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[QUORUM IN JUST 10h05m] Peace and Sustainable Development

Where WA members debate how to improve the world, one resolution at a time.

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Tinhampton
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Founded: Oct 05, 2016
Anarchy

Postby Tinhampton » Sun Nov 14, 2021 12:40 pm

Imperium Anglorum wrote:You write [snip Article d]. What if the conflict itself is over controls of the aid flows?

Unnecessary armed conflict is "organised armed conflict that neither serves to protect a member state from attack nor is necessary to prevent practices... that threaten the achievement of all sapient rights." While I understand that conflicts "over controls of the aid flows" may not necessarily fall under this description, why do you believe they should (or should not) be covered under Article d?

Imperium Anglorum wrote:Or if the aid flows are indirectly diverted by getting school funds, defunding the schools, then using the money for other things?

While I agree that member states should spend their budget as allocated rather than trying to artificially direct it all over the place, my proposal isn't quite there to solve that issue too :P

Imperium Anglorum wrote:Aid not some simplistic band-aid programme which can easily solve problems. It distorts domestic incentives and encourages rent-seeking. It is not some unalloyed good worth competing for (at least on the supply side; on the demand side people would kill to have a bite of it).

I am very much aware of your criticisms of foreign/humanitarian aid - I'm simply trying to regulate what it can and can't be used for :P
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Authorships & co-authorships: SC#250, SC#251, Issue #1115, SC#267, GA#484, GA#491, GA#533, GA#540, GA#549, SC#356, GA#559, GA#562, GA#567, GA#578, SC#374, GA#582, SC#375
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Thousand Branches
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Founded: Jun 03, 2021
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Thousand Branches » Mon Nov 15, 2021 1:09 pm

The Nectarine Coalition for the Universal Betterment of Penmanship (or NCUBP) wishes to extend to the author an index of edits for the improvement of this proposal. Here follows:



Tinhampton wrote:Believing that all inhabitants of member states should be able to benefit from the rights they possess (including the right to development), yet

Delete “be able to”.

An adjective for “the rights” would be recommended. Something like “natural” perhaps?

Tinhampton wrote:Recognising that all sapient rights are put in danger wherever unnecessary armed conflict occurs, and

The NCUBP would like to make a note that British spelling should be abolished due to the 10 minute argument that has just been held over the proper spelling of “recognizing” (OOC: Kidding… mostly).

Delete “all”.

“are put” —> “are often put”

Tinhampton wrote:Therefore seeking to disincentivise such conflict through means such as celebration, education and humanitarian aid regulation...

Delete “means such as”.

Admittedly, we’ve mostly agreed that “disincentivize” is also an odd word here. Perhaps you are discouraging or fighting back peacefully but I don’t think you’re necessarily removing an incentive for fighting, if so we’re happy to hear the explanation for it.

Tinhampton wrote:"development" means those non-violent acts taken with respect for sapient dignity which aim towards facilitating the achievement of all sapient rights,

“means those” —> “is defined as”

“which aim” —> “and aiming”

Delete “facilitating” and “all” (in “all sapient rights”).

Tinhampton wrote:“sustainable development" means development which also aims towards the long-term protection of the natural environment or the reduction of unnecessary armed conflict, and

“means” —> “is defined as”

“which also” —> “that additionally”

Tinhampton wrote:“unnecessary armed conflict" means organised armed conflict that neither serves to protect a member state from attack nor is necessary to prevent practices (such as terrorism, genocide, and other crimes against humanity) that threaten the achievement of all sapient rights.

“means” —> “is defined as”

Considering “armed conflict” is in the word defined, you should not also use it in the definition.

Parentheses stuff should instead be in em dashes.

Delete “all” in “all sapient rights”

Tinhampton wrote:The right to development: Members shall allow their inhabitants to engage in and benefit from development (including, in particular, sustainable development).

“Members” —> “Member states”

Parentheses wording can be pared down simply to “particularly sustainable development”.

Tinhampton wrote:Promotion of non-aggression: All members are encouraged to avoid unnecessary armed conflict.

“All members” —> “Member states”

Perhaps “encouraged” —> “heavily advised and encouraged” or something to that effect. Simply having “encouraged” feels too weak of wording.

Tinhampton wrote:Aid for peace: Donors of humanitarian aid within member states shall not tie its use to the perpetuation of unnecessary armed conflict. Recipients of humanitarian aid within member states shall not use it to perpetuate unnecessary armed conflict, and are further urged to use it for its specified purpose and for the benefit of as many of their inhabitants as possible.

The NCUBP has agreed unanimously to a rewrite of this clause:

Peaceful aid: Humanitarian aid within member states shall never be tied to or used for the perpetuation of unnecessary armed conflict, and member states are urged to use humanitarian aid for its assigned use or for the benefit of as many of their inhabitants as possible.”

Tinhampton wrote:Education: Members are strongly urged to educate all of their inhabitants about the relationship between peace, sustainable development, and sapient rights, and the important role that each of these factors play in helping to protect the other two.

Delete “all of”

“relationship” —> “relationships”

The comma after “sapient rights” should be a semicolon.

Tinhampton wrote:Peace Prize: The World Assembly Peace Prize (hereinafter the Prize) is established. To that effect, the WA Commission on Human Rights is tasked with:

(OOC: Not the WAPP ;-;)

Tinhampton wrote:receiving nominations for the Prize from anyone who works as a head of state or government, legislator, or professor in any member state, in addition to any leaders of member state delegations to the World Assembly; and disregarding nominations with the effect of such individuals nominating themselves, the entity who directly employs them or any other person currently being employed by that entity for the Prize,

Another unanimously agreed upon rewrite:

“receiving nominations for the Prize from any head of a member state or their delegation to the World Assembly, as well as any legislator or professor; and disregarding nominations with the effect of such individuals nominating themselves, the entity who directly employs them or any other person currently being employed by that entity.”

Tinhampton wrote: awarding the Prize each year to that person or group of people resident in any member state who has been nominated in accordance with Article f(i) (although nothing in this section requires that all such nominees be awarded the Prize),

Delete parentheses and replace “although” with “, noting especially that”.

Tinhampton wrote:basing its decision to award the Prize to any given person or group solely on whether, in its view, they have:

“given person” —> “nominated person”

Tinhampton wrote:demonstrably contributed more than any other such person or group in the previous year to the resolution or prevention of major conflicts between and within nations which involved or could have realistically involved large-scale acts of violence,

“between and within” —> “between or within”

Editors Note: If the nominee has to have contributed more than “any other nominee”, does that suggest that only one person can win the award every year?

Tinhampton wrote:made such contributions while respecting all sapient rights protected by international law, as well as avoiding violence and the perpetuation of war crimes, and

“violence and” —> “violence or”

Tinhampton wrote:worked towards the universal, non-violent promotion and achievement of all sapient rights while doing so,

This clause is the same as the last clause, yes? Curious why this is here.

Tinhampton wrote:rewarding (each of) the winner(s) of the Prize in each year with a gold-plated silver medal weighing one ounce and measuring one-and-a-half inches in diameter, which shall have on its obverse the words "WA PEACE PRIZE - WITH PEACE COMES FREEDOM" surrounding the logo of the World Assembly, and on its reverse nothing, and

“reverse nothing” —> “reverse, nothing”

Tinhampton wrote:rescinding the status of any Prize winner as such (which may include ordering the return of any rewards bestowed upon them under Article f(iv) to it) if, in its view, they have carried out acts that are contrary to the intentions of Article f(iii).

“they have” —> “that winner has”



We hope these edits have been helpful and we wish the author luck in future projects.

Signed,

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Tinhampton
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Anarchy

Postby Tinhampton » Tue Nov 16, 2021 5:48 am

D-A Smith is very much not a fan of the Coalition's proposed edits. (In light of its comments, however, Smith is seriously considering limiting the award of the Prize in any given year to no more than two - or perhaps three - people or organisations.)

The last two parts of Article f(iii) are not identical. It is possible to carry out an action that does not infringe upon sapient rights yet is not carried out for the purpose of promoting sapient rights either.
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Authorships & co-authorships: SC#250, SC#251, Issue #1115, SC#267, GA#484, GA#491, GA#533, GA#540, GA#549, SC#356, GA#559, GA#562, GA#567, GA#578, SC#374, GA#582, SC#375
Other achievements: Cup of Harmony 73 champions; Philosopher-Queen of Sophia; possibly very controversial; "Tinhampton? the man's literally god"
Who am I, really? 46yo Tory woman w/Asperger's; Cambridge graduate; currently reading National Populism by Roger Eatwell and Matthew Goodwin

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Thousand Branches
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Founded: Jun 03, 2021
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Thousand Branches » Tue Nov 16, 2021 6:21 am

Tinhampton wrote:D-A Smith is very much not a fan of the Coalition's proposed edits. (In light of its comments, however, Smith is seriously considering limiting the award of the Prize in any given year to no more than two - or perhaps three - people or organisations.)

The last two parts of Article f(iii) are not identical. It is possible to carry out an action that does not infringe upon sapient rights yet is not carried out for the purpose of promoting sapient rights either.

Was it the British spelling comment? :p Kidding, kidding. In full seriousness, it does seem then like you could probably combine those two into one considering they are the same subject? Perhaps that would make it too complicated idk :p
You are frikkin beautiful!! Have the best day ever my friend!!
|| Aramantha Calendula ||
○•○ Writer, editor, and World Assembly fanatic ○•○
•○• Proud member of House Elegarth •○•
○•○ Telegram or message me on discord at Aramantha#4290 for writing or editing help ○•○
•○• Have an awesome day you! •○•

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Imperium Anglorum
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Postby Imperium Anglorum » Wed Nov 17, 2021 9:16 am

Tinhampton wrote:
Imperium Anglorum wrote:You write [snip Article d]. What if the conflict itself is over controls of the aid flows?

Unnecessary armed conflict is "organised armed conflict that neither serves to protect a member state from attack nor is necessary to prevent practices... that threaten the achievement of all sapient rights." While I understand that conflicts "over controls of the aid flows" may not necessarily fall under this description, why do you believe they should (or should not) be covered under Article d?

It's your proposal. Why do you think humanitarian aid flows should be permitted to continue if the cause of the killing is the aid flows themselves? If the trolley is coming to run over five people would let it go?

Tinhampton wrote:While I agree that member states should spend their budget as allocated rather than trying to artificially direct it all over the place, my proposal isn't quite there to solve that issue too :P
...
I am very much aware of your criticisms of foreign/humanitarian aid - I'm simply trying to regulate what it can and can't be used for :P

You want to make a prize for... stuff... that nobody can have or observe. Surely the prize would be related to the riders. Cf whole-text canon. But if you really want them not to be, remove the prize.

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Tinhampton
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Founded: Oct 05, 2016
Anarchy

Postby Tinhampton » Sat Nov 20, 2021 10:02 am

My proposal does not regulate in general whether any country should or should not grant humanitarian aid to any other country. :P

Still aiming to submit next week =P
The Self-Administrative City of TINHAMPTON (pop. 319,372): Saffron Howard, Mayor (UCP); Alexander Smith, WA Delegate-Ambassador

Authorships & co-authorships: SC#250, SC#251, Issue #1115, SC#267, GA#484, GA#491, GA#533, GA#540, GA#549, SC#356, GA#559, GA#562, GA#567, GA#578, SC#374, GA#582, SC#375
Other achievements: Cup of Harmony 73 champions; Philosopher-Queen of Sophia; possibly very controversial; "Tinhampton? the man's literally god"
Who am I, really? 46yo Tory woman w/Asperger's; Cambridge graduate; currently reading National Populism by Roger Eatwell and Matthew Goodwin

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Bananaistan
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Postby Bananaistan » Sat Nov 20, 2021 1:47 pm

OOC: The issue with the definition of development and how it turns sections b and e into word salad remains.
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Tinhampton
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Founded: Oct 05, 2016
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Postby Tinhampton » Tue Nov 23, 2021 10:20 am

I'm not entirely convinced myself :P

And with that, we are Proposal-A-Go-Go
The Self-Administrative City of TINHAMPTON (pop. 319,372): Saffron Howard, Mayor (UCP); Alexander Smith, WA Delegate-Ambassador

Authorships & co-authorships: SC#250, SC#251, Issue #1115, SC#267, GA#484, GA#491, GA#533, GA#540, GA#549, SC#356, GA#559, GA#562, GA#567, GA#578, SC#374, GA#582, SC#375
Other achievements: Cup of Harmony 73 champions; Philosopher-Queen of Sophia; possibly very controversial; "Tinhampton? the man's literally god"
Who am I, really? 46yo Tory woman w/Asperger's; Cambridge graduate; currently reading National Populism by Roger Eatwell and Matthew Goodwin

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Apatosaurus
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Re: [QUORUM IN JUST 10h05m] Peace and Sustainable Developmen

Postby Apatosaurus » Wed Nov 24, 2021 12:22 am

Voting for solely because of the thread title.
Last edited by Apatosaurus on Wed Nov 24, 2021 12:22 am, edited 2 times in total.
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