The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[Newark Aristocracy]

The New ambassador would hit the old one full force,sending the old one flying out the window towards his imment death by high fall.

The new ambassador remarked:"He's gonna be a red blob in a few seconds."

[False Dichotomy]

John smirks, conspicuously hanging the frying pan back on the wall. With a bounce in his step and a striding pace, he walks to the bar, picks up his beer, and looks down at Helen. "Are you okay there, miss?" He inquires.

"Does it look like I'm okay?" snarls Trevanyika. "My leg's busted. Hand me my crutch, will you? It's on the seat behind you."

"Touche, madam." John smirks, like a serpent writhing across his face. He turns around, lifts up the crutch, and dumps it on the floor in front of Helen. "You can do the rest. I don't appreciate people who get mouthy with me." Taking a sip of beer, he chuckles, takes a seat, and crosses his legs.

[Newark Aristocracy]

The sound of the old WA ambassador's fatal impact with the ground was a very loud crack,then,silence. Blood and guts were spilled all over the windows of bottom floors of the WAHQ. Within seconds,police sirens sounded as they got closer to the WAHQ,unbeknowst what has just happened.

The new WA ambassador remarks:Red,and dead.

[Wallenburg]

"Does it look like I'm okay?" snarls Trevanyika. "My leg's busted. Hand me my crutch, will you? It's on the seat behind you."

"Touche, madam." John smirks, like a serpent writhing across his face. He turns around, lifts up the crutch, and dumps it on the floor in front of Helen. "You can do the rest. I don't appreciate people who get mouthy with me." Taking a sip of beer, he chuckles, takes a seat, and crosses his legs.

Helen stares knives through John's skull. "You're a real piece of shit, you know." She snatches the crutch and sets it upright. Her arms tense as they carefully pull her entire body weight onto the crutch. She catches the ground with her good foot and lifts up. She gives John another glare, but softens it somewhat when she gathers just how little concern he had about her. "Hmm, yeah, you're an ass. But thanks for the crutch, and for not coddling me like some child. Say, what were you doing with that frying pan just now? Teaching Chuckie fencing lessons?"

[False Dichotomy]

"Touche, madam." John smirks, like a serpent writhing across his face. He turns around, lifts up the crutch, and dumps it on the floor in front of Helen. "You can do the rest. I don't appreciate people who get mouthy with me." Taking a sip of beer, he chuckles, takes a seat, and crosses his legs.

Helen stares knives through John's skull. "You're a real piece of shit, you know." She snatches the crutch and sets it upright. Her arms tense as they carefully pull her entire body weight onto the crutch. She catches the ground with her good foot and lifts up. She gives John another glare, but softens it somewhat when she gathers just how little concern he had about her. "Hmm, yeah, you're an ass. But thanks for the crutch, and for not coddling me like some child. Say, what were you doing with that frying pan just now? Teaching Chuckie fencing lessons?"

John laughs at the insult, but says nothing more. Once Helen is sat up, he begins to reflect upon the question.

"I'm not quite sure... the last thing I remember was the whirring of the ignore cannons. Someone evidently was being an idiot, I was about to teach them a lesson, and then they godmodded or something. They're likely gone now." He glances over to watch the fourth wall of the bar start to slowly shake and crumble.

[Wallenburg]

Helen stares knives through John's skull. "You're a real piece of shit, you know." She snatches the crutch and sets it upright. Her arms tense as they carefully pull her entire body weight onto the crutch. She catches the ground with her good foot and lifts up. She gives John another glare, but softens it somewhat when she gathers just how little concern he had about her. "Hmm, yeah, you're an ass. But thanks for the crutch, and for not coddling me like some child. Say, what were you doing with that frying pan just now? Teaching Chuckie fencing lessons?"

John laughs at the insult, but says nothing more. Once Helen is sat up, he begins to reflect upon the question.

"I'm not quite sure... the last thing I remember was the whirring of the ignore cannons. Someone evidently was being an idiot, I was about to teach them a lesson, and then they godmodded or something. They're likely gone now." He glances over to watch the fourth wall of the bar start to slowly shake and crumble.

"They what? Well, I don't think my universal translator understood that. Can't be that important."

[Scherzinger]

Hiei lets emotion come to her face in tye form of confusion.

"No, I am Princess Hiei von Platz. Grand Admiral of the Scherzingerian Navy, serial #5931-09573"

Hiei still had yet to understand human sayings and such.

"Then you have not wronged me."

Hiei's confusion has not left her face, nor her mind.

"I thank you for your generousity. You are quite benevolent." Hiei bowed awkwardly again, suddenly reminding herself of her embarrassing shoe situation

[False Dichotomy]

John laughs at the insult, but says nothing more. Once Helen is sat up, he begins to reflect upon the question.

"I'm not quite sure... the last thing I remember was the whirring of the ignore cannons. Someone evidently was being an idiot, I was about to teach them a lesson, and then they godmodded or something. They're likely gone now." He glances over to watch the fourth wall of the bar start to slowly shake and crumble.

"They what? Well, I don't think my universal translator understood that. Can't be that important."

John takes a cursory glance around, as the cataclysm in the fourth wall subsides. He pauses for a second. "Yeah, that's most likely the case." He sips his beer, drumming his fingers on the table awkwardly. "So, uh- anyway," he continues, "how did that happen to your leg?"

[Sedgistan]

Cedric paused from cleaning the dust off glasses in the Three Walled Bar to peer at the red light that was flashing next to the bottles of Madeira. He squinted at the brass nameplate just underneath and made out - "Emergency in the Strangers' Bar".

Sighing, he stuffed the cloth in his waistcoat pocket, and flung open the hatch to the secret tunnel. Moving at a sprightly speed for one so unaccustomed to exercise, Cedric charged down the tunnel, promptly smacking his head into one of the overhead beams. Damned gnomes - never catered for the tall people.

Nursing a pounding headache, he moved more carefully along until light shone around the edges of a hatch in the ceiling. The tunnel branched here, and he could barely make out signs pointing in other directions - "Secretariat's Office", "Monorail Station" and a faded one that read something like "Untied Notions". But none of them mattered - he could tell from the sound above, and that distinctive odour that this was the hatch to the Strangers' Bar.

Clambering up the ladder, he popped open the hatch and looked around. What was the problem? Ah, yes - that was clearly it - the ambassadors from Newark Aristocracy seemed to be having a violent disagreement of sorts, and water pistols were being primed. Cedric sprung into the room, tackled them to the floor, and bundled them down the hatch.

It was to the dungeons with them now, for "the treatment".

(OOC and Modly: Newark Aristocracy, you're being disruptive, both here and in the "Restrictions on Blood Sports" debate. This is a polite request to stop it. If we have to ask again, there will be consequences.)

[Wallenburg]

"They what? Well, I don't think my universal translator understood that. Can't be that important."

John takes a cursory glance around, as the cataclysm in the fourth wall subsides. He pauses for a second. "Yeah, that's most likely the case." He sips his beer, drumming his fingers on the table awkwardly. "So, uh- anyway," he continues, "how did that happen to your leg?"

Trevanyika returns to her seat. Her meal has been waiting a few minutes, but it is still warm. "Automobile collision. Some bastard blew through the intersection, directly into the passenger door. Busted my leg and gave me quite the headache. Really, people ought to pay more attention to other vehicles in the road."

[False Dichotomy]

John takes a cursory glance around, as the cataclysm in the fourth wall subsides. He pauses for a second. "Yeah, that's most likely the case." He sips his beer, drumming his fingers on the table awkwardly. "So, uh- anyway," he continues, "how did that happen to your leg?"

Trevanyika returns to her seat. Her meal has been waiting a few minutes, but it is still warm. "Automobile collision. Some bastard blew through the intersection, directly into the passenger door. Busted my leg and gave me quite the headache. Really, people ought to pay more attention to other vehicles in the road."

John exhales forcefully, an aura of disdain about him. "Fucking Wallenburgian drivers- I mean, my sincerest condolences -- such fools should not be allowed on the road in the first place, to be quite frank. I wish you a speedy recovery."

[The Wary Walrus]

Walter the Wary Walrus waddled happily back into the bar, taking a seat in his favorite corner. His translator followed with trepidation, hoping against hope that the bartenders would honor his request not to serve Walter.
His request was not honored, as Walter soon had a pile of empty bottles in front of him, due in no small part to the fact that Walter often left outrageous tips. Walter looked around and asked

OROOO OROH OROOO?

His translator sighed and asked

So, what passes for fun around here these days?

[Wallenburg]

Trevanyika returns to her seat. Her meal has been waiting a few minutes, but it is still warm. "Automobile collision. Some bastard blew through the intersection, directly into the passenger door. Busted my leg and gave me quite the headache. Really, people ought to pay more attention to other vehicles in the road."

John exhales forcefully, an aura of disdain about him. "Fucking Wallenburgian drivers- I mean, my sincerest condolences -- such fools should not be allowed on the road in the first place, to be quite frank. I wish you a speedy recovery."

"Well, regardless of your wishes, the repairwork has already been done. Can't do anything but let it heal now."

Walter the Wary Walrus waddled happily back into the bar, taking a seat in his favorite corner. His translator followed with trepidation, hoping against hope that the bartenders would honor his request not to serve Walter.
His request was not honored, as Walter soon had a pile of empty bottles in front of him, due in no small part to the fact that Walter often left outrageous tips. Walter looked around and asked

OROOO OROH OROOO?

His translator sighed and asked

So, what passes for fun around here these days?

"That young lady over there helped me throw someone through the window. Otherwise, most people seem determined to drown themselves into a stupor." Helen gestures to Hiei.

[The Palentine]

Philo finishes his song and calls over a passing waitress and orders a Blue Marlin. While waiting for his drink he relights his cigar and looks around at the patrons. Everything seems to be back to normal...or at leadt as normal as the Bar could get. His boss, Senator Sulla seemed to be dozing off an epic drunk only occasilnally muttering the phrase, "rashunable nashiuns!" His drink arrived right as the newest patron, a rather wary looking bull walrus and his interterpreter spoke

Walter the Wary Walrus waddled happily back into the bar, taking a seat in his favorite corner. His translator followed with trepidation, hoping against hope that the bartenders would honor his request not to serve Walter.
His request was not honored, as Walter soon had a pile of empty bottles in front of him, due in no small part to the fact that Walter often left outrageous tips. Walter looked around and asked

OROOO OROH OROOO?

His translator sighed and asked

So, what passes for fun around here these days?

Mr. Simeon took a sip from his drink, then puffed on his cigar for a moment before responding,

"Well some Kennyite had some sort of flashback while Cassandra's band was performing. When I offered the poor fellow some aid, he suddenly requested to renact a scene from King Kong. Why he wanted me to do so I can't say, but I humored him and scaled the building with him over my shoulder. Turns out he's a fine fellow, even though he did insist I "fall" off the building for realism's sake. Anyway, I finally made it back here, and now I'm entertaining myself and the patrons with some music. "

Philo takes one more sip of his drink, turns around and puts it on top of the piano. He then starts playing Scott Joplin's Felicity Rag.

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

Spence strode determinedly into the arcade off the bar reserved for security personnel, sporting his usual dark suit and tie. He was greeted by a barrage of blinking. colorful lights, as the musical machines continued to ring and jingle on, enticing visitors to play. Presently he beheld a trio of rather odd-looking fellows --although monstrous might be a better descriptor for them -- their visages each more terrible than the last, all baring their awful sharp teeth and looking rather proud of themselves.

"Do you have them?" Spence demanded of the green one.

"Yas, yas, ve hef dem!" replied the Jäger, shoving a thick stack of prints into his hands. "See fer youself!"

The Kennyite quickly flipped through the collection of photos, his face contorting in disappointment. "I asked for the photos of Erica," he brusquely reminded the unholy trinity. "These are photos of the Thessadorian Ambassador!"

"So vot?!" the green one retorted. "Meluns are meluns, if dot's vot gets hyu off!" His partners started to snicker.

Spence's reproving look was now an icy glare. "Well, if you idiots can't tell them apart, then let me explain the key differences," he lectured, holding up the pictures to illustrate: "The Thessadorian Ambassador is an auburn-haired hottie with a big bust who is always wearing a tight, flattering top, whereas Erica is an auburn-haired hottie with a big bust who is always...wearing...a tight..."

His conferees only laughed harder at this. "See? Hyu can't tell de diffrence eether!"

"It doesn't matter!" the Kennyite raged as he flung the photos aside, sending them scattering about. "If you weren't so preoccupied with their tits, you might have been able to bring me what I wanted!"

The green Jäger smiled craftily. "Maybe if hyu paid de right price, ve can brink hyu de right photos!" he suggested, holding out his hand.

"No, no, you've done enough. I'm gonna get the pictures off the senator myself." The deputy ambassador turned to leave. "Wait here," he instructed them. "Don't break anything."

"Vot are ve sopposed to do in here?"

"Try your hand at arcade poker," Spence snarled sarcastically. "I hear the machines hardly ever cheat anymore. By the way, the spades...are the pointy ones!"

The trio sent him off with a reprised chorus of laughter.

"Almosht as pointy as hiz head!"

"If de Kennyite already tinks he knows everyting vot doz he need us for?"

[The Palentine]

A tall and attractive woman wearing a very chic Victoria Huang teal dress, with matching feathered skullcap strode confidently into the bar. Patrons seemed to unconsciously feel uneasy around her. They couldn't help but notice her long flowing white hair, but her skin color seemed...odd. She was pale, almost chalk white, but not quite. She seemed to radiate an aura of danger, like a predator does around prey. Striding up to the Bar she looked at the Bartender Jimmy, smiled and said in a sultry Germanic accent,

"Hello dahlink. Hy'm a new member uf de Palentine Delegation, Olivia Von Shtopp. May Hy hef an Ennish Shandy please? "

She accepted the drink with a smile and took a sip while scanning the bar. She noticed Jimmy Baca and gave a slight nod. Then she saw Sen Sulla dozing off at his table. She sighed and shook her head, then continued to sip her drink.

Meanwhile in the bodyguard's waiting area, the three Jaegers suddenly looked at each other with startled expressions when they heard her voice. Quickly they ran to the door to peer out.

"Gott's leedle feeshes! Its Kaptain Olivia!" , said Brom.

"She sure doz clean op nizely!" , observed Gunther

"Shhhh! Don't let her hear hyu say dot. She ripped de lips off de lasht guy vho gots fresh vit her!" , Hans warned his friend.

"How,do hyu know dot, Hans?" , asked Brom.

Hans reached into his jacket and pulled out a small velvet lined box and opened it while saying,

"The lips are shtill smilink!"
Inside the box was a pair of smiling lips.

The trio walked back into the anteroom, and started to talk among themselves about the latest development. They were so engrossed they didn't notice Olivia come up behind them. They quickly turned around and came to attention when she said,

"Vot are hyu three eediots doink here?"

Bron said innocently, "Ho jusht vaitink for de boss to finish drinkink."

Hans nervously chimed in, "Its been a vile, Olivia. Vot hef hyu been doink?"

Olivia smiled mysteriously and said, "Causink trouble!"

Gunther asked his former Captain, "Vy are hyu here, Olivia?"

Olivia said, "De Empress communded me to take over de Security uf de delegation. Hy talk to hyu all later."

Giving Brom a comraderly pat on the back, Olivia turned and left the anteroom and bar to return to the Palentine's office.

After they were sure she was gone, the trio of Jaegers began to laugh uproariously as Brom said,

"Boy iz dot Kennyite fella gon to hef a beeg soprise!"

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

"It came to me in a dream," said Jimmy, the Kennyite one, in a private session with his psychologist (who promptly leaked his notes to the press, because "fuck doctor-patient confidentiality, this shit is hilarious!"):

"I woke from my slumber, and watched as a large sheet descended from the heavens containing many varieties of unclean animal. Then a thundering voice rang out: 'Rise, Jimmy. Kill and eat.'

"I pissed myself, I was so fucking terrified. Then to cover it up, I woke up the Karmicarian callgirl dozing next to me and demanded to know why she would do such a thing in my bed, and who did she think I was anyway, Donald Trump?" *rimshot*

"Then a phalanx of Death Eaters invaded my bedroom, because apparently I had offended the Dark Lord by saying his name. I assumed I was still dreaming, but sure enough, I turn on CNN the next morning, and there's that jackass Jim Acosta, accusing Trump of harassing me because I'm Mexican.

"Then, like the callgirl the night before when I gently suggested she invest in some deodorant, it hit me: Death Eaters? Dark magic? Unclean animals?! God was telling me reestablish relations with Artichokeville!"

Jimmy's first call was to Ileana Casarez-Baca, the incoming secretary of the treasury, who's also his mom: "What do you mean we're fucking Mexican?!" he asked her. "You told me our name was Baca because of a mix-up on Ellis Island!...uh-huh...OK...No, wait...wait: Omigodtheykilledkenny doesn't even have an Ellis Island?! Now you're blowing my mind!...uh-huh...uh-huh...So, the reason for that quinceñera you forced me to have when I turned 15 wasn't that you always wished you'd had a girl instead of me?...uh-huh...It was?...sigh...Fine, fine, I'll bring the potato salad for the next Dieciséis de septiembre -- I always wondered why we celebrate that stupid holiday, anyway -- but you have to stop licking your hand to fix my hair before we go into cabinet meetings!" Angrily, he hung up.

"Then he called me!" recalled Ardchoille's typically inebriated Dicey Reilly, whilst holding onto the counter to keep from falling back in her barstool. "And I said, 'Hey there, Jimmy-boy! Let's get naked and perform some forbidden sex-magic!' He said no, simply reestablishing relations would be fine. I said, 'Great! Let's seal the deal with a little forbidden sex-magic!' He said no thank you. 'Will you at least take a rain-check?' I offered. He said sure, whatever. True story!" She belched and collapsed onto the bar, half-passed out.

"Yes, yes," Neville said dully into the beer mug he was buffering. "You know, lately all your stories involve you and some young man performing illegal sex-magic; don't you think it's getting kind of old?"

Dicey cackled softly into the countertop. "Yeah..."

"Meanwhile, you should be making sure that the reporter sitting next to you doesn't plan on publishing this conversation in tomorrow's papers."

"You take the back!" commanded a mush-mouthed Dicey, vainly trying to aim a reproving finger at Neville.

"Wait a second...the Kennyites?!" asked the barlord, suddenly catching on to the horrid realization. "You promised me you were finished with those maniacs! Good God, the two of you are going to set off a nuclear war!"

"Nothing a little forbidden sex-magic won't fix!"

Neville's fears were well-grounded. Ties between the rival nations of omgSTFUkenny and Artichokeville have been in a sorry and tattered state since Kennyite diplomat Jack Riley started the Cold(er-Than-a-Witch's-Tit) War of 2006. It involved a hostage situation. And lawyers. And hippies. A GrandAlf. Another hostage situation. And magical, flashing nuclear codes. The Kennyites tried to repair some of the damage by sacking Riley and designating Sammy Faisano, then all of 25, as ambassador in 2007, but he mostly used the post as an excuse to continue fooling around with Avaya Thibaudet, who was -- at the time -- Dicey's sweet, innocent young intern. So much for that. Any hope of resolving the ongoing mistrust between the two countries seemed lost forever when Sammy and Avaya finally called it quits in 2010. Sure, Artichokeville did try to name Avaya's cousin Thierry La Fronde ambassador to the Federal Republic a couple years later, but he ended up having to plead for asylum. In Omigodtheykilledkenny. So desperate was his circumstance.

Technically, the Kennyites do still have an embassy in Ardrigh, and the marquee does name a Paradoasm Banofshon as the ambassador, but most people assume he's only listed there for legal reasons. Others suspect that he doesn't exist at all. Even Jimmy started to have his doubts when he called the embassy and asked to speak with Paradoasm Banofshon, and the receptionist said, "Gesundheit."

Further investigation into the matter revealed that Paradoasm is actually a character from the movie Clueless. (He's a member of the high school's notorious "Persian Mafia": "You can't hang with them unless you own a BMW.")

But Artichokeville is still a Very Important Nation, and it's even rumored that Sammy intends to retire there once his presidential term expires, after the long-estranged Avaya recently returned to console him over the deaths of his buddies Ace and Rico -- and he came to realize that maybe she had been the one all along.

And that's when Jimmy got his worst idea yet. Recall one Jessie McArthur, the oversexed reality TV host who had a disastrous stint as deputy ambassador to the Organization That Shall Not Be Named in 2006-07. Well, since being fired by reality TV giant K-SPAN a couple years back, it seems all she does these days is rant on social media about screwball conspiracy theories like how vaccinations are all a wretched plot by Catherine Gratwick to make children more amenable to One World Government, and how everyone in the NS-verse is secretly controlled by all-powerful superbeings called "players." Well, now she is to be Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary to the Lost Colony.

So terrible was the secretary's scheme that even President-elect Chiang washed her hands of the whole fiasco and refused to sign Jessie's credentials. So Jimmy was forced to call in a favor from Avaya, to falsify the requisite documents with a little harmless identity-theft magic. Then he celebrated with a quick trip to the bar to catnap Bast. It was the best Dieciséis de septiembre ever.

[OOC: Dicey, Neville, Avaya and Bast all appear courtesy of the Ardchoille Collection. I haz permishunz! So nyah.]

[Grays Harbor]

“Didn’t your Doctor tell you to stop mixing anchovies and mushrooms on your pizza?”

[Wallenburg]

“Didn’t your Doctor tell you to stop mixing anchovies and mushrooms on your pizza?”

"Wait a minute, you savages bake fish into their pizzas?"

[Grays Harbor]

Of course we do. You should come by the cafeteria in my embassy suites and try our crab alfredo pizza.

[Wallenburg]

Of course we do. You should come by the cafeteria in my embassy suites and try our crab alfredo pizza.

Trevanyika's face flushes to a slightly sicker shade. "Uh, I think I'll pass. I have standards, after all."

[The Palentine]

Having finished his song, Philo overhears the ambassadors talking about pizza. He reached into his vest pocket for his phone while saying,

"Hmmm I could go for some slices of Ohio Valley Style pizza. Looks like its time call up Fat Tony's on Smallman Street."

Philo punched in a number and after listening started speaking,

"Angelina, my girl, This is Philo. I need a dozen regular slices, bubbaleh!...Have them delivered to the Stranger's Bar at the WA Headquarters...I'll pay extra for the delivery....you're beatiful, bubbaleh....Give Tony my best, See you later."

Philo presses a button and puts his phone back into his pocket. He turns back to the piano and starts playing an old Louis Prima song while singing,

"I eat antipasta twice
Just because she is so nice
Angelina,
Angelina
The waitress at the pizzeria

I eat zoop-ing minestrone
Just to be with her alone
Angelina,
Angelina
The waitress at the pizzeria

Ti vol-glio be-ne
Angelina I adore you
E vol-glio be-ne
Angelina I live for you

E un pas-sio-ne
You have set my heart on fire... "

[Sierra Lyricalia]

“Didn’t your Doctor tell you to stop mixing anchovies and mushrooms on your pizza?”

Leo snorts in derision. "Of course he did. But life is too gods-damned short and miserable to extend it a few years by making it even worse. I shall mix anchovies, mushrooms, and garlic on my pizza and you can pry it from my cold, dead, greasy hands, sir. And to hell with my breath."

He glances toward the nearest bar staff member and raises a finger. "In point of fact, let me make a kitchen order now, please..."

[The Palentine]

*45 minutes later*


A young college aged woman wearing jeans and a t-shirt and hat that had the logo for Fat Tony's Pizza on the front entered the bar. She was carrying a thermal pizzza carrier. She looked around until she saw Mr. Simeon at the piano. She walked over to him. Noticing her, Philo stood up and pulled an empty table next to the piano. The two exchanged basic pleasantries while she removed a pizza box from the holder. She placed it on the table, while Philo was taking out his wallet. She giggled at a little joke Philo told her, as he paid for the pizza and gave her a generous tip. Waving goodbye she left the bar. Philo smiled as he opened the box and removed a slice of pizza. He took a bite. After savoring and swallowing the bite he said with obvious pleasure,

"Ah yeah. Nothing like some hometown pizza to hit the spot."

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

OOC: Only a dozen slices? For someone as massive as Philo, that's a light hors d'oeuvre.