The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[Araraukar]

Smith smiles weakly, and taps Janis on the shoulder.
"Can I buy you a drink, miss?"

"A fortified cocoa would work nicely. Neville knows what it needs to be fortified with," she finished with a grin.

[D0min4ti0n]

Smith smiles weakly, and taps Janis on the shoulder.
"Can I buy you a drink, miss?"

"A fortified cocoa would work nicely. Neville knows what it needs to be fortified with," she finished with a grin.

Dan nervously slides up next to Janis on the other side, smiling at her and Smith.
"I see Smith beat me to it. Well, the next round is on me if you feel inclined towards another. Smith, can I get you anything? If you don't mind me intruding on your conversation here--and I see Smith is just a new to this strange place as I am--can you help fill us in...Is there any order in this chaos?"

[Araraukar]

"Is there any order in this chaos?"

Janis glanced around the Bar. Deadly plants, cream pies, Mr. Bell vanishing, cats and aliens of all shapes and sizes. Nothing out of the ordinary, really.

"Looks very unchaotic at the moment. What exactly did you want to know about?"

[D0min4ti0n]

"Looks very unchaotic at the moment. What exactly did you want to know about?"

"Wow. I guess I'm just overwhelmed. I'm used to smaller gatherings than these. As for where to start....How about yourself? What do you do around here?"

[Thyerata]

A letter appears on the Bar, or perhaps it was merely placed without anybody noticing. In the busy atmosphere of the Stranger’s Bar, it was hard to say for sure. It was stationary from the 3th Floor Bathroom, identifiable a belonging to the Confederate Dominion by the heading…and noticeable goat bitemarks on the edge.

Across the paper, flowing script in a velvety dark blue ink could be read:

Fellow Ambassadors,

I am taking a leave of absence. I do not know when, if ever, it will end. Having finally embezzled enough money from whatever fools keep flushing their financial documents rather than shredding them, I am going to take a well-earned vacation. Kate and I have certainly deserved an opportunity to reacquaint without being called away to an argument about whether international tax reforms apply to sapient badgers.

Chuckie has been left in capable hands. You need not worry about him. Your stationary will no doubt be safer this way.

My office is booby trapped, so don’t even think about trying to claim it, unless you want to structurally compromise the Bar. There are many times I am thankful for the Ainocran leftovers, and this is yet another of them. While I’m reasonably sure you’ll all survive the blast, there is no way that old coppertop will, and I’m willing to gamble that nobody wants to wait through another Bar renovation.

To my friends, and you know who you are, I will try to be in contact. You deserve as much, since I managed to vanish in the middle of the night. No promises. It is a vacation, after all.

Yours in escaping extrajudicial banishment,

Benjamin Bell, Ambassador At Large
Confederate Dominion Ministry of Foreign Affairs
This Fourth day of April, 2017

Next to the paper, looking somewhat newer and more official, lay two other pieces of stationary with more official C.D.S.P. headings, covered in stark printed letter rather than hand-written script.

Confederate Dominion of Separatist Peoples
Official Communique
Ministry of Foreign Affairs

---

The following is an official statement from the office of Foreign Minister Willem Jaegger on 4.5.17:

The Confederate Dominion unilaterally suspends from all treaties and obligations, diplomatic and financial, required by the World Assembly pending reassessment of the value of membership. No replacement ambassador will be considered at this time. The international community is advised that the C.D.S.P. will retain those policies of the World Assembly that were in line with C.D.S.P. law prior to membership. Despite our withdrawal from all World Assembly obligations, the C.D.S.P. will retain nominal membership and diplomatic relations with other member governments until otherwise noted.
Our ambassadors to other nations are authorized to continue plenipotentiary diplomacy, and will answer any questions of C.D.S.P. policy regarding your specific nation.

Signed,
Minister Willem Jaegger
C.D.S.P. Ministry of Foreign Affairs

Confederate Dominion of Separatist Peoples
Official Communique
Office of the President

---

The C.D.S.P. has severed all diplomatic relations with the nation of Bigtopia and Marche Noire as of 4.5.17, and have moved naval assets into Bigtopian waters in response to concerted insurgency attempts by anti-C.D.S.P. forces. Attempts to interfere with these military operations will be viewed as support for Bigtopian insurgency efforts and treated accordingly.

Excellent, can I babysit your office? Building Management still haven't assigned me an office yet, even though I applied for one about 5 weeks ago..

[Araraukar]

"Wow. I guess I'm just overwhelmed. I'm used to smaller gatherings than these. As for where to start....How about yourself? What do you do around here?"

"There are over twenty thousand WA member nations, even if just one percent of their ambassadors came here, it would still be a crowd of two hundred, so having a couple dozen ambassadors ambling around and getting drunk or eating or being eaten or whatever each is doing, isn't really all that much, if you think about it," Janis explained. "As for me, I'm basically on a vacation. My nation's not in the WA, I'm here just to try and help keep some sanity and give a fresh point of view on the drafting debates. So mostly I argue, when not here in the Bar. And sometimes actually still arguing on the drafting debates at the same time; time doesn't work normally around here. What about you? Who and what are you?"

Building Management still haven't assigned me an office yet, even though I applied for one about 5 weeks ago..

"Honestly, why does nobody seem to know how to properly deal with bureaucracy?" Janis muttered into her cocoa. She'd had no problem securing herself and her staff rather nice accommodations and offices, not just once, but twice, when their first set of rooms had been taken over by sapient growth of the photosynthetic kind.

OOC: When someone goes so far in IC as to boobytrap their office with future tech gadgets, that tends to be a good indication of "no, you can't". Also, Mr. Bell or any of the other names on the notices aren't actually there, just the messages, so you have no-one to ask. Also, SP's office is literally a toilet, men's toilet if memory serves.

[WA Kitty Kops]

Harold: I really don't see what the big deal is. It's just a harmless plant. Heck, if I wanted to, I could lob a cream pie at it. In fact, I'm going to do that right now. (lobs cream pie at the plant)

The cream pie's ballistic flightpath would certainly have scored a direct hit on the strange plant, if it had not been intercepted by the ballistic flightpath of a half-grown striped beige cat.

"CRRREEEEEEAAAAAAM!!!" Junior Inshpekshuuner collided with the pie and, somehow managing to turn the pie dish and himself in the air so that when he hit the ground, it was with the dish first, with him standing on it, and their combined speed was enough to make the cream-covered cat and his pie sled slide out of sight under the tables.

Harold was quickly becoming the favourite weird ambassador of the cats of WA Kitty Kops. There was never a shortage of cream filling with him around.

[D0min4ti0n]

"There are over twenty thousand WA member nations, even if just one percent of their ambassadors came here, it would still be a crowd of two hundred, so having a couple dozen ambassadors ambling around and getting drunk or eating or being eaten or whatever each is doing, isn't really all that much, if you think about it,"

"Well I guess when you put it that way I should be grateful there aren't more of us. Although I do wonder how that many people would fit in here at once without it getting louder than a spaceport under orbital bombardment.

"As for me, I'm basically on a vacation. My nation's not in the WA, I'm here just to try and help keep some sanity and give a fresh point of view on the drafting debates. So mostly I argue, when not here in the Bar. And sometimes actually still arguing on the drafting debates at the same time; time doesn't work normally around here. What about you? Who and what are you?"

"Vacations are nice, though it doesn't sound like you get much of a break. As for who and what I am, I have more of those sheets around here somewhere," Dan says as he fumbles around for some paper.
"Ah! Here it is." He hands over a rather rumpled piece of paper across the top of which "FACT SHEET" is emblazoned in large bold letters.
"If you really don't feel like reading all that, I can just give you the synopsis. As you can see, I am a 1-meter-tall, humanoid creature. Originally from The Old World, we enhanced ourselves with cybernetics. The Old Worldians saw us as abominations and banished us to the moon, D0min4ti0n. We made our own nation for the betterment of our people. I serve as the external point of contact. I am fully authorized to make any and all policy decisions. Effectively, I run the nation while our leader remains in his dwelling on D0min4ti0n. I'm the D0min4ti0n Ambassador to the WA (obviously), and the Minister of Legislation for The Glorious Empire of Political Club, an Empire that D0min4ti0n is very active in, thanks to my efforts. If you care about how I'm actually communicating with you, how we reproduce, or why you probably can't harm me even outside of this bar, take a look at that paper there."

Long ago we lived on the Old World. There were some who experimented with technology, altering themselves with advanced cybernetics. They were seen as abominations and were banished to the moon, D0min4ti0n. These altered outcasts slowly grew, developing new methods of communication and reproduction through their alterations. Eventually, the Dominion of D0min4ti0n was formed to improve the lives of all citizens of D0min4ti0n (known as Alts). We are peaceful people but will participate in non-lethal combat for sport and conflict resolution. Our technology is advanced to the point that most weapons cannot harm us: our alts make us impervious to almost all known weapons with the exception of a few odd Nations (who I will not reveal) and thus we use bladed weapons. We can communicate through a built-in translator and speaker that turns my thoughts into something you can understand by analyzing your biological makeup to determine how to most efficiently communicate. We have evolved to be genderless, using technology to reproduce by transforming stem cells into haploid cells and mating with another Alt. Mating occur only between the most enamoured individuals, as we have a limited physical space and a very very long lifespan.

[The New European Order]

Smith dodges a wayward cream pie, before taking out his wallet. He frowned, noticing he obly had a couple of euros.

"Quite funny. Does anyone actually pay for the drinks anyway?"

[Wallenburg]

Smith dodges a wayward cream pie, before taking out his wallet. He frowned, noticing he obly had a couple of euros.

"Quite funny. Does anyone actually pay for the drinks anyway?"

"By my experience, Neville has a near photographic memory, and can put a face to a name at fifty yards. If you don't pay, the bar will just send a bill back to your office."

[The New European Order]

"Ah, so I see."
Smith looks at his phone
"Congress passes resolution to mass kill chickens" He read slowly.
Smith puts his head down on the table and sighed.
"Awesome."

[Araraukar]

"If you care about how I'm actually communicating with you, how we reproduce, or why you probably can't harm me even outside of this bar, take a look at that paper there."

Janis took a quick glance at the paper presented, grinned and turned in place until she spotted the Wallenburgian. "Hey, Ogenbond!" she called. "I think I might've found someone with weirder reproductive system than yours!"

[States of Glory WA Office]

Harold: I really don't see what the big deal is. It's just a harmless plant. Heck, if I wanted to, I could lob a cream pie at it. In fact, I'm going to do that right now. (lobs cream pie at the plant)

The cream pie's ballistic flightpath would certainly have scored a direct hit on the strange plant, if it had not been intercepted by the ballistic flightpath of a half-grown striped beige cat.

"CRRREEEEEEAAAAAAM!!!" Junior Inshpekshuuner collided with the pie and, somehow managing to turn the pie dish and himself in the air so that when he hit the ground, it was with the dish first, with him standing on it, and their combined speed was enough to make the cream-covered cat and his pie sled slide out of sight under the tables.

Harold was quickly becoming the favourite weird ambassador of the cats of WA Kitty Kops. There was never a shortage of cream filling with him around.

Harold: Where'd the cat go? Oh, well. Might as well provide some entertainment to the new ambassadors until it comes back.

Harold proceeds to step onto the table containing the plant and perform a handstand right above the pink flower, accidentally brushing two of the leaves in the process.

[The New European Order]

Smith watches the spectacle, still very confused.
"How peculiar. Jolly good show."
Suddenly, a familiar looking cat trotted over to Smith. He bent down to pet it, when it hissed, and swiped at his hand. Smith retracts his hand, frowning.
"Well, I don't like you either."
Smith notices a few weird glances for talking to the cat.

[D0min4ti0n]

Janis took a quick glance at the paper presented, grinned and turned in place until she spotted the Wallenburgian. "Hey, Ogenbond!" she called. "I think I might've found someone with weirder reproductive system than yours!"

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Dan asks as he tries to follow Janis's gaze. "What is an Ogenbond?"

[Wallenburg]

Janis took a quick glance at the paper presented, grinned and turned in place until she spotted the Wallenburgian. "Hey, Ogenbond!" she called. "I think I might've found someone with weirder reproductive system than yours!"

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Dan asks as he tries to follow Janis's gaze. "What is an Ogenbond?"

"I am," says Ogenbond, joining Dan and Janis. "Let's see, it's written here? Hmm, I see. Well, I'd say that is not much stranger than your own method of reproduction. It does, however, seem significantly more complicated than yours."

Ogenbond then focuses his attention to Dan, bending his knees slightly to reduce the height difference between them. "Hello, stranger. My name is Mikael Ogenbond. I am Chief Representative of Wallenburg at the World Assembly. You're new here, aren't you?"

[D0min4ti0n]

Ogenbond then focuses his attention to Dan, bending his knees slightly to reduce the height difference between them. "Hello, stranger. My name is Mikael Ogenbond. I am Chief Representative of Wallenburg at the World Assembly. You're new here, aren't you?"

Dan smiles at Ogenbond. "I am indeed new. Well met." Dan sticks out his hand for a handshake, then pauses from uncertainty. "Is a handshake an appropriate form of greeting in your culture? I don't want to offend you. I am Dan, the Ambassador to the WA from D0min4ti0n. Thank you for attempting to communicate at my height level, but it really is not necessary. Make yourself comfortable, pull up a chair and tell me about yourself. I'm interested to hear your method of reproduction, as Janis seems to think it exceedingly odd."

[The New European Order]

Smith scooches over to the three ambassadors.
"Considering we all seem to be relatively aquainted with eachother, I suppose I'll join you all as well."

[D0min4ti0n]

Smith scooches over to the three ambassadors.
"Considering we all seem to be relatively aquainted with eachother, I suppose I'll join you all as well."

Dan turns from Ogenbond temporarily to extend his hand to Smith. "How d'y'do?"

[The New European Order]

Smith shakes Dan's hand, and grins.
"I'm great! You?"
Smith pauses, as he notices a bit of cream pie in Dan's hair. Smith flicks it out, as it falls into the mouth of a hungry plant

[Covenstone]

Al walks into the bar, looks around, then walks up to the bar and sits down on a stool.

"Lemon Milk-shake, extra thick, hold the rind," She says quietly, "and one for my friend Tara."

[D0min4ti0n]

Smith shakes Dan's hand, and grins.
"I'm great! You?"
Smith pauses, as he notices a bit of cream pie in Dan's hair. Smith flicks it out, as it falls into the mouth of a hungry plant

"A little overwhelmed but otherwise fairly good. Ogenbond here was about to tell us about himself, and his method of reproduction, which is supposedly quite interesting."

Dan pulls out a chair for Smith, then turns back to Ogenbond.

"What were you saying?"

[Calladan]

Al walks into the bar, looks around, then walks up to the bar and sits down on a stool.

"Lemon Milk-shake, extra thick, hold the rind," She says quietly, "and one for my friend Tara."

"Lemon? Really?" Tara giggles as she walks up and sits down next to Albertine "You really have to try chocolate sometime, Al, my girl"

[Covenstone]

"Lemon? Really?" Tara giggles as she walks up and sits down next to Albertine "You really have to try chocolate sometime, Al, my girl"

Al rolls her eyes, then slides the lemon milk-shake in front of Tara.

"You know full well we don't have coco plants in Covenstone, Miss Thing," she says with a smile, "so drink up before I pour it over your head."

[Wallenburg]

Ogenbond then focuses his attention to Dan, bending his knees slightly to reduce the height difference between them. "Hello, stranger. My name is Mikael Ogenbond. I am Chief Representative of Wallenburg at the World Assembly. You're new here, aren't you?"

Dan smiles at Ogenbond. "I am indeed new. Well met." Dan sticks out his hand for a handshake, then pauses from uncertainty. "Is a handshake an appropriate form of greeting in your culture? I don't want to offend you. I am Dan, the Ambassador to the WA from D0min4ti0n. Thank you for attempting to communicate at my height level, but it really is not necessary. Make yourself comfortable, pull up a chair and tell me about yourself.

"Oh, of course," Ogenbond smiles and shakes Dan's outstretched hand. "All right, Dan, well, good to meet you.

I'm interested to hear your method of reproduction, as Janis seems to think it exceedingly odd."

"Oh," says Ogenbond, slightly uncomfortable. "Well, uh, since Janis seems to have interested you in my species's method of...um, reproduction...peculiar, I guess I will give you the basics.

Still a little embarrassed, he explains, "So, I am a member of the species known as testificates. In our species, the sex organs are located in what you would call our, uh, noses. As you can see by my appearance, the nose structure of male testificates generally extends well to the top of our skulls." Awkwardly, he gestures to his nose and moves his hand back to where it blends in with the rest of his head. "This is called a vahles. Its primary purpose is to deliver genetic material to females. In females, the sex organ is called the, um...srigen. It is also part of the nose, although it is usually less pronounced and shorter than the male sex organ. The srigen, well, it has six different small orifices that usually remain closed, but open up when stimulated. It is through these that the female receives the, um, male's genetic contribution. The genetic material from the two individuals fertilizes and becomes an embryo there."

He stops for a moment, shaking off his sense of discomfort. "Okay, so fertilization occurs in the srigen, and then the embryo travels down to the female womb, where it continues to grow until birth, similar to the process that humans experience. During pregnancy, the srigen shuts itself off from the womb, and becomes rather difficult to stimulate at all. And that, I suppose, is where babies come from."

Ogenbond laughs slightly. "So, what do you think of that? Is it really that odd?"