The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[American Pere Housh]

New APH WA Ambassador Amelia Vanessa Cortez also known as Vanny wondered why she was chosen as the new WA Ambassador for APH. It probably what happened in West Fardelshufflestein. Vanny thought grinning. She slipped her rabbit mask of her face and asked the bartender,"One bourbon on the rock." The bartender hands her her bourbon before Vanny asked everyone around her,"What the fuck is there to do around here?"

"Umm, drink and talk?" said the Langenian ambassador. "I'm as new as you." "Got any lemonade?" he asks the bartender.

"Well it seems I'm wanted woman in West Fardelshufflestein,Main Ministry Nation and Socialist Macronesia for some stunts I pulled at WF's Halloween Shindig. MNM and SoMac have Kill on Sight order on me as well."

[Retired WerePenguins]

This little number goes out to Ambassador Santa Blonde...here's looking at you, kid.

After the number is finished Sara gives a round of applause and says "Thank you. That was lovely."

"Well it seems I'm wanted woman in West Fardelshufflestein,Main Ministry Nation and Socialist Macronesia for some stunts I pulled at WF's Halloween Shindig. MNM and SoMac have Kill on Sight order on me as well."

Santa turns to Vanny, "Well don't worry about it as long as you are here. I think half the ambassadors are wanted in their own nationstates. Fortunately there are features in this bar to prevent any displays of force so you should be safe from any attempts at your life."

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

From his vantage point behind the bar, Neville beheld the usual seasonal joy that visited itself upon the bar around this time of year. Suddenly the joint was jumping, with normally battle-weary delegates talking, joking, laughing, clinking glasses, even pestering each other over the congenital (yet understandable) habits of the bar's resident goat. The traditional Christmas tr-- erm, "All-Inclusive and Religiously Nonspecific Winter Solstice Bush" -- was well-trimmed and lit up nicely, almost seductively, as it stood near the fireplace, now happily roaring for whomever might find themselves a bit chilly that evening. Jimmy and Violet were dutifully seeing to all the drink orders that the barlord may have missed while stealing a well-deserved rest to salve his emotional ailings.

Still, even amongst all the alluring and contagious holiday gaiety, there was a lingering nag that NotThatOne somehow could not overcome. "What was all the hubbub about the stained-glass window?"

"You mean that minor dust-up from weeks ago?" queried a rather annoyed Violet, trying vainly to balance a number of recently ordered drinks onto a small tray. "Just a bit of frivolity amidst the typical autumn doldrums. I'm sure it will be sorted quickly."

"But the window's still busted out!" Neville observed with restrained fury. "And every time we replace it, it gets busted again! What is really so terrible about Ambassador Bell that patrons can't help but smash through his face all the time?!"

"Maybe it's time to replace him with someone better?" Vi wryly replied as she shouldered her teetering tray of drinks and cautiously made her way onto the floor to dispense them.

"Exactly!" Neville agreed, not catching his associate's tone. "Install a stained-glass visage of someone more suited to our clientele's refined political tastes! Chairman Mao. Iron Felix. Maggie Thatcher. Madonna -- anyone less controversial than this troublesome Ambassador Bell!"

"And now, for this evening's entertainment..."

"Oh God, no!" Neville breathed to himself as he turned to the stage, quietly railing to himself that he lacked Dicey's magical abilities and could not silence his barhand Jimmy from across the room. Thus, Jimmy continued unperturbed:

"...all the way from Omigodtheykilledkenny..."

"Please, somebody, make it stop!" Neville silently begged to on-high, hoping some deity up there still liked him. "Not..."

"SUSANNAH BATKO-YOVINO!!" Jimmy trumpeted as the backup band began to fire up. From his trusty eighty-eight, Philo started to accompany them.

"Now I know a lot of you are trying to stave off lawsuits of your own right now," Susannah announced from the mike as she strummed her bass along with the familiar tune. "But tonight give a thought to my poor brother Susa, the First Dude of Omigodtheykilledkenny, who may not be first dude for much longer, if he cannot convince the courts that his latest 'jilted lover' is just an accomplished liar!" She designated a pickle jar on a table right next to the stage, with a label reading "SUSA'S FALSE PATERNITY SUIT FUND."

"Billie Jean is not my lover;
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one,
But the kid is not my son!
She says I am the one...but the kid is not my son!"

"Inform the secretary-general, inform the government, the courts, the press, the Traveling Wilburys -- anyone you can get your hands on -- that we have nothing to do with Susa Batko-Yovino's lunatic countersuit!!" the barlord urgently barked at Vi, just then returning with an empty tray.

"You're the one who supposedly slept with that woman while under the influence of Godmode Fever, you're the one who has to live with the consequences!" she patiently reminded him.

[Sierra Lyricalia]

...The traditional Christmas tr-- erm, "All-Inclusive and Religiously Nonspecific Winter Solstice Bush" -- was well-trimmed and lit up nicely, almost seductively, as it stood near the fireplace, now happily roaring for whomever might find themselves a bit chilly that evening...

Leo ambles into the bar with a few papers stuffed in a folder under his arm. As he passes the Yule Shrubbery, he stops and glances at it again... a double take, then a triple. His eyes widen a moment, he blushes slightly, and he sticks a finger behind his necktie and tugs slightly before moving on. He pauses, turns back, and says in a low voice, "Perhaps in a few minutes, my dear... At the moment I have some unavoidable business. Uh..." He glances around. "If you catch the attention of a barkeep, do get an eggnog, or a hot toddy or a Miracle-Gro or something for yourself, on my tab. I won't be but a moment!"

...

"Billie Jean is not my lover;
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one,
But the kid is not my son!
She says I am the one...but the kid is not my son!"

...

As the song reverberates through the bar, Leo moves toward the piano, glancing occasionally down at the folder he's carrying. As the band on stage finishes playing, Leo speaks up as he plants his feet next to Philo.

"May I buy you a drink, sir, by way of begging a favor? A, uh... A 'business associate'-" the emphasized tone of voice conveys the quotation marks for even a deaf man to hear "-conveyed me these sheets with the instruction to play them on yon instrument. However not only do I not play, I can't even read the notes!"

He extracts the sheets from the folder and places them atop the piano, with a slightly pleading look on his face. "Can you make heads or tails of this, sir? And what's your poison?"

OOC: NOT a rickroll, I promise!

[Imperium Anglorum]

Elsie Mortimer Wellesley and a some ten to fifteen staff members bumble in – visibly drunk – and order 20 to 26 bottles of Falernian wine, the commotion making it unclear how many bottles were ordered on first glance. To those looking at the crowd, a staffer responds with the call 'Io Saturnalia!'.

[Untecna]

Elsie Mortimer Wellesley and a some ten to fifteen staff members bumble in – visibly drunk – and order 20 to 26 bottles of Falernian wine, the commotion making it unclear how many bottles were ordered on first glance. To those looking at the crowd, a staffer responds with the call 'Io Saturnalia!'.

"Oh great, now it's Saturnalia. We are so screwed." Rend is visibly drinking a small cup of wine, about 4 inches tall to be exact.

[Wallenburg]

Elsie Mortimer Wellesley and a some ten to fifteen staff members bumble in – visibly drunk – and order 20 to 26 bottles of Falernian wine, the commotion making it unclear how many bottles were ordered on first glance. To those looking at the crowd, a staffer responds with the call 'Io Saturnalia!'.

A pair of figures push open the doors to the bar. One wears a cape of leeks from their neck that hangs down past their elbows. The other wears what seems to have once been a rug, cut into a poorly-fit poncho. A wicker basket covers the head of each figure. Both stagger into the main room, giggling. One hangs onto the other, almost hugging them, while the other reaches their hands out to test for obstacles. They stumble into a low stool, sending both to the floor. Laughing uncontrollably, they respond to the Anglicans.

"Yo Saturnaalie!"

[Imperium Anglorum]

One of the staffers, inexplicably wearing a toga, proclaims 'We will be sacrificing a number of pigs for Opalia tomorrow, a public feast will be held thereafter. All are welcome to join; except Galileans, Bacchantes, druids, Manichaeans, cannibals, human sacrificers, etc. All mockery of Galileans and their one god will be kept to an appropriate minimum.'

Elsie turns to Peachby and snickers, 'Who wears a toga on Saturnalia?'.

"Yo Saturnaalie!"

After hearing the the greeting, Elsie responds with 'Io Saturnalia!', pulls out an official government Saturnalia greeting card and a white pileus, handing them to the greeters. She also hands them a few loafs of bread, with the note, 'Today's public bread was provided by the Alban Brotherhood of Millers; true roman bread for true romans'.

[Wallenburg]

except Galileans, Bacchantes, druids, Manichaeans, cannibals, human sacrificers, etc.

The pile of laughing Wallenburgians begins chanting in a vaguely druidic manner. They take the bread and wave it around in lazy circles like magic staves.

[Separatist Peoples]

Elsie Mortimer Wellesley and a some ten to fifteen staff members bumble in – visibly drunk – and order 20 to 26 bottles of Falernian wine, the commotion making it unclear how many bottles were ordered on first glance. To those looking at the crowd, a staffer responds with the call 'Io Saturnalia!'.

A pair of figures push open the doors to the bar. One wears a cape of leeks from their neck that hangs down past their elbows. The other wears what seems to have once been a rug, cut into a poorly-fit poncho. A wicker basket covers the head of each figure. Both stagger into the main room, giggling. One hangs onto the other, almost hugging them, while the other reaches their hands out to test for obstacles. They stumble into a low stool, sending both to the floor. Laughing uncontrollably, they respond to the Anglicans.

"Yo Saturnaalie!"

"AYYYYYY SATURN!" Bell shouts from the corner with a mug of mulled wine in hand, Chuckie long on walkabout.

One of the staffers, inexplicably wearing a toga, proclaims 'We will be sacrificing a number of pigs for Opalia tomorrow, a public feast will be held thereafter. All are welcome to join; except Galileans, Bacchantes, druids, Manichaeans, cannibals, human sacrificers, etc. All mockery of Galileans and their one god will be kept to an appropriate minimum.'

Elsie turns to Peachby and snickers, 'Who wears a toga on Saturnalia?'.

"Yo Saturnaalie!"

After hearing the the greeting, Elsie responds with 'Io Saturnalia!', pulls out an official government Saturnalia greeting card and a white pileus, handing them to the greeters. She also hands them a few loafs of bread, with the note, 'Today's public bread was provided by the Alban Brotherhood of Millers; true roman bread for true romans'.

"When you're done, I have a mean spice rub we can us to make some fantastic yuletide barbecue."

[American Pere Housh]

Vanny stare into her glass of bourbon when she hear Lo Saturnalia so she turns around and yells,"Fuck Saturnalia!!!!"

[Wallenburg]

"AYYYYYY SATURN!" Bell shouts from the corner with a mug of mulled wine in hand, Chuckie long on walkabout.

The Wallenburgian on top of the other gets to their feet while the other continues their druidic incantations. "Yo Saturn! Hey ambassador, how about a trade? Some Harvest Day gift giving?"

They pull up the front of their rug-poncho, revealing two bottles of hard Wallenburgian drink (that is, malt liquor). They pull one free and hold it out, posing with it.

[American Pere Housh]

"AYYYYYY SATURN!" Bell shouts from the corner with a mug of mulled wine in hand, Chuckie long on walkabout.

The Wallenburgian on top of the other gets to their feet while the other continues their druidic incantations. "Yo Saturn! Hey ambassador, how about a trade? Some Harvest Day gift giving?"

They pull up the front of their rug-poncho, revealing two bottles of hard Wallenburgian drink (that is, malt liquor). They pull one free and hold it out, posing with it.

Vanny pulled a Bluetooth speaker and phone out then begins playing Christmas songs at the highest volume possible which drowned out the chanting.

[Silvedania]

"Hi, I don't come here much, despite being in the WA for quite a few months. My name is Bridgette Oikindonf. 1 spiked seltzer, please."

[Separatist Peoples]

The Wallenburgian on top of the other gets to their feet while the other continues their druidic incantations. "Yo Saturn! Hey ambassador, how about a trade? Some Harvest Day gift giving?"

They pull up the front of their rug-poncho, revealing two bottles of hard Wallenburgian drink (that is, malt liquor). They pull one free and hold it out, posing with it.

Vanny pulled a Bluetooth speaker and phone out then begins playing Christmas songs at the highest volume possible which drowned out the chanting.

Bell picks Vanny up and tosses her out the window into the Reflecting Pool, speaker and all.

He looks at the rowdy Wallenburgians. "How's that for a trade?"

[Wallenburg]

Vanny pulled a Bluetooth speaker and phone out then begins playing Christmas songs at the highest volume possible which drowned out the chanting.

Bell picks Vanny up and tosses her out the window into the Reflecting Pool, speaker and all.

He looks at the rowdy Wallenburgians. "How's that for a trade?"

Wicker baskets exchange glances. The standing figure raises their arms over their heads. "Fuck yeah, yo Saturn! Neville, could we get some glasses out here?"

Another pair of Wallenburgians enter, dragging a third with them. All wear wicker baskets of varying shapes and patterns over their heads. One of the draggers carries a wooden spear about seven feet long in their free hand. They have at some point used the spear to impale a cabbage still stuck to the pointed end.

"Yo Saturn!" shouts the figure closest to Bell at the newcomers. The three proceed to a poorly lit corner of the bar. The one with the spear retrieves a bottle of wine and begins pouring liquid over the figure they dragged in.

Glasses arrive and the first figure pours for three. Their companion has since gotten to their feet and joined them. "How's at least one drink then? I don't think I've seen someone thrown out a window like that, even on Harvest Day!"

[American Pere Housh]

Vanny pulled a Bluetooth speaker and phone out then begins playing Christmas songs at the highest volume possible which drowned out the chanting.

Bell picks Vanny up and tosses her out the window into the Reflecting Pool, speaker and all.

He looks at the rowdy Wallenburgians. "How's that for a trade?"

Vanny reappears in front of Bell who she yeets though the same window then turns the Christmas music back on,"You can't get of me that easily also I will do this." She waves her hand causing the Wallenburgians' wine to vanish.

[Separatist Peoples]

Bell picks Vanny up and tosses her out the window into the Reflecting Pool, speaker and all.

He looks at the rowdy Wallenburgians. "How's that for a trade?"

Wicker baskets exchange glances. The standing figure raises their arms over their heads. "Fuck yeah, yo Saturn! Neville, could we get some glasses out here?"

Another pair of Wallenburgians enter, dragging a third with them. All wear wicker baskets of varying shapes and patterns over their heads. One of the draggers carries a wooden spear about seven feet long in their free hand. They have at some point used the spear to impale a cabbage still stuck to the pointed end.

"Yo Saturn!" shouts the figure closest to Bell at the newcomers. The three proceed to a poorly lit corner of the bar. The one with the spear retrieves a bottle of wine and begins pouring liquid over the figure they dragged in.

Glasses arrive and the first figure pours for three. Their companion has since gotten to their feet and joined them. "How's at least one drink then? I don't think I've seen someone thrown out a window like that, even on Harvest Day!"

"Fantastic! Thanks friend!"

Bell looks over at Vanny, who has returned and seems to be trying to use magic to to defenestrate him. "Think she is OK? I've seen a few cultists get angry about their brand of holiday being ignored before, she has that look about her. The look of temporary insanity."

[Imperium Anglorum]

Bell looks over at Vanny, who has returned and seems to be trying to use magic to to defenestrate him. "Think she is OK? I've seen a few cultists get angry about their brand of holiday being ignored before, she has that look about her. The look of temporary insanity."

Mortimer Wellesley mutters to Bell, "It's very common with Galileans; they get worked up in all sorts of frenzies, even amongst themselves. Put three Galileans in a room, ask them whether their carpenter god is a ghost or not, and the three of them will have killed each other by morning", with a pause she continues, "I mean beyond the heathen cannibalism and the human sacrifice, it's why we stopped inviting them to parties".

After a beat, she changes the subject, "By the way, take this gift basket, courtesy of the Republic". She hands over a gift basket with a bottle of Falernian wine, a Saturnalia greeting card, a white pileus, and some bread. Attached to the bread with twine is a small tag reading "Today's public bread was sponsored by Aqua Varronis! Clean and filtered water since 846 RE!". (Nb 846 RE maps to AD 337.) On the card is an invitation to the Opalia feast starting at 3 pm, with the disclaimer, "Those wishing not to witness the animal sacrifice are invited to arrive at 3.30 pm".

[Retired WerePenguins]

Santa stared at her now empty glass of stout. Turning to the bartender she says, "This clearly isn't working. Wild Turkey Rare Breed on the rocks please."

Handing the glass the bartender replies, "what isn't working?"

"I'm still too damn sober."

"Well it was only one stout you drank."

"I know"

"For how many days?"

"I wouldn't go that far, but I do drink it slowly."

[Wallenburg]

Wicker baskets exchange glances. The standing figure raises their arms over their heads. "Fuck yeah, yo Saturn! Neville, could we get some glasses out here?"

Another pair of Wallenburgians enter, dragging a third with them. All wear wicker baskets of varying shapes and patterns over their heads. One of the draggers carries a wooden spear about seven feet long in their free hand. They have at some point used the spear to impale a cabbage still stuck to the pointed end.

"Yo Saturn!" shouts the figure closest to Bell at the newcomers. The three proceed to a poorly lit corner of the bar. The one with the spear retrieves a bottle of wine and begins pouring liquid over the figure they dragged in.

Glasses arrive and the first figure pours for three. Their companion has since gotten to their feet and joined them. "How's at least one drink then? I don't think I've seen someone thrown out a window like that, even on Harvest Day!"

"Fantastic! Thanks friend!"

Bell looks over at Vanny, who has returned and seems to be trying to use magic to to defenestrate him. "Think she is OK? I've seen a few cultists get angry about their brand of holiday being ignored before, she has that look about her. The look of temporary insanity."

"I know, right? Completely off her rocker." One hand meanders its way under the lip of the basket to get the figure's drink to its mouth.

The figure with the leek capelet adds, "It could be part of her culture's celebration of the solstice. Even so, I can't imagine doing things like that without a basket and some cheap produce."

[The Palentine]

"It's it's a ballroom blitz, it's it's a ballroom blitz
It's it's a ballroom blitz, yeah, it's a ballroom blitz"

Susannah and her band finished up their first set. As they took a break, Philo ordered a Sunset Sasparilla from a passing waitress and lit up a new cigar. Once his Sasparilla arrived he took a drink, then picked up the new folder, the ambassador placed on his piano. He scanned the musical notations for a few minutes and afterwards sighed...he was more a fan of Firefly than Star Wars. Sighing once more he placed the musical notation sheets on the piano in front of him. He took one more drink before turning around to the Bar Patrons and speaking,

"Heres a little request from Ambassador Leo. However its not going to be free. Leo for doing this I expect a sizable tip into my tip jar, my friend."

Mr. Simeon turned back around to his piano and began to play The Mos Esley Cantina Music in a lively ragtime tempo.

[Untecna]

"Aye, Neville, another whiskey, please!"

[Silvedania]

"Aye, Neville, another whiskey, please!"

“I’ll have what their having! Waba daba doo!”

[The Palentine]

After finishing up Ambassador Leo's special request, Philo began playing Pachelbel's Canon in D Major in a lively four-four time.