[ABANDONED DRAFT] Proper Food Production Management Act

[He Qixin 2]

Category: Environmental

Industry Affected: Manufacturing

Description:
THE WORLD ASSEMBLY:

KNOWING that food is a type of substance that is taken by organisms;

DEFINING "organism" as "an individual animal, plant, or single-celled life form.";

NOTING that food is one of the substances, other than air and water, that is vital for survival of organisms;

HOWEVER THINKING that while food is essential for survival, proper managements must also be taken to manage the food, so that the food is clean and hygienic for consumption;

DISMAYED that some member nations do not manage their food well;

WORRIED that the citizens and other living things in those member nations may not realize that the food is contaminated, and thus dying from them;

SUDDENLY REALIZING the existence of "food industries", or "a complex, global collective of diverse businesses that supplies most of the food consumed by the world population";

INFERRING that those food industries may have been responsible for all the contaminated food that has ever been produced;

FINDING that most, if not all, of those food industries:

a) may not have strict checks on food, especially those imported;

b) uses a process called "food processing", or "the transformation of raw ingredients, by physical or chemical means into food, or of food into other forms", to make the food of higher quality;

CONCLUDING that the contaminated food most likely goes back to the production from food industries;

THEREFORE THINKING that the problems in the production of food, which causes the food to go bad, should be addressed immediately;

Therefore, the World Assembly HEREBY:

1) DEFINES, for the purposes of this proposal, "proper food production management" as "a type of standardized management used to manage food which typically results in hygienic food";

2) MANDATES that all citizens involved in food productions of member nations properly manage food through any, but not limited to, the following methods, that make the food hygienic with no bad bacteria:

a) Putting the food in a heater and then in cool places such as a refrigerator to eliminate the bacteria;

b) Wearing gloves to prevent the contamination of food from the citizens' hands into the food;

c) Separating the different types of ingredients that are made into the food, like meat and vegetables, to prevent cross-contamination;

3) DECLARES the new law that states that:

a) all management of food must be proper;

b) all management of food must be kept in surveillance by a surveillance camera to detect any improper management of food.

4) RESERVES the actions for member nations to address the problem as stated in Clause 3 b).
OOC: Inform me if there's too much micro-management. Also, sorry for the long title.

[He Qixin 2]

this is very bad, i know

[Araraukar]

OOC: Category: Environmental, Industry Affected: idk I know this wording is bad, so please help me improve this. Also help me decide the industry affected. also give me better ideas; i think my ideas are somewhat dull.

OOC: We've tried to provide you feedback before. You've ignored it and just keep re-submitting the proposal with minute word changes rather than addressing any of the feedback given. What guarantee do we have that you're going to act differently this time?

[He Qixin 2]

This time, i promise to follow your feedback.
Seriously, i promise.

[Araraukar]

This time, i promise to follow your feedback.
Seriously, i promise.

OOC: It's not "following" feedback that I would like to see from you, it's "addressing" feedback. What that means is that when someone gives feedback, you don't rush over to your proposal to change it instantly, instead you reply to the person's post, explaining why your proposal says what it does, and asking if the person has suggestions.

That doesn't mean that other people should write your proposal for you, but it also doesn't mean that you should edit it every time someone makes a comment. Accept comments, reply to them, and then after a while, write a new draft that does include the things you think are improvements but not the things you think are not what you want the proposal to do.

And with your past history on this forum, I would suggest actively working on this draft and replying to comments and not even thinking of submitting until the end of February.

You need to learn be patient and to find the balance between defending your proposal and integrating good feedback into it, so that's why I'm suggesting a bit over a month of drafting before even considering submitting.

[He Qixin 2]

OOC: That's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to garner feedback now, and edit whenever necessary.

[Araraukar]

OOC: That's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to garner feedback now, and edit whenever necessary.

OOC: Don't edit "whenever necessary", edit when you have gathered enough feedback to warrant editing. Also I would suggest saving older versions of the proposal inside spoiler code, preferably even moving them into another post of yours, and keeping only the newest draft visible in the first post.

Here are some notes that came to mind (not necessarily in the right order):

1. Put the category and AoE at the top, so people need to know what to keep in mind as category requirements when reading the proposal.

2. You use "thinking" and too much in the preamble (and "knowing" just looks out of place), I suggest coming up with other words. If you need help, look through the existing resolutions to see what kind of words have been used in the preambles, and then, since English isn't your language, look up their proper meaning in whatever dictionary you have. (Note: Google Translate doesn't always get them right, but if often suggests synonyms.)

3. Food waste goes much further than people not finishing eating their food. I suggest reading this for a better idea of what it means. However, be aware that copying from Wikipedia, even if you changed a couple of words, will count as plagiarism and can get you ejected from the WA.

4. The mention of rich people wasting food in the preamble makes no sense, as you don't mention that anywhere later. I would suggest just deleting that. Poor people waste food too, as I know to my detriment (in other words, I just found out my intended breakfast bread had started to grow fur ).

5. You mention "many other causes of food wastage" in the preamble, but give no examples.

6. Also, you say that the existing resolution requires nations to provide food to their people, yet you say your proposal intends to have "everyone, be it rich and the poor, can at least get some food". If the nation is compliant with the existing resolution, the people are already getting some food. And if they're not compliant with it, nothing you can do can make them be compliant with this. Oh and the wording should be "be they rich or poor".

7. You use both "food wastage" and "food waste". I suggest picking one and sticking to it.

8. You define "food wastage as food" (that is discarded or lost). It doesn't make sense. I would instead define "food waste" or "food wasting", making it an action that you want to ban or at least significantly reduce.

9. If clause 5 is supposed to be "management of food waste", then clauses 2 and 4 can be deleted, since you use the word "mandates" in clause 5, and all member nations' laws are changed to fit the WA resolutions when they pass. Also, clause 4 doesn't make a noncompliant nation to be magically in compliance. There are existing resolutions that require nations to comply with the resolutions.

10. In your opinion, "wasted food" doesn't include food that grocery shops and restaurants throw into the garbage can after it passes a sometimes very randomly selected sell-by or use-by date?

11. In clause 5, you use "waste foods", but don't actually define that earlier on. The closest you get is clause 3, which is unfinished food, and would generally be very unsanitary (and could easily cause food-borne diseases like food poisoning) to donate to the poor. Or would you want to eat a dish of spaghetti that some stranger whose hygieny you have no idea of, ate the other half of? Also, you demand "educating people about the dangers of food wastage" but don't actually specify any of the dangers anywhere in the proposal. Also, why create a small network and initiatives to reduce food wasting?

12. In clause 6 you say there are other methods, but give no examples whatsoever.

13. In clause 7 you say WA can't/doesn't/mustn't require food waste management, but you're trying to make nations do just that. I would suggest removing it entirely, it makes your proposal self-contradictory.

[He Qixin]

(ignore this post)

[Araraukar]

*snip*

OOC: You could instead put the previous drafts into your second post in this thread: viewtopic.php?p=33317612#p33317612

[He Qixin]

*snip*

OOC: You could instead put the previous drafts into your second post in this thread: viewtopic.php?p=33317612#p33317612

ok

[He Qixin]

The World Assembly:

Remembering that in World Assembly Resolution #344, "Minimum Standard of Living Act", that the issue of living standards were addressed;

Knowing that food was addressed as part of the minimum living standards;

Thinking that before this resolution was passed, food wastage was not addressed, and even not fully addressed after the passing of this resolution;

However knowing that, one of the purposes of this resolution was so that everyone, be it the rich and the poor, can at least get some food;

Implying that the rich may have been wasting food more than the poor, and not thinking about the poor before this resolution;

Also frightened that member nations may not have enacted food waste management laws yet;

Therefore thinking that the problem of food wastage should be addressed immediately;

Therefore, the World Assembly hereby:

1. Defines, for the purposes of this proposal, "food wastage" as (a) "food that is discarded or lost uneaten" and (b) "a waste of the labour, water, energy, land and other inputs that went into producing food";

2. Further specifying that such "wasted food" includes thrown away litter like unfinished apple bones, unfinished rice and noodles on plates, biscuits not finished in a packet, etc.;

3. Declares a new law in all member nations in the compulsory management of food waste, which states that WA members must:

(a) Mandates that organizations of member nations must follow the law and manage any sort of food waste done by anyone;

(b) Further mandates that member nations and its own citizens manage waste through any, but not limited to, of the following methods;

(c)(i) Planning food shopping and storing foods properly;

(c)(ii) Creating food banks which contain waste foods that can be donated to the poor;

(c)(iii) Educating people about the dangers of food wastage; and

(c)(iv) Creating a small network of businesses and non-profit initiatives to reduce food waste.

The World Assembly:

Remembering that in World Assembly Resolution #344, "Minimum Standard of Living Act", that the issue of living standards were addressed;

Knowing that food was addressed as part of the minimum living standards;

Thinking that before this resolution was passed, food wastage was not addressed, and even not fully addressed after the passing of this resolution;

However knowing that, one of the purposes of this resolution was so that everyone, be it the rich and the poor, can at least get some food;

Implying that the rich may have been wasting food, and not thinking about the poor before this resolution;

Also frightened that member nations may not have enacted food waste management laws yet;

Further knowing the many other causes of food wastage;

Therefore thinking that the problem of food wastage should be addressed immediately;

Therefore, the World Assembly hereby:

1. Defines, for the purposes of this proposal, "food wastage" as (a) "food that is discarded or lost uneaten" and (b) "a waste of the labour, water, energy, land and other inputs that went into producing food":

2. Declares a new law in all member nations in the compulsory management of food waste;

3. Further specifying that such "wasted food" includes thrown away litter like unfinished apple bones, unfinished rice and noodles on plates, biscuits not finished in a packet, etc.

4. Mandates that organizations of member nations must follow the law and manage any sort of food waste done by anyone;

5. Further mandates that member nations and its own citizens manage waste through any of the following methods:

(a) Planning food shopping and storing foods properly;

(b) Creating food banks which contain waste foods that can be donated to the poor;

(c) Educating people about the dangers of food wastage;

(d) Creating a small network of businesses and non-profit initiatives to reduce food waste;

6. Clarifying that there are other methods in which food waste can be managed; and

7. Further clarifying that no legislation in the WA that require otherwise, that food waste must be properly managed.

*Replying for my sequel nation

[Kenmoria]

"The second instance of "that" in the first clause in unneeded and "was" should be used instead of "were" as it is a singular issue."

[He Qixin 2]

"The second instance of "that" in the first clause in unneeded and "was" should be used instead of "were" as it is a singular issue."

"any more?"

[He Qixin 2]

The World Assembly:

Remembering that in World Assembly Resolution #344, "Minimum Standard of Living Act", that the issue of living standards was addressed;

Knowing that food was addressed as part of the minimum living standards;

Thinking that before this resolution was passed, food wastage was not addressed, and even not fully addressed after the passing of this resolution;

However knowing that, one of the purposes of this resolution was so that everyone, be it the rich and the poor, can at least get some food;

Implying that the rich may have been wasting food more than the poor, and not thinking about the poor before this resolution;

Also frightened that member nations may not have enacted food waste management laws yet;

Therefore thinking that the problem of food wastage should be addressed immediately;

Therefore, the World Assembly hereby:

1. Defines, for the purposes of this proposal, "food wastage" as (a) "food that is discarded or lost uneaten" and (b) "a waste of the labour, water, energy, land and other inputs that went into producing food";

2. Further specifying that such "wasted food" includes thrown away litter like unfinished apple bones, unfinished rice and noodles on plates, biscuits not finished in a packet, etc.;

3. Declares a new law in all member nations in the compulsory management of food waste, which states that WA members must:

(a) Mandates that organizations of member nations must follow the law and manage any sort of food waste done by anyone;

(b) Further mandates that member nations and their citizens manage waste through any, but not limited to, the following methods:

(c)(i) Planning food shopping and storing foods properly;

(c)(ii) Creating food banks which contain waste foods that can be donated to the poor;

(c)(iii) Educating people about the dangers of food wastage; and

(c)(iv) Creating a small network of businesses and non-profit initiatives to reduce food waste.

The World Assembly:

Remembering that in World Assembly Resolution #344, "Minimum Standard of Living Act", that the issue of living standards were addressed;

Knowing that food was addressed as part of the minimum living standards;

Thinking that before this resolution was passed, food wastage was not addressed, and even not fully addressed after the passing of this resolution;

However knowing that, one of the purposes of this resolution was so that everyone, be it the rich and the poor, can at least get some food;

Implying that the rich may have been wasting food, and not thinking about the poor before this resolution;

Also frightened that member nations may not have enacted food waste management laws yet;

Further knowing the many other causes of food wastage;

Therefore thinking that the problem of food wastage should be addressed immediately;

Therefore, the World Assembly hereby:

1. Defines, for the purposes of this proposal, "food wastage" as (a) "food that is discarded or lost uneaten" and (b) "a waste of the labour, water, energy, land and other inputs that went into producing food":

2. Declares a new law in all member nations in the compulsory management of food waste;

3. Further specifying that such "wasted food" includes thrown away litter like unfinished apple bones, unfinished rice and noodles on plates, biscuits not finished in a packet, etc.

4. Mandates that organizations of member nations must follow the law and manage any sort of food waste done by anyone;

5. Further mandates that member nations and its own citizens manage waste through any of the following methods:

(a) Planning food shopping and storing foods properly;

(b) Creating food banks which contain waste foods that can be donated to the poor;

(c) Educating people about the dangers of food wastage;

(d) Creating a small network of businesses and non-profit initiatives to reduce food waste;

6. Clarifying that there are other methods in which food waste can be managed; and

7. Further clarifying that no legislation in the WA that require otherwise, that food waste must be properly managed.

*Replying for my sequel nation

[Araraukar]

*snip*

OOC: Why do you keep posting that? Put the drafts into your second post on this thread, the second post of the entire thread, right after the first post. You don't want to spam your own thread.

[He Qixin]

i cant, im sorry

[He Qixin 2]

uhh, any more changes?
edit: 100 posts! woo!

[Attempted Socialism]

OOC:

[W]ith your past history on this forum, I would suggest actively working on this draft and replying to comments and not even thinking of submitting until the end of February.

You need to learn be patient and to find the balance between defending your proposal and integrating good feedback into it, so that's why I'm suggesting a bit over a month of drafting before even considering submitting.

uhh, any more changes?
edit: 100 posts! woo!

People not posting changes to your draft a few days is not indicative of readiness for submission, just to reiterate. Given your particular history, I'd say Araraukars suggested option of thinking of submitting at the end of February risks being premature.
I also can't determine which of your many different drafts from your two nations is the current, only that apparently it is not the one in your OP:

i cant, im sorry

[Araraukar]

OOC: I also can't determine which of your many different drafts from your two nations is the current, only that apparently it is not the one in your OP:

i cant, im sorry

OOC: Yeah, Qixin, keep only the most current draft in the first post, most people won't look through the thread to see if there are more current ones than that. You can edit the text in the post by being logged on the account you posted it on, and then clicking the edit button on the post. You've done that before in your other thread, why can't you do it now?

[Kenmoria]

"The "its" in clause 5 should be a "their" instead."

[He Qixin]

Okay guys, I want this proposal to eventually become a resolution, so I want you guys to give me as much feedback as possible (and I'll follow them), and I will submit it in February.

Question: Can I tag you guys co-author?

[He Qixin]

Uhh guys, can you give me an "Industry Affected" for this proposal?

[Separatist Peoples]

Uhh guys, can you give me an "Industry Affected" for this proposal?

Ooc: there isn't one. You've written a proposal that is unlikely to fit any extant category. You will need to rewrite this yo fit an extant category if you want to submit a legal proposal.

[He Qixin 2]

Uhh guys, can you give me an "Industry Affected" for this proposal?

Ooc: there isn't one. You've written a proposal that is unlikely to fit any extant category. You will need to rewrite this yo fit an extant category if you want to submit a legal proposal.

This is related to food and resources, so All Businesses right? Also, the "creating a small network..." would also fit well in all businesses.
Or maybe "Manufacturing".

[Attempted Socialism]

Question: Can I tag you guys co-author?

You can't tag me, and since I haven't done any work on your draft at all, you shouldn't even want to tag me as co-author (EDIT: Since co-authors need to have done substantial work, otherwise it's branding and will get your draft thrown out for illegality).