[SILLY] GA Joke Proposals Only

[Tinfect]

Can we stop with the abortion 'jokes'. None of you people are remotely funny.

[Sierra Lyricalia]

OCC: Too bad there is a political party in the USA that actually supports this.

If your satire can't stand on its own, it's not for this forum. Take it to General.

Or book a room at the Abortionplex. Vacancies now!

[Valentine Z]

Title: I Wanna Badge
Category: Personal
Strength: Uber Strong!

OBSERVED that Valentine Z has been going around the forums, seeing for opportunity to write something.

NOTING that he is a little obsessed with badges.

CONCERNED that he will create something unworthy simply in an attempt to get a GA/SC badge.

The General Assembly,

Hereby DECLARES that we give a shiny little badge to Valentine Z for at least trying... Or at least give him a little golden star for effort.

----

It's just something I thought of. Don't worry, I'm not doing it for real, and this is not a jab at anyone. I just figured that I will do some self-jab because I admit, I get a little amazed by the amount of badges one can get.

With that said, if one day I decided to do something GA or SC related, I'll read the rules and write something proper. Heck, I'm not even a GA/SC person (heart always lies in F7 and F&NI). For now, enjoy this little piece.

[Hatzisland]

RECOGNIZING Separatists Peoples as an evil moderator who abuses his power,

HORRIFIED that he bullies other nations that don't hold his view,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that he has initiated a war on religion,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that GenSec has elected to keep this country in power,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that the Security Council overweeningly voted to commend Separatists Peoples,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that the resolutions he passed are still in place,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that Ambassador Bell has lived this long(you would think Mr. Bell would have wanted to retire by now, right?)

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that the Ambassador can hear a profit in the wind(what else can he hear?),

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that the Ambassador has pressured nations into having more drinks at the strangers bar,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED with the language used by both the nation and its Ambassador,

AND LASTLY, MOST HORRIFIED that Separatists People's have opposed almost all of my proposals.

The World Assembly hereby condemns Separatist Peoples.

Just to clarify: This is a joke proposal, the first I have ever authored. How do you think it went?

[Falcania]

RECOGNIZING Separatists Peoples as an evil moderator who abuses his power,

HORRIFIED that he bullies other nations that don't hold his view,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that he has initiated a war on religion,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that GenSec has elected to keep this country in power,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that the Security Council overweeningly voted to commend Separatists Peoples,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that the resolutions he passed are still in place,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that Ambassador Bell has lived this long(you would think Mr. Bell would have wanted to retire by now, right?)

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that the Ambassador can hear a profit in the wind(what else can he hear?),

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that the Ambassador has pressured nations into having more drinks at the strangers bar,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED with the language used by both the nation and its Ambassador,

AND LASTLY, MOST HORRIFIED that Separatists People's have opposed almost all of my proposals.

The World Assembly hereby condemns Separatist Peoples.

Just to clarify: This is a joke proposal, the first I have ever authored. How do you think it went?

It pains me to say it, because of my wholehearted love of slamming the grumbly old men of the GA, but it's just not funny enough.

[Separatist Peoples]

RECOGNIZING Separatists Peoples as an evil moderator who abuses his power,

HORRIFIED that he bullies other nations that don't hold his view,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that he has initiated a war on religion,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that GenSec has elected to keep this country in power,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that the Security Council overweeningly voted to commend Separatists Peoples,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that the resolutions he passed are still in place,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that Ambassador Bell has lived this long(you would think Mr. Bell would have wanted to retire by now, right?)

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that the Ambassador can hear a profit in the wind(what else can he hear?),

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED that the Ambassador has pressured nations into having more drinks at the strangers bar,

EVEN MORE HORRIFIED with the language used by both the nation and its Ambassador,

AND LASTLY, MOST HORRIFIED that Separatists People's have opposed almost all of my proposals.

The World Assembly hereby condemns Separatist Peoples.

Just to clarify: This is a joke proposal, the first I have ever authored. How do you think it went?

It pains me to say it, because of my wholehearted love of slamming the grumbly old men of the GA, but it's just not funny enough.

Ooc: I mean, Bell isnt old.

[Separatist Peoples]

Hatzisland, that was terrible. Try this on for size:

Affirming that Separatist Peoples is a corrupt nation, where profit is valued more than basic decency;

 

Horrified that Separatist Peoples cheerfully swings the pittance of influence it has like a proverbial manhood;

 

Observing that said proverbial manhood is considerably less than Separatist Peoples would like the world to believe, excessive swinging notwithstanding;

 

Ashamed that the resolutions Separatist Peoples has put forth do little more than prolong military conflicts with misguided concerns for the well-being of civilians;

 

Concerned that the legal begats of its representative, Benjamin Bell, would not entitle him to a janitorial position in a legal office, let alone a position to weigh international law;

 

Skeptical that an ambassador with such a long, unpaid bar tab could be entrusted with plenipotentiary power;

 

Questioning the political wisdom of any nation that puts an impulsive, sodden drunkard in the position of guiding international law;

 

Firmly convinced that Ambassador Bell’s mouth could use a firm scrubbing with arsenic-laden soap;

 

Insisting that Ambassador Bell, to the extent that he can validly claim the title since he was banished to the World Assembly as punishment, should be banished to the wastebin of history, where the only thing he will sully is the memory of other patent failures;


Offended that the nation of Separatist Peoples has taken an obnoxious, immoral, and unprincipled position against certain proposals, which clearly have no flaws, political or grammatical, and therefore objectively warrant their unwavering support;

 

Hereby Condemns Separatist Peoples

[Wrapper]

(to be read in non-modly voice) Take your stinkin' condemnations to the other chamber!

[Gamzium]

Resolution to develop the improbability drive
Category: Science
Strength: Infinitely improbably strong
Determined to save civilian lives.
Horrified by previous death counts of civilians during war
Observing that sci-fi becomes science
Hereby everyone's main focus will be on the joint collaboration to create the improbability drive

[Valentine Z]

The Right to Procrastinate
Category: Misc.
Strength: Strong

(... I will write more later)

[Ausinia]

The anti-homework law

Proposed by: Ausinia

Category: Human Rights Strength: Plus fort que thanos


CONVINCED that the children of the multi-verse wants this

KNOWING that the young limbs of the world will revolt in opposition p

AFFIRMING that the young kings are already in government

HEREBY:

DEFINES:
Anyone in government as a ‘youngling’ or ‘child’

ENFORCES: that all children are free and absent of homework

MAKES CERTAIN: that all children are fed properly,

[Sierra Lyricalia]

The Right to Procrastinate
Category: Misc.
Strength: Strong

(... I will write more later)

HEREBY DECLARES that we make Procrastination legal.

Get rid of this part and this is funny as hell.

---

Resolution to develop the improbability drive
Category: Science
Strength: Infinitely improbably strong
Determined to save civilian lives.
Horrified by previous death counts of civilians during war
Observing that sci-fi becomes science
Hereby everyone's main focus will be on the joint collaboration to create the improbability drive

An Infinitely Improbable Resolution
"Health" | Research

The World Assembly,

HAVING SUCCEEDED in harnessing the Brownian motion of a piping hot cup of tea to cause adjacent underwear molecules to all leap simultaneously three feet to the left, at a high but finite improbability level;

HOPEFUL that the esteemed General Secretary of the World Assembly will show up to christen the prototype; and

EAGER to check out any script for Hamlet that an infinite number of monkeys behind a mysterious door may someday work out;

therefore

1. Requires the research and development of a device that will tell space how to curve, that it may then tell matter how to move;

2. Requires that said device shall harness the power of improbability to cause very specific extremely unlikely things to happen, chiefly the spontaneous, instantaneous transit of an attached space vessel to its intended destination;

3. Specifies that the drive in question must have the ability to harness infinite levels of improbability;

4. Disclaims responsibility (and requires member states' indemnification of liability) for the spontaneous creation of seagoing mammals, domestic plants, or any other lifeform in hostile or otherwise unsuitable environments;

5. Pauses for a moment to attempt to teach a hideously unqualified artificial intelligence how to make tea, rather than its typical standard liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea;

6. Inches up the hallway over there as though it would rather be yarding its way down it;

7. Strongly urges clinically depressed robots to have lengthy existential conversations with pursuing police ship computers;

8. Reminds itself that a man must walk down 42 roads before you can call him a man; and

9. Reminds all sapient life NOT TO PANIC.

[Valentine Z]

The Right to Procrastinate
Category: Misc.
Strength: Strong

(... I will write more later)

HEREBY DECLARES that we make Procrastination legal.

Get rid of this part and this is funny as hell.

Anddddd done! I'm glad that you like it, though.

It's a reference to this one, if you're curious. So it's not very original from me.

[Wrapper]

The Right to Procrastinate
Category: Misc.
Strength: Strong

(... I will write more later)

[The Guardians of the Rhine]

Ban on Dark Chocolate

Proposed by: The Guardians of the Rhine

Category: Human Rights

Strength: Strong

The World Assembly,

KNOWING that dark chocolate is indeed hated by right-minded people,

ACKNOWLEDGING that dark chocolate can kill people allergic to it,

AFFIRMING that dark chocolate is downright disgusting,

Hereby bans dark chocolate.

[Jebslund]

Regulation of Crime

Category: Regulation

Area of Effect: Legal Reform

The World Assembly,

APPALLED at the lack of regulations on the crime industry,

SHOCKED that criminals may commit their crimes with a complete absence of standardised procedures,

GREATLY WISHING to bring order to this chaotic area of industry

HEREBY:

Mandates the formation of a series of standard procedures required in order to commit crimes,

Recommends the punishment for violation of these standards result in the doubling of a criminal's sentence,

Mandates the posting of said standards in all public areas,

Mandates a "Notice of Intent to Commit a Crime" be filed, IN TRIPLICATE, with the relevant law enforcement agencies and news stations before any crime is committed,

Mandates that serial thieves and serial murderers commit no fewer than one, but no more than four, crimes in a thirty (30) day period,

Recommends serial thieves steal goods not less than 50NSD in value, but not exceeding 50000NSD in value, during each instance of theft.

Recommends jaywalkers also file Notices of Intent to Commit a Crime in triplicate with the relevant traffic safety authorities, and request a Permit for Illegal Crossing at the same time.

[Wallenburg]

Ban on Dark Chocolate

Proposed by: The Guardians of the Rhine

Category: Human Rights

Strength: Strong

The World Assembly,

KNOWING that dark chocolate is indeed hated by right-minded people,

ACKNOWLEDGING that dark chocolate can kill people allergic to it,

AFFIRMING that dark chocolate is downright disgusting,

Hereby bans dark chocolate.

How dare you.

[Marxist Germany]

Repeal "Ban On Dark Chocolate"

---

Believing that dark chocolate is delicious;

Noting that dark chocolate is healthy;

Hereby, repeals "Ban on Dark Chocolate"

[Third Asopia]

Ban Earthly Languages
Category: Non-Human Rights
Strength: Not very

CONCERNED that Nationstates is becoming to hard for aliens and multi universal beings to understand
APPALLED no consideration is shown towards these creatures
NOTING by doing this an apocalypse to end this horrifying world has become closer
HENCE, FROM NOW ON: Doodkdmrn iejene woiejeen iwjee ioowiw dafjjf wideeke owjeene kkdnene.

Paine de mkn: Dijne Hbenejw

Translation: No other nation will ever use human languages again.

Proposed by: You-Know-Who

[Grays Harbor]

Ban Earthly Languages
Category: Non-Human Rights
Strength: Not very

CONCERNED that Nationstates is becoming to hard for aliens and multi universal beings to understand
APPALLED no consideration is shown towards these creatures
NOTING by doing this an apocalypse to end this horrifying world has become closer
HENCE, FROM NOW ON: Doodkdmrn iejene woiejeen iwjee ioowiw dafjjf wideeke owjeene kkdnene.

Paine de mkn: Dijne Hbenejw

Translation: No other nation will ever use human languages again.

Proposed by: You-Know-Who

Credaf fod hyn yn ymgais i beidio â chael gwared ar ein hiaith hardd. Rwy'n eich herio i ddeuawd.

[Maowi]

Oxidane Contamination Prevention Act

Area of effect: Safety | Strength: Significant | Proposed by: Maowi

Aware that oxidane, also known as dihydrogen monoxide, is a dangerous chemical to certain species that can cause serious injury or death when uptaken in large quantities;

Explaining that the dangers of oxidane can include swelling of brain cells, leading to dizziness, confusion, and ultimately death, and that symptoms of unhealthy oxidane uptake may include sweating, vomiting and dilute urine;

Regretful that many people are unaware or uneducated about the dangers of oxidane to their species, and seeking to remedy this situation;

Aghast that oxidane innocuously enters many people's homes through their plumbing systems, or an equivalent system;

Determined to save people from oxidane contamination by enforcing stringent legislation and punishing governments negligent to the well-being of their nations' citizens;

The World Assembly hereby:

Mandates that member nations must conduct valid scientific research into the effects of oxidane uptake on their citizens' species;

Requires member nations to fund informational campaigns educating their citizens on the dangers of oxidane, should the above scientific research conclude that excessive oxidane uptake can cause harmful effects on their species;

Commands member nations whose citizens are of a species upon which excessive oxidane uptake can cause harmful effects to ensure that no oxidane enters their plumbing, or equivalent, systems;

Advises member nations to take further action to prevent their citizens from detrimentally uptaking oxidane.

[Ausinia]

Oxidane Contamination Prevention Act

Area of effect: Safety | Strength: Significant | Proposed by: Maowi

Aware that oxidane, also known as dihydrogen monoxide, is a dangerous chemical to certain species that can cause serious injury or death when uptaken in large quantities;

Explaining that the dangers of oxidane can include swelling of brain cells, leading to dizziness, confusion, and ultimately death, and that symptoms of unhealthy oxidane uptake may include sweating, vomiting and dilute urine;

Regretful that many people are unaware or uneducated about the dangers of oxidane to their species, and seeking to remedy this situation;

Aghast that oxidane innocuously enters many people's homes through their plumbing systems, or an equivalent system;

Determined to save people from oxidane contamination by enforcing stringent legislation and punishing governments negligent to the well-being of their nations' citizens;

The World Assembly hereby:

Mandates that member nations must conduct valid scientific research into the effects of oxidane uptake on their citizens' species;

Requires member nations to fund informational campaigns educating their citizens on the dangers of oxidane, should the above scientific research conclude that excessive oxidane uptake can cause harmful effects on their species;

Commands member nations whose citizens are of a species upon which excessive oxidane uptake can cause harmful effects to ensure that no oxidane enters their plumbing, or equivalent, systems;

Advises member nations to take further action to prevent their citizens from detrimentally uptaking oxidane.

Not very funny

[Maowi]

Not very funny

Aw well, I'm sorry it didn't float your boat. It was supposed to be a jab at the recent micromanageing proposals which, for me, went a little too far. I admit it was not very subtle.

[Dictoriahon]

SHOCKED that WA proposals are so long,

The WA hereby declares that proposals must be two sentences.

[United Massachusetts]

Defending Dogs and Humans from Dark Chocolate

Asserting that dark chocolate, as opposed to its delicious milk chocolate counterpart, is filthy and bitter, serving no purpose but to upset the taste buds of sapient beings the world over,

Aware that dark chocolate, when ingested by dogs, is fatal,

Asserting that anyone opposed to this resolution is a puppy-hating, anti-American menace who probably hates apple pie too,

The World Assembly reinstates its ban on dark chocolate.