Page 1 of 1

Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 4:10 pm
by The Lords of Gallifrey
I have the doomsday device. I demand that I be appointed the Supreme Ruler of your World Assembly. If my demands are not met within twelve hours, I shall activate it!

Bow to your new Master!
Mwhahah!
Image

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 5:08 pm
by Sneaky Bastards
Hmm... give control of WA to a madman or let him use the doomsday device? We choose activation of the doomsday device. We're curious as to how it works, IF it even works at all!

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 7:08 pm
by Kandarin
Given the sheer amount of damage we've managed to inflict with a non-madmanized WA, it can't hurt any.

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 6:59 am
by The Lords of Gallifrey
Sneaky Bastards wrote:Hmm... give control of WA to a madman or let him use the doomsday device? We choose activation of the doomsday device. We're curious as to how it works, IF it even works at all!


Very well! I have tried to be reasonable, but as only one nation has capitulated to my demands so far, the doomsday device has been activated, and targeted upon the nation of Sneaky Bastards!

Each hour, a random root vegetable within the nation shall implode, briefly causing a small amount of nuclear fusion within it, turning it into a kilotonne bomb, beginning.... now. Enjoy your carrots: they make you glow in the dark!

The Master,
Supreme Leader, World Assembly.
Image

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 7:57 pm
by Atlantis Exsilio
Oh, oh! An exploding vegetable machine! Why, that's just brilliant! Why did we never think of such a thing? Hmm, maybe we can adapt the exploding human machine. Homo sapiens can't be that different from a carrot, can they? You wouldn't mind providing a schematic of some sort, would you?

Leoteneithis
Researcher, Atlantean Science Bureau

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 8:33 pm
by Tanaara
While I and my nation as a whole thoroughly distain the toothless tiger that is the WA, I too am highly interested in the schematics. The thought of exploding root vegetables has an odd appeal, much more interesting than the purple carrots that have been recently engineered. Vegitable chips have become the rage of late and this might be a way to make certain that there is a ready supply of such. It certainly isn't as hazzardous as deepfrying in transfats.

Sincerely,

Robert Ryan Fortier ~Hexx
Archon
Domination of Tanaara

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 1:33 am
by Ardchoille
Fortunately, the magical nation of Ardchoille has access to timeline technology. By targeting potential explosions, we have been able to develop a "one minute to midnight" response, thus giving us the opportunity to track down, isolate and move all exploding vegetables to another (unoccupied and aeons-distant) timeline.

This may lead to the appearance of rather angry sapient carrots in the next few seconds, owing to the effects of stranding organic material (including the duds that didn't explode) in the aeons-distant past and leaving them with a race memory that time is malleable, prompting them to turn up here just a few seconds, in our time, after their creation. But them's the breaks. We tie a knot and move on.

We've also included a subroutine centred on halting all objects about to fall on unsuspecting people about to walk under ladders. What the hell, we thought we'd just clean up one of the WA's slapstick schticks while we're at it.

And, of course, the WA, like our capital, is now enclosed in a Super-Efficient Highly Reliable Unfailingly Comprehensive Godmoded Protective Globe (or, as the keyboard rather winningly insists, Glove).

(This may be why magic nations are not allowed to RP. Yah boo sucks to them as sez so, and especially to The Master.)

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:31 am
by Gobbannium
Finally, we have a use for the super-saturated fruit that have been causing a bit of a mess of the local forests. Apparently apples and pears grown in a stupidly high-magic environment are not only physically unstable, but also spatio-temporally unstable. Now, rather than splattering themselves all over the forest and the occasional forester, they seem to be drawn to imploding root vegetables, and the mix of energies seem to counter each other.

Now we just have the problem of shrivelled turnips that taste like pears.

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:36 am
by Snefaldia
Gobbannium wrote:Finally, we have a use for the super-saturated fruit that have been causing a bit of a mess of the local forests. Apparently apples and pears grown in a stupidly high-magic environment are not only physically unstable, but also spatio-temporally unstable. Now, rather than splattering themselves all over the forest and the occasional forester, they seem to be drawn to imploding root vegetables, and the mix of energies seem to counter each other.

Now we just have the problem of shrivelled turnips that taste like pears.


We've been getting harvests of pears that taste like plums. It's not too entirely disastrous, but is really quite disconcerting. I think that's doing more damage than anything, really.

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 3:11 pm
by Tsaraine
The Greater Ascendancy is suffering an outbreak of beefsteak tomatoes that taste like aubergines. Tsarainese tomato farmers are dying in their thousands due to the extremely common Tsakh Aubergine Allergy.

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 3:17 pm
by The Lords of Gallifrey
I have reconfigured and reset the machine to cremate but not explode all tomatoes (it works on fruits - yes, they're actually a fruit - too!) within the Ascendancy of Tsaraine, as a sign of goodwill, to demonstrate how effectively the World Assembly under my directorship shall deal with the world's problems. They should burst into flames, which may kill people working in tomato warehouses, but resolving the issue. I'm aware that the resultant fires may actually be more lethal than the problem, but I'm willing to take that chance!

Atlantis Exsilio wrote:Oh, oh! An exploding vegetable machine! Why, that's just brilliant! Why did we never think of such a thing? Hmm, maybe we can adapt the exploding human machine. Homo sapiens can't be that different from a carrot, can they? You wouldn't mind providing a schematic of some sort, would you?

Leoteneithis
Researcher, Atlantean Science Bureau


Perhaps we can collaborate. You provide the crazy ideas, I laugh at you and pat you on the head?

Tanaara wrote:While I and my nation as a whole thoroughly distain the toothless tiger that is the WA, I too am highly interested in the schematics. The thought of exploding root vegetables has an odd appeal, much more interesting than the purple carrots that have been recently engineered. Vegitable chips have become the rage of late and this might be a way to make certain that there is a ready supply of such. It certainly isn't as hazzardous as deepfrying in transfats.

Sincerely,

Robert Ryan Fortier ~Hexx
Archon
Domination of Tanaara


Did you know, that's actually the original colour of carrots, before you humans got at them? I don't think blowing up your vegetables is the most efficient way of making chips, though. Have you perhaps considered cutting them and frying them? I believe it's traditional.

Ardchoille wrote:(This may be why magic nations are not allowed to RP. Yah boo sucks to them as sez so, and especially to The Master.)


Eh. For the record, it's a riff on James Bond cliches. Rather than magical ones. Because I wanted to post something, and fiddle about with the new forum's features. I tend to be a little more serious normally.

Yes. I'm breaking the fourth wall. Mwhahah! And I'm aligning my text to the right! What next?
A multi-quote feature?

The Master, Master of the World Assembly
Image

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 5:38 pm
by Scolopendra
Ardchoille wrote:Fortunately, the magical nation of Ardchoille has access to timeline technology. By targeting potential explosions, we have been able to develop a "one minute to midnight" response, thus giving us the opportunity to track down, isolate and move all exploding vegetables to another (unoccupied and aeons-distant) timeline. <snip>

Commander Suzdal of the Instrumentality of Man called; he and Cordwainer Smith want their shtick back.

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 5:52 pm
by Tanaara
Falls over laughing.

"Bad Scolopendra! Bad! Making little old ladies laugh themselves silly just isn't on! No 'nip for you tonight!" ( dashes back behind the 4th wall)

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 7:38 pm
by King Arthur the Great
I wonder how bad this would be. Children hate their veggies, and the removal of this great tool of oppression used by adults upon the youth of the world would likely result in the downfall of adults and the rise of the dominion of children. It would either become a utopia, or a free-for-all endless game of dodgeball. If the latter, I'll end up as the oddsmaker.

-Artie, NationStates' Un-Official Official Bookie and Oddsmaker.

And so, the world was made safe for fruit and veg everywhere

PostPosted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 2:11 pm
by The Lords of Gallifrey
How do you define irony?

The Master had a bowl of fruit on his desk.

By cunning reprogramming of his machine, I was able to reconfigure it to backfire on the location of the device itself, setting it up to simultaneously detonate the bowl in a hundred kiloton explosion that has vapourised his entire private island. He's probably escaped though.

The Doctor,
Irritating Do-Gooder.
Image

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2009 12:02 pm
by Angry Sapient Carrots
"Now is the hour of the day of the promised year!
And now come CARROTS!"

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2009 10:59 pm
by Ardchoille
Did I ever mention that all Ardchoilleans have terrible night vision? But the day of delivery is at hand!

*notes delivery of Sapient Carrots*

"Citizens! The moon's on the lake, and the mist's on the brae, and the clan has a nom that is nomless by day! Clear nights are ours! Nom at will!"

nom-nom-nom ...

@Scolo: But I'm Australian! The whole canon is ours by national right, on account of we keep watch on the giant drunken sheep! I'm sure you understand, she said, tossing lazily from hand to hand the button that would initiate the activation of Mother Hitton's Littul Kittons.

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Mon May 04, 2009 12:57 am
by The Emmerian Unions
*smaches that irritating 4th wall* Oh man this is full of epic lulz! I can't see straight or think coherently.

*rebuilds the 4th wall*
Exploding veggies? Exploding fruit? a 100 Kiloton nuke? Wow.

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Mon May 04, 2009 6:26 am
by Polandthria
The Lords of Gallifrey wrote:I have the doomsday device. I demand that I be appointed the Supreme Ruler of your World Assembly. If my demands are not met within twelve hours, I shall activate it!

Bow to your new Master!
Mwhahah!
Image


An interesting dilemma.

:shock:

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2009 12:36 pm
by Bahgum
[quote="The Lords of Gallifrey"]I have the doomsday device. I demand that I be appointed the Supreme Ruler of your World Assembly. If my demands are not met within twelve hours, I shall activate it!

Sir Albert casually speaks up, " excuse me lad, but we know where our Mother in Law Squads are"

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2009 12:42 pm
by North Wiedna
No good, if you take control of the WA, we'll just hide a snipe to shoot you. Right at the front of the building. A South Wiendan sniper is the best in the region.

Re: Peoples of the Earth, Please Attend Carefully

PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 1:00 am
by Southern Confederate States (Ancient)
master of the world....blah blah blah, doomsday device, blah blah blah, you got the wrong forum for this, try posting it on the INTERNATIONAL INCIDENTS forum.