DRAFT: Illegalization of Toilet Paper

[Meciene]

CONSIDERING that the very concept of toilet paper is seriously disgusting and requires you to touch your recently dilated anus with only a piece of paper for protection,

Wouldn't you do the same using:

the more useful hose or bidet

[Uawc]

You're kidding me, right?

[Buffett and Colbert]

Honoured Ambassador,

We are shocked and appalled at your wish to do destroy what is near and dear to us: toilet paper. Buffbertians have a long history of love for their bathroom tools and toilet paper is no exception. We hope you are aware that if toilet paper were made illegal contraband, a colossal industry of Buffett and Colbert would collapse. Do you want that on your conscience? We have the right to touch our anuses however we please. We hope you will seriously reconsider.

[Buffett and Colbert]

Honoured Ambassador,

We are shocked and appalled at your wish to do destroy what is near and dear to us: toilet paper. Buffbertians have a long history of love for their bathroom tools and toilet paper is no exception. We hope you are aware that if toilet paper were made illegal contraband, a colossal industry of Buffett and Colbert would collapse. Do you want that on your conscience? We have the right to touch our anuses however we please. We hope you will seriously reconsider.

Ah, but if you prepare for the market crash before it happens, then there will be no problem. Your toilet paper industry will simply turn into a bidet and hose industry.

Ambassador, the conversion of an entire industry (never mind the fact that its a huge one at that) is virtually impossible to do in a short period of time. And what would we do on National Toilet Paper Day?

[Flibbleites]

Honoured Ambassador,

We are shocked and appalled at your wish to do destroy what is near and dear to us: toilet paper. Buffbertians have a long history of love for their bathroom tools and toilet paper is no exception. We hope you are aware that if toilet paper were made illegal contraband, a colossal industry of Buffett and Colbert would collapse. Do you want that on your conscience? We have the right to touch our anuses however we please. We hope you will seriously reconsider.

Ah, but if you prepare for the market crash before it happens, then there will be no problem. Your toilet paper industry will simply turn into a bidet and hose industry.

Except the process of making toilet paper is nothing like the process of making bidets and hoses.

Bob Flibble
WA Representative

[Buffett and Colbert]

Honoured Ambassador,

We are shocked and appalled at your wish to do destroy what is near and dear to us: toilet paper. Buffbertians have a long history of love for their bathroom tools and toilet paper is no exception. We hope you are aware that if toilet paper were made illegal contraband, a colossal industry of Buffett and Colbert would collapse. Do you want that on your conscience? We have the right to touch our anuses however we please. We hope you will seriously reconsider.

Ah, but if you prepare for the market crash before it happens, then there will be no problem. Your toilet paper industry will simply turn into a bidet and hose industry.

Ambassador, the conversion of an entire industry (never mind the fact that its a huge one at that) is virtually impossible to do in a short period of time. And what would we do on National Toilet Paper Day?

The proposal's draft is hardly finished yet. It will be years before this proposal is even put through the World Assembly. You will have plenty of time to prepare.

On National Toilet Paper Day, you could celebrate the banning of toilet paper by making effigies of it then burning them, perhaps.

With all due respect, once a resolution is up for vote in the General Assembly, it is only a period of approximately five days until it is enacted throughout all WA member nations.

[The Altani Federation]

Either this is a joke, or one of the least needed potential resolutions in WA history.

Either way, your proposal is fail.

-Nikolai Nagashybyuly, Ambassador

[Miraclia]

ICly, or OOCly, the massive efforts to change the entire industry would only be justified if the vote turns out in favour of adopting the resolution. Between adoption and enforcement of the resolution is hardly any time at all, so the industry would be forced to change completely, overnight. It is overbearing, completely unacceptable, and a good reminder why Miraclia has chosen, and will continue to choose to remain out of the WA.

[Charlotte Ryberg]

Honoured ambassador to Niraamaya, should we be really be controlling the world's supply of toilet paper? Toilet paper is such a trivial issue.

[The Butcher and Baker]

One must wonder if Niraamaya is a manufacturer of bidets.

[Grays Harbor]

Honoured Ambassador,

We are shocked and appalled at your wish to do destroy what is near and dear to us: toilet paper. Buffbertians have a long history of love for their bathroom tools and toilet paper is no exception. We hope you are aware that if toilet paper were made illegal contraband, a colossal industry of Buffett and Colbert would collapse. Do you want that on your conscience? We have the right to touch our anuses however we please. We hope you will seriously reconsider.

Ah, but if you prepare for the market crash before it happens, then there will be no problem. Your toilet paper industry will simply turn into a bidet and hose industry.

Bloody Hell. Thats like claiming the greeting card companies can start making computor moniters. They both have the vaguely similar function, right? That must mean the manufacture of them is identical and an industry can just switch at the flip of a button!

We were searching for a *facepalm* icon large enough to suit this montrosity of a proposal. Our search was fruitless, as we believe one that large cannot and does not exist. Which is unfortunate.

[Bears Armed]

We were searching for a *facepalm* icon large enough to suit this montrosity of a proposal. Our search was fruitless, as we believe one that large cannot and does not exist. Which is unfortunate.

Would you care to borrow one of our Ursine staff for this purpose?

[Grays Harbor]

We were searching for a *facepalm* icon large enough to suit this montrosity of a proposal. Our search was fruitless, as we believe one that large cannot and does not exist. Which is unfortunate.

Would you care to borrow one of our Ursine staff for this purpose?

Thank you, that might be sufficient. Or, I could do this:

If this ever gets submitted, I shall counter with this proposal.

FREE HEALTHCARE FOR CHILDREN
Category: Social Justice
A resolution to reduce income inequality and increase basic welfare.
Strength: Mild

APPALED that Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated

APPEALLING to Just get me to the airport put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
Oh no no no no no

FRIGHTENED by Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
Oh no no no no no

DISTRESSED that Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco
I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes
Oh no no no no no

DISTURBED that Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco
I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes
Oh no oh oh oh oh

MANDATING that Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated

[Flibbleites]

We were searching for a *facepalm* icon large enough to suit this montrosity of a proposal. Our search was fruitless, as we believe one that large cannot and does not exist. Which is unfortunate.

Would you care to borrow one of our Ursine staff for this purpose?

Thank you, that might be sufficient. Or, I could do this:

If this ever gets submitted, I shall counter with this proposal.

FREE HEALTHCARE FOR CHILDREN
Category: Social Justice
A resolution to reduce income inequality and increase basic welfare.
Strength: Mild

APPALED that Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated

APPEALLING to Just get me to the airport put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
Oh no no no no no

FRIGHTENED by Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
Oh no no no no no

DISTRESSED that Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco
I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes
Oh no no no no no

DISTURBED that Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco
I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes
Oh no oh oh oh oh

MANDATING that Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated

I'll see your free healthcare proposal and raise you the "Weasel Stomping Day" proposal my personal chef wrote a few years ago.

Bob Flibble
WA Representative

[Grays Harbor]

"Weasel Stomping Day"

I think my NSUN nation at the time voted FOR that thing.

[Buffett and Colbert]

I'll see your free healthcare proposal and raise you the "Weasel Stomping Day" proposal my personal chef wrote a few years ago.

Bob Flibble
WA Representative

OOC:

[Mad Sheep Railgun]

I have prepared a short documentary on the importance of TP.

[The Palentine]

The good but unwholesome Senator Sulla walks over to the desk of the ambassdor from Niraamaya, and picks up the proposal. Tucking the papers under his arm he says as he leaved the festering snakepit.
"I hope you don't mind, old bean, but I need this document. I ate a bag of 'sliders', for lunch, and feel nature's call coming on. I might need some emergency paper, if the custodial staff hasn't restocked the restrooms yet."

[Enn]

OOC: I don't really care if this is a joke. It's idiotic. I'm Australian, land of the permanent water shortage. We're the country that came up with the concept of the half-flush toilet. Bidets are a horrendous waste of water.

I also want to point out that germs live better in water, as provided by a bidet, than they do on dry skin or toilet paper.

[Tanaara]

The UnDelegate just shakes his head "What is this? Idiotic proposal day? THis is simply ridiculous. The WA should not be wasteing its time with such useless proposals. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go mock the porn pill resolution, another instance of sublime stupidity"

[The Altani Federation]

But think of the hygiene improvements that will be ensured. No more waiting a few seconds to wash your hands with soap, the germs spreading as you get off of the toilet, with a filthy hand!

...and the effects to hygeine and the environment caused by frequent flushing of waste into sewers with hoses is somehow less important?

The water will slow the germs for crucial time and not only that, never again will the problem of people vandalizing toilet stalls by stealing toilet paper ever be a problem! Only a hose that will always work!

Yes, because this proposal would create toilet stalls that are invulnerable and have hoses made of some magical unobtainium sprinkled with fairy dust that will never fail, get vandalized or stolen. Really? If hoses never fail in Niraamaya, we need to get some of those.

This is not a joke, and I am insulted by your insinuations that it is!

Oh, it's a joke, ambassador. Sometimes the funniest jokes are the ones the stand-up doesn't realize he's telling.

-Nikolai Nagashybyuly, Ambassador

[Krioval]

The UnDelegate just shakes his head "What is this? Idiotic proposal day? THis is simply ridiculous. The WA should not be wasteing its time with such useless proposals. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go mock the porn pill resolution, another instance of sublime stupidity"

More like idiotic proposal season. Perhaps when the Imperial Chiefdom passed "National Economic Freedoms", the WA despaired of ever meeting our prowess in proposal authorship? :snort:

[Lord] Ambassador Darvek Tyvok
Imperial Chiefdom of Krioval

[A mean old man]

Moral Decency

A resolution to restrict civil freedoms in the interest of moral decency.

NOTING that many use toilet paper instead of the more useful hose or bidet,

OBSERVING that toilet paper is a horrendous waste of pulp,

CONSIDERING that the very concept of toilet paper is seriously disgusting and requires you to touch your recently dilated anus with only a piece of paper for protection,

DECLARES that the sale, possession or usage of toilet paper shall be illegalized throughout all member nations of the World Assembly and hoses and bidets will be the only allowed form of anus-cleaning.

Any suggestions?

Good Lord, how did none of us see this before now?

This act MUST be passed. toilet paper is an abomination to the decency of mankind and must be banned, its posession deemed a criminal offense, and any who distribute this horrendous product must receive the death penalty. It doesn't matter if your nation doesn't support the death penalty; for an issue this serious, desperate measures must be taken.

However, I request we use some sort of heat drier to be installed in the toilet itself that dries out the excrement on the anus so that it can be scraped off with some sort of intricately designed anus-cleansing device that can be immediately incinerated after usage in the toiletside incinerator (another necessary effect of this act which should be added, and must be supplied to all restroom facilities in every nation in the WA. Nay, every nation in the world!).

Of course, all of this will require immense amounts of funding, but we can take all of this from the WA's secret stash (that it steals from non-WA nations, of course) which it keeps hidden somewhere within The Rejected Realms.

EDIT: removed a typo.

[Flibbleites]

OOC: I don't really care if this is a joke. It's idiotic. I'm Australian, land of the permanent water shortage. We're the country that came up with the concept of the half-flush toilet. Bidets are a horrendous waste of water.

I also want to point out that germs live better in water, as provided by a bidet, than they do on dry skin or toilet paper.

OOC: Bidets aren't as good as hoses, mind you. But it is preferable to the abomination that is toilet paper.

"Sure, you can take the hardcopies. Useless anyways. They really should put some hoses in this building."

Actually, this building has several hoses, allow me to demonstrate.
*Bob walks over to a fire hose mounted on the wall, picks it up, aims it at the ambassador from Niraamaya and turns it on full force launching the ambassador from Niraamaya right through an open window.*

"Damn, he missed the Vastiva Memorial Reflecting Pool, but then again since he doesn't wipe his ass, that's probably a good thing.

Bob Flibble
WA Representative

[Shahinesia]

Honoured Ambassador,

We are shocked and appalled at your wish to do destroy what is near and dear to us: toilet paper. Buffbertians have a long history of love for their bathroom tools and toilet paper is no exception. We hope you are aware that if toilet paper were made illegal contraband, a colossal industry of Buffett and Colbert would collapse. Do you want that on your conscience? We have the right to touch our anuses however we please. We hope you will seriously reconsider.

Shahinesia feels the same!