You can cut it down in other ways.

[Eco-Paris Reformation]

It's getting too long for me to continue adding things onto it. The Agency created by this sorts of the specific details. The process of eligibility would take up way too much space.

You can cut it down in other ways.

I understand that and I'm open to it. As it currently stands, I like things the way they are. The Agency has in its definition that it gets to decide what to do with those funds. If I go to-in-depth with it, then it'll create issues and loopholes.

[Xanthorrhoea]

As a general piece of advice, proposal drafts should be up on the forum for at least ~1 month before being submitted. Any less time and people won’t have had enough time to give proper feedback. Some people log in infrequently, so you need to wait for them. This has been up less than a week, and is very undercooked. If you submit it now, it is very unlikely to even pass the delegate approval stage, let alone pass. Relax, and give it time to mature.

[Eco-Paris Reformation]

As a general piece of advice, proposal drafts should be up on the forum for at least ~1 month before being submitted. Any less time and people won’t have had enough time to give proper feedback. Some people log in infrequently, so you need to wait for them. This has been up less than a week, and is very undercooked. If you submit it now, it is very unlikely to even pass the delegate approval stage, let alone pass. Relax, and give it time to mature.

Understood. I'll wait until April 30th.