The World Assembly,
Observing the decline and fall of English, started by the sacking of Oxford by Cromwell in AD 1676, exactly 1200 years after the fall of the Roman Empire,
Wishing, as the last remnant of English, to fight back the Autumnal horde which is poised to advance over the
Bosphorus Channel and wipe away the last remnants of English,
Calling together the various peoples of former English to crusade once again to restore English, and seeing the beacons light up as English calls for aid,
Hereby:
Declares that:
- the centre of some sulphurous rancour on colours, honours, and favourites will be tabled and immediately voted upon with unanimous acceptance of the spelling conventions for English used by the Cambridge University Press;
- there is only one name for football, that all references to association football will be 'football', and that all sports which are not association football and are colloquially named 'football' at the time of this resolution will not be referred to as football,
- the front compartment of a car is a bonnet (and not an item of clothing); the back compartment is a boot (and not the main support of a tree); such a car when driving down a motorway with a dividing strip, shall be termed as driving down a dual carriageway;
- people live in flats and go on holiday, where they get bills that may as well be a blank cheque for their bank accounts;
- one has learnt and is therefore learned, something done in a place called a school, of which there are three types, where public schools are operated for the public, government schools are run by the government, and private schools are run for profit; and with other reforms one should have learnt by the First Form, thereby,
Restores English
(and all the highlighted territories of the Roman Empire to Byzantine control).