[ABANDONED] Worldwide Student Safety and Wellbeing Act

[Gregenia]

Worldwide Student Safety and Wellbeing Act (WSSWA)

Catagory:Human Rights or Education Strength:Significant

Nations and Deligates of The General Assembly,

RECONIZING,Students are our future creators, many Students are under threat from many sources and are unconfortable due to these threats,

REALIZING,Some Students are learning at home or are in special classes,

STATING,That Students should have a right to feel safe a confortable while in school,

DECLARES,

1.The Student(s) of a school should not feel unsafe or unconfortable,if so staff and/or the district should make changes for the Student(s) to feel safe.

2.If Student(s) are going through ,mental,emotional or phycical problems,should get help from staff to help them with these problems.

3.If Student(s) are bullied the bully (if caught) will get severe disipline and,if nessisary, will be talked to by the Authorites.

4.If Student(s) want to harm themselves or others staff will make measures to make sure this doesent happen.

5.All Schoools must have gaurds during school hours,CCTV on 24/7 and ID cards for staff to get in and out of the building.

THEIRFORE,students no matter where they are learning and live or lived,what their religion,race or problems are and the education they have or getting, will have these rights covering them through their acedemic carrer.

I am open to ideas,comments,criticism and corrections for this draft.

[Separatist Peoples]

"Student bullying is not an international issue. Opposed."

[Araraukar]

OOC post.

You have a fairly good grasp of what a proposal should look like, so you get some credibility points for that. However, the spelling and punctuation are in many places just pure awful. I'll mark them with underlining to highlight them. There are also several issues with this in addition to whether this is an international issue or not.

Nations and Deligates of The General Assembly,

RECONIZING,Students are our future creators, many Students are under threat from many sources and are unconfortable due to these threats,

REALIZING,Some Students are learning at home or are in special classes,

STATING,That Students should have a right to feel safe a confortable while in school,

Punctuation (no space after comma, and the comma is unnecessary anyway) in the last three cases and spelling in the first two. In addition the language is clumsy in many places and the arguments don't properly illustrate how this problem is something that requires international legislation to deal with, rather than national or even school-specific rules rather than laws.

1.The Student(s) of a school should not feel unsafe or unconfortable,if so staff and/or the district should make changes for the Student(s) to feel safe.

Punctuation spacing twice and spelling once. Also, you can ensure that someone is safe, but you can't force them to feel safe.

2.If Student(s) are going through ,mental,emotional or phycical problems,should get help from staff to help them with these problems.

Three cases of punctuation spacing and one of spelling. Also, you don't specify what kind of help. Most school staff (I assume you mean teachers and not janitors) are also not mental help professionals or medical nurses/doctors, so it would be better for the students to be directed to professionals rather than expecting the teachers to be able to help them.

3.If Student(s) are bullied the bully (if caught) will get severe disipline and,if nessisary, will be talked to by the Authorites.

Punctuation spacing and spelling in two places. Also, what are "authorities"? Do you mean police or principal? Also, what is "severe discipline"?

4.If Student(s) want to harm themselves or others staff will make measures to make sure this doesent happen.

Punctuation spacing and spelling. Also, what measures? And there's a great deal of difference between wanting to harm yourself (and what counts as harm? nailbiting? cutting? suicide?) and wanting to harm others. Also, suicide has been explicitly made legal by the WA previously.

5.All Schoools must have gaurds during school hours,CCTV on 24/7 and ID cards for staff to get in and out of the building.

Two cases of spelling and punctuation spacing both. Also, if the staff need ID cards to get in and out of the building, wouldn't that imply that the doors are locked as a default, and thus the students are unable to get out on their own, in essence making the school a prison? That added to the extensive surveillance - why would the cameras need to be on 24/7 by the way, if the students aren't there all the time? - doesn't sound appropriate for something that's been marked a human rights proposal.

THEIRFORE,students no matter where they are learning and live or lived,what their religion,race or problems are and the education they have or getting, will have these rights covering them through their acedemic carrer.

Three cases of both spelling and punctuation spacing. Also, this sounds more like something that should be in the preamble, before the active clauses.

[Grays Harbor]

So, in the name of “safety”, and a hand wringing concern for safe spaces and cuddling, you want the WA to turn schools into concentration camps of sensitivity. How cute.

No. This is not anything close to being something the WA needs to legislate on.


(NS =/= USA)

[Gregenia]

OOC post.

You have a fairly good grasp of what a proposal should look like, so you get some credibility points for that. However, the spelling and punctuation are in many places just pure awful. I'll mark them with underlining to highlight them. There are also several issues with this in addition to whether this is an international issue or not.

Nations and Deligates of The General Assembly,

RECONIZING,Students are our future creators, many Students are under threat from many sources and are unconfortable due to these threats,

REALIZING,Some Students are learning at home or are in special classes,

STATING,That Students should have a right to feel safe a confortable while in school,

Punctuation (no space after comma, and the comma is unnecessary anyway) in the last three cases and spelling in the first two. In addition the language is clumsy in many places and the arguments don't properly illustrate how this problem is something that requires international legislation to deal with, rather than national or even school-specific rules rather than laws.

1.The Student(s) of a school should not feel unsafe or unconfortable,if so staff and/or the district should make changes for the Student(s) to feel safe.

Punctuation spacing twice and spelling once. Also, you can ensure that someone is safe, but you can't force them to feel safe.

2.If Student(s) are going through ,mental,emotional or phycical problems,should get help from staff to help them with these problems.

Three cases of punctuation spacing and one of spelling. Also, you don't specify what kind of help. Most school staff (I assume you mean teachers and not janitors) are also not mental help professionals or medical nurses/doctors, so it would be better for the students to be directed to professionals rather than expecting the teachers to be able to help them.

3.If Student(s) are bullied the bully (if caught) will get severe disipline and,if nessisary, will be talked to by the Authorites.

Punctuation spacing and spelling in two places. Also, what are "authorities"? Do you mean police or principal? Also, what is "severe discipline"?

4.If Student(s) want to harm themselves or others staff will make measures to make sure this doesent happen.

Punctuation spacing and spelling. Also, what measures? And there's a great deal of difference between wanting to harm yourself (and what counts as harm? nailbiting? cutting? suicide?) and wanting to harm others. Also, suicide has been explicitly made legal by the WA previously.

5.All Schoools must have gaurds during school hours,CCTV on 24/7 and ID cards for staff to get in and out of the building.

Two cases of spelling and punctuation spacing both. Also, if the staff need ID cards to get in and out of the building, wouldn't that imply that the doors are locked as a default, and thus the students are unable to get out on their own, in essence making the school a prison? That added to the extensive surveillance - why would the cameras need to be on 24/7 by the way, if the students aren't there all the time? - doesn't sound appropriate for something that's been marked a human rights proposal.

THEIRFORE,students no matter where they are learning and live or lived,what their religion,race or problems are and the education they have or getting, will have these rights covering them through their acedemic carrer.

Three cases of both spelling and punctuation spacing. Also, this sounds more like something that should be in the preamble, before the active clauses.

Based on this and the other comments this needs work and a relevant topic.Thanks for the criticism.

[Araraukar]

Based on this and the other comments this needs work and a relevant topic.Thanks for the criticism.

OOC: If you're changing topic entirely, post it into a new thread, not this one. If you're giving up on this one, change the threat title (edit the title of the first post) to read "Abandoned" instead of "Draft" - you can get space in the title line by deleting the initialism at the end. The initialisms in general aren't useful to include in the title anyway, as they tend to not be used on the proposal's own thread.