The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[Whovian Tardisia]

"Is Scott Joplin okay with you, neighbor?"

Without waiting for a response, Philo began playing, The Maple Leaf Rag.

As the familiar notes hit his ears, the man grinned. "Classic." he replied, as he began to nurse his drink and enjoy the tune.

[Wallenburg]

Breaking through the noise of the bar came a wheezing and groaning that had not been heard for quite some time. In a little nook beneath a wall mounted television, an odd blue phone booth seemed to fade into the room from nothing, its lights flashing in sync with the terrible racket. With a final thump it stopped, solidified, and a fellow in a blue suit strode out of it.

"Well would you look at that. A pianist!" He mused aloud. "I was wondering when this place would get regular entertainment. I'll get my usual, Neville, umm... what was it again? The scotch? Or was that the last body, I honestly don't know. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

With a confused glance about, his eyes finally settled on the primate at the piano. "D'you know any ragtime?" He queried.

Philo gave the man an odd look while taking a puff on his cigar before responding,

"Is Scott Joplin okay with you, neighbor?"

Without waiting for a response, Philo began playing, The Maple Leaf Rag.

Trevanyika grimaces at the staccato piano chords and tries to focus on her meal. Ogenbond, on the other hand, leaves his seat to get closer to the piano and its player. He steps and scrapes his shoes to the rhythm, as he approaches. By the time he arrives, his whole body has gotten into a rather embarrassing dad dance.

[The Palentine]

As Philo finished the song, from the corner of his eye he noticed the Wallenberg ambassador shuffling in an ackward "Dad Dance" so he started to play The Ragtime Dance, by Scott Joplin.

[The Palentine]

As his song finished, Philo paused and picked up his folder from the top of the piano. Thumbing through the sheet music while puffing on his cigar until he made a cheerful grunt, stopped and removed some music, which he then placed above the keyboard. He closed the folder and replaced it on top of the piano. He ordered a Sasparilla from a passing barmaid beore livening up the bar with the strains of the Galop Infernal from Offenbach's Orpheus in the Underworld.

[Goobergunchia]

Lord Evif slumps into the bar, sits down at a table, pulls a giant sheaf of papers out of his briefcase, and begins (badly) singing.

"295 GA resolutions on the wall, 295 GA resolutions
Take one down, read it right now
294 GA resolutions on the wall...."

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

As it happened, the old-timer's caterwauling and paper-shuffling had roused at least one of the bar staff from their present state of suspended animation. He arrived in the shape of Neville NotThatOne Chamberlain, as he hurriedly burst from the kitchen to behold the spectacle that had arrived at the counter. Angrily he raised an accusatory finger at the offender, fuming, "That song's been banned from this establishment since 2015!"

Violet tried her best to meet her boss's insolence with calm reassurance. His current bout with Godmode Fever made him prone to sudden, but thankfully brief, emotional outbursts. "Lord Evif has been absent for some time now," she reminded him. "He never knew about the rule. Besides, a little leniency never hurt anyone."

"You may not remember the catastrophe that unfolded the last time that song was sung here, Vi, but I sure do," the barlord groused. "When the Kennyites debuted their own version, '9,999 Bottles of Arrogant Bastard Ale'? For God's sake, they were Kennyites! They can't even count! They kept counting up when they should have been counting down...and it only got worse with every bottle of that cursed ale they consumed." Neville paused momentarily to recompose himself. "It carried on for six days, Violet! By the end, the singers had deteriorated into a giant slobbering, belching, drunken heap on the floor, which Jimmy had to casually sweep into the hall, because do you know how much that hardwood finish cost??"

"But Evif is not a Kennyite," Violet pointed out. "He can definitely count. And you very well know that with Dicey having quit the hard stuff, and Captain Chiang steadfastly refusing to settle her husband's bar tab, we can't afford to alienate any actual paying customers."

Neville sighed. "Very well," he assented reluctantly, then turned to his barhand. "But just in case, Jimmy, have your broom ready if Evif collapses into a drunken heap all over our nice floor," he instructed him.

The barlord cheerfully approached the former Secretariat member as though his tantrum had never occurred. "Welcome back, Lord Evif," he greeted him graciously. "As a special barstool-warming present, your first round is on the house. Now what'll it be?"

[American Pere Housh]

The new APH WA Ambassador Emily Cortez walks into the bar and lets her eyes scan the room. She spots an ape playing the piano real well so she walks over to him.

"Excuse me sir but you play some Beethoven or Bach? I find it helps calm my nerves after a long days work. I'm the new WA Ambassador from American Pere Housh, Dr. Emily Cortez." She spoke in Spanish accented English.

[Wallenburg]

Trevanyika, overhearing the Kennyite conversation, leans on her stool and speaks to Neville. "Hey, did anyone take photos of that particular incident? That sounds absolutely hilarious."

[American Pere Housh]

Emily sits at the bar, "One tequila please?" She turns to Trevanyika, "What incident are you guys talking about?"

[The Palentine]

The new APH WA Ambassador Emily Cortez walks into the bar and lets her eyes scan the room. She spots an ape playing the piano real well so she walks over to him.

"Excuse me sir but you play some Beethoven or Bach? I find it helps calm my nerves after a long days work. I'm the new WA Ambassador from American Pere Housh, Dr. Emily Cortez." She spoke in Spanish accented English.

Philo gives the ambassador a smile and says,

"Sure thing, madame."

He grabs his folder from the top of the piano and flips through some sheet music until he finds a couple he was looking for. Closing and replacing the folder he sets the music above the keyboard and starts playing Jesu, joy of Man's desiring by J.S. Bach.

[The Palentine]

Philo finished playing Fur Elise. He stopped to take a drink from his Sasparilla. Looking around the bar he saw it was the usual patrons...ambassadors, minor staffers, and petty bureaucrats. All trying to drink away their service here in the Festering Snakepit. Philo decided to play a song especially for them, especially with the weekend starting. He put his drink back on the piano top and began playing and singing...

"It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Making love to his tonic and gin

He says, "Son can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet
And I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes."

Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright

Now Neville at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be

He says, "Philo I believe this is killing me."
As a smile ran away from his face
"Well, I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place."

Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talking with Davy, who's still in the Navy
And probably will be for life

And the waitress is practicing politics
As the ambassadors slowly get stoned
Yes they're sharing a drink they call "Loneliness"
But it's better than drinking alone

Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright..."

[Whovian Tardisia]

The dulcet tones of the simian pianist sent an oddly comforting chill down Ambassador Pink's spine. He continued to nurse his drink, pondering the newfound liveliness of the usually quiet barkeep, and desperately trying to remain alert. He'd heard stories about the Kennyites in the past, and the suits merely added to their intimidating presence.

Despite this, he was rather comfortable, what with a few familiar faces being around, and continued to sit in silence, enjoying the music.

[The Palentine]

The simian piano player finished his serenade of the ambassadors in the bar. He paused briefly before playing the Russian folk song Katyusha.

[The Palentine]

As some ambassadors left the bar, a large black feathered raven flew in through the open door before it closed. The large corvid flew up to the bar and landed on the countertop. It began to groom its glossy black feathers with its beak, as it looked like it had been in a bit of a fight, or been hit by a straw broom. After a moment it stopped and glanced around the bar with eyes that shown an unnatural intellegence. Suddenly it shouted over at the Jimmy the barkeep,

"What does somebody have to do to get a plate of entrails and offal around here?"

Jimmy turned and poked his head through the kitchen doors and said something to Dazza the chef. A few minutes later Violet delivered a bowl of eyeballs to the Raven (who goes by the name Poe). Patrons with strong enough stomachs to give the bowl a closer look, noticed the "eyeballs" were actually Dazza's famous Halloween appetizers consisting of large cocktail onions stuffed with cream cheese and almond slivers.

[Separatist Peoples]

Bell enters the Bar with a spring in his step. "As I have passed another resolution, tradition dictates I offer a round of drinks to the room. Everybody, put a drink on Herby's tab! My treat!"

[Groot]

Bell enters the Bar with a spring in his step. "As I have passed another resolution, tradition dictates I offer a round of drinks to the room. Everybody, put a drink on Herby's tab! My treat!"

"I am Groot," says Groot, raising his half-filled mug of root beer toward Bell in a grateful and congratulatory manner. He drains his glass, suppresses a belch, and waves the empty mug at the bartender.

[Island Girl Herby]

Bell enters the Bar with a spring in his step. "As I have passed another resolution, tradition dictates I offer a round of drinks to the room. Everybody, put a drink on Herby's tab! My treat!"

Woo hoo! Congrats Benny! You heard the man Neville, top me off with some wait wait wait what what WHAT? Oh you assless chaps wearing bastard, Benny you ain’t getting away with it this time!

[Untecna]

The ambassador from Untecna comes in, sits down, and orders a water. He is depressed, and is in need of some help.

"None of my proposals get through. They all have "problems". I feel... somewhat hated by them. The other ambassadors. Like they don't care for my proposals. They hate them. All of them. -sips water- And all the while they have support from everyone, they get proposals passed, THEIR proposals don't have any issues. -sips water- And all the while they frolic in fame, while I sit like a rotting banana. It's corrupt, it has to be. There is no way that they have zero issues with the proposals, but I do. It's not really all that fair.", he thinks to himself. He exclaims in front of everyone, "I. HATE. THIS. I'm getting paid for nothing! Absolute nothing! This @#%$ing system is corrupt, it prioritizes older nations than newer ones! I hate all of you!" The rest of the people in the bar look at him with a look of surprise and shock.

[Untecna]

Bell enters the Bar with a spring in his step. "As I have passed another resolution, tradition dictates I offer a round of drinks to the room. Everybody, put a drink on Herby's tab! My treat!"

The Untecnan ambassador lunges at the Separatist Peoples ambassador, trying to attack him.

[Tinfect]

The Untecnan ambassador lunges at the Separatist Peoples ambassador, trying to attack him.

The unruly Untecnan representative is caught mid-air by Jasot Rehlan, Military Representative of the Imperium of Tinfect, and comically swung around several times, before being flung out the window into the reflecting pool. The stained-glass portrait of Ambassador Bell swings back on its hinges, and closes behind the Untecnan, only to shatter several seconds later for no apparent reason.

"How many times are we going to have to replace that thing? It's half our expenses at this rate."

[Untecna]

The Untecnan ambassador lunges at the Separatist Peoples ambassador, trying to attack him.

The unruly Untecnan representative is caught mid-air by Jasot Rehlan, Military Representative of the Imperium of Tinfect, and comically swung around several times, before being flung out the window into the reflecting pool. The stained-glass portrait of Ambassador Bell swings back on its hinges, and closes behind the Untecnan, only to shatter several seconds later for no apparent reason.

"How many times are we going to have to replace that thing? It's half our expenses at this rate."

The startled Untecnan ambassador walks back inside, steps on the glass, and then proceeds to howl in pain.

[Separatist Peoples]

The Untecnan ambassador lunges at the Separatist Peoples ambassador, trying to attack him.

The unruly Untecnan representative is caught mid-air by Jasot Rehlan, Military Representative of the Imperium of Tinfect, and comically swung around several times, before being flung out the window into the reflecting pool. The stained-glass portrait of Ambassador Bell swings back on its hinges, and closes behind the Untecnan, only to shatter several seconds later for no apparent reason.

"How many times are we going to have to replace that thing? It's half our expenses at this rate."

"Who the hell was that guy?" Bell asks, having missed the entire altercation but for the last few glorious moments of the a defenestration.

Ooc: Untecna, if you think my drafts are unfairly considered due to my tenure, I challenge you to find flaws and comment accordingly, as the game is meant to operate, rather than griping and attacking my ambassador.

[Groot]

The Untecnan ambassador lunges at the Separatist Peoples ambassador, trying to attack him.

The unruly Untecnan representative is caught mid-air by Jasot Rehlan, Military Representative of the Imperium of Tinfect, and comically swung around several times, before being flung out the window into the reflecting pool. The stained-glass portrait of Ambassador Bell swings back on its hinges, and closes behind the Untecnan, only to shatter several seconds later for no apparent reason.

"How many times are we going to have to replace that thing? It's half our expenses at this rate."

"I am Groot," says Groot, as he holds up a napkin with an "8.75" written on it.

[Untecna]

The unruly Untecnan representative is caught mid-air by Jasot Rehlan, Military Representative of the Imperium of Tinfect, and comically swung around several times, before being flung out the window into the reflecting pool. The stained-glass portrait of Ambassador Bell swings back on its hinges, and closes behind the Untecnan, only to shatter several seconds later for no apparent reason.

"How many times are we going to have to replace that thing? It's half our expenses at this rate."

"Who the hell was that guy?" Bell asks, having missed the entire altercation but for the last few glorious moments of the a defenestration.

Ooc: Untecna, if you think my drafts are unfairly considered due to my tenure, I challenge you to find flaws and comment accordingly, as the game is meant to operate, rather than griping and attacking my ambassador.

"Who the **** am I? You know who I am! Or, I guess I haven't really mentioned my name at all, which I should have done. My name is Maxren Lio, the ambassador for Untecna. There. You know who I... OW! ...am."

The ambassador picks the glass out, cleans the wound, places a bandage on it, and orders another water.

[Untecna]

"Now that I've told you my name, would you like a water?"