The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper]

Neville: (looks behind him) I don't see an 'Ambassador Nitro'.

ARI: You don't, eh? Oh, my friend, you mustn't get yourself down, your time will come. (whispers) We all know it's you assistants who do the bulk of the work, while we blowhards backslap and barter. Am I right, Wad Ahume?

AHUME: (looks up from his tablet, which has the "Banning Bannishment" proposal displayed) Hmmm?

ARI: Exactly.

Neville: Recovering in hospital.

ARI: Oh dear. Nothing serious, I hope.

[Essu Beti]

A series of rapid, thudding footsteps can be heard before Iksana bursts through the door, dragging a young elven man behind him.

"My sister's getting married!" he declares, uncharactaristally delighted. He pushes the man out in front of him. "To this rascal here!"

The other elf gawks at the denizens of the denizens of the bar, especially the Eiraroon delegate, then tries unsuccessfully to walk right back out of the bar. "Ambassador, are you sure this is-" he starts to say as he tries to pry Iksana's hand off of his sleeve.

"Oh don't you worry about a thing. Next round is on me, everyone! My sister's getting married!"

[Willania Imperium]

A series of rapid, thudding footsteps can be heard before Iksana bursts through the door, dragging a young elven man behind him.

"My sister's getting married!" he declares, uncharactaristally delighted. He pushes the man out in front of him. "To this rascal here!"

The other elf gawks at the denizens of the denizens of the bar, especially the Eiraroon delegate, then tries unsuccessfully to walk right back out of the bar. "Ambassador, are you sure this is-" he starts to say as he tries to pry Iksana's hand off of his sleeve.

"Oh don't you worry about a thing. Next round is on me, everyone! My sister's getting married!"

Congratulations, mumbled the Emperor, slouching on the bar table.

While you're at it, can you order me a few more drinks? I feel depressed from the events in my region.

[Giant Bats]

A series of rapid, thudding footsteps can be heard before Iksana bursts through the door, dragging a young elven man behind him.

"My sister's getting married!" he declares, uncharactaristally delighted. He pushes the man out in front of him. "To this rascal here!"

The other elf gawks at the denizens of the denizens of the bar, especially the Eiraroon delegate, then tries unsuccessfully to walk right back out of the bar. "Ambassador, are you sure this is-" he starts to say as he tries to pry Iksana's hand off of his sleeve.

"Oh don't you worry about a thing. Next round is on me, everyone! My sister's getting married!"

Ikiti had no use for "rounds", as her kind got all the water they needed, from the food they ate, and she had no interest in tasting foreign poisons. She knew she was far too conspicious and large to sneak around, so she made not attempt to hide as she moved towards the Betian ambassador.

By now she was well aware of how bared teeth were an indimidating factor, but the ambassador's sister's mate looked intimidated already, so she didn't see how adding some could hurt, and kept her jaws open to scan the newcomer with her hunting sonar while walking towards the Betians.

"Iksana," she said through the universal translator, "what is the name of your sister's scared mate? Also, have they mated yet? I don't know how your mate-bonding - the thing you call marriage - happens."

The Eriaroon entered the structure, her land traversal casing allowing her movement in the unfamiliar environment. Her experiment had begun, and now she would initiate the diplomatic and social portion of her duties.

Maoltao Narulm Shumaza-Melikos, Ascendant Scholar of the Eriaroon Eugenic Republic, intook the data being displayed inside her machine. Optical, audio, tactile, chemical, electrical, each sense was represented within the metallic shell.

Speaking to nobody in particular, and partially to test whether translation would function correctly here, the alien began to communicate.

"I am Maoltao Narulm Shumaza-Melikos, Ascendant Scholar of the Eriaroon Eugenic Republic, and I have been tasked with overseeing our experiment to determine the effectiveness and benefits of World Assembly membership. My condolences to you all."

The strange walking and talking ball of hard material made Ikiti happy that she didn't need to turn her head to use her softer sonar to explore it as far as she could without actually touching or trying to break it, while still appearing to converse with Iksana.

[Essu Beti]

Congratulations, mumbled the Emperor, slouching on the bar table.

While you're at it, can you order me a few more drinks? I feel depressed from the events in my region.

Ikiti had no use for "rounds", as her kind got all the water they needed, from the food they ate, and she had no interest in tasting foreign poisons. She knew she was far too conspicious and large to sneak around, so she made not attempt to hide as she moved towards the Betian ambassador.

By now she was well aware of how bared teeth were an indimidating factor, but the ambassador's sister's mate looked intimidated already, so she didn't see how adding some could hurt, and kept her jaws open to scan the newcomer with her hunting sonar while walking towards the Betians.

"Iksana," she said through the universal translator, "what is the name of your sister's scared mate? Also, have they mated yet? I don't know how your mate-bonding - the thing you call marriage - happens."

"Bartender, a beer for Emperor Willanius there!" Iksana calls out, casually tightening his grip on the other elf's slaave despite the man's increasingly frantic attempts to get back to the door. "And make it a good one, not some Creatian horse piss of a beer!"

Iksana turns to Ikiti. This was a different giant bat than the one he'd talked to before, but eh whatever. What was important was his sister's upcoming marriage and his sister's fiance's impromptu hazing. "Mohan, this is Ambassador Ikiti of the Tikrr. Ambassador, this is Mohan Aja. He's a goat herder."

"No I'm not," protests Mohan. "I had to sell them in the evacuation and why are you talking to a giant toothy bat?"

"Why wouldn't I talk to a giant toothy bat? Anyway, he just proposed to my sister. Well, my sister-in-law but who cares about the in-law bit there? What matters is that he's marrying my sister and they figured he should meet the entire family instead of just the respectable ones so they sent him here for me to torment," Iksana explains. "Like so: so Mohan, have you and Wasanis-"

"No no no no not until we're married."

[Giant Bats]

"No I'm not," protests Mohan. "I had to sell them in the evacuation and why are you talking to a giant toothy bat?"

"Why wouldn't I talk to a giant toothy bat? Anyway, he just proposed to my sister. Well, my sister-in-law but who cares about the in-law bit there? What matters is that he's marrying my sister and they figured he should meet the entire family instead of just the respectable ones so they sent him here for me to torment," Iksana explains. "Like so: so Mohan, have you and Wasanis-"

"No no no no not until we're married."

"Not talking to a giant toothy bat could be considered... impolite," Ikiti said, not bothering to correct the mistake about "bat" not applying to her any more than "monkey" would apply to a crocodile - not that she knew what either of those were, either. She did, however, close her jaws with an audible 'SNAP'. "But how do you know you will make a good couple, if you have not mated yet, Mohan? You might be completely incompatible and not know it until after signing the contract. Or does your species not have genetic defects?"

[Essu Beti]

"Not talking to a giant toothy bat could be considered... impolite," Ikiti said, not bothering to correct the mistake about "bat" not applying to her any more than "monkey" would apply to a crocodile - not that she knew what either of those were, either. She did, however, close her jaws with an audible 'SNAP'. "But how do you know you will make a good couple, if you have not mated yet, Mohan? You might be completely incompatible and not know it until after signing the contract. Or does your species not have genetic defects?"

"That's not how this works, that's not how this works at all," Mohan says, still clearly struggling with the idea of talking about personal matters with giant carnivorous bat alien. "Having a child first is doing it all backwards. And if there is some kind of incompatibility -which there isn't; any defects would have shown up in our families at some point- she already has two children and I'd be happy to raise them with her even if I don't have any of my own."

[Giant Bats]

"That's not how this works, that's not how this works at all," Mohan says, still clearly struggling with the idea of talking about personal matters with giant carnivorous bat alien. "Having a child first is doing it all backwards. And if there is some kind of incompatibility -which there isn't; any defects would have shown up in our families at some point- she already has two children and I'd be happy to raise them with her even if I don't have any of my own."

"Mating makes you mates, not some writing on a paper," Ikiti reasoned. "Also, she has had children, but not with you. Unless her previous mate was genetically identical to you, you cannot know in advance if you are compatible with her." Ikiti turned her head towards Iksana, to signify who she was talking to. "Your female kin, if she is unhappy with this male's performance, hunting skills or behaviour, she can dismiss him and find a better one, yes?"

[Essu Beti]

"Mating makes you mates, not some writing on a paper," Ikiti reasoned. "Also, she has had children, but not with you. Unless her previous mate was genetically identical to you, you cannot know in advance if you are compatible with her." Ikiti turned her head towards Iksana, to signify who she was talking to. "Your female kin, if she is unhappy with this male's performance, hunting skills or behaviour, she can dismiss him and find a better one, yes?"

"Yes, she can," Iksana explains, neatly skipping over everything about being genetically compatible. Come on, the chances of that being an issue were minuscule anyway. "It almost never happens though- we tend to be very thorough with our courting. The whole family gets involved and picks apart pretty much everything the prospective betrothed has done to make sure he's a good match. And this guy checks out just fine. Goatherd's a perfectly respectable profession, though until we figure out the best way to raise goats in a swamp he's trapping crocs and other pests for a living instead."

[Separatist Peoples]

"Helen! Its lovely to see you! When on earth did you get in? I would love to have a drink..." Bell glances at the large man berating the bar staff with a hell-and-brimstone lecture on the immorality of tempting Marche Noiran souls. "I really really would love one, but I'm afraid I can't right now. Excuse me a moment,"

Bell extracts himself and places himself between the yelling man and the waitstaff. "Your Holiness, please!"

"Ambassador Bell, I vas assured by your government zat you vere a man of principals and morality and would not lead my entourage astray! If zis cannot be done, Marche Noire may have to reconsider certain-"

"Your Holiness, I assure you, nobody here is seeking to drag your people off the Holy Path, but some cultural misunderstanding is inevita-

"Ve do not have to tolerate this immoral behavior, Ambassador! Vith the exception of myself, no others of ze delegation will frequent this hall of vice and sin, and I vill be having a long conversation vith my government and vith ze ambassador!"

The thin man stalked off in a huff, leaving Bell staring after him.

"Ok, now is a great time for a drink," he says as soon as the Bar doors slam shut.

"My guests were never so...uptight. You have my sympathies. So, are you still drinking methanol? Or have you developed some common sense since we last met?"

"Um, actually something lighter will do it for me. Perhaps a glass of wine. Or a cola. There will be hell to pay if I smell like alcohol," Bell shakes his head, looking back at the doors through which the thin man left. "Deacon Cristof is one of the most sanctimonious and infuriating human beings I've had the misfortune of meeting these last several months. Even for a Marche Noiran. And he has Duke Pioter's ear, which makes this entire ordeal that much more difficult. Damn the Karian Ecclesiastes.

"Forgive me, unloading my problems on you. How are you, Helen? And when on earth did you come back here?"

[Giant Bats]

"Yes, she can," Iksana explains, neatly skipping over everything about being genetically compatible. Come on, the chances of that being an issue were minuscule anyway. "It almost never happens though- we tend to be very thorough with our courting. The whole family gets involved and picks apart pretty much everything the prospective betrothed has done to make sure he's a good match. And this guy checks out just fine. Goatherd's a perfectly respectable profession, though until we figure out the best way to raise goats in a swamp he's trapping crocs and other pests for a living instead."

The translator that was included in Ikiti's cybernetic gear's programming, didn't just translate the words, it also translated the concepts, as well as was possible. The Tikrr language didn't have all the words that a normal terrestrial planetdweller's normally would have, because of the extraordinary circumstances on their homeplanet. That was why she often had to pause for a moment for the system to explain to her what was behind the strange words used.

What the translator made of Iksana's words, souned something like: "It almost never happens, because preferred mates require the acceptance of the whole Roost not just the female, as they are normally from another Roost." That made complete sense to Ikiti; normally males moved between the Roosts, to avoid inbreeding, and when a male first came in, he needed to prove that he would be good breeding material; smart, submissive, good at hunting and caring for roostlings.

For the next part of the Betian's words, the translator needed to do some explaining: "Before the Roost allows the mating to happen, they will go through all the past information that there is of the male, although without Assessments that means they will rely on what other people can tell them, or of records of misdoings by the police or spiritualists." The lack of Assessments on other sapient species always made Ikiti wonder how their societies could work? How would they find the best person for any given job? Or what child was best suited for what training? On the other hand, that explained a lot...

And then came the strange new concepts: "Mohan's past indicates he will be a good match. He previously raised four-legged fur-covered herbivores with horns for food, but because Essu Beti is mostly made of wet non-solid ground that you can sink into, almost like in water, and the four-legged fur-covered herbivores with horns do not do well in that environment, he is not doing that now. Instead he is hunting armour-covered four-legged cold-blooded water-dwelling carnivores that are ambush-hunters with long-powerful tails and which can easily drag large creatures into the water and drown them, and other animals that are bothering the people."

Swamp was the concept that made the least sense to Ikiti - just solid ground was something she had trouble wrapping her mind around, not to mention that there could be non-solid ground that you could sink into! Just thinking about that made her feel uncomfortable being on the floor of the room, even though it had shown no signs of getting softer, but she clamped her jaws around that uncomfortableness - the Tikrr language also didn't have a word for "fear" either - to keep it from getting the better of her thinking.

"If he does not do herding for a living, how can he be a herder?" Ikiti asked, having worked her way through the strange concepts. "Is he not a hunter? That is a much better living than herding."

[Eriaroon World Assembly Experiment]

"Truly there are many demons present here, and many unusual concepts. I find it truly extraordinary that not only do intelligent species possess a division in reproductive organ distribution, but also that they would consider it a great achievement to attempt to restrict the potential genetic output to a single individual. It is almost as unusual as the fact that a wide variety of civilisations consider it sensible to develop locations and infrastructure for the primary purpose of distributing addictive poison to their populations. Of course, I have come to understand that it may indeed be my own kind that is considered more abnormal. The various regulations within the organisation upon which I am performing my experimentation have abundantly demonstrated that."

Maoltao Narulm Shumaza-Melikos, Ascendant Scholar of the Eriaroon Eugenic Republic, found these unusual customs and cultures fascinating. She was using her land travel casing's audio detection systems to attempt to pick up on as much conversation as possible, to gather new information so that she could analyse it and formulate an opinion on it.

[Kizja]

"If he does not do herding for a living, how can he be a herder?" Ikiti asked, having worked her way through the strange concepts. "Is he not a hunter? That is a much better living than herding.

"

"Truly there are many demons present here, and many unusual concepts. I find it truly extraordinary that not only do intelligent species possess a division in reproductive organ distribution, but also that they would consider it a great achievement to attempt to restrict the potential genetic output to a single individual. It is almost as unusual as the fact that a wide variety of civilisations consider it sensible to develop locations and infrastructure for the primary purpose of distributing addictive poison to their populations. Of course, I have come to understand that it may indeed be my own kind that is considered more abnormal. The various regulations within the organisation upon which I am performing my experimentation have abundantly demonstrated that."

Maoltao Narulm Shumaza-Melikos, Ascendant Scholar of the Eriaroon Eugenic Republic, found these unusual customs and cultures fascinating. She was using her land travel casing's audio detection systems to attempt to pick up on as much conversation as possible, to gather new information so that she could analyse it and formulate an opinion on it.

Sorg Fos, a man of many offices, entered the Stanger's Bar for the first time. Truly, it was as described. Unfamiliar persons with unfamiliar views, layers upon layers of presuppositions not yet understood. But where there is suboptimality, there is the possibility of improvement. Everything here was some degree of alien, but not too chaotic to begin to encompass.

Still, it does not do to be too passive. By merely observing, one may understand, but one will never accomplish, and optimal accomplishments are worth far more than optimal understanding.

What can be gained here, is this place of revelry and easy words? Camaraderie, Acquantainceship, perhaps with time and luck Connections and even Friendship.

How does one achieve those goals? The standard approach is gradually increasing mutual exchange of intimacies. Perhaps it would serve even here, in this new environment.

And so, picking a likely looking nearby cluster of indivduals, Sorg said "Hello, lovely new people. When meeting new ones, I always wonder 'What does one care about?' I care about knowing and being and achieving optimally. What do you care about?"

[Eriaroon World Assembly Experiment]

"My condolences, demon. Upon consideration, I would believe that my most overwhelming desire is that of my continued existence as a being capable of sustaining life and intelligent thought, as without such any of my other desires would be impossible to accomplish. In addition to such, I seek knowledge of the universe, whether it be fundamental aspects or highly subjective opinions and beliefs. Due to my history as a scholar of sociology, it is the examination and discussion of aspects of society which draws the majority of my interest. If you refer to that which I endeavour to accomplish in my existence as a specific objective, rather than as a general interest, my current objective is the determination of the effectiveness of the World Assembly and the examination of the impacts of its protocol upon Eriaroon society."

[Wallenburg]

"Um, actually something lighter will do it for me. Perhaps a glass of wine. Or a cola. There will be hell to pay if I smell like alcohol," Bell shakes his head, looking back at the doors through which the thin man left. "Deacon Cristof is one of the most sanctimonious and infuriating human beings I've had the misfortune of meeting these last several months. Even for a Marche Noiran. And he has Duke Pioter's ear, which makes this entire ordeal that much more difficult. Damn the Karian Ecclesiastes.

Helen raises her eyebrow in surprise. "Well, I'm certainly sorry to hear that! Wallenburgian preachers rarely behave so rudely toward people enjoying a drink or two. But, if your guest insists, I'll order you some Guinness or whatever the hell Neville calls it. Supposedly it's beer, but I suppose my people can't appreciate such a strong resistance to alcohol poisoning. Neville, you get that for Mr. Bell and a Maldervanesteit for me. Nothing younger than 1932."

"Forgive me, unloading my problems on you. How are you, Helen? And when on earth did you come back here?"

"Don't worry, Ben. I am quite well recently, even if I have been hesitant to return to these headquarters. I'm here on official business. Mr. Ogenbond notified his superiors that he will be collecting on some of his vacation days rather soon. He asked me to serve as a substitute in his absence. To be honest, I kind of miss the strange, buzzing, somewhat toxic atmosphere of the debate halls. I look forward to speaking in them again."

[Essu Beti]

((OOC: Gotta say it's fascinating how Ikiti's translator translates things))

"If he does not do herding for a living, how can he be a herder?" Ikiti asked, having worked her way through the strange concepts. "Is he not a hunter? That is a much better living than herding."

"Goat-herding is more reliable -you don't have to go out and find them because you'd be a fool to let the herd get lost- and provides more products," explains Mohan, the prospect of talking shop apparently winning over giant bat that wanted to talk about mating. "With crocs, you just get meat and leather. Maybe you also make the teeth into necklaces to sell to tourists, if there are any in the area. Maybe if you're very lucky you'll find one with a bounty on it. With goats, you get milk, cheese, meat, skin, and fiber, and you get them on a routine basis. Horns as well- I have a knife with a goat-horn handle. But I can't get any of that without any goats."

"He and his family-" He points at Iksana. "-thinks of me as still a goatherd because of my ancestry, mostly. My father was a goatherd, and his father, and his father before him. There's a lot of tradition there; it's just not heard of for an Aja to be anything but a goatherd. Even the name means "goat.""

[Giant Bats]

"Goat-herding is more reliable -you don't have to go out and find them because you'd be a fool to let the herd get lost- and provides more products," explains Mohan, the prospect of talking shop apparently winning over giant bat that wanted to talk about mating. "With crocs, you just get meat and leather. Maybe you also make the teeth into necklaces to sell to tourists, if there are any in the area. Maybe if you're very lucky you'll find one with a bounty on it. With goats, you get milk, cheese, meat, skin, and fiber, and you get them on a routine basis. Horns as well- I have a knife with a goat-horn handle. But I can't get any of that without any goats."

"He and his family-" He points at Iksana. "-thinks of me as still a goatherd because of my ancestry, mostly. My father was a goatherd, and his father, and his father before him. There's a lot of tradition there; it's just not heard of for an Aja to be anything but a goatherd. Even the name means "goat.""

"We farm some things, but the creatures are same ones you can find in the wild, and most Tikrr prefer hunting the wild ones, because the farmed ones are not as good at evading and hunting them is not as satisfactory," Ikiti explained.

She was the Head of the Diplomatic Wing, because she was best at adapting her behaviour around strange creatures and understanding evern stranger concepts. And also because she exhibited a quality that was, as of yet, rare in the Tikrr: she was curious. Most roostlings exhibiting curiosity about how things worked, were assigned to the Scientific Wing, exactly because such individuals were rare. Ikiti didn't so much want to know how things worked or why things were the way there were, she just wanted to explore.

The World Assembly Headquarters was a perfect place for exploring without needing to move around a lot, since it was a multiversal nexus, where representatives of the various nations - both those in the WA and those outside it - came to meet and argue and visit the Strangers' Bar. The building had weird, somewhat fluid dimensions, time distortions, endless corridors and, fortunately for the Tikrr, large windows. It was managed by creatures that were often referred to as "gnomes", that no-one knew if they had spawned into existence with the building, or had just moved in when it was established. The Tikrr had come to the decision that they didn't taste very good. The gnomes had come to the decision that they would let the Tikrr take care of their own office/lair.

"What is milk?" Ikiti asked. "Or cheese?"

Her translator had explained milk to her as "protein-rich water excreted by certain warm-blooded hairy species to feed their young". It sounded like a messy process, and Ikiti couldn't see any advantage in it. As for cheese, "solid, coagulated edible foodstuff made of the protein-rich water, often with the help of micro-organisms already present in it" didn't sound very tasty.

"Does your great-grandparent live with your family?" she added as a last question, before waiting for answers.

[States of Glory WA Office]

Neville: Recovering in hospital.

ARI: Oh dear. Nothing serious, I hope.

Neville: Only jumping through a closed window and having my entire body covered in glass. Apart from that, just a minor bruise.

[The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper]

ARI: Oh dear. Nothing serious, I hope.

Neville: Only jumping through a closed window and having my entire body covered in glass. Apart from that, just a minor bruise.

ARI: Well now. That sounds both terrible and hilarious at the same time. And makes me wonder what would cause someone to jump through a closed window. On purpose, was it?

[States of Glory WA Office]

Neville: Only jumping through a closed window and having my entire body covered in glass. Apart from that, just a minor bruise.

ARI: Well now. That sounds both terrible and hilarious at the same time. And makes me wonder what would cause someone to jump through a closed window. On purpose, was it?

Harold: (whispering in Ari's ear) It's because he got fed up of people calling the bartender.

[The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper]

ARI: Well now. That sounds both terrible and hilarious at the same time. And makes me wonder what would cause someone to jump through a closed window. On purpose, was it?

Harold: (whispering in Ari's ear) It's because he got fed up of people calling the bartender.

(Ari stares open-mouthed for a second, then nods.)

ARI: Ahhhhh. But... I thought we solved this problem? Or did you not like the "Ambassador Nitro" nickname we picked out you? You know... we can pick out another one if you like.

AHUME: (quietly) Perhaps he enjoys the insanity.

ARI: Oh. Well, if that's the case, that's certainly fine with us, and we'll refer to you by your name... Neville. (to the bartender) No no, not you, I was talking to our colleague here.

[Glaeschland]

A high tech stealth/passenger fighter adorning the flag of a long-dormant nation touches down on the runway near the bar. A short while later, the door to the bar opens and in steps a man whose face is forgotten but familiar to few: Jonathan Greene. His ARP lingers just behind him, chittering softly in its synthetic "voice". Greene looks around before murmuring to himself with a smile, "Hasn't changed much." He orders some cola-whiskey and seats himself at a booth, relaxing and sipping his drink. Again, he murmurs to himself, this time with a slight grin:

"It's good to be back."

[The Order Of Archangel Saint Michael]

A Large Futuristic Ship Rams itself into a Beach near the Bar. A man Hops out and Heads for the Bar.
"Ave. I am The Consul... I need me a Drink.
I Come from a Far Away Land. I am what remains of an Empire that Fell many centuries ago. You might know it as "Soviet France" or "The Cheeki Breeki Anarchists"

[Wallenburg]

A Large Futuristic Ship Rams itself into a Beach near the Bar. A man Hops out and Heads for the Bar.
"Ave. I am The Consul... I need me a Drink.
I Come from a Far Away Land. I am what remains of an Empire that Fell many centuries ago. You might know it as "Soviet France" or "The Cheeki Breeki Anarchists"

The debris from the impact sends Gerald's mug of coffee to the floor. It shatters, letting out a pool of warm drink at Gerald's feet. He stands up and throws his newspaper at the man. "I've had enough of you and your people. Barkeep, send my tab to the office." Incensed, he exits the bar.

Trevanyika looks at Bell inquisitively. "What's that all about? Is it customary to inflict damage upon the headquarters nowadays?"

[Glaeschland]

Jonathan frowns at the unwelcome movement and his ARP let's out an alarmed chirp, but they both settle once it stops and he goes back to drinking.