The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[Sierra Lyricalia]

[Steph] takes her coat off, carefully puts her satchel down on the nearest barstool, and withdraws a roughly softball-sized water balloon. She holds it up in front of her face and bows her head. Drawing a hammer-and-sickle above the balloon with her other hand, she bows her head and intones, "In nomine Populi, et Partis, et Rei Novae." She hefts the balloon in her throwing hand a couple of times, then plants her feet like Sandy Koufax in a playoff game.

"Sorry, Helen," she mutters, then winds up and lets fly right at the law firm's neck. She lowers her visor and relaxes, preparing for whatever's next.

The surveyor jumps, astonished as the two corporations vanish from the bar. Certainly they had been there just a moment before, but in an instant they had gone from flesh and blood--or whatever anthropomorphic corporations are made of--to nothing at all.

"Did they just die? Perhaps an intersection of their world with this nexus?"

"Both subjects have ceased to exist. No other anomalies detected," says the machine, still mimicking LaPointe's voice.

"Thanks, detective," the surveyor quips. "Go find something useful to do, I need to investigate this."

"The fuck???" Steph exclaims, flabbergasted. She lifts her visor and runs over to where the eldritch, menacing beings were, barely a few seconds before. "Shit! They've offshored! We'll never get 'em now. I should have known Liberation Theology Holy Water wouldn't cut it. Gods dammit!"

She sighs, walks over to the bar, and waves for a drink. "Best quaff 'em while we're still legally free, huh?"

[Kardashev III Civilization]

"Warning, high ethanol content, toxic to your organ systems. Do not ingest."

The ambassador turns to the surveyor and looks at it in a peculiar way, "I know what alcohol does, that's the whole point, I'm trying to drink my miseries away. Thanks for your warning, I'll just drink half the bottle instead just to be safe." he glances back at his glass of ale and takes a sip.

OOC: The machine and the surveyor are actually two different things. You can think of the machine as a really futuristic Mars rover, and the surveyor as a really hairy guy with a really harsh tan.

IC: "Not safe! Not safe!" warns the machine.

The surveyor shouts at the machine, "Hey, let the primitive do what it wants. Don't interrupt its dietary or cultural habits. That's some valuable information."

The machine chirps positively. "Corporate entity, please continue to ingest toxins. This unit wishes to learn more about these intoxicants and their uses."

[Maowi]

Phil sidles up to Klaus, his face a little pink, and takes a breath to speak when Cass grabs him by the shoulder and wheels him firmly around.

'Don't mind him,' she tells the German ambassador. 'He has this collection of beer lids, you see. Rather childish, I know. I think he likes you, because you gave him his rarest beer lid - a Guinness, it was. He mostly has Maowese lids.'

She gives the machine a puzzled look and turns to the man who appears to be responsible for it.

'Who's that you've got with you?' she asks.

[Marxist Germany]

The ambassador turns to the surveyor and looks at it in a peculiar way, "I know what alcohol does, that's the whole point, I'm trying to drink my miseries away. Thanks for your warning, I'll just drink half the bottle instead just to be safe." he glances back at his glass of ale and takes a sip.

OOC: The machine and the surveyor are actually two different things. You can think of the machine as a really futuristic Mars rover, and the surveyor as a really hairy guy with a really harsh tan.

IC: "Not safe! Not safe!" warns the machine.

The surveyor shouts at the machine, "Hey, let the primitive do what it wants. Don't interrupt its dietary or cultural habits. That's some valuable information."

The machine chirps positively. "Corporate entity, please continue to ingest toxins. This unit wishes to learn more about these intoxicants and their uses."

OOC:Thanks for the clarification!

Klaus looks up from his drink and turns his head to the surveyor, "I am not a primitive!" he declares, "and should I just drink my ale or do you require something else for your data?" he turns back to his drink and is about to take a sip before he is interrupted by the Maowese delegation, "oh hello there," he replies to Cass, "I actually don't mind him, he seems like a nice person and if he wants this German ale lid I'll gladly give it to him. Also, collecting beer lids happens to be a hobby that one of my undergraduate friends had, and it's not childish." He turns back to his ale and takes a long drink.

[Kardashev III Civilization]

'Who's that you've got with you?' she asks.

The surveyor, still going over the mysterious disappearance of the two living corporations, ignores the Maowese diplomat entirely.

The machine directs part of its sensor bulb at Cass. "Hello. This is an autonomous survey-and-settle device. It is observing alien feeding behaviors."

OOC: The machine and the surveyor are actually two different things. You can think of the machine as a really futuristic Mars rover, and the surveyor as a really hairy guy with a really harsh tan.

IC: "Not safe! Not safe!" warns the machine.

The surveyor shouts at the machine, "Hey, let the primitive do what it wants. Don't interrupt its dietary or cultural habits. That's some valuable information."

The machine chirps positively. "Corporate entity, please continue to ingest toxins. This unit wishes to learn more about these intoxicants and their uses."

OOC:Thanks for the clarification!

Klaus looks up from his drink and turns his head to the surveyor, "I am not a primitive!" he declares, "and should I just drink my ale or do you require something else for your data?" he turns back to his drink and is about to take a sip before he is interrupted by the Maowese delegation, "oh hello there," he replies to Cass, "I actually don't mind him, he seems like a nice person and if he wants this German ale lid I'll gladly give it to him. Also, collecting beer lids happens to be a hobby that one of my undergraduate friends had, and it's not childish." He turns back to his ale and takes a long drink.

"This unit apologizes for any miscommunication. Language functions transmitted to survey team. Both corporate entities are encouraged to ingest toxins, in the interest of scientific discovery. Please avoid any potentially fatal consequences. This unit is not equipped to provide medical care or repair to your physiology."

[Maowi]

"oh hello there," he replies to Cass, "I actually don't mind him, he seems like a nice person and if he wants this German ale lid I'll gladly give it to him. Also, collecting beer lids happens to be a hobby that one of my undergraduate friends had, and it's not childish." He turns back to his ale and takes a long drink.

Phil takes the lid and stows it in his pocket with a quick 'thanks' before turning off to join Cass by the complicated-looking machine.

'Who's that you've got with you?' she asks.

The surveyor, still going over the mysterious disappearance of the two living corporations, ignores the Maowese diplomat entirely.

The machine directs part of its sensor bulb at Cass. "Hello. This is an autonomous survey-and-settle device. It is observing alien feeding behaviors."

'Wowee!' exclaims Cass. 'So, you can, like, think for yourself, huh?' She pauses a while and watches the machine as it appears to observe the German drinking his ale. 'We could do with more like you back in Maowi. You see, I'm a specialist in Maowese AI law - we have AI personhood back home. Trouble is, we barely have any machines that actually qualify for personhood ... they're all too stupid and it's putting me out of work! That's why I have to work a second job in this ... this snakepit here.'

[Allied Sapients]

((Sorry guys! I really didn't mean to take a break from NationStates and let all my nations CTE. It just kinda happened? Kardashev, if you want to do some more corporate conversation, please TG me.))

Diplomat trots in in all their feathered feline glory and casually hops on top of a nearby table in order to get a better view of the bar. Being knee-high to most of the patrons was not conductive to scanning the place for interesting conversations.

[Whovian Tardisia]

A man in a blue suit jerks awake, his eyes darting around the bar, and then to his watch.
"Oh dear. That was a long one, wasn't it!" he mutters, returning his gaze to the odd little probe, and the fellow now engaged in conversation with it.
"Careful down there, it can get a bit... pokey."

[Kardashev III Civilization]

"oh hello there," he replies to Cass, "I actually don't mind him, he seems like a nice person and if he wants this German ale lid I'll gladly give it to him. Also, collecting beer lids happens to be a hobby that one of my undergraduate friends had, and it's not childish." He turns back to his ale and takes a long drink.

Phil takes the lid and stows it in his pocket with a quick 'thanks' before turning off to join Cass by the complicated-looking machine.

The surveyor, still going over the mysterious disappearance of the two living corporations, ignores the Maowese diplomat entirely.

The machine directs part of its sensor bulb at Cass. "Hello. This is an autonomous survey-and-settle device. It is observing alien feeding behaviors."

'Wowee!' exclaims Cass. 'So, you can, like, think for yourself, huh?' She pauses a while and watches the machine as it appears to observe the German drinking his ale. 'We could do with more like you back in Maowi. You see, I'm a specialist in Maowese AI law - we have AI personhood back home. Trouble is, we barely have any machines that actually qualify for personhood ... they're all too stupid and it's putting me out of work! That's why I have to work a second job in this ... this snakepit here.'

The machine responds neutrally. "This unit does not function as a person. Please consult members of the survey team regarding synthetic minds and artificial intelligence."

It waits a moment as its sensor mast scans the whole bar again. "I detect no cavities in this environment currently inhabited by serpentine reptiles. Please clarify."

[Marxist Germany]

Klaus suddenly wakes up to the sound of the machine running, he looks fatigued and confused, with ale spilt over his white shirt, he quickly wipes the spilt ale on the table with his blue untied tie and stands up to say something, "uhh..." he pauses to button his suit, "...I must go, my clothes.. as you can see.. umm.. are not very clean.. I will have to wash them and I shall return soon..." he leaves the bar in rush.

[The New Sicilian State]

John Crawford makes his way into the bar, looking around at the odd variety of characters to be seen. He frowns, afraid he's found the wrong place.

Crawford: Mr. Greene, this is the right place, correct?

Greene: I... I think so? The directions led us to here, so I guess this is where all the other diplomats hang out.

Crawford: Interesting! How is everyone on this fine day? I'm Mr. John Crawford, I'm new in town. The New Sicilian State decided it was time to put someone in charge of international affairs, and I'm here to make sense of this hullabaloo.

[Marxist Germany]

He enters the bar, dressed in all black, his tie is a bright red, and his shirt is white. He walks into the bar carrying his usual heavy suitcase made of leather. Klaus then takes a seat next to the new ambassador, he asks the bartender for a bottle of German beer to share with the ambassador, he also asks for two glasses. "Welcome to the strangers' bar, Ambassador Crawford." he says as he fills up the two glasses with the beer. "You are in the right place, oh dear me I havent introduced myself. My name is Klaus Schmidt and I am the ambassador from Germany. Its nice to meet you." he takes a long sip from his glass and continues, "here, we drink as much as needed to drown all the hardships of writing up and debating international law." he finishes his first glass of beer and begins to pour another one.

[The New Sicilian State]

He enters the bar, dressed in all black, his tie is a bright red, and his shirt is white. He walks into the bar carrying his usual heavy suitcase made of leather. Klaus then takes a seat next to the new ambassador, he asks the bartender for a bottle of German beer to share with the ambassador, he also asks for two glasses. "Welcome to the strangers' bar, Ambassador Crawford." he says as he fills up the two glasses with the beer. "You are in the right place, oh dear me I havent introduced myself. My name is Klaus Schmidt and I am the ambassador from Germany. Its nice to meet you." he takes a long sip from his glass and continues, "here, we drink as much as needed to drown all the hardships of writing up and debating international law." he finishes his first glass of beer and begins to pour another one.

Crawford: It's good to meet you Schmidt! It's nice to see a friendly face around here. You seem to be a little more seasoned than most, this business all seems a little overwhelming, a lot of folks arguing and most of them not all that nice. I've already heard legends of a... Janice? Janice Leverett? An old friend of mine named Smith dropped off the face of the GA because of the stifling bureaucracy, but I hope I can find a way to flourish in it.

[Big Octopus]

Cthulhu kicks the door out and entries. He says: Hello! I have special offer for you! Octopus grabs beer and drinks. After what strange creature shows banner to everyone:

OMG! Big scary paper - eating rat!
Only 9999.99 $ per one.
Buy it and destroy
any proposal or resolution that you do not like!
Buy now!

Cthulhu hides advertisement and eats full can of Fxtagn-Dazs(TM). F'xtagn!

[Tinfect]

The door of the bar opens, lets in two members of the Imperial delegation, and slams behind the third. Rahlen stops by the door while the other two find seats at the bar.

"Everyone's next drinks are on the Imperium," she shouts, with a wide gesture across the room, "We're being invaded, and I'm stuck here with the bureaucrats!"

[Separatist Peoples]

The door of the bar opens, lets in two members of the Imperial delegation, and slams behind the third. Rahlen stops by the door while the other two find seats at the bar.

"Everyone's next drinks are on the Imperium," she shouts, with a wide gesture across the room, "We're being invaded, and I'm stuck here with the bureaucrats!"

Bell, passing by the doors in a most opportune moment, runs in and grabs a bartender.

"You heard the woman. Give me six bottles of your 30 year Notable Pheasant scotch. Now, before she rescinds the offer."

[Greater Cesnica]

Greater Cesnica's Ambassador Slick McCooley enters the bar. He has a duffel bag with an oddly protruding item within it. He appears extremely giddy, to the point of concern.

"Just got this bad boy from out of town!" he boasts to a barmaid, who clearly has no idea what's in the duffel bag. A hint may be seen however, judging by the pin on McCooley's suit, which displays a rifle and accompanying Club insignia.

[Maowi]

Hearing the commotion, a sloth wearing a red ushanka slopes into the bar and settles himself at a table.

"Feargal Yurilevich, Maowese ambassador," he mumbles. "A few barrels of herbal tea, if you please. My stash has been running woefully short ever since the October Revolution. Those revolutionaries will only drink vodka, day and night ..."

[Scherzinger]

Kadotani Anzu bows before entering the establishment. Sitting at a stool, she pulls out her bag of sweet potato snacks, and orders tea similar to that of her homeland. She takes out a piece of paper, which has plenty of writing on it, and continues editing and adding to it.

[Separatist Peoples]

Receiving his bottles, Bell chuckles, "Taking advantage of diplomatic overtures should be a competitive sport. GAylmpics."

[Maowi]

"Complete with competitive defenestrations to boot ... wouldn't be half bad to watch."

[Tinfect]

Receiving his bottles, Bell chuckles, "Taking advantage of diplomatic overtures should be a competitive sport. GAylmpics."

"Complete with competitive defenestrations to boot ... wouldn't be half bad to watch."

"You see," she says to Feren, "These people understand! Be more like them, you damn coward."

Feren went very quickly from mildly agitated to very agitated. "Coming from the woman who's not on her ship right now? Very good."

Rahlen elected to ignore the comment, rather than knock the man out of his chair. "Bartender, I'll have whatever that man-" she points to Bell, "-is having. Twice."

[Concrete Slab]

The door of the bar opens, lets in two members of the Imperial delegation, and slams behind the third. Rahlen stops by the door while the other two find seats at the bar.

"Everyone's next drinks are on the Imperium," she shouts, with a wide gesture across the room, "We're being invaded, and I'm stuck here with the bureaucrats!"

*a man with a stony face looks up from the bar, a smile cracking through his normally concrete facade*

I'll have some of that!

[Maowi]

Rahlen elected to ignore the comment, rather than knock the man out of his chair. "Bartender, I'll have whatever that man-" she points to Bell, "-is having. Twice."

"Chug! Chug! Chug!" Feargal looks delighted; he has not been anticipating a particularly entertaining evening.

[Lord Dominator]

Dee jerks awake, having been sleeping at a table of indeterminate location

"Whosawhat?" she mumbles, before the full impact of Rahlen's shout registered.

She then totters towards the bar in a rather drunken manner, shaking off the cobwebs as she goes.

"Ah, bartender, I've been told my next drinks are free. Give me whatever you have that's expensive, and in the largest container you sell it my good man."