[DEFEATED] Protecting Personal Privacy

[Marxist Germany]

"All suggestions made recently have been addressed, and changes have been made accordingly."

[Kenmoria]

“Due to how some of your clauses are written, a business is perfectly fine to extract data from someone, provided they aren’t users of the business, since you only target the actions of the business towards its users. This seems rather opposite to what I would expect. Also, there should be a comma after ‘a member of’ in clause 1f.”

[Marxist Germany]

“Due to how some of your clauses are written, a business is perfectly fine to extract data from someone, provided they aren’t users of the business, since you only target the actions of the business towards its users. This seems rather opposite to what I would expect. Also, there should be a comma after ‘a member of’ in clause 1f.”

"I will try to fix that issue."

"I have attemped to fix the issue highlighted by you."

[Kenmoria]

“2d should have ‘a user’ rather than ‘an user’ after ‘viewing the data’.”

[Marxist Germany]

“2d should have ‘a user’ rather than ‘an user’ after ‘viewing the data’.”

"Fixed."

[Araraukar]

OOC: Definition for organization should probably have "non-state" in it, if it's meant to not include things like tax register or criminal records and such. If it is meant to include those, then the later mentions of the state or government doing things don't quite fit. Also you have typoed "criminal".

[Marxist Germany]

OOC: Definition for organization should probably have "non-state" in it, if it's meant to not include things like tax register or criminal records and such. If it is meant to include those, then the later mentions of the state or government doing things don't quite fit. Also you have typoed "criminal".

OOC:Fixed.

[Separatist Peoples]

"Lets rewrite 2.d.

Prohibits . . . Governments of member states from viewing the data of a user without the explicit prior consent from both the organisation holding the data and the user to which the data belongs, unless the data pursuant to subpoena for a civil discovery is not a party or subject to issuance of a warrant for criminal proceedings, or when a search warrant has been issued;

"Lets write it as:

Prohibits . . . Member state governments from viewing user data without explicit prior consent from both the user and the organization in possession, unless:

a. the data is subject to a subpoena for litigation discovery to which the user is not a party;

b. the user places the data's contents or subject matter at issue as a party in a civil dispute;

c. subject to a valid warrant during criminal investigation.

"It reads better and is better organized. I am willing to answer any questions as to why this is an improved organization and phrasing."

[Kenmoria]

“1a would be better written with ‘a government’ rather than ‘the government’, since you are referring to many different nations, as opposed to a monolithic government in charge of all.”

[Marxist Germany]

"Lets rewrite 2.d.

Prohibits . . . Governments of member states from viewing the data of a user without the explicit prior consent from both the organisation holding the data and the user to which the data belongs, unless the data pursuant to subpoena for a civil discovery is not a party or subject to issuance of a warrant for criminal proceedings, or when a search warrant has been issued;

"Lets write it as:

Prohibits . . . Member state governments from viewing user data without explicit prior consent from both the user and the organization in possession, unless:

a. the data is subject to a subpoena for litigation discovery to which the user is not a party;

b. the user places the data's contents or subject matter at issue as a party in a civil dispute;

c. subject to a valid warrant during criminal investigation.

"It reads better and is better organized. I am willing to answer any questions as to why this is an improved organization and phrasing."

"Yes, this is definitely an improvement from the current clause and it looks neater as well, thank you."

“1a would be better written with ‘a government’ rather than ‘the government’, since you are referring to many different nations, as opposed to a monolithic government in charge of all.”

"Fixed."

[Marxist Germany]

"I have fixed all the typos that I could identify, and changed the last clause a bit."

[Marxist Germany]

OOC:Last call for any spelling, grammar, or content concerns. Will be submitting tomorrow or today.

[Kenmoria]

“To fit with 2di and 2dii, 2diii should be a complete sentence. I recommend adding the words ‘the data is’ to the beginning of that subclause to remedy this.”

[Marxist Germany]

“To fit with 2di and 2dii, 2diii should be a complete sentence. I recommend adding the words ‘the data is’ to the beginning of that subclause to remedy this.”

"Fixed."

[Araraukar]

1. Defines the following for the purpose of this resolution:

1. An "Organisation" as any entity that collects data from its members or users, and isn't directly run by a government;
2. A "Minor" as any sapient being under the age of majority;
3. An "Adolescent" as any minor going through a transitional period into adulthood as defined by a government of a member-state;
4. A "Guardian" as any legal guardian of a minor, or if none exists, a biological parent;
5. "Personal Data" as any data that can be used to identify a sapient individual;
6. A "User" as any sapient being who uses or has used the services of, or is a member of, an organisation;

OOC: Why are the defined nouns written with capital first letter, when they aren't written that way in the text?

[Marxist Germany]

1. Defines the following for the purpose of this resolution:

1. An "Organisation" as any entity that collects data from its members or users, and isn't directly run by a government;
2. A "Minor" as any sapient being under the age of majority;
3. An "Adolescent" as any minor going through a transitional period into adulthood as defined by a government of a member-state;
4. A "Guardian" as any legal guardian of a minor, or if none exists, a biological parent;
5. "Personal Data" as any data that can be used to identify a sapient individual;
6. A "User" as any sapient being who uses or has used the services of, or is a member of, an organisation;

OOC: Why are the defined nouns written with capital first letter, when they aren't written that way in the text?

OOC:It looks neater.

[Kenmoria]

“In clause 4, ‘a organisation’ should be ‘an organisation’.”

[Marxist Germany]

“In clause 4, ‘a organisation’ should be ‘an organisation’.”

"This has been addressed."

[Araraukar]

OOC:It looks neater.

OOC: As opposed to...

1. Defines the following for the purpose of this resolution:

1. An "organisation" as any entity that collects data from its members or users, and isn't directly run by a government;
2. A "minor" as any sapient being under the age of majority;
3. An "adolescent" as any minor going through a transitional period into adulthood as defined by a government of a member-state;
4. A "guardian" as any legal guardian of a minor, or if none exists, a biological parent;
5. "Personal data" as any data that can be used to identify a sapient individual;
6. A "user" as any sapient being who uses or has used the services of, or is a member of, an organisation;

...^that? If you want to use capital letters for the nouns, just drop the articles.

[Marxist Germany]

OOC:It looks neater.

OOC: As opposed to...

1. Defines the following for the purpose of this resolution:

1. An "organisation" as any entity that collects data from its members or users, and isn't directly run by a government;
2. A "minor" as any sapient being under the age of majority;
3. An "adolescent" as any minor going through a transitional period into adulthood as defined by a government of a member-state;
4. A "guardian" as any legal guardian of a minor, or if none exists, a biological parent;
5. "Personal data" as any data that can be used to identify a sapient individual;
6. A "user" as any sapient being who uses or has used the services of, or is a member of, an organisation;

...^that? If you want to use capital letters for the nouns, just drop the articles.

OOC:Alright, change has been made, and proposal submitted.

[Araraukar]

and proposal submitted.

OOC: Good luck.

[Kenmoria]

OOC:Alright, change has been made, and proposal submitted.

(OOC: Second time lucky, hopefully.)

[Borovan entered the region as he]

Did u even send a telegram campaign it's not getting approvals

[Marxist Germany]

Did u even send a telegram campaign it's not getting approvals

OOC:I'll do that tomorrow, too busy today.

[Araraukar]

Did u even send a telegram campaign it's not getting approvals

OOC:I'll do that tomorrow, too busy today.

OOC: May be too late then. You shouldn't submit unless you're able to campaign rightaway.