[ABANDONDED] Furtherment of Education

[Araraukar]

But proposals in this category always feature grammar or spelling mistakes! It's a tradition...

OOC: I knowwwww, but most of them don't have so many!

[Maowi]

But proposals in this category always feature grammar or spelling mistakes! It's a tradition...

OOC: I knowwwww, but most of them don't have so many!

OOC: I believe the author is making a subtle but barbed point to emphasise the need for this proposal to pass.

[Araraukar]

OOC: I believe the author is making a subtle but barbed point to emphasise the need for this proposal to pass.

OOC: Well they're certainly not convincing me that the program they're attending is teaching kids how to spell.

[Imperium Anglorum]

Ara, if you'll dismiss for relevance, don't bring it up in the first place.

[Kenmoria]

“If you want to promote non-traditional learning with an emphasis on cross-curricular skills, then do so, but this idea of forcing schools to be created by a member nation simply doesn’t work. On another note, I suggest that your delegation checks for grammar and spelling errors, and adds line breaks between clauses.”

[Araraukar]

OOC post.

Since I'm honestly starting to think that this is a miscommunication/misunderstanding problem, I'll pull out the Proposal Scalpel^TM and slice the proposal into easier-to-understand bits.

Recognizing a need for quality education in member states,

Before jumping into the proposal text, you should put in your Category and AoE. I mean, they're likely fairly obvious here, but still. And start the actual proposal text with "The World Assembly" or "The General Assembly" so that you have something that does the recognizing and noting and whatnot. Also, preambles are where you should put all the arguments for why this is a good idea and why it's an idea that requires international legislation to deal with. Given that nations are already required to provide basic education to their inhabitants, you need to justify why forcing more and higher learning would be a good idea. Putting it into the actual proposal, this time, not just as answer to me.

Noting that the term "school" includes institutions of higher learning,

Why does this clause exist? If you want to define something, you need to actually define it. This is not a definition nor is it really needed. Also, if you really want to emphasize the whole point of "higher quality learning", whatever that means, I'd suggest using the word "institution" instead of "school". It sounds more professional too. And now that I remember, using bolding and italics are unnecessary.

This resolution requires the creation of "World Schools", as defined in Article 1 in all member states.

Except article 1 doesn't actually create them. Also, if you want to require something, put the requirement in the clause that needs it. Oh and it's useful to separate the preamble from the active clauses with "Hereby". That way it'll read as "The World Assembly, because this and that reason (the preamble), hereby, does this and that (the active clauses)."

It also requires the formation of "World Schools Committee", as defined in Article 2.

Again, if you want to require something, actually put the requirement in the clause you want to affect. And if you want to create a committee, actually create it. Don't just say "is to be created". There's a saying around here that goes "the resolution only does what the resolution says it does". So basically if you want the proposal to do something, you need to write it actually doing something.

Article 1: World Schools

I can't help it but this term sounds silly/childish. Why did you choose those particular words?

A. "World Schools" are a government-funded program that would act as a grad or vocational school,

"Grad school"s (whatever they are, I cba look it up in Wikipedia) don't exist everywhere, and also having looked at the IB program contents and the school list, in Finland they're literally gymnasiums, not vocational schools. A vocational school gives you a profession, an IB program gives you the academic knowledge needed to apply for university. So if you're really modeling your school after the IB program, then you're already barking up the wrong tree by mentioning vocational schools.

B. these schools would serve to provide a rigorous, high-quality education, offering professional development that improves pedagogy and leadership.

"Would" doesn't actually do anything. And you still haven't explained why leadership should be taught in schools.

Article 2: World Schools Committee

Have you checked the existing educational resolutions for committees you could use instead of creating a new one?

A. A World Schools Committee is to be formed to complete the tasks listed in this article:

Like I said before, "is to be formed" doesn't have quite the same effect as just simply "forms". And if you use "forms", you don't need the "requires" from earlier. Also, the bit about it having the tasks you list next, can be solved just by writing "Forms [the committee name] to have the following duties" and then the list. If you're using an existing committee from another resolution instead, just do "Gives [committee name] the following duties".

Also, do you know how to use list code? It would make your proposal look clearer as to which are the main clauses and subclauses. And you can also have lists inside lists, rather than "Ba" or "Db" or such.

B. The World Schools Committee, also to be known as the WSC, will be in charge of mandating a curriculum that executes a non-traditional learning platform.

You don't actually need to say the committee name, given that this is a subclause to the committee creation. Also put its shorthand in round brackets after the committee name in the main clause that creates the committee. Now, "curriculum that executes a non-traditional learning platform" is nonsensical string of buzzwords. You need to actually open it up. Also, check the existing educational resolutions, because you can't contradict them even a little bit, and the Basic Education one gives you the minimal curriculum that all nations must provide.

Ba. The Non-traditional learning platform is to be defined as the combination of maths, sciences, social studies, and other educational departments in overlapping courses.

As said above, the buzzwords don't actually mean anything unless you define them. Also, what are "overlapping courses"?

Bb. An example of a non-traditional learning platform course as used in this document, is a physics course that focuses on how to use algebraic skills to create formulas to demonstrate theories, rather than the just an overview of the topic.

You keep repeating the buzzwords as if they made more sense when repeated often enough. Rather than give an example (which itself is somewhat confusing), you should define the term(s) instead in a separate clause. Putting all the definitions in their own clause at the start of the proposal is the form that makes the most sense.

C. The WSC will also define the annual "school year period."

Why is it in quote marks? And again, this is a subclause to the committee creation, so you don't need to use the words "[committee] will also", as you can just put in "defines". Though I don't really know why that's necessary at all. School years are generally speaking optimized to 1. not tire out the students, 2. give the teachers time to prepare classes. Why would this school of yours need different timeframe? And how would you prevent student and teacher exhaustion? This is something you should absolutely write into the proposal

D. The WS will also set a quota for the amount of state funding required for each World School.

Typo, and also, why? It would be a better idea to require the school receive same funding as existing national schools of similar level of education. That way you wouldn't bankrupt nations, but the nations would still have to fund your school. Quotas are always a bad idea.

Da. Each member nation will have the right to finance their World Schools as they see fit.
Db. Clarification: Finance is not used to define how much funding should be allotted, but where it is allotted from.

Db still makes no sense. Like literally what does "allotted from" mean?

Article 4: Addressment of Financial Decisions

Please don't use "addressment". It looks like a typo to most casual readers. And why are you even using it if the financial decisions are made in Article 3?

A. If a member-nation could not support its World School, it should appeal to the International or Regional community for assistance.

Use "can not" instead of "could not", and the WA is the "international community". And the use of "Regional" this way still makes this illegal for Metagaming.

Do you finally understand why this is, as written, a seriously bad idea?

[Imperium Anglorum]

If you had looked on the IBO website I linked, the phrase 'World School' is used a lot. That's probably where the name comes from. I think it's generic enough.

[Araraukar]

If you had looked on the IBO website I linked, the phrase 'World School' is used a lot. That's probably where the name comes from. I think it's generic enough.

OOC: I was asking the author. And if it's a RL thing, then calling it something else would be a good idea.

[Imperium Anglorum]

The author also linked the IBO website, which also has that wording. If you think 'World Schools' or some non-pluralised version of that is too RL-referential, make a committee and I'll incorporate its name in Delaware.

[Araraukar]

The author also linked the IBO website, which also has that wording.

OOC: All the more reason to not use it. And it has unsuitable nuances for "higher learning". That a RL organization hasn't come up with a better name doesn't need WA should follow suit. In any case, I get it that you totally love the school you went through. But you're a Real Life person. The WA resolutions are not written for Real Life persons.

[Imperium Anglorum]

The IB programme isn't a university programme.

[Araraukar]

The IB programme isn't a university programme.

OOC: And I never claimed it was?

In fact...

and also having looked at the IB program contents and the school list, in Finland they're literally gymnasiums, not vocational schools. A vocational school gives you a profession, an IB program gives you the academic knowledge needed to apply for university. So if you're really modeling your school after the IB program, then you're already barking up the wrong tree by mentioning vocational schools.

[Imperium Anglorum]

So Ara, what is it that you do mean with these 'unsuitable nuances for higher learning' or whoever?

[Araraukar]

So Ara, what is it that you do mean with these 'unsuitable nuances for higher learning' or whoever?

OOC: Read my long feedback post to find the answer. If you're still confused, after the author has responded to all the other feedback, I'll be more than happy to explain.