Eco-Paris Reformation wrote:Understanding that more development is needed to guarantee that proper procedures and measures are followed as soon as possible to ensure that major gas leaks and disasters are detected and avoided,
This isn't really what you should open with. You should open with either what the problem is you're trying to solve or a more general statement of awareness how the industry you're trying to regulate can be really important to many nations.
Further recognizing that the possible financial cost of avoiding gas leaks, in the long run, does not exceed the long-term repercussions for animal and plant life, consumer health and safety, and the economy,
This I don't understand at all. Wouldn't it be BOTH good for finances to not lose any of the product AND good for the environment to not have any leaks? And also you might want to consider separating the safety, economical and environmental concerns into their own preamble clauses.
With concern that feasible industrial activity without adequate operational and infrastructural provisions and investigations hampers the efficiency and potency of worldwide institutions to notice and be properly informed of gas leaks and other environmental crises, furthermore
Ok, you need to stop reading oil companies' strategies off their websites. That says absolutely nothing of value or relevance.
In order to avoid dissimulation by nations on a routine basis while ensuring that industrial employees transmitting accurate information or opinions are not chastened, the following is to be established:
What does "dissimulation" even mean?
Your preamble should answer the 3Ws. WHAT is the problem? WHY does it need international legislation to solve? WHY do you think it isn't already done by existing resolutions? Your preamble doesn't answer any of those, really. Especially that last one, given there already is a resolution that requires leaks to be addressed.
1. A gas leak is defined as an unintentional release of a harmful gas(including, but not limited to, any unassorted mixture of flammable fossil gas, any non-flammable gases that can cause flammable things, highly oxidizing but not flammable gas, heavier-than-air non-flammable gas that can suffocate living things, poisonous gas, and town gas)or similar gaseous product from a pipeline or other containment into any place where the gas should not be present for the purposes of this resolution.
You misunderstood the examples given. They weren't given to be stuffed into a definition like this. Especially as that list pretty much includes every gas there is. You should separately define a dangerous gas (specifically dangerous, not harmful) and then a gas leak if you must, but if you're using "gas leak" as one would find the words defined in a dictionary, you don't need to define it or can define it (for some tongue-in-cheek fun) as "leak of dangerous gas".
2. Mundane training. All manufacturing and industrial personnel must be trained to recognize gas leaks and observe general safety measures near gas lines, with qualified professionals obtaining the information and training they need to do preventative maintenance when it is required.
The "mundane" makes no sense. What's the opposite of mundane? Extraordinary? In general such subtitles are not necessary for proposal writing, and instead you might want to replace it so that the clause starts with something like "Mandates that all ... personnel must be trained" etc.
But really, why does a secretary who doesn't spend any time in the production facility, be trained to recognize a gas leak? Not to mention that the workplace safety resolution would already mandate that for people who actually come in contact with such. What does this add that that resolution doesn't already have?
Recognizing that without the necessary information and training, an incident might occur in which gas leaks pose a health and environmental risk.
You might want to choose whether you want to go for safety regulations or environmental. Not saying you can't have clauses for both in the same proposal, but it'll be better to focus on one or the other as the main focus. Also, this should really be in the preamble as a reason for why you even want this thing to exist.
Further ensuring that only qualified professionals may be permitted to do preventative maintenancein order to ensure the total health and safety of all workers and people.
...but just anyone's allowed to repair stuff after it breaks? Also, the struck-out bit is unnecessary fluff. Don't mix preamble stuff (reasoning) in with mandates (where you tell nations what they need to do). But again, what does this do that previous resolutions don't do?
3. Enhanced measures. Every industrial and manufacturing facility must have adequate equipment and preventative measures to ensure that no gas leaks escape the premises and to help make sure that they do not occur in the first place.
Those are hardly "enhanced" when they're 1. common sense and 2. basic regulations of industry everywhere. And again, what does this (subclause list included, I just cut it out to cut length of post) do that previous resolutions don't? If you want to legislate on a more narrow kind of thing, to avoid duplication illegality, you need to narrow it down a whole lot more or find a different angle.
4. Heightened approach. If a large gas leak occurs outside of a facility, quick action must be done to avoid additional harm to environmental life. This may entail isolating a contaminated area and prohibiting mobility within and around it.
You're trying to prevent people from running away?
And really, the first concern should not be environmental but safety. If suffocating gas escapes in large enough quantity to threaten nearby businesses or homes, getting people to safety from those should be the absolute priority, not whether a rare species of mouse is going to lose half its worldwide population because the production facility was built before the mouse was known to exist and happens to coexist with major numbers of said mouse.
But, again, what do you do that other resolutions don't? Specialize, specialize, don't make general guidelines when they already exist.
5. Repair readiness. All manufacturing and industrial sites must have or develop a back-up strategy for capturing and concealing large gas leaks, as well as repairing any damage caused by the leaks.
...LOL. How do you capture gas after it has been vented into the planet's atmosphere? Asking this seriously. And shouldn't repairing the leaking bit itself be the first priority? Also, not sure it's a good idea to tell industrialists that they should CONCEAL gas leaks, instead of, you know, letting the locals and authorities and emergency services know the moment it happens.
