[SILLY] GA Joke Proposals Only

[Molopovia]

Resolution Ruling That All Molopovian Proposals Are Immediately Passed As Resolutions


Noting that Molopovia is always right, with authority unquestioned,

Hereby enacts that all Molopovian proposals are immediately passed.

[The Sakhalinsk Empire]

Resolution Ruling That All Molopovian Proposals Are Immediately Passed As Resolutions


Noting that Molopovia is always right, with authority unquestioned,

Hereby enacts that all Molopovian proposals are immediately passed.

Repeal: "Resolution Ruling That All Molopovian Proposals Are Immediately Passed As Resolutions"

The World Assembly,

Lauding Molopovia for contributing to the most august halls of the World Assembly; however

Noting the lack of a proper definition of a "Molopovian proposal";

Hereby defining a "Molopovian proposal" as a proposal that mentions Molopovia in any shape or form;

Observing that as this resolution mentions Molopovia, this repeal is automatically passed;

Seeing that this does not create a paradox, as this resolution will be passed before the law that would make it pass is repealed;

Repeals "Resolution Ruling That All Molopovian Proposals Are Immediately Passed As Resolutions".

[Imperium Anglorum]

So usually the jokes thread is filled with very unfunny jokes that go without passing. But the one above is – shall we say – a cut above the rest. It elicited a small chuckle.

[Molopovia]

Revised Resolution Ruling Molopovian Resolutions Correct Regardless of Circumstance

The General Assembly,

Noting that the Supreme Galactic Empire of Molopovia is objectively the best nation in the world,

Acknowledging that any other nation who states otherwise will be the victim of Molopovia's furious and unrelenting bloody wrath,

Hereby defines:

Molopovian Resolution - Any resolution authored or co-authored by the nation of Molopovia,
Immediately Passed - the action that invokes a proposal immediately passed and brought into effect by the World Assembly

Hereby legislates:

All Molopovian Resolutions are to be Immediately Passed, without any question by the Secretariat, World Assembly delegation, or normal World Assembly member-states.

Molopovian Resolution loopholes cannot be applied to repeal this resolution, or any other Molopovian Resolutions.

Hereby addresses this legislation for the last time,
The Exalted, Glorious, Correct, Mighty, Super, Mega, Ultra-powerful, Supreme, Galactic Empire of Molopovia.

[Sierra Lyricalia]

My Ass Hurts
Category: Complaint | Strength: Significant

NOTING that there is at present an amount of snow on the ground more suitable for a maritime sub-polar climate;

SEEING in the forecasts that yet more is expected to fall on an immediate basis;

FINDING OUT THE HARD WAY that dwellings in this region, despite centuries of winters famous among Inglisch speakers, are generally not equipped to handle the ice dams that form from the inevitable combination of roof design, metric shittonnes of snow, and wildly fluctuating temperature, humidity, and wind states;

FINDING FURTHER that its crappy old boots have just about no traction whatsoever on yay section of flat rubber roof;

FAILING to see the protruding aluminum vent top right behind it as it chopped at a sheet of ice, being that said vent was still incompletely dug out and thus buried in several inches of snow;

WISHING that it had simply fallen flat on its butt like a cartoon character or one of the Seven Stooges slipping on a banana peel;

INCENSED that for the first time in living memory, it actually wishes winter would go the fuck away;

HAVING now fallen in such a ludicrously and astonishingly unlikely way as to smack its goddamn tailbone square on the corner of aforementioned vent;

THE WORLD ASSEMBLY therefore doth assert and declare that "My ass is killing me!"

My Arm Hurts
Category: Complaint | Strength: Middling

LAUDING the otherwise despicable owners of a certain National Football League team for their dedication of stadium space to the mass state-funded vaccination of citizens,

HAPPY to continue the precedent set by GA Res. #412, in which filthy hippies and deluded cult members get pricked or get kicked;

and

INCANDESCENT WITH JOY at the much higher resistance to viral infection it has now achieved;

BUT

PISSED OFF at the amateurish funneling of unvaccinated persons through a maze of lines and aisles;

MILDLY ANNOYED at the lengthy distance from its home this entire operation took place at;

ROLLING ITS EYES AT the incessant corporate branding, constant display of saccharine Twitter posts, and unceasing reminders that the venue is doing everyone a gigantic fucking favor out of the 100% pure golden goodness of its heart and in no way whatsoever trying to drum up business for a declining handegg team or a mediocre soccer team;

and

CONFUSED by the massively idiotic resistance to medical enhancement and achievement by pasty, translucent dipshits whose ancestors were never subjected to medical experimentation by a viciously racist and unaccountable state;

The World Assembly happily declares that "My arm hurts!"




* Note: my arm does not actually hurt. It's no worse than a flu shot. Get your fucking vaccine. And don't @ me; this is still funnier than like 15 of the last 17 posts in this thread.

[Jedinsto]

My Ass Hurts
Category: Complaint | Strength: Significant

The best resolution to ever be produced within these halls.

[Molopovia]

Repeal GAR#001 - The World Assembly
World Assembly,

Cognizant of more than a decade long's worth of history, proposals, legislation and debates,

Noting that, although the World Assembly has been very entertaining to all participating nations, its heated debates and discussions are alarmingly stressful and even frustrating for all involved nations,

Acknowledging that GAR#001 never stated it couldn't be repealed,

Hereby, General Assembly Resolution#001 shall be struck out and rendered null and void.

[Imperium Anglorum]

Repeal GAR#001 - The World Assembly
World Assembly,

Cognizant of more than a decade long's worth of history, proposals, legislation and debates,

Noting that, although the World Assembly has been very entertaining to all participating nations, its heated debates and discussions are alarmingly stressful and even frustrating for all involved nations,

Acknowledging that GAR#001 never stated it couldn't be repealed,

Hereby, General Assembly Resolution#001 shall be struck out and rendered null and void.

https://imgur.com/gallery/Yalu7QU

[Silvedania]

Clean Up The Archives
Category: A Thing You WILL Do, Ya Hear Me? | Strength: The Smell Emitting From the Cabinets Is Very Strong

NOTING that the WA Archives have fallen into disarray,

ACKNOWLEDGING that yes, there is a weird noise coming from corridor C,

UPSET that this has led to it being completely abandoned except by rats and pimply teenagers,

MAD at the janitor who quit because we were 'paying him minimum wage' and 'he found a dead squirrel in his lunch bag'

AGREEING that those are stupid reasons for quitting a job and that he's a chicken,

DISGUSTED that due to him quitting, literally, no one has stepped up to fill his place,

ALSO DISGUSTED that I can't go two feet without stepping in a mysterious goo that Honeydewistania told me was water from the fountain of youth,

GROWING A TENTACLE in a place where there shouldn't be a tentacle because I drank the mysterious goo,

Hereby forces Honeydewistania and people Yahlia doesn't like to clean the archives up.

[Drew Durrnil]

Clean Up The Archives
Category: A Thing You WILL Do, Ya Hear Me? | Strength: The Smell Emitting From the Cabinets Is Very Strong

NOTING that the WA Archives have fallen into disarray,

ACKNOWLEDGING that yes, there is a weird noise coming from corridor C,

UPSET that this has led to it being completely abandoned except by rats and pimply teenagers,

MAD at the janitor who quit because we were 'paying him minimum wage' and 'he found a dead squirrel in his lunch bag'

AGREEING that those are stupid reasons for quitting a job and that he's a chicken,

DISGUSTED that due to him quitting, literally, no one has stepped up to fill his place,

ALSO DISGUSTED that I can't go two feet without stepping in a mysterious goo that Honeydewistania told me was water from the fountain of youth,

GROWING A TENTACLE in a place where there shouldn't be a tentacle because I drank the mysterious goo,

Hereby forces Honeydewistania and people Yahlia doesn't like to clean the archives up.

when you simp so hard it ends up in this thread

[Silvedania]

Clean Up The Archives
Category: A Thing You WILL Do, Ya Hear Me? | Strength: The Smell Emitting From the Cabinets Is Very Strong

NOTING that the WA Archives have fallen into disarray,

ACKNOWLEDGING that yes, there is a weird noise coming from corridor C,

UPSET that this has led to it being completely abandoned except by rats and pimply teenagers,

MAD at the janitor who quit because we were 'paying him minimum wage' and 'he found a dead squirrel in his lunch bag'

AGREEING that those are stupid reasons for quitting a job and that he's a chicken,

DISGUSTED that due to him quitting, literally, no one has stepped up to fill his place,

ALSO DISGUSTED that I can't go two feet without stepping in a mysterious goo that Honeydewistania told me was water from the fountain of youth,

GROWING A TENTACLE in a place where there shouldn't be a tentacle because I drank the mysterious goo,

Hereby forces Honeydewistania and people Yahlia doesn't like to clean the archives up.

when you simp so hard it ends up in this thread

The fact that you think that's the whole reason I wrote this and not just a throwaway line I added at the last second shows your admiration for Yahlia and your determination to the cult. I'll be sure to put a good name in for you.

[Barfleur]

The World Assembly,

Recognizing that no penalty is more severe, nor more irrevocable, than that of death;

Fearful of the prospect of wrongful convictions resulting in the execution of an innocent individual;

Cognizant of the unique manner in which the death penalty leaves unpopular ethnic, religious, political, and socially situated groups liable to unconscious bias as well as deliberate targeting;

Determined to ensure that this most severe and irrevocable punishment is not carried out in an arbitrary, subjective, capricious, or prejudiced manner;

Hereby:

1. Requires that every person known to have committed a crime be arrested, indicted, and tried, with guilt preordained;

2. Further requires that every person convicted in a trial pursuant to section 1 be sentenced to death and executed in a manner unlikely to cause suffering beyond the amount required to cause death; and

3. Prohibits member nations from criminalizing the act of being a member of an ethnic, religious, political, or socially situated group, or criminalizing any activity on account of the fact that such activity is predominantly or stereotypically carried out by members of any such group.

Furman v. Georgia be like.

[Sierra Lyricalia]

This was delayed somewhat, as I wrote most of it out and then forgot about it the last couple days. But at one point not long ago, it would have been timely!

On Sandwichhood
Moral Decency | Strong

OBSERVING the histrionics, conflict, and strife just short of civil war on this frivolous semantic question;

EXHAUSTED by all the news articles, opinion pieces, interviews, photographs, charts, and animated gifs purporting to settle things but utterly failing because they inherently can't; and

DETERMINED to accomplish by World Assembly fiat what millions of person-hours of allegedly intellectual labor could not;

The Most Illustrious Assembly of Worlds hereby:

1. Defines a "sandwich" as any construction of food in which:

1. filling is placed between two relatively more rigid pieces of starch-based food, the two being of the same type; OR
2. filling is placed within a single relatively more rigid piece of starch-based food, in cylindrical or pocket fashion; AND
3. it is possible to place the construction on a plate or other horizontal surface such that:
   
   1. for a construction of type (a) above, the filling is sufficiently rigid, viscous, or at a natural angle of repose to remain in place without sapient intervention;
   2. for a construction of type (b), there is not a disassembly hazard due to the filling rolling out of the containing starch when placed on its side, AND
   3. the named or primary filling consists of more than a single piece, entity, or example of the thing named;

2. Permits the nomenclature of "club," "[n-tuple]-decker," or novelty sandwiches utilizing intervening or mediary pieces of additional starch within the filling of type (a) sandwiches;

3. Requires member states or their subdivisions or private citizens to summarily execute anyone who asks the question "is a hot dog a sandwich?";

4. Utterly denounces cults, anarchists, and weirdos who have painted themselves into corners and become obligated to claim that tacos, whatever this abomination is, or pop-tarts are somehow forms of "sandwich" in order to stake a claim on the above question;

5. Specifically leaves for future legislation any question of so-called "open-faced sandwiches," provided that such entities or their resolutions shall not infringe on or alter the arrangements described herein.

[Jedinsto]

Above is hands-down the best joke proposal I have seen in my entire life. Executing the unenlightened makes the whole thing worth it.

[Traden]

Title: Ban on Barbie Dolls
Type: A resolution to eliminate horrible stuff from existance.
Legalty: Enough to destroy every universe.
Author: A Barbie Doll Hater.

The World Assembly,

Noting that barbie dolls suck,

Hating the color pink,

Terrified by the 90s song "I'm a Barbie Girl",

Failing to sleep due to nightmares inloving barbie dolls,

Hereby bans barbie dolls.

[Grishahakkaverchynot]

Which is better, OwO or UwU?

The General Assembly,

Noting that UwU and OwO and very popular terms,

Hereby declares J o J as a UwU stealer,
and asks the question "Which is better, OwO or UwU?"
The response "For" shall mean UwU, and "against as a vote for OwO.
Hereby passes, "Which is better OwO or UwU?".

[Jarvikan]

I am cool


The world assembly,

realising I am the most epic nation in Nationstates.

REALISING I am so cool every nation should be my colony

SHOCKED that some not cool people aren’t my colony

ACKNOWLEDGING that I am biased and I have bad.grammer and speling

HEREBY:
Makes every nation my colony
Forces every nation to use my.bad.grammer and speling
Gives me the title of “epic NS gamer”

[Ardiveds]

World Assembly Lawyer Empowerment Act
Category: Regulation. Strength/AoE: Legal Reform

The General Assembly,
RECOGNIZING the inherent intellectual superiority of lawyers
ACKNOWLEDGEING the benefits of bestowing all legal authority upon the shoulders of such intellectual individuals
LAMENTING the insistence of certain delegations to define even the most obvious words
CONDEMNING such tomfoolery

Hereby,
A. Defines
I. 'WA' as world assembly
II. 'Member nation' as a nation having WA membership
III. 'lawyer' as a lawyer in a member nation
IV. 'Special citizen' as a citizen who can only be sued by a lawyer
B. MANDATES
I. all member nations bestow upon lawyers the right to act as the police, lawyer and judge
II. all member nations exempt lawyers from any and all forms of taxation
III. Member nations designate lawyers as special citizens.

C. Establishes the Anti Tomfoolery and Lawyer Empowerment Committee (ATLEC)
I. Tasks the ATLEC with defenestrating delegates who ask questions along the lines of "what does <obvious word/phrase> mean?" For example, "what does lawyer mean?" Or "But what is a volcano?"
II. Tasks ATLEC with making sure lawyers are being worshipped in every member nation as deities.
III. Clarifies mandates in C.I may not be performed if there is a significant chance of serious injury or death befalling the defenstrated individual.

[Molopovia]

Convention on Mental Health Booths
Category: Regulation Strength/Area of Effect: Labor Rights

---

General Assembly,


DISGUSTED at the human rights abuses occurring everyday in various workplaces across the globe,
CONCERNED about the long term effects of this abuse on employment percentages, productivity and economic output,
BRINGING a very lucrative and efficient solution to alleviate the abuses' effects of mental abuse and trauma,

Legislates

I. "Mental Health Booths" shall be installed in every building, facility and factory classified as a "workplace" or otherwise under the ownership of a registered employer or company.

II. Mental health booths shall have the dimensional specifications (hereby declared in the measurement unit of centimeter), of 260 x 130 x 135 (Height, Width, Length).

III. Mental health booths are to come installed with a seat, a desk, and a telescreen monitor displaying positive messages/mantras/quotes once every 10 seconds with captivating visuals.

IV. Any company not complying with this regulation will be cancelled on social media, and be fined 6,000 of the currency of the nation the company is registered in.

V. This shall be declared a universally adequate solution and as such, nothing may replace it, including actually treating employees as decent humans and not feral animals.

VI. Robots are not permitted to utilize Mental Health Booths.

---

Screw you Amazon, treat your employees better

[Bears Armed]

Recognition of Ursine Superiority

Category: Bookkeeping
Strength: Significant
Proposed by: Everywhere

The World Assembly,

1. Defining the term 'Ursine', for the purpose of this resolution, as meaning any sapient being (whether or not 'anthropomorphic' in physical form) belonging to a species that is classified within the Family Ursidae, the term 'Ursine nation' as meaning any nation-state that is inhabited predominantly by Ursines or that has other sapient species present as well but with the Ursines in political control, and the term 'Ursid' as meaning any being (whether or not sapient ) belonging to a species that is classified within the Family Ursidae;

2. Recognizing that Ursines are superior to all other types of sapient beings, but are in a minority among the combined populations of all of the WA's member-nations together;

3. Understanding that this superiority not only deserves formal recognition but also makes Ursines more suited than any other kind of sapient beings to run international organisations, and believing that the combination of that fact and their minority status here means that their political power relative to other nations should be increased;

4. Now, therefore, mandates that _
a) The votes of all Ursine member-nations in the World Assembly's deliberations, including any extra voting strength that they might possess by virtue of endorsement as regional delegates, will henceforth be counted as doubled in strength;
b) Ursine member-nations that currently do not hold regional delegateships will henceforth receive a number of extra votes in the World Assembly's deliberations equal to their undoubled number of endorsements;
c) Endorsements granted by Ursine member-nations will henceforth be doubled in value for the purpose of selecting regional delegates;
d) For any region that has any Ursine nations among its resident WA member-nations, the delegateship will henceforth be awarded to the Ursine nation with the greatest number of endorsements even if any non-Ursine nation present is more highly endorsed;
e) Approvals granted by regional delegates who belong to Ursine member-nations will henceforth be doubled in value when determining which of the proposed resolutions that have been submitted go forwards to vote.
f) Ursine member-nations are henceforth exempt from any fees or other financial contributions that would otherwise be required as a condition of WA membership, or for the services of WA committees and agencies, although not from paying for their people's purchases in the WA Headquarters' Strangers' Bar or any other commercial facility that operates within premises that are owned or leased by the WA as a whole;

5. Kindly but firmly requires all member-nations henceforth to have and enforce laws _
a) Against the mistreatment of captive Ursids, including the practice of keeping bears in relatively small cages so the their bile can be tapped, whether or not the individuals concerned are sapient;
b) Against the use of bear-traps, and against all other methods that people might consider for hunting non-sapient Ursids that could be carried out without significant physical risk to the hunter from the Ursid;
c) Against the exportation of live non-sapient Ursids to non-member nations unless those nations have formally agreed to act as though they were member-nations for the purpose of this clause and are not in breach of that agreement;
d) Against the importation of bear bile, bear skins, bear meat, and any other products derived from Ursids' bodies, from any non-member nations that do not have and enforce laws for these purposes as though they were member-nations.

I actually had a puppet named 'Everywhere': For the purposes of this post, presume that it has been revived and has replaced 'Bear Armed Mission' as my WA member-nation...

[Trellania]

Defining Important Half-Measures Act
Category: Free Trade
Strength: Mild

The General Assembly,

Noting that measures such as "half empty" and "half full" are important to trade,

Noting that a precise measurement is important to international trade,

Hereby mandates:

• half-full means a container when exactly half of its volume is filled when the container is being filled
• half-empty means a container when exactly half of its volume is filled when the container is being emptied

[Dollystana]

The Aorld Wssembly,

Noticing that Dollystana is terrible at writing proposals,

Hereby condemns Dollystana.

[Drew Durrnil]

o
Category: Civil Rights
Strength: Mild
UwU

[Sierra Lyricalia]

OOC: sorry but every time I see this I keep reading it as “Mock The World Assembly Program”.

You ain't the only one! With apologies to Castle Federation...

Mock The World Assembly Program
Education and Creativity | Satire

The Most Illustrious Assembly of Worlds,

Horrified at the self-importance its member states and their delegates have assumed,

Eager to salvage the good that can be accomplished even by the variously judgmentally, chemically, and qualificationally impaired persons who not only wander its halls but actually have the audacity to vote on policy,

Aghast at the notion that ordinary citizens might come to think that the massively censored brutally butchered missives of its official correspondence in any way reflect the actual proceedings that take place in its chambers, and

Eager to show the whole multiverse that, yeah, hey there, fellow kids, we can be 'cool' too,

Hereby:

I. Directs the WA Office of Building Management to refurnish a suitable space within the WAHQ building as a fully functional state of the art television studio, with an appropriately excessive amount of:

1. glass partitions;
2. acrylic desk surfaces in exciting and seizure-inducing color schemes;
3. clocks set to (and labeled with) timezones of major cities;
4. Panopticon-style journalism workplace architecture generally; and
5. video screens falling out of its ass, festooning the few non-glass walls, and mounted on an unnecessarily large number of display arms, all showing various sorts of news-adjacent and news-like content;

II. Creates the Cultural Awareness Team of the Secretary General's Office's Media, Exposition, and Outreach Workgroup, and instructs it to produce a television news and commentary show with the following minimum requirements:

1. adrenaline-boosting intro footage, such as Susa Batko-Yovino attempting to suicide-bomb a debate chamber, Ainocran Interactive Hologram Benjamin Bell addressing a crowd of confused and furious onlookers, or Sen. Horatio Sulla flinging an empty whiskey bottle at some hippie-ass ambassador's head;
2. hosts capable of turning even a tremendously esoteric and boring analysis question into an ego-driven snark-fest;
3. exciting segue graphics;
4. oh yeah, and coverage of World Assembly debates and stuff;

III. Gently points the above news-adjacent program staff toward an editorial focus on those events which clearly or arguably result from non-compliance with Resolution #122, #224, #235, #39, #307, #123, or #179;

IV. Laughs heartily:

1. at Resolution #336; and
2. that out of (currently) 567 resolutions, 160 of them were so unwanted that they had to be repealed, and - this is the kicker - you'll never believe this - pffffft - heh, just lemme tell ya - they had to spend a whole nother 160 entire resolutions just to repeal them all!

V. Further directs the Office of Building Management to ensure the presence and regular cleaning of one giant-size litterbox, located to maximize privacy and smartphone doodling time, for every four members of the CATSGOMEOW; with usage instructions posted in plain sight for those members who are not, technically, felines;

VI. Resigns itself to accepting its hitherto limited success at herdsmanship with a wry chuckle and a shake of the head; and indeed invites any of you smug motherfuckers who thinks he can do better, to come and try, right now;

VII. Pauses for a moment;

VIII. Oh - is that crickets it hears? Yeah, it thought so. Punk.

[Minskiev]

Just An Average GA Proposal

This most august, generalized Assembly...

WHEREAS bad things occur,

IN THE CASE THAT good things should be occurring instead,

CONSIDERING THAT a resolution should stop bad things from occurring and have good things occur in their place,

SUPPOSING THAT this very resolution should do that,

POSITING THAT this may only take a few cups of coffee and the life of three interns, hereby:

1. DEFINES:
   
   1. a "BAD THING" as anything deemed to be bad (examples include NatSovers and the Security Council); and
   2. a "GOOD THING" as anything deemed to be good (examples include the Strangers' Bar and lists).
2. REQUIRES that member states, by any seriously significant means necessary, reasonable, and proper, shall be tasked with ending bad things,
3. MANDATES that, again, member states, by any seriously significant means necessary, reasonable, and proper, shall be tasked with causing good things,
4. DIRECTS the GAO, OBM, or whatever the committee is that handles this, to raise the budget for the project internationally, and also raise my salary (we don't get paiIIIIIII-),
5. GREETS the reader, as a new diplomat has taken over reading this bit aloud,
6. FOUNDS the Good and Bad Things Committee (GBTC), and:
   
   1. the Committee shall:
      
      1. be tasked with:
         
         • the following;
         • ending bad things;
         • causing good things; and
         • overseeing this process in member states.
      2. serve as a referee for any Strangers' Bar boxing matches; and
      3. look the other way while I behead a zebra.
   2. unfounds the GBTC. It was a mistake.
7. URGES that member states enforce compulsory tartan pajamas at night, declaring tartan pajamas to be a good thing.